With A Little Help From My Friends

The sun’s in my face. I really hate that in the morning.

Wait, what? How? The sun can’t come through my window!

I opened my eyes and sat straight up in the bed and looked around the room. I looked around and remembered that I was in the guest bedroom of Sugar Cube Corner.

“Huh, so all that really wasn’t just a trippy, super-realistic dream after all.” I said out loud. I checked my watch to see it was only 7 am.

Ugh, no wonder I'm still tired.

I usually sleep until 12 pm and I had fallen asleep at around 2 am last night. I lay back down hoping I wouldn’t be interrupted.

“Good morning boys!” Pinkie said after throwing open the door “Come on! Breakfast will be ready soon! I hope you guys like eggs!” She said as she exited the doorway and heading downstairs. I groaned as I slammed my face into my pillow. I don’t know how I was gonna function today, I was running on hardly five hours of sleep, I needed more than that. Matt got out of his bed.

“Mornin’.” He said as he stood up.

No way in hell I’m moving my face from this pillow to answer him. Too fuckin’ COMFY.

“Mghhin’.” I said with my face still in the pillow.

“What’s the matter Jimmy?” he asked with a concerned look.

“I nfmh morfh swfhp.” I replied.

“Son, get your face out the pillow and speak English.” He said walking to the closet.

Oh, screw it.

“I need more sleep, dammit.” I said raising my head for a second and slamming it back down.

“Then sleep, but you’re missing out. At least it’s not a salad for breakfast. Remember, we can’t have any kinda meat in this world, eggs are as close as you’re getting, son.” He said as he entered the closet and closed the door.

Wait… That’s the closet isn’t it?

Well, good morning to you too.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, is that the closet?

Indeed it is.

Good thing we don’t have clothes in there yet…

After a few seconds, he emerged from the closet and stated “I knew that wasn’t the bathroom.”

“Yhmp, amb I’mb mophmer fmphinh Dmphld Dpmh.” I replied with my face still fully embedded in the pillow.

“Motherfucker, if you’re gonna talk, do it out of the pillow.”

“Nmph, wmpht lpmht ypmh.”

Matt sighed, giving up on properly understanding my muffled words and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Okay son, gimme a sit rep.

A sit rep? How long?

Give it to me straight, son.

We’re in a land of magical talking ponies.

That sounds about right.

So what do?

We play along.

Really? That’s the best you can come up with?

Well, you woke up this morning, didn’t you?

Yes.

Everything’s exactly as you remember it from yesterday?

Yes…

Then we’re not dreaming. Once again: This. Is. Real. Life. Get fuckin’ used to it. It won’t be changing any time soon. Or not, I don’t know. But for now, this is the real world. Don’t kill anypony. Don’t do things that would be obvious crimes like stealing. Just play it cool. If you find a way back to our time, make the decision whether this place is better than where we were before.

I’m pretty sure it’ll be lying down in front of my laptop day after day surfing the internet aimlessly. It sounds a lot less gay than living in a world of ponies.

You know, that’s pathetic that you would pick that over an actual life.

As I wrapped up my assessment of the situation, Matt came out of the bathroom still in the clothes he had slept in. He took those off and put on the one other outfit he had with him. As he sat down on the bed to put on his shoes, he decided to attempt getting me out of bed again.

“Dude, you should probably get up now.” He said as he finished putting on his right shoe.

“Urmphhhhhhh…” I groaned as I moved my legs from off the bed onto the floor with my face still in the pillow. I positioned myself so I had my knees on the floor, my body against the side of the bed and my face still firmly stuck in the pillow. After a while I finally said “Imph nmpht mpmhing.”

“No surprises there.” He said as he got up from his bed and went to exit the room.

Warn him about Rarity.

Wait, what? Why?

Dumbass, she’s the one who’s going to be taking your measurements and shit like that. She’ll be in close proximity to you. You don’t want to smell bad. I don’t care if they are ponies, humans, cats, aliens, whatever. Smell good. Trust me, it’ll help.

