With A Little Help From My Friends

After a few minutes of walking, or in Pinkie’s case, hopping, down several streets, we had arrived at a large pink and white building that resembled a cake. The building was mainly brown and pink with white ‘icing’ and multi-coloured ‘sprinkles’ adorning it.

I bet they make cake here.

You don’t say? Gee whiz, buddy! I thought they would serve tea and sandwiches!

Good thing I told you otherwise then, dipshit.

Go fuck yourself.

“Here we are! Sugar Cube Corner!” Pinkie said cheerfully “Come on in! I’ll show you around!” Pinkie got behind me and pushed me inside the cake-like building.

Upon entering, Pinkie gave me a very, very quick tour of the kitchen and shop which was greatly sped up by her shoving me into every room and speaking a hundred miles a minute about the room and some stories of events that happened in those rooms. I hardly remember a word of what she was saying and I certainly wasn’t going to ask her to tell the stories again.

Well why the fuck not?

Really? You’re really asking me why?

Well yeah! I want to hear the rest of that story with the oatmeal!

Oh for fuck’s sake…

“So, that’s Sugar Cube Corner for ya! Do you like it?” She asked.

“Oh yeah, this is a nice little place you got here Pinkie.” I replied.

“You need a place to stay, don’t cha?” She asked. Before I could remind her that that was the entire reason she brought me here in the first place, she was already taking me upstairs to show me to the guest bedroom.

In the room was a single bed with a small bedside table that hardly had room for the lamp that sat on it. An armchair and table sat on a small carpet in the center of the room. A chest of drawers was against a wall with a mirror next to it hanging on the wall. There were also a couple of paintings on the wall, one of which was of a hill that resembled the default desktop on a computer using Windows XP, the other was of a beach with a single palm tree.

“Do you like it? Huh?Huh?Huh?” Pinkie said sticking her face directly in front of mine “You have your own bathroom and closet too!” She said as she opened the bathroom door and seemingly teleported to the other side of the room to open the closet.

“Wow, thanks Pinkie.” I said setting down my guitar case and amp “This room is fantastic, thank you so much.”

“It’s no trouble Jimmy! Now, I’m gonna go get your party set up for tonight, you get yourself settled up here, okay?” She said as she was about to exit the room.

“Oh, wait up Pinkie,” I asked before she left, she poked her head out from the other side of the door and looked at me “You don’t want any help setting up the party?”

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve had a long day, I don’t want you all tired and sleepy at the party!” She said as she closed the door.

She was right. Even though I had hardly been up for maybe four hours at maximum, it had certainly been a long day. Another thing she was right about was me being tired for the party if I tried to help set it up. I lay down on the bed, slowly slipping from my consciousness…

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?

What the hell do you mean? I just explained what I’m doing in the last paragraph!

Come on, son. Sleeping? Right now? Son, I am disappoint.

Disappoint at what?! Should I be somewhere doing something? Should I be off exploring the town meeting ponies who are more than likely afraid of me?

Retard, think about what you have been lugging around with you all day.

I looked over the side of my bed. On the floor sat my guitar case and my newly acquired amplifier. They glowed with an odd white light that obviously was not natural.

Do you see?

I see… I see… I want… I need… Very much…

You wanna play?

Yessss… Yesss… I want to play…

Go play.

I sprang up from the bed, flipping open my guitar case, taking out my guitar and giving it a quick tune-up by ear. After putting the guitar down on the bed a bit more hurriedly than I usually would, I opened my backpack withdrawing the effects pedal, two ¼ inch jacks and a power cable for the pedal. As I untangled the cables and glanced upon the power cable a thought came to mind.

Oh shit son.

What?

Do they have electricity in this world?

Uh-oh…

I frantically looked around the room for a power socket. Oh God, oh God, oh shit, they better have electricity in this world!! I thought to myself. My eyes rested on one power socket next to the bedside table near the floor.

WOOO! ELECTRICITY!

I unplugged the lamp and plugged in my amplifier and effects pedal to the socket, fumbling with the plugs due to excitement. I plugged in everything and got ready to play. As my finger approached the power switch of the amplifier, I stopped. I had forgotten something, a guitar pick. I opened the guitar case again to take one out of the ‘secret’ compartment under where the neck would rest. As I inspected the compartment more closely, I noticed it was bulging unusually. I opened it to find several packs of strings which I know weren’t there before as well as a small satchel containing a hefty number of picks of different colours and sizes.

