"C'mon Twilight! Everypony's waiting for you at Sugar Cube Corner!" Spike had had to half-drag Twilight from the library, where she had spent the evening reading and drinking – mostly drinking. He'd found her curled up on the couch nursing a bottle of vanilla-lemon vodka, the floor a pile of crumpled books and empty bottles, and she'd resisted every effort of his to get her to come with him. He'd tried to pull her by her tail at first, and when that hadn't worked he'd pushed on her rump as she dug her hooves in stubbornly, but now she had finally given up and was walking alongside him, swaying as she went.
"At what… where? Sugar Cube Corner?" she slurred. After half a bottle of vodka, Twilight was three sheets to the wind, and she found it difficult to put one hoof in front of the other. In fact, they threatened to tangle up underneath her at any moment, and she was glad of Spike's help in keeping her upright. "Why d'we have to go THERE?"
"It's a surprise!" explained Spike.
"A surprise?" Twilight crinkled her brow. The little purple dragon guy wasn't making any sense. "You mean a surprise party, right? For me?" Twilight was unsure. She really wished she had that bottle of vodka right now – but maybe there'd be some liquor at the party! She broke away from Spike, and into a trot, and the little dragon struggled to catch up with her as she zigzagged along the street.
He shook his head. "Oh Twilight. You make me so worried when you do this to yourself!"
**********************
The door to Sugar Cube Corner opened and light spilled into the dark street. Pinkie was there waiting for them.
"SURPRISE!" she cried, leading a blinking Twilight into the bakery. The unicorn pony looked about the room blearily. Where were the decorations? Where were the party snacks? And most importantly, where was the booze?
The room was stark and empty except for those five ponies that always hung around with her. They were standing in a semi-circle, smiling at her with suspiciously bright and friendly smiles – the insane pink pony that had opened the door, the one with the hat, that snooty unicorn, the boring one with the pink mane, and the other Pegasus that was probably a lesbian.
"Welcome to your intervention, Twilight!" they all said in unison, rushing up and mobbing her.
"Welcome to my… what now?" she asked. The nuzzling of their muzzles and the touch of their hooves made her feel suddenly queasy.
"Your intervention!" replied Pinkie Pie. "You see, all your friends have been SUPER worried about you and your little drinky-winky-problem recently, so we're here to help you!"
"What the hell is all this?" Twilight looked up. So this WASN'T a surprise party? She finally noticed the huge banner hanging there, with "Welcome to Your Intervention, Twilight!" painted on it. "Oh look! – you made me a banner and everything. I'm so touched! Here, let me sit down a minute…" The room had started to spin around, and she felt her stomach lurch, but sitting on the chair that Applejack pushed up for her made her feel a bit better.
"Ya see, sugarcube," said Applejack once a healthy colour had returned to the unicorn pony's face, "We've all bin noticin' lately just how much yer've been drinkin'…"
"Drinking? Is that all this about?" Twilight shook her head. "You dragged me away from my science for THIS?" She started to get up, but Rainbow Dash gently stopped her.
"You have a problem, Twilight," Dash said, helping her back down onto the chair. "And we want you help you with it."
"We just want you to know that we all love you, Twilight!" said Fluttershy.
"We're here for you darling," added Rarity.
"That's fer darn sure!" agreed Applejack.
"We can all get through this together!" said Spike.
Twilight looked from one pony to the next. What the hell were they talking about? So she had a few drinks now and again. Who could blame her? After a hard day of scientific inquiry and writing reports on friendship to Princess Celestia, she deserved to be able to relax. What business did this bunch of multi-coloured little ponies have with what she did in her spare time? It wasn't like she drank to excess or anything…
Her friends looked at each other. Finally Pinkie hopped over to her and put her beaming pink face right next to Twilight's. "Oh Twilight," she said jauntily, "Don't you know?
The pink pony began to bounce up and down, and music, piped in from Celestia knew where, started to play.
Pinkie sang:
It's alright to have a snifter or two,
No one will blame you. It's what you do!
But when you drink a mite too much…!
Twilight was out of her chair in a flash and she leapt onto the pink pony mid-bounce and pinned her to the ground.
"IF YOU KEEP SINGING, PINKIE PIE, I SWEAR I WILL PUT MY HORN THROUGH THAT SMILING FACE OF YOURS!"
Pinkie giggled. "Oh Twilight!" she tapped her on the chin with a hoof. "You're such a kidder!"
The other ponies had been momentarily stunned by Twilight's leap, but then Applejack and Dash galloped over and, snatching up Twilight's tail in their mouths, they pulled her off Pinkie. She struggled, but then resigned herself to being dragged away.
"OK, alright. Sorry. Sorry. That was a bit of an overreaction…" apologised Twilight.
"D'ya promise to quieten down, Twi?" asked Applejack.
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Yes. Just please, Pinkie Pie – no singing!"
The pink pony seemed disappointed and started to protest, but Rainbow Dash glared at her and she zipped her mouth shut.
After Applejack and Dash let her go, Twilight dusted herself off and sat back down on the chair.
Fluttershy came forward first. "I just want you know that I love you Twilight Sparkle..."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh please…"
Fluttershy continued undaunted. "…but I hate it when you drink. You become a totally different pony when you do." Tears welled in the Pegasus pony's eyes. "I just want to have the old Twilight Sparkle back!"
