The Bunny Suit
And Other Silly Stories
By Wragnaroq
The image of Big Mac in the bunny suit comes from here. I don't know who made it, so if you made it, and you're reading this, thanks.
Story the First:
The Bunny Suit
Big Macintosh stared at his reflection in the mirror, certain that he had never felt, or looked, more pitiable. He groaned in exasperation for the ninth time.
"MAAAC! Git yer keister out 'ere!" Granny Smith's voice called from outside.
"A'right, Ah'm comin'!" Big Mac shouted back. As he left his room, he looked at his reflection one last time.
He hated wearing the bunny suit. But if he didn't do it, who would help Granny Smith with the vital, super-important task of singing to the water? With Applejack at the market, and Applebloom in school, the duty fell to him to dig out the old green bunny suit and throw his pride into the waste basket. The old thing didn't even fit anymore. He was slightly worried that if he moved too much, it might just split.
'On th' bright side,' he thought to himself as he opened the front door, 'There's no chance of anypony seein' OH BUCK ME.'
Big Mac felt like slamming the door shut and hiding in the deepest, darkest part of the house. He didn't want her to see him like this.
Fluttershy, his marefriend of three months.
Big Mac slammed a hoof into his face as he remembered why Fluttershy was there. She had said that she'd be coming by the farm to pick up some carrots for her animals, but he'd completely forgotten about it. And now she was going to see him wearing a faded green bunny suit, hopping over watering pails and singing to them for some inane reason.
Miraculously, she had her back to the door, and hadn't heard him yet, since she was having a conversation with Granny Smith, who was also wearing a bunny suit. Big Mac took a step backwards, plotting his escape. As long as...
"Well, looky who done decided t' show up!" Granny chided as she noticed Big Mac.
...As long as Granny Smith didn't notice him. Curses.
"What took ya so long? Tryin' t' make yerself look all purty fer yer marefriend?" Granny said. Fluttershy turned around, finally noticing Big Macintosh.
With a fwup, her wings unfolded.
"Ah... Ah... um..." Big Mac stammered, his face almost glowing pink. Maybe if he moved quickly, he could make it to the Everfree Forest and hide out there for a few weeks. It was preferable to the current situation, that was for sure.
"Y' came jus' in time, young lady! Big Macintosh an' Ah was jus' about t' sing t' the water!" Granny Smith said to Fluttershy. Fluttershy did not respond, being too busy staring at Big Macintosh.
Big Macintosh wearing a green bunny suit that was stretched taut over his muscular body.
"...Haaaah," Was the only sound out of Fluttershy's mouth.
"Don't worry yer purty lil' head none 'bout th' time. Singin' t' th' water don't take too long! Ya can watch yer coltfriend participate in th' fine art o' humblin' 'imself, and then he can get y' those carrots y' wanted! Easy as pie!" Granny Smith said. She hopped off towards the barn, her hips making ominous creaking sounds as she went. "Git along, Mac! We got us some singin' to do!"
"Please don't laugh," Big Mac said to Fluttershy as he hopped past her. Fluttershy's eyes followed him, trained specifically on a certain part of his body.
"...Haaaaah," She breathed.
'Celestia, if y' are truly a kind ruler,' Big Mac thought to himself as he hopped over another watering can. 'Please let me die.'
"Ah can't hear y', Mac! Sing from th' belly!" Granny Smith advised. Big Mac almost cried as he started singing along with Granny Smith a bit louder. He could feel Fluttershy's eyes on him.
Thankfully for him, he was blissfully unaware of what was going through her mind at the moment.
In Fluttershy's world, nothing mattered. She couldn't remember why she had come to Sweet Apple Acres, she couldn't remember where she lived, she couldn't remember her own name.
All that mattered was dat flank.
She didn't know why she was staring so intently. She'd seen his flank before. It was a very nice flank, in her opinion. But for some reason, looking at it now, clad in green cloth so tight against his body that she could see his powerful thigh muscles moving, she couldn't look away.
Her blood was boiling, and Big Macintosh Apple was the cause.
After a few more minutes of (in Fluttershy's mind, sensual) hopping, Granny Smith stopped abruptly, nearly making Big Mac crash into her. "Looks like we're gonna have ta cut this short, Mac! It's two o' clock, an' Ah've got an appointment with th' bathroom!" She announced. "Help th' lil' lady get some carrots, then water th' gardens fer me, wouldja?"
"As long as Ah don't have t' sing while doin' it," Big Mac said. Granny Smith ignored him, already hopping back to the house. When she was gone, Big Mac sat down, letting out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry y' had t' see that, hun," He told his marefriend. She nodded absently.
"It's no problem," She said, still staring at his hindquarters. "No problem at all."
