Arby 'n' The Chief

by ColoradoBlueJay

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other
Length: 3173

Luna is interested in a strange black cube that appeared at her door step, what does it hold?

How friendship's are tried and enemys are made. What happens when Luna finds some strange alien equipment and what may she find in the world of this 'internet'?

All rightful credit's go to respective owner's

强留

Published 2013-03-10 15:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-11 14:55:38 UTC

Chapter one: Strange new things

Arby ‘n’ The Chief

Luna walked through the ever long hallways of the mountain side castle. The morning sun was rising and her night shift was over. A few squads of solar guards marched passed her, only nodding to pay respect. The sun’s rays peered slightly between the glass window above and reflected off the guard’s armor and straight into her eyes. She grimaced at the pain the light brought her, but continued her journey to her private chambers, so she may seclude herself from the blinding light of the sun.

Rounding a corner she found the dark blue doors, along with two of her personal guards standing still as ever. She nodded to them, but they knew what that meant, break. She opened the door and trotted inside. She cracked her neck, making small popping sounds. Her eyes opened to see four peculiar objects lying on the marble floors. She picked up a smaller item of the bunch with her magical capabilities, but it fell to the ground making a clattering sound on the floor. This time she picked it up with her hooves and thoroughly inspected the black object. There was a green X in the middle of a silver field, spanding to four area’s of the circle. She fiddled with the two platforms sticking out from the base of it. Curious of the silver circle again she pressed down on it with the tip of her hoof. Then green spinning fourth circles danced around the silver one. It soon stopped and nothing happened.

She placed it back down, and looked over to the other objects. There was a glass stand that held a large black screen device and three smaller objects. One resembled a flat rectangle with many rubber buttons covering it. The next however was more of a cube and had very odd angles to it. Another silver circle was on it, and it had a small cable jutting out from it. After inspecting the cable she retrieved the object from earlier and looked between the two. She connected the two objects but nothing happened. She looked back to the bigger black box and pressed the silver circle. It chimed, making Luna jump a little. She tried picking up the oddly shaped object with her magic once more. Nothing happened, so she pulled a brown leather tome from the shelf from across the room.

“Spells and magic resistant materials.” She said aloud trying her best to speak normal equestrian. She flipped through the pages and found what she was looking for.

“Plastic, one of the most resistant materials known to pony kind.” she said, and smiled for saying it perfectly this time. She started a chant to activate the spell. All the objects glowed blue. Once the trance was complete, she took hold of the alien objects and fiddled with them even more. This time she took hold of the small black rectangle. It had numerous amounts of numbers, letters, and symbols. She looked it over and pressed down on a red button. The screen came to life filling the screen with a multitude of colors.

“Wow.” is all she said before a little icon popped up on the screen. “Some pony wants me to join a party. Interesting.” Before the icon vanished she took note of the small green X on the silver field. She pressed down on it and it pulled up a screen. A tab highlighted in green read ‘Join party.’ Looking down to the left she saw an A icon for OK. She looked at the controller and pressed the green A.

Arby sat on the cold counter top of Jon’s apartment in Canada. He sat in between a half full shot glass filled with Jon’s whiskey and the whiskey bottle itself. In the background he could hear Chief playing halo and bad mouthing other players. Greg crawled into the room as he would usally given that he’s a spider. He pulled out his yellow sticky notes and began to write with the black sharpie marker.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hello Greg. There’s nothing wrong I’ve just been thinking, that's all."

“You sure? :("

“Yes, thank you.”
Greg crawled out of the kitchen, while the Arby sat and thought.
"Is my life all a lie? Or am I destined for-" His thought process was cut short when Chief came into the room. He made his way up the front of the stove using duct tape that was attached to his arms and legs. Once up he hit the Arbiter on the back of his head, and he placed his hands at his hips looking down at his drunken companion.

“Oww. What the hell was that for?"he said looking back at the Chief who was looking down at him.

