My Harshwhinnial

by horizon

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Self Insert, Crossover, Sex, Ms. Harshwhinny, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Violence
Length: 12701

Medal Pector'al Biathlon Lula Whinny is an ALICORN, not a troll, ok? So this is an ALICORN fic like "My Immortal" but less goffik. also sports

This is a pony adoptition (NOT a troll fic u haters!! bcuz my OC is ALICORN not a troll!) of the best fanfic ever written except the original was too dark an goffik. So now it's abt sports and MEdal is Miss Harshwhinny's son. He does sports things and inspects cities for the inter Equestrian games. With his friends and sometimes his mom.

Written for the best group on FIMFiction which is about the best pony on FIMFiction! (But Medal is just as awesome too)

Also -> As seen on the Pony Friction Vault!!! w/ interview

Also also -> listen 2 dramantic reading by Skirider!!! (charp. 1-7) oH mY bUCKING aLICORN thx u

Alsalsalso <- now w/ith gUEST arthur Furzebert who is mUCH betar arthur then Madny!!!!!!! he ficced sum crapters.

Alsalsasalsaso --> MiSTificated with commentation by Thethorglame which it has swears so that means he liked it! Part 1 and Part 2

Also more aoslos ↗ HAILY WRECCED! @ REviwed by perfect presnet! ""t this review) is a mind-bending black hole of literature, where the English in fact has go"

Also sports

Published 2013-04-02 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-26 18:29:53 UTC

Chapter 1: There is sports

Chapter 1.

(AN: Spescial broo hoves 2 Baxle 4 fixng alll teh spelling erras)

Hi my name is Medal Pector'al Biathlon Lula Whinny and I'm a 12-time Junior equestrian Games meddlist (that's how I got my name) with golds in throwing things and golds in galloping and golds in sportsmareship with a mane that reaches my mid-back and icy purple eyes like limpid sweaters and a lot of ponies tell me I look like my dad Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade (AN: but if u think he's cooler than my mom get da hell out of here!?)., I'm not related to Trixie Lulamoon and I'm glad because she's major bucking adopted. I'm an inspector but they still let me compete in the games. I have muscles. I'm also Miss Lovingcup Harshwhinnny's colt, and I live w/ith her for the last seventeen years (I'm sixteen). I'm a jock (in case u couldn't tell) and I wear mostly sweat and awesome. I love gOlds' Gym and I train all my there. For example today I did 50 wife throws with target wedding ring toss, jumped 30 sharks (blue and bala and greate white), stole 40 cakes, and shot a biathlete. I was in the showers after. It was raining outside but also inside until I turned off the weather. A lot of earth ponies stared at me. I magicked a middle finger at them.

"Hey Meddle!" shoulted a voice. I looked up. It was… Princess Twilicorn!

"What's up Sparkles?" I asked.

"Nothing." She said blushing.

But then, I heard my coach who was also my mom call me and I had to go away.

Author's Note

Thx to the best group on FIMFiction which is about the best pony on FIMFiction! (But my OC is awesome too) For more Mrss. Hwhinny and sometimes robots and talking dinosaurs go on this link -------------> http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197708/miss-harshwhinny-is-best-pony

Chpater 3: We inspect the best Cloudsdale stadium

Chpater 3

(AN: I can't start 2 complane abt flamming from NERDS until u GIVE ME SOEM FLAMES!!!! Odderwize guess I'll just fic more ok)

To get ready for the inspection I went back to my gym and flew 30 laps. In between the laps I did flips on the parallel bars. The parallel bars were pole vaults so I vaulted 50 feet. I was working up a sweat so I slicked back my mane with Gu energy gel. I did a long jump and soared out of the house entirely. But I didn't beat my own record so I felt depressed. I kicked an earth pony and ate lunch. Mom did her own training. It tasted like oats.

I went outside. Twilicorn was waiting there in frot of her hot air balloon which had racing stripes. She wore a T shirt saying "I inspected Fillydelphia & all I got was this lousy shirt" (we were going to inspect FillyD on the way too), which was spandex and showed off her brain muscles. (AN: Mucsles can b kewl on girlicorns too ok!!)

"Hi Twilicorn!" I said still depressed.

"Hi Medlle." She said back. We walked into her flying balloon (the ballast was gold meddles) and flew to Cloudsdale. On the way we visited Fillydelphia and Appleloosa. They bribed us with drugs but the steroids weren't good enough for the international Eqeustrian Games. When we got to the Games we flew out of the balloon. We went to the cloudsdale Stadium where athletes were competing. We inspected by competing. They handed us Powerthirsts and we all sang the powerthirst song.

"Give Powerthirst to your foals and they'll be good at SPORTS!
Make your foals fly ABNORMALLY FAST!
They'll fly as fast as ZEBRANS!
People will watch them flying and think they're ZEBRANS!
They'll fly as fast as ZEBRANS! Against actual ZEBRANS!
Then it'll be a tie and they'll be deported back to ZEBRA!" (AN: I don't own dese lyrics)

We flew in the Young Flyer's Competition. Rainbow Dashicorn was there.

"Dashicorn is so bucking hot." I said to Twilicorn, pointing to her as she rainboomed and got silver after me.

Suddenly Twilicorn looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we raced to a tie. Then I caught on.

"Hey it's ok I think YOU'RE a better athelete!" I said as we flew.

"Really?" emoted Twilicorn as she put her wing around me.

"Really." I said. "Besides we don't ever have to mention Dashicorn again since I learned to rainboom from watching her. She can go back to her lesbians with Applejack." I said disgustedly even though lesbians is totally ok and hot to watch.

The inspection went really well so I awarded Cloudsdale the Equestrian games. So did Twilicorn. And my mom, so it was anonymous. After the inspection, we took our gold medals and everyone asked for our autographs, including Dashicorn and Raricorn (AN: who's not an alicorn she just calls herself that).

Twilicorn and I vaulted back into the baalloon, but she didn't fly us home, instead she flew us into……… the Everfree Forest!

Cahpter 4: Twilicorn needs inspection for the games of luv

Cahpter 4…

(AN: By speshl req I wuz askd 2 make thisc hapter about sexs! DON'T REED THE PARTS U THNK SUX! & B4 u ask its moral becuz TWILICORN IS IN LUV W/Metal! Dey got marryed b4 dis fic ok?)

"SPARKLES!" I questioned. "What the buck do you think you re doing?"

Twilicorn didn't answer but leaped down from the balloon into the forest. I walked after her, wanting to know what the buck she was doing.

"What the bucking buck!" I asked.

"Meddle?" she asked.

"WHAT" I asked.

Twilicorn leaned in extra-close and I lookked into her muscular open eyes (that she was staring at me with). They were like open windows. They reflected the silver meddle around her neck and I realized why she was so sad. Suddenly I wanted to cry too.

And then…… just as suddenly while I was Twilicorn passionately climbed on top of me and got to first base. "Oh Twilicorn." I said while we kissed afflictionately. Then we started to make out.

"Oh! OH! Ooooohh!!" I screamed. She was giving me an ejaculation. We kissed harder. I took off all her clothes and her bra. I don't wear clothes because I'm a pony. Then we took off each others's cutiemarks so we were totally naked for you know what. I put my hoof between her legs and her navel was wet. I rubbed it and she put my thing inside. We did it for the first time. And then……

"wHAT THE HAY ART THOU DOING THY MOTHERBUKERS" said the rOYAL cANTERLOT vOICE

It was…………

(AN: I AM ENDING THIS CH. ON A CLIFFHANGER)

Capther 5: Thee consequences

cHAPTER 5

(AN: all u NERDS sayin Luna iz o OC 4 her swears r DUM…… she iz from teh show & not maed up)

It was……… (AN: I sed that last tyme but in case u forgot) Princesscorn Luna!

Luna made Twilicorn and I follow thee. Thou kept shouting at us angrily.

"THOU BUCKING LUCRETIOUS FOOLS" she angrily shouted.

My ears were bleeding down my muscular face. Twilicorn kissed them. I cried manly tears of shame. Luna took us back to the royal Castle of the Princesscorn Sisters. Princesscorns were alicorns that got doublecorned to raise the planets and rule the Equestrian International games Committeee. They were angry.

"THOU WERE PRACTICING SYNCHRONIZED COPULATION IN YONDER BUCKING EVERFREE!" Luna furiously voiced.

"Your mediocre behavior was unfitting of the professional and sportsmarelike atmosphere which the International Equestrian Love games strives to achieve," lectured Princesscorn Cadunce.

"i wasnt invited" said Princesscorn Celestia.