Fair enough. I was gonna bathe anyway, but Matt however…

“Dude? Did you bathe this morning?” I asked after turning my head so the side of my face was now in my pillow instead of the front.

“No, I didn’t, why?” He replied looking puzzled.

“No reason, just I don’t think Rarity will appreciate the fact you haven’t bathed this morning, trust me, it’s not a great first or second impression.” I got up from the floor and bed “My advice, after you have breakfast, or just generally any time before we go to Rarity’s, take a fuckin’ shower. Pretty please, with sugar on top.” I said as I closed the bathroom door and went in the bath.

Ten minutes later, I came downstairs fully dressed in the shirt I had awoken in yesterday as well as the jeans I wore last night. The shirt from yesterday passed the sniff test, so it would be fine. I also had cologne if I needed to cover up anything. I entered the kitchen to see Pinkie Pie frying some eggs and Matt sitting at the table.

“Good morning sleepy pants!” Pinkie said as I sat down at the table for breakfast.

“Morning Pinkie.” I replied with a smile. Matt was already eating, chowing down on his eggs and toast. There was a plate piled high with toast in the center of the table. Butter and several bottles of different types of jam were on the table, only two types had I heard of before, the others had odd names which resembled the names or berries from the Pokémon games. There was one type called “Zap-Apple” which was a rainbow coloured jam that I wasn’t entirely sure what to think of.

I bet you that’s the most amazing tasting jam ever. I bet you it’s better than frickin’ Nutella!

BLASPHEMER!! THOU SHALT NOT SAY ANYTHING TASTES BETTER THAN NUTELLA!!

Well fuck your shit, I just did!

“How many eggs do you want?” Pinkie asked.

“Two please.” I replied putting a piece of toast on my plate. I picked up the bottle of Zap-Apple jam and spread some on the toast, just a little in case I did not like it. I took a bite.

Ho-lee Jee-sus.

TOLD YOU!!!

This was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. Even more delicious than Nutella. I can’t compare it to anything I’ve tasted before, all I know is that it was the best jam I’ve ever had in my life. I put more jam on the piece of toast and ate the entire slice in about five seconds. I decided to limit myself with this jam as I guessed this jam was either very rare or expensive, or both. I grudgingly moved the bottle back over to the other bottles. Pinkie came over to me and set down a small plate with two fried eggs on it.

“Enjoy!” She said cheerfully as she bounced out of the kitchen.

“Wait, aren’t you gonna eat with us?” I asked.

“Sorry guys, I already ate this morning. And I’ve got a couple places I’ve got to go this morning. Anyway, see ya later!” She said as she skipped out of view, I heard the front door open and shut. I looked over to Matt who was eating as though he hadn’t eaten in days.

“Dude, have you tried the Zap Apple jam?!” I asked excitedly.

“YESSSS!” He shouted “It’s FRICKIN’ AMAZING!!”

“I KNOW RIGHT?!?!!”

“Dude, I don’t care how much this costs, I just don’t give a fuck, we HAVE to get more of it!”

“Something tells me that this stuff is kinda rare, and also, more expensive than we can fathom. There’s gotta be at least one catch about something that’s THIS tasty.”

“It is rare, yeah…”

There was silence for a brief moment as our eyes shifted from the Zap-Apple jam to various spots in the room.

“But still though.”

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely.”

We finished our breakfast, washed our dishes and generally cleaned up the kitchen. Pinkie came back from her errands.

“Thanks for cleaning up guys!” She said happily, putting the groceries she had picked up on the counter. “So, what are you guys gonna do today?”

“Well, we have to be over by Rarity’s by one, its only quarter to eight right now… Hmm.” I looked to Matt, he knew far more about this place and what we could do than I did “What should we do?” I asked.

“I dunno, I suppose we could visit the others. That is, if anyone’s up for hanging out this early in the morning.” Matt replied, Pinkie laughed.

“Silly-billy! It’s Sunday!” Pinkie pointed out “Hardly anypony’s working today! Of course they’ll wanna hang out! You guys should go hang out with Fluttershy. She’d like the company I’m sure! You should bring your instruments over there; she really liked the music you guys were playing last night!”