“For being such a pussy bitch. Rofl. You should come play haloz with me."

“Fine." Arby said getting to his feet.

">:D"

Chief made his way back down while Arby just lazily took the side shelves to go play halo. Once down Arby made his way to the black leather seat. They both got comfortable and started playing matchmaking. Chief went on with his usual slander against other players, while he just played the game for it’s intentional purpose. He paced his shots with the DMR, successfully killing the other player who had begun to rage quit yelling at the Arbiter. Chief interrupted the furiated players fit.

“Lol U has no skill. U got ur a$$ woopd by teh worst Hal0 player in teh worldz. Trolololololol fagotz."

“Oh yeah well you’re just... just... just a fagget.” retorted the young boy in the microphone.

“No you are. Lol. :)“

The Chief and the little boy continued to call each other names. But the Arbiter zoned out completely. Flashbacks hit him without remorse. The wedding he and the Chief crashed possibly ruining Clare’s life. He wondered how she was holding up, since he hasn’t heard from her since the whole hacking clan was brought down. His state was stopped by the notification tab popped up on the screen.

“Looks like your girlfriend is online." Arby pressed the guide button opening a new page, that got Chief killed. He in turn threw the controller off his lap and walked to the kitchen.

“Clare." Arby thought before pressing the send button.

Chapter two: Teh 3KW3stri4N pwni3s

Luna looked around back behind the t.v. screen and made two observations, one being that black cables ran far out, and two, the cables passed through a small blues spinning portal. But one question still remained, how did it get here? She shrugged it off and picked up the ‘xbox controller’ that she figured out was called. The t.v. screen still shone bright and another notification tab appeared. A strange voice came through and scared Luna, causing her to squeal, and fire a random bolt of magic at the screen.

“Oh no.” she said as a portal opened up on the screen and something crawled it’s way out. She gulped.

The arbiter continued playing halo. Strangely no one was around, almost as if the whole lobby closed.

“Strange.” he thought looking around the Sword Base map. The Chief came back later after he was done with his little rant on how he got killed, due to the Arbiter’s actions.

“You D0||3 with teh girlz yet?”

“Yes.”

“Good, canz I play teh Haloz noaw?”

“Sure I’m going to go use the computer.” He got down off the leather seat and began to walk towards the computer desk. Chief tackled him to the ground and looked into his face.

“I’m going to uze teh computer.” They continued that position, looking into each other’s eyes, until they’re attention was brought back to the t.v. screen that was glowing faintly blue and began to get brighter and brighter until...... white, pure white surrounded Arbiter and Chief. They stood to their feet and looked around, they were inside the game itself. Before having any time to celebrate or at least chief would to, another sensation of pulling brought them back into the white realm.

A blue hole opened up revealing an escape. Arbiter climbed through with Chief in tow. They lay on the ground completely motionless. “Am I finally dead,” Arbiter thought. “Or is this my true calling?” He opened his eyes and took in the world around him. He lifted a hand to touch his face. It felt soft, too soft. He studied his arm and saw that it didn't have the plastic texture anymore. He stood to a full height and wobbled around like a drunk. His whole being was transformed to look like his character in Reach. He touched his right side and felt a cold metal object. He brought the pistol up to bear and inspected it. “Can't be that hard to use, that’s if it even works at all.” he thought. Looking to the ground he saw a black DMR on the pebbly marble floor.

A midnight blue horse stood before Arbiter with puny size resemblance. They stood still and gazed at each other. Chief still lay on the floor.

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
He returned his attention back to the blue horse in front of him.

“Hello?” he cautiously asked. The horse let out a gasp and took several steps backwards, and bumped into the wooden doors. The doors flung opened, and two smaller horses came in holding onyx spears. Arbiter raised his gun and aimed it at the two pegasi.

“Put your weapon down.”

“Yea do it, freak.” The two stallion guards spoke and (they had a similar voice to two of Trent’s followers, Kyle and Cody.)