"HOW DARE THOU?" demandeth Princesscorn Luna.

And then Twilicorn shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Luna and Cadunce still looked disapproving but Celestia said. "oh ok i guess u can go"

Twilicorn and I went upstairs to my room while the princesscorns glared at us.

"Are you ok Meddle?" Twilicorn asked. Gazing into my eyes with tenderness.

"Yeah" I lied. I went to my locker room and slicked back my mane and flexed in the mirror. Despite my trembling muscular angst I did 30 bench presses and showered. When I came out…

Twilicorn was in the locker room, and she dropped to one knee. "Meddle will you marry me" she asked. I was so flattered even though she wasn't supposed to be in the colt's room. We hugged and kissed on the lips. After that, we said goodnight and she reluctantly went back to her own gym.

Mom made me dinner. It tasted like oats.

Chatper 6: Tasty wheaties

Chatper 6!

(AN: STOP TALLING ME THE FIC NEEDS MOR HARSHWINNNY OK FINE SENCE U AKSED 4 IT I DOIT)

The next day I woke up on my exercise mat. I practiced some caber fencing and wing backflips. I did 30 crunches and 40 tail lifts and 50 mountain climbs and shot a biathlete. There were Games later so I put on my Equestria national costume and made sure my muscles glistered with sweat.

My mom wasn't there to make me breakfast so I beat up an earth pony and took his Wheaties. I was on the box. I ate a bowl full with extra sugar and teststosorone. Then I went to the Equestria international Games Comittee meeting to choose cities to inspect. Suddenly someone bumped into me.

"Bastard!" I shoulted angrily. I regretted saying it as soon as I looked up cause it was the most athletic mare I have ever seen. She had bulging muscules and a diminuitive sneer and a short cropped blond mane. She wore as many gold medals as me, minus one. She had taken off her purple sweater and her earrings and was wearing spandex showing off the contour of her ripped abdominals. Along with her muscles she had curved flanks and pony breasts. She was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw her. Except I didn't get an erection because that would have been sick and wrong.

"I'm so sorry" she said in a demure voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Miss Harshwhinnny, although most people call me Triplecorn these days." She complained.

"Oh yeah hi mom. Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I'm like a princesscorn except they princesscorn you twice and it takes away your wings and horn because you're so awesome you don't need them any more." she giggled.

"Me too because it's genetic!" I confessed. "Except I kept the wings and horn because I like them."

"Really?" Triplecorn whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Twilicorn came up behind me and told me she had a surprise for me so I went away with her.

Crapteh 7: PLOT TWIST

Crapteh 7. tHE tWIST (AN: this is not a pun) hITS tHE pLOT (AN: this is a pun)

(AN: bcuz of inernet law I hadd 2 destory mi AN thsi chaper && redu it SO………)

(**SUPR OFFICSHL && IMPROTANT AN: "Wheaties" is a ™ and © of Hasbro 2013! My Lil poni iz copyrite General mills Cereal ummm 192ty-sumthin. nOW I AM PERTECTED BY INTRANET LAWYRS && U CAN"T SUE!!! Or flame)

Twilicorn and I held mucsculr hooves strongly as we went upstairs. I was distracted because I was moving Equestria's second moon Harshwhinnia with my triplecornian magic. (AN: C i am NOT Maru Sue liek i wood b if i tookd ovr 1ST moon) I waved to Triplecorn. Her eyes had an envious shine like a silver medal. I guess she was jealous because even though Twilicorn had less gold medals it was true love. Anyway, like I said, Twilicorn and I went upstairs. We went to her room, next to mine, and locked the door. Then…

We frenched in a 69 with my tongue in her navel and her lips between my thing. Then we took off each other's clothes and cutie marks and got to second base. She felt up my hard muscles through my spandex before taking off my top. I groped her pony chest through her sports bra first. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then she put soda in her thing for lucubration and we HAD SEX. (AN: thsi is how poni do it, thx 2 nernym 4 sexs edcation)

"Oh Twilicorn, Twilicorn!" I screamed while getting an erection when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on her chest. It was a big gold medal with a heart and a name in it. On it was big olympic letters with the words…… Triplecorn!

I was angry.

"You bastard!" I said angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Twilicorn pleaded. But I did.

"I do, you bucking idiot!" I said angrily. "You probably gave my mom lesbianicorn Aids!"

I put on my cutie mark all angrily and stomped out. Twilicorn ran out even though she was naked. She was still really sexy with her pony breasts and stuff but I was too mad to care. I stomped downstairs until I was in the equestrian Games Commitee Meeting room where Triplecorn was choosing a game site with Princesscorn Celestia and some other ponies.

"MISS TRIPLECORN HARSHWHINNY, YOU MOTHERBUCKER!" I yelled.

"Um no that was Twilicorn" Trixie said.

"SHUT UP YOU'RE ADOPTED" the rest of the commitee said.

Charpet 8: The confrontation Games

Charpet 8.

(AN: Every1 cumplanes abt Triplecom && Twilicom names confuzed && allso Triplecom is cornfusing ass a triplecom so FIEN I fix fic 4 u. Hrashwhinnny now TRIPLEHARSH ok? I dunno want 2 chaeng earliar chrapters so rember this!)

Everyone in the commiittee stared at me when Twilicorn came in the room because she was naked and begging me to take her back.

"Meddle, it's not what you think!" Twilicorn screamed sadly.

Meanwhile, my friend Ultramarathon Muscle Mare smiled at me understatedly. She flexed her leg biceps to show off her training. Like me she was one of the seven Elements of Sportsmareship. She trained every day and flexed for little foals to show them how awesome sports were. Ultramarathon was kidnapped when she was born and grew up on a rock farm and everyone used to called her Pinkamena instead of her real name. Her real parents are princesscorns and one of them has equestrian Games records but nobody knows who he is. She trains to live up to his legacy every day. It also turns out her real last name is Muscle instead of Pie.

But Ultramarathon didn't say anything so I'll talk about her later.

"What is the purpose of this illogical defenestration of nudity!" Princesscorn Cadunce hearted at me but I ignored her.

"Mom I can't believe you cheated with Twilicorn!" I shoulted at Tripleharsh.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Meddle is so mad at Twilicorn. She went out with Tripleharsh (lesbians is ok if it's bisexual) for a while but then she broke mom's heart by dumping her for stupid books. Tripleharsh was just good friends now with Twilicorn. But even though Twilicorn had been nerdy for a while she got better and started training for sports again.

"I'm not going out with Twilicorn anymore!" Tripleharsh said.

"Yeah bucking right! Buck you, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the castle and into the Everfree Forest where I lost my virility to Twilicorn and then I began preparing to burst into manly tears.

hCapter 9: ENTER THE VILLIAN

hCapter 9…

(AN: STOP FLAMING OK! I dntn play all teh sportsballs so sumtims i ½ 2 makeup gusses on traning. liek 4 marthons u kcik clouds 4 halostorms or sumthin. Also iz NOT oc 4 cadunce 2 haet Twilcorn cuz cadunce reds books && twi is sexy w/ith sports. Lijke all NERDS sheis jalous)

I was so smad. (AN: This means sad && mad at once) I couldn't believe Twilicorn made sexs with my mom. I cried manly tears and punched the tree where I did it with her.

Then suddenly a horrible pony snuck up on me! He was a statue of an athlete with dragon scales like gold meddles and narhwal horn and two eagle paws and sharp wings. He didn't have a nose (just like if you look at a pony head on) and he had bigger muscles than pony chuck Norris. But he wasn't an athlete, he was just really strong. It was…… Nightmare Discord!

"No!" I shoulted scared but he snapped his fingers and took away my triplecorn wings so I couldn't run away.

So instead I beat him up. His statue shattered and he fell to the ground and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though he was a little bit like an earth pony so I stopped.

"Meddle." He yelloed. "Go kill Miss Triplewhinny"

I thought about Triplewhinny and her sculpted body and spandex sweaters and the sillawet of how she looked in the showers. But not like that you sickos. Like how perfect of an athlete she was. Because you can admire someone's body for awesomeness. Twilicorn said to me in my memory, "You don't understand our love", so I thought, what if they didn't have pony sexs at all? That meant mom was still a virgin!

"I won't do that, Nightmare Discord!" I shouted back.

Nightmare Discord gave me an Ak-47 with extended magazine and foldable tactical foregrip. "Do it"

"No! Please." I begged.

"Do it"

"I won't do that, Nightmare Discord!" I shouted back.

"But you must"

"I won't do that, Nightmare Discord!" I shouted back.

