Spike and Barley in Equestria

by Insert Clever Name

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, Spike, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human
Length: 8985

What a crappy title

Spike and Barley, two best friends who work for a paranormal investigations team, respawn outside of Ponyville. Seeing as how they're not bronies, Will they find some way of keeping there sanity? Has David Leatherhoff been transported here too? Why does Spike keep stabbing everything? Tune in and find out!

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story is based on this series ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkOge9JKWJM

Spike and Barley are two of the funniest Let's Play makers I've ever seen, and this story just sorta popped into my head. Rated mature for gore and language.

Spike, Barley, if you ever find and read this, I'm so sorry.

Published 2012-02-01 03:47:38 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-20 20:59:25 UTC

Lil'o 1

Lil'o 1

Spike and Barley were running through the wooden hallway, blood spewed endlessly from the holes in the walls and into the floor. "RUN SPIKE, HE'S RIGHT BEHIND US!" Barley yelled. "I'M GOIN' AS FAST AS I CAN, MAN! MAYBE IF I HAD YOUR BOOT'S- "QUIT TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING BOOT'S SPIKE, WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME PAIR!" They turned a corner and slowed down to catch their breath. "No man, your boots are better."

"How the hell are my boot's better?"

Spike was about to explain why Barley's boots were better, but then a figure appeared from behind them. Barley was the first to notice the figure and shot it, figuring it was just a zombie, but was horrified when the bullet ricocheted off of the figure's shoulder and into the wall. The figure was David Leatherhoff. "SHIT, SPIKE RU-" but Barley couldn't finish as David's knife went through his throat. Gurgling through his own blood, Barley fell to the floor and died. Spike was already running long before Barley told him too. He hid behind another corner and waited for his friend to respawn.

"God damn it." Barley's voice was heard through Spike's earpiece. "Hey Barley."

"What Spike?"

"I think you died, man"

"Shut the hell up."

Spike started laughing. "Do you want me to wait here or should I keep going?"

"Naw, just keep going, I'll catch up to you."

"Alright, see ya later man."

A few moments later, Spike looked on and saw that parts of the metal floor were missing, replaced with nothing but thin beams of wood. Below was nothing but darkness, fluorescent lights floating above the abyss. Barley was approaching from behind.

"Hey Spike."

"OH JEEZ!"

Spike took his knife and began stabbing at whatever was behind him. "AH, SPIKE IT'S ME!"

"Oh, dude you scared me half to death man."

"That's not an excuse to start stabbing randomly!"

"I was doing it to make your face prettier, man."

"I'll make your face even better."

For what seemed like forever, Spike and Barley were stabbing each other with their knife's, making inane comments about each other's faces. Barley was the first to stop.

"Anyway, why did you stop?"

"Up ahead, theirs nothing but thin wood we have to carefully balance on. I was waiting so we could play rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first."

"Alright then, knife is paper, pistol is scissors, shotgun is rock."

They closed their eyes, reached into their backpacks and grabbed the first weapon they felt. Barley pulled out a shotgun, Spike pulled out an SMG.

"SMG beats all, Barley"

Cursing his luck, Barley walked forward and began to balance on the beam, Spike followed behind. He saw that he had to jump to the next beam. He took a few steps back, and made his leap. He barely made it.

"Your turn, Spike"

Barley turned and took a few steps back, waiting for his friend. Spike jumped, but before he could land, Barley stepped just in time so he couldn't land on the beam. Spike fell into the abyss.

"You tiny man."

Barley couldn't contain himself and burst out laughing. "Sorry Spike, I couldn't pass up the chance"

"When I respawn I am so gonna ge- ... Woah."

"What's up Spike?"

"I ... I can't even explain it"

"What's wrong? You respawn in a wall or something?"

"I think I'm back at the forest, but now it's all colorful instead of dark"

"You're lying, Spike."

"You think I'm lying? Die and come see."

Barley contemplated dying to see what Spike was talking about, but then he remembered he would have go through that terrifying experience of getting chased by David again.

"No way man, I'm just going without you."

"You are a tiny man, you know that?"

Barley ignored the strange insult and continued on the beam. He saw that the next jump was back on the metal platform. Barley made his leap once again, but before he could land, David Leatherhoff appeared and blocked him.

"GOD DAMN IT!"

Barley fell into the abyss. He heard Spike laughing.

"What happened?"

"Fucking David Leatherhoff appeared outta nowhere and- Woah"

"I told ya, man"

Barley saw trees, it was indeed the forest again, but these trees were different. They were smooth and swirly, instead of dark and blocky. But unlike the forest, it was bright enough to see all the tree's instead of whatever tree his flashlight was aimed at.

"Barley, over here!"

Barley turned his head and saw his friend in the distance. He ran up to him.

"Where the hell are we Spike?"

"Hell if I know man, but there's a town in the distance. Let's go see if they can tell us where we are."

Barley, confused about this whole ordeal, simply decided to follow Spike into the strange town. When they made it to the border of the town, they looked around and saw no one.

Spike was starting to get nervous "I'm getting kinda creeped out here, man."

"Oh, so we go through a forest full of zombies, a parking structure full of zombies, a hospital full of zombies, have demonic hallucinations, get chased by an invincible man with a butcher knife, all the while in complete fucking darkness, and now, when it's bright and sunny, and we can actually see more than two feet in front of us, you're getting scared?"

"Well, it's really quiet."

Barley listened and, sure enough, heard nothing.

"Huh, you're right, that is kinda creepy."

Barley looked around and saw a really big tree, or at least, what he thought was a tree. It turned out to be a large building made to look like a tree.

"Let's go knock on that tree building thing over there and see if this a ghost town or not."