WOOOOOO! MORE FREE SHIT!

I switched on the amp and waited for it to hum to life. As the lights turned on, the amplifier let out a horribly loud screech of feedback.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! TURN IT OFF!!! TURN IT OFF!!!! DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR EARS, DUMBASS!!!! TURN IT OFF!!!!!

I obliged my brain’s command and turned the volume to zero. I scanned the settings of the amplifier to find the gain at maximum along with the bass, mid and treble. I set all of these effects to five and looked through the other settings. There were built-in effects on the amp as well as amplifier types. The effect it was set to was a phaser effect and the amp type was set as a ‘6505’. That name meant nothing to me along with the rest of the amp names. I switched the effect to bypass and turned the volume up on the amp, just to one for now. I didn’t want to explode the village in a blast of deafening feedback that would surely end up destroying all of Equinion, or, whatever this place is called. After messing around with the amplifier types, I rested on one that seemed to be the cleanest amp setting simple labelled ‘twn’.

At last I was able to play. I set the volume of the pedal higher and shut off all the effects that were present. I started playing a small improv around C# to test out the sound I was getting. So far, I liked it. I stopped the improv after I had toyed with the bass setting and proceeded to practice Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin; I decided to sing it too, just because I could. I managed to get through the entire song including the solo while singing in key for once. I was quite content with the feat I had accomplished. I then started playing with the different effects the pedal had to offer. I greatly enjoyed the octave effects it had as well as the wah effects, not to mention the delay and loop shifter.

After about an hour of playing random tunes, I remembered I had my laptop in my bag. I put down the guitar on the bed and booted it up. The first thing I did was check the time; the clock read 5:24 pm. The position of the sun seemed to correspond with the time the computer had.

HOLD THE FUCK UP SON.

What’s this?

An internet connection? But… That’s not possible… I connected to the network and was able to access all the websites I would normally go on as well as Skype.

WOOOOOOOOO! WE CAN CONTINUE TO EXPAND OUR LIBRARY OF PORN!

. . .

Well, what are you waiting for?!

Later.

I tried sending a few instant messages, however, it did not work. As I pressed enter or clicked on the icon to send the messages, it would not work. The same rule applied for e-mails. I was able to write them, just not send them. Even if they were sent to my own address. I also wasn’t able to comment on videos or pictures.

Hey, where the hell is this connection coming from anyway? We don’t have 3G or 4G or any of that…

Wherever the connection was coming from, it was very close. The name of the network was a jumble of letters and symbols that read ‘HS*3R9()*Hlkr$Y4HCNBDY84249’.

WHO CARES AS LONG AS YOU STILL GET YOUR PORN!?!?

I had a point. At least I had internet, even though I’m probably the only person on it anymore. That’s not really a problem. Just means I can’t troll anyone on websites anymore.

You know, that’s probably a good thing.

Wait, what? Since when did you start disliking trolling? That seems to be the only thing you do!

Never, I meant it’s a good thing as in you can try to do it elsewhere, like, oh I dunno, in REAL LIFE?

Once again, I gave a strong point. I looked at the clock again. 6:49 p.m. I put away my guitar, placed the cords in the hollow back of the amplifier, pushed the amp against the wall neatly and placed my pedal on top of it. I rummaged through my bag again to refresh my memory on what I had with me.

Well, that’s going to be a problem, innit?

Outside of some other minor guitar and computer paraphernalia in my bag, all I had was one change of clothes in my bag.

Shit.

That’s a damn shame. Not only will you be living in a magical world of ponies, but you’ll be sewing too. What a granny’s boy you’ll be.

That sounds like great fun and all, but there should be a tailor in this town who can make me some clothes.

Well you best hope they aren’t terrified of you.

I took off my shoes and lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I wondered who would be coming to the party tonight. Twilight was coming for sure, but who else? I tried to remember other ponies I had seen in pictures other than Pinkie.

