Twilight Sparkle vs. Bridle-Zilla

by Tumbleweed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Bon-Bon, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 4964

Twilight Sparkle: Wedding planner. This goes as well as one would expect.

Twilight Sparkle: Wedding Planner. This goes about as well as one would expect.

Published 2012-01-31 02:26:46 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-31 02:26:46 UTC

Chapter 1

"Lyra and Bon Bon?" Twilight Sparkle paused, and stared at the slip of paper levitating before her. "That's...the green unicorn and the sorta cream-y colored pony that runs the candy shop, right?" Twilight set the invitation down and turned her attention to her sandwich.

"That would be them, yes." Rarity said. She took a dainty sip of her wine, then a dantier bite of her salad.

"And they're...a thing?"

"That's a rather...pedestrian way of putting it, I suppose. Cheap, even. Honestly, Twilight, you never noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"There's the answer to that question." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you must be the only pony in town who had to wait for the invitation to know about the wedding."

"Well," Twilight said, "I'm happy for the both of them. But really, I don't see any reason why I need to attend the wedding. I mean, both of them are...passing acquaintances, at best. I'll just get them a nice present. Like a blender."

"Gasp!" Rarity said the full word. "I couldn't possibly allow you to do so, my dear! It would be positively uncouth. Not to mention, of course, the wedding is bound to be the event of the season! Admittedly, it's not nearly on the scale of the Grand Galloping Gala- but I dare say that's for the better, as well as that went." Rarity simmered a little at the memory, then trained her wineglass in a less-than-ladylike swig. "Not to mention I designed the bridal gown. Well, bridal gowns. It was a delicate balancing act, you know, ensuring that the one wouldn't out-dazzle the other. Though once I figured out how to make the fabric patterns complimentary, it all fell into place!"

"Maybe you could just show me the drawings-"

"I couldn't think of it, dear! You've honestly got to see the finished product first hand to appreciate it fully. Besides, I'm not the only one who's helping out with the affair. Fluttershy's bringing her songbird choir, Rainbow Dash is pulling double shifts to ensure optimal weather conditions, and Pinkie Pie's planning the reception and the catering. In fact, she mentioned she was going to have a meeting with Bon Bon this afternoon-"

"THIS ISN'T RIGHT!" A shrill, harried voice came from within Cupcake Corner.

"-and that would be them." Rarity deadpanned. She nodded silently to her friend, and the two rushed over to the bakery to see just what the mayhem was about. Within the store, Bon Bon glared at Pinkie Pie with a wild, mad look in her eyes. The look was one Twilight had seen quite a few times on quite a few ponies (and occasionally in the mirror) since moving to Ponyville. She made a mental note to start a study of Ponyville's water supply.

"I TOLD YOU I WANTED DARK CHOCOLATE- SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT COCOA! THIS IS BARELY SIXTY!"

Pinkie Pie blinked a few times, perhaps the only pony who could keep her composure under such an assault. "But I-"

"DON'T THINK YOU CAN TRICK ME! I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE!"

"So can-"

"NO YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE JUST A BAKER- I'M AN EXPERT CONFECTIONEER!"

"Oh Celestia, I should've known this'd happen." A soft green unicorn muscled her way through the rapidly gathering crowd and immediately trotted between Pinkie Pie and Bon Bon. "Uh, baby?" Lyra said, and put a hoof upon the twitchy cream-colored pony's shoulder. "You're doing it again."

"Am I?" As if a switch had been thrown, Bon Bon's voice went down several decibels, and the corner of her eye stopped twitching.

"Mmmhmm." Lyra said.

"Oh." Bon Bon said. She bit at her lower lip and turned to Pinkie Pie. "I...uh, I'm sorry. I've just been under a lot of stress lately with all this planning, trying to make sure everything's perfect- I'm sure you know how it is."

"Not really!" Pinkie Pie said. "I like to improvise! All the time!"

"Improvise?" Bon Bon's voice began to crawl upwards in pitch. "I paid you to cater the most important night of my life, and you're going to improvise?"

"Baby?" Lyra began, but the earth pony's eye had already began to twitch again.

