Irony

by BlaappyMLP

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity, Tragedy
Length: 1580

Rarity's hate of nature dreadfully backfires on her.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders finally convince Rarity to accompany them on a seemingly innocent nature walk. However, Rarity's disdain of the outdoors has terrible consequences. Because, with dreadful irony, Nature seems to hate her.

Published 2013-03-26 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-26 04:00:02 UTC

Dead Roots

"No."

The firm response echoed across the room, further establishing the finality of its meaning.

A trio of voices groaned and whined in turn, showing their discontent of the denial.

"But Rarity..." Sweetie Belle pleaded, "it's just an innocent nature hike...!" The young filly widened her eyes slowly, attempting to subdue her big sister with an insufferable amount of cuteness.

"No," Rarity replied with gusto,"I refuse to dirty my delicate hooves or... or ruin my fabulous mane... or..." Rarity gasped, "it's too horrible to think about!" She trembled inwardly as the thought getting her amazing coat filthy graced her mind.

Before Rarity could go on with her list of grievances, a flurry of orange fur and purple hair filled her vision. "Oh, come on, Rarity!" Scootaloo lamented, "You can always clean yourself later. Besides, it's for our cutie marks!" The excited pegasus fluttered her small wings anxiously, anticipating the day when a symbol would finally appear on her flank.

The third filly, an earth pony, paced nervously, the big pink bow on her head bobbing up and down. "But... but ya' jus' can't say no!" Applebloom said, her voice thick with a thick western accent. "I jus' know we'll get 'em this time!" she gazed sadly at her flank, "I can jus' feel it!"

Rarity nervously rubbed her dark purple mane for a while before saying, "I know it must sound promising to you three," she explained. "But I simply can't go with you on a nature expedition! There's just so many horrible ways for me to get..." Rarity shivered, "dirty."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes, peeved. "Seriously, Rarity?!" Scootaloo said, exasperated, "It wouldn't hurt if you went outside once in a while! It's not like if you get dirt in your fur, you'll explode!"

"You just don't understand!" Rarity huffed, offended, "you don't get how dreadful it is to clean my flawless coat!" Rarity turned her head and held it high, attempting to look regal.

"But big sister," Sweetie Belle said, batting her eyelashes innocently, "wouldn't it be amazing if I had a plant for a cutie mark?" Sweetie Belle sighed happily, imagining the wonders that would follow should a biological cutie mark appear. "I could be a biologist when I grow up!" she exclaimed, her horn sparking excitedly.

Scootaloo glared at her friend. "You've gotta stop using big words like that, Sweetie Belle." Scootaloo scrunched up her face, trying to pronounce the word. "I mean, seriously! Bio... biolo-what?"

Applebloom sighed. "Jus' quit it, you two. It's no use." Applebloom said, defeated. "Let's jus' go."

The three fillies began to shuffle slowly out of the boutique, resigned.

Rarity gulped, feeling a pang of guilt. "Couldn't... couldn't somepony else possibly take you?" she tried.

Applebloom looked back at Rarity, her expression neutral. "Twilight's running a new research project in her library, Applejack has to help with th' harvest, Rainbow Dash got called back to th' Wonderbolts Academy, Fluttershy has to help Angel recover from th' flu, and Pinkie is visiting her parents," Applebloom relayed to Rarity. She then plopped dejectedly onto the floor.

Rarity felt a sudden twang of guilt. She cleared her throat politely, then began to speak. "Well, you three, I have been thinking about it, and I do think it is a wonderful opportunity to earn your cutie marks. So I have decided..."

The fillies perked up, their eyes widening in anticipation as they waited for the dress designer to finish her thought.

"...to go with you on your little nature hike."

The three fillies exploded with glee. Scootaloo yelled ecstatically, giving Applebloom a hoof bump. Sweetie Belle began to hug her sister graciously, squealing with delight. Applebloom's pink bow bobbed emphatically as she began to list all the possible cutie marks they could earn that related to the outdoors.

Rarity observed the trio's celebration quietly, planning out the best possible ways to avoid getting dirty. As she thought of more ways one could get filthy in nature, she became excruciatingly more worried. A sad whisper escaped her lips.

"Oh, my... I had better start packing..."

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were excited.

"Ooh! Ooh! I hope we find a huge, terrifying dragon to fight!" Scootaloo hyped, "I've always wanted a dragon slaying cutie mark!" Scootaloo paused briefly, "No offense to Spike, though," she said quickly as she remembered Twilight's draconic assistant.

