The Dreaded Love Bird

by Darkonshadows

Rating: teen
Tags: Philomena, Comedy, Crossover, Owlowiscious, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 89933

Equestria has a new visitor, unfortunately she's mistaken for a Phoenix. She quickly fixes that.

The term 'Love Birds' is derived from a certain ornithilogical species of birds. Birds that are notorious for causing high amounts of property damage, having large amounts of magical ability and collecting things by the tons in the quest of finding bonds between beings wherever they go. They are powerful, they are mighty and they are called...

"Stuff it already you're giving me a headache description guy, say hello Equestria because the Bree'girl is in town!"

Ugh... stupid Breegull... (Banjo-Kazooie crossover, plus other video game references.)

Published 2012-02-02 13:01:54 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-18 15:17:47 UTC

Helloooo Sunshine

Warning this fic contains: Same gendered relationships as well as normal ones, nothing happens except maybe a kiss or some heartfelt hugs.

It was a stormy day in Equestria, a peaceful land of ponies and it was about to get a bombshell dropped on them from the sky itself. It was the worst possible thing to happen and maybe the best.

Slowly the lightning struck randomly around Canterlot as the storm passed, Celestia sat on the veranda of her castle watching the storm with a peaceful demeanor befitting that of a royal princess.

Suddenly something sparked in the air and a huge explosion ripped through the courtyard as something in an imperceptible amount of time gave Celestia pause.

Something had erupted from out of the clouds in a bolt of lightning and slammed into the ground with the force of hurricane destroying Celestia’s nice courtyard. Sighing, Celestia made her way downstairs to see what the damage was. If only she knew that something far worse than Discord had just arrived, she probably would have immediately sent it packing to where it came from.

It was in the evening when a figure stirred in a cage coughing up smoke and a bit of fire. Red feathers with tinted yellow tips ruffled a bit and slowly the bird sat up taking in her surroundings.

“I really should have picked up the infinite warp whistle; but no, you have to do things the hard way Kazooie and it’s always the hard way. Hey! Where’s my backpack! ” The bird said looking around the cage she was in an ornately furnishing cage and looking to her right she could see a possible cousin of hers, only it wasn’t a Breegull like her. It’s been several dimensions since she’s seen another phoenix and she was always confused for them because she could breathe fire from her beak.

Well no time like the present, she had been awake for five minutes and she could already feel the bile slowly urging itself to swim up her throat at this colorful world. She was in a cage, in a castle which undoubtedly had a princess judging by the smell of a goddess being about and possibly a giant turtle dragon waiting to get its butt whooped upon by a plumber. The foreplay in that universe was actually quite fun, because they did it entirely with a completely one sided war. Completely in the plumbers favor no less, not that the princess there would ever come clean about hiring the turtle dragon, but that wasn’t something to be thinking about right now.

“Hey, chuckles! You look like a bright individual, can you tell me where I am or if you have one, what dimensional bureau thought it was a good idea to lock me up? Can I get some room service in here!?” Kazooie never learned to shut her beak, she was going to wait in this cage for her hostess to appear and if she wasn’t released she was going to start flinging magic everywhere.

Philomena for her part only tilted her head curiously at the visitor, it most certainly was not a phoenix and it was speaking equestrian easily enough. Being the pet to the princess was an honor and this thing that was thought to be a phoenix had appeared in the place a bolt of lightning had struck. It was far more then it seemed.

The nearby door to the room opened up and a guard rushed in looking around wide eyed for where that voice came from, judging by his appearance Kazooie realized one of her worst fears. She was trapped in another candy land dimension with very little in the way of violence and plat-forming action, also that it was run entirely by ponies. Ugh, there is only one way to solve the situational crisis of this dimension and that was to start lighting things up! She was the powder keg and this dimension was the spark.

Seeing nothing was wrong and that the two phoenixes were now looking at him blankly the guard turned his back on them.

“Oh, look at me I’m a guard and I can do guard things like sleep on my shift when a stranger sneaks into the room with the princesses pet.” The guard immediately wheeled around and saw nothing but the blank faced phoenixes and then he started to search the room thoroughly knowing that a phoenix didn’t have the vocal chords required to speak in the pony language. The red bird who wasn’t the phoenix couldn’t help but notice that her suspicion was correct and that she was in another matriarchy based society, let the fun begin.

After having spent enough time not finding anything the guards snorted to himself and thought he was probably hearing things, as he turned his back the false phoenix snickered to herself before getting in one last jab.

“Stupid guard says what!” Kazooie just couldn’t help herself sometimes. Her name was Kazooie and she was sometimes termed as the most evil bird in existence by multiple universes, she wasn’t a phoenix but she looked too much like one to get away with it. If only intelligent beings would pick up on the size and physical differences from her being a phoenix, like her admittedly gangly but strong legs. Then again this universe probably hasn’t had to experience a Breegull before and thus fun would be had.

“What!” Turning around the guard realized he had fallen for the trap, but he couldn’t see who had said that and slowly his face turned red with anger. Given that there was an intruder in the castle that he couldn’t immediately find given that he was a Pegasus , he quickly flew off to tell the princess that there was an intruder in the castle, specifically in her favorite pet’s room.

After the guard was out of the room Kazooie burst out laughing banging the floor of her cage with her curled up wings, she wasn’t alone in the merriment as the phoenix in the next cage over tittered happily into one of its wings.

“Glad to immediately meet someone with a sense of humor in this dimension, names Kazooie. So what are you in for…?” Kazooie was basically asking the phoenix for a name and crossed her wings while leaning her back against the bird cages wall.

Philomena cawed several things out in hopes that the stranger could actually understand what she was saying, then again the stranger was a bird like her so it wouldn’t be surprising if she could.

“Philomena huh, so tell me what doomed lands do I happen to reside in now?” Kazooie was smiling to herself as Philomena seemed to have picked up her sarcasm of the situation and answered her readily enough.

“Equestria? I’m guessing there’s a horrible load of puns coming on given your shortened name sounds like filly, but please don’t spoil it for me. I want to be able to quip to the fullest of my ability when I hear what they are.” Kazooie didn’t get to say much else when the doors opened and in walked a regal looked white pony with a flowing three colored mane of blue, green and pink. Taking in her appearance Kazooie already had a line of quips to knock the horse completely off balance. Given that she was a Breegull she could already deduce which side of street Celestia stood on when it came to romantic matters adding more to the flames.

Standing still for a minute and looking calmly at the serene smiling horse, Kazooie wondered if the flowing haired wonder wanted her to go first. The horse was staring right at her as if she knew that Kazooie could talk and the bird was going to deliver, because she had a lot of ammo for this one. Nothing better than knocking a smart ass off theirs with a blind fired salvo of annoyance, Kazooie didn’t think Celestia understood the term Xanatos Gambit and was going to milk it for all it’s worth.

“Sheesh, I’d hate to be your hairdresser. I mean all the dye you go through in a week must cost half the budget of your kingdom.” The first shot and Kazooie didn’t see the smile falter, but there was an imperceptible shift in the unicorn with wings hind leg.

“Wow, I didn’t know horses were solar powered, but it must mean you can go all day long. Hate to be the girl that fell in love with you.” Kazooie saw it, a chink in the perfectly smiling princesses iron hard façade when she mentioned girl and the innuendo didn’t help as a part of her smiled faltered.

“Wow how do you get your hair to wave around like that? Must be all the crickets slowly playing the sad little violins in there. I would be sad too if I was immortal and was in love with someone maybe a few thousand years my junior and… I’m just guessing at this now mind you, nerdy and awkward. It must be pretty hard to be in love when everyone in high society thinks you to be heterosexual.” Kazooie saw the horse open her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It was like she was choking on Kazooie’s tirade, she couldn’t even find words for the insolence she was seeing here as not a single being in existence had ever bothered to make fun of her in such a horrible way. She was more confused as to how Kazooie knew about her preferences and specifically who her preferences were geared towards.

“That’s a really horrible case of pink eye you have going there… oh wait, that’s your normal eye color. I’m so sorry… grandma!” Kazooie knew she went too far when Celestia turned about face and slowly started to march out of the room, but she had one last dig to get in before the princess left the room.

“Helllooooo Sunshine, I have to admit you that you do have a nice flank on you and I bet she’d stare at it all day if she could.” Kazooie watched as Celestia paused for a scant second and from her position Kazooie could see that the ruler’s cheeks were burning red and she suddenly ran out of the room flustered.

“So, does she get out much? Because she looks like she needs a bit of romance in her life.” Kazooie saw that Philomena was just staring blankly at her; it took a moment for the phoenix to organize aptly before answering in a soft cooing noise.

“You are so my new sidekick, I’m kidnapping you so don’t resist when I break out of here okay?” Kazooie was going to have so much fun in this dimension. But first she needed to figure a way out of this cage and a disguise; she knew what happened when she upset the order of things by bringing to light things that shouldn’t be hidden in the first place. She did just after all call the princess out on it and given enough time that anger was going to paint her with a impossibly large target, but Kazooie had a way with dodging immortals and it hasn’t stopped her yet.

The Breegull stood up and stretched out as she readied her magical mojo, without her backpack she was missing a few of her powers. She’d soon fix that and would become public enemy number one by creating her own path out of the castle; it looked like it needed a new hallway anyway.

“Eekum Bokum Eekum Bokum, Oobodadoo, Oobodadoo…” Slowly a green glow started to shoot up Kazooie’s wings startling Philomena and she had the nastiest looking smirk on her face. Her green eyes sparkled as she continued to chant swirling the tips of her wings into the air. Let’s see, she’d started with busting out of jail, kidnapping and possibly arson if the princess had any comfort foods she could ruin on the way out. Then follow that up by teasing prissy princesses love interest, which is if Kazooie could find said interest and she doubted it would be that hard.

In which Zecora's a witch

Slowly Philomena watched as the other bird in the cage started to warp oddly distorting as she did. Soon a wrenching sound of metal being torn apart was heard and a shadow slowly fell over the phoenix as its eyes widened with fright as the new creature turned towards it and smiled.

Before any guards knew what happened they was sent flying by the sudden thundering sound of a beast smashing through several walls and passing by them at full speed. The guards were too dazed to do anything to stop something so large from continuing to destroy the castle. Soon an alert was raised throughout Canterlot Castle and despite the question to how the intruder got into the castle in the first place; no one could really stop her if they tried.

It had taken a while for Celestia to get the full scope of the situation, but from what she understood the strange bird had somehow become a rhinoceros. Then said rhino proceeded to smash through almost every wall on the second floor until the blue backpack was found, then from as far as Celestia could tell her pet Philomena had been unceremoniously shoved into it and then the rhino continued its warpath towards the castles kitchen.

“Tell me again, what happened to the food I had set aside for certain occasions?” Looking to the chef, Celestia kept a calm appearance not wanting to frighten one of her subjects out of his wits.

“Well a giant red rhino with a yellow horn and wearing a simple blue backpack smashed through the wall and then it ate half of the provisions and oddly enough it belched a fireball incinerating the rest. I think it smiled in satisfaction as it watched the snacks burn.” The chef didn’t know what was going to happen and all he saw was one of Celestia’s eyes twitching.

So far, her guards were in disarray. Her pet had been kidnapped. Parts of the castle were in ruins. Now she found out the food she’d looked forward to comforting herself with had been eaten and burned, not to mention a lot of unconscious and hurt guard ponies were lying around. Whatever that being was, it most certainly had discordant qualities of the highest order. She would have to write a letter to her student immediately to be on the lookout for any odd disturbances whatsoever.

“Please leave me alone for a minute and tell my sister to come here, I am in urgent need of her help.” Celestia didn’t want to drop the façade around her ponies, but that bird whatever it was had done more than just rub her the wrong way. It literally had done everything in its powers to make her mad and even Discord couldn’t get her this steamed.

“Sister, what is this problem that thou would need my help with?” Luna saw a look in Celestia’s eyes she hadn’t seen in a long time, Celestia kept her emotions quite well hidden in most cases but looking her in the eyes right now made her blood almost freeze. It was like some pony targeted her sister’s snacks directly without providence and then destroyed them. Luna would soon find out that’s exactly what someone did, she wondered what poor soul did that.

"I need you to put up a protective shield around me dear sister... I'm also going to personally soundproof this room."

Out in Canterlot an hour after Luna and Celestia had a long discussion about a possible new evil purveying their lands. One could see a large red bird sitting on a tower in Canterlot and using a high powered telescope to watch as Celestia wrote something on a piece of parchment using a quill, then with a glow of magic the message was sent and the telescope trailed it all the way to a village next to several bodies of water. Putting away the telescope Kazooie looked out over the lands with her bare eyes.

“So she has a thing for her student… kind of creepy that. But at least the love between them is not like I made it out to be… at least not yet it isn’t.” Kazooie smiled to herself and leapt into a window of the tower and saw a bunch of winged ponies in armor fly by. She had to be more careful now that the city and castle were on high alert; she now knew where the princess’s pen pal was for utter enjoyment of causing mass hysteria.

A sound of angry squawking could be heard coming from Kazooie’s blue backpack and she opened it to pull out a tied up Phoenix which screeched in her face.

“Hey I said I was going to make you my sidekick right? So that’s why I’m kidnapping you and it’s not easy finding fireproof rope I’ll have you know! By the way you wouldn’t happen to know anything closely related to being a shaman around here would you?” Seeing an uncomprehending look on the phoenix’s face as it glared angrily at her, Kazooie sighed and stuffed the bird back down into her magical backpack.

“Didn’t think so, it’s time to start with the matchmaking and causing untold horrors while doing so. But first I have to find the nearest shaman person to talk to and the way to do that would be my handy dandy plot device, I just happen to like asking for directions first unlike some people.” Pulling out a small electronic device with a keyboard and a screen above it Kazooie typed out the word ‘hermit’ with her feathery fingers and it gave her directions to a forest near the village that the magically sent letter went to. Smiling Kazooie stored away the plot device; it was useful for finding anything that’s not a collectible as long as it was within a certain range.

Looking around the outside of the window Kazooie made sure the coast was clear before she leapt out and a green sparkling energy surrounded her legs stretching them to twice their natural length. With a mighty leap she shot into the air and was gliding to her next destination with a smile.

Twilight Sparkle the student of princess Celestia, known dork when it comes to thinking anything can be found in a book. She was still learning that there were some things that books couldn’t teach you, like how to be friends with some pony. Her assistant Spike the small purple dragon ran up to her with a letter from princess Celestia.

“For once can’t she just use the post office?” Spike griped on as his body was used a postage thoroughfare every other day or so. Barfing up messages in explosive blasts of fire might seem cool to others, but it got kind of sickening having to do it every five minutes or so at his expense when there was a large amount of mail coming to Twilight from Celestia.

Watching the dragon stalk off in a grunting bit of anger, Twilight shook her head and using her magic she unrolled the scroll to read it.

“Canterlot castle in ruins… Philomena stolen… Something as bad as Discord!?” Upon finishing, Twilight couldn’t possible even begin to describe what being could match up to Discord in being horrible. But her imagination did run wild with all the stuff that has probably happened in Canterlot, she needed to call the girls to tell them about this development.

In the Ever Free Forest outside Zecora’s tree hut Kazooie was looking at the readout on her HUD system to see she was at her destination. Slowly she trotted up to the door and raised a wing to knock on it; before she tapped the door she kicked it twice and hard. Kazooie smirked to herself as she didn’t have to kick the door, but she loved to rile up the shaman types with an early start.

“Who is that knocking upon my door? It sounds like you are trying to knock it to the floor!” Upon hearing the mysterious voice inside the home, Kazooie’s face went completely blank.

In her head Kazooie was silently praying it was an alchemist or a witch doctor type NPC, but knowing her luck it was a Witch type given how the voice obviously had the endearing need to incessantly rhyme. Her beak would not be able to stay shut under those circumstances and she’d ruin a possible friendship, why did the Witch types always rhyme? Was there a universal convention that decided that all witches must rhyme even if it is at the expense of their sanity? Bad enough that it was probably some ugly crone, she really didn’t need to fight another undying witch again as her friend Banjo was already doing it for a third time with her exact lookalike if slightly fatter sister already. Then again the voice sounded kind of pleasant so luck might be on her side that this was a good Witch type of character.

The door opened to reveal a zebra that looked at Kazooie in surprise. The first thought in Kazooie’s mind was how good looking witches in this dimension were and not as baby puke green sliding to bleached skull white. Another thought was that this zebra really liked her solitude so she’d have to find someone who would give her a lot of space and would actively like a relationship with her, they’d have to be ridiculously patient too. Goods in trade for services rendered right? Not that Kazooie’s romantic related services were nice or friendly in any sense of the word given how she gets people together by fire and brimstone.

“Is my visitor this bird of red, why does looking at you fill me with a sense of dread?” Zecora saw the bird smirk at her and she had this very deep feeling in the pit of her gut that she was going to have problems with this creature in the near future.

“Hey there stripes, by the obvious smell you brew potions right? You see, I’m here for something that only someone of your talent could make and I would like to render my services in trade for a potion.” Kazooie didn’t mention what her services entail but even demonic beings would be wary of the smile on her beak.

“Intrigued I am of what service you can be tasked, for what are your talents if you are to be asked?” Well to say Zecora wanted to help this strange creature was a bit of a stretch but she was interested in the deal the bird wanted with her.

Kazooie looked the zebra up and down and circled around her slightly, she rubbed her wing through the zebra’s mane and lifted a hoof off the ground a bit to test the weight and finally she pecked Zecora on the cheek with her beak. After all this she stood back and took on a thoughtful look with a wing tucked under her chin sitting on top of the other wing.

“Let’s see male, unafraid to learn about new cultures, big, quiet and a good listener. You are a hundred percent straight by the way, but that is surprising considering hermits shouldn't be picky with love.” After all that was said Kazooie waited for a verdict so she could explain to Zecora what she wanted.

“Now my curiosity is almost entirely sated, are you telling me you want to help me be dated?” It was a wondrous idea to the zebra that the bird would guess the parameters she’d look for in the male persuasion of ponies.

“Well I’m not just whistling Dixie all day. If I find you a date to spend some quality time with will you make me these kinds of potions? I’ll throw in a guaranteed good time with your date for free or else I don’t get the potions I want.” The bird reached into her backpack and pulled out a list of the type of potions she wanted Zecora to make. She passed up an opportunity to make fun of Zecora’s rhyme, but it was so worth it to actually make a deal with the zebra.

“The list is quite simple and small, are you sure you can find me someone big and tall?” If Zecora actually wanted the date in the first place that is, though she had to admit it would be nice to get out once in a while.

“I’ll get you wide too if you like fat guys, but I think you’re more of a gentle muscle headed type. So is it a deal hag?” It wasn’t that bad a thing really, but Kazooie hoped that the zebra didn’t turn her down immediately for calling her a hag.

“My name is Zecora not to be a nag, but I’m most certainly not an old hag.” Zecora didn’t immediately agree nor did she disagree, the thought of a chance of finding a significant other was an intriguing form of payment indeed. It had some form of enticement to it.

“Better a hag then a witch, I would know as I’ve had to deal with some of the most annoying ones anyone’s ever had the displeasure to meet. Besides I didn’t call you old… I just called you a hag. In other words I was complementing you on being a wizened lady, sad to see it isn’t so. You are not that old and are quite a lovely vision that is very fortunate to not be my type, you’re a bit dim and you’re probably incapable of saying the color orange.” Insert insufferable smirk from Kazooie’s beak as she crossed her wings.

“I take it mockery is your favorite trick, yes if you keep to your promise or my potions you won’t get a lick. One thing I need from you is a name, so I can know to say the same.” Zecora smiled at the bird, she may be rude but the zebra kind of liked the spunk.

“I’m Kazooie, pleasure doing business with you Zecora. I’ll keep you in mind while I’m traveling around a nearby village to look out for someone, but before I go… want to see me perform one of my shaman spells? I kind of need to use it here in front of you so you might be able to identify me later should you not see me in my natural form.” The zebra was trustworthy as far as Kazooie knew and wouldn’t despise her for her interesting magical capability.

“Go ahead Kazooie at you leisure, it might even be a pleasure.” Waiting for Kazooie to do whatever it is she was about to Zecora sat and watched as Kazooie moved over to the cauldron that was filled only with water. She gave a nifty smirk of her beak and her wings started to take on a glow when she started to chant.

“Eekum Bokum Eekum Bokum, Oobodadoo, Oobodadoo, Eekum Bokum Eekum Bokum Eekum Bokum, Eeyoah…”

Birds with feathers

A pony that was almost entirely red made her way around the forest completely lost, yellow tipped hair, tail and hooves silently moved up and down as she trotted. Her yellow muzzle set into a fine frown when she heard something coming at her and she bent down to raise her butt towards the oncoming danger. When it appeared to be a lion that lost a fight with a bat and a scorpion, she clenched her butt and let loose a green spherical blob into the things face rocking the forest with a huge explosion.

Soon the pony with a three small symbols of a golden jigsaw piece, white egg with a black question mark and a blue backpack adorning her flank was on her way. She didn’t know where she was going but she’d get there eventually or her name wasn’t Kazooie the more adventurous half of a famous duo in the gaming universes. Carefully the phoenix in her blue backpack poked its head out and cawed a bit, she had been untied once she promised to be Kazooie’s sidekick for however long she was needed.

“Oh, it was just a bat winged, scorpion tailed lion thingy and it wasn’t really too threatening to begin with. I’ve seen balloons scarier than that. Especially one that can do things with beach balls like you wouldn’t believe. So how’s the room in my pack?” Kazooie had made the phoenix a little more comfortable by taking a pony form, the rhinoceros transformation was just plain scary. The phoenix saw what Kazooie saw in the magical backpack, though she was curious as to where all the stuff Kazooie puts into it goes and voiced as much.

“Magic is a useful everyday resource from my world as I’m sure it is here. Say do you think you could fly up and see where we are, I would do it myself but I’m used to traveling everywhere on foot and climbing on things and jumping over spike filled pits without thinking of using my wings.” After a cooing noise of agreement Kazooie watched as Philomena shot towards the sky and she smiled to herself as she watched the phoenix soar through the air. She then turned around and looked at the being that had taken an interest in watching them.

“Hmm…. you interested in her?” Kazooie only received a hoot in return for her question; the owl sitting in the tree must be having an off day to be awake at daylight hours.

“Well you look loyal, smart and are kind of cute for a wise owl type. By the way have you ever heard of Hyrule?” Looking at the owl Kazooie could see that it was clueless as to what she was talking about. Nobody ever dimensionally traveled across the borders of reality anymore do they? The owl hooted several things and Kazooie stood listening to it.

“I’ll put in a good word for you, but you’ll have to talk to her yourself if you want a date Owlowiscious. I’m Kazooie, if you’re interested would you help me in stirring up trouble around here? I’ll help you further with my fair fine feathered sidekick Philomena, I know a few of her pet peeves just by studying her and I will tell you right now… just be yourself. By the way work on the accent and you look way to feminine to have such a manly voice like that.” The owl hooted sadly at Kazooie who sighed and put a hoof to her head.

“Seriously? That’s not a problem, she’s open minded, casual and has a humorous prankster side… hold that thought here she comes, you can come with us if you like. Just talk to her some on the way to wherever she points us to. Just so you know, I’d normally put you through hell to a point that the relationship will hold together for as long as you’ll live or want it to go on for. But if I hear so much as a peep as you doing wrong by my sidekick, well you don’t want to know what horribly sadistic things I can come up with to do to you. I’m very powerful magically so my threat is quite real, do you understand me rat breathe?” With a smile Kazooie greeted Philomena who gracefully came in for a landing and cooed pointing off in the direction of the nearest settlement. Owlowiscious was actually brave and approached the fine sleek phoenix with a simple greeting and stood on Kazooie’s back with Philomena chatting her up. In the distance Kazooie could see a little cottage; she idly listened in to the conversation of the two birds on her back and figured they’d do just fine on their own as they were both smart enough to actually not hurt each other emotionally by first working out the details of how slow they were going to take it.

Fluttershy was a sweet, soft spoken pegasus and she was the element of kindness. The thing she heard about Philomena being kidnapped was quite frightful and she wouldn’t know what to do with herself if her animal friends ever got kidnapped. But who would steal the princesses pet… well other than her, but that was a different matter entirely.

Suddenly Fluttershy; the poor buttery pony, was shocked out of her introspection by what sounded like her door being kicked, the immediate reaction to that is that she dove behind couch and cowered slightly.

“Who’s there?” The shy pony had said that so quietly that her pet rabbit named Angel knew whoever was kicking her door wouldn’t be able to hear it. He hopped over to the door and opened it to reveal a strange situation of two birds talking to each other on the back of an oddly smirking red and yellow pony with green eyes watching them.

“Ah, I see that you’re the bunny of the house here? Because the pony behind the couch seems to be of meek personality to the likes of which I naturally prey on for breakfast, possibly lunch and definitely for dinner. I will interfere in her cute little life so hard, she’ll hate me forever but she’ll thank me later for it. Wait… did I say that out loud? Oh, well you’ll just have to live with it because I’m not taking any guff from you bunny boy and I can spit lightning so don’t test my patience. I really ought to thank Spyro for those lessons.” The slight smirk on Kazooie’s face meant imminent danger for anyone she was going to get caught in the crossfire and it didn’t even need to involve her usual brand of butt fired artillery. Angel looked curious and gave the pony before him a wondrous glance as she seemed to have a most evil feel about her, but it didn’t seem like she’d kill anyone… on purpose at least. He liked the spunk and attitude she had coming off of her as she made herself at home and flopped back first onto the couch splaying her hind legs off of it onto the coffee table, he let her get away with it as he liked her and he generally didn’t like any pony very much.

“Um… excuse me… could you maybe… hello are you listening…” First of all a stranger had just invaded Fluttershy’s home and now that she got a better look at said stranger, she was watching two very familiar birds cooing at each other on the coffee table. One of them was the kidnapped phoenix Philomena and the other was Owlowiscious having a very engaging conversation about several different fantasy novels.

Philomena for her part really liked Owlowiscious. He was slightly feminine, was honest about his feelings and relayed that Kazooie had threatened him with bodily harm if he did anything to upset her in his pursuit in trying to court her, he was just adorable. Also he seemed to be very intelligent like her and he’s taken to being friends with Celestia’s protégé Twilight Sparkle, who Philomena knew was on Kazooie’s agenda list as soon as they meet each other and whatever the outcome of said meeting entailed better not involve another rhino transformation. They both had the same taste in books, some that she herself perused more than once unless she was sick and coughing up fireballs. She really didn’t want to accidentally burn down the royal library on those days and needed something to pass her time with as Celestia had too much to do and had little time to play with her loyal pet that could basically take care of herself.

Owlowiscious on the other hand was ecstatic, Philomena had a nice name, was a graceful beauty and she was practically indestructible being a phoenix. She shined in the sunlight to him and while he wasn’t much of a daytime pet, Twilight did play with him in the daylight hours when he was willing to join the play dates with all their pets. He found Philomena’s humor to be a shining example of why he liked picking on the purple dragon so much, then again Spike was just too easy to annoy by just existing as a junior assistant. Owls had the tendency to find powerful mages to work for and Owlowiscious was no different as his family line had a few familiars in it, thus his inclination to work at the library and not long before that he watched over any innocent foals that incidentally entered the Ever Free Forest. Those Cutie Mark Crusaders caused Fluttershy a dreadful amount of trouble that day, but at least she managed to cure the mage he started following that day before introducing himself formally to Twilight.

Kazooie figured these two would be dating by the end of this week, but then again they lived in two different places so that could possibly put a strain on the relationship. Hmmm… possibly destroying Owlowiscious’s home in a particularly violent manner and then somehow faking a letter for the owner to move to that city in the mountains maybe? It would be a bit of an inconvenience for the owner but she’d check out whether or not that person had the money for it temporarily as the city screamed rich nobility central and thus had an endless amount of prime targets for devastatingly bad pranks. She’d have to think more on this later as the shy one was still trying to come to terms with an antagonistic hero barging into her home, in the typical role playing game style no less by making herself at home as if she belonged there in the first place.

Fluttershy kept very still and very silent as she poked her head over the back of the couch, she was afraid that she had a ‘psycho kidnapper person thing’ in her house. Now wasn’t the time to start channeling Pinkie Pie, she thought to herself as she worried about what to do in this situation, this was the pony that kidnapped Philomena! It didn’t seem like she’d be ransoming the phoenix but was instead watching Owlowiscious and Philomena converse with rapt attention and narrowed concentrated eyes.

“Um… why… why is a kidnapper… erm… in my house if it’s not too much trouble?” Fluttershy didn’t see anything wrong with Philomena and obviously Owlowicious wasn’t being held against his will. Maybe there was a misunderstanding about the kidnapper? She’d hate it if she was accused of something she didn’t mean to do.

“Did the springs in this couch just squeak? Ah, well I’ll change them out later. Man, this abandoned cottage is just sweet.” Say what you will about her, Kazooie knew what she liked and this home was cozy like the house back at Spiral Mountain. She knew Fluttershy was behind her and was going to jab at the poor pony like nobody’s business until she got an anger reaction, she partially knew what kind of personality Fluttershy had but she just had to see the anger to get a full scope of her character to meddle in her affairs later.

“Um excuse me but…” Fluttershy said moving around the couch and in front of Kazooie who was watching the other feathered ones become friends.

“Oh my giddy aunt, this house comes with a mute butler! Go make me something to drink… please, hey you guys want anything? Oh, also get some sunflower seeds, maybe with a honey glaze and baked for ten minutes if you will.” Kazooie smiled to herself as the cute pink haired winged pony went and did just that, with a surprised look on her face no less.

Fluttershy was wondering what just happened as she was in the kitchen and fixing tea for her guest, she tried to talk to the intruder and all she got for it was being called mute and asked to make something in almost a rude manner. The ‘please’ sounded so tacked on, it actually dug a little into Fluttershy’s heart that the pony reminded her slightly of Rainbow Dash except even less hospitable.

After she was finished with the tea and snacks she walked back into the room to see that the pony was talking to Angel about something and… was she wearing a monocle. She also seemed to be sitting in a more upper-crust style that some ponies were known for with her back straight and everything.

“And that’s why moles are my mortal nemesis and why I needed to figure out how to blast chickens out of sand dunes. Nearsighted idiots they are, I’m so glad the demonic ghost feature wasn’t added to the second witch hour roundabout. Ah, Peebs the mute butler, nice of you to join us eh whot? I’m so sorry about this Angel; my associate with the male name has a brain disorder that makes her incapable of talking and having a backbone of any sort. It’s quite sad really, she is rather adorable.” Cloudcuckoolander mode is something Kazooie loved doing, drives them to insanity and then explode into anger the worse she got. It sort of helped that she got under Angel’s guard a minute ago about something and got him to pantomime a few of the things that could really get Fluttershy ticked off. She liked the sound of making someone adorable, cute and innocent as blindingly angry as possible.

“Wha…” Fluttershy couldn’t even begin to describe what was wrong with the pony sitting before her; she had a voice like Rainbow Dash with Rarity’s accent with a personality like she was Pinkie Pie and Gilda crossed together.

“My dear Peebs don’t bother talking because I certainly know you can’t. Now as I was saying, I’m going to cause havoc and bedlam something fierce on the morrow and you my butler will be introducing me to the town. I say the world will be positively ‘explode’ to meet me, sorry about the kidnapping and everything Philomena but if I’m to rise up against Sunny Disposition I will require the backing of your clan of a thousand phoenix’s to die valiantly and pointlessly for my cause. As we all know there’s nothing that I like more than the suffering of certain specified others.” What Kazooie didn’t say was that she liked the suffering of idiots, minions and witches. Mostly those who will insult her in some way and the dancing carrots back home were pretty stupid and insulting, but nowhere near as bad as the paint brushes and cans.

On the sidelines Philomena cooed out the side of her beak that Kazooie was just being dramatic and probably wouldn’t harm anyone too much, she was a good judge of character and Kazooie’s was definitely a livewire of a character. This was much more interesting than being stuck in Canterlot Castle all day.

Owlowiscious hooted something about a bet on what Kazooie would do and Philomena accepted it with a nod through a mouthful of tasty sugary sweet seeds.

“My… name… shy…” Fluttershy mumbled and she was certainly afraid of what this visitor was going to do… she had to get away from Kazooie and warn her friends that the being Celestia was talking about was in her home.

“I say, there is a mouse problem in this house. I should probably call an exterminator to clean them out at once! Then maybe we can feed the squirrels to a nearby monster as the chattering little nuts will get on my nerves all night long if they aren’t dealt with, speaking of which I wish for you to draw my bath and smooth out the bedding Peebs!” Kazooie watched as something snapped in the yellow mare at the mention of exterminator a slow smile edged its way onto her face, threatening the animals around here seemed to be important to that end.

“NO! Stop being such a… a bully… if that’s okay with you.” It was here that Kazooie was disappointed by Fluttershy and decided to push the situation further.

“Oh my, it appears my butler isn’t mute afterwards. You’re fired by the way, your resume stated no spine and mute, it appears that you have both Peebs. Now I have to go out and look for a new servant, such is life. But still though, this place is awfully dismal, I can’t see you having any friends in this kind of solitude or even if you did I doubt they’d find the time to come all the way out here because this place is just that dreary and you’re room service is just simply atrocious. I wonder who the manager of this abandoned little shack you call a house is. Maybe I can blow up the chicken coops, burn down some of the nearby tree’s and knock down a few walls to put in a hot tub. Oh and I like to kick puppies and lick their tears up when they cry because I just enjoy their pain and suffering that much.” She didn’t know if Fluttershy had friends, but Kazooie was going to soon find out and she was pushing the right buttons to get the mare steamed.

Fluttershy saw red and was soon using her patented stare on the pony before her and was talking in a still very quiet but enraged voice about all the things that she didn’t want Kazooie to do and that she was going to tell her mother about all this. It took a moment, but Fluttershy realized something was wrong with the situation when she didn’t see the pony cowering or cowed and instead seemed to be looking at her with an interest kindling behind those absorbent green eyes. It was as if her stare had no effect whatsoever. “And my name is Fluttershy!”

“Thanks for telling me what I wanted to know. Also Fluttershy, REALLY, your parents must have really hated you to give you that name. By the way you like being subservient, your attracted to aggressive types that aren’t controlling or overbearing, you might secretly be into bondage, you are more likely into other girls in a romantic sense but have yet to come to terms with admitting it and you have a chronic fear of the male persuasion approaching you with any kind of romantic idea’s whatsoever. If I’m not mistaken you suppress a specific amount of rage that is used in your odd defensive mechanism that’s entirely based on line of sight and are using it to blind yourself to the truth that you possibly love one of your friends, that is if you in fact have them because I seriously doubt it. The chances of you keeping a lovely little relationship going without any help is close to that of zero as you are too afraid of thinking outside the social standards of your candy coated four hooves society. Thanks for everything, you’re being a real help to my overall plans to flip the world on its head.” Kazooie smirked and waited for the expectant reaction. Fluttershy blinked once and then twice, maybe a third time; she just stood there staring at her wide eyed. Kazooie sighed to herself and placed the monocle back in the backpack from whence it came, walked up to the mare and tapped a hoof to her head causing to her to fall over and bleat like a goat. The girl was adorable but she was way too meek for her own good.

“I think I might have just fried the poor girl’s brain with describing her ideal partner and her love life at its current pace which is like walking backwards up a hill.” It was late in the evening anyway, so Kazooie moved the mare onto her bed upstairs and tucked her in before kissing her on the forehead and the mare reacted by snuggling down and muttering a name with a smile, that had certainly caught Kazooie’s attention. Insert evil smirk, hopefully she just got the pet name of ‘Flutter Nutters’ adoration because if that was really the name of the pony she was interested in, then Kazooie would die laughing. She had at least ninety nine lives and could spare a few dying of asphyxiation, all those golden Banjo statues had to be useful for something right?

“I call backpack; you guys can have the couch. I’ve got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow what with the convoluted plot forming in my skull. Might even find someone for myself, but I doubt it as no one is specifically my type.” With that Kazooie pulled off her backpack hung it up on a nearby hook of a coat rack and leapt into it without making the backpack appear to be filled with anything at all.

Turning to Owlowiscious, Philomena cooed softly that Kazooie’s backpack was magical and that’s why she could fit into it being as big as she was.

Owlowiscious just raised a brow at that and questioned whether or not if Kazooie actually was evil.

Philomena chirped that Kazooie was a joker and seemed to be more geared towards making people angry for the fun of it. Kazooie thought they’d be good together and urged them to get to know one another, so she couldn’t be that horrible.

“The reason why I took it easy on you two is because we’re all featherbrains… if you’re not here when I wake up tomorrow I’ll understand, but know that this has suddenly become my base of operations and I expect my sidekick to be here sometime after I wake up. We will set out to find love for those who sorely need it the most or else my species wouldn’t be red, white and pink. Oh, and I’m wanted in sixty four different dimension on charges of grand larceny, resisting arrest, jail breaking, arson and destruction of public property, so don’t be surprised when I act like a maniac Owlowiscious. I’ve already warned Philomena about my grand scheme and the general collecting marathon that involves a copious amount of picking up generic stuff all over the place and doing odd things for progression towards my goals and whatever the hell the plot is. Good night trying to sleep with a maniac like me in the room with you.” Kazooie pulled up an axe shaped pillow and rested her head against the soft cushiony fake blade while pulling a blanket covered in gold jigsaw pieces and musical notes over her while she was still in the backpack and slowly she sunk into it smiling.

Philomena amended her statement that Kazooie couldn’t be that horrible, but she was certainly honest about being a malcontent. Then she slowly fell asleep standing up next to Owlowiscious whose beak curved up at the edges and he cuddled into her gently. She didn’t push him away and she was really warm, would have been nice to have her around on those cold nights when he lived outdoors.

Miscellaneous Mornings

Note: Now to test the waters or in other words my characterization of each pony.

Slowly in the cusp of a dark void Kazooie stirred and opened her eyes, lifting up a hoof she called out to the plot device from her sleeping spot in the inner sanctum of her backpack. The plot device zipped into her hoof and she checked her to-do list on it.

Collect Food for Fluttershy’s animals. (Optional)

Feed Fluttershy’s animals before she wakes up. (Optional)

Map out surroundings for later mini-map usage. (Optional)

Force Fluttershy to accept romantic gender interests. (Inactive)

??? (Inactive)

Profit. (Inactive)

Find solar butts apprentice and drive her crazy. (Inactive)

Force solar butt into awkward relationship if at all possible with student. (Inactive)

Find adult male pony willing to date adult female zebra. (Active)

Send quirky letter home to Banjo via magic. (Inactive)

Pizza time. (Always)

“I’ve got a lot on my plate today… I wonder how many more quests I can add to this before the day is out.” Kazooie muttered as she lifted her other hoof out to the void of space and summoned a slice of Vegetarians Delight pizza as eating meat in her current form wouldn’t agree with her. There was always time for pizza before she got out of the backpack to greet the new world with her antics.

Now the scene changes to a nice quaint apple farm with banjo music playing in the background, something Kazooie would say she could hear quite clearly despite the fact that the background music doesn’t exist to any other pony.

Applejack was waking up to a nice beautiful morning the sun was shining, the day was not quite out there yet and she had plenty of apple bucking to do. There was nothing better than a hard day of honest work for the orange farm pony as she set out to make breakfast only to find Pinkie already in her kitchen sitting quietly at the table doing a crossword puzzle in what appeared to be today’s news.

“Pinkie what are you doing here?” Applejack saw Pinkie look up from her musings with a pencil in hoof. She idly took notice that the destruction of parts of Canterlot Castle and the kidnapping of a phoenix made the front page.

“I’m doing a crossword puzzle, like duh! Now what’s a five letter word for young female horse, what is a horse anyway?” The pink pony was always one for being weird and out of place.

“That’s not quite what I meant Pinkie, what are you doing in my home and how did you even get in here? I know I made sure as to lock all the doors, windows and anything that wasn’t locked I made sure you couldn’t have possibly got in that way.” Taking a moment to let it sink in Applejack waited patiently for Pinkie to explain why she broke into the Apple Family’s house.

“Well isn’t it obvious, I’m here for breakfast!” Smiling to herself, Pinkie thought she was a smart pony.

“You mean the same breakfast you keep stealing from me every morning for the past five weeks? I know I make a good Apple Flaps, but are they seriously that good that you have to come back and steal them every single day?” It was beginning to aggravate Applejack that Pinkie was affectionate with her cooking, couldn’t she just stick to ingesting sugar over at sugar cube corner?

“But it’s the only way I’ll ever get a healthy meal in the morning and I do actually pay for them! I can’t be labeled Pudgy Pie for the rest of my life you know! Besides what are a few pancakes between friends Jackie?” The hang dog pout she put on her face was always hard to say no to and at least Pinkie actually paid for the meals she kept stealing. Cost for the supplies rendered and everything, she just left the money behind on the table.

“Fine, I’ll get started on the Apple Flaps. Just don’t think I’d do this for any pony Pinkie, only my closest friends that are like family to me. I’m curious as to why you don’t just ask for the recipe. It’s none too hard to make.” It was a curiosity Applejack had wondered about and Pinkie had this knowing look on her face.

“Because even if I did have the recipe every pony knows I’d find some way to make it sweeter, that or I would add icing or sugar to it in unnecessary amounts. Why do you think I specifically state that I come here for a ‘HEALTHY’ meal?” Given what Pinkie knew Applejack should know about her, it should make a lot of sense. Eating Applejacks trademark Apple Flaps helped Pinkie cut back on overloading herself on sugary treats by a moderate margin or otherwise she’d be swallowing a dozen muffins every morning like Derpy. At least Derpy had the excuse that she’s constantly flying everywhere and needs the energy; Pinkie had to be hyperactive to keep as thin as she does.

“Well all right then sugar cube. Also I think you were looking for the word ‘Filly’.” It was noted by Applejack that Pinkie was getting a little round in the stomach, but she doesn’t dare say anything to that end no matter how honest it would be.

“Thanks Applejack.” Pinkie scribbled down the answer on the newspaper.

Now the scene shifts to the quaint Library home of Twilight Sparkle as she does her early morning preparations. She used magic to solve all her morning woes like every other morning; she hardly got any sleep last night looking up all kinds of birds. She has yet to find anything of what Celestia described as similar in appearance to a phoenix but with a different feel to its nature and there was a fact that it could actually talk.

“Spike can you please get started on making breakfast, I’m going to look up a book of spells on clairvoyance to find out if I can look into the newest problem to arrive in Equestria.” Turning to the wall of books of her library, Twilight started looking through the C section for what she was looking for. She eventually came across a recently made book titled Classical Clairvoyance Compendium and brought it down with her magic. Looking at the index she quickly started to flip through the pages.

“Linking lives, color capturing cauldron, magical motion making mirror, viewing vase, puppet perception, observational orb and a sight beyond sight spell, these all look rather difficult to find the stuff for them.” If Twilight was going to use one of these spells she might as well get to reading. First one linked the user to another pony’s senses and there was a possibility of painful feedback if the pony cast upon got injured. Twilight quickly drummed that spell out as it required the pony to be present and willing for it to work.

“Hey Twilight what do you want with your toast this morning?” Spike called out from the kitchen, he where he was currently toasting bread by tossing it in the air and breathing on it.

“Some Haycon would be nice! Don’t own a cauldron, but Zecora does. Though I really don’t want to bother Zecora with this situation if she’s busy brewing up something new. I have a mirror, but the spell requires it talk back to me and to ask it odd questions. The vase one is promising but Rarity lost her last vase three days ago and the high quality needed for it isn’t cheap.” Twilight was running out of choices, she really didn’t want to resort to the magical motion making mirror spell.

“Okay, but do you want some eggs? I know ponies don’t normally eat eggs too much but I’m just asking to be nice.” Spike was already working on frying some Haycon; it was sizzling in a frying pan as he kept a low stream of fire flowing from his mouth.

“I’ll only have one and make it fried, don’t forget to bust the yoke early this time. Puppet Perception, if you have a vague idea of what your target looks like you can cast this spell to see what they are currently seeing. Requirements are an object belonging specifically to said target. Observational Orb, see Princess Luna for details and only if you are into that kind of thing? Something tells me I don’t want to know what she’s been up to since she’s returned. Sight beyond sight spell, requires a sword and a cat’s eye jewel embedded in the handle. Sometimes has the chance to show future events as much as current ones, but it will always give the user some information they’ll need to know. Note sword doesn’t have to be battle worthy and can be ornamental.” Twilight read that last one out of curiosity, she was just going to go with Puppet Perception one as she knew Fluttershy still had the feathers from the last time they saw Philomena.

The story now takes a view on what a fashion master known as Rarity is doing, in a fashion boutique that looks like carousel on the hillside.

Sleeping in bed Rarity gently snored and dreamed about stallions. That is until a stallion known as Blueblood scared the others way just by sight alone and he smiled at her with evil intent. Rarity woke up with a fright and pulled off her sleep mask, gasping for breath and glad that she didn’t wake up next to her worst nightmare. It was someone so self absorbed and pompous that it made even Rarity think twice about nobles and popularity, but still, she did like hanging out with Mr. Pants and he did have a few nice gentle colts as friends.

Getting up and stretching out her delicate body, Rarity made way for the bathtub to draw a bath before Sweetie awoke this morning. Rarity was glad that she was able to get her beauty sleep in before the Blueblood nightmare woke her up like an alarm clock in the morning. Then she would set out working on dresses of unique designs like she always would, it was always a good thing to get an early start on a job like hers. Now if only she can get her hair back into its usual style as it was currently hanging limply around her withers. Unicorns could easily do many things with their own manes as well as others with a little help from their magic and Rarity in particular liked her own unique hairstyle, but could sometimes be fickle about it.

Up in the clouds on another edge of Ponyville was Rainbow Dash sleeping in her bed; this was never unusual as the winged equine was kind of lazy at her job by consistently sleeping in. She holds that if there are any problems she can fix in under ten seconds, then she’s not really needed to work the weather and she’s generally right anyway or at least thinks she is.

Hotheaded and easy to anger Rainbow is still the most loyal to her friends and all her friends were of the feminine persuasion, which tends to earn her questionable looks at times. It didn’t bother Dash because she was too much into athletics or her dreams to care about love, if she knew it was lonely at the top of the world she probably would be seeking companionship.

Nothing would be a better companion for the pegasus of loyalty then someone who would stay loyal to her like her pet tortoise named Tank. Rainbow left him a few lettuce leaves and half a carrot to munch on before she went to sleep yesterday. Truth of the matter is, Rainbow Dash was needy of attention and craved it a little too much. She hated losing, but she hated being ignored far more than that.

Fluttershy thought she was having a bad dream when she crawled out of her bed that morning. As soon as she made for the steps to the stairs she saw Philomena and Owlowiscious sleeping next to each other on the couch. A particular blue backpack was hanging from her coat and hat rack which was mostly used by Rarity anyway.

“Hello… anyone there?” looking around she noticed that many of the animals that lived in her house weren’t there at the moment, but walking into the kitchen she saw the familiar red pony that kidnapped Philomena sitting at her kitchen table playing cards with a hummingbird, a mouse and a flying squirrel.

“I still think you’re cheating you stupid hummingbird. Oh, good morning Peebs nice of you to join us. Looks like you need to freshen up a bit before you can give me a tour of town. Already fed all the animals so don’t worry about the petting zoo operation you’re running here.” If anything feeding all the animals was way too easy for Kazooie, stuff all the food into the magic backpack and selectively pour out whatever was needed at a moment’s notice.

“Um… okay?” Fluttershy walked away from the table and silently frowned, taking care of the animals was her job and someone just took her morning ritual away from her. She didn’t know what to feel as she made her way for the bathtub, her pink mane unkempt and her tail dragging slowly on the ground.

“I swear that girl needs the love of a partner and not just you guys, not that hanging with animals all day is a bad thing. Royal Flush, Hah I got this one!” Looking at the hummingbird with a smug grin Kazooie had finally toppled her wily opponent, but only once and even then she still didn’t get back all her bird seed.

Fluttering Foalnappers Twilight!

“So, butterfly butt. What’s this placed called?” Kazooie trotted along with the cute yellow and pink pony, still in pony form and looking around at the candy coated landscape that could be a match for the Jinjo village in its ridiculous colorfulness.

“Oh, I’m sorry. This is Ponyville, lots of things happen around here. Sometimes really scary things, but it’s a mostly quiet place and it’s really quite peaceful. What are you doing here Ms. Kazooie? If you don’t mind me asking that is. Also why did you kidnap Philomena?” Fluttershy shuddered in memory of the hydra chasing her and her friends, not to mention what might have happened to all those poor frogs. Oddly Fluttershy could remember Pinkie swimming through the air as she ran along the ground; there was something wrong with that situation as she was the one with the wings.

Given it was about Pinkie Pie it was better for Fluttershy to drop that train of thought and just continue waiting for Kazooie’s response.

“Pffftttt, seriously, is that what you call this place? Oh brother, anyway I’m here to do what any self respecting adventurer would do. I’m here to meddle in everyone’s affairs, I’m known as ‘The Dreaded Love Bird’ Kazooie and as you’ve probably heard I’m the word. I’m sure you’ve received a description of a bird fitting my coloration and being slightly bigger then Philomena or that I was a rhino when I trashed that castle up in the mountains. What I’m sure your princess didn’t tell you was that I proceeded to eat and burn her favorite snacks to get her goat. Judging by the fact that she got the message out pretty fast to watch out for me means I was successful in making my ever so wonderful presence known and without needing subtitles for once to explain what the hell I’m saying my scratchy voice. By the way, that Philomena was so bored off her rocker and needed to get out some and find a hobby, dating is one such hobby and or making a pen pal with a fellow intelligent species of the avian variety.” With her eyes sparkling with mirth Kazooie thought of what collectibles she could grab in this world, maybe she should introduce video game mechanics to it to see what would become of it.

“Dreaded? That doesn’t sound very nice, but the love bird part sounds sweet. Why are you called that? If it’s alright to talk about it that is.” It was all Fluttershy could say in comment to Kazooie’s little faucet of information, like the fact that she wasn’t normally a pony which explained a few odd problems in her dialect. They were heading towards Sugar Cube corner; maybe a nice snack would help calm her nerves as she was talking with a shape shifting bird.

