Class Sins

by TheOnly

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Nightmare Moon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5846

A humble parody of Past Sins.

On a dark night filled with sparkly magic, a group of unidentified enthusiasts of some sort attempt to give Nightmare Moon some sizzle, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia's slav... guards, something totally expected is created.

Now, a little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself held captive by Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a science experiment? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those who would call her out on fillynapping?
Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the poor fashion sense that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?

Published 2013-03-16 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 21:40:01 UTC

Prelude: Resurrection

Class Sins

By TheOnly

Snacks Provided By Regidar

-Pre-read and edited by-

Nobody

-Chapter intro images edited by-

TheOnly

-Original Cover Art By-

Valcron

-Original Chapter Art-

CiscoQL

This is the parodied version of Past Sins. All instances of mocking and satirizing are done in lighthearted fun. Characters and situations have been parodied in this work. This work is readable without reading the original, although it is highly suggested that you read the original story.

-Original Story-

Past Sins

=====================================================================

Dedicated to the amazing Pen Stroke, who gave us permission to do this.

=====================================================================

Original Chapter Images Done by CiscoQL

Prelude

Resurrection

=================

Amidst dim candlelight, a single unicorn sat with his head down, eyes shut. The candles flickered in the whistling breeze, the branches of the trees following its direction with dull movements. The phantom of winter consumed the mystical forest, speckling its floor with a layer of snow and poisoning the air with a stinging cold. The unicorn’s breaths were short and deliberate, each one releasing puffs of steam into the cold air that curled upwards. The forest was quiet, as most winter scenes are, with the creaking of the trees barely audible in their slight shifting and with all the bugs dead. Cause it’s cold.

The unicorn’s reflection stood still in the unmoving water, its eyes slowly opening to reveal turquoise irises. Among the surrounding brush, quiet hoofsteps made a hasty approach towards the pond, their subtlety made useless by the silence. With another breath of the cold air, the unicorn calmly awaited the appearance of his pursuers.

“Nexus, we’re ready when you are.”

The black unicorn turned to face the familiar voice, nodding before lifting himself off his perch.

“I’ll totes be there asap,” said Nexus, giving a little wink to his companion. The other pony nodded and swung his head with a defined exaggeration, strutting back into the forest. Nexus waited until the hoofsteps were inaudible before gathering the materials he had brought.

“Our queen, guide me to fabulosity, cause this full moon is ferocious and bootiful.”

Nexus spoke the words flamboyantly, stressing all the incorrect syllables and putting too much emphasis on the vowels, with a gruff voice.

The items that laid around Nexus levitated and circled around him, among them were a cape with stars on it, a helmet that had been painted purple, purple horseshoes, a scarf that sparkled in the moonlight, hat that hadn't been popular for decades, and a purple chestpiece with a crescent engraved in the center. Around these main items floated an unhealthy amount of glitter, enough feathers to stuff a pillow with, and copious amounts of fake mustaches. Lying in a pile nearby was an assortment of monocles of multiple colors, most of them gold or purple.

“Let’s get this party started,” said Nexus, putting on the armor and cape. He checked his reflection in the pond, making sure that he looked cute enough to take part in the sacred ritual.

He swung his head, allowing his mane to float in the breeze for a moment, and strutted off into the trees, the assortment of items floating behind him in tow.

Dense forest gave way to a clearing where the snow had been removed. Pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns worked in unison to clear out the remaining debris and prepare the area for the ritual. All the ponies were wearing glitter scarves, purple horseshoes, and a chestpiece with a crescent in the center. Only Nexus had the privilege of wearing the jewel encrusted helmet and glittery cape. The other ponies wore odd combinations of clothing that had not been worn for centuries.

“Booty Cat, is our special guest here?” asked Nexus, his gaze remaining forward.

“Yes, and she’s a pretty rambunctious little unicorn,” responded Booty Cat, “Mee-ow.”

Booty Cat waved a hoof as a cat would wave a paw towards Nexus, but he had no interest in Booty Cat’s shenanigans.

“Black Lavender, how are the preparations doin?” asked Nexus, his head still unmoving.

“We’re almost done, this place is going to look fabulous when we’re finished, I promise.”

Nexus took a deep breath, concentrating on the magic that flowed within him. He looked at the ground, concentrating on a certain spot. As the preparations came to a close, the ponies moved into their respective positions, sitting in front of small bowls and looking at the ground, their scarves barely touching the cold floor.

