Look here, my friends. You are listening to this story of mine. They call me insane, but I am not truly, am I? I mean, an insane pony wouldn’t have so much cleverness and intelligence in them. I have much sagacity; believe me when I say that I am not dumb, for I am not lying. But they still think of me as insane. Why would they think of me as that? Would you think of me as that? Listen closely to my story, friend, since my life is in jeopardy right now.
I lived in the castle. You all know, Canterlot Castle, the one high up, sitting right next to large city. Royalty and their friends lived there. It was beautiful, not a hint of any kind of evil or violence in or near it, as if it created a perfect nirvana everywhere nearby.
As I said, I lived in the castle, living the perfect life, nothing could ever be better. Well... one thing could have been better. The guard. He ruined everything, wiped out all bits of happiness I had left in me. I don’t know what it was about him that made me hate it. I could not find a truly hateable aspect about him; he had his flaws like everypony else, but really, he had no reason for me to murder him more than anypony else. Maybe it was his personality. Yes, his personality, that is what ruined it. He had such an egotistical personality, like he had something special about him. He’s been my guard for quite a while, but I truly did hate him since the beginning, but I don’t know what it was about him that finally drove me to kill him. Maybe I finally snapped, I don’t know, but something was in me to do it from the beginning.
I had nothing against him. He was a great guard, good at protecting me and what I loved and owned. He was orange, and didn’t seem to stand out... too much in a crowd. But him, he, he was just a horrible pony, and I needed to wipe him off this planet to make life better for others.
Now, how did I murder this pony, you may wonder? I mean, he was a guard. He obviously knew self defense and could have possibly killed me easily if he wished to complete disobey his orders. And, even though he was my guard, I doubt he would let me kill him without him attacking back. So, HOW did I kill him, you are still asking.Well, my plan was very complicated, very clever, very well-played out. Would an insane one plan so much to murder some random, dumb guard? I don’t think so. What is my plan, you continue to ask? Allow me to continue.
It took me more than a week to bring out this plan. An insane mare would have just rushed at them and killed them blatantly, you know. As I have explained, I did not do that. Do you still find me insane? Yes, no? Ah, let me go on.
Every night, for seven days, I would sleep into his room as he slept. Oh, he slept so adorably. Quietly, not a sound being made. He didn’t wake up, and he slept like he was nothing that would want to harm him in his sleep. It seemed ironic in a way.
Anyways, every night, I would go into his room. I went in, silently. Oh, so silently. So silently, even the small mice sleeping wouldn’t be disturbed by the clopping of my hooves on the ground. His room was dark, darker than pitch, darker than dark, darker than the farthest reaches of space; dark, since he closed his shutters, making sure that nothing would break into his room through his window and attack him. Every night, I would enter into the room. Due to darkness of the room, I would use a spell of mine. This spell was quite a simple one; it would just create a simple light, not creating heat, barely creating energy. It just made the room bright enough for me to see without disturbing the stallion’s sleep. Now, would an insane one do this? No, they wouldn’t. Why do you still think of me as insane?
Every night, for one week, I would go into his room and try to find a good way to kill this annoying waste of life. Alas, I could not think of a way then, or during the week, and I found it annoying that I still had to deal with him when I had it in my mind to kill him.
During that week, I went to extreme measures to not figure out what I had been doing while he slept. I treated him extremely kindly for the final week of him being alive. I made his last week seem like the best, and he even said during that week that it had been his best. Now, would one who is insane do that? You may wonder why I keep saying that I’m not insane. I’m merely telling everypony reading this about me not just being an insane idiot trying to prove they’re not insane. I am sane; if you don’t believe me by now, are you an imbecile? I am not insane, and all of you need to stop thinking I am!
Ugh... after a week of not doing anything, I found it was time for my strike, like the quick strike of a cobra, quickly getting the poison in their victim before they die from it later.
It was night eight, the final night of his life. That night seemed extra dark, which was just perfect. I felt a strong urge to do it right then on that night. And it worked, worked I tell you.
I entered the room with a smile. I usually waited at the door for a few seconds before entering in, but this time, I was extra, extra careful. Oh, so, so careful. After all of my effort, why ruin it now?
I walked into the room after inching my way in, piece by piece, for minutes, which felt like hours. Once I finally got into the room, I felt a sudden new power come over. A strong power. A feeling like... I had nothing to lose then, that I was so close, I couldn’t lose, and I knew this power was right.
