Kleptodash

by TheRussianBrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Daring Do, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4773

Rainbow Dash is successful in stealing the first book of the Daring Do series, but before she can satisfy her need to read, another impulsive need arises.

Stealing the Daring Do book from the hospital has set off Rainbow Dash on a rampage of theft.
Rainbow Dash is successful in stealing the first book of the Daring Do series, but before she can satisfy her need to read, another impulsive need arises.

Published 2013-03-16 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 00:00:01 UTC

Kleptodash

Kleptodash

By Worldenterer (TheRussianBrony Frat.)

Chapter 1

Rainbow Dash's House

Sweat poured Rainbow Dash's forehead and into her stinging eyes. Her black sneaking suit was also wet with perspiration from prolonged physical exertion. She could still hear them outside, as she slumped against the inside of her door, panting with exhaustion.

"The thief couldn't have gotten far! Find him!" They shouted. Dash could outpace anypony in the skies, but on hoof she was more prone to mistakes. She had just barely escaped the hospital staff who had been chasing her like she'd just stolen all of their income for that year. By the sound of it, they also had a guard dog after her.

"I think she went that way!"

A voice shouted from below Rainbow's cloud house. She heaved her tired body up off the ground and trotted quietly to the window to see the hospital staff running off into the distance, still searching for the "thief". Dash had been smart to obscure her identity with a full body suit. She had learned the hard way in the past, that a vibrant rainbow colored mane is really easy to remember and describe to the royal guards.

Trying to shake off the adrenaline rush, Dash went to her kitchen and placed her prize on the counter.

"Daring Do, Book One. This is gonna be so awesome!" She said aloud, despite being alone in her house. She tried pouring a glass of water but was shaking too much and ended up spilling it on her counter and all over the book.

"Aw! What the hay!" She cried, as she watched the pages soak up the liquid. As she went to grab a towel, she noticed her heart was beating unnaturally fast.

What they hay's going on with me? Why can't I stay still? The only time I ever feel a rush this intense is maybe after I win a race or something, but nothing like this before...

She wiped the spill off the counter and then moved towards the book.

"Time to see what damage was done." Dash said to herself. She opened the book to see nearly all the letters as black ink splotches that were literally melting off the pages. The cyan pegasus sighed and dropped to the floor, covering her face.

I know! Twilight had said she had the entire series of Daring Do in her library! I can just ask her for- NO! I CAN NOT, can NOT let her know that I'm an egghead just like her. I could always just take the books, without her noticing. Like from the hospital!

When Rainbow thought about it, she realized that getting that book from the hospital was the most thrilling thing she had done in quite some time.

"Maybe that's why I'm all shaky and hyped up." She said. It then dawned on her that the idea of sneaking somewhere to obtain an prize seemed incredibly cool!

"Just like Daring Do!" She whispered as she trotted towards her door.

Chapter 2

Twilight's Library

The window quietly creaked open as a pair if rose colored eyes peeked up and over the windowsill. Rainbow Dash silently crept in the window on the balcony and found herself standing in her friend's library.

"Daring Do, Daring Do, D, D, D..." She whispered as she went down the shelves of alphabetized books. After scanning the shelves for almost ten minutes, she finally found what she was looking for. The pegasus slowly raised her hooves, reaching out for the books that would provide her with all the adventurous stories she could ever need. She licked her lips and focused as she slid each book out its designated spot on the shelf and into her saddlebags. As soon as the final book sank into place in her bag, she felt a powerful tingling in her hooves and ears. Her face got hot and her heart began to quickly pump blood as an adrenaline rush came over her. The feeling was so intense that she couldn't hold back any longer.

"Aww yeah." She whispered, a bit too noisily, and more of a talk than a whisper. Her rush grew in intensity as she heard hoof steps upstairs.

"Spiiike! What are you doing making noise at this hour?" Twilight asked into the darkness.