“Please I do not wish any harm against you, why don't we all back off and give each other breathing room.” He said staring at the two lunar guards.

“Not going to happen buddy.” The guard on the right said showing his teeth.

“Alright then. I revoke my offer, you die first.” As he finished, he swapped his DMR to his pistol in a rather clumsy motion. He took a few steps to the guard and pointed the barrel of the gun to the guard’s head.

“STOP!” shouted the blue horse. Now all eyes rested on her. “Please lower your spears.” The guards did as they were told.

“I am sorry for the intrusion, will you accept my apology?”
He asked with high spirits.

“It is duly noted, yes I accept your apology,” The blue horse said looking up to Arbiter. “I am princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria.”

“Equestria? Why does that sound familiar?” He said aloud for everyone to hear. Chief finally woke up and looked around pointing his assault rifle at the ponies in front of him.

“Who teh he11z R theze b1ch3s?” Chief asked staring at them profoundly.

“They are our friends and will be treated as such. I believe that we are in their world now and must follow their rules. There will be no shooting and no physical violence, am I understood?” He asked staring down at Chief.

"K"

“Glad you agreed.”

“:(“

“If you two would be so kindly to follow me?” Luna asked walking through the doors. They obediently followed her out into the massive corridors of the castle. They walked in silence, and gained terrified looks from the ponies that were unfortunate enough to catch sight of them. They rounded a corner and a huge set of wooden double doors towered over them. It opened with a blue and yellow glow to each individual one. A long red carpet ran along the marble floor to a throne with a white alicorn sitting comfortably on it.

“Luna, what have you done?” The white alicorn asked, with a expression of shock plastered on her face.

Friendship is magical

The throne room experienced an eerie silence as Celestia and other ponies stared at the two bipedal characters. Two of Celestia's guards took defensive position's in front of the sun goddess. They lowered their spears at the two. Arbiter took two steps forward and took a crouching position and bowed his head. He stood back up and looked Celestia in the eyes.

"Sorry that we have intruded on your court, I can assure you that we mean no harm towards your people. I am Arbiter, pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"And I am Ch!ef, teh m0st gr3atest halo player in teh worldz."

Celestia smiled at the two beings that spoke in a electronic tone. At the throne's footstep stood prince blueblood angry as ever. His pearly white cheeks were replaced with red rage.

"I am sorry Blueblood, you will have to come back tomorrow. Court is adjourned." Celestia said dismissing all ponies present. As soon as every soul left the chamber Celestia cleared her thought.

"Seeming that your-" Celestia was cut off from the green spartan standing behind Chief.

"Do U haz haloz, I can't live without my halo."

"I do not know of what this halo is." Celestia stated plainly.

"Sister I believe that they are talking about a vi-deo game from their world." Luna said, "and I may or may not have had to do with their presence here today." Luna smiled sheepishly. Celestia lost her smile just as fast as it came. She sighed and turned her attention back to the Arbiter.

"Tell me Arbiter, what do you know of friendship and what is your relationship to Chief?"

"I don't have many friends and many of them are short lived. From where I come from our friendships are tried each and every day. Now that I'm here and stuck with Chief I hope that I can make some more before Chief drives them away with his absurd rudeness." Arbiter said.

"LOL//phone"

"Then how about I send you to meet my prized student Twilight Sparkle. She lives down in the small town of Ponyville. It will be there you learn about the magic of friendship."

"Friendship?" "Fr!endsh1p?"

Celestia's smile returned. "Then you are welcome to stay for the night , then tomorrow you will leave off to Ponyville." She then looked down to Luna. "As for you Luna you and I will have a small chat about this."

"Thank you, your majesty"

"Yesss tank U your majestiez""

And with that the Arbiter and the Chief left the throne room. They stepped outside and looked around.