“Booty Cat, bring me our special guest.” Nexus’ head lifted from the ground, his eyes searching for Booty Cat.

“On that!” called Booty Cat, springing onto his hooves. He hopped over to a bag a few meters away from the circle the ponies had formed. The bag was squirming, muffled screams coming from inside.

“Everything’s gunna be alright baby,” whispered Booty Cat to the bag, “Mama’s here.”

Inside the circle, a pegasus wearing goggles landed, followed closely by his small team.

“The clouds are in place,” he reported, “All fluffy and stuff. Dem clouds be fluffy clouds.”

Nexus nodded, turning his attention to Booty Cat, who was dragging the bag along the sand, carefully avoiding the flailing hooves. When the bag was finally close enough, Nexus’ horn glowed and the rope that tied the bag shut untied and fell off. The bag flew off of the pony inside, revealing a purple unicorn, her hooves bound by tightly knotted rope, her mouth gagged with a sparkly handkerchief, and her horn covered in a liquid solution, blocking it from directing any magic.

“Welcomes Twilight!” said Nexus, pulling his face up to Twilight’s, “Glad you could join we.”

Nexus chuckled. He mentally hoofbumped himself for the stellar pun. Twilight struggled in her bondage but it was useless, without magic she was essentially powerless. She desperately wished to correct Nexus’ poor grammar, but her mouth had been gagged shut. Nexus barked orders at some of the ponies standing nearby, causing them to quickly scatter in search of the needed items.

“Don’t worry,” said Nexus, “We’re not going to hurt you, we just need to extract your fabulosity.”

As the last word rolled off of his tongue, Twilight squirmed harder than ever in her ties, but to no avail. She seemed to be yelling angry curses at Nexus and his helpers, but could only muster muted, incomprehensible noises. Her pupils darted from side to side, constantly in motion, yet were still unable to capture most of the environment. Her surroundings evaded her vision, unable to see anything but bits and pieces of the scene that unfolded.

“Black Lavender, fetch me the knife.”

Twilight stopped struggling. A tear ran down her face as she realized that whatever was binding her was too strong and that her magic was useless. Thrashing and pulling was just a waste of energy. A pony trotted over to a rock where a dagger rested, its hilt encrusted with a murky purple gem. He took it in his mouth and trotted over to Nexus, dropping it in front of him. Twilight watched as Nexus picked the blade from the ground and held it stably between his teeth, a sick grin spreading across his face.

“Gam rowing roo hinjee hiss,” he said.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. Nexus rolled his eyes, spitting the dagger out of his mouth.

“I said, I’m going to enjoy this.”

Twilight rolled her eyes in understanding and nodded to show that she comprehended. Nexus picked the knife back up again.

“Thyme hoo ezgraph heh frubisolitee herom hue,” said Nexus.

Twilight raised her eyebrow again. Nexus sighed, spitting out the knife again.

“I said... Wait, no, fuck you,” he said, picking up the dagger again.

“Ret’s drew tit.”

He leaned close to Twilight, locating a vein in her leg, and nipped it with the dagger, creating a small laceration. The cut barely penetrated her flesh, a small drop of blood seeping out of the cut. Nexus almost gagged at the sight of blood, but he remained strong for the sake of the ritual. Spitting the dagger out of his mouth, Nexus barked orders at the other ponies, who seemed to be preparing for something important. A pony, dressed in a glittery scarf and long leather boots, approached Nexus and gave him a small pink vial with a silk string looping through it. Its diamond shape and color made it stand out in the darkness and blandness of the forest.

Nexus levitated the vial next to Twilight’s wounds and collected a small amount of blood, filling the vial to the brim.

“Everypony put on your silly hats.” Nexus stared solemnly at the vial. The ponies around him silently put on feathered hats of silly design and outrageous color scheme. Nexus took a deep breath, feeling the pulse of magic in his blood.

"'Scuse me," said Booty Cat, raising a hoof, "Is this hat silly enough? Cuz I think it's pimpin, I wanna keep it. Can we keep these? Is that like, part of the ritual or sometin'?"

Nexus glared at Booty Cat. "What did I say about speaking during the ritual?"

"That you'd cut my tongue out and feed it to first born child if I did."

"Correct," said Nexus, "But why don't you go watch after our special guest instead, somepony else can take you place."