"Er, wait!" Twilight Sparkle said. She stuffed a hoof into Pinkie's mouth before she could dig herself in any deeper. "Did you say planning?"

"Yes-" Bon Bon huffed, "Between the catering, and the dresses, and the music, and the invitations, and the guest list, it's just so much for one pony to keep track of!"

"Ah!" Twilight Sparkle said, "I was hoping you'd say that! You shouldn't have to worry so much- so why don't you just let me take care of the planning? It can't be any harder than organizing the Winter Wrap up, right?"

"Oh, she does have a point, Darling." Rarity chimed in with a smile. "Bon Bon, you shouldn't have to do anything on your wedding day but stand about and look pretty. And I guarantee that you'll look positively stunning, given you'll be wearing a dress from one of Ponyville (if not Equestria's) premiere fashionistas."

"Well..." Bon Bon said.

"We'd love to!" Lyra seized on the opportunity, and shook Twilight's hoof hard enough to make the other unicorn's teeth chatter. "Thanks so much for all your help, Twilight Sparkle- this'll really take a load off of our shoulders!"

"But-" Bon Bon blinked.

"Don't worry baby, I'll give her your special binder and everything. And I'll make her give it back later so you have the keepsake." Lyra nodded. "Now let's get you home and into a warm bath, hm?" Lyra nuzzled Bon Bon. At her fiance's touch, the confectioneer melted as surely as milk chocolate in the sun. She could do little but nod a quiet agreement as she closed her eyes. Lyra mouthed a silent "thank you" to Twilight Sparkle, and then led Bon Bon out of Cupcake Corner.

"Aw, isn't that sweet?" Pinkie Pie said, "they're totally gonna do it when they get home!"

"Ahem." Rarity said the full word. "That's a wonderfully generous thing you've offered to do, Twilight."

"It's the least I could do." Twilight said. "Besides, if Bon Bon was any more stressed out over all this, she'll be just as dangerous as any dragon or parasprite, I bet."

"But it's so much work!" Rarity said, "I mean, I'm only making the dresses, and that's got me busy enough..."

"Don't worry Rarity, I like work!" Twilight grinned. "I mean, if you think about it, just about everything comes down to a matter of proper planning and logistics. All I have to do is make sure the right ponies are in the right places at the right times, that's all. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Uh oh," Pinkie Pie said, "You shouldn't have said that..."

Despite Pinkie Pie's protests, Twilight Sparkle's organizational acumen was enough to get Lyra and Bon Bon's wedding plotted out in record time. Soon enough, the planned date arrived, and Twilight mobilized her friends as she set the wedding into motion. Flowers were arranged, chairs arrayed, guests herded, cakes baked, and so on. There was even a little singing involved, at least whenever Pinkie Pie was around.

Two cogs in Twilight's machinations, a farmer and a seamstress, trotted across Ponyville on their way back from their last errand.

"Iffin' ya ask me, this'd be a lot easier to keep track of iffin' we didn't have to keep trottin' all over the dang place. How come Lyra's gettin' ready on one side a' town, n' Bon Bon's on the other?"

"Don't you know? It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the wedding!" Rarity said.

"But...there ain't a groom."

"Well, it's the principle of the thing. Besides, as I hear, Lyra's the more, ah...assertive of the pair."

"So that makes her the groom?"

"Close enough."

"Then shouldn't she be wearin' one of them fancypants penguin suits? A, whatchacallit..."

"A tuxedo?"

"Yeah, one a' them. I mean, iffin' I were gonna marry 'nother mare, I'd rather wear one of them. Less frilly. N' it'd look better with my hat."

"Applejack!" Rarity gasped, "You couldn't possibly wear that hat to your own wedding!"

"Why not?"

"I wouldn't allow it!"

"Who says you'd get any say in it?"

"I would think it would go without saying that I'd be at your theoretical wedding in some capacity or another."

"N' just what would ya be capacitatin'?"

"Well," Rarity sputtered, "I-"

"You guys done arguing yet?" Rainbow Dash's voice made earth pony and unicorn both look up. The pegasus stuck her head out of a nearby cloud and peered curiously downwards. "Seriously, I can hear you all the way up here."