“I swear you could make anyone happy with your personality, but I doubt anyone would make you as happy. Now, despite what you may think dreaded doesn’t mean evil; it does however mean that I’m a great cause for anxiety and apprehension. The reason for that is my natural form of species is called a Breegull; said species is known to come in three colors, pink, red and white. Guess what colors are most prominent on a special day related to love?” It was a short pause; Kazooie didn’t have to wait long as Fluttershy blushed at the implications.

“You’re like the cupid pegasus of Hearts and Hooves day?” Fluttershy spoke meekly getting flustered. Taking a seat at a table in Sugar Cube Corner, she inhaled the sweet scents of the bakery trying to calm down.

“Close, but I’m a year round kind of deal though. My world and the world of my gods known as ‘players’ call it Valentine’s Day. My species was never expanded upon in my world that the gods created, I’m quite thankful that I’m still able to look my brother in the eye for that. But in the background my species have been termed as ‘Breeding Seegulls’, nothing says romantic sunset like a bird that can see an impossible to break relationship when she visually acquires one. Where I come from love is free and gender, nationality or appearance can’t possibly get in the way. Ultimately it’s really boring especially if you’ve ever dated a copy of yourself, my best friend and brother who adopted me is a honey bear and he’s dating a queen bee his own size.” Kazooie waited for this information to sink in as they sat down inside what looked like a gingerbread house that sold baked goods. If Kazooie so much as see’s a witch anywhere within a mile of the place, she was going to drop so many explosives on the witches head Ponyville would become a crater in under an hour.

“Where do you come from? It sounds like a very lovely place.” It wasn’t frowned upon in pony society being that it is mostly female, but Fluttershy thought of a world with no restraints and wondered just how exactly it would worked. So far the butterfly flanked pony understood what Kazooie was telling her except for a few odd concepts that would fly entirely over her head. That dating a copy thing sounded like a terrifying prospect, furthermore Fluttershy understood why Kazooie was dreaded.

How would anyone feel if someone came along and told you exactly who to look for in a partner or found them for you? Not to mention if you had your heart set on some pony else it would possibly ruin friendships and other relationships or worse someone could get jealous and hurt over the entire thing. Kazooie termed herself as an adventurer and nothing was more adventurous then making love work between two total strangers, something Fluttershy didn’t think she could ever do.

“I hail from the video game realms, so quite frankly anything you meet from there is magically powerful in one way or another. I find it funny in a way that the realms I come from are all about war, love and generally having a good time.” Even knowing that Fluttershy wouldn’t get what she was talking about, Kazooie for the most part figured that the mare would get most of what she was saying.

“War… what exactly goes on in these video game realms?” Looking at her you could see Fluttershy had a confused look on her face if saddened look on her face.

“Anything you could possibly imagine and more. War there is more like a sport then a bad thing really, but sometimes the players take it way to seriously. Now let’s talk about you and what we’re going to get here since obviously you think it prudent to stop in at a bakery to have a little powwow.” If anything Kazooie didn’t feel like defining the better part of how worlds of unreality exactly worked, much less the experience that is the Turbo Tunnel in greater details. Life certainly came at you fast, but not nearly that insane.

“Oh, um excuse me Mrs. Cake can we get some service please if it’s not too much trouble.” For once Fluttershy was glad she could talk to some pony else, Kazooie was strange and not really a pony despite appearances.

“Well of course dear, who’s your friend? She’s… kind of strange looking actually.” Mrs. Cake came over with a small menu of baked goods that Sugar Cube Corner provided for sit-in eaters, she was making a remark about Kazooie’s three different small cutie marks on her flanks.

“Well you’re a bit wide, your mane looks funny and I’m surprised to hear you’re a misses anything.” This acquired an indignant look towards a cockily smirking red pony with green eyes. “But, whoever fell in love with you really gave his heart to you and not just for your looks but because of who you are in your entirety. He really loves you and you probably have children already right? Don’t ever doubt what you have no matter what anyone… er… any pony else says.”

Watching as the emotions of anger slowly fade from Mrs. Cake’s face, Fluttershy couldn’t believe she just let the first few insults slide by when Kazooie finished speaking with a compliment to her relationship with Mr. Cake.

“Yes, we have two precious little foals and an apprentice who acts like a foal, so I can say we’ve had plenty of practice. I think you’re a bit rude but what would you like for a snack?” Seeing as the customer didn’t personally say anything to horrible, Mrs. Cake could forgive and forget.

“I’ll have a sunflower nut muffin. By the way I’m buying so get whatever.” This was a rather questionable thing as it wasn’t asked as to how Kazooie was going to pay for it.

“I’ll have the cinnamon apple danish.” After giving the menu back to Mrs. Cake, Fluttershy had to wonder how Kazooie was going to pay for it. The creature that could become a rhino and was naturally bird didn’t have a job or a way to make money here; she didn’t even know what Kazooie looked like outside of her pony form.

“That’ll be ten bits.” Standing silently after speaking Mrs. Cake watched as Kazooie reached back into her backpack with a hoof and pulled out the exact amount of money and hoofed it to her. Mrs. Cake then proceeded to leave the table to go make the snack foods.

“Where did you…” The buttery and cuddly pony was cut off by a raise hoof from Kazooie.

“I’m an adventurer; I was up in that mountain city for thirty minutes. I’m really good at scavenging for whatever I need.” Kazooie was not about to say she rooted around the sewers for five minutes accumulating one hundred and thirty seven bits as if she were a money magnet. As a video game character, having all forms of nearby unused currency automatically collecting into a backpack of infinite storage was a rather helpful trick. She also wouldn’t say she stole a further three hundred and sixty two bits from a white unicorn with a blonde mane that was so incredibly self centered that he didn’t even notice he was missing a small mass of money.

“You mean you st…” Fluttershy started to say.

“No, of course not, I made most of those bits by scouring a sewer.” And stealing from a local noble who was an idiot, but no one was the wiser as long as Kazooie could keep her mouth shut. “Anyway do you know what she named her children?”

“The Cakes named them Pound and Pumpkin.” As soon as that got out of Fluttershy’s mouth Kazooie burst out laughing.

“What is it with theme names around here? And I suppose this apprentice is called Cinnamon Buns!” Chuckling to herself, Kazooie couldn’t help but think it was hilarious. Then again she has yet to hear the two adult’s names.

“Actually it’s Pinkie Pie, she’s a good friend of mine and she lives here.” Somehow whatever Fluttershy had said just caused Kazooie to stop laughing and stare at her blankly. “Is something wrong?”

“That name… did you just say Pinkie Pie, as in Pinkamena Diane Pie. Small pink, puffed up hair, throws parties like it’s going out of style, happens to be insane and lived on a rock farm?” It’s been a long while since Kazooie has heard that name; then again dimensional traveling ponies don’t come up very often. Kazooie actually thought Pinkie was some kind of strange exotic cat the last time she saw her and now her eyes were panicked and looking about wildly.

“Yes, but I think she’s over at Sweet Apple Acres. Something about a weight loss diet, sorry I don’t really get out all too much. How long has it been since you’ve seen her?” If anything the reaction confused Fluttershy, why was Kazooie looking around as if something was about to attack her?

“Oh, well that’s just dandy, I don’t suppose she’ll remember me or that day I took her flying because I found her outside Spiral Mountain. Haven’t aged a day in comparison to her, it’s going to get awkward real fast if we were to meet. Maybe… I’ll leave her a note here, but I won’t agree to meet her in person. I’d rather be set on fire then actually watch her trying to keep to that dumb promise she made.” There was a sudden very severe change to Kazooie’s personality and Mrs. Cake picked up on it as she came back with their food. Mrs. Cake watched as Kazooie scribbled down a note with a pen in her mouth and then placed it on the table in front of her.

Looking at the note Mrs. Cake only seemed more confused as to the words that were written on it.

“From: Wings
To: Pinkamena Diane Pie
The only way you’ll hold to that silly promise is if you can beat me into submission. Good luck in trying to pin me down, I’m going to be avoiding you as long as I’m in this dimension.”

“Um, what is going on between you and Pinkie Pie miss?” Mrs. Cake had never seen this pony before, but she obviously knew of Pinkie somehow. There were also signs of a possibly violent history between them.

“Don’t ask too many questions, this is between me and her. Buy some fire insurance for this bakery if you don’t have it already, you’re going to need it.” Picking up her muffin with a hoof, Kazooie quickly flew out of the bakery.

Seeing this Fluttershy hastily finished her pastry and proceeded to chase after the irate hovering pony that angrily tore at her muffin with her mouth.

“What’s…?” Fluttershy couldn’t get more than one contraction out before Kazooie rounded on her.

“DON’T, just don’t. We’re going back to your house and I believe it’d be better if you didn’t tell Pinkamena I’m here. If she wasn’t out looking for me already, then she must not know I’m here yet. I’ll have some time to prepare myself for the coming battle. Here, you can have the rest of my muffin…” Idly Kazooie hoofs her muffin off to a passing grey pegasus off to the side as they moved along the path back out of ponyville. The pony stopped, shrugged and started to eat the rest of the muffin happily.

Fluttershy followed after the red crested pony and was afraid of her sudden drop in mood; her complete silence was kind of scary as she was very talkative up to that point. They made it back to her cottage without saying a word between them. As soon as Kazooie stepped into the Fluttershy’s cottage she uttered only a single word.

“Akanammo…” Kazooie’s body started to distort and wobble out of control until she exploded back into her naturally born Breegull form. Fluttershy squeaked with fright diving behind the couch until she got a good look at Kazooie’s real form; she actually looked like a phoenix crossed with a seagull. So that’s what a Breegull was, Fluttershy thought she looked cute even with the abrasive personality and the current frown on her beak, she was a lot like Rainbow Dash only more prone to being vindictive.

Owlowiscious flew up to her and hooted something, Kazooie raised an eyebrow.

“That book actually exists in this dimension? Tell me who wrote it and I’ll have things taken care of; no sparkling vampires will exist on my watch if I have anything to do with it. Oh, wait, that bat and scorpion tailed thing I saw earlier was a Manticore? So they naturally occur outside evil multi-dimensional castles created by said undying evil? I should probably tell the Belmont’s about it.” Apparently what Kazooie said wasn’t anything to do with the situation at hand so Owlowisicous hooted in an angrier if clearer manner.

“So this mare named… seriously who names their child after that horrid book, the Necronomicon was a better read then that piece of horror. So she ran off as soon as she saw you with Philomena here to go search for Fluttershy because she thinks I kidnapped her instead and she misinterpreted you’re hooting to mean something horrible. Well looks like I’m already doing my job in causing havoc around here, so long as I absolutely avoid Pinkie things will be perfectly fine.” It was around this time that Kazooie calmed down and turned to Fluttershy. “Now we can sit down and have a chat about who you’re interested in, I believe her name is…Pfffttahahahaha… sorry but it’s just all the ponies in this dimension have ridiculous names. As I was saying, you’re very interested in this Rainbow Dash aren’t you? So I’m thinking why not oblige this Twilight Sparkle by putting you in danger so your lady in shining chainmail will come to your rescue and then maybe kiss you.”

Fluttershy started blushing bright red, she tried to say ‘no’ to the plan and was actually more curious as to what history Kazooie could have possibly had with Pinkie if she was from an entirely different dimension. She was quite sure Kazooie wouldn’t hurt her, but scaring her out of her wits was an entirely different story she believed more likely. She wasn’t very sure she wanted a relationship with Rainbow and she didn’t want to be forced into a corner or much less force her friend into one either. Kazooie didn’t pay any attention to her attempts at protesting.

Twilight was in a panic and running towards Sweet Apple Acres, Fluttershy had been kidnapped and was in danger. At least Philomena was okay and doing fine back at Fluttershy’s house with Owlowiscious, not paying any mind that she didn’t understand or speak owl in the first place or cared how close the owl was to the phoenix. If she were in the right state of mind she would have told the owl to write something down as he was quite legible in penponyship. Right now she needed help with locating Fluttershy, the pony grabber could be anywhere and it was a phoenix like bird so it couldn’t possibly be that hard to miss and no pony was more trustworthy to help her then Applejack.

Pinkie Pie hopped into Sugar Cube Corner with a smile on her face, if she kept to her diet she’ll weigh less then forty five lead bricks by the end of the year. She was halted by the presence of her two caretakers that took care of her and stuff, that gave her a room to sleep in and everything. They were looking at her with a frown as if it was another time for one of those talks’ moments.

“What is it Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” It had been a nice morning of Apple Kitchen tom foolery for Pinkie and when Mrs. Cake placed the note on the counter so Pinkie could read it. They were expecting any of several from a list of reactions Pinkie would possibly have to the information, one was not smiling broadly to the point that her head was almost bisected by the widening toothy smile on her face.

“Woohoo! She’s here, now I can keep my Pinkie Pie Promise to myself! Does the bakery have fire insurance?” Wondering why she was receiving odd looks from the Cakes they slowly turned to each other.

“Um, that’s what she asked my wife about too.” Mr. Cake seemed to be worried about it and was glad that they actually did have fire insurance.

“Oh, don’t worry about it you two. I’m just going to take my party cannon and prepare for battle Pinkie Pie style. ” Giggling happily the pink pony bounced her way up the steps with her face in a constant smile and both the Cakes frowned.

Soon Pinkie was dragging a light weight cannon down the stairs and towards the front door, she had saddlebags and they looked to be loaded with stuff.

“See you later this evening, I’ve got to go find someone and then beat them into submission! Before I do let’s see if I have everything rubber chicken, romane candle blaster, squeaky hammer and special party ammo for the cannon.” The pink party pony left dragging the cannon behind her heading for war.

Pinkamena Diane Pie was going bird hunting, which meant war.

Rainbow Ride

(Author Note: If you are still reading by this point, why are you? This story is not very serious at all and is a train wreck.)

Kazooie was flying through the air with Fluttershy’s head poking out of her backpack.

“Was it really necessary to tie me up and stuff me into your backpack Kazooie?” If Fluttershy didn’t want to be tied up she should have struggled more.

“Yes... yes it was. Now all I have to do is find out where this Rainbow Dash is and judging by her name her description is fitting that of the only rainbow colored pony within a hundred mile radius of this place.” Once she did find Rainbow it would be time to start a classic video game cliché and have Fluttershy in distress. She did have to use that robot bird army she had stuffed into her backpack, along with a incredibly large airship that would be oddly fitting to the situation.

Spotting Rainbow Dash didn’t take too long for Kazooie and she flew away to begin the setup and possibly cause quite a ruckus in Ponyville along with a large amount of property damage.

Pinkie Pie was looking around the street asking if they’ve seen a red pegasus or bird with yellow tips, so far she only heard that the pony was last seen with Fluttershy. Rarity ran up to her, grabbed her with magic and then proceeded to drag her and her cannon along towards Twilights Library.

“Rarity, what’s going on I’m kind of busy looking for somepony.” Pinkie was finally let go as they had reached the library.

“Well I couldn’t find Rainbow Dash, she’s probably napping too high on the clouds again and we’d need Fluttershy to get her down for a meeting. The worst possible thing has happened to her though, she’s been kidnapped by that red phoenix like bird!” Following Rarity into the library Pinkie saw that Twilight was already formulating a plan with a search pattern on how to find an ornithological creature with unknown powers. The purple pony was trying to explain it to Applejack in simple terms and failing horribly.

“Oh you mean Kazooie kidnapped Fluttershy? That’s neat, she always did seem like a pirate to me from what I can remember.” Everypony in the room turned to Pinkie, Twilight paused with her plans, Applejack actually took interest in scrutinizing her and Rarity just blinked a few times.

“You mean to tell me you know this creature that Celestia spoke of?” Twilight was ready and willing to hear all the information she could about this creature.

“Yeah, her name is Kazooie and she’s a red crested Breegull. I spent six months with her playing around Spiral Mountain until they found a way to send me back to Equestria; it’s how I got to Ponyville in the first place. It was so much fun what with the scary sharks, the ancient temples, the killer robots, the burn the witches skull parties and my favorite place to spend time was up in Cloud CuckooLand! It was the coolest place in all of existence!” Pinkie bounced in place as she expunged what little knowledge she could remember, the bubble elevator to Cloud Cuckooland and looking at the sunset from the sky was just breathtaking. “Needless to say I could have never ever explored the world like that without Kazooie explaining everything that was weird about it and how it all made sense from her perspective.”

“Pinkie what are you talking about?” Sighing Twilight figured it was Pinkie just being herself, but still she seemed to know the creature in question. “Okay I’ll just assume Kazooie is an old friend of yours, why would she kidnap Fluttershy.”

“To do something epic like attack Ponyville with an airship that flies by spewing rainbows out its back end. The crew is probably mostly made up of machines with dumb programming too, likely in her image as she can generate clockwork versions of herself.” Pinkie never did forget Kazooie’s seminar on video game logic for doing the impossible when you wanted to do something fun for profit.

“Pinkie now isn’t the time to be crazy we have a serious crisis on our hooves!” Twilight threw both her hooves up in the air in exasperations.

“But I’m not being crazy; she really is attacking Ponyville with an airship. Just look out the window.” Looking out the window being pointed at the other ponies was witness to one of the oddest sight ever. A giant airship spewing rainbows slowly floating across the sky with a red bird wearing a blue backpack at the helm, she also had on a pirate’s hat and an eye patch.

“Okay Screws fire at that cloud on my mark…” The soonest Kazooie said the word ‘mark’ the cannons fired before she was ready and she watched as the cloud a rainbow colored pony was sleeping on exploded violently sending the slightly burnt pony falling towards the ground. Soon the pony shook her head clear and steered herself back on course for the ship that ruined her nap time. “You just can’t get good help these days; also where are my subtitles I’m supposed to be speaking like an idiot while everyone reads what’s translated below me!”

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” Apparently Rainbow Dash was hovering above the ship now and Kazooie looked at her and a smile crossed her face. Kazooie read her as athletic, a tomboy, in denial about her apparent nature and is probably primarily seen around nothing but the female persuasion most likely. On second glance Rainbow was most likely a closet touchy feely type tending to touch other girls and coming up with any reason to do so, but she was loyal to those she hung around for long periods of time.

“Ah, the feisty lass be over me ship. I’ve kidnapped yonder Peebs there and if you want her back you’ll have to take me down as she’s not going anywhere. I like her as a mast figurine, quite the sight really. Screws give her a taste of ye’ old ailing ale!” A barrel flew out of a nearby cannon and exploded in Rainbows face getting her covered in a sticky brown substance that sent her tumbling to the deck. When Rainbow managed to stand up she found Kazooie standing in front of her wielding a cutlass she stole from a hippomatus a long time ago. “Can I get a hurts donut here?”

“Ugh, why you little… you won’t get away with this.” A donut slapped Rainbow in the face and she growled angrily as she wiped it off and lunged for Kazooie. With a green glow Kazooie’s legs stretched out and she shot into rigging with a single jump, causing Rainbow to curse under her breath as she belly flopped onto the deck.

“Start the bombardment of Ponyville; we will pepper the masses with pepper bombs! We’ll be nothing to sneeze at then.” Knowing her dialogue was just horrible Kazooie decided to stop talking as the clockwork birds started dropping black spheres over the side of the ship that spread black powder all over Ponyville. It wasn’t exactly mass panic as ponies were sitting still and sneezing a lot, but quite a few did try to run away from sneezing powder.

“Get back here!” Rainbow ignored Fluttershy as she climbed up the mast past the mare tied to it and made her way for the rigging. She had lost the ability to use her wings as they were weighed down by the sticky soda based fluids.

“Well at least she’s not trying to kill anypony.” It was the only good thing Fluttershy could see in this situation no matter how odd it looked.

Down below watching the chaos unfold the three ponies turned to the one source of information that saw this kind of things coming.

“What, didn’t I tell you? I have a twitchy tail so I suggest you come back inside now.” Not thinking twice about Pinkie’s prediction all three ponies ran indoors and a pepper bomb exploded right next to the door just as they got it closed.

“I’d hate to know if there were any salty dogs down there.” Exclaimed the pirate dressed bird idly before ducking Rainbow lunge at her back causing her to land flat on her face on the yardarm. “You’re about five hundred years to slow for me, but seeing as I’m a sporting bird.”

Kazooie tossed a cutlass to Rainbow from her backpack and then started chanting for a short while. Rainbow watched in interest as the magic swirled around Kazooie and then she transformed into a pegasus.

“Now we be fighting on even ground Starburst or would you like the name Skittles, maybe miss Juicy Fruit?” With the ever patented smirk on her face to make sure Rainbow knew she was being insulted Kazooie prepared for a battle in which she would have to lose on purpose. That wasn’t going to be easy as her first instinct in any fight was to barrage something eggsplosively in a show of force till it died, stopped moving or whined audibly in a girly voice that it surrendered.

“I don’t even know what any of that means, but I know enough to know you’re insulting me about something I can’t even comprehend.” Rainbow took the sword and swung and swung it at Kazooie who deflected it easily enough.

“Wow you’re slow in the head too? I just thought the world was stopped and I was the only one moving in it.” With that insult Kazooie upped her defensive posture as Rainbow came at her with a blinding flurry of slashes and stabs. “Who taught ye’ how to fight, you fight like a heavily diseased cow with one leg and two eye patches!”

Rainbow became more furious as she took to flying whereas Kazooie continued to stay on the yardarm, her sword was a blaze of rainbow colors swinging at the annoying red pegasus before her. Thus far Rainbow wasn’t gaining any ground, most likely because she didn’t understand the concept of insult combat. Kazooie was really beginning to get bored and thought that maybe she should switch to an easier style of combat.

“Come on, my grandma can fight better then you!” Kazooie just kept blocking and Rainbow kept swinging. Soon Rainbow stopped to rest along on the yardarm away from Kazooie. “What, are you giving up already? The only way you can beat me is if you can insult me better than I can insult you! Don’t make me go slightly easier on you because you suck at saving your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Though she was thoroughly tired, Rainbow still had the energy to yell in anger at Kazooie. “If its insults you want, then you’re asking for it ketchup stain!”

“Better, but you still lack the wit behind the act of insult fencing Rain-blowhard and are you sure you wouldn’t get mad at me plucking her feathers? I’m sure I can find someone willing to buy pegasus pillows, they’d also make a pretty good decorative doormat.” Kazooie kept her left wing behind her back and counted down from three waiting for Rainbow to burst out explosive.

“You harm one feather on her beautiful body and I will end you!” With a pause Rainbow realized what she had just said and within earshot of Fluttershy no less. The blush on her face was priceless as if she wondered if she really felt that way about Fluttershy or if Fluttershy liked her like that. They had been friends for a long time now, longer then Gilda at least.

“You hear that lassie? She doesn’t want me selling you into slavery after all. That is if she can beat me in an insulting contest, but I doubt her brain can function well enough to come up with something that would even stump the great sky pirate Kazooie! Let’s put away the swords and start what I like to call a ‘your mother’ contest, best to stump the other wins the fair lass to do with as they please and the loser will leave the other alone for a week before we can call another contest.” Kazooie dropped to the deck of the ship where the clockwork birds were still pelting Ponyville with pepper bombs. As a sign of good faith Kazooie tossed her sword to the side and onto the floor of the deck. Rainbow dropped to the deck and stared Kazooie down before tossing her sword to the side as well. “Good, you accept the challenge then. I’ll go first to give you an idea as to how this works. You’re mother is so fat, that when she fell to the ground the entire world wondered what the hell that horrible noise was.”

Rainbow stood their staring wide eyed at Kazooie, so that’s how the game was played? She had to think up something fast as she wasn’t about to let this crazy shapeshifting thing take Fluttershy from her… her friends. Rainbow Dash wasn’t about to let this crazy thing take Fluttershy from her friends or so she told herself again.

“Yeah, well your mother was so ugly that when she tried to join a contest about it. The people running the contest said she couldn’t join because she was a professional.” Rainbow saw that Kazooie didn’t even blink at the insult and in fact yawned.

“That’s actually a true story. As such it wasn’t an insult, but I’ll make it count anyways as it would work under normal circumstance and it’s my turn again.” Kazooie saw the surprised look on Rainbow’s face, yeah that always surprised everyone when she told them about it. “Your mother is so colorful; she can be seen from the moon looking down anywhere on this planet even if she was on the opposite side. It also has to do with how fat she is too.”

“Ouch, do you ever go easy on anypony? Well, your mother is twice the stallion you could ever hope to be!” That one was actually pretty good one if the circumstances were normal, Rainbow didn’t know what was about to be said about that.

“Well of course she’s twice the stallion I am; she’s had ten wives and five husbands, a few of them haven’t died by aging and a few others are still alive due to immortality, but that’s just saying something about their stamina. Again under normal circumstances, your insults still count. They love her for her personality by the way.” Kazooie got Rainbow Dash laughing with that one and the camaraderie was getting pretty good now, insulting her mother at the same time as throwing insults at Rainbows made her a clear victor thus far. Kazooie finally decided to go easy on the poor mare. “Your mother is so old, she farts dust, dead spiders and their webs.”

“Oh yeah, well your mother is so stupid that she’d stare at carton of orange juice for at least an hour because it has the word ‘concentrate’ on it.” Rainbow waited for Kazooie to say it wasn’t an insult, but when she didn’t Rainbow had won a small victory.

Okay that was one that wasn’t actually true of Kazooie’s mother, but the eldritch abomination that gave birth to her would have liked that joke though. Kazooie gave thought as to what insult she could throw this time. Fluttershy was horrified at the mean things they were saying about each other’s mothers, she was even more horrified that Kazooie actually stated some of the things said about hers were actually true.

“Nice… but your mothers head is so far into the clouds, to call her stupid is actually a compliment.” Kazooie really didn’t think Rainbow Dash was actually trying anymore. In the background the continued bombardment of Ponyville went unstopped, not that anyone was in a position to stop it in the first place. It was around this time that Rainbow realized how ridiculous things had gotten.

“Your mother is so crazy that she gave birth to something like you!” After a few minutes of silence Kazooie sniffled slightly, not in a sad manner as she was rather proud of that one.

“There are no words to describe how happy I am to lose to such an insult. Take your mate and get off me boat; I will cease my attack on your settlements and stealing your fine feathered wench.” With that the rainbow airship flew away and left Rainbow Dash sitting on a cloud clinging tightly to Fluttershy who was blushing fiercely.

“Are you okay Fluttershy, she didn’t hurt you did she?” If Rainbow's concern was any sign, Fluttershy was assured that Rainbow loved her in some sense of the word. Fluttershy was a tad stiff from being tied up for so long and the rope burns still stung. That didn’t matter as she was going to have a talk with Rainbow about insulting another pony’s mothers even if they were literally scary sounding, it just wasn't nice to be so vulgar like that.

On her ship flying towards Canterlot, Kazooie hummed a little tune to herself as Owlowiscious and Philomena landed on the deck. Philomena chirped a question to Kazooie in wonderment.

“I lost an insult duel almost fair and square, though I had another good one about a kaleidoscope. I didn't really want to win that one, I let Rainbow have her minor victory. By the way how do you feel about filling your owner’s castle with vanilla pudding via aerial bombardment?” Watching Philomena rub her wings together Kazooie took that as a good sign to hit the castle with all she had in stock. Having a hundred gallons of vanilla pudding on standby in her backpack had to be useful for something right?

Tension in the wings

Pinkie was moping and the other ponies couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her, but Applejack was about to get to the bottom of it.

It was two days after hearing what had happened to Canterlot Castle, there was no feasible way an airship that large should be able to disappear or hold that much pudding. Twilight even did the math for how impossible it was.

“Okay Sugar Cube what the hay is wrong with you? You’ve been moping harder then Rainbow when Fluttershy said she wouldn’t talk to her for three days, in fact she’s still moping about it.” They were all in the library and Applejack was staring at two certain ponies that had some very odd interactions going between them. Fluttershy was staying well away from Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash wouldn’t stop staring at her.

“It’s just that I can’t find her, she went to ground and it’s hard to find somepony who’s seen her in Ponyville or Canterlot. She’s probably hiding under a cardboard box somewhere, just like the snake eater she is.” No matter how much Pinkie insisted she be the one to handle Kazooie, her friends thought otherwise about her running off on her own agenda. Pinkie refused to tell them what her agenda was with the crazy creature in the first place and they were more than a little wary of her dragging her party cannon everywhere. “She’s good… too good, you guys should really just let me handle it.”

“Pinkie you are acting mighty peculiar there, where’s the happy bouncy pony we know and love?” Applejack backed up as Pinkie looked her dead in the eyes, there seemed to be a maniacal thought pattern flowing behind them.

“I’m still here; I just have some unsettled business to attend to. In fact, since the red baron is going to be in hiding for a while, I’m going to go prepare a party and you’re all invited! Oh, there will cake, candies, pin the tail on the pony and balloons… and I can already taste the chocolate crème pies I’m going to make. Should Kazooie rear her head in any form you’d immediately tell me right? See you later this evening.” With that small amount of bouncing around the room, Pinkie hopped out of the library humming cheerfully as she left behind five spooked ponies.

“Do you seriously think she knows this Kazooie creature as well as she says she does? She’s being rather… odd lately, which is saying something. I don’t know what to think.” The posh pony that was Rarity notices her lack of an audience except for maybe Fluttershy.

Twilight wasn’t paying her any attention pouring over information in several books she was reading through intently. Applejack seemed to be staring out the open door with a frown on her face as Pinkie hopped down the street. Fluttershy was the first to offer up something to the situation.

“I’m sure Pinkie has a very good reason for her actions, she’s not one to hurt somepony right? Oh, wasn’t today our spa day?” Walking to the door Fluttershy opened it to watch as Rarity hurried out the door in realization that they were going to be late.

Fluttershy followed in a more sedate graceful pace taking time to think things over as she gently closed the door behind her. She knew Kazooie was a jerk and very insulting, but the bird obviously knew what she was doing and was certainly something to dread given her many incredible abilities.

Fluttershy gave herself enough time to come to terms with the options set before her. She was still trying to work out her feelings and tomorrow she’d talk with Rainbow about the possibility of dating, if that would be okay with her. They already knew a lot about each other, so dating couldn’t possibly be that hard right? Maybe Rainbow didn’t mean she was beautiful as in attractive to her, maybe she meant it in a Rarity way that was just saying it as a fact.

Rainbow tried to follow the two out by zipping towards the door, but Fluttershy had closed it and the airborne pony rammed into it face first and slid to the floor. She fell onto her back with a groan of pain.

Rainbow was entirely at a loss as to why she needed attention from Fluttershy and it was rather vexing for her that Fluttershy wasn’t giving her any at the moment. Somehow not having Fluttershy to talk to for three days struck a rather sour chord in Rainbow.

Applejack trotted over to Rainbow and looked down at her in worry.

“Sugar Cube is something the matter, I know Fluttershy isn’t talking to you but what is wrong with you? You’ve been following her around a lot lately and I know you’re an attention hog, but what’s got your feathers ruffled?” Applejack hoped she had a concerned look on her face, because she thought something peculiar was going on between Rainbow and Fluttershy. Applejack took a glance at Twilight who was still looking through a book on shape shifting magic and she seemed to not be going anywhere for the time being.

“I don’t know. My wings are actually quite tense lately and I just haven’t been flying as well because they keep locking up on me.” Rainbow just couldn’t get the words of that dumb magical bird out of her head. Opening the door and walking outside with Applejack following Rainbow sighed as her mind drifted to thoughts of Fluttershy.

Fluttershy was cute, fluffy soft, approachable, ridiculously shy and had an endless well of kindness that exudes from her body. Her hair was silky, pink, long and attractive, her eyes were so soulful and she was a beautiful in every sense of the word… why didn’t she have a stallion yet and why hasn’t Rarity tried to set her up with one?

“Is that why you’re walking all the time?” Prodding one of Rainbows stiff wings, Applejack had a sudden realization and a dark blush worked its way through her face when she saw Rainbow shudder with a slight squeak coming from her mouth.

“I don’t know, it just keeps happening and at odd times.” It wasn’t anything new to Rainbow, but she didn’t know why her wings were like that at the moment.

The major problem with this situation was that Rainbow didn’t know the first thing about love or what it was as she was usually too busy with being an athlete and awesome to really learn about the birds and the bee’s. The only thing she really knew was that it was supposed to be between two ponies, most commonly a mare and a stallion. Otherwise she understood friendship perfectly since she has protected Fluttershy a lot when they were younger.

“What were you thinking about at the time?” Applejack despite her accent was actually pretty well educated, even if most of it was focused around farming. She had inkling and there were quite a few times Rainbows wings locked up and in an open position, not to mention she saw Rainbow stare at Rarity’s butt once. She knew where this was going and if she was right she had better help Rainbow before she does something she would regret.

“Fluttershy, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything. I’m always excited to be around my friends.” Rainbow stopped when she noticed Applejack staring at her.

“Sugar cube, I think I know what your problem is.” Sighing, Applejack grabbed Rainbow by the mane with her mouth and started dragging her towards Sweet Apple Acres. Once Rainbow got the idea of where they were going she finally got Applejack to let go of her mane, but a part of her didn’t want Applejack to let go. “Okay Rainbow, there’s something I need to know before you go and hurt some pony’s feelings by accident. Now that I think of it, did you ever consider that Gilda was maybe jealous of Pinkie?”

“Huh, what does Gilda have to do with any of this? Why would she be jealous of Pinkie?” If anything Rainbow was either being dense on purpose or else she was oblivious to the feelings of others if they weren’t praising her for her athleticism or heroics.

“I was afraid of that, Rainbow do you fancy mares?” Despite knowing the she just said something just plain dumb, Applejack waited for Rainbows obvious response.

“Well of course I do, all of my best friends are mares! How can I not like you guys?” Seeing the orange pony walk over to the barn, Rainbow stood off to the side as Applejack smacked her face into the wooden frame of the building several times. She finally meandered back over to Rainbow looking a little dizzy.

“Forget what you just saw there and let’s continue where we left off.” As she said this, Applejack rubbed at the sore spot on her forehead before continuing. “Do you get any strange feelings being around us, you know like special details you like about us? What do you like about a pony that causes you to feel these strange feelings, feelings that you probably don’t really pay much attention to.”

“Oh… um… looking at Rarity’s flank causes my heart to speed up for some reason. Looking Pinkie Pie in the eyes when she’s happy makes me feel warm inside. Twilight makes me feel like hugging her when she’s being a dork. I like your mane when you take the hair bands out of it, my head gets kind of fuzzy just looking at you when you’re so calm and relaxed in the evening. Fluttershy is something special though because all those things happen to me around her, but only when I really focus on her too much. Is it wrong for a mare to appreciate another mares looks?” Seeing the disbelieving look on Applejacks face, Rainbow wondered what she had said wrong.

Applejack ran it through her head slowly to make sure she had it right. Taking traits from four other ponies, Fluttershy would meet all the requirements to set Rainbow off. Fluttershy admittedly had a nice shapely flank, long mane, calm demeanor and acted adorable all the time.

“Not to most ponies and it’s perfectly fine by me, but what do you dislike about us?” Knowing where all this was going, Applejack’s mind started to slightly figure out how to get Rainbow to understand what she was feeling.

“Rarity is always a neat freak and trying to get me to model dresses for her, you are always so stubborn like that time with the buffalo tribe, Twilight gets obsessive about every little detail and Pinkie is a little too much to be around at times.” It took an arched brow in her direction for Rainbow to realize Applejack was waiting for something. “What is it?”

“And what do you dislike about Fluttershy?” Applejack simply stated.

“I’ve got nothing bad to say about her, maybe she could exercise more though.” It was here that Rainbow considered saying Fluttershy was a poor flyer or that she was way too shy. Rainbow didn’t dislike that about Fluttershy and had even defended her when other ponies made fun of her for it.

“Well that’s all I needed to know, your hearts a blazing and you’re too dense to put the bell pepper on the grill to get something cooking.” Seeing that Rainbow didn’t understand what she had just said Applejack decided to be a little bit blunter. “You’re in love with Fluttershy.”

“News flash, I don’t know the first thing about love and how can you be so sure.” Now it seemed like Rainbow wanted to drag this into an argument.

“Well sugar cube, I think when a pony’s heart can’t reach their brain it’s a basic problem of them being honest with themselves.” Applejack moved in front of Rainbow and pause. “I see it quite clearly, you’d never hurt Fluttershy on purpose and your far more loyal to her then any pony else. In fact didn’t she say you once snuck into her house the morning we we were going to start selling apple cider here at the farm?”

“Yeah, yeah… that still proves nothing and even if I did like Fluttershy like that, what makes you think she’d like me as more than a friend. I’m not exactly even interested in being in a relationship either; I just happen to like being close my friends.” As far as things went, Rainbow didn’t consider herself to be in denial. “Besides if I end up in a relationship it’s just going to get in the way of me joining the Wonderbolts, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop being a friend once I do.”

“Rainbow, if Fluttershy comes to you with any hint of interest in pushing beyond friendship you better not hurt her feelings by leading her on! I want you to be as honest as possible about your feelings. Joining those Wonderbolt fellers shouldn’t be any excuse in forming a lasting bond with somepony special.” Applejack didn’t mind the idea of two mares being together, what she did mind was the idea was that Rainbow Dash would be throwing away something great if she passed up any opportunity that Fluttershy actually wanted as more than a friend and the quiet pegasus did look thoughtful lately. “Just think about it and try to talk to Fluttershy tomorrow, you are probably the first thing on her list of things to do. See you at Pinkie’s party.”

Applejack understood now why Fluttershy’s wings went skyward whenever Rainbow was around and it was kind of cute to think about it. There was the fact that Rarity had yet to try and pair the shy mare up with her brother or some other stallion. If anything those spa visits Fluttershy had with Rarity seemed all the more interesting now to Applejack, she gave thought to her own relationship with Rainbow as she made her way into the Apple family home. She wasn't about to cause any problems if those two ponies got together and she'd make sure they'd stick together if they were perfect for each other.

Rainbow was feeling a bit morose and was considering how she felt about all her friends. She loved them all more then she probably should have, but was that love out of loyalty or was it just her that made her like the mare persuasion more. Maybe it was the way those colts bullied Fluttershy when they were younger that turned her off stallions, that or how cute Fluttershy was when she was an awkward long legged filly.

Deciding that she should just fly, Rainbow figured being in the air would take her mind off Fluttershy for a while and she took off for the wild blue yonder.

At Ponyville’s spa Fluttershy and Rarity were in deep conversation when Fluttershy decided to finally say something about her interest in Rainbow Dash.

“I think I might actually be brave enough to ask somepony on a date.” Fluttershy watched as Rarity perked up in interest.

“And who’s the lucky mare darling? It better not be me! I’m flattered, but I’m into stallions and ones with a noble heart at that. I might possibly aim for royalty as well, but that option is a bit of a bad taste to me and I’m sure you remember why.” It was around this point that Fluttershy mumbled a name and Rarity tried to lean in closer to hear what she was saying. “Come again, who’s caught your fancy? Is it Cloudkicker?”

“No… besides she’s with Caramel at the moment.” Hiding slightly behind her pink veil of mane, Fluttershy sunk into the hot water of tub they were sitting in.

“Oh, what about Ms. Hooves, she’s quite friendly with you.” The excited look on Rarity’s face was quickly brought down by the frown and a shaken head from Fluttershy.

“No. I think she’s happier being single at the moment, plus she’s friendly with everypony.” Fluttershy did like to help Derpy make muffins sometimes, but she held no interest in the grey coat and blonde mare beyond their quirky friendship.

“Then I shall continue to play this guessing game, what about Bon-bon, Aloe, Lyra and Applejack?” Rarity was watching for Fluttershy’s responses to any names and the mare looked kind of put off when Applejack was said. She may have just hit the jackpot.

“Bon-bon and Lyra are back together again, plus they never stay away from each other for long in the first place. Bon-bon was mad at Lyra for hanging out with Berry Punch too much. I thought Aloe was dating Floaty. Applejack is into mares? I’ve never seen her dating anypony before. Oh, before you get too excited it’s not her.” This was getting worse and worse, Fluttershy knew that Rarity had to guess eventually and she wondered what her reaction would be.

“Well if you don’t know then it’s not my place to tell you about it, its Applejacks own personal business and she likes both sides of the fence just so you know. Floaty is being kind of flighty lately, so I kind of figured... anyway let’s move on.” The farm pony couldn’t make a relationship move without Rarity finding out about it, as she was thoroughly intrigued about where the farm pony will go with her hidden dating practices. As far as Rarity knew, Twilight and Rainbow weren’t interested in dating at all so that left her with very few options. Rainbow however was definitely into mares considering her usual appreciation of her five closest friend’s forms and Rarity knew Rainbow tended to look at her butt. “Is it Marmalade?”

“I thought Marmalade was primarily dating stallions now.” Despite her quiet voice she could already see Rarity hissing in defeat at having run out of options.

“It’s Twilight isn’t it? Fluttershy you’re really setting yourself up for disappointment if she’s into stallions as much as I am. I really don’t want to see you heartbroken and...” Rarity set a hoof on Fluttershy’s withers and the mare quivered slightly at the touch before she finally snapped.

“IT’S RAINBOW DASH... eep…” As soon as Fluttershy’s outburst finally reached Rarity’s brain she just sat still staring at Fluttershy who cowered with her nose to the warm water and her mane covering all of her face now. Her wings had sent a splash of water spraying out of the hot tub as they shot upwards.

“Well now, that’s a different problem entirely. I know she likes mares, but she’s oblivious or dense to love and besides maybe you should just go with Twilight after all… it’s a much safer option even if you do get turned down.” Seeing the confused look on Fluttershy’s face Rarity decided to explain a bit more. “How should I put this, Rainbow Dash is not exactly a good choice as a life partner Fluttershy or at least I don’t think so. It’s about time for us to get out, we have Pinkie’s party to attend you know and we mustn’t dally even though I’m usually fashionably late. We’ll discuss this on the way.”

Night fell in Ponyville and a rather rousing party had been thrown by Pinkie, she hadn’t lost her touch and it was one of the best parties she’s thrown that week.

During the party Fluttershy hardly glanced in Rainbow’s direction and when she did it was always a somewhat blank look. Her thoughts were all about the thoughtless things Rainbow could say or do to hurt her, Rarity did put up a good argument against dating the brash mare as their friendship would take a huge hit if they failed to connect and they’ve been friends for a long time. Rainbow’s friendship was something Fluttershy wasn’t sure she wanted to lose, it hurt just to even think she'd never be grabbed or hugged by the colorful speedster again.

Rainbow on the other hand couldn’t stop looking at Fluttershy throughout the entire party with a frown on her face and her heart beat sky rocketing the longer she stared. Her thoughts were on whether she wanted to try anything with Fluttershy or not. If she did and she was denied Rainbow could finally give up on needing love and just go about being awesome like she normally was without a care in the world. The thought of going the rest of her life without Fluttershy's friendship suddenly dug into Rainbow's head painfully, she was one of the reasons Rainbow liked staying in Ponyville other than an easy job with plenty of free time.

As they left the party for their respective homes, tomorrow was only a few hours away as Rainbow and Fluttershy went their seperate ways to get some sleep. They were more than a bit restless about confronting each other and their sleep would be haunted by nightmares.

Neon Night Lifer

Nighttime was always a great time for fun and games and none thought things were more fun than Vinyl Scratch a popular DJ of a club for the less noble aspects of Canterlot. She had two shades of electric blue for her mane and tail, purple specs hiding bright red eyes and a soft bright white coating. Her current destination was towards the nightclub where she worked. When she took one of her back alleyway shortcuts she came upon a bit of trouble in the form of three scruffy earth ponies and two unicorns.

“Now looks guys I don’t want any trouble, now if you’d step out of my way.” Vinyl was quite the scrapper and the musical note on her flank wouldn’t tell you how good she was in beating off deadbeats.

“Yeah, well…” The dark brown unicorn said moving for her before he was cut off by what sounded like a violin slowly playing a single long note that rose and fell, then a bunch of rapid notes. Slowly the note played again slightly faster as the unicorn tried to talk again and it too was followed by a back forth rapid note sound. Then the notes started coming faster the five male ponies were looking around themselves wondering where that violin music was coming from, when a inconspicuous cardboard box exploded outward violently in their midst revealing a red pegasus with yellow tips smiling devilishly.

Kazooie loved to beat up gangs ever since visiting River City, she was surprised a candy coated world like this one even had gangs to begin with since it all seemed so perfect and happy go lucky. She was plenty happy to be proven wrong, but even then the gangs here were probably as strong as a stick of butter.

The day had gone so well with her dropping an entire blob of white pudding out of her backpack over the castle, the reaction princess Sunny Delight had was nothing short of hilarious. Kazooie had finished sending her sidekick on her way on a date with a flustered owl when she came upon this classic gang line about to be spouted and decided to drop in early before some other hero did it.

“Hey there, we’re not doing that stupid hero cliché! I refuse to allow that to happen, of course if you were expecting a shark I know of one I can happily introduce you to.” Kazooie standing on her hind hooves stuffed the violin into her backpack and just smiled. “My name is Kazooie and four of you are lowlifes, one of you is a thug. If any of you continue your course of action I will have to impress you into leaving the mare alone.”

“Wait a minute, which one of us is a thug?” The brown unicorn looked around at his four cohorts as he didn’t know one of them was a thug and one of them sheepishly raised a hoof.

“Damn it Jerry, why didn’t you tell us? Look it doesn’t matter if he’s a thug we’re still going to do this and there’s nothing you or that unicorn can do to stop us.” The unicorn said bravely standing up to a disinterested Kazooie who took position in front of Vinyl walking on her hind hooves casually into position.

“What if I told you I breathe fire and crapped lightning?” Kazooie was really bored as this wasn’t as aggressive as she was expecting from a gang of lowlifes and a thug. Even in the candy coated world of Equestria there were wimpy idiots who didn’t know any better.

“Well I don’t see any clouds in the sky and unless your part dragon I doubt you could stop all of us!” The unicorn leader of the smalltime gang watched as Kazooie slowly inhaled and spat out a ball of fire that lit the street aflame causing him and his gang to backpedal away in fright.

Following up her simple light show by turning butt towards them Kazooie quirked an eye as she wiggled it at them.

“Do you actually want to test if I can fart lightning? I would do thunder, but anybody who’s had enough beans can do that.” Kazooie noted that they were shocked scared staring at the smoldering black scorch mark on the ground; she sighed and decided to get things over with. Exploding a battery egg in her butt hurt slightly but it was worth the effort to fire lightning out her rear end. Kazooie’s face scrunched up and with a gasp and a jerk a blast of white lightning shot out of her butt and blew four lowlifes into the brick wall of the alleyway.

Jerry just stood there as wide eyed as Vinyl was at the moment, he blinked once he finally realized he hadn’t been struck down and saw Kazooie walking over to him writing something on a yellow square. Kazooie calmly slapped a sticky note on Jerry’s forehead and he promptly fainted on the spot. Hopefully he would accept the advice written on the sticky note.

“That was… kind of awesome really, how did you even do that?” Vinyl wasn’t looking a gift pony in the mouth as she didn’t have to hurt herself fighting a bunch of idiots and possible need medical attention. Not to mention if she got hurt it would put off her performance and she couldn’t let that happen, especially not tonight.

“It wasn’t easy as that kind of stings going out, but I’ve had lots of practice firing from my backside like you wouldn’t believe. So do you have anything like your cutie mark but in a variety that hovers while revolving and comes in a golden color that makes a sound when you touch it?” From spotting her Kazooie had taken a slight interest in the mares cutie mark and had wondered if any of her world’s collectables actually crossed over into this one. It wasn’t likely since she hasn’t caused a dimensional disaster quite as bad as that one in a long while.

“No don’t have anything like that. Anyway thanks for the assist, my names Vinyl Scratch and I’m a DJ of a local nightclub around here. Sorry I can’t stay to chat, but I really need to get going.” Vinyl started to trot off but she heard odd hoof steps following and she looked back to see Kazooie following her on her hind legs. “You know walking like that is kind of creepy and why are you following me?”

“To find out where that nightclub is. I’m really bored and I could give someone the ingredients for Sweet Sunflower Seed Sarsaparilla to see if they can actually make it correctly. Any side quests along the way will probably cause me to detour; besides I’m interested to hear what kind of music you put on as I’ve never heard of you before. I wonder what your handle will be, maybe DJ Scratch and Sniff?” Kazooie motioned for Vinyl to continue about her way and to ignore her completely; she dropped down to four hooves and followed Vinyl slightly without being too intrusive. She stopped when she heard something off to the side, sounded a lot like crying. Ah well, she’d find Vinyl’s nightclub later as she turned into a different alleyway.

Vinyl was happy to have the strange pony stop following her, but at the same time she was just as curious to see what the pony was going to do now. The fact that the mare hadn’t heard her play before was really itching at her, who hasn’t heard of DJ-PON3? Vinyl hoped her octopus wouldn’t mind her being a little late, even after she said she’d be at the club to actually listen to one of Vinyl’s performances even if she was going to be derogatory about it. Vinyl turned around and headed back for Kazooie to find her staring at something in a dark corner of an alleyway.

While Kazooie went to investigate the crying noise she had a few puzzle blocks piecing together the things she found out about the mare by looking at her and conversing with her. She already had a life partner but it seems like the relationship had a lot of good infighting or else she wouldn’t looked so prepared to fight those lowlifes and that thug, best not to worry about it and maybe make more friends as she had already made plenty of enemies.

Right now she was just staring at a pony that was almost an adult mare, the odd thing about her was that she was wearing a beanie cap and had spiraling pupils. Kazooie had seen weirder like giant balloon monsters that spit explosive beach balls.

The filly in question had a pink coat, curly purple mane and tail with white highlights and her flank mark was what was so interesting about her. She looked to starved and looked to have been bleeding at some point from unknown injuries; this pony didn’t look like much of a survivor.

Kazooie tried to approach her and she tried to move away, but given time and malnourishment she wasn’t going to get very far at all. Kazooie always had a soft spot for helping others in need unless they were really annoying. It was sort of hardcoded into her after being with her brother Banjo for so long, that bear can really make a girl soft on anyone except the ludicrous situations, bosses and moles they’ve met. Without Banjo around she was free birding and had no obligations to save the world from any evil unless it personally involved itself in her life, right now she was actively the most evil thing in this world barring naturally occurring monsters.

