Ugh, ugh, and ugh

by JeromeSaur

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy
Length: 5323

Celestia says that twilight will have to live with King Sombra, Discord, and Queen Crysalis for no reason...What could possibly go wrong?

Twilight will just have to accept the task that Celestia gave her-even though there is no reason behind it. Twilight seriously has trouble taking care of these three! She has to deal with King Sombra, who eats all of Spike's gems, and Queen Crysalis's constant fighting with Discord. And with the fact that she caught Spike clopping one day. AND Rarity's gossip that's freaking Twilight out. So yeah, a lot of things can go wrong. Oh yeah, and this is discolight. Just to let you know. (There's one thing that is wrong with this description, can you find the mistake?)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-07 15:23:22 UTC

Chapter 6: OH GOD NO

Twilight woke up the next morning to find Discord staring intently at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Studying."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I swear, you have some weird-ass dreams."

"I agree. But how do you know?"

"You were making faces the entire time."

Twilight crawled out of bed.

"How do you not have a hangover?"

"I don't know."

Twilight sighs.

"I'll go wake up the others."

"Ok."

Twilight knocks on Queen Chrysalis's door.

"Wake u-"

"I'm awake."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Twilight walks inside Queen Chrysalis's room.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure?'

Queen Chrysalis sighed. She handed Twilight her phone. Twilight gasps.

"Wh-wha?"

"Who would do that?"

Twilight looked at her phone. There was porn of Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra.

"And I'm bleeding in the picture!" She said almost throwing up. "And look at this one."

"OH GOD OH WHY OH GOD OH WHY OH GOD OH WHY OH GOD OH WHY?!"

Twilight almost threw up.  " That's fucked up."

"I know."

"Let's just go eat breakfast."

"Good idea."

Twilight wakes up King Sombra. Discord is waiting downstairs.

"G'morning everyone."

"Good morning."

"Some pedo has a fetish for drawing porn of us." Queen Chrysalis said.

"What?"

Queen Chrysalis showed him both pictures.

"EW! That looks painful.."

"Well I'm going to Rarity's"

"Why?"

"She texted me about something she wants to discuss."

"Well see you later, Twi."

"Bye!"

Twilight walks to Rarity's boutique.

"Hi Rarity!"

"Oh, hi darling. You got the text, I suppose."

Twilight nodded her head.

"I know you may feel embarrassed, and denial, but I think Discord likes you."

Twilight turns red. "Why would you say that?"

"He's always just SO nice to you. Trust me, I know a crush when I see one."

"I doubt that. I mean, he's really nice and all, but I doubt that he likes me."

"Why do you say that?"

"I never had anypony ever like me before..."

"Just think about last night. He had you trapped in a corner!"

"He was drunk!"

"Maybe he does like you and always hides it! And maybe when he was drunk, he didn't hide it at all!"

Twilight suddenly realizes something. "You are right..."

"How do you know?"

"Last night he..."

"He what?"

"He slept with me... I thought he was drunk so I didn't do anything.. He was also watching me sleep.."

Rarity fangirl screams.

"Oh my Celestia, Twilight! You have found 'The One'!"

Twilight sighs. "I'll see you later then.."

"Alright! Bye!"

Twilight thought about it. Was she falling for Discord?

Chapter 7: Captain Obvious

         Twilight sighed as she walked down the road to her home. When she reached home, she was VERY surprised.

"Holy shit!" The entire house was sparkling clean.

"Surprise!" Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis shouted.

"What's all of this?"

"Really? Isn't it obvious?" Queen Chrysalis said under her breath. "Well, it's for all the hard work you do!" Queen Chrysalis stares directly at Discord with a look that said "Try me".

"Aw, guys, you shouldn't have!"

"Come on Twilight! You and Spike work ALL day!" Discord said. He stared right back at Queen Chrysalis. King Sombra saw where all of this was going.

"You know Twilight-" Queen Chrysalis said before having a giant bagel  shoved in her mouth by King Sombra.

"Do not Queen."

"I FFFWILLLE!"

He shook his head. "No. Not yet. It has to happen ON IT'S OWN." He said looking at her.

"Fut IZ SSSO OBVIOUS!"

"Sooner or later IT will happen. Don't ruin it by talking."