"What's wrong, Rainbow Dash?" Applejack cracked a wry grin, "We interruptin' naptime?"

"I'm not napping! I'm, uh...just resting my eyes, is all." she nodded. "Besides, I've already taken care of all the weather stuff. Sunny skies, with just a dusting of clouds for pegasus ponies to watch from. And I got it all done in record time! Bet you're not done with whatever you're doing yet! Er, whatever that is."

"Now who's arguing?" Rarity rolled her eyes. "Come on- if we keep on dilly dallying about like this, we're going to miss the whole ceremony!"

"That's not like for two hours!"

"Exactly! Barely enough time for me to give Lyra and Bon Bon both a final fashion fix-up before I have to get prepared myself! I mean, you didn't expect me to attend looking like this, do you?"

"Ya look fine to me." Applejack said.

"Yeah, what's the big deal? It's not like it's the Grand Galloping Gala or anything." Rainbow Dash fluttered down from her cloudy perch.

"Celestia, I hope it's better than that." Rarity huffed.

"Hnm. Good point." Applejack said. "But 'nuff talkin'. We'd better go see how Twilight's doin'." And with that, the three made their way towards Twilight's library, which had become the unofficial headquarters of Operation: Tied Knot. Surprisingly, Twilight was outside of the library- pacing back and forth in front of the library's shut door.

"Well, lookit that." Applejack grinned, "N' here I thought you'd still be inside with that clipboard n' charts n' stuff, Twilight. This mean we're ahead of schedule?"
"Er-" Twilight Sparkle whipped her head around to look at her friends. "Not...exactly-"

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!" Bon Bon's voice shook the oaken door on its hinges. Hard.

"What happened?" Rarity laid her ears back and eyed the door carefully.

"I don't know!" Twilight cried. She clapped her hooves over her head, "Everything was going so well! I was just triple-checking the seating arrangements for the reception when Bon Bon came in. She asked me how her wedding dress looked, and I told her it looked fine, and then she just started screaming and throwing things at me! And, uh...then she locked me out."

"Oh no." Rarity rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "You didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Did you tell a lady, on the most stressful, important day of her life, that after months of preparation she only looks...fine?"

"Oh." As the realization hit Twilight Sparkle, one could almost hear glass break. One could also attribute the sound to Bon Bon throwing something.

"Well, shoot. Who cares iffin' she locked the door?" Applejack squinted at the library. "Ya could always go in through a window, or do that telly-portin' thing-"

"I thought about it, but I'm not sure if going in there's the best of ideas right now-"

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, SPARKLE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANYPONY AGAIN!"

"Shoot, that ain't much." Applejack said. "Betcha I could have that filly hogtied in no time at all."

"No rope!" Twilight Sparkle said.

"Yeah, especially since I could do it faster with my bare hooves!" Rainbow Dash beat her wings, as well as her chest. "Bon Bon's not so tough. I could totally take her."

"No wrestling, either!" Twilight Sparkle winced.

"Fortunately, there's a simple solution to our troubles." Rarity said. "We just need to remember who talked Bon Bon down the last time something like this happened..."

"Of course! Lyra!" Twilight shook her head, "Why didn't I think of that? How fast can we-"

There was a multi-hued blur- and within moments, Rainbow Dash returned, carrying a somewhat bewildered-looking unicorn on her back. "Was anybody timing that?"

"Nope." Applejack said.

"Dang. Should I try again?"

"Later!" Twilight said, and helped Lyra off of Rainbow Dash's back. "Look, um. I'm sure you know Bon Bon has been under a lot of pressure, lately, and-"

"Twilight made her go crazy." Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack coughed. Loudly.

"What? She did!" Rainbow Dash said.

Lyra sighed. "I...I should've known this would happen. I'm sorry- Bon Bon's really not like this. It's just...she doesn't handle stress well. At all."

"It's okay." Twilight forced a grin. "So, uh. If you could just talk to her and calm her down before she destroys everything inside my house, that'd be great."