Sweetie Belle nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, or maybe we can identify different types of flowers!" thought Sweetie Belle, "I bet I could name one hundred right now!" She lifted her head proudly.

Scootaloo eyed the unicorn doubtfully. "You can not!" she protested, "that's not possible!"

"Yes I can!" Sweetie Belle argued, "Let's see... there's... um... daisies... and ... roses and-"

"Hey, look!" Applebloom interrupted, pointing northward, "here comes Rarity!"

The two fillies followed Applebloom's hoof toward a growing figure in the distance. It was obviously Rarity, as they could hear a tidal wave of complaints rushing towards them.

"...can you believe it?! The nerve of Applejack! Too many bags my hoof! A lady is always properly prepared! What if there's an emergency? Or my mane gets rustled? What if I..."

Rarity trailed off suddenly as she noticed a sudden tug on her coat. She looked down.

Sweetie Belle was grabbing her coat, annoyed. "Big sister, wait!" she complained, "you almost left without us!" She gestured toward the forest, which if it hadn't been for her, Rarity would've trotted straight into.

Rarity, realizing she hadn't been paying attention, regained her posture. "Well, girls, I was just simply excited to go on our walk together. Aren't you?" She smiled weakly.

The trio looked dubiously at her, then shrugged.

"O...k...?" Scootaloo tried, "Well, anyway, let's go earn those cutie marks, girls!" Scootaloo shouted, turning towards the forest.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders... HO!" the excited three screamed at an obnoxious level. Then they brought their hooves together in a powerful hoof bump.

Rarity blinked a few times, her ears ringing. "Ok, you three, let's get started! Remember to stay together!" She grinned meekly, trying to look happy.

"Hooray!" the Cutie Mark Crusaders shouted, and darted into the forest, chatting enthusiastically.

Rarity watched them run into the forest, then let her smile slip. She sighed sadly and steeled herself. "Well..." she grimaced, "let's get this over with..."

With that, she trotted into the forest.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Rarity groaned as she wrestled another scraggly branch out of her mane. She frowned at it as she tugged it out of her hair. She then snapped in half with her hoof and threw it unceremoniously into the nearest tree. A squirrel started to chatter angrily as the branch landed in his pile of nuts and berries.

Rarity huffed. "Stupid nature..." she grumbled, "it's so uncouth, so cluttered, there's absolutely no reason to preserve it," her voice rose precariously, "there could be a mall here, or a spa!" she nearly shouted as she stepped in some tree sap. She muttered angrily as she wiped it off on some leaves on a nearby tree. The tree sagged sadly as the added weight tipped it to one side.

Rarity's complaining continued as she tried to catch up to the Crusaders, their voices fading as they pulled ahead.

"Ooh, look an oak tree!" Rarity picked up her little sister's voice in the distance. She started to push faster, hoping to catch up.

Rarity screeched irritably as some beautiful tulips blocked her path. She hurriedly stomped them to the ground and forged ahead, snapping tree branches in her way.

Suddenly, she stuck her hoof in something soft. She looked down and moaned loudly, adding yet another thing to clean when she got home. The mud clung tightly to her hoof, refusing to let go. Frustrated she stomped her other forehoof to in the mud. The mud stuck to it snugly, as if it were trying to make a cast of her.

Then, Rarity began to sink. The mud climbed up her legs slowly, not permitting her to move.

Rarity's pupils shrank, and she started to sweat profusely. She tugged harder, but she couldn't move an inch. She opened her mouth to scream for help, but before her mouth could start to yell, but a sticky substance filled her mouth.
Her eyes darted around as she began to shake. She located a tree in front of her lurching madly, its thick branches hurling tree sap at her.

Other trees began to move, too. They started to throw more tree sap and acorns, covering her in what she so despised.

She started to cry as she realized what was happening.

A couple of tree roots began to elongate, grabbing onto her hind legs. Rarity squirmed desperately, trying to shake free. They began to lurch, pulling downwards. The mud and dirt crawled up to her chest, eager to envelop the one who had disgraced them.

Rarity looked around quickly, searching hopelessly for a savior. She found nothing.

Rarity opened her mouth in a soundless scream as the dirt came up over her face, forever silencing her. Then she was pulled under, and the earth digested her, satisfied.

Above ground, the tree sap slowly returned to the trees, and the roots began to retract. The dirt and mud smoothed over, erasing any evidence that a pony had traversed through.

Nature had yet again finished its job neatly and tidily, just like the one it had defeated would have.

How ironic.

Author's Note

This is the worst thing I have ever written.