I Cannot Love Myself

by ThiefOfLight

First published January 1st, 1970 00:00

After the fated Gala incident, Fluttershy finds she is not able to contain her inner demon. She admits herself to the Ponyville Mental Hospital, hoping to someday see her friends again.

Now, seven years later, she is finally granted leave. But is she ready for such a responsibility?

Chapters

Prologue

Prologue
View Online

I Cannot Love Myself

Prologue

"YOU! WILL! ALL! DIE!!!!! YOU WILL DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!"

The Elements of Harmony lay battered in the library, as Fluttershy, caked in blood that was not her own, stalked above them.

"Can you scream a little louder? It chills my blood in the most delightful way."

Twilight, the only other pony in the room who was not unconscious, croaked, "Fluttershy... Please..."

The previous Element of Kindness slowly turned her way. "Why should I? For what you did to me, this is nothing!!! I should be ripping your hearts out so you never see the light of day!!! I guess I am being... KIND."

"What did we do?.... We did nothing to you..."

"YOU LIAR!! YOU TRY AND STOP ME WITH YOUR FRIVOLOUS UNTRUTHS!! HA!! YOU WILL ALL DIE BEFORE I LEAVE THIS ROOM!"

Fluttershy's long, deadly knife, covered in crimson, lay on the table. She picked in up in her teeth, and slowly, carefully, made a scratch in the center of Twilight's cutie mark. The huge gash let blood slowly drip onto the previously perfect floor.

"Do you see now? This is what happens when you go and torture me! I have lived in your deceit for too long! Now, the truth comes out! And now, you will die by my knife!"

Twilight spoke. "But Fluttershy, why? We were only your friends... We were always there for you... You're an Element..."

Fluttershy's stare turned cold. "But you know as well as I do it was a lie. You simply lied to me for your gain. You enjoyed watching me believe it. You were always going to turn on me, end my life before I could end yours. But now, I WILL END ALL OF YOUR LIVES!!! I WILL WATCH YOU WRITHE BENEATH MY FEET!! And I will see it... that final look of terror... the last thing you will ever do... before you leave this world forever."

Applejack and Rarity were starting to come to. Applejack had slashes on her face, back, and each hoof, and Rarity's major injuries were to her neck and stomach. Neither could speak, simply open their eyes and view the torture.

Fluttershy noticed they were awake. "Well, hello, little FRIENDS. Glad you could join us."

Applejack tried to say something that sounded like, "Fluttershy... help... us..."

"Help you? HELP YOU!!! WHEN ALL YOU DID WAS LIE TO ME!!! I CARED ABOUT YOU, WAS PROUD, ACTUALLY PROUD TO CALL YOU MY FRIENDS!! BUT NOW I SEE THE LIGHT!! YOUR LIVES WILL END!!"

Rarity choked out, "We're... your... friends... really...."

Fluttershy's voice turned soft, cold, and deadly. "My friend? Yes, I believed that... Once, a long time ago, you were my so-called friends. But now, it's different. I know you were just using me, just a piece in your games. Now, you will become a piece of heaven."

Twilight spoke for one last time, "You ARE our friend, Fluttershy, and we care about you! But you're not like this. You're kind, gentle, and caring. You're the Fluttershy we all know and love."

The knife clanged to the floor.

Normal Fluttershy was back.

"OH MY CELESTIA! What happened! Did... did I do this? Oh... oh no, dear Celestia, I'm sorry..."

Fluttershy flew as fast as she could to the hospital. "Please, my friends... I don't know what I did... Please... Somepony help me..."

She guided them to the library, still moaning, "Please.... Somepony help me..." but her voice was almost lost.

**********************************

After six weeks, Rainbow, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight were all still in the hospital. Fluttershy hadn't left in that time. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. "How... How are they, Doctor?"

"Don't worry, Fluttershy, we just put them under. Everypony agrees it'll be better than suffering awake."

"But, Doctor, this is my fault!!"

The docotor turned seriously to regard her. "We know, Fluttershy. We've all agreed it's not safe for you to just live in your cottage without supervision. There is a mental hospital in Canterlot. They've agreed to take you."

"I can't leave my friends or my animals!"

"It's not a matter of whether you want to or not. You have to go, but it'll be easier if it's willingly."

"If... if I leave, will I ever see them again?"

"It depends on your mental state in the time period we're giving you."

Fluttershy sighed.

"Okay. I'll go."