"Er, right. Sorry about all this." Lyra scooted closer to the door, and rapped upon it with her hoof. "Uh. Baby?"

"LYRA- er...Lyra? Is that you?"

"Mmmhmm."

"DON'T YOU KNOW THE BRIDE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THE GROOM BEFORE THE WEDDING!"

"Told you." Rarity asided to Applejack.

"Er-" Lyra blinked, and glance down at the white dress she wore. "I don't think either one of us is the groom, so it's okay?"

"Told you." Applejack asided to Rarity.

"Oh." Bon Bon said.

"Besides, I'm not really looking at you-" Lyra turned around and sat down. She leaned her back against the door, and splayed her hind legs out in front of her. Despite the awkward position, it didn't seem to bother her that much. "So it's double-okay, right?"

"That's...probably a good thing. I must look a mess- my makeup's all smeared, and I tore my dress up-"

"She what?" Rarity lunged forward, only to be caught by Applejack and Rainbow Dash both.

"Y'know what, baby? I don't care." Lyra smiled, and rested the back of her head against the thick door. "I mean, you know me. I'm kind of a slob."

"That's...right." Bon Bon mused.

"I mean, all this fancy stuff was mostly your idea, wasn't it? You don't need to impress anybody. Much less me."

"But...but..."

"Hey baby? Lemme get a look at you. Just...crack the door open a little bit. I haven't seen you all day. One of those things you kinda miss, y'know?"

"Okay." Bon Bon's voice quavered slightly, but the door slid open a crack. Lyra turned her head and peered inside- "See?" she said, "You look just fine-"

"Oh no." Rarity said.

"Fine?" Bon Bon said, "FINE?"

Lyra jerked her head out of the way just in time to avoid getting it caught in the slamming door.

"AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH TODAY, ALL YOU CAN SAY IS 'FINE'!"

"Um-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, LYRA? YOU -ARE- A SLOB! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT A WEDDING DRESS IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE IF YOU WERE WEARING ONE!"

"But I am wearing a wedding dress." Lyra said, puzzled.

"EXACTLY!"

"Baby, please- I know you're stressed...but I know you're too good of a pony to-"

" I'M TOO GOOD FOR SOME VAGRANT MUSICIAN BUM LIKE YOU! SO YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS WEDDING CANCELLED!"

"What?" Lyra said. She sprung to her feet and turned around, so she could desperately push at the door. "Baby, please- you don't know what you're-"

"DON'T 'BABY' ME! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING! I'M NOT STUPID!"

"I..." Lyra took in a quick, shuddery breath, "I understand." She tried to hide the tears welling in her eyes, but to little avail. The unicorn sighed, looked at the door, and then finally to Twilight and her friends. "I'm sorry." Lyra said, quietly. "There's...something I need to do. Excuse me."

She walked off.

Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Applejack could only watch, various expressions of dismay and/or despair writ across their faces.

Applejack spoke first. "Y'know, it's prolly not too late to lasso that filly-"

"No rope!" Twilight Sparkle said.

"Hey guys!" Pinkie Pie said, leaning into the frame. "Wha'd I miss?"

"I, uh..." Twilight Sparkle rubbed at the back of her neck, "I think the wedding's off."

"Off? Really? Why's that? Did Lyra and Bon Bon elope when nobody was looking?"

"Er, no."

"Bon Bon went crazy!" Rainbow Dash said, "She was all like 'bleaaaagrh I hate everyone because I'm probably stupid and smell bad or something!"

"I CAN HEAR YOU."

Rainbow Dash cringed.

"Wow, no wonder she's angry!" Pinkie Pie said. "So, uh, why don't we get Lyra to talk her down like last time?"

"We tried, sugarcube." Applejack nodded in the direction of the departing Lyra. "Didn't work."

"Perhaps," Rarity said, "I should speak with her? Obviously, the poor mare is distraught...but I am sure an emergency makeover will do wonders for her mental health. Pretty outside, pretty inside, don't you know. It's how I manage the stress of such a strenuous career, you know."

