Where My Demons Hide

by regulator133

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad, Main 6, Original Character, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Big Macintosh
Length: 3798

A pony living in Ponyville deals with everyday life with PTSD.

Apple Bandit, one of Applejack's cousins, has returned from military service after spending four years in Zebrica, which has been torn apart by civil war. He returned to the peace of Equestria harboring memories of a war beyond comprehension for most. This is how he copes with the stress of his life, with freinds, family and a little bit too much alcohol.

Published 2013-03-18 08:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-29 00:07:08 UTC

Just Like Every Other Night

Where My Demons Hide
By: Regulator133
Chapter One: Just Like Every Other Night

Everything was black. I saw nothing, I heard nothing. There was a smoky smell in the air. My hearing returned slowly, and I began hearing the screams of my comrades. I felt a hoof wrap around my torso and pull me. I opened my eyes and was met with an intense white light. Shielding my eyes with a hoof, I looked up at the pony dragging me along the ground. He was obviously a kid, no older than 18. He propped me against the wall of the building we were inside of and looked me over, as if I had injuries. A second later, a bullet flew through his neck, coating me in his blood. Then, everything went black again.

I shot up from my restless sleep. I was soaked in sweat, yet again, and breathing harder than somepony who had just sprinted the running of the leaves. I tried in vain to steady my breathing as I tried to cleanse my mind of the dream. No, not a dream, a memory. A horrible, mind-scarring memory.

I'd been having these nightmares since the day I was discharged from the Equestrian Royal Army six weeks prior. Since then, I hadn't gotten a full nights sleep, and tonight was just like every other night. I looked at my alarm clock 1:37 it read. I had to wake up for work in less than four hours, but I couldn't sleep. I needed to forget, to escape.
I got out of bed, standing on shaky hooves for a few moments before slowly making my way down to the barn. My cousins Applejack and Big Macintosh were kind enough to let me live and work on their farm. I insisted on finding somewhere in town to live, but they wouldn't hear it.

I made it to the barn and walked directly to the stack of hay bales in the back stall. I searched inside of the far left bale until I found what I was looking for, one of my hidden bottles of whiskey. I had them hidden all over the farm. I needed them for times like this. I was too ashamed to tell my cousins, though. I unscrewed the cap hastily, and took a swig of the liquid. It gave a small burning sensation in the back of my throat. I continued taking large sips until there was nothing left in the bottle. I took the bottle outside and buried it behind the barn.
By the time I got to my room, I was starting to feel the desired effects from the alcohol. The world started getting hazy, and I was having trouble standing up. I fell onto my bed and lie there for a few minutes. I then reached over to my bedside table and opened the drawer on it. I pulled out a single framed picture. It was of me and my best friends before we shipped out to Zebrica, four years ago. I don't know if it was the alcohol or not, but I started sobbing lightly looking at the picture. The sobbing grew in intensity, until I was bawling my eyes out, soaking the sheets on my bed. After about fifteen minutes of crying, I exhausted myself and fell into another restless sleep.

I woke in the early hours of dawn, just like every other day. Today, however, was different. I felt completely exhausted. I didn’t feel like getting up, and I had a splitting headache from all of the alcohol I drank last night. My eyes were dry from all of the tears shed looking at the picture of my departed friends.

I slowly dragged myself out of bed, groaning at every movement. I reached a hoof up to massage my temples, hoping to alleviate some of the excruciating headache. I had no success in this technique, and was rewarded with the pounding of drums inside my skull. I dragged myself to the bathroom, and turned on the shower. I decided to make the stream extremely cold, and stuck my head directly beneath it. It succeeded in relieving my headache partially, but the pounding was still very prominent. I turned the temperature up slightly, so it was bearable for the rest of my body, before stepping into the cascade. Although usually a relaxing experience to me, I made the shower quick before pulling myself out and drying off. I looked at myself in the mirror, and was slightly surprised at what I saw. My eyes were partially bloodshot, I’d assume from crying for a good portion of last night, and I looked as if I hadn’t slept in days. I had bags under my eyes, and a stare that could defeat even Fluttershy’s stare.

After standing at staring at myself for a good five minutes, I trudged downstairs for breakfast.
I walked into the dining room, and sat down at the table. My cousins were sitting there already, and Applejack was kind of shocked when she saw me.

“What happened to ya Bandit? Ya look like ya done got hit by a train!” Applejack exclaimed when I sat down. Big Macintosh followed with his signature “Eeeyup.”

