Name's Joe

"Ma'am, calm down, I'm not going to torture,maim,kill,scar,scald,eat, or harm you in anyway, Now can I just buy some flowers at NORMAL price?"Joseph asked with a monotone voice to the cowering pony trying to hide under the table of the flower stand.

"YES! JUST TAKE THE FLOWERS,LEAVE THE BITS,AND LEAVE!" Yelled the pony so the entire world could hear.

Joseph sighed in frustration.

We should have expected this you know.

Yes, we did, but what harm could I be in this BLOODY CHAIR?!?!?!

I have no idea, they probably think you have magic or something stupid like that.Also, quit saying "Bloody" and "Oy".

Oy, a good portion of my life was spent watching Doctor Who and Ricky Gervais, excuse me if it rubbed off.

Why can't we ever not get into an argument?I'm really getting tired of this, and frankly it got boring in the first five seconds.

SHH!Don't let the readers know about that.

[color=redCuckoo, quit spouting your "This is all a book in alternate universe" junk again.

He's right you know, Joe.

Um,weren't we doing something?

Oh, right.

"For the last time, what would I gain from harming you?"Joseph asked, annoyed at having spent the past Ten minutes trying to coax this pony into just being quite with her shrill screaming and overreactions.

"A GOOD MEAL!"She blurted.

"I don't eat meat anymore, and when I did, I didn't eat Equine's.I ate mostly Chicken and Fish, and on occasion Pork and Beef."

The pony poked her head up enough so she could see.

"Really?"

"Yes." Joseph replied, getting more aggravated by the second.

"Oh, Okay." She sprang up, cheer in her voice.Joseph felt his eye twitch, thinking how cartoonish it must seem.

Remembering his stress relieving lessons, he took a deep breath and exhaled.Then thought of the funniest thing he could think up at the moment.A Formal Clown.Chuckling for a second at the thought of a clown in a suit, he regained his calm and looked at Lily.

"Okay, so how much will these bundles of daisies be?"

"5 bits." Hmm, that seemed more then fair, 2 bundles of ten for only Five bits?Seems fair.

Making mental note.Note taken.

Joe handed the five bronze bits over.

Wouldn't that technically be "hoofed over"?

Quit breaking the fourth wall Cuckoo, otherwise you'll be a second Pinkie Pie, and with two of them, the fourth wall is gonna crack like an egg.Besides, he isn't a pony.

For now.

Oy, you hush up. Trying to give fake spoilers.

Or am I?

Seriously, quit doing that, you aren't fooling anyone.

Who says I'm trying to fool them?

Can't we just get on with the plot?

*Giggle* you said "Plot".

Ugh, back to the story folks.

"Thank you sir.It is Sir right?"

Joseph squeezed the bridge of his nose in frustration, his headache returning.

"Yes."

"Okay, then.Thank you, sir."

"No, Thank You." Joseph responded, then rolled away from the Mare, whom he wished he didn't have to see for a good long period of time.

It wasn't long after when Joseph had gotten all the groceries, and began rolling home.Upon arriving, he had placed all the Groceries away, gotten his gun, and proceeded to the blacksmith.When he facepalmed upon a sudden realization.

Why didn't we ask Rarity where the Blacksmith was?

That is, a very good question actually.

I'm really pissed how not a single one of you tryed to tell me.

Um, I wasn't paying attention.

Neither was I.

You always repress me, so I thought I didn't have a say.......

Well, I apologize for that.I'll start listening to you more when you stop giving us brutal and gory ideas.

Okay......

Anyways, can we just head to the Blacksmith?

We never said you couldn't.

I really hate you guys.

It had taken him an hour, but he had finally found the blacksmith.Sadly, no one had known about it seeing as how next to no one had ever really needed him for anthing except repairs on carts and lockets and such.Rarity was nowhere to be seen, so she couldn't help him.Probably went inside to avoid the rain.Oh well, that didn't matter anymore, he had found it, and he had brought his gun.Upon entering the shanty-like building, the smell of grease and oil was apparent.Rusted metal and tools were lying all over the floor, and multiple wooden tables that took up space in the room.Blueprints and designs were hammered into the walls of Trains,Carts, and Tractors.Most of which were partially finished.Suddenly a loud booming voice yelled.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

Joseph flinched in his chair, noticing the blacksmith was actually a midget.A midget that was just below his line of vision when he was searching the room.He was a small silver Unicorn, with a black as coal mane.His eyes glinting a bronze.

"Um, sorry.I didn't realize you were there.Um, did Celestia send you a message?"

"Yeah, she did.So you this human I keep hearing about?"

"Yes."

"Well, she sent me all the info on this 'Gun' thing of yours.So may I?"

"Sure."

Joseph slowly handed over the revolver.

"By the way, this is the safety." Joe exclaimed, and pointed at the small nub.

"When it's red, it's ready to fire.Just push in, and pull the trigger."

"I see, so may I see it dismantled?"

"Sure."

Joseph slowly dismantled it, piece by piece,as the Engineer took notes.

"You know you never told me your name."Joseph asked the Engineer.

"Just call me Bolts, everyone usually does." Bolts replied monotonously, keeping his eyes on the gun.

"Well, My Name's Joe.But most call me Joseph."