They walked up to the big tree and knocked on the door. After a few moments, the door opened and what Spike and Barley saw completely baffled them. There, standing right where they were looking, was a velvet pony, with a purple mane and red streak, and a horn on it's head, with bulging eyes looking just as surprised as they did.

"You see that too, right Spike?"

"Yes I do, man."

It was the pony's turn to speak. "Uh, hello?"

Spike took his knife and began stabbing the pony. She didn't feel pain, but out of panic, she grabbed Spike's neck with her magic and snapped it. His lifeless body fell to the ground. She was horrified by what she did and began to tear up, but when the same man respawned right where she killed him, she sighed in relief.

"How did you do that? I thought I killed you."

"You did, me and my friend have a power to come back after we die. We call it respawn. I was just making sure you were friendly"

"SO YOU START STABBING ME!? You could have just asked!"

Barley started speaking. "See what I have to deal with?"

"Just who, and what, are you two anyway?"

"My name is Barley, this is Spike. We're human beings. What's your name?"

"My name is Twilight. Where did you come from?"

"We're from a place called Earth. We're part of a paranormal investigation team, inspecting reports of an invincible man murdering people with a butcher knife."

"So you bring him here!?"

"Don't worry that's not him, our weapons our made so that they can't hurt friendlies. That's just Spike's way of saying hello."

"He needs to think of a new way to say hello"

"That's what I keep telling him"

"How did you get here anyway?"

It was Spike's turn to talk. "We don't know. We were just investigating like Barley said, but outta one of the times we died, we respawned out in the forest by your town."

"Hmm, the Everfree forest has had weird things come out of it, but they've only been strange looking animals, not beings from another planet."

"So, can you tell us where we are?"

"You're in Equestria, the town you're in is called Ponyville."

"Ponyville? Really?"

"What's wrong with the name?"

"Well, were I'm from..."

While Spike was explaining the absurdness of the name, Barley was trying to remember why it sounded familiar. And that's when it hit him.

"Oh god." He muttered.

Spike had heard him "What was that?"

"Spike, could you come here for a minute?"

Spike walked over to his friend. "What's up, man?"

"You know how, back in our world, there are those people called bronies?"

"You mean those weirdo's who watch My little Pony?"

"I have a little sister who watches it all the time, the town that the ponies live in? Ponyville."

That's when it hit Spike too. He looked back at Twilight and smiled. She smiled back. He turned his

head back to Barley.

"Today is gonna suck, isn't it?"

"Yep."

Lil'o 2

Spike, Barley, and Twilight, having fully exchanged pleasantries, were discussing possibilities on how the humans got there.

Twilight's spoke first. "You said you have a respawning power, right?"

"Yeah." Barley said.

"Maybe somepony was able to lock on to the frequency to which you regenerate, and interrupted it so that you would respawn here."

"That's impossible. We don't use magic to respawn. Magic doesn't exist where we're from, we were just sorta born with it."

"Really? How do you lift things?"

Spike brought his hands up and waved them around, pretending they were the most amazing things ever. Barley glared at him.

"Anyway, even if we did use magic, it sounds like it would take a lot of energy to take a physical being into another dimension."

"You're right, only two ponies in all of Equestria are powerful enough to even attempt it."

"Who might those be?" asked Spike.

"Our leaders, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."

Spike looked at his friend. "Dude, they got lil'o princesses here, man." He turned back to Twilight. "Do they wear lil'o tiara's on their heads? And lil'o boot's?" Before Twilight could answer, Barley began yelling.

"GOD DAMN IT SPIKE, STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING BOOTS! YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN PAIR!"

"Calm down Barley, do you want to let everypony in Ponyville know you're hear?" Scolded Twilight.

Barley calmed down and continued talking. "Anyway, you said Celestia and Luna are the only one's powerful enough to preform a spell to bring us here using our respawning power's, right?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Then, unless there's someone else, we should go pay them a visit."

Twilight opened her to mouth to protest, but then the door to the library opened, and a cyan pegasus in a wheelchair rolled in.

"Hey Twi- ... what are THOSE THINGS!?"

"DUDE LOOK, IT'S A PONY CHARLES, MAN!"

Barley turned his head to look, fearing a pony in a wheelchair with a twitching head was there, but only found the blue pegasus, staring in bewilderment.

"Whew. Don't scare me like that Spike, I was getting ready to shoot."

"It's not like it would have hurt 'em."

"You don't know that Spike, you got lucky with your knife stunt."

Spike took out his knife. "Than unless she's a spy sent by David Leatherhoff, she'll be fine, man." He began stabbing the pegasus.

"AHH, WHAT THE HAY IS HE DOING!?"

"Spike, will you knock it off?" Barley commanded.

"Just checkin." Spike put his knife back in his pocket.

"You got lucky again, but will you stop stabbing everything before you kill someone?"

"Relax man, our weapons can't kill anyone good, remember?"

Barley began to fume. "THAT'S STILL NO REASON TO STAB EVERYONE!"

"How about I stab you, man?"

"Not if I stab you first!"

Once again, Spike and Barley were in a contest to see who could get the most stabs in the other.

The pegasus yelled in frustration "Twilight! Will you please tell me what the hay is going on?"

Twilight, using her magic, grabbed the two and brought them over in the lobby of the library. She explained while still holding them.

"Rainbow Dash, this is Spike and Barley. They call themselves human beings. Spike, Barley, this is Rainbow Dash."

"How ya doin, man?" Spike, still floating in the air, reached out his hand to shake her hoof. Rainbow glared at it with a mixture of anger and confusion.

"Their weapons were made to make sure they wouldn't kill anyone that was good, which is why that knife couldn't make you bleed."

