One Waddled East, One Waddled West and One Waddled Away From the Cuckoo's Nest
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Ruffle wings.
Turn head left then right.
Scratch, scratch, scratch at the ground.
Centered, focused, calm, collected... at peace with the world.
As the big horned bird pony's sun descended and disappeared over the horizon, I found myself basking in the last warm rays that it had to offer before the blue horned bird pony's moon rose and made its presence known in the night sky. Such is the natural order of things, now, before, and going forward. We chickens have no such powers and no intricate knowledge of such events, but we benefit from the ponies just the same.
Such is life.
I took another deep breath and turned my gaze from the sinking sun and towards the Dark Forest. Long have my people feared it, and even the yellow bird pony for all of her power dares not go near it and trembles at the mere idea. I myself could hardly blame her for her fears. There are many beings inside that would make quick work of a chicken so there surely must be something that could defeat even our caretaker.
I fluttered my wings nervously at the thought of entering the forest, and I tore my eyes away from it. It is best not to dwell on such things if there is no need.
But... was there a need?
There were whispers amongst some of the elder members of the clan. Old stories that mothers told their chicks as they nestled into our nests for the night. There were talks of a land far away from here beyond the Dark Forest, a land where chickens were free to roam about wherever they pleased. Chicken feed grew on the trees and the worm population was so vast that everybird had their fill whenever they desired. However, those were but small gifts from the paradise of The Promised Land. For everybird big or small, young or old, chick or elder could fly.
The Promised Land was a land where we could spread our majestic wings and take to the air to soar with the mightiest of eagles. With speed and precision that not even the bird ponies could match, we would zoom through the bright blue sky without a care in the world.
For the chickens of The Promised Land knew that they were protected from the evils that would taint it by the mightiest of protectors. A chicken that even the horned bird ponies would not dare cross: The Great Colonel. He was the master and protector of all chicken-kind and he led, not ruled, all chickens with a wise and generous wing. None of my clan had ever seen him, but we had all dreamed of him coming to free us in all of his chicken-y glory.
Legend had it that he was a chicken far older than time itself. The comb on his head was as white as snow and the top and bottom of his beak bore white hair. Around his eyes were black markings that resembled what the ponies call 'glasses' and his breast was marked with black markings that mimicked what the ponies call a 'tie'. Those chickens who saw The Great Colonel trembled in fear at his presence, but he was a kind leader and would not bring harm to those he had devoted his life to protecting.
I chuckled to myself and began waddling back to The Great Coop. Listen to me, talking like one of the elders teaching a group of wide-eyed chicks about far-off tales and chick stories. Still, I couldn't help but wonder... what if?
As I walked towards the ramp, I was met by one of my fellow chickens, Swiftbeak. She smirked at me—yes it is possible to smirk with a beak if you know what to look for—and walked beside me. "Looking out into the Dark Forest again, Ironclaw?" she teased. "One would think that the stories of the beasts inside would give you pause before you considered staring into its depths."
I chuckled and had to resist another glance at the forest. "I was thinking about The Promised Land and if it really exists."
Swiftbeak rolled her eyes and ruffled her wings. "Until such a day arises when The Great Colonel himself flies into our Great Coop and defeats the bird pony and her wicked stare I will continue my assertion that such stories are merely that: stories."
I frowned at Swiftbeak. "Yes we are all quite aware of your skepticism," I replied, "but some of us dare to dream."
Swiftbeak scoffed and motioned for us to return to our nests. "Dreaming is all well and good, but some of us have chicks to look after. Swiftbeak frowned as we made our way up the ramp. "On that subject, when do you meet with the rooster next to create your next brood?"
I sighed and stopped just outside the entrance to the coop. "I have heard I meet with him in a fortnight, but I may try to get out of it. I fail to see the purpose of meeting with him if the yellow one continuously takes my eggs before the rooster can finish the job."
Swiftbeak fluttered her wings in a sort of shrug. "It's something to do at least," she pointed out.
I chuckled and entered The Great Coop where the rest of our clan was settling in for the night. Half of them were already asleep in their nests and I admit that I was eager to join those already in slumber. Today had been most taxing what with all of that running around, clucking, and eating. The warm confines of my nest seemed at that moment to be more of a joy than the thought of The Promised Land. I sleepily walked up the ramp provided for us and settled in my nest. After exchanging wishes of good nights with Swiftbeak, I closed my eyes and readied myself for bed.
* * * *
That night was one that I wish I had not dreamed.