"If you don't, then I kill your wife Twilicorn"

"How did you know she proposd to me back in the showers after Princesscorn Luna caught us doing it!" I gasped in a surprised fashion.

Nightmare Discord rolled his eyes at me and then picked them back up. "I snuck into the room as a changeling" He said cossackly. "Kill Triplewhinnny and you know what will happen to Twilicorn" he shouted then he turned back into a statue and ran away.

I was so smad (AN: this means scared && mad at once) I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Twilicorn came in the woods.

"Twilicorn! Hi!" I said glad.

"Hi." She sighed back. She wasn't naked any more.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"No." She said depressed.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you making sexs with my mom but I thought that's what you did." I exposited.

"That's okay." She said gloomly and we went back to the princesscorn Castle together, making out.

Cheptar 11: OMBA! This changes everything!

Cheptar 11

(AN: Y IS EVERY1 COMPLANEING THERE R NOT ENUF POLT TWISTS!!! FINE!!!!!!! I twsit ALL teh twits! U AXED 4 IT)

"NO!" I screamed smadly. Ultramarathon tried to throw a party to cheer me up but I told her to buck off and ran to my room, wetting myself with tears. Celestia chased after me shouting, but I slammed the door in her face and she couldn't come because it was a colt's room.

"Oh Twilicorn!" I cried angry tears of loss. "I quit sports too." I whispered. It was dramatic. But it was practice time so I did that instead. I shot a biathlete, and ran six laps to my moon and back. On lap seven my mom was there in my locker room after her own sports practice and she talked to me while we took a shower.

"Hi Meddle" Tripleharsh said.

"Sup mom." I said depressed.

"I'm sorry about Twilicorn because she was kinda cool but I never made sexs with her." She said sadly.

"I know." I said because I knew.

"If I was going to cheat with anyone it would be the hottest stallion in Equestra (she means me) because my standards as an inspector are really high." She admitted with a giggle.

"Me to," I said, except the stallion part because ew. "Also you are best pony and a good athlete." We hugged and kissed in a TOTALLY CHASED and NOT SICK way.

Suddenly…… "aHA! HA! HAHAHA!" erupted the rOYAL cANTERLOT vOICE!

I couldn't bucking believe it. I looked out the window and screamed… they were in the bushes! Princesscorns Luna and Cadunce were spying on our shower and taking a video tape! Cadence was looking at my thing!

"nOW WE CANST BLAKEMEL THOU AND LIETH TO EVERYONE THAT THEE GOT THY INSPECTORNESS THROUGH NEPOTITION AND YOU WILL LOSE THY MEDDLES!" LUNA SAID.

"EW! YOU SICK BUCKING PEDOGRAPHERS! I"M ONLY SIXTEEN!" I screamed hiding behind my muscles.

"How dare you pedospy on my son!" Tripleharsh pointed her triplehorn at Luna and Cadunce and smashed them with Harshwhinnia. I took my AK-47 and emptied 40 clips into them and they both started screaming and the camera exploded twice. Suddenly, Celestia ran in. "meddle u need 2 know that - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SISTER" she shoulted looking at Cadunce and Luna and rarisected them with her princesscorn powers and suddenly…

Raricorn galloped up to the castle and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Raricorn? You just call yourself that, you're not even an alicorn!"

"I MAY BE JUST A UNICORN…" Raricorn paused for suspense. "BUT I HAVE A RECORD FOR SPORTS MEDDLES!" Everyone gasped.

"This cannot be." Cadunce gasped as blood dripped from her hooves where Celestia had rarisected her. "We need ponies to believe us and not Raricorn to blakemel Meddle off the Coommitee."

"WELL THEY BUCKING WON'T!" I yelled smadly.

Lupa held up the recorder trumpetly. "aW CONTRAIR! tHE CAMERA MAY BE RUINED BUT THY TAPE IS STILL THERE!"

I felt faint, like I had trained lots but not eaten breakfast or lunch all day.

"rARICORN WHY ARE YOU AGAINST THIS" thou asked dirtily.

And then she said the special words that I had heard before but not from her. I did not know whether to feel shocked or happy or to faint from hunger.

"BECAUSE… BECAUSE…" Raricorn said and she paused in midair dramitacally, reflecting her meddles off the light. Then she swooped down to me on her knees, singing the best song by Queenicorn.

"Because sports?" Cadunce asked in a little afraid voice because she was a nerd.

Raricorn pointed sneerily at Cadunce. "You got blood on your face! You big disgrace! Somebody better put you back into your place." Then she turned back to me and sang

"I do, I do, LOVE YOU!"

(AN: OMBA thsi was loooooooooong catpher! I ca'nt fic 2morro bcuz faild trip BTU I ½ a SERPRIZE………)

Chapter 12, Part 1: Special Guest Chapter

Author's Note: Hi, everyone! My name is Mandy Blissett. I've done a few stories here and there, but this is the first time I've written any fanfiction! To tell the truth, I'm pretty excited! Luther says this is a super popular story and I'll be writing to a huge audience, but he was still nice enough to let me step in as guest author while he's away on a school field trip this week! (All I have to do in return is clean his room for him before he gets back!) I can't find where he saved the other chapters, but he left me instructions on this chapter's plot, and I'm extrapolating everything I can from them!

He also said something about ponies. He's such a joker! Haha! If you knew Luther you'd know how silly that idea is. Well, you're reading his sports adventure story, so you probably do!

Anyway, thank you all for being awesome people and giving me a chance. I'll try my best! I hope you enjoy this!

Chapter 12, Part 1: In Which Ultramarathon Talks Meddle Out Of A Serious Mistake

"Noooooooooo!" I wailed, beating my hands on my chest, falling to my knees and sobbing. My heart was so crushed with despair at Twilicorn's cruel murder by blade that the cold specter of depression was whispering in my ears. Meddle, it whispered. There's no point to living any longer. The sun has been extinguished, and the stars themselves weep in the heavens. (Okay, hang on. "Twilicorn"? What the heck kind of name is that? Was he being serious about the pony thing? And I think he meant "Medal." There's a big sports theme throughout the rest of these notes, and his best friend is "Ultramarathon." Let's face it, Luther's spelling isn't that great.)

Without the lips of my beloved Twilicorn, I yearned only for the sweet kiss of death. I took my AK-47 and put it to my head, sobbing tears of despair. (This is how I KNOW this isn't a pony story, because ponies and AK-47s? Really?) "Goodnight, sweet princess, goodnight; may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest," I whispered. "I will be reunited with you soon." I looked at the firearm through tear-blurred vision, gently kissing the inscription on the hand-guard, where Twilicorn had written "To my most beloved Medal, in memory of our first dance in Nightmoor City. May this keep you safe always."

My finger tightened on the trigger, until …

"I didn't take you for a quitter, Medal," a familiar voice said from the doorway.

I turned, stung, lowering the gun. Ultramarathon was leaning against the doorframe, a sad smile on her face. "Come to gloat?" I spat at my rival. "Twilicorn is dead and there's nothing left for me."

She slapped me harshly across the face. Then she lunged in, kissing me fiercely.

"Ultra?" I asked, confused.

"Don't you dare, you selfish bastard," she whispered. "All my life I've been trying to measure up to you. To be good enough for you. I want to beat you fair and square someday. Not by default. Not because you gave up."

"But it hurts so bad," I sobbed.

"Loving someone you can't have?" She turned away. "Yeah, I think I know how that feels."

"Ultra …" I said helplessly.

She looked over her shoulder on her way out the door. "I've been training for months for the Goffic National Foot Race next week. There's only one man in the world who could keep me from getting the gold. If he beats me … if … maybe I can buy him some coffee and we can reminisce about Twilicorn?"

I smiled. "Better run the race with $5 in your pocket. And Ultramarathon? … Thanks."

She left without another word.

Chapter 12, Part 2: Special Guest Chapter

Author's Note: Okay, I'm sorry … this is a LOT harder than it looks … but I'm figuring it out piece by piece from Luther's instructions on this chapter's plot. His earlier chapters are NOWHERE on his hard drive … I wish I could read them. Is he publishing them straight to the Internet?

This is clearly some modern-day setting with heavy fantasy elements. Royalty and villains with magic … AK47s and helicopters … action and romance … all this in a sports story! Luther's sure nothing if not ambitious! No wonder his story's gotten such a wide following. I'm feeling really self-conscious! I hope he can fix the things I get wrong later.

Chapter 12, Part 2: In Which A Cruel Sacrifice Is Made

I was shaken from my brooding by the ringing of my cell phone. "Hey, Medal," Raricorn said. "Time to go."