Twilight was texting Rarity. Somehow, Rarity fangirl screamed through the phone even though Twilight was only texting her.

They all look at Twilight.

Twilight frowned. "Well, I gotta go. See you guys later?"

"Sure."

Twilight ran to Rarity's house.

"Oh my stars, Twilight! It's sooooo obvious!!"

Twilight was about to reply when Rainbow Dash walked in. "What's so obvious?"

"Nothing!" Rarity and Twilight both said.

Rainbow Dash looked at the two unicorns doubtfully. "What's going on?"

"Do you REALLY want to know?"

"Yes."

"Well Di-" Twilight shoved a giant marshmallow in Rarity's mouth. "SMORD MAS MA MUSH MONNN TWIIMIGHT."

"What?"

"Nothiiiiing." Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash looked at her two friends. "Is it something about Discord? That's all I heard."

Rarity nodded her head and swallowed the marshmallow. "I said-"

"NOTHING!"

A smug smile appeared on Rainbow Dash's face. "Twilight, do you like Discord?"

"NO! It's the other way around!"

Rainbow Dash started laughing out loud.

"Priceless!"

Twilight sighed. "Well, see you guys later, I guess."

"Bye!"

Chapter 8: Going Crazy With Confusion

Twilight walks back to her home again, hoping that Rarity doesn't invite her back to her boutique.  Twilight began to think to herself: 'I  really just want to stay at home and relax...Or was relaxing the real reason? Would it have been any different if I was with Discord? Would I still want to go home then? Of course, I'm being stupid. Why would I like Discord? Do I like him? Is that it? No, it can't be. Why would I like him?'

Twilight then has a flashback of having a chit-chat with Cadence after the wedding: " Cadence, you're the princess of love, right?"

"Of course."

"Can you tell me about love?- I mean not about friends or family members, but that very special somepony. I've never had a crush before.."

"Well, sometimes we may not even understand love- It may come out of nowhere. Or sometimes we can be denial about it, or embarrassed. But love does make you do crazy things- like when you meet that somepony, things are much happier. Nothing could ever go wrong- and sometimes you may find a false love- like Queen Chrysalis. But if it's that one pony that really makes you happy- and is true love, you sometimes may do crazy things for them. Sometimes other ponies may not even approve of you two- but if it's true, then it's true, and you can't be separated."

Twilight sighs. She was home.

She walks in her home. She felt shy, and embarrassed. Why would she even think of liking Discord? It's just so wrong! Or so she thought.

"Hey Twilight." Discord said.

"Hey." 'Of course he says hi to me first' Twilight thinks to herself.

King Sombra looks at his watch. "It is 3:00."

Twilight sighs. "These days go by so fast."

"True dat." Queen Chrysalis said.

"Maybe it's because it seems short. Maybe you've been traveling to much, my dear. Take a rest." Discord said,patting a seat on the couch.  Twilight sits down.

"Things have calmed down a lot since yesterday."

"Yeah, I don't really get that. Usually Sundays or Wednesdays are the lazy days."

Twilight giggles. "Lazy days? That is so true!"

"Well Discord is just used to having 'Spicy' or 'juicy' days." King Sombra said.

"You know me so well." Discord says sarcastically.

"Don't I?"

Discord rolls his eyes.

Queen Chrysalis smiles slyly. "You know, I'm kind of hungry. King Sombra, want to go to a market and get some food?"

King Sombra picks up what Queen Chrysalis is laying down.(Not literally.) "Sure."

"See you two Lo-" King Sombra pushes Queen Chrysalis out of the door.

Spike rushes to King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis, who was also apart of "The Plan". "I wanna come!"

"Don't you want to go too Discord?" Twilight asks.

"I don't like markets. I always get strange looks."

"Well that's ironic. Like, 95% of the ponies that go there are weirdos."

They both share a laugh. Twilight gets lost in her thoughts: 'I  feel so happy! I  don't  know how to explain it, it is a different type of happy. Perhaps sentimental? Or....Love? I've never felt that kind of love though. Should  I  tell him? Or will he tell me? Is he scared that I'll reject him? I'd never! That's so mean. What do I do now?'

"Hello? Equestria to Twilight." Discord waved a paw in front of Twilight's face.

"Huh?"

