Innocence Lost

Chapter 2 'Confronting Demons'

'A pony must satisfy their inner self before she can truly live.'

Me.

I was staring it dead in the face, the creature from my dream. I couldn't put the figure together before; I couldn't see what the true image was. It was me.

Now I remembered the figure well. Under its grey overtone its coat was violet, like mine. From her unkempt mane it had a highlighted streak, like mine. Her body, her cutie mark, it was all me. What was different though were the green dragon-like eyes. But how could this reflection be me.

"Oh Twilight why must you question everything?" The figure spoke from beyond the mirror veil.

I took a few steps towards it, still unsteady from the act I performed just before. I moved and the reflection didn't move as if it had a mind of its own.

"It's because I sort of do." It said answering my thoughts.

It kept its devious smile and lustful voice, moaning and laughing slightly under its breath. It bit its lower lip as it seemed to examine me while I examined it. Now the question right now is if this is me, how is it me?

"That's easy to answer isn't it...?” The reflection turned its back to me and wandered around in the void of the mirror. I stared blankly at it intrigued by the talking mirage.

"I am your inner self, your 'soul' as one would put it."

My soul, so this thing is a part of me?

"A dormant part of you, just waiting to hatch out."

My tongue was dry from panting and I was slightly embarrassed by the fluids dribbling down my thighs. In my voice I finally made an actual noise. "What did you do?"

It glanced at me, those emerald eyes reflecting my image. She, it chuckled through its pointed teeth giving me the strangest feeling crawling up my back. "You have been doing it; you have been pleasing yourself I see."

So it was her, it. This thing was doing this to me. No wonder I didn't feel in control of myself. It wasn't me doing it. I knew it wasn't me, I knew it wasn't normal. Oh thank Celestia for this news. The truth was relaxing and soothing, giving me courage that I wasn't some slut.

I mean...

"No it was you, I just 'showed the door'..." Her face was on the window now staring directly at me.

"You’re the one who opened it, I merely started it."

No. I am not accepting this, this manipulative mare that is controlling me somehow. This, this bitch! She is doing this to me. She is the one changing my life, not me! How could this be me I'm not a manipulative, whore!
I just couldn't contain my rage, by the time I threw the brush at the mirror the adrenaline kick was wearing off.

It can't be...

Oh it is Twilight...

The mirage was gone, returned did my true image in the reflective material... but something else was back. The voice inside my head, echoing her thoughts into mine. The ghostly presence emanated from everywhere, sewing its seeds of corruption directly into my thought patterns. I had to stop this before it took control. It was lying, it was lying, it...was ...lying, she was lying… I...I was...

I was lying to myself.

As per a usual Saturday it was bright out, the morning breeze now being replaced with the warmness of the afternoon. Since Rainbow Dash cleared the skies of any clouds no rain was due till Tuesday. The streets were crowded as usual with the populace of our village and they were going out their daily businesses. I on the other hoof broke the routine of my usual Saturday to go see one of the older ponies of our group, Rarity. It was about my... issue.

After my 'episode' I told Spike to clean the library as I went for a stroll to get the sickness out of my system. He worried and asked questions about what happened to me, I said that everything is alright and he doesn't need to worry. I felt bad for not fully explaining the truth, but he is young and it doesn't concern him in a way. As long as I keep this secret from him it's going to be fine.

Seeing Rarity felt like the correct path to pursue, I had to find out why my body is doing this to me and if it happened to her. Even if she is a lady, maybe she does...do that thing I was doing.

Twilight Sparkle, seeking advice from Rarity? That's different.

I damned the voice to eternity of fires in the underworld.

I don't know if this voice I was hearing was telling the truth, maybe it's just my imagination. Hopefully Rarity would be able to shed some light on this predicament I am in.

Sure she will, she really is a cum hungry slut!

I cringed as her words struck deep; it was a vulgar thing to say and downright disgusting. Why does she have to say such awful things about my friends, is it just my mind going through a period of change? Am I in... heat or something?

That could be the explanation for this, I read that mares go through a period of attraction so stallions know they are ready to mate, it's just I imagine it wasn't this aggressive. The book I read did say something about smell...

I sniffed the air around my coat and only smelt the various shampoos and soaps I used before to clean my stained thighs and mane. With this scent I don't think I'll be attracting any attention. I trotted towards Rarity's large boutique, the shining white gem in the middle of the straw-roofed houses of Ponyville. A beacon and torch to fashion in Equestria, sounds like something Rarity would say. Maybe she might have some little tips in dealing with my problem.

You call pleasuring yourself a problem, what is wrong with you?

Her seductive voice made my coat tingle with the message echoing slightly after she said it. What was wrong with me indeed?

The bell rang to signal my entrance, the metal shook as the door opened to reveal my presence. As per usual, the boutique atrium was relatively clean of fabrics and such on the floors. Normal Rarity weekends were times to remove backlog in her things to do list, mainly being orders she had to complete before the start of the week. Even as I made my entrance I couldn't see the unicorn, she would normally be working on something.

As I stepped forward, on queue a roll of fabrics sped down the stairs and onto the main floor, covering it in the red material. Right on behind was Rarity chasing down the escaped material from her clutches of work.

"Ooohhh, come back here!"

I wondered why she didn't use her magic to catch it; she must be caught up in her work concentrating on such refined arts.

"Hey Rarity, I see you’re as busy as usual." I finally said leaning onto one of the tables nearby.

"Oh..." She stopped and turned to me, letting the fabric roll and stop on a mannequin. "Twilight, what a delight to see you."

