steam metal and hooves

by rennan

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 4223

steampunk robot pony. thats all you need to know

Ever feel so bored you just wish you could just go on an adventure to far away lands? meet new people, find new friends? Well whatever you do, don't go to equestria.
'But random narrator why?'
Because I did and I got turned into a robot, which is not as awesome as sounds, and to get there you need to be punched in the face. So here I am in a land full of technicolor ponies wanting nothing more than a cold beer and a certain body part that a normal robot has no need for.
welcome to my life, its like hell, but with ponies.
cover art belongs to Vermin-star on deviant art. the protagonist is a steampunk style robot. chessgame of the gods universe

Published 2013-03-10 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-15 20:29:22 UTC

cheap shots and robots

I sat in the cafe, my phones screen glowing as I scrolled down to web page. I was hunched up in the corner keeping the screen away from prying eyes.

I'm no one special, just a rather average teen with a quick wit that's gotten me in trouble a few times. I'm currently unemployed, single, and extremely bored. The only reason I'm in the cafe at the moment was because no one here recognized me. The reason I'm in the corner however is completely different. I'm a brony, I found the show a year back but was amazed at the fandom itself. Stories, art music, it all caught my attention. The only person who knew was my mother, who had busted out laughing when she found out. Not sure how I felt about that, but she promised not to tell anyone.
So I was alone in the corner reading a fanfic, because I'm paranoid.

At least I thought I was alone, a ferm tap on the shoulder caused me to jump and throw my phone up in the air. Before I could react a large burly hand whipped out and caught the device from the air.

"What do we have here?" A deep voice resonated from beside me, my head whirled around to see a beast of a man standing there looking at my phone.

Panic welled up in my chest, if he found out about me being a brony he'd mock me or hit me or get his friends to gang up on me. Then they'd tell everybody the knew and I'd become the laug-

"Hey I asked you a question." my focuse returned to the man in front of me.

"Huh?" I asked with a voice that would make fluttershy jealous. Actually scratch that, she'd probably hide in a bush or something.

"I said, who is best pony?" A grin slowly started to stretch across his face at seeing my confused expression.
"Um, twilight?"

He gave a hearty laugh at that taking a seat across from me and tossed my phone back to me, which I haphazardly caught. Turning it off and sliding it into my pocket, I turned my attention back to him. His grin made him look like he just won the lottery, and as friendly as it was, it only made me suspicious.

"Well let's get down to business shall we." Add some more confusion in their for a nice even blend and voila, me. "If you could, would you go to equestria and as what?"

My mouth moved before my mind did.

"Sure, just as long as I'm and awesome robot." I deadpanned. Remember that quick wit I told you about earlier, well it just got me punched in the face.

If only that guy had been joking.
::::::::::
I don't know how long I was unconscious but when I first woke up I couldn't see anything, or move for that matter. But I could hear, this didn't matter of course as I was having a mental break down.

'Oh my god, w-t-fuck, where am I, what happened, why can't I move?! Wait, that guy, he punched me! Oh crap am I paralyzed?! I don't want to be a vegetable, I don't even like carrots!'

The steady sound of clopping reached my ears, allowing my mind to focus on something other than being fed through a tube.

Accompaning it was what sounded like a herd of silent goat following the first set. I couldn't tell how many there were but if I took a guess I'd say around sixteen they stopped in front of me I could hear someone clear their throat before talking in an extremely bored tone.

"And here we have the hall of ancient machines. The the displays here go back to the romane empire. The display in front of you was found near equestria's borders. Magical scans have uncovered an extremely complicated system of gears and pulleys. Having no known origin archeologists have simply dubbed it the brass colt.

My vision flickered on only to be blinded by dozens of flashes. I flailed backwards earning as few gasp from the crowd in front of me.

Oh wait flailing, that means I can move,YAY. My back hit something only for it to give with the sound of shattering glass. A horrible clang accompanied my landing.

I could hear some one calling for guards, causing me to panic.

