A Little "Tush"

"Sppptttt BLLAAAAAPPPPPTTTTT!" ZZ spat his beard out of his mouth. He slowly sat up, rubbing the back of his head. "Uhg... Where the hell did I sleep?" He moaned to himself, looking around. "Great, a damned alley..." He said, seeing that he was leaning against a dumpster in the slums of a village.

ZZ hopped up and looked into the dumpster. "There she is..." He said, levitating his guitar out of the mound of trash. "Alright, baby. Let's find out where we are..." He put his guitar on his back and walked out of the alley. The village was, in actuality, a bustling town with ponies going every which way.

Man, look at the flank on that one... He thought to himself as a rainbow colored mare walked by. He got his guitar and played a simple chord while approaching the pegasus. The mare heard his strumming behind her and looked back. One of ZZ's eyebrows perked over his glasses frame.

"Hey baby... Lookin' for a good time? I gotch' all you need and more, honey..." His voice oozing out like honey. The pony giggled. "Ha, you're pretty funny. Where'd you blow in from? A gruff lookin' guy like you must've came from the wastelands." "Hardly, sexy. Snoodiesville, born and raised. You?" "Cloudsdale and proud!"

ZZ stopped strumming and slipped a card out from his hat and gave it to the mare. "You know where I'm at." He said, smiling. "Alright. Catch ya' later, 'fingers'!" ZZ laughed as the pony walked along her way. "We're too good..." He whispered, holding his guitar close.

"What's that? Find out where we are? Whatever, sweetie." He whispered, putting his guitar back on his back. He looked around the area a bit and eventually concluded that he should go to the giant cake since he was hungry. "Jesus, I must still be wasted, seeing that..."

He trotted in and walked to the counter. "Hey, is anypony here?" He shouted, leaning out. There was a crash, a squeal and the sound of a puff. Seconds passed before a charred, frizzled, pink mare stepped up to the counter. ZZ raised his eyes and looked the pony up and down.

"Just one sec!" She said. Suddenly, she spun around and turned into what looked like a cyclone. Dust flew into ZZ's beard and made him cough. The mare slowly stopped spinning and the debris subsided. "Done yet?" ZZ asked, past the ash in his front. "Nope!" She shouted, whipping her head back, making her hair puff out.

"All done!" She said, smiling. "So, how can I help you, newcomer?" ZZ scratched his beard and looked in the display case. "Got any Hemp Brownies?" He asked, smiling. "What brownies? We have Pimp Brownies, Temp. Brownies and Limp Brownies... But no Hemp Brownies." She said, pulling a tray of the mentioned brownies out of nowhere.

"Celestia, No Hemp?" "Nope! No Hemp! Like I said... We have Pimp!" The pink mare smiled. "But maybe we can get some! Why don'cha come in the back with me and tell me the ingredients?" ZZ thought for a moment and shrugged, walking around the counter.

The two trotted through the saloon doors and into the Sugar Cube Corner kitchen. "My name's Pinkie Pie by the way. So what's Hemp?" "A miracle, honey." "Ooh! A miracle! I've been called a miracle worker before! Can I make hemp using magic-miracle-powers?!" Pinkie shouted, bouncing.

"Whoah, baby. ZZ don't know anythin' about 'magic-powers' but the ones he's got." Pinkie frowned for a split second before growing back to normal again. "Well, why don't you get a cupcake to hold you over while I go find some Hemp?" ZZ laughed a little too loud that time. "No thanks, sugar. I'll be takin' my leave." He began to walk out the back door before Pinkie yelled to stop him.

"What's your name, Beardy?" Pinkie asked with a smile. "Call me ZZ..." He said, leaving. "Okay, ZZ! See ya' later!" ZZ walked out the back door and stumbled into the town plaza. "Why did I even bother with Hemp?" He asked himself, sitting on a park bench in front of a fountain.

It was high-noon and ZZ still didn't have a clue where he was.

"Hell, this oughta' be good...."