"You were daydreaming."

"Oh..Sorry."

"No problem."

This was Twilight's big chance. Her heart was beating out of her chest. (Not literally.)

"Is something wrong?" Discord noticed Twilight turning pale.

"No."

"You don't look OK."

Twilight takes a deep breath. "I'm fine." The lavender color returned to her face.

"Well Twilight, I have to tell you something."

Twilight looks into Discord's eyes.

"I want you to know that since that very first day we met..." Discord stares at the ground.

"What, Discord? What?"

Discord looks back at Twilight. "Twilight... I love you."

Chapter one: WHAT?

                                                    Twilight Sparkle gets up from her bed. Her mane was a huge mess. She groans and walks up to her mirror. Rarity would faint if her mane looked like that. She lazily grabbed her brush with her magic, and combs away the tangles from her mane. Then her phone rings. She picks it up.

"Hello?" She asks tiredly.

"Hello,Twilight." Twilight recognized that angellic, soft voice. None other than Princess Celestia, her life-long mentor and guide.

"I need you to be prepared-No, not now. When I'm done!"

"Is something wrong princess?"

"Oh, sorry. SOMEPONY keeps bugging me. Anyway, for the next few years or so, you'll be living with-DAMMIT DISCORD!"

"hehe."

"Do you just want to call back?" Twilight asked.

"No, I'm fine. Anyhow, you'll be living with King Sombra, Discord, and Queen Crysalis."

"WHAT? why?" Twilight asked.

"For the hell of it," Discord answered.

"Knock it off, Discord!" Luna screams in the backround.

"Ugh, fine. I'll go to the nerd's home."

Twilight didn't say anything. She sighed as she put the phone back in it's place. There was nothing she could do. Her ears almost popped off of her head when she heard Spike scream. They're here. Twilight thought dully.

"TWIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" Spike screamed. She walked down the stairs, tripping and falling on her face. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

"I'm coming!" After what seemed like ten ages, she finally reaches the end of the staircase.

"Yes?" she asked Spike.

Spike pointed at the door. There stood Queen Crysalis, King Sombra, and Discord behind the door peeking at the window.

Twilight sighs and walks over to the door and opens it. Discord was laughing. "What did you do?"

"Nothiiiing."

"You did something," she said.

"I only told Shining Armor that we'd live with you."

Rainbow Dash was in the backround clearing some clouds. She watched carefully. What is that mare doing? She thought to herself.

As soon as Discord, Queen Crysalis, and King Sombra walked inside, Rainbow Dash, Shining Armor, and Cadence all ran inside. (Shining Armor and Cadence teleported there as soon as they heard the news.)

"There's NO way I'm letting YOU guys live with my sister!" Shining Armor said.

"Well buck! I was planning on having a four-way with them later!" Discord says sarcasticly.

Well that was enough to rage Shining Armor. He ran towards Discord."AWW HELLL NO!!" He screamed.

"You frickin' pedo!" Rainbow Dash screamed.

Discord was standing on one of Twilight's highest bookshelves. Soon, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Apple Jack all ran in to see the commotion.

"What's going on here?" Apple Jack asked.

"Oh, good! You're all here! NOW LET'S READ TWILIGHT'S DIARY, SHALL WE?" Discord asked.

Twilight gasped. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She was trying to climb the bookshelf to reach the diary.

"Let's read yesterday's entry."

"NOT THAT OONE!" Twilight screamed.

"Dear Diary, Today was weird. I was reading one of my books when I heard a noise. I thought nothing of it and I just continued reading the book. I heard it again. I walk up to Spike's room to- t-to!" Discord starts cracking up.

"To f-find him clopping to nude pictures of Rarity!" He starts full-out laughing. "I-I wasn't sure of what to d- do so I ignored it and just walked away. I just decided to make my own lunch figuring that there'd probaly be dragon jizz in my food if Spike made it!" Discord was laughing hard. "This is priceless!"

Rarity passed out.

"Oh, what's this? You wrote about today too?"

"Don't.You.Dare." Twilight said.