"Why didn't you try to stop them?"

"As idiotic as these two are, they already proved there weapons couldn't hurt anyone by using them on themselves, then me." She gritted her teeth. "Time and time again."

Spike couldn't help but laugh, Barley put his hand to his face and sighed.

"Which means I can trust them."

Twilight remembered about their other ability. "They also have this ability called respawn, which I can't really explain without having to show you, so ... Spike, Barley, may I?"

Barley looked at Spike, who only shrugged his shoulders.

He looked back at Twilight "Sure, just make it painless."

"Painless?" Dash thought. "Is she going to kill them?" Her suspicions were proved right as magic gathered around their necks, and with a loud snap, they went limp. Twilights magic faded and the bodies fell to the floor.

"Oh my goddess. Twilight, have you gone mad? Why did you- ?" but before she could finish, the bodies on the floor disappeared, then reappeared, just as alive as they were seconds ago.

"Wow - That's actually pretty cool. Are you two immortal? Can you teach me how to do that?"

Barley used his hands to pop the joints in his neck. "Nope, we can still die with old age, nothing stops that, and we can still feel pain, we're just lucky we couldn't die permanently from it. And no we can't teach it to you. It's not magic. We just sorta have it."

Rainbow slouched back in her chair. Her chance at immortality slipped out of her hooves.

"So, Rainbow." Twilight began. "What brings you here today?"

"I came to return that book you gave me. You were right, it was pretty good."

"Told you you'd like it. Anyway, it's good you came by when you did, I need you get the others."

"Sure. why though?"

"We're going to see the princesses."

Spikes eyes beamed with hope. "Oh man, we're gonna see the lil'o princesses man. I hope they got lil'o tiara's."

Ignoring his friend, Barley asked Twilight. "I thought you were going to say no to that."

"I was" Twilight answered. "But after thinking about it during that whole fiasco, their really is nopony else who would be powerful enough to bring you here using your respawn, magic or not."

Twilight was writing her letter to tell Celestia of their arrival, but remembered her assistant wasn't here to send her letter. "Augh, if only Spike were hear."

"But I'm right here, man."

"No no, my assistant, Spike. He's a dragon who helps me with my work."

"You got dragons here too?" Spike turned to Barley "Maybe this place isn't so bad, Barley."

"Don't you dare say that Spike! That show is for little girls and you know it!"

As Twilight and Rainbow looked at the humans with confusion, the door to the library opened again, this time revealing a small purple and green bipedal lizard.

"Hey Twi. I got you those ... the heck are you two?"

Twilight ran up to the small dragon, "No time to explain, I need you to send a letter to Celestia"

"You got it Twi." Spike the dragon found a quill and parchment on a nearby desk. "Ready when you are."

"Dear Princess Celestia..."

Unknown to all of them, a pair of yellow crossed eyes stared in amazement at the strange tall things. 'They seem kinda nice' She thought 'I'm gonna see if I can't find some more at the Everfree forest.'

So, in an strange, erratic pattern, she took off towards the forest.

This chapter takes place during "Read it and Weep" which is why Rainbow Dash is in a wheelchair.

Lil'o 3

David Leatherhoff was getting bored. His pray, Spike and Barley, were nowhere to be found. At first, he assumed he finally killed them, but when he couldn't find their bodies, he knew they were still alive. Plus, he could still feel their presence, but not on this world. It was somewhere else, a place he couldn't reach. For the moment, anyway.

After an hour of fruitless searching, David Leatherhoff gave in, and returned to his home. He paced back and forth in his dining room, thinking of where they could be. 'Not in the forest, not in the parking structure, not in 'heaven'. Where could those two morons be?' He thought. He sat down, and concentrated on their presence.

For a split second, he knew where they were, but then it was gone. He tried again, this time it was longer, but he still couldn't reach them. After half an hour of concentrating, he finally found where they were.

"Huh, so that's where they decided to hide." He said in a demented voice.

Davids dark powers were strong, but even he wasn't sure he could travel to other worlds. It would be a tiring venture, he knew, which meant he would only have to bring himself. He also wasn't sure if his powers could work on beings that weren't human. But the world he found was pure, innocent, and too tempting to pass up. Besides, if worse came for worse, he could always go for more conventional ways of killing.

And with that, David gathered as much power as he could, and disappeared into thin air.

When he reappeared, David got on his hands and knees. He felt like hurling, he never had to travel that far. After a few moments, David got to his feet and took a look around. He noticed the sun setting in the distance and gave a crooked smile. His powers couldn't work in the daytime, but if he could gather enough power during the night, he could cast a dark dome, an illusion to make it seem like night all the time, around entire cities.

When the sun finally settled over the horizon, David could already feel his power returning. He wanted to get to work right away, but that would have to wait. He wasn't ready to cast his illusion. But he was ready to see if his zombie spell would work on these strange beings.

"Hi there!" A voice came from behind.

David turn to look, and found a peculiar sight. A gray pegasus, with bubbles on her flank, and yellow criss cross eyes was flying upside down.

"My name is Derpy." She turned upright. "Are you one of those 'hyoomans' that came from the forest earlier?"

David smiled. Spike and Barley are here. Which means he gets to not only corrupt this world, but get the satisfaction of torturing those two idiots for the rest of their life.

David knelt down towards the small pegasus. He put his hand on her face, and she instantly wanted to step back, yet she couldn't. He was as cold as death, yet his touch was searingly painful. Derpy felt the same sensation go throughout her body, into her brain, and finally it ended. Then she felt nothing, absolutely nothing.

David was happy, his powers work not just on humans, but anything that was intelligent enough to speak. He looked at the pegasus, her mane falling out of places, her eyes brown as the dirt she stood on, her head twitching in random directions, and her hooves turned into incredibly sharp claws.