"Wha? I wasn't saying anything." Replied the baby dragon as he rolled over and continued his nightly dormancy. Rainbow Dash heard all of this happening upstairs and knew she had to act fast.

Daring Do was in the heart of Ahuizotl's lair, and had to escape before his traps caught her! Daring could see the exit and began to make a run for it, when Ahuizotl himself blocked the exit. Daring Do knocked him out of the way and leapt out the exit, running into the safety of the jungle.

Chapter 3

Flashbacks

"Woah, that was awesome..." The rainbow tailed pegasus reflected, as she slumped in an alleyway, catching her breath. She could not fully recall what took place in the library, for, at one point, it was almost as of her excitement took control over her actions. All she could really remember was how much her own escapades resembled those of her grey maned heroine. Still panting from her rush of exhilaration, Rainbow took the first book in the series out of her bag.

Within hours, she had finished the first book and was already halfway through the second when she noted it getting slightly fairly bright, outside.

I'd better get home. It'll do me no good having everypony seeing me in this black jumpsuit with stuffed saddlebags.

As Rainbow trotted home in the still dark early hours, she began having what could only be described as memory flashbacks. At a quick glance, houses and shops looked like ancient temples and pyramids. Streetlamps looked like jungle trees. The cobblestone and dirt streets had turned into luscious jungle undergrowth. Then she saw something that put her over the edge again. Tingles shot throughout her body and her lips became numb.

Daring Do was looking straight into the ancient temple of the sapphire stone! It was an extravagant pyramid which must have taken months to construct. The front of the smooth stone monolith had a glass window with many forms if tribal garments displayed in it, but the true prize lay in back. There it lay, the sapphire stone, the most prized possession in all the jungle. Wasting no time, she used a nearby stone to shatter the glass and entered the temple. The daring pegasus dashed across the chamber and snatched the gems and jewels off the pedestal they sat upon. She snatched the glistening sapphire and headed for the exit.

Chapter 4

Rainbow Dash's House

Rainbow Dash emptied the contents if her saddlebags on the soft cloud floor of her room. She knelt down to look over what she had picked up while she was out. She had the entire Daring Do series, four blue gems, six red gems, two blue gems, and a sapphire nearly the size of her cutie mark. The amazing rush of excitement that she had felt before was slowly ebbing away as the magnitude and seriousness of what she's just done set in.

Oh, what am I kidding? I'm a thief. I just stole nearly a dozen books from Twilight, and probably over 10,000 bits worth of precious stones from rarity! This is so totally wrong!

Rainbow scrunched up her mouth with disgust at her actions. She got up and walked over to her closet, slipping out if her sneaking suit as she moved. She was about to hang it when she realized that it would need washing, and so she threw it on the floor near the door to her room instead. She then paced around her room quietly for a few minutes before dropping down on her bed and sighing. She covered her eyes with her hooves in tired disappointment.

I can't believe this. I know it's wrong what I did, but it was just so, so... SO AWESOME! I felt just like Daring Do when I had to... well... when I chose to break into Rarity's boutique, or especially when I got the books from Twilight. Oh Celestia, had I really shoved her out of the way like she was some villain from one of my books?

Rainbow scooted off her bed and picked up one if the Daring Do books. She looked at the picture on the front of it. Daring Do was swinging on a vine, holding some golden thing. A huge smile was on her face, as she had probably nearly escaped death once again. The rainbow maned pegasus sighed and held the book across her chest with crossed arms.

The rush that this gave me: getting these books, and jewels. It was just so unreal, like nothing I've ever felt before. It's so wrong, but I love it. I love stealing. The thrill of being somewhere when you're not supposed to be. Taking something that is of high value, and sometimes being chased. I had first felt it when I was running from the hospital staff.

Rainbow smirked at how enjoyable that experience was, as she stood up and tossed the book aside. She walked over to her window and looked outside at the beautiful skies over Ponyville.

