Fluttershy and Me: Remastered

Following that Friday night, things started to get back to normal.  I had nightmares for a few nights about it all, but with more of Fluttershy’s care, and a crap ton of visits to my school psychologist, I was back to my good old self.  I told the psychologist that I was dreaming about the killing, instead of actually doing it.  I was actually lucky enough to remain unfound by the police.  I could be pretty sneaky at times, but that they were unable to track my dna or some crap like that was a little surprising.  That night became my most well-kept secret.  No one would ever know.

The rest of my college career went by like a breeze.  I had become a fantastic actor, not that I wasn’t good to begin with, but now I was amazing.  I think it was fair to say that at least.  Seeing as though I had a spring birthday, my junior year brought about my 21st birthday.  That was some fuckin party.  All I can say is that Vegas is beautiful, especially when you’re drunk of your ass.  My senior year of college blew on by rather quickly.  From my sophomore year and onward, I started to live in my own apartment with Fluttershy near the school campus.  We left that old warehouse in the past.  I never wanted to see or hear the mention of it again.  By the end of my senior year, Fluttershy had grown to about her normal size as she was in the show.  But hell, the last time I had watched the show was the season three finale.  I had no idea if any of the ponies had changed since then.

When my graduation finally rolled on by, I had a huge party with my family.  I of course had a private party for just Fluttershy and me again, but this time, the huge party with my family, and friends, was better.  It was probably because I got really drunk during the party.  I’m a funny drunk though, but not one that you have to worry about getting hurt too badly.  But, my party with Fluttershy was great too.  We tried baking a cake again.  We really needed to improve that skill.

Now that I had graduated college with a kick ass degree for acting, my future actually looked really good.  I had already managed to make a great amount of money to buy an apartment in New York City, which is where I had always wanted to live.  I lived on Long Island, but the city always called to me.  My place was on the outskirts of the city though.  I wanted to get a more open area so that Fluttershy could go outside more often.  She hadn’t stayed inside for all those years while I had her, but she was limited.

But, one day, about four months after graduation, something happened, something that I would never be able to forgive myself for.  This was worse than that Friday night at the warehouse, much worse.

It was a normal Saturday morning.  I had just arrived home from an early audition for a small play on Broadway, and I could pretty much tell I was going to get the role.  I was so happy.  I couldn’t wait to get home to tell Fluttershy.  I entered my apartment, overwhelmed with joy.  I was going to shout out to Fluttershy to tell her the good news, but I heard the TV was on, so I decided to just go into the TV room and tell her.  But as I got closer to the room, I was starting to make out what she was watching.  When I fully realized it, my heart sank.

“What is this place, filled with so many wonders?  Casting its spell, that I am now under!” I heard, in a musical tone.  I knew that song, and I knew the voice attached to it.  It was Fluttershy singing her song when she gets to the ground in episode 23.  I entered the room and saw Fluttershy sitting in front of the TV, covered in tears.  Her hair was a mess.  I didn’t know if she knew I was present, but I sniffled a bit because I was starting to cry.  She knew I was there now.

She turned her head to me.  The sadness in her eyes was just too much for me to take, and soon I started to full on cry.

“How long Matthew?” she asked.

“Fluttershy.”

“How long have you known?  HOW LONG?!”  She had never spoken to me like that, and I was caught off guard by her tone, but honestly, I deserved it.  I was ashamed of myself.  Truthfully, I had decided the previous night to tell her in the morning when I got home.  Why did she have to watch it before I could tell her?  WHY?

“Fluttershy, I… I’m sorry.  I was going to tell you, right now in fact.  I had planned everything out last night.  I would tell you about my audition, and I figured you would be in a good mood, enough so that I could tell you,” I tried to explain, but the look in her eyes told me she didn’t care.

“Why not tell me when you found me?  Did you think that telling me I’m just a cartoon character wasn’t important?  Why didn’t you tell me sooner Matthew?”  Her voice was a mixture of sadness and anger.

