Friends have Issues

by Killbles

Rating: teen
Tags: Thunderlane, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Romance, Flitter and Cloudchaser, Slice of Life
Length: 23133

Just because you're friends doesn't mean everything works out all fine and dandy. Soarin is going to learn that being a little more than friends brings new issues... many new issues.

“Dashie, you can talk to me about anything. Problem at the academy? What is it?”
She looked him squarely in the eyes. “Soarin, I’m really not sure if this is normal… and I don’t want to sound stupid… But…”

Just because you're friends doesn't mean everything works out all fine and dandy. What happens when a unforeseen hiccup puts a new strain on Soarin and Rainbow Dash's relationship? An old acquaintance with only the eyes for a certain blue flier enters town? An early and unexpected meeting with a certain parental figure?

Issues, that's what.
But hey, what's life without a few curve-balls every now and then?
A sequel to 'Friends have Benefits'

Published 2013-04-08 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-13 12:10:07 UTC

An old acquaintance

Friends have Issues: Chapter one

An old acquaintance

A cold stabbing pain on Soarin’s foreleg roused him to consciousness. His drowsy mind contemplated the meaning of the pain for a moment before it clicked exactly what was happening.

“Hurricane! Get off me you- !” He squawked loudly as his bird’s talons cut into his leg. Soarin rolled over, displacing the bird from its roost with a loud chirp. He gave the falcon an evil look and rubbed his sore leg. He’d had the falcon's claws trimmed back a few days ago after Hurricane had pulled a similar stunt and ripped his leg open. While his talons were now much less dangerous, they still felt like razors.

“You know, acting like an dick all the time won’t get you fed or looked after any better.” Soarin muttered when Hurricane looked at him expectantly.

“Don’t give me that look, what do you want?” He muttered ruefully, patting the bird’s head softly despite his own misgivings.

In response the bird hefted a mangled sheet of paper in his beak and dropped it in Soarin’s lap. The words ‘Hearts and Hooves breakfast – Don’t be late’ were written across the top in thick black ink.

Soarin looked at the delicate clock sitting on his bedside table fearfully. It was already eight o’clock, ten minutes after breakfast was supposed to start.

“Oh shit.”

Soarin could feel his girlfriend’s glare from across the café. Her piercing gaze cut through the foliage he was unsuccessfully using as cover for his advance. Feeling the leaves wither and die under her glare, Soarin trotted meekly to the table and sat across from her.

“Eight. Twenty.” She said slowly.

“Does this make up for it?” Soarin asked showing Rainbow a fresh set of red marks across his leg.

She harrumphed loudly. “Not really, no. I had to sit here for twenty minutes by myself! Do you know how stupid I looked?”

“As stupid as you always do?” Soarin guessed.

She arched an eyebrow and gave him a cold, menacing look. She put her head on the table, her cold look dropping as quickly as it had arrived.

“Not that you ever look stupid in the first place.” Soarin said quickly He leaned across and gave her a quick peck on the nose. She blushed and moved away.

“Soarin, not here…” She mumbled, wiping her snout clean. “Somepony might see us.”

“What, can’t show you even a leeeettle bit of affection in public? Not even on a day like today?”

She mumbled something unintelligible and stared intently at her glass of water.

“How’s the academy?” Soarin asked, trying to make conversation.

“Fine. Spitfire is loud, the laps are easy and the guards are obnoxious.”

“Seems like nothing has changed then.”

She grunted in a highly-unladylike fashion.

“Is there a particular reason you’re so grumpy?” Soarin asked.

“…No?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling you?”

Soarin looked at her with an amused expression. “You sure there’s nothing wrong?”

She nodded her head and looked back at her glass of water.

“Well shit. Let’s just go with that eh? For once everything is fine and dandy in the word. Nopony is trying to destroy something, overthrow the government or even jaywalk. I like this world. ” Soarin asked, looking around the table for a menu. “Where’s the menu?” He asked, his eyes unable to find the strip of paper most cafes provided to advertise their meals..

“I already took the liberty of ordering for you.” Rainbow said, tearing her eyes away from the glass reluctantly.

“Oh really, how did you know what I’d want?”

“Lucky guess.”

Soarin bristled. “What did you get me?”

She shrugged. “Apple pancakes.”

“What if I wanted blueberry pancakes?”

“You’re allergic to blueberries.” Rainbow said pointedly. “We found that out during our night out after the big storm last month, remember? It was pretty funny until we realised that you weren’t gagging from the smell of-.”

Soarin blinked. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that again.”

“I was kinda drunk; I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

Soarin was about to open his mouth to complain when a waiter arrived and deposited a plate of fragrant smelling pancakes in front of him. By the time he had moved, Rainbow Dash was busy munching on something that looked like it had once been a whole croissant.

That conversation was apparently over.

“I got a letter the other day.” Rainbow Dash said suddenly. “From the company.”

Soarin froze, a piece of pancake halfway to his face balanced precariously on his fork.

“And?”

“They accepted my resignation.”

Soarin’s eyes bulged in surprise. “You resigned?!”

“I want to go to full time study at the academy, bit hard to do if I’ve still got this job in the way.”

“And you thought now was the best time to tell me?”

Rainbow looked around shiftily. “Well, yes.”

“What about Winter Wrap up? How will we manage without you?”

“I still have my job for a couple more weeks. Just until after Winter Wrap up day in fact.”

Soarin breathed a sigh of relief. “Well that’s something at least. Anything else you need to tell me?”

“Well, that’s not entirely why they sent the letter.”

Soarin looked at her cautiously. “Go on…”

“We’re getting a new hoof to fill the gap for when I leave. Something about efficiency reports and stuff, they won’t let us have only five operators again.” She put her head down on the table. “I have no idea who it is but they’re supposed to be arriving today.”

“You’d think they’d involve you more in the recruitment process.”

“Look at you; I didn’t even know you were coming more or less until you showed up.” She said, “They don’t exactly have a good track record of letting us know things.”

Soarin grunted. “If you went into the office more…”

“I’d die from boredom and then they’d have a bad smell in there. They’d then probably deduct the cleaning bill from my wage.” She finished, munching down the rest of her breakfast.

After breakfast the blue duo soared through the empty skies above Ponyville together, occasionally pointing out some interesting or scandalous couple below them and gawking at the ostentatious decorations hung around Sugarcube Corner for the day. While to an untrained observer they seemed to be going nowhere in particular, the pair sailed slowly towards the town square in a roundabout fashion, enjoying the time they had together before they invariably split up for the day. Soarin had learnt that getting a late start to the job was like getting a coherent sentence out of Pinkie Pie. It just didn’t happen. It was a pleasant surprise then when he had found out last week that the team would have the early morning off for Hearts and Hooves day.

“Morning!” A familiar Trottingham voice said from below. “How are you two lovebirds this fine day? Got a little special something cooked up for the occasion a bit later maybe, eh, eh?”

“Morning Doc.” Soarin said dryly. He and Rainbow dropped out of the sky and landed beside the brown stallion.

“What’s new? Anything of interest happening?”

“Twilight became an Alicorn and then was coronated in Canterlot, nothing big.” Rainbow Dash said dryly.

“Doc’s face screwed up in confusion. “That happened ages ago.”

Rainbow looked skyward for a few seconds. “Oh yeah, guess time really does fly.”

“Hold on, she was a unicorn when I saw her a few months ago!” Soarin said suddenly, attracting a glare from Doc and a quizzical look from Rainbow.

“Really?’ She asked. Doc shook his head, somehow causing a small sign to appear from behind him which hovered irritably in front of his face. ‘Don’t mess with continuity’ Soarin read.

“I mean, she definitely was an Alicorn.” Soarin corrected himself, making the sign vanish in a flash of light and a more pleasant look appear on Doc’s face.

Rainbow Dash was, of course oblivious to all this.

“So… Just us three then?” Doc queried, looking around excitedly, the entire event forgotten instantly.

“Thunderlane just has to get his fat arse out of bed, Cloud Chaser is standing right behind you, you idiot and Flitter…” Soarin said, trailing off. “Where is Flitter? Wasn’t she with you last night, Doc?”

Doc looked at the ground, a slightly ashamed look on his face. “We kind of hit a snag.”

Soarin and Rainbow Dash exchanged a look. Doc and Flitter had been on and off for the last few months, nothing ever seemed to quite work out for them but nothing was ever so bad they ever hated each other.

“Define snag.”

“Well, we were talking and Flitter told me we should break up, before we really hit rock bottom. She had a graph and everything. It really made sense, not because of the data though.” Doc said “Thing is…”

“What? Did she colour it in a shade of pink that hurt your eyes? What?” Cloud Chaser asked, prodding the stallion gently in the ribs as she emerged from behind him.

“Well, no…” Doc stammered. “She didn’t even have the axis labelled on her graph. It was awful.”

Soarin cackled incredulously. “And you agreed with her because she didn’t have little thingymobobs on her graph?” He asked between fits of laughter.

“It was that moment I realised how much better I could do.” Doc said sadly. Rainbow scowled and kicked Soarin hard in the flank.

“Show the guy some pity would you?” She hissed to a still chuckling Soarin.

“Sorry.” Soarin giggled insincerely. Karma wiped the grin off his face though as a moment later a large grey object fell from the sky and collided with him, knocking him flat to the cobblestones.

“Opps, I messed that up a little.” Thunderlane said in what Soarin thought was a probably the biggest understatement of the day. “Thanks for the soft landing by the way.” Thunderlane rumbled, clambering off of Soarin and joining the little circle of ponies without a trace of concern for the still dazed Soarin.

“Ow…” Soarin squeaked.

“Get up.” Rainbow Dash barked, throwing a stern look at Thunderlane. “You and Crashy over here can work together today since you seem so happy to feel each other up.”

“Great” Soarin intoned dryly, clambering to his hooves.

“Cloud Chaser, you work with your sister today. Wait around for a bit though; we’re supposed to have a rookie join us. You two are good at showing the new meat the ropes.”

“Shouldn’t you stick around and greet them? Welcome them to the team and all?” Cloud Chaser asked, not at all taken aback by the news.

“I would, but there’s a large rain front coming in from the Everfree that needs to be diverted.” Rainbow said, already hovering in the air. “Come give me a hoof would you Doc?”

The brown stallion cocked his head in confusion but joined Rainbow Dash in the sky. She gave out a few more orders before flapping off, Doc at her heels.

“That’s odd.” Soarin said slowly. “She’s never asked for help before.”

“Tell me about it. If I had a Bit for every time she’s refused help I wouldn’t have to work.” Thunderlane murmured.

“Doesn’t matter.” Soarin said, shaking his head slowly. “Come on, we’ve got a job to do.”

“Okay, what if we put that… there and move this over… here.” Thunderlane said, shifting a few clumps of fluffy cumulus clouds around. Soarin frowned and shifted the clouds back to where they were originally.

“No, that wouldn’t work. They need to be rounder.”

“If they were any rounder, they’d be rounder than... something that's round.” Thunderlane stuttered, his comparison falling apart quickly.

“Real smooth.” Soarin quipped.

“I don’t know why I’m even doing this…” Thunderlane admitted. “Probably just to watch some grand idea of yours crash and burn as they always seem to do.”

“Oh wow, thanks. Your confidence is overwhelming.” Soarin snapped, shifting a few clouds and turning his head on the side.

“How’s that?”

“Well if you squint real hard and drink about three cups of whisky, it might look like a heart. A whale with a broken back comes to mind more though.”

Soarin growled and rounded on the brown Pegasus. “You could be more helpful you know! This isn’t as easy as it looks.” He snapped, slicing a bit of the cloud with the front of his wing. He frowned and reattached the clump before cutting a slightly smaller bit off.

“I could just order you to, you know, do your job.” Soarin added in a tone of voice that came off as a little menacing.

“Don’t play that card. That’s bullshit and you know it. The only reason you got the totally unofficial position of executive manager is because Rainbow Dash is your girlfriend.” Thunderlane complained. “Besides, you don’t nearly have as much experience as I do.”

“Less whining more cloud hunting.” Soarin said, ignoring the fact that Thunderlane was, for once, right. Out of the entire weather team though, he was the only one slightly miffed that Rainbow Dash had promoted Soarin to her deputy.

“I don’t see why I have to do this; I didn’t show up late to breakfast this morning, I’m not the one that has to come up with something to appease his insane girlfriend. I don’t even have somepony for today.”

“So sad.” Soarin muttered.

Thunderlane’s eyes narrowed slightly, unsure of Soarin was serious of not. “Why me?”

Soarin shrugged and looked at Thunderlane with a smile. “Because you’re the lucky fellow that Rainbow Dash paired with me today. If Doc was here I’m sure he’d help me, he’d probably whine a lot less as well. Besides, I need your great wisdom and experience to help me make this without screwing up.” Soarin added, turning back to the small tuft of cloud that floated above a large sheet of cumulus. The small tuft was slowly but surely being turned into a heart shaped container into which Soarin was storing a vast assortment of items. Chocolates, potatoes and any other romantic thing he could think of. While shaping the cloud itself was less of a problem for Soarin, packing it densely enough so that the gifts didn’t just fall through and inscribing the front was something he was still having trouble with.

Thunderlane grumbled, grudgingly admitting that Soarin was right. “Alright fine.” He muttered, swooping down next to Soarin and packing a few tufts of cloud together. “Just because we’re friends.”

“Thank you.” Soarin said quietly, letting Thunderlane take over and stretching a few cricks out of his back. Besides the large bank of clouds the pair of pegasi had nestled on, the sky was fairly clear with a strong breeze blowing in from the east. The last couple of months since he and Rainbow had finally admitted their liking for one another had flown past. Winter was nearly over and everypony in town was gearing up for Winter Wrap up in the next few weeks. Soarin looked forward to the event with interest, he had never participated in an event like it and the primitive nature of the whole tradition intrigued him.

“New pony then?” Thunderlane asked, breaking the silence between them. “Know anything about that Soarin? I mean, why would we get a new pony out of nowhere, hmm?”

“I know as much as you do, Thunderlane.”

“I very much doubt that.” The grey stallion shot back with an aura of confidence.

Soarin huffed in an annoyed fashion. Rainbow Dash hadn’t told him that her resignation was supposed to be secret but he felt no inclination to tell Thunderlane regardless. “It’s none of your business.”

“Spill it. It’s my business as much as it is yours.” Thunderlane ordered.

“Rainbow Dash thinks I’m lazy and is getting an extra hoof to fill my roster.”

“You’re both a terrible liar and a terrible pony, Soarin.” Thunderlane chuckled.

“Fine, Rainbow Dash is quitting the weather team and the new meat is her replacement.”

Thunderlane looked sceptically at Soarin. “Your first excuse was better.” The burly Pegasus stared at Soarin for a moment longer before he realised that Soarin was telling the truth. Thunderlane’s jaw dropped. “Really? Why would Rainbow quit, she loves this job!”

“She wants to shift to full-time training at the academy.”

“The academy? I went there once.” Thunderlane said before his face dropped in disappointment. “It was awful.”

“You were accepted into the Wonderbolt’s academy?” Soarin asked dubiously.

‘Yeah, me and Cloud Chaser. Didn’t last too long though. Rainbow Dash and this other pony… uh… Lightning Dust, I think, blew us away. Literally.”

Soarin nodded, silently impressed. “Not bad, takes a lot of skill to get in there.”

