A Little "Tush"

by RyanPAPP

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Adventure, Comedy
Length: 1591

ZZ never really fit in with the casual ponies in Canterlot. He goes to Ponyville to see what he can see... Hilarity ensues.

ZZ was an odd pony. For being a unicorn born in Canterlot, that is. Growing up he was always a huge troublemaker. So much so that he was ran out of town. ZZ looks up though, and sees that the party'n can still go on with the help of his friend WK, another Party-Rockin' pony. But, two pegasi known as "LMFFO" comes to try to halt ZZ and WK's careers. But, some "Who's" and some "sticks" come in to save the day.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 04:17:01 UTC

Chapter One: What's Hemp?

"Sppptttt BLLAAAAAPPPPPTTTTT!" ZZ spat his beard out of his mouth. He slowly sat up, rubbing the back of his head. "Uhg... Where the hell did I sleep?" He moaned to himself, looking around. "Great, a damned alley..." He said, seeing that he was leaning against a dumpster in the slums of a village.

ZZ hopped up and looked into the dumpster. "There she is..." He said, levitating his guitar out of the mound of trash. "Alright, baby. Let's find out where we are..." He put his guitar on his back and walked out of the alley. The village was, in actuality, a bustling town with ponies going every which way.

Man, look at the flank on that one... He thought to himself as a rainbow colored mare walked by. He got his guitar and played a simple chord while approaching the pegasus. The mare heard his strumming behind her and looked back. One of ZZ's eyebrows perked over his glasses frame.

"Hey baby... Lookin' for a good time? I gotch' all you need and more, honey..." His voice oozing out like honey. The pony giggled. "Ha, you're pretty funny. Where'd you blow in from? A gruff lookin' guy like you must've came from the wastelands." "Hardly, sexy. Snoodiesville, born and raised. You?" "Cloudsdale and proud!"

ZZ stopped strumming and slipped a card out from his hat and gave it to the mare. "You know where I'm at." He said, smiling. "Alright. Catch ya' later, 'fingers'!" ZZ laughed as the pony walked along her way. "We're too good..." He whispered, holding his guitar close.

"What's that? Find out where we are? Whatever, sweetie." He whispered, putting his guitar back on his back. He looked around the area a bit and eventually concluded that he should go to the giant cake since he was hungry. "Jesus, I must still be wasted, seeing that..."

He trotted in and walked to the counter. "Hey, is anypony here?" He shouted, leaning out. There was a crash, a squeal and the sound of a puff. Seconds passed before a charred, frizzled, pink mare stepped up to the counter. ZZ raised his eyes and looked the pony up and down.

"Just one sec!" She said. Suddenly, she spun around and turned into what looked like a cyclone. Dust flew into ZZ's beard and made him cough. The mare slowly stopped spinning and the debris subsided. "Done yet?" ZZ asked, past the ash in his front. "Nope!" She shouted, whipping her head back, making her hair puff out.

"All done!" She said, smiling. "So, how can I help you, newcomer?" ZZ scratched his beard and looked in the display case. "Got any Hemp Brownies?" He asked, smiling. "What brownies? We have Pimp Brownies, Temp. Brownies and Limp Brownies... But no Hemp Brownies." She said, pulling a tray of the mentioned brownies out of nowhere.

"Celestia, No Hemp?" "Nope! No Hemp! Like I said... We have Pimp!" The pink mare smiled. "But maybe we can get some! Why don'cha come in the back with me and tell me the ingredients?" ZZ thought for a moment and shrugged, walking around the counter.

The two trotted through the saloon doors and into the Sugar Cube Corner kitchen. "My name's Pinkie Pie by the way. So what's Hemp?" "A miracle, honey." "Ooh! A miracle! I've been called a miracle worker before! Can I make hemp using magic-miracle-powers?!" Pinkie shouted, bouncing.

"Whoah, baby. ZZ don't know anythin' about 'magic-powers' but the ones he's got." Pinkie frowned for a split second before growing back to normal again. "Well, why don't you get a cupcake to hold you over while I go find some Hemp?" ZZ laughed a little too loud that time. "No thanks, sugar. I'll be takin' my leave." He began to walk out the back door before Pinkie yelled to stop him.

"What's your name, Beardy?" Pinkie asked with a smile. "Call me ZZ..." He said, leaving. "Okay, ZZ! See ya' later!" ZZ walked out the back door and stumbled into the town plaza. "Why did I even bother with Hemp?" He asked himself, sitting on a park bench in front of a fountain.