“Hey, easy there, I’m not going to hurt you. You obviously need some food, water and a whole lot of TLC.” Kazooie was really wondering if she should have taken up that seminar offer to learn negotiation from Paragon Shepherd, the Mass Effect universe was kind of overrated to her but if the players enjoyed it so much who was she too argue. Moving slightly closer Kazooie stopped to mentally check her heads up display; she had enough magic power for it and was among the many reasons why she needed potions from Zecora in the first place.

While Kazooie had phenomenal nearly cosmic powers in her personal video game world abilities and worlds closely related to it, she wasn’t nearly as proficient outside of the worlds closely relating to her own and Final Fantasy was actually loosely enough related for her to use it’s magic. Only she couldn’t use anything like summoning, blue magic, red magic and alternative magic schools other then black and white. A fun note was that everything worked in the Kingdom Hearts universe and as a result Kazooie marked that universe as her favorite vacation spot for ultimate mayhem without needing to explain her actions.

The pegasus selected the Scan spell from a drop down menu in her mind but didn’t activate its start up process, the activation of said process tended to spook some people when you started glowing to cast a spell.

“I’m going to do something very strange, if I find out you have some incurable disease don’t blame me for blurting it out in a loud and in a completely insensitive manner as possible.” Kazooie needed something to do in this dimension other than showing raw destructive force, making the local rulers angry, messing with ponies in love and thievery of idiots that probably deserved in the first place. Maybe she could get a day job doing normal work? Nah, that never worked for Kazooie as destruction was what she was mostly good at. With a white glow two concentric three dimensional solid white rings circled around the pony causing her to shiver slightly.

After a few moments Kazooie just stared at the pony and then a slow smile started to form on her face and tear slid down her cheek.

“Thank you Random Number Generating God! Hold on, I’ll cure your illnesses and I’ll heal you up faster than Pit can climb out of the Underworld. Well life has thrown me a good curveball for once, never thought I’d see this day... in all my infinite lives in the form of golden Banjo statues.” Kazooie would cackle gleefully at the weird discovery she just found, but she’d rather save that for after helping the creature in front of her.

“Not Curveball is Screwball name…” The pony said quietly pointing out her flank mark, Kazooie already knew what the pony meant.

“Okay Screwball, hold on a sec.” Kazooie took on a white glow before she released an Esuna spell. White magic meant to cure most light illnesses. She followed it up with Cura as she barely had that much magic power to do even that at the moment, but it would do the job to patch most of the pony’s wounds.

“Okay following you around might be more interesting than I thought.” Vinyl poked her head into the alleyway after watching the pegasus perform some strange magic that apparently fixed up a just as strange pony.

“Hold that thought DJ, come on kid. Crawl into my backpack and think of something you would want to eat, you’ll only receive as much food as you can handle and it’s nice and cozy in there.” It was going to be a strange day tomorrow when Kazooie finally asked the pony about her origins and why the scan suggested her to be a powerful magic user. Also it would lead to an incident with a chaos being and Kazooie hoping for a collect-a-thon.

Screwball liked to think she had someone looking out for her and she was right, soon she’d be eating barely even a single percentage of the food stored away in the backpack. Kazooie just slapped the backpack back on her back and looked to Vinyl before motioning out with her hoof.

Vinyl realizing how late she was quickly darted off, Kazooie followed at a more brisk pace. Soon they had arrived at a club named after a cactus that blooms only at night and Vinyl stopped to talk to the bouncer who happened to be a griffon.

“Just let her in, she helped me out of a jam.” It was the last part of the conversation that Kazooie caught as she came to a stop in front of the griffon that was acting as a bouncer for the club and stared at her. Half lion, half eagle and several types of mean but redeemable in having a somewhat loyal heart.

“And just what are you looking at?” The griffon crossed her talons defensively and glared angrily at Kazooie, who she was just told to let in.

“I’m apparently looking at a sad lonely creature who’s tried to get the attention of someone rather oblivious to your attraction. This ignorance added to your anger management issues and you being without friends probably became a bouncer as an end result. A bigger reason as to why you’re a bouncer is because you can be as tough as you want and never have to show people your gentle side and can be as endlessly stubborn as need be. I would like to help you, but I doubt I’m about to find someone nearly as stubborn as you are and willing to stay by your side while you fly out of control at the slightest provocation. So have fun crying yourself to sleep tomorrow you weak willed yellow bellied mockery of a proud species that is the pitiful creature I see before me, I’m going to be busy partying my sweet tattooed flank off inside.” The griffons jaw dropped as Kazooie waltzed on past with a light smirk on her face as she passed close to the griffon and gave her an ever so subtle kick to a specific spot that the griffon didn’t even know happened.

“Cool...” Was the only thing the griffon could say to that kind of attitude, she just sat there wide eyed and then her wings shot straight out and stiffened. “Gah, what the hell did that pegasus do to my wings?”

Inside the nightclub a chuckling Kazooie saw Vinyl was already in an argument with a rather upper class looking mare with a purple treble clef marking her butt, she moved up to them and cleared her throat.

“Excuse her tardiness, but she was being detained by idiots and my side questing. The idiots in question aren’t going to be around to bother anyone else for a while and one of them might even get outside the closet if he’s lucky. I believe the ponies here are waiting for the DJ to take the stage, so if you will stop holding her up.” The raven haired mare with a light grey coat stopped arguing with Vinyl and turned to the red pegasus giving her a glance in disdain for interrupting their rather stimulating conversation. The conversation in question was about how many ponies hit on her in the last hour or so and how much she hated it.

Vinyl noticed Kazooie motioning for her to go ahead and she did just that leaving the strange pony with her mare friend. The two promtply moved over to a table to converse while Vinyl went to prepare for her job.

“Who are you and what do you have to do with Vinyl being so late?” The tone of voice suggested she was not a happy camper to be in a night club as she sat down.

“Kazooie and you must be hard of hearing and that's the reason why you’re so grey granny, but to reiterate she got held up by a gang I recently flattened. I’m a professional Mischief Maker, an Aero Acrobat and master of various musical instruments. If you hold that thought while I check on someone maybe we can add a third party to this conversation.” Kazooie slipped her backpack from her back and then reached into it with a hoof digging around for something, once she got her hoof on it she gave good tug and up popped Screwball with her face covered in nacho cheese.

“Guh-huh?” Screwball blinked confusedly as she looked at Kazooie for a few seconds before trying to give her a hug, Kazooie firmly planted her other hoof on her chest stopping her from nuzzling up to her savior.

“Wipe you face with a towel first Screwball, how much of my Mexican food did you eat? Ah well, it doesn’t matter in the long run anyway.” Screwball following Kazooie’s orders reached down into the backpack and then wiped her face with a red towel that had ‘hers’ written on it. When she pulled it away there was a yellow smiley face made of cheese stuck to the towel. Screwballs smiling face was sparkling clean and Kazooie didn’t bat an eye at the cheese not sticking to her fur or smearing all over the place. “Cute trick kiddo, but I’ve seen it before. Now crawl on out of there and take a seat, I can clean up the towel later with my er... washing machine, yeah lets go with that.”

Screwball gave a great big fierce hug to Kazooie nuzzling happily into her neck and promptly took a seat next to her wagging her fluffy tail happily as her beanie’s propeller spun out of control on her head. While all this was happening the mare that now sat across from Kazooie just stared blankly at her, taking in the size of the backpack and all the stuff that had just come out of it or went back in.

“Ahem, excuse me for my rudeness I am Octavia Crescendo Pie and it appears there’s more going on here then I might have thought. I’m a cellist, but I have been known to play a bass every now and then.” Having introduced herself finally Octavia stared at Kazooie with intrigue and the pony acting a like a puppy right next to her.

“Look I’m just here for some entertainment and to make some acquaintances, don't worry I'm not interested in Vinyl. I stopped to pick up wild and crazy kid here and then Vinyl finished her trek past the ever so interesting bouncer and here we are with me asking if you know someone with the middle name of Diane last name Pie. I tend to like playing the violin and I really like the dulcet tones of a well tuned banjo, I can litterally get one to do anything if I'm teamed up with it.” Kazooie rested her hooves on the table they took to sitting at and stared at Octavia as she took this all in and her eyes were slightly wide at the mention of the middle name of her cousin.

“The only pony I know with a middle name like that is my cousin Pinkie, can’t stand her really and she interrupted the last gala I was at. I like her sisters better as at least they can contain themselves.” Now they were having a conversation and Octavia seemed to completely ignoring all the absurdities of the shape shifter sitting across from her with a pony that had strange eyes. She was mostly unflappable, but what Octavia was really after was what Kazooie meant to Vinyl and relaxed a little more as their conversation quickly turned to music.

Eventually Kazooie managed to work up a friendship between the three of them, with Screwball barely talking at all and when she did talk she sometimes fell entirely off the track of whatever she was trying to converse about. Over the next two days a chaos creature would be free'd and subsequently put in his place, causing him to go to the one pony he thought he'd never ask for help from.

Splice of life

Today was a brand new day for Twilight as she yawned and stretched out before climbing out of bed and trotted over to a desk to go over the facts of what she was dealing with.

With a glow of her horn she brought out a list of things she wanted to remember. Fluttershy and Rainbow were going to have an important talk. Rarity and Applejack were barely put off their regular routines and were going to be busy at their jobs today. As for Pinkie she was almost normal except for the odd occasions she’d twitch and promptly took a quick look around while wielding a rubber chicken in a threatening manner.

As for Twilight herself, she had studied up on transformations, mystical creatures and other inane things for most of those days she spent cooped up in her library trying to find out what creature had her mentor up in arms. Twilight was working hard especially after hearing Canterlot Castle was flooded with pudding to find a solution to the powerful being invasion, it seemed the being had an airship at her command and was beginning to get Celestia burning with righteous fury. She hadn’t actually met this creature and only caught a fleeting glimpse of it; Rainbow and Fluttershy were the ones to actually meet her in pony.

Rainbow had said she was a nasty customer and Fluttershy for whatever reason seemed to partially defend the crazy creatures’ actions of pepper bombing Ponyville. Pinkie however didn’t say much about the creature other then knowing her name and the possibility of having a history, if Pinkie would just open up about this ‘Kazooie’ then they’d know what caused it to cause such large amounts of havoc. It was for naught as Pinkie hadn’t opened up to any of them about Kazooie and kept exclaiming that she should handle her, but Twilight was already determined to make this a group effort and wouldn’t have it any other way.

This was all the knowledge Twilight had to go on aside from what Celestia had already told her about the bird that changed into a rhino and her escape from Canterlot Castle.

“Hey Twilight, you’ll never guess what’s for breakfast!” Spike said walking by the doorway, Twilight sighed as Spike had been in the same rut for the past few days. After taking care of her morning preparations she sat down at the table in her breakfast nook of the tree she lived in.

“Pancakes!” Spike exclaimed proudly setting a short stack before Twilight covered in strawberry syrup and his own covered with a bit of maple and a few ruby shards for texture. As Twilight ate her pancakes she wondered how she was going to deal with a entity that was magically gifted in transformation, as of yet Kazooie didn’t seem to be doing anything too threatening like transform into a dragon to eat anypony. If only Twilight knew Kazooie had an invulnerable Tyrannosaurus transformation, she only seemed to be doing things that seem like wide scale pranks.

As they continued to eat in silence, Twilight decided to compliment Spike on another well done breakfast even if it’s the same things they’ve had for the past few days. After the compliment Spike would have exclaimed his thanks if it weren’t for a sudden gurgling and very familiar burp of green flames that caused a scroll to appear before them.

Twilight levitated the scroll before her and instantly took to reading it, while Spike nudged up to her side carrying his half eaten stack of pancakes to read along with her.

“My faithful student Twilight, it has come to my attention that the state of the current ‘new being’ situation might have worsened, I’m sending a carriage to pick up you and any of your available friends. This is an urgent matter and… Luna stop laughing about this, this is quite a serious matter that requires our immediate attention! Excuse this line of written dialogue as it appears, I forgot to disable my dictation spell for that moment. Again please get your friends together and come to the castle at your soonest convenience; I’d rather not have to explain this as it is easier to show you what has disturbed me.” Twilight immediately got a look in her eye she had to go get her friends, as far as she knew there was no book to help her with this situation and she just grabbed her saddlebags and what she thought might be useful before setting out, she stopped when she realized there wasn’t a small dragon sitting on her back. “Are you coming Spike?”

“Nah, I think I’m going to hang around here. Haven’t seen Owlowiscious in a while, I’d enjoy a little quiet time to myself.” Spike took to lazing on his back. “I’ll look after the library until you get back.”

Twilight set out to look for her friends; the closest ones were Pinkie and Rarity. Either one of them were going to take a while no matter what she did to get a word in edgewise. She chose the lesser of two evils and went with Pinkie first. She really disliked Rarity playing with her mane with no end in sight; at least Pinkie will distract Rarity should she decide to get inventive again.

Meanwhile outside the town on a little hill near the Whitetail Woods two winged ponies were sitting next to the each other quietly contemplating what to say.

“Rainbow…” Fluttershy said quietly. Sure Rainbow might frighten animals, happens to be aggressive when challenged and overall excitable, but Fluttershy liked her all the same. Could she really ground her friend who flies so beautifully? Well it would be figuratively grounding a pony who flew fast and free, Fluttershy just wanted her to slow down to enjoy things in life. Her heart was already quickening as she remembered the time Rainbow snuck into her house to drag her out of bed for apple cider, Rainbow didn’t need to get her to go get apple cider but she did it anyway. Rainbow was always trying to get her to better herself or was at least always trying to be there for her.

“Flutter…” Rainbow offered up just as quiet. She was busy remembering a time when Fluttershy was cheering loudly for her bouncing on a cloud after she did a Sonic Rainboom at the stadium. Never had Rainbow remembered seeing Fluttershy act so joyously or excited unless they were together, there was the fact that she snuck into her house for no reason other than to complain about how Pinkie hogs the cider when the Apple’s make it. Why did she do that anyway? She didn’t really need Fluttershy for anything that day and she took the time to drag her there instead of just getting an earlier spot in the cider line.

Looking between themselves they sized each other up for a minute, there were thoughts passing through each of their heads. They were thinking of doubts, possibilities and what life would be like with or without each other.

Fluttershy finally relented to the pain of the pressure on her skull and threw her hooves tightly around Rainbow’s neck and started crying. Rainbow just sat there a moment before she started to return the hug to gently rubbing a hoof up and down Fluttershy’s back closing her eyes and smelling the mane currently shoved in her face.

“Rainbow, can we… can we do something special together maybe?” Though she was still sobbing Fluttershy could be heard loud and clear as she was being held in a warm friendly embrace.

Moments later Pinkie found the two just staring at the sky lying far apart from each other and she joined them on the ground for a moment before telling them that Twilight got a message that they were needed by Celestia.

Back in the library, Twilight was already considering a disaster of epic proportions, but then again Canterlots Castle was still standing and so was the area surrounding it and there were no large pillars of smoke flowing off of the buildings. So it couldn’t have been that bad right?

Rarity burst into the library and Spike was instantly looking in her direction, the poor baby dragon knew it would never work but he could always dream.

“Sorry Twilight, I couldn’t get Applejack to come. She’s going to be busy in Manehatten for the next few days with Big Mac. Something to do with their relatives the Orange’s I believe, other than that none of the rest of us have any really pressing matters to attend to and I needed to go to Canterlot anyway.” Rarity always did good business anytime she was in Canterlot and Twilight hoped that the others arrived before Rarity got any of her ideas.

It wasn’t a long wait, Twilight managed to send a message to her mentor that five of them could make it, but Applejack had pressing business in Manehatten even if she was unsure of what it was.

“There, I hope Celestia is okay and that we’ll be able to help her.” Twilight only got a scoff from Rainbow who landed right next to Fluttershy who gave off a squeak and a blush considering where one of Rainbow’s hooves went.

“She’s a princess, I’m sure she can handle herself until we get there Twilight.” Rainbow then slowly took noticed that her right hoof was making slow circles around Fluttershy’s cutie mark and she pulled away without anyone but Fluttershy noticing. In fact Fluttershy seemed lightly disappointed the hoof wasn’t there anymore and the blush on her face said a lot about that.

“But still this Kazooie has done some pretty dangerous stuff; she could have actually destroyed Ponyville if she wanted to.” Twilight was still trying to figure out what motivated a creature to be as destructive as Kazooie. If only Twilight knew that Kazooie was doing because she was really bored and was helping Fluttershy at the time with controlled amounts of chaos.

“Yeah, she didn’t though and she rarely outright kills things if she knows they won’t come back to life thirty seconds later. That is unless they are annoying or happen to be a boss level entity; she could still have that undying hatred of moles… NPC’s are usually invulnerable but that doesn’t mean they can’t feel pain.” Sometimes Twilight thought that Pinkie was just being too weird but it was interesting to hear the creature has killed before, meaning it was capable of something most ponies wouldn’t think of unless they were in a live or die situation. She now had a healthy fear for her friend’s lives.

“Are you sure you won’t tell us more Pinkie? Why are you keeping this so far under wraps?” Twilight didn’t know much else of what Pinkie was talking about, but she filed it away as what little the happy go lucky pony told them of the strange entity.

“Nope a dope, I still say I’m the only one that can face her on even grounds. Also as to why I’m keeping a lot of this a secret it’s because there are just some things that some ponies are not supposed to know! The knowledge would boggle your mind to the brink of insanity and possibly beyond it; it’s how I got the way I am in the first place and remember how you went crazy trying to figure out my Pinkie Sense. So who wants cupcakes?” Pinkie hopped around Twilight and smiled before bouncing away to pull out a tray of cupcakes from out of nowhere for all of them.

It took a few hours for them to arrive at the landing zones at the edge of the castles city, they had to walk to the palace through most of Canterlot as Celestia had made the area a no fly zone and wasn’t taking any risk that the being was still in the area ready to destroy her precious snack stores again.

On their way through Canterlot an odd scene of Rainbow walking alongside Fluttershy was present; it was odd as Rainbow almost never touched the ground for more than ten minutes at a time unless she was indoors. Along the way Fluttershy stated she had some business to attend to, as did Rarity who was looking in a completely different direction. Rainbow tried to follow Fluttershy like a puppy before Pinkie dragged her off whimpering to a nearby novelty store. This left Fluttershy alone to talk to someone she sorely needed to and it was possibly the reason why most of them were in Canterlot anyway.

“Guys where are all of you… ugh, Fluttershy do you mind if I tag along? We’re obviously not getting to Celestia anytime soon and I guess she did say to come at our convenience.” Twilight couldn’t believe her friends could be distracted so easily much less that Fluttershy was distracted by a band; then again Fluttershy knew a thing or two about music so it would probably interest the shy pony.

Walking up to the band Fluttershy smiled as she listened to the strange tune they were playing, it was rather invigorating to see Kazooie not doing something mean for once. It was a soft tune with a few heavy beats from the drummer, the accordion player was really good but she was quite odd with her spiraling eyes.

After it ended Kazooie closed eyes immediately snapped open as she put her instrument away and came face to face with Fluttershy.

“Hey Peebs how’s life? I promised to not interfere with you for a week and I intend to do so, what do I owe your pleasant visit?” Kazooie played it cool while studying her purple friend nearby, there were an interesting set of variables on her and she had obviously met Octavia before.

“Um… I wanted to thank you… for helping me, if that's okay. I just wanted to know what that music you were playing was called and what you’re doing here.” Fluttershy wasn’t entirely trusting of the innocent eyes Kazooie gave her but didn’t press the issue.

“Don’t mention it; Banjo always did say I do my best work when I’m destroying the natural order of things. The music we were playing was called Sunny Windmill Isle and as to what I’m doing here is earning a bit of pay by joining the pony society to indulge in a bit of culture before I head on out to fight a giant volatile monster I heard about near… was it Manehattan? Sheesh the turtles are never going to stop laughing when I tell them about it should I go back to Manhattan to play bash the foot soldier. I also made a friend in Screwball here, I’m thinking of adopting her as she fits the nature of my world perfectly might even find someone to love myself while I'm in this world.” Hearing a screeching noise Kazooie and Fluttershy turned to Owlowiscious and Philomena dive bombing their way into Kazooie’s backpack. Screwball smiled and climbed into the backpack herself wanting to ask them about their date having become part of Kazooie's random assortment of passengers.

“That’s nice, I think? Anyway what are Philomena and Owlowiscious doing inside your backpack?” Fluttershy was a bit worried the owl and phoenix were taking things too fast.

“Those two have been having fun and trust me when I say I’m not forcing them to go to fast, besides I’ve followed them on one of their dates while I was battling a spirit of chaos recently. I think they are building a nest in my backpack before relocating it to somewhere safe, so they can have a stable place to return to after a date to cuddle, haven’t done anything yet that I’m not aware of. That Discord guy’s a total pansy by the way, I’ve seen scarier well known chaos bringers then him. I did enjoy the exploding chocolate milk thing though. I wonder if he’s met Pinkie… ah well, anything else you needed?” There was a disbelieving look on Fluttershy’s face, Discord was free and Kazooie did something to him? Well Fluttershy could understand why Celestia summoned them then, but she had a decision to make to either warn Kazooie about Pinkie being nearby or call Twilight to try and detain Kazooie.

“Um… Pinkie is in Canterlot at the moment.” Fluttershy turned her head to the side and away from Kazooie as she said this.

Kazooie's face suddenly went blank followed by pupil shrinkage and a sudden urge to stretch her legs to mind boggling lengths. She did this and her four green sparkling legs went back to their normal length as Kazooie shot skyward. High up in the air she scrunched up her body and she went from zero to rainboom velocity angling immediately for her next destination earlier then intended with her Beak Bomber. She’d even had the time to write an apology to Octavia for bailing out in the middle of all these actions.

Unfortunately Kazooie forgot that the extended use of Beak Bomb tended to make her unable to fly directly proportional to the amount of distance traveled at a heightened velocity. As can be expected that will end poorly for Kazooie, as for once video game physics worked against her in that regard. It was a good thing no pony could follow her as she didn’t leave a vapor trail behind herself as she flew.

“What was that all about?” Twilight made her way over to Fluttershy looking curiously at her shy friend staring at the expanding ring in the sky not made of beautiful colors but of a vibrant shade of red and yellow.

“Just a friend… she needed to do something important and she really needed to get there quickly. She didn’t even get to say… EEP!” Fluttershy wasn’t lying though she was torn by her own actions. Kazooie helped others find love and that couldn’t all be bad right? She had been smacked in the face with a sheet of paper that had barely visible magical green glow around it that quickly disappeared before Twilight could catch a whiff of it.

“What’s that…” taking it away from Fluttershy with her magic Twilight never knew Fluttershy had made any friends outside of their tight little group and was actually happy to hear it. Fluttershy was never really great at befriending so many ponies. “See you later Pony of Excessively and Exceptionally Bashful Status?”

Fluttershy receives a quirked eye from Twilight.

“Uh, she likes calling me Peebs and is kind of an excitable lo... friend like Rainbow.” At least Fluttershy was aware of why they were in Canterlot and excitable was an understatement. She was considered weak and helpless by Discord and wondered what Kazooie could have possibly done to him that would warrant the fact that chaos wasn’t spreading anywhere at the moment. He had powers beyond compare at the snap of a claw; they had trouble combating him… so why would Kazooie come away from such a meeting perfectly fine if she met him?

“It’s nice to see you making more friends Fluttershy, maybe I can write a friendship report about it when you tell me how you two met later.” Twilight heard Fluttershy squeak out a wince and didn’t bat much of an eye at that as it was just Fluttershy being herself. “Now come on, I’m getting worried about Celestia.”

As Twilight walked off Fluttershy picked the letter up off the ground and looked at the back of it. She blushed but followed the instruction by talking to the grey earth mare for her friend. “P.S. When’s the wedding Peebs? Tell Octavia I’m sorry I bailed and will be back later when her cousin isn’t in Canterlot.”

They were to soon find out what became of Discord and his current freedom from his stony imprisonment, which is if they could get their acts together to see princess Celestia.

Distress

Kazooie felt like she was going down, down into a burning ring of fire… then again she shouldn’t have been screaming at the top of her lungs as she performed summersaults on her way to the ground blowing flames out of her mouth. Given the inability to fly being directly proportional to the distance she beak bombed, she was going to hit the ground at terminal velocity and it was going to kill her. Good things she had extra lives and could spawn right next to where she died.

There was only one problem with this and that was dealing with the local reaper consortium. She really hated red tape and politics unless she could get prinnies involved. Her favorite thing was tossing explosives around after all, even if they come in an animate penguin form.

Celestia flicked open the door to one of the many guest rooms in Canterlot Castle to reveal quite a sight to five other ponies. Of those five ponies only one immediately knew what she was looking at in the terms of the thing lying on the bed that Luna sat next too.

It had a disheveled solid white mane and tail, its coat was a light brown and its ears were decidedly not equine. The being on the bed was none other than a mare with odd ears and looking behind herself when they entered, they could see her brown dull eyes before she rolled to lay on her side with her back to them.

“Wow, Discord really shouldn’t have challenged Kazooie… or maybe he tried to cheat her after she accepted? It doesn’t matter since she looks so cute now!” It only took a minute of staring at the figure on the bed for the other ponies to actually acknowledge what they were seeing, Pinkie was without a doubt right that it was Discord, only it was melancholy female mostly pony version of him.

“Discord, is that really you.” Twilight tested slowly, she could understand why Luna would be laughing as it wasn’t every day the trickster was tricked. The pony didn’t answer her and only curled into a ball and away from her voice.

“Oh, I know what happened to him and if I’m right one of the phrases I’m going to say will cause him to react violently. Please be prepared to hold him down with magic.” Not quite understanding what Pinkie was getting at, Celestia nodded her head as did Luna and Twilight, which was when Pinkie started naming some odd stuff that sounded like food and strange events. “Ultimate clinger winger, rat race evolution, terra terror tubes of untimely hedgehog drowning and oh, was intruder excluder deluxe… Darn I thought that was the one. Let’s see fifty leveled Karnack’s lair… one hundred? Oh, wow… I think I know what Kazooie challenged him to do. She must have gotten Discord to play her game of choice and that’s never a good idea.”

“What Pinkie, what did Kazooie challenge Discord to do that would have you looking so sick?” Twilight notices the pale look on her friends face and she just looks Twilight in the eyes and winced.

“Well, you might want to get a good grip on Discord before I say it. All of you now, Fluttershy, Rainbow and even you Rarity… you’re really going to need them to get a good hold of Distress.” Pinkie’s hair flattened out and became straight much to the point that Rainbow’s eyes twitched at the sight. “Discord, please tell me you didn’t get amused at hearing her challenge you to the… I can’t believe I’m going to say this to someone who was obviously traumatized by it. Do the words… Terrifying… Turbo… Tunnels...”

The female Discord gave a girlish screech of terror and started thrashing around about how she didn’t want to go back to that PLACE. Ripping at the bed sheets with her hooves trying to find a way out of a horrible memory that just didn’t stop all the while exclaiming how she’d rather die than go back to that place and that was saying something for what had been an immortal chaos being who was always usually a jovial pest if anything.

In fact it really did take Rainbow and Fluttershy to help hold Discord down, she was mostly an earth pony without any chaos magic but her physical strength was through the roof as a trade off. It took several minutes before Celestia managed to sedate the wild ponified chaos being, the fear in her eyes was palpable to Discords ability to actually be afraid of something.

“Yep, Kazooie turbo tunneled him or should I say her? Poor Distress, she probably didn’t know what she was getting into until it was too late to stop it. To someone like me it’s just a place for pure fun but for her it must be a never ending nightmare that will haunt her. I’m talking like FOREVER kind of haunting, she’s probably so scarred that she’d probably never go near diamond dogs for the fear of even hearing the word tunnel again.” Pinkie’s hair puffed right back out as she went back to her cheery self. “But you can’t say that she didn’t deserve it. It kind of makes sense what happened to her if she started cheating against Kazooie in a game of skill. Distress really earned her ire and she only likes being beaten when there are benefits to losing and or if she was beaten fairly. I’m guessing she would have just taken his powers if he didn’t cheat, but he did so this is likely the end result.”

“How do you know for certain that Discord… oh right, I forgot who we were talking about for a moment.” Celestia then cleared her throat rather loudly garnering the attention of the five present ponies that were not her recently returned sister. “Doesn’t it bother any of you that there’s a mad female creature running around Equestria with Discords powers?”

“Not really, I mean if anything she was already chaotic before she defeated Discord. Also it doesn’t seem like she’s using them to do too much yet, so maybe she doesn’t know how to access them or use them correctly?” Twilight was soon pointing out all the stuff Kazooie had done and how it made no sense whatsoever. So far reality had yet to warp and it was either a good sign or a really bad sign for the elements of harmony and the princesses.

Elsewhere in a crater formed by a recent death outside the general Manehatten limits…

“I still say you have no jurisdiction over me… don’t make me call Gregg the British chimney sweeping reaper with a cute voice to talk red tape with you.” The elements of harmony had nothing to worry about as Kazooie was currently indisposed of quite literally arguing with the pony reaper about not wanting to pass on to the afterlife as she wasn’t dead, she just hadn’t yet invoked the power of all her extra lives yet.

“Come on Screwball, you’ve got all your fathers powers! This idiot just won’t acknowledge me as immortal with the consortium, can’t you do something?” Kazooie received a shrug from the still living pony standing at the craters edge who took on an amused smile at the situation, along with the two birds sitting on her back looking at Kazooie’s angry spirit with worry. Of course Screwball couldn’t interfere; she could do everything except mess with the life and death on a more personal level. Her father may have been cruel but he was never capable of directly killing something… indirectly however was another story and largely a loophole he really didn’t exploit. “Okay I guess you can’t do everything with all that chaos energy then, I’ll teach you some cool tricks I can do with a special emerald I have stashed away in my backpack. GREGG I summon your bony butt down here and bring me some apple schnapps while you’re at it! I need a drink as dealing with this undead bureaucrat is giving me a headache.”

Back in Canterlot Castle where the ponies were still staring at Distress as Pinkie called him.

“Oh, I just figured something out! Kazooie had to have beaten Discord while she was completely drunk… that’s really impressive considering they were doing the terrifying turbo tunnels.” Pinkie said idly while looking away from the other ponies, not willing to explain how she came to that conclusion.

“Pinkie, how could you possibly know that? We weren’t even there when Kazooie challenged Discord or even beat him. We’re still not entirely… or should I say every single pony but you aren’t sure of what she’s capable of.” Twilight saw Pinkie gave a gentle smile.

“Well Kazooie was always spirited and loved a challenged; some of her best friends where she’s from are actually well known for their crazy absurd challenges and tasks that she receives every other day to get jiggy with it. Just ask Distress when she comes around and she’d confirm whether or not if I’m right.” Pinkie hopped off humming to herself, leaving her thrice worried friends behind. Pinkie really was probably telling them a lot but it was like she was saying nothing at all. She quickly ran back into the room and sprayed an entire bottle of mustard all over Rarity before running off with these parting words. “You’ll thank me later Rarity!”

“Why would I thank you for ruining my pristine white coat, do you have any idea how hard it is to get mustard stains out of white coating!” Rarity yelled after her waving a hoof in the air in anger. “I swear the nerve of some ponies; this is almost as bad as when I try to drink grape juice around Sweetie Belle.”

“Okay now that we all know what’s going on, can me and Fluttershy go do something now?” Rainbow then proceeded to drag Fluttershy out of the room finally getting some time with her to herself.

“Well, I too feel like I should go do something… about all this mustard Pinkie sprayed all over me.” Rarity left in a huff to get herself cleaned up leaving Twilight behind with Luna and Celestia, not to mention the currently heavily sedated Distress. The three left behind ponies had a healthy fear for the future and were currently stressed out, maybe not so much in Luna's case as she found Distress to be one of the funniest thing she's seen in a thousand years.

Fluttershy and Rainbow were walking down the streets of Canterlot together; there was still a lot of tension between them.

Rainbow was almost entirely willing to throw all her loyalty into the relationship and never veer off course no matter the circumstances, but she was also curious about one thing and that was the subject of a crazy fowl mouthed bird.

“Okay Fluttershy tell me the truth, where did you see her?” Rainbow’s flat stare and voice was leaving no room for lies and Fluttershy squeaked in fear. What would she say? She wasn’t going to lie to Rainbow and she really wanted to start a more closer relationship with her.

“Um… how did you know?” Fluttershy said squeamishly hiding the right side of her face behind her mane and trying to appear smaller and meeker then she was already as Rainbow moved them into a nearby alleyway to talk, in the background several a pony with a mixture of berries on her flank was snoring in her drunken slumber.

“Hello, red rainboom? A red pegasus with unnaturally powerful abilities doing something I’m still perfecting from a standstill in mid air? What did she want with you?” Rainbow was being a bit rough and had Fluttershy’s back to a wall of an alleyway, when cornered the obvious response for Fluttershy was to either squeal in fear and say what little she did know as fast as possible or…

“Well...” Fluttershy state having her back pressed against the wall and Rainbow propping hooves up on both sides of her head. Fluttershy’s wings started to slowly unfurl and stiffen; she was beginning to feel heat come to her cheeks. How could Rainbow not feel her heart pounding in her chest at this range?

“Yeah… go on, did she threaten you again?” Rainbow said as she was dominating the conversation and wasn’t quite aware that Fluttershy for the most part was enjoying the feeling. She had Fluttershy pressed against the wall and her chest was almost touching the shy mares. Rainbow was only angry in a protective manner and Fluttershy was finding her righteous anger very nice.

“Not exactly… oh my goodness Rainbow, I’m sorry for what I’m about to do!” Fluttershy wrapped her hooves around Rainbow pushing her into the opposite wall of the alley with a surprising show of strength and slowly gave Rainbow a chaste kiss on the lips. Rainbow was surprised by the outcome, but soon she had to gently push the rather surprising fidgeting mare away from herself, there was quite an obvious amount of reluctance in the action.

“Fluttershy, what the hay was that!” Rainbow yelled putting both her hooves around her friend to prevent her from running off but held her at a legs length. Soon her attention was on the drunken pony in the background that sat up dizzily and wolf whistled at the position they were currently. Rainbow blushed when she noticed one of her hooves on Fluttershy’s thigh.

Fluttershy took initiative and started to hug her quite fiercely with a beet red face in disbelief at what she had done. Finding a head immediately buried itself into her chest Rainbow kind of found Fluttershy as adorable as she always is even if she was succinctly into mares or it was just her specifically.

“I’m sorry, so sorry… she was just trying to help me and then you and me… together and everything… it’s really all strange. I will never kiss you again if you want...” Fluttershy went from kissing Rainbow to a blubbering mess in seconds; she just couldn’t hold back any longer she wanted to cuddle up to Rainbow like she was now and not move for a long while.

“Fluttershy we should probably go get something to eat like we planned and then we’ll talk more once you’ve calmed down. Also no more kissing until we’ve worked out this relationship over food, I mean that’s how it’s normally done right?” Rainbow saw the downtrodden look on Fluttershy’s face and thought of something. Well she did apologize in advance… and Rainbow was fast enough to have actually gotten out of it, but she hadn’t exactly resisted Fluttershy and her sudden show of strength that comes and goes about as much as her powerful dragon stopping stares. “It was really… awesome… for my first kiss and all, but please warn a mare next time will you?”

Fluttershy pulled back and looked Rainbow in the eyes, seeing warmth when she expected the worse only when she looked at Rainbow she saw her wings were fully extended like her own. She had hoped those imaginary cupids fluttering around her head wouldn’t do anything worse than they already have. It was strange for Rainbow to be the voice of reason, but then again Fluttershy wasn’t in her right mind at the moment and was acting way to needy. For once Fluttershy did something selfish and she really didn’t like the guilt she accrued from it, but she considered it worthwhile to get her feelings off her chest. “Okay… sorry for stealing your first kiss… was it your first kiss?”

“Hey it was your first kiss too wasn’t it?” Rainbow saw Fluttershy perk up a bit, she wasn’t going to let a friend down and she was going to reaffirm her decision to work with Fluttershy on this. “Don’t worry so much. Just take things a bit easier will you; this is still a lot for me to take in. I mean you’re usually so calm all the time it’s kind of awkward how you’re acting now. If you’re looking for a comparison it’s kind of like Rarity if she were covered in garbage and screaming at the top of her lungs because she’s about to meet some fancy pony. So where do you want to eat? I’m buying and hopefully we can actually get our date off the ground before you become even better then Pinkie at being random.”

Rainbow called it a date and they were still going on it? Fluttershy’s face flushed and a small wondrous smile tugged at her lips as she skipped slightly as she followed behind Rainbow her heart filled with hopes for the future that Kazooie mildly suggested was possible. Most of the tension from her was gone, but Fluttershy wasn’t going to entirely relax until she had a good solid hold on their new relationship.

Speaking of Rarity… she was leaving Canterlot Castle to find something to get the stains out of her coat as there was nothing properly stocked for such an occurrence happening in the castle. In fact there wasn't mustard or anything like a condiment within fifty feet of the castle after the rather upsetting pudding attack and may explain the lack of supply, at least the castle smelled nice.

“Excuse me miss Rarity, what is that all over your coat.” Fancy Pants was an easy going billionaire type of male unicorn pony who has had a budding friendship with Rarity, his monocle and top hat were recognized in everywhere in Canterlot. Once he saw the mare that was rather generous in nature he decided to talk with Rarity and if it weren’t for those mustard stains he probably wouldn’t have seen her. Her friends were very enjoyable if estranged from the rest of Canterlot high society, a Gala really paled in comparison to a Pinkie Pie party. Like the one he had for his last birthday and as such Rarity’s friends were definitely his kind of ponies.

“Oh my, sorry you have to see me in such a dreadful state Fancy Pants. One of my friends got mustard all over me and it kind of stained my coat a bit.” Jumping a bit as she was addressed by Fancy Pants, Rarity gave a forced smile. While she did wipe the mustard off, it left a lot of yellow streaks on her normally pristine coat and washing it out was rather tricky business.

“Pinkie is still a bean dog lover huh? Fleur is quite taken with the food herself and knows a thing or two for getting it out of her coat, kind of helps to know the secret to it or else I wouldn’t be able to entirely enjoy my bean dogs with mustard either. You remember her right? Well come along then I think I know where she at this moment in time.” Fancy Pants was the nice type of rich pony and was quite social as he was jovial. He didn’t even mind if Rarity lied to his face a few times as he himself had fibbed quite a bit in his life so who was he to argue or judge. He knew Rainbow Dash could be a trainer of the Wonderbolts since she does spectacular work over Ponyville and all those free shows are fun to watch from a telescope at the edge of Canterlot. He wasn’t the only pony that could say that as his friends were entertaining the notion of her doing air shows not as a Wonderbolt but as herself.

Fancy had to wonder why Photo Finish didn’t give Rarity the light of day, but then again even camera working mares can get pretty jealous of a pony who took pride in making appearances and it was any wonder Fluttershy was seen so shortly afterwards rising rapidly through the ranks of fashion models with her naturally good looks and shy disposition.

Rarity stood there blinking and then absentmindedly followed Fancy Pants. Fleur De Lise is a popular model because of her size and slim frame, until Fluttershy stole the show from under her feet for a few weeks and it was rather surprising that the mare didn’t hold it against her friend. In fact as long as Rarity was here she might as well hang out with her other supportive higher life style friends as she wasn’t immediately needed to thwart some disaster.

The end results was Rarity thanking Pinkie Pie, after having such a nice evening with her other friends and even earned a few beauty tips from Fleur De Lise herself.

Macintosh Three o' clock

“So… it was all a plot to get me to notice you?” Rainbow said slowly starting a glare, before she bit into a Tomato, Lettuce and Cucumber sandwich with Thousand Island dressing. At least not all the café’s in Canterlot were high brow affairs.

“Um would you be mad at me if I said yes. Though I don’t think she really makes idle threats easily…” Fluttershy whimpered in her seat and gnawed at a hay fry cutely.

“Then that means she threw our fight on purpose! I’m so going to challenge her to a real competition next time! So, since you hang out with Rarity talking about relationships so often… do you know if Applejack is even in a relationship with anypony?” The sudden change of mood and completely dropping the subject of Kazooie leading her to Fluttershy didn’t miss said shy pony’s notice. It didn’t bother Rainbow and she was continuing the date without pause, Fluttershy was happy at least to get this far.

“Well Rarity still trying to figure it out and I think it’s making her slightly crazy… Applejack goes both ways and Rarity is strictly into stallions.” Fluttershy eased into the topic, all of the following ones as well and then the Wonderbolts discussion came up.

Two days later, in Manehatten city, a series of unfortunate circumstances were beginning to take place for two apple clan ponies. It all started early a two thirty in the morning and Big Macintosh, AKA Big Mac or just Mac was out and about looking for information on who was destroying their cousin’s orange tree plantation near the city. He wasn’t having much luck, but family was family even if they were snooty like his older sisters fancy friend Rarity.

Big Macintosh walks out of a bar… and promptly trips over a mostly red pegasus wearing a blue backpack that was also covered in blood and lying on the ground face down.

“Ow, who the buck just tripped over… oh, great I’ve gone native and started talking like them.” One look from those green eyes and Big Mac knew he was in trouble at the way they glossed over for a second before wandering his body with a sharp precision.

“…” Big Mac didn’t say anything but he gave her quite disturbed look causing her to take notice of her state.

“Let’s see I’m covered in blood, waking up outside of a bar and sleeping on the streets… I must have had a good time.” The pegasus started checking her backpack for items acquired in the last three hours specifically. The backpack having the specified settings magically poured out a bag of bits and a golden hoof boxing trophy on the ground.

“Drunken boxing again… well that’s just boring, I thought I found a secret organization of ninja’s again and beat the ever loving stuffing out of them in a drunken stupor. Though the trophy does remind me about the good times with Little Mac, those were the good old days of punching out odd characters. So who’re you and why are you tripping over my unconscious body after some bloody good times as Gregg would call them. Names Kazooie Kalzoonteight… darn it, I used my full name. Please forget I ever said that, I’m still kind of drunk off of that sweet apple schnapps stuff… Kazooie and you are?” It was quite a surprise to Big Mac seeing a mare not panicking about being covered in another pony’s blood, much less dropping a hefty bag of bits and a trophy out of her backpack before scooping them back up without pause.

There was also the very strange cutie mark on her flank that nobody could possibly decipher unless that’s what the puzzle piece represented. The egg with the question mark was even stranger and the mark of her backpack couldn’t have possibly been naturally occurring by any stretch of the imagination. Cutie Marks tended to not lie even if this one was otherworldly in nature and since it was rude to stare at another pony’s flank, Mac was brought back to attention by a snarky comment about his staring. “Take a picture it’ll last longer… also I’m not explaining the egg unless you know where a giant key made out of a crystal is.”

“Mac…” He was a patient pony, but this pony seemed like Rainbow Dash in the calm attitude department, she wasn’t acting very drunk though she did seem a bit tipsy in the way she stood up.

“I’m just going out on a limb here Mac… but you’re not having any problems are you, because I would like to do you a good favor if you could do one for me. I’m willing to do almost anything for it; key word is ‘almost’. So don’t put your mind in the gutter there pal. I’m not easy for anybody, especially in difficulty settings.” There was a keen sharpness about the way her eyes searched his in a pleading manner, she wasn’t a down on her luck pony and she knew how to fight even while drunk and win a championship apparently.

Big Mac couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling of having a blood covered pony asking to do him a favor for a favor in return, he was about to move on but he decided to humor a pony as every Apple was a friendly sort and always willing to help. He felt this odd chill travel up his back with what he said next but he didn’t care because he felt it would benefit him in the end.

“Maybe…” As soon as he said it a yellow tipped hoof was held up to him and the staggering stance immediately stopped as she seemed to sober almost immediately without any of the side effects of hours of impossibly bad drinking.

“Good, tell me your problem and I as an adventurer swear to uphold my end of the deal, then you’ll hold up yours… you live in Ponyville right Mac?” It wasn’t too hard to say that she was having a hard time keeping her mind straight; good thing she took that hangover tincture and she still had ninety eight more of the darn things. Her hoof was tightly grabbed and shook making her smile a bit.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac just stared at her as if he were talking to a child, he at least owed the pegasus a benefit of a doubt as he wasn’t having too much luck finding anything himself and he did trip over her.

“Good, because I’m calling my favor when we both go back there… tell me what you need and I’ll see what I can do about helping you out. First let me go into a nearby alleyway to clean this off.” Big Mac looked to a nearby clock as the pegasus wandered off. It was twenty till three and when he looked back he saw a suspiciously clean pegasus that was once covered in fresh blood seconds ago.

“How…” Big Mac asked before receiving a hoof over his mouth.

“Do you know Pinkie Pie?” Big Mac nodded his head yes at the narrowed eyes. “Is she anywhere near here?”

This time Big Mac shook his head no and Kazooie sighed in relief while removing her hoof.

“If you know her then why are you having problems believing that I could… no wait, we haven’t been around each other long enough have we?” Kazooie watched Mac nod his head again; she really didn’t go for the strong silent types as they were ridiculously annoying even if they were good listeners. “Okay, what’s the situation and how can I help you so you can help me… “

Big Mac went on to explain it in as little words as possible as was his usual modus operandi, after he was finished Kazooie motioned for him to follow her.

“You’re in luck I happen to have an idea of what’s going on as that’s why I’m here in Manehatten in the first place. You see as an adventurer I usually end up pitted against ridiculously giant creatures and I’ve heard rumors that there is a sea king here, otherwise known as a giant water dragon. Haven’t seen one since Amaterasu invited me over for Jap… Japonese food.” Kazooie noticed the stare she was getting from Big Mac. “You’re wondering what this has to do with the orange tree plantations and your problems aren’t you?”

“Eeyup.” It was a little strange, but what did a giant water dragon and the orange plantations have in common, the orange plantation was at least a mile inland, around a river that led to the bay. Big Mac figured that Kazooie knew more than he did at this point even if she seemed slightly unreliable on first appearance.

“Well, surprisingly it’s all part of a conspiracy to destroy the orange trees and buying out a destitute orange plantation then turning a profit on it. It’s a little more complicated then you may think and if I’m right somebody is about to do something horribly stupid.” Leading Big Mac to a nearby coach, Kazooie got the ponies attention. “Excuse me, but can you get us to the warehouse district?”

After paying the driver who felt it was weird that a pegasus was actually paying for transport it was eleven minutes before three in the morning by the time they arrived. Along the way Kazooie explained an intricate plot by a shadowy organization that was angering a water dragon and it was soon changed to raise some kind of giant powerful being to damage the orange plantation instead. The reasons for the change in plot was that the Sea King learned of it and stopped being used since a river serpent named Steven helped her explain the situation to something that was quite large and scary.

“Okay…” Big Mac said to himself as he stepped off the coach that took off back into the city as they walked up to a pony in the warehouse district.

“Excuse me, but can you tell me if you have a thirteenth warehouse and would it by any stretch of the imagination abandoned at this current time?” The green coated dock working earth pony just looked at her oddly, shrugged and nodded before pointing them lazily in the right direction. “Thanks… by the way you might want to get any other pony away from the warehouse district soon. Just a word of warning, get them as far away from here as possible.”

Seeing that she was being ignored, Kazooie coughed an oval shaped fireball in front of the pony causing him to jump away from the intense heat as it marked the ground. “DID I STUTTER? Get everyone who works here out of the area, my crazy boss battle senses are tingling. Come on Macky, if my hunch is correct we’re already too late to stop it and then who knows what the hell I’ll have to fight this time.”

“Stop what?” Thus the unfortunate events started with meeting a strange pegasus with strange ideas about how the world worked… naturally she was proven right in the next four minutes when they climbed onto some boxes next to warehouse thirteen. Through a window they saw a circle of unicorns doing something with their magic. The magical circle being invoked slowly disappeared and Kazooie had managed to discern what it exactly did with but a glimpse. Reasons Kazooie knew what the circle did was from the Final Fantasy realms… every single one that had ‘summoning command’ ability that is.

Big Mac had other worries to focus on such as his unconscious elder sister tied up and two ponies playing with their pa’s hat, in a room on the upper catwalk. He received a tap on his shoulder from Kazooie before he could get righteously angry and storm in there.

“You rescue the hostage and make it quick we have five minutes before all hell busts loose! And this time it isn’t even my fault… what a waste. I’m going to go get their attention; you get in and out of there fast. Don’t bother coming back to help me, just run towards the city and stay out of the path of whatever comes up.” Kazooie’s last words were a bit surprising but whatever the case he had better get Applejack out of there, considering the urgency in the winged ponies claim that something bad was about to go down.

Speaking of which, Big Mac felt that he had Pinkie Pie’s sense of foreboding as a chill ran down his spine telling him to hurry up. He came to his sense and pulled the window open not knowing where Kazooie went when he wasn’t paying attention, Mac had four minutes to get in and incapacitate two ponies and get out with his sister under the assumed idea that the entire place was rigged to blow sky high because of magic or something like that.

Using his assumption as a reason to put a lot of fear and adrenaline into his system, Big Mac didn’t care about being quiet leaping to the catwalk from the window. Fortunately he didn’t have to worry about anyone interfering in saving his sister, Kazooie’s distraction was noisy and the sound of explosions could be heard causing the two guards to take off down the stairs leaving the hat they were toying with behind on the ground.

Quickly running over to the hat he flicked it onto his own head as Applejack would kill him if he left it behind. He quickly got Applejack onto his back and jumped back out the window, climbed down the boxes and was off running as he wasn’t sure what was about to happen. With Applejack balanced on his back he wasn’t about to take chances. The only clue he had as to what was about to show up is the shout of joy from a familiar voice.

“YAHOO, this world isn’t just a diabetic’s worst nightmare! Boss battle!” Hearing an impossibly large crash, Big turned his head slightly and began running in the same direction double speed as a large shadow started ripping itself out of the ground. If Kazooie survived that thing then he was going to buck her upside the head as hard as he could, he didn’t know why… he just knew it was the right thing to do.