“Thanks.” Thunderlane mumbled, looking away in embarrassment. He worked silently for a few minutes before grunting with satisfaction. “All done, Bossman. Just try not to break it straight away.”

“Thank you.” Soarin mumbled, taking the small box and inspecting it closely. Thunderlane had gone all out, carving intricate details and patterns into the cloud. Soarin was amazed he had achieved such a high standard in a few minutes of work. Soarin’s eye followed the looping and spiral etches along the top of the box to the centre where the words ‘I love you Soarin.’ was written. Soarin frowned, that wasn’t right.

“Thunderlane, you’ve made a mistake, it’s supposed to say Rainbow Dash, not Soarin.” He tapped the wording gently, making the cloud rise slightly and covering the mistake.

“Oh right, sorry. I’ll just fix that up.” Thunderlane said quickly, a red flush coming over his dark features.

“Thanks, wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea now, would we?”

“No.” Thunderlane said back quietly. “We wouldn’t want that.”

The day wrapped up without further incident barring a rogue cloud Soarin had chased around the sky for a good half-hour, only to discover a pair of giggling pegasi foals inside. Soarin had sent the two troublemakers away from a stern glare and kicked their cloud to pieces. Other than that, it was a boring yet pleasant winter day. Thunderlane had been reasonable company and although the air was cold enough that one could see their breath mist in front of their face, Soarin found it invigorating.

“It’ll be a cold night.” Doc said prophetically as he and Soarin filed inside the tavern. Rainbow Dash had invited the entire weather team for dinner, mostly to celebrate the special day but Soarin suspected it was partly so she’d have a reason to be a bit hammered when the night came around proper.

“Winter. Cold.” Thunderlane said. “However did you come up with connection?”

Doc hushed the grey stallion and moved towards their usual table where Rainbow Dash waited with unusual patience.

“Evening gents.” She purred as the trio of stallions sat around her. She looked at the cloudbox Soarin carried on his back curiously. “What’s this?”

“For later.” Soarin murmured, wrapping a hoof around her and cuddling up against her.

“Cloud Chaser and Flitter aren’t here yet?” Thunderlane asked looking around for the two sisters as if they would spring out the ceiling at any moment.

“Doesn’t look it, new meat is still with them as well. I hope she comes along.” Doc said.

“She?” Thunderlane’s ears perked up slightly.

“You saw her then?” Rainbow asked, leaning forward slightly.

“Yeah bumped into Flitter showing her some basics over on the north side of town, mare seems to have a good idea of what she’s doing.”

“Did you get her name?”

“Uh, we talked for a few minutes…” Doc scratched his head. “I think it was Lightning Dust?”

The atmosphere around the table darkened considerably. Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane swapped angry looks.

“I’ll take it that you two know her then?” Doc sighed.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Rainbow spat.

“And what has this Lightning Dust done to earn your ire?” Soarin asked.

“She was a candidate at the Wonderbolt Academy with me and Thunderlane. I was her wingpony. She was...”

“Crazy.” Thunderlane added.

“Reckless.”

“Ruthless.”

“And very, very good. Almost as good as me.” Rainbow finished, a hint of respect entering her voice.

Soarin raised his eyebrows in surprise. “That good? What happened?”

“She almost killed my friends, knocked out most of our class and let me get injured. Spitfire ended up removing her from the academy. I don’t know what happened to her after that.”

“Except that now she’s on your weather team.”

“Pretty much.” She said, shucking Soarin’s hoof off her and planting her head on the table in annoyance. “This is not going to be fun.”

As if to punctuate her point, the tavern’s door swung open allowing a blast of cold air and three mares to trot inside.

“Aww hell.” Rainbow Dash muttered through her hooves as she caught the unmistakeable sight of her former flight leader. Without hesitation, the three mares approached the table, Flitter looking like a foal that had just walked into Sugarcube Corner on a sale day. Her sister, on the other hand, looked a little put out.

“Hey everypony, this is our new recruit. Her name’s L-.” Flitter said as she wrapped a hoof around the aqua pony’s neck.

“Lighting Dust, we know.” Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane droned, shooting daggers at their former teammate.

To her credit though, Lightning Dust took it completely in her stride and smirked back at the two pegasi without a trace of remorse. A trace of surprise flickered across her features as her gaze flickered across Soarin but the unforgiving look quickly reasserted itself.

“Hello Rainbow Dash, Thunderlane. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Lightning Dust.” Rainbow hissed. “What’re you doing here?”

“This is my job now.” She said. “After you prattled to Spitfire, I was almost out on the street. My parents took me in for a short time but they soon got fed-up with me and kicked me out too. Do you know how hard it is to get a decent job with something like a dishonourable discharge on your record?” She paused, glaring daggers at Rainbow Dash. “When an opening came up at with the weather service, I practically jumped at the chance. You have no idea how ecstatic I was when I found out you were in charge of this miserable little village.” She intoned dryly.

Rainbow Dash looked to object but a steady hoof held her back.

“I think you both need to calm down, let to past be the past. Let the bad blood that went between you go.” Doc said firmly.

“Bad blood!?” Lighting Dust barked. “She ruined my life!”

“You ruined it for yourself!” Rainbow Dash snapped back, rising to the challenge. The two mares looked certain to butt heads together when the rest of the weather team finally intervened and held them apart.

“Both of you. Calm. Down.” Doc said slowly. He glared at the two of them and slowly released Lighting Dust from his grip. “I’m sure you’re both very nice ponies, you just need to put your differences aside for now.”

The two mares glared at each other for a few seconds more before Rainbow Dash stepped down. “Fine.” She muttered, her gaze flickering back to Lightning Dust warily.

“Good, now that’s behind us, how about we introduce everyone else.” Doc said cheerfully. “Lightning Dust, you would’ve already met Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash obviously.” The grey stallion grunted in acknowledgement, not quite meeting her eye. “Flitter and Cloud Chase, the two were with today. Which just leaves me and Soarin.”

“Yes, yes. I’ve met all of you, no need to play name-games with me.” She grumbled, looking around at the assembled team. Her gaze hovered over Soarin for a second longer before flickering back to Doc. “You mean Soarin, as in, ‘I’m a Wonderbolt Soarin’, right?”

“I can talk you know.” Soarin said icily.

“Good for you, looks like you’re not just a slab of muscle attached to an empty brainpan.” Lightning said, giving Soarin a playful look.

Soarin wasn’t amused.

“I’m kidding dude, you were my favourite Wonderbolt. Before you crashed, obviously.”

Soarin nodded his head, more out of courtesy than design. “Thank you.”

“Spitfire may’ve been more agile, Fleetfoot may’ve been faster and Surprise may’ve been more… well… surprising... But you were the coolest. And the best looking.” She added with a wink.

“Okay, okay. Break it up. Don’t even think about it.” Rainbow Dash interjected hastily. “He’s taken.”

Lightning Dust scoffed. “Of course he is, you could hardly keep your eyes off him at the academy. Those extra sessions you took with him were hardly for professional reasons I suspect.”

Soarin looked at the roof awkwardly, suddenly fascinated by a small chip in the brickwork.

“You got a problem with that? I got him, fair and square.” Rainbow said defensively. By this point the rest of the weather team were imitating a crowd of tennis spectators, their heads turning back and forth between the bickering mares.

Lightning Dust backed down slightly. “Yeah, yeah you did.” She muttered, finally sitting across the table from Rainbow and falling silent. The other assembled pegasi (bar Soarin, who was still examining the brickwork silently) exchanged wary glances amongst themselves.

“Well, that was… interesting.” Doc said slowly.

“Interesting isn’t the word I would use…” Thunderlane murmured, barely audible despite the deafening silence. Doc, always the diplomat, kicked him subtly under the table.

“Considering all semblance of normality seems to be shot to hell in this group all the time anyway, who’s up for a round of drinks?” Doc asked quickly.

A few murmurs of assent rippled around the table and was soon followed by the sound of chairs scraping against the cobbled floor as their owners left to get their own drinks. Quickly the only ponies remaining were Soarin and Rainbow Dash.

“Something you want to tell me about?” Soarin asked, tearing his gaze away from the brickwork.

“Nah.”

“Are you sure about that?” He asked, the discontented look in her eyes not escaping his notice.

“Yeah.” She muttered, sinking further into her seat.

“Look, Dashie, I think you’re probably overreacting a little.”

“Soarin” She growled.

“Hear me out, okay? When I was in training there was a cadet I knew, a guy a bit like this Lightning Dust of yours. He was brash, reckless and a good flier. Very good. One day he decided he was going to show off a bit to one of the instructors. He pushed himself to the point where it wasn’t showing off, it was just flat out dangerous. The bastard lost control, spun out and killed two other off-duty cadets in the crash. He was fine, never flew again, but he lived.

“That’s horrible.” Rainbow Dash breathed.

“Yeah, it was. Thing is, those two cadets were in an off-limits area designed so ponies could crash there without endangering others. They put themselves in harm’s way, a situation that your friends probably found themselves doing as well.”

“Are you saying my friends are to blame for what happened?” Rainbow Dash asked fiercely.

“No! Well, not entirely, they were in a restricted military zone. They shouldn’t have been there. Lighting Dust may have acted recklessly and probably deserved what she got, but if your friends hadn’t decided to just go in unannounced to see you they never would’ve been in danger in the first place.”

Rainbow Dash looked set to argue against that but realised Soarin was probably right.

“I guess.”

“Good, I’m not going to say you should just waltz up to Lighting Dust and be super-happy-fun friends with her, but at least give her a chance.”

“Alright. Fine. Whatever.” She mumbled, sinking even lower into her chair. “Soarin…”

“Yeah?”

She screwed her face up and sighed explosively. “Actually forget about it, probably not a good time.”

Soarin raised an eyebrow but silently accepted her sudden outburst. He stood awkwardly and moved around to the other side of the table. “You wanna come grab something with me?”

She let a small smile creep onto her face. “Yeah sure, that’d be great.”

You're joking, right?

Friends have Issues

Chapter Two: You're joking, right?

“A Potato?” Rainbow asked, picking one of the heavy vegetables out of the cloudbox and giving it a careful sniff. She scrunched her nose up in confusion. The rest of the dinner had passed without further incident and now with a good meal and a few drinks each, the duo had gone back to Rainbow’s to enjoy the rest of the evening. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong her but don’t you normally get things like roses and stuff… not grubby, grimy potatoes.”

Soarin rolled his eyes. “A potato is worth so much more than a daft flower. I mean what can you do with a flower?”

“Eat it?” Rainbow said.

“Okay, well besides that they’re just pretty and unless you’re some sort of super-pony, they tend to die after a few weeks. A potato on the other hand will last a long time and will grow even if you throw it under the sink. Don’t you think that makes it a good symbol for Hearts and Hooves day?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But wait, there’s more.”

“Great…” Rainbow said under her breath.

“There are so many things you can do with a potato; you could even make a battery from it! That’s like saying there are lots of ways I can show my love for you.”

“Is one of those ways boring me to death by talking about potatoes?”

“Just enjoy the potato.”

“Oh yes, I will enjoy its starchiness immensely.” Rainbow snorted, hurling the potato away with a casual flick. The vegetable bounced off her tortoise’s shell before bouncing off into the kitchen. True to his name, Tank took the hit without concern and after what seemed like several minutes of deliberation, plodded after the vegetable.

“Oh chocolate, that’s more like it.” Rainbow said, pulling a small box out the sweets out and looking at them fondly.

“It’s nice to know that my efforts are appreciated.” Soarin said wrapping a leg around her and pulling her into a rough hug. She squealed in surprise and tried to worm out of his grip but being a well-built stallion, Soarin was too strong for her. After a brief but pointless struggle, Rainbow Dash sighed and nuzzled her face against Soarin’s back. While not one for public displays of affection, she couldn’t resist showing him a little love when they were alone.

“So… there was something you wanted to tell me?” Soarin asked.

“Can’t I cuddle without you having a go at me?” Rainbow replied innocently.

“Well, yes. Just you’re not normally so prone to…” Soarin shivered as she gently nipped at his neck. “This.”

“Eh.” She laid her head on his back again. “I was going to talk to you this morning; but I didn’t. I was going to talk to you at dinner; but I didn’t. No thanks to Lightning Dust showing up anyway…. Just… I’ve just been thinking…”

“That can’t be good…” Soarin said prophetically.

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding, but seriously anytime you come with some idea it just seems to get me balls deep in trouble.”

Rainbow chuckled quietly. “Funny choice of words.”

Soarin’s face adopted a curious look. “Pardon?”

“Nothing.” She said quickly. “I’ve just been thinking...”

“About what?” Soarin insisted. “Don’t just tell me you’ve been thinking and then trail off.”

“Just… well…” She stammered. “I probably shouldn’t talk about it... I mean it’s just a bit... well… a bit strange.””

“Dashie, you can talk to me about anything. Problem at the academy? What is it?”

She looked him squarely in the eyes. “Soarin, I’m really not sure if this is normal… and I don’t want to sound stupid… But…”

“But…?” Soarin asked.

“I want to have a kid.”

Soarin blinked twice.

“Come again?”

A look of irritation passed over Rainbow Dash’s face. “I said; I want to have a kid.”

“What?” Soarin said disbelievingly.

“I want to be a mum.” Rainbow sighed. “Is that odd?”

“Coming from you, yes.” Soarin said quietly. He grinned meekly as she shot him a glare. “Well look, most mares your age start getting those sort of… urges. It’s natural, although highly unexpected to hear that coming from you.”

“Well, I’ve been getting these ‘urges’ for the last couple a weeks or so now and all they’ve been telling me is to have a kid. And… yeah, maybe I really do.”

Soarin’s jaw dropped open. “Are you sure that’s not just the hormones talking?”

“Sure I’m sure.” She said, resting her head over his neck.

Soarin shuffled uncomfortably. “You really want to have a kid. With me?”

“Yes.” She purred.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” Soarin stammered.

Rainbow looked disappointed. “You don’t feel the same way?”

“No, no… maybe… I don’t know! It’s just so unexpected. I’ve always been open to having little shits… I mean, kids.” He looked at her uncertainly. “Just, we’ve only been going out for what, a bit over a month?! I think you’re rushing this a bit. We don’t even live together or anything.”

“We could change that.”

“We could.” Soarin admitted. “What about marriage first, wouldn’t you want to really make sure you’re with the pony you want to be with for the rest of your life before you even think about having kids?”

“I’m pretty sure I found the pony I want to be with.” She said softly, giving him a soft kiss on the top of his head. “But you’re right…” She trailed off as if in thought. “Marry me then.” She said.

Soarin’s jaw dropped open again. “Wha- Again, we’ve been going out, what, maybe a month and a bit and you already want to get married?!” He asked incredulously. He let a cautious grin creep onto his face, unsure if Rainbow was simply pulling his leg. The look quickly vanished as he found not a trace of humour on her face.

“We dated a lot longer than that, you just don’t remember it.”

“Exactly, I don’t know you as well as I’d like to.” Soarin pointed out.

“I’ll take that as a no then.” She said disappointedly.

“Look Dash, I really like you. But this is just too fast. Too much too quickly. I don’t think I’m ready for it yet.”

Rainbow hid her disappointment well but Soarin still noticed a slight change in his girlfriend’s tone, a trace of uncertainty. “That’s fine. I wouldn’t want to rush you into anything you don’t want. Just, let me know if you change your mind.”