"Aw yes, come here honey lemme show you how we do," said Booty Cat, prancing over to Twilight. He played with her mane, whispering things into her ear such as "You ever been part of an evil cult? It's fun you should try it" and "Gurl when was the last time you comb this thang?"

Nexus ignored Booty Cat, turning his attention back to the spell. He regained concentration.

"Mustaches, now."

The ponies gravely placed the mustaches on their faces, the moment they had been waiting for almost near. Their faces were stolid and emotionless. Nexus nodded as his companions placed their mustaches on, feeling raw magic swirling within his body. His horn glowed dully as he put on his own mustache.

“With this extraction of fabulosity, we shall restore fabulosity to all the kingdom,” he whispered, small wisps of condensed water rolling away from his tense lips. He turned to face his brethren, their heads bowed, and trotted into the center.

Waiting for him was a bowl with an inspirational message on the inside.

“You’re a winner,” read Nexus, smiling. “I am a winner.”

His horn glowed as he placed the items they had brought into the bowl. First the blood, then the armor of Nightmare Moon, and then the silk scarves, gemstones, glitter, hat, and monocle. Twilight watched as the group of ponies collectively hummed, the unicorns with their horns lit, while Nexus concentrated on the bowl. Deep tones of archaic language seeped out of Nexus' mouth as the ponies around him swayed from side to side, never wavering in their constant drone.

A purple smoke slid out of the bowl, its billow becoming larger and larger as the spell became stronger. The light at the tip of Nexus’ horn burst, and the purple smoke billowed out of the bowl as the objects started to dissolve.

“Any last words, Twilight?” asked Nexus.

Twilight was bemused.

Nexus chortled and removed Twilight's gag while the spell proceeded behind him. Twilight gasped for air, her aching jaw moving from side to side. After she finished easing her pain, she looked up at Nexus.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, tears forming in her eyes.

“Isn’t it obvious? To restore fabulosity to our kingdom!”

“But, what is going on? What spell is this?”

“It's really obscure, you've probably never heard of it," said Nexus, donning a monocle, "But don't you worry, silly willy, everything will fall into place, you're just a helper.”

“But why me? Why did you take the blood from me?”

Nexus was taken aback by the question.

“What do you mean? You are the only pony in Equestria that embodies fabulosity as fiercely and ferociously as we do.”

“Actually, I like books...”

There was a moment of silence as Nexus tried to process what was going on. Books? Was it even possible to enjoy such a thing?

“So what you’re saying is,” Nexus started, levitating two spare scarves from the ground, “You don’t know which of these is in season?”

“I don’t even know the names of the colors.”

Nexus felt as though he was about to faint. The scarves were obviously fuschia and nutmeg! Any fool with eyeballs could see that.

“Booty Cat, why did you bring me this pony who cannot even tell the difference between sewing patterns?”

“You asked for the purple one,” responded Booty Cat.

"I said the one with the purple mane!"

“I think you’re looking for my friend Rarity,” said Twilight. Her eyes widened and her mouth snapped shut as she realized what she had said, but it was too late.

“Wait,” said Nexus. “If you are not fabulous, and we used your blood for the spell...”

Purple smoke billowed from the bowl, engulfing the air in the small space of the forest.

“Stop the spell!” screamed Nexus, turning around. The other ponies looked at him in confusion. Nopony dared to budge.

“Stop the spell!” he screamed again, galloping towards the bowl. Multiple ponies rushed to the center, kicking over the bowl and stomping out the smoke to no avail. The spell continued, regardless of their efforts, the last bits of the materials dissolving into the air, the spell ignoring any counters that were provided. Nexus’ horn glowed brighter than it had before, but each time he tried a small zap and a flash of light accompanied an angry grunt and another attempt.

Twilight snickered as she watched the ponies run around, all of them attempting to mess up their own spell before it was too late.

A guard stood still next to Twilight, watching the fray while assuring that she didn’t escape.

Twilight leaned as far as she could toward the guard.

“Hey,” she whispered, “What’s the stuff on my horn that’s not letting me do magic?”

The guard looked at her and smirked. “It’s unicorn ji—”

KRAKAFLACKA-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

The circle of ponies was blown back by a small explosion, the density of the magic acting upon the progressing spell becoming too large as negating and progressing forces interacted. The ponies fell back, the spell reaching its finishing stages, running into the forest and leaving Twilight helpless next to the swirling purple smoke and flashes of spontaneous light.

