"How the fuck am I going to pack?" I said to myself as I got my old suitcase out of the closet. It was an old, dusty travel bag that my mom had
gotten on her trip to California. "I guess I can just shove it all in." I snickered to myself "Thats what she said" as I glanced over to the shitload
of clothes and games I had packed for my trip. It was only for a week, but I'm a lazy guy, and just tossed a bunch of shit in there. My name is Jason Summers, and I am generally hot guy, with semi-long black hair, a snapback New York City hat, a metallica shirt, and some white skinny jeans with Osiris shoes. I tucked my cell phone in my pocket, along with my special comb, knife, a pack of cigarrettes and a zippo lighter and went over to my suitcase. "Well, well, well, we meet again suitcase." I said as I grabbed my shit and stuffed it in there. "I see you want to be difficult, eh?" I said between gritted teeth, trying my best to close the demonic bag. "Maybe I should try repacking?" I said as I started pulling stuf out. "Wait a sec, what's that?" I said as I reached in towards something shining.
"What the fuck is this?" I said as I pulled out a glowing gray ball the size of my fist. "Holy shit!" I said as I inspected it further. "It looks
like....no, it can't be." I said as I thought of what it might be. It was a small gray ball with the indent of a six-pointed star in the middle. "No
fucking way..." I muttered as I looked at it for more clues. As I stood up, I noticed something out the corner of my eye. A large white figure
darted just outside of my field of vision. "This is unreal.." I said as I started out the door.
"Hey, come back!" I shouted as I chased after the figure. As I approached it, I noticed several things immediately. First, it looked like a horse.
Second, it had a horn, and wings, so it was an Allicorn (I think thats what it was called.) Third, it looked like a character from a show my little sister watched. It was called "My Favorite Horse" or some shit like that. I was able to get a good look before it vanished into the woods behind my house.
"These woods are creepy as fuck." I said as I wandered in search of the white allicorn. I started to think I was seeing things, since I had a fat
blunt when I woke up, but I soon found what it was looking for. A massive portal, easily the size of three people sat smack in the middle of a
clearing. The allicorn sat close by, beckoning me with her hoof(I have no idea what the fuck it was, to be honest, so I'll call it a hoof). Being the
dumbass I am, overcome by curiosity, I walked over to her/him (Are unicorns boys or girls?) It was a large allicorn, easily the size of me, if not larger, with huge feathered wings, a matching multi-colored mane and tail, an enormous horn atop it's head, and a tattoo of a wierd sun on it's ass.
It also wore some kind of neclace, along with a crown thing and gold shoes, so I guess it was a queen or something.
"Greetings, human." It said in a welcoming voice. Judging the voice, I'd say it was a girl.
"No fucking way" I said. "You can talk?"
"Yes human, I am too gifted in the ways of speech." It said in an ominous voice.
"Go through the portal, and leave everything behind, and fulfill your wildest dreams"
"Cool." was all I managed from my already dropped jaw.
I stepped up to the portal, and said "Allons-Y!" before dropping in.
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I woke up feeling strange, with questions like "Who, what, when, where, why and how"(how cliche). I tried getting up, but it seems that my muscles gave out on the fall, or whatever the fuck happened.
"Dude" I said to no one in particular."What the shit happened?"
I was startled to hear whispering in a direction I couldn't quite Identify.
"What is that? I've never seen anything like it in my books."
"Just look at it's mane, it's absolutely horrendous. Not to mention it's choice of garments."
"I wonder if it likes cupcakes? Cause I just baked some down at sugarcube corner and they are Delicious! But who doesn't like cupcakes? I mean, if I
met somepony who didn't like cupcakes, that would be aweful! Because then they wouldn't be able to eat them and anypony who can't eat cupcakes must be sad all the time and sad is bad but now I don't get sad because I have the bestiest of best friends in the whole wide world of equestria and they would never let me be sad except that one time when I thought they didn't like me and didn't want to come to my parties anymore and that made me really sad and I don't ever want to get like that again because It would be bad If I got like that again because then......."
"Ah dont know Twi, it looks kinda dangerous and whatnot."
"If this guy tries anything, he'll get a Sonic buck to the face!"
"I don't know, he looks injured, I think we should try to help him."