“Thank you.” Soarin mumbled. He played with her mane for a moment before looking at her. “Why would you want to have a kid anyway? You’re shipping out to the academy and they won’t take that sort of shit there.”

Rainbow scratched her chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, suppose you’re right. Didn’t think that through very well.” She stretched herself out and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth for a few moments. “Still, I wouldn’t mind moving our relationship along a little. I could take you along and introduce you to my dad. We’re having dinner next week if you’re interested.”

Soarin stared blankly at the wall as his mind tumbled at the possibility. “Just your dad? What about your mum?” Soarin asked, filling an obvious gap in her statement.

Rainbow seemed to shrink a little and the small smile which had crept onto her face before vanished in an instant.

“Oh, sorry.” Soarin mumbled, “Didn’t know.”

“Nah it’s alright.” Rainbow murmured. “Never knew my mum, she left me with my dad just after I was born. Never really had a motherly figure in my life. Probably explains why I’m so… like this.”

Didn’t you ever ask your father about her?” Soarin asked.

“He barely knew her. I was kind of an accident, so to say.” She paused for a moment. “Still, my dad loves me and thinks I’m the best thing that ever happened for him. He’s such a sweetie like that.” She chuckled before fixing a serious eye on Soarin “Don’t ever tell him I called him a sweetie, he’d never let me hear the end of it.”

“Will do.” Soarin grinned maliciously.

“What about your parents’ hotshot? I don’t remember you ever talking about them.”

Soarin flushed red. “I… haven’t talked to them for a while. Not since after the crash at least. We were never really that close to begin with.”

“Huh, maybe we’ll have to change that. Well as I said before, dinner with my dad next week. You down? I’m sure he’d be thrilled to meet you.”

Soarin shrugged, after all, what was the worst that could happen?

“It’s a date.”

***

The warming sensation of the sun’s rays falling across Soarin’s body roused him to consciousness. Although the room was still deep in shadow, Soarin’s body clock had adjusted to waking up early. He yawned softly and rolled over, expecting to bump find a lump of fur and wings to snuggle up against. Instead he found a slightly warm patch on the bed where Rainbow Dash had presumably lain recently. Lifting his head lazily, Soarin looked around with a hint of amusement. Surely Dash wouldn’t be awake before him? He swept his eyes across the room without finding a trace of her light blue body, a few piles of hastily discarded clothes and an odd of sock or crumpled magazine being the only sources of interest.

Surprised by the absence of his boss, lover and constant source of headaches, Soarin slipped downstairs. A curious glance around the training room and living space that made the second level of her house revealed nothing else and the quiet growl of Soarin’s almost sentient stomach urged him further down towards the kitchen. He was quite surprised as he stepped off the bottom of the steps to see Rainbow Dash already up and sitting behind a counter in the kitchen. Her tortoise was perched stoically on her head and fixed his beady eyes on Soarin as he entered.

“Hey.” She muttered, cradling her head in her hooves like it was a sixteen tonne weight.

“Morning.” Soarin uttered. He trotted past her before doing a quick double take. Her eyes were red and puffy and large bags were starting to show underneath them. Her mane was more tussled than usual and her fur was standing on end in random patches across her body almost as if she’d been attacked by a group of marauding group of overbearing parents giving out noogies.

In short, she looked like shit.

“You okay?” Soarin asked, backpedalling a little further and stopping in front of her. “You look like… shit.”

Rainbow let out an amused sniffle and shrugged. “Fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“You were sleeping like a rock.” Soarin huffed. “On me, no less.”

“You were comfy.” Rainbow Dash said lamely, yawning widely and displacing Tank slightly. Annoyed, the stolid creature rolled off his owner and plodded up to Soarin.

“Why didn’t you sleep well?” Soarin asked, picking Tank up and rubbing his head gently. “You had a big day yesterday.”

“Didn’t feel too good.” She sniffled again. “Feel rubbish right now.” She watched Tank nip Soarin’s hoof before retreating into his shell.

“Your turtle doesn’t like me.” Soarin said flatly, glaring at the slowly retreating reptile.

“Tortoise.” Rainbow corrected.

“Turtle. Tortoise, same shit.” Soarin snapped irritably, placing Tank back on the counter with disgust. He grabbed a bundle of hay and chewed thoughtfully. “What’s wrong with you then?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Just feel like shit.” She sniffled loudly. “Well, more than usual.”

Soarin chewed slowly as he digested the new information. “Usual?”

“Yeah, last week I haven’t been feeling too good.” She said, rolling her head over to look at Soarin.

“You seemed alright yesterday.”
Rainbow shrugged half-heartedly. “Suppose.”

“Well you’ve been grumpier than normal, for one.” Soarin said with a stupid grin.

“Watch it.” Rainbow growled.

“See?”

She glared silently at him, magenta eyes narrowed to thin slits.

“Thou shalt not annoy the Dash during the time of red rage.” Soarin chuckled. He stopped munching for a moment and looked at her slowly. “You don’t want to go see a doctor do you?”

“Doctor who?” There isn’t any one of those eggheads I’d trust in this town to save my life.”

Soarin shrugged. “You just hate the clinic, right?”

“That doctor there doesn’t know an arse from an ass.” Rainbow said scathingly. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure you will.” Soarin said, ruffling her mane up in a teasing fashion. She glared and slapped his hoof away. ‘You going to work today or are you just going to mope about?”

Dash responded by throwing a foreleg out dramatically, inadvertently sending Tank flying off into the corner of the room. “Just leave me here, I’m done for!” She exclaimed in the most theatrical tone she could muster.

“Okay. I’ll leave you a shovel so you can bury yourself.” Soarin responded dryly, taking her words literally and trotting out of the kitchen without concern.

“Hey, get back here you fat oaf!”

***

They sailed through the air together, slightly slowly than usual though, Soarin noted with silent thanks. Dash usually set the speed for their morning flights and Dash being, well, Dash, meant that they invariably ended up hurtling through the sky at breakneck speeds with no regard for such petty things as speed limits and other commuters. The slower pace was a welcome change for Soarin as fast flying still caused him immense discomfort. He closed his eyes and hummed quietly to himself, feeling at relative peace with the world. The peace was shattered as the groggy form of Rainbow Dash barged into him and made the low flying duo crash in a tangle of limbs and curses. Swearing loudly Soarin untangled his legs and quickly looked himself over for injuries. Satisfied that other than a mouthful of dirt and grit he was no worse off than before, he turned to Rainbow.

“What the hell was that?!” He barked. “Where were you going, the freaking moon?”

Dash grunted and pulled herself out of the dirt. She looked up at Soarin and spat a globule of blood out of her mouth. She was in worse shape than him; a trickle of blood ran out of her nose and a small gash had opened on her forehead and was spilling blood down her face. She squinted as the red liquid ran over her already bloodshot eyes.

“You’re hurt.” Soarin said, the harsh tone of his voice being replaced by concern.

“Well thank you, Captain obvious.” Dash growled, spitting another glob of blood onto the lush green grass. “I can see that.”

Soarin sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure you can.” He muttered. “Let’s get you patched up.”

“I’m fine.”

“With all due respect to your bravery and toughness, you can’t fly with blood pouring into your eye you stubborn mule.” Soarin muttered, “Not that you can fly at all it seems.”

“Hey!” Dash snapped.

“You’re completely sober yet you just smashed into me like a drunken hooligan.” Soarin said gruffly, helping her to her hooves and tugging her along. “Where to?”

Rainbow grunted and jerked her head towards the large treehouse which also served as the town’s library. “Twilight will have a first aid kit. Not that I need it.” She grumbled, pulling away from Soarin slightly.

“Dash.” Soarin said firmly. “You’re getting bandaged at least. I should send you home after that little stunt. You’re not well.”

“I’m fine.” She insisted, prompting Soarin to let out an amused snort.

“You could’ve lost two legs, a wing and half your face and you’d still say you were fine.”

Rainbow snapped her mouth closed, silently admitting defeat. She reluctantly let Soarin guide her to the front door of the library. A quick knock later and the pair were quickly ushered inside by the slightly concerned librarian.

“What happened to you?” Twilight asked; her voice muffled as she scrounged around her kitchen for a first-aid kit.

“She’s not feeling well and crashed into me on our way to work.” Soarin answered when Rainbow Dash remained stubbornly silent on the matter.

“Oh!” Twilight said in surprise, emerging with a small white box in tow. She levitated the box in front of Soarin with a sheepish grin. “You’re probably better at this than me.”

Soarin grunted quietly and fished an antiseptic swab from the kit. “This might sting-.”

“ARGHH!” Rainbow yelped as he pressed the cloth to her forehead with a little too much gusto. She reflexively lashed out and clipped Soarin under the jaw with a foreleg.

“…A bit.” Soarin said flatly, rubbing where she had hit him.

“Sorry.” Rainbow muttered, wincing as Soarin resumed cleaning her wound.

Soarin shook his head silently and dabbed the cloth against her head a few more times for good measure before grabbing a large Band-Aid from the box and slapping it against her gash.

“There, good as new.” He proclaimed.

“Fascinating.” Twilight remarked, jotting a few notes down on a small pad.

“Really? You’re really taking notes on how to apply a Band-Aid?” Rainbow asked.

“You can always learn new things!” Twilight said embarrassedly. She looked around uncertainly before fixing her eyes on Rainbow Dash. “Speaking of new things, I came across this new spell I really want to tr-.”

“Let me guess, you want me to be your guinea pig?” Rainbow asked.

“More or less.”

“Great, well you can save it for another time.” Soarin interrupted. “We’re going to be running late soon if we don’t get going. Thank you very much, Princess.”

Twilight turned beet red and her wings flared up. “Please, Twilight will be fine.”

“As you wish.” Soarin said with a chuckle, shoving Rainbow Dash outside and closing the library door softly behind him.

“Princess? Really?” Rainbow gagged.

“A little flattery had never hurt anypony.”

“Well it certainly didn’t help me when I hit the ground.”

Soarin scrunched his eyes shut and sighed. “That’s… that’s not… what flattery means.”

Rainbow sneezed loudly in response and slurred out something unintelligible. After quickly checking that the surrounding streets were deserted, she rested head against Soarin’s neck as they trotted down the street together.

“You’re pretty hot.” Soarin muttered.

“Thank you.”

“Temperature, stupid.” Soarin shot back. “You’re burning up. Bit of a fever maybe?”

“I’m fine.” Rainbow countered.

“Why do I get the feeling that’s all you’ve said all morning?” Soarin chided, trotting around a corner to find the weather team sitting in a loose circle out the front of pub. Doc was having a one sided conversation with Lightning Dust who seemed desperate to escape his verbal clutches. Flitter and Cloud Chaser were talking quietly with Thunderlane but immediately fell silent at the sight of Soarin with Rainbow Dash in tow.

“Jeez, what happened to you?” Lighting Dust remarked snidely. “Run into a tree?”

Rainbow Dash huffed loudly. “Crashed.” She stated before sneezing again.

“Looks like our fearless leader is in the dumps this morning.” Doc chimed in, trotting up to Rainbow and giving her a quick look over. “You okay?” He asked.

“Fine. Bit worse than yesterday.” She admitted making Soarin bristled slightly over the fact she was willing to show Doc a little weakness but not himself.

“Uh-huh.” Doc said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Drowsy, light headedness, fluey and nauseous?”

“Oh, right, so Doc is suddenly a medical professional now?” Soarin interjected.

“I know a little.” Doc admitted. “Not so much as to call myself a ‘professional’ though.” He laid a hoof over Rainbow’s forehead and prodded the bottom of her jaw a few times. “No swollen glands, higher than normal body temperature.”

Flitter and Cloud Chaser exchanged glances. “She’s like, fine, right?” Cloud Chaser asked.

“I’m fine.” Rainbow insisted.

“No, you’re not.” Doc said sternly. “As your medical specialist and your friend, I’m going to advise you take the day off at least. “We discussed this yesterday. You should see a doctor.”

Rainbow shook her head quickly, making her sway where she stood. “Nope. Not happening.”

Soarin placed a firm hoof on her shoulder and looked her squarely in the eye. “Go home, get some rest. Please.”

“I’m fine.” Rainbow insisted.

“No, you’re not. Now get going before I carry you home. You’re not feeling your best.”

Rainbow met his eyes, almost as if she was testing his strength, testing his will to carry his own threat. After a long minute her eyes dropped to the cobblestones beneath her. “Fine.” She said sourly.

“Good.” Soarin said, relaxing his posture slightly. “Flitter, Thunderlane, You’ll be working over in the west today so could you make sure she gets back fine?”

“Sure thing.” Flitter said curtly, nodding slightly and casting a worried look over Rainbow Dash.

“Thanks. Get going then.” Soarin urged, waving in the general direction he wanted the pegasi to go. Thunderlane nodded and brushed past Doc with a pout. He paused for a moment before turning to Soarin.

“Hey, um. We were planning to head out to this new theatre in town tonight. Don’t suppose you’d want to tag along?”

Soarin shook his head. “Sorry, with Dash sick I’ll have my hooves full with keeping her penned up.”

“Oh. Right. Of course.” Thunderlane muttered, looking slightly disappointed.

“Another time, maybe.” Soarin said in an attempt to cheer him up. “Now get going you big wuss, Dash and Flitter will be halfway home before you’ve even moved.” He added, giving Thunderlane a friendly punch on the shoulder.

“Yes boss.” He said enthusiastically before shooting off in a blast of air.

Soarin frowned as he watched Thunderlane jet off into the distance. Something seemed different about the stallion but he couldn’t quite place it. Shaking the feeling off, he turned to a slightly concerned looking Doc.

“I don’t remember anything about going out tonight…” Soarin heard him mutter quietly.

“Hmm?” Soarin asked.

“Oh nothing, nothing.” Doc replied quickly. “I want to have a word with you about Rainbow.”

“Alright, make it quick.” Soarin said. He looked over at Cloud Chaser who was sitting with a bored expression next to Lightning Dust. “You and Cloud Chaser can handle the South today; I’ll go with the rookie. Now, what’s this about Dash?”

“Well, first off, what do you know?” Doc asked. “She doesn’t seem particularly ill but she’s been suffering from these symptoms for the last week now. Do you know anything?”

“How very nice of her to tell me that.” Soarin said sarcastically. “Look, I only found out about it this morning, her pet tortoise probably knows more than me.”

“Interesting… if only I had a tortoise to Equestrian translator.”

“That was a joke.” Soarin said flatly.

“Well the poor fella probably does know more than you, knowing your intelligence…” Doc trailed off.

Soarin blinked. “Thanks, I really appreciate that.”

“Joking aside, I’d try and convince her to see a real doctor. It could be nothing… but I’d do it anyway, just to be sure.”

“Hey, turtle brain, how long are we gonna be sitting here for?” Lightning Dust called out from her perch.

“Just a minute.” Soarin barked. He turned back to Doc. “Thanks, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good, and Soarin?”

“Whatever happens, do look after her.”

***

“So… Soarin.”

“Mmh?”

Lighting Dust looked momentarily taken aback. “How’s… stuff?”

“Stuff is… good?” Soarin said uncertainly. He glared suspiciously at a dark grey cloudbank a few hundred meters away, hoping that if he willed it away it’d stay away.

She sighed softly and followed his gaze. “So is this all we do all day? We’ve been here a good three and a half hours and I’ve busted precisely one cloud.”

“Yup.”

“Boring.” She snorted.