“Really? Well then, we shall!” Matt said going upstairs.

“Alright, I guess that’s where I’m going then.” I said as I approached the stairs.

“Have fun Jimmy! I’ve got a couple more errands to run, I’ll see you tonight!” Pinkie replied heading out the front door.

I followed suit and collected my guitar and amp, I decided not to bother with the pedal because there was already overdrive on the amp and I didn’t plan on breaking out any of my effects over there.

We left Sugar Cube Corner and Matt and I headed to Fluttershy’s cottage using Matt’s brony knowledge and memories of the day before when he had walked from the cottage to Ponyville. The walk only lasted about ten minutes. We got to the door and could hear Fluttershy singing something.

Sounds familiar... Certainly isn’t the My Little Pony theme.

You’re implying they actually reference the song in the show.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

Wait a minute… That’s…

“Dude, you recognise the song she’s singing?” I asked him.

“What is it? It’s really familiar… Wait… Is that the tune to Whatsername?!” He replied.

“Yeah it is! Huh, I guess she did like our music quite a bit then. Rather, Green Day’s music.” I said as I knocked on the door. I heard a small gasp from inside, then light hoof-steps that sounded as though they were coming closer. Fluttershy opened the door slowly cowering a bit behind it.

“Oh, hi Jimmy, hi Matt, what brings you two here?” Fluttershy asked, no longer cowering like she was at first.

“Not much, Pinkie told us you needed some company, so, we decided to come over to hang out with you.” Matt said “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Oh no, of course I don’t mind, come in.” Fluttershy said opening the door more for us to come inside. Inside the house were many bird houses and generally, miniature houses which I guessed were for her animal friends that she took care of as well as many small baskets that were beds for some of the larger animals. There was a small green couch in the corner of the room next to a window. There was a fireplace which had several pots near it as well as one that hung over the fire.

Cozy… Smells like animals…

No shit, Sherlock.

No, no, I’m quite sure animals have shat in here.

“So, what did you want to do?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well, I was about to ask you the same question.” I replied “Is there anything in particular you want to do?”

“Umm, well, I really don’t know…” Fluttershy said quietly.

Bring up Whatsername, get into talking about music. She surely isn’t going to start any conversation!

“I heard you singing Whatsername just before we knocked.” I said.

“Oh! Oh dear, I-”

“It was really, really good. Especially for someone who’d only heard the song once.” I interrupted.

“You’re not mad, are you?” She asked.

Lawl, them silly shy bitches, thinkin’ everything they do upsets a nigga an’ shit…

“What? Why would I be mad? I’m happy somepony likes the music we play!”

“I don’t know… I just think like that sometimes…”

Well, at least she knows she does…

“Fluttershy…” I walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, she blushed a little bit “We’d never get mad at you for something silly like that, stop worrying your cute little head so much.” I said smiling. She smiled back.

“I suppose that was kind of silly to think that.” She giggled.

OH MAI GAWD SHE’S SO ADORABLE!!! I WANNA HUG HER AND SQUEEZE HER AND PET HER AN-

“Just a bit.” I replied “Now, would you like to learn the words to that song?” I asked.

“Oh yes please!” She said flying over to the couch “It would be so much nicer to know the words to that song too instead of just the melody.”

Over the course of the morning, I taught her the words to that song as well as the words to Stairway to Heaven as well as a song we didn’t play the night before which was Last Night On Earth by Green Day. She picked up on the words very quickly for each one as she already had an idea of what they were from hearing me sing the songs. Each song she sang fit her voice surprisingly well; she truly had the voice of an angel. All throughout our playing, Matt had a fanboy-ish grin on his face as he listened to the yellow Pegasus sing.

After a good few hours of playing music and talking, it was nearing mid-day and we all felt hungry and decided to go somewhere to get something to eat.

“So where are we going for lunch?” Matt asked me as the three of us walked out of the cottage.

“I don’t know; I don’t know any restaurants in Ponyville.” I replied “Hmm, Fluttershy, what’s your favourite restaurant?”