He turned towards a mountain, a castle seemingly built into it, and the city it stood over. His powers had finally returned in full, and he casted the dark dome illusion over the city. Where there once was a city, now a pure black splotch stood.

David felt like he was going to have a good day.

Lil'o 4

1 hour ago

With names exchanged, stabs given, and deaths come back from, Spike, Barley, and the mane 6 were on the train to Canterlot.

"D'ya really think Celestia would go an' do somethin like that?" Asked Applejack.

"She's the only pony powerful enough to try it." Responded Twilight. "If she didn't, she could find a way to send them back."

Applejack looked to her left and saw Spike and Barley in another pointless stabbing contest. She got up to stop them, but Rainbow Dash stopped her midway. "Trust me" She said. "You don't want to get in the middle of them when this is happening."

"Why you gotta keep stabbin me, man?"

"Stand still Spike, I'm just tryin to kill ya!"

"Um, excuse me?"

Spike and Barley were about to stab whatever was trying to stop them, but stopped when they saw the yellow pegasus, Fluttershy, looking up to them.

"Could you please stop that? Um ... if you want to, that is."

Spike and Barley, seeing the adorable pegasus, put their knifes back in their pockets and sat across from each other.

The door to the next car opened, revealing a white unicorn named Rarity.

"I hope you don't mind" She began. "But I found one of your weapons, and after seeing how dreadful it looked, I simply had to make it fashionable!"

Using her magic, she brought out a shotgun. Barley, instantly recognizing it as his, was horrified to see what the unicorn had done to it.

The grip and the barrel were painted purple, the middle was completely white, and jewels seemed to be encrusted into the body.

"Rarity" Applejack began. "Ya simply made a gun version o' you."

"Now Applejack, let's see what Barley has to say about it."

Barley was holding his favorite gun like he had just lost a dear friend. "You ... you bedazzled ... my gun."

"If that's what 'fashionable' means in your world than I will take it as a complement. Spike, would you like any of your weapons, 'bedazzled' was it?"

"No thank you, man." Spike said through giggles.

Barley contemplated shooting himself this instant, but he knew the bullet wouldn't be able to penetrate his skin, let alone kill him.

"Hi!" A pink earth pony, Pinkie Pie, appeared in front of Spike. "When we get back to Ponyville, I'm gonna throw you and your friend a really big 'Welcome To Equestria' party! there's gonna be games, cake, cupcakes, muffins, cupcakes, ballons, root beer, did I mention cupcakes?" Pinkie Pie said, her breath never running out.

"I can't wait, man." Spike said with honest enthusiasm.

"Were not going back to Ponyville Spike." Barley said in a flat tone. Pinkie Pie was sad to hear Spike and Barley weren't coming back with them. "Aww, why not?"

"Because, even if this 'Celestia' didn't bring us here, then she can put us back."

With that, the train came to a screeching halt.

Spike, Barley, and the rest of the ponies left the car and walked towards Canterlot Castle. Spike and Barley received weird looks from all of the snobbish ponies they happened to walk by. Spike wanted to give them a 'How ya doin?' and a stab to their faces, but Barley stopped him. The ponies they were with seemed good enough, but he couldn't say the same for the snobs, Spike could kill them.

"That doesn't seem so bad, man." Spike said, an insane look in his eye.

"Don't go nuts on me, Spike. We need to see what Celestia has to say first."

Twilight spoke up. "We're here."

Spike and Barley looked ahead to see a huge metal gate, guarded by two white stallions wearing gold armor. The eight of them walked up to the gate.

The guards looked with suspicion towards the two strange beings, but they were aware of their arrival, and moved to the side. The large gate slowly opened, revealing an even larger white and gold door, this time guarded by four ponies. This door, covered in medium sized golden half domes, slowly opened as well. Inside, light blue drapes hung from the ceiling, large stain glass windows show ponies and other creatures in heroic poses. Barley noticed one of the windows showing the six ponies they were with, and began to wonder just how important these ponies were. At the end of the hallway, a tall, white pony with wings and a horn sat on a large thrown. Her pink, green, and blue mane seemed to flow in a non-existent wind. The very air was filled with a sense of formality.

Spike felt a need to ruin it. "So why are all your guards white? Are you racist, man?"

Twilight glared at Spike with wide eyes. They seemed to scream 'shut the hell up or i'll kill you again.' Celestia raised her eyebrow, then smiled and laughed. "Is that some of your human humor?"

"No." Barley began. "That's just Spike being an idiot." Then he realized something. "Wait a minute, how did you know we were humans?"

Celestia's smile quickly faded. "Right." She started. "My little ponies, I must ask you to leave, for this is a private matter." Her voice was filled with seriousness.

"Of course, princess." Twilight and the others bowed in respect. They trotted outside, the large door closing behind them.

"Spike, Barley, Twilights letter stated that you two were wondering how you got here, correct?"

Barley nodded, Spike was still giggling from his comment earlier.

"The answer is simple. I brought you here."

That made Spike stop giggling. Barley wasn't surprised. "I knew it. But how, and why?"

"First the how. The ability you two call 'respawn', I managed to find the frequency in which you reincarnate, then made sure you reincarnated here in Equestria."

"But how? Our respawn doesn't use magic."

"That's where you're wrong, Barley."

It was Barley's turn to have wide eye's. Spike spoke up. "But magic doesn't exist where we live, man."

"In small pockets, it does." Celestia began to explain. "Certain individuals in your world have magical property, But it usually lies dormant up to their death. But there our cases where the abilities are awakened, it usually happens when the individual befriends someone with the same magic. So, you have each other to thank for your abilities."