"What do you mean?"

"The helicopter's here."

I hurried outside to where the medevac copter had landed on the central field of the Stadium of the Heavens, and jumped inside after her. The mysterious attack that had disrupted the competition and nearly killed the attending royal family had vanished as quickly as it had arrived, leaving only chaos and bodies. It was too late for Twilicorn, but the young princes — stricken by powerful petrography — had not yet fully turned to stone, and prompt attention from the Magic Kingdom's healers could still save them.

A strong hand clapped down on my shoulder. "HAH HAH! MY BOY!" King Celestio, the boisterous heir of the sun, was looming larger than life, as always. Like his heavenly counterpart, he only had one setting: bright and overpowering. I bowed and he gestured me back up. "THE MAGIC KINGDOM OWES YOU ITS ALL. I SHALL MAKE CERTAIN … WHY, WHAT IS WRONG?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't need to.

Corn Luna stirred on his gurney, sitting up with an effort, his skin grey and cracking from the foul curse. "Medal is incomplete," he whispered, as quiet and enigmatic as the moon he ruled.

(Oh. OH! Hang on — now I understand the "corn" thing! Oh Luther … that's brilliant. How mature and romantic of you! I'm so proud.)

Cadunce nodded from the gurney next to the coeur Prince Luna, his hand grasped tightly around his lover's, inseparable even despite the pain of his advancing petrification. "Just as I would be if I lost you, my dearest," Cadunce said. Once my fellow athlete, he had been the first to marry one of the otherworldly denizens of the Magic Kingdom — finding his soulmate in the love sorceror. I recalled their lavish wedding, when Cadunce had been crowned and given the honorary title of the Prince of Love. The immaculate perfection of that day had brought tears to my eyes.

"Is that why this hurts so much?" I asked. "The bond between us that powered Twili-coeur's magic, ripped away?"

"The heart-magic of our kingdom bonds deeply and permanently," Luna whispered, stroking Cadunce's hair and giving him a lingering kiss on the lips, hungrily returned. "When she left, she took some of your soul with her."

"And there is some of her with you yet," Celestio thundered in my ear, in what counted as him for a whisper. "Do you still love her, Medal?"

"Of course. Always. With all my heart."

He smiled enigmatically. "In due time, we shall see."

"What do you mean?" I queried, but he was already striding forward into the helicopter cockpit. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

Cadunce looked as confused as I felt. The others in the medical bay — Luna, and his apprentice Rari-coeur — avoided my eyes.

I shoved my way into the cockpit — already crowded with Celestio and the pilot. "Explain yourself, old man!"

"HO HO! THERE WILL BE A TIME FOR THAT, BOY!" he thundered. "FOR NOW, LET US FOCUS ON THE MYSTERY AT HAND. IT WAS MAGIC WHICH LAID LOW THE PRINCES."

I stopped, surprised. It had been! The human terrorist groups that sought to drive the Magic Kingdom back from our world weren't capable of such a thing, and nobody had thought there was similar unrest in the other world. "Do you know who did it?"

Celestio held up a video tape. "WE WILL."

I gasped. "You took the security footage from the stadium cameras!"

He stared at the tape contemplatively. "I SHALL WATCH THIS, OVER AND OVER, GLEANING ALL I CAN FROM IT. I EXPECT ITS REVELATIONS TO BE MOST INTERESTING."

I nodded. "Let me know what I can do. I want them brought to justice — AAAH!"

That last bit was me yelping and hitting a wall as the pilot gave a strangled cry and slammed the controls hard to one side. A bright blur rocketed past the copter, leaving a thin contrail that vanished quickly in the blades' wash. The point of light whizzed past us into the distance and blossomed into a large puff of smoke, with a thump that rattled the cockpit windows.

"What was that!?" I yelled.

"EVASIVE ACTION!" Celestio said. The pilot, sweat trickling down his face, cranked up the engine and started shifting the craft around in erratic circles. Back in the medical bay, I heard three bodies crash and tumble around.

I ran back into the bay, leapt past the tangle of bodies and fallen supplies, and looked out the rear window. An attack helicopter was on our tail.

I gasped in shock. "Blakemel!"

"General Blakemel?" Cadunce said, bracing himself against a wall. "The terrorist leader?" He cursed. "Of all the rotten times."

"We can't even fight back! This is just a civilian copter. And all I've got is my AK-47 … no use at this range." I swore.

"We do have one weapon. Heart magic."

I turned around. Rari-coeur was standing up, a grim smile on her face.

"Don't be daft!" I yelled. "Twili-coeur's dead, Prince Luna's in no shape to cast spells, and as for you … Hah! Do you even have a heart-bond?"

"I did. Once." She strode over to me and took my hands. Her stare penetrated me to the core. I felt small and naked in that intense gaze. "He died, Medal. He died, and my heart ripped in two, just like yours did today. Then I found out … the heart-bond still persists, in the realms beyond death. I heard stories of lovers following the coeur-bond into those realms … tracking the departed ones … finding them, and bringing them back." Her eyes closed, and a tear slid out. "I tried. I wasn't strong enough. I gave up. For years, I've lived as though dead myself … it wasn't until I met you that I felt myself dare to hope I could care again."

"Rarie …" I said helplessly.

Another missile streaked by. The copter rocked, slamming us into the wall. She landed in my arms.

"I know you've never loved me, Medal, and you never could," she whispered, "but please … just kiss me. Let's pretend, just for a moment. Light the fire of my passion long enough for one single spell …" she swallowed, tears freely flowing. "And then forget about me, and promise me you'll find her."

I looked out the window at the approaching copter. I swallowed. "Rarie," I whispered back, "I promise."

Our lips met. I felt like I should be expecting a chill — to match the icy and imperious personality she'd always shown me — but she was warm and soft, smelling of jasmine and honeydew, her lips wet and salty from her tears. I closed my eyes, pouring into her all my love and loss, desperately pretending it was my beloved Twili-coeur, feeling my heart twitch and jump for just an instant.

It was enough.

All my hair stood on end. My eyes shot open. Rari-coeur's body was glowing with a soft pink light. Electricity hummed and crackled around her, sending the medical machinery into spasms of frantic beeping.

She smiled, and caressed my face with a glowing hand, setting my cheek to tingling. Then her light flared, painfully bright, and vanished. Out the back window, I saw a glowing body rocket back toward the attack helicopter, leaving no contrail.

"NO!" I screamed.

Blakemel's helicopter exploded. I sank to my knees numbly, watching fine debris rain down from the new void in the sky, leaving only empty air.

Chapter 12, Part 3: Special Guest Chapter

Author's Note: Luther's coming home from his field trip tonight! It was rough for a while, but I think I've done pretty well following his instructions on this chapter's plot, even though I never was able to find any of his previous chapters. Please tell me how close I came to interpreting his deep and vivid world! He should be able to pass messages along to me once he posts this.

Now you can get back to his masterful (if badly spelled … haha) writing. I'm sorry you've had to put up with the horrible quality of my guest contributions!

Love and kisses, Mandy

Chapter 12, Part 3: In Which True Love Demands A Regrettable Decision

It had been a month since Rari-coeur's noble sacrifice. The princes had healed. Without Blakemel's leadership, the anti-magic terrorist organization had fallen apart. However, we were no closer to tracking down the mysterious villain behind the magical attack — even though King Celestio had spent long days with the video tape, and shared it with every analyst in the Magic Kingdom. I had watched it myself several times.

What really weighed on my mind was Twili-coeur.

I kept replaying the murder in my mind. The thin blade of the shim penetrating her chest as the gloved hand thrust forward. Her vital fluids spreading in a crimson pool. Her grip weakening, her eyes closing, as I cried out in fear and pain. She was gone, gone, and it haunted my every moment. The empty void where I expected her to be was a constant companion.

Yet no-one would help me track her down.

"Medal," coeur Luna had whispered, the first day I had asked him for help. "None can save her but you. The realms beyond death are grand and terrifying, alike for no two mages, and any who sought to help you would find themselves as lost as Twili-coeur is now."

"Then at least teach me the ways of heart magic, Luna," I pleaded. "I don't know how to follow that link."

"That's a skill only your heart-bond can teach," he whispered sadly.

Refusing to believe him, I tracked down every coeur I could find, travelling the length and breadth of the ethereal expanses of the Magic Kingdom by helicopter (a gift from Celestio). Each one I met said the same. Finally, I discovered the one living coeur who had completed the journey to save his lover. He said that the feat had taxed his mystical skills to their utmost. "What chance do you, with no magic at all, have?" he said. "Forget about it, Medal. Forget about her."

