You Want to Do What Now?

by ChaoticHarmony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1138

Cadance is a mare of many... shall we say, romantic talents. However, these talents lie on the emotional side of things. What will happen when she wants to get a little physical with her husband in the jousting field?

Shining Armor never thought that he would be standing in the jousting arena, staring down at his wife who looked back at him with eyes that were on fire with excitement. He also never thought that his wife would want to do anything together except make him carry her shopping bags or cuddle in bed.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

<Special thanks to Hyde for encouraging this madness of mine.>

Published 2013-03-11 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-11 21:00:01 UTC

The Time Has... Come

[}—–{ You Want To Do What Now? }–—{]

There comes a time in every relationship where the mare wants to do something that disturbs her stallion partner. This is one of those times.

“What’s wrong, Shiny? I thought you said you were okay with doing this?” Cadance looked at him with those eyes that burned with eagerness and glee at teasing him. “Unless you don’t think you’re a big enough stallion to do this.” She wiggled her flank in the air as she shifted slightly to get a better angle to him.

Shining Armor gulped down the fear, staring at his wife with confused and worried eyes. “It’s not that, it’s just…”

“Just what?” His wife smiled at him with metaphorical fangs as she drew his worries out of him. “What’s wrong, Shiny? I’m okay with doing this, why don’t you want to?” His wife wiggled her flank again, looking at him with those damned mischievous eyes that were roaring with the fires of excitement.

He paused for a moment, taking in his wife’s stance before answering. “I just don’t want to hurt you is all.” Reaching down with a hoof, the Guard Captain rubbed the stiff shaft that jutted out into the air like some sort of flagpole that had been turned on its side. “I mean, what if I go too fast and I accidentally spear you? I don’t think I could live with myself if I poked you too hard with this.”

Cadance was silent for a moment. “Hey, Shiny, I’m a big mare remember? I can take it, I promise. Can we please just do this?” His wife winked at him, bringing a blush of all things rushing into his face. “I can’t wait anymore.”

“I don’t think we should do this, Cadance, especially out here.” Shining Armor turned away from his wife, looking out for any sign of the guard that was supposed to relieve him from patrol duty that he had assigned himself. “What if somepony sees us?”

“Shiny, you’re the Captain of the Guard and the prince of the Crystal Empire, why are you scared?” His wife shook her head at his foolishness. “Besides, if somepony comes along, I don’t mind it if they watch.” For emphasis, the pink mare known as the Crystal Princess shook her rump in the air and positioned herself again. After a long moment of silence, her mischievous stare turned into an angry one. “Shiny, you said that you’d do this!”

“I know I did, but that was when we weren’t getting ready to do it!” He turned away, his long shaft swinging in the air as he did so, at least until Cadance reached out and grabbed it with her magic. “Cadance, let go!” In response, the magic tugged the pole back into position. “Caddy, please, I don’t want to do it, not like this!”

The magic tugged harder against his will, slowly moving the long tool back into place as his wife glared at him with an almost childish defiance. “No!”

“Honey, please, don’t make me do this!” Shining Armor winced as a particularly fierce tug caused his entire body to swing to the side.

“Shiny, please!” His wife’s voice sounded so painful, as if she really, really wanted it. “I really, really want to do this with you!” A veil of magic descended on top of Shining Armor, picking him up and setting him down right where he was before, with his shaft pointed towards his wife. “Just relax and think of Equestria.”

“Well, all right, here I go.” Shining Armor lifted his stout pole and took a deep breath. “Brace yourself.” As he went in, Shining Armor couldn’t help but think about the circumstances that lead to his current predicament and how they showed just how stubborn his wife could be in getting her way. Why did she have to see me with the new recruits in the training yard? As he surged forward, he could only shake his head at his wife’s eagerness. Those colts couldn’t even handle a full-sized pole. I can’t believe how mad she got when I had to give them a good tongue lashing to get them back into stiff formation.

As he kept going, Shining felt himself getting closer and closer to the point of no return, the point of not being able to stop himself should he want to. Every second that passed seemed to stretch into hours, each second giving him an opportunity to look over his wife’s body, covered with a sheet of sweat as she worked to keep going at the same pace of Shining Armor despite her obvious exhaustion. As their hooves dug into the ground, they both finally reached that point of no retreating, no stopping, the edge of abandon, and they both flung themselves over it with the speed of their actions.

“Shiny!” His wife’s hooves dug a particularly deep trench into the ground as she shouted his name into the sky, throwing it to the very heavens themselves with her excitement.

“Cadance!” His voice eagerly followed hers, his worry and fear dissipating as he found himself flying through the air with an expression of bemusement. He thudded to the ground, panting with the sudden weariness that gripped his muscles. “That… was… amazing…” Shining Armor looked up to his wife, who was looking down at him with a triumphant look on her face. “Nopony has ever done that to me before.”

“Well, I’m glad that I was the first, dear.” The princess took off her helmet and wiped a hoof across her brow, banishing the sweat from her beautiful features. “I told you that I could take you on in a jousting match.” Bending down, she wrapped her lips around her husband’s for a brief moment, claiming her “prize” from the battle before helping him up to his hooves. “And look, we have a crowd watching us.”

Shining Armor cast his glance about the stadium, a sense of dread filling his stomach as he spotted his fellow stallions from the guard pointing and laughing at his defeat. Just wonderful.

Cadance, picking up on her husband’s discomfort, threw a hoof around his shoulder and drew closer to his ear. “Don’t worry, dear, we still have tonight for me to claim the rest of my… prize.”

Despite the embarrassment that came from having his guy friends watch him get his flank handed to him by his wife, Shining Armor couldn’t help but smile. Totally worth it.

Author's Note

I... I have nothing to say here but this...

I'm so sorry for doing this... well, not really. I hope you got a laugh out of this!