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                    Eternal Nothingness                    
                  -by theflyingsaucepan-                   
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                           Life                            
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Life
“Blank flank! Blank flank!” yelled the other fillies.
I was so embarrassed. The challenge of growing up was hard enough to bear already, so I didn’t need to be mocked simply because I was the only filly in my class to have no cutie mark. Why didn’t they leave me alone? It’s not like having a cutie mark was an emergency or anything!
Fortunately, the bell rang and I could go home now. I would finally get out of here and be left alone.
“Hey, what are you reading?” asked a mint green unicorn filly walking towards my park bench.
I was astounded. Usually, nopony wanted to be seen speaking to me.
“Uhhh… The Manes of Wrath,” I said with a confused smile.
“Bon Bon? Bon Bon! Come here, please!” said Lyra with a deeply concerned tone.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I think I feel a lump here, right on my lower flank,” she said.
“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing, Lyra,” I said unconvincingly after feeling the small bump.
“I never saw you in Ponyville before, Miss…”
“Call me Lyra. I just got here from Manehattan. What’s your name?” asked the filly with a truly honest, warm smile.
“People generally call me Sweetie Drops, but I prefer Bon Bon,” I answered. “Ooohh, do you play music?” I asked after taking a peek at her cutie mark.
“Yes, I do, I just got my cutie mark last week!” she said with an overjoyed and proud expression. Her comforting smile faded as she saw my lack of cutie mark. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”
“It’s no big deal,” I said while trying very hard to sound convincing.
Right at this time, two fillies passed in front of us. They were snickering and they didn’t even try to be subtle about it either. I blushed instantly.
“It seems like it is,” said Lyra.
The doctor entered the room. After talking with him for a while, he asked Lyra to lie on her side and relax. When a doctor tells you to relax, it means it’s gonna be bad. The immense needle the doctor just took out of the examination room’s drawer definitively wasn’t helping to make me feel better. I was holding Lyra’s hoof when he inserted the needle. I never knew she was this strong. But the pain felt good. It’s as if the stronger Lyra tightened, the more love I felt coming from her. The doctor finished up and turned to Lyra with a warm, compassionate smile:
“The results will be ready in a few days, Ms Heartstrings.”
“You must be good at something, Bon Bon!” said Lyra with an encouraging, yet impatient tone.
“Well, I’m good at school, but I don’t particularly like it,” I said.
“What about stuff that you like doing outside of school? What would you like to do if you could do everything you ever wanted?” she asked.
“I do like looking at all the candy they sell at Sugarcube Corner, and eat them too!” I said.
A few days later, Lyra put a blindfold on my eyes and prepared me a surprise. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had recently hired a new assistant, a bubbly, friendly and funny pink Earth pony named Pinkie Pie. That day, they planned to teach her how to bake Sugarcube Corner’s specialties and Lyra managed to convince them to take me along and to show me how they made their special candy. After Pinkie Pie and I turned the place upside down and managed to get flour and sugar all the way to the ceiling, I realized there was something new.
“Bon Bon, look! Your flank!” said Lyra with an ecstatic expression.
“Cute-ceanera party!” yelled Pinkie Pie as streamers and party hats popped out from nowhere.
I remember I saw a tear of joy on my new best friend’s cheek.
Lyra has always been an optimistic mare. Me being more on the insecure side, she always knew how to reassure me when something was wrong. When we went back to the doctor’s office to learn the results, she, the one with the lump, was the one who reassured me. I was so ashamed, yet also a little bit frustrated.
“How can you always be so positive, Lyra?” I asked as anguish ripped my heart apart.
“Let me respond to that with a question, Bon Bon. Has worrying ever helped you in any way?” she said.
She was right. Not only being afraid was terribly unpleasant, but it was completely useless as well. I tried to pull myself together and keep a straight face as we waited in the doctor’s office. After what seemed like an eternity, he briefly saluted us and quickly got into his chair. Something was wrong. He scratched his head, cleared his throat and put on his best reassuring smile.