My dreams were often pleasant, the kinds of things that chickens usually dream about, but not that night. That night I dreamed that our small home next to the yellow one's abode was attacked by a monstrous beast. It had the head of one of my clan, but the body of a serpentine creature. It seemed to me to be a being bred in the very depths of Chicken Hell itself and I found myself afraid. I had never seen such a creature before and I knew not why it had entered my dreams.
All of a sudden I was torn out of my dreams and I was awoken by a piercing cry that echoed from the dark of the night and the ensuing chaos from within The Great Coop. My eyes snapped open and I was greeted with the sight of my entire clan in a state of chaos. I leaped out of my nest and rushed over to Swiftbeak who was in the process of leading three of our kind outside of the coop. "Swiftbeak, what is it? What happened?"
Swiftbeak didn't turn to me but graced me with a response. "I don't know, Ironclaw, but I'm taking three volunteers outside to have a look around."
"Outside at night? Are you crazy?!" I cried. "Do you know what the bird pony will do to you if she catches you?"
Swiftbeak wheeled around and glared daggers at me. "The danger of The Stare is a small price to pay in order to protect The Great Coop and our chicks," she growled. "I would rather endure such torture than have it be said that I failed our clan in a time of need!"
I sighed and followed Swiftbeak towards the entrance. "Then I'm coming with you," I insisted.
"If you must," she said simply.
Swiftbeak led me and the three others out of the coop. The cool night air washed over me, but I was not cold thanks to my feathers. There was no visible disturbance at first glance, something that perplexed us. Such a noise would have to have come from nearby, there was no other way it could be that loud. I opened my beak to consult with Swiftbeak about what to do next, but my words were cut off when the source of the noise became abundantly clear.
Three pony chicks were running out of the yellow pony's house. One horned pony, one bird pony, and one useless pony. The sight of them unnerved us, but not as much as the realization that the three of them were coming straight for our coop!
We were under attack.
The three pony chicks burst into the coop courtyard and ran towards us. I bravely stepped forward and spread my wings defiantly. "Stand firm my brethren!" I cried out. "Let it not be known that the chickens of clan—"
My brave word were cut off by the sound of four squawks of terror behind me. I spun around and was horrified to see all four of my clan, some of the bravest chickens I knew, running around and screaming their combs off. What was worse was that the pony chicks instantly seized upon this opportunity and began chasing them around the courtyard, calling out to us to surrender.
I am ashamed to admit that I myself was rooted to the spot. I knew that I needed to help my fellow chickens, but I knew not how. The pony chicks were thrice my size and far more powerful to boot. The horned pony had a built in weapon on her forehead, the winged pony was no chicken and thus had the advantage of flight over me and mine so they were impossible to defeat. I bravely decided to take on the useless yellow chick in the hope that it wasn't physically stronger than the other two.
I took a brave step forward to begin my attack but I was cut off by a war cry from one of the other chicks, the orange bird pony. I shrieked in terror and turned tail and ran as fast as my little chicken legs would carry me towards... anywhere but where the bird pony would follow. She repeatedly called over to me, demanding that I surrender and come over to her but I was not as foolish as she surmised. She must have realized that I was the strongest of our clan as I was the only one not clucking silly things like 'retreat' and 'run away we're no match for them' and 'I want my mommy'. I was far too brave for that! Call it a... strategic withdrawal.
I ran for my life, not sure where I was going or how I was going to escape but I continued running. The bird pony had ceased calling out to me, but I dared not look behind me to see if it still pursued me.
All of a sudden the most glorious sight known to chickendom appeared in front of me: a hole in the fence the yellow pony made surrounding the courtyard! I didn't pause for a moment to wonder where it had come from, I merely ran as fast as I could. The hole was just large enough for me to squeeze through which meant that none of the pony chicks would be capable of following me through. Well, none except the orange bird pony chick who could merely fly over. I prayed that was not the case.
I chanced a glance back towards the courtyard I had just escaped from and saw that the orange chick had shifted her attention from me to Swiftbeak. I rued that she had to be bait, but it was worth it if I could make good my escape.
I continued onwards, scarcely looking at where I was going. The moonlight was the only thing that lit the ground in front of me and I considered it a blessing that it was nearly as bright as the sun itself.
But then the moonlight faded and I found myself in darkness. I squawked and turned around. The moonlight that had previously guided my way had been cut off for some reason and I wasn't—
All at once the answer hit me like an egg being dropped by a careless mother. I was in the forest.
My eyes widened and I was about to run straight back to the safety of the coop when a thought struck me. They said that The Promised Land was on the other side of this forest. That meant that if I could traverse it I would be able to find it and bring the Colonel to free my fellow chickens! All it would take is a journey through the dark... deep... uh, monster infested... large forest.