That was all I heard before I blacked out again
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I woke up feeling like shit, though it was not the first time. I tried to get up, but a sharp pain shot it's way up my spine. Shaking, I decided that getting up was going to have to wait. I tried moving slowly, in order to check and see if my motor functions were still there, but I got the same results. The same sharp pain racked my body again. Since moving wasn't an option, I tried to assess where I was. My sight had returned, thankfully, but my eyes still burned when I tried to open them. I looked around to see that I was in a cottage of some sort. Here and there were small chairs, tables and bookshelves. I craned my neck to see who my savior was when I heard a sharp "Crack" from somewhere. I immediately turned to look and see where it came from when I realised it came from me.
My whole body was twisting and contorting into a new shape. My bones began popping and twisting seemingly made out of clay as they stretched into a new shape. I was surprised that I felt no pain whatsoever and that I was awake while this was happening. My skin started parting, making way for a dark reddish fur. Where my shoulderblades used to be, wings started sprouting. Nice, thick feathered wings that looked as if the tips were on fire. I felt a single stripe of hair, or mane, come down my face and into view. I felt a tail sprouting right out of my ass, with long, shiny edges that looked made out of metal. As the growth started slowing down, I was able to stand up, but plopped right back down on the ground. I wasn't used to having four legs. I raised a leg up to see a small, rubber-looking hoof. I placed it back down, when I heard a scream from behind me.
I whipped around to see a yellow pegasus, with a long, pink mane and a matching tail. She was carrying a small basket in her mouth, filled with what looked like first aid supplies. She dropped the basket and bolted down the stairs. I tried to race after her, but tumbled straight down the same set of stairs.
"Fuck." I said, as I slowly got up. I looked around for the yellow mare, but she was nowhere to be seen. I spotted a table nearby, with my lighter and cigarettes, and went over to grab them.
"How the hell am I going to carry these." I looked over to the basket, and wondered if I could put my shit in there. As I walked over, I picked It up in my mouth.
"Wow, it's not as hard as it looks." I said through my full mouth. I put it down and went over to the lighter and pack of ciggs. I picked them up and put them in the basket, and started out of the door, basket in my mouth. I got outside only to come face-to-face with a rather angry looking rainbow maned pegasus.
"Who are you, and why were you sneaking out of Fluttershy's house with HER basket?" she yelled at me.
"Who the FUCK are you, lesbian shitwad?" I retorted back, dropping the basket and stamping my hoof in defiance. She looked comepletely stunned from hearing such words from my mouth. Obviously, this world didn't use curses a lot, and I wanted to change that. Her face changed from an expression of shock to rage. She wore a look of pure hatred as she turned around and raised her legs. I was prepared to leap out of the way when a voice cut through to us.
"Wait!"
We both turned around to see the yellow pegasus jump in between both of us, trying to shield me.
"Don't hurt him, Rainbow Dash!" she said, trying her best to reason with the cyan pegasus, who supposedly was named Rainbow Dash.
"He doesn't mean us any harm, and he hasn't fully healed yet!"
"But he called me a lesbian!" Rainbow Dash said, glaring daggers at me. "He doesn't even deserve to live!"
"You yelled at me, when I came out of her house, doing NOTHING wrong, and I yelled right back. Fuck off, you little twat, before I kick your ass all the way across this planet!" I spat out, earning a shocked look from both pegasi.
"Thats it!" Rainbow Dash roared, coming right at me. "You're DEAD!"
I dodged her flying hook, and spun around just in time to kick her dead in the face. She flew about ten feet in the air before crashing down in the dirt, looking star-eyed.
"Nice job Rainbow CRASH!" I shouted as I fell over laughing my ass off.
"Why you little!" she yelled, getting up and shaking off the dirt. She took off almost vertically in the air, soaring right through a rather large storm cloud, and did a 360 spin in the air, before coming back down at me with supersonic speed. I stood my ground, bracing myself and planting my
hooves in the dirt, bearing a fearsome scowl of defiance. I felt something build up inside of me, kind of like an air pocket, and as it neared my mouth, and Rainbow dash neared me, I could hear a voice in my head.
"Use the shout!" it said. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I thought of something that might work.
As Rainbow Dash neared, about five feet from my muzzle, I let loose a giant shockwave that shook the mountain ridges in the distance
"FUS RO DAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thats when Rainbow Dash's hoof connected with my face and snapped me out of my daydream. I was knocked straight back into Fluttershy's house, slamming the door shut. I was done, and had had about enough from that Rainbow fuck. I got up, and ran straight for her, giving her an evil smile. I jumped straight up in the air, assisted by my wings, and brought my back hooves back down on her head with a sickening "CRACK". After I was satisfied that I had knocked her the fuck out, I managed to gallop off into a nearby town.
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