I swung right over that river just like Daring Do did in the first book! Daring Do steals all the time, and she's awesome. So it can't be that wrong if I do. I mean hey, Equestria's a free country... I can do what I want, right?

Rainbow flattened her ears at her thinking.

"I just need to read a bit to get my mind off all this stuff." Dash sighed to herself as she trotted over to her books and picked up where she had left off. As soon as she found the words she was reading last. She was swept away on a wave of adventure and action. She spent the next few hours reading nonstop. She finished one book and was a little ways into another when she decided to take a break. Reading hadn't made her feel much better about being a thief. But even if she did feel bad about it, she still loved it. Stealing was like winning a race, or defeating a villain like Discord or Trixie. The bad part of it though, was how it reminded her of how she felt the night after she kicked Gilda out of Ponyville. It just felt so good though. She had to steal more, but shrugged off the urge. For now.

"Maybe I'll hit up Sugarcube corner. Pinkie could always make me feel better with some good jokes." She said, feeling slightly enthusiastic. She trotted out her front door, hopped off the edge of her cloud porch, and glided in the direction of Sugarcube corner.

Chapter 5

Sugarcube Corner

It was lightly raining as Rainbow Dash trotted down the street to Sugarcube Corner. Her hooves splashed in the small puddles forming outside the door as she entered the bakery. She looked across the room which was vacant save for a table here or there. She spied Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie sitting at a table and dragged her hooves as she walked over. She plopped her plot down in a chair and did her best not to act unusual.

"Hey Twilight, hey Rarity, hey Pinkie. What’s up?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"A lot is up Rainbow, a lot!" Twilight began.

"Take a seat Rainbow, my dear. Well explain this over some cupcakes." Rarity added. The guilty pegasus sat down as Pinkie went to go get some baked goods.

"Last night, some pony wearing all black broke into my library! I haven't figured out what they stole yet, but they were in a hurry! They even bashed me right out of their way when I discovered them! What kind if jerk does that!?" Twilight inquired.

Rainbow shifted slightly in her seat, dying her best to keep a straight face.

"Oh, wow. That's pretty low. I hope we can find out who did it." Rainbow Dash replied. Rarity was the next to speak, with a whiny tone.

"That's not all! We think the same pony, wearing all black, broke into my boutique and stole my gems and most valuable sapphire! It was so uncouth!"

"Wow. That really stinks." Rainbow sighed.

Celestia curse me. How could I be so selfish!? I need to return Rarity's gems TONIGHT, and maybe I can put back the books and actually check them out later. There is no doubt about it, I love to steal, but taking from my friends is flat out wrong. I wish there was some way you could get the rush of stealing, but not at some pony's expense. But that's part of what makes theft so thrilling! Ugh, I need to get this problem sorted out ASAP!

Rainbow remained quiet for the remainder of her meeting with her friends. She spent most of the time staring at her half eaten cupcake, or at the reflection in her glass of cider. Her thoughts were interrupted by the voice of Twilight.

"Rainbow Dash, are you alright? You seem... distant."

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little down today I guess. No reason in particular." Lied the blue pegasus. The lavender unicorn spoke again.

"Well, I'm not sure if you were listening. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and me are going to go visit Applejack. Do you want to come along or are you busy?"

Rainbow took a minute before replying.

"Uhh, yeah. Yeah, I'll come. You guys go ahead, I'll catch up. I just want to finish my cupcake and cider."

"Alright! See you soon Dashie!" Squeaked the pink earth pony. Rarity and Twilight nodded before turning to walk away. However Twilight stopped short. Rarity and Pinkie Pie were still walking, but she turned to look back at Rainbow curiously. All she saw was the cyan pegasus looking back at her as if waiting for her to leave. The unicorn squinted at her with suspicion and then left to catch up to her friends.

Okay! They're gone. Let me see, is anypony else here?