Twilight closed her eyes as the wind picked up around her, forming a small vortex around the center of what seemed to be where the spell was taking place.

The other ponies hid behind rocks and tree trunks, cautiously watching the scene unfold.

“It’s too late!” yelled Nexus, “Our queen will like books and reading!”

The other ponies bowed their heads in disappointment, but they had no time to mourn.

“Twilight!” came a voice. The ponies stood hesitantly. Twilight started to scream, but was quickly muffled by a unicorn stuffing the gag back into her mouth.

“Twilight!” repeated the voice. Twilight struggled in her bondage to speak, flailing to try and create any noise possible.

“Yo, check out all that purple smoke.”

“Good job, you three go check it out.”

“What about Celestia, shouldn’t she come, too?”

“HA! Celestia? Do something? Please, does it look like we carried her all the way out here on a golden chariot for her to actually do some work? Now get to it!”

From the dense clouds emerged three royal guards, their gold armor sticking out in the dull colors of the forest. Twilight looked up at them, her eyes watering with joy as they landed nearby.

“Stop!” yelled Nexus, jumping out from behind a tree. The other ponies followed, popping out of their hiding places and closing in on the three guards.

“Shit,” said one of the guards, “Call Celestia!”

Two of the guards stood strong, keeping the cultists at bay while another one quickly flew to the chariot in the sky, a group of stallions chatting while Celestia impatiently stared forward.

“Celestia!” called the guard, “The others are in trouble, we need help!”

With a reluctant turn of her head, Celestia stared at the guard. She sighed, lowering her head, and waved a hoof sparingly, dangling it in the air and barely wiggling it back and forth. The guards milling around the chariot saluted and flew down to help, the only pegasi remaining carrying the chariot.

The guards entered the fray just in time, pushing the cultists back from the overwhelmed defenders, increasing their numbers. A skirmish erupted as Nexus led his stallions towards the defensive circle the guards had formed around Twilight, one of them struggling to remove her bonds.

“This would be so much easier,” he grunted, tugging at the ropes and gag, “if I was a unicorn.”

Ponies clashed and battled, bucking and biting each other. The unicorns shot magical darts at the guards, most of them deflected by their golden armor. The crux of the spell, the origin of all the smoke, was kicked around in the brawl, ignored by the fighting ponies.

“Is Twilight secured?” asked one of the guards, kicking a cultist.

“Almost,” said the other guard, “I just can’t figure out what’s on her horn.”

The guard touched his hoof to the liquid, tasting it.

“I’ve definitely tasted this before.”

Twilight was relieved of the ropes and gag, her aching legs allowed to stand upright for the first time in a long time.

“Arrest these ponies,” called the lead guard, realizing that they had driven most of them back or into submission. Nexus watched cautiously from the shadows. He donned a monocle and flipped his scarf definitively, calling his colleagues to join him before producing a flash of glitter that engulfed the group. They seemed to vanish into thin air. After two minutes of searching, the tired and beaten guards resolved that they had teleported out of the forest. They gathered Twilight and flew back up to the chariot, where Princess Celestia congratulated them on a job well done. With great enthusiasm she thanked the guards for being so brave.

Among the crowd the guards whispered silent complaints.

“She only acts like this when Twilight’s around.”

“Why doesn't she ever help?”

“It’s like she wants to tyrannically command other ponies to solve all her problems.”

“I’m pretty sure I just licked unicorn ji—”

“Guards!” yelled Celestia, “Our work here is done for now, let us return home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Have we captured any of the cultists?” asked Celestia.

“We have not,” replied the guard, “But from the scene we were able to gather up several monocles, a couple of silly hats, scarves of odd colors, lots of glitter and feathers, and a large amount of outdated clothing that the cultists appeared to have left behind. Also, a bowl and pewter were found along with a cape. As far as our analysis can tell, I believe that we are dealing with professional fashionistas.”

Celestia rested her hooves on her lips, processing the information. She stepped down from her throne and walked towards the guard.

“I fear it is far worse,” she said, staring solemnly out of the window.

“My princess, what do you think it could be?”

“Hipsters,” whispered Celestia, the word leaving her mouth like smoke.

The guard stared at her, stunned.