The next day, I was in my room contemplating the business end of my AK-47 — a pursuit which had become sadly all too familiar for me — when Prince Cadunce knocked at my door. I let him in. He closed the door and glanced out the window to make certain we weren't being observed. "Medal," he whispered, "I've heard of something you could do for Twili-coeur. But I'm not sure you should."

"What?!" My world spun. I fell to my knees. "Cadunce! Please! I'll do anything for her!"

"I know," he said grimly, "and that's the problem. Without knowing heart magic, your quest is futile. You'd never be able to locate her even if you could journey to the realms beyond death. But … I overheard Luna talking to his dad. 'Please,' Luna whispered, 'as a friend I have to tell him.' 'NO,' Celestio replied, 'AS HIS FRIENDS WE CANNOT LET HIM.'"

"Why would they hide something from me which could help me get her back?!"

"It's bad stuff," Cadunce said grimly. "There's a young sorceress who used to be a coeur. She is so feared, none dare speak her name. She wields great power, perhaps even greater than Celestio, but at a cost. Her heart magic is corrupted and deadly. Years ago they banished her to the far reaches of the kingdom."

"I have to talk to her," I said. "I have to. Please, Cadunce. Tell me her name."

He shifted uncomfortably, then leaned in and whispered into my ear: "Tripleheart."

* * *

Days later, I was standing at the doorstep of a crude hut deep within a dark and overgrown forest. Twisted, leering masks hung from trees and walls — presumably to frighten off superstitious locals — along with gourds and jars of what looked like alchemical ingredients. A cloying musk permeated the air, sweet and rich and dark.

I knocked. There was no answer. I tried the door — unlocked — and slipped inside, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. The interior of the hut was laid out as a single large room, a boudoir arranged around a central bed. The musk was even stronger, here. I felt lightheaded. Time hiccuped, lurched. I felt lightheaded. The musk was even stronger, here. I tried the door — locked — and looked around, fear rising.

"Tripleheart?" I called. "Hello?"

"Do you know why they call me that?" a voice slid through my mind. I couldn't tell if I was hearing it or not.

I spun around. When I did, the hut spun with me, and kept spinning. I staggered back toward the bed, disoriented. Shadows and shapes leapt at me, whirling and dancing, laughing soundlessly. Colors bled into my vision, brushing past my lips, caressing my arms.

I tripped and fell — expecting to hit the ground roughly, but instead landing on something soft, dark, and yielding. My vision focused long enough to identify the pillows and blankets of the bed.

"In my twenty-one years I have taken three heart-bonds," the voice said, around me, within me. "I have savored them, like fine wine. Then I have devoured them."

Adrenaline flooded through my veins. This was a bad idea. I crawled blindly toward the blobs of floating color that might have been the door.

A hand on my shoulder stopped me. Spun me around —

Beauty

Flawless, peerless, incomparable, incomprehensible

Beauty

She was the consummate ideal of a woman, every line, every curve, every motion, radiating perfection. I felt my body reacting involuntarily, heat rising within me. Some inner part of me was screaming: This is wrong. Don't think of her like that. She isn't Twili-coeur.

"Medal," she whispered, the voice liquid silk, "will you be my fourth?"

YES, my body screamed.

"No!" I shouted. Twili-coeur. I'm here for Twilie.

"I know you are," she said, caressing my face with the back of a hand. I struggled for breath, as if desire had wrapped thick claws around my throat and was strangling the life out of me. "What I would take from you must be freely given. Here is my offer. I shall journey with you to the realms beyond death, and show you where to find Twili-coeur. If you can rescue her … if … then I shall bring you both back. This, I vow upon my heart, upon my magic, upon all that I am. In exchange, all that I ask is your heart-bond. You will love me as deeply as ever you loved her. If you fail in the realms beyond death … come back to me. We shall have each other … for the remainder of your life."

My blood turned to ice at those words, but then she moved against me, and I couldn't help but think that that fate couldn't be so bad.

"I just want Twili-coeur," I said. It was a lie. I wanted Tripleheart. I had to have her. Part of me wanted to vomit at that, and part of me was screaming to take her.

She leaned down past my face — when had she gotten atop me? When had she removed her clothes? — and bit my ear, lightly. The touch sent a shiver coursing like an electrical shock through my body. "Listen to both of those voices, Medal," she whispered. "I can give them both what they want. You will not find Twili-coeur without me … and is it truly so unpleasant that I want you?"

"No," I said honestly, feeling soiled.

She smiled predatorially. The darkness around us felt a shade icier. "Will you consummate our deal, Medal," she said, "or will you depart?" She gestured to the open door, far to one side, so far away. A genuine chance at escape. My final chance.

I took a deep breath, reached for her skin, and leapt off the precipice.

I plunged into her, like a swimmer into an alpine lake, diving smoothly into the clean and still waters, sinking into the depths as the light faded from the rapidly receding surface; feeling the water compress around me, tighten my lungs. Struggling for breath, thrashing helplessly, flailing and grasping and clinging, I started to drown, my whole body wet, wet and warm, with sweat and with … her, sinking into impossible depths, the pressure around me growing, gravity pulling me farther and farther in, hundreds of feet, thousands, past the liminal zone and into the deep darkness where the water above dispels the sunlight, with not so much as the glowing nose-bulb of a predator fish to keep me company, into infinite and perfect darkness; nothing in the universe but me and Tripleheart; until I sank deeper than any man should ever go, and with one final gasp, my body imploded, and I felt all that was me leave my form and jet into the darkness —

I swam back to consciousness with my true love Tripleheart sleeping atop me, in a grey and drab hotel room, the noises of the city in my ears — strange noises, hollow and echoing, like the ghosts of men departed.

I sat up, being careful not to dislodge her, and looked around. It was the hotel room I'd stayed in when our team first visited Nightmoor City for the games, a lifetime ago, a world away. The hotel room in which I'd first met … what was her name?

It took me long seconds to remember. It didn't seem important, but I picked at it anyway, like gristle stuck between teeth.

Twili-coeur?

I'd loved her, once. I remembered loving her, long ago and far away. Loving her enough to … to … what had I been thinking? The evil sorceress in my arms, who wanted to suck the love out of me and drain me dry, was all I ever needed, all I ever could need. She had given me so much — conquered death itself for me — and for what? A silly errand for some woman I couldn't feel a thing for.

Tripleheart stared up at me, grinning slyly. She nuzzled into my chest, and my heart leapt. Then she sat up, pulling away, and I ached only for her touch again.

"We're in the realms beyond death, Medal. There's someone out there who you wanted to see," she said.

"I don't care," I said, lost in Tripleheart's eyes.

She laughed, sweet and throaty. "I know. But a promise is a promise. Go say goodbye to her, Medal. I'll be waiting."

I sat up, my heart sinking at the thought that I had to leave my true love even for a moment, determined to finish the errand and return as quickly as possible. "Fine. Where is she?"

She strode to the window and threw open the curtains. The dark city beyond was illuminated only by lampposts and store windows, flickering like a thousand thousand distant fireflies. Far away, out on the waterfront, was a radiant building. Even from this distance, it seemed to thrum — pulsing out the heartbeat feeding life through the black streets.

"The discotheque," we said simultaneously.

Tripleheart grinned, and gave me an exaggerated bow. "Welcome to Nightmare City, Medal. Enjoy your stay."

Hi guys I'm back

AN: Hai guyz im bak!!

I hoep u njoyd my SPESHL SAPRISE for upd8ing fic wile I wuz goen…

I jest gonna reed chaepr 12 && than can gert bak 2 riting OK?

…

Wow thsi is loooong

Mnady usng losts of NERD words sry guys

…

Ummmm……………

Ok fic maek no cents but…… seen w/ith terrist missels is ok…

LOL sHE mispels "coern" alot…

Bla balh blah blarh moar nerd stuf

Um…

WHAT

No

NO!!!!!

WAHT

THE

EFFINGG

BUCK!

sWEAT ALICRON sIHT MANDY!!!! oMBA HOW COD U KILL MEDDLE DEAD && IN NITMOR TOWN!?!?

u R B&&D FROM MY FIC 4EVA!!!! aLSO BA&&ND FORM MY INTRNET!! aRHARGHHARGHH i HAT U HAT U HATU HART U

oMBA oMBA oMBA OMBA oMBA

i FIX TIHS ,GUY S………i PRAMISE

Cphater 13: I fix things kind of

Cphater 13 :(

(AN: i AM SOOOOOOO SRY U GUYS i wnat 2 pertend Chp12 not hapen but…… it did bcuz it postered here. oMBA. I make fic batter noow. pLZ GIVE MADNY ALL THE NERD FLEAMS! Not me)

I lay in bed with mom who was super sexy in the wrong and sick way so I wasn't enjoying it. Suddenly a knock rang on the door and in came……… MOM!