“Can be. Have you tried clearing an invading army of clouds the size of Canterlot, each one putting out more wind than a gathering of baked bean enthusiasts?”

“No.”

“Neither have I, but it’s presumably worse than this.” Soarin muttered, lying back and setting into the soft cloud he was using as a perch. “Well since there’s nothing to do, tell me a little about yourself.”

“Urh…” Lightning Dust trailed off. “I was at the Wonderbolt Academy.”

“It seems that almost everyone on this damn team has been.” Soarin said, clicking his tongue quietly. “We all seem overly qualified. Where are you from?”

“Cloudsdale.” Lightning Dust looked at him curiously. “You don’t remember me, do you?”

“Look, don’t this personally, but I don’t. I don’t remember anything. Anything after I joined the Wonderbolts is more or less just a flash. Nothing. I dated Rainbow Dash for two years and I didn’t even remember her.” Soarin said with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“Ouch. Must have hit your head hard. Did it hurt?”

“That would be like saying that the stove is hot and you shouldn’t touch it.”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t anypony ever teach you that?”

“Kinda figured it out for myself.”

“Clever girl.” Soarin said with a small grin as he imagined the mare next to him prodding a hot stove naively.

“But really, nothing?” Lightning said. She almost sounded disappointed.

“Nope.” Soarin said definitively.

She huffed in irritation and jumped to her hooves. She circled Soarin, regarding him with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

“What are you doing?” He asked, craning his head around to follow her. While Soarin wouldn’t say that he didn’t trust her… he felt a little uneasy with her so close to him. Without responding she brushed past him with the tips of her wings and bopped him playfully on the nose with her tail in an unnervingly familiar action. Soarin’s eyes widened as a cluster of memories flashed through his mind, clear as day.

“Oh shit.” He muttered under his breath.

“Interesting.” Lightning Dust purred contently.

Soarin scowled. “That never happened.”

“Well I sure remember it. It seems you do too now.”

Soarin huffed loudly. “Look that was just a bit of harmless flirting alright? Nothing more.”

“Didn’t seem that way to me.” Lightning growled. “Did your little Dashie know you were consorting with the enemy so to say?”

Soarin felt himself heat up. “No.” He admitted. “But I don’t think a little bit of chit-chat is anything for her to worry about, is it Lightning Dust.” Soarin growled

“Chit-chat?” She responded coyly. “We went a little beyond chit-chat.”

“And that’s when I told you to back off.” Soarin snarled. “I had a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend and no, I’m not interested in a new one.”

“I neve-.”

“Listen.” Soarin snapped, rising to his hooves and jabbing Lighting Dust firmly. “That was a bit of harmless fun, nothing else. We clear? I like Rainbow Dash very much and if you think anything you can say or somehow dredge up from my past will change that then you’re sorely mistaken.”

Lighting Dust stood in mute shock before Soarin. She twitched slightly, before finally finding her voice. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” She mumbled, kicking the cloud beneath her in irritation.

Soarin felt his burst of anger dissipate and a trace of remorse replace it. He felt a little guilty for yelling at her so quickly. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have gone off like that.”

A trace of confidence re-entered Lighting’s posture. “Nah, it’s right. I should’ve guessed you were attached to her still.”

“Right.” Soarin said dryly. He looked skyward and sighed quietly. Why was everything so… difficult? “Look, I’m happy to just forget that little thing happened, we can just start fresh.” Soarin proposed. “Let whatever happened be behind us and just do… well... whatever it is ponies do when they start anew.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Good. Water under the bridge.” Soarin muttered, not picking up the trace of insincerity in Lightning Dust’s voice. He fidgeted around on the cloud for a moment, suddenly uncomfortable. “Go get some lunch or something, go find Cloud Chaser and hang out with Doc for a while. He’s a nice fellow, you’ll like him.”

Lightning Dust rolled her eyes silently. “Why can’t I stay with you? That guy just loves to run his mouth.”

“Because I feel it would be best for you to get used to the little quirks each of us possess.” Soarin said simply. ‘Also because it’d be awkward as hell having you around for the rest of the day…’ He thought. “While I’d normally leave such a call up to Rainbow Dash, she isn’t feeling too well.”

“And I guess that puts you in charge, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“How typical.” She snorted, making Soarin raise an eyebrow. “Whatever, you’re the boss.” She said with a shake of her head. Before Soarin could open his mouth she was gone in a blaze of lightning and a puff of smoke.

‘That girl has got some real personality issues.’ Soarin thought as he watched her wing away into the distance. She reminded him of Rainbow almost… but maybe a little less tame. “Not going to lie, that’s actually a bit of a turn on.” He muttered quietly.

“Why did I just say that?”

“Why did I say that?”

“Why am I talking to myself?” He pondered before shrugging and flopping back onto the cloud with a frustrated sigh. He had barely been lying there a minute before a cold tingling sensation crossed his nose. Snapping his eyes open he took in the massive sheet of grey which had drifted in. Not being held back by his formidable glare, the cloud had dared to invade his airspace.

“Oh balls.” Soarin muttered as a torrent of water suddenly descended from the cloud.

Why does it always have to be...?

Friends Have Issues

Chapter Three: Why does it always have to be...?

“Rainbow Dash.” Soarin said wearily, knocking slowly on her front door.

“Soarin.”

“Rainbow Dash.” Soarin huffed, watching a drop of icy water run off his nose.

“Soarin.” She mocked. Soarin could hear her taunting hoofsteps on the other side of the door as she pranced around facetiously.

“Let me in.” He grumbled, shivering slightly. Finally giving in to his request, the door swung open to reveal the bemused face.of Rainbow Dash.

“You’re soaking wet.” She said.

“Yes, thank you. I realised. I also noticed the sun is hot and that you're a pain in the arse.” Soarin said dryly. She smirked and threw a towel in his general direction.

“I’m going to guess this is your fault?” Rainbow asked, gesturing to the pouring rain outside.

“Oh yeah, sure. If Lightning Dust hadn’t been chatting with me all morning I would’ve totally seen it coming.”

Rainbow lifted an eyebrow. “Sarcasm?”

“No, genuine.” Soarin grunted, ruffling his mane with the now damp towel. “She’s very distracting.”

Rainbow looked at him suspiciously but before she could voice whatever thoughts she had on the matter Soarin held up a hoof to forestall her. “Don't worry, I’ve only got room for one dangerous and overbearing bitch in my life.”

“Overbearing bitch?” Rainbow asked in mock surprise.

“Is there any time when you're not being an overbearing bitch?”

“Maybe if your head wasn't stuck all the way up your own arse, you'd know.”

“Is it my fault that your cooking smells so bad that I need a few minutes of relief?”

“Like you've ever been to one of my dinners. You're always so busy lying about on clouds and playing with your dick to actually show up on time whenever I want to do something with you.”

“You should consider it someday.” Soarin scoffed. “Maybe then you'll learn how to please a stallion instead of fumbling around like a blind man in a maze.”

“Your father didn't have any complaints when I rode him like the cheapest ride at the carnival.”

Soarin bit his lip, unsure of what to say. He desperately tried to stifle a laugh, noticing that Rainbow Dash was doing the exact same. Her words hung in the air for a few seconds before Soarin found his voice.

“You know you’re amazing, right?"

“I know.” She said back with a small, cute, smile.

Soarin looked her with mock disgust. “Typical” He said, throwing the damp towel at her face. “Feeling better?”

“Great.” She said, muffled by the towel covering half of her face. “It’s like I’m a totally different mare.”

“Fantastic, guess I wasted my time getting this for you then.” Soarin said pulling a crinkled sheet of paper from under his wing. He held it in front of her face she should read it.

“A doctor’s appointment?” She asked, the smile falling off her face and being replaced with a deep scowl.

“Yup, you're great and powerful medical expert recommended him. They weren’t that busy so I got an appointment for you tomorrow.”

Rainbow glared at the sheet of paper as if her look alone could make the damp slip burst into flames. “I don’t need to so see some stupid doctor.”

“Well you’re going.” Soarin snapped. “I took the time to get you a spot and got drenched on the way here so I think you’re obligated to.”

“Now who’s being the overbearing bitch?” Rainbow huffed.

“That’s Mister Bitch, to you.”

“Alright Mister Bitch, I’ll go to your stupid doctor then.” She said, turning around and picking a small letter up off the hallstand. “Something for you.”

Soarin grabbed the letter and looked at it curiously. “This is addressed to my place, why is it here?”

Rainbow looked at ceiling innocently. “I may or may not have gone through your mail this morning.”

“Seriously?” Soarin deadpanned.

“No the mailmare is just sick of the fact you haven’t bothered to tether your house to the ground yet and just dumps your mail here instead of going on a ‘Where’s the house gone?’ trip every morning.”

“Oh.” Soarin said embarrassedly. He cautiously plucked the letter from Rainbow’s hoof and perused the front. Neatly stamped writing sat in the centre and in the top corner the logo of the Equestrian Weather service sat proudly.

“What’s this about?”

“Wouldn’t have a clue.” Rainbow said back, looking over his shoulder as he gingerly pried the letter open.

“Dear Soarin, we are delighted to inform you… blah blah blah.” Soarin muttered, flicking through the useless padding that so commonly filled executive letters. His eyes flickered back and forth a moment before finally settling on a single line.

“What?” Rainbow asked, noticing Soarin’s brow furrow in confusion.

“They’re putting me in charge. Of Ponyville.” He said in confusion. “You wouldn’t know anything about this would you?”

Rainbow stammered or moment. “Well I had to put in a… urgh… recommendation for a new supervisor and well I guess I may have just chucked you on the top there.”

Soarin blinked slowly. ”Why?”

Dash’s mouth worked up and down for a second. “I don’t know! I just did.”

“You thought putting me, a relatively inexperienced worker, in charge of an entire town’s weather service was a good idea? I think Thunderlane would’ve been a better choice.”

“Well I didn’t expect you to get all uppity about it,” She snapped. “Thought you would’ve been happy.”

“I wouldn’t have just selected me simply on the basis that we’re dating.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed derisively. “You really think I’d have done something like that?”

Soarin opened his mouth to respond but quickly decided that silence was probably the best answer.

“Who is this?” He asked, quickly changing the topic. He pointed at the signature along the bottom of the letter.

“The Overseer.” Rainbow shrugged. “Just a fancy title for whatever nitwit is in charge. Whoever they are, they really like stroking that ego of theirs.”

“Pot, meet kettle.” Soarin muttered, folding the letter away quickly and tucking it under his wing before Rainbow Dash tried throttling him with it.

“Haha, very funny, Soarin.”

Soarin smiled nonchalantly. “I just say it as I see it.”

“Whatever, big guy.”

Soarin shrugged imperceptibly and stood silent for a few moments before yawning loudly. “I think I’m going to head home, if I can find it in this shitstorm.”

“You don’t have to go, you could stay the night here…” Rainbow said coyly.

“I appreciate the offer but you’re supposed to be sick and I’m dead tired after all this rain. Without your fat arse out there and this massive downpour we had our work cut out for us.”

“Fine.” Rainbow grumbled, obviously disappointed by Soarin’s lack of stamina

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soarin huffed. “I’ll escort, no, drag… you to your appointment; you might not get there otherwise.”

“Just get out of here you jerk.” Rainbow said, throwing a few random bits of detritus at him.

“Alright, alright! I’m going!” Soarin said, the playful mood evaporating as a golf ball shaped object struck his ear. “Ow!” He hunkered down behind the door just in time to see a surprised looking tortoise fly past his nose. ‘Poor tank.’ He thought as he pulled the door closed and stepped back out into the deluge of water falling from the sky. Soarin looked up at the endless grey sky and sighed. Something seemed wrong with his life. He tried to place a hoof down on what exactly it was... Rainbow’s sudden desire for a child and the overt hostility she seemed to be showing him? Her unexplained illness? The unexpected and frankly unwanted promotion?

“No, I think it’s just me.” Soarin said to himself, squashing the thought that his life was slowly spiralling out of control like he would an annoying bug. “No need to make a big deal out of nothing. It’s probably just a phase.” He said, reassuring himself. “Nothing’s getting worse.”

A large hailstone careened out of the sky and shattered in front of him. He nosed the shattered hunk of ice, a worried cringe forming on his face. The roar of rain was overcome by the steady pounding of hail and Soarin shivered as he felt the temperature drop a few degrees..

“One day, I’m going to learn to keep by damn mouth shut.”

***

The next day came and with it, sunshine. The skies cleared and the residents of Ponyville enjoyed a pleasant, albeit chilly, day. Soarin had dragged Rainbow Dash to the clinic, earning a few new bruises at her initial resistance for his trouble. Had he not been there she would’ve undoubtedly skipped the appointment, most probably with the ironic excuse that she felt too sick to go see a doctor. On arrival, a bored looking receptionist had directed them to a side room where they, well Soarin at least, waited patiently.

Rainbow fidgeted nervously on the bed eliciting a hearty chuckle from Soarin.

“Relax.” He reassured her. “It’s just the doctor. You weren’t so jumpy the last time you were in hospital.”

“Yeah, but that’s different.” Rainbow grunted. “I don’t usually get checkups on account of that the fact I don’t need ‘em”

“Well, suck it up princess.” Soarin muttered as the door swung open and a unicorn with a dull white overcoat swaggered in.

“Good morning.” He said with faux cheer as he ran his blue eyes across his patient. He briefly looked down at his clipboard. “Rainbow Dash is it?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, I’m Doctor Spectrum. How are you feeling today?”

“Fine. So fine in fact that I don’t think I need your help.” Rainbow said quickly, eyeing a row of syringes the doctor had unravelled from a side bench with undeniable relish.

“Very funny, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to speak but before anything came out the doctor had already moved on. He turned around, a clipboard hovering in front of his face.

“Alright, name... Rainbow Dash… Sex… fairly obvious… Weight…” He shifted the clipboard over a centimetre and looked her down. “Eh… around 115 kilos.”

“115?! Do you think I’m fat or something?” Rainbow asked, clearly offended. Soarin quickly hid his smile behind a hoof.

“On second thoughts, 120 is probably more like it. Go check yourself if you’re that self-conscious.” Spectrum said unperturbed by her outburst. He looked her down again, eys scrutinising her curved form. “I might still be understating it a little actually.”

Rainbow glowered at the doctor and slipped off the bed and flew indignantly to the scales sitting in the corner of the room. She stood on the platform, the little red needle spinning around… and around.

“125. Well I guess I was off a little then. Forgot to count that inflated sense of self-importance you’re carrying around I guess.” Spectrum said with a completely blank expression. Rainbow scowled and returned to the bed.

“Any allergies?” He continued.

“Doctors.”

“Hilarious, I’m allergic to big headed pegasi. How about that?” He said smoothly. “Any medical history in your family?”

“No, but yours might have a history of broken jaws soon.”

“Fantastic, I always wanted to see my grandmother’s smile even more lopsided.” He scribbled something down quickly. “Sexual history?”

“Plenty.” Rainbow snapped.

“Preferences?”

“Often.” She growled.

“Predictable.” Spectrum muttered. “On a rating of one to ten how good was your last-.” He was cut off as Rainbow punched him in the jaw.

“Focus.” She barked.

“Can’t get away with anything these days.” Spectrum muttered, turning to look at Soarin with a half raised eyebrow. “How are you still in one piece?”

“Guess I’m just lucky” Soarin replied.

“Or stupid. Pull out while you can.” The doctor warned, making Rainbow flush red with anger.