"Good," Big Mac said, standing up. "Ah think there's some carrots in th' barn, if ya don't mind waitin'."
"It's no problem," Fluttershy repeated. "Lead the way."
And so they walked into the barn, Fluttershy being mesmerized by the swishing of Mac's tail.
"Lessee, Ah think they're in 'ere," Big Mac said, cracking open a crate in the back of the barn and sticking his head in. "Potatoes, some peppers..."
As he continued listing off the things in the crate, he didn't hear the sound of the barn door being closed, or the heavy objects moving across the dirt floor, accompanied by Fluttershy grunting with effort.
"...Found 'em," Big Macintosh finally announced, pulling a bag of raw carrots out of the crate. Then he noticed the large pile of crates sitting in front of the barn door.
"What in..."
Even if he had noticed the yellow and pink blur headed straight at him, he wouldn't have had the time to react. In an instant, he was knocked onto his back, losing his hold on the bag of carrots and landing in a large pile of unbaled hay. Fluttershy had him pressed down, her eyes filled with an almost feral desire and her wings standing straight up off her back. She was growling at him like a timberwolf.
"...Fluttershy? What's gotten int'..."
"TAKE ME NOW," She ordered, and then forced her tongue down Big Macintosh's throat.
Things went from there.
Applejack knocked forcefully on the door of the barn. "Mac! Ya in there?" She called out. There was no response from inside the barn. Applejack tried to push the door open, but it seemed to be blocked from the inside.
"Now what in th' name o' Celestia?" She said to herself. "MAC! If yer in there, come on out! Granny ain't seen ya since this afternoon, an' she's gettin' worried! It's almost dinnertime!"
There was the sound of a pile of crates being pushed away, and the barn door swung inward, to reveal literally the last pony Applejack had expected.
"Fluttershy? What th' hay were ya doin' in th' barn?" She asked. Fluttershy, with a content smile, tired-looking eyes, pieces of straw in her mane, and a bag of carrots, didn't hear the question. She skipped past Applejack, humming idly to herself. Without saying a word, she took off into the night sky, not once looking back. Applejack watched her go for a minute, before hearing a soft groan from inside the barn. She turned to look at the source of it, and her jaw nearly unhinged as the sight made her put two and two together.
It was Big Macintosh, lying in a pile of straw, a single stalk hanging lazily out of his mouth and a vacant grin on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He was also wearing what remained of a green bunny suit, torn up almost beyond recognition. The only part of the suit that had escaped damage was the hood and floppy ears, but otherwise, it looked like Big Mac had been attacked by a wild animal.
"...Mac?" Applejack asked, not willing to set hoof in the barn.
"Eeyup?" Big Mac responded without a care in the world.
"Did you two jus'..."
"Eeyup."
"Wearin' th'..."
"Eeyup."
"Do Ah want t'..."
"Nnope."
There was silence.
"Hows 'bout we never talk 'bout this again."
"Eeyup."
FIN
A/N: I got the idea for this story when I saw some pictures of Big Mac wearing the bunny suit from 'Family Appreciation Day', and I thought to myself, 'Huh. This is probably Fluttershy's fetish.'
And that is how this monstrosity was born.
This silly, comedic monstrosity.
And I know that Fluttershy is more than a little bit OOC. It's for comedic purposes.
P.S.: I feel dirty.
Story the Second:
LaFlour's LaMent
My name is Madame LaFlour, and I am waiting for death.
I am the last member of the Legion of Party-Goers, the beings thought into existence by the broken mind of Pinkamina Diane Pie. There were four of us, once. Sir Lints-a-lot, a dustbunny from behind the couch. Rocky, a pile of stones from the backyard. And of course, my dearest friend, Mr. Turnip, who came from the same pantry I did. Such a sweet fellow, even though he probably tasted like turnips.
They're all gone now.
Last I heard, Rocky had retired to a zen garden, and fell in love with a boulder there. Tom, I think. Tom Dan. They're happy there, and raising a large number of little pebbles together.
Sir Lints-a-lot died in valiant battle with his most hated enemy, the vacuum. I saw it happen. One second, he was there, and the next, he was simply gone, vanished down the beast's terrible gullet. His death was not pointless, however. He had still been wearing his party hat from months ago, and the beast choked to death on it.
Mr. Turnip was chopped up and used in a soup. Apparently, it was a horrible soup.
And now, I wait here in the darkness of Sugarcube Corner's pantry, waiting for her, the one who gave me life, to come back and end it.