"I don't have a problem!" Twilight shouted, and she railed against the other ponies. "You're all just overreacting! The whole lot of you!" She indicated all of them with the sweep of a hoof – but in doing so she fell off the chair and banged her head on the floor. The other ponies gasped, and Twilight struggled onto her feet.
"I'm alright! I'm alright everypony!" Twilight said. She raised a hoof to her temple and touched it gingerly. "Uh…. blood."
"Oh d-dear, oh dear," said Fluttershy in alarm. "I'll just go get the first aid kit and clean that up…"
Twilight turned on the pink-maned Pegasus pony, her face black with rage. "Of course you will, won't you! Little-miss-I'm-the-Element-of-Kindness, I'm so kind and nice and gentle and…. YOU MAKE ME PHYSICALLY SICK!" As Fluttershy jumped back, shivering at Twilight's violent outburst, the unicorn pony continued her harangue, stumbling towards the others. "YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK!" She pointed at each of the horrified ponies in turn. "You, Rainbow Dash!" she cried. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time. I KNOW it's YOU who's been spying on me while I'm in the shower…."
Dash stepped back from the livid unicorn pony, a guilty smile on her blushing face. "Ah…um… You've got that all wrong, Twilight Sparkle…. It's not like that at… uh…"
"I saw you hovering outside my window!" Twilight snarled. "Who else is it going to be? FLUTTERSHY?"
The others looked at Fluttershy, whose ears were folded back in fear.
"And you, Pinkie Pie," Twilight lunged over to where Pinkie was still smiling cluelessly. "YOU have the gall to say I have a drinking problem? You, a pony with an obvious eating disorder who is clearly on DRUGS!"
Pinkie tilted her head quizzically. "Bugs?"
"DRUGS!" screamed Twilight.
Applejack approached her tentatively, a nervous smile on her face. "Now, Twi, I know yer a might annoyed at the mome-"
Twilight glared at her. "Oh, thanks for your concern, AJ!" she said in a voice dripping with irony. "Are we going to be treated to some of your trade-mark HONESTY? I can't wait!"
Applejack looked hurt. "Look Twi, ya can't keep lyin' to yerself about yer drinkin'…"
"ME? I'm the ONE lying to myself?" Twilight started laughing. "With you and Miss Vogue here, you have the guts to say that I'M lying to myself? We ALL know what you guys get up to on those camping trips in the Swayback Mountains!"
Rarity and Applejack looked at each other, and Rarity blushed deeply. Fluttershy gasped in horror.
"Oh shut up, Fluttershy!" spat Twilight. "YOU've got nothing to worry about. Nopony's going to touch you – 'cause you're so Celestia-damned BORING!"
Rainbow Dash started to approach her, but Twilight backed away into a corner of the room.
"Twilight, you've got to calm down!" said Dash, but Twilight shook her head.
"Don't you come near me, Rainbow Dash! I've got a horn here, and I know how to use it!"
Twilight stabbed at the air with her horn, and Rainbow Dash jumped back. The ponies stood and watched, too terrified to come close, as she continued to stab in their direction with her horn. But then Spike ran up to her, and dodging her vicious jabs, he threw his arms around her neck and shouted "Twilight! Don't do this! Please Twilight! Twiiiiilight!"
She was about to shake him off with a toss of her neck, but as she tried, her violet eyes met his green ones. And she saw herself reflect in them, her face as twisted and hate-filled as Nightmare Moon's had been when all of them had fought her to free Princess Celestia and Equestria from eternal night. And there was no fear or anger in Spike's, just love and forgiveness.
As suddenly as all the alcohol-fuel rage had swelled up in her, it drained away, and she fell to her knees, Spike's arms still around her neck. She started to cry, and she lay her head in the little dragon's lap.
"Shhhh…shhhh… It's OK Twilight. Nopony's angry," said Spike softly, stroking her mane. The other ponies came forward. Twilight lifted her head and looked at them, but turned away, filled with guilt and remorse.
"You all HATE me!" she wept.
"Aw sug', none of us hate ya!" said Applejack. "We just… we just wanna do the right thing by ya."
"There's no shame in asking for help, darling!" added Rarity. "Even the best of us needs help at some time or other."
"That's right," nodded Fluttershy. "It's what friends are for."
"Why, without you, Twilight," piped up Pinkie cheerily, "The rest of us are like, are like… well, like a party without balloons. Or streamers. Or those little cocktail weenies nopony likes!"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Pinkie is so totally right. Without your magic, we got nothing!"
Twilight sniffed, looking at the smiling faces of each of her friends in turn, and then she burst into tears again… but this time they were tears of joy.
"You guys are the best friends ever!" she laughed.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learnt that your friends are always there for you, and that although sometimes you might not appreciate their help at first, it's important to trust them, because your friends can often see things in you that you can't – or don't want to - see yourself. And you need them to tell it to you straight, even though it might hurt at first, because what they're telling you is from the heart.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
And from that day forth Twilight Sparkle stopped drinking alone, and became a strictly social drinker, except after Winter Wrap up, when she sometimes sneaked three extra shots of brandy into her egg-nog. She did however become addicted to the special muffins that Pinkie Pie baked especially for Derpy the mail-pony – "The secret ingredient," Pinkie told her with a wink, "Are the funny little leaves from these plants I find growing everywhere in the Ever-free Forest!" – but that's a story for another time.
THE END