“I think it’s a little late for that.” Soarin said with a small smile that made Spectrum snorted with amusement.

“Right, now that’s out of the way, tell me what’s wrong with you. Quickly, if you don’t mind, I’ve got other more important things to do.”

“Like?”

“Go through my bosses’ desk, seduce nurses, and perform autopsies on living ponies. Y’know, the basic pleasures in life.”

Rainbow suppressed a look of alarm. “Are you serious!?”

“Deadly, now get on with it.”

Rainbow Dash glowered but listed out her symptoms while the doctor made a show of listening. “You weren’t paying attention.” She said icily.

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” Spectrum asked, fishing a stethoscope out of a drawer and placing it against her chest.

“Okay, breathe in for me… and out.” He said. A look of satisfaction crossed his face momentarily and he quickly jotted something down on his clipboard. He moved the listening device around several times before nodding and placing the stethoscope around his neck. Apparently satisfied, he levitated a small needle over to her. “I’m going to run a blood test, hope you like needles.” He said, noticing Rainbow Dash eye the needle nervously.

“I’m right thanks.” She squeaked, edging away from the metal implement.

“Rainbow, don’t tell me you’re afraid of needles.” Soarin asked, amusement crossing his features.

“…Maybe?” She admitted as the doctor levitated it closer.

“You’ll barely feel a thing. Just… a little prick.” He assured her before jabbing the needle into her leg.

“OW!” Rainbow yelped.

“Oh, guess I couldn’t see well enough after you punched me.” Spectrum said flatly, jabbing the needle expertly into the vein. “All done.” He announced, removing the needle from the syringe and placing it on a small tray. He handed Rainbow a small jar. “I’m just going to run this down to the lab, would you be so kind?”

“Huh…?” She trailed off. She looked at the doctor with a confused look. “What’re you looking at?” She growled when she noticed he was staring at her condescendingly.

“A moron, apparently.”

“He wants you to pee in the jar.” Soarin put in helpfully, wisely restraining Rainbow Dash from leaping on Spectrum.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” The doctor said, giving her a disarmingly friendly smile before trotting off with the cart in tow.

“What a jerk.” She muttered as the doctor vanished around the corner. She looked at the little cup cradled in her hoof. “He can’t be serious.”

“Deadly serious.” Soarin said, mirroring the doctor’s earlier statement..

“I’m not taking a piss in this stupid thing.”

“Look, just do it. It’s not like he’s asking you hurl it at him while screaming or anything.” Soarin laughed, “Just do it and get it over and done with.”

“Fine, whatever.” Rainbow huffed, stomping out the room before Soarin could poke more fun at her.

***

“Well do you want to good news or the bad news first?” Spectrum asked. After what felt like hours of sitting in a small café across the road from the clinic, the doctor had finished his tests and was ready to break whatever news he had.

“Bad news first.” Soarin said. “Better get it out of the way.”

“Well the bad news makes more sense if I tell you the good news first.”

“Why’d you ask then?” Rainbow spat.

The doctor shrugged. “It was fun to make you think you had a choice in the matter.”

“Whatever. Now, out with it, egghead.”

Spectrum turned his head towards Rainbow Dash. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant. He prodded her belly grimly. “In there is a small little parasite, growing to one day ravage the world.”

Her eyes widened. “W-what?”

“You’re pregnant.” Spectrum said bluntly. “Do I need to repeat myself again?”

“Hold on doc.” Soarin gushed. “She’s pregnant?”

“You two are as thick as each other.” Spectrum moaned. “Yes, she’s pregnant.”

“B-but how?” Soarin asked.

“Look, when a mare and a stallion love each other very much they get frisky and a while later a little monster pops out, we clear?” The doctor deadpanned.

Soarin shook his head. “B-but when?”

“Nothing certain but I’d say you’ve had a bun in there from anywhere from a few weeks to two months.” He shrugged. “I’ll know more when I have a closer look.”

“Soarin, we’re going to parents.” Rainbow whispered excitedly.

‘Oh boy!’ Soarin thought sarcastically. “Great.” He said back dryly. “Fancy finding out just after you tell me you want to have a kid.”

Rainbow grinned sheepishly.

“You said there was bad news?” Soarin asked.

The unicorn looked a little amused. “Uh… yes. About that.” He fidgeted with his clipboard and pulled a sheet off. “When I was running the blood tests I just so happened to have Soarin’s on hoof as well… you have a very good store available here Soarin, hurting yourself all the time.” He smiled thinly. “It seems that your blood type doesn’t quite… ah… match up.”

“What does that mean?” Soarin asked

Spectrum looked at Rainbow Dash. “It means that your girlfriend here, more likely than not, got her milk from another milkman.”

The room went dead silent, even the clock on the wall seemed to stop ticking.

“Explain.” Soarin said softly, exchanging a quick glance with Rainbow Dash.

“When two ponies breed there are certain ‘combinations’ that can occur. Certain blood types go with other blood types to make… well certain blood types. “He coughed quietly. “The blood type of your child is a very rare combination of your two types. It would be much more likely for the father to be of a different blood type than yours, Soarin.”

“But it’s possible?”

“Yes, but very unlikely.”

“Well that’s good enough for me.” Rainbow snapped, leaping up with the grace of a drunken ox. “Now if you don’t mind I’ve got some ponies to break the news to.” She walked halfway across the roof before noticing Soarin hadn’t budged. “Coming?” She asked.

“Yeah, just give me a sec.” Soarin said emotionlessly. ‘She couldn’t of, could she?’ He thought as he watched her trot out. ‘Right?’

‘Right?’

“Something troubling you?” Spectrum asked, noticing Soarin’s shocked expression.

“It’s a lot to take in, sorry.” Soarin said rubbing his temple slowly. “First I’m a father and then I’m not a father…”

“Probably not.” Spectrum corrected.

“Can you find out for sure? I mean, don’t you have... what is it... genetic testing or something?”

The doctor bowed his head. “We do… however I don’t have samples from either of you. Additionally, we have quite a backlog to get through first. I’d say it’d be a couple of months at least before we could get back to you with results.”

“Months?!” Soarin exclaimed.

Spectrum nodded. “Look, you get me those samples and I’ll see what I can do about that test Maybe I pull a few strings for the lab boys and speed things up a little... ok? This is obviously important to you, more so for you than her it seems.” He added, jerking his head in the direction Rainbow Dash had gone. "Almost as if she doesn’t want you to find out…” He trailed off at the venomous look Soarin was giving him.

“Don’t even suggest that. She’d never do that to me.”

Spectrum smiled thinly. “Then why do I sense doubt in your voice? Perhaps she is not as… virtuous as she would seem?”

Soarin blinked, the unexpected statement from the doctor unsettling him. Why was he feeling doubt? Why didn’t he completely trust her?

“I’ll get you your samples; you just get me that damn test.” Soarin growled.

“Come on, Soarin!” Rainbow yelled from the foyer.

Spectrum looked pleased. “Good, now get going before you end up with your head off, pregnant mares tend to be a bit… moody, to say the least.”

Soarin cringed and cantered out of the room. Rainbow regarded him suspiciously as he trotted towards her, her magenta eyes narrowing slightly. “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Soarin lied. “Nothing at all.”

***

"Wow, what a jerk! They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away... you bet I'm gonna be eating my apples from now on." Rainbow said disgustedly.

"Yes, a real charming fellow." Soarin muttered distractedly.

You alright Soarin? You seem... dead."

“Look, Dashie…”

“Yeah?” She inquired, tilting her head slightly to look at Soarin better. Her mood had drastically changed for the better after they had left the clinic, Soarin noticed. She almost seemed happy about the news.

“Doesn’t this all strike you as a bit odd?” Soarin asked, stopping in the middle of the cobbled street.

“This being..?”

“You being pregnant, a clear sky even though nopony is clearing it and…” He bit his lip.

“Spit it out.”

Soarin hesitated, looking around at the vibrant colours of other ponies passing by. “What if Spectrum is right, what if I’m not the father?” He asked in a hushed tone.

Rainbow gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m sure you are; it’s nothing to worry about. Call it a gut feeling.”

A surge of frustration rose up in Soarin. “You don’t get it do you? You might think it's all fine and dandy, but I have to live with... with..."

“What?” Rainbow asked, scowling at a passer-by who seemed to be taking an interest in their conversation.

“What if you’re wrong?” Soarin asked bluntly. “What if you-.”

“You don’t trust me?” Rainbow interrupted.

Soarin looked at her gravely. “Not entirely. No, wait. I-.” The rest of Soarin’s response was cut by Rainbow punching him solidly in the face. In retrospect, Soarin realised that probably wasn’t the best thing to say.

“H-how dare you?! You think I’d go off an-and sleep with another guy? You think I’d become a… a slut?!”

“That’s not what I said.” Soarin said, immediately switching to damage control mode.

“Then what are you saying, huh?” She asked scathingly.

“Go back to doctor and get a paternity test. If you’re so certain of yourself there should be nothing to worry about..”

“Go back to that arsehole? Not a chance.”

“Please?” Soarin begged.

“What if I don’t want to?”

‘Then you’re being a stubborn bitch!’ Soarin thought, grimly realising that was pretty much par for the course. “I don’t think that’d be the best thing for our relationship.”

“I don’t think your attitude is the best thing for our relationship." She mimicked "I can't believe this! The first thing you do when we find out we have a kid is accuse me of cheating on you? Real smart! Maybe you should go back to that idiot and get him to check if your head is screwed on right.”

Soarin resisted the urge to hit himself and massaged his right temple gently.

“It’s always something wrong with me, isn’t it?” He said coldly. “Never anything wrong with you, is there Miss Perfect?”

“Soarin…”

“No, just stop there. Just go home before you say something else stupid. I’ll talk to you later, I need some time to think.”

“Where are you going?” Rainbow asked, slightly hurt.

“I’m going for a walk."

***

“Wow, you’ve really got issues.”

Soarin looked up at the unexpected interruption of his brooding. Since leaving Dash, he’d walked through the centre of town, past the town hall and finally Sugarcube Corner. Even the delightful smells of baking cakes and mouth-watering sweet treats weren’t enough to lift his sour mood.

“Heard all that, huh?” Soarin asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Lighting Dust said, floating down from the dark cloud she had been lazing on.

“How long have you been following me?” Soarin asked.

“Since I saw you and Rainbow Dash leave the clinic.” She answered.

Soarin shrugged his head; at least she was honest.

“That’s kinda creepy.”

“I know something good when I see it.” She said confidently. “So what’s up between you and her?”

“Nothing is 'up'.” Soarin said tersely, “We had a small argument about a matter that is of no concern of yours.”

“Sure you did.” Lightning Dust said, smirking slightly and waiting patiently for Soarin to spill the story. A look of annoyance crossed her features as Soarin remained stubbornly silent on the issue.

“Alright then, have it your way.” She said when it became clear Soarin wasn’t going to tell her.

“I will.”

“So watcha doing then… all out here by yourself… on such a nice day.” She asked, the confident smirk that always seemed to grace her face returning.

“Walking.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Soarin shrugged. “Don’t see why not.” He said, continuing his slow walk down the street, Lighting Dust falling into step beside him. They walked through town together, Lightning Dust seemingly happy to keep to silence. Suited Soarin fine, he wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat.

“So what do you do for fun around here?” She eventually asked as they passed a familiar looking clockwork shop.

“Play with gizmos…” Soarin muttered under his breath, veering off the cobblestones and peering through the front window. After a moment's consideration he pushed the door open, the small bell attached to the wooden portal ringing cheerfully. Lightning Dust pushed past him and looked at the array of gizmos and gadgets littering the displays with genuine interest. Her yellow and gold tail swishing excitedly as she ran her eyes across the intricate devices.

‘Eyes up.’ Soarin chided himself, reluctantly overcoming the urge to enjoy the sight a little longer.

“What is this place?” She asked, picking up a complex yet familiar looking device in her hoof.

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you.” Soarin warned.

“Why?” She asked, playing with the clockwork device. “Aah!” She yelped as the gizmo fastened itself around her foreleg and squeezed painfully.

“That’s why.” Soarin sighed, badly concealing a look of amusement at her expense.

“Blasted ponies and your curiosity! Always the Crusher, isn’t it?” A familiar voice huffed, stomping through the shop and promptly releasing Lightning Dust from the contraption. “I should really put that damned thing somewhere else… oh, hello Soarin.”

“Doc.” Soarin said with a polite nod.

“Doc?” What are you doing here?” Lightning Dust asked, rubbing the spot the aptly named Crusher had crushed.

“My brother runs the place; I help out when he’s not around.” The brown Pegasus explained, tucking the Crusher away under a cabinet. “So, what brings you two around to my neck of the woods.”

“Walking.” Lighting Dust said sourly.

“Oh yes, the most tiresome and boring of activities.” Doc said with a dramatic flourish. “One would wonder why we bother at doing it at all.”

Lightning Dust snorted loudly and flapped her wings twice before swaggering off deeper into the shop.

“Finally.” Soarin said, letting go of the breath he had been unconsciously holding.

“She’s trouble.” Doc agreed. “Especially for you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Soarin asked.

“You can’t keep your eyes off her for one… Is there something between you two..?”

“What? No!” Soarin said hastily, cursing the perceptiveness that Doc habitually displayed. "Nothing between me and her whatsoever. I wouldn't touch that with the broadside of a barn."

Doc shrugged slightly. “If you say so.”

Soarin exhaled quietly and quickly ran a hoof through his mane. “Doc, I got a problem…”

"Besides your instinctual fascination with Lightning Dust's rear end?"

"Shut up! I mean a serious problem."

“I’m a weather jockey, not a doctor.”

“Well no, I mean… It’s Rainbow Dash.”

Doc’s ears perked up. “What about her?”

Soarin glanced around quickly to make sure nopony else was within earshot. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh… uh… well, congratulations I guess?”

Soarin let out a quiet huff of exasperation. “Argh! I don’t want a kid and it’s not even mine!” He paused for a second. “Probably.”

“And? What do you want me to do about it?”

“Offer advice, be there to help a friend in need and possibly have a place to stash a body.”

“Wait, what?”

“The body part was a joke.” Soarin muttered dryly.

“No the ‘friend’ bit. I’m your friend?”

“Yes, you are my friend. And as sad as it is to admit, probably the only one I have in this forsaken town.”

“What about Rainbow Dash?”

“She’s more than a friend you dolt.”

“Bloody well hope so, she’s got your kid.” Doc said optimistically.

“I love your optimism.” Soarin snarked.

“I’ll deck you.” Doc threatened. “No, couldn’t do that to a friend. Am I really your friend?”

“Yes, you are.” Soarin hissed, trying to steer the conversation back on track. “What should I do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You always know something or have some idea that you pull from your arse.”

Doc shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, nothing. Maybe you should just roll with it.”

“Roll with it?” Soarin asked hysterically. “Rainbow could’ve cheated on me and gotten pregnant!”

Doc shrugged nonchalantly. “Do you really think she would’ve?”

The question made Soarin stop and think for a moment.

“Come on now, think about it… does she seem like the type of pony to do that?” Doc pried.

“No, probably not.” Soarin admitted, logic and reason finally coming to the fore.

“Well there you go, now stop dancing around like an idiot and take your medicine like a show pony.”

“But what if you’re wrong?”

Doc blinked. “I assume you’re being proactive about this, getting a paternity test etc.”