"Oh shit did I break someth-" I stop as some as heard my voice. It sounded wrong, as if I were speaking through a stereo. With the flashes gone I could finally get a look at my surroundings, which consisted of a ceiling a lot of broken glass and a crowd of ponies wearing tacky tourist clothes staring back in awe and horror.

Wait, what?

I blinked, yup ponies. I was still on the ground partilly hidden behind a Wooden stand. I glanced down at my...

Metal...

Hoof...

I screamed, the ponies screamed. I tried to stand but slipped around on the loose glass I saw two ponies start to stalk towards me as I finally gained my balanced. Heavy clanking accompanied the four metal hooves on the floor.

They looked ready to pounce, see here two pissed off unicorns in golden armor, brand new four legged metal body, and a crowd of scared tourist.

Despite this probably being the most traumatic experience of my life, I grinned. Let's see how fast I can get used to this body. I kicked a large chunk of glass at the guard on the right. The crystal shard soared towards him only to change course from a telekinetic toss. I rushed him while he was distracted. My new metal body plowed right through them, throwing them off to the side. I stumbled as I whirled around to face them again. They were already back up and braced for another impact. I stamped my hoof, cracking the tile beneath me. I stared them down, the tourist having fled from the room calling for more gaurds. They glance at each other as if unsure how to respond but held there ground. One stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Stand do-"

I didn't give him a chance to finish, instead I bolted for the door. Leaving the shiny guards behind me.

Not what I had on mind but at least I'm not bored anymore.

Author's Note

So, please comment on what you think and if anyone wants to proof read for me that would be great.

awesome landings and reality

Where was I? oh right, so after dashing off I ran for what looked like an exit. The display cases around me were full of simple machines such as old elevator systems and what looked like a Egyptian chariot.

My sight seeing was interrupted by a small impact to my side stopping me for a second. I whipped my head around to see an unconscious pegasus guard.

'Did that idiot seriously try to ram over half a ton of metal? Wow, these ponies are not smart, then again I'm just standing here like an idiot.' With that last thought I bolted again leaving the poor flying horse to his concussion.

I rounded the corner and skidded to a stop almost immediately. There had to be thirteen guards right there! I turned around to- Oh hell, those two behind me found some friends.

Both sides closed in on me, ready to pounce. I started backing up to the wall, unsure as to what my fate would be. Spears levatated in front of the unicorns.

'Come on think, THINK, what would batman do? Probably something awesome involving karate.' Unfortunately I don't know karate. My flank clinked against something, risking a glance backwards I saw a large window reaching all the way up to the ceiling. With no other way out I spun on my front hooves and rammed through the glass.

This proved to be a very stupid idea.

The window didn't lead to a street or an alley way. Nope, sheer drop off, it took about two seconds to realize three things.
1. The sky here is rather beautiful.
2. I was on the forth floor.
3. Gravity is a bitch.

Half a ton of metal plummeted towards the ground, screaming like a little girl. Not one of my proudest moments, that comes next.

My legs locked up and my eyes closed as the ground came rushing forward.

The resounding clang could be heard for miles.

I had stopped, I dared to open my eyes expecting a mass of broken metal to meet them. Instead I saw horrible and jagged cracks all around me, freshly added to the sidewalk. A slight dent in the ground signaled that this side walk was indeed broke.

I had just pulled an ironman landing.

"Cause I, shoot to THRILL. PLAY TO KIIILLL!!!" I sang at the top of my nonexistent lungs. "Holy shit that was awesome!"

"HALT RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!!"

Well that ruined the mood, I glared up at the pegasi that were racing towards me.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE COPPER'S!!!"

