Past to Present

Chapter 5: QUESTION TIME!!!

The planet turned slowly that night as both star-ships and their crews descended into hazy atmosphere. Neither knew of each the other's actions, only concerned with their endeavors to the haven below. On one, Vice Admiral Huggbees, the officer presiding over nearly ten thousand men and the victor of countless battles. Standing in the other, Vice Admiral Harrison Henkins, the manliest being in existence ever, no exceptions.

Both formidable forces tittered to each other on their respective ships, radiating pure testosterone the likes of which had not penetrated the air of this planet in a long time...

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-A Library Which Is Also A Tree For Some Reason-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Silence dominated the tree-house-library-thingy as each of its occupants sat in... well, silence. Each of the five occupants sat awkwardly staring at each other.

"So... You're a carnivore." Twilight said, attempting to break the ice. "I noticed your teeth... You eat meat, right?" She said, attempting not to visualize this creature tearing into the flesh of an innocent animal.

"Look at the back" James replied, opening his mouth. From what Twilight could see, his teeth gradually lost their edges and became flat at the back of his maw.

"Omnivore!" She squealed a bit too excitedly. The reason being that she was extremely relieved that he wouldn't have to be fed... Meat. Equestria didn't raise livestock for food, pony stomachs couldn't digest anything but plants, so she was previously having issues finding a meal plan for this creature, but now, she could give him whatever she wanted! "So you're good with hay then, right?" She asked.

"We don't eat grasses. Fruits and vegetables, with a few other materials make up the herbivorous side of our diets."

"Okay! That seems manageable!" The purple mare confirmed, slightly disappointed that her simple plan would not work. The ape thing simply sat awkwardly, thinking fiercely about how he would rectify his impressive situation.

"I hate to say it, but... I've eaten a lot of chickens in my past. I won't mind if I am fed only vegetables, nor will I object or show disdain, but just know that I have the capacity to consume other sentient beings... If that's useful to you, anyway." He followed up. Well, shit. He thought.

Twilight stayed silent, yet inched backwards while the Princess Luna's mouth fell open at this bluntness. Princess Celestia and Lyra stayed strangely stoic at this statement though.

"Ok, since this is getting awkward, so... I'd like to ask YOU a few questions on Equestrian society. It's not every day I get to meet an alien race identical to those I created and... Uh... enslaved......." My execution for ruthless hate crimes is imminent. They're going to eviscerate me. I need to SHUT UP! He screamed internally.

"O-okay... I wasn't actually prepared to answer, but I guess you weren't either... Yeah, um... so ask away I guess!" Twilight, clearly the dominant participant of this conversation on the pony side, stated.

"First off, the flank marks you all seem to have. I noticed that, er... Lyre? Lyra. Lyra has a lyre on her flank, your name is Twilight Sparkle and you have a... Thingy... And those two princesses who you forgot to introduce to me seem to have a sun and moon, respectively. Do these marks correlate with the names you are given?"

"I DID introduce you to the Princesses, Celestia and Luna. Those're their names." She said. "Furthermore, these are called 'cutie marks,' and they represe-"

"I am not calling the marks that." He interrupted.

"That's what they're called though! Why wouldn't you want to call them that?"

"It sounds utterly asinine. You can refer to them with your unnecessarily girly names all you want, but seriously, I refuse."

"Fine. Our CUTIE MARKS represent our special talent!" Twilight finished with a coy smile.

"Your special talent, huh? Interesting. Our equines' flank marks were assigned to them mechanically... I take it that YOUR marks have a major effect on your lives, correct?"

"Most ponies choose their jobs based on their cutie marks, yes."

"Humans had an ancient philosopher named Aristotle once... Then he died." The ponies gazed at him with a similar look to those they would have given him if he had leeks sprouting from his nostrils. "He said many times that he wanted a world where people worked based on what they were good at... Trouble was, nobody could find out what they were explicitly good at... I guess you guys don't have that issue then, huh?"

"Of course not! Wait... You humans don't have cutie marks?" Twilight was confused at this statement. Even griffons had cutie marks! Of course, they'd probably kill you out of sheer embarrassment if you attempted to locate it, but even so! The prospect of a race which went sans cutie mark was absolutely confusing, if not downright horrifying! How could they function as a society without knowing what they were skilled at? How could it possibly go down, the disorder, the chaos? Oh, the ponymanity!