It was high-noon and ZZ still didn't have a clue where he was.

"Hell, this oughta' be good...."

Chapter Two: Party Rockers In The House Tonight

ZZ had napped on the bench for about three hours before being woken up by the sound of thousands off hooves stampeding towards the building behind the fountain. He groggily sat up. "What the...?" He asked, watching a purple chariot with "LMFFO" embroidered on the side of it pull up at the building.

He continued to watch as two ginormous guard ponies hopped out followed by a weird brown pony with an afro and another brown pony wearing white glasses. Suddenly a crowd horded around the chariot as the guards struggled to push them back as the brown ponies scampered inside.

ZZ hopped off the bench and walked to a teal mare in the back of crowd and tapped her on the back. She turned around, angry. "Who are those freaks?" ZZ asked, flicking his beard. "OMG! Just THE BEST musicians of ALL TIME! Tonight is their big party concert!"

ZZ raised an eyebrow and put two and two together. Musicians.... Party.... Concert... Suddenly it all clicked. He was destined to go in that building. "Out of my way!" He shouted, shoving the mare aside just as the guards opened the building to the public.

ZZ pushed and shoved through the crowd until he was able to stand in front of the stage. Thousands of ponies filed in around him. Some mocked. "What's an old dude like that doing at an LMFFO concert?" "Yeah, he should be at the Old Ponies Home". ZZ would just give them a cold stare and most of the time they'd shut up. But over the course of the next hour at least four resisted his gaze and continued to poke fun at him.

"Why I oughta'..."

Finally the two brown musicians stepped onto the stage. "Who's ready to party?!" One of them shouted, bucking. The crowd went nuts, including ZZ. But, the brown one noticed him.

"Yo! Rocker! What're you doing here, oldtimer?" ZZ pulled down his sunglasses and stared at the colt in the eyes. "What did you just call me?" He asked, his eyes practically piercing a soul. The brown pony shuddered for a moment before speaking up.

"You think you can keep up with us?" He asked, mockingly. ZZ mantled onto the stage. "That's a challenge if I've ever heard one." He said, getting in the colt's face. "Tell ya' what, old fella. Just so you don't have a heart attack we'll make it simple. If anypony likes this guy, they whistle. If anypony likes us, they cheer." The one with glasses suggested. "That should keep his blood pressure down..." The other scowled.

"Deal" ZZ said, readying his guitar. "3...2...1!" The crowd shouted. Suddenly, the speakers began blaring music as the brown ponies danced and jumped around the stage while ZZ just stood there strumming as hard as he could. It was no use. Their speakers were too loud. Even if somepony was whistling, he wouldn't be able to hear it.

Lights were bouncing all around the stage as the building shook from the sheer amount of bass coming from the speakers. It sounded as if the building would fall.

The colts finished their song and looked at ZZ. "Take this man out back. And handle with care..." They mocked. The crowd laughed and security came to remove him. They took him backstage and shoved him out the backdoor into an alley where he saw a colt with long curly hair against the wall strumming.

The colt noticed ZZ and looked over at him. "Those apple-buckers kick you out too?" He asked. "Yeah..." ZZ said, walking over. "What'd you get sent out for?" He asked. "I was using the stage for practice and they threw me back here. I'm WK, by the way."

"ZZ, and yeah, are they feather lickers."  WK laughed. "Two of us and two of them... Two old rockers and two young hoppers..." WK said, smiling and fondling his guitar. "You don't mean..." "Uhh huhh" WK replied nodding.

"I like the way you think, WK. But how are we gonna get in?" "I know a few ways..." WK said. He grabbed a used pencil laying on the ground and drew a diagram on the back of his guitar.

"There's an entry way into the main air duct right over there." He said, pointing down the alley at a metal tube with a fan on it. "Anything weighing more than twenty pounds can smash that fan to pieces. Next, we'll climb up and go through these pipes..." He continued, drawing a complex series of lines.

"If we head left here then there's a vent just above the back room we can go through. From there we set up our amps and get ready to knock some heads." ZZ smiled and ran a hoof through his beard. "You said twenty pounds?" He asked. WK drew a math equation next to his air duct diagram to re-check his numbers.

"Yeah, just about. Any ideas?" WK asked, erasing the equation. "Ol' Bridgette here has some fight in her. Weighs as much as a damn anvil if you ask me." "Alright, it's a deal. Ready to show those flank-holes what real partying is?" WK asked, standing up. "I was born ready..."