Oh dear.
With a wisdom that I did know I had in me, I took a few steps away from the forest. It was The Great Colonel's job to find us chickens to free us, not the other way around. We would be fine under the bird pony's care until The Great Colonel's coming.
However what I saw made me believe that what I was walking towards, not away from, was the more dangerous destination. Swiftbeak and the three volunteers she had brought along were lined up in front of the coop. Right in front of them was the yellow bird pony and the three chicks. Swiftbeak was standing her ground, but all at once I saw her eyes go wide as she backed into the coop as if controlled by some evil force. Well, she was as a matter of fact. The bird pony had used The Stare on her.
I had been on the receiving end of The Stare only once and it was an experience I shan't be forgetting in my lifetime. It was like looking into the maw of Chicken Hell itself: forcing its will upon me. I shuddered to think of what Swiftbeak was experiencing right now. One does not recover from The Stare all at once.
I knew what I had to do.
The yellow pony had used The Stare on my fellow clanschickens one too many times. It was time to free the chickens and bring them to The Promised Land where we would be watched over by The Great Colonel. I turned tail and bravely walked into the forest.
As I walked along, I realized that all of the stories told about this place were true. The forest was dark and there was a constant stench of evil about. Owls hooted wicked songs and I believe I even heard a bat cry out in my direction. Even the trees seemed to be reaching for me. Despite my reasonable fears I braved through the dangers. I couldn't let my chickens down.
After about five minutes of waking along, I truly lost count to be honest; I heard one of the most frightening sounds imaginable: the ponies were looking for me.
I squawked and dove into a nearby bush. If they couldn't see me then they'd walk by and I could continue my journey uninterrupted by their search. The bird pony was talking to the other two chicks as they walked near my bush and it sounded to me as if she was just as scared of this place as I was. Well one could hardly find her at fault for that. This was indeed a scary place.
All of a sudden I heard a rustling noise behind me and I felt something scaly touch my tail feathers. With a weak squawk of fear I ran out of the bush and right past the ponies who were looking for me. The chicks gave a cry of recognition and began to chase after me. I quickly dove into the nearest bush to evade them. Foolishly I poked my head up to see if they were going to follow me and to my horror I spotted them merely a few feet away from the bush!
With a cry of triumph one of them swiped at me but I displayed the cunning and agility that my species is known for and ducked away from her grasp, hiding in the interior of the bush. I was thankful that the chicks did not seem to be following me into the bush. Something else was occupying their attention.
I did not pause to consider what it might have been. I merely bolted out of my hiding place and began running for my life. If the chicks caught me and took me back to the yellow pony and her punishing Stare... well, I didn't want that.
I ran this way and that, trying to figure out which direction I had come from. If I picked the wrong one then I would find myself back at the coop with the yellow pony and I would likely never have another chance to seek out The Promised Land! Curse my kind for their short memories, where had I come from?
My thoughts were cut off when the worst possible thing appeared in front of me. It landed on the ground with a loud bang and reared up to attack me. I foolishly chanced a glance instead of running like I should have done and what I saw scared me more than The Stare itself. It was the horrifying creature from my nightmare! It was a real being after all and now it was coming after me!
A lone squawk escaped from my beak before the creature fixed me with its evil gaze. Immediately I felt my body stiffening up as if I was being turned to stone from the creature's glare.
Which... was exactly what was happening.
* * * *
I don't know how long the darkness held me. All I know is that it consumed me completely. Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like days and it occurred to me that I may be spending an eternity in this state. I cursed the ill fortune that had befallen me. If the pony chicks had not pursued me then I would likely be at The Promised Land by now instead of Colonel knows where.
I found myself wishing that I had stayed back at The Great Coop where I belonged. I wasn't an adventurer chicken; such endeavors were meant for greater chickens than I. What was I thinking, going out and trying to free my people? I wasn't smart enough to even make a plan before I ventured into the Dark Forest. Now I was paying the price and would likely never be seen again by mortal chicken eyes. I could only hope that I had been a good enough chicken to avoid Chicken Hell. Maybe I should have laid more eggs...
All of a sudden, I saw the most beautiful thing imaginable: light. I scarcely believed it as I doubted that I would ever see such a thing again, but there it was. I began walking towards it and it got brighter the nearer I came. I reached out a wing to touch the light and the second I did the light became so bright that I had to shield my eyes away from it. It encased me just like the darkness had but in a pleasant way. I felt at peace.