"I believe I made that pretty clear..." The human looked concernedly at the mentally-breaking-down pony who was clearly freaking out.

"Then... How does your education system work? Ponies go to schools or get trained to excel in their skill, but we KNOW what we are good at. Without an indication of your innate talents, how do you judge what you're destined to be good at?"

"We go to colleges and learn basic skills. Students learn what they want and thus eventually get a degree in that subject. Now, a degree is basically a paper which verifies their study in said subject, if you didn't know..."

"I did."

"Well then there's no problem! It's a simple system, and for the most part, it works. It depends on how you choose. However, I do believe I am entitled to another question; how is your government formed and how does it operate? The audience seems to mainly be made up of the royal family, so how do they operate? Actually, this is probably a better question to ask them... Specifically speaking, how do you share your powers, and how does this split affect your nation?" James turned to the two previously silent magical talking unicorn/pegasus hybrid ponies.

"Odd question, 'tis true... 'Tho 'tis a monarchy, Our power is split between rule, day and night. We rule the night, our sister presides over the day. From reason, we wouldst have gathered you had concluded this by the names of us and our sister. Still, the two of us have a grip on the kingdom thou see before you which deeply connects the lands around it. Nobles assist in the operation of our nation and supply thine occupations cordially." The black creature stated.

"What's with... What's with the whole 'medieval speak' thing? The rest of the... Ponies I've seen all speak normally, why are you... Why do you refer to yourself as 'we' and say 'wouldst?'"

"Don't ask..." The white one replied with a sigh. "It's a long story...."

"Ah... You all have a fascinating society, I'll admit... And not as socially equal as it was made out to me by the bluish one behind me, whatever her name is..."

"Lyra." Lyra said.

"Yes, whatever. What do you do in terms of social order between your other races. I noticed that both of you royal horses... Ponies... Are of a separate race which I've never seen before, which is a combination of pegasi and unicorns. However, I have yet to see a mundane equi... Pony here yet. Given your quick acceptance of the concept of a similar race to your own being enslaved, would I be correct as to say there is a sort of... Social order border-lining on... Well, slavery?"

The mares seemed shocked at this notion. Slavery was common in other races, but not ponies! Ponies were BETTER than the other races, their grasp of the concept of equality and racial fairness outshining all those other races... Wait...

"No." They all said simultaneously and firmly.

"Well then, you're better than we are. If anything, our people are rather nasty when it comes to the enslavement of a race. We abhor the notion of enslaving humans, but ponies? Well why not?" He glanced side to side at the spectacle of stunned horses listening to him talk about enslaving horses. "Where's the little lizard thing?" He asked quickly, hoping to rectify the awkwardness of his situation.

"I'm right here!" The tiny creature squealed in irritation at his feet. With his size relative to the four foot tall ponies, he was barely at knee height to the large human.

"I've never seen a creature such as you... Frankly, you're the most interesting being here, since I don't need to learn much about the biology of the two large equines, and I'm far too familiar with the unicorn biology to the point where studying them would be asinine."

"HEY!" Lyra shouted, clearly offended that one of the creatures from her fantasies was insulting her race.

"How do you reproduce?" The man blurted. His eyes immediately widened and he stumbled. "No wait, I can picture that. No. Actually, I don't want to ask you anything. I'm fine. You're a sentient lizard, I can live with that."

"I'm a DRAGON." The lizard specified.

"Might bit small for that, sir." James argued. "If you're a dragon, two issues. Where are your wings, and why are you not breathing smoke from your nostrils viciously whenever you exhale?"

"Spike's a baby dragon." Twilight elaborated.

"Spike? You named him SPIKE? I hate to sound stupid or end up concentrating on what I shouldn't be, but... Spike? Where's the creativity? Originality? And... Wait... So you're confirming that he's a dragon?"

"Yes. He won't have wings, but he DOES breathe fire! Not to the extent that others would though..."

"Well then I apologize sincerely." The man apologized halfheartedly.