"Where do we go?"
____________________________________________________________________________________

After walking around the castle for an hour, Arbiter finally gave up and went down a random hallway. Chief silently followed making the silence of the corridor ever more silent.

"This is sooooo boring K, don't U agree with me Arbiter?"

"It may be boring but we still have to find a place to sleep for the night." Arbiter said looking out a nearby window and saw the sky's horizon turning red and orange.

"Funny, You never know how lucky you are in the world and all it takes is a simple look out the window." Arbiter said coming to a complete stop. "Don't you agree chief?" Chief stopped and turned around to look Arbiter strait in the eye. He started to walk at a slow pace and stopped till he was in Arbiter's face.

"K" Chief then started running down the halls of the castle screaming lol//phone and nearly knocked over a pony who was now cowering in fear. Arbiter then walked over to the scared pony and tried to smile. The pony opened her eyes and stared at Arbiter's feet, but made their way up to his torso and eventually to his masked face. Her facial expressions disappeared and her eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks.

"Hi." The pony shot straight up into the air and let out a screech and flew down the opposite end of the hallway. "- my name is Arbiter."

It took nearly a hour for Arbiter to find chief , who was lying on a bed. Arbiter walked over to his dimwitted companion.

"Chief?" as soon as Arbiter said that chief started to snore.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz" Arbiter grunted at chief and climbed into bed and got himself comfortable. He closed his eyes and almost fell asleep. He looked over to chief who was still snoring. Two minutes later chief stopped and Arbiter stopped staring at him. Arbiter rolled back over and closed his eyes.

"Yes arbiter's mom, shake that f1ne a$$." Chief said making a pelvic thrust motion while sleeping. Arbiter in turn jumped out of bed and looked down at Chief.

"0h yes shake that a$$..... I will make U s3xy hawt, K? >:D"

"I think I will find somewhere else to sleep." Arbiter said to himself.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Chief woke up with a start, nearly jumping out of bed. He looked around for him and walked around checking underneath the straw baskets. "Arbiter wh3re did you go noaw?" Chief suddenly grabbed his pen15 and looked frantically around the room. Once he found what he was looking for it seemed to glow and radiate with light.

Chief lifted the lid and relived himself. "0h, such a nice healthy orange, glad to C you again."

"Having fun?" Chief turned to the person who just spoke spilling his ever flowing orange substance from the toilet to the floor.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Chief woke up again and looked for the toilet immediately and checked for any sign of Cortana being in the same room. He relieved himself of his orange piss. Chief then walked out of the bathroom and started to practice his tee bagging. It was a bit sloppy but managed to make it work out. "I w1ll make all the ponies j3alous of my tea bags, LOL//phone." Said Chief boasting about it. What Chief didn't know is that Arbiter stood idle by watching Chief perform his tee bagging.

"Bravo, You should perform in a circus."

"Shut up K thx buy."

There was a knock at the door. Arbiter opened it and saw Luna standing in front of him.

"Greetings." Luna said

"Morning princess." Arbiter said bowing his head.

"Are you two ready to go to Ponyville?" Luna asked struggling to speak that sentence.

"Why do you do that?" arbiter asked looking at the alicorn in front of him. Luna sighed and pushed Arbiter back into the room. He and Chief sat down at the foot of the bed.

"A thousand years ago-"

"Wat, a thousand years go, U r old." "Be quiet Chief." Arbiter scolded.

"As I was saying a thousand years ago I was banished to the moon and back then I talked in thou, thy, and so forth."

"So you spoke in a Shakespearian dialect. I like you should stick with it."

"Yes just like Arbiter's mom sticks on my-" Chief was interrupted with a quick blow to the face. Chief layed on the floor motionless.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZzzzzzzz" Luna stared at Chie and then to Arbiter.

"We should get him on our way to Ponyville conscious or unconscious."

"I- I mean, Thy will get a chariot ready for thee's departure." Luna said smiling and blushed a small bit.