center]Gamer Poop: Equestria #1
Twilight sat humbly in her quiet library, tapping her chin with a dry quill. She sat deep in thought the longer it took, the angrier she got.
“How should I start this?” She thought. “Starting from the beginning is an excellent way to start.” She placed the tip end of the quill into the ink parchment and she began to write a summary on how she saved Equestria....
Twilight stood out in a giant green pasture with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Spike. She had received a letter from Princess Celestia to meet her for a very important favor. Spike kept going on about there being a strange creature arriving with the princess in her flying chariots. Once Celestia was out of the chariot Twilight Immediately ran up to the princess, catching the guards, well off guard.
“Princess,” Twilight said. “Are you crazy!” Celestia took a step back.
“I am sorry Twilight. But I need you and the other elements to reform Discord. Wait where is Fluttershy, I’d thought she be here.” Celestia asked looking around for the butter pegasus.
“Wow-wow-wow. Fluttershy? You can't be serious.” Interjected Rainbow Dash.
“I know, but I believe that Fluttershy will be able to use her element to reform Discord.”
Rainbow Dash moaned and took off to Sweet apple acres to retrieve Fluttershy and Applejack.
Meanwhile, the guards were unloading Discord off his own private chariot. They settled him down in the open field. Once done with their task, the guards that hefted Discord’s weight took off back to Canterlot castle. A minute after they left both Fluttershy and Applejack trotted up to the scene and joined the others. Celestia explained why it must be her to reform Discord. Once said and done, Celestia herself headed back to Canterlot.
“Alright girls.” Twilight said walking up to the statue. She picked up the elements and handed each element to it’s specific owner. They formed a circle around Discord and the magic began. Twilight’s eyes glowed hot white, and so didn't the other’s. They began to float and a rainbow connected each element together. Discord began to crack up laughing as he was set free.
“What’s so funny Discord?” Twilight asked slightly annoyed at his random laughter.
“Some of the best chaos I’ve ever seen.” He said wiping a tear from his yellow eyes. He flicked the tear which exploded off in the distance. “Here let me show you!” Discord exclaimed, and with a snap of his lion paws a sonic boom of white washed over Equestria. Twilight felt like she couldn't move, and then she felt a little bit dizzy. She fell to the ground out cold.
Twilight slowly began to wake. She stood up to her full height and looked around. She was alone and It was still around noon but the area seemed slightly darker. Looking to her right she saw a brown pegasus wearing a red hood that wrapped around his head. Twilight stared at the pegasus.
“What the hell are you looking at bitch?” the pegasus asked. Twilight shook off the obvious name calling and asked a question of her own.
“Do you know what happened?”
“No. But we must get back to White run for some epic partying tonight. We get some pussssie.” The pegasus began to walk away with a strut. Without thinking Twilight began to follow him.
Within thirty minutes they reached Ponyville. Twilight looked up at the town’s sign which it’s name was being crossed out and being replaced with White run. The brown pegasus began to walk again after admiring the sign. Twilight followed once more. They turned around the block of a house and made their way to the town’s capital building. Once inside Twilight took note of two things. One: the ponies here were eating chicken, which made Twilight a bit sick to her stomach. Two: Celestia sat on a wooden chair and stroked a blonde beard that was bestowed on her face.
Twilight saw Rainbow Dash in a corner chugging some hard whiskey with some other ponies. She was wearing some strange armor that was colored a really dark purple, almost black and had a crimson line running vertically down the length of it.
“Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed to gain her attention. Celestia looked down at the purple unicorn mare.
“I am the jarl of White run bitch. Just holler if you need me.” Celestia said with a more deepened tone than before.
“Princess do you know what's going-” Twilight was interrupted by a mare at the end of a table. “I don't think the jarl is fit to lead us." Celestia stood up and trotted over to the mare who spoke out against her. Then random music began to play. Celestia jumped up on the table knocking over the food and beverages. She began to a ridiculous dance. The brown pegasus jumped in to by saying “OWW” each time Celestia said “swag”. When she was done she did backflips to her wooden seat.
“Is there any pony who knows what is going on here?” Twilight mentally asked herself. Giving up she walked over to Rainbow Dash.
“Dash do you know what’s going on around here?” She asked.
“No, but what I do know is that we have to get back to the Normandy.” Dash said taking another swig from her drink.
“Will the Normandy help us fix what’s going on here?” Twilight asked with uncertainty.