And with that I sprinted down the street, a huge grin plastered across my face.
::::::::
I stared into the still pool of water trying to come to grips with reality. I had been wrong there was no smile, only a blank stare set in brass. My eyes were nothing more than two round pieces of glass that gave off a slight white glow. My body was covered in metal plates that only seperated at the joints. There you could see gears and pistons slowly turning and working to compensate for the weight. My ears looked like extremely thin forks partially surrounded by a ear shaped casing, as they flicked around I could hear the slight whiz as gears spun. My tail was a giant metal tentacle reaching down barely touching the ground. My hai- er 'mane' was just a set of spikes that curved off the metal plates protecting my neck.

Lets see here, down side I can never smile again, upside I now have one hell of a poker face.

I sighed not taking comfort in that last fact. I glanced around the alleyway I had taken up residence in. It smelled of old sewage and trash. Don't ask how a robot can smell, I haven't figured it out yet.

So let's recap, I got punched in the face, woke up as a robot, ran from the guards, jumped out a four story building, pulled off a bad ass landing and hid in an alleyway.

A sudden panic over took me as the prospect of getting home hit me. 'Oh god, mom must be so worried right now. How am I going to get back?' I wanted to cry, but this damn body wouldn't let me. Anger started to override sadness.

'This was all because of that guy in the coffee shop.' The eyes in the puddle shifted to a faint red as I glared back at it.

'I..I need to calm down, try and get my barrings.'

I stood back up and looked around. I couldn't exactly go and ask someone where I was, considering I'm a hulking scarp yard. I tapped my chin in thought. Can't sneak around every step I take sounds like a cooking pot being throw around.

I looked around the alley way hoping to find something usefull. I saw a very old earth pony trying to pull a wagon full of bricks just outside the alley. A lot tarp covered the top of the pile but didnt seem to hold anything.

'Gees, how old is that dude, he really should get someone else to pu-

"...Lightbulb"
:::::::::
I was pulling a wagon full of bricks down the street, covered in what used to be a tarp. The tough fabric worked very well as a cloak.

"How you holding up, old timer?" I called back towards the cart.

I had been in luck when he decided that I was just some normal pony, yup age screws with your vision pretty badly. I had told him that I would pull the wagon if he gave me the tarp and some information. He was surprisingly compliant with the request and hopped on the cart its self.

"I ain't old." He spat back. A slight frown graced his face.

I just shook my head at that. From what I had gathered I was in manehatten, a city much like new York. But that's about it, I think the old coot had gone senile awhile back.

Least I got a cool cloak out of it.

Author's Note

So yay second chapter, didn't expect this to get so much attention so fast. oh and if this one has typos then tell me and i'll fix them. please comment

cloaks and bucks

The city itself was beautiful, the buildings themselves towered over everything. They were great big structures made of wood, steel, and glass. This new body was quite big compared to the average pony, but those towers made me feel like an ant.

I sighed as the crazy coot continued to ramble as I clanged down the street. I had come to find out that his cutie mark was a bundle of wheat.

At one point he had decided that I love stories about his grandchildren, and that my name was 'Flower Pot'. Actually, that brought up a valid point, what am I going to call myself? Can't just go by my human name it would just raise questions.

'Let's see, I'm a steam punk brass robot pony, shouldn't be to hard, hmm. What about steel coat? No that doesn't make sense, steam punk? Well that's just lazy, hmm, oh wait I know, Brass Hoof. Yeah I like the sound of that, got a ring to it.'

We had been walking for awhile, about four hours, and still had yet to reach our des-

I stopped abruptly, realizing that I forgot to ask where we were going. You'd think I'd ask that as soon as I got hitched to the wagon.

"Yo, senile, where are we going." I am not above insulting the elderly to their face, especially if I've been hauling three hundred pounds of bricks for hours on end.

He blinked at me, as if he had completely forgot why I was here.

"Who are you?"

'Damn it.'

I was about to go off on the senile bastard, when I heard a voice call out.

"HEY YOU WITH THE WAGON!" My metal ears swerved at the sound before my eyes did, to look down the street. As did everyone else on the.

A light orange unicorn mare with a dark brown mane, was barreling at us at full force. As she grew closer I could see an extremely angry look on her face.