"Today Celestia assigned me to live with Queen Chrysalis, Discord, and King Sombra. Let's start off with Queen Crysalis. A few weeks ago she tried to 'Get down' with my brother. Discord is just an asshole.He m-" He starts laughing again. "He molests my friends and me, makes ponyville look like shit, and then I regret turning him into stone.Why? Well I've been turned into stone before, it's not paradise. And then there's King Sombrero who just growled and scared the crystal ponies. So I have to live with a slut and two assholes. Let's see how well this goes....."

"You should be a comedian, Twilight." Discord said.

"That's it, I'm leaving." Shining Armor said.He left Twilight's house. Cadence and Twilight's friends followed.

King Sombra closed the door. "It begins," he said.

Chapter 2: Chaos

Twilight sighed. King Sombra ran to the kitchen to max on Spike's gems. Queen Chrysalis was playing with her hooves.

"So, do your legs whistle when you fly? Can you even fly?" Discord suddenly asks Queen Chrysalis.

She gives him a dirty look.

"Sorrry miss butthurt."

Then he walks over to Twilight, who was cleaning up the books Discord knocked off the shelf when he jumped on it.

"What're you doing?"

"Cleaning. Maybe you've heard of it?"

"Perhaps," Discord said.

She sighed. "I can already tell that this is NOT going to end well."

"Divaaaa."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Something."

"Maybe."

"Well, I don't even care."

"This is so boring. You live like this every day?"

"Yes.." Twilight chose her words carefully.

"Ugh, you need some spice in your life!"

"Oh no."

"Oh yeah." A toothy grin crept up on Discord's face.He snapped his lion paw. The room flooded with yellow goo.

"Ew! What even is this?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know," Discord said.

"What do you mean 'You don't know'?"

"It's just...Goo."

Discord turned his head to see Queen Chrysalis looking in horror as goo went through her hooves.

"What the hell is this?" She asked.

King Sombra ran out of the kitchen. "FIIIIIIIIRRRE!!" He screamed.

"What?!" Twilight asked.

"Apparently, this goo is extremely flammable.." Discord said, with a frown.

Spike ran out of the kitchen as well.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY IT WAS FLAMMABLE?!" Twilight asked.

"How was I supposed to know?"

"That doesn't matter now, we have to escape!" Queen Chrysalis shouted.

Fire spread across the library quickly. They were soon all trapped in a corner.

"Fucking Discord.." King Sombra said under his breath..

Twilight sighed. "Well, I guess this is the end..."

Discord snapped his fingers.  A fire extinguisher appeared in his hands. He pressed the lever and white stuff appeared all over the place.

Soon, the fire and the goo was gone. Twilight sighed of relief.

"OK, no more flammable goo alowed."

They all nodded their heads in agreement.

Later that day...

Twilight and her new house-guests decided that it'd be good if they just took a walk outside, and so Twilight can have her picnic with her friends.

The picnic was being held at their usual picnic spot, by that certain lake.

There was a checkered cloth on the floor, and Twilight's friends were setting up the picnic.

"Hi Twilight!" Pinkie Pie said, oblivious to King Sombra, Discord, and Queen Chrysalis.

"Oh...Them.." Rainbow Dash said disapprovingly.

"Oh? You seem upset," Discord said.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and continued to eat her daisy sandwich.

"Well I don't see the problem here," Discord said.

Rarity was sitting in her couch that she sat in when she was wailing like a drama queen.

"I do."

"What's the problem then?"

"I LEFT OPAL ALONE AT HOME WITH SWEETIE BELLE AND HER FRIENDS!!!!" Rarity proceeded to wail like a maniac.

"Screaming fillies in 3...2....-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

They all turn their heads towards the three running fillies, The cutie mark crusaders.

"RAAAAARITYYYYYYYY!!!!" Sweetie Belle screamed.

"What are THEY doing here!??" They all screamed more and ran away.

"Nice meeting you too!"

Chapter 4: RUUUN!!

                                          Shining Armor looked at Twilight in concern.

"Are you OK?"

Twilight looked in surprise.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine."

"Is something wrong?" Cadence asked.

"No, not at all."

"Something's wrong."

"What happened at the picnic?"

Twilight was sweating. Her heart was pounding.

"N-nothing.."

Twilight then teleported back to the picnic.

"That is NOT funny Rainbow Dash!" Discord said.

"I'm not surprised! After all, you molested her the most!"

"But that didn't even happen!"