Barley stared at Spike, he was doing the same. Their friendship was brought to a new light. If they never met, they could have died and have never resurrected.

"So, if we have magic," Barley began "Do we have any other powers?"

"Unfortunately no. The magic only exists in one form. Yours is a 'post-mortem healing effect.' Such magic is forbidden in Equestria."

"You didn't bring us here punish us, did you?"

Celestia smiled. "Now why would I go and punish someone because of the way they were born?"

"Wait a minute." Spike interrupted. "How do you know so much about our world?"

Celestia began blushing. "Sometimes, when there is no official business left to do, I like to peek in other worlds. Yours is the most interesting. Such history."

The sun was beginning to set in the distance. "I guess there's just one question left to answer, the why."

Celestia stood on her hooves and walked towards the two of them. "Spike, Barley, Equestria needs your help."

Barley raised an eyebrow. "Why do you need our help?"

"The being you were fighting in your world, the one you called "David Leatherhoff". After a glance in you worlds future, you two were unsuccessful in defeating him. He imprisoned you and made sure you were kept alive while he endlessly tortured you." Spike and Barley were wide eyed. 'We were going to die in that god forsaken city?' Barley thought. "After so many years, you two finally gained peace, But David lived on. Eventually he took over your world, but he wanted more. He realized there were other worlds, ripe for the taking. Equestria is just one of many worlds he takes."

"So I brought you here, to nip this multiverse apocalypse in the bud. By bringing you here, we may have a chance of stopping this."

"And I take it you won't let us leave if we decide not to help you?" Asked Barley.

"I won't keep you here, it is entirely your decision to leave or help us. But please, heed this warning. Your world, my world, and countless others will fall if you don't."

Barley didn't have much choice in the matter. If he lets this world die, so does all of existence.

"Alright, we'll help you."

"Thank you. On behalf of all of Equestria, thank you."

Spike raised his hand. "What makes you think he going to show up here, man?"

"Because I brought you here, that's how I know."

The large door opened again. "Princess!" Twilight yelled. "Something has happened to Canterlot!"

Spike, Barley, and Celestia ran outside, and saw a large, black dome over the entire city. After walking up to the edge, they saw what was, to the ponies, horrifying. To Spike and Barley, it was with a sense of familiarity. Running out of the dome, zombie ponies with claws, twitching heads, and brown eyes were lunging themselves at anything that was alive and nearby.

"So that's how that bastard did it." Muttered Barley.

"What was that?" Asked Twilight.

"Erm nothing, just thinking out loud."

Starting from the top and spreading outward, an even larger, sparkling blue dome appeared over the black one. When it reached the bottom, a tall yet shorter than Celestia, dark blue pegasus unicorn flew downwards and landed in front of the group.

" 'Tia, What's going on!? I've managed to quarantine the city, but what happened to all the ponies inside?" She noticed the two humans. "And what are those two?"

"There is not enough time to explain, Luna. For now, let's just say they're the solution to this problem."

Celestia turned to Spike and Barley. "David is in there, killing my poor subjects. I need you two to go in there and, if you must, kill him."

"Eh, it's not like we weren't going to in the first place, man." Spike said coldly.

"Such dark enthusiasm." Celestia said. "But please, the ponies in there are innocent, try to spare as many as you can."

"We'll try our best." Barley promised. His promise was empty though. He may have to help these ponies to prevent the destruction of existence, but that doesn't mean he can't have a little fun with it.

"Luna, can you let these two inside the city?"

Luna focused her magic on an opening to let them in. Spike and Barley went over to the opening, but before he walked in, Spike looked behind him and shouted. "Hey Twilight!" Twilight turned at the mention of her name. "Tell your pink friend I'm goin to her party after this!"

"I will! Good luck you two!"

And with that, Spike walked inside, the opening closing behind him. Mere seconds after, gunshots were heard, and not long after that, they ceased.

Twilight feared the worst, but then she heard a sound that raised her hopes.

More gunshots.

Lil'o 5

"GOD DAMN IT!" Screamed Barley. "These fuckers are everywhere!" He and Spike had been shooting the zombie ponies for what seemed like hours.

"What do you expect, man? This place is like the capital city."

"Their still shouldn't be this many zombi-" before he could finish his sentence, a claw from behind had swipt Barleys head clean off. Out of necessity, Spike had to watch where it landed. It flew through the air, and smashed in a nearby buildings window. As it smashed, Barley had respawned.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Yelled Spike.

"Shut the hell up and get back to shooting. There's only a few more left."

Spike pulled out his shotgun and was about to shoot the remaining zombies, but then he recognized some of the zombies as the snob ponies that gave them disgusted looks earlier. He put his gun away and pulled out his knife, and also swiped Barley's knife from his pocket. The insane look also from earlier was back in his eyes.

"Spike, what the hell are you doing? We still have plenty of ammo."

Spike turned to his friend, and when Barley recognized the look, he smiled. Putting his hands behind his head, Barley crouched. Spike ran up, on, and jumped off Barley's back into the crowd of zombie ponies. With one knife in each hand, Spike stretched his arms at his sides.

"HOW YA DOIN, YA TINY PONIES!?"

The moment he landed, the knifes began flying in every direction. The body part they struck with didn't seem to matter, for they effortlessly cut through it like a hot knife through butter.

Moments afterward, Spike stopped cutting and began panting. The zombies stood still, with blank looks on their faces, then their faces began to fall apart. Soon, their bodies began to do the same. Only their hooves were left.

"I *pant* I told you *pant* I was gonna stab their faces, man."

"I never said you couldn't, Spike." Barley helped his friend off the ground. "All I said was wait."

Spike and Barley, safe for the moment, were planning on how they were going to find David.