"THATS NOT YOUR WAGON!"

'What? Wait a minute, not my... she thinks I stole it?!'

I stood there dumbfounded as she ran right up to me. I opened my mouth to say something, but she spun around on her hooves. Her legs drawn up ready to buck.

And buck she did, but last I checked metal beats hoof. That fact held true as she crumbled to the ground. The resounding clang echoed through the street. "Ow." She whined.

"You done?" I moved my head to the side, letting her see the elderly grey pony riding the cart.

She glared at me for a second before catching site of 'gramps' behind me. A large blush spread across her face when she realized she had just made a fool of herself in front of everyone on the street.

She quickly got up, but winced when she applied pressure to her right hind leg. I got a good look at her cutiemark as she did, it consisted of three spinning balls colored red yellow and blue. Her eyes were a deep magenta and seemed to sparkle in the light.

"I'm so sorry! I hope I didn't hurt you, its just that I saw you with grandpa's cart, so I thought you had stole it, so I got angry. Again I'm so so sorry." Her mouth ran at a mile a minute apologizing over and over again.

I simply chuckled at this. "I'm fine, really, barely felt it. My name's Brass Hoof, its a pleasure to meet you." The hood covering my head seemed to keep my face out of sight, but from what I had seen in the puddle earlier, my eyes were probably glowing.

"That's good. What are you wearing under there anyway, felt like bucking a brick wall." I would have smiled at that if I could.

"Don't worry about it. Now seeing as 'grandpa' here forgot to tell me where were going, could you tell me?" She smirked at that.

"Follow me, its not that far, my names Focus Wheel by the way. So what's with the cloak?" Focus Wheel huh? Still doesn't explain her special talent, sounds more like a pokemon attack.

"This old thing? Don't worry about it either, I just use it to hide my face, got in a horrible accident when I was a colt. Fell in a fire, horrible scars." Wow, that's the best I could come up with? She seemed to buy it though.

"Really, well that sounds like an interesting story, you'll have to tell it to me some time, especially since that's not a cloak, that's the wagon tarp." Or not.

"Well I wasn't going to pull a wagon full of bricks for free." 'Though with this robot strength it didn't feel like much.'

"So what, you hiding something under there, or are you just really ugly?" Another smirk, I wish I could do that.

"Your way to curious."

"And your way to interesting." Touché.

"So where are we going any way?" We were nearing city limits, I could see the buildings were more spaced out than before, and considerably shorter.

"To gramdpas old farm, a recent storm tore down the old shed. So dad sent gramps to go out and figure up the price of bricks. Didn't notice that the wagon was gone until it was too late." Well that explains the cart at least. "After that he sent me to go find him, he won't be happy that gramps went ahead and bought all these bricks, but he'll get over it." We were out of the city now, I could see an old run down barn in the distance. That's good, despite the new strength, I was starting to get tired.

And that brings up a whole new problem, what do I eat? As cool as it sounds I doubt metal is on the menu. Maybe coal, the trains in the show were steam powered, so maybe. I guess I'll figure it out soon, the sun was going down. Hmm, my first day in equestria. Not how I pictured it, but I'm not that picky.

Author's Note

Ta-dah! I've already gotten 19 favorites!
That makes me happy.

freinds and honks

Night had fallen during our trip, Focus turned out to be a much better source of information than the old pony on the cart. She told me that the city itself used to be a small farming community, until a few of the upper class ponies decided that it would be a great vacation spot. Eventually it grew into what it was today. She even told me where some of the tourist traps were.

I think I'll avoid the museum for now.

I was pulling the wagon up next to the barn when Focus trotted up to her house, probably to inform her parents of what had transpired. A loud steady snore echoed behind me, how anyone could sleep on a pile of bricks is beyond me, but that's not my problem. No, my problem came in the shape of a wagon hitch.

I looked at the stubborn straps in distain. It wouldn't be a problem, if I still had hands, but whatever ponies did to pick things up didn't carry over to artificial hooves. So no gripping then, that only leaves my mouth.