"I thought ya' just bottled it up 'til ya went crazy and started rantin' 'bout bein' exiled with your cat n' stuff."

Rarity's eye began to twitch, ever so slightly. "Right!" she said, and trotted over to the door, knocking daintily upon it with her hoof. "Ah, Bon Bon? Darling?"

"I'M NOT COMING OUT EVER!"

"That's fine!" Rarity said, "As I just want to go in. Honestly, if you'll just be so kind as to unlock the door, I can get started on repairing your dress which you...accidentally tore."

"YOU CAN KEEP YOUR STUPID DRESS! I NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY! THE HEMLINE KEEPS RIDING UP AND IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A TANK!"

"It does not!" Rarity said, "You've just got it bunched wrong, that's all! Just let me make a few adjustments-"

"ADJUST THIS!" Sounds of rustling and ripping cloth came from within the library, and soon Bon Bon's wedding gown (or what was left of it, rather) sailed out of the window. "YOU'RE AN OVERRATED DESIGNER ANYWAY! THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD DO TO SALVAGE THIS!"

The corner of Rarity's eye twitched. "Oh. I will show you overrated. " Her horn began to glow, and the unicorn lowered her head to aim it right at Twilight's door.

"Er, sugarcube, why don'tcha just calm down fer a sec?" Applejack dragged Rarity away from the library. "I'd hate ta haveta hogtie ya."

"No rope!" Twilight said, and shook her head, "Honestly, Applejack- you can't solve every problem by tying someone up."

"Just tryin' to help!"

"No, no, it's fine." Rarity seethed, but the malevolent light at the tip of her horn faded. "I just got a little...carried away, that's all."

"Oooh, oooh, is it my turn?" Pinkie Pie smiled, "I know just what we need to get things back on track!"
"What's that?" Rarity said.

"A love potion!"

"What!" Twilight sputtered, "You can't use a love potion! You can't even MAKE a love potion, Pinkie! The only love potion recepies for miles around are in that library!"

"...and just why wouldja have love potion recepies in the first place?" Applejack narrowed her eyes.

"Uh. Research! For science!" Twilight said, "Don't worry, I haven't made any. The ingredients are hard enough to come by...that is, the legal ones..."

"Oh, I manage." Pinkie Pie gave a giggle.

Twilight's face paled. "...I guess if anyone could get them, it'd be you." she sighed, and closed her eyes. "So...what potion are you using? Puck's Paramour Poultice?"

"Nope!"

"Cupid's Corazon Cocktail?"

"Not that!"

"Love Potion Number Nine?"

"Nuh-uh!"

"...then I'm afraid to ask...what kind of love potion DO you have, Pinkie?"

The pink pony pulled Twilight in very, very close, and whispered. "It's called whiskey."

Twilight facehooved.

"Uh, Pinkie Pie?" Applejack leaned in. "I like a good drink as much as the next pony, but I don't think gettin' Bon Bon here all liquored up would help. At all."

"It's not like she could get any worse!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Don't say that!" Twilight Sparkle said. "You don't know what she could get into! Oh, I hope I left the lab locked..."

"Really, you shouldn't bother." Lyra said, trotting back up towards the group. "Bon Bon's always been more of a rum drinker anyway. Sweet tooth, you know."

"Bwuh?" Twilight Sparkle said, "You're back!"

"There's years of Canterlot education for you." Lyra deadpanned.

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Pinkie Pie said, "'cause, y'know, you left- at least, Twilight said you did, and that's after your girlfriend got all yelly, so I'm guessing you said something that made her mad and then she said something that made you sad and then you walked off on down the street while violins played somewhere and that would be the part of the movie where everyone gets all teary eyed but they don't want to admit it!"

"This isn't a movie, Pinkie Pie." Rarity said.

"Oh, I know!" The pink pony sat down on her haunches, "we don't have a big enough time slot for a full movie!"

"What in Equestria are you talking about?" Rarity said.

"If you ponies are done...helping," Lyra said, "I've got a plan." With that, she reached down beneath her gown's long train, and pulled out her lyre. She trotted back over to the door of the library, and again slumped down in a none-too-comfortable-looking slouch- though this time, she had her lyre propped up in the crook of one arm.