She's been going back and forth all day, each time taking one of my brethren and whisking them away, never to return. I have been lucky so far, as I have been for months now, but my luck has run out. I am the last sack of flour in the pantry, and when she comes back, she will come for me. She will carry me to the kitchens, tear open my skin without a care in the world, and use my innards in one of her baked treats, probably while singing some silly song about the process, forcing me to listen as my death is narrated to me.
...I've been listening to that insane bottle of sprinkles for too long.
Nevertheless, I've lived a good life, and I can only hope that whatever I am turned into, it will be something delightful, something that will spread joy and happiness to a wide array of ponies. I've always been partial to cookies, myself. I hope that is what she turns me into.
The door has cracked open. She stands there now, a silly smile on her face, unaware of the atrocities she is about to commit in the name of baking. She sees me. She picks me up over her head, and bounces out of the pantry. None of the other ingredients mourn me. They only hope she will not be back for them.
I can see the kitchen doors ahead now, opened wide and inviting. I hear the oven calling out, ready to swallow and bake me.
I always knew I would die like this. And I am ready to embrace why are we turning left.
That way. The kitchen is that way, you imbecile.
Where are you taking me? I am supposed to die in the oven, like a true bag of flour!
What are those... things? Why are they crying? What is...
No.
Oh no.
No. No, it can't end like this. I DON'T WANT IT TO END LIKE THIS!
NOOOOOOOO!
With a smooth, practiced motion, Pinkie Pie opened the sack of flour and dumped the contents over her head, turning herself completely white. Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake's wailing stopped, replaced by amused laughter.
And so ends the life of Madame LaFlour.
A/N: This idea for this story came from a suggestion made by outlaw4rc, and was written well before I saw that comic about Madame LaFlour sacrificing herself to save Pinkie's act. I swear.
Story the Third:
A Feeling Of Loss
"Oh, I must have put it somewhere around here," Rarity griped, rummaging through another drawer, tossing odds and ends out as she looked for her lost item.
Her best pair of fabric scissors. Twilight had given them to her for her previous birthday, and while they looked shabby, they were enchanted so that they always cut in perfectly straight lines and right angles. And now Rarity couldn't find the cursed things.
"Of all the things that could have possibly happened..." She said, raising a hoof to her forehead. "This is..."
She reached out to the corner of the room with her magic, where her best fainting couch resided. She dragged the couch over, preparing to throw herself into the couch's plush embrace. "The... worst... POSSIBLE... THING!" And she threw herself off her hooves, not even bothering to make sure her couch hadn't been replaced with, say, a hard wooden bench.
Because it had been.
Replaced with a bench, I mean.
Rarity hit the bench with a painful smack. A second later, she rolled off, landing on the floor with a dangerous twitch in her eye. A piece of paper that had been on the bench was stuck on her face, written in Sweetie Belle's easily recognized atrocious hoofwriting.
IOU ONE COUTCH
AND ONE PAIR OF SCIZORS
"SWEETIE BEEEELLLLEEE!"
"Step right up, step right up! Come see the amazin' Faintin' Couch!" Apple Bloom barked to the passerby.
"The only one of its kind! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll wonder how a couch can be so soft!" Scootaloo added, bouncing on the red cushions.
"And it can be yours for the low, low price of ten bits! If we priced it any lower, we'd be giving it away!" Sweetie Belle shouted.
"C'mon, everypony! Dontcha wanna help three lil' fillies get their couch sellin' cutie marks?" Apple Bloom asked. None of the passerby paid any attention to the three fillies.
"Buy now and we'll even throw in this free pair of scissors for free! They're very snippy!" Sweetie Belle added, levitating a pair of plain-looking scissors.
"Sweetie Belle, you just said it was free twice," Scootaloo pointed out.
"I did?"
"Yeah!"
"Huh."
"SWEETIE BELLE!" Came an angry yell. Sweetie Belle lost her concentration on the scissors when she recognized the voice, dropping them to the ground. Rarity was barreling straight at them from the other end of the street, rage in her eyes and froth on her mouth. All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders gulped.
"Ah don't think she liked the IOU!" Apple Bloom said.
"Run already!" Scootaloo said, hopping off the couch and onto her scooter. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom climbed into the wagon behind it, and Scootaloo's tiny wings started buzzing faster than they ever had before. The Crusadermobile scooted off at breakneck speeds, the raging fashion designer charging after them, not paying any attention to the couch or scissors. She was too preoccupied with thoughts of revenge.
A few minutes later, a single pegasus alighted on the ground in front of the couch, her misaligned eyes lit up with wonder.
"Oooooh!" Derpy Hooves said. "Free sofa! I love free sofa day!" Then she noticed the pair of scissors on the ground next to the sofa. "And it's free scissors day, too? This is almost as good as free muffin day!"
A/N: This story was suggested by outlaw4rc, who should totally return my calls.