Rainbow Dash stood up and scanned the entire room. She was the only pony there. She quickly wolfed down the second half of the cupcake and guzzled down the whole glass of cider in ten seconds flat. Wasting no time she trotted over to the counter and hopped over it. Upon entering the back room, a massive stockpile if baked goods came into view. Rainbow's tail began twitching again and she was feeling her hooves begin to tingle.

Whoa! This is more food than I even thought Sugarcube Corner had! This is just like when Daring Do discovered the food that the Saddle Arabian king had been hoarding in time of widespread famine. I must take some for myself and the townsponies! It's wrong for that king to have this all to himself!

"Hi there Rainbow Dash! How are you today?" Mr. Cake asked cheerfully. He has just walked in to see her staring at the food in the back room. Rainbow's face turned red, not from the rush of stealing but from guilt and embarrassment.

"Oh! Umm, I uhh." Stuttered the pegasus.

"You umm ahh?" Asked Mr. Cake.

"I uhh, I came back here to find you and ask how much the marmalade croissants cost." Rainbow Dash replied. Mr. Cake was confused. He spoke once more.

"Well, I asked you how you were doing today, buuuut, the croissants are five bits for one. How many do you want?"

"Oh, no I was just curious. I'm not hungry." The pegasus continued shakily. Mr. Cake raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Well, it was nice seeing you Mr. Cake, but I'm late for the thing at the place, so I'll seeya!" And she was gone in a flash of rainbow. The slim earth pony stepped out into the empty dining room. The door was still swinging from Rainbow's speedy exit. He looked over at his food displays and menus: [Marmalade croissants - 5 bits]

He then sighed and walked into the back room again.

Chapter 6

Rainbow Dash's House

"Unggh! This is bad! I need to relax. Yes, relax and then return the stuff tonight!" Rainbow Dash fretted as she rushed in the door to her house and locked it behind her. After a trot to her kitchen, she poured a mug of hard apple cider and set it down at her table. She ran over to one of her drawers and pulled some salt. Within a few minutes, the rainbow pegasus was finally relaxing over some salt and apple cider.

This is getting out of hand. I was going to steal from the Cakes! They're such nice ponies, and I was going to take their goods that they worked hard to make? Well, of course I was. It was wrong, so wrong, but it felt so right. Argh, maybe I should get some help from Twilight. In sure she'd understand and be able to help. But then and again, I don't need any help. I have this completely under control. I just need to get my mind on something else...

Rainbow Dash went upstairs to her room and picked up where she left off in Daring Do.

Chapter 7

Rainbow Dash's House

Rainbow Dash looked up from her reading at the wall clock. It was a little after midnight, so she began to prepare. The pegasus closed her book, which by the way had been incredibly exciting. Daring Do had to recover an ancient map from an evil shaman in the jungle. Rainbow was slipping into her sneaking suit for what part of her hoped would be the last time, and another part of her was beginning to enjoy. She loaded up her saddlebags with Rarity's gems and Twilight's books.

"Looks like I'll have to wait a little longer, Daring..." Rainbow sighed as she slid all the books in. All set to go, Rainbow headed out towards her front porch, taking another swig of apple cider before exiting the door. The cyan aviator pony stood at the ledge if her cloud house and took a deep breath. She had an excellent view as she scanned the town of Ponyville below her.

Hmm. As much as I want to stop this habit, I know I should probably stay away from the center of town. If I even am close to something I could steal, I might get an urge that I can't handle. Could I even consider it an urge though? Ever since I escaped those hospital ponies, stealing has felt like a passion I've had all my life. It feels so natural and right, but not when I do it to the wrong ponies. I wish I could just steal from some ancient temple like Daring Do always does.

Rainbow Dash faced her back to the ledge and reared up on her hind legs. She kept leaning back until she fell over the ledge backwards and was in a nosedive. She spread her mended wings and masterfully caught the air as she began to head towards Sweet Apple Acres.