“Yes,” said Celestia, “but I’m not certain. We can’t be sure what we’re dealing with. We have to be prepared for everything.”

“What should we do?” asked the guard, bringing a hoof up to his forehead in salute.

“Gather the other guards and investigate the forest and the nearby town for signs of these ponies. We need more information.”

The guard nodded, his hoof leaving his forehead, and with a bow he was gone, off to find the other guards. Celestia slouched back into her throne, relaxing her muscles now that she didn’t have to hold a regal posture. She reached over to find her quill and get to writing. There was nothing on the stand.

“Twilight!” she called, “Where is my quill?”

Twilight looked up from the lower floor of the library, her reading disrupted. Bemusedly, Twilight got up from her perch in front of the table and trotted over to grab a quill from the nearby bottle.

“Why did you make your base of operations in my house, again?” she asked, levitating a quill out of the bottle and examining it to make sure it wasn’t one of her good ones.

“Twilight, I must ensure that you remain safe.”

“Celestia, I told you this a hundred times, I could take on a hundred of those weaklings. Do you know what the leader stallion told me? He told me to ‘hold still weak pony’ and grabbed me, so I broke out of his grasp and threw a hoof at him and hit him in the snout. He started to cry, Celestia, cry. Then he sent a bunch of his goons after me and I fended them off until one of them threw some sort of liquid on my horn and made my magic useless. They took me by surprise, it won’t happen again.”

Celestia held out a hoof. “Must I remind you, Twilight?” She pointed to her leg, where bandages covered her wound.

“Yes, Celestia, I know. But do you really have to sit in my house and guard me?”

Celestia stared at Twilight. “Yes.”

Twilight snorted. “Here’s your quill,” she said, levitating it towards Celestia’s throne on the upper floor. Celestia thanked her and took the quill in her mouth.

“So, do you have any information on the spell?” asked Twilight, eager to help find the cretins that had kidnapped her.

“No,” said Celestia, “I’ve never seen magic like it before, it's very obscure. It’s like they invented magic or something, or found some sort of deep, underground magic that nobody has ever heard of before.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever do that,” said Twilight.

Celestia’s eyes widened. She pushed a book with stars on it further under her throne and laughed nervously.

“Anyway, there’s no need to worry,” said Celestia, “The guards are searching the forest and gathering information, this will all be over soon.”

Twilight trotted back to her book and immersed herself in the pages. “I hope so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The royal guards surveyed the scene of the ritual, gathering any spare glitter, scarves, or other apparel that was left behind. Knowing that the ritual had been confined to this small part of the forest after checking its surrounding area, which was untouched, the guards placed anything they found into a chariot nearby and looked for any clues as to where the cultists could have gone.

“That’s pretty much it,” said one of the guards, “We’ve gathered everything we could find and put it in the chariot.”

“Have you searched the forest for any traces of the cultists?” asked the lieutenant.

“Uhhhh.”

The lieutenant glared at the guard. One of his companions nudged the guard forward, goading him to speak.

“Um, we sorta decided not to go too far into the forest. You know, bloodthirsty behemoths lurking around and all.”

The lieutenant bowed his head. “Very well. I suppose it is too dangerous...”

“Thank you for understandi—”

“FOR A PUSSY!” yelled the lieutenant. “Get your pony ass into that forest!”

The guard stumbled backwards at the lieutenant's sudden change in tone. He made a hasty salute while two other startled guards quickly galloped into the forest in search of hoofprints or any other clues. The lieutenant watched as all three ponies disappeared among the trees. After a few more minutes, the guards that remained stood at attention, having completed their search of the area.

“Have you found everything?” asked the lieutenant.

“Yes sir, all the scarves, hats, and glitter has been gathered to the best of our ability.”

“Alright, let’s go join the forest searchers.”

The guards looked tentatively at each other. From within the forest the roar of a hydra came, piercing the ears of the guards, followed directly by the helpless screeches of three stallions.

“Home it is,” said the lieutenant.

The guards left the forest.

The pegasi took off into the sky, a few of them staying behind to carry the chariot for the unicorns, which was now much lighter. They disappeared from the canopies, returning to the base at Twilight’s library to report to Celestia.

Laying underneath a bush in the clearing laid one remnant of the ritual, however. A small black orb of sparkles that had been cast away during the fray. It had remained dormant, the needed magic to continue lost when Nexus had been interrupted. But the unicorns who had come provided the last prod for this sphere.