“Yeah, trying to.”

“Well wait and see what that says. Instead of imagining I’m wrong, imagine I’m right and realise that you’ll hurt your relationship for no reason." He sighed empathetically. "I can appreciate your concern but I think you might just be worrying about this too much.”

Soarin stamped on the floor beneath him. “Yeah maybe.” He admitted.

“Good lad.” Doc said encouragingly. “Now where’s Lightning Dust gone off to? Don’t want her poking around too far.”

“AHH!”

Doc exchanged an amused look with Soarin. “Sounds like my cue.”

***

“That place is nuts!” Lighting Dust exclaimed, shooting a vicious glare at the clockwork shop over her shoulder.

“To be fair, that one said ‘Do not touch’.”

“That’s like a magnet though. Sign says ‘Do not touch’? What am I going to do? Touch it, of course.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Lighting Dust snorted and broke into a slow trot. “Coming?” She asked, slowing back down to Soarin’s snail-like pace.

“Where?”

“Pub.”

“Bit early for a drink, isn’t it?” Soarin asked.

She shrugged. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”

Soarin shook his head disbelievingly. “Then go have your drink.”

“Have you ever been somewhere and had a drink by yourself? It’s absolutely depressing.”

Soarin thought back to the day he’d been discharged. He had to admit she had a point. “Suppose so.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” She protested, lowering her head and barging him along the street.

“Alright, alright. No need to be pushy.” Soarin said, reluctantly following her lead.

“Better.” Lightning Dust purred contentedly, brushing up against Soarin in an attempt to hurry him along. He felt a jolt of energy shoot down his spine as her flank bumped up against his. ‘It’d be lying to say that I’m not enjoying the attention.’ Soarin thought, moving over awkwardly a little to break the contact. ‘But I feel bad that I am. Guess this what a guiltily pleasure is like…’

“So Soarin, what’s it like living here? Boring as I imagine?”

“The work keeps it interesting. What about you? Living in town I imagine?”

“Yeah, scrounged together a place on the south side of town.”

“That’s near my place… most of the time.” Soarin said embarrassedly. “Still can't find a spot I’m completely happy with yet. Haven’t seen your place around though.”

‘It’s on the ground. It’d love a cloud house but I don’t have the time or experience to put on together.”

“I’m sure the team wouldn’t mind helping you get settled in, I’m sure we could bang out a decent place for you in a day.” Soarin offered.

“All of you? Even Rainbow Dash?”

Soarin’s smile faded a little. “Yeah she probably wouldn’t be too thrilled. I honestly wish she’d drop whatever she has against you.”

“I hate her, she hates me. The status quo remains unchanged.”

“I thought you were starting fresh. Clean slate and all.”

“You really believed that shit? She ruined my life and then took a proverbial shit on it. You think I’d just forgive that so easily?”

“So you’re out for revenge then?” Soarin guessed.

“I’m not evil.” Lighting Dust stated. “I just want to get on with my life… and if I so happen to inconvenience her while I’m at it, all the sweeter.”

Soarin scrunched his face up. “And you do remember that I’m dating her, right?”

“Oh yeah, sure, go tell her. See if I care. She already knows.” Lighting Dust said dismissively.

“And why can’t you just be friends?” Soarin asked.

“Because Rainbow Dash, being the stubborn, righteous twat she is, will never forgive me for letting her precious friends come to harm. What’s the point in trying to make amends if she’s just going to slam me back into the dirt? Look, I just want to get somewhere in life and if that means I have to muscle my way in, so be it.”

“And you’re going to get that by pushing clouds around?” Soarin joked.

Lighting Dust pouted in an adorable fashion. “Well the Wonderbolt’s aren’t exactly willing to take me back so I have to start somewhere.”

“And you just happened to come here? Happy coincidence.”

“It wouldn't be my first choice, believe me. I was getting desperate and when the position opened up I practically jumped at the chance.”

“Suppose.” Soarin said pragmatically before falling silent. He couldn’t help but feel a little sympathetic for Lightning Dust. She’d been in tough spot for a few years for something that wasn’t entirely her own fault and then when she finally had managed to get back on her hooves, her reception had been somewhat… lukewarm, to say the least. They walked on in silence, Soarin so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he barely avoided crashing into Lightning Dust’s rear end when she stopped in front of him.

“This is the place. There’s this mix I made up the other day you’ve got to try out.”

“I was planning on just skipping the drinks, last thing I need right now is to start playing the ‘Take a drink when you’re sad’ game.”

“Aww come on you wuss.”

Soarin gave her ‘The Look’, a cross between ‘Really?’ and ‘I’m an adult, trust me, I know what I’m doing with this fork and that toaster; so please, piss off.’ It was a look he’d perfected on account of the sheer regularity he used it.

“Come on, just the one.” She said with a small pout. “My shout.” Lightning Dust added enticingly, adding a small amount of chin wobble.

“Alright, fine.” Soarin sighed, shrugging in weary resignation. It was hard to say no to a free drink and even harder to say no to that face. They trotted inside, the dark walls and half drawn curtains creating a dim yet pleasant and cosy atmosphere. Lighting Dust pointed an empty booth before whisking off to the bar to presumably hassle a barman to create whatever vile concoction she had invented. Suddenly feeling very alone, Soarin slid himself into the plump cushions and let the low murmur of the bar’s few patrons fill his ears. He considered contemplating the meaning of life but ultimately decided he wasn’t drunk or mentally unhinged enough to even start comprehending it to more than two digits. He was snapped out of his daze as a stubby glass filled with a sandy coloured liquid slid past his nose. A moment later the teal body of his new companion fell into the seat opposite him, a similar glass cradled delicately in her hoof.

“What’s in it?” Soarin asked, peering through the cup sideways.

“Stuff.” Lightning Dust answered vaguely. “Try some, it’s pretty good.”

Soarin took a sip of the concoction she'd bought him and nodded appreciatively. She was right, it was good. The faint taste of banana and some sort of rum lingered on his tongue and played havoc with his sinuses.

“Very nice.”

“I thought you’d like it.” She said, leaning back into the soft chair and sighing happily. She eyed Soarin carefully over the rim of her glass. “We should do this more often.”

“What?”

“Sit, talk, drink. You’re good company.”

Soarin smiled thinly. “I can see where you are going with this so I’ll nip it right in the bud. I’m already in a happy relationship and I’m not interested.”

Lightning Dust chuckled softly, concealing her disappointment under a guise of mirth. “You’re very fast at jumping to conclusions, Soarin.”

“Let’s just say I don’t quite trust you intentions.” Soarin said with deliberate care.

“Look, I just want somepony I can have a drink with and talk to openly.”

“I’m sure there are many other ponies who would fit the bill much better than me.” Soarin said, taking another sip of the rum-like concoction. He had no intention of denying Lightning Dust a drinking buddy... provided that's all she really wanted, but he reasoned that if he at least made a show of resisting it initially his conscience would feel a little cleaner.

Lightning Dust shrugged. “Maybe, but I know you. We’ve had a few jaunts in the past and I know you can be a bit of fun to be around.”

“Suppose so.” Soarin conceded. “Just promise me something okay?”

“What?”

“Tell me what’s in this drink.”

“Another time.” Lighting Dust said, her mouth curling up confidently. Something behind Soarin seemed to catch her attention. “I’ll be back in a sec, don't go anywhere.”

“Suits me.” Soarin said as she stood up and vanished around a corner. ‘She’s trouble.’ Soarin thought, silently echoing Doc’s sentiment.

‘Then why are you here?’

‘Because she seems like a bit of fun to be around.’

‘Yes, fun. Have fun when she starts groping around and making moves on you. I’d like to see you weasel out of that, genius.’

Soarin took another sip of his drink and told the rational part of his mind to shut up. He could have be friends with a mare and not be romantically involved with them if he wanted to.

‘Exactly.’ Soarin thought, looking around the tavern boredly, a few patrons vaguely registering as somepony or other he had been introduced to. A familiar stallion caught his eye and with a jolt of surprise he recognised it as Thunderlane. Even more surprising though was the fact that Thunderlane was looking right back at him, a stupid look plastered over his face. Recovering quickly, Soarin waved him over; the brown stallion fumbling awkwardly for a moment before complying.

“Hey Thunderlane, what are you doing here?” Soarin asked as he approached the booth.

Thunderlane’s eyes dropped to the table and flickered between the two glasses. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Drinking. With Lighting Dust. For fun.” Soarin said, gesturing for Thunderlane to sit where Lightning Dust had been.

“Because that won’t get you in trouble.” Thunderlane mumbled, sliding a tray with two drink onto the table.

“They both for you?” Soarin asked.

“They are now... the intended recipient already has one, along with company as well it seems.”

“How wonderful.”

Thunderlane buried his head beneath his hooves and nodded dourly. “Not what I was expecting.”

“Real smooth.” Soarin remarked, taking another sip of the strong drink Lightning Dust had bought him. “I suppose you don’t always get what you want.”

Thunderlane gave Soarin a sidelong glance and muttered something unintelligible.

“Right.” Soarin muttered, happy enough to leave Thunderlane to his moping. If he wanted to hang his head and say the end of times was nigh, let him. Soarin had enough to deal with already without needing to be hold Thunderlane’s hoof as well.

‘Unexpected’. He told himself, ‘That’s what today was.’ Despite Doc’s reassurances, he was still uneasy about the whole thing. He could feel a pang of uncertainty grew in his gut again, what if the child wasn’t his? Would one of them just slink off into the shadows, never to be seen again? What if he was a terrible parent? What if...?

“So, how has your day been?” Thunderlane asked, interrupting his train of thought. “Anything interesting happen?”

‘What a remarkable question’ He thought slowly, ‘More like, what didn’t happen today?’ With deliberate slowness, Soarin turned to face Thunderlane. “I got a promotion, Rainbow Dash is pregnant and worst of all I’m meeting Rainbow’s father in a few days.”

Thunderlane snickered in amusement. “Good one, did I mention I’m the princesses’ cat?” Thunderlane joked, downing one of his drinks in a single gulp.

“Yes, a good joke.” Soarin said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was actually being serious.”

Thunderlane’s expression darkened. “Oh… congratulations I suppose, enjoy the remainder of your short existence then.” He looked disappointedly at the dregs at the bottom of his glass before remembering he had a second one.

“What, you think that should be you?” Soarin asked teasingly, immediately picking up on Thunderlane’s crushed ambition. Thunderlane’s golden eyes locked with his, a trace of jealousy and anger flashing in his irises.

“Damn well it should be.” he growled. “I’m always getting passed over, always at the bottom of the pecking order, always the butt monkey. Then you show up and get both the girl and the money.” He snorted in disgust. “Some life this is.”

“Well considering we’re now both in the shits, we should be the best of friends.” Soarin said with faux cheer. “Which one of us is going to bend over and take it first? Me or you?”

Thunderlane grimaced and shook his head. “And I thought I was the immature one.”

Soarin smiled narrowly. Odd that he hadn’t considered Thunderlane one of his friends. Although occasionally obnoxious, the stallion was probably one of the more amiable ponies Soarin knew. The sudden tension gone, Soarin felt a little more at ease.

“Hey, Soarin... there’s something I’d like to ask yo-.” Thunderlane started before cutting himself off suddenly.

“I didn’t know we had a third member join our party.” Lighting Dust said, appearing over Soarin’s shoulder with a suddenness even Pinkie Pie would find impressive. “Hello, Thunderdrop.”

Thunderlane looked at the ceiling and flushed red; clearly wishing he was somewhere else.

“Nice to see you too, Lightning Dust.” Thunderlane said under his breath. “Yes, very nice to see you, Thunderlane.” He added in a remarkably accurate impersonation of the mare in question.

“Thunderdrop?” Soarin asked, looking between the two.

“It was an accident!”

“Sure it was.” Lighting Dust said snidely

“Accident!” Thunderlane insisted.

“Care to fill me in?”

“Wonderbolt academy, day 5. Team recovery drills.”

“Oh I remember those, big wheel thing that spins around and around.”

“Yeah that’s the one, catch is Spitfire’s crony was launching us two at a time so we could practice reforming after a spinout.”

“Lemme guess, Thunderlane crashed into his wingpony?” Soarin asked.

“Accidently!” Thunderlane interjected.

“Sure, you two just happened to end up like that on the ground together, right?” Lighting Dust jeered. “His wing pony’s name was Raindrop and after the ‘accident’ the rest of the class wouldn’t let them live it down. The name stuck.” Lighting Dust added for Soarin’s benefit.

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” Thunderlane huffed, somewhat put out by the tale. “For the record, we stayed in touch after we left the academy and she’s just a friend.”

“Yeah yeah, sure sure.” Lighting Dust said, playfully elbowing Soarin in the ribs.

“I’m inclined to go with Thunderlane on this one, Dusty.” ‘Dusty? That’s the best you could do?’ “He’s shown great skill at maintaining friendships with mares he’s had prior, ah... encounters... with.”

Thunderlane make a rude gesture with his forehooves. “Fuck off.”

“Love you too.” Soarin said cheekily, surprised how laid back he was feeling after some playful banter and a drink. The concerns he had felt an hour ago had vanished in a haze of good atmosphere and pleasant company. “So, Thunderlane, what were you saying before Dusty interrupted us?”

“I swear if you call me Dusty one more time I will garrotte you with a spoon.” Lighting Dust interjected.

“Um… nothing. Don’t worry about it, not important.”

“When you put it like that it really doesn’t, spill it.” Lighting Dust ordered.

“Oh wow, would you look at the time?” Thunderlane said quickly, downing the last dregs of his drink messily. “Gotta go iron the dog, you know how it is. Sorry.” He said, vanishing faster than a basket of lollies on Nightmare night.

Soarin blinked slowly and watched as a single brown feather float slowly down to the tabletop, the only indication Thunderlane had been there at all.

“He has to do what to his dog?”

Author's Note

Unacceptable, completely unacceptable.

Meeting family, suppress strange thoughts.

Friends have Issues

Chapter five: Meeting family, suppress strange thoughts.

Soarin groggily opened an eye, groaning quietly as the smell of garlic washed over him. “So much for one drink.” He muttered to himself. Lightning Dust had been quite persuasive and after a few hours and drinks later it hadn’t been hard for her to convince him to eat dinner with her… in Manehatten. Why? Soarin had no idea why, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. A surge of panic shot through him as he heard the rustle of sheets next to him. The sudden thought of all the things he could’ve done while drunk swam into his head and it was with a great amount of fear that he turned his head to see who had joined him.

“Oh thank Celestia.” He breathed quietly when the form of his pet falcon swum into focus. “You scared the shit out of me.” Soarin added, bopping the bird gently on the head.

“Whaddya want then?” Soarin slurred.

“I think he wants food.”

For the second time that morning Soarin’s sheets nearly turned brown. He spun around.

“Rainbow Dash, don’t scare me like that!” Soarin spluttered, looking around in panic to see his girlfriend standing in the doorway. She trotted in, an amused smirk plastered on her face.

“Where’ve you been?” She asked, wrinkling her nose up as the smell of garlic lingering around Soarin reached her sinuses.

“Now that’s… that’s a good question. Soarin admitted, scratching the side of his head. “I think I was in Manehatten last night.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened in surprise, the smell of garlic momentarily forgotten. “What were you doing there?”

“Trying the cuisine it seems.” Soarin gagged. “I think they like a garlic a little too much…”

“Why did you go to Manehatten?”