“I feel like I got hit with a damn train.” I said, a little bitterly. I picked up the apple at my place on the table, and took a bite out of it. It tasted plain to me, and I spit it out of my mouth. “It was bad last night. Worst it’s ever been.” I said as I threw the apple away.

“Ah can tell cousin. Ya know what, I want ya ta take today off. Relax and recover, then come back tomorrow.” Applejack said. Big Mac nodded in agreement with his sister.

“Thank you, Applejack.” I muttered. I picked my stetson off of the back of my chair, where it stayed while I was at home, and trotted out of the door.

I walked through the orchard until I got to the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres. I trotted at a moderate pace, not in any hurry since I had the day off, toward town. My destination: the bar.

Why Can I Not Forget?

Where My Demons Hide

By: Regulator 133

Chapter Two: Why Can I Not Forget?

I sat at a stool by the bar with a hoof under my chin, supporting my head. I had been staring at the same empty glass for ten minutes now, and I was starting to gather concerned looks from a few of the bar’s patrons. Why was it so hard to forget? It just seemed like the more I tried, the worse it became. I sighed, and stood up. That is, I tried to stand up. I ended up falling down as soon as I balanced on my hooves. When I hit the floor, I slipped into unconsciousness.

I looked around at my surroundings. I was hiding in a cart on the street in a village in the desert of Zebrica. I looked to my left and saw my best friend, Desert Storm sitting in a crate of bananas. He was asleep, and had his helmet covering his eyes. I took off my helmet and wiped the sweat from my forehead. I let out a deep sigh, and sat back against the crate of apples I was leaning against. just as I was about to doze off as well, I heard a slight whistling in the distance. At first, I thought it was the wind. It got steadily louder, until it dawned on me what it was. I leaned over and shook Desert awake. Just as he opened his eyes, the first shell struck the town. The shell slammed into the local temple, sending a cloud of debris flying into the street.

I jumped out of the cart, followed by Desert. I popped a clip into my rifle and pushed the bolt forward. He did the same a few seconds later. I looked around the square we were in. Artillery rounds were exploding all around us, kicking sand and debris into the air, making it difficult to see any suitable cover. I spotted a small house a few meters away from us that was relatively safe from the artillery fire, and we ran to it as fast as our legs could carry us.

When we got through the front door, we found a couple fellow soldiers, ponies and zebras alike, loading their weapons for combat. I immediately ran up the stairs to the roof to get a better look at the situation. When I got to the roof, all I could see were clouds of dust from the explosions. I brought my rifle to my shoulder and looked through the scope on top of it. I looked through small gaps in the clouds, and was able to spot a large force of zebras coming straight for the town.I ran back downstairs, and started gathering up the soldiers present to go fight off the enemies.

We all ran across the square toward the edge of town, where we had a few machine guns ready for defending the town. We were able to make it there in time to ready the machine guns.

After about Fifteen minutes of brutal combat, we appeared to have the upper hoof on the enemy force. I was on the roof of a building with my sniper rifle, covering the soldiers on the ground with Desert. Just as it appeared we were winning, the whistle of artillery was heard over the gunfire. The building we were on was caught under on incoming shell, and I failed to notice it because I was still focused on helping the soldiers on the ground. Desert was able to notice, and he pushed me off the side of the building. Right before it exploded, killing him instantly. I hit the ground, and everything went black.

“GAAHH!” I gasped as I suddenly awoke from my slumber. I sat there, trying to process the dream I just had. I then broke down into tears.

“Why me?!” I asked between sobs.

“What’s wrong sugarcube?” a voice suddenly said from beside me.

“Applejack?” I said, wiping my eyes of the tears I had just shed.

“That’s right. Ah had to go to town to pick ya up after ya done passed out in the middle of the tavern.” She said. “Ah think ya should go see somepony about this.”

“Who? Who, Applejack? Who here can help me?” I asked her, a hint of desperation in my voice.

“Ah don’t know. Maybe Twilight can help ya. She seems like a good pony to talk to.” She said after a moment of thought.

“Wait, you mean Princess Sparkle?” I asked.

“The one and only, but don’t call her that. She doesn’t like it.” Applejack said.

“Maybe I’ll see her tomorrow.” I said. “For now, I’d just like to be alone.”

“Alright, just let me know if ya need anything.”