"Alright" Started Barley "How are we gonna find David here? Back on Earth, that place was just a small little town. How are hell are we gonna find him in, what I'm assuming, is the fucking capital city of an entire country?"

Spike began to look around, seeing if there was any indication of where David could be hiding. He saw what could be a definite place of where David was.

"Barley, something tells me he's gonna be in that lil'o tower, man."

"What makes you sa-" Barley turned, and saw the tower.

A large tower was in the distance. Instead of the purple, white, and gold colors in the rest of the city, the tower was black and red, with spikes that curled upwards to the sky. Dark clouds floated above, swirling in the center. Red arches of lightning from the spikes strike out in random directions.

"Alright." Barley began. "But how are we gonna get there? I can't see shit in this darkness."

Spike shined his flashlight, looking around for something that could tell them where they were in the city. The light landed on a newspaper stand a few feet away.

"Look over there. They may have a map of this place." Spike said.

Barley and Spike ran over to the stand, looking around for a map. Before they could find one, a zombie popped up from behind the stand and tried to strike at Spike.

"AHH, Ya prick!" Yelled Spike as he shot it dead with his shotgun.

Looking around the stand some more, Spike found what looked like a map in one of the magazine holders. He grabbed it and took a look where they could be, but the language it was written in looked like scribbles and gibberish.

"Dude, I can't freakin' read this."

Barley tried to read the map and saw a red dot, recognizing it as a possible 'you are here'.

"Alright, I think we're right here where this red dot is." Barley pointed at it. "And the tower is this big purple and white spot here in the center."

"You think so?"

"Dude, I don't know. I'm just taking an educated guess here."

They both heard the sounds of running behind them.

"Wait, did you hear that?"

"Yes I did, mister man."

With that, both Spike and Barley aimed their shotguns toward the sound. Glancing at his shotgun, Barley regretted at least not berating the pony who bedazzled it. 'No time for regrets' Thought Barley. The running soon became faster, and more erratic. Out of the darkness came a light orange pony, with an even more orange mane, her cutie mark showing three carrots.

"OH CELESTIA, PLEASE HELP ME!"

"MADAME, or Mare whatever, OVER HERE!" Shouted Barley.

The orange pony hesitated, but decided that, in the current situation, she would be safer with them. Under normal circumstances she would be wrong, but these are not normal circumstances. She ran up and hid behind Barley.

Barley focused back to the direction she came from, and saw what she was running from. What he and Spike saw will always be, in their minds, absolutely hilarious.

A good distance from them, a pony with gross, misshapen limbs was charging at them. It's limbs were stretched beyond what was considered possible. It's face was flattened, and it's whole body was black. It's charge looked like it was trying to walk with only three legs, yet it was still quite fast.

The reason Spike and Barley found it so funny, however, was that, despite the chaos of it's own body, it managed it keep a top hat and monacle on.

"HAHA, OH MY GOD THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!" Laughed Barley.

"I know dude!" Spike agreed. "It's like it's going to a fancy party for monsters!"

The orange pony was dumbfounded that the two strange beings would be laughing at a time like this.

"Will you two stop laughing and stop the monster please!? It's almost here!"

"Oh yeah."

Spike and Barley regained their focus and started firing their shotguns. It took some time, but the monster finally fell to the floor and died.

"So" Barley said. "What's your name miss?"

"Golden Harvest. Most people call me Carrot Top."

"Do you think you can tell us what's going on here?"

"All I know is that, before all this happened, there was this giant black spot that overtook the whole city. Then some of the ponies went absolutely insane, and some turned into those horrid monsters like the one you two just killed."

"Yep, that sounds like David."

"Who?" The mare asked.

"Nothing." Barley then pointed behind him. "Keep running in that direction, then run right through the dark wall. You'll be safe there."

"Thank you, by the way." Then, Carrot Top ran.

When she disappeared behind the wall, Spike asked his friend. "I thought you didn't like these ponies, man?"

"I don't." Barley said with a flat tone. "But they're innocent. Besides, I'm having enough fun killing the already dead ones."

Barley looked up and saw a pegasus, flying in erratic circles. He considered it fortune that the other pegasus pony zombies weren't smart enough to use their wings, but this one looked like it was learning. It didn't notice the two of them, but Barley decide to dispose of it before the other pegasus zombies learned how to fly too.

"Hey Spike." He said. "Bet you ten dollars I can hit that zombie up there."

Spike looked up and saw the aforementioned zombie. "You're on."

Barley pulled out his pistol and aimed upwards. He got the head in his sights. He fired, the bullet flying towards its target.

Barley waited for the pegasus to fall back down to earth, but it was still flying its strange pattern. Barley was confused, he was sure he had the right position for the bullet to hit the zombie. He fired again, and again, but no matter how many times he fired, the zombie would still be in the sky.

"Ha, looks like you owe me ten dollars, you tiny man." Gloated Spike.

"Whatever, I'll pay you when we leave." Said Barley. "It's just, I could have sworn I hit the damn thing."

"Maybe you're gettin too old for the job."

"I'm only 22, Spike."

"That's still too old."

"You're older than I am!"

Spike had to think for a moment to counter that.

"That's still too old."

"Fuck off, Spike."

Spike began laughing. "Jeez, no need for that kind of language."

"Let's just get to the damn tower already."

"Waitin' on you, old man."

Barley glared at Spike. "Shut up you idiot."

Spike and Barley had been walking around for hours, trying to get closer to the dark tower in the middle of the city, but due to the illegibility of the map, they couldn't accurately guess if they were ten feet, or ten miles from it. All the while killing zombies they had been running into.

