The Best Clopfic Ever

by deathtap

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 1010

This is the best clopfic ever because it is.

This was written because I was bored. It's about a tentacle monster who goes to Equestria.

Sex happens and stuff.

Inspired by Wlah (actually he essentially wrote the whole thing, I just storified it)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 15:01:24 UTC

It's Tentacle Time!

There once was a tentacle monster, but then something happened after traversing through some woods (apparently) and he ended up in Equestria. This monster was me, because it's my story and I want it to be so. And because it is me, the instant I was brought to Equestria, I decided that I would like to to have sexual relations with the ponies, except that they were all like, "No, we like celibacy and shit," which was a total downer because of all the clopfics I read.

The ponies then tried to convert me, the tentacle monster, into some celibate being, which is totally unbecoming of a tentacle monster. Who has ever heard of a tentacle monster not having sex with their appendages? Well, that was the way it was. Still, their arguments were very convincing and I, being the monster, decided that they were right because tentacle monsters are very susceptible to peer pressure, primarily because the brains of a tentacle monster aren't really that phenomenal. So it was easy for the ponies to convince me to not have my way with them.

After learning that having rough sex with unconsenting mares was a bad thing, the fact that I was a tentacle monster no longer seemed appropriate. This led me to despise my form. Yes, you could even go on to say that I hated it.

So, with a heavy heart, I approached Celestia, pleading to her to change my cursed entity to something less intimidating, and most of all, something not monster or tentacle like. At first she refused, but after seeing the fact that I was super sad and had no friends because they didn't like being associated with a tentacle monster, she agreed to change my form into something else. But not a pony, because that would be just ridiculous. So, she changed me into a dragon. A powerful dragon.

Problem was, even after changing my form, some things could not be changed and I ended up having five penises, with rotors over each one, an unfortunate side effect. So, here I was, a super strong dragon with ten penises and helicopter blades extended out from each one. Another unfortunate side effect was that my memory got erased and I forgot the precious lessons that the ponies taught me about celibacy. This led me to sudden lust for the ponies once more, and with ten penises that kept hovering at a decent distance from the ground, I was going to satisfy my helicopter-dicks one way or another.

I was gonna sex the mares. All of them. After all, dragons are greedy. And because I was special, I had pheromones that made them unable to resist my manly monsterly dragonly musk.

The ponies never stood a chance.

But another side effect was that I also attracted male dragons, who would have surprise butt-sex with me whenever I was not paying attention. Despite having massive cocks with rotor blades, a dragon's sphincter is actually quite small as when a dragon shits, he shits out mostly dust because of all the jewels and crap they eat. As a result, they split me open quite roughly and eventually I died of blood loss because that's what happens when you try to put a large thing in a small space.

But at least the pony sex was fun while it lasted.

Oh, and I used bananas at some point because Celestia likes bananas and rotor-dick. She's kinky like that.

Sauce

[21:38] [@Wlah] deathtap in equestria: the terrifying tale of a tentacle monster that got lost in the woods and ended up in a world of magical ponies

[21:38] [deathtap] oh. my. god.

[21:38] [Kawa] Heh.

[21:38] [Kawa] I'd read that.

[21:38] [Warmaisach] ...wlah.... that idea is pretty good actually

[21:38] [Kawa] Plenty holes to go 'round.

[21:39] [@Wlah] being naturally celibate, the ponies start teaching death about the virtues of celibacy

[21:39] [Static_Shock] With Wlah in the role of "innocent" bystander #12

[21:39] [deathtap] Fuck that

[21:39] [deathtap] lol

[21:39] [deathtap] This

[21:39] [@Wlah] after achieving enlightenment deathtap starts hating his own form

[21:39] [deathtap] This is going to be written

[21:39] [Warmaisach] not so innocent after the tentacle monster is finished

[21:39] [@Wlah] eventually getting celestia to change his form

[21:39] [@Wlah] into that of a powerful dragon

[21:39] [deathtap] With a huge penis?

[21:39] [Kawa] Five of them.

[21:39] Kawa

[21:39] [Warmaisach] with helicopoter blades attached to them

[21:39] [@Wlah] yes, that was an unfortunate side effect

[21:40] Kawa

[21:40] [deathtap] I'm liking this fic.

[21:40] [Nighthawk_imac] hmmm

[21:40] [@Wlah] by transforming deathtap, he also loses his memory

[21:40] [deathtap] Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[21:40] [Nighthawk_imac] you know what'd be funny

[21:40] [@Wlah] and thus, his recollection of the v irtue of celibacy

[21:40] [@Wlah] making him a horny beast

[21:40] [@Wlah] and dragons are greedy

[21:40] [@Wlah] EOS

[21:40] [Kawa] Horned AND horny dragon :D

[21:40] [deathtap] Wlah: You should be a clop writer.

[21:40] [Archonix] And thus Equestria learned to sex.

[21:41] [Nighthawk_imac] a fic where a BiE went insane because he was trying very hard not to have impure thoughts, in fear that the ponies would disapprove

[21:41] [Warmaisach] the only thing to stop him is giving him more penises?

[21:41] [Kawa] I'd read that, really. Except for the helicopter blades.

[21:41] [Warmaisach] hey! helicopter blades are awesome

[21:41] [Kawa] Not on yo dick.

[21:41] [Warmaisach] you never heard of a helicopter dick?

[21:41] [Kawa] I want Mature Sex, not Mature Gore!

[21:41] [Kawa] And no, not Mature Sex/Gore either.

[21:42] [@Wlah] yeah

[21:42] [@Wlah] it turns out deathtap actually reeks special dragon pheremones

[21:42] == Not_Worthy [webchat@1a9e3c85.371cd19e.csusb.edu] has joined #fimfiction

[21:42] [@Wlah] as another side effect from the tentacle days

[21:42] [@Wlah] and horrifyingly finds it really, really turns male dragons on

[21:43] == Warmaisach has changed nick to Warmaisach|SleepOnDesk

[21:43] [@Wlah] by the end of the story, deathtap is slowly dying, and a final "tap" results in death

[21:43] [@Wlah] bad end

[21:44]  * Nighthawk_imac shrugs