"Yeah, yeah." Bolts continued in his robotic way.

"So, has Celestia sent you the stipend as well?"

"Yeah, yeah."

No point in talking to him.He's like you when you're reading.Just leave a bullet and head back home.

Fine.I'm sick and tired of this day anyways.

Joey set the bullet down on the table,after dissassembling the gun, and rolled out.Just wanting to go home and not have to deal with annoying ponies.

Upon the library getting in Joseph's view, he found a gathering of ponies crowding by an alley near the library.

Joseph, not really caring anymore, and with a head splitting headache, said what anyone would say.

"Screw it, I'm going home."

Rolling towards the library and entering.He suddenly heard a loud bang and Twilight and Spike appeared, the latter looking like he had been thrown in an oven.

"Warn me next time you're going to do that." Spike suddenly said, looking light headed.

"I didn't even know it was going to happen, quick lock the doors!"Twilight shouted.

"Already got this one done.So what's going on?" Joseph told the two of them, now realising he was there.

"Spike'll tell you."Twilight replied as she dashed up the stairs.

"So?"

"We were sent three tickets to a major event called the Grand Galloping Gala by the Princess,and everyoone has their own dreams and aspirations on what they want to do there, but we only have one ticket to spare.

"Three? But I don't wish to go."

"Sorry, man.It's mandatory."Spike replied,tossing a scroll into Joseph's lap as he ran to shut off the lights.

Joseph scrolled down the letter until he found the part that said he had to go.

And, we would very much appreciate it, if the Human named Joesph could come so he may interact with other species as to help strengthen bonds for Equestria's Neighbors, as to show we do not keep secrets.

Arses got our name wrong.

I know right?

"So, this is pretty much a kind way to force me to go isn't it?"

"Yep."Spike replied as he dashed to shut off the kitchen light's, effectively shrouding the home under darkness.

Twilight ran in as the last light was shut off, and we all found ourselves huddled by the doors, sighing in relief.

Until our feeling of safety suddenly melted away, as the lights came back on to reveal five ponies watching us.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Joseph screamed in surprise, clutching his hand on his heart, which felt like it was throbbing out of his chest, and Twilight screamed in frustration, before jabbering at an incredibily fast speed.

"I can't decide, I just can't decide!It's important to all of you,amd I just can't stand to dissapoint any of you,and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference.Because you are all my friends,and I want to make you all happy, and I just can't!I JUST CAN'T!" Twilight fell to the ground, her hooves over her head.

Applejack came trotting down.

"Twilight sugar,I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you.And if it helps, I don't want the ticket anymore, you can just give it to sompony else.I won't feel bad.I promise."

"Me, too."Fluttershy added, flying down next to Twilight.

"I just feel awful making you feel so awful"

"And Me to.It's no fun upsetting your friends."Pinkie added on as well.

"Twilight, it was unfair trying to force you as I did."Rarity said.

"YES!THAT MEANS THE TICKET IS MINE!" Rainbow Dash shouted, then began singing a victory song mainly compromised of the words "I got the ticket", earning a death glare from the rest of us.

"You know, I haven't perfected my signature move's yet enough for the wonderbolts anyways, I don't need the ticket either."

"We all got so gun-ho about going to the gala,that we didn't see how ungun-ho we were making you."

"We're sorry Twilight."The five ponies said in unison to the Unicorn that well deserved it.

"Spike, take a note."Twilight commanded, and Spike wrote the following.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I've learned today that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings.But When there's not enough blessings to go around,having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful.So, though I appreciate your invitation.I return my tickets to the Gala.

This caused a room wide Exclamation of surprise.

"Hang on, after all that you just want to give them back?Why did you all want to go to the Gala for anyways?"

"I wanted to meet the wonderbolts, and perhaps get on their flight team."

"First off, you really think they would just hire you on the spot?What about you Fluttershy?"

"Well, um, I wanted to see the exotic animals."

"Fair enough, but the animals will be there next year.Rarity?"

"To meet my True Love,Prince Blueblood."

"Hang on,have you ever met him?I mean, you are very beautiful, but I don't think looks alone should be what helps you get a man.Life isn't a fairy tale."

"Well,You're right, actually.I didn't think about that."

"I mean, if someone were to marry you based on looks alone, they'd have to be a sleaze, and you don't wanrt someone like that in your life.Go for someone you've known, and gottem close to."

"Er,well.Thank you."

"Now Pinkie, why did you want to go?"

"I wanted to Party at the biggest event in Equestria!"

"Well, you do realize a gala is a very formal party, you know, ballroom,orchestra,foods that are hard to pronounce from France, or whatever your pony Equivalent is."

"Well, that doesn't sound very fun."

"So, Applejack, why did you want to go?"

"Well, ah wanted to sell Apple Family's Apple's Treats there so I can raise money to fix up the barn, and my Grandmother's hip."Joseph's left eye started twitching, as he slowly turned around to face the group of ponies.

"Hang on,you're telling me, you all wanted your own selfish wishes and desires, yet Applejack here wants to help her family.Seriously?What is wrong with Ya'll.You know what, it's been a long day, and frankly I'm tired.If you need me, I'll be sleeping."Joseph began rolling out of the room, seeing the looks of shame on everypony except Applejack and Twilight who wore looks of shock.