"Dude, we've been walking forever, and we're still no where closer to the damn tower." Spike complained.

"Listen" Barley said "I'm sure if we just go through that alleyway, we'll be able to see a good path to it."

"You said that last time!"

"You wanna try reading this damn map?"

Before he could say anything, Spike noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look and saw a pegasus zombie, inching towards them. He drew out his shotgun and shot it, but the zombie was still slowly walking towards them.

"Heh, now who's the one that's too old." Said Barley as he brought out his pistol. He aimed for the head and fired, but the zombie was still walking.

"That's still you, mister man." Taunted Spike.

"Wait a minute, that's the same zombie from before, the one I couldn't kill when it was flying over head."

Spike had a worrying thought. "Do you think David found a way for a zombie to be immune to gunfire?"

"If that were true, then all the zombies would have the same immunity. "Fuck it, I'm just gonna walk up to the damn thing and blow it's head off." Barley put his pistol away and brought out his shotgun.

He walked up to the zombie. He put the barrel of the gun to it's temple, but before he fired, he took note of it's features. It's mane, how little of it there was, was a dirty blonde. while it's eyes, like the other zombies, were a sickly brown, this one's looked almost crossed. It's cutie mark was a series of bubbles.

Barley pulled the trigger, and expected blood to splatter on his face. Instead, the zombie was still standing, now looking directly at Barley.

Barley was horrified. He shot the zombie again, it still standing in silent mocking. He fired again and again. He was almost out of ammo. The zombie, now directly in Barley's face, raised it's claw's.

For the first time in his life, Barley was terrified. There were times when he was scared, times when he thought he was going to die permanently. Never had he felt more certain that he was now.

Barley closed his eyes. He waited for death. Instead, he felt something else, he felt like he was being gripped, like in a hug.

He opened his eyes. He was.

Barley was confused. Scratch that, he was mindfucked. Why was this zombie hugging him? He knew zombie's as souless monsters, looking for food and nothing more. Incapable of feeling anything, other than insatiable hunger. Barley was wondering what he should do. Should he get his knife and start stabbing the zombie? Should he try to escape it's grip, group with Spike and just run? Should he hug it back?

Before he could try any of these plans, the zombie released it's grip. It spoke in a low yet feminine voice.

"My ... name ... Derpy."

Spike ran up to where Barley stood. He aimed his gun at the zombie, and was about fire, when he was stopped when Barley brought his hand up.

"Hold up a minute, dude." Barley said. "I think she's trying to tell us something."

"You ... nice." Derpy continued. "You ... not ...like other ... human ... one who ... made others ... mean."

"How are you speaking?" Barley asked.

"I'm ... too nice ... can't make me ... hurt others."

"I guess that explains why our weapons never seemed to hurt her." Spike said.

"You said something about another human." Barley said. "Can you take us to him?"

"He ... in big tower. Can ... take you ... there."

Derpy slowly turned around, and began trotting in the direction of the tower. After 10 minutes of walking, Spike and Barley found themselves in front of the large doors of the tower, avoiding any zombies in their path.

"He ... in here." Derpy said. "Making ... others mean."

"Thank yo-" But before Spike could finish, Derpy had disappeared.

"That was ... interesting." Spike said. "Well, at least were here."

"Heh, it's kinda funny." Barley said. "It took us two hours to try to read the damn map, yet it took us only ten minutes to actually get to here."

"It actually proves what I said earlier." Spike said.

"What?"

"You're getting so old, you can't read a map."

"I AM GOING TO SHOVE MY KNIFE IN YOUR THROAT IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME!"

"Oh, you'd like to shove your knife in m-" Before he could finish, Barley had begun another stab contest. Soon, both were stabbing each other, Barley chasing Spike into the dark tower.

Authors note: Sorry for not updating this for a while. Life gets in the way sometimes. That and ME3.

Heh, me having a life, that's an oxymoron in it's purest definition.

Lil'o 6

After their stabbing contest, Spike and Barley were climbing the tower, killing any zombie ponies and mutated creatures in their way.

"Fuck, this tower is freakin' tall." Barley complained.

"Man, I feel like I've been walking forever. I don't think my lil'o boots can carry me anymore." Spike said. "Can I borrow yours?"

"What am I gonna wear?"

"You can wear my boots."

"No way, dude. You got that embarrassing foot odor. I don't want my feet smelling like shit for the rest of my life."

"Just a suggestion, man."

"Tell ya what." Barley started "When we kill David, and we get out of here, You can my boots for as long as you want."

"Really!? Thank you man!"

"On one condition." Barley continued "If you say I'm old, one more god damn time, I will seal your mouth shut with fused metal." He threatened "Then you will never have my boots."

"That's just cruel, man."

As Barley giggled at Spike's psychological torture, He looked up the stairs, noticing the ceiling getting closer with each step.

"Come on, not far now." He said.

Barley opened the trap door above him, and saw a long hallway, going in both directions. He climbed out, and helped his friend up.

"Alright, it seems like we gotta split up." He point down the hallway "Spike, you go that way, I'll go this way."

"Sure thing, man." Spike said, turning his flashlight on. With the power of his own sass, he began sliding down hall.

"I'll never understand that psychopath." Barley said.

Barley turned and began walking down the hallway, pointing his flashlight at anything that moved. As he walked, he saw a light at the end of hall. Remaining suspicious, he aimed his gun down the hallway and made his way towards the light. As he got closer, he began to take note of it's features.

It looked like a ghostly white pony, with black matted hair and torn clothing, trotting slowly down the hall.

"Madam, are you alright?" Asked Barley.

The ghostly white pony stopped, turned around, and began screaming at Barley. She moved at an unnaturally fast pace towards him, her her flowing behind her, revealing face of maggots and torn flesh.

