Behind that smile..

by Kirakina

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Gummy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life
Length: 1688

A short Letter written by pinkie pie to her friends. Telling them about what hid in her deepest parts of her soul.

A short Letter written by pinkie pie to her friends. Telling them about what hid in her deepest parts of her soul.

Published 2013-03-15 20:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-15 20:50:02 UTC

Dearest Friends

Dearest Friends,

I cant tell you how much I loved you. You were my world. I never dreamed that I would know so many of you. I only wish that i could have shown you what was behind my smile.

I remember telling you girls to giggle at the ghosties, I just cant anymore. The ghosts of my former self, the happy pink pony you all knew and loved is just a shell. I cant take it anymore. I'm just not up to the fight. I have fought so hard against everything. I always took the teasing for my friends I always protected everypony I could. I just wanted to make everypony happy and everypony smile. So many ponies told me that I was such a great pony. I was so beautiful. That I was such a life saver.. I would give everything I had just to see somepony smile. My life's goal was to make friends with everypony I met. I never thought it would be so hard. So many ponies are out to tear you down. They are out to hurt you. They want to see you cry. I never let them see how hurt they made me. I never let them see my smile waver, my hair go flat or even hear my voice crack as I tried not to cry. I never wanted anypony to see just how broken I was behind my smile, but I just cant fight anymore. I've tried to hold it in but I...

I cant hold it in anymore. I have broken. Most of you saw me as the happy go lucky one who always had a huge smile on her face, a gift to give, or a cheering pep talk. I always tried my best to make all of you smile. I even sang that song just for you guys. All I really need is a smile... how false that was. I was always trying to please but I couldn't. I kept being called stupid, strange ,random, and even my closest friends words tortured me. My cutie mark tortured me. I'm the "Party Pony" they said, "She can make anypony smile!" "She is so funny and nice!" yes those words were said but what ponies didn't know is I heard every word they said behind my back... "Shes so stupid!" "Why cant she just calm down? Why is she so loud?.... I bet shes on drugs." I even had a few ponies ask if I was HIGH! NO. I have never taken drugs, I have never tasted the hard cider that the apple family sells. I am just me. No one seems to understand that I am me. my sole purpose was to make everyone happy, I failed. So many ponies were hurt by what I have done. I cant seem to think before I speak. I am rude and inconsiderate with out meaning to be. I just ruin everything! I cant keep things straight in my head. The only place I felt normal was in my room... or with you girls.Ponies found it weird that I still had toys and stuffed animals,beside you girls, they are what kept me sane, that and my pet. I could always just talk to him and brake down when nopony was around. Nopony knew how screwed up, run down, tired and broken I was. Nopony knew what was behind my smile. I know I was a burden on your girls. I heard you say those things about me. I tried my best to make you all happy. I tried so hard. I just cant do it anymore. Its like my soul is broken. I cant keep track of the pieces. I've tried so hard to put them back together but I....I just cant do it. There are too many pieces. Its better for the world if i just sweep up my mess and disappear. Now the only times I am able to keep myself together is when I am with you girls, but I am such a burden on you all....

Behind my smile hid dark thoughts. Failure, death, thoughts of killing myself. Why? Because I'm a burden on eveypony. I am breaking the Cakes business. They are just trying to be able to feed everyone and I take up a chunk of that.. they might lose the bakery because I cant seem to do anything right. I always break things or over cook things, costing the Cakes money. I cant seem to hold down a single job. Every single working experience I have seems to break because I am SO STUPID. I cant concentrate long enough to do ANYTHING. I feel like my brain just doesn't work. Like its the size of a pea. I cant get my brain to work. When i get in a room of ponies it just SHUTS OFF. I get over stimulated and make an idiot of myself. I cant do anything right.

I just cant hold it in any longer. this world does not want me anymore. there is no room for a pony who cant even smile. my smile is broken. i cant seem to fix it no matter what i do.... I am a failure. I am sorry for being such a nuisance. I know I wasn't really a friend to you girls. I never did much to help though I tried so hard. All I did was make things worse. I just am weighing you and my family and everyone in this world down. Who needs a useless broken doll with a broken smile. I loved you all so much. I did love every moment I spent with you all and those were some of my happiest memories. I just cant seem to hold on anymore, my memory doesn't work right, like I've lost my mind. I cant remember the simplest things. I forget information instantly. I am sorry I wasn't good enough. This world doesn't want me any longer. I am broken, useless, and a burden on everypony and everything.

please....
just smile for me.

Goodbye.....

The tree..

I looked down at the letter I had just written, this would do. My friends would understand how broken and useless I was. They would understand that I was just a burden on the world. Soon I would just be gone. The way things should be. Now I would annoy no one. I would leave them the things I loved most in the world. I began my last note.

Dear, Mom, Dad and the sisters,

I am sorry I just did not fit in with you guys. I just could not spend the rest of my life on the farm. I hope I brought you some smiles. I loved you all soo much. Please take care of Gummy.

Love,
Pinkamina

Yes, they would understand. They were never ones for long letters. Wiping my eyes, I picked up my letters. Gummy looks up at me with his blank silly stare. I am sorry to be leaving him but he does not need me. He can make the sisters happy. I cannot live here anymore. This world does not need a broken useless pony like me.

Walking down the stairs, I see Pound and Pumpkin in their crib... I hope they remember me as a smiling face... kissing them each on the head gently I give them each a doll from my room. My last gift. Making my way to the storefront in the twilight sunset, I place the letters down on the counter. I hope the Cakes understand...

I head to the kitchen where I find the old knife that I first used to bake with, Mr. Pointy I had called him... I was so happy back then. My eyes fill with tears, I will miss this place. The world is better off without me.

I turn and face the back door, sun hitting my face, it feels good. My eyes alight upon that hill.
That will be the place. The hill behind Twilights house. The last place I was truly happy. The night we watched the meteor shower.

Sitting under the tree, I look back on the town I loved, looking from sugar cube corner to Rarity’s Boutique all the way to Sweet Apple Acres. I slowly slide my beloved across my wrist; the pain releases the sadness that has broken me. I sigh as I slide it across my other wrist.

I hear my name being called frantically. The Cakes must have found the note. It is too late now though. They will not know where I am. I lean back as the world starts to fade. Smiling truly happy for the first time in many years I whisper...

Smile for me...

~~~
A frantic pounding at the door rudely pulled Twilight out of her studies. Mrs. Cake just screamed "PINKIE GONE HELP!" Twilight gasped as the letter was flung at her as Mrs. Cake galloped away screaming for Pinkie. Twilight slowly reads the letter. Tears forming in her eyes. How could she have not seen this? How could she have not asked pinkie if she was ok... why had, she said all those things? Tears began to fall as twilight realized they needed to find pinkie now. Twilight ran to her room and looked for the element of laughter in the special place she kept the elements. Looking out her window, she sees a flash of light, almost like the light reflecting off a piece of metal, "Pinkie" she gasped. Twilight teleported directly to the tree on that cozy hill. "Smile for me..." was the last thing she heard escape her pink friends lips as she closed her eyes, smile spread across her face as she left the world behind. Twilight slowly walked up to her friend. “I promise Pinkie, I will smile for you. You were wrong this world was not good enough for you, you deserved better....

I Love you... Goodbye friend

Author's Note

You guys asked for the epilogue so here it is, this is how i would have ended it.