After fiddling with the clasp on the front for a bit, I finally managed to detach the wagon from myself. With a satisfied nod I trotted up to the house. The steady 'thump thump thump' from my hooves was a much appreciated change from the sharp 'clang' of metal striking stone.

'My hooves' never thought I'd actually have to refer to a body part as that. It was just so much to take in at one time, what was flesh and blood was now metal and steam. I'd frown if I could but I could feel the gold colored metal stay firmly in place.

Forget what this would do to my diet, what would it do to my mind? Showing emotion is a big part of human society and culture, I could only assume it was the same for ponies. All I could do was swivel my ears around, and I have really managed to figure out subtle body movements.

Even as I moved I could hear gears and pistons whirl and hiss. The dark green tarp wrapped around me muffled most of it, but didn't cover up the sounds my hooves made.

I clacked my jaw in thought, at least my voice staid nearly the same, only a light tinny under tone, as if from a speaker.

Hmm? a speaker just plays sound clips right, so could I imitate sounds? Worth a shot.

"honk"

I jumped at the sound of a car horn blared out of my mouth. I quickly looked around to see if anyone had heard it, but it was just me. I would have smiled if I could, that was awesome!

I was going to mess with so many people.

With a bit more energy than before, I continued on my path. I could see details start to appear on Fucus's house. It was an old thatched cottatage, the exposed wooden beams were beginning to rot away but looked well cared for nonetheless. A soft orange light streamed out of the windows and flickered, telling passerbys that a fire was lit inside.

As I neared I could hear voices, I recognized Focus's right away, I could only guess the deeper, gruff voice was her dad. They seemed to be arguing about something. I strained my ears trying to catch some of the debate.

"I'm telling you he doesn't work for Quick Bit!" That was Focus.

"And I'm telling you that we have no way of knowing! You don't even know what he looks like for Celestias sake!" Yup, definitely talking about me. "Your to trusting!"

I was standing in front of the door now, unsure of what I should do. Barging in would just piss off the stallion, waiting for them to find me outside the door might make them even more paranoid. I opted to just knock on the door, my metal hoof makeing a sharp sound against the wood. The conversation stopped almost immediately. The door swung open revealing a stallion in his late thirties. His brown coat and white mane looked disheveled from worry, his eyes said otherwise though. The two orbs stared me down with the intensity and anger of the sun.

"Tell your boss that I don't have his money yet, its not supposed to be due until tomorrow."

"Um, what?" Brilliant Brass, just brilliant.

"Don't play stupid with me! I know you work for Quick Bit, so go tell him that I'll have his money by tomorrow!" Somebody is not happy.

"Uh, I just pulled the cart back." I replied lamely.

He looked me over, trying to decide how much truth my statement held. His expression slowly turned from anger to one of confusion. "Are you wearing my tarp?" This again?

"Yes." I deadpanned.

"Why?"

"I wasn't going to pull a wagon full of bricks for free." He opened his mouth to say something but the question seemed to die in his throat.

"So, you don't work for Quick Bit?" Who the hell is Quick Bit?

"Who?" He looked at me dumbfounded, Focus walked up behind him with a smile on her lips.

"Told you," She stated with pride "he's just some dumb tourist."

"Im standing right here." She smiled at that. "Also your grandpa fell asleep on the bricks, just so you know." My ears flicked forward causing my hood to shift with them.

"Focus? Go get your grandpa and bring him back to the house, you" he pointed his hoof at me. "can stay here tonight. To dangerous to walk through the city past sun down."

I thanked him and was led inside, the inside of the house looked a lot like the outside. The front door opened up o the living room, a simple wooden table was set up in the middle and was surrounded by worn in looking couches.

I was more focused on the picture frames hanging on the wall. It showed a much younger Focus with her dad and a mare. The picture was in sepia, making it hard to distinguish her coat color but I could see her cutie mark.
A single gear.