There was an orange pony who wore a cowboy hat, not sure of her name. Woo! Cowgirl! If you know what I mean... Another one was a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane; I couldn’t remember her name either. I’m telling you man, her name’s YELLOWQUIET! Of course I’m right! All those 4chan posts said so! Oh, there was another Pegasus, a blue one that had a rainbow coloured mane, that one was called Rainbow Dash. Right, the lesbian one who’s always shown with the cowgirl!

Then there was a white one with a purple mane… I think it was a unicorn… Rarity… Or something…

She’s supposed to be hot, you should bang her.

WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU EARLIER?!

I’m just sayin’ man! If push comes to-

NO.

What i-

NO.

B-

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Oh fine. Anyway, I think she makes clothes or some shit. You should probably check that out since you’re not checking out her ass.

Oh right! She makes clothes! Maybe she’d be able to help me out with my clothing crisis. There is no chance of me walking around Ponyville naked. Not a chance in hell. I already had ponies looking at me funny, I didn’t need more attention. I suppose those ponies will be here for sure. I definitely wouldn’t know anypony else.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! OH MY GOD THAT’S HILARIOUS!!!!

What? What’d I say?

Yo- BAHAHAHAHAA!!! OH JESUS CHRIST MY SIDES!!!

Your sides are my sides and I feel nothing, what is it?!

You… You said… ANYPONY!!! BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh God… I’m talking like them now… NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

There was a knock on the door followed by the creak of the door opening slightly, Pinkie stuck out her head.

“Jimmy, the party starts in half an hour, okie-dokie? I’ll call you when it’s time to come down!” She then closed the door and I heard hoofsteps go back downstairs.

“Well, so much for getting some shut-eye before the party.” I said to myself out loud.

Don’t care. The guitar stuff was totally worth it.

I suppose. Well, better go get ready.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! HOLD THE FUCK UP SON! YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR OLD SPICE! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE OUR MANLY MAN SCENT IF WE DON’T HAVE OU- Oh look; you do have your Old Spice. Okay, false alarm!

I rolled my eyes at the panicked voice in my head as I took the Old Spice body wash and deodorant from my bag and took them into the bathroom with me. I took a quick shower so I would at least be fresh for the party. Cuz nigga gotta be fresh! After my shower, I put on the clean shirt that was in my bag and went downstairs.

“SURPRISE!!” shouted Pinkie and five other ponies just as I cleared the staircase and came into view. I nearly had a heart attack.

JESUS CHRIST DIRECT ALL POWER TO SHIEL- Oooooh, cake!

It wasn’t supposed to be a surprise party, because, well, I knew about it. I was still surprised nonetheless. There were streamers and confetti everywhere as well as every possible party decoration imaginable. A large banner read “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!” in bubbly lettering. There were cupcakes, potato chips and all manner of party food on one of the tables. On another table was a large punch bowl with several glasses. Underneath the banner stood Twilight and the rest of the main ponies except Pinkie, wait, where was Pinkie? Suddenly I was tackled by a pink blur.

“Welcome to Ponyville, Jimmy!” Pinkie Pie said hugging me tightly.

“Wow! Thanks Pinkie! This party looks awesome!” I replied. This truly was quite amazing; I never expected to have a party like this in honour of me being thrown forward in time several thousand years. It did feel quite special. Even though the décor did seem a little child-like, it was still a good feeling to have a party thrown for me.

“Come on! Let me introduce you to my friends!” Pinkie said hopping over to Twilight and the others. I walked over and the introductions began.

Inb4 I’m right about the blue one being a lesbian.

Yeah, like as if she’s just gonna go out and say “HI I’M RAINBOW DASH AND I’M A LESBIAN” Good thinking there, buddy.

Well, duh! Of course that’s how it will happen! Jesus, don’t you know anything?

“This is Applejack! She runs Sweet Apple Acres which is where all the apples are grown for Ponyville!” Pinkie explained. Applejack walked over to me and shook my hand vigorously.

“Well howdy’do Jimmy?” She said in a Southern accent still shaking my hand.

“I-I-I-m-m-d-d-o-in-g-g-al-l-l-ri-i-gh-h-t-t-t-ha-a-n-n-ks” I said still shaking, I took my left hand and grabbed the right one to stop the shaking.

Dude... She must give one hell of a hoof-

I WILL END YOU IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE.