"So... I hate to butt in, but... You said you were a scientist? Why did you start fighting?" Asked the previously unnoticeable cyan mare behind Twilight.

"Yeah... Rather long answer there, unfortunately... I worked on the GEPFTBOHAIIAANITU project and several other major projects, mostly pertaining to weaponry, and actually became the CFO! That was only for a year though. My company, NTech, actually ended up firing me! After I was left jobless, my status as a "Irreplaceable Employee" was revoked and I was drafted, just like basically every other adult in the universe."

"So... Why were you fired?" Asked the lavender creature.

"I'm tired. You have anywhere to sleep?" He countered.

Sadly, the purple one pointed towards the door to her basement, knowing that she was defeated. The man's face demonstrated a similar chagrin to the one Twilight now sported

Manes flowing in the nonexistent wind, the two princesses watched silently as the scientist slowly approached the beckoning door, attempted to turn the doorknob, realized that the doorknobs there didn't need to be turned, pulled on the brass bulb, resulting in the wood to face outward on its hinges which were also made of brass, and descended.

A small bed was braced on the wall next to a metallic... Thing... It was positively horrifying, a giant metal box with several thousand red buttons on it, complete with ominous lightbulbs (a luxury which seemed to abandon the rest of the library,) placed on its top and an electrode-colander-thingy attached to a wire adjacent to the bulbs.

What its purpose was, the scientist wasn't entirely sure he WANTED to know. And so, he pulled the bed into its proper place and fumbled around the room, searching for sheets before giving up and lying down on its hard surface. He then immediately realized something was amiss and stood once more, placing the helmet which had just previously lay pointlessly at his side on his head once more. He spoke swiftly and surely.

"Action program 432, commence." He said to his suit's "Weak AI." It was basically Siri, except running a suit. Sorry, no Cortana for you.

"Action Program Number Four Hundred and Thirty Two Commencing." The robotic voice replied. "Have a nice day!" It said, before something amazing happened to his suit.

Typically this program was not operated under normal conditions, as the removal of ones armor is clearly one of the worst decisions an individual could possibly make when stranded on a foreign planet inhabited by a race seemingly related to one which despises you, but seeing as James actually had a concussion at this point, he really didn't care.

The suit hissed, several gasses escaping loosening seams, the likes of which were to maintain pressure, even minus the pressure of the helmet. Of course, this was pointless seeing as the difference in pressure would allow air to escape the lungs of the suit's wearer if such a difference did exist in the first place... Really, it was mostly for looks.

The suit unfolded at each individual block of white armor, until it all fell unceremoniously to the wooden floor.

And then he lay down.

The mattress underneath James felt like a rock, several hard lumps which appeared to be actual rocks digging into his skin mercilessly while the feathers inside shifted away from his weight, causing the pressure from the springs below to provide even MORE irritating pressure on his back.

Yes, this bed was ten times better than the one marines were issued on their respective ships.

James lay in silence, hearing several loud-ish voices engage in an unintelligible argument above.

Tranquilly, the soldier drifted into his dreamland.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-A Pointless Dream Which Seems To Be A Fic Trope-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

His eyes sprung open, an equine slave clearly in front of him. It aimed the cannons on its flanks at him and "magically" pulled the triggers. Seconds before hot plasma ripped a hole in his chest, a man threw a rock at James's head. The rock sailed and collided, knocking him to the ground as the warmth of magnetized neon flew over his head.

The man, his Captain and CO of this mission grinned at him.

"Y'all better watch out, y'hear?" He chastised the Lieutenant as he quickly dispatched the unfortunate unicorn.

Multiple fighter spacecraft flew overhead, each one banking at impossible angles in the hopes of dispatching its fellows, sending explosions along the nearly ruined city they stood in.

Warmth engulfed James as one particular explosion less than fifty yards away sent multiple equines and humans flying at awkward angles and threw shrapnel at all who stood firm. His heavy suit blocked the majority of the minuscule particles, yet a few ended up piercing his defenses, allowing spurts of blood to appear.

Suddenly, the obvious memory-like stance of this cliche'd scenario was interrupted by Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" playing while the Captain transformed into a flock of penguins.