"What!" I ejaculated, astonished.

"Who are you?" said Mom on the bed.

"I'm you!" said Mom in the door.

"No you're not I'M you!" said first mom.

"AHA!" said second mom in victory. "You're not BECAUSE… yOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY ME!"

First mom gasped. "oMBA you're right!" she said sadly.

"Meddle I am your mom Tripleharsh and you actually had sexs with…… Triple Hearth the changeling empress!" Door mom who was real mom said. "That makes it ok genealogically!"

"Yay!!" I was super relieved, except for I was still dead in Nightmare Disco town. "Mom how do I fix that?"

"We have to have Celestia and Nightmare Disco fight because they're immoral enemies also celestia can rarisect ponies." She said. "And you have to fall in love with Twilicorn again."

Triple Hearth villain laughed. "aHAHAHA HAHA HA! But he cannot, you despicable snobs, for I have stolen his heart!"

First mom gasped. "oMBA you're right!" she said sadly. "Meddle my power is not strong enough to defeat her yet."

I could have, but I didn't because she was the sexiest pony like mom except not sick and wrong. So I "said What will give you more power?"

"We must become," Tripleharsh mom posed dramantically……… "QUADRICORNS!"

"oh My Bucking Alicorn!" I gasped. "How do we do that?"

"We must win first place in the quadricorn Games because there can be only one!"

Empress Mom flexed with her muscles. "Then I shall compete against you which will make me unstoppable!"

"Bring it on you royal hussy." Real mom challenged. So it was settled and we had to scout cities for the Quadricorn games next week. Then we all ran out the door into Nightmare town looking for Celestia.

"Princesscorn princess Celestia!" we yelled. She flew up. "oHAI WHAT U WANT" she rOYAL cANTERLOT vOICED. (AN: stupid sistre gott 1 thing rite: sun iz LOUDAR then moon. Is SCEINCE. So i fix it farm now on)

"Nightmare Disco has Twilicorn captured in the Nightmare Disco!" we shoulted at the same time.

She laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Twilicorn!" we begged.

"nO" she rcved. "tWILICORN NOT NERD LIKE ME && CADUNCE SO SHE RUIN GAMES WRONG LIKE U" Then she flew away. We started crying. "Oh Twilicorn!" mom moaned.

"It's okay!" I tried to tell mom but that didn't stop her. But she gasped and had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" she exclaimed.

"What?" I asked her.

"You'll see." she said. She lit her triplecorn horn and… Harshwhinnia came down from the sky! We jumped on and rode it to the Nightmare Disco!

Author's Note

This cphater SHULD ½ been postered Apirl 1 BUT… priblems. (C mai blog thing) It is liek Bonus carpter! :yay:

I fic udder fics now k?? They be better 1s. Mabee sumtims I add crapter or 2 but dont' expectorate them. kthx 4 readin.

p.s. also sports

Chacter 14: SUPER SPECIAL NEW EPISODE CHACTER

Chacter 14: Now their's 14 charcters

(AN: iGuess i shold fic dis fic agin bcuz their wuz new HARSHWINNNY episoad……… but not aWESOME ENUFF 4 gold meddle. Mabye solver. So I fic liek it SHUOD be)

Harshwhinnia came down from the sky! We jumped on and rode it to the Nightmare Disco!

But Celestia rcved. "nO WAIT"

So we did. "What" mom queried.

"tEH EQUESTRAIN nATIONAL gAMES NEED PONYVILLE!!1" she ordered. "gO LEAVE DREAM && FIX"

I gasped. "Ponyville is important!" I lectured. "It has a orphan who cant fly!"

"We will fix this Celestia… so I swear!" Mom posed as Harshwhinny, flexing her mucsles. "And after we will come back and do the things we were supposed do do here in Nightmare town."

With a mighty bound we were free of the dream. We leaped straight to the Ponyville school. Where Cherylee was teaching sports. The orphan was there.

I gasped. It was so sad. "Cutie marks crusader!" I ordered her. "Do your flag march!"

She and her friends sang a song about horse hearts. Then Scotallo borrowed my choppter and drove it through the hoop. There were explosions. Everyone gasped in surprise. I got ready to gold meddle them but…

"nO WAIT MEDDLE!" mom yelled. yOU CANT' LIKE THEM. YOu have to judge hard because that is the spirit of the International equestiran Games.

She was right! So I didn't give a gold meddle. Nobody got one.

silver Tiara and her girlfriend laughed evilly. "Ha ha haaaaaaaa ha HA!" she made a rude middle hoof to the orphan. "You didn't win because yOU CAN"T FLY!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she ran from the room sobbing, then burst into tears. Sweety bellicorn turned to look at me. "Meddle what do we do?!" she begged. "She is my best freind except for the other crusader!! But I don't know what do do."

"Well we have to leave the train to go back to get her!"

She gasped. "MEddle you're right." Mom stopped the train and we all ran back to Scotaloo's house, which was my house, where she lived in my old room once I got the new one. Scoutloo took down the posters of pegasuses and put me in its place. It was my photo shot with wearing all of my gold meddles. All 57 of them like the ketsup. They gave me an endorsement bcuz I was the first athlete to do that ever. I got millions of bits. Then they made TV commercials where I poured the catchup over oats. I don't actually like katchup but it was for a good cause. Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices.

"Okay are we ready to go get back your friend now?" I said.

"Yes" said sweety Bellicorn And Scoots. So we went to the orphanage and I taught apple Blossom to fly so she could march the flag again.

I was the one who helped her, so Mom gave me the gold meddle. Then things were fixed so…… we came back here in Nightmare town!!

Chapteen 15: Meddel and the Elegantly Erudite Adventure in the City of the Dead (F)

(AN: Their's iMPROTANT arthurs note @ end of chacter!!! But first teh fic)

Chapter 15
"Meddel and the Elegantly Erudite Adventure in the City of the Dead"
By special guest ~~author~~ CLABORAIDER Fuzzyfurvert (AN: that's a secret until u read the AN @ end tho!!!!!)

The trip back to Nightmare City was quick, but rough.

The transition from bright daylight in the Equestrian sky to the dark, neon lit smog over Nightmare City happened in a blink. I don't know if it was the change in atmospheric pressure or the drop in temperature or just the mystical teleportation between the realms of the living and dead, but Harshwhinnia was bucking under my hooves like a 'roided up bronco at the Interdenominational Mixed Martial Rodeo. I'd taken home the gold five times in that competition. Seven times in Synchronized Helicoptering, so I wasn't about to let a little turbulence stop me from flying straight to the wharf and the Nightmare Discotheque.

"Holy hayfries! Look at all those tall buildings!"

"How did we get to Manehattan? I thought we were going to the Crystal Empire?"

"Why does it smell like Big Mac's special smoking area back behind the barn that Ah'm not supposed to know about?"

Oh my bucking alicorn. I knew I forgot something.

"Hey, listen up you three orphans!" Heh, that's a good joke. I should remember it for later use. "Strap in and shut up! As soon as we get to the other side of Nightmare City, I'm setting Harshwhinnia down next to the disco so I can say goodbye to my dead former fillyfriend, Twilcorn and get back my living and totally hot fillyfriend, Tripleheart. I'm making this quick, then I'm taking you three back to the Flag Carrying Competition!"

"We're not orphans!"

"Who the heck is 'Twilicorn?' Do you mean Twilight Sparkle?"

"Ah'm still confused about this whole situation! It don't make a lick of sense!"

If foalsitting was a sport, I'd have a gold medal in it. I'm good with kids. "Omba! I said shut up! I taught you to fly Apple Blossoms and got a gold medal for it. That means I'm an expert and you're just a kid that doesn't know anything except how to fly 'cuz I taught you! It doesn't have to make sense!"

"Meddel, stop arguing with children," Oh yeah, I'm forgotten she was onboard too. I mentally slapped myself for that. How could I forget the greatest mare alive, the most important mare in my life? My pulse starts to race as she reaches into the cockpit, her perfect hoof circling my chest and heading for my lap. "and watch where you're flying."