“Oh… Well… I don’t really have a favourite… I like any restaurant where the waiters are nice and don’t mess up my order and the food tastes good…” Fluttershy replied. Matt and I looked at each other for a moment with a look that said ‘did she really just say that?’ and we looked back to Fluttershy.

Y’know, all that stuff is kinda adorable… But she’s naïve as all hell, this is getting a bit too ridiculous.

“Okay well, which restaurant have you eaten at most recently?” I asked.

“Oh, well the last one I ate at, the waiter wasn’t very nice.” Fluttershy said closing the door. Matt and I gave each other the ‘is she serious?’ look.

Oh for fuck’s sake…

“Okay, okay. Which was the last restaurant that you ate at that you LIKED?” I asked in a final attempt to find out where we’re going for lunch.

“Oh… Well, there was this one called ‘The Mane Course’, I li-”

Stop her.

“That’s where we’re going.” I interrupted before she could say something that would make me and Will give each other the ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look.

We arrived at The Mane Course after a little more than ten minutes. Luckily, we were able to take a seat right away regardless of it being the time when the lunch hour rush would be coming along. We looked through the menu, Fluttershy choosing very quickly what she wanted by taking all of ten seconds to glance over her menu and then she put it down on table and started looking at some birds that were flying around a nearby tree.

The average prices of the meals were about twenty bits each per dish. I decided this outing would be on me, simply because I was loaded and there wasn’t any way in hell Fluttershy was paying. The menu consisted of different types of salad, sandwiches which contained flowers, and pasta. I was surprised that there was pasta for a second and then I thought of why the hell horses COULDN’T eat pasta. There was a dish called the ‘Red Pasta Salad’ which was pasta, tomato sauce, beets and carrots.

Mmm… Beets… You best pick that son… I will whoop your ass if you don’t p-

“I’m gonna have this pasta salad.” I stated “Looks delicious!”

“That’s what I was going to have too,” Fluttershy said looking surprised “How did you know I liked that?”

“Dude, where do you see that?” Matt asked.

Permission to ignore rule number one of Bro Code stating ‘Bros before Hoes’ and answer the female?

Granted.

“I didn’t know, I guess we just have similar tastes.” I said to Fluttershy with a smile. I then turned to Matt and pointed a finger at the very top of the second page on Matt’s menu. Matt face-palmed when he realised that he had missed it.

“I’ll have that too, I suppose.” He said, still looking through the rest of the menu.

Hey…

What is it?

Something’s off here lad. What did you say to Fluttershy just now? Something about similar tastes?

Yeah… Why?

Look at her. She’s only now looking at that part of the menu.

You’re right… So? Maybe she thought something was in it and couldn’t remember...

Shut up a minute and let me finish.

Okay…

There’s another thing: Her taste in music. Maybe she’s just got good taste, but even the stuff she shouldn’t like that you’ve played around her, like your originals, she’s liked them.

Maybe her taste in music isn’t reflected in her personality?

Come on, son. You know that’s not the case.

Then what is the case?

Think about how she’s been looking at you when you play. Her eyes are dilated. In fact, that happens every time she looks at you. Albeit, only for a second because she seems to get nervous if you look directly back.

What does that mean then?

You know exactly what I mean. I think she likes you.

Get the fuck out. She doesn’t.

I believe she does.

No she fucking doesn’t, shut up.

You are wrong on so many levels, it isn’t even funny.

Go fuck yourself, she doe-

“Jimmy!!” Matt semi-yelled “Your order? You were having the Red Pasta Salad, right?”

“The who?” I said as I was still trying to regain full consciousness from my conversation with myself “Oh, yeah, I was having that, yeah, sorry about that, heh heh…” I’m a dumbass.

So much for not going off into deep conversation with yourself while in public.

Yeah, well, that’s probably not gonna ever change.

Seriously though, what do you plan to do about Fluttershy?

Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to establish the usage of my dick with you?

A few more times until it sinks in. This is a different situation however. This has to do with love and that kind of shit rather than just animal instinct.