It was three A.M. and an early morning battle to save Manehatten was beginning.

At Canterlot Castle at the very moment things were going quite well as Pinkie had managed to throw an all night party in the castle. That was until one of the guards pulled Celestia away from her cake and Luna away from her banana flavored Moon Pies.

“What is wrong… guard?” The unicorn guard just frowned at Celestia.

“You’re not going to use my name?” The guard said sadly.

“She would but you’d turn it into an innuendo Golden Sheathe, though I must really commend you on your sword training and fencing ability.” Luna was the one that walked into that and Celestia just sighed.

“Heck yeah I’m well trained with my sword… sorry, can’t help myself and you were right. In any case, a zodiac monster has been detected!” Both the princesses looked at each other.

“Which one is it, did you manage to identify it? Did you even remember to check?” Celestia said, hoping that it was not Gemini or Pisces. Not that Sagittarius could open up a Pandora’s Box all on its own.

“Um… I’m not sure I should tell… “After getting a glare from the princesses he suddenly blurted out the answer. “It was Cancer.”

Luna’s pupils shrunk to the finest sized dots, she gasped and then before she could let out an inevitable coming scream she was hit with a mute spell from Celestia. Celestia knew why he was reluctant to tell them, Cancer was one of Luna’s biggest concerns not that Pisces wasn’t as bad. Luna turned a glare to Celestia who promptly released the spell.

“Sister, just be glad that neither Pisces nor Sagittarius have appeared. I still have a few nightmares from when Gemini was fought and it took both of us working in concert to beat it, all of the five hundred copies of a single giant creature at that.” Celestia still had nightmares from the multiplier zodiac creature; it’s probably why parasprites existed in the first place. She was glad that parasprites didn’t eat living creatures or all kinds of inanimate matter; they’d be capable of eating the entire world then.

“Pisces, Sagittarius, Gemini, Cancer? I’ve read about them in my astrology books… why are you so worried about them princess?” Twilight having been there the whole time wondered what they were worried about when she followed them.

“Pisces is the creature that can muddle the mind and bind you to another against your will, had I not been so strong of will I would have been much cuddlier with Luna as if I were a lover… suffice it to say I stayed away from Luna long after that, it might even have been the cause of the Nightmare Moon episode. Sagittarius has the ability to steal, fuse and otherwise manipulate parts of other creatures. You need only seek a Manticore or Discord as he was to see what Sagittarius can do. All creatures of the zodiac are large volatile creatures of a powerful sort; each one has a very specific dangerous ability. After we had banished all these creatures, there was only a limited amount of ways to temporarily bring them back through summoning rituals.” Celestia shuddered; Sagittarius seems like a warm and inviting creature at first glance, but the things it could do made it a well known horror if you couldn’t fix what it could do to you. Celestia was thankful for the protection from the elements of harmony at the time.

“And what does Cancer do and why does Luna look so pale?” Looking into Luna’s eyes, Twilight could see a faint mark of regret.

“As with all the zodiac creatures, each one has a rather specific summoning ritual that can’t be accidentally done. For instance Cancer’s summoning ritual requires the night of a full moon and the summoning to be set up near the sea. It is not the only reason of my sister’s fears, Cancer’s ability is regeneration and it is a heavily armored creature. Its armor fixes itself as soon as it’s cracked and it’s nearly tireless. The only way to stop it is to remove it entirely in a single powerful attack or hit it continuously without end until its banished once more. Neither options are easy as the creature will be attacking the first aggressor it meets, do anything to draw its attention and it will chase you down until you are left with no strength left in your body to run, fight or do much of anything else for that matter.” Celestia silently recalled how they stopped Cancer the first time; she truly doubted wherever Cancer rose up would like a tactical solar flare strike. If it was in area populated with ponies she wouldn't think of it or consider it an option. “I will not risk you to this creature; go back to the party and have fun Twilight. I and Luna shall attend to this, we’ve done it once before and we can do it again.”

Celestia didn’t leave much room for an argument and she and Luna flew off immediately leaving behind the purple unicorn to stare at the starry sky and the moon. She hoped that the two royal alicorn sisters would be okay.

There was no being short of having incredible power that should possibly be capable of defeating Cancer, unless you’re a silly pony named Applejack.

Practical Parenting Practice

Seven o’ clock in the morning the day before the summoned monster incident strikes Manehatten.

“Okay guys I’ve brought you out here to set up a small challenge for you to see if you got what it takes to actually hold together in a relationship under massive amounts of stress. Don’t act surprised, but I taught Screwball a neat trick and it wasn’t easy for her to get it right after a dozen or so times. It’ll give the both of you something interesting to do while I’m busy taking care of the brewing situation.” With that Kazooie unveiled Screwball to Philomena and Owlowiscious; they were a bit shocked to see Screwball not as a pony. Though they couldn’t say they hadn’t seen this coming somewhat as Kazooie has been training her in transformation magic and the egg blasting character had strange methods for how to learn to transform into other objects and beings. It was just surprising to see a cross between a phoenix and an owl in the flesh. “You both are going to take care of Screwball for a day or so, you’ll need to learn how to take care of a child together if you continue like you have been. If you need me for anything just follow the blood and or explosions, I’m also probably the only sociopathic heroine in this entire city so I’ll bet you will have no trouble at all tracking me down.”

After Kazooie flew away Owlowiscious and Philomena were left with what was soon termed a Phowlix and the empty nest they had been building sitting on the ground. Screwball was now small, had the grace and beauty of a phoenix and the eyes and wingspan of an owl with a mixture of size from both of them. It was still the same pony on the inside and she still had her beanie on her head magically resized to fit her. She was still; as to be expected of a Kazooie style transformation, a vibrant purple and white color like she was when she was a pony.

Screwball had recently started mimicking Kazooie by using her hat like Kazooie’s backpack, she couldn’t quite copy all of the backpacks exact abilities but she did have a lot of room under her mystical flying hat.

“Not to worry dear girl I’ve taken care of my associate little Peewee many a time…” Owlowiscious started off bravely turning to Philomena puffing out his chest.

“Yes, so you have told me. This is a different situation entirely, I believe Kazooie has left us with a stumper of the possibility of a cross breeding of our species. I’m not going to say I haven’t considered the possibility, but how did she really manage to do this?” As Philomena contemplated this she heard a loud growling sound that was like that of a young dragon or a timber wolf, she immediately turned to Screwball turned bird to see her stomach shifting ever so slightly. “Oh, dear… I guess our first obstacle has come up and Kazooie took her backpack with her. How are we to procure food for her? I’m not exactly willing to steal food or mess with the careful and delicate balance of possibly leaving a family hungry knowing how much she can eat. It would be so much easier if Blueblood were here to steal from, then I wouldn’t mind nearly as much.”

“Yes, but in this situation she left us here in the middle of Manehatten without food, water is simple enough if we can find a water fountain that isn’t loaded with gum or gross substances to drink from. Also the reason why we don’t just immediately go to Kazooie is because she’s running herself headlong into danger knowing that if we follow her we’d fail the exercise she just set us up on. Yes, she’s quite the trickster if I do say so.” Owlowiscious came to a rather disturbing conclusion in the next few moments. “By the way, what exactly do Phowlix’s eat?”

“Phowlix… ah, very cute my fine feathered cuddle toy. This is another problem she left for us to comprehend… Owl’s and Phoenix’s have mildly differing appetites. We only need one thing we both agree on in the edible department and then we need to determine how we could possibly find it in this city where some kinds of foods are to put it bluntly, scarcer. If anything we should make sure it’s also safe for a pony to eat, I’ve seen Kazooie eat things that she probably shouldn’t even while she’s being a pony.” Philomena put her right wing around Owlowiscious who hooted a cheery laugh.

That question was easy enough to answer for the owl, but he also realized the other side of why Kazooie did this to them. He was pretty sure his partner in this exercise had already figured it out, survival of themselves and a theoretical child in a hostile environment or a worst case scenario as if it were. Even then, he was assured that Kazooie left something to Screwball just in case of an emergency and they had to do a good enough job to not require whatever the ‘just in case’ entails being pulled from her hat.

They were well acquainted in how each other works personally and honestly had a good friendship that was inching close to love if all the hugs and snuggles said anything. Now they had to rely on their own wits, without the near endless food supply perfectly preserved by Kazooie’s backpack. In fact the magic of the backpack was quite genius on many levels, with the exception that you couldn’t stop a live being from aging while inside it otherwise you could spend an eternity inside it. Kazooie was already functionally immortal both ways until she ran out of all those extra lives of hers. No wonder the backpack wearer left them without breakfast.

“I believe we may have another problem on hand…” Owlowiscious stated as he watched Screwball trying to fly but jumping into the air and flapping her wings wildly.

“Agreed, Kazooie didn’t teach her how to fly… given that she is normally a pony of ground nature Screwball doesn’t know how to fly, at least without her propeller hat it would seem. Should we give her some lessons?” Philomena watched with mild attention as Screwball closed her eyes and scrunched up her face causing the propeller to spin on her hat and she floated into the air till she dropped to the ground again when it stopped.

“Indubitably… however I will not hold to the barbaric act of shoving our young out of a nest till they learn to fly right or flutter enough to not hit the ground. Of further note I hope you agree that we never do this anywhere near the Ever Free Forest, it’s not a pleasant experience at all.” Owlowiscious held a wing up to the underside of his beak as he was contemplating something. Seeing that Philomena giving him a questioning look he decided to extrapolate just why he wanted her to agree to that. “Well if I remember right it isn’t the fall that kills when dropping from great distances…”

“It is what you fall upon… yes that could get rather messy I bet, did that happen to you dear Wis?” As Philomena gasped that out she contemplated all the nasty things she read about in that forest, quite an interesting place for ponies to set habitations up next to and everything. Celestia didn’t bother telling her ponies not to set up there; in fact the sun goddess encouraged it. It was probably nostalgia for her old home that made her send ponies that way.

“My mother wasn’t foolish enough to try that and I believe I get a lot of my intellect from her. As such instead of pushing me from the nest she encouraged me to figure out how to hover above it when she thought I was ready to learn. Slow steady examples and corrections till I could perfect a hover, then the maneuvering came shortly afterwards. What was it like for you miss Philly, if I may be so bold?” Bowing to Philomena Owlowiscious kept a composure and grace about him that had Philomena giggling; his manly voice rather offset his grace and appearance.

“My parents taught me to fly by teaching me to breathe fire first, aim straight down and lift off like a firework going to the sky to explode in a brilliant flower upon a night sky. It was a rather embarrassing time for me. I eventually learned how to get into the air the right way and to stop using my breathe to launch me into the air. Ah to be so young and adorable again, funny that you never ask me about my age Wis.” Philomena quirked an eye at Owlowiscious and turned to Screwball and pulled her towards herself in a hug. “Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you Screwball, we’re just working out the details of this venture.”

“My yes Screwball, oh and Philomena… a gentle owl should never ask a lady Phoenix about their weight or age unless they want to be beaten within an inch of their own life. Either that or promptly set on fire and blinded for a while if not permanently.” Say what you will, Owlowiscious knew better then to walk either of those minefields around Philomena.

“Quite, we have a nest… we should set it up in a tree out of the way of predators or playfully rough ponies. Screwball if you’ll get inside the nest we should be strong enough with our combined strength to lift you to a location where we will set up a base of operations.” Philomena watched as Screwball waddled like a penguin and slowly wrestled her way into the center of the rather well built nest but still incomplete nest.

Following Screwballs internment in their cooperatively built nest, both Owlowiscious and Philomena took a side in their talons and begun to flap their wings. It was a little awkward at first, but they managed to figure out each other’s natural flight strength quickly enough. Although she is a lithe beauty of a phoenix, Philomena was strong and was overcompensating on her end of the nest. In an opposite manner Owlowiscious was a bit wider and less physically inclined, since he was more suited in the pursuit of knowledge and was trying to slowly; if accurately, gauge the lift on his side of the nest.

The end result was their swirly eyed charge almost falling from the nest. Philomena quickly underpowered her wing flaps, while Owlowiscious quickened his own and again they became unbalanced. After a few seconds they were both lifting the nest at an even level and were guiding it by Philomena’s choice of placement as she was the one with an eye for detail while it was bright outside and saw a good place to set it down.

Finally having managed to get the construct in the tree they both sighed until they heard the loud rumbling of three stomachs this time. It sounded like an empty hydra at an all you can eat buffet. This gave Philomena a great idea, but before she could say anything Owlowiscious spoke up before her.

“That brings up another question you who set my heart ablaze… which of us shall hunt for food? One of us has to stay with our young charge while the other goes to find food. It would be irresponsible to leave someone with so many chaotic powers alone to her own devices, especially when she has all of Discords powers at her beck and call.” It was then that Owlowiscious noted a smile on his companion’s face that he decided to stay quiet.

“I’ll get the food; you’ll start working on teaching Screwball to fly without the use of her hat. I was always one for thinking outside the box and I have an idea of how to appropriate us a feast without causing much harm or damage. Unfortunately I may be a bit pockmarked with injury upon my return, but worry not for I am a phoenix and I will always rise again till my time has come to burn out like the many stars in the skies.” With that Philomena alighted herself to sky and flew off with a graceful sweep past Owlowiscious tickling his cheeks with the tips of her wings as she did. Owlowiscious blushed and turned to Screwball who was giving him a small smile and giggling.

It had taken some time for Philomena to find a jar, a beehive, the right kind of restaurant and a pony that could understand wing sign language or at the very least allowed her to write a message. She was just in luck to find a bright orange pegasus with a green mane that ran a restaurant who could understand what she wanted with her naturally collected ingredients and a few gestures. Philomena also wrote a few things down as well as she could with a pencil and showed it to the winged pony who readily nodded with a smile, she had something new to add to the menu and this bird had earned herself a meal big enough for three.

The pony always wanted to try something new, of course she did make mention to the phoenix to learn to write better as her chicken scratch left something to be desired. Philomena had the decency to blush and was soon given a Neighpon style to-go box and the chef even mixed the new food with noodles, Sweet Sunflower Seed Lo Mein with a good helping of vegetables was something to behold.

Philomena thanked the pony heartily having made a new friend and set off into the sky back to the nest where she arrive to see Screwball getting a few inches of the nest until Owlowiscious stopped her and started to correct her form and then she got a few inches higher than last time. Philomena gave a sharp whistle attracting both their attentions as she set the box full of food down and gingerly worked to get it open with her talons. She wasn’t going to lie if she was asked how many hoops she had to jump through to get all the random stuff she needed to get this one meal. It reminded her of Kazooie when she mentioned that collecting things was her biggest passtime and even told a few stories of the stuff she went through to get those jiggy things.

Philomena finally managed to open the box and the smell attracted Screwballs attention, the Phowlix immediately rushed over to getting a beak full of sweet seeds, noodles and vegetables.

“Oh my, this food looks wonderful, but how did you ever manage it?” Owlowiscious stated as he got his beak into it and tasted a wondrous concoction of Neighpon take out; it was kind of like the old days of eating regurgitated worms only more fancy. Twilight ate a lot of takeout and he always had access to her refrigerator… not that she knew he was eating her food and it tended to get blamed on Spike anyway. Owlowiscious had to admit that when it came to being mischievous it was easy to poke at the dragon’s buttons and one of the reasons he likes Philomena was because she was a prankster of the highest order at times. Taking note of his companion’s stature he finally deduced she had been through a lot for having only been gone for at least an hour. “And what happened to you? You look positively wrung out.”

“Well it all started when I had the idea to get sunflower seeds… following that I had thought about how some honey would be nice to go with it, things kind of spiraled out of control from there. I was attacked by a stray dog picking the sunflowers, stung by a few bees getting the honey and it took a while to communicate what I want to a pony because I really need to work on my talon writing. All in all not bad turnout as long as I can get some of that, I helped cook it after all and I’m not slouch when it comes to helping in the Canterlot kitchens when Celestia hungers for cake. So how’d the flying lessons go?” With that question asked Philomena drove her beak into the concoction she helped make, it was lightly sweetened, a bit crunchy to be sure and the noodles gave it a great texture with the carrots and broccoli added in.

“My Philly, it sounds like you’ve had quite the rough hour. I was hit by a flying discus and got landed on by Screwball when she fell out of the nest, not exactly as troubling as all that you must have gone through finding a container for the honey glaze.” Owlowiscious hopped over to Philomena and looked over her ruffled feathers with a gentle wing. Philomena swallowed what was in her beak and looked to Owlowiscious with a smile.

“I’m fine Wis, nothing a little preening and a bird bath couldn’t cure.” With that they all continued to eat until not much was left and they were quite stuffed. Philomena wouldn’t eat food this fancy for a while and in fact swore to get the weight of it off her stomach; Screwball still had the appetite of a chaos energy formed pony and had to have packed all the food into a quantum pocket somewhere around her stomach to have eaten twice her own body weight.

“Now what is on the menu as we have successfully prevented hunger? I assume continued flight lessons or maybe even… fire breathing?” If there was one thing Owlowiscious had to fear and was hesitant on talking about, it was teaching Screwball to breathe fire. Of course Screwball would either have the magical potential or the gland for fire breathing and he knew Kazooie wouldn’t leave them with a halfway done transformation job. Kazooie had mentioned that when she transforms she magically acquires a few abilities from her transformations, he was quite amused with the washing machine anecdote she used.

“True that is a possibility; I guess we have to test her fire reflex. Not all phoenixes can breathe fire; some can only glow with the brightness of the sun and others can generate only heat. If you’re a phoenix that can do all three you’re considered gifted and I am as such. I suggest we move over to the pavement around the ball court there in the distance to test this theory and you could possibly give her a few pointers on the way over.” It was easier said than done, much to Philomena’s relief there weren’t any stray dogs in the area and they were standing together in a ball court with her looking over Screwballs body making the transformed pony a tad uncomfortable.

After a few moments of overlooking Screwball with her wing, Philomena finally smiled prodded Screwball in her left wing pit causing her to reflexively launch a blast of flame out of her beak.

“How wondrous, now how do we teach her to control it?” As Owlowiscious said this he saw a frightened look on both his compatriots faces. “What?”

“Um… you seem to have caught on fire Wis.” Much to heeding her pointed bluntness in this situation and pointing wing, Philomena watched as Owlowiscious calmly looked up at his slowly burning eyebrows.

“Indeed I have Philly…” It was surprising that the owl just stood there as his eyebrows flickered like a lit match. “I must admit I did see something like this coming, however I never planned for a method to deal with it. It sure does hurt quite frightfully so, I would suggest we quickly find a safe method to extinguish me.”

Screwball frowned at the sudden anguish on the owls face and scrunched up her eyes and clenched her beak. A soft grey to muddy brown glow permeated her body that went unnoticed to both Philomena and Owlowiscious until a small pink cloud popped into existence above them.

“What the…” It was all the two could get out, they had seen pink clouds before and they thought they knew what the end result would be. They were around back when Discord created the cotton candy chocolate raining clouds and were expecting no different, but were glad that Screwball was willing to help the situation to the best of her ability using her chaos magic. What they weren’t expecting was to be covered in a soft really cold substance almost immediately upon the onset of the small pink cloud erupting it’s payload onto them.

“Hmmm… I must say, Screwball has excellent taste in ice cream and has doused her flames. Good show dear girl.” After he expressed his thanks to Screwball with a sticky wet hug, he looked at his eyebrows having burnt almost all the way off. One must always be patient with a child and on this occasion Owlowiscious thought he did swimmingly. “My poor eyebrows though and I think I may have also incurred some first degree burns.”

Screwball frowned; she didn’t like the fact that she hurt one of her friends… but what could she do? Wait a minute… that spell that Kazooie had used on her, of course! Now how did it feel to have it cast on her and how did Kazooie do it again? Closing her eyes she started to glow white and felt the name of the spell erupt in her mind, it was called Cura and she cast it upon both the birds with her. She owed Philomena for being so nice to go through all that trouble to get really good food. A shower of green sparkles erupted into life around Philomena and Owlowiscious who squawked a bit at the odd feeling that was moderately refreshing and their bodies were rejuvenated. Any injuries that had sustained slowly ebbed away gently; they were still covered in strawberry ice cream though.

“It seems our companion has been learning more than transformation or how to control her chaos magic. I must admit I’ve never felt magic quite like that before.” Philomena flashed with a large amount of heat evaporating the ice cream off of her body, before giving a warm heartfelt hug to Screwball and to help clean their charge of the sticky mess Owlowiscious got all over her.

Soon Owlowiscious joined in the hug evaporating the sticky mess off of him as well. The heat was a little hard to bear and Philomena soon withdrew it, but she didn’t stop hugging them after accepting the owl into the fold of her left wing.

They stayed like that for a few moments with their eyes closed making Screwball feel like she had a real family. She was positively giddy about having these two as her parents for the day and was glad Kazooie suggested she figure out what having a real childhood was like as she had kind of missed hers.

It was a touching scene. That was until Screwballs personal pet chaos cloud; whose name was Mr. Cold Spot, decided to drop a payload of ‘Rocky Road’ ice cream on them.

Shadows of the--Crab Battle!

Author Note: To reiterate I don't take my story seriously. Now nobody expects anything of me. Just the way I like it.

The looming shadow stood over Kazooie and she looked up at it with a bored interest, she had already made sure to capture the ponies involved in the summoning and would have to hoof them over to the proper authorities. This is the first time she’s ever been in a crab battle before, not that it wasn’t as nearly as bad as the giant welding torch or the giant monster made of coal. There were also the monsters that Kazooie fought that weren’t of her own home world of the video game realms.

Idly Kazooie thought that many a creature should really count themselves lucky that the Bydo couldn’t dimensionally jump out of their own series of games for varying reasons. It was impractical to fly an R-type ship without a Force given one always tends to immediately explode with non existence outside its game, which is why she had a different ship ready in case she ever needed to shoot the core. She probably wouldn’t need to use it as this fight should be simple enough on hoof with all the tricks she has under her belt. Now that she thought of it, if Discord ever got his powers back and pissed her off hard enough she could feed him to some Bydo…

Standing in front of Kazooie was a giant onyx crab covered in small sparkling white spots with spindly legs, two large claws and big beady red eyes on stalks the size of her body and its tail slapped the ground.

“You know, I bet hitting you with a special shampoo won’t make you go away will it?” The creature roared in Kazooie’s face snapping its left claw closed sending a temporary blast of powerful flames into the air as her mane was blown back by the roaring. “And you have the ability of a pistol crab scaled to size… just great. This is going to feel just like old times.”

Elsewhere coming to a stop, Big Mac felt his sister wake up abruptly and decided to let her off of his back gently and started to untie her. After getting the gag out of her mouth Applejack was immediately panicked asking what happened.

“Ugh… Mac where am I? What the hay happened and where’s my hat!” Though she only incurred minor injuries having black eye, Applejack received her beloved hat plopped tightly onto her head before she received a big old hug from her protective older brother. “Glad to see you too brother, what happened the last thing I remember is talking to Steven and then going to abandoned warehouse before something smacked me in the back of the head.”

Big Mac explained how he met the strangest pony ever in as few words as possible; in fact he might have just as well pulled a shape shifting Mario to explain everything.

“And you just left her behind?” In some small part Applejack could understand, it was dark out he must have been pretty tired and that winged equine obviously knew what she was doing. Applejack wished she was told about the private investigator that the Oranges had hired or that she walked into a warehouse full of dangerous lunatic ponies. “Aw shucks, I’m sure she’s okay and knows what she’s doing.”

A series of small explosions can be heard in the distance and a screeching roar soon followed, this had averted both of their attentions towards the docks. A giant creature in the distance trying to futilely swat at a small pony firing what amounted to green dots from this distance that exploded against its carapace in a visible fashion and it was noticeable that one of its eyes had been blow off and looked to have been coming back almost immediately as it was lost.

While they were distracted by the fight, a loud unidentifiable sound was heard behind them causing them to turn around as their manes billowed in the winds created by a circlular portal with wavy colors like Vinyl Scratch's mane moving inside. Out of the portal stepped a blue feathered bird with purple tips.

“Excuse me, but is this where the Crab Battle is taking place?” Both the ponies pointed out the obvious fight in the background. “Oh, right… yes… I should’ve looked before asking. Nice to see you again Applejack and before you ask, I have met you before and as to how… let’s say it’s a matter of time.”

“Who the…” Applejack started.

“Khronozooie is the name; palette swapped my feathers purple and blue after my game.” The now named Khronozooie interrupted bowing to them and turned to the fight at hand. “My old flame is giving that monster a good fight, to bad she’s not going to defeat it before it kills a lot of ponies before the dawn of the night. It would eat her up inside to remember that you guys are not resettable NPC’s, sorry for the rhyming I really do fancy that Zecora gal’s manner of speech. I’m a professional time traveler by trade.”

“Time travel… like that one time Twilight…” Applejack started to say, Big Mac just stared at the bird because her voice was exactly the same as Kazooie’s.

“Oh my, that was a horrendously funny moment, creating a stable time loop like she did by accident. Unfortunately for you I ironically don’t have much time to explain my presence, just know that I’m here to help.” Reaching into a equally palette swapped mystical red backpack, the bird drew a sword and tossed it in the air ala meta-knight and it landed in front of Applejack point down. “Remember what I’m about to tell you exactly or else things will go pear shaped. Take the sword, raise it to the sky and shine the light from it onto the beast. Now this next bit is very important… YOU… yes you Applejack, have to kill it personally by putting the pointy end into it multiple times where the sword says to and don’t stop till it dies. If you don’t do this many ponies will assuredly die including the culprits and you definitely don’t want that, you’ll know what to do from there afterwards. Oh, and tell her she’s playing the C-left too harshly on her ocarina.”

With that Khronozooie raised a small key shaped object to the sky and disappeared into another… was it a time portal? Seconds after her disappearance a blue box appeared and out popped a harried looking light brown stallion with a tie. He ran up to them to say something but as he opened his mouth another blue portal opened up and Khronozooie ran out of it and into the blue box with the word’s ‘police box’ posted above it. The portal quickly closed and the police box disappeared in a flash.

“What the… AH, BISCUITS!” The stallion turned around and ran off leaving a perplexed Applejack and Big Mac behind. Applejack looked at the sword in the ground and gripped it in her hoof and hefted it out of the ground with relative ease.

“Um… what.” All of that was very strange and Applejack didn’t even know anyone who played the ocarina, it had to be a unicorn she probably didn’t yet know or something. Ah heck, she wasn’t good at understanding that complicated timey wimey wibbly wobbly hoo-ha stuff anyway.

Big Mac took her hoof and raised it into the air still holding the sword and light started splash outward from the sword at all angles despite there being no sunlight at this time of day. Her brother turned her around to face the creature the beams of light focused all to one point and that was towards the giant thrashing creature that was sending blasts of deadly fire out of its claws as they snapped shut with amazing strength. It was surprising the red pegasus wasn’t shot down or fried out of the sky from all the intense heat.

Looking towards Big Mac, Applejack didn’t like the idea of going near that thing. Big Mac gently ran a hoof down her back several times calmingly, whoever that Khronozooie was she gave a clear ultimatum to act or let ponies die. If she were to be honest, Applejack didn’t want to go near the creature, fight it and ultimately slaughter it. With ponies lives on the line she had no choice and it was already doing a lot of collateral damage to the surrounding buildings. Wait what was that pegasus doing now?

Kazooie had blown up both its eyes five times already and had promptly learned a disturbing fact about the creature she was fighting. The disturbing thing was not that she really wished it had that creepy boss intro music along with the name and goofy underscore title card to go with it. What was really disturbing is she should have had ultimately injured it permanently when one of the eyes were blown out and she put an explosive egg into its brain. She even partially atomized one of its claws with an unending barrage and cracked its shell in numerous places, but the soonest she did damage it was like it healed. She even took to firing alternate egg types at random from both her mouth and her butt in concert and because of her current form both were nailing the crab in a staccato of blasts with varying effects. It barely did much, but the ice eggs noticeable slowdown its healing processes and cauterizing the wounds with fire eggs didn’t do anything as it was able to heal its cauterized flesh, apparently the battery eggs just made its eye twitch in an amusing matter.

So she landed on the ground to start up a special attack that would probably be boosted by the effect of already being a fast running creature. She turned away from the crab monster and started galloping; she pushed her four legs to the limit as she charged forward. Soon a single after image popped up behind her, then a second, then a third and finally a faint fourth. She was started to flash between her normal colors and bright full body yellow.

“What in the…” Applejack started slowly.

“Eyup, world.” Big Mac finished for her.

Kazooie ran up the building directly in front of her, she quickly stopped and crouched against the side of the building and a distinct shrieking of pressure could be heard filling the air as she prepared to kick off of the building. She held up her right hoof against her body and it started to glow fiercely.

“Falcon... shinespark…” The building that Kazooie had been standing on now had a crater and a giant falcon in the form of a beam was now shooting at the crab’s upper torso, the second she reached the crab she threw her right hoof forward screaming as she hit its head dead center. “PUNCH!”

The flash was so bright even Celestia could see it from the distance she and Luna were at.

“What in our names… was that?” Turning to her sister, Luna could see Celestia was just as surprised to see a giant flash of white coming from off in the distance. Celestia could only hope it was something that defeated Cancer; she picked up her pace considerably.

Kazooie had promptly slammed into the ground creating a small crater after passing through what was once the creatures head. She had disassembled its entire upper torso at the molecular level and had destroyed both its heart and brain, not to mention its claws and most of what passed for its organs that existed seconds ago. That was one of the most powerful attacks known to fighting video game characters, only to be made more powerful if she could ever get the Psycho Crusher to work with it. Kazooie might have needed either evil energy or a full power bar for that to happen.

“I dare you to Wolverine from that one you jerk!” It was said as Kazooie stumbled about in her crater a good twenty feet from where she punched the monster in half with a hoof leaving only it’s legs and lower half untouched on the ground.

Slowly the tail end of the creature started to react and its lower torso started to rebuild its upper torso, causing Kazooie to balk.

“Oh, come on!” Kazooie said popping up out of the crater throwing hooves out wide in the air, before falling back into the crater to let her body rest for a second.

Applejack and Big Mac thought that the situation had solved itself, but to see the giant monster rebuilding itself after such a devastating impossibly powerful attack… that was rather disheartening. Especially given the pegasus went beyond the impossible to punch out a giant crab.

“If it can come back from that then what can this sword possibly do to it?” The glum nature in which she said it was suddenly abruptly halted as Big Mac got his sister sitting upright on his back and started heading in the direction of the regenerating creature.

“I reckon that sword was given to you for a reason and it all adds up.” They came to a stop a short way away from the creature, Big Mac was ready to be Applejacks legs should she need him.

Applejack held up the sword and the light didn’t focus on any point of the creature. As it neared completion of its head and started to grow back its claw arms, the sword lit up and glowing runes could be seen appearing on the underside of the crab. A second rune could be barely made out on its back before it stood up putting a shadow over both of them, but Applejack had seen it and that was enough for her.

“Why don’t I like the looks of that?” They were now heading straight for its underside at a full gallop, the light just pointing at the creature now. Applejack swallowed a lump in her throat and prepared to thrust her sword towards the center of the glowing rune filled circle. Applejack aimed at the center of the circle on its belly and swiftly stuck the sword into it. This caused the parts of the creature that managed to regenerate to shudder violently as it screeched a vile black energy poured out from where it was punctured and Applejack stabbed it again. It convulsed and its rate of healing slowed drastically and a second stream of black energy poured out and with a third stab the rune disappeared and the crab’s rate of healing more than halved and it tried to smash the two ponies attack it with the stump of its left arm.

Big Mac backed off and started running from it as it stood up with its partially regenerated head, you could actively see it slowly regenerating its shell and flesh now instead of seeming instantaneous. The crab monster started to move forward on its unsteady legs as its brain completed regeneration.

“Um…” Big Mac said as he made sure to stay out of the way of crabs slowly reforming claws.

“There’s another circle thing on its back… but how the hay am I supposed to get up there with it thrashing around?” There was the fact that she already resigned herself to this, but Applejack didn’t pay it any mind as that creature needed to be put down and whatever the sword was doing to it was working wonders on making sure it couldn’t heal as the wounds on its belly stayed and were leaking small puffs of darkness.

“I can help you with that!” Coming in low into view of Applejack and Big Mac, Kazooie gave them a cheery smiled as she flew overhead. “Give me and my friends a minute to knock it down! So Philomena tell me, how was your day yesterday?”

The phoenix chirped cheerily at having had a lot of fun and that Screwball learned a few tricks, Owlowiscious was just precious with how he treated Screwball like a daughter he theoretically could have. They chatted as if there wasn’t a battle going on at all and they both swerved out of the way of a halfway regenerated right claw.

“Well hopefully she remembered how to… oh never mind she figure out how to change back I guess.” Kazooie came to a hover as a loud ping noise was heard and the crabs front left leg was blown to smithereens by a small bat with the words ‘homerun’ written on it in solid black letters. Screwball smiled to herself, the homerun bat that Kazooie gave her as a present was awesome and especially so given what its special ability was.

Following Screwball slowing its progress and turning the crab’s attention on her, a small pink cloud floated forward and launched a blast of sharp icicles at the still tender exposed nerves on its body slowing it down even further causing it to spit sickly looking green bubbles at it. They were acidic in nature as one dissolved a nearby lamp post; it was quickly taken care of by two streams of fire launched from Kazooie and Philomena’s mouths with a simple broad sweep of their mouths.

Owlowiscious was nowhere near this battle as he didn’t have a death wish, since he wouldn’t survive being hit once and could do nothing to help except maybe peck at its already punctured eyes there were filled with ice, that little pink cloud really did not like the giant crab monster and was localizing a blizzard directly at it.

Another ping sound and this time the crab’s middle right leg went and it started to lose balance, standing by Applejack watched in amazement at the four figures pounding the crab to the ground. Already she and Mac could tell where this was going; all they needed was for Applejack to get up there and to be brave. Applejack just stuffed the sword in her mouth, she really didn’t have time to think of the consequences with what she was about to do and all she knew was that it was the right thing as far as she could tell.

“Philomena cover the cloud thing whatever it is, I’m going to body check this Heavy Lobster!” Kazooie performed a large shuttle loop and aimed directly down at the center of the crab monsters back; she scrunched up and shot downwards spiraling as she did before she realized she couldn’t exactly do a drill beak when she currently had a ponies muzzle even if it was indestructible. Mid flight Kazooie performed a somersault and angled her butt at the crabs back for a butt stomp.

A sharp crack and the entire crab’s body became flush with the ground and its legs splayed out, Screwball had barely managed to avoid getting crushed as she rolled away with her bat in hoof. With a little help from Big Mac as a stepping stool Applejack immediately crawled up the crab’s leg and worked her way around the shell clumsily used the white glowing spots that stuck out as hoof holds and clambered up the things back. It was already growing back the lost legs and standing back up.

It was a little late for it to recover as Applejack took the sword from her mouth and held it high above her head with both hooves and stabbed downward causing the creature convulse as a stream of black energy flowed from it once again. It tried to shake Applejack off, she managed to hold on as the sword stayed tightly in place in its back. She pulled it out and stabbed it two more times without much trouble; its wild shrieking became a soft gurgling as it slowly stopped moving. The glowing circle Applejack had stabbed disappeared leaving her wondering, now what? Soon the creature started to dissolve piece by piece top to bottom; it even dissolved out from Applejack almost causing her to fall into the things stomach acid if it were not for the suddenly pair of hooves going around her waist and carrying her to safety.

“Rough start for a day huh? It must be Tuesday. How about we go get something to eat? I’ve already let the authorities know about the culprits and the orange plantation doesn’t have anything to worry about now.” The farm pony didn’t know what to say, of course she was hungry but she just killed a living creature, though the red pegasus holding her absolved her of feeling bad. “You didn’t kill it; you just sent it back to where it came from. So tell me… why did she give you that sword and did she say anything as a message for me?”

“Oh um… the crazy bird with the blue and purple color scheme and a backpack like yours but red? She said something about an ocarina and playing the C-left too harshly. That was all other then how to use this sword, you wouldn’t happen to know what it is would you?” Applejack stated as they came for a landing outside a twenty four hour restaurant, Neigh York had plenty of them since it hardly ever sleeps. Applejack gave thought to how she hadn’t killed whatever that thing was? It sure felt like she did with a obviously magical sword.

Big Mac, Philomena and Owlowiscious suddenly appeared out of nowhere in a flash and Screwball was smiling toothily as she held up a mysterious yellow gem which she quickly stuffed under her hat.

“Huh, well I can tell we’re going to be very good friends from now on, without a giant shadow of a doubt.” Kazooie said ignoring Applejack’s questions as she dropped her five feet above the ground, subsequently making the pony drop the still pristine looking sword. Silently Applejack picked up the sword and followed Kazooie confused about what had happened in the last hour or so, it was few minutes beyond four in the morning and she was getting pretty hungry. “Get whatever you guys want I’m buying for a battle well fought. Boss battles are fun every once in the while to break up the modicum of daily life.”

Ten minutes later they would be confronted by Celestia and Luna. It was enough time for Applejack to come to terms with what life had just thrown at her. She had a new insane friend who she was indebted to alongside Big Mac and earned a strange sword that specializes in killing giant creatures called a Colossus Slayer.

Winged and a miss

Rarity sat up in her bed in Canterlot Castle thinking before she went to sleep. She was thinking how she had not seen it before; Rainbow Dash was actually returning Fluttershy’s feelings. In hindsight it had been obvious without how they tended to gravitate towards each other. She didn’t think Rainbow was a first pick for a choice of love given her bias for princes and handsome stallions, she couldn’t understand what Fluttershy felt even if she was supportive of the relationship.

Wait, she was supportive? When did that happen? She would seriously need to talk to Fluttershy to see how they were doing; they were acting skittish around each other throughout Pinkie’s all night party. Rarity slowly worried about whether or not her friends had stopped being friends over a mistake, checking the time she really should get to sleep. She had to talk to Fluttershy later today after all; better yet she’d talk to Rainbow first.

Rarity started to snuggle down into the bed to sleep when a flash occurred and she felt the weight of two bodies on the bed with her, she blinked once and then twice in surprise. On the bed were two ponies and floating above it was a cloud, she saw that rather dreadful old friend of Pinkies that she got a glance of during that short attack on Ponyville. Looking slightly up from the red pegasus with a blue backpack she saw a cotton candy cloud which was a familiar sight. The cloud seemed to rear up and looked at her; it formed a heart shape and spat a dollop of her favorite flavor of ice cream complete with cone on the bed without causing a mess. Rarity didn’t know how it knew what her favorite flavor was and this scene left her entirely perplexed since Discord… well Distress, didn’t exactly have the power to do anything at the moment. Looking to the other pony to see what she was holding… Rarity’s eyes widened, they glittered at the size of the gem in the swirly eyed pony’s hoof. Rarity slowly reached out for it as it seemed to call out to her, she was thinking of so many ways to use it in an ensemble.

“You took the left turn at the Albuquerque junction in space time didn’t you? Just get us out of here please.”Kazooie said amiably to her pony companion, it wasn’t like she wanted to avoid a solar powered pony at the moment due to some unforeseen incident of her mouth opening. It was just large coincidence that things like this happened back when she and Banjo could have just solved some things with boring peaceful negotiations.

Rarity didn’t get a chance to say anything as they disappeared in a bright flash when the swirly eyed pony held up the gem. Rarity pouted sadly at not being able to touch the gem with her hoof. Seconds after Pinkie slammed the door open leaping into the room with a dynamic pose and her eyes went everywhere looking for any sign of something. Pinkie took notice of the ice cream cone standing upright on the bed and smiled brightly.

“Hey, ice cream! Are you going to eat that? Thanks Rarity.” Pinkie took the cone in hoof and started licking the ice cream as she trotted out of the room on three legs; ice cream always made Pinkie Pie a happy pony as did eating cupcakes or sugar in general.

Rarity just sat there, she didn’t know whether to scream or just go to sleep and worry about it later. She had so much on her mind and she hadn’t expected a first up close encounter with Kazooie to be so short. She seemed rather crude, but there was something charming about her in a roguish kind of way.

Elsewhere ‘in a different castle’ room from Rarity, Rainbow Dash was on her back with her front hooves behind her head staring at the ceiling in deep thought as she lay awake in deep thought. The thing with the party had gone reasonably well, all things considered. Why did Fluttershy have to bring up the Wonderbolts on their first date? She knew they were going to discuss it eventually but Fluttershy had brought it up almost immediately when they were having such a good time; Rainbow guessed that’s why she brought it up to make it easier to discuss while she was in a good mood. The Distress isn’t going to bother us for a long while party went considerably well, but Pinkie was still a bit twitchy and the princesses had to leave on some urgent business.

Now that Rainbow thought of it, could she really love Fluttershy like she loved her? Well her heart raced, she felt cozy and always enjoyed Fluttershy’s presence considering how cuddly she was when she held her friend on a few occasions before Fluttershy showed Rainbow how she felt. Fluttershy had at least agreed to take it carefully with her, maybe help Rainbow understand the concept of love and so far… things were looking pretty good.

Rainbow wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy tugging her closer; Fluttershy was now currently snuggled into her side using all four hooves and wings to hug Rainbow. Rainbow could even hear Fluttershy cooing in her sleep as she hugged her back. A twitch and a second later Rainbows wings shot through the cloud bed and into the floor, she silently bit her lower lip at the sudden pain of her wings slapping into the floor. Why had she allowed Fluttershy into her bed again? Oh right, she was having nightmares that Rainbow didn’t like or accept her anymore.

Fluttershy actually did have awful nightmares about how the Wonderbolt conversation had actually went, so she was quite surprised that she was sharing a bed with her best friend… well at least until Rainbow said she loved her back. They were still friends and it has been a while since she slept on a cloud. Fluttershy couldn’t believe Rainbow was so willing to let her sleep next to her, much less agree to another date and offer her the comfort of a friend. She sleepily nuzzled deeply into Rainbows neck as she continued her full body hug.

Rainbow leaned back and closed her eyes, yeah loving Fluttershy wasn’t bad and she would have to be stupid not to accept her friend’s feelings as true. It was about time someone spent their time making Fluttershy happy, instead of the other way around with her pandering to everypony’s needs and apologizing all the time. She even remembered hearing of what happened when Fluttershy met that Iron Will guy, it sounded like a nightmare from the way Pinkie told it and so many ponies were still picking on her friend even now.

“I need you more than ever…” Rainbow mumbled as sleep overtook her, thinking back to when she needed more wing power and Fluttershy came through for her. If you had to have a number for what cloud they slept on, it would be a nine.

Later that morning in the dining area, Twilight trotted in looking for Lunch and found Pinkie snoring on the table with a cupcake sticking halfway out of her mouth. The cleanup must have taken a while; Pinkie was definitely out of it. At least she wasn’t looking as bad as she could have been considering how Twilight herself looked like a train wreck waiting to happen, she was worried about Luna and Celestia they should have been back by now. The sun was at least moving, proving somewhat that her worries were unfounded.

“Come on Pinkie.” Twilight magically lifted Pinkie from the table and slowly rubbed her throat with a hoof causing Pinkie to swallow the sugary confection and mumble about throwing an ‘I finally caught that bird party’, this caused Twilight to giggle. “Only you Pinkie, only you… let’s find you a nice bed to sleep in.”

As she trotted out of the area levitating the pink pony she wondered how her friends were doing, she thought something was odd with Fluttershy and Rainbow last night as Fluttershy and Rainbow kept wandering towards and away from each other. It was like watching two stars orbit each other. Rarity seemed to be alright and was hanging out with Fancy Pants and introducing her friends to all his other high class but not stuffy friends. Pinkie was constantly looking for anything that was the color red and yellow, it was a bit worrying that she still called Kazooie a friend and had a secret Pinkie Promise she wouldn’t tell to anyone involving the frustratingly elusive being.

Twilight paused for a moment to check in Fluttershy’s room, well everything seemed normal and the bed was made. Fluttershy must have gotten up early to go frolic in the gardens, Twilight shrugged wondering how the shy mare was doing after being kidnapped and hoofed back to them almost as quickly. Apparently Fluttershy was perfectly fine. If only she knew the bed spread had been in disarray before Celestia’s servants fixed it, she would have been more worried and might found out about what was going on in another room.

In Rainbow Dash’s room Fluttershy awoke with a start and realized she was wrapped around something. It only took her a moment to realize it was Rainbow Dash, she carefully unwrapped herself and when she tried to get off she found out quickly enough that something was wrapped around her. Rainbow’s hooves, in a gentle cuddle and in a bed, made of clouds, with her. Fluttershy’s face went bright red; she didn’t want to disturb Rainbow’s sleep and this was so comfortable.

A loud growling sound was heard. Fluttershy squeaked and dug her face into Rainbow’s neck, causing the mares hooves to tighten their hold on her. That wasn’t the only reaction to her squeak, Rainbow was immediately awake and eyes that snapped open were darting around the room, she heard her stomach grumbling. Oh, she was hungry and what was that in her… oh right it was Fluttershy, who was trembling against her body.

Rainbow could even feel the heart beating in her chest and felt her own trying to catch up with it as she didn’t like to lose even in a fastest heartbeat contest. In a haze of early morning affection she carefully unwound her hooves from Fluttershy and started to run a hoof down her mane, trying to get her to calm down with a gentle petting.

“It’s okay Fluttershy, I’m here and I’m your brave pony... well your brave hungry pony anyway. What time is it? I wouldn’t mind getting some lunch with you. I’m used to waking up at odd hours so I know it’s well past time for breakfast.” Rainbow watched as Fluttershy calmed down and lifted her head to smile at Rainbow, a blush running through her cheeks.

Rainbow could even feel her own cheeks heat up at how adorable Fluttershy was; Fluttershy was a mare with no need for makeup to be extravagantly beautiful. Rarity may use the stuff to accentuate her looks, but Fluttershy didn’t need it and it was no wonder Rarity got so jealous of her when she became a popular model for Photo Finish. None of that stuff was really Fluttershy though, this was her close friend and things were about to get closer for them. Make no mistake though, Rainbow was going to try out for the Wonderbolts and she was going to pass their test. Rainbow had it all figured out what she was going to do when she did make the Wonderbolts and since she was in Canterlot for the tryouts.

“Excuse me darling, but is there a tiger in your…” Rarity opened the door and immediately saw Fluttershy holding Rainbow who was petting her gently. Fluttershy lifted her head and looked to Rarity and smiled a bit when she saw that there was a mare looking in on them. “Oh well, ahem sorry for interrupting your moment.”

“Rarity…” Fluttershy said with a bright sunny smile, Rainbow thought that Fluttershy would have been shy to be caught like this in a compromising position. “I have to warn you about something.”

“What?” Rarity said trying to see where this was going; she still couldn’t understand why Fluttershy was smiling so brightly.

“I’m going to kiss Rainbow now!” Fluttershy said it so fast it took a moment for Rainbow to register that her face suddenly had a mouth over it having been pulled into a quick kiss. A loud screech sound was heard beneath the cloud bed and Fluttershy pulled back quickly as Rainbow yelped in pain. Rarity looked perplexed until she crouched down and saw Rainbows wings had scraped themselves against the floor and were bleeding slightly. They even dug a deep groove in the floor beneath the cloud bed like it was made of butter; Rarity would never question the power of Rainbows wings ever again especially when it comes to the fact that the castle was mostly made of solid stone.

“Fluttershy what did I say about kissing me?” Being said in a slightly stern tone, Rainbow pushed Fluttershy back a bit.

“I did exactly what you said.” Fluttershy said promptly, closing her eyes giving Rainbow a cute smile.

“Which was?” Rainbow wasn’t going to say anything, but she kind of forgot what she told Fluttershy.

“You said to warn a mare next time, I warned Rarity who is a mare and then I kissed you.” The color in Fluttershy’s face was so red at having to kiss Rainbow in front of Rarity like that, but it was worth it.

“You… but I…ugh….” Rainbow continued to sputter for a few moments trying to come to terms that Fluttershy of all ponies did something that silly, it was really cute of her too and a good joke considering it was rather devious. “Warn me specifically next time and be very slow about it, please.”

“Rainbow… are you okay?” Now came the deer in the headlights moment when Rainbow realized that Rarity had seen them kiss and was in fact in the room with them. It took her this long because she doesn’t wake up to well.

“Uh, what are you talking about Rarity?” As she sat up another sound of something being shredded was heard and Rarity once again crouched down after seeing some rocks fly into the air as Rainbow sat up. Now there were much deeper grooves in the floor beneath the cloud bed and Fluttershy looked down sadly tearing up.

“Fluttershy what’s wrong?” Rainbow noticed Fluttershy eyes filled with tears and she pointed behind Rainbow who looked back and saw a small speckling of red and some dust floating around in the air. “I don’t see anything.”

“Rainbow are you telling me… are you saying you can’t even feel that?” It was said in such a panicked way that Rarity really confused Rainbow with how shrill her voice was getting.

“Huh, feel what?” Rainbow heart was now pounding in her chest from the quick kiss she received from Fluttershy, this kind of adrenaline was unheard of to her and she liked it. Rainbow rubbed the back of her head with her left hoof sheepishly wondering why Rarity hadn’t said anything about Fluttershy kissing her, Rarity would have been all over her in a minute talking about all the dresses she would be shoved into and forcing her into a spa visits. She shuddered coldly at the thought of Rarity messing up her mane; she’d swear Rarity was into Trichofillia.

“I’ll go get a first aid kit, Fluttershy you stay with her and maybe play doctor.” Rarity smiled and gave a little wink to Fluttershy as she turned and galloped away from the room. All Rainbow did was sit there looking confused.

“I’m sorry I hurt you Rainbow.” Fluttershy cried into her chest as she wrapped her hooves around Rainbow.

“Huh?” It was the most intelligent reply that Fluttershy could get from Rainbow, who had yet to notice her scraped up bleeding stiffened wings.

“Um… your wings are kind of… injured, I’m sorry.” Fluttershy felt Rainbow’s hooves wrap around her upper body, she looked up to see Rainbow actually taking notice of her wings for a moment.