“You were too young to understand.  I wanted to wait for the right moment.  Fluttershy, I didn’t tell you for your own good.  Please, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.”

She looked at me with distaste, and shortly after, she ran past me and headed into our room.  She locked me out, but I could hear her crying from inside.  I didn’t try to get her out.  I knew she needed to be alone.  I thought that because I had killed two men that I was a monster.  Fluttershy helped me to realize that what I did was out of love.  But what I had done, what I had been doing for about five years now, keeping a secret like this one away from her, truly made me a monster.  I fell down up against the door and started crying right where I was sitting.  I stayed there for one hour.

Fluttershy didn’t talk to me for two days.  She wouldn’t leave our room, so I was forced to sleep in the living room.  We had a really nice couch, so it wasn’t a problem at all.  I left her food outside our room for when she got hungry, because she really never left our room for those two days.  Maybe to go to the bathroom or something simple, but if she did, she didn’t say a word to me.  On the second day, I told her I was going to be out for a while running some errands.  I wasn’t really.  I needed to do something I hadn’t done in a while: go for a parkour run.  Since my sophomore year of college, I hadn’t gone for a parkour run.  It was something I did when I was feeling down in the dumps.  By that time, I never got that feeling anymore.  This was the first time I felt like shit in a really long time.

When I was done with my run, I headed back home.  I entered my apartment, finding Fluttershy in the kitchen.  She turned immediately when she heard me enter.  She rushed back into our room, leaving her food behind.

“Fluttershy, please just listen to me for one minute.  Fluttershy,” but she was gone.  I felt like a broken man.  I walked into the living room, feeling tears start to form in my eyes.  I fell to the floor, leaning up against the couch.

“Fluttershy,” I said in a low voice, “I’m so sorry.  I’m sorry that I hurt you this way.  I really don’t deserve you.  You proved me wrong three years ago, but now you really can’t.  I really am a monster.”  I was speaking aloud, not even in hopes of her hearing me, but just because I had to get it off my chest.  But even then, I still felt like shit, like a monster.  But soon after, I heard the bedroom door start to open.  Even though I could hear it, I didn’t acknowledge it.  I just kept my head on my knees and continued to cry.  I started to hear hoof steps.  Fluttershy entered the room slowly.  I couldn’t bear to face her.  When she was finally next to me, she sat down, and started to rub my head.  I lifted my head, turned to her for a moment, and looked back down.

“Matthew,” she started, “I love you.  You know that.  I told you that I would always love you no matter what.  That’s a promise I intend to keep.”  It felt like she was quoting me for a moment, just like I had told her I would never let anyone or anything hurt her, and how that was a promise I would keep.  I looked back to her.

“Fluttershy, I’ve done so many things wrong in my life.  I’ve tried so hard to make my life worth living, but something always happens that makes it turn into complete shit.  I thought I had finally made my life worth something, but whether it be what I did three years ago or what I did Saturday, I now realize I can never win this battle.  The battle to make life worth something.”

“Matthew, you have made your life worth something.  Not just that, but you’ve made my life worth something too.  You took it upon yourself to care for me, to protect me, and to love me when no one else could.  You may have made some mistakes along the way, but that doesn’t mean your life isn’t worth anything, and it certainly doesn’t make you a monster.  You are the kindest, most loving person I have ever met.”

Her words, as soothing as ever, kicked the crap out of my doubts.  That’s not to say I didn’t still feel guilty of my mistake.  I wouldn’t be able to let this go for the rest of my life.  But something about the way she spoke told me she was speaking from her heart as well.

“And, Matthew,” she continued.

“Yeah?”

“I forgive you.  You’re a good person, and don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Tears were starting to fall from my eyes again.

“Thanks Fluttershy.”  She smiled at me, and we embraced each other.  She really did forgive me too, she wasn’t just saying it.  I would never let this go, like I said, but to know that she was able to forgive my huge screw up made it much easier of a thing to forget.  We stopped hugging, only to allow us to kiss each other.  It was then, and really, always would be, Fluttershy and me.