“Thank you, Applejack.” I said before she closed the door to my room. As soon as she left, I started lightly sobbing again. Why did this happen to me? Why was I the ‘lucky’ one? If I was so lucky, why did I feel like dying? Why did I deserve this more than they did? These are some of the unanswerable questions that I had. I took the picture back out of my bed stand and looked at it. I looked at Desert in the picture. He looked so happy to go to Zebrica, all of us did. Why? Why would we be happy to go and kill? To possibly be killed? There are some more of those unanswerable questions.

As my crying started to fade, so did my consciousness. Soon, I was sleI probably wouldn’t be so lucky.

Author's Note

Sorry for the short chapters, but there's nothing I can do about where the scenes cut if I want to make chapters frequently.

Is it at least kinda sad?

How Can They Forgive Me?

Where My Demons Hide

By: Regulator133

Chapter: How Can They Forgive Me?

Last night went without incident. That marks the first time since I was discharged. I was going to go around town today and see the sights and maybe meet some ponies. When I woke, the first thing I noticed was the picture frame I was clutching to my chest. I was holding it tight enough that it was starting to bent the wooden frame slightly.

The second thing I noticed was that my coat was slightly darker in patches from the tears shed the previous night. The stains were obvious, they made my yellow coat turn a golden brown color. They had dried and created slightly crusty patches over the brown spots.

I hopped out of bed and stretched out my legs. I was pleasantly surprised that I hadn’t experienced the usual excruciating hangover headache this morning, considering I drank myself unconscious the day before. I began walking to the bathroom down the hall, but my vision suddenly blurred, and I lost my balance and fell. The side of my head impacted a shelf in the hallway and, who would have guessed, I knocked myself out.

I opened my eyes, and all I saw was darkness. I turned my head to the left, then to the right. I knew I was alive, since I saw a faint beam of light coming through a crack in what I assumed was a brick wall. I decided to focus on the beam, which had small dust particles floating around in it, instead of the smell of decaying flesh or the sounds of rats nibbling on objects in the corner. At some point, I guess a rat chewed through an old pipe, because the sound of water dripping to the floor echoed through the room every few seconds.

After about an hour, I decided I’d try to move around. I tried to pull my forehooves under me, but I then I realized that I couldn’t move my fore hooves, hell, I couldn’t even feel my forehooves. I tried to look at them, but the darkness disabled me from doing so.

“Well this is just great.” I said. Well, at least it’s what I wanted to say. It came out as “Wuh...zuh...”

Great, just great. I can’t move, can’t see, and can’t talk. The door opened above me, flooding the room with the dim moonlight from the hot summer night. Moments after the door was opened, a cloud of sand blew threw the room at high speed. I screamed in agony as the sand particles scratched the exposed flesh of my stomach. Once the dust cloud had vanished, I looked over myself, and noticed that I had severe burns on my stomach, presumably from the artillery strike I had narrowly avoided being blasted by a week ago. The burns had started oozing a mixture of blood and pus, since it had been infected by Celestia knows what at this point.

In the middle of my self examination, which was not complete since I failed to see what was wrong with my forehooves, the moonlight was suddenly obscured by multiple pony-sized shadows. The sound of hoofsteps on the stairs, accompanied by a dragging noise, came down the stairs. The stairs were behind me, so I couldn’t see who it was, but I knew it was no good. There was a rustling, then a solid thud right next to me. Thee hoofsteps receded into the distance, and the door shut upstairs again.

“Is anypony in here?” A faint female voice called out. The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t remember who it belonged to in my current predicament. Instead, I let out a pained groan. The sound of hoofsteps grew nearer, and I tried to tilt my head to inspect the newcomer. I was met by the darkness of the cellar. I couldn’t see the mare as she stood next to me.

“Oh my!” she exclaimed. “Sergeant Apple! What happened to you?” The mare shouted. She Used her forehooves to feel my wounds. I don’t know how she could recognize me, but not see my wounds, but I was happy that there was somepony I knew here with me. Even though I couldn’t recognize her, it comforted me that she was a friend. An agonizing pain shot through my body when her hoof rubbed across a crater in my left hind leg where my flesh was supposed to be. I let out a raspy cry, and she retracted her hoof as fast as she could.

“I’m sorry!” she squealed. I still couldn’t move, so there was nothing I could do to comfort her. She began to sob, which in turn led to bawling. She leaned into my still uninjured shoulder and cried for a few minutes. In between sobs, I could hear her say, “They’re all dead. All of them.”