Lyra began to play.

The notes were gentle and steady, like the flow of a gentle mountain stream. Lyra plucked out only a few bars before Bon Bon threw one of the windows open. "That's...our song!" she sputtered.

"No it isn't." Lyra didn't look up. This was probably a good thing, given the disarray of Bon Bon's hair, the streaking of Bon Bon's makeup, and the fading hint of madness in Bon Bon's eyes. "It's your song. You're the one I wrote it for, at least."

Lyra barely made it through a few more chords before Bon Bon sprung through that window and practically pounced on her.

"I'm so sorry!" Bon Bon sobbed, wrapping her legs around the unicorn (who kept plucking away at her lyre, if somewhat awkwardly). "I've been terrible again, haven't I?"

"A little bit." Lyra said.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Bon Bon sniffled.

"Probably." Lyra said. She plucked a few more notes out.

Bon Bon gave a shuddery sigh, and settled down beside her. She cuddled in close and laid her ears back. "I wish I'd seen you in this dress earlier. You look beautiful...and now I've destroyed mine, and made a mess." she sighed.

"Hey Baby?" Lyra said, "Watch this." Her horn began to glow, and soon large strips of Lyra's dress began to tear themselves off. "We'll just have a naked wedding. I told you it'd be easier that way."

"GASP." Rarity said the full word. Applejack dragged her off before she could say any more.

"Huh." Rainbow Dash said. "I never thought all it'd take to fix this was just one little harp thingie."

"Lyre." Pinkie said.

"Who're you calling a liar?" Rainbow Dash glared.

"Girls," Twilight Sparkle said, "keep it down! Lyra and Bon Bon are trying to have a moment."

"That's a funny thing to call it!" Pinkie Pie said, "'cause it looks like they're making out to me."

This, for the record, had gotten Lyra to stop playing. Barely.

"Oh." Twilight blinked. "Maybe...we should just leave them alone for now-"

At this, Bon Bon's eyes flew open. She broke away from Lyra and fixed her attention on the purple unicorn. "Oh no you don't! I'm still getting married today, and YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME."

And they did.

"I just love weddings." Fluttershy said, and wiped a tear from her eye. "The ceremony was just so beautiful."

"Yeah, and nobody could tell Bon Bon went all crazypants right before, either!" Rainbow Dash laughed- loud enough make Vinyl Scratch glare over her shades at the pegasus.

"They'll be able to tell if you keep talking so loud." Twilight Sparkle said.

"Oh. Right." Rainbow Dash said.

"You shouldn't be too surprised. Everything went according to plan!"

"Psh. Yeah right."

"No really!" Twilight Sparkle smiled knowingly, "Based on my research, cross-referenced with a quick psychological evaluation of Bon Bon, I realized that she was bound to have a meltdown at some point or another. So I budgeted extra time in the schedule to deal with it. See?" Twilight levitated a small notepad out and showed it to rainbow dash. "See, right there? 1:30: Bridal Tantrum."

"Wow." Fluttershy said. "You are prepared."

"Thanks!" Twilight sipped at her wine, "Of course, I couldn't plan for every variable. I didn't think Bon Bon would lock herself in the library, or tear her dress up like that...but it worked out in the end!"

"Rarity's taking it well, I think." Fluttershy said. "I mean, um, if they ripped up something that I had worked so hard on, I'd be really sad. And maybe a little angry. I think."

"She'll be fine." Twilight nodded. "Besides, Applejack's keeping an eye on her. I'm sure that'll keep her from doing something...foolish."

"Oh yeah, don't worry about those two!" Pinkie Pie said. She leaned in and covered her mouth as she made another conspiratorial whisper: "I gave them that bottle of whiskey."

Twilight facehooved.

"Now c'mon!" Pinkie Pie started pushing the other ponies towards the dance floor. "We're gonna miss the bouquet toss!"

Soon enough, the four joined a growing crowd of eager-looking fillies, which included a slightly wobbly Rarity and a concerned looking Applejack. Several fillies were already nudging each other out of the way, each trying to get the best position.