"I AM LEGION, FOR WE ARE MANY!" The penguins squealed in unison as they flew through the air on jetpacks, quickly consuming a T-Rex and several dodongos from the Zelda franchise which foolishly dared to challenge their sexual might.

"COME, LIEUTENANT! LET US TAKE OUT THE GREAT AND MIGHTY DUMPSTER WITH OUR COMBINED MIGHT!" They beckoned. James complied, spontaneously sprouting a single wing and following, gliding behind the omnipowerful flock with tears of tender joy blurring his vision.

"Yes, my master!" He cried passionately, his unbridled passion passionately demonstrating his ultimate passion to the equally passionate penguins.

"And I think to myself... A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido... Yeah" A mysterious figure sung. It was hunched over and drenched in shadows, squatting over what appeared to be a prone man.

James and the penguins flew to it carnally. The penguins approached the creature, tapping on its shoulder.

Menacingly, the monster, for there was no other word to describe it, turned to the intruders, revealing its horrible face.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Basement of the Library Which Was Also a Tree-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Shooting up from his bed suddenly, James Underwood sweat furiously at what he had just seen; the Pickle Monster which had haunted his dreams since childhood! His worst fears all wrapped into a single, vinegary entity of horror and destruction, oh what a vile and cruel world he had been raised in!

"I have never seen a more frightening spectacle in my entire life." He muttered to himself.

Suddenly, the marine noticed something terrible; he was sitting on a bed in the middle of a strange room with no real recollection of WHY he was sitting on a bed in the middle of a strange room! He scanned his surroundings, finding that it was just a simple wooden room with several bookshelves scattered around and... Wait... What the hell was that?

Where a carpet or a statue or even a giant statue of a Sharpie TM could have stood, instead, a metal... Thing... Stood in the place of what could have stood where it stood for the sake of standing!

James couldn't even remember how he got on this insanely comfortable bed! But more concerning was his lack of armor! Why had he taken off his armor? If he didn't, who did? Where in HELL was he?

"Where in HELL am I?" He asked.

*This is what happens when someone falls from outer space and lands headfirst with little to no protection. They get a concussion and memory goes to shit. Hence:

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Spacey-Wacey-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Sir! We have detected that the GAPHE ship on the other side of the planet is making its descent as well!" A random and unimportant officer cried to Vice Admiral Huggbees.

"Shit! Hail Henkins and ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing!" The Admiral screamed. There was absolute silence.

"We're supposed to... Rain little ice rocks on him?" The insignificant officer asked.

"Dear God help me... I'm in command of a military vessel populated almost entirely of extras from a sitcom... What I mean, Ensign, is for you to call him on your little space-skype thing, and shut up while the adults talk!"

"Yes sir!" The Ensign immediately went to work attempting to 'hail' the foreign Admiral.

Suddenly, a large hologram positioned itself in front of the Vice Admiral's face. Lo and behold, there, in front of the wrinkled and greying white man, stood an ethereal image of a handsome, taut-skinned, read-headed badass.

"What is it, hag?" The young, manly man asked, likely knowing full well that hag is a derogatory term for old women and NOT men, which should be obvious based upon his blatant use of it and my pointing it out.

"Why in Hell are you trying to land your shitty piece of shit on the planet I'm attempting to land on?"

"Because it suits me, and this 'shitty piece of shit' is not in good shape. Duh."

"Well MY ship isn't in good shape either, in case you didn't notice! You don't see ME going around trying to la... Wait... Never mind... Still, that planet is MINE! I claim it in the name of the New United States of America's Navy, and you can't have it!

"Nuh-uh!" The ginger replied with pure rage. "Ah claim in in the name of the Great and Powerful Human Empire, and there's nuthin y'all're gonna do 'bout it!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"This is on, you realize that? THIS MEANS WAR!" The old man screamed with the fury of a much younger man, startling the crew members as he pounded his boot against the steel floor.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Canterlot Gardens-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A tranquil scene played out in the Gardens of Canterlot; birds chirped around trees as they played their aerial games of tag, caretakers fulfilled their jobs in trimming the edges of the hedges to an unnaturally smooth tone, and a statue of a disgusting chimera of creatures suddenly sprouted several hairline cracks... That's probably significant...