If I go through town, I probably won't be able to resist taking somepony's stuff. But if I head towards Applejack's and bank left and around the outskirts, I can get to the library without having to fly through the town.

Rainbow Dash silently glided through the moonlight night sky until she was above Sweet Apple Acres. She adjusted her roll 90 degrees and peeled off to the left, slowly and quietly banking around the outskirts of Ponyville.

Chapter 8

Sweet Apple Acres

Applejack was being torn to ribbons by a pack of timber wolves; she felt the flesh surrounding her cutie mark being ravaged by a particularly vicious wolf. She could only scream and sob as they sealed her fate, her shrill voice being wrung with a jerk. Awaking from the nightmare, she let out a relieved "Whew". Applejack got up out of bed and decided to stargaze, as she could not sleep after such a monstrous dream. She picked up her desperado hat and tied in her mane bows as she trotted out her front door and off into the orchard. After about ten minutes of looking up at the night sky, Applejack noticed something, or somepony flying in the sky. She could see the pegasus had cyan wings, and some red, orange, and yellow tufts coming out the hood.

"Rainbow Dash? Ah wonder just what it is that she's up to tonight!" Applejack whispered to herself beginning to walk after the pegasus.

"I've been wondering the same, so I'd better come with you..." Added Twilight, who had come up next to Applejack.

"Whoa there sugarcube, y'all startled me!" Exclaimed the Earth pony before continuing.

"Hiya Twilight, are you following Rainbow Dash?" Applejack inquired.

The unicorn replied by saying, "Yes. I think she might be up no good, wearing a suit like that at this hour."

"Then it's settled, we'll follow her to wherever she's headed tonight and see what she does.

Chapter 9

Ponyville Outskirts

The star and moonlight dimly illuminated Rainbow Dash as she was nearing the side of Ponyville where Twilight's library was located. She was still on the outskirts near the Everfree forest and dropped to a very low altitude to avoid being spotted. Deciding to stop for a quick break, Rainbow Dash landed in the woods and leaned up against a tree.

I'm glad I came out here to do this. I'll never be able to forgive myself for stealing from my friends, but at least I can set it right.

*snap!* A twig was noisily broken a little ways off in the woods, setting the thief on alert, her ears bolt upright.

"Hello?" The pegasus asked into the night.

No response.

It was then that a thoroughly paranoid Rainbow Dash took off through the trees, gently and silently gliding around them. She was headed into the town and towards the library.

Chapter 10

Ponyville Outskirts

"Ah horse apples." Muttered Applejack.

"Maybe next time, try not snappin' all kinds of sticks under your hooves, okay Twi?" The earth pony jokingly scolded.

"I'm sorry AJ, it's not too often that I go sneaking around the woods." Twilight replied.

The pair continued to follow their friend until they realized where she was going. Rainbow had traversed cobblestone streets of Ponyville up until the library with Applejack and Twilight a street behind.

"You think she's goin' in?" Applejack asked. Twilight shook her head no, but knew she was lying to herself as they both watched Rainbow begin searching for an entrance.

Chapter 11

Ponyville Library

Rainbow Dash remembered that she'd gotten in by way of the balcony last time and went to stand below it. With one powerful flap, she propelled herself up onto the ledge and entered the tree. She looked around her dark surroundings and began to trot down the stairs and into the library.

"Alright let's just find the D section and get this over with." She said to herself. Much faster than last time, Dash found where the books belonged. She opened her saddlebag and began putting the first book back. The front door was suddenly bucked open by Applejack and Twilight Sparkle ran in, casting a light spell to illuminate the entire room.

"Put the books down Rainbow!" Shouted the unicorn, not angrily, but forcefully.

Caught completely off guard, the Rainbow pegasus began to stammer.

"Oh! I ah... Umm. This isn't... Last night..." Rainbow Dash's tongue was tripping over her words and she was unable to speak. In a split decision, she tried to leap over her two friends and get out the door. While in midair but not yet above her friends, Rainbow was tackled by Applejack and held down by the strong mare's hooves.