The next moment found me stuck in the ground. The rich dirt began suffocating me and I struggled to get out. Why in the name of the Colonel did this keep getting worse just as I thought it was going to get better? I seemed to not be encased in stone anymore, but now I was buried headfirst in the ground? What fairness was there in that?
However before I could struggle any further I felt my legs being encased in a magical glow and I was lifted out of the soil by a purple horned pony. I had never been so glad to see a pony before in my life. I was even glad that the yellow bird pony and the three pony chicks who caused this whole series of events were nearby. Surely they would protect me as they took me back to The Great Coop. I clucked in relief as the purple pony placed me on the bird pony's back.
* * * *
The walk back to the coop was uneventful save for the moment where the yellow bird pony flew over the fence and herded me back into the coop. I was too worn out from the events of the past hour or so to disobey her, not that I probably would have anyway.
I was immediately surrounded by my entire clan the second I walked through the door. They bombarded me with a flurry of questions about where I had been and what I had been doing but I was in no mood to answer all of them. I merely raised a wing to silence them and cleared my throat. "Ladies, all I can tell you tonight is that I went to find The Promised Land after my escape from the courtyard. I went into the Dark Forest and met many fearsome creatures, the likes of which I do not wish to describe. The yellow bird pony and the chicks rescued me and brought me back here. That is all."
I stretched my wings and tiredly walked up the ramp to my nest. It had never seemed so welcoming before.
* * * *
Fluttershy sighed as she cleaned up the tea set that she had taken out during Twilight's visit. As much as she liked spending time with her friend, the events of last night had taken a lot out of her and not even the caffeine that came from the tea was going to keep her from a lovely nap. She had about an hour before she had to feed her animals so she could get a few winks in.
She placed the last cup on the tray and was just about to transfer it to her back when she heard a familiar squeaky noise behind her. She smiled and turned around to see Pinkie Pie pronking towards her with her trademark smile and a pink box balanced on her back. "Good morning, Pinkie Pie," Fluttershy greeted. "How are you today?"
"Oh I'm just superrrrrrific!" said Pinkie Pie happily. "I just came by because we had some leftover cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner last night and we need to get rid of them so we can bake fresh ones for the lunch rush this morning so I came by to see if you wanted a few especially if the Cutie Mark Crusaders or Twilight or Rarity was still here!"
Fluttershy giggled. "No they left a while ago but I'll take the cupcakes anyway," said the pegasus. She walked next to Pinkie Pie and extended a wing allowing the pink pony to slide the box of cupcakes onto Fluttershy's back.
When the cupcakes were transferred, Fluttershy opened her mouth to thank Pinkie Pie but all that came out was a rather spectacular yawn what triggered a quizzical look from Pinkie Pie. "Is something wrong?" the pink pony asked. "You seem really tired today."
Fluttershy chuckled and shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, I was just up late last night with the Crusaders. Sweetie Belle was singing loudly and woke up all of my chickens and they started making quite the ruckus. One of them got out and went into the Everfree Forest so we had to go get her."
"Sounds like a rough night," said Pinkie Pie sympathetically. "You really did need those cupcakes today."
Fluttershy nodded and adjusted the box on her back. "It wasn't so bad. I did have to stare down a cockatrice and to save Twilight and Elizabeak and prevent the Crusaders from being turned into stone. Oh, and I was half turned into stone myself but I don't want to talk about that part." Fluttershy tried and failed to stifle another yawn and she shook her head to wake herself up a bit. "What I don't get is why Elizabeak went towards the forest in the first place. All of my animals know not to go in there."
"She was probably trying to find The Promised Land," said Pinkie Pie.
Fluttershy sighed and nodded. "Yes I suppose that's—" Fluttershy's words were cut off as Pinkie Pie's statement registered with her. She frowned at the pink pony and cocked her head. "Um... The Promised Land?"
Pinkie Pie's grin widened and she began bouncing up and down. "Yeah, The Promised Land! You know, that land beyond the Everfree Forest where the chickens roam free and can fly and there are worms everywhere and they're ruled over by this benevolent colonel who is gonna free all the chickens everywhere someday!"
Fluttershy blinked confusedly. "Uh... I've never heard of The Promised Land."
Pinkie Pie's grin faded and she stopped bouncing in midair and gently floated to the ground. She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow at Fluttershy. "You mean you've never been?" Fluttershy uneasily shook her head and Pinkie Pie shrugged. "Don't worry; I'm sure you'll go someday."
With that, Pinkie Pie said goodbye to her friend and bounced away.
Author's Note
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