Trumpets

Chapter 23

   It's not hard to find the Sugarcube Corner. Just look for the giant fucking gingerbread house.

   I'm not kidding. It's a giant. Fucking. Gingerbread house.

   It looks quite delectable.

   Sudden urges to eat a bakery aside, I walk in through the doors and receive a welcoming of a blue pony with hair that looks like cake icing cowering in fear.

   Of course I'm serious.

   Whoever it was put it's head to the floor, covering it with it's hooves. It's ass was up in the air, tail between legs, and was whispering "please don't hurt me," in a feminine voice.

   I've concluded it's either a gay dude or a girl.

   I walk to the counter and lean against it with one arm on it and my legs crossed. I looked up in the air and then around. I started to whistle. No service.

   Gah, I have a shirt and shoes on. Well, they don't wear clothes anyway.

   'No shirt, no shoes, and I still get service.'

   Come on. You knew it was coming!

   Anyone?

   No?

   Ok...

   Can't even make myself laugh as I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN READ THIS. That's pretty sad.

   Back to the happening!

   "Uh, I see you there. Ya think I can order something?" I say, annoyed.

   Oh, if you're wondering how I have money to get anything, I stole a bit of this lands currency from Twilight. Not like I took much. Only 30 prices of the shit. Which was called bits.

   Yea. I know.

   Each I assumed was worth about a single US dollar. Either that or shit here is cheap.

   Wait, does that even make sense? Maybe I should've found a way to stay in high-school...

   The pony-presumably a girl/mare- lifted up from her fright-induced pose and said, with a stutter, "H-how m-may I-I h-h-help Y-Y-You?"

   I could see her shaking. I eased an eyebrow and replied. "Uh, yea. Just gimmi..." damn, what do bakery's sell? Only pastries and shit? Fine. "Just gimmi some cookies, chocolate chip, and some cheesecake."

   She wrote something down with a shaking hoof- defying fucking logic!- but looked back up to me. "S-sir? W-what's a Ch-cheesecake?"

   Don't fucking tell me they don't have them. Don't you fucking tell me. "You mean you don't know what they are?"

   "N-no.."

   I stared at her for a minute, creeping her out. "You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you ponies, fuck the lack of noise, fuck the fucking grass. And. Fuck. You." I close to yelled as I stormed out.

   I wasn't even here for long and I already fucking bust a nut. As much a I don't want to admit it, this place is a lot better then NY. I sigh to myself. 'I do want to go home.'

   I just realized something. I'm going to be fucking lonely as hell here. I ain't gon' get no hours pussy. I ain't about that life.

   I'd cut off my cock before I'd do that!

   And I would never. NEVER. EVER. Be in a relationship with a horse.

   I shutter at even the thought of that.

   'Yea. Fuck no. I now what my dick wants, and it aint that.'

   I think for a moment before deciding where else to go. "Might as well go back to Rarity. Gotta fix up these clothes." I say out-loud to no one.

   So I make my way there. A short, simple walk. Then I realize how hungry I am. My stomach is almost literally speaking. If I didn't flip a tit, I'd be eating now. Aw well. I made a mistake. Who cares?

   The short walk was short (obviously). I walked into the boutique, not knocking because it's a store surta, and called out to Rarity. "Rarity, you here?"

   A quiet yell was the reply. "Just a second!"

   I shook my head, forgetting she couldn't see me, and I sat on a couch nearby. The table was filled with random magazines. One was even labeled 'Time'. 'Fucking copyright.'

   I flipped through the magazines, most of which were bad puns on magazines on Earth, and reached one at the bottom I couldn't help but laugh my fucking ass off at.

   It's Playmare.

   Fucking.

   Hilarious!

   Even had a mare in a fucking tight nurse outfit.

   And I thought this world was innocent.

   I'm not sure if it makes me a perv or what since I looked through a few pages. Didn't 'pitch a tent,' though.

   Makes me proud.

   But, I soon hid it back under the rest of the magazines. I leaned back and got comfy. The second she said turned to be five minutes so far.