Gathering the sweet energy that had been left behind by the unicorns, the orb began to grow, pushing away the leaves of the bush. As it reached double its original size, it started to glow and the glitter became shinier. It pulsed every few seconds, pushing out the glittering light within, which was only stifled by another, purple color. The glitter and the color seemed to fight, each pulse of the sphere bringing another victor. As the orb pulsed, small drops of blackened blood dripped from the bottom, staining the ground. The blood was lifeless, the fabulousness and brilliance of it drawn out and incorporated into the spell, along with all the other unwanted parts.

Forest leaves bristled and lost their brilliance and sheen as the orb pulsed and grew larger. It seemed to be sucking the charisma right out of the air. Some nearby fabric and feathers that hadn't been cleaned by the guards were sucked into the orb as it swirled and pulsed.

Suddenly, the pulses grouped closer together and became a softer, gentler, and methodic pump, something distinct and mechanic. The orb continued to grow with the gentle pulses of a heartbeat, and the spell moved on to finish what had been interrupted by the guards.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A short creak of wood preceded the clip-clop of hooves on the wooden floor. Celestia looked up from her book, staring at the guards.

“We have completed the search of the area,” the lieutenant stated, “Everything that we could find has been gathered and the surrounding area has been checked and cleared.”

Celestia closed the book on the table, entitled “Twilight’s Personal Diary”.

“Good work,” she said, “But weren’t there more of you?”

The lieutenant looked at the battalion, their wide eyes signaling that they hadn’t come up with an excuse like he had told them to on the way back. He turned back to Celestia.

“Three of our soldiers confided in us that they, um... that they were part of the cult.”

The static between the guards behind the lieutenant was palpable as they glanced at each other in utter bewilderment. Celestia cocked an eyebrow.

“They told you this? Why would they tell you this?”

“We offered them baked goods, cookies and the like,” piped a soldier from behind, a couple of his buddies snickering. The lieutenant turned and gave the soldier the dirtiest stare he could muster. The soldier could almost feel the mud and uncleaned silverware in the lieutenant’s pupils and silenced himself.

“Excuse my soldiers,” said the lieutenant, “What actually happened was that I jokingly yelled into the forest and offered amnesty and a date with Twilight Sparkle if any hidden cultists turned themselves in.”

Twilight looked down from the second floor at the lieutenant. “Hey!”

The lieutenant ignored her. “Three of the guards foolishly identified as being cultists and eagerly lined up to be the first to take Miss Sparkle on a romantic night.”

Twilight got up from her perch on a pillow and trotted down the steps. “I agreed to no such thing!”

Once again, the lieutenant paid no heed to the infuriated unicorn. “So, we took these three cultists and apprehended them.”

“Then where are they?” asked Celestia.

Twilight stood by Celestia’s side, staring angrily at the lieutenant. “How dare you offer a date with me like that!”

The lieutenant turned his attention to Twilight. “Come on now, Twilight, you should get out more often, even if it is with a crazy cultist.” A wave of snickering overtook the guards. Twilight glared at them, but Celestia’s unamused stare silenced them.

“Anyway,” said the lieutenant, shifting his pupils towards Celestia, “The cultists were eaten by a hydra.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, and leaned forward, signaling that she wanted further explanation.

“A hydra ate them? Just those three and nopony else?”

“Um, yes, we tied them to a tree while we searched the premises and the hydra took them as a sacrificial offering. Luckily, the hydra didn’t bother searching any further than the tree so everypony else was safe.”

Celestia nodded. “Seems reasonable.”

“I still can’t believe you offered a date with me to the same ponies who ponynapped me and held me hostage!” yelled Twilight.

The lieutenant smirked. “Don’t worry, Twilight, they were cute.”

The battalion burst out into uproarious laughter as they trotted out of the library and left the student and her mentor alone in the library, as Spike was busy on some errand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Spike? What are you doing here?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, Twilight sent me to stay with you because... um... I was disturbing her reading.”

“Spike, please, I am very busy. I do not have time for surprise visits.”

“Did I tell you about how Twilight was ponynapped?”

“WHAT?! What happened? Is she alright?”