Her hoof grips Harshwehinnia's rudder and we swerve away from a tall brownstone that had jumped out from nowhere. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat and adjust my seating, the confines of the cockpit are tight enough as is without adding anymore horseflesh to the mix. I try to fight the feeling. It's not Tripleheart. It just looks like her. Sounds like her. Smells like her. I breath in deeply as she draws her hoof back out now that we're not in imminent danger of flying into a Nightmare Apartment building. I can smell the musk of an athletic workout and rubber with a hint of sandalwood. It is the most alluring scent ever recorded by ponykind. It's my mother's perfume.

My mom, Tripleharsh, is the world's greatest Games Inspector and chilli cook-off judge to ever grace Equestria. I respect her more than any other pony. She is also one of the coolest, hottest mares in the world and looks totally just like my fillyfriend. Part of me thinks that's weird. Another part of me thinks that's hot. Another part thinks both of those other parts are weird and should really be watching where we're going before we run headlong into the giant draconequus that's standing in the middle of the city.

"What!" I yank the rudder hard to dodge but the giant Discord is too fast and catches us with his freaky giant paw. Harshwhinnia's controls start flashing alot of lights and making loud bleep bloop noises that I think means we're gonna crash. We don't crash though, because he has us in his grip.

"My my Meddel, I thought you were good at games?"

"I'm good at Sports!" I flip Discord the hoof and start pushing buttons to arm the missiles on my attack mooncopter. A missile to the face will teach him for getting my talent wrong! My Cutie Mark is a gold trophy for crying out loud!

"Shooting the ref in the face with missiles is against the rules, Meddel. So is using a helicopter!" Discord snapped his fingers and Harshwhinnia disappeared, dropping us into Discord's huge paw hand. "If you want to win gold at telling your old girlfriend bye in the City of the Dead, you have to play by the rules."

"Buck you Discord!" I grit my teeth and pull out my AK-47, but my mom put her hoof on my shoulder.

"Stop Meddel. As a Game Inspector, I say he is right. You must play by the rules or you will be...DISQUALIFIED!" Tripleharsh frowned at Discord sternly. It's the same look she gives me when she tells me to clean my room. "Discord! What are the rules so that Meddel can win?"

"Simple; he must reach the discotheque and his former beloved Twilicorn before midnight and tell her goodbye. But! There are no helicopters allowed. Or guns."

My AK-47 turned into a pile of powerbars, and not the good granola and chocolate kind, but the yucky kind that are covered in pink yogurt stuff. I hate pink yogurt. It is like cryptonights to me, so I threw the powerbars down to the street. It hit a biathlete. That made me happy even though I was sad that Discord stole my gun.

"Oh, and one more rule: if Meddel dies, he loses." Discord smiled like a big fat jerk. "He loses all his gold medals! And I get to keep his soul here forever and he will never become a quadricorn!"

Discord laughed like a big fat jerk too and then put us on the ground. I was worried. Mom looked mad. Sweety Bellicorn and Scoots looked really confused because they are kids and don't understand grown-up stuff. Apple Blossoms looked confused too, but she picked up one of the yogurt powerbars and sniffed it like she would eat it. She instantly became my least favorite Cutie Mark Crusader.

"Come on. I will not lose a game of sports and this is now a sports game! We are in this together, so don't slow me down you dumb orphans!"

"We are NOT orphans!" Sweety Bellicorn seemed mad for some reason, probably because she can't understand a joke.

"We might as well go along, Sweetie." Scoots patted Sweety Bellicorn. "The sooner he wins this game, the sooner we get back to the Flag Carrying Competition."

"At least we'll have something to eat! Ah think Discord made these all Apple flavored!"

I narrowed my eyes at Apple Blossoms. OMBA! I hate her so much right now! But I can't get disqualified! We only have until midnight to win so I turn toward the docks and start power trotting. I am Meddel and I never lose at sports!

Author's Note

(AN: This AN is sOOOOOOOO SPESHL that it goes in HIGHLITE GREY…)

(ANN: Plz wave hi 2 ur commupter screen b/cuz this crapter was ficced by Furzerbert!! hE IS SUPER TO MADNY IN EVREY WAY…… he knows Meddle doesnt' lose and DOES NOT KILL HIM DEAD!! Sence he fic such good crapter I make biG Decision……………

(ANNN: FURZERBERt u r now my CLABULATOR!! We fic this togedder ok??? I fic the good parnts && u fic the almost as good partys. THX U) :trollestia:

Chaptre 16: The last only challenge

WARNING: SUM OF THIS CHAPTRE HAS NERRRRRDING. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

Chaptre 16. (AN: this is me again)

We ran to where Discord was. It turned out that Discord wasn't there. Instead the captain of the Skybolts was. Spitfire was also an orphan so she was evil, but she had meddles in flying anyways. I gasped.

"oMBA!" mom said. "Meddle she is going to challenge you in sports. Discord made the rules of the challenge and one of them was that before you reach Twilicorn he can challenge you with his best athletes on the planet. Andwhoever wins that challenge, wins to go on"!

"It is ok Meddle." Said Sweetie Bellicorn. "You are the best athlete."

"We will cheer for you because we are the cheer flag carriers!" said Scootloo. "Then you will win for sure!"

Meanwhile Apple Blossoms had snuck away to do something evil because she was an orphan. But nobody noticed her. I told you she couldn't be trusted!

"According the rules, Discord can only do this ONE time," Tripleharsh said.

(AN: ok this is SUPR impotent plot pt??? U HAEV TO NODICE && REMBER IT, b/cuz it will CHANGE.. Later Discond will tIME TARVEL && he will snake back heer && mak it "2". Rite now tho it'is nOT that, it is "one" oK???????)

((DO NOT REDE DIS AN YET!!!! AN: Actly he makes it "THHREE" b/c he times travels 2x times)

"Ok mom!" I said. "Only ONE challenge, got it. Then no more sports challengers before Twilicorn!"

"Ha haaaaaaa!" Spitfire giggled. "But we only need ONE challenge to defeat you Meddle! Because I am the best at………" She stared and pointed at me through her goggles. "hOCKETBALL!"

I gasped. That was a sport that combined HOCkey and basKETball and footBALL. It had only been played once 15 years ago because the rules where so complex nobody knew them, except for Mom who had to judge it.

"You think that is a challenge!" I laughed back. "I have a gold metal in eVERY sport even that one. And I have the ONLY gold ever because it was played once! Bring it, on you despicable nerd."

"Cutie mark crusaders cheerleaders yaaaaaaaay!" cheered.

Spitfire's laugh grew. "But Meddle I am still betrter."

I gasped. "Impossible!"

"Not with…………… TIME TRAVEL!" she roared.

"But you can't do that because physics!" I said. I am not a nerd but I had looked it up. "arguments from semiclassical gravity suggest that when quantum effects are incorporated into general relativity, these loopholes may be closed.[21] These semiclassical arguments led Hawking to formulate the chronology protection conjecture, suggesting that the fundamental laws of nature prevent time travel,[22] but physicists cannot come to a definite judgment on the issue without a theory of quantum gravity to join quantum mechanics and general relativity into a completely unified theory.[23]" (AN: I am SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sry u gys. I am ashamed I had 2 NERD. But I had 2 prove time impossible so discord change the past is suprise)

Spitfire staggered back. "Meddle how did u know???!!! It was not time travel at all. Actually I am better because when we played hocketball you won gold…… bUT I WON THE ELECTRUM!"

"WHAT?" I shoulted. Electrum meddles are like winning the gold && silver and they mix them together. They are half the cost of gold meddles but worth five silvers. Except in my story they are better then gold b/cuz it is like u win 2 meddles at once. Had I really met my even match?

I was scared but I knew I had to win. I shook in fear. But I squared off at half court with Starfire for the coin flip.

"GO!!!!!" Mom shoulted and Starfire punched me in the muzzle. That was in the rules because hockey. I hit her back with my bat but……… Apple Blossoms tripped me!

"YOU MOTHERBUCKING BUCKER!" I screamed as Spitfire ran the bases and through the puck in my basket from outside the line. I was ONE point behind!

"Go Meddle!" The cuite Mark Cheerleaders said. Even Apple Blossoms so I did not realize she was evil yet.

We played hard but every time I got ahead I got tripped. In the last inning Starfire was ahead but by two points.

"Give up now Meddle!" She laughed. "Because you cannot beat me!"

"Time out!" Tripleharsh said and stopped reffing to huddle with me. "Meddle it is her turn to skate the bases. Do you know what this means?"

"If she scores one more points (AN: dis is rly 1 dis time) I can't score the most!" I finally got scared.

"There is one chance meddle!" she whispered. "But I am judging the game so I can't tell you. Just rember to use your head" And she tapped her head with her hoof.