"Noooo! This isn't at all what it looks like!" Rainbow Dash cried out.

"I was putting the books back! I swear!"

Applejack held her harder against the floor.

"Oh? Likely story. I'm the element of Honesty Rainbow, you think I can't tell I lie when I see one!?" Twilight stomped her hoof in agreement. Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut and shook her head, her eyes beginning to tear up.

"This is a nightmare come true!" She sobbed.

Applejack looked over to Twilight.

"This thief ain't goin' nowhere!"

Twilight nodded before walking over to Rainbow Dash's saddlebags. She reached inside to pull out multiple Daring Do books and Rarity's gems. The unicorn dropped the items out of disappointment and looked over to Rainbow Dash.

"Why? Rainbow." The librarian asked blankly.

"This isn't you." She continued.

Applejack slowly let her friend stand back up so she could explain herself. Rainbow Dash began to speak.

"Twilight, Applejack, this is totally not what it looks like. I'm not stealing the books. I mean, I did last night. Rarity's gems too. But I felt really bad and was coming tonight to set everything straight." She looked down at the floor and took a breath before continuing.

"Then I was going to come and see you about why I did what I did. But since we're here now, I'll say it. Ever since I got out of the hospital I'd been obsessed with Daring Do. Yep, I'm an egghead. But that's not the problem. The problem is that after I was kicked out of the hospital, I didn't have access to any Daring Do books without letting you know that I liked reading. So I stole the book from the hospital, and I loved it: The book, and stealing it. The feeling I got from stealing that book was so cool. It's like I became addicted to stealing. That was when I decided to steal your copies of Daring Do, and on my way back I was so obsessed that I even stole some of Rarity's gems. I need help Twi. I need you to help me stop this. I still want to steal; I just felt awful doing it to my best friends."

Twilight and Applejack looked at each other, and then back at their deflated friend.

"Of course I'm willing to help you Rainbow! That's what friends are for!" Twilight said reassuringly, walking up to Rainbow Dash and putting an arm around her.

"Y'all did the right thing coming back here to return the things ya took." Applejack added with a smile.

"Let's all get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can return those gems to Rarity, that book to the hospital, and I'll start helping you deal with this problem. I think I've got a whole book on kleptomania even!" Twilight said hopefully.

"Thanks for being so understanding..." Rainbow Dash said with a relieved smile.

"We're going to get this fixed, don't worry." Twilight said before the three friends said their goodbyes and went their separate ways for the night.

THE END... maybe.

Author's Note

Ok my friends, here is another fanfic (a little more lighthearted). I hope you are pleased, anyways here are the credits:

A lovely 'thank you' to the cover artist: Kirawolf590 (Deviantart)

Original Concept: Russianbrony

Original Story: Worldenterer

Editing: Russianbrony

Alternate Ending

Manehattan ~ One year later

It was the middle of a rainy night in Manehattan and Rainbow Dash leaned against a streetlight that stood on the vacant street corner reading the last Daring Do book in the series. She wore a long grey coat and a black bowler hat. She had dyed her mane different shades of grey to hide her identity as well.

Twilight's lessons really helped with my kleptomania. That is, if you count learning all about it and its history as help. I found my own solution to deal with the regret and feeling of lost innocence. That was the real problem. If there was anything Daring Do taught me, it was that innocence is life's greatest illusion. There's no way I’d ever give up the rush I get from a good steal. I can just stick to outside of Ponyville, taking only from rich ponies that have much more than they need.

Regret? Zero percent.

Coolness? One hundred and twenty percent!

Her hooves tingled with anticipation as she shut the book and looked out over the softly glowing city and its many illuminated buildings. All those building that could contain things. Things that could belong to her. She then tossed the book into her bag, and glided off into the night sky above the city that never slept.