Soarin cringed. “I was with Lighting Dust…” He said softly.

“Who else?” She asked, sighing slightly.

“Err… Just Lightning Dust.” Soarin said, shuffling his hooves sheepishly

Rainbow Dash sighed and rubbed a hoof over her face. “Well… you’re making friends at least.”

“You took that better than I expected.”

“Look, you can play with the other kids as much as you like as long as you keep the touch-feely stuff out of it.” Rainbow said, finally deciding that Soarin’s odour was safe enough to approach without risk of death. “I mean, Lightning Dust wouldn’t be my first choice but…” She screwed her nose up and fell silent.

“What are you doing here?” Soarin asked finally.

“I wanted to talk to you…” She trailed off and looked at ceiling. “About yesterday. I would’ve talked to you sooner but you were off with Lightning Dust it seems.” The way she said her former wingpony’s name clearly she wasn’t as pleased as she was letting on.

“I recall you telling me to get my head screwed on right.” Soarin remarked coldly.

“Yeah.” A grudgingly apologetic look crossed her face. “I was wrong, I wasn’t thinking straight. I wasn’t the one who was thinking about us… just me.”

“Just like usual.” Soarin said, surprised she had apologised so quickly. Usually if somepony waited for Rainbow Dash to admit she had been wrong, they would have to wait a very long time.

“Hey, I made a mistake, no need to jump down my throat.” Rainbow growled.

“Sorry.”

“I’m going to get a paternity test.” She said grudgingly. “I wish you’d just trust me though,”

“I do trust you; it’s just that when you have something as delicate as this… I’m probably just a bit paranoid.”

“A bit? I thought you were going to bite my head off yesterday.” Rainbow joked, sliding onto the bed next to him the amusement that had flashed across her face vanishing in an instant. “I just wish things were…”

“Simpler?” Soarin suggested.

“Yeah.”

“Well look on the bright side, how much worse could it get?”

“Soarin…” Rainbow growled dangerously.

“Oh yes, we get to mention to your dad that you’re pregnant!” Soarin said with faux cheer.

Rainbow Dash shuddered visibly. “That’ll end well.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Soarin smiled.

***

“Changed my mind. Not looking forward to it.” Soarin whimpered in a fashion which removed any trace of dignity he had. He and Rainbow Dash stood before a door, while not distinctly different to any other door Soarin had seen, seemed more imposing than the gates to Tartarus. Nestled high in Cloudsdale, the house presumably belonging to Rainbow’s dad greatly resembled her own. The cascading rainbow falls that tumbled off the front porch was a stark contrast compared to the white and light greys that made up most of the surrounding architecture. The last few days had past in a blur but the joke he had made with her seemed fresh in his mind. He shuffled nervously as Rainbow trotted casually up to the door.

“I thought the sarcasm was implied.” Rainbow jeered.

“Mostly, but there was a shred of sincerity there. Was, being the key word.”

“You’ll be fine! Just don’t let him get too close to your jewels, he might rip them off.” Rainbow laughed.

Soarin gulped nervously, unsure if she was serious of not.

“Just whatever you do, play it cool.”

“Cool? I’m bloody freezing.” Soarin whimpered as Dash knocked on the door several times. An eternity seemed to pass before the door swung open to reveal a male Pegasus. He was well built and a short cropped rainbow mane flowed down his neck. Soarin was momentarily taken aback as the figure fixed an intimidating golden eye on him.

“Dad!” Rainbow squealed, leaping onto her father as if she was a foal again. All indications of the rough and tough persona that Rainbow Dash maintained were dismissed as she wrestled playfully with her father.

“Darling.” The stallion said back in a voice that reminded Soarin of sandpaper. His eyes swiveled back to Soarin. “Who’s this idiot with the mullet?”

“Dad, this is Soarin. Soarin this is my dad, Rainbow Jet.”

“Nice to meet you, sir.” Soarin said. ‘Meeting girlfriend’s family. Suppress strange thoughts.’ Soarin thought suddenly. ‘Just play it cool, it’ll be fine. Just don’t say anything stupid…’

“I suppose this is your boyfriend eh?” Jet rumbled. “What’ve you got to say for yourself then?” He asked Soarin.

Soarin stammered, put on the spot. Unsure of what to say, he blurted out the first thing that came to his head.

“I have licked your daughter’s nipples.”

“Really?! That was the first thing you had to say?” Rainbow fumed. Soarin could see she was struggling not to laugh as she admonished him quietly. “I’m sure that’ll leave a great first impression.”

“I panicked.” Soarin said, following her and Rainbow Jet further into the house. Thankfully, Rainbow’s dad hadn’t decided to pull Soarin apart limb by limb, merely snorting in amusement at Soarin’s strange outburst. After a few more awkward words he invited them in, leading Soarin through an interior layout he found very familiar.

“You built your place the same as your dad’s?” Soarin whispered.

Rainbow Dash smiled meekly. “Guess I loved this place a bit.”

Soarin rolled his eyes and let out a quiet snirk. “Figures.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “I love my dad.”

“’I love you daddy’, who’d say such trash?” Soarin chuckled, mimicking Rainbow’s expression upon seeing her father.

“Hey, cut it out.” Rainbow protested

“You two fight more than a pack of rabid fans at a Justin Beaver concert.” Jet interrupted coldly. “And I know, I had to go to one of those things.” He shuddered.

“We’re just messing around, dad.”

“Whatever.” He grunted, directing the two of them to a fully set dining table. “Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Soarin released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. So far so good. “Your dad is a bit of a… uh…”

“Blockhead?” Rainbow put in helpfully.

“Well that’s a polite way of putting it.”

“Nah, he’s a complete darling. He just doesn’t like you.” Rainbow said bluntly.

“You can tell already?” Soarin asked.

“Well considering that’s his reaction to anypony I bring around… yes, I’d say so.” Rainbow said with a small smile. “Calling you an idiot with a mullet is probably the nicest thing he’s ever called somepony straight off the bat.”

“It’s not a mullet and it’s not stupid.” Soarin said gruffly, running a hoof through his mane.

“Close enough.” Rainbow said with a small shrug.

Any further conversation was made pointless as Jet trundled back into the room, a shallow pot balanced on his back. Thin tendrils of steam rose around the edges and the mouth-watering smell of roast vegetables filled the air as he placed it gingerly on the table.

“Help yourself.” Jet muttered, dropping into a chair and serving himself a large portion of green salad. Soarin and Rainbow Dash wordlessly complied, dishing out food onto a set of worn plates. Jet looked on silently for a moment before talking.

“I remember you, Soarin. You’ve been with my daughter before, haven’t you?”

“Yes, back when he was a Wonderbolt, dad.” Rainbow said firmly.

“How come you never introduced me to him then?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Didn’t need to.”

“You two broke up.” He said crossing his hooves, giving Soarin the idea he had liked it better that way

“Yes, we did. It was mutual.” She added quickly for Soarin’s safety.

“Well it didn’t seem that way when you came and bawled your eyes out all over my nice clean floor.” He snapped, making Rainbow Dash flush red and bury herself in her meal. Realising his daughter had nothing more to say, he turned to Soarin. “Come back for round two then, eh?”

“Your daughter has a rugged charm.”

“Stop talking shit.” Rainbow interrupted messily, spilling a few lumps of carrot on the table.

“Oi, you watch your fucking language missy. I didn’t raise you to be a badmouth”

“Hypocrite.”

“Grumpy old bugger.” Jet corrected, chomping down on a potato. “So how’d you two meet again?”

“Oh you know, a bit of this… a bit of that.” Rainbow Dash said nondescriptly

“Yeah, you could probably write a story about it. It’d be pretty awful though.” Soarin added.

“You’re not a comedian, boy.”

“No sir, I’m not.” Soarin affirmed, almost happy with the awkward silence that followed. He felt Rainbow Dash tap his leg and looked over at her curiously.

‘I’m gonna tell him.’ Her face said. Soarin nodded hesitantly, better to get it out of the way.

“Dad… There’s probably something I should tell you.” Rainbow said nervously.

“Yeah? What?” Jet asked, taking a measured sip of water.

She locked eyes with Soarin quickly before turning back to her father. “I’m pregnant.”

A cold spray of water covered the table as Rainbow Jet gagged violently. Regaining his composure with remarkable speed he fixed his now menacing eyes on Soarin.

“I see.” He said coldly.

“Dash, go make a cuppa for me, I want to have a chat with your boyfriend.”
“Sure thing, dad.” Dash said, giving Soarin a cautious look as she left the room. An uneasy silence descended upon the two stallions.

“So…” Soarin said, an awkward smile appearing on his face.

Jet fixed a piercing glare on Soarin. “You better wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.” He snarled. Soarin stared at him agape as he slowly stood up and walked around the table. He yanked Soarin out of his chair and stared him down. “You think you can mess around with my daughter? You think you can just get her pregnant and waltz off into the sunset?” The old Pegasus made a disgusted noise deep in his throat. “I know your type. Get in quick and then get out even faster.”

Soarin looked him incredulously. “Wha- no!” He stammered. “I wouldn’t just leave her. Look, this news was unexpected, unplanned for. I never wanted this to happen, not so fast.”

“Bullshit, you’re a dirty liar.” Jet growled quietly.

“You think I did this on purpose?”

“I wouldn’t past yer.”

“Look sir, I’m not going to just ditch your daughter because of this. I’m not going to waltz off into the sunset as you said just because she’s having a kid. Can you just accept that at least?”

Jet glared at him suspiciously but dropped him back into his chair with a grunt.

“How the hell can I accept it? Some stupid looking prick with a mullet fucking my daughter, I’ll mess you up so hard you’ll have shit pouring out your nose for a week.”

Soarin grimaced, not doubting for a moment that the stallion couldn’t back his threat up. “Look, I’m in love with her, I’m not going anywhere.”

The stallion seemed to take a step back and looked down shamefully. “Yeah… She seems pretty fucking keen about you too, Sancho.”

“I’ll be good to her.” Soarin said, relieved that he finally seemed to be getting a grip on the conversation.

Jet’s head snapped up. “You better be fucking good to her or I’ll skull-drag you down to the swamp by your stupid mullet and feed your fucking tonsils to the cane toads.”

“Alright.” Soarin said, defensively trying to divert the conversation somewhere else.

He glared sternly at Soarin and moved back to his original chair. “You’re really keen on her aren’t yer?”

Soarin nodded slightly. “Yeah.”

Jet looked down at the table, deep in thought. “Alright, fuck it, you’re in.” He said slowly before fixing a harsh glare on Soarin. “Now don’t you tell anypony about this talk right? You do, you’ll be one sorry little featherhead.”

Soarin nodded quickly.

Jet bowed his head and sighed. “I’m trying to look after her. Make sure she finds a decent bloke who’s gonna look after her and stick with her.”

“I will.”

“I’m sure you will, you seem like a decent bloke. She wouldn’t have stuck around with yer otherwise.”

“She’s a hell of a mare.” Soarin chuckled.

“Yeah, she is.” Jet said, cracking a small smile.

“Sir-.”

“Jet.” The stallion interrupted. “You can drop the fancy talk.”

“Uh... Jet… if you don’t mind me asking… I mean…” I looked up at the ceiling before deciding to go in head first. “I’ll be blunt, why are you so protective of Dash?”

Jet scratched his head thoughtfully. ““I’ve raised her by myself from when she was a just a little foal. Without her mum around, she became like me; rough and tough… wouldn’t take nonsense from anypony. She wasn’t like any other filly around here; they were all interested in looking pretty and talking about boys. She wasn’t into that at all.” Jet paused for a moment. “Guess I rubbed off on her a little too well. You have no idea how much she was bullied and harassed by the other kids for acting too much like a boy. Told her not to worry about the little shitheads but deep down it hurt her. Hurt me too, having to see her come home every second day with tears running down her face and a whole bunch of new insults thrown at her.”

“That’s awful.”

“That’s life mate.” Jet muttered cynically. “I’ll admit I got a bit protective of her, probably drove away a few of her first dates.” The stallion chuckled deeply. “Those blokes weren’t good enough for her anyway. Point is, she deserved better. Better than what I gave her at least. I just wanted to make sure she got what she deserves.”

“I see.” Soarin said quietly. He fell silent as Rainbow Dash drifted back into the room with a trio of steaming hot mugs. “Thanks.” He added as she placed one in front of him.

“So… what happened to Dash’s mum? If you don’t mind me asking, that is. Dash told me she left when she was born, right? Where is she now?”

Jet shot a venomous look at Soarin. “Wouldn’t have a clue where she is now. She was one of them adventurous types. Always moving around, never still for long…” His voice dropped. “She could be dead for all I know. Not that I’d care, bitch had it coming.”

Soarin raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t get along with her?”

Jet scowled angrily. “I met Rainbow’s mother at a party. She was beautiful, eyes just like Dashie’s. We… had a fling; in retrospect I can see why it was so easy to get her in the sack.” He admitted shamefully. “Next morning she was gone. I didn’t hear from her for a while. Next time I see her she’s just out of hospital with Rainbow here. Says she can’t look after a child and dumps her here with me.”

“So Rainbow Dash was an accident?” Soarin said, forgetting Rainbow Dash had re-joined them. Before he could react she leapt on him and pinned under her, an indignant look on her face.

“An awesome accident.” She snapped crossly.

“Yes, an awesome accident.” Jet said to appease his daughter. “I still haven’t forgiven her for abandoning Dash here though; her mother had no trace of loyalty about her.”

“Rough.” Soarin choked as the copious weight of Rainbow Dash pushed down on his lungs. “Please get off me?” He begged her.

“No.” Rainbow Dash said firmly, sitting on his belly triumphantly.

Soarin winced as she sat on him harder. Jet trotted around the table with an amused look on his face. “Moral of the story, if I find you’ve run off or hurt Dashie in any way I will find you…” His voice dropped dangerously. “And I will take a pair of steel pliers and I will crush your balls.”

“Noted.” Soarin wheezed fearfully.

“Alright you’ve had your fun, get off him.” Jet said, tugging his reluctant daughter off of Soarin. “Come on, before he starts enjoying it. I’ve just had the carpet cleaned.”

“Daaad!”

“Look darl, I’m all for supporting you and such, but if you’ve developed some strange fetish for sitting on stallions, enjoy it elsewhere. Please.”

Rainbow grumbled but clambered off Soarin, clearly disappointed that her father was backing him over her.

“Thank you.” Soarin coughed, standing up shakily and up righting his fallen chair. Dinner past quickly, Rainbow Jet warming to Soarin a little but at the end of the evening he still seemed colder than a northern blizzard.

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you.” Jet warned before he and Rainbow Dash had left. “Stupid mullet...”

They lingered at the front door for not a moment longer, Soarin eager to get away from Rainbow Dash's father.

“So, what did you think?” She asked eventually.

Soarin turned slightly paler than usual. “Oh your dad? Lovely guy, I’m sure he’ll be delighted to be a pall bearer at my earlier than expected funeral.”

***

The flight back to Ponyville from the lower reaches of Cloudsdale was thankfully short, the drifting city being closer to Ponyville that usual. Rainbow Dash led the way, betraying no sign of flight difficulties from her pregnancy; something Soarin was very glad about. he’d have to put up with enough moaning and complaining when her flight ablates were hampered. By the time they had reached Rainbow Dash’s house nestled high above Ponyville a dull aching throb ran along Soarin’s wings, a lasting reminder of his accident some time back.