Spike walked in through the door and into the boutique, Rarity following closely. “It’s a long story, might take a couple hours to tell it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight growled and trotted back to the upper floor, muttering curses at the guards and their immaturity. Celestia shrugged and took her spot back on the ground, reading a book off of the table in the center of the room. A few minutes of silence passed before Twilight heard Celestia opening the front door. She looked into the lower floor, watching as Celestia invited three other ponies into her house. They looked sophisticated and important, probably from Canterlot.

“What are these ponies doing here?” asked Twilight from her vantage point. Celestia turned away from her company and looked at Twilight. She opened her mouth to speak, but realized that she was inhabiting Twilight’s house. Never before had she had to answer to anypony else.

“The responsibilities of a princess don’t disappear because I am protecting you, Twilight. I need to hold a meeting with these ponies.”

Twilight groaned. “Why don’t you hold your meeting in the town hall, where Mayor Mare holds her meetings, and not in my house.”

Celestia nodded. “Very well. Please, follow me to the town hall.”

The three ponies looked at each other in confusion as they trotted after Celestia into the unfamiliar town. Twilight shut the door close as they walked out and instantly fell onto the bed, hooves sprawled over the blanket.

“Alone at last,” she whispered. Her eyes shut, engulfing her in sweet, sweet sleep. The darkness seemed to only last a second, however, and Twilight felt herself waking up. A quick glance at the clock told her that it hadn’t been just a second. Her mind fresh and renewed after the nap, she sat silently on the soft bed, contemplating what had happened in the last day. Thoughts and decisions turned in her head, causing turmoil. After what felt like a few minutes, but was more like an hour, Twilight placed a hoof on the cold floor. She stood steadily on the ground, her horn lighting up. It flashed purple light, and Twilight frowned. Exactly as she had feared.

She quietly checked the bottom floor, using her horn as a light. Celestia laid on a pillow, fast asleep, her body curled up and her wings held snug next to her body. Spike slept soundly in his bed next to Twilight’s, the rise and fall of his body quite soothing.

She trotted over to his bed, the light still emanating from her horn. With a gentle nudge from her snout, Spike stirred in his slumber, groggily opening his eyes. Twilight smiled and put a hoof up to her mouth to make sure he stayed quiet.

“What is it Twilight?” he said, rubbing his eyes with a claw. She motioned once again for him to be quieter.

“I was just thinking, and I’ve decided that I want to risk my life and retrieve a book from the Everfree Forest.”

“What?!” Spike whispered angrily, “That’s crazy! Why would you do that? It’s dangerous in the forest!”

Twilight shushed him once again, glaring at him and pointing towards Celestia. “It’s Celestia’s. She would be very disappointed if I lost it.”

Spike’s held his claws out in disbelief. “So? It’s just a book Twilight, you shouldn’t risk your life to get it.”

“But it’s not ‘just a book’ Spike, it’s a book that Celestia let me borrow and I’m pretty sure it’s important. I’m sure that she’d be a lot more disappointed if I lost the book than if I died a bloody death from a hydra or some other beast.”

“Twilight, this is crazy. And even if you were going to do it, shouldn’t you at least wait until morning?”

“Hey, that’s actually not a bad idea,” said Twilight, putting a hoof to her chin, “Good idea Spike, I’ll go in the morning.”

“No, Twilight, I won’t let you go. Princess Celestia would be furious.”

“What if I told you I’d lie to her and she’d never find out? Then it would be fine, right?”

“Why don’t you apply what you’ve learned over the past months here in Ponyville about telling the truth and asking for help and ask Celestia to accompany you and help you retrieve the book? That way you can get the book back, stay safe, and have Celestia’s input on whether or not the book is valuable enough for the risk, plus Celestia will be glad that you confronted her about it instead of doing something rash and irresponsible,” said Spike.

Twilight laughed. “Haha, come on Spike that’s too rational.”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, good luck.” Spike plopped into the pillow and fell asleep instantaneously.

Twilight hopped back into her own bed and nodded off, figuring out a plan on how to go about the journey into the forest in her last conscious moments.

Then, the tree was silent. The night was still. And fate was brewing. In other news monocles were flying off the shelves like hotcakes.

Author's Note

Please do not mistake lighthearted satire with scathing criticism. This is a parody and by definition imitates and in some ways satirizes the original. There is no disrespect or attacking involved, but do not expect this story to shy away from lighthearted mockery at points in the future.

It's going to be a wild ride. This is just the first chapter and there is much more to come, and entire parody. Stay tuned.