   'Might take awhile,' I thought as I started to hum a tune. It was 'Failing, Flailing,' by Streetlight Manifesto. Awesome band. That made me realize. I'm probably never going to hear them again. I don't have an iPod or anything, and I only got a trumpet. That ain't gon' work. 'Well this sucks.'

   Little time later of waiting, Rarity came out.

   "Sorry for the wait, I ha- Oh, hello Hunter! Or Trumpets. Which do you prefer?" she said as she walked into the same room as me.

    "Could care less."

    "Alright. So what makes you stop by so soon after leaving?"

    "Well," I lift up my dirtied suit jacket. "Had a little accident with Rainbow Dash. She crashed into me. Fucked this shit up. I'm just here to ask if you can clean it for me."

    "Of course!" she happily replied, levitating the jacket with her magic. She walked back from once she came, and soon, came back. "That should be done in say... An hour? You are more then able to stay here, if you like."

   "I actually want to read up on something. I'll be back later," I say, walking out the door.

   As I was sitting there, I had an idea. And it involved a shit-ton of reading. So, I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible so I could do just that. Fucking reading man.

   You know what? I actually enjoyed reading as a child. It was fun and quite entertaining. Yes. I enjoy saying quite. Deal with it.

   So I walked back to the library and walked in. The seen was just about the same as web I left. I shrugged and looked around the library. 'Are you fucking kidding me?'

   The library wasn't in the Dewy

Decimal System. It was alphabetical order. "What. The. Fuck. This is horrible!"

   I got the attention of Twilight, apparently. "What's wrong?" she asks.

   "Why is your library ordered like this?" I replied.

   "What do you mean? It's in perfect order!"

   "Hell no it's not. It's in alphabetical order."

   "Yes. How is that bad?"

   I sigh. "You need to order it in order of their subjects. Back were I was from, they were ordered to the T. Each category. Each sub-category. Each sub-sub-category."

   She was wide eyed. "Really?!? Would you mind showing me?"

   Wow, I have a bad attention span. "Sure." I came here looking for a book, end up telling her about the DDS.

   Halfway through me explaining it (and her writing down to have Spike do it later), there was a knock at the door. I open it, much to the dislike of Twilight, and the people...er... Ponies, who stood looked faintly familiar to me. (My memory ain't the best.) There had to be 10 of 'em.

   "Ah, finally! I got re right house!" said the one closest to me. He was grey and had a light brown main. His 'Cutie Mark' was a single music note. I looked around at his group. Much looked like him, with slight color differences. 'Why is he so familiar?'

   "Uh, who are you? Are you looking for Twilight Sparkle?" I ask.

   "Oh no no! You are just the pony I'm looking for!"

   "Well, I'm not a pony, so..." I was about to close the door, but he put a hoof in the way.

   "The... Whatever you are I'm looking for."

   "Better. Now what do you want? I'm kinda busy."

   "What, you don't remember us?"

   "Bitch, I can't even remember how to spell my name."

   "H-u-n-t-e-r," I heard Twilight call.

   "Thank you Twilight." I yell back. Pretty random. I'll take it. "So who are ya fags?" It's fun to make fun of sentient beings when they don't know what you're saying.

   "We were the band you taught that song. When you came on stage. Remember?"

   Oh, these ponies are them? Huh. When I went on stage, I wasn't in the right state of mind. I drank way too much cider. No, it's not alcoholic, but the sugar content was enough to make a grown man high. (See what I did there?) "Hello, then. What do you want?"

   "I was just wondering if you would like to join us!" He held his head up high.

   "Yea, no." I answered bluntly.

   He seemed a bit taken back. "W-what?"

   "I said no. Find a singer and make you're own songs."

   "B-but!"

   "But what?" No answer. "Alright. So, if you have nothing else to say, I'd suggest you leave." I shut the door in his face and went back to teaching Twilight the DDS.

   "Who was it?" she asked as I got back within her view.

   "Just a group of fagtards." she looks at me confused. "Nothing."

   She shrugged and we went back to teaching.

   A pretty boring day.

   But I feel I forgot something...

   Oh fuck...