"You never know!"

Discord was about to respond when Twilight came running towards them.

"Hurry! Get up!"

Queen Chrysalis, Discord, and King Sombra all got up and began to run with Twilight. With her magic, Twilight levitated  the laptop and ran with them.

Shining Armor teleported there and began chasing them.

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY SISTER??!!!"

"Don't tell me you told him about the picture," Discord said.

"No, I didn't."

Discord looks at Shining Armor who was close behind.

"You sure?"

"I DIDN'T!"

"Okay!"

Queen Chrysalis whistled. A changeling that disguised itself as Cadence appeared.

"Shining Armor, Calm down." It said.

Suddenly, King Sombra tackled the changeling that looked like Cadence.

"AHH!"

"Prepare your anus."

"NOOOO!"

Shining Armor ran to King Sombra , and knocked him off.

"Are you OK?"

The changeling took its original form and kissed him on the cheek.

"My hero!"

"UGH!"

Twilight, Queen Chrysalis, and Discord were almost home when King Sombra teleported to them. Then, they ran inside and slammed the door and locked it.

"Phew, that was close."

"No, he was never gonna catch us," Queen Chrysalis said sarcastically.

Discord rolled his eyes.

"Now time to delete that picture!" Twilight said as she opened the laptop.

Just as she was going to click 'delete', Shining Armor busted the door open.

"Fuck!" She whispered.

"What's going on here?!" Shining Armor asked. "And why did Twilight throw up?"

Discord was about to speak up when Queen Chrysalis shoves a leftover sandwich in his mouth.

"MMMMMM! MMMMMM HMMMHMMMMMM!"

King Sombra grabbed a crystal.

"I'm gonna take this crystal...."

"AND EAT IT!" Suddenly, dramatic music started to play.

"What?"

Discord finally swallows the bread.

"Well, Shining Armor, Some pedo drew porn of your sister."

"WHAT?!"

Discord starts chuckling.

"Yes."

Discord runs upstairs and gets a camera.

"This is going on YouTube."

Shining Armor cautiously walks towards the laptop. Twilight wasn't using it, but instead reading a book.

He opens it.

"WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!"

Discord starts laughing out loud.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT????!!!!!!"

"Alllll night long."

"FUCKING FUCK FUCK CUNT!!!!"

Shining armor charges towards Discord, but Discord climbs to the highest shelf.

"Your sister lost her virginity before you did!" Discord said, still holding the camera.

Shining Armor bashes against the bookshelf.

"Feisty! JUST LIKE YOUR SISTER!"

Cadence sighed as she walked in and dragged Shining Armor out.

"FUCK YOU DISCORD!"

"I hope you come to the baby shower."

Shining Armor screams as Cadence drags him away.

Twilight sighed.

"No more porn, guys. It's fucked up." Twilight said to the camera.

Discord immediately uploaded it on YouTube.

"This is going to be hilarious!"

Twilight rolled her eyes.

"We will NEVER speak of this again."

Chapter 5: Hay Guuurl

                                        Twilight sighed.

"That was humiliating..."

Discord grabbed a drink.

"I didn't know you had beer.."

"Oh , great..."

Discord starts drinking it. He soon finishes the whole bottle.

"Twilight has beer?" Queen Chrysalis asked.

"I hate beer," King Sombra said.

"What's beer?" The Cutie Mark Crusaders suddenly ask.

"Girls! What are you doing here?" Twilight asks.

"We thought that we'd be good spies!" Scootaloo said.

" I have to say, you are really good." Twilight said. "But spying isn't right... May you go back to your club-house and brainstorm something else?"

"Sure," AppleBloom said with a sigh.

Twilight turned her head to see five bottles laying on the floor.

"Oh no..."

"Chug, chug, chug, chug , chug, chug, chug!" Discord finished the bottle and threw it on the floor. SMASH!

"S-sixxxxxx bottlessss I-in a rroow. Gimme f-fifty dollas n-now.."

Queen Chrysalis starts laughing.

"Hey Twilight!"

"What?"

"Discord's drunk!"

"Good to know.."

Twilight sighed.

"W-wut? It's Fr-idays n-ight! Parttttttys annnnnd getting drunk.."

Twilight starts laughing.