“This is Fluttershy! She takes care of animals when they’re sick, as well as ponies sometimes too!” Pinkie said pointing to a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane “You might not have guessed it, but she’s really shy!”

“Hi there, Fluttershy.” I said, she stood there trying to hide her face behind her mane. “Okie-dokie then…” I said after a few seconds of awkward silence.

Really? Did you really expect her to be all cool with you? Her NAME even has shy in it! Come on, man!

“This is Rainbow Dash! She’s the fastest flyer ever! She’s the only pony who’s ever broken the sound barrier! She can also do the Sonic Rainboom!” Pinkie said enthusiastically.

“Heh heh, yes, it’s all true!” Rainbow Dash said proudly.

Looks like I was right, she didn’t just go out and say she’s a lesbian.

GO FUCK YOURSELF! SHE’LL ADMIT IT ONE DAY!

“Pardon me for asking, but what’s a Sonic Rainboom?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s what happens when I break the sound barrier. It’s basically a sonic boom that creates a rainbow in the process.” Rainbow Dash said “It’s pretty awesome, I’ll have to show you it sometime!”

“It does indeed sound awesome.” I replied.

“And last but not least, this is Rarity! She’s the town’s tailor and dressmaker!” Pinkie said.
Looks like I was right about one thing!

Congratulations, we tied for our inb4s, would you like a cookie?

I very much would like one! Please disregard this bitch and acquire cookies! They’re right on that table there! Come on man! You don’t even gotta say anything!

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, darling.” Rarity said in a supposedly lady-like voice that really just sounded snobby.

Just walk past her and take the cookies man! You can do this man! You can DO this! YOU can DO THIS! DO IT FUCKING FA-

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Rarity” I replied.

MAN I FUCKING HATE YOU! STOP MAKING CONVERSATION AND GO GET ME MY FUCKING COOKIES!!!

“Listen, I may actually have some work for you!” I continued while ignoring the barrage of insults my inner voice was throwing my way “I realised that the only clothes I possess are the ones I’m wearing now and the ones I was wearing earlier today. I’m going to need some more soon, is it possible you could make some for me? I’ll pay you, of course.”

“Why of course, darling! It may be a bit… Different, from what I normally do, but I simply cannot turn down a request like that! Come by my boutique tomorrow and I’ll do your measurements and such.”

“Thanks Rarity!” I replied happily. “Now that the introductions are out of the way, let’s get this party started!” The others agreed with cheering as they went about the party.

Now, I know you’re ma-

COOKIE. NOW. I WILL END YOUR MISERABLE LIFE IN YOUR FUCKING SLEEP IF YOU DON’T GO AND GET ME A FUCKING COOKIE RIGHT NOW YOU MISERABLE…

I walked over to the snack table and picked up a chocolate chip cookie. It was quite large, not that that was a problem at all. The barrage of insults continued along with a list of the gruesome punishments my inner voice had planned for me if I didn’t get a cookie immediately. I took a bite and the voice quieted down.

Ahhhhhh… Cookieeeeeeee… Chocolate chiiiiiiiip… I ever tell you how much I love you? You’re such a swell guy…

Stop being gay for a minute, eh? Twilight’s walking over to us.

Shall I set full power to weapons or engines then?

How about full power to speech so we can talk rather than just stand here like a drooling idiot.

It’s far more acceptable to stand drooling while staring into space while in a room full of people if it’s because of chocolate chip cookies, y’know?

“So, what do you think of the others?” Twilight asked me.

“They seem really nice.” I replied “I wish I got to talk to Fluttershy a little more, but I don’t really know how to go about it…”

The conversation and the party kept going on for an hour or so after. Pinkie and Fluttershy were dancing to some music that was being played through a record player. Twilight was now… Attempting, to dance, I stress attempting. Not that I could do much better, I’d probably be as skilled as she was. As far as I was concerned, any club would never be able to handle me or Twilight, let alone both of us at once.

You’ve got zero knowledge of dancing. But I’m sure you’d be Michael frickin’ Jackson next to her. Y’know, without all the pedophilia and nose jobs and race changes!

I struck up a couple conversations with Rainbow Dash as well as Applejack just about what kind of music they were into. Rainbow Dash loved rock ‘n roll and Applejack said she didn’t listen to too much music but could still appreciate different kinds of music. Pinkie overheard our conversation and joined in.