“Aw come on shy, it’s only a flesh wound and I get those from stunt flying every day!” Rainbow chuckled heartily as she really couldn’t feel it, soon they were both standing up and Rainbow moved the bed aside to stare at the large grooves in the floor dug out by her wings. She was a bit shocked that her wings were strong enough to pass through solid stone. It was a bit more shocking that she sat up without any resistance whatsoever if her wings were embedded in the floor.

“I’m back girls, here Fluttershy you patch her up and I’ll see you both at lunch.” Not once did Rarity ever consider making fun of Rainbow or telling Fluttershy it was a truly bad idea to fall in love with her, she just dropped the first aid kit on the floor. “I shall not speak of this, but do please hurry up as we’ve already missed breakfast. I will not have my stomach growling like an uncouth manticore, I am a lady after all.”

Fluttershy opened the first aid kit and then thought of something to ask Rainbow as Rarity left without saying anything else head held high in a proper saunter.

“Do you want me to kiss your injuries to make them feel better?” Even if she was teasing, Fluttershy couldn’t help herself and she knew Rainbow would be fine. It was still kind of disconcerting that her wings were that tough.

“Nope, I already got my kiss to feel better, now I just need some help to actually get better before the kiss wears off. Hurry up I’m starting to feel a dull throb here in my stomach.” With a cheesy hay fries eating smirk from Rainbow, both ponies starting to laugh.

Fluttershy carefully started working her hooves on Rainbows wings carefully wrapping the injured ends with a careful tenderness. After she was done Rainbow flapped them twice get a little lift and nodded to herself before heading out of the room with Fluttershy following her with a gentle sigh.

As they sat down for lunch the strangest thing occurred as Rainbow dug into her simplistic meal as Fluttershy and Rarity partook of something more elegant. One of Celestia’s guards that all of the elements of harmony were familiar with came walking up to them. Currently Pinkie was not with them as she was catching up on sleep and Twilight was reading a book at the table completely in her own little world, which was until her brother spoke up.

“Excuse me Rainbow, but you really need to sign this.” Slapping the sheet of paper along with a pen onto table, Shining Armor really looked like he didn’t want to be there. His mane was a darker shade to Vinyl’s electric blue and his flank was marked with a shield that had a spark in the center, this unicorn’s specialty was of course barrier magic and using it in an offensive form when needed.

“Huh, what the hay is this?” Looking at the paper and reading its contents Rainbow looked up at Shining Armor with something approaching disbelief. “You have got to be kidding me...”

“No ma’am it’s quite serious, oh hey Twily hope you’re not stressing yourself out over the changelings still.” Waiting for a moment to see if his sister responded, Shining watched as Twilight looked up with a smile and gave him a cheery wave before she went back to studying a book titled ‘shape changers and you: a reference guide to theoretical insanity’.

“What does it say Rainbow… um… if you don’t mind me asking that is.” Fluttershy watched as Rainbow blankly slid the paper over to her right for her and Rarity to look at.

“Well now, this has certainly got to be some sort of joke. A rather sick one if it is and a rather funny one if it isn’t.” Even Rarity could see this was a tad ridiculous as she turned to her left to get Fluttershy’s opinion on it.

“I had no idea this kind of stiff… I mean stuff, was taken so seriously. Please tell me you’re not serious about this Mr. Armor.” Even Fluttershy was a bit mortified and this finally earned Twilight’s attention as she levitated the piece of paper over to herself and gave it a once over.

As Twilight read the sheet of paper she lifted a glass of milk to her mouth drank it and swallowed a bit all in the midst of reading it before she got to the end of the sheet of paper that requested a signature. Slowly she turned to Shining Armor and quirked an eye.

“It’s serious and yes it is a real concern Twily, no matter how ridiculous it seems.” The fact that Shining managed to say this with a straight face to his own sister caused a small delayed chain reaction.

First a crinkling of Twilights lips started and suddenly orange juice spurted from Rarity’s nose in a fashion that wasn’t very ladylike, followed by milk flying from Twilights as they burst out in laughter. Fluttershy just blushed ducking down at the table hiding behind her mane as she gave gentle smile with a slight giggle putting a hoof tenderly up to her mouth trying to hold back her laughter and was doing a pretty good job of it. Rainbow slammed her head into the table, wondering why she really needed to sign this.

“I can’t believe I have to sign off on my own wings because they are now considered lethal weapons.” Rainbow muttered, it was embarrassing and yet oh so cool at the same time.

Rubber Tree Plant

Applejack sighed as she stepped off the train into Canterlot Central Station; her brother was going to take Philomena and Owlowisciosu back to Ponyville and that’s the likeliest place she could think that Kazooie would go. She was getting an awful lot of stares at the sword she had strapped across her back; she ignored them and made her way towards Canterlot Castle.

What kind of strange stuff did she get herself into when she went to help out the oranges with their plantation?

Speaking of plantations, at Sweet Apple Acres Big Mac was running across Kazooie and Screwball doing something really odd. They were doing boring normal work and Kazooie was collecting apples like a mad mare with a wild look in her eye, she was positively glowing as she jumped around the trees performing acrobatic stunts and levitating apples into her backpack.

“Oh hey Big Mac, I’ll bring your favor for me tomorrow so don’t worry about the farm, me and Screwball are doing the work. If you’re worried about payback, I’ll take it simply in food and board. I really don’t need any more bits to my name. It’s been a while since I simply relaxed and pulled a Harvest Moon job.” Kazooie smiled cheekily; Big Mac had no idea what he was currently in for and she hoped he had a good constitution for handling dangerous animals.

Big Mac just stared strangely at the alicorn; she most certainly didn’t have a horn to compliment the wings when he last saw her. Then again he knew she was a shape shifting creature from Applejack and the mare herself saying as much, so it wasn’t beyond her to be a normal pony sized alicorn. Shrugging it off he decided to just move on with his life instead of puzzling over the strangeness and just go with the flow, which he usually did anyway.

Applejack trotted into the castle with the sword still giving her odd feelings. Pulling the sword off her back she ran her hoof through the blade of the sword and watched as it phased around her hoof, it was mostly harmless to anything except colossal creatures. To think all it did was dispel that creature Celestia called Cancer. If it hadn’t been summoned Applejack would have actually slain it instead of sending it back to where it belonged, sealed away from hurting pony kind.

Applejack continued, after placing the sword across her back, to trot towards her room in the castle with her thoughts wandering. It was like Kazooie could read her on some fundamental level and the things she had said, it made Applejack think. Quite frankly she didn’t like how Kazooie treated authority figures like the princesses, but she was honest in what she thought when it came right down to it. She had a few things in her saddle bags to test out on whether Kazooie was right or not about something, which she was afraid to test because it could mean a drastic change in her friendship with a pony.

The first pony to greet her was Twilight as she passed by another set of guards; she hadn’t been really paying attention to where she had been going. Apparently Celestia had sent a message to let her through with the sword, as the guards didn’t stop her from entering the castle.

“Applejack did you just get in from Manehatten and… is that a sword!?” Of course the book smart Twilight would become slightly panicked. Applejack was pretty sure Twilight knew she didn’t have the heart of a killer. The purple mare was thinking along the same lines of ‘there must be some logical reason behind it’.

“Yeah, it were none to pleasant sugar cube. I’m still a might bit frightened about what it’s capable of.” Sure it was amazing that it seemed mostly harmless, when she had asked about the sword Kazooie certainly didn’t hide what she knew of it. It had the power to slay giants including immortal ones and that was scary enough for her. “I have to keep it, since no pony else can use it, do you know of a place I could put it in the castle for safekeeping?”

The conversation with Twilight was simple enough, with Twilight taking notes of what the sword could do and what had happened in Manehatten. Apparently the culprits who summoned a giant crab monster had been buried alive and were found unconscious and taken in for questioning by the local guard forces. Now that Twilight stopped to think of it she looked at Applejack with surprise.

“Wait… it was a giant starry crab creature?” A sense of intrigue flowed through Twilights brain.

“Yep, but it didn’t go down none to easily. Kazooie blew the entire dang thing in half and it came back from that, this sword was the only thing that actually put a stop to that nonsense.” The way Twilight suddenly started mumbling under her breathe, caused Applejack to worry what she had to say once she was done with all those smart pony thought processes.

“Are the princesses okay; I mean did they even make it to the fight?” Twilight asked with a hint of worry.

“Well shoot, they were right fine the last I saw them and they was too late for the fight too. Celestia is mighty angry at Kazooie though; don’t rightly know what happened after she got the princess burning mad. Things became really fuzzy then and it felt like being back home on the farm strangely enough. All I know is that I woke up in a crowd of sleeping ponies all around the princesses at the twenty four hour restaurant we were eating at after the battle. Kazooie left a sizable tip and actually paid for it like she said she would.”If there was anything else for Applejack to add to reassure Twilight that everything was okay she gave it a thought licking her lips before she decided on what to say. “I wonder what the princesses are going to do with those ponies who summoned the dang thing. I think it’s kind of surprising when all that happened was the massive amount of property damage.”

“Hmmm… well I guess everything’s okay; did Kazooie say anything about Distress?” Applejack tilted her head to Twilight questioningly; she was quickly shown to Distress with an equally quick explanation. It was the sorriest sight Applejack ever did see, she took no joy in Discords position but was at least relieved to not have to deal with that guy until she got her powers back at least… if she can get them back. As they left the room Twilight addressed Applejack one last time. “You know it’s kind of weird, I feel like should be more worried that somepony else is running around with Discords powers.”

Applejack lowered her head to think on that one, they finally got Applejack’s stuff situated in her own personal room and Twilight was making a check list of possible preparations should she run into Kazooie. Twilight didn’t even begin to know how to stop super speed or flaming spirit falcon attack and was soon on her way leaving Applejack by herself, working her mind into a small frenzy with this new bit of information on Kazooie.

Another door opened in the hallway and Pinkie Pie threw her hooves up in the air with a loud yawn as she stepped out. Applejack perked up and moved over to Pinkie, she had a lot to discuss with the party pony.

Elsewhere in the castle a different conversation was taking place between Fluttershy, Rainbow and Rarity.

“You haven’t said one thing about us since you saw Fluttershy kiss me. I seriously want to know what’s on your mind Rarity.” Rainbow may have been slightly distant emotionally to Fluttershy, but she was definitely physically attracted. She was slowly hovering her way down the hallway towards the royal library which was said to have a rare copy of a lightly edited special edition version of the newest Daring Do book.

“You called that a kiss, that was but a peck on the lips at best darling and your reaction was rather cute. I see nothing wrong with your relationship.” Rarity turned to look to Fluttershy who shied away slightly looking slightly down about something. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s wrong Fluttershy.”

“Well… I can’t… really… um…” Fluttershy continued to mumble incoherently hiding her face in her mane as she trotted along the hallway looking at the floor.

“Come on Fluttershy what’s wrong? Is it about me trying out for the Wonderbolts later this week?” Rainbow didn’t think it bothered Fluttershy that much even when they had discussed it.

“Oh no, it’s not that. It’s just that… I don’t think… I’m worried I’m not doing things quite right.” Fluttershy sighed to herself turning to Rainbow with her big doe like eyes. “That maybe I’m being… too forceful and… I hurt you.”

“Fluttershy… if you think kissing me isn’t right then does that mean you don’t actually love me?” Dropping to the floor Rainbow lifted a wing to wrap it around Fluttershy’s shivering body, noticing the look of hurt at the insinuation and that she was about ready to burst into tears Rainbow began to nuzzle her affectionately. “I can say that while you can’t really seem to put your all into it, you still did it so that means you definitely want to date this slice of awesome. I don’t see you as being too forceful, I’m the one who agreed to start dating you and that includes kissing as part of the package.”

“But…” Fluttershy tried to say as she looked up and was quickly enwrapped in a hug.

“Shhhh…” Her body warmth shared with Fluttershy, Rainbow felt Fluttershy snuggle at her side. After a moment Rainbow decided to give Fluttershy a small light touch to the cheek with her lips, causing Fluttershy to squeak and turn red in the face. Rainbow could hear the subtle sound of Fluttershy saying ‘yay’ as she burrowed her face into the cyan pony’s chest and she smirked a little.

Rarity looked on gently with a smile; she’d never thought that she’d see the day Rainbow acted tenderly. She owed Pinkie five bits; in fact Rarity thought Pinkie was an oddity when it comes to dating because at least Rarity knew Applejack had preferences and things she’d lean for in a partner. Maybe Kazooie was… no, she will not jump to conclusions that led to dating problems aplenty, she’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it.

As they walked into the library they came up on the strangest of scenes, Pinkie Pie was hogtied by a ball of yarn, Applejack had a surprised look on her face and she turned to them with look of awkwardness at the situation. Pinkie tried to talk through the yarn wrapped around her mouth keeping it shut, so she just settled down and started breathing through her nose.

“My goodness what happened to Pinkie?” Rarity hoped this was a good cue to explain why Pinkie Pie was tied up in orange yarn and wiggling vigorously trying to get out of it.

“Well… if you need to know, I ran across Kazooie in Manehatten.” Applejack started before she dropped into a short story of the crab battle and something Kazooie had told her about Pinkie. All the while Pinkie tried to get a word in edgewise even while still muffled or stayed silent at a few specific parts. “So I decided to test what she told me by throwing a ball of yarn and she went after it like a cat would…”

Pinkie muffled as she was, was trying to get someone to help her out of her situation. Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash and subtly rolled her eyes before she jerked her head lightly towards Pinkie with a gentle smile.

“Fine, but I’m not sure how well it’ll work.” Rainbow went over to Pinkie and managed to get her wing under a thick portion of knotted yarn and with a swift jerk her wings cut straight through the yarn with ease. “Ugh, it’s so embarrassing to be winged and dangerous.”

“Thank you so much Dashie, but really? You’re winged and dangerous? That’s hilarious; did you have to sign off on your wings and everything? It was getting hard to talk about all the wonders of yarn since my Granny Pie first let me play with some. I can kind of see why Kazooie thought I was a cat at first, the only colorful thing on a rock farm and it was so fun to play with after all that boring work and then swoosh I’m making a tea cup with yarn and having an actual tea party! The cup didn’t hold the tea very well, but it worked well enough for me.” Cue odd stares in her direction, Pinkie Pie was certainly not obsessed with Kazooie, though she could be asking about it more. Well time to weed out the guilty ponies other then Applejack, because she just knew they’ve seen her. “Let me guess you’ve all seen her recently haven’t you?”

Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy looked away slightly; Applejack had already said her piece and didn’t look as pensive. Pinkie didn’t get mad, but she still had to get ahead of Kazooie somehow especially considering the bird was really good at real time strategies. Usually said strategies involve a rather inexplicable sense of timing and clever maneuvering.

“Well that’s okay, so anyone hungry? I can go make some cupcakes for all of you if you are, things are way to quiet or dull around here and the guards are really hard to get a laugh out of.” Before Pinkie could dart off to make good on some cupcakes and all the sugar in the royal kitchens she felt a hoof on her back holding her in place. Pinkie turned to Applejack who had a serious expression on her face.

“Can we talk about something first? In private…” Applejack started to walk towards one of the exits of the library only to be stopped by Rainbow putting a hoof on her right shoulder, Pinkie went to wait by the exit for Applejack.

“I think my heart is finally managing to reach my brain Applejack. I know what I have to do and I’m going to need your help with something later, so can I count on you?” Rainbow was giving Applejack what she hoped was a hopeful look as she whispered.

“Why of course Rainbow, you know you can depend on me as long as it’s none too weird or strange. My plate is full of that kind of stuff ever since I met that Kazooie critter.” Applejack looked to Pinkie to see if she had any interruptions so they could be on their way to having that chat. Pinkie held out a hoof to Rarity who just cursed under her breath wondering how Pinkie knew, it was Pinkie after all so of course she knew. Quickly a few bits were given to Pinkie and not a single pony batted an eyelash at that or even the fact that the bits disappeared somewhere.

They set out into the hallway and Pinkie started bouncing and humming a happy tune. Applejack followed along knowing that Pinkie’s had a laser guided focus for making cupcakes for all of her friends and was most likely directing them towards the kitchen.

“So the reason why you bounce everywhere is because you want to be a… what did she call it again… platform hero. Like that stuff you did during the Mare-Do-Well thing?” Applejack noticed the immediate shift of the happily bouncing humming friend as she immediately stopped bouncing and was now walking.

“Yeah… how much did she tell you?” Pinkie said walking at an average pace and her bounce seemed to have gone completely out of her, but at least her mane didn’t straighten.

“That you probably still wish to leap to the challenge literally.” Applejack noticed a soft smile cross Pinkie’s face before she leapt at the wall to her right. Pinkie bounced off of the wall and then jumped again in mid-air gaining more height leading into a somersault before she came down on her front two hooves where she began walking on them with the rest of her body held above her head.

“Aw, she still knows me so well…” It was impressive how Pinkie could walk on her front two hooves much less still perform video game based maneuvers in defiance of physics. Pinkie knowing she was cartoon character definitely helped and her capabilities always worked better when done in good humor. “Did she actually say anything else about me?”

“She did say you liked a certain pony.” Applejack became startled as Pinkie promptly fell on to her back and stared at the ceiling wide eyed. Whoever did the ceiling art in the castle had a nice artistic view on it probably knowing nopony ever bothered to look up.

“She told you about my crush on you!” Pinkie yelled from the floor. How could Kazooie have possibly known that she had a crush on Applejack? Pinkie was crazy and random, so how in the world could Kazooie figure it out?

“Wait, you have a crush on me? Huh, I thought she was talking about Twilight. I think I understand her allusion to an apple slice and the donut now. I’m right properly scared that I do.” Applejack was mortified beyond belief, not just because she now knew why Pinkie had seemed sweet on her and had probably been paying more money than necessary for breakfast at the farm. Especially after she mentioned the roof of the barn needing repairs, not only did Pinkie lose a bit of weight she was also helping the Apple family financially… it all kind of made sense now. Pinkie could afford room and board at Sweet Apple Acres because her party planning paid well aside from her real job of being an assistant baker.

“Um… can we rewind this conversation to a few minutes ago when you didn’t know about my super embarrassing crush that’s actually somewhat small and stuff?” Pinkie asked with a large sheepish grin on her face. Applejack just gave her a blank no nonsense look. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Um… surprise? Maybe I should have sprung this on you at an earlier date, much less say how sweet your apples actually are, they’re juicy too and much healthier then the several pounds of sugar I ingest in a day.”

“You want to talk about this sugar cube? I don’t even know what to think anymore, for a long time I thought you’d try and hook up with Rainbow Dash. With Rainbow dating Fluttershy and all, that’s kind of impossible now huh?” Applejack tipped her hat to Pinkie as a sign of understanding.

“Well Fluttershy did call dibs when I started to take an interest in her and made me Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony until she could find the courage to get together with her and she did. Also Rainbow doesn’t nearly eat as many sweets as we do; she’s cool, awesome and fun. I just don’t think me and Rainbow work so well together when exposed to each other for long periods of time. We’re better off just friends.” Pinkie got up from the floor and continued the trot towards the kitchen.

“Why are ya’ll interested in me?” This really begged the question; Applejack just had to know since it was out in the open now.

“Because lots of people really like apple pie and since you’re an Apple and I’m a Pie we kind of click together in the shipping charts but are hardly ever used in too many stories, that and I really like your hat.” Pinkie wasn’t afraid to admit her crush was based on Applejack’s cooking, her cool hat and all kinds of small things she does for Ponyville to make ponies happy. Making ponies happy is something Pinkie always got behind, even if they were stubborn about staying unhappy. “You’re also good at making ponies happy, it just happens to involve massive amounts of apples.”

“Well I’m confused and a bit flattered Pinkie, but can we just stay friends? I’m kind of having problems with Rarity butting in on my personal business and I really don’t take to kindly to it. Kind of hard to find a mare or a stallion she won’t try to help woo me as she puts it; I don’t want her trying to force you on me too.” Applejack finally stopped talking for a moment to take in her surroundings and realized she and Pinkie had already created two dozen cupcakes in the kitchen in a really quick amount of time. “What the hay? When did we start making these things?”

“Wow, we really did that super duper fast and here I thought I was the only pony who could do scene transitions. Of course we can just be friends Applejack and before you know it you’ll be as jumpy as I am!” Pinkie said cheerily as she hopped around the counter of the castles kitchen gathering the cupcakes on a tray to hoof out to her friends and maybe a few of the guards.

“Pinkie, if I ever start acting like you, I want you to knock some sense into me.”Applejack received a nod from a smiling Pinkie as she shoved a cupcake with an apple chunk on it down her throat. The orange farm pony shuddered. Well at least she felt better about taking down the crab, mostly because she was more disturbed my Kazooie’s unique and colorful euphemisms.

Trotting on solar rays

Twilight was busy writing out each and every fact she got about Kazooie onto a piece of parchment with a hovering quill. Transformation powers since she arrived, possible with limitations to the transformations abilities. Fire breathing no matter what form she took. The ability to fire egg shaped elementally charged projectiles, notably favoring the green ones that explode violently. She can stretch her legs to incredible length to jump ridiculously high. She has the ability to perform a Sonic Rainboom from a standstill… she had to ask Rainbow about that one. These were the abilities that seemed naturally occurring to her. The last thing to note was the abilities of her backpack, that of which no magic can possibly replicate.

That backpack had the ability to hold vast quantities of anything, including theoretically an airship, a lot of pudding, money and everything else in the known universe could possibly fit in there. She only knew it held lots of stuff on the account that Fluttershy had seen her pull out a lot of stuff from it without it ever changing size or acting full. It would be a big breakthrough to figure out how that things magic worked, but it probably didn’t work without the owner holding the backpack.

Twilight stopped to give thought to what Applejack told her about Kazooie running fast enough that her momentum allowed her to defy physics and stick to the side of a building temporarily. Apparently it was exactly long enough to launch a powerful attack involving a flaming falcon, but shouldn’t she have launched a phoenix instead as that would have made much more sense with her similar natural appearance of one only bigger.

There was also that news of a time travelling version of her popping up, apparently Dr. Whooves lost his TARDIS again to that alternate version of Kazooie and ran off to do who knows what. He could handle that problem on his own; Twilight did not want to get involved in time travel again.

The solution to combat with Kazooie should work as follows: first separate her from her backpack, make sure she can’t fire projectiles from her mouth or rear end which would coincide with stopping her fire breathing, make sure she is in a wide open space but not wide enough to gain speed to do that that falcon blast thing and maybe just possibly they could stop her. That was if she didn’t have more tricks and surprises in store for them, like the elements of harmony not working on her. If that were the case they’d need her brother and Cadence, not to mention the princesses in attendance for any fight with her

Still it was a minor concern that Pinkie was a friend with a supposed nutcase who has an alternate version of her that gave a sword to Applejack, sure it wouldn’t hurt any pony but the point still stands that it was a foreign magical weapon. Pinkie tried to explain the concept of the world Kazooie came from, where death seemingly had little meaning and evil plays tennis and ride go-karts for fun with heroes that frequently end their lives on a constant basis like it was all some sort of game. That was around the point that Pinkie exclaimed to her the word ‘exactly’.

Twilight condensed everything Pinkie said to one simple fact; Kazooie was from a realm built entirely of chaos on purpose. In fact the realm she’s from probably was even more chaotic then even Discord… Distress could handle, yet from what she hears Kazooie is amiable even if she’s really strange.

Finally finishing the documentation of the shape shifting bird Kazooie, she decided to just sit back relax and read a book. Whatever her friends were doing in Canterlot didn’t really concern her much. Though Rainbow and Fluttershy might have been a bit odd lately, Rarity was probably looking for a stallion and Applejack was possibly bored to tears already by being away from the comforts of the apple farm. Pinkie Pie was perfectly… normal… scary thought there, especially when her parties seemed to have the same flair they usually did considering the underlying tension.

In the next few minutes she saw Luna and Celestia trot into the throne room to find her reading silently in a corner of this room instead of the library for privacy reasons. That and Rainbow was still a loud reader at times. Twilight immediately noticed Celestia was not smiling or looking as regal as she usually did, in fact the look on her face was bordering almost close to displeased, Luna on the other hand looked well relaxed and jovial. Luna has been a lot happier lately since she discovered the concept of fun and took to it, along with the idea of clubbing and making lots of good and very real friends. She was both a big fan of Vinyl Scratch’s rough beats and the cellist Octavia who tended to play a wonderful moonlit sonata.

“Sister thou doth protest too much, she helped the city Manehatten and even paid for the element of Honesty’s food.” Luna was chipper whereas Celestia was muted, it was a stark contrast between them and Twilight could tell Kazooie had definitely been involved in souring the usually bright and sunny princess’s mood.

“Was that before or after she led Cancer through the city melting the office buildings to the ground from the superheated claw blasts, destroyed the market district evading a rain of acidic bubbles and terrorizing the ponies that were working the early morning shift at the docks?” Celestia was not a happy camper; the crazy nutcase even had the gall to confront her with several rather well placed words she’d rather not hear in the first place.

“She still caught the culprits that summoned Cancer, thy actions of bravery should be commended even if a lot of the buildings that were knocked to the ground may or may not have been her fault thereafter. I think it admirable that she admitted to destroying the publishing company that made that horrid book named after your faithful student.” It was this at that bit of information that Celestia actually did smile.

“Maybe she’s not so bad after all…” Celestia slowly said a smile creeping up her face as many a pony had always wanted to do that and couldn’t by law, but in a heated battle some property casualties were very much allowable.

“Oh right, I remember her admitting to destroying all the banana shipments while at the docks as well… weren’t we supposed to receive a restock on those soon? Why in the world did she do that or even manage to find the time while fighting off Cancer? Mayhap she tried to quell it’s anger with tropical tastes?” Luna looked to the ceiling in wonderment, it was kind of odd to her and at least Kazooie hadn’t destroyed the Manehatten moon pie factory that was nearby. If the moon pie factory went down then Luna would have at least asked Kazooie to be more careful next time.

“She crawled out of the anus of Tartarus itself, her evil knows no bounds! I don’t even remember how she managed to put us to sleep along with most of the ponies in Manehatten.” Celestia voice had gotten slightly darker and was almost hitting the level of royalty Luna used to use her voice at. Her face was almost close to a frown if it weren’t set in a stern blank barely concealed angry scowl.

“From what I remember all I can think of is mother and warmth of her body from when we were foals… whatever she did apparently makes a pony feel pleasant and happy. Also gives them a good eight minutes of rather comforting sleep. At least the fires were put out before she did it so there wasn’t that much more damage to the city.” She was honestly trying hard, but Luna was finding it hard to console her sister. It almost felt like the Nightmare Moon situation in reverse, but at least Celestia had better control of her anger and at least it wasn’t jealousy related like it was for her.

Twilight blinked confusedly, Celestia’s mood had done a one eighty almost immediately upon hearing that her banana shipments were not coming in anytime soon. In fact over the years Twilight has never managed to figure out what she used them all for or why she needed so many. Celestia used magic to keep them fresh and apparently loved them a lot to have that kind of reaction. She didn’t seriously think Kazooie came from Tartarus... right? That was a bit much for a friend of Pinkie’s.

“Princess Celestia are you feeling alright?” Twilight said deciding to take an interest in her mentor’s mane as it started to wave a bit more wildly almost like it was a living flame waiting to be let loose. She was going to add this sleep ability that could even affect the princesses and lots of other ponies over a widespread area, she hadn’t forgotten that detail that Applejack told her, she just wasn’t exactly sure it was because of Kazooie. Now she knew to certainly add it to the list of things Kazooie was capable of, but was unsure of the method of execution.

“Oh yes my faithful student, I’m feeling quite fine indeed… as long as I don’t have another run in with that creature only to find out later what else she has managed to achieve when no pony was watching her carefully. You wouldn’t happen to have a friendship report for me… it might help me calm my nerves.” Celestia could barely keep up her regal composure at this point, but she managed somehow. Celestia’s hair returned to normal and her left eye stopped twitching at random intervals as she watched Twilight take on a thoughtful look.

“Hmm… I don’t think I have a new report... give me a moment.” In all honesty she didn’t think she really had much to go on as she trotted out of her corner to stand before the princesses. Kazooie however seemed to have made good acquaintance with four of her friends. “Yes I think I have something. Somepony can be a good friend to you even if they don’t always make a good first impression. You can’t judge a book by its cover and only by reading the book can you honestly judge it.”

Celestia smiled at that, it was good to know she was making friends outside her circle of six elements and here she thought Twilight was hopeless unless you literally threw ponies at her or vice versa. Sending Twilight to Ponyville had really helped her out socially, except for the fact that she still had that obsessive compulsive problem and was a book loving maniac. Celestia didn’t mind the book loving part as that was what made Twilight cute, it was her obsessive compulsive nature that was grating and one of these days she was going to learn that not everything had to be just perfect.

If only Celestia knew Twilight was referring to Kazooie, a book filled with puzzles she hasn’t quite finished looking at yet and she can’t really judge the character of the book by second hoof knowledge given to her by her friends. Twilight trusted Pinkie having a good sense of judgment when she said Kazooie was still her friend; as there was no pony that made friends for life like quite like Pinkie. Kazooie wasn’t the only being on Twilights mind; she was oddly enough thinking about Trixie… she had often wondered what had become of the poor mare after she lost her little traveling carriage.

“Well is there anything you would like to discuss Twilight?” Celestia needed a bigger diversion from the topic of the otherworldly intruder who was making a very severe mistake in messing with her.

“Well actually, yes there is something I would like to ask you. Why are all of the elements of harmony here in Canterlot?” Twilight left the question hanging in the air.

Now that Twilight had time to think while Celestia pondered, wasn’t she going to ask Fluttershy about her new friend to maybe make a friendship report? It seemed like Fluttershy has been busy lately getting her friendship back in order with Rainbow, so Twilight didn’t really want to bother the two. Why does Luna seem bored? Maybe she should spend some time with her, perhaps invite her to a sleepover with all of her friends? She’d better stop thinking; it looks like Celestia finally came up with an answer to her question.

“You are all here to prepare for the worst Twilight, who knows what will happen next. I need the elements of harmony ready at all times and I do not wish for you or your friends to come to harm. We are living in troubled times when beings like Cancer can be summoned to this plane of existence. With all of you within our sights not to mention your brother and Cadence, I can actually feel at ease.” Celestia wasn’t about to bring up her failings with the changelings or how she reprimanded Twilight, they didn’t ever bring it up nor has she ever apologized for it. The incident did make Twilight look upon her almost like she was any other pony, only once in a millenia of blue moons does she get treated normally by somepony. It was important to Celestia that she protect these ponies close to her heart from any perceived threat, especially one that called her ‘fat flanks’. It was also important that the elements could possibly magic away a thousand or so gallons of pudding via aerial bombardment.

Who knows what could happen next, a shortage of Pony Joe’s donuts? Celestia would die if that happened, because she wouldn’t have anywhere to get her snacks from and not many a pony knew that it was all the sugar that kept her from getting a migraine headache from dealing with aristocracy day in and day out. In truth she was scared, she had no idea what was coming and no plan for how to go about fixing whatever calamity was going to inevitably befall Equestria this time.

“I really don’t understand how we are going to prepare for anything, since we don’t have any clue what will happen. Sure we can carry our elements around with us, but I doubt we’ll be able to prevent anything from happening. My friends have a lot of obligations in Ponyville, Applejack especially. Though I think Rarity would actually want to stay here.” Looking at the worry in Celestia’s eyes, Twilight decided she would relent a little. “We can stay as long as we’re needed, but I’m sure we’d be fine in Ponyville too. What could possibly happen?”

At the lake in Ponyville, Kazooie was casting a rather specific shaman spell that required the sun in its use as she stood by the water’s edge and chanted; currently she was an earth pony. When she finished with a twirling flourish and a loud ‘ommanaka’ she smiled as the sun responded, its rays getting brighter over the lake for a short amount of time before it went back to normal.

“Okay the waters fine now, even a hedgehog couldn't drown in it.” Kazooie watched as Screwball dove into the water and did not come back up for air. Kazooie simply walked into the lake till her head went beneath the water, neither she nor her companion would be seen for hours as they frolicked among the one eyed lake krakens. Learning whatever ways a lake kraken could possibly have, before leaving to get some rest for tomorrow.

Back in Canterlot, Celestia sat wide eyed and soon the left one started twitching.

“She just… she accessed the sun!” Okay that brought the attention of her sister to her; Luna was toying with a magical Rubik’s Cube she got in Manehatten up to this moment. Twilight thought Celestia was going to say something else until her face got that odd look on it; she started to worry when the princess had that outburst.

“Who accessed the sun?” Luna said with an admittedly large amount of intrigue.

“It’s Kazooie; I now have even more reason to dislike her presence in Equestria.” Celestia didn’t know how she got on Kazooie’s bad side so easily, but she was certain that the creature had a vendetta against her and loved to see her lose her composure.

“What did she do with it princess?” Twilight saw a look on confusion on her mentors face, she decided to nuzzled her chest gently hoping to ease the princesses worry. The princess responded with simple neck hug.

“That’s just it, she didn’t move it or change its course… only accessed it for a moment to do something.” Celestia bit her lower lip as her horn glowed to life, nothing was wrong with the sun functionally, physically and its energy output was normal. Whatever Kazooie used it for must not have done too much, but with a being like her... Celestia knew she had done something at least to suddenly put out that surge of power that she felt. “Well everything seems to be in order.”

“Maybe she didn’t do anything with it, maybe she was just trying to get your attention?” Luna had decided to stop playing with her Rubik’s Cube that she had been toying with again to give this some attention. Luna thought Manehatten was a fun place to visit if not for the destroyed buildings.

“No she did something with it; I just don’t know what she did. All I can say is, it felt really strange…” Celestia just stood there with a faraway look in her eyes. “It had something to do with somewhere near Ponyville.” Celestia started trotting, Luna and Twilight followed. They looked out at Ponyville from one of the balconies of the castle, everything seemed fine and nothing was on fire. The lake seemed to sparkle slightly in the slowly moving evening sun, but nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Well it doesn’t look like something happened to Ponyville, but me and the girls can be down there to check things out if you want us to.” Twilight offered obviously worried about the numerous things Kazooie could possibly be capable of; she had many strange and unique powers.

If anything Twilight was less worried Kazooie had done something dangerous and more worried that Kazooie had done something weird, unexplainable and outside the laws of physics. If you count turning a lake into drown proof swimming hole then yes she just bent physics and sent them out the windows with the help of the sun. Getting video game laws to work in a cartoon world, it wasn’t all too hard when the chant based sometimes context sensitive magic slotted into place so easily.

“NO! I mean… that won’t be necessary.” Celestia did not like the idea of this unknown suddenly doing something to harm her faithful student, there was no idea what motivates this creature but it was undoubtedly dangerous by Applejacks account. Discord she always knew what motivated him, Chrysalis had told her as much what motivated her and Nightmare Moon she's known that for a thousand years and could do nothing about it until now.

Celestia was even wary of knowing the fact that Philomena wouldn’t tell her anything about Kazooie, just that she had fun and was glad that she had been relieved as a sidekick so she could spend more time with Owlowiscious. Apparently Twilights pet owl had taking a liking to her phoenix; it was actually relieving to know that the phoenix had finally been found unharmed and seemingly infatuated in return. Celestia sent them to Spike in the hopes that Philomena could offer or lend some help with raising his baby phoenix; they tend to get rambunctious pretty fast.

The outburst had left both Luna and Twilight silent, they stared at Celestia as she stared out at the horizon. There was a mix of emotions playing on her face. The two onlookers had no clue what to do to calm her down; it wasn’t like Discords chaos was on the loose by any stretch of the imagination.

At the lake in Ponyville, Screwball stood on her hind legs holding up a half drowned hedgehog to Kazooie with a stern look on her face.

“Okay to be fair, it’s only half drowned and it’s still breathing. Even if you panic you’ll still be able to breathe even when your mind tells you it’s impossible to do so, it’s not like the spell innately gives you the idea that breathing in water is a good thing.” Kazooie crossed her hooves on her chest defensively. Screwball rolled her eyes and dropped to three legs to go find the hedgehog a safe place to rest. “It’s not my fault you know!”

“I swear, you try to do something fun for a pony with no childhood and she goes and acts like an adult on you… like a true heroic mime with the coolest pet cloud in the world.” Kazooie muttered to herself as Mr. Cold Spot floated against her neck rubbing its vapor against her affectionately. “My life is unequivocally awesome. Well, I guess it’s time to make Screwball get some sleep. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow and a lot of things to set up before then.”

Kazooie simply gave the cloud a simple pat on its whole body, as she started walking. A musical tune started playing up as she started slowly towards Fluttershy's cottage. “There ain’t no rest for the wicked.”

Filler-mena

Philomena wasn’t bored per se’ it was more of a fact that she needed to get out more, especially when she got out of the palace of castle she had some fun. It had been five days now since she last saw the crazy mocking bird, otherwise called a breegull who would have to be crazy to insult a beloved princess so much. These days hadn’t exactly been entirely quiet, but they had been slow.

After being introduced to Peewee Chirpman, Philomena found the tiny phoenix to be quite adorable. Much to the chagrin of the dragon Spike, Philomena started coddling the baby almost immediately upon sight and was asked by the cutie if she was his mommy. She said no, but she didn’t mind being called auntie. Alongside Owlowiscious she had a good time teaching Peewee a few things, but she seriously felt cramped being stuck indoors and watched over by an overbearing young dragon just because she was Celestia’s personal comrade and confidant for many years.

Owlowiscious had managed to get Philomena out of the treebrary once or twice in the past few days for some excitement; she just wishes it was at an earlier time than in the evening or morning. It was hard to get out from under the watchful eyes of the overly attentive dragon who mumbled about being sent to a dungeon in the ever free forest inside of a cage or some such nonsense. They had their fun hanging around Ponyville and teasing a few ponies here and there, picking up a few animal friends as well as befriending a quite a few ponies. A lot of the ponies knew who Philomena was from her wanted posters that weren’t really in use anymore and that nice jaunt around the area she did the last time she was here.

The phoenix was really craving some action and adventure now, even being with the magical backpack carrier for the amount of time she had been really jump started her rather drab and sometimes boring existence in the high life. In fact if the gossip flying around Ponyville was correct there had been a rather interesting incident involving a zebra and a local apple farmer four days ago. Philomena didn’t need to be psychic to know who set that one up; one could only guess what that being was doing now.

Looking to Owlowiscious who had fallen asleep for the day Philomena sighed, she could play with Peewee, but Spike kept getting in the way. He was a little overprotective against a bird that already had motherly instincts and was of the same species. Philomena wasn’t about to take Peewee away, she was quite sure Peewee was happy with the dragon.

Now she had to find something to do… wasn’t there that mysterious burst of light over Ponyville’s lake the day before the farmer got put in the hospital? Seriously convoluted was the machinations of that creature, it would leave anyone curious along with the crazy things that go on around this small village in everyday life.

Now what was she going to do to distract Spike, he was busy dusting the books and every ten to twenty seconds he would look to where she was roosting on the seldom used hat and raincoat rack. He was eyeing her suspiciously, like she was about to cause him more trouble.

“Now don’t go getting any ideas, I have enough trouble with the Cutie Mark Crusaders coming over today to borrow a book on miniature catapults for fun and profit.” Other than keeping the library tidy Spike was really relaxed, but a bit more high strung when it came to watching out for Celestia’s phoenix, he thought she was even more trouble than Owlowiscious. He also didn’t appreciate her pulling the banana peel joke on him either and she looked so innocent afterwards… when he found her in the Ponyville marketplace after escaping the library. Why couldn’t she be more helpful like Angel was when Fluttershy wasn’t around to take care of the animals? That rabbit ran her cottage pretty well by himself, even if he had to deal with Opalescence, Winona and Gummy on a daily basis. He really didn’t think Tank would be all that much trouble for the rabbit.

The scene at Fluttershy’s cottage at this moment, for no discernible reason and not that it isn’t interesting.

Tank was wearing a tiny gold crown and Angel in a little maid costume begrudgingly walked in to the living room and held up a well made salad to the tortoise who smiled. All the animals bowed to the tortoise and his winning several games of pinochle. Mr. Pokeylope would be proud of this achievement of rabbit vs. tortoise.

Back with the actual plot at hoof at the library, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are about to rush into the library and do a bunch of stuff.

“Oh come on guys, I just got through putting that up and the book is right here.” Spike held up the book for the trio that had already ransacked the library while the audience was too busy reading about what was happening at Fluttershy’s cottage.

“Thank you very much Spike.” Applebloom to the book in her mouth and nosed it into her saddle bags, after a moment she realized that she was being stared at by something and it had a pleading look in its eyes. “Hey isn’t that there the princesses pet phoenix?”

“Yes, apparently Celestia needed me to watch over her while she spends some time here. Don’t honestly know why she arrived here with Owlowiscious and just as honestly I don’t care as long as she’s not up to any trouble.” The dragon glared at the phoenix that held her wings in front of herself then blew gentle halo of bright fire above her head. The very model of innocence she was posing, the minute Spike turned back to the fillies the halo turned into devil horns before quickly dissipating.

“Awe, she looks kind of bored, can she play with us?” Applebloom noticed the phoenix perked up and nodded to Spike at the idea. “Please….”

“I don’t know...” Trailing off Spike realized he was getting four sets of puppy dog eyes, three from the fillies that suddenly trashed the library and one that was standing on Scootaloo’s back being the phoenix herself. “Well I guess, but you guys better keep your eyes on her. I’ll get into a lot of trouble if she gets lost.”

Philomena sighed at that, like she could actually get lost. Spike thought that being with the crusaders might result in a little revenge on the phoenix, most likely getting covered in sap. The crusaders were just happy to have a new friend to join them on their latest escapade.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders with phoenix friend catapult makers YAY!” The three fillies shouted and Philomena gave a chirp of excitement this was going to be interesting.

It didn’t take long for them to get set up with the wood for the catapult and a few odds and ends to help make it. Philomena was the brains of the operation making sure they didn’t hurt themselves and she kept them organized instead of creating a relatively big mess like they normally would. Applebloom handled the tools the most, Scootaloo held things in place given she had a great sense of balance and Sweetie Belle was sent to find some ammunition to test the catapult.

Philomena looked up and quickly ducked into the hardhat she had on as a hammer came flying at her to bounce off of helmet. That pony from the construction site felt truly sorry for Philomena having to deal with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and lent her his hardhat for the day as he wasn’t using it. She gave an angry squawk at Scootaloo who blushed and ducked her head as she went back to holding the wood in place instead of trying to hammer things in on her own. Applebloom finally came back with the hammer and the last piece of wood. They finished the hammering the last spot of wood in the wheeled catapult in record time as Sweetie Belle came back riding Scootaloo’s scooter. She was pulling their shared wagon with a bag of stuff to launch at the lake.

Philomena had chosen the lake for one reason or another; in case they accidentally got launched at least the little crusaders wouldn’t hurt themselves upon landing. The way the small catapult was built it wouldn’t get them to far out on the lake and it was a really safe place, the only monsters around were lake krakens and they were a completely unaggressive species of kraken. The real reason they were here was so Philomena can investigate what exactly had happened to this lake, that and to have fun with the three crazy fillies. You take your beady eyes off them for a second and before you know it Scootaloo is mysteriously covered in sap despite there being no tree around that actually produces the stuff. Speaking of which she had and looking at them now, all three of the crusaders are thoroughly covered in sap; Philomena gave a slight huff at the defiance of physics.

Well she better get the catapult going before something else happens to these three, but first she had sap to help them wash off and gently preen out of Scootaloo’s feathers.

A few minutes later and several cleaned fillies preparing the catapult by stressing the mechanisms, all it needed now was to be loaded and the lever pulled.

“You know she’s almost like an adult pony, only she lets us do more dangerous stuff.” Sweetie Belle stated as she heaved with her two friends and put the first object in. It was a large rubber cannonball, not once did Sweetie bother to question how Pinkie knew they’d need something to test the catapult with. The Cake’s had a note to let the crusaders borrow it from Pinkie, so Sweetie Belle just accepted that Pinkie knew what they were doing this week.

“She’s still only twenty percent short of being as cool as Rainbow!” There was no question to how far Scootaloo’s loyalty went when in reference to Rainbow Dash. “Hey wait a minute… who gets to pull the lever first?”

“I do of course.” Applebloom said puffing out her chest and went to pull the lever. Only she didn’t get a chance to as the three of them got into a fight about who got to launch the first object, it started with her friends jumping on top of her. Philomena was not an amused phoenix, she decided to break them up the easy way and launch it herself.

Philomena whistled loudly causing all three of the struggling fillies to stop and look at her sitting on the lever. With a small smile Philomena flapped her wings and with a big enough pull the launching mechanism was set off sending the rubber ball flying out into the middle of the lake. The fillies were so excited it worked that they forgot what they were arguing about, Philomena pointed to Sweetie Belle with a wing, before motioning to Applebloom and then lastly Scootaloo. Making sure to note that they each get a turn, but making sure to point out to the best of her ability that none of them could be first since they were too busy fighting themselves to have any fun. She also kept her body lit with fire to keep their seemingly short attention spans on her.

Sufficiently cowed, the girls lowered their heads sadly and apologized to Philomena for fighting. Nodding the phoenix flew out to the lake to retrieve the rubber cannonball as soon as she was back she motioned for Sweetie to load the next object.

“Now what to pick, that test object went awfully far. Pinkie has some really cool stuff, but she still won’t let me try to bake after what happened on my first attempt.” Sweetie Belle continued to peruse the sack while Scootaloo and Applebloom looked between themselves. They knew even while Applebloom was a bit bad at cooking, Scootaloo was actually better surprisingly and Sweetie Belle… well she never made progress and even Pinkie wasn’t willing to encourage her. Despite that Sweetie Belle kept trying, it was incredible impressive to watch her burn stuff even when she wasn’t using a fire or even a heating implement.

The next object that was flung into the lake was just as simple as the heavy rubber ball, this time it was a wooden block. It had a higher arc and shorter flying distance, but it was equally interesting to watch hurtle through the air and the fillies whooped with joy. Philomena chuckled lightly feeling their joy fill her, this was an adventure even if it was a small one where the math did not matter so much as the idea of what they would launch next. Again she had to go out on the lake to retrieve the object; water didn’t exactly bother her though it was a bit of a detriment to phoenixes. Something kind of felt off about the lake, though she couldn’t quite place her beak on it.

“I kind of wish I could fly that high, I really can’t wait for my wings to grow in.” Scootaloo buzzed her wings; she really wanted her turn to come faster as Applebloom was already looking for an object to fire.

“I’m sure you’ll fly someday Scoots, didn’t Rainbow tell you it was only a matter of time?” Though she was smiling, Applebloom silently wondered if her brother was going to be alright. At least he wasn’t as badly injured as the Stirrup Street incident.

“I hate waiting; this is just something else I’m told I can’t rush.” Scootaloo looked down and Sweetie moved over to her to give her a friendly hug.

After a moment Applebloom dragged an object from the sack, just as Philomena got back from dragging the wooden block out of the water with Sweetie Belle’s help. They blinked confusedly at the object, how in the world had Sweetie Belle managed to procure a cheese wheel? Much worse was the fact that the cheese wheel had familiar shapes etched into it. It was three symbols that were familiar to Philomena and she rolled her eyes, yep ‘backpack, question egg and puzzle piece’ was still hanging around Ponyville.

Not that it was anyone’s business, but the cheese wheel came from a world filled with yarn balls and strange aliens called Woolies. Needless to say it flew quite far and even rolled along the water hydroplaning for a few feet before stopping and flopping onto its side. Sighing Philomena went to retrieve even this one, surprisingly the cheese wasn’t ruined in any way whatsoever. In a way it kind of made a bit of sense that the cheese wasn’t ruined given the being it belonged to, Applebloom aided her in getting it out of the water and rolling it back to the wagon.

Scootaloo looked around the bag, but not finding things to her liking she pulled out a rope from it and went to find the biggest rock she could and with the help of her friends she found the largest rock that would fit the catapult and dragged it using the rope back to the catapult.

It took a combined effort to get it loaded into the catapult; they even need Philomena to add her meager strength to get it in. After they did they weren’t able to untie the rope used to drag it there, it went completely unnoticed. This wouldn’t be a very bad thing as it wasn’t currently entangling anything.

Scootaloo stood up and pulled the lever, she stepped back into Applebloom who stepped back tangled one of her hind legs on the rope. As soon as the rock left the catapult, Applebloom went with it screaming through the air much to the amusement of Philomena.

Applebloom followed the rock into sinking into the lake Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle just stood there staring for a minute, while Philomena rolled her eyes. She smacked both the fillies with her wings and pointed to the water, there were still bubbles coming up from the lake where the rock landed. Really Philomena shouldn’t have let them build a working catapult to begin with if they were going to freak out about a minor accident.

The fillies jumped in without a hesitation while Philomena stuck her head under the water and inhaled, her suspicion was right. The water was entirely breathable, if Applebloom hadn’t run out of oxygen yet from screaming her head off then that was the only option left open. At a fully continuous scream underwater, a filly would have run out of oxygen more than a minute ago and this was a rather fortuitous situation. Either that or the trio suddenly became one of the following: sea ponies, merponies, river ponies and several varying species of hippocampus. The strangest type of hippocampus was the starfish type; they could grow back their own heads.

Swimming into the water Philomena wasn’t exactly the best of swimmers being she was a phoenix, but the water was oddly refreshing as she jumped in. She swam awkwardly up to the odd trio just sitting there looking around in the water breathing through their wide open mouths and checking their necks as if they had suddenly sprouted gills, for once they weren’t looking at their flanks for cutie marks at least. The girls looked at her and pointed to the rope still entangling Appleblooms leg and she looked about and saw a lake kraken. In the same moment it saw them.

Swimming over to them the lake kraken took notice of Applebloom who started panicking and the kraken simply put its beak to the rope holding her leg and bit down on it letting her free. Philomena gave the kraken a friendly wave and it waved a tentacle back before swimming about in aimless circles that was the basis of its life. Turning to the crusaders they all looked around and gathered together to scream something garbled and unintelligible given that they were still underwater. After a moment they each started to swim off in different direction to explore the lake better while they had the good fortune of being able to breathe underwater. Cutie Mark Deep Lake Divers, what a novel concept without scuba gear and here Philomena thought they’d just be firing stuff into the lake all day.