"Hay guuurl....You never got d-runnnnk???"

"Hey, look! It's trying to communicate!" King Sombra said.

Twilight looked at Discord, who trapped her In a corner.

"No, I have never gotten drunk."

"Hhhhoww cuum?"

Twilight starts laughing again.

"I'm going to text Shining Armor about this..."

"Nnnnoooo." Discord grabbed her phone.

"Why not?"

"Asssshole doesn't neeeeeed to know.."

"Well can you stop trapping me?"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNein."

"Why not?"

"I-I-I dooon't knoooow.."

Twilight tried to be serious, but the whole situation was hilarious. She just kept on laughing.

"Uh, a  l-little hel-help?" Twilight kept on laughing.

"I'lllllll heeeelllllppppp" King Sombra said, laughing.

"Meeee toooooooo." Queen Chrysalis said.

"What's going on in here?" Spike asked.

"Discord got REALLY drunk.." Twilight said.

" Are you OK?"

"I guess."

Spike sighed.

"I'll go get Rarity.."

"Mr. Fappp! YOuu nooo getttt ugglyyy whhhhore faacce."

Twilight starts laughing harder.

"Rarity is NOT an ugly whore face!"

"Uhhhhh-Huuuuh!"

"No!"

"Yeaaah!"

"Discord, you should be a comedian."

"Thankkk yOUZ"

Twilight tried to find a way out of the corner. She couldn't..

Rarity ran in.

"Twilight!"

"Oh! Hi Rarity!"

"How long have you been there?"

"I don't know.."

Rarity starts laughing.

"I'm sending this picture to Shining Armor!"

Discord finally finishes trapping Twilight and grabs Rarity's phone and EATS IT.

"AHHH! You BEAST!"

Rarity ran out the door.

"I'm gon geet moar beeeeeeer."

Discord snaps his fingers and more beer appears.

"Alright Discord, c'mon. Let's go to bed now.." Twilight says calmly.

Discord runs to one of the guest rooms and jumps on the bed.

Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra go to their guest rooms and go to sleep.

Twilight and Spike both crawl into their beds and fall asleep.

3 hours later...______________________________________________________________________________________

It was 3:00 AM. Twilight suddenly hears something. She turns around and Discord was laying in her bed.

Twilight almost screams, and jumps off of the bed. Discord wakes up.

"Ugh.. My head...What happened?"

"You got extremely drunk."

"Whatever...Just remember never to give me beer again..ever."  Discord falls back asleep. Twilight sighs and crawls back into her bed.

"Goodnight," She whispers.

Chapter 10: Feces Are Delicious

Discord and Twilight walk to the carnival. Discord looks at everypony playing. "This is sooo booooooooring."

"Oh no."

Discord snaps his lion paw. A giant pile of poop appears on the roller coaster. Ponies start screaming. "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Discord starts laughing.

"Discord!? Where did you even get that shit?"

"I don't know."

"Take it away!"

"Fine." He snaps both fingers and the smelly shit disappears and instead it starts raining candy. Immediately, kids pick up the candy, unwrap it, and eat it. They spit the candy out. The candy was shit. Discord starts laughing out loud.

"Priceless!!!!!"

Twilight sighs. It starts raining. "Let's just go."

"Ok."

Discord snapped his lion paw and Twilight and Discord disappeared. They landed in Manehattan.

"Manehattan?" Twilight asked. "I always wanted to go here!"

"Well now you're he-"

Twilight gasps.

"What's wrong?"

Twilight points to a sign that says "Wanted:Dead or alive. Reward 7,000,000 bits" And has a picture of Discord and Twilight.

"Oh."

Suddenly, three mares teleport, a yellow, orange, and red one. Twilight gasps. "Yooou!" Twilight says surly.

"Oh, Twilight Sparkle! Long time no see, eh?" The red unicorn says.

Twilight frowns.

"Well, Twilight. We heard that Princess Celestia is looking for you and... him." The orange unicorn says.

"And she's paying big money." The yellow unicorn states, with a big grin on her face.

"Dafuq is going on here?" Discord asks.

"These whores are my life-long enemies." Twilight points at the red pony. "That's Crimson. Her two lackeys are Canary and naranja."

"Oh."

"Well, Twilight, I'd rather be a whore than kiss that thing!"