Bon Bon glanced playfully over her shoulder at the crowd- and with a flick of her neck, she tossed her bouquet into the air. The bundle of flowers tumbled end over end in a graceful arc...until a prismatic streak intercepted its course.

"HA! In your face, everypony else! Who's winning? I'm winning! 'Cause I'm Rainbow Dash, and winning is what I do! That, and be awesome. By winning!" She shook the bouquet in the general direction of her landbound friends.

"Y'know Rainbow Dash," Applejack said, "There's such a thing as winnin' gracefully."

"BOOOSH!" Rainbow Dash said.

"'sides," Applejack continued, "I figure it's better you get the bouquet than me."

"Hah! 'cause I'm that much radder than you, right?"

"Naw, mostly 'cause the filly that gets the bouquet is s'posed ta be the next one gettin' hitched."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh boy!" Pinkie Pie perked up, "Rainbow Dash is getting married! Yay!"

"Hey! No!" Rainbow Dash sputtered. She flapped her wings a few more times to gain altitude. "I can't get married! I'm too busy and cool and stuff to be tied down!"

"Y'know, I used to keep saying that." Lyra trotted out from a throng of ponies, Bon Bon close at her side. "Shows how well that worked out."

"I. Uh. Wait. Um. OH HEY LOOK AT THE TIME I HAVE TO GO DO PEGASUS STUFF NOW BYE." Rainbow Dash dropped the bundle of flowers to the ground and bolted off.

"Aaaw!" Pinkie Pie pouted, "now Rainbow Dash's gonna miss the garter toss, too!"

"But they're not even wearing garters!" Rarity said. The faintest tinge of madness creept into her tone. Again.

"Of course not! They wouldn't be able to throw them very well otherwise!"

"I'm...confused." Rarity wobbled about again- only to find Applejack there to provide a very steady shoulder to lean upon. "And thirsty."

"Shh." Applejack said, as subtly as she could.

Pinkie Pie winked at the pair. This did not help.

"Well, that's that." Twilight Sparkle nodded, and marked off the last box on her checklist. "Bridal meltdown, vows ceremony, reception tomfoolery, bouquet toss...everything you need for a modern wedding ceremony. Perfect!"

"You forgot one thing, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie peered over the unicorn's shoulder.

"What's that?"

"The honeymoon! You need to make sure that Lyra and Bon Bon go back and-"

"I don't think that'll be a problem, Pinkie." Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat, and nodded to the dance floor, where Lyra and Bon Bon were having their first 'official' dance as a married couple. Vinyl Scratch had switched the track to one of Lyra's own recordings. Lyra and Bon Bon both had their eyes closed, not 'dancing' so much as 'rocking back and forth while savoring each other's touch.' Simple, but perfect, in its own way.

"Oh, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie said, "You missed something!"

"I did?" Twilight forgot about the tears threatening to form at the corner of her eye, "what did I miss?"

"Well, y'know. If it's a wedding, somebody's got to...you know. Hook up."

"Someone's going fishing?" Twilight Sparkle tilted her head.

"Not fishing, silly! Even if that'd be fun too! I'm saying they need to-" Pinkie Pie looked over Twilight Sparkle's shoulder to the dance floor, "Nevermind!"

"What?" Twilight said.

"I'm not teeeeeeeeelling!" Pinkie Pie giggled.

Twilight looked over the dance floor again. The wedding couple still rocked and forth on the floor- though several other couples had began to make their way around them, like lesser satellites around the sun. Big MacIntosh and Ditzy Doo were in one corner, Applebloom and an indignant looking Spike were in another. Even Fluttershy had wound up standing in front of Caramel Apple- even if each of them looked as if they were trying to out-blush the other. Towards the edge of the dance floor, Applejack and Rarity bickered quietly over whether to stay or to go. Somehow, this fit the scene.

"So, that's it, then?" Twilight said. Her shoulders slumped, "I kind of hope it is."

"Well, yeah!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "Unless you want to dance too?"

"Y'know, that doesn't sound like a half bad idea."