Take it in Stride

To say she is beautiful would be like saying that the sun is bright. You would be right in saying so, but there is all too much more to be said. She is a creature carefully and thoughtfully woven by nature to be like something out of a dream. She is far too gorgeous to describe in any kind of easy or intelligible manner and if I had to try and find a way to articulate just how bright the sun is, her name comes to mind quickly.

In some strange way it might be compensation for the life she lives. Her parents divorced not too long after her birth, leaving her mother to take care her alone and her mother is always busy, never home to take care of her. Not that she is a handful or problematic, but maybe it explains why she struggles to keep up a conversation past another person approaching her. Obviously I don't know too much about that particular incident, but I can't imagine it being something easy to cope with. Of course I know the feeling of growing up without a father, it's just that her's is alive and wants nothing nothing to do with her. I hope that at least my parents wanted me. I hope for a lot of things.

I hope for a day when she will really open up to me. I've managed to have daily conversations with her, which is next to an impossibility for anyone else, and I think she trusts me too, at least I hope she does. I get to see her smile a lot which is nice. I even manage to get her to giggle now and again when I manage to perform some silly antic. There was this one time when she had a wholehearted laugh while I was walking her home; This one guy came up to us, well mostly her, and started flirting with her, and really aggressively too. I tried to politely tell him to back the hell off, but seeing as that didn't work I stepped in front of him and kicked the jerk where it hurts. After the few seconds when she looked back at the louse on the ground and the few more when we finally got out of sight of any people, she tried to hold back the smile and giggles with her hand to her mouth, but she couldn't keep her angelic voice down and she laughed with her closed eyes to the sky.

I do my best to keep snobs and assholes away from her because most boys, if not all of them just want to get in her pants. They all must think it'll be easy to take advantage of a quiet and innocent girl, granted I couldn't imagine her putting up much resistance and she would be too afraid to make a sound and well... Why does her attractiveness have to be such a curse along with being a blessing? I mean, when I look at myself, I'm nothing. Not a blip on the radar compared to her, and no guy ever comes and tries to flirt with me. Not that I even want to be with any of these stupid guys anyway. Especially not him...

Ya know, I've be doing this a long time. I really need a hobby, and one that doesn't involve just thinking about the same girl for hours out of every day. I at first I thought it be pretty romantic, but that only really works if she feels something for me too, now it's just getting to the point where even I acknowledge it as creepy. I'd be happy with the former if it didn't involve her either acting as if I don't exist, walking by me in the halls, or her sounding like she would much rather see me hung upside down from a tree with a tractor shoved up my ass than in front of her still in one piece. I know we don't have the greatest history together, but it wasn't all my fault, hell, only one thing was really bad that I did, and I did everything I could to apologize. But she acts like I murdered her family and got away with it. Not the most flattering example there... But you get the point.

I always see her with that pink-haired girl, she's really cute but she's just so quiet. They seem like such an odd match but for them it works, and at the least she's happy. One time I heard them talking during lunch or maybe it was a free period or something like that, but anyway, she wouldn't let up with how beautiful she thought the pink-haired girl was how she basically thought of herself as ugly. She didn't say that exact word but she was kinda spilling her guts out over how she thought nothing of herself. If she didn't have the incentive to put my face into the nearest wall I would have been the first to tell her just how wrong she was. Luckily and obviously enough, her friend pulled her out of it.

I wish I could grow the balls to tell her just how I feel about her. I'm honestly afraid of what she'll say and I doubt she'll even let me get close enough to her to even speak my mind. She probably does have the most attractive body in the entire school, endowed by the gods, the only reason for not being a sex idol in the eyes of every guy in the school is her shotty attitude. But beyond that there's so much more to her, and that more than anything is why I can't keep my mind off her. Since we were a lot younger, back when I'd even call us friends, she's had this strength, like pride but without the self centered nonsense that usually comes with it, and it's drawn me to her, maybe cause she's a lot like me. I guess she's just got a stronger heart than I do, and that's why I don't deserve her. I dunno...

There are just so many wonderful things about her that I could not even begin to think of ways to keep track of them all. The way she moves is so elegant while her smile I would think could be the sun. Her voice, so full with kindness and love seems to serenade my heart. I only wish I could steal that amazing quality from her. Or perhaps borrow it... Oh no, maybe we could just split it? Umm... Well... Her eyes are beautiful too, a gorgeous light hazel like liquid emeralds. She can always put me in a good mood and I feel so happy around her I cannot stand it, and she is always there with me so I can always be happy. I love her more than anything and if she suddenly disappeared I don't know if I could live my life, I just... No! I can't think about things like that! She told me to keep thinking positive and that's what I am going to do! There are some times when I think she might be jealous of me, but I cannot really tell why. I have not lived an enjoyable life until I met her, I have always felt lonely without her and I do not know if I even have the will to speak to anyone else. Not even the girl I admire the most.

Now if I could somehow find the way to build the courage to talk to her I think my heart might melt. But that would not be a good thing, would it? Oh I do not care what she does to me so long as she holds me close to her. She is so much like a boy but without giving me the constant attention. I feel safe around her and I want to feel wanted by her as well. One day I will find a way to talk to her and I hope to even get to know her. But... I might need some help... And I know just who to ask...

I could really use for a stick right now. A really big one so I can smack this idiot in the head with it. A disc would be nice too, I could knock 'em from across the field and he'd never see it coming. But honestly, chasing after a girl like her, he's got a better shot at gettin' into space. The guy is a brother to me and I put him above everything I do and he'd do the same for me. Which is why I'm gonna hit 'em in the head, might make him think straight. I'm just worried about him ya know? He's gonna get hurt and I'm not all that great with the emotional stuff, I'm a little more straight forward and rough around the edges.

But it's hard to believe that this is my last year of high school. Only nine more months... I was kinda hoping that I'd be done with this a long while ago, but I'm never given what I want, I've always had to work hard to take what I want and to make things happen myself. Of course I have him too. Nine more months we gotta deal with, full of bullshit, track, girls, parties, and damn, I gotta get that guy laid by a girl who doesn't wanna bite his head off. Maybe I'll give Vinyl a call...