After they all finished exploring they came to the surface of the lake following Philomena as she shook her wings of the excessive amounts of water. The fillies were all wet and they had found some fun stuff to remember the day by.

Scootaloo had found treasure, but she didn’t get a cutie mark for it but the forty bits she had. All that swimming around felt like flying, albeit a bit slowly at that. The bits most likely had fallen from a pegasus flying high over the lake. She wasn’t about to spend her bits all in one place as she had an idea for them.

Sweetie Belle had made a couple of friends, the lake krakens were somewhat intelligent and friendly. She idly wondered if Fluttershy knew about them. They were peaceful, so joining the club and learning their ways wasn’t too hard, of course speaking Kraken was a bit difficult since it relies on emotionally singing your feelings. Sweetie for all intents and purposes learned how to speak Kraken by giving them a general idea of what she was feeling.

As for Apple Bloom, she found something strange, it was an innocuous ancient looking heart shaped locket and it was stuck tight. Apple Bloom wondered what was inside it and would look to a pony that could possibly get it open later. Oh she tried to get it open, but it wouldn’t and she didn’t think putting her mouth on it was safe.

Philomena pecked at the locket trying seeing if she could help, but she couldn’t get it open either and her beak was pretty sharp. She looked to Applebloom and sent a blast of fire in the air and then stared at Applebloom questioningly.

“No that’s okay; I’ll try to get it open some other way. Maybe in a way that doesn’t destroy the locket.” Applebloom giggled as Philomena looked sheepish about her suggestion. It took a moment, the filly finally realized she had a responsibility to get Philomena back to the library. “Oh right, we have to get you back to Spike don’t we girls?”

“Yeah that’s right, but um… what are we going to do with the cheese wheel? It still looks pretty good.” Scootaloo said as she hopped on her scooter after getting it hooked to the wagon.

“How about I cook something using it for tomorrow’s adventure? We’ll get our cutie marks yet.” Sweetie Belle said brightly, much to the fear of her three friends. After a few moments to think on it the two fillies actually considered it while the phoenix had seen Sweetie Belles attempts at cooking and just simply used her wings to cover her ears.

“We’ll have a Cutie Mark Crusaders Cheesy Cook-off Competition, yeah!” It was like they had one fully running brain across three separate bodies a combination of sugary apples, spicy athleticism and everything nice in a cute voice. The crusaders already had plans to move the catapult somewhere else, but they never really planned to use it for much more then maybe chucking pumpkins into the lake when they came into season. Apparently they couldn’t get their cutie marks in lake diving or catapult building.

Philomena not wanting to be a part of that sticky mess when they started playing with the cheese wheel opted to just stay indoors at the library tomorrow; in the meanwhile she considered whether or not to tell Celestia what had been done to Ponyville’s lake.

The locket that Applebloom had found would sit on her bedside table in the Apple family home to be forgotten for quite a while.

Twilight breaks it

As five ponies sat down for breakfast in the castle Applejack looked up at a screech sound and saw an owl fly into the room through an open window and dropped two letters in front of her. One letter was an apology that came with a muffin for not being able to deliver the letter personally, but the pegasus that was supposed to deliver got lost in the Ever Free Forest so she sent it by owl mail. Opening the second letter Applejack balked, her brother was in the hospital… but apparently he would be perfectly fine despite his injuries and the message stated to not blame Kazooie for his injuries.

“Now why in the hay would I blame her for his injuries? Unless she actually had something to do with them and I don’t doubt for a second that’s true.” Applejack sighed, she actually kind of liked Kazooie despite having known her for a short amount of time. She was going to get word from her brother directly. “I wonder if Celestia will allow me to leave Canterlot, I can’t just leave the farm hanging.”

“Yeah it must be all part of her plan, I think I mostly know what she’s doing and she’s doing a pretty good job and I approve.” Pinkie said reading the letter over her shoulder. “Though she could stand to be a little less violent when she carries out her plans, Wings always did jump into things head first… then she’d get a power up for it. I wonder if she has a frog suit on hoof… or maybe even a kuribo shoe! I’ve always wanted one of those.”

“Pinkie, sugar cube, do you mind?” Applejack asked slowly to the pony hanging off of her back and reading over her shoulder.

“Of course I don’t mind, thank you for asking as your back is really comfortable.” Pinkie cuddled Applejack who was busy sighing in annoyance, this was nothing knew as Pinkie cuddled with all of her friends except for that one time when Fluttershy cuddled with her when she really needed it. “So she devised a cunning plan that had something to do with your brother. What will she come up with next? Maybe she’ll kidnap Cadence or usurp Celestia and Luna; oh I think know… she’ll do something crazy like attack a train bound for Canterlot all the way from Aaaaaappleloosa!”

“Pinkie could you please get off of Applejack, she’s doesn’t need any more stress at the moment dear. She did just find out her brother was in the hospital.” Rarity turned back to her eggs and Rainbow’s topic of discussion. It was about her excitement and worries about trying out for the Wonderbolts; she was going to need all the support she can get.

“Then maybe I can pull out my cirrus cinder bender!” Rainbow exclaimed going over her performance to any pony that would listen. So far Fluttershy was the only one whose attention she fully had, except for one small thing on her shy unimposing mind.

“Um… has anyone seen Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, the other ponies just shrugged.

“Goodness gracious, that pony has had her nose in at least fifty books since that rogue friend of Pinkie’s arrived.” Rarity looked among her friends before turning to Rainbow. “I’d even dare to say Twilight hasn’t even noticed a change in the relationship between you and our dear sweet Fluttershy. Oh I so hope to eventually teach Twilight about romance, she just doesn’t seem interested in finding a special pony for herself. Hearts and hooves, her brother’s wedding and on plenty of other occasions does she never seem to think of love for herself… it’s actually kind of sad really. She needs to stop being so… aloof is the word for it I think.”

“Now there’s something you can do Pinkie, you can distract Twilight from being all cooped up wherever she is. You can go right after we get our breakfast.” A levitating plate of waffles landed in front of the apple farmer and they were covered in syrup and apple chunks. Pinkie smiled as she filched one to swallow it whole and then hopped away to go find Twilight, Applejack just shook her head as Pinkie was still taking her food even now.

Outside the castle on top of a flat roof looking through her Amaze O’ Gaze Glasses instead of a telescope, Kazooie was looking at a window to the throne room and she was calculating the trajectory for the attack on Princess Celestia. The only reason why she still had the glasses is to spite a certain mole; not that they were a useful invisible eyewear for range finding and had heads up display setup installed.

Kazooie gave a slight smile as she turned to the catapult at her side and started loading it with several stacks of ammo; a second later she turned back to the window and coughed up a normal egg before pulling the lever. After she let loose the payload she quickly scooped the catapult into her backpack and quickly started making her escape, she was so glad she took that training seminar with Bentley now. All she had to do was get this catapult back to Ponyville before the chaos trio missed it and after that she had a competition to prepare for. She quickly jumped off the roof and went for the nearest ponyhole cover to the suspiciously spacious sewers once more to be slightly sidetracked by scavenging free stuff ponies dropped in the storm drains for the mountain city.

Celestia was just finishing taking care of a pony’s economic problems with Twilight aiding as an advisory role when the shattering of glass was heard. They both looked up and gasped, but had no time to dodge the incoming projectiles. The normal brand of magical egg Kazooie had fired was to get the glass out of the way so the real ammunition could hit home.

A few seconds later Celestia finally responded to the assault on her throne room.

“Are these… are these banana cream pies?” Celestia finally asked as her coat, head and mane were completely covered from head to hoof. Twilight; having been next to Celestia, was in a similar state to the princess dripping with sweet tasty cream pie goo.

“Princess there’s a note on the pie tin stuck on the end of your horn!” After pointing it out Twilight just stared at Princess Celestia, covered in pie and still looking regal about it. Well that was until she started scraping some of the pie off of herself to eat it humming a bit as she did. Twilight felt a blush run through her cheeks, this was so embarrassing.

Celestia floated the pie tin off her horn as she swallowed a mouthful of pie and pulled the note from it. Soon she was reading it out loud.

“Dear Princess Celestia, I heard you like banana’s so I gave you another little present via air mail. So how do you like them banana’s in pie form? Love, from the recent pain in your royally large butt.” It wasn’t a trick of the light; Celestia’s mane was actually beginning to release a small amount black smoke as if her head had caught fire. She flipped over the note after looking at the arrow point down at the bottom of the note and continued reading. “Also hello Pinkitty, hope not to see you soon and it is unfortunate that I know I will. See you all tomorrow; I know Rainbow Dash wants to get back at me for what I pulled with her and this will be a good way to settle that loose end so I can work on other projects.”

“Wow, she’s really good at making pies. Nice to know she’s still thinking of me.” Pinkie said sitting on the other side of Celestia eating one of the pies that she caught in the middle of the barrage; she actually managed to spook the princess causing her wings to shoot out protectively in front of Twilight as she jumped. Pinkie was just beginning to get hyperactive and she was mysteriously completely clean despite having been within the same vicinity Twilight and the princess had been. “Well okay then… we’ll all see Kazooie tomorrow! Oh, this will be so fun, I just know I can get Wings to eat a cupcake before the day is out! She hasn’t had any of my baked goods yet, maybe I should create a sampler platter for her and I’m not letting her get away this time. Oh I so do hope we get to talk before we get into an epic battle that will be remembered for all of time! What was I originally doing here again? Oh right, come with me Twilight I have something fun planned for us to do today so you won’t be so boring anymore.”

“Pinkie what are you talking abouuuuuu…” Pinkie wrapped her right hoof around Twilight and then dragged her out of the room struggling wildly to get out of the party happy pony’s grip.

Celestia frowned as the hyperactive sugar rush just dragged her rather helpful and organized advisor for the day out of the throne room, she gave a sad sigh wondering what more could that bothersome creature known as Kazooie do to try and make her positively bonkers. She scooped up another chunk of banana pie and shoved it into her mouth and smiled a bit, at least the pie was good like Pinkie said it was.

Celestia had much to prepare for tomorrow and she was already clued in to the fact that someone was going to interrupt the Wonderbolts competition and tryouts, it was time to pit the royal guard against a creature that managed to somehow launch a volley of pies at her without being spotted. The fact that Kazooie managed to get into Canterlot without impunity was disturbing, much less that her security measures still weren’t up to snuff after the changeling invasion and this was no simple changeling she was dealing with.

Pinkie had dragged Twilight out to take her on a tour of Canterlot starting with Pony Joe’s donut shop for breakfast. Mostly for Twilight since she didn’t get anything to eat at the castle. A order of donuts on Pinkie’s tab and they were munching away, Twilight with a bit of coffee and Pinkie with a mug of hot chocolate.

“So then we can possibly go by the museum of unnatural history and magical artifacts…” Twilight was already in the midst of making a list and Pinkie was getting rather bored with that.

Pinkie didn’t know why Applejack thought she had a crush on Twilight; she over thinks things way too much and never did anything silly like going to work on cherry plantations. Twilight just freaks out, causes a large mess and or does really predictable stuff like this. Planning out the entire day when Pinkie wanted to take her on an adventure, BO-RING and she knew how to fix that. She inhaled and blew a blast of flames onto Twilights schedule and the unicorn just stood there in shock as her carefully planned out day went up in smoke.

“Did you just breathe fire? That’s impossible… you couldn’t have just breathed fire, that’s an impossibility... well except when liquid rainbows are involved.” Twilight was on the way to becoming unhinged at the fact that Pinkie just did that to her best laid plans.

“Well I did just mixed a bit of hot sauce into my hot chocolate, you do the math.” Pinkie to a sip of her hot chocolate and blew a small stream of fire from her mouth and a bit of steam rose out of her ears. “Man that’s good stuff.”

“Why would you mix hot sauce into your hot chocolate?” Twilight’s eyes were wide and panicked as Pinkie just leaned by in her seat and sighed a small cloud of white steam from her mouth.

“Well it is hot chocolate, so why wouldn’t it go great with hot sauce? They both have ‘hot’ in their names, because it was so hot and spicy I had to let all that heat out somewhere, do you know how painful it is to let a flaming one out the rear end? So instead I let it out at the attic, better that then the basement where all the heat is busy rising away from.” Pinkie smiled as she had once again made her friend stare at her in an awkward manner.

“You… I… basement… hot… you know what, forget it.” Twilight calmed down by taking a deep breath, she too had breathed fire after drinking hot sauce but she had magical influence to actively explain the fire breath phenomenon. Even then the chocolate would have counteracted the spiciness and then…no, bad Twilight’s brain. Don’t you dare go there, you know what lies there.

“Wow that’s a complicated formula, but I don’t think a basement heater would really help a pony breathe fire.” Pinkie giggled with a bit of insanity as Twilight slammed her face to the table. This kind of teasing was good natured, but seriously that hot sauce spiked with liquid rainbow was spicy as all get out.

“What are we going to do without a schedule? How am I supposed to catalogue a complete tour of Canterlot without it?” Twilight was a bit hysterical as that was the only piece of parchment she had and Pinkie just burned it to cinders with horrible hilariously heinous halitosis.

“Look, Twilight you have to learn that life is okay. So tell me it’s no better to be safe, then sorry you missed out on actually enjoying your day. You’re being way too organized all the time, just take a lesson from me. Sometimes you just got to wing it… like Rainbow Dash! You know, enter the danger zone every once in a while. Since we’re being random today I guess I get to call the shots, first I want to see the house you were born in. So take on me, to yonder home.” Pinkie almost burst out laughing at the look on Twilights face when she said she was calling the shots. It was like Twilight was filled with a sudden horror that she made a failing grade on a magic quiz.

Twilight really hadn’t spent a lot of time with her parents in a long while, here she was in Canterlot and her parents were none the wiser. She felt like a bad daughter, but Celestia almost always had her attention and if it wasn’t her it was her friends. One of which just asked to see the place she lived in when she was little till she joined Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, she really hasn’t set hoof in her old home in ages… was her old room even still the same? Did her book fort still stand? Wait what’s that sensations she was feeling right now.

“Twilight… twilight… you in there, I’m not about to leave my friends behind because they are dancing around in their own minds.” Pinkie kept poking Twilights horn until she jerked back and inhaled before simple staring at Pinkie.

“Yeah, let’s go see if my parents are home. Maybe I can show you my old room.” Twilight got up from her seat and made her way for the doors followed by Pinkie.

Pinkie bounced along happily wanting to see baby pictures of Twilight and how cute she was when she was little. Goodness knows Pinkie herself was such a little heart stopper that her parents had to hide photo’s in case another pony had a heart attack from seeing her eating oatmeal when she was just a little filly. She guessed that was a reason why she liked Applejack, farming could be made fun with her around so it was just a bit unfortunate that Applejack wasn’t around when she was rock farming. She really did feel something amiss paradise in her own rock fields, but the apple orchards where quite homey and she loved fresh apple pie.

“So, are you happy or are you feeling sad, do you at least have some sunshine… in a bag?” Pinkie said snuggled up to a somber Twilight as she trotted along.

“Please Pinkie, no singing. I’m feeling kind of useless, but I won’t be for long. I just feel like I’ve been a bad pony for not spending more time with my parents. I’ve spent more time with Cadence then I have with my parents, I’ve never really gave it much thought till now.” Twilight stopped to bow her head in shame only for her nose to hit a cupcake sitting on the ground getting a bit of frosting on it. Twilight sighed rolling her eyes and scooped the cupcake up into her mouth before smiling at Pinkie as she swallowed the confection, then she used magic to scrape the frosting off her nose and into her mouth. “Well you sure know how to cheer a pony up.”

“That’s what I do Twilight, it’s what I live for. It’s like I got to solve a mystery so I’ve got to be ready for my act and I never hold back!” Twilight noticed something about the way Pinkie worded what she said.

“Are you… no it must be my imagination.” Twilight turned and continued down the street.

“And that’s how fourth wall deniability syndrome works.” Pinkie said brightly following Twilight by hopping only to come to a stop in front of a house. “Should I dare to be stupid around your parents?”

“Pinkie…” Twilight chuckled and she knocked on the door, it took a moment for her parents to answer. “If they’re in then just be yourself… Well you could be a little less random then putting on your costume from Luna Eclipsed.”

Pinkie who had finished pulling up the hood to the chicken costume paused and stared flatly at Twilight.

“Did you… did you really just… did you break the fourth wall? You, of all ponies that doesn’t like all the random nonsense and impossibility… just broke the wall… on purpose... just like that.” Pinkie said getting really confused as a look of disturbed shock finally crossed her face.

“What are you talking about Pinkie?” Twilight said confusedly, honestly looking like she didn’t know what Pinkie was talking about.

“You just said the name of the episode ‘Luna Eclipsed’ and on purpose no less!” Pinkie was suddenly in Twilights face narrowing her eyes.

“Huh, there isn’t another eclipse scheduled for two months… I still think you should be less random then talking about Nightmare Night and eclipses and all that. Also we both know Luna is okay since we last saw her.” Twilight turned to door as she heard hoof steps and Pinkie was in front of her again.

“No! I won’t let this stand… you just broke the wall and you didn’t even bother to give a lead up to it; you just up and dropped it on me like that! There is no way you can deny what you said!” Pinkie was slowly coming to hysterics trying to make sense of something gone horribly wrong. She pushed Twilight onto her back and stared her in the eyes. There was no way Twilight Sparkle should have been capable of breaking the fourth wall.

“Pinkie… you’re scaring me.” Twilight said honestly trying to break away from Pinkie and towards the now open door.

“Oh my, honey its Twilight and she brought a friend… in uh…a chicken costume? Are you to coming in or are you just stopping by?” Pinkie quickly got off of Twilight, the purple pony was instantly helped up into a loving nuzzle and neck hug by her mother causing her to smile.

Pinkie just stood there, she had heard it. Twilight had absolutely broke the fourth wall… there was no way she couldn’t have not known she did that. Could she; Pinkie, be going insane? Maybe Kazooie was having an influence on their universe making every pony aware of the wall… well if that were true then every single pony would be breaking the wall sporadically all the time. Her thoughts started to swirl chaotically about all the implications of what might be going on.

“Could you make me some tea Mrs. Sparkle I think I have headache coming on.” Pinkie slowly trotted into the house wondering if it was the liquid rainbow in the hot sauce.

“Twilight, be a dear and get the door and I’ll go put some tea on for us. Do you want any snacks, you’re looking a bit pale and look like you could use some sugar miss.” After receiving a nod from Twilight, her mother turned around and trotted into the house with a hoof on Pinkie’s back leading her inside.

Whether or not Pinkie knew it, she had entered the Twilight Sparkle Zone; a dimension that creates tales from the dark side unexplored and the outer limits of it is just scratching the surface of weirdness. A weirdness that even Pinkie can’t handle.

“Sheesh I don’t know what’s gotten into Pinkie, she’s being as random as she was in the Swarm of the Century episode. If something is bothering her she should just spit it all out in a clear and concise manner, I just really don’t understand her sometimes.” Twilight’s horn lit up and she closed the door where strange things would continue to befall Pinkie till she got far away from Twilight’s place of childhood.

Pinkie really had it coming when she destroyed Twilight’s well made fancy schedule. Let this be a warning to all of you and Pinkie especially; never ever destroy or go off a schedule made by Twilight Sparkle.

A scarce rarity

It was around midday that Pinkie appeared with Twilight in tow at a restaurant they all agreed to meet at, Applejack noticed Pinkie was shivering and looked pale muttering under her breath the words ‘never again, though the foal pictures were cute’.

“What the hay happened to Pinkie?” Applejack was just curious as she saw the pale pink pony eyes darting everywhere.

“Well I don’t know, she started freaking out when we decided to take an impromptu tour of Canterlot. I honestly can’t figure it out. I think it started when we were approaching my parent’s house.” Trying to look discreet Twilight gave a worried glance to Pinkie who held up a hoof to hail a waiter.

“Give me an order of chocolate crepes and make it a double, oh and a daisy sandwich platter for our friend with some grape juice.” Pinkie had even more reason to stay away from Twilight now, but that didn’t mean she was going to be sour about it forever. They were friends after all and Pinkie didn’t want to damage their friendship over something as crazy as all the stuff that happened around the house of Twilights parents.

“Well I guess she’s fine, we’re going to the museum of unnatural history and magical artifacts want to come with us?” Twilight hoped that her friends would, Pinkie seemed to be upset with her for some reason and she couldn’t honestly figure out why.

Maybe Twilights parents should have cleaned the little tentacle monsters out of the basement before she showed Pinkie her entirely filly made laboratory from when she was really young. Maybe she shouldn’t have introduced Pinkie to the magical painting where the pony’s eyes follow you and just maybe she wished she could remember what it was she said that made Pinkie so upset.

“I’m up for it… that is, if it’s okay with you Rainbow… unless you need more training.” Fluttershy shyly poked a hoof through her mane to shift it to the side as it had fallen in front of her left eye.

“Nah, I need to really relax today, for tomorrow is the big event for me and nothing will relax me more than a boring trip to the museum.” Rainbow said with sheer enthusiasm, she was never in Canterlot on a day these things took place. Best young flyer and soon to be Wonderbolt with best mare friend at her side? Well that seemed like a dream, but the Wonderbolts would seriously cut down on the time she spent with all her friends… she even thought of throwing the competition.

“Rainbow it’s not going to be that boring, it’s a museum of unnatural history and it even has a Wonderbolt display!” Twilight was getting angry that every one of her friends was assuming that the museum would be boring. “In fact I’m quite sure there will be something you would all enjoy if you just gave it a chance!”

“Whoa there sugar cube, calm down now.” Applejack started rubbing her hoof up and down Twilights back till she sighed. “Better?”

“Much, thank you Applejack.” Twilight looked at her four friends… wait four? Pinkie eating her crepes with extra chocolate, Applejack chugging some apple juice, Rainbow suddenly looked interested in visiting the museum and Fluttershy was staring at Rainbow in an oddly adoring fashion. “Wait, where’s Rarity?”

“She must be hanging out with her Canterlot friends.” Pinkie said around a mouthful of sugar, it was surprisingly clearly spoken and then Twilight remembers that Pinkie has a mastery of all things party including tricks like ventriloquism. Now that Twilight considered it, did this mean Pinkie was also good at war parties? A thought for another time, she had a daisy sandwich to eat and how in the world did Pinkie know she liked grape juice? She rarely ever drinks the stuff in Ponyville because it wasn’t in big supply or demand.

“So um… Pinkie, do you need to get something off your chest?” Fluttershy saw Pinkie sigh with relief before she stood up and moved carefully over to Fluttershy to point at the spider clinging to it. “Not what I had in mind, but okay. Just give me a few seconds.”

“Well now that that bit of awkwardness is out of the way… Rainbow, Kazooie is planning to contemptuously crash the competition tomorrow.” Twilight was worried what this news would bring, none of them had wanted to bring up the giant spider that had been clinging to Pinkie because they didn’t know how to broach the subject. Instead of frowning, getting angry or smiling, Rainbow had a flat look on her face.

“Well okay then, anything of real importance that I need to know?” Rainbow didn’t see Kazooie as a threat; instead she just saw this as a friendly challenge. “I’m going to be kicking that smart mouth in the flank at the competition and you’ve got nothing to be worried about. She isn’t as dangerous as she makes herself out to be anyway.”

That’s the same general feeling Twilight had about Kazooie and she hasn’t even met her! In fact it seemed to be common amongst her friends to write off Kazooie and her amazingly destructive abilities. She was dangerous and she was capable of killing and being a pure monster, yet she hasn’t done anything to prove she was actively out to get anyone other than Celestia. Even then that was harmless; she only seemed to seriously harm anything that was evil as with the turn out with Distress and Cancer. Speaking of Distress, Twilight knew she was still moping about her missing powers in the castle and barely eating anything.

Seriously how does Kazooie manage to keep anyone from panicking given she’s beaten a god of chaos on her own… much less that she was the one in the first place that set said god of chaos free? How did Kazooie even get all that power out of Discord in the first place and why wasn’t she corrupted by it, how many secrets did Pinkie’s friend have? Why couldn’t she seem to bring herself to fear her, why couldn’t she think of her as bad like Celestia? What kind of influence does she exactly have that makes her seem harmless to everypony except those she specifically sees as her enemies for whatever reason?

Where Rarity was at this very moment, she was not with her Canterlot friends. She was somewhere Rainbow Dash would want to be if she took a nice tour of Canterlot, she was with the Wonderbolts having lunch.

“So let me get this straight, you’re a duke… I can hardly see it but then again I’ve set my standards way to high at times for a girl that comes from Ponyville.” Rarity knew quite a few things about the Wonderbolts from Rainbow Dash, but not the finer things apparently.

“Yeah it’s just something I don’t like to talk about, who was that friend of yours that makes the pies again?” Soarin’s face was covered with pie crust and filling, his disposition was as cheery as it was quite infectious.

Even Spitfire needed Rarity to join them for lunch; she was after all the best dress maker from Ponyville all the way to Manehatten and Spitfire needed Rarity to make a dress for her personally. It was also interesting to hear that she’d be a spectator at the competition tomorrow and that Rainbow Dash would be there as a competitor.

“So how well do you think Rainbow will do in the competition? You know it’s not always the one who wins it that becomes a Wonderbolt; it’s the one with the most heart, camaraderie and sportsmanship even if they perform the lousiest. Well Tartarus, if Soarin’s a Wonderbolt anypony can be one.” Spitfire got an indignant shout from Soarin who was still stuffing his face with pie.

“Does it matter if Rainbow is in love with a pony, even possibly of the same gender? Otherwise I think she’ll do just smashing… well if she can reel in her ego.” Rarity didn’t get much of a reaction from either Wonderbolt who continued doing what they were. Spitfire sipping her drink slowly and Soarin still stuffing his face disgustingly with pie and yet there was a bit of charm to it that reminded her of Applejack.

“Not really, her ego is a problem though. Not that I broadcast it, I’m dating Fleetfoot and Soarin has slept with more than half the team at one time or another. That’s including me and even a few stallions from our reserve flyers, he’s the teams favorite cuddle toy. So yeah we’re pretty lax on that stuff. I’m not about to get between someone and who they love. I will however stand up for the team against all the dang paparazzi; we’ve sued plenty of ponies for blinding us out of the air with flash photography. It isn’t all bad since the money we make suing them mostly goes to charity, since we really don’t need that much funding.” Spitfire sighed fondly thinking back to how Rainbow inspired the Ponyville weather team and volunteers to help with the water spout. That sweet little yellow pegasus and Rainbow were rather close to each other and she even stated she couldn’t have done it without her, despite her wing power being barely enough to make the grade. She smiled at the heart of even the weakest flying pegasus there and Rainbow’s encouragement.

Rarity smiled as she learned the Wonderbolts were quite nice and as Rainbow would say awesome, she really didn’t know what to think when Spitfire approached her about going out to lunch. They were quite generous and even Spitfire had paid entirely for the meal.

“I swear you and Soarin remind me a lot of Fancy Pants, neither of you are quite stuffy or really hard to get along with. Quite a few other ponies in Canterlot are not quite so… elegant, in the way they treat others. Soarin is far from what I would expect of his high standing given his rather interesting eating habits.” Rarity curdled a bit as she watches Soarin go for another pie, he’s already had two and he was going for a third one,

“Yeah, you’re not what we expected from a unicorn that comes from Ponyville either and that’s a good thing.” A hoof with a few hay fries was promptly shoved into her mouth and after Spitfire finished chewing she swallowed. “At least you know where to stop being so uptight at least, do you even realize how much of a celebrity you are?”

“No, how much of a celebrity am I darling?” Rarity was wondering where this was going, she was honestly surprised as she took a nibble at her cucumber carrot lettuce sandwich with a light vinaigrette. Soarin immediately stopped eating his first quarter of pie and wiped his mouth off before giving a smile to Spitfire who returned it; this caused Rarity to scrutinize them. “Well go on, no use in keeping a lady waiting you know.”

“You’re really popular with just about every pony in higher portions of the fashion industry; the only thing they can’t seem to understand is why you choose to live in a backwater place. I don’t think that though, Ponyville is a great vacation spot for a little rest, relaxation, maybe some adventure and to get away from everyday life.” Soarin paused and got a good look at Rarity, his wings started shifting and he knew it was a bad idea to try and court a slightly fussy highbrow pony like her. Rarity seemed to be highly amused and receptive to the fact that she was popular everywhere it mattered. Soarin stifled himself quite well having a good control of his body; he still thought she was really beautiful. “Anyway I doubt there’s even a pony out there that could out fly Rainbow, that’s another of problem as she also needs to be able to slow down to fly with others and not just be a hotshot.”

“I have some doubt she actually wants to really be a Wonderbolt. I never really said as much to her face, but even if she does idolize your entire team to the point of absurdity I just don’t truly think she’d be happy if she becomes one.” It had been on Rarity’s mind, sure she liked Canterlot… but it just wasn’t home for any of her friends or herself. Home is where your heart lay; her heart was in the small place known as Ponyville and the only thing she need search for was companionship even if she did have to look abroad.

“I don’t think so either, but if she wants to be in the Wonderbolts and she has the stuff, it’s her decision.” Spitfire swirled her drink around a bit before taking another sip closing her eyes. She opened her eyes and stared into Rarity’s own with a bit of sternness. “A lot of the Wonderbolts don’t really have much family to speak of really and we’d be lonely without each other. Your friend would probably ecstatic at first and she has potential for being a great Wonderbolt if it is truly what she wants, but even I know it’s not what she needs. You got nothing to worry about miss Rarity, oh and one thing.”

“Yes, what is it dear?” Rarity said wondering if Spitfire was right, would Rainbow truly give up on being a Wonderbolt just to keep with all of her friends… or more importantly Fluttershy. Rainbow always dreamed of being a showoff hotshot flyer in the Wonderbolts, whatever she chose Rarity would be alright with it as long as Fluttershy was okay with whatever the outcome.

“Could you make me a dress?” Spitfire said with a small smile. “I won’t take it for any less than five hundred bits, I’ve heard how generous you are and I’m not letting you get away with me not paying you just because we became friends.”

Rarity’s brain was already getting into action and Soarin giggled as he saw her eyes sharpen into narrow slits at Spitfire scrutinizing her looks. It seemed like Rarity had already started and they haven’t even left the table yet. Spitfire noticed the strange look and wondered what it meant for her in the near future.

At Sweet Apple Acres, busy practicing for messing up future events.

“So Screwball, are you coming with me to the competition tomorrow?” Kazooie trotted along in her alicorn form. Sure transforming into different forms took a while as she had to transform back into a breegull to take a different form, but it was worth it to play around with how far her transformational limitations went. So far anything that flies or had four or more legs and she was capable of it, she couldn’t do her object transformations like the ever useful washing machine one. She still had her battery egg powered washing machine, why she needed it would never come into question.

Screwball lazily closed her eyes, smiled at Kazooie and waved a hoof in a nonchalant manner.

“You’re really getting into the spirit of mute hero speak, that was the most complicated thing you’ve said yet. Well just make sure to listen to Ms. Smith and try not to change any more apple trees into pear trees by accident… don’t know how we’re going to explain that one to the apples when they find out.” Kazooie watched Screwball rub the back of her neck as she gave a sheepish smile about her chaos powers getting a tiny bit out of control. “Yeah well, what they don’t know until we’re too far away for them do anything about it and all that. So I guess they’ll be stuck looking at things gone pear shaped with one of their trees unless you can fix it.”

A brown stallion had been running by when he stopped after hearing the word pear.

“I hate pears!” The stallion stopped to shout at them as he went to get back into pitched battle with that time traveling lunatic that managed to get his police box. The multiple levels of time traveling shenanigans going on now was undoubtedly epic, but not what this story was about.

“What’s Doc Brown’s problem?” Kazooie asked blankly not really knowing that pony’s real name; Screwball shrugged not really understanding why someone would take the time to shout about their hatred of pears. Personally Screwball liked pears and they had a nice texture, the guy was rather rude for listening in on their conversation like that. “Well back to flying through the trees at literal breakneck speed without hitting anything, don’t mind me if you find my bloody corpse lying around here somewhere. Did we need another basket of apples by any chance?”

In the unnatural history museum things were going relatively well, Pinkie was back to her bouncy self off on her own while Applejack and Rainbow were at each other’s throats somewhere. Everything was right with the world and the only pony paying Twilight any mind was Fluttershy.

“And that’s how a sock caused classical music to be born.” Twilight finally finished her long winded spiel only to notice Fluttershy tilting her head curiously at her.

“But that’s kind of… a little… never mind.” She really did not want to ask a Pinkie Pie style question, but that a sock did all that was strange enough. Who knew you could create such noises using a stocking?

“Yeah, kind of disturbed me hearing about it too. The fact that this seemed like an unnatural enough occurrences to end up in this museum, I mean it’s not that farfetched music started with the sock bagpipes.” Twilight looked around for another exhibit, one that wouldn’t actually bore Fluttershy to death to ramble on about. Maybe the odd eating habits of pets that are raised by pony’s exhibit? It certainly went a long way to explaining how Pinkie keeps Gummy fed and it was in Fluttershy’s area of expertise and interest.

Behind them Applejack was just looking at Rainbow as she stared after Fluttershy’s flank, she lifted a hoof and hit Rainbow across the face earning her attention and a blush.

“Sugar cube now would be a good time to tell me what you needed me for?” It was time the farmer got right down to the favor Rainbow needed of her.

“Well, this may seem kind of odd, but heh you know me… I’m never going to let a pony down right? Could you maybe…” Leaning up to Applejacks ear Rainbow whispered something and Applejack was taken aback.

“What… really… well hay now, yeah I’ll do that one thing, but I don’t know how you expect to get away with the second. Things like this tend to lead to misunderstandings. So let’s mosey on and get this over with.” Applejack and Rainbow walked off together, Rainbow could only hope Fluttershy never caught wind of this.

Pinkie stood there watching them go off together and she blinked, had every pony forgotten she existed again or had she accidentally become a ghost like that one Nightmare Night? No, they just didn’t notice her hiding in a suit of magical armor. The magical artifacts were stated to be completely inert and wouldn’t do anything special, loudly Pinkie started to clank after them scaring several colts and fillies out of their minds as a walking piece of armor suddenly started to follow her two best friends. One of which she wished could maybe want to go on a date at least, maybe she should try for Rarity even if she wasn’t into mares... nah that’d be just a friend date and she wanted sugar of a different sorts. She’s already been friend zoned enough in life; every single pony in Ponyville can’t even see her in a romantic light. Really she loved to party, but she wanted something a little romantic too and all her friends including Rarity were out there finding love. Kazooie was the one she was supposed to be fulfilling a Pinkie Promise to, not the other way around and if Kazooie managed to continue to do what she is already then Pinkie might not be able to carry out the promise! She never breaks a promise not even to her first friend from an alternate dimension far removed from the cartooniverse.

Pinkie walked noisily up to the restroom she saw Rainbow and Applejack enter and then she burst in with a funny one-liner hanging on her tongue. She paused when she saw Applejack holding Rainbow and kissing each other, they both paused at stared at the armored pony not able to see her face.

“Ummm… this isn’t what it looks like whoever you are?” Rainbow said slowly.

“Well it certainly looks like you’re getting Applejack to help you practice for giving Fluttershy a big smooch.” Both ponies blanched as they recognized her voice, Pinkie smiled as she lifted the metal plate away from her face in the clanking armor.

“Then it’s exactly what it looks like.” Applejack said clearly and without fear as her honest nature shone through, despite Rainbows still panicking next to her. She liked Rainbow sure, but she didn’t love her like that.

“Yippee, you’re going to give Fluttershy the most wonderful fun big slobbering tongue tied loving goo goo eyes kiss ever devised! Don’t worry I won’t tell her, since it’s supposed to be a surprise!” Pinkie said as she gave a short hop and tried to get the helmet off of the suit of armor, however a magical glow filled the armor preventing her from removing the helmet. “Uh-oh… um girls... I think I might be stuck.”

Let the Spectacle begin

Pinkie still couldn’t believe she was keeping this nifty armor… mostly because no pony could get it off, not even Princess Celestia in all her knowledge knew how to get it off. Twilight was having problems trying to figure out where the mysterious armor could have come from, it was in the museum of unnatural history because it wasn’t armor of make from any period in pony history. If there was one thing for sure, it was certainly magic proof and otherwise they didn’t want to harm Pinkie using other possible methods to get her out.

Pinkie really wished she hadn’t decided to be a sneaky pie and jump into the armor in a cartoonish manner. At least she could still use the bathroom and eat without much of a hassle, she just couldn’t take it off and in fact she even had to sleep in it last night.

“Are you okay in there darling?” Rarity looked at the drooping armored pony, the armor wasn’t very elegant and it was a strange blue color. It was thought to be completely inert artifact of unknown origin, until the curator of the museum found out Pinkie had inadvertently activated something on it and now couldn’t take it off.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just really hard to bounce in this armor; even if it’s not exactly as heavy as it looks. Yesterday wasn’t really a great day for me, I’m sure things will get better today when I finally see Kazooie for the first time since she came to Equestria.” Pinkie was kind of subdued, but at least she was prepared to see Kazooie today and perked right back up. It didn’t matter how many guards were between Kazooie and the stadium, she knew something Celestia didn’t. It was the fact that Kazooie had a lot of tricks up her sleeves along with probably a lot of lives to spare. “I hope I can pin her down and drag her to a welcome to Equestria party! Of course before that she’s going to get a cupcake from my cannon, before the events can even start.”

“She’s fine.” Five ponies spouted off all at once as they walked along, they all broke into a fit of giggles as Pinkie growled cutely before bounding after them in shorter hops then she usually did.

Outside of Canterlot, Kazooie was on a solo mission to infiltrate the mountain city and had already considered several options. One was to drive a tank through the front gates Vehicle Blast style. She really didn’t want to hurt anypony; she was still a hero even if she was only half of one in a complete team. She could go in at high speeds riding one of her many well tuned wheelie riders, with a star shot mini cannon for forcing barricades down… that would still possibly hurt ponies she doesn’t mean too. Speaking of which, she still couldn’t believe it would take Zecora a while to get back to her with those potions even if she did enjoy the date. Zecora just didn’t like Kazooie doing what she did but could understand the reasoning behind it. It did make sure Big Mac and her have an explosively lovely evening even if they were already doing well enough on their own without the painful interference making them closer than ever. Still Zecora was going to hold up her end of the deal, because Unicorn and Alicorn magic was wildly different from what Kazooie needed and she needed her magic power potions.

No, get your mind back into the game Kazooie… heh back into the game... wait that was it! Why bother using the fun dreamland weaponry when she could get into stadium for sign up the classic way. “Wuld-Nah-Kest!”

An hour or two later ponies and competitors were filtering into the Canterlot Cloud Coliseum; it was one of Canterlot’s best tourist attractions when it was in use. Celestia was speaking with a guard and sighed in relief that the annoying and supposedly evil pest hasn’t been seen yet anywhere in the city or near the coliseum.

“Thank you, carry on.” Celestia turned away from one of the entrances and trotted through the archway into the vast open field where plenty of ponies were taking their seats and getting refreshments. It’s good to see Pinkie was in bright spirits even trapped in a metal suit as she was, considering all the snacks she had set for herself from nachos to popcorn… even a few bean dogs and a literal mountain of candy that her three present friends were staring at. It was making Celestia kind of hungry, perhaps she should personally partake of the provisions at the patty shack concession stand, a bean and tofu burger couldn’t hurt. As she passed the restroom a small insect dropped from the shoe of her back right hoof and crawled under the doorway, the princess looked out into the stands. “Hmm… where’s Fluttershy? Didn’t she come with Twilight and the others? No matter, hopefully my sister isn’t hogging the royal treats.”

“I can do this…. I know I can do this… who am I kidding, I can’t do it… and Rainbow will never…” Fluttershy said to the mirror in front of her showing that her features were slowly sinking into depression, so far the mares room was empty until she heard the tall tell word ‘akanamoo’ spoken in a highly squeaky voice. Fluttershy jumped and cowered under the sinks next to the bag she had with her. The cause of her sudden fright was a thunder sound and a brief flash appeared behind her to reveal Kazooie leaning against a stall with wings crossed staring at her with those intrinsically bright familiar emerald eyes. “Ka… Kazooie… oh you scared me… I’m sorry, but how did you get by all the guards?”

“Do you know anything about termites? So anyway, what can’t you do? Call me curious as to what you’re thinking of Peebs as I’ve got plans to royally screw this competition up in such a fantastic and flashy manner.” Fluttershy bit her bottom lip as Kazooie stared at her raising a brow in interest.

“Oh… um… I’m not sure I should bother you… I was thinking of… no there are so many ponies out there… sorry I don’t want to bother you with my...” She stopped when she felt Kazooie’s wing feathers pressed against her lips.

“I’m taking a wild guess at where your thoughts are... need some help?” Kazooie said with a smirk as the scene fades out to the stadium.

Rainbow was stretching there on the field wondering and waiting for when Kazooie would show up, would it be a flashy affair or would it be a slow cool kind of entrance. Looking at the competitors she saw many a strange pegasus. There was one in a full body black suit with white goggles hiding their identity completely, the pony most likely didn’t have a mane or tail hair under the costume as it was that tight a fit on them. Another was in a super mare outfit, blonde mane and red domino mask hiding her eyes. Quite a few others were wearing costumes she wouldn’t recommend for this competition, unless they were showing they could fly just as well while wearing them and there was nothing against it as long as nothing was concealed by the costume and they had unicorns to check for that kind of stuff before the competition started. Just when the competition was about to start, the mare she’s been waiting to challenge entered the arena with that insufferable smirk pointed in her direction.

“Kazooie…” Rainbow said not sure what she was going to say after that as Kazooie came to stand face to face with her.

“Super multicolored crash happy idiot says what?” Kazooie said quickly and without hesitation.

“What… oh you…” Rainbow started in on Kazooie only for the pegasus to hold up her hoof and stop her.

“Really you want disqualification at a stage this early color blind? Didn’t know you wanted to chicken out of this competition so fast, you probably should considering what I have planned.” Kazooie said jovially as Rainbow growled at her angrily. Rainbow stopped when Celestia came to a landing behind Kazooie who didn’t acknowledge that the princess was there. “By the way did you know your princess has a flank so wide you don’t even have to turn around to see it? Hey Sunny Disposition, can you taste the power of the sun yet?”

“I would like to immediately announce that you are disqualified. I would so love to say that.” Celestia announced and everypony in the stadium quieted down.

“I know the rules; you can’t exactly do that can you. So you’ll have to do better than that to try and boot me.” Kazooie finally turned around and smirked at her.

“If you are to enter the competition I am to dispel all magic that is currently in effect on you at this moment, if it is found out you or anypony else here for that matter are not within regulations afterwards you are out of the competition.” Celestia quickly lit her horn and a lot of the surrounding ponies felt the wave of dispelling magic hit them. Many a pony in the stadium gasped in unison and so did Celestia as she had revealed Kazooie to be an alicorn and that one of the other competitors was a changeling. Seriously the super hero costume was kind of a dead giveaway but the changeling didn’t care, it wanted to be a Wonderbolt as they did heroic stuff and received love and accolades in large masses. Plus this particular changeling also really wanted to do lots of good deeds and nice things.

“WELL NOW YOU’VE GONE AND DONE IT, I’M KAZOOIE PRINCESS OF ADVENTURE!” Kazooie proclaimed loudly couldn’t keep the smirk off her face as Celestia’s pupils shrunk in horror at the use of the royal voice. Turning to the crowd the average pony sized alicorn spoke to the audience surrounding them drawing attention away from the changeling being grabbed by the guards. “Since I’m still technically within regulations and have wings, I can still enter this competition… I’m not hoping to be a Wonderbolt but I still want to have some fun. Oh and could you guys please release that poor creepy skeletal fellow there. If I Pinkie Pie promise not to use alicorn or unicorn magic as fair play during the competition and if Bugsy over there promises not to hide his identity and or use whatever magic he has will you allow us to compete in the spirit of sportsmanship? I ask you to make the decision as I value everyone’s input.”

A lot of the crowd was angry at the changeling however Kazooie stood in front of the frightened bug like creature that the guards had released much to Celestia’s annoyance. Kazooie stood without fear in front of the changeling and many a pony refused to throw things at a princess even if it wasn’t one they knew all too well. “I care not for what it might have done, I don’t even know what it is and I don’t care. It’s not evil and I will retaliate should you hurt… hold on a second… him. Learn to make your gender more noticeable the next time we meet cross dresser.”

The changeling blushed furiously as his personal space was just violated by the alicorn lifting his hind leg with a quick magical flick of her horn. It wasn’t out of love that she did this, since he could feel what the alicorn was feeling. It was a sense of… doing what was right, something the changeling wanted to feel personally like a comic book hero. Sure he might be a slightly rogue changeling and he wasn’t exactly trying to feed off all the ambient happiness in the air, it just happened automatically.

“This creature is a changeling, they once invaded Canterlot and…” Celestia started only for the black suited pony with the white goggles to step forth next to Kazooie and the changeling.

“I believe he should compete…” The voice was of a low pitch and ominous. Rainbow looked at the changeling with distrust, but she felt something… it was coming off of Kazooie. She stood up and moved over to the two other ponies and said something she’d thought she never would say.

“I think he should compete too, so what if he’s a changeling… he’s the only one here and I don’t think he’s a threat to any pony and he didn’t even copy a real pony. I mean come on, super mare, a comic book character?” The crowd started to mull it over and they all turned to the Wonderbolts.

Up in the seats Pinkie smiled behind her horizontal slit hole in her face plate, Kazooie always trying to do the right thing… except for hitting moles with hammers and or mauling them without a reason. That was never right in any situation. Pinkie had gotten many and odd stares for walking into the arena in a suit armor that didn’t look like a normal Canterlot guards, but Celestia had already told them to let her pass on through. Standing up she lifted up her portable party cannon as Kazooie was finally facing the right direction. Her friends were looked at her oddly because she probably just pulled a six foot long bazooka from out of nowhere or her metal pants.

Spitfire stood up from her spot on the field to say something when an object was seen flying at high speeds straight at Kazooie who just simply opened her mouth and caught the plastic wrapped cupcake in her teeth. She smiled and waved a hoof at Pinkie who raised her armored hoof and waved back; taking the wrapping off the cupcake she quickly ate it.

“Hmm… looks like kitty learned a few new tricks, to bad about the overly friendly armor. I’ll have to help with that later no doubt.” At this point Kazooie could only begin to think that Celestia was wondering when this had started becoming a circus act.

“I TOO SEE NO PROBLEM IN LETTING THIS PONY LIKE BEING COMPETE IN THY FUN.” That’s it; it was all completely a circus as soon as Luna called to let the changeling be in the competition. Even the Wonderbolts agreed to let the changeling in just to see if he could perform to expectations. Celestia lamented the fact that Luna likely slept or somehow missed a full scale invasion of Canterlot as she flew up to the box to have a talk with her sister. She couldn’t do anything to pull Kazooie as long as she was actually an alicorn and still within the rules, how did she manage to become an alicorn and where was the energy of chaos that was supposed to be permeating her body?

“Thank you… is Bugsy a good name of meaning?” The changeling asked awkwardly as it rubbed up against Kazooie in friendly manner.

“Do you even have a name?” Kazooie said flatly dropping all emotions and the changeling whined pitiably when she did. “If not Bugsy is just fine. Just as long as you don’t spawn exploding children and send those flying at me or try to wrestle me with two enlarged pincers we’re fine.”

“No… I likes Bugsy… I would never hurt hivelings like that… wrestle?” The changeling received a few pats on the head from Kazooie as he stared confusedly at her.

“Well now that that is out of the way… good morning Canterlot and all visiting ponies, mystical beings and the like. Welcome to the Wonderbolts tryout and competition, let me just state that winning all the events does not guarantee instant Wonderbolt status. We’re looking for special flyers by our own merits and it’s up to us to choose them from those competing if at all, we might not even hire on any more Wonderbolts at all. This is the same message I’ve been giving for several years, maybe next year we’ll invite some griffons to spice things up, then again Celestia might institute a citizenship rule by then.” Spitfire stopped and the crowd chuckled and stomped their hooves. “So let me tell you, we’ve got some interesting flyers here today, a princess I’ve never heard of and she was hiding her horn as she probably didn’t want to be mobbed, a changeling that thinks he has what it takes and has a fair shot like any other pony, the best young flyer from the Cloudsdale competition and plenty of goofy costumed ponies. Like this one for instance… what’s your name.”

“I am Shadow Wing.” It was the pony in the full body black suit, it seemed like the pony was stiff and unemotional. Nopony knew who it was under the suit. Though the pony did have a hard to define voice it sounded slightly masculine.

“Over here we have a last minute entry in a Mare-Do-Well costume. Anything to say to the audience” Rainbows head shot away from glaring at Kazooie and her eyes narrowed at the pony. Whoever it was wasn’t wearing the hat of the costume, but she was wearing everything else including the cape. All the pony did was shaking its head no. “Well you’re a shy one.”

“Okay, anyway Princess Kazooie how well do you think you’ll do in the first event. Which is a five lap race around the stadium and the name of the game is a test of speed.” Holding the mike up to Kazooie the alicorn closed her eyes and smiled before making a rather interesting suggestion.

“Not sure, I’m planning to spice this event up if you will let me. I can add an agility portion to this event if everyone wants to be a bit more entertained than watching us fly circles today.” This caused the crowd to start a general rumble as they mumbled amongst themselves; Kazooie really hoped they would let her do this.

“Well if every pony and changeling here agrees to it, what do you have in mind Kazooie? Call me crazy because I’m up for suggestions on how you might spice this thing up.” Turning to the entries in this competition they all looked amongst themselves before a white pegasus mare with a blond mane wearing a dancers tutu stepped forward.

“We agree to this, we want to do something unique! Who knows what the princess can do to make this event more challenging.” Even the changeling wanted in on some excitement and every pegasus here wanted a challenge, even the Mare-Do-Well costume wearer was nodding. Rainbow Dash had her suspicions and it was an authentic Rarity replica as it had a small diamond shape in one of the inner legs of the costume.

