The Great Pony Pie War

by AkjACEKids

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2361

The Mane 6 battle for Equestria's freedom in the Great Pony Pie War

Rule 34.2 of the Internet, "If it Exists, There Is A Pony of It"
The first of many stories I will write following Rule 34.2.
This story takes place after the Season 3 Finale, in this story a terrible war has ravaged all of the land. Discord and his army of changelings have launched attacks on Canterlot using their weapon of choice, PIES.
Join Princess Celestia, The Mane 6, and all of Equestria as they battle in THE GREAT PONY PIE WAR!
Based on VeggieTales Duke and the Great Pie War.

Published 2013-03-30 07:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-11 05:54:09 UTC

The Attack

Twilight looked out of one of the many windows of the ancient Canterlot castle on one of her visits with her friends to Celestia. She sipped a cup of tea as she observed the sky.

"Lovely sky isn't it?" said Celestia,

"Yeah it really is. Luna's doing a greatjob with the moonrise, and you've done a great job with the sunset"

"Why thank you."

Twilight gazed upon the endless sky, watching Luna's beautiful work. Soon the ponies of Equestria would fall to sleep and begin the next day. As she was surveying the sky, she noticed a black cloud developing.

"Rainbow Dash, is there a thunderstorm scheduled for Canterlot tonight?"

"Not that I know of." Rainbow replied. Celestia spoke to them,

"Rainbow Dash, can you clear that cloud and tell the Weather Ponies that the thunderstorm isn't until next week"

"In ten seconds flat!"

Rainbow dashed to the cloud to clear it before it got too big. As she approached she noticed that it was growing bigger, and approaching Canterlot faster. As it grew larger and closer, she noticed that this was not a cloud. It was an army.
Rainbow turned around and sped towards the castle. She bolted quickly and made a Sonic Rainboom in the process, waking up anypony who was falling asleep. She landed in the castle. Twilight asked her,

"Rainbow, what'd you do that Sonic Rainboom for? You know ponies are trying to sleep, right?" She responded frantically

"Not a cloud! Not a cloud! Changeling army! Discord at the front! They're attacking!"

Celestia immediately sprung into action. She instructed one of her guards to sound the alarms. A minute or two later, seven pegasi bolted into the sky, sending seven sonic booms throughout Canterlot. Not Rainbooms, just booms. The warning booms reached the ponies of the city, and everypony was sheltered and ready for an attack.

Celestia sent out her air force to meet the army, but they were hopelessly outnumbered. The changeling army rained down pies of all kinds on Canterlot, destroying many things in their path. Celestia's air force could not hold them off.

"Somepony get a force field up!" shouted Celestia. Shining Armor ran in the room and approached the balcony. He erected a force field to keep out the rest of the army, but there were many changelings with pies in the city already.

Pies fell upon the entire place, house after house, pony after pony, the creamy horror could not be stopped.
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It had been hours since the attack started, and still, changelings were running wild throughout the city, creaming everpony in their path. Usually Luna would guard the night by herself, but this night would need as many guards as they could get. Celestia's army fought as hard as they could to get rid of Discord's changeling army, but their ammo was low and their numbers were few compared to the changelings.

Celestia watched as Canterlot was being ruthlessly creamed. There was nothing she could do but watch the nightmare unfold.

"Well, well, well, look what we've got here. All of Canterlot being creamed, how LOVELY it is!" said a voice behind her

"Discord!" she replied, "stop this madness right now! I thought you changed!"

"Me? The manifestation of chaos, changed? Oh please Celestia, not even Kindness herself Fluttershy could change me. That was just a lie to get you off my back. You see, Your Majesty, the living embodiment of Chaos can NEVER be 'Reformed'. If I truly WAS reformed, your little student Twilight wouldn't be an Alicorn Princess, now would she?"

"What are you saying!?" Celestia yelled

"You see, deary, without bad, there is no good. Without dirty, there is no clean. Without night, there is no day. And without Discord, there is no Harmony. You see, Celestia, these are the things that allow life to exist, BALANCE. If I was truly 'Reformed', your precious little Elements of Harmony would never work again. They wouldn't have turned your little student into a Princess, now would they? You see, even when I was in stone, I was STILL DIscord. I was still there. You see, Celestia, without balance, the Multiverse would collapse upon itself. I do believe that Friendship IS Magic, don't get me wrong, but Friendship feeds off of Harmony, which wouldn't exist without me. Discord. Really, I'm doing you a favor by not letting everything collapse into oblivion."