“You alright?” Rainbow asked, fumbling with the key she hid under the door mat. “Hey, Soarin. You okay?” She repeated, a twinge of concern in her voice.

“It’s a bit quiet isn’t it?” He asked, brushing off the question and looking down off the edge of the house’s platform at Ponyville. “Seems like nopony is in town."

Rainbow shrugged, finally getting the key in the lock and pushing the door open.

“Wonder where everyp-.”

“Surprise!”

“Happy surprise-you’re-having-a-foal party!”

Rainbow Dash and Soarin recoiled in shock, eyes wide and ears flattened against their head as the booming voice crashed over them. The owner of the voice giggled and bounced over to them, the obnoxiously bright shade pink of her coat and mane hurting Soarin’s eyes. Behind her a crowd of ponies cheered, jeered and threw well-intentioned insults to generally welcome the couple.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash yelped. “What are you doing?”

“What I do best, party!” Pinkie said cheerfully, oblivious to the fact that Rainbow Dash mightn’t appreciate what looked like over a hundred ponies crammed into her house. As Soarin looked over the crowd he noticed a mixture of earth ponies and unicorns standing on the clouds; a few that hadn’t already started drinking occasionally glancing down in a nervous fashion.

Soarin pulled Pinkie aside as Rainbow Dash tried to take in the vast redecoration that had been undertaken on her living room. Daisy chains of streamers crossed the walls and it seemed as if the roof had been replaced by balloons of every colour imaginable.

“Pinkie, there are earth ponies here.” Soarin muttered; half expecting most of the guests to fall through the floor to a messy death.

“So?” Pinkie asked, slipping out of Soarin’s grip as if she were covered in oil.

“They can’t walk on clouds.” Soarin pointed out, grabbing hold of her again.

“Oh don’t be silly, everpony can walk on clouds! You just sprinkle a little dirt on it first, everypony can walk on dirt.”

Soarin’s jaw fell open. “The- the dirt would just- ju…” He regained control of his mouth. “That’s not how clouds work, Pinkie.”

“Well obviously you don’t know much about them then.” Pinkie said, bouncing free from Soarin’s grip over to the still stunned Rainbow Dash. A series of rapidfire exclamations and congratulations poured from her mouth, unintelligible to anypony but herself.

“She’s mad.” Soarin muttered.

“Barking.” A voice said to his right. Soarin looked up, unsurprised to see Lighting Dust and Thunderlane. Behind them Cloud Chaser and Flitter were chatting up a pair of earth ponies who seemed distinctly less comfortable with their surroundings than the pegasi did.

“Oh, hello.” Soarin said.

“You didn’t tell us Rainbow was having a kid, Soarin.” Lightning Dust said, looking a little disappointed.

“Yeah, this is fantastic news. Congratulations” Thunderlane beamed.

“You have my condolences.” Lightning Dust said, gently rubbing a hoof down Soarin’s back. Her hoof lingered a little longer than was necessary and was only chased off by a questioning look from Soarin and a dirty look from Thunderlane.

“She’s joking, I’m sure you and Rainbow are both delighted.” Thunderlane said, placing himself between Lightning Dust and Soarin.

“Looks like half of Ponyville is here.” Soarin remarked, ignoring the mutinous look on Lightning Dust’s face. “Didn’t realise I was that popular.”

“Well you were a Wonderbolt…” A voice said to his left. Soarin turned to see Twilight had appeared on the other side of him. “But I think they’re mostly here for her.” She added, nodding her head through a gap in the crowd were Rainbow Dash was surrounded by four other mares he had regularly seen her with.

“Of course.” Soarin said matter-of-factly. “I didn’t expect to see you here, princess.”

Twilight gave him a small smile. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Rainbow Da- all my friends are very dear to me, this is a big thing for her.”

“Suppose.” Soarin agreed, watching the four mares continue to fuss over Rainbow Dash.

“Soarin, I want to ask you something.” Twilight said suddenly.

Soarin made a worried sound.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. I was just wondering if you’d be interested in filing in for Rainbow Dash tomorrow evening.”

“Uh... what?”

“Oh right, she agreed to help me with a few experiments…” She trailed off. “Now that she has a foal though, I don’t think it’s a very good idea.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“Shouldn’t be, no.”

“Shouldn’t.” Soarin echoed before shrugging. “Sure why not.”

Twilight let out a small squee. “Great! I’ll go let Rainbow know. Thank you so much Soarin.”

“Don’t mention it.” Soarin mumbled as she trotted off with a spring in her stride.

“Experiments?” Thunderlane asked.

“Wouldn’t have a clue, can’t be too bad can they?”

“Well, the number of times I’ve seen her tree fly past my cloud…” Thunderlane muttered, clearly hesitant. “Hold onto your balls buddy, she’s a bit wacko.”

Soarin snorted in amusement and looked around the room. “Is Doc here?”

“Nah, he’s doing something down in town apparently.” Thunderlane answered.

“Pity. Any drinks?” Soarin asked.

“Pinkie set up a table over there, brought an entire tavern with her by the looks of it. Still haven’t figured out how she got all that stuff up here.”

“Don’t bother; you’d get an aneurysm thinking about it.” Soarin chuckled, threading his way through the crowded house to where Thunderlane told him the drinks were. He was surprised to see Lightning Dust follow him.

“Haven’t you got better things to do than stalk me?” Soarin asked.

“Not really, no.” She purred, butting the mailmare out of the way so she could walk next to Soarin. “Where’ve you been?”

“I was with Rainbow Dash, met her dad.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Well he didn’t rip my legs off, so I think it went fairly well.”

Lighting Dust laughed quietly and poured herself a well measured glass of some sweet smelling rum. After a moment of consideration, Soarin poured himself a glass as well, savouring the smell of the drink before taking a small sip.

“Wanna come and sit with me for a while?” Lighting Dust asked.

“That’d be nice but I should probably stick with Dash.” Soarin said, looking around for his girlfriend. “I might see you later, ok?”

She mumbled something miserable sounding and vanished behind a monstrous white Pegasus with the smallest wings Soarin had ever seen.

“Find Rainbow Dash.” Soarin muttered to himself, unable to see more than about half a meter in any direction. “Easier said than done.”

***

Three hours later he still hadn’t found Rainbow Dash, only briefly catching glimpses of her before she mysteriously vanished again or was stolen away by some other partygoer. Soarin staggered to the edge of the party slightly frustrated and deafened after somepony with a booming voice had pulled him aside and invited him to talk with his equally loud friends, He had barely escaped their grasp during a gap in the conversation and as he rubbed his ringing ears, the prospect of sitting down with Lightning Dust was looking like a much nicer than it had before. He pushed past the local teacher who was laughing raucously at some awful joke and stumbled upon Cloud Chaser who by now had a leg draped around the neck of the stallion she had ben chatting to before. Neither her sister nor Thunderlane were anywhere in sight.

“Hey Cloud Chaser, where’s Lightning Dust?”

“Ohh hey Soarin.” She slurred. “Want a cookie?” A half-eaten cookie was thrust towards his face.

“No thanks, do you know where Lightning Dust is please?” Soarin said, brushing the cookie away from his face.

“I think she went outside, don’t know why she went out there, all the good stallions are in here!” She giggled before kissing the stallion she was leaning against sloppily. Soarin muttered a quiet ‘Thank you’ before scuttling away as quickly as he could. Forcing his way back through the crowd, Soarin finally made it to the front door and shoved it open quickly.

“Ow, son of a bitch!” A voice cried as the door slammed into something fleshy. Soarin looked around in alarm but failed to find any sign of whoever he had accidentally opened the door on. Shrugging he looked around for Lighting Dust, spotting her quickly perched on the edge of the cloud mass that made up Rainbow Dash’s front yard. Skirting around one of the large rainbow filled pools he plonked himself down next to Lightning Dust.

“Hi.”

“Oh, hi. How are you holding up” She asked, her eyes unfocused.

“Uh, fine?”

“Because I’m drunk!”

“Lovely, might want to ease up the booze a little then.” Soarin said apprehensively, eyeing the half dozen empty glasses that were littered around her.

She seemed to sober up a little. “I was bored and lonely.”

“What, with all those guys in there? A good looking mare like yourself shouldn’t have any problems finding somepony for the night.”

Lighting Dust grinned and flushed a light red. “Yeah, well, I didn’t. So there. Just like always, I’m a failure.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though.” She moped. “I’m useless. Get kicked out of my dream job, parents tell me to piss off, never had friends… what good am I? Can’t even get a stupid stallion to talk to me.” She sent a glass spinning off into the night with a careless swipe of her foreleg. “Bloody useless.” She finished. Soarin hesitated before draping a wing over her back reassuringly. She seemed to cheer up a little.

“Well… uh.” He stammered, unsure of what he could say to cheer her up. “I don’t think you’re useless.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I guess. I think you’re pretty cool.”

She looked at him for a moment before her drunken mind decided he was being genuine. “Thanks, that means a lot.”

“You’r-.” Soarin muttered before he was cut off as she firmly pressed her mouth against his.

“Mghphrh!” Soarin choked as Lightning Dust kissed him firmly. His eyes opened wide, shocked and surprised by the intimate show of affection. They stayed locked together for several seconds, Soarin’s body stunned into a stupor. It was only a good second later when he realised he was kissing her back that he managed to overcome his surprise and shove her off him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Soarin asked, injecting enough anger into his voice so it didn’t seem like he was letting her completely off the hook.

“Whoo you’re good.” Lightning Dust said, completely oblivious to Soarin’s frustration and embarrassment. “Want to go again?”

Soarin flushed red. The more primal side of his mind wanted to shove her face against his again and take her now and then. He chased the thoughts away, glad that in her intoxicated state didn’t realise the small signs that revealed his inner urges. “No.” He said crossly. “Go home, you’re drunk.”

Lightning Dust let out an amused sound. “You’re going to let me fly home like this? Alone?” She winked slyly.

Soarin groaned, forcing back down the primal urges that rose up in the back of his head. “No, stay here. And don’t do anything stupid.” He snapped, trotting off before she could try and seduce him again. He shoved his way back inside, looking around desperately. “Where is he, where is he…” Soarin muttered under his breath. “Where i- Oi! Thunderlane!” He yelled, spotting the grey stallion with an icepack held against his face. His voice lost in the crowd, Soarin pushed his way through the throng, emerging in front of a Thunderlane.

“What happened to your face?” Soarin asked, grimacing at the large purple bruise forming below his eye.

“Somepony hit me.” He said simply.

“Ouch.” Soarin said. “Look, I need you to do something for me.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Lightning Dust is outside, drunk.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I need you to take her home.”

“Why can’t you do that?”

Soarin looked around carefully. “She kissed me!”

“Did you kiss her back?” Thunderlane spluttered, a cross look appearing on his face.

Soarin looked around nervously again. “No! Maybe a little… yes.” He admitted. “I pushed her off though!”

“Fat lot of good you are.” Thunderlane sighed shifting the icepack slightly. “I suppose I can take her home.” He said, an unexpected trace of hostility in his voice. “Lucky bastard.” Thunderlane muttered as he trotted past Soarin.

Soarin watched him go, slightly shocked. Was Thunderlane angry with him? What had he done wrong? Since when had Thunderlane ever been angry about spending time with a mare? Soarin shook his head in confusion and spun around suddenly finding himself face to face with a livid looking Flitter.

“Oh, hey Flit-.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Flitter barked, pinning Soarin up against the wall.

“Whoa calm down! What’s your problem?”

“My problem? What’s your problem?” Flitter said incredulously. “You’re letting Lightning Dust waltz right in, so to say.”

“Sorry, what are you on about?”

Flitter laid a leg across the bridge of her snout and sighed. “Soarin I saw you with Lightning Dust before, you gotta understand… she’s just here so she can try to get in your pants… and you’re not doing anything to stop her!”

“I don’t have pants.”

“That’s beside the point!” Flitter snapped. “You can’t just shrug your head and ‘deal with it’, you have to take a stand, say enough is enough and tell her that you won’t take it anymore. You have a girlfriend who’s pregnant for Pete’s sake, you can’t just double dip on a whim.”

Soarin shook his head. “She was upset, she needed cheering up. Somepony to talk to.”

“So? You have responsibilities to Rainbow Dash!” Flitter snarled. “You can’t just go around kissing mares you find that are upset!”

“She kissed me!” Soarin protested. “What were you doing watching us anyway, mind your own damn business.”

“I’m watching out for you, you idiot. She’s a real piece of work and I don’t think she sees it the same way you do.”

“Look, I’m not going to do anything stupid, I know my limits and I know where to stop.”

“Ah but there’s the crux of the problem, does she?” Flitter asked piercingly. Soarin looked away, unable to make eye contact. “Thought so.” She said snidely.

“Don’t even think about coming and crying to any of us when you screw up; you brought it upon yourself you stupid bastard.” She snorted with disgust, letting go of Soarin and trotted back into the crowd.

“Yeah, thanks… bitch.” Soarin muttered under his breath. He let himself slid down the wall into an undignified heap. He lay there for a few good minutes letting the sounds of the party wash over him before hanging his head and slowly making his way outside.

“Soarin?”

Flinching in surprise, Soarin raised his head to see Rainbow Dash standing a few metres away. Even in the pale moonlight Soarin could easily see the look of concern etched onto her face.

“Oh, hi.” He said quietly before looking back across the deserted sky. She sighed quietly and trotted over to him. Without speaking Rainbow Dash snuggled up against him and ruffled is mane affectionately.

“Talk to me.” She ordered in a firm yet quiet voice.

“I’m not sure if I want to.”

Rainbow Dash huffed indignantly. “Look bozo, I didn’t come out here for the view or the opportunity to freeze my balls off, I came out here because I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine; I just needed to be alone for a while.”

“Listen Babycakes, you tell me what’s bothering you or I’m going to reach down your throat and pull your arse out in such a fashion that you’ll taste shit every time you swallow. Rainbow said sternly.

Soarin bit his lip softly. “Have you ever done something bad and then tried to justify it to yourself? Try to make yourself believe it was an okay thing to do?”

Rainbow Dash nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Well… I’ve done some pretty bad things lately… said a lot of stupid things to ponies I shouldn’t have and… I’ve really screwed up.”

“Well I’m still here aren’t I?” Rainbow asked with a trace of dark humour. “Can’t have screw up that badly.”

“Haven’t I?” Soarin asked, resting his head against hers. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me?”

Rainbow laughed softly. “I don’t know what I’m forgiving you for but you’re excused. Just this once.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, you stupid, flawed, imperfect and good for nothing slab of muscle.” Rainbow said with a rib-destroying hug. “You’re my special stupid, flawed, imperfect and good for nothing slab of muscle and I love you very much.” Her hug tightened worryingly, leaving Soarin gasping for breath. “I’ll love you until the end of days, even when the last of the stars have gone out and the universe has faded to nothingness.”

“Bullshit” Soarin wheezed.

Rainbow laughed and shoved him roughly. “Nearly fooled ya.”

“Not for a second.”

“Whatever.” Rainbow murmured, lithely leaping off the cloud layer and landing on Soarin’s belly skilfully. She stared into Soarin’s bottle green eyes before giving him a very sloppy and dog-like kiss.

“You good now?” She asked after finally breaking contact.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Soarin breathed contently.

A twinkle lit up in her eye. “Come on then we’re missing a party.”