My name is Pinkie Pie.
Of course, my full name is “Pinkamena Diane Pie”, which is really waaaay too long for my taste. It also lacks the proper amount of caramel sugar coating. But that’s beside the point. Your author here has graciously granted me access to his brain to allow me to cross that massive dimensional void that is as small as your galaxy and as massive as the connections between his numerous brain cells. Not that he actually has all that many but that's okay. In case you’re wondering, he spent too much time spent thinking hard; your schools can be pretty redundant sometimes. Yes, I counted his brain cells. Internal brain electricity can be fun to watch! All that zappy-zap power!
So, I’m here today to talk to all of you bronies! It’s so exciting, making all of you my new friends! Shame it’s too hard to meet you in person and throw you a party. Yes, I know of you. Why wouldn’t I? I mean you all are our biggest fans! Not to mention all the fics where we’ve been on Earth with bronies, scary though it may be. “We” being us ponies here in Equestria. I think Celestia knows about you too, but only some of her. What do I mean? Well! Where to start? How about at the beginning?
Well, as all of you should know very well, I was born to the Pie family, who work on a rock farm. You know how I got my cutie mark, when Rainbow Dash performed her first super-awesomely-amazingtastic sonic rainboom! What you DON’T necessarily know is that as I grew up, I became aware or those screens, your screens looking in on Equestria. Well, not all of them were screens. Some were brains. Do you know how weird it is to feel a brain watching you? At least a screen has defined borders. With brains, there’s no telling whether or not there is any border. This probably helped me develop what I guess you could call my powers. By the time your “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” started, I was well acquainted with the “4th wall” and how to use it. Which isn’t much more than simply doing and not thinking about it.
You see, when I was conceptualized and given my abilities, this allowed me to have what some might call “full meta-knowledge”. That’s what this guy calls it at least. He’s got all kinds of weird phrases stored up here. It’s currently centered on some Michael Caboose who reeeeeally hates babies for some reason. Back on topic. Of course, I’m also comic relief because I’m the element of Laughter and therefore am there to make EVERYPONY laugh. Including you! Which means I have to know your reactions and so can provide you with “Da Lolz”! Therefore, because I can see you viewers and look into your realm, I can, have and will continue to know every version of myself that exists in your timeline’s past, present, and future. It’s hard to describe to you, limited to 4 dimensions as you are, how it works but it’s kinda like I exist outside of “time”. As I both know and do not know any given rendition of myself now and yesterday, which is also my “future”. I have lived through countless lifetimes and yet only one. It’s easy to focus on one though. I do most of the time so I don’t lose too much brainy-ness. It happens.
This presents great opportunities for having all kinds of fun! Exploring new worlds or Equestria all over again is so much fun! Oooo, he’s listening to some of your original pony music now. Anyway, fun. Yes, fun. Once I learned to harness the “4th wall”- Why is called that anyway? Oh, this guy says it’s because you all can only ever see three walls at a time. But that still doesn’t make sense. I mean, really from my point of view it’s more like a 5th or 6th wall. I mean, I can see all the walls of Sugarcube Corner and your view at the same time. But yes, fun and “4th walls”. Those go hand in hand. Once I learned to harness it, I could go anywhere that one of you came up with, whether that was a fanfic, the show itself, or even a creation of me in your brain! It was kinda weird sometimes, as all occasionally brains were boring voids of blackness. I tended to leave pretty quickly when that happens.
Of course, sometimes, visiting other universes or worlds isn’t all that fun. I’m sure all of you at least know of “Cupcakes”. That is very much a “not fun” universe. In fact it’s more like Totally-not-cool-in-any-way-shape-or-form-and-incredibly-scary-and-evil-all-at-the-same-time! But living through things like that, where I don’t really have any control makes the fun worlds all that much better. Did you ever here about “On a Cross and Arrow”? That one is super fun! Bubble Berry is a total party beast, which makes all the sense, as he’s me! Speaking of which, it was really interesting to be in him and myself at the same time. Makes me wonder if he could be considered a separate entity? I’ll have to try and run into his mind sometime. Hmmm…he’s not in this body at the moment. Or maybe he’s just not observing. I’m not even sure how I would know, as this author doesn’t have a Pinkie sense.
Come to think of it, the 4th wall is what let me know how to take care of parasprites! Part of it is because I watched myself get all the instruments through somebody’s eyes and therefore knew how to do it while I was doing it and also because I had an adventure before that episode! I think I also looked it up in a book once too. I think that was the original reason I knew. Yeah! It was a purple book about Discord’s reign! I think I found it somewhere in Ponyville’s library before Twilight showed up. Wonder what happened to it.
Oh But I was talking about my life. After I discovered my penchant for parties, I worked on the farm until the Cake’s hired me fulltime at Sugarcube Corner. I’d been in Ponyville for some amount of time that I can’t really tell you at least in a fashion that would be acceptable to you. After all, your canon doesn’t have ages for anypony and certainly doesn’t tell you when any of us really got to Ponyville relative to any other point on that timeline.
’Yeah, that’d be too complicated even for me’
Oh hey there! I see you’re weighing now?
‘Yup. Timey-wimey and all. It’s making my brain hurt a little’
Oops! Sorry about that. Can’t have your brain cells dropping into the negative! Well, moving along to talk about more fun things, did you know that every time you re-watch an episode, I get to relive it again? It’s so cool and it never gets old! I get to meet Twilight all over again and have that mega-sweet party and play pranks with Rainbow Dash and make friends all over again! Of course, reliving things isn’t always so great. There are a few of your fics out there that make us elements immortal and it’s never fun seeing my Ponyville friends die; but then, I get to make new ones! It always hurts a little to lose my friends but I always have a bright horizon to look forward to! And even in those realms where my friends die, even my close ones, the memories tide me into the next re-telling of any number of our stories and I know I’ll see them again, alive and well in another age.
So you bronies! Never stop watching and never forget your little ponies! If not because we make you happy, do it for us, so we never truly end. We just live on your memories and to retellings. This guy has a better way of putting it.
‘Heroes never die. They just go away for a little while and show up again when we need them most’
Thanks for your time, Bronies! And thank you for your love!
‘Pinkie’s gone for now. I think she went to go mess with Twilight. But this isn’t the end. If you want, she could come back and tell you her version of a fanfic. Or your favorite episode! Maybe you always wanted to hear that story she ends with “-Oatmeal!? Are you crazy!?” Or learn how her cutie mark story somehow entailed the creation of Equestria? If so, let me know in the comments and I’ll get her to come tell you. Peace my wasscawwy wabbit hippos!’
Author's Note
Wrote this back in Jan 2013. Let me know how good or bad it is and if you want me to continue!