“I don't know, but it can get us laid, There’s no hot bitches here to get it on with.” With that she threw the mug on the floor breaking it and walked on out of the building. Twilight followed her.
Twilight walked with Dash down the street’s of Ponyville. Dash stopped and looked over at two ponies. One of them fell to the ground, butt pointed straight up in the air.
“It would be most unfortunate if I was raided by butt pirates.” The pony said with a devilish smile. The guard unsheathed his sword and pointed it at the pony.
“Get out of here you twit. No one is going to tap your ass.” Said the guard behind a steel mask.
“Well I’ll just have you know,” The pony said standing back up. “That you can't get no pussssie.” The guard punched the pony in the face with his steel hooves. The guard just walked away like it was nothing. Twilight didn't even notice that Dash had walked away. She ran to catch up.
Twilight saw the most biggest metal behemoth she has ever seen. A ramp lowered down allowing entrance into the Normandy. Dash and Twilight trotted up into the ship. Inside there were two ponies having intercourse on a couch. Music was blaring as if there was a party going on. The music stopped once Dash appeared.
“Listen up!” Dash started. “ We’re going on a mission...... After we’re done having this party!” the music started to play once more. Strobe lights and other various colors shined bright.
“This is going to take longer than I hoped.” Twilight said to herself.
"I am commander Dash, alliance drag queen."
"Commander what the F#$%?"
Gamer poop: Equestria #2
"That is not a real queen."
"Problem?"
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Twilight sat at a small round table with Dash and a strange pony that called himself Garrus.
"So tell me Twilight," Dash started. "Why should we help you out?"
"Dash how many times do I have to tell you, this world your living in is all a lie." Twilight said groaning. Dash and Garrus looked at each other and then back to Twilight.
"Alright I'll help, But on one condition."
"Hmm. What is this condition Dash?" Twilight asked with anger rising in her voice.
"We'll bang ok?" Twilight stared at Dash. "Report back to the ship as soon as possible." Dash finished.
"Fine Dash we'll do it your way." Twilight grumbled.
The Normandy made it's way across the equestrian sky heading towards the Everfree forest. The Normandy touched down outside of a old relic temple. With some steam hisses the rampart door lowered revealing the outside world. Twilight was first to step gasping for the fresh air after finding out what we'll bang means. Twilight kept her distance from Dash and proceeded towards the temple. Soon enough Twilight found herself In the throne room where Nightmare moon was defeated. She looked at the scattered blue armor that lay on the floor. Twilight sat down and looked through the broken stained glass window to the rising sun. Twilight began to contemplate, but was cut short when she heard a twig break. Twilight spun around but didn't see anything.
"Anypony there?" She asked with a hint of caution in her voice. When no one answered Twilight turned back around but met an unfortunate blow to the face with a wooden bat.
_____________________________________________________________
Twilight remained out cold, and entered her own pit of darkness until she saw a faint midnight blue light coming towards her. She saw blue wings descend down upon her until it stopped. The light cleared and Twilight opened her eyes to see princess Luna.
"Luna!" Twilight nearly screamed. She jumped out but phased right through the moon goddess. She turned and was confused.
"Sorry Twilight I have been trying to reach you, but it seems that my physical form is a tad bit preoccupied for the time being." Luna said with a crimson blush spreading across her cheeks.
"With what?" Twilight blindly asked.
"Lets just say my own personal guard is now living one of his 'fantasies'." Luna said clearly with a mount of embarrassment.
"Oh..." Twilight responded, her features going blank.
"But that is not why I searched for thee, Discord has taken refuge in Canterlot castle."
"Thank you princess. I will stop him at all costs."
"I am sure you can do it Twilight." With that Luna began to fade away and reality came back to take it's place.
Twilight opened rubbed her eyes and looked around. She was in a small compartment. Looking to her left she saw Zecora, but she was wearing a blue collared shirt.
"Zecora thank Celestia I found you, I thought I was..."
"Damn girl shut the $%#! up." Zecora said without any of her trademark rhymes, but was replaced with a male's voice. "By the way the name's Lee."
"Hey keep it quiet back there, don't wanna have t' punish you now do I? Hehe." said a light gray pony with a receding blonde hair line.
"Damn." Zecora said looking down at the hoof cuffs.
GAMER POOP: EQUESTRIA
"It looks a little something like this."
"I like ass." "You're lying Morgan."
"I'll have you know that there's no pussieeee."
"Let's get back to bashing butts, as well as these nutz."
"Haha. Women, girls back to our kitchens."