While she was still crying, the cellar shook as an explosive exploded on the surface. The quiet was suddenly shattered by ear-splitting gunfire and explosions. Dust from the ceiling would fall on us with every earth shaking impact from the artillery. The mare I could not recall was huddled over me, protecting me should the roof collapse. Amidst the gunfire, I heard someone open the cellar door. Light poured in from the fire of the explosions above. A zebra came running down the stairs with a submachine gun. I could not determine if he was friendly or not, but I prayed it was the former.

To my horror, the zebra lifted the weapon up behind the mare’s head. Suddenly I was able to recall her name.

“Oakwood, behind you.” I croaked. She turned around just in time to catch a bullet in the shoulder. She screamed in pain and clutched her left shoulder with her good forehoof. Before the zebra could pull the trigger again to finish us, his head exploded into a fine mist. A pony came rushing into the cellar and saw our condition. I was suffering from third degree burns to my face, chest and shoulder, and I had a bullet wound the size of my hoof in my left hind leg. All of the burns had been infected, but the bullet wound was fairly recent.

“Shit!” The new pony exclaimed. “We need a medic down here now!” he shouted up the stairs. A zebra medic came running down the stairs. He saw me lying on the floor, slowly dying from the infections that were spreading through my body, then to Oakwood, who was bleeding out from a bullet to the shoulder. The medic gave me a shot, and ran over to Oakwood and began patching up her shoulder. The infections started to clear up, and I felt some of my energy return. I could move my forelegs again, and I could breathe much better. I stood up, and hobbled over to the stairs. As I approached the steps, a grenade flew down the hallway.

“Grenade!” I croaked out. Then jumped to the ground. None of my companions heard my cry, however, and they were torn apart by the blast. As soon as I was able to stand, I hobbled over to the two bodies in the corner of the room. I looked at the medic’s body, which had been cut beyond recognition. Oakwood, however was still breathing. She was cut badly across her right side, but her body was mostly covered by the zebra medic’s body.

I dropped to my knees and thanked Celestia. My uselessness had gotten to killed, but I was thankful that at least one of them survived. I draped Oakwood over my back and began walking up the stairs into a blinding white light...

…and find myself lying in a puddle of sweat. I looked around, trying to get my bearings. I saw three sets of hooves around me. I looked up and was met with the emerald eyes of Applejack. She looked at with me, a worried expression on her face.

“Get up sugarcube, we’re going to get you some help.” Applejack said to me.

“Let me shower first.” I groaned, rubbing my forehead where I hit my head on the shelf.

“Alright, just don’t you be too long. We’re gonna visit Twi, and I don’t want to catch her in the middle o’ her studyin’.” Applejack told me.

“Whatever.” I said. “I’ll be out in a little bit.” I said. My two other cousins followed AJ as she walked down the stairs. I stepped into the bathroom slowly, careful not to trip again. I briefly wondered how long I had been out, but my thoughts were dominated by that memory. That was a week after Desert died. I was taken captive after being knocked out from the fall from the roof. I hated myself for months because I couldn’t yell loud enough to warn them of the grenade. I was too concerned with saving myself that I didn’t even think to jump on the grenade, and save the lives of the two ponies helping us. Instead, I saved myself and got two others killed.

I didn’t even notice the tears that had began to stream down my face and mix with the shower water. The only condolence I had was that Oakwood survived. Her left foreleg was paralyzed, and she had a medical discharge as soon as she was able to leave the hospital. I visited her in her new home in Manehattan a couple weeks ago. She told me that it wasn’t my fault, but I couldn’t forgive myself for my cowardice.

I shut off the water, and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself slowly, making sure I was completely dry, then I began to brush my mane. I wanted to make a good impression on the princess, after all. I wondered if I should wear my dress uniform, but dismissed the thought. I’m not worthy of that uniform, much less help from the princess. I thought.

After I finished brushing my mane and tail, which is a long process as an earth pony, I headed down the stairs. As I walked down the stairs, I thought of what I would say when I met the princess. I reached the bottom of the stairs and clopped my hooves on the wood floor a few time. Applejack came out of the kitchen, and looked at me.

“Let’s go AJ. “ I said. I should watch my tone, I thought, I don’t want to ruin my relationship with AJ.

When I walked out of the door, the sunlight of the morning flooded my eyes with a bright white.