I smiled reactively and responded in kind. We exchanged pleasantries, the minor hug, a little conversation, something to brighten the mood before the question on my mind finally came out, the real reason for this meeting. "Rarity, we need to talk." I said. "It's about something personal..."

"Oh Twilight, my door is always open for talking." She answered looking over her glasses. "Whatever is the matter?"

I just sat still on the cushion, staring through her contemplating on what to say. My mind was in disarray with questions that need answering, and that primitive voice calling me back. Every time she spoke a word, a small tingle would ruffle my nethers which would make me adjust slightly to the awkward wave through my stomach. I had to ask her, but what question? What would be the right words for this...

Just say that you are a horny bitch needing to be satisfied...

Probably not my first choice of words.

If this really was me where did I learn such foul language? I have read and seen them before but only briefly and I was always told they were very crude and despicable words that are used to describe vulgar actions and to call something names. I guess that’s what mum told me about foul language out there, what ponies say to others if they were angry or something. That random thought aside I asked plain and simple.

"Have you ever masturbated before?"

I knew that word from a book I just read, I had to do 'some' research before confronting one of my friends. It means 'to stimulate one’s self to give sexual pleasure.' Now if that is in a book it must be normal for ponies to do. I just can't shake the feeling that how I act is normal or not. The major concern is the voice.

Oh, what did I do wrong?

You know well and truly...

"Oh, well that's an odd question for you to ask Twilight." She looked at me with a confound look. "Why in Equestria would you ask me that?"

"Because I want to know if it is normal to do."

She just looked at me with this queer look, her mouth slightly opened with a little bit of teeth. She looked shocked and confused by my question; well it is sort of a personal question to ask another mare. What am I even doing here, I shouldn't ask such questions to my friends it's...its...

What, not normal?

I felt the urge to just up and leave right there and then which I later tried to pursue as she sat and thought. "I'm sorry Rarity for asking such a question, I'll leave now."

"No no, stay Twilight." She laid her hoof on my foreleg, making me want to sit back down. "It is a strange question to ask, but you are a fully grown mare now and haven't discovered this new part of life."

She said it so casual, like it was 'normal', like what I did was alright to do. That was reassuring to know, but like I said before, that's not what's really bothering me. I sat down again as she begun to explain how she could.

"We'll Twilight, touching yourself, even if it is very urggh, is a normal thing mares do to feel better. It is a feeling of great pleasure which is a good 'stress ball'."

She went on and on about how normal it was, she explained it as if she was ashamed to admit doing it. Well it is quite a private thing for yourself and your very special somepony. Every time she mention a term close to...

Sex!

I felt myself get the riffle through my stomach again and again which made my vagina tingly and slightly... moist. But the more she explained, the more I felt normal, but the more I thought of it, the more I wondered if the voice was normal.

"Rarity, do you have a..."

Please don't sound weird.

"Do you have a voice which tells you to do such things?"

She stopped and looked slightly more confused than before. That wasn't a good sign at all. She looked down tapping her fore hooves together contemplating on my question. "I guess you could call it a voice." She slowly said, sounding not sure how to word her sentences. "The feeling creeps up on you and you feel you need to do it, even in the most obscure times."

I sat and listened, piecing together her information. She was blabbering on and correcting most of her sentences trying to convey the answer across to me. After a few moments of awkward explanation, she finally said something which perked my ears in interest.

"We all have our dormant sides inside us just ready to come out. A personality locked away inside which is only unlocked as age comes around. Some ponies may not like what they find in there."

It was odd to hear such wise words from her. I'll hand it to Rarity, when she really thinks about something; she can really say some memorable things. "Ponies, such as myself have learnt to control these impulses which drive that feeling forward."

Imagine how she would feel if you just licked her pussy.

Stop it mind, Stop it! No she is my friend and that is not what friends do.

Friends with benefits...

"Does that answer your question?"

I shook my head to get the voice out and finally spoke. "Yes I guess."

Rarity just smiled and pulled me in close for a hug. She shuffled over and extended her hoof around my shoulders, comforting me in her warm embrace. "I know it can be scary but it’s nothing to fear, everything is alright."

I smiled as she closed the gap, "Thankyou Rarity that was very helpful."

"That's ok darling." She paused before mentioning, "Now can we never speak of this ever again."

There was something which I felt in my mind, like everything about my life was about to change or has changed. But the main thing is that I felt that with everything explained, it would be just as Rarity said, everything is going to be alright.

Everything will be ok alright.

I hope it's going to be fine at least.

I fought temptation and the voice for days each of them feeling like a week. The strong feeling tried to pull me back but I strove through and rejected it, but the voice was always there scratching at the base of my mind. I always told myself that I didn't need it, even if it was normal I felt different and dirty doing it. But the voice couldn't be stopped. She was devious, trying to provoke me when I slept. Lucky for me I practiced in the art of lucid dreaming. When I slept I did several reality checks to see if I was dreaming, if I was I would force myself awake before she influenced the dreamscape anymore. It was my only tool against this creature. That and perseverance, it wasn't much but enough to keep my thoughts in line.

After my talk with Rarity, I just felt I needed some time to myself to gather my thoughts, so I told Spike that I was sick and needed some time at home. I didn't tell him or explain the story though. He is so gullible sometimes...

Damn it...

C'mon Twi, that's a bit harsh to think?

Every now and again she would break through my mental barriers and corrupt my thoughts, making me say terrible, hatful things against my friends.

J-just go fuck yourself.

Being alone use to be my escape from others; seclusion was my tool to concentrate and study. Now when I want to get out, something now holds me back.

That's right, wind yourself up. Let go and let me in.

Why did this happen to me...