Well the rules remain the same. It’s a pony. She’s cute, yes, but not fuckable. Not by my standards. It isn’t happening. No sir, not any fucking day this week, next week, month, year, century, millennia or ever. Fuck you, it isn’t happening. I like human women. Not half-pony, half-women things. Not female ponies. Human. Women. You get m-

“Jimmy!” Matt semi-yelled again. “Your food’s been here for like 5 minutes, you’ve been staring at your fork like some kinda retard or something. What’s happening with you?”

“Huh? Oh, uhh, food, right, eating yeah, heh heh… Yeah…” I said, feeling like a dumbass. Again. I proceeded to eat my pasta salad. Even the pasta was orange coloured, making it truly a ‘Red’ salad. We finished our food and I paid the bill which was only sixty bits. I tipped ten bringing the total up to seventy.

Watch your money, man…

Goddamn it, I can afford not to be a total Jew with my money sometimes y’know!

Still though. Just cuz you’ve got another four thousand where that came from, it doesn’t mean you should go around spending it like you do. You have goals you’re working towards after all.

Oh whatever, fine.

“Thank you for bringing me to lunch, guys.” Fluttershy said smiling.

“Ahh, it’s no problem Shy, anytime.” I said stroking her mane once, she blushed much more than I had previously seen.

Nigger, what the fuck are you doing? ‘Shy’? Stroking her mane? What is she, your girlfriend now? What was all that shit about earlier then? Are you gonna ask her back to Sugar Cube for a quickie or something? What the fuck are you on?!

I looked to Matt who was giving me a ‘oh shit nigger, what the fuck are you doing?’ look.

I hope that’s because he’s concerned you seem like you’re interested in sexing up a pony rather than because he wants to sex up the same pony.

Fluttershy took a step back trying to regain her composure. Failing miserably, as expected.

“I, umm, have to get back to my cottage to feed my animal friends.” She said “Bye guys, thanks again.” She said as she turned and headed back the way we had come and we waved her off. As soon as she was out of earshot, Matt smacked me on the back of the head.

“Dude, what was that just now?” Matt asked.

“What was what?” I replied.

“You, all of you just now at lunch. Why were you so out of it?”

“I… I was having a bit of a moment. I still am a little bit.”

“And what would that be exactly?”

“Well… I was trying to piece together a puzzle. It’s probably just me overthinking things, like I usually do. But… I think Fluttershy likes me.” I said while giving Matt the most serious look I could muster.

“Well, gee whiz, that wasn’t obvious.” He replied sarcastically “Really, especially that just now, when you stroked her mane. I’d say from that, you like her too.”

“That’s the thing! I don’t!”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“I have not the slightest clue. I guess I was employing normal ‘girl I like’ moves rather than ‘girl you’re friends with’ moves. I don’t screw horses man. I don’t look at, and never will, look at furry porn intentionally. Nor will I become a furry.”

“Well, you do have to realise something: What if there are no other girls in this world?”

“That’s what I’m dreading. If that is the case, then I’ll consider it. If I like somepony enough, then I’ll consider. But otherwise, not a Goddamned chance will I think of it.”

Way to contradict yourself, dickwad.

I’m speaking realistically now. Seriously, how long do you think it’ll be before there are no human girls here and you develop something of a relationship with somepony?

I… Okay, I see your point. You try to re-enforce that point about you with ponies far too strongly. Thou doth protest too much.

Stop pretending to know Shakespeare.

“Okay, just making sure you’re still here.” Matt replied with a sigh of relief.

“Two things man:” I started “One, do you like her? Answer me honestly.”

“Dude… Just because I’m a brony doesn’t mean I want Fluttershy as my actual wife rather than just waifu.”

“Okay, okay, just checking.”

“What’s the second thing?”

“Go take a shower.” I said pointing to Sugar Cube Corner. Matt looked at the watch he kept on attatched to his belt and saw that it was 12:45.

“D’oh shit!” He said as he bolted for Sugar Cube Corner.

I chuckled to myself and started making my way to the Carousel Boutique which was in sight from where I was standing. Matt should have no issue finding it. Also, he can ask Pinkie where it is if he needed to. What was I doing about Fluttershy? I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it...