"I am not a thing. I am a draconequus. I also have a gender, you know. And anyway, I'd like to see what kind of pussies your colt-friends are."

"Ugh! How dare you?! Azul is quarter-back jock guy!" Crimson says.

"He already sounds like a pussy."

"No!!! AAAAZZZZUUUUULLLLL!!!!!!" Immediately, a blue unicorn stallion appeared.

"What's wro- AHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT IS THAT???!!!!" Azul starts running away.

"My point exactly."

"W-whatever! He still has big balls!"

"On which planet?"

Crimson screams. "C'mon Naranja and Canary, I don't even want  the money!" The three unicorns walk away.

"Thanks, Discord."

"My pleasure."

Chapter 11: Romance Movies.

                              Twilight sighed. "Ya know Discord, I think we should just go back to ponyville," Twilight said, looking disappointed.

"What? Why?"

"We have no choice. Ponies are just going to keep chasing us."

"What about Shining Armor?"

"Well, we'll come up with something. "

"Oh, alright then." Discord snaps his lion paw and teleports to Twilight's home.

King Sombra sat in the middle of the room, staring. In better words, he looked rather surprised. He gulped. "Did you guys run into a red pony in manehattan?"

"Yes," Discord says slowly. "Why?"

King Sombra smiles. "Oh, no reason...."

Just then, Shining Armor busts in, dragging Queen Chrysalis. " You're not a good liar, Queen." Queen Chrysalis sheepishly smiles.

"Discord, I wanna know why you had the BALLS to kiss my sister right in front of me! I mean really!!! First of all, I'm not even supposed to see her first kiss, and second you're like, ten million years old, ya pedophile!!!!!"

"That's offensive. I have no age. And besides, it was MY first kiss too."

"Wait, wait. Then how'd you know how to kiss Twilight?" Cadence asked.

"A while back King Sombra and I used to watch A LOT of romance movies."

"Wait..what? You guys were gay?" Cadence asked.

"Nooooo! My sister Eris used to force us to watch stupid romance movies!!"

Cadence accidentally snorts. Then, Eris teleports there. "They are NOT stupid!"

"Yeah they are!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Really? Twilight Sparkle? Those were only the gayest of gay movies."

"HOW DARE YOU!!!????"

"How dare I."

"ENOUGH!" Shining Armor screams. "NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS ABOUT GAY MOVIES!!!! I WANNA KNOW WHY THE FUCK DISCORD KISSED MY FUCKING SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone stares at Shining Armor. Shining Armor frowns. "Ooops?"

"I kissed her 'cause  I wanted to. Does that answer your question?"

"That's a pathetic answer, Discord." Discord glances at King Sombra angrily.

"You're fucking lucky I'm letting you date my sister."

"AH! NOW YOOOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shining Armor shouts. "WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Cadence starts laughing.

"What did you do?"

"I gave him some beer. We're going to go now. Good luck you two!" Cadence says as she drags Shining Armor away.

"You should go too Eris." Discord says.

"Oo someone wants some "alone" time!" Discord frowns. Eris kisses King Sombra on the cheek and hugs Discord. "See you guys later." Eris brofists Queen Chrysalis and Twilight and then teleports away.

Queen Chrysalis sighs. "That was Craaaazzzyyy."

"Yeah," Discord agrees.

"Well cheers to another looong day." King Sombra says. "Goodnight everypony."

"Goodnight." everyone else says.

Twilight walks to her bed. Discord jumps on the bed. Twilight  gives Discord a surprised look. "What're you doing?"

"Weeelll I AM your coltfriend, right?"

"Yes."

"Then I should sleep here with you!" Twilight smiles.

"Of course." She crawls on to the bed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Discord and Twilight both fall asleep. The days ahead will be less eventful, until that one day when Celestia finds a home in which Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis can live in individually.

Chapter 3: Oh dear..

                                           The cutie mark crusaders were long gone.  Rarity sighed "Poor girls...."

"It's not that bad....Right?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"If you think seeing three villains that tried to take over Equestria after being attacked by a vicious cat as a filly is OK, then yes, it isn't that bad."

Rainbow Dash looked at Rarity angrily. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood, you cunt!"

"Well at least I'm not a potty-mouth!"