"Mom I dont' know what you mean!" I said but Starfire had already stepped up to the free throw line.

I only had one chance! That's when I figured it out. I used all my genetic throwing skills I learned from Mom's gold meddle sports to hock the puck as hard as I could at Starfire's head.

***BAM***

"Go Meddle!" cheerleadered the cutie marks.

She was out cold! So even though she got two penalty shots she missed both of them. Then it was my turn and I scored a ONE pointer and won!!!

"You did it Meddle!" Mom cheerleadered too. So we stepped past Starfire to the Nightmare Disco and at the door there was ………………

(AN: Furzerbert now u think of sumthin)

Chapter 17: The (Capital i) of Our Con

Author's Note

Transcriber's Note:

No mere transcription can give the true flavor of the original document of this chapter of My Harshwhinnial. During his trip to Bronycon, Luther apparently typed this up on an ancient manual typewriter. Some letters were so faint as to be barely readable, many were overstruck, and some that were to be removed never got x'd over. Most lines ran off the side of the page, while paragraphs were separated by a single line break. And there were illustrations — I cannot do them justice in mere words, and (perhaps fortunately for the world) they appear to have been accidentally used as catbox liners before reaching a scanner, but they were a match for the text.

I have attempted to guess the words beyond the right-hand margins. Otherwise, all effort has been made to retain the full and correct text, preserving even mis-spellings and dropped spaces. Dad (also an excellent proofreader) has checked it for errors both omitted and committed. What mis-matches remain are mine.

I have provided further context (and a photograph of the original page) in the comments.

— Amanda Blissett

Chapter 17: The (Capital i) of Our Con

mY HARSHWhinnIAL⎰
Next chaptre exclation point exclamtion pt ex pt ex pt exc
poitt

an: this tipe triter dose not have a (( )) key
i cammot tll u which key is mssign
(becuz is mssing)
but hint i cant not type exclatin pts
EDND OF ARTHRS NTE

Medal rushes ito the bildng wheree DISCRDOD is esclation point. It is a [trap]
but he is not aware of t esclation point. AN: i typewwrited off edge o[f page, oops]

AN: i dont hve quote ether :( so snow senicolns arrquotes

;;DISCORD EXCLATION POint; i sholted exclation pt. ;;i am in teh bild[ing where you]
are exclatim pitno;;

AN: i aev ust been tdol. that terhe arenquoutes afteeal sonow i will use [them for exclamation points]

;;HAhaaAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEXLATINPOINT;; he shuoled. and lig[htning]
roled through the landscape and thunr flashed. ;NOW my plan can come t[o]
its most evil fruit tion""""";

but phroan aPLE BLOOM was tere and she said ;NOT SO FAST DCCRD"""; and [???? with?]
an evil lagh. ;Because I am the most vil (number less than two)"";

;WHAT""QESTIN MARK; said discOrd. AN: there is a swshy mark whch i wil[l]
use 4 quastins now ok⎰

APple boom;s friends gasped. ;what⎰; they gasped"

But mom was there too since dscord dad captored her""" and with one le[ap]
she was free""""(numbr less than two) ;DISCOARED"" she rord. and she star[ted]
to rn. At him. She would nt run awaa frmhim. she was not scared bcuz [????]
and not scardness runs in teh fambly.

Appelblom trips her thogh & se trips to te floor"" ;eddle"; she gasped[. U]
must save evry (numeer less than two)""";

AN: imbeging told to use captal i for the numbr icant type so ok

;U must saev evry capital i"";

Dscord said he will stop me" thogh

bt Appel blom was the REAL evil and was sdupr ofended"" so she chalgen[ged me]
toa SPORTS battle""

;I except"; i sad" and discord gasped. Now we were on the same side.

She chalgned us to a triping contest and at first i gasped bcuz she
was the besat triping excep fr m sinccmedel is the bestb at everything
bt i Knew apple bolm was goggto lose secne she had no poy to trip. Unt[il]
mom volentired. ;Appel boom sad good mom.; i cant not watch u lose byd
efzault so u willhaev me as teamte";

Everycapital i gasped.

;Mom waht are u dogn"⎰"⎰"⎰; i gaspked. AN: this is gasping && asking
;Bcz now WE r on difident sides""";

Evil Mom smilked. (AN: smilggand smikkng) ;thats is ok mμdle bcuz now W[E]
ARE on the same side to""";

I wuod have gasped but i stilsort of hrted her so i was ok w⎰ith that[.]

And we started te sports contest"""

Wich we wil tell u abt next chacter.

Chapter 18: Postmortem Script

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapetr 2: Twilicorn comes after breakfast

Chapetr 2:

(AN: this is an author's note ok)

The next day I woke up from being asleep. It was sunny so I made it rain on earth ponies. I got up off my exercise mat & drank a bottle of taurine and harsh training. My mat was lined with my Meddles and decorated with stallionly blue medicine balls. I gotup off the mat and took off my spandex which shows off my muscles. Instead of flexign I did wing pushups, 30 self-facebucks, and only 49 house lifts instead of 50 because I was having a bad day. I cried manly tears.

My best sister friend Trixie (AN: if u want to be my prerater which is like an inspector of prereaders then this OC can represent u!) woke up fro my mat and grinned at me. She flipped her long athletic mane and did a workout of her own. 20 hoof curls, 30 luges and she shot a biathlete. We both showered and toweled off but not too much so we could glisten with mucscular exertion. I felt better.

"OMBA I saw u talking to Twilicorn Princess yesterday!" she said excitedly!

"Yeah so?" I said, holding back a manly blush.

"You like her" she said as we went downstairs where mom had made breakfast of victory and stern angst. It tasted like oats.

"No I so bucking don't" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she said. Just then, Twilicorn ranged the doorbell.

"Hi." she said flirtily.

"Hi." I said flirtily.

"Guess what." she said flirtily.

"What?" I said flirtily.

"You two are so cute" Trixie said flirtily.

"Shut up you're adopted," Twilicorn and I said. We all laughed.

"So"

"Yeah."

"So what do you wanna do today?"

"I dunno"

"Maybe," Twilicorn said we can go inspect Cloudsdale for the upcoming games!"

"oH. mY. bUCKING. aLICORN." I screamed. Cloudsdale is my favorite place to inspect besides Harshwhinnia.

"Well…… do you want to go with me?" she asked.

I gasped.

Chpaetr 10: A musical interlude

chapter10

(AN: Evry1 hoo wrote dis fic tlod me 2 fic MOAR SINGS! Since their r not 2 meni gud sing fics abt sports So I will)

I was really smad about Nightmare Discord all day. I got so upset and went to rehearsals with my arena metal dubstep band Me And The other Elements of Sportsmareship. We win gold meddles for singing. The other elements of Sportsmareship in the band are Ultramarathon Muscle Mare, Twilicorn, Rainbow Dashicorn, Fluttershy (although we call her Iron Willamena now. She put her mane into racing stripes to go faster and wears running shoes.) and Raricorn who's not an alicorn. Also mom. And sometimes Trixie is our backup drummer. Only today Triplewhinnny and Twilicorn were both upset so they didn't go to rehearsals and the rest of us practiced without them. I knew Twilicorn was probably quitting sports (but I knew she wouldn't mean it because if she did she'd become a nerd with books n stuff, ew) and Triplewhinny was probably writing harsh reject letters to earth pony towns who wanted the Games.

I put on my music costume. We preformed in luckydoor masks and gold capes like marexican wrestlers but with lots of meddles on our chests. We sang a cover of Sports by Huey lewis And The news.

"I want a new drug
"One that won't hurt my head
"One that won't make my mouth too dry
"Or make my eyes too red

"One that won't make me nervous
"Wonderin' what to do
"One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you (AN: This song copyrite Sports)

"And at the end of the song I burst into manly tears.

Meddle! Are you OK?" Ultramarathon asked, concerted.

"What the buck do you think?" I asked angrily. "Nightmare Disco came and the bucking bastard told me to bucking kill Triplewhinnny! But I don't want to because she's best pony, even if she did go out with Twilicorn. But if I don't kill mom then Nightmare Discord will bucking kill Twilicorn!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Twilicorn jumped from behind the drum set.

"Why didn't you bucking tell me!" she shouted. "How could you -you -you EARTH PONY!"

I cried and cried and cried. Twilicorn started to cry too because that hurt. She ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly in walked… Princesscorn Celestia! Her eyes were on fire and I knew this time it was serious.

"meddle what have u done" She cried flaming tears. "we found twilicorn dead she quit sports & suicide from shame"