“Well okay then, tell us what you have planned to make this interesting.” Spitfire stood next to Kazooie who reached into her backpack pulled out a blue turtle shaped shell.

“Well, I’m adding a challenge for those who are in first, second and third place as we circumnavigate the track. Should you be in first place you will be haunted by three of these projectiles, second place gets two and the third one gets only one. There will always be six of these projectiles in the air at once and they will always hit their first, second and third place targets. So if you are flying next to one that is targeting a first place target and then you become in first place even for a second, it will hit you. These things will fly at a constant or higher speed twenty percent faster than the ones flying in these positions; they are faster the farther away they are and will always fly at a minimum high speed so don’t think slowing down helps you any.” Looking that everyone was staring questionably at the shell Kazooie sighed. “Can I get a volunteer who won’t mind getting stunned slightly?”

A blonde grey coated pegasus flew quickly down from the stands waving her hoof excitedly and her eyes were crossed. She stood next to Kazooie with a bright smile.

“You gave my friend your muffin, so I’m doing you a favor for her! I’m Ditzy Doo.” Ditzy waited for Kazooie to point out what to do, she just pointed out a direction to start flying and Ditsy did. After a moment Kazooie placed the shell on the floor of the stadium and waited a few seconds before she tapped it with her leg.

The shell shot off like a rocket with jets coming out of it, it grew metallic electrical sparkling spikes, two large white wings and as it neared Ditzy it gave off its warning siren. It chased after here and didn’t stop following until it hit with a smoky explosion. All the ponies in the stadium looked on in horror as Ditzy flopped to the ground; they all sighed in relief when she stood up perfectly fine shaking the soot off of herself and flew back to Kazooie.

“Six of these will be in the air at all times, exactly ten seconds after the race begins. They don’t physically do damage but they do sting a lot making you temporarily unable to fly.” Kazooie turned to the other racers throwing a hoof around Ditzy who was looking a little dizzy. “Don’t worry; they’ll also target me and even I have problems dodging one after a while. Try dodging three at once, it’s an accomplishment if you can last more than five minutes at a stretch.”

All the flying ponies in the competition and even the audience gulped, except for Rainbow who smiled as this was going to be awesome. Looking over to the Mare-Do-Well pony she sighed, why was Fluttershy in the competition?

Wonder Wings Pt. 1

Authror Note: Now officially jumping more sharks and completely writing even more horribly.

“So you sure this isn’t going to kill anyone.” Spitfire asked for the tenth time. She wasn’t entirely ready to trust Kazooie that a foal could be hit by a magical exploding turtle shell without injury, especially when they moved that fast.

Kazooie just nodded as she went to take her place in the starting positions, in the center of the field was the launching mechanism for putting new shells in the air; it would fire the shells after a previous one was used up hitting a competitor. It was up to the other flyers to decide whether they’d jockey for the first three rankings and risk getting slammed by the most devastating weapon known to Mario Kart racers. Besides that, Kazooie had to find a use for the bob-omb buddy cannon eventually.

“Are you ready to kiss Fluttershy’s flank?” Kazooie said to rainbow as she prepped to fly, she really needed to talk to someone because she felt kind of naked without her backpack. She had to leave it behind as she couldn’t fly with it on during the competition, the temptation to pull something out of it would have been too great.

“Oh yeah, well… wait… what?” Rainbow turned to Kazooie in confusion and looked back to Mare-Do-Well, Shadow Wing and Surprise. She also swore she saw Raindrops in their twenty nine pegasus cluster prepping to takeoff in this challenge, she wasn’t afraid of no freaky blue shells that grew spikes and wings. Hearing Kazooie laughing raucously at her, Rainbow turned an angry scowl onto the alicorn as her cheeks burned red and her wings grew slightly stiff at the thought of actually kissing Fluttershy’s butt.

“Oh man… er… colt… stallion? Anyhow you should have seen the look on your face. You thought I was going to insult you to play mind games? Not right now, but I will make a daring escape to avoid Pinkamena after the competition just you wait.” Kazooie faced forward and looking at the simple circular track curving to the right ahead of her.

“Yeah, I actually was expecting that. Well just so you know, you will be eating my rainbow at the end of this competition.” Rainbow; when she finally realized what she had just said, promptly enough facehoofed and her face became a bright crimson.

“Sorry, but I’m not your type, that would be Fluttershy. Thanks for asking me to join in a threesome though.” No matter how much she really wanted to, Kazooie really didn’t need to do anything to get at Rainbow when she was already doing it to herself personally.

“Just know that I’m going to win and leave it at that. Do you even realize how aggravating you are to be around; I think we might even be friends just because of that.” Rainbow turned to look back at the Mare-Do-Well pony was being held by Surprise Pie draping her hoof around the costumed pony and exclaiming how much fun they were going to have and all the fun new surprises that she could create with whatever Kazooie had. Rainbow always found Surprise Pie to be a bit awkward, since she was exactly what Pinkie Pie would be like as a pegasus and she really didn’t like spending much time around both pies when they were together. The partyception that happened as a result of the two party ponies meeting was too much to bear sometimes when she came to visit her cousin in Ponyville.

“Eeyup.” It was the last word Kazooie said as Spitfire moved over to the twenty nine flying ponies and changeling with a checkered flag.

“Get ready, on your marks… get set… FLY BACKWARDS!” Spitfire watched as all the ponies stood still waiting for her to say ‘go’. “Darn it, why does that joke never work for me? Everypony always does it when Soarin’ tries it. Anyway, I think I’m going to go somewhere and sulk after I say... GO!”

Ten seconds in and already the Mare-Do-Well was doing decently enough in seventh place, Shadow Wing was at fifth using other ponies draft to boost forward, Rainbow was in third, Surprise was in second and in first was some mare named Turbulence Breaker. Back at the starting line Kazooie stood their counting down to one from nine and took off before the six shells were rapidly launched into the air and it didn’t take her long to catch up to the pack or for the first victim to be nailed by a blue shell from karting hell.

Turbulence went down and almost following her was Rainbow who suddenly jumped into first place as the cannon in the middle of the field fired another shell. Rainbow had problems dodging the first shell to fly at her and the second one in its shadow almost hitting her and the third shell from the cannon was coming up on her tail and fast.

Rainbows adrenaline was pumping and soon she was too busy dodging the shells to maintain any speed at all as they sped up when she did. Surpise was not surprisingly doing well in avoiding two shells as she giggled and acrobatically pirouetted in midair and pulled off a split second somersaults barely avoiding the two fast flying blue shells by the cloth of her short pink tutu. Shadow Wing was having a hard time just dealing with one shell and gracefully angled through its fast flying arc several times without being tagged by the metal spiked menace, rolling slightly out of the way as it made several passes. Mare-Do-Well was finally in fourth having managed to pick up the pace and held behind Shadow Wing watching as the pony roll out of the shells path as it continued its quest to knock the costumed pony from the sky. Many of the other ponies flying in the competition were holding back and watching with awe as the brave ponies that were trying to avoid the ridiculous looking projectiles, many also looked back to see Turbulence shakily get back into the air before picking up speed again to pass the main mass of flying bodies.

Up in the stands in the royal box seats, Celestia watched as Kazooie flew forward to second place and avoided the two shells angling to knock her out of the sky. The princess took notice that her eyes were shifting from left to right, but never looking straight forward. Soon the other ponies and the changeling started to become braver after seeing the pony named Turbulence get back up from taking a hit and was now flying relatively well.

“How did she get past all my guards, much less the changeling and how is she an alicorn? This kind of security breech needs to be fixed.” Celestia was becoming slightly obsessed with wanting to see Kazooie blown out of the sky by her own additions to this competition.

“Actually I think the security issue was your fault to begin with dear sister. First of all you have all the guards on the lookout for a pony or bird with the colors red and yellow with a sketch depicting her and that she is of a strange personality. Second all the guards were probably so busy seeking out this Kazooie if it were not in the rules for the competitors to be checked the changeling could have completely gone unnoticed. Third your day guards are probably as thoroughly annoyed as you are that she has appeared as an alicorn and thus can’t do anything against her because of her previous infractions.” Luna stopped and ate some popcorn whether or not to consider telling Celestia what she thought of the situation, her sister has been out of sorts as of late due to a recent banana cream pie assault. “In fact if you think about it, she only made us fall asleep and had us completely at her mercy and all she did was run away. Still there’s nothing you can do about her at this point.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean she has a plan for us or something going on out of our very sights. The fact that she can become an alicorn is enough warning in my mind that she is not to be trusted so easily.” Celestia turned back to the field to see Rainbow take two shells to the sides after she finished dodging one, wincing at the sight the princess didn’t think she would want to be back in first place for a while.

“That; as many a pony nowadays says, must have stung.” Luna just shoved another piece of food in her mouth, they were already getting into their second lap after Kazooie had finally started making a push and Surprise was the one dealing with the three relentless magical shells now. Shadow Wing was putting on an impressive show managing to hold a good position ahead of the pack and mostly glided behind other ponies before speeding up past them, yet the pony stayed back in third or fourth place. Luna in particular was watching the changeling put his heart into trying to keep up and ahead of the pack and was really doing a good job of it keeping pace with Shadow Wing and Mare-Do-Well.

“Come on Dashie, get up!” Pinkie shouted over the throng into a megaphone, the rainbow pony on the field shook her head clear and was up in the air once again.

“Well it seems like Rainbow recovered pretty fast, I wonder what kind of magic those things run on.” Twilight was studying the shells as they homed in on their targets and circled around trying to hit them. If a shell was about to hit a first place pony and another pony suddenly enters first place then the shell would always miss the pony it was originally aiming at. It was fascinating that the shells were so well designed to hit only the ponies they were supposed to, she almost forgot that it was Kazooie who suggested them and that made her realize that Pinkie might have known what they were. “Say Pinkie, do you know what those things are?”

“Yes.” Then Pinkie just went back to snacking as she watched Kazooie weave her way through the pack towards third place.

“Well are you going to tell me what they are?” Twilight said slightly exasperated, keeping track of the race as the flyers were moving into the third lap, the changeling wasn’t doing half bad and it didn’t look like Turbulence had recovered as well as Rainbow had from being struck by the shells.

“No, do you want a cupcake? They're really good Twilight.” Pinkie’s eyes widened with glee as she saw Kazooie shoot into first place and was about to do something amazing as all three shells suddenly start barreling down upon her. “Twilight you don’t want to miss what Kazooie is about to do!”

Twilight turning away from Pinkie saw Kazooie barrel roll to the right before shooting to the left avoiding the shells that tracked her movements. They altered their flight paths so that the only way to not be hit would be to drop back to second place, the same way Rainbow had taken two shells to her sides. Speaking of which Rainbow was almost back in third place passing close by to the changeling and Mare-Do-Well. Once she was finally in second place Kazooie spun around and started flying backwards.

“Do you want to know why I said avoiding these shells five minutes at a stretch is an accomplishment Rainbow? Well you’re about to find out!” Her rhetorical question notwithstanding, Kazooie flexed her wings and seconds before the three shells smacked into her. With a golden glow of her wonder wing ability the shells bounced harmlessly off her body at high speeds and then she stopped in mid-air and held her right hoof to the sky, coming to a hover halfway into the third lap. “Here’s a little P-Wing Power for ya!”

One might wonder what a goddess of a particular dimension would do if she saw Kazooie pulling this ability out of her bag of tricks. It was from one dimension that already has mystical pegasus wings as a magical treasure and a special flight magic that allowed only five minutes of intensified flying ability. After that the wings on your back literally catch fire, not much of a problem when you have healing potions, magic and a backpack with regenerative sleeping properties nearby and Kazooie wouldn’t be able to access that until after the race was over. She’d be ready for the next event, but this was going to hurt.

Every single pony in the stadium turned to Kazooie; keeping to her promise she hadn’t used alicorn or unicorn magic. What she failed to mention was the application of pegasus magic were anyone made aware of its capabilities to boost flight parameters to atrociously ridiculous levels. It wasn’t a matter if she was coming in first place, it was a matter who else was coming in first place and this ability wasn’t quite unfair because any pegasus could do this if they knew how. White ethereal wings three times the size of her normal flying pony wings exploded out her back in a vibrant glow of blue sparkles and she shot forward immediately breaking the sound barrier.

Rainbow didn’t stop, but her jaw did drop at the sight. Kazooie’s horn didn’t even light up at all to do that, she had to close the distance and fast if she wanted to come in first. While she was considering doing her signature Sonic Rainboom she almost lost track of the shells tailing her in the air. She started pushing herself harder, but it was obvious until she built up enough speed she wasn’t catching up with… wait only one shell was tailing? Looking ahead she could see Shadow Wing following Kazooie as flying at a slightly slower speed in her wake, when had that pony passed her? Just as the third place shell was about to strike, Mare-Do-Well flew past her. The shell immediately veered off as Rainbow glared at it before pushing herself to fly faster than Mare-Do-Well hoping to not let it hit the pony in the costume. It was around this time that a random pony with a fiery mane like Spitfires and green coat shot by and the shell veered to its new target and blew up, then Surprise shot into third place giggling causing Rainbow to snort in anger. She was not losing to Pinkie's cousin in a tutu.

Looking behind herself, Kazooie smiled at the one pony smart enough to start drafting behind her and it was going to be a rough ride should that pony not avoid their own shells while staying in dragging distance. The three shells were putting her under much more pressure as she bounced off the air like a pinball, much less the two shells on the pony behind her. They were almost lapping all the other ponies at this point into the fourth lap, Shadow Wing was doing particularly well staying in her draft and avoiding the two shells angling to take her out of the air, by carefully gliding out of the way with a careful sharp lean to the left or right.

Rainbow not wanting to be lapped or lose to Kazooie shot high in the air trying to maintain her speed before diving down and creating a rainbow wave with a resulting boom. She was going to catch up to Kazooie and she wasn’t going quit aiming for the top. Even if she now had one shell speeding up on her butt and she had a good idea on how to use it.

Many a pony in the stadium was curious why the race wasn’t called to a halt, but it was quickly established amongst the crowd that Kazooie’s horn never lit up and it was just her wings that were lit up. Now they were watching Rainbow quickly close the distance between them. Trying to keep a path as straight as possible she sped up behind Shadow Wing and passed right on by causing the third place shell to nail the pony, sending it tumbling towards the ground via high speed blue shell. After a few moments Shadow Wing shakily got up and started flying again at a slowly pace. Continuing on Rainbow took up second place and started to trade second and first place with Kazooie rapidly, causing the shells to change target every few seconds. This made the shells narrowly miss hitting them multiple times and it jumbled their knowledge of which they were supposed to look out for of the total five whipping about at them.

“I thought you said no magic!” Rainbow yelled hoping to be heard at the speeds they were pulling, as she flew with her back to Kazooie's..

“No, I just said no alicorn or unicorn magic during the competition! I said absolutely Jak all about pegasus magic; I’m all for flubbing things with semantics like my old friend Daxter does at a sidekicks and partners convention. Besides your one to talk as you’re using pegasus magic too, I’m being completely fair here!” Kazooie figured it would take a moment for Rainbow’s brain to actually upload that information and it might take an entire day afterwards for her to process it.

Kazooie’s wings were the result of pure pegasus magic? Rainbow was using pegasus magic herself? Well now Rainbow didn’t feel like complaining as they outstripped all the other racers except her Rainboom acceleration was beginning to wear off and she could see Kazooie’s wings starting to catch fire for some odd reason while there was an incredibly pained look on her face. At the same exact moment a quarter into the fifth lap they both started slowing down, Kazooie because she had to deactivate the P-Wing Power and Rainbow’s maximum acceleration was finally bleeding off rapidly.

Kazooie had managed to air dash backwards fast enough that Rainbow was immediately nailed by three shells in a row and Kazooie only took two to the face; thankfully her mouth was as tough as her beak even if it wasn’t as sharp as it usually was. Both racers flopped to the field and Shadow Wing was half way into the fourth lap, the changeling, Mare-Do-Well and Surprise were just catching up to this pony now.

It would take a while for both Rainbow and Kazooie to recover from being hit by the shells and since they were still in first and second place respectively the shells hovered nearby waiting for them to start flying again. Kazooie slowly rolled onto her feet and started trotting along the ground past rainbow until she had three shells hovering above her head, she paused and waited for her wings to stop being agonizing. Video Game characters despite their inability to appear harmed at times still very much felt great amounts of pain.

“Whoa did you see that, that… was… awesome!” Soarin said to Spitfire who was still grumbling about him actually always getting his fun in and no matter what he does the press loved him for being the cute one.

“She was right; those shells would target her as well. While the shells may not seem to hurt any pony, the fall certainly does, Rainbow took a bad spill there.” Spitfire smiled at the Mare-Do-Well costumed pony, matching pace with the changeling and thought it was cute that Fluttershy was trying so hard to keep up with Rainbow.

At least Spitfire thought it was Fluttershy from what she heard of the Mare-Do-Well incident. The pony in that costume certainly flew awkwardly enough to be her. Now Shadow Wing was a pony that impressed her, smart and critical thinking of how to ride in some pony else’s current and kept an even pace as well as a head for flying. Getting struck with a shell didn’t even stop that pony from getting up and putting up a good effort to stay in the lead even if their flying was slightly hampered after hitting the ground. In fact the pony might be Wonderbolt material, even if Shadow Wing hadn’t been particularly speedy up to this point and was almost passing Kazooie and Rainbow’s downed positions.

“It’s all cool. Though I wonder how she did that magic thing without her horn or that thing when she took on a golden glow for a couple of seconds, I could swear I heard a banjo being played as she deflected those shells.” Walking up next to Soarin, Fleetfoot came to sit down with the two most famous Wonderbolts for varying reasons and sighed as she held a pie out to an eager Soarin who greedily took it.

“Fleetfoot you’re the best friend we've ever had!” While he was happily eating it, Soarin knew he would later be working it off with extra flight training and an angry Spitfire hounding him the entire time.

“I swear Fleetfoot if you keep spoiling Soarin he might never fly again and then we’ll have to have him as a chubby team mascot then who will be our best sixth?” Spitfire said amused by Fleetfoot as her white mane framed her face and those eyes were giving her an affectionate look.

“Oh we got plenty of reserves who could do almost as good a job, but even I’m sure more than forty pies a week won’t even faze our favorite pound per pudding pegasus. He has the metabolism for it after all and only a pie eating contest has ever put him out of commission and that was only for two days.” Fleetfoot suddenly entangled her right wing in Spitfires left and this caused the pony with a flaming mane to perform these actions in order: blush, squeak and then start stammering about the sudden forwardness from Fleetfoot.

Wonder Wings pt. 2

“You know what Kazooie.” Rainbow said from her spot a few hooves behind Kazooie.

“What?” Looking up at the shells hovering above her head, she slowy turned to Rainbow also looking at the two shells revolving around in a circle slowly above her head.

“Can you show me how you did that thing with your wings?” Looking at Rainbow with an intriguingly raised brow, Kazooie smiled.

“Sure, but you do realize you could accidentally lose your wings if you…” Kazooie started to say.

“Not that… I was talking about that thing where you wings created a golden glow around you for a few seconds and deflected those turtle shell things you let loose upon us… unless that’s the same thing.” Rainbow really like the idea of getting her wings to do something that awesome, it looked really cool and she only hoped she didn’t get that strange banjo music that started playing when Kazooie did it.

“No it’s different from P-Wing Power, that was my Wonder Wing ability and we‘ll see about it after the competition… don’t contact me I’ll contact you. Also that ability works better when protecting someone you love or care for… especially someone you love.” Turning back to the racers Kazooie saw Mare-Do-Well in the lead and avoiding the one shell with some difficult, she missed Rainbow giving her a slight frown at what she had said. “Well since my wings are slightly out of order it’s time to pull some earth pony magic out of my flank.”

After standing there for a moment Rainbow thought Kazooie wasn’t going to do anything until her eyes opened up and she hopped slightly and stomped her four hooves to the ground, before stopping and looking behind her.

“Well?” Rainbow said stretching out her wings, hitting the ground hurt somewhat but any winged pony worth their salt lick will handle a decent fall from the heights they would normally fly at.

“I’m waiting for the competition before I start flying; my wings are on cool down from the P-Wing Power abuse. Otherwise I can still use them to Wonder Wing and finish the race already. I just think it’s unfair that I have an invincibility power involving the use of my wings when the other ponies can’t knowingly use it, the speed boost thing is simple enough even if it is performed differently between us so it’s much more fair if a bit instinctive. I’m surprised that bug thing is still holding on quite well. Enough talk here they come.” Kazooie then stomped her front two hooves and was suddenly airborne on a piece of rock shaped like a surfboard and flying off. This was just as Mare-Do-Well started her fifth lap followed by Bugsy, Turbulence, Shadow Wing and Surprise. The entire pack ponies behind them were average in speed and were waiting for the last lap to really put their all into it, Rainbow waited till at least Turbulence passed by before taking off as she didn’t want to be knocked back down to the ground by the two shells floating a lazy circle above her head.

Kazooie was riding her flying stone surfboard quite well, having learned a thing or two about the geomancy earth ponies can perform. Combine with a floating platform to jump from she was performing sideways flips, backwards leaps and barrel rolls to deflect the annoying blues shells, they were a lot more effective against a grounded opponent and one that was driving a go kart at that. Hitting the stone board with two legs she from a landing she fell to her back and a shell zipped straight above her nose, looking up she could see one coming up on the tail of her board. With a slap of her right hoof a part of her board separated and blew up the shell behind her. What followed was the third shell slamming into the stone board from below sending her into the air flipping, after a moment she was performing rapid somersaults and after being hit by the other two shells she just kept going as a green glow encompassed her yo-yoing form.

“Screw Attack, don’t fail me now.” Kazooie muttered as she continued to bounce forward at a slower pace that was allowing the other races to quickly catch up. At least being constantly shelled wasn’t slowing her down any as she was creating a protective green shield of imminent death around herself. After another three shells slammed into her the rotational power of her screw attack slowed down so much that it functionally failed to continue and her wings flared out so she could continue flying normally. Looking behind herself she smiled when she saw Rainbow was picking up steam back in the air and in third. As she flew she had to go back to dodging three shells and in the final stretch she turned her head slightly and said three words with a message attached to them. “Zul-mey-gut.”

A certain pegasus in the race nodded and sped up as much as they could. Mare-Do-Well having heard the signal as well performed a corkscrew maneuver and sped up, getting ready to pull off the most convoluted plan ever. Mare-Do-Well however wouldn’t be passing the finish line first, no she was going to distract Rainbow Dash and make sure nobody could take second besides Kazooie. There were only three ponies in on this plan and it succeeded.

“Shadow Wing get’s first place, followed by Kazooie and we have Rainbow in third… wow what an amazing race folks even the changeling has come in fourth and Mare-Do-Well in fifth, Turbulence, Surprise…” Spitfire was polite enough to say every pony’s name that entered as they passed the finish line and the shells had stopped being fired by the cannon. Speaking of which, Kazooie simply walked up to the cannon and smirked as she folded it up and put it away into her backpack. “I have to hoof it to you Kazooie you made that more interesting and you pulled some pretty wicked tricks out there. Are you sure you didn’t use any Alicorn or Unicorn magic out there?”

“Nope, I only used personal ability, pegasus and possibly dragon magic. So even if first place doesn’t become a Wonderbolt, do they still get a medal?” Spitfire looked questioningly at Kazooie wondering what she was getting at, but she simply nodded. “So what’s the next event?”

“Synchronized flying, you need to get together four other ponies in the competition to agree to fly with you… shouldn’t be hard for a princess and you have an hour and thirty minutes to get creative and make your own routine. Anyway…why did you let Shadow Wing get first place anyway?” Spitfire saw something of an evil smirk hiding behind a simple smile and those green eyes.

“Sometimes losing is the way to victory. Also like you said, I doubt I’ll have problems getting a team together. All the ponies seem to be looking at me to form a team with them if the stares are anything to go by.” Kazooie said this without trying to even hint that she had managed to accomplish a ploy and Mare-Do-Well had performed flawlessly at the end to get Rainbow to not focus on first or second place. She chuckled to herself as she trotted over to the rest of the competitors and let out a loud whistle. “Okay, I want Bugsy since no other pony will probably want you, Mare-Do-Well if you trust me well enough already to not endanger you further and I’ll owe you one, Shadow Wing because you have a good heart and Surp…”

“Me.” Rainbow said clearly interrupting Kazooie while offering her services and stepping forward with her wings flared, all the other ponies cried out sadly wanting to fly with the new princess and started to swarm towards her until she gave them a glare putting them in their place. They went to form their own groups.

“Well we will have to all agree on that you know… besides if I’m flying in a team I need a team that will want to fly with me. Bugsy as my first pick do you agree to fly with any of the ponies of the six here.” Looking to the big blue orbs turning to the other ponies the changeling’s eyes looked through them and he could taste love coming from one of them for some odd reason, but he thought it better to keep the fact that he was snacking to himself or else there’d be a riot and he wasn’t sure how far this princesses protection would go. Bugsy also felt warmth in his exoskeleton that Kazooie even chose him first.

“Yes… is okay fly with right?” Bugsy said to the others, Mare-Do-Well nodded, Shadow Wing nodded, Surprised nodded and they all turned to Rainbow who begrudgingly nodded.

“There can only be five ponies or changeling on this team. That and I have to tell one of these fine ponies to leave, are you sure?” Kazooie saw the determined look on Rainbow’s face as she nodded again. “Okay, sorry Surprise… I hope you’ll hold nothing against me.”

“Of course not, but my cousin Pinkie might be a bit miffed that you’re planning to run from her as soon as this competition is over with… so I’m telling you ahead of time that I’m sorry we can’t talk at the after party after the Wonderbolts are done talking to ponies they pick for various reasons to have a chat with. Just so you know I’m going to help my cousin catch you, but you have today as a head start. I don’t like seeing my cousin fret over her first friend a lot of ponies thought was an imaginary being despite her obvious disappearance and story being the truth.” With a bright flash Surprise disappeared tutu and all startling the changeling and all the ponies except Kazooie who just yawned.

“I bet nothing surprises that pony.” Kazooie said blandly, she turned to the other ponies and changeling still with her. “Okay, we need to come up with a routine. Before you say anything Rainbow, this is a team effort I already have ideas for my own routine and so do the rest of you probably except bug face who is quite frankly out of his depth with this sort of thing as he is not too much of a free thinker I’m thinking.”

“Bugsy thinks… well enough… but will go with whatever is decided by other ponies… not intrude much me want.” Bugsy wings wilted, but Kazooie just patted him on the head like he was a dog. He nuzzled her hoof sadly receiving some pity love from her.

“Anyway, I’m going to design a routine with each of our strengths in mind. Rainbow your pulling a speed routine, Shadow Wing you’ll be shadowing her and putting a bit of gracefulness into what she does, Mare-Do-Well your with Bugsy you two will be flying a slower rhythmic routine.” Kazooie took a moment to nod to herself, she also had a good idea and if she could find the pony fast enough she could get some good tunes going with it as well.

“Oh and what will you be doing?” Rainbow asked taking a step forward and putting herself face to face with Kazooie.

“As leader of the Wonder Wings, I will be trying to stay out of the spotlight since it will always follow me and will mostly help accentuate everyone else’s routines. I will help the fast or slow at random depending on which is getting better attention. Also we might need some music and I know just the pony that could help us with that. So we’re all set. Meet me back here in an hour and I’ll describe what I want you to do and we’ll get in some practice, Bugsy come with me I believe a princess wants to rant at me for a while.” Kazooie was followed by a suddenly squeamish changeling. “Don’t worry I won’t let them harm you, I’m not too horrible at escort missions.”

“Wait, who went and made you leader!” Rainbow was getting uppity, she want to be the lead however a quick blast of fire from Kazooie’s mouth shut her up.

“Got any complaints?” Kazooie said smiling sweetly; Rainbow quickly shook her head no. “See that’s why I’m the leader, it’s not because I’m a princess. It’s because I know what I’m doing. Now take five everyouhhh… pony, get a snack in while you’re at it.”

Trotting away with Bugsy at her heels she saw ponies making their way towards her on the field. Two of which were familiar faces, Applejack and Pinkie in a tin can. One of them must have been the illustrious Twilight Sparkle and looking to her right she could see Celestia fly down with her sister Luna. This was going to get pretty bad and fast if she couldn’t hold back her insults.

“Hey Wings that was awesome, terrific, you flew so fantastically… too bad you only got second and you were all like screwing through the air blowing the shells up with your rotational discharge and without power armor no less!” Pinkie’s enthusiasm hadn’t worn down as she clanked around in the armor she got herself stuck in as she hugged Kazooie slowly choking the life out of her. “Oh right, I’ve got to introduce you to all my friends!”

“I’ve already met Applejack. So Pinkitty who are the other two I’ve only seen one of them for a few seconds in a semi teleportation accident. Also my screwing around without power armor is the reason why I couldn’t keep it up for too long.” Princess Celestia was annoyed that Kazooie was once again ignoring her as she approached and stood there watching. Taking a look at the suit, Kazooie trotted off and came back wearing her backpack. “So… need some help getting out of that tin can?”

“Oh these two are Twilight and Rarity… do you have any idea what this suit is or any way to figure it out?” Pinkie asked suddenly interested to see if Kazooie could solve its magical secrets and finally get it off of herself.

“If it’s alive I’ll know based on whether or not this scroll works or not. I’ve got plenty of spares from a rogue-like three dimensional jumps ago.” Kazooie dug a hoof into her backpack and rummaged around bit before pulling out a scroll. “Now could you all back away slightly please, this blank scroll will identify the problem.”

“How can a blank scroll identify Pinkies problem.” As soon as Twilight opened her mouth Kazooie stared at her and then trotted slowly around her and tapped a spot on her back with a hoof and Twilight giggled.

“Let’s see bookish, a pony who believes in logic which is quite contrary to being a magic user, very smart and very dumb at the same time. A bit antisocial… okay.” Kazooie turned to Pinkie and started a conversation Twilight will never understand. “She didn’t quite get the Pinkie Sense the first time did she? All I said when you told me about it was that it was nice that you had a working precognition ability which is useful for survival where I’m from sometimes.”

“Nope, but you have to give her credit she did truthfully try to make sense of it.” Pinkie giggled as Kazooie started laughing.

“Let me guess, comical injury involving safes?” Kazooie stated coolly after calming down while crossing her hooves in front of her chest.

“Nope, just a flower pot, an anvil, a cart full of hay bales and a piano. You know, just the usual stuff.” Pinkie had a bright smile on her face.

“Wish I could have been there for that, did she eventually drop the issue or did it finally take a safe hitting her to figure out to just leave well enough alone?” In all honesty Kazooie knew where this was going.

“Nope it took a hydra though and finally she exploded into flames when she finally found out that my doozy was just her admitting that you just can’t understand how my Pinkie Sense works, she exploded into flames and looked like a Rapidash for a moment.” Smiling at Kazooie, Pinkie waited for Kazooie to say something smart about that tidbit.

“Bet she's hot stuff and that she’s a cute above the rest when angry. Not to be obtuse or anything, but catching fire without the painful third degree burns is kind of an awesome trick.” It took a moment for Kazooie to realize she was being prompted; it also took a moment for Twilight to get the blush off her face.

“Not one of your best ones, but I give it a pass. Of course she gets real awkward when she gets in a frump. Anyway can we get on with the scroll, helping me… like now?” Pinkie said well motioning to the fact that she was still stuck in the armor. Kazooie nodded to her and quickly opened the scroll and with a flash from the scroll she looked at it then gave it to Twilight before turning to look at Rarity.

“Eh, you’re a piece of work and Pinkie says Twilight gets into mares. Keep trying and you’ll eventually find love… or it will find you. Don’t be afraid to aim low or have slightly lower standards. Also you are easily high strung and you fuss over yourself way too much, ease back on that and you’ll be more approachable.” That was all Kazooie had to say to Rarity before she turned to Celestia, as she did Rarity wandered off in a stupor to think about what Kazooie told her. “So what crawled up your flank and died a fiery death this time?”

“When you stop being an Alicorn I will find a way to detain you.” Celestia said coldly while Twilight was off to the side busy with Pinkie. “As long as you are one I can’t touch you, but know this… I always get every trouble maker that comes into Equestria to disrupt the balance eventually.”

“No, just the mischief makers who aren’t smart enough to outwit you, besides no force earthly or spiritual can hold me. If you want a war, then love is the battlefield and I will target something you love most aside from the whole country you’re running.” Kazooie turned around and leered at Twilight, causing Celestia to frown at the implication.

“I don’t like what you are implying, she is my student and I’m like a second mother to her.” Celestia moved to Kazooie’s side and stared straight ahead.

“You say that now… by the way I’ve got something for your sister if she’s interested.” Despite the sing song tone, Celestia couldn’t help but think Kazooie was about to do something horrible to her sister.

“Pray thee, what might I be interested in.” At the moon princesses behest when she came up to them, Kazooie reached into her backpack and pulled out a plain brown paper wrapped package and just held it in front of Luna.

“Take it if you want to be happy; don’t take it if you don’t like reliving your past. Oh and one last thing open it in private if you do take it, Celestia might not like what I’m giving you.” Luna just scanned the package with her magic and looked at Kazooie’s blank face; she slowly if hesitantly took the package in her magic and then left with haste. “It’s good to see she can relive her past and face it like a mare. See you solar butt, me and Bugsy here have to go get some munchies.”

Celestia’s mind was pulled in three different ways of thought as Kazooie trotted off in an easy gait. One was telling her to keep watch of her student who was busy reading the scroll Kazooie left behind, another was telling her to not lose sight of Kazooie and the last was to follow after her sister to make sure tragedy didn’t strike twice… what if it was her sister she loved as much as her country then Kazooie might have just given something harmful to her sister.

The princess of the sun just sat down, she wasn’t dealing with Discord or Nightmare Moon. Those two were prophesized as much as the changeling queen or the crystal kingdom in a few weeks time. Kazooie was a being that could divert attention in as many directions as needed to avoid any plan falling apart; she was even befriending a changeling and what was more horrifying to Celestia was that there was nothing about Kazooie in any prophecy at all. Even wild mass guessing about how the changeling thing would have turned out was what led to victory as she figured the elements would solve it, not the love of two ponies. Then again some of the thousand year prophecies were still quite vague.

“Wow so that’s how this armor works, you’ll be out of it in no time Pinkie we just got figure out how to settle the requirements for taking it off.” Hearing the voice of her student Celestia could only hope that Kazooie didn’t mean any harm to her kingdoms subjects or her sister, she moved over to her student and looked down at the scroll. It had the name of the armor at the top, diagrams and a lot of writing devoted to what the armor can do.

“Of course I’ll be out of it in no time Twilight; Kazooie has scrolls that can identify any object and tell you what it does. If the armor was alive, then it wouldn’t have worked and then we’d get it off in another way!” Pinkie looked up at Celestia and smiled seeing that the princess was worried about her video game friend. “Don’t be so worried princess, if Kazooie accidentally kills anypony she’ll just bring them back to life. She’ll even bring back any ponies if they die in an accident and she’s aware of it or directly involved, she’s really nice once you get to know her.”

If the previous scene wasn’t reason enough for Celestia to worry about Kazooie, she just learned that the annoying creature was a necromancer as well!

Wonder Wings pt. 3

“At times you just got to let yourself fall and trust that others will catch you.”

Kazooie pulled a back flip in mid-air and positioned herself into a slow swan dive with her wings played out wide. She fell much to the crowds shock as the leader of the Wonder Wings, Kazooie named it after her rather fantastic invincibility ability that works better when you were using it to protect something. That’s just the fantastic thing about the Wonder Wings; it could deflect any attack except for the heaviest of forces and even repel deadly fire and magic.

As she fell Kazooie looked up at the two ponies chasing her towards the ground Rainbow and Shadow Wing were to time this just right. As she fell she wondered if Applejack would understand what she told her before her team was to fly, that pony had been indecisive about approaching Kazooie and her team was the last one to go on for varying reasons. Hopefully Applejack wouldn’t get mad when she later found out that a zebra might start squatting on her farm, much less that it was suggested by Kazooie to grow a few medical herbs and plants outside of the Ever Free Forest, also that Big Mac agreed to it.

Her time in Equestria was almost up, although she was having second thoughts about leaving or whether or not she was taking Screwball with her. Goodness knows the video game realms are full of fresh food that comes out of walls and wall chicken was the best thing to eat and it wasn’t even technically meat. Mare-Do-Well did her part to distract Rainbow quite well, oh would she be in for a shock when she found out Kazooie had set the scenario up for Rainbow to try and divert those shells away from her and initially kicking her unending loyalty in the pants without knowing it.

Now all she had to do was fly, for it was near the end of their act and both Bugsy and Mare-Do-Well were doing a perfect slow dance routine to Rainbow and Shadow Wings fast and furious flying. Kazooie managed to keep a lot of the attention off of her, which is until she came into the finale which involved her pulling a trust fall. It was entirely on Rainbow whether she died or not, not that Rainbow knew she could survive at least a thousand deaths before getting worried about filling up on extra lives.

Looking to her wings Kazooie could see the slight white vapor coming off them as she fell, almost five hundred feet and counting until the conga line and both Mare-Do-Well and Bugsy were in position for it. All the ponies’ eyes were on her and Rainbow too busy to notice it, but she had organized all five of them to pull this off and now both of them were also doing a slow fall out of view of all the other ponies, but soon they’d pull it all together or else this was going to hurt and the other two were going to need a little medical attention as they started their falls a lot lower to the ground.

“Never fear what love can do, to you. Cause I believe we’ll find a way.” Kazooie sang in tune with the music as she fell toward the ground at terminal velocity, trying so hard to resist that small bit of programming that said to perform somersaults until the world blacks out. “This I say to you!”

“Have you ever really seen a rainbow?” Rainbow shot by Kazooie stopping her from hitting the ground in the wake of her speed and colors filling the air dragging Kazooie slightly forward into the air falling much slower now.

“Have you ever really touched the clear blue sky?” Sang a slightly masculine, then Shadow Wing swooped by lifting Kazooie higher as she formed up a in front of Kazooie behind Rainbow high above them.

“Have you ever really seen a falling star?” Bugsy voice sang in a feminine pitch as he shot down blazing and in front of Kazooie before pulling up behind and above her and gliding in the straight line they formed.

“Here me cry out tonight!” Kazooie yelled as Mare-Do-Well’s final swoop stopped her slowly falling momentum completely just a foot above the ground causing her to line up with the rest of them above herself in their midst. Mare-Do-Well took up position at the end of the line and then they started shadowing Rainbow’s gliding movement’s as they weren’t flying fast at all.

Three of them sang as they all pulled a large double loop before they peeled out of it with all the ponies in a reverse order surprising the crowd as they never saw the swap happen but now Mare-Do-Well was leading them, followed by Bugsy, Kazooie, Shadow Wing and Rainbow.

They pulled into a flying X formation with Mare-Do-Well and Bugsy leading them up into the air, Kazooie was in the middle and Rainbow with Shadow Wing at the back. They started to constantly swap into each other’s flying position, making a complicated weave as they flew up in the air until it ended up with Rainbow in the middle.

Rainbow nosed into a dive with the three other ponies and changeling. The finale ends when they all hit the ground after pulling off another while falling weave. After each of them swept in front of Rainbow nearly hitting each other as they swept into her path before flapping their wings and slowing their descent, Rainbow angled herself out of the way for Kazooie to be back in the middle and performed a flip just before she hit the ground on all fours at the same time as the other corners did. Kazooie landed in the middle standing up on her hind legs singing the last line.

“I will never see the sun rise again!” Kazooie sang ending on that note, there was a round of applause from the entire stadium. If only the ponies knew that Kazooie sang that line in honest and Applejack from her seat in the stands stared in consternation at what it meant for Pinkie’s friend as it was slowly ebbing into the late evening of the day.

“Okay… I’ll admit, that music does add a bit of touch to the flying performance you pulled out there. Well your entire team gets first place for that little stunt at the end where you all ended back in the original places that the X began, that looked complicated.” Spitfire walked up to them and was about to lift one of Kazooie’s front hooves, but stopped when she saw Kazooie nudging her head at Rainbow and smiled. She lift Rainbows hoof much to her confusion. “Let’s hear it for the Wonder Wings every pony! They just might start making us Wonderbolt’s look bad.”

“Okay now for the announcements of ponies we want to see in the room with the Wonderbolts team, these are not confirmations that you are going to become a Wonderbolt. Some of these are just tips we give to the few ponies we really liked who flew out here today.” Soaring cleared his voice as he prepared to call out to the ponies that had caught their interests. “Turbulence, Raindrops, Surprise, Bugsy…”

The crowd was surprised that the Wonderbolts were actually willing to entertain the idea of a Changeling on their team; they had missed a few names in their shock.

“Rainbow Dash, Mare-Do-Well, Shadow Wing and the Princess of Adventure apparently, would you all come to the back room with us? Well that is if it’s okay with you and when you’re done making yourself smores princess… is that dragon magic?” All the twenty nine contestants and the audience looked towards the instant campfire and a Kazooie lighting it a bit more with a flame from her mouth and a quickly levitated the marshmallow out of it to between two graham crackers with a bar of chocolate on top of one. In fact there were several smores floating in the air around her and she looked up to see every pony staring at her.

“What… I kind of need the energy and nothing tastes better then psychonaut brand smores.” Despite the bland delivery there was a lot of chuckling to be heard, despite not many understanding what a psychonaut was. “Want one? I’m only in Equestria for today as I’m literally leaving before the sun rises tomorrow.”

“But how will I carry out my promise then Kazooie?” Pinkie trotted up to her finally free of that ridiculous armor, not many a pegasus including Rainbow who had just seen Pinkie up in the stands seconds ago knew exactly when she had appeared but she had spooked a lot of them.

“Pinkie… why don’t you just tell your friends what you promised me and how it’ll never come to pass, because I’m not letting you hold up to that promise. Besides the fact that it’s a fool’s errand and even a fool as great as you need to know when to stop trying. You’ve probably befriended all the ponies in Ponyville and everywhere else you can just to try and find me one… not going to happen even if I wanted it to.”

Pinkie deflated as Kazooie farted an ice egg onto the fire and magically shoved a smore forcefully into Pinkie's mouth which she begrudgingly chewed. Kazooie cantered up to the rest of the flyers called out followed Soarin, Rainbow walked up to Kazooie as she levitated another smore to her mouth.

“What the hay, what did you do to Pinkie to make her that depressed!” Rainbow said as they trotted along a bit angry at Kazooie.

“Nothing that she isn’t already doing to herself, it’s not my fault she made me a subject of her first Pinkie Promise.” Kazooie said without looking back at the eyes staring sorrowfully at her or batting an eye at what she was going to reveal.

“Well then tell me what she promised you.” Rainbow said a bit miffed, Bugsy, Surprise, Mare-Do-Well and Shadow Wing all were walking alongside her now. This was something they were all interested in.

“It’s complicated, but the gist of it is that she wants to help me to find love for myself instead of others.” Rainbow almost immediately stopped, but kept pace as they walked into the room and sat down to wait.

“So all she wants of you is to help you find a date?” Rainbow said flatly.

“It’s more complicated then you think… Love is never easy to find as what you and Fluttershy have, you’re welcome by the way. Also why can’t you just make your own flight team… the only thing your lacking is some leadership skills and it can’t all be about you all the time. I even made our performance so everyone got a chance to shine even Bugsy here.” Kazooie saw the look on Rainbow’s face; she was considering everything up to this point. For some reason Rainbow didn't think the 'you're welcome' was meant for her.

“You and Pinkie are random… really random.” Rainbow stated all of the sudden looking at Kazooie.

“Yep and that’s why she can’t love me herself. Maybe you can help her chase Applejack around a bit, there’s a pony that could use a little more absurdity in her straight forward simple life.” Kazooie rested her belly on the floor as Soarin and the rest of the Wonderbolts came in.

“Okay first things first, we want to know who the ponies are under those masks.” Spitfire said with eager anticipation. “Especially you Mare-Do-Well, I have a hunch of who you already are.”

“So do I…” Rainbow muttered as Mare-Do-Well looked in her direction before coming forward to the Wonderbolts and pulled her mask off with a hoof earning a few gasps. Nobody had truly expected to see the head of the mare that tested the first blue shell.

“Uh… hey Rainbow Dash…” Derpy Hooves said nervously. “Sorry about the trouble I gave you in the race. Oh and can you please stop thinking that me and Ditzy are sisters we’ve done forty seven blood tests to prove we aren’t, though we’re really good friends I’m really tired of all the needling.”

“That’s no problem at all Derpy. Then who was… no way… you mean to tell me that.” Rainbow immediately turned to Shadow Wing who was looking as nonchalant as possible. “Fluttershy is that you?”

The pony reached up and slowly pulled off the mask and shook her mane free that was matted tightly to her body, slowly she started pulling the rest of the suit off and the finally got her tail out from being plastered under her belly. She shook that out too and then she looked at Rainbow Dash giving a sheepish smile as she hoofed the Amaze O’ Gaze Glasses to Kazooie who stashed them in her backpack. In exchange Kazooie passed a bottle of sour smelling substances and Fluttershy drank it without question, restoring her appearance to normal from its sweat and costume riddled look almost immediately.

“Um… surprise?” Fluttershy said hoping that her friend that she loved didn’t hate her for showing her up in the race. Rainbow didn’t want to think about the fact that she had nailed Fluttershy with one of those shells now. Fluttershy flew awesomely out there, but how… when did she get to be that cool? The male like voice, it was one that sounded like her on poison joke, which never has the same effect twice… so how did she manage that? It was quickly explained that Fluttershy could really pitch her voice low ever since the incident with the poison joke, she did lead a bird choir after all.

“Well now there’s a surprise and I thought Surprise would give us one herself.” Spitfire received a pie in the face seconds later and everyone started laughing. Surprise high hoofs Kazooie with a vibrant smile.

With Pinkie at this very moment, we have her mouth going at a wild hundred miles per hour only to be stopped by a cupcake shoved into it by Rarity.

“Dear, could you please calm down just a bit?” Rarity had never seen Pinkie so frantic or her hair so straight well except that one time with her birthday party.

“But Kazooie is leaving Equestria soon; please tell me you have something to counteract a teleport spell… please?” Pinkie was almost pleading as she looked at Twilight.

“I think I might be able to do something, but I need to know what that promise you made to her was.” Twilight looked around and noticed that something was missing. “She took the armor… huh…”

“I made her the promise of my lifetime… and I really don’t want to break a Pinkie Pie Promise but it is still one of the most important ones I’ve ever made. It just seems like she doesn’t want me to help her even though I promised that she will find love one day.” Twilight blinked confusedly at Pinkie’s downtrodden look.

“You love her as a friend right, isn’t that enough?” Twilight said putting a hoof around Pinkie who just gave her a flat look.

“For her maybe, but that’s not the kind of love I was talking about. You take everything in the scientific manner, have you never once wondered what it was like to be immortal and without somepony to share that very long amount of time with. There’s no science for emotions Twilight and if there was I’d bet Kazooie is the master of them.” Pinkie was agitated, but her mane started to inflate itself slowly. “Have you once never thought that it’s a lonely existence to have a crazy hankering for adventure and be lonely at the same time that nobody will travel with you as you walk down so many roads doing crazy things that could kill you without thinking about it twice? Take Celestia for instance she confides in a phoenix because it’s the only thing with a lifespan that could possibly understand her, aside from another alicorn like Luna. We must have done her the world’s biggest favor saving her sister you know, it’s probably why the princess always looks to you in a positive manner no matter what. You love friends and family, yet you’ll never stop and think about something that you can selfishly hold to yourself and say its part of you.”

“Why Pinkie darling, I didn’t know you were a romantic.” Though Rarity was looking quite starry eyed, Pinkie popped up in front of her without warning with a frown on her face.

“That’s just it, I’m not a romantic, I’m a Pinkie! There’s a major difference there, I know every pony in Ponyville and that’s mostly out of my first Pinkie Pie Promise driving me to find someone for my friend from when I was a little filly. It’s helped me make tons of friends and the only matchmaking I’ve ever done was with Cranky, but that was also because I know every single pony in Ponyville and there is no pony for Kazooie unless it’s going to be a friend or family. I can befriend almost anypony, well except Gilda, but I’m still working on that and I have yet to find anything that could fit or so much as work with someone more random then me. So can you forgive me for being a little stressed that I can’t seem to find Kazooie a special friend, not to mention she already pointed out one that would work for me and even if I’ve been turned down that she had three alternatives on the backburner already? If anyone can match and make it’s her because she knows what it take for a relationship to work because of how much time she’s spent with her brother and if birds don’t know well enough about love then bears knowing bee’s do!” Stopping her tirade she had three friends staring at her and her mane had become puffy once again though something was completely off about it.

Elsewhere having finished labeled off tips and sent several ponies from the room.

“So now let’s hand out the medals for impressive showmareship. Fluttershy you were first place in the race, though I’m pretty sure it was because of Kazooie angling things in your favor. Second place goes to you Kazooie please don’t come back next year especially to Cloudsdale and third place to Rainbow. Also for best team the Wonder Wings hoofs down and best spirit on a team goes to Surprise here with her team the Pop Tarts.” Spitfire handed out the awards and now looked to the eager faces of the ponies that were left behind along with a hopeful changeling, Turbulence and Rainbdrops were still there. “Okay now it’s time to say something, Fluttershy I know you don’t want to be a Wonderbolt but you’re really great at drafting and gliding. Also keeping a level head is why I’m going to leave you up as an honorary Wonderbolt even if you decline, plus you can keep yourself separate from your costume which is useful as being a Wonderbolt is not what our lives is all about though it does become a very big part of it. What do you say?”

“Thank you… but I really don’t want to fly in front of big crowds again… unless some pony special asked me to, I’ve had enough of excitement to last me several lifetimes just by doing stuff with my friends and following my heart around.” Fluttershy became squeamish and squeaky under all the attention she was getting, Rainbow flared her wings and stood in front of her with a glare at every pony looking in their direction getting them to stop.