“Hey Jimmy! Why don’t you bring your guitar down here?” Pinkie asked as she hopped over “I bet everyone would like to hear the kind of music you play! I know I liked it!” I briefly wondered how she would’ve heard it when I realised I was playing through an amplifier and I realised that I wasn’t exactly worrying about how loud it was when I was playing.

Put the amp volume to five, he said… No one else will hear it, he said…

You’re implying that I’m a good influence. Stop it.

I know you’re not.

Then why in hell do you listen to me?

I actually don’t know.

You must be mentally retarded or clinically insane to actually follow my advice.

Can I be both?

You already are.

“Sure thing Pinkie!” I said as I went upstairs to get my guitar and other equipment. After grabbing my stuff, I returned downstairs and Pinkie showed me where I could plug in next to a table with a large cake on it. I had plugged in everything and was tuning my guitar when Fluttershy came over to me.

“Umm… Excuse me, but I was just wondering, if you don’t mind me asking, what kind of music do you play?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

OH MY GOD SHE’S SO FUCKING CUTE WITH HER SHYNESS AND STUFF OH MY JESUS H. CHRIST LOOK AT HER!!!!!!!

Calm your tits, please.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! SO FRICKING ADORABLE!!!!

Anyway…

“Well, I play mostly rock stuff, I play some classical pieces too, but mainly just rock.” I replied smiling.

Pfft… ‘Classical’. You mean Legend of Zelda music. Twat.

I was right. The only ‘classical music’ I played were songs from Legend of Zelda such as Zelda’s Lullaby. Not just the melody however. I would play it how it was arranged for piano. Like a sir, of course. I felt a bit bad for lying to her though. Time to move on from classical before she questions me about it.

“Do you like rock music?” I asked her.

“Oh yes, I like all kinds of music.” She replied smiling “Do you, write your own songs?”

“I have written a couple, yeah.” I replied “They’re not especially nice songs, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I have one that’s about someone telling their past lover that they can’t stand them anymore and they just want them to go away. The rest are mostly just songs about me being paranoid about girls I liked or being mad at myself for stupid things I had done.”

Fuckin’ emo.

Shut up.

“Oh… I see…”

“I don’t play those ones too often though. I do have one love song I play more frequently than those. But I mostly play songs by other rock bands I like.” I said as I started playing the intro of Holiday by Green Day and then started soloing in F.

“Hey everypony! Jimmy’s ready to play now!” Pinkie yelled. The ponies gathered around for the ‘show’.

“Well, uh, the stuff I play is mostly rock stuff… Err, it’s not really, umm… How do I put this… It’s not really stuff you can dance to, if you know what I mean. It’s not really party music.” I warned nervously.

Yeah dumbshit, let’s show we aren’t confident in anything we’re doing at all. You know, cuz, intelligence and shit.

“That’s not a problem.” Twilight said “I’m sure we’ll all like it.”

Hey did you hear that?

What?

I could've sworn I just heard someone shout 'PLAY FREEBIRD!'.

Screw off, I'm not pla-

No, no, I'm serious! I heard someone yell th-

There was a knock on the door, “I’ll get it!” shouted Pinkie as she bounced over to the door. She opened the door to find a pale-skinned human. He had curly hair that was a dirty blonde colour who was very slim. Pinkie gasped loudly and flew over to me.

“JIMMY! COME QUICK! COME QUICK!!!!” She said grabbing me and bringing me over to the door making my guitar fly off me and fly into the air.

OH CUNT!!!! AMY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

SHITE NONONONONONOOOO!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash quickly flew up from her seated position on the floor and into the air, catching the guitar before it could hit the ground.

RAINBOW DASH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW OH GOD SWEET JESUS YOU’RE A GODDAMNED SAINT I LOVE YOU!!!

WOOOOOOO!! RAINBOW DASH SAVED AMY!!!! I like Rainbow Dash, she saves my guitar and doesn’t afraid of anything.

Why is Pinkie dragging you over here? You should probably ask her now, eh?

“Pinkie, what is it…” I half-asked as I looked through the doorway to see my friend, Matt. He was here in Equestria too…