I listened to this power. But, this power is not insanity, in case you wish to wonder.
I lit up my light made of magic for the final time. It was a bit brighter than normal, but not so bright as to wake the guard up from feet away.
I walked up right up to his face. I had no fear, no worries. Just the will to end this pain once and for all. He woke up from my light. I was expecting him to be happy to see my face when he woke up, but he was scared, and it wasn’t a sudden shock from seeing a face right when he woke up since he stayed that way.
I felt the power speaking to me, silently, in the darkest region of all of my head.
Kill him, the voice told me.
I obeyed this simple command.
Using the might of my magic, I lifted up his entire bed and let him fall to the ground. Oh, the scared look on his face... it was hilarious, so priceless... ha, ha, ha.
Then, I took the bed and slammed it on the ground, but I suppressed the sound to not wake others up. He let out a loud whelp, but I assumed it was not loud enough to penetrate the walls.
The bed was crushing him, and soon, he was gone; I could not feel any life from his corpse. I lifted up the bed and put my hoof on him. He had no pulse; he was stone, stone dead.
I got a large smile on my face; after all of this waiting, my deed was done, and I was incredibly happy. But, he did scream before death, so I quickly had to come up with a plan to hide this corpse.
Oh, I had to greatest, most beautiful plan to hide the body.
I dug into his drawers and took out his combat knife, which all guards had to possess. Then, I walked up to him, and stabbed the knife in one of his legs. I sawed through it, feeling the cutting edge of every single slice. After a bit of cutting, the leg fell off; it would have released blood, but, since I didn’t tell you, I brought the corpse into the bathroom and cut the corpse in his bathtub so I wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning any blood. I continued onto the next leg, which was just as enjoyable to see as the leg fell into bathtub, spewing out the beautiful red blood everywhere. It was enjoyable to cut this body into pieces, but I am not insane, like I have told you. I continued with the other two legs, then I went onto the head and slowly drove it off, which was the most enjoyment I had had in that night, more fun than all of the limbs being cut off combined. And the mist of blood coming out was the greatest sensation I had for a long time.
When I finished having fun with the cutting, I took the tub out with magic and moved it out into the living room area where guards lived and took out some of the planks in the ground. I put in each part of the corpse very carefully into the ground so no blood would get anywhere. I quickly covered the floorboards and slightly polished it so that no eye would ever notice any problem with the ground. Quickly, I put the tub back into the bathroom and closed the door to it.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I walked to it with a happy grin on my face What had I to fear now, on possibly the greatest night of my life?
A few upper-rank guards walked inside the room. They told me that there were some claims of a loud scream coming from nearby and came to investigate. I told them there was nothing to worry about; I had some night terrors, and came over to this guard’s home to drop off something I borrowed. I also told them that the guard was investigating a strange case in Saddle Arabia, which I told him to do, and those fools actually believed me! Ha!
I gave them a tour around of the house, showed them everything and that nothing was wrong. After a few minutes, they concluded nothing was wrong. I offered them the ability to sit down and relieve some of their stresses, of which they did. They began talking about casual things, nothing special.
But, I felt like I got a mental pain in me. Something was wrong, but I couldn’t put my hoof on it. Then, I felt a loud thumping. I heard it. Dun... dun... dun... It was quiet, but it sounded out a bit. It seemed like these guards didn’t notice.
But it got louder. Louder, louder, louder. It was giving me some mental problems. It was getting obnoxiously loud. Dun... Dun... Dun... I looked at them again, but they were still talking. Were... were they mocking me? Did they know of my deed, and are just trying to make me angry? Are they choosing to tune out this noise? I started to rave. I started to pace around. But they still didn’t notice me. They were mocking me! How dare they, why would they?!
I was quickly moving around. The sound, it was getting louder. Insanely loud, blocking out all of the other sounds. Dun... DUN... DUN...
I couldn’t take it anymore! These deeds of these vile creatures, this sound... this heartbeat... the heartbeat of this vile, dead pony that lay in the ground, it made me snap.
“Villains!” I cried out. “I admit to my deeds!” I ripped out the floorboards where the body lay, revealing a red, mutilated body in the floor. “Take me away! I cannot take it any longer!”
They looked at the body, and they seemed to have barely any surprise. One said to me: “You were given everything you wanted, and more. You had no reason to do this. Why did you do this, Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
Author's Note
I am going insane, if you cannot tell.
Also, this is a crossover with The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe, great story, read it if you haven't.