“Next up, Rainbow… we need a rival team, think you can get one started up with these ponies and changeling? I’m just going to say right now, you’re too good for the Wonderbolts if you’re able to swallow your pride for a jerk like princess Kazooie here. Besides you’d never be happy with us anyway, even if it is your dream… just think about it.” The shocked look would not drop off of Rainbows face, but then she smiled at Spitfire. “You’re all dismissed except for you Turbulence… We’re going to need you as a reserve member to maybe even out Rainbow when she gets her own team up and running.”

As they left the room the ponies went their separate ways. Before Kazooie disappeared she stopped Bugsy to discuss how to better his species as a whole and that he should probably start hanging out with Rainbow in the next few minutes with a hint that love was about to start flying. Rainbow followed Fluttershy and put her right hoof around the shy mare, the changeling stood in the background watching curiously.

“Fluttershy, do you realize that you have an opportunity for what I dream of.” Seeing the saddened look on Fluttershy’s face Rainbow smiled.

“I know how much being a Wonderbolt meant to you.” Fluttershy said slowly not meeting Rainbows eyes until a mouth met her lips and broke into strong kiss, one including tongue in mouth. Fluttershy was about ready to pass out when she heard Rainbow declare something pulling away; she’d thought it would take longer.

“I’m thinking of taking up Spitfire on her challenge to get my own militia slash acrobatic flying team going, but that wasn’t what I was talking about. I love you Fluttershy… so want to be one of my Wonder Wings? ” Rainbow didn’t get an answer as Fluttershy passed out in her hooves, she liked the sound of Kazooie’s special ability and her wings were stiff enough to emulate it or possibly do all those other cool tricks she does with her own like that flying sparking yo-yo thing. She didn’t think Kazooie would mind her stealing the name. “Eh, doesn’t really matter as long as I never decide to go on tour or far from my close friends or the pony I can finally say I love.”

Kapable Kousins Kombat

Surprise was looking around for Pinkie when she just popped up in front of her, causing her to get startled before she started laughing.

“Coming to the after party hosted by the Wonderbolts Pinkie so I can introduce you to the Pop Tarts? Why am I asking you, of course you… are… this is serious isn’t it.” When it came down to it a Pie knew when to get serious and the look on Pinkie’s face caused her to pause. Pinkie was party pony central, what could possibly… oh, of course, a friend emergency.

“I can’t be at every party not even this one, we got to stop Kazooie before she gets out of Equestria or at least stall her long enough for Twilight since she probably has some magical power to help us stop her from running away.” Seeing her cousin nod and spread her wings and gave her back to Pinkie, the pink pony hopped on and Surprise flew as quickly as she could with the added weight of her favorite cousin.

Twilight ran up to see the two of them take off, she sighed and then got startled when princess Luna approached her.

“Twilight Sparkle, I have a request of you.” Luna said gently looking rather pensive about what she was going to actually ask of the unicorn that might one day be the alicorn of the stars themselves.

“What is it I’m kind of busy trying to think of a spell to prevent a pony from teleporting out of this world.” Twilight ran a hoof through her mane subconsciously as she wondered why in the world Kazooie would steal that armor.

“Then a moment of your time if you will please.” Luna kneeled down to Twilight and magically pulled out a small piece of paper with something stapled to it. “I wish for you to find this pony for me, I wish to speak with her. Take as long as you need in this task.”

Twilight just looked at the photo and stared for a bit then she looked at Luna, well this certainly was curious. She would have to worry about it later, right now if she was judging it right Surprise and Pinkie were last seen heading towards Ponyville.

“I’ll do what I can princess.” Just as she was about to teleport away, Twilight heard a voice shout out.

“Wait for me Twilight, I’m coming too. Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy might be too busy at that fancy after party, but I’m not and a friend needs our help. Now get us to the train station sugar cube we’ve got to get down to Ponyville all fast like.” Adjusting the hat on her head Applejack wanted to also see what became of the farm while she was away, but friends and family came first. She was swept up in a short range teleport to the train station to catch the next quick train out of Canterlot. Luna stood there and sighed; she wondered if Kazooie was right even if she wasn’t a naturally occurring pony goddess.

Three miles outside of Ponyville a blur on two legs shot into the village and towards Sweet Apple Acres at breakneck and spine speed. The breegull was wearing her special power up known as the turbo trainers and stopped to pull them off quickly as she could feeling her honey comb bar deplete from her feet nearly burning off. These were her special turbo trainers that stole health to stay activated and didn’t disappear after use, but losing health wasn’t a big deal for her even if that really smarts and they weren’t partially frictionless like a certain hedgehog’s shoes. She wished she could pay in power rings, but it only took from her health bar for the reason that she currently had no power rings given how hard they were to hold onto.

Kazooie quickly performed her talon trot towards the rustic apple loving home and looked in through a window to see Big Mac and Zecora sitting down to dinner with Screwball who did a nice honest day of work. It was a touching scene, to bad she had to interfere in it.

“Got room for one more, I’m leaving for my home world tonight and this will be my last meal in Equestria for a while. So… do you have those potions?” The sooner she could get those potions the sooner she can refill her MP meter and be out of this world. If Screwball chose to allow her, Kazooie could use the Osmose spell to drain the excess magical chaos off of Screwball into an already chaotic world; the reason for this is that Screwball needed to start relying on her own burgeoning chaotic energy instead of her fathers. Checking her frequently used plot device there was only one objective currently on it ‘Hurry up, Wario Style’. Well she was going to sit through dinner at least; it’d be just rude of her to Dine N’ Dash and she didn’t want to be like that time sink of a game.

“The potions yes I did grab, what is the urgency that your attention did nab?” It was Big Mac’s first time seeing Kazooie in her natural born breegull form; Zecora thought it was cute the way he stared at her like she was a unicorn missing half a horn.

“Well I set up everything I’ve ever needed to set up here in this place, but I’ve run into a big problem that would put a frown even on my face. So hurry I must or late I will be, I might not be able to prevent destruction if I’m not wrong to which I do wish it were so I plea.” Stopping to take good swig of apple juice, Kazooie fixed a plate and started to systematically vacuum the food into her mouth. When she finished she looked to Screwball. “Once I get my potions I’ll be able to leave, whether or not your follow is your own choice I give as I breathe.”

Screwball chewing on some fruit ravioli made eye contact with Kazooie, asking a few questions about what this sudden departure entailed.

“Yes, No, Yes, Yes, Maybe, we can always come back, it’s quite dire, yeah I might need your phenomenal nearly cosmic powers at my disposal and no we’re not going to be coming back anytime soon if you do.” It was an intriguing one sided conversation or so it would seem to anyone who was outside the house looking in to the room and could only hear Kazooie answering questions made by eyesight alone. “Oh, by the way… here’s your masters degree from the silent video game protagonist school of speech, thank you for being a good student. You grew up so fast in being able to communicate without having to use your vocal cords, telepathy or any feasible means to communicate at all.”

After taking the diploma and the graduation hat from Kazooie, Screwball threw the hat up in the air with only an unintelligible shout to show for it. Zecora, Apple Bloom and Big Mac were happy for her, well for whatever it was she managed to achieve. From a normal point of view she wasn’t doing anything out of the normal other then continuing to eat at a normal pace, in reality it sounded like she was throwing herself a small party for all those who could hear the words of silence in her smile.

Turning to Big Mac, Screwball stared blankly at him for a few moments then he realized what he was being asked. Kazooie was already busy greedily drinking the potions Zecora got out for her.

“Eeyup.” Well she was a very polite pony, so she was excused from the table, Kazooie didn’t bother asking and had already ran out the door with the chaos kin on her heels towards Ponyville.

“I hope this means little trouble for the future soon, I might start making combat potions that may be a boon.” Though she continued to eat normally Big Mac couldn’t help but notices the look on Zecora’s face seemed grim.

Kazooie was just running alongside Screwball, all they needed to do was get to Whitetail Woods and then they’d be out of here; before they could get any further Pinkie slammed to the ground and next to her dropped her cousin.

“Let me guess, my head start is up huh?” Seeing the nods of the two ponies, Kazooie looked to Screwball. “Want to fight in an RPG battle?”

With a nod, Screwball threw her hooves in the air with a flash of chaotic magic. The ponies that came to watch the confrontation between Pinkie, Surprise, another pony and Kazooie were temporarily blinded by the sudden light and an impenetrable red glowing borderline painting the battlefield on the ground around the surrounding area created a denial field effectively keeping any pony from getting in harm’s way or helping the cousins.

Pinkie pulled a hat from her mane and set it down on it, it was blue and had a bright pink P in a little white circle on the front, Surprise had a white hat, black circle and yellow S which she also pulled from her mane.

“We are the Super Pony Cousins!” Pinkie shouted dramatically.

“Funny, I thought you were salt and pepper. Okay, one thing first… where’s the battle music Screwball… you did remember to listen to my selection of music from the folder on my plot device right?” Grinning sheepishly the pony rubbed the back her head with a hoof and with a flick and a snap like Kazooie had asked battle music started playing.

“Yeah that’s the stuff, who goes first?” Seeing that Pinkie was frantically waving her hoof, Kazooie sighed. “Fine, your team goes first.”

Outside barrier line Owlowiscious and Philomena came to a rest on top of a building cuddling up to each other to watch the battle unfold with all the other ponies, the music was kind of catchy and it looked like several floating blocks appeared above Pinkie’s head. It looked like Kazooie would continue to introduce odd things to their world.

“Special Move me!” The floating boxes responded by rotated to Special which Pinkie jumped up and wacked with a hoof to cause a drop down menu to appear. “Hmm… let’s see… no… to silly… aha, Crash Cousins!”

Hitting that option, she had to press a button to start the attack. Surprise dashed forward and crouched down and Pinkie leaped into the air and came down on her front hooves on top of Surprise, using her body as a springboard and with an assisted heave from the pegasus she launched into the air spinning like a tornado. Surprise ran forward as soon as Pinkie launched skyward and crouched down again hold both her front hooves above her head as she waited, Pinkie swooped once and her spinning slowed down halfway to her target and as she came down Surprise thrust her hooves above herself launching Pinkie higher than her first jump. She came down on top of Kazooie as a spiraling tornado drill before kicking off and back to Surprise’s side after dishing out some damage.

“Okay Surprise, you’re turn.” Pinkie said cheerily having managed to pull off such an advanced move. “Make sure to make it a good one so that Kazooie isn’t standing anymore, then we’ve got her!”

After picking her move ‘Clash Cousins’, Pinkie moved forward and crouched down while Surprise standing on her hind legs started to rub her front hooves together and they started pulling apart rolling a ball of pure energy between them. Charged up Surprise leapt at Pinkie bounced off her head and was high above both Kazooie and Screwball before releasing a bolt of damaging lighting with a large clashing sound shocking both of them.

“Ouch, okay those definitely stung. My turn hey Screwball you hungry? Here’s the Sweet Basket!” All Kazooie did was pull out a picnic basket and tossed it into the air followed by a grenade egg. The basket exploded and it started raining sugary goodness that Screwball quickly started gobbling up as it fell towards the ground. After she was finished getting all the snacks before they could hit the ground, Screwball figuratively turned into a bloated whale three times the size of Celestia. Screwball leapt on top of Kazooie crushing her under the cumulative weight with the grace of a hippo. A few moments after being crushed Kazooie started slowly lifting the massive equine above her head and with a solid heave Screwball ended up above both Surprise and Pinkie whose pupils shrunk as Screwball did a stylish flip in the air and then came down on top of them creating a shockwave. Screwball reverted to normal size and jumped back to Kazooie’s side having dealt a whopper of a hit to both their opponents.

“Ow…. and doctors tell me I should watch my weight.” Pinkie groaned while lying on the ground with a flashing warning sign above her head, while Surprise stood up breathing heavily as she was doing much better in health.

Screwball looked through the options as it had turned to her turn and she found one she liked, her abilities had weird names, but one she could do seemed awesome. Not that all the moves they were doing so far were completely intuitive as soon as they activated, she chose to pull out an egg and that caused Kazooie to smile.

“Aw… how sweet of you. The ‘oopsy-daisy egg’ attack!” Before Pinkie and Surprise knew what was going on Kazooie was behind them and Screwball was in front of them, they both frowned when Screwball pulled out a rather large red egg out with purple swirls on it.

A targeting cursor suddenly painted itself over Surprise causing her to gulp. Throwing the egg into the air, Screwball leapt up after it and then flipped forward slightly while slamming the egg with her hind legs and it struck Surprise in the chest dealing damage and it bounced off towards Kazooie. Kazooie leapt into the air performing a spiraling mid air twirl before she kicked the egg back at Surprise who was slowly turning around only to receive the egg projectile to the spine at the base of her neck. At the low angle it was coming at her, Screwball was able to buck it back with more force, cracks were starting to form on the egg as it bounced off of Surprise’s face this time. Kazooie stood still on the ground and performed a Wing Whack twirl to send it crashing into Surprise’s right wing with a sharp crack. Finishing off this pegasus pummeling power packed attack Screwball jumped slightly and performed a perfect pony rendition of a tornado kick, sending the egg flying into Surprises side where it finally shattered. Out of its remains flew a small white mushroom with a red top with white spots; Screwball caught it then stuffed it under her hat for later use.

It was finally back in Pinkie’s turn and looking at their health meters, they were doing poorly already and decided it was time to break out the special party favors. Surprise had a warning sign above her head too.

“Can you spot me a MMMM Cake Surprise?” Surprise gave a nod to Pinkie who grinned as she stomped her front hooves on the ground and her party cannon popped up out of nowhere. “Good I’m launching another special attack, but before I do can you tell me how Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will work out Kazooie?”

“Easy enough, Rainbow is so stupid she isn’t smart enough to make mistake at this point. Also she was probably turned on by the fact that Fluttershy could possibly out fly her. Well at least while under the effect of at least forty temporary speed stat boosting potions to increase her maximum speed by ten wing power, plus the stamina potions before, between and after the events. They’ll love each other so strongly beyond their own lifespan and possibly even in death, expect Rainbow to be highly upset if you make fun of her for suddenly being more cuddly so lay off her until she is completely comfortable with her feminine side, of which she obviously has none.” Well if Kazooie where to go into great detail, this would include even the end of time when all that was left was several immortals including an old man that smokes too much.

Kazooie really didn’t need to interfere with Twilight and Celestia’s progression; it would slowly creep up on those two within the next two years. It would especially explode into possibility exponentially if Twilight figures out how to become an alicorn and it wasn’t all that hard to do even without voodoo shaman magic. Kazooie had managed to transform into one directly from an earth pony transformation, however she could only transform into an alicorn and not her other pony forms. The ability to change into one was kind a one way, except for Kazooie who could after becoming a breegull again return to her aforementioned earth pony form. To become an alicorn it couldn’t be given nor could you tell how to become one, it had to happen on its own and that was quite sad for Celestia unless her student hit the nail on the head with a rather specific epiphany and it might not even be the same epiphany Kazooie had reached.

“It’s time for me to fire the party cannon, Geno Flash style!” Pinkie said and it fires a ball of light which started to glow brightly hovering between her two opponents before it exploded violently in a shower of smiling light and confetti dealing damage to both Kazooie and Screwball. At this point the damage they dealt didn’t matter. All that did matter was that Screwball had entered the warning zone and Kazooie was still mostly fine if breathing a bit ragged.

Surprise reached into her mane under her hat and pulled out a giant MMMM Cake and tossed it into the air followed by a cake knife thrown ninja style slicing it in half. This left both halves to fall into both her and Pinkie’s mouths and their warning signs alleviated as they restored a little less than half their maximum health.

“Hope you got this Screwball, we just need to take one of them out to get an advantage.” Reaching into her backpack Kazooie pulled out a Max Nut she tossed it into the air and it replicated itself before falling into both Kazooie’s and Screwballs mouths. They were instantly restored to full health.

“You know… this is kind of unfair for us now that I think of it.” Pinkie admitted after remembering how many items Kazooie could be carrying at any given time, plenty of them had to be health restoratives and special effects. Kazooie had exclaimed to Screwball once a long time ago that dying really hurts and would rather avoid it when she could, even in a RPG style battle.

Screwball hit the option for her next attack and Kazooie moved into position in front of Screwball as she pulled out her homerun bat and it lit on fire as white sparkles started to trace their way up the bat to the tip. Screwball’s Scorching Spindash Smash was suddenly announced to those outside the battlefield barrier. The same barrier Twilight was finding no luck in penetrating while Applejack just stared on watching the battle like many a pony. Kazooie hopped slightly before turning into a rapid spinning ball that started creating a cloud of dust behind it pointing towards Pinkie and then Screwball swung her bat creating an incredible pinging sound that sent a spinning flaming red sphere straight at Pinkie.

After Pinkie took the first blow, Kazooie bounced high in the air and Screwball built up another charge in her bat and swung at the right moment sending Kazooie careening back into Pinkie. After three more times of the colors of pinkie’s body grayed and she fell to the ground and then a flaming sphere shot overhead slamming into the building behind her. This left Surprise to get a little panicked as it would now be her turn with Pinkie down and out, she couldn’t think of a way to win this fight but she could go down swinging and looking behind her she held up her hooves in a T formation and the battle music paused.

“Um… you guys kind of just set Sugar Cube Corner on fire.” Surprise said pointing out the obvious, considering where her cousin lived this meant her mane was beginning to flatten out like Pinkie’s usually did.

“Don’t worry about it… It’s insured for fire damage and the Cakes were out of town because Pinkie wasn’t around to watch the shop or the children. I’ve been in Ponyville for quite a few days; it’s nice that I at least got a chance to explore it without Pinkie poking her head out from under every rock. I think I owe Celestia that much at least, her protective reflex let me have free run of everything else except Canterlot.” It was said in an offhand manner as Kazooie went to the far side of the battlefield with Screwball and Surprise quickly called the battle back into action and then chose the withdraw option quickly ending the battle allowing Kazooie and Screwball to escape. “Sorry Pinkie, but next time we’ll fight a cartoon style battle I promise!”

Twilight and Applejack quickly made their way up to Pinkie who muttered sadly that she needed to level up more and then perked up at the thought of what cartoon gags to fight Kazooie with when they do fight again. Kazooie pretty much promised they’d meet again without having to state it outright and it’d be her with the home field advantage next time. Other than that they were too distracted by having to put out Sugar Cube Corner’s fire to give chase.

Cantering Knots

Kazooie and Screwball were almost home free as they ran through whitetail woods after the sun had set. When they got in range Kazooie would cast the WARP spell using her recently restored MP, then they’d be back in good old spiral mountain. A beam of light struck the ground in front of them and they came to a skidding halt, they only had one thing to worry about first.

“Equestria must be like this daily if it’s always going to be this adventurous.” Kazooie was referring to the fact that they were just short of being within range of her entry point into this world; which was Canterlot, where the spell would take effect and had one final thing to take care of. “Well excuse me princess, but I’ve got to get going. Brothers to chat up in person, people to headshot and a chaos born to teach.”

When she tried to walk for she quickly lifted her talons back from a step she was about to take as the ground was blasted. Kazooie had managed to make Celestia almost angry enough to lose her composure entirely and to attack like an antagonized wild boar, she thought Celestia’s entire princess act was a bore to be certain and her mane was wildly flickering. Moving the sun does not really entitle one to being royalty, maybe ponies thousands of years ago were really dumb about wanting to worship the ground she trots on. It wasn’t like Celestia was the only pony that could move the sun; then again the unicorns from what Kazooie had gathered had become lazy about moving the sun or making the planet itself revolve around the star.

“No… what have you done?” The blank look on Kazooie’s puzzled face had puzzled Celestia for a moment despite her currently stern nature she couldn’t help but falter in her resolve to halt this despicable creature.

“Just about everything I’ve wanted to for a first visit, it’s kind of late to stop what I’ve set into motion anyway. In any case you might want to watch for Discord when we leave. All his chaos power can’t exactly leave this world, so Screwball here will feel weird when we bounce out of here. Well that is if she isn’t asleep by then, it’s almost time for her to go to sleep.” Patting said pony on the head Kazooie gave a small smirk to Celestia. “The better question is, what haven’t I done and who exactly did? It’s what I plan to get to the bottom of when I come back in a month or two. Would you kindly move out of the way?”

Celestia kept getting in Kazooie and Screwball’s way as they tried to pass her, only side stepping over so slightly into their path while keeping a stern glare on them.

“Guess you’re not conditioned to respond to ‘would you kindly’ like that guy was then.” It was said blandly and in contrast Screwball responded with a look to Kazooie. Kazooie waved off Screwballs question. “Maybe I’ll show you the guy later, he’s certainly fun to get doing the chicken dance while performing circus routines with the splicers.”

“What dark magic have you placed upon my kingdom and what other disastrous acts did you place upon us with Discords powers?” She was being stern and she was staying in control, but she was barely doing so with the frothing rage building up inside of her. Never had she met a creature that made so little sense before, at least Discord had a method to his madness.

“Oh you mean the shaman thing I did a while ago, yeah the Ponyville Lake is now oxygenated with the power of your sun. It’s kind of permanent and you can breathe the water, but it’s not really hurting anyone. Other then that I haven’t used a black magic spell in months and the only magic I’ve used recently was either my shape shifting or my sparsely used white magic. If you’re talking about the glittering saw thing or the other things I can do that’s just within my natural abilities, though it could be considered quasi magical as some of it is dragon ability in nature.” Throughout her entire tirade Kazooie kept up an amused lilt in her voice. “So what did you need of us, because our time is kind of short and we need to get going or do you want me to make you fall asleep again? Seriously I can just skip this conversation and be on my way already, so right now I’m being pretty nice and lenient at the moment.”

“I’m well aware that you can defeat me and my sister, given you already done it once. You were powerful enough to make Cancer pause. You are undeniably the strangest creature I’ve ever met… also you have the alicorn title of a princess of adventure despite not being born a pony naturally.” Pausing Celestia took a moment preparing mentally for the conversation ahead. The creature she was dealing with gave birth to a big feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach like nothing else; she just couldn’t place why other than the fact that the creature was antagonizing her on purpose to get a reaction. Whatever reaction Kazooie wanted from Celestia she had already got it, given the breegull almost immediately seemed to be less of a threat to her personally. “I have only two questions, what are your intentions for Equestria and do you dabble in necromancy? Pinkie has told me you can bring the dead back to life. I’m quite assured you’ve already learned what you wanted about me given your ploys were quite well aimed, mayhap I can learn something of you for once other then the fact that you are a powerful nuisance?”

Screwball tilted her head questioningly at Kazooie whose only action was to reach her right wing into her backpack. Celestia quirked her left eyebrow watching as Kazooie pulled out a banana and started to peel it.

“To answer your first question, it is simply adventuring. It is my lifeblood and what I was created to do, my brother on the other hand is lovable lazy goof. Life is an adventure and I’ve met a lot of ponies to befriend, it’s just unfortunate that you have the most socially awkward student in existence… but she’ll get there eventually as it’s only a matter of time. I wing a lot of the things I do, at some other points I create objectives and some of which I think are entirely optional. Still nothing ventured, nothing learned or gained. All I want to do now is return home and get some rest, maybe I can drag my brother here next time I come.” Stopping to slowly take a bite out of the banana she rolled the chunk around in her beak before pulling into her cheek to chew and after she swallowed she continued. “What you do when the time comes is up to you, prophecy and reality both have a way of being bent out of shape with even the best laid plans. So no I’m not a necromancer though I do know Lillet Blan and Amoretta Virgine can do necromancy, but that’s an entirely different grimoire. The full unadulterated truth is I can in fact bring others back to life through four different methods; none of them brings anyone back wrong or causes problems down the line. You already have complete access to one of the methods, yes I already figured out what I wanted to know about you by your reactions to me and some of the things I’ve done to get your goat.”

“I do? What is this method?” All that long built up rage was finally petering out of Celestia. Kazooie continued eating her banana for a bit and then whistled loudly; soon Philomena flew in and landed on Celestia’s back. They regarded each other silently before smiling; they were still on good terms with each other.

“Phoenix Down my first method for bringing someone else back to life, they can bring back the dead as a phoenix itself can rise from its ashes. It’s a pretty good idea to preserve them fresh otherwise they won’t have quite as much as an effect or none at all. One thing of importance to note is that they don’t give you immortality. They can only preserve a life from death one time per feather, phoenix’s never run out of them either and it always requires someone or a phoenix to apply it.” The surprise on both Celestia’s and Philomena’s faces when they heard that. Neither of them knew of this fact, but it was a very interesting one to keep in mind. “Method two is a rather specific spell that requires my very limited store of magical power which I need to restore through use of potions, it’s a white magic spell known simply as ‘Life’. It’ll do almost the same as phoenix down, but requires quite a bit of magic to do. Method three, I can cast a shaman spell to restore life to someone on a situational basis because it only works under specified requirements, like say if you die from being frozen solid. The last method is actually requires me to do it before a person dies, as all the other methods only work after they die. This method requires me to give an extra life to someone, I have plenty on me and I can quite literally die a thousand times before I even need to start worrying about being permanently killed, picking up extra lives are common where I’m from and it’s as easy as earning one hundred coins. An extra life is like holding a phoenix down in reserve for as long as you live naturally; it automatically takes effect when you die unless you are at the end of a natural life.”

“So killing you wouldn’t cause me any trouble and I wouldn’t have to lose my title as princess of the sun to take on the one of adventure from you nor will you stay permanently dead?” All present balked at how fast Celestia asked that with a wide eyed look.

After a moment’s contemplation and finishing her banana Kazooie tossed the peel over her shoulder with a slight smirk, she had been tipped off by her file two clone to toss a banana over her shoulder at night for great results when she meets Celestia at such a time.

“No I guess not, if I continued living after being killed then my title would still belong to me… why do you ask?” A moment later a beam of raw possibly solar based magical energy ripped its way through Kazooie’s torso, she fell to the ground missing a hole in her chest. Neither Screwball nor Philomena reacted to this, Celestia kind of thought it funny they just sat there staring at her body blandly not even blinking an eye.

“Oh goddess, not you again…” The reaper pony sighed as he walked up to Kazooie’s spirit. “This is the fifth time in the last two weeks you’ve caused a false alarm, oh and don’t even get me started on introducing me to Gregg. Now I bloody well hate cats too and he’s almost got me speaking like he does! Since you haven’t fully died you still hold the title of alicorn of adventure, you can rescind this title upon any of your deaths should you choose to leave it open for another to take, this also gives you the option of finding another title. Your life loophole thing allows you to do this much.”

“Hey, sorry about the Gregg thing Rigor… so how’s Mortus doing? I swear you guys need a vacation once every thousand years, I’m going back to life now and will be keeping the title till further notice so put it on record with this worlds reaper bureau.” A moment later Kazooie’s old dead body faded away and Kazooie popped back into existence with a rather specific digital fanfare and two large red balloons tied around her waist. She quickly; with a sheepish grin on her beak, stuffed them away in her backpack. “Huh, I’ve always wanted to introduce Pinkie to Balloon Kid… never really had the chance to. Eh, maybe when we’re not on stressed terms. So did killing me make you feel better?”

“Yes… you don’t realize how cathartic that was.” Celestia was practically heady with the feeling of happily killing Kazooie, despite how wrong it was to just up and murder someone despite the fact that you know they were just going to pop back after a few seconds. Still she had murdered someone in cold blood and a cold feeling passed through her body after the few seconds of euphoria passed, she wouldn’t feel so good about it anymore knowing she could do this to any pony and had to hold herself to higher standards in the future no matter how annoying the pest.

“I aim to please… seriously it’s in my coding to make people release happiness endorphins whenever they manage kill me. It’s bad enough I have chronic talon in beak at the worst times… just don’t get an addiction to it and everything will be fine.” After a pause Kazooie decided to add one more thing. “Is that all your prissiness?”

Celestia went to open her mouth, however a loud flash and a pop and a blue box appeared and out of it came the alternate Kazooie AKA Khronozooie the file two recolor on crutches with a black eye and one leg in a cast.

“Did I miss it, please tell me I didn’t miss it… oh and can I bum a ride home off of you Kazooie? I’ve had a hell of a time, all that traveling and fighting those Dalek things hurt despite their humorous appearance.” Noticing she was receiving strange looks, Khronozooie started counting down from ten. Out of curiosity Celestia held her tongue and didn’t ask why she was counting, soon Kazooie joined in the counting. “Three… two…. one…”

Both breegull’s, Philomena who had immediately removed herself from Celestia’s back on instinct and Screwball turned to look to the banana peel and they could hear a voice approaching them at a gallop. Celestia looked towards the voice with her beautiful mane flowing slightly in front of her right eye, what happened next was something she’d likely never forget.

“Princess Celestia what’s going…” Before Twilight could get any further she let out a high pitched scream as her back leg caught the banana peel and she skidded straight at Celestia standing on her one hind leg flailing three hooves in the air. Celestia’s mouth was wide open, Twilights mouth was wide open and rocket science was made! End result Celestia didn’t know what literally hit her and she was on her back stuck in accidental moment of passion.

After taking a moment to realize that they mouths were conjoined; not to mention Celestia’s hooves and wings were wrapped around the unexpected purple pony from bowling her over, Twilight quickly got her mouth off Celestia and started trying to let her mentor up after teleporting out of her grasp. It was a good thing Twilight was looking at her face, because Celestia’s wings started to extend straight up like no tomorrow as she forced the blush to stay off her face and it was also good thing her student was naïve about a love type of relationship and dating, much less what her brother was doing with Cadence behind the scenes. All she knew was that her brother and babysitter were happy, that’s all she needed to know thus far as her youthful innocence was one of the things Celestia really liked about the magical pony.

“Oh, I’m so sorry princess… I just don’t know what went wrong and…” She was pulled from her panicking when she felt her mentors hoof gently wrap around her calming her down.

“It’s okay Twilight, but apparently the nuisance and her friends seemed to have gotten away.” The princess was still trying to clear her head of all that happened in the last few minutes; apparently the other Kazooie was a time traveler and set that incident up as a form of amusement. This meant they had the ability to possible see into the future or at least predict it. It was around this moment that the mood whiplash struck hard.

Behind them a brown stallion came running up with ragged breathing and started crying happy tears of relief when he saw his blue police box, which was until a certain blonde mare flew into it and it disappeared leaving him with a horror stricken face. The brown stallion meandered off to the nearest tree to start bashing it with his head and then a pile of pinecones fell on top of him along with a magician pony with a partially eaten pinecone.

Philomena couldn’t keep the amusement off her face… Celestia and her little student, that was cute and the scene behind them was hilarious. A hooting sound and Owlowiscious came down to perch next to Philomena and they rubbed up against each other, eventually they’d get to the next level. The owl was needed to put Peewee to bed, he was a growing phoenix after all and needed his sleep.

Currently within range of her entrance into the world, Kazooie set up her spell to transport three to Spiral Mountain and started chanting the ancient words from Final Fantasy. Behind her Khronozooie took the opportunity to introduce herself to Screwball.

“Call me auntie if you will… oh drat I left the Tardis sitting behind still.” It took a moment for Kazooie’s file two recolor to realize she accidentally left behind a sweet piece of time traveling tech. “Oh well… spilt milk and all that, hopefully we’ll show you how to kick around Gruntilda’s bony fat. Geez I really need to stop rhyming.”

After a few more moments Kazooie opened her eyes which were filled with an ethereal glow and a storm was brewing above Canterlot. Taking a few steps forward she raised her wings to the sky and Screwball looked on with awe.

“Oh get on with it already! Sheesh you don’t need to overdramatize it to keep it steady! I swear we’re all alike, at least file three Kazooie doesn’t take things to grand extremes! I can’t wait to get home to my own Banjo and show him all the time travel stuff I've picked up following you around, did you know there was a one use time spell in the Canterlot archives?” The breegull casting the magic spell quickly dropper her wings to her side and turned around pointing a feather at her recolor double.

“Don’t make me invert this magic around on you missy… WARP!” A thundering sound struck out from Canterlot and engulfed the three in a bright flash where they disappeared.

In Canterlot Distress could feel her powers returning… instead of instantly transforming back to her former self or gaining control of it, she instead found herself in a statue garden still female and slowly turning into a statue again. Discords chaos magic was betraying her, Screwball the chaos spawn thought of everything apparently with a preset magical task for all the chaos energy she would lose by being warped out of the pony dimension which could not lose its chaos or the balance would be upset too far in one direction.

Back with the student and the teacher Celestia recounted her meeting with Kazooie in short terms from what she can understand, she had figured out why Kazooie can stop seeming so threatening when Twilight herself couldn’t. In fact she had struck Kazooie down when she wasn’t being a threat and she actually started crying about it, even if Kazooie wasn’t currently dead she still used lethal force.

“Its okay princess she came back just like Philomena does, so you didn’t really kill her…” Looking up at her mentor Twilight didn’t know what else to say to calm her down.

“It’s not only that, it’s what Kazooie did to me… she’s far more then I give her credit for if she’s that crafty. She knew I was going to use lethal force; she didn’t even look surprised when I hit her. She could read me so well; it’s almost as if she has an empathic ability about her. When she comes back, who knows what will occur or where she will come back at.” At this point Celestia’s wings wilted and she lay down upon the ground trying to shove Twilight away from her, but she refused to leave her mentors side. “And I actually… enjoyed causing harm to her… I’m a terrible pony.”

“You’re not a terrible pony princess… you’re just really stressed and Kazooie other than being rude has been rather friendly to the rest of my friends. You didn’t do anything permanent or damaging and you’ll always be my best friend Celestia.” What Twilight didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

Twilight didn’t have a clue that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were getting together or that Rainbow could join the Wonderbolts anytime she wished as Spitfire had implied an open invitation anytime she wants to take it, but wouldn’t get better hours to spend time with her friends unless she made her own team. Applejack was hiding her relationship issues. Rarity had problems finding a good stallion. Pinkie had thing for apple farmers and had agreed to just stay friends even if she was pining for some sweetness to share her life with that could bake a mean pie and Bon-Bon was already taken. Celestia was starting to harbor incredible urges around Twilight that she put a strong clamp down on in her own mind and locked in a box with chains and a padlock. Twilight wasn’t having any fantasies or strange feelings about Celestia; she was only considering the strange quick exit Kazooie made from Equestria and that she hadn’t really gotten to know the stranger that some of her friends had become acquainted with even in a passing moment.

In fact Twilight didn’t even know scarcely a quarter of everything Kazooie set into motion would end up saving Equestria at a later date. First everything had to return to seemingly enough, a semblance of normalcy.

Author's Note

One chapter left... new system? Well I am the worlds laziest writer and Borderlands 2 got ridiculously hard at the end, enemies should not be able to drop your shields immediately or do thousands in health damage.

I Know Uta

Stepping forth into a new world for the first time after being shaken awake brought a smile to her face. It was so bright and colorful and the music was cheery and you could hear it as if it were being played by tireless professionals. Screwball looked to Kazooie who pointed out a house nestled into a small corner of the world; soon Screwball was galloping down the Spiral Mountain taking in everything around her excitedly.

Kazooie just stood there watching and sighed sadly thinking back to what she said to Pinkie a long time ago.

“Look kid… we’ve found a way to get you home… I know you don’t want to leave. Even I find it hard to leave Spiral Mountain for my excursions, now get your party things and we’ll go see if Humba has the magic portal thing working. Goodness knows she and Mumbo will beat the tar out of each other before we get there.” After a moment the faded image of a ghost of a little filly faded away as the words she had said to little Pinkie a long time ago floated on the wind. “As long as you keep someone in your heart they never really leave you, so buck up Pinkitty you just need to reach out to others with an upbeat personality and always remember that laughter is the best medicine for what ails a sad heart. Just keep working on your party’s kid; you’ve got a real talent for it.”

“…I Pinkie Pie promise…”

Kazooie’s wings tightened into a closed grip before they relaxed, she started whistling a slow version of Green Greens as she slowly walked down the spiral trail in a melancholy manner. She made it to the house just in time to see Screwball get slightly intimidated by her brother Banjo opening the door and look down at her with his ever present goofy smile. The breegull thought she should probably take Screwball on down to the Diddy Kong Racing courses for a fun tour of video game combat racing, the N64 race tracks were classic and where Banjo started out as a game character with no back story needed.

Other than that Kazooie had a more serious thought on mind to call up a few characters to help her out when she ventured forth to Equestria again.

In Equestria things couldn’t be more normal; Twilight had quickly forgotten the embarrassment of kissing Princess Celestia and was back in her library that had become her home away from Canterlot. However she would continue to remain ignorant to Fluttershy and Rainbow’s relationship, speaking of which...

“Spike!” Twilight yelled hoping for once the dragon wasn’t slacking off or knee deep in pancakes again.

“Yeah what do you need Twilight?” The dragon just waddled into the room, feeling slightly cross that his vacation from his bossy mother figure was over.

“Have you heard from or even seen Philomena recently?” It was a curious random thought; Twilight had seen a single feather or heard a squawk from her in recent days.

“Can’t say that I have, why? Now that you mention it I haven’t seen Owlowiscious all week either, huh guess he must have gotten tired of us.” It was around this point that Peewee flew in and landed on Spike’s head chirping merrily, it was soon followed by two other birds landing on his head. Talk about bird brained.

“Never mind, Celestia told me to make sure Philomena was comfortable living here and she seems to be doing perfectly fine. Also they don’t look tired to me, well except Owlowiscious mostly because of the nocturnal thing. I don’t understand how he can manage a friendship with diurnal creatures like phoenixes so well if he’s asleep half the time, then again I’m one to talk since I drag him to the pet play dates. Maybe I can make it a lesson on friendship interaction between species… with possibilities of Gilda making up with Rainbow and how old friendships can be rekindled.” Shaking her head Twilight decided to see if she could snag some breakfast with Applejack, Pinkie seemed to be doing it all the time so she just wanted to share the experience given how much her friend expunges the virtues of vittles before noon at Sweet Apple Acres. “I’m heading over to Applejack’s don’t forget to mind our companions before you go over to Rarity’s. If I remember right Fluttershy and Rainbow are also having breakfast at Sweet Apple Acre’s today.”

At this moment Applejack was in fact preparing breakfast and at the table sat six ponies looking at her, her family, the two flying snuggly ponies almost attached at the wings at this point and Pinkie.

“Ugh… now you got our other friends doing it too Pinkie. We should just open a bed and breakfast at this point.” Sighing Applejack went back to work on the multiple fixings she had going on at once with Big Mac offering assistance every now and then.

“You know I tried eating breakfast in bed and it ended up getting it all crumbly and stuff on my sheets and then I kept getting attacked by these bed bugs. So in conclusion I don’t think bed and breakfast go too well together… especially when your bed gets all sticky from the maple syrup. I tried making a bed of cupcakes, but that only made things even worse, bed and desserts don’t work either!” Chuckles all around, Pinkie didn’t seem worse for wear after the strange battle and some would say she’s even perkier then she’s been in a while. Sugar Cube Corner would take a while to rebuild and the Cakes insurance definitely paid for it without issue and until then Pinkie needed a place to crash. No better place than on a farm where you were honorary family right?

“Excuse me for dropping on by as I’ve finished preparing for the worst... I believe I may have worked up quite a thirst.” Zecora came into the house without preamble and noticed all the ponies at the table; she also noticed how Big Mac’s eyes lit up somewhat at her presence. She was flattered by his sudden rise in attention, what pony or zebra wouldn’t be? In any case Kazooie’s hint at future problems made her prepare all kinds of alchemic potions that do various things from breathing water to night vision sight, even a fast acting poison joke mixture. “Do you mind if I join in with this bunch, might I even ask if I can stick around past lunch?”

“I don’t see why not…” Applejack stated slowly, when a knock on the door was heard and in walked Twilight as soon as Apple Bloom got the door, she sighed and started working on making a bigger meal. “Take a seat Twilight if you can find one. The only pony not here is Rarity, then again I think she’s too busy feeding Spike a meal made by Sweetie Belle.”

“Huh, no wonder Rarity said she needed Spike today.” Twilight had heard that Sweetie Belle was a horrible cook, even managing to burn juice and that should be physically impossible as pouring juice only required one action if it’s bought fresh off the market. However the charcoal that was breakfast made by Sweetie Belle was perfect for Spike since dragons could eat almost anything without getting sick and she never heard Spike ever complain about coming back from there as he even complimented the food, not that Rarity always fed him gems.

“Can I help?” Pinkie said immediately getting up from the table, moving to Applejacks side.

“It’s going to be a while guys if everyone keeps showing up here and yes you can Pinkie. Just don’t touch the sugar and we’ll all be fine, just get to work on the hash rounds.” Applejack sighed as Pinkie took up position next to her.

“So… Applejack… I think I have an idea as to how long you have liked her and you do realize she’s completely straight right? I mean like a ruler for drawing lines with!” In mid pancake flip the farmer stopped and turned to Pinkie who had whispered to her as she got out her own frying pan and sidled up next to her.

“I know and I’m still coming to terms with it. I might honestly take you up on that offer for a date some day, but don’t push your luck Pinkie.” Applejack continued to work on the food as Pinkie continued to merrily hum next to her and prepare the potatoes with some salt and pepper.

“Still what is it about Rarity that you like so much, that’s she pretty, her posh accent or is it that she’s stubborn like you are at times?” Idle quiet conversation was not something Applejack was expecting from Pinkie.

“Most of that stuff sure, but one thing for certain is that she’s a rarity and that’s the kind of a thing all my friends have. There’s no other pony quite like you or any of the other gals. I have nothing against you Pinkie; it’s just a personal preference.” Applejack flipped a pancake onto a plate and started work on another one.

“So what do you like about me again? I still like you because you’re a silly pony even if you won’t like me back in the same way.” Pinkie said leaning towards Applejack with a smile.

“Well you’re perky, wild and you’re always willing to cheer a pony up when they need it sugar cube, you’re the best friend a pony could ask for. Also don’t let her hear me say this, but I tend to think you’re a bit more reliable then Rainbow in some occasions especially considering your senses. Never did get to give that crazy Kazooie feller her party huh?” Talking with a friend was easy enough even if they were always doing things for you and treated you all sweeter then the apples you grow, but it was about time for a change in subject.

“I wouldn’t worry about that, she’ll be back… and I got to start training my skills, the element of laughter can’t fight without her gags being up to snuff! Then again Snuff wasn’t a very nice pony to begin with, so I’d probably want to be at least twice his level by the time she gets back. It’ll be my playing field next time you know, I really have got to get the classic special Pie family special pie throwing trick down. Granny Pie was a believer in the classics. I will beat Kazooie next time and without the incidental collateral damage we totally didn’t see coming from a mile away!” Pinkie’s determination as she pumped a hoof was kind of contagious.

“I believe you will, but can we get through breakfast first?” Applejack noticed Pinkie fall down to the floor face first comically at her insight, the pink pony quickly stood up with a blush before she continued working on the potatoes in her pan that she had almost been ignoring for the last thirty seconds. Applejack chuckled at that, they might not always understand Pinkie, but she was a good pony deserving of the best she could get in life and Applejack didn’t think that was her.

Twilight sitting at the table had been chatting admirably about her recent research into dimensional portal magic, so far she’s been unsuccessful and that the magic in and of itself was banned for one reason or another. Why she wanted to pursue Kazooie was anyone’s guess. Maybe for revenge about whatever happened between her and Celestia, maybe to understand what drove the world traveling creature from Equestria so fast or any number of things like learning what the world Kazooie came from was like. The truth was it was much simpler than that, she wanted to explore her horizons and if she did actually explore a certain horizon, she’d find it really wants her to explore it sensually.

The fact was that dimensional traveling magic was kind of a taboo subject. This is why Celestia didn’t help her on the excursion of looking into such possibilities, so long as she promised not to publish her findings or actually try to jump dimensions she was completely fine. There was also the thing about time travel magic, which Twilight admitted was actually an interesting lesson in being careful with what you could achieve through magic. She still had to study Ponyvilles Lake for any harmful side effects of the water being breathable by all creatures, it didn’t bother the native kraken population any and they in fact have inducted Rarity’s sister into their society or at least that’s what Sweetie Belle tells every pony she meets.

“Hey why are your wings locked together like that?” It was about time Twilight finally noticed that Rainbow and Fluttershy’s wings were almost irrevocably tangled by their feathers. It took a moment for Fluttershy to realize that Rainbows wing was clutching her own before she let out a tiny squeak and fell out of seat blushing up a storm. Fluttershy hadn’t even been aware her wing was clutching to Rainbows.

“Eh, it’s just something for close pegasus friends to do. Are you okay Fluttershy?” Rainbow really hoped she could write that off in Twilights mind, she had just been telling Fluttershy about her a possible invitation to the Wonderbolts academy in a few months. She was going to go, it would be really cool as the Wonderbolts were still her thing even if she didn’t want to be a part of them nearly as much as she used to, she’d rather be a leader then a follower.

Fluttershy gave a pitiable squeak from the floor. Sure she was a little braver around Rainbow, but she was still the fluffy, cute and shy pony Rainbow knew and loved.

“Well if you say so, it’s kind of like what Unicorns do with their horns. My mom always used to rub horns with me, I really should write to my parents more often. My last visit made them really happy to see me.” Twilight smiled cheerily, not that she knew how intimate the mixing of feathers with another pegasus actually was. Scientifically she knew of the birds and bees, reality wise she had nothing on romance. Now if only Kazooie had stuck around to teach her about the bears and what they could do with female bees their size, that would have been an interesting discussion.

“Excuse me, but do you think I can be bothered to… oh… well.” Rarity poked her head through the door and saw her friends all sitting around the table, including Rainbow and Fluttershy cuddled up next to each other, Zecora and Big Mac silently sitting next to each other with a faint smile. If she didn’t know any better she’d swear all her friends were starting to pair off on their own, that actually disappointed her somewhat but she let it drop. At least Applejack wasn’t dating any pony yet as far as she knew, but she knew who Apple Bloom was snuggling up to in her spare time in a bout of innocent filly love. Why was it so hard to keep track of one farmer when she could keep tabs on said farmers little sister anyway?

Twilight kind of noticed something was going on, but didn’t question it as anything other than good friendship at the table… so why did her heart beat faster seeing them like that? Maybe she was just tired, why wouldn’t she be after spending all night studying strange and esoteric things that her friends weren’t likely to understand.

“Come on in Rarity, figured you be on by after Sweetie Belle cooks up another threat to Ponyville.” Applejack wasn’t lying, Spike saved Ponyville from Sweetie Belles cooking whenever it decided to come to life. Rarity didn’t even need decency to blush as she looked behind herself out the door and saw Spike already gnawing on the large spindly creature as it rose up in Ponyville. It was another flying pasta monster again, how many times did Rarity warn Sweetie Belle not to add strange ingredients to her food? The ponies were already running and screaming for the monster attack shelters they had started placing everywhere for just such an occasion as it happens often enough to warrant it.

It was just another day in Ponyville, where weird things happen.

Celestia and Luna sat there staring at each other blankly, Celestia wasn’t letting go of the fact that Luna was hiding something from her. Something that had to do with Kazooie and Celestia really wanted to know what as much as the why, because her sister seemed entirely flustered about it. There was no backsliding into an evil or jealous disposition on her watch; much less Luna didn’t seem the type despite what Kazooie said about facing her past.

“Sister it is a private matter, but to be frank with you… I did see why the adventurous shape alteration creature would say such warnings to me as well as give me instructions for a something special that should only affect me. Otherwise I’m as the ponies nowadays would say… cool? Is that the expression for calm demeanor? In any case I seriously doubt I’m going to relapse into that ghastly state, just because I took a look in the mirror and accepted what was there.” Luna trotted off with a chuckle. “Although I must admit that your plans for Twilight seem to be almost geared to personal endeavors as well, I wish you would let us intervene on her behalf but it’s your personal issue so I’m willing to drop it entirely if you drop mine.”

Celestia couldn’t say anything for once Luna had one on her and she couldn’t think up a calmingly insightful smarmy retort without coming off as a sore loser in this conversation. She just tilted her head downward to concede the point that whatever was Luna’s business was her business alone; they did like their privacy even if they were together again after all.

Luna trotted off hoping that Twilight could find the pony Kazooie made note of, she was a well traveled and even bright individual. Still the thought of finding a pony in a similar downward spiral like her did make her feel like she wanted her own apprentice to lavish her teachings and affection upon. Hopefully it would not be to the levels her sister has seemed to reach if it involved sealing off parts of her heart to try and keep up appearances.

Celestia’s mind wandered as she sat upon the throne… was she doing the right thing by putting Twilight through multiple thinly veiled special challenges? There was nothing stating Kazooie being a part of any prophecy she’s ever heard of. She really couldn’t stop thinking of her faithful student and that banana peel stunt Kazooie pulled, stupid sexy purple pony that she just had to take in when she was a little filly that always adored her presence and looked up to her with a heart full of love, just not the right kind of affection. She’d have her guards import chunks of ice from the north immediately as she needs a royally cold shower! It’s not like the Crystal Empire was back yet anyway.

Yes, just about everything had gone back to normal in the land of Equestria, except that some things had inexorably changed. A gang was broken up and one of the members was dating the stallion of his dreams. A DJ knew that all kinds of magic were possible, even for earth ponies including one she was sweet on that was magic with an instrument. A hoof boxing title was lost to a light weight heavily drunken pony that made the headlines from obscurity. A giant crab was fought and slain back to its own sealed dimension by a simple farmer with a lot of help. Some new music was introduced to the world; music of a different kind was also being made between many a pony and possibly a griffon. A sea king made a few new friends including a river serpent and was getting out more. Cancer was the only incident of a zodiac monster being free in a long time, but Celestia got news that it might not be the last and hoped that they stay sealed. Interestingly enough Ponyville’s lake would be the foremost drown proof place in the world and neither Twilight nor anyone else knew how to remove the enchantment, in fact it was not sure even Discord could if he had the ability to and wasn’t stuck in stone dreaming of long scary tunnels of ludicrous speed.

There was one thing left to say until Kazooie decided to return to Equestria and for a first visit it wasn’t all so bad, but when she came back…

Game Over, YEAH! (Cymbal clashing noise was heard.)

Author's Note

Well I'm done writing this "not a real story". I doubt a sequal will do any better. Written in the form of a fun idea, but not written seriously. Why else would I put a flying spaghetti monster in at the last minute?