"But why are you doing this to Canterlot? Why must you attack?"

"It's just what I do. I'm Discord, remember?"

"Please stop this!"

"Oh, but why should I?"

"Innocent ponies everywhere are falling victim to a cruel cream-filled fate! I will do anything to stop this!"

"Come with me as my hostage and I will spare Canterlot." Celestia thought for a moment or two,

"So be it." She said.

Discord's changeling guards seized Celestia and trotted her through the city, showing her to her subjects as their fallen ruler. The ponies of Canterlot quivered with fear as they saw their Princess Queen in Discord's hands. Discord commanded the Changeling Army to cease fire and follow him as he trotted Celestia through the city.

When they reached where Luna and the Mane 6 were, Luna screamed at Discord,

"You fiend! You will never get away with this! The Elements of Harmony will―" Celestia interrupted her,
"I approved of this. Do not worry, Harmony will prevail. Luna, you are in charge of Equestria until I return. Never surrender!"

"Oh, no, no, no," Discord chimed in, "I am the King of Equestria once again. I control the one who controls the sun, so if anypony wants their daytime back, they're going to have to consult me. Looks like you're getting your dream, Luna. Eternal night!"

Temptations

**This chapter is optional to read. You can if you want, but the story could go on completely fine without it. Enjoy**

Celestia paced her prison cell in the Outlands of the Changelings. Her cell was enchanted to disable the magic of anypony being held there, so she could do nothing. She looked towards the locked door and saw that a food tray had been slid to her through the slot in the door designated for food. She looked towards the tray and noticed that the usual meal of hay and a glass of water was absent, but in its place was a folded note.

I'm not Discord, I don't feast on paper. What is this monster thinking? Celestia thought. She picked up the note and opened it. She saw a musical note.

What is this guy up to?

On the other side of the paper was the letter "B". She gazed frustratedly at the door when she saw another paper slid through. She picked it up and read it

"Dear Princess Celestia,
Did you enjoy my note to you? What about the letter? Did you like that? Well how about this message? You are powerless to bring daytime. Luna is powerless to bring daytime, and Twilight is MILES away from being close to raise the Sun, so all of Equestria is plagued with night until I decide to bring the Sun up, so we've got ALL night to kill. Oh oh oh, I have an idea! How about you and me have some fun tonight when nopony sees us, would you like that? I bet you would. I'll see you later
Your Chaotic Captor,
Discord"

Celestia was sickened by Discord's offer. She was tempted to say yes as a lie and attack him while he was in there, but she refused. As the Princess of all the land, she had to maintain ALL the Elements of Harmony. Including Honesty. So that was out of the question. She pondered on what she should do. As she was thinking, Discord walked in the room.

"Why hello, Celestia, how are you today?"

"No! You sicken me Discord!"

"Oh come on, Celestia, I've got all the board games a girl could ask for. We could've played Monopoly together."

"I know what you mean, Discord! Board games have nothing to do with this! Get out of here before I buck your head off!"

"Harsh words, Celestia. As the Princess of all, you should maintain the Elements within you. Your Kindness is not showing."
Discord left the cell and locked it again, leaving with a depressed look on his face. He walked to his throne and sat there depressed. One of his changeling guards approached him,

"I'll play Monopoly with you, Sir, as long as I get to be the dog."

"Thank you, but it's just not the same. Maybe if I bring some daylight to this land, it will ease my depression. Fetch me some chocolate milk!"

"Yes, Sir."

Author's Note

Yes, that is a Spongebob reference.
Discord actually only wanted to play board games. Don't get the wrong idea guys. :p Originally he wanted to play "Life" but I decided not to send any subliminal messages there. It's Monopoly now.

Epilogue

Celestia and Twilight looked down upon the city from the Canterlot Castle. The celebration party put together by Pinkie Pie had been going all night. Vinyl Scratch, or DJ-PON3 as ponies liked to call her, blared the celebration music so loud that it could be heard throughout the entire city.

"Ponies sure have an odd way of celebrating these days" Celestia said

"It's called 'Dubstep' I think."