"Yeah, you're a shit-mouth!"

Discord snapped his fingers and a bowl of popcorn appeared.

"Dis gon be good," he said as he shoved popcorn into his mouth.

"Rainbow Dash! It.Is.On!"

"Come at me bro!"

"Girls!" Rarity was just about to charge at Rainbow Dash when she stopped to look at Twilight.

"Fighting is NOT going to solve anything!"

Rarity sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Now, who wants to look at some fan art?"

Pinkie Pie grinned and raised her hoof in the air. "Oooh! I do, I do!"

Twilight grabbed her laptop and everyone gathered around her. She opened the laptop up and began to sign in for her email.

"Woah, we got a lot of fan art today!" Twilight said looking at all of the emails.

"Oh, hey look! Someone made a DJ Pon-3 drawing!" Rainbow Dash said.

"How do you know?" AppleJack asked.

"Well, unless you know somepony named 'DiscoLight', it's probably DJ Pon-3."

Twilight clicked on it. The image loaded and then appeared. Twilight almost had a heart attack.

"AAAAHHH!" Twilight threw the laptop and began running away screaming.

"Who had the balls to email us porn?" Discord asked.

"Maybe we shouldn't have clicked on that," King Sombra said.

They all look at him. "You don't say?"

"It had to be said."

At Ponyville...

Twilight was running around, screaming.

She saw Shining Armor and Cadence down the street. They turn to Twilight.

"Why are you screaming, Twilly?"

Twilight proceeds to throw up on the floor.

Chapter 9: What the hell?

Twilight looked at Discord in surprise. It's odd, she was expecting it yet, she was still surprised. Discord sighed.

"Yeah, yeah I'm an old geezer and-" Twilight interrupts.

"No, you're not. You're eternal. You have no age."

Discord looked at Twilight. He was very surprised.

" And you know Discord.." Twilight pauses for a moment. She was very nervous. "Y-you know. I- I love you too."

Discord didn't resist. He grabbed Twilight by the jaw and kissed her.

Suddenly, Shining Armor and Cadence conveniently walk in right when Discord decided to kiss Twilight.

"So Twilight I was wondering if-" Shining Armor walks in the house.

Twilight faints in Discord's arms.

"What the hell?" Shining Armor was calm, but fucking surprised.

"...."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT???!!!!"

Discord shrugs. "At least it's not that picture."

"FUCK YOU!"

"Don't you know it's a fucking- NO PUN INTENDED- picture?"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Did you really just say that?" Cadence asked.

"YOU WERE FUCKING FUCK FUCK KISSING MY FUCKING SISTER!!!!" D:

"Oh yeah.... You guys kind of killed the moment..."

"FUUUUUCKKKKK YYYYOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!"  Shining Armor charges towards Discord. Discord jumps on that highest shelf that he always jumps on. Discord was holding Twilight in his arms.

"Well, I gotta go!" Discord snaps his lion paw and disappears. Shining Armor was chasing right behind Discord. Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, and Spike all bumped into Shining Armor on "accident".

"Spike, grab all of the groceries, and go to Rarity's!" Queen Chrysalis shouts. Spike doesn't hesitate. He snatches all of the bags and runs to Rarity's house. Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra run towards Discord and Twilight.

"Let me guess: You tried to pull a smooth move, Shining Armor busted in, Twilight fainted, and you guys are running away." King Sombra said.

"Yes."

"FUCKING TELEPORT!" Queen Chrysalis shouted as Shining Armor was running close behind.  Discord snapped his fingers and teleported, but Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra were left there.

"Oooh yeah.." King Sombra said with a sly smile, looking at Queen Chrysalis.

"No."

"Aaawww. D:"

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Discord teleported to an unfamiliar street. He sighed. He walked over to a store named "Target". He put  Twilight on a bench.

And waited.

And waited. Twilight finally woke up. Discord turned his head.

"W-what happened?" Twilight asked.

"I kissed you when Shining Armor appeared out of nowhere and then you fainted. "

"Oh. Where are we now?"

Discord shrugs. "I don't know."

Twilight gets off of the bench. "Well I'm not going to just sit around."  Discord walks off of the bench.

"What do we do now?"

"Well there's a carnival over there."

Discord smiles. "Let's go."