"OH SHIT!"

Before Barley could turn and run, the pony caught up to him, and ripped him in half. When she was done, she let her hair fall back into place, and began wandering aimlessly.

Barley respawned back at the trapdoor. While checking to make sure both of his parts were connected, he heard Spike's voice on the radio.

"What the hell was that, man?" Spike said, in between giggles. "You die or something?"

"Yeah dude, some ghost grudge pony is stalking the halls-"

"DON'T FUCKIN' TELL ME THAT! Shit man, now I'm fucking paranoid."

"Are you still scared of that movie?"

Before Spike could answer, he saw a flash of light out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look, and saw something move around the corner.

"Dude, please tell me that was you."

"Was what me?"

"I just saw something go past the wall."

"I'm still back at the trapdoor, dude. Looks like you got the grudge pony near you."

"Shut the fuck up Barley, I'm not even kidding."

Spike heard Barley's loud, high pitched laugh through the mic, and through the hallway as well.

Spike took out his SMG, and slowly peeked around the corner. He saw the grudge pony walking the opposite way, and began to sneak up on her.

"HEY GRUDGE BITCH!"

When she turned around, Spike opened fire right in her face. She was still up, and moving towards him, but Spike was still firing, and each bullet forced her back another inch. Spike ran out of ammo, but not before the pony disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Spike relaxed when she disappeared, but immediately tensed up when he heard a voice in his head.

"Wrong target ... hehehe"

"Oh shit, their's more than one?" He said.

"What was that, man?" He heard over his radio.

"Dude, their's more than one grudge pony." He said. "And what's worse, I ran out of SMG ammo."

"I still got plenty." Barley said. "Let me find you, i'll give you some."

"You are such a generous friend." Said Spike. He turned and saw something on the ground. He picked it up, and it turned out to be his most favorite gun. "But I just found something better."

"Wait really? What'd you find?"

"A motherfuckin Tommy gun."

"No shit? Let me find you, I want one."

"Haha, sorry Barley, but their's onl-" Spike turned to look back on the ground, and found another Tommy, laying on the ground.

"Huh, weird." Spike thought, and turned back around to exit the dead end hallway.

"Mr. Man" Said Barley, standing right in front of Spike.

"OH MY FU- Jesus Barley, don't fuckin do that!" Spike screamed, smacking Barley with his flashlight.

Laughing, Barley walked past Spike and picked up the other machine gun.

"Anyway, have you been trying all these doors?" Barley asked. "The one's I keep running into are locked."

"Yeah, I haven't tried these doors though." Spike said. Surprise hit him when one of the doors was unlocked.

"Hey dude, let's go in here."

Barley next to Spike, he opened the door, and they saw a long red hallway leading to another door, bloody footsteps and hand prints all over the hallway.

"Shit man, why can't we over open a door with something nice in it?" Said Spike.

"The last time that happened, you tried to stab it to death."

"You talking about when he first got here? It was to make sure she wasn't a spy from David, man."

"I don't even think David could MAKE a spy zombie pony, let alone actually send one."

Spike and Barley walked through the hallway, and opened the door to reveal another grudge pony, standing in a circle of candles. Spike and Barley immediately shot it, the combined power of both machine gun's killing it quickly.

"Fuck yeah, that was awesome." Spike said as they began walking through the ring. "I bet we could take on a hundred of those things and still come out okay."

As if on cue, the walls in the bloody hallway opened, revealing it to be, in fact, 100 grudge ponies. All with black matted hair, all with maggoty torn flesh, and all of them looking directly at Spike and Barley.

"Spike" Barley began "When we get home, I am going to take the biggest set of hedge trimmers I can possibly find, and CUT OFF YOUR JAW!"

With that, the grudge ponies began screaming and chasing Spike and Barley through the darkness. Spike summoned his sass once again and slid his way to the dim light at the end of the darkness.

"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT, SPIKE!?" Screamed Barley, starting to feel tired.

"YOU GOTTA USE THE POWER OF SASS, MAN!"

"FUCK YOU, SPIKE!"

Out of the darkness, other monsters began to appear, some pony, some human, others were just monstrosities and all of them chasing the paranormal investigators.

"BARLEY, I DON'T THINK WE'RE GONNA SURVIVE THIS ONE!"

"WE WILL MAKE IT, SPIKE! I PLAN ON DOING MORE WITH MY LIFE THAN JUST DYING IN SOME LITTLE GIRLS CARTOON!"

"YOU CALL THIS A GIRLS CARTOON!?" Spike gestured behind him, sliding backwards.

"WHATEVER SPIKE, WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"

Spike slid in the brightly lit, slim hallway, while Barley jumped in, the door closing behind them. Spike and Barley collapsed on the floor, listening to the monsters bang on the metal door, hoping they couldn't break it down.

"That 'pant' was the most 'pant' fucked up thing I've 'pant' ever had to endure."

Spike, panting as well, nodded in agreement.

After several minutes, Spike and Barley got off the floor, and began walking down the hallway.

"It looks like this hallway goes on forever." Mentioned Barley.

"I know, dude. You wanna go back and see if the pathway changed?"

"No way, Spike." Barley looked behind him "I wanna get as far away from that door as possible." He turned back around ... and smacked right into another door.

Spike giggled at poor Barley, rubbing his nose in pain.

"Shut up, Spike. Let's just see what's behind this door."

Barley opened the door, and inside was a round metal cage, covered in blood. In the middle was a giant pillar.

Spike and Barley walked in the room, and the door closed behind them. The giant pillar began to descend, Spike and Barley aimed their weapons at the lowering pillar. Finally the pillar stopped, and on it was David Leatherhoff.