Why do I keep on bringing this pain upon myself?
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Why do I keep on bringing this pain upon myself?
In the light, a pony exploded.
It was a random background pony no one cares about.
“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” yelled another random background pony nearby.
Then suddenly, that pony exploded.
“HOLY ASSFUCK!” yelled another one, and then that one exploded. And then suddenly a chain reaction happened and every pony on the entire planet was in bloody chunks, except for the main six. They were hiding.
A nanovirus was spreading around, causing cells to extremely increase in size, and then explode.
The mane 6 were the only ones left.
Oh boy, this will be fun.
In the darkness, a pony exploded.
“AH FUCK! OKAY, WHO THE HELL JUST EXPLODED?!”
No reply. You know, since they’re dead.
“ANSWER ME, YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS!”
Twilight Sparkle was an idiot and didn’t realize they were dead. It was a dark room, and the explosion was the only thing that lit it up.
The mare looked around. She thought the other ponies had scared looks on their faces, but she couldn’t see, so how the hell could she know?
Twilight heard Rainbow Dash’s voice. “Does this shit even matter?”
“YES, YOU FUCKING RETARD, SINCE WE FUCKING EXPLODE WHEN THIS SHIT HITS US! WE NEED TO KILL WHOEVER HAS THIS!”
Rarity spoke out, “Well, darling, if they exploded, then they are-”
“NO TIME TO A BITCH, RARITY! WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHO EXPLODED!” Rarity made some face in the darkness. Nobody knows what it looked like, since it was dark. Maybe it was a spooky face.
“Okay,” Twilight said in a normal voice. “If you are the one who exploded, say I.”
No reply. Obviously.
“GODDAMMIT YOU ARE ALL OBNOXIOUS FUCKS.”
Fluttershy suddenly spoke out in her small voice. “C-can’t we just figure out who exploded by-”
“NO YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! WE HAVE TO KILL WHOEVER EXPLODED!”
“Look, Twi,” said the recognizable accent of Applejack in the darkness. “Ah know we can all die from this, but, the pony exploded, so-”
“NO, FUCKING SHUT UP! LET ME THINK OF A WAY FOR THIS TO BE FIXED!”
Rainbow Dash’s voice boomed out from the dark, “Can’t you, like, just put the pieces back together? Wouldn’t that fix them?”
“NO FUCKING FUCKNUT, HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN PRESCHOOL ANATOMY?”
“No, bitch.”
“THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF! I LEARNED ABOUT CHEMISTRY EXPLOSIONS WHEN I WAS ONE AND A HALF, SO GO DIE.” Rainbow Dash cried a little, but none of the ponies knew or gave a fuck. “Now, who exploded?”
There was a pause, then a gulp. “I did it,” said the small, distinct voice of Fluttershy. “I was the one who exploded.” She squealed a little. “N-none of you will notice I’m gone...”
Rainbow Dash cooed quietly, “N-no...”
Pinkie called out loudly for the first time, “But that makes no sense, because if you explode, then-”
Twilight continued, “NO, FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHORE, FLUTTERSHY ADMITTED THAT SHE EXPLODED, SO SHUT YOUR ASSHOLE!”
Pinkie Pie got sad. :c
“OKAY, NOW WE TO FUCKING MURDER THIS SLUTTERSHY BITCH! HOW THE FUCK DO WE DO THAT?” She looked around, but she couldn’t really see, since, you know, it was dark. “I KNOW! I’LL MAKE THIS NIGGER NAMED RAINBOW DASH MURDER HER CHILDHOOD FRIEND! THAT’S FUCKING GENIUS!”
Rarity pouted, “But darling, that’s just plain wrong, and also-”
“NO SHUT THE FUCK UP I HAVE MY MIND SET ON HAVING DASH MURDER FLUTTERSHY, SO FUCKING DO IT!”
Pinkie Pie remarked, “But-”
“NO SHUT UP!”
Applejack then went, “Sugar cube-”
“THE NEXT PONY WHO HAS SOME SMARTASS REMARK WILL BE FUCKING MURDERED.”
Then, in the obvious darkness, Rainbow Dash’s voice boomed out in the dark, louder than Twilight’s, which is pretty loud since she’s in all-caps, saying, “BITCH YOU’D BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP, BECAUSE-
“FUCKING SHUT UP! FUCK, I’M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER-”
“HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH FOR TWO SECONDS SO I CAN RIP YOUR ASSHOLE OUT OF YOUR EYE?!”
Pinkie Pie called out, “OOOOHHHHH!” She got mean looks for this, but Pinkie didn’t care, since, it was, like, dark.
Twilight went quiet. Finally.
Rainbow Dash said quite slowly, “If they fucking exploded, then they’re dead. Why can’t we just ask around to see who’s alive so we can figure out who’s dead?”
Twilight murmured, “Oh yeah, I guess that would work...” Her voice went to what she regularly spoke like. “Okay, now, let’s find out who’s alive. I’m obviously alive, and so is Rainbow Dash.” She paused for a second. “Okay, Fluttershy, are you alive? I’m assuming Rainbow Dash didn’t kill you, since I would know.”
“Yes, I’m alive,” said Fluttershy.
“Okay, Rarity?”
“Here, darling!”
“Pinkie Pie?”
“Here!”
“And, Applejack?”
No reply.
“Applejack? I thought I heard your voice earlier. Did you suddenly die?”
There was a yawn. “Oops, sorry, sugarcube. I was taking a nap on this pillow. It’s a bit wet, but I don’t mind.”
“Wait, then we’re all alive,” called out Twilight. “And, last time I checked, there was no pillow in here.” There was a smack of a hoof to a face in the darkness. “I can use a spell to light up this room. Why am I so stupid?”
There was a glow of light in the darkness. Twilight was able to see all of her friends.
Applejack was sleeping on a chunk of dead meat from a horse, still bloody and all. “OH FUCK,” Applejack called out when she saw what she was sleeping on and back away very quickly.
However, there was one problem: all of her friends were in all pieces.
Then, Twilight suddenly noticed there were scared looks on the faces of all of her friends, all directed right towards her. “What’s wrong, girls?”
Applejack said, “Twi, you’re...”
“What?” Twilight tried to look at her hooves. Keyword: tried. She noticed she was surrounded by a lot of bloody chunks.
All of which were purple.
Then suddenly, Twilight realized:
SHE WAS PHONE!
Then suddenly, Rainbow Dash exploded because she’s worst pony.
“OH SHIT!” Rarity yelled and then exploded.
“AH FUCK!” Pinkie Pie yelled and then exploded.
“OH SHIT AHH!” Applejack yelled and then exploded.
Fluttershy frowned and then exploded. She exploded last since she’s best pony. c:
And then, all of them were dead. No pony survived the nanovirus apocalypse.
The end.
“Aw man!” Rainbow Dash yelled, taking off her virtual reality headset. “This simulation game sucks! How the hell are we meant to survive?”
“But Rainbow Dash-sempai-kawaii-sama-chan-desu-uguu-neko-kun~,” Twilight said ominously. “IT’S NOT A SIMULATION GAME!”
And then suddenly they both of them exploded.
The (actual) end.
Author's Note
This is a parody of The Cough. It's a good grimdark fic, go read it if you haven't because you're weird or something.
Also
inb4 dislike storm
inb4 OP can't inb4
inb4 OP is a faggot