"Between you and me, Twilight, I like Octavia's kind of music better." They both laughed for a moment before Celestia got to the point if the conversation.

"Twilight, I'm going to need you and your friends to stay in Canterlot for a little bit."

"Why?"

"Doctor Whooves has informed me of a disturbance in the cosmos. Our plane of existence apparently got linked by a temporary wormhole to some mysterious wheel shaped portal. The portal itself is in a plane of existence where strange, two-legged creatures called "Humans" rule. But that portal is connected by magic permanent wormholes to many different planes of existence, randomly opening pathways to different planes at different times. We believe that this mysterious wheel of power will open a pathway for them to access our world. They will race beastly machines throughout our world, searching for a magical card that gives them some sort of power."

"What can we do?"

"I'm not sure, but you and your friends will team up with Doctor Whooves to help keep Equestria safe from these creatures."

"Alright. I hope these 'Humans' aren't too powerful."

"Neither do I, Twilight, neither do I."
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*Buzz* *Buzz* *Buzz*

The warning buzz echoed throughout Dr. Tezla's headquarters, signifying that the Wheel of Power was opening a new realm. Dr. Tezla sat in the observation room. His robot assistant spoke to him,

"Dr. Tezla, I don't recognize that symbol."

"Neither do I." Tezla replied.

They studied the symbol that lined up on the Wheel of Power. A six pointed star with multiple stars around it. Dr. Tezla spoke in the PA system.

"The following drivers will enter the realm................."

Author's Note

The symbol on the Wheel of Power is Twilight's cutie mark if you couldn't figure that out.

Creamed

The sun peaked over the horizon of Canterlot. Golden light shimmered all across Equestria. Nopony knew how long this would last, but everypony in Canterlot knew what it meant for them. Time to attack.

"Twilight," Luna said, "gather your friends, make sure Applejack and Pinkie Pie have baked enough pies to attack. Have Rainbow Dash direct the Air Force, have Applejack direct the Ground Force, and I shall direct the Magic Force. Act quickly, Twilight, time is of the essence!"

Twilight sped through Canterlot towards the Royal Kitchen.

"Applejack, Pinkie Pie, how many pies do we have?"

"Ah ain't sure exactly how many, why don't ya take a look?"

Applejack opened a door and saw a giant room filled with pies.

"That'll be enough, I'll go gather the troops to get their ammo."

An hour later, all the forces were armed and ready to attack.

The Air Force boasted the fastest flyers in Equestria. Rainbow Dash spearheaded the effort with Derpy on her right and Fluttershy on her left.

The Ground Force had the most advanced pie-throwing weaponry in Equestria. There were pie lazers, pie cannons, even pie teleporters, all designed by Doctor Whooves. Applejack lead the ground force on a nuclear-fusion powered tank from the Doctor's lab. On her right was Pinkie Pie with a modified Party Cannon equipped to shoot pies. On her left was Big Mac, armed and ready to attack.

The Magic Force may or may not have been the most powerful, but they were certainly the most fashionable with uniforms designed by Rarity, the third in command of the army. Taking lead of the Magic Force was Princess Luna who was emblazoned with a silver suit of armor she had owned since before she was banished to the moon. On her right was Princess Twilight, ready with a detailed plan of attack.

The forces reached the Outlands and unleashed their cream filled wrath. A squadron of the Air Force busted Princess Celestia out of her cell. The Changeling Army quickly defended themselves with triple the amount of pies that Luna's armies had. It was hopeless for Equestria. Victory was just waiting to be claimed by Discord.

The fight had gone on for hours when Equestria's forces ran out of ammunition. Luna issued a retreat. All hope was lost. Twilight was struck with an idea.

"Girls, I have one last idea. It may be far-fetched, but it may work."

Twilight instructed them to get their Elements of Harmony.

"Ah sure hope this works." Applejack said.

Celestia, Luna, and Twilight Sparkle all began to work together to make the Elements work. Suddenly, a ray of light shot out from each of the Elemental Necklaces towards the sky. The combined magic created a gigantic pie that fell upon Discord's army and creamed them all. As soon as that happened, Celestia, Luna, and Twilight Sparkle all cast a spell together that turned the entire army into stone.

Harmony had won. Discord was defeated once again.