“I have too much respect for my patients to beat around the bush, Ms Heartstrings, so I’ll be straight with you. The mass you have in your lower flank is soft-tissue sarcoma. It remained undetected for a long time, spread rapidly and it’s too risky to operate. We can always try chemotherapy, but the malignancy is already in an advanced state. I’m truly sorry. I guarantee I’ll personally make sure that you receive the best treatment available in all of Equestria.”
I was so shocked I very well could have been paralyzed. I gasped for air as I tried to think of something to say. Lyra hadn’t changed her expression a bit. She just looked straight ahead, saying nothing.
Honestly, what was there to say?
I woke up as my mint green roommate stumbled into the dorm in a drunken stupor. Judging from the new perfume and the hickeys, I deduced that she had probably been fillyfooling and partying all night long. Again. Even if she was drunk off her flank, she still knew that I disapproved when we saw each other’s eyes.
“Come on, Bon Bon. *hic* You’re not my fillyfriend. I *hic* can do what I wa- *hic* -nt,” she said.
The only thing she didn’t seem to know was that I considered her as more than a childhood friend. From the moment I first laid eyes on her, I knew she was special. No need to say I was extremely jealous when she did those things. I don’t know what went through my mind. Maybe I was still sleepy, I don’t know. I don’t usually speak before thinking about what to say for a long time. But, that night, I knew it was the time to say it. I lost control and I let it slip:
“Lyra, I think I’m in love with you,” I said, as serious as I could be.
Lyra looked at me, completely astounded. After a lot of hesitation and some drunken mumbling, she said something like:
“I wubs woo tew *hic*”, then she fell on her back and instantly started snoring.
As usual, I carried her to bed. As usual, I took all the necessary precautions to manage a mare who had a few too many hay liquor drinks. But tonight, after hearing what Lyra thought, what was going through my mind was anything but usual.
We would see tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Nurse Redheart came in the treatment room with a bright yellow bag on her head. With the gentle, comforting attitude of a seasoned nurse, she plugged it on Lyra’s IV tubing.
“Now hold on, Ms Heartstrings. This is gonna be over before you know it,” she said.
“This dangerous-looking thing will make her sick, won’t it?” I said, filled with doubt. She nodded lightly and tried to start explaining.
“Bon Bon, I’m already sick,” said Lyra softly.
“I know, Lyra, but I’m so scared! What if you don’t get better?”
“Bon Bon, what did I tell you about worrying?”
“Do you think they’ll like me?” asked Lyra.
“Of course, honey!” I answered.
Usually, I was the one who worried and Lyra was the one who reassured me. But tonight was different. She was about to play in one of the world’s most renowned venues, the Carneighie Hall. She had been practicing for the better part of a year with a very nice grey mare called Octavia, one of the best cellists of Equestria, only for tonight’s show. It wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that tonight was the height of her career. Helping her cope with her anxiety was the least I could do, especially considering how she helped me opening my new candy shop back in Ponyville.
Mr and Mrs Cake progressively made less and less candy at Sugarcube Corner. They had a lot of catering orders all year long, also Pound and Pumpkin were quite a handful as well, even if Pinkie Pie helped by foal-sitting. Lyra had the idea to make a partnership with the Cakes so I could open my very own candy shop right next to Sugarcube Corner, and she helped me pull it off. Now the business was booming, and I owed it all to her. The only pony who was negatively affected by the opening of the shop was Pinkie Pie, who now was almost always unable to decide whether to buy baked goods or candy. Nonetheless, she often ended up buying both anyway.
“Those are common side effects from the treatment. It usually means it’s working,” answered the doctor when I asked about Lyra’s fatigue and hair loss.
Nurse Redheart entered the doctor’s office, smiled briefly at us and gave the doctor an envelope.
“There are your follow-up results,” he said as he opened the envelope and started reading its content.
The more he read, the more livid and uneasy he turned. Lyra was now frowning.
He said: “Ms Heartstrings, I don’t know how to say this.  Judging from our analysis, the sarcoma has metastasized into your liver… It seems like our treatment didn’t have any effect. It looks like it’s only gonna be about a year before the cancer spreads everywhere… I’m so sorry.”
After a long silence punctuated by the doctor’s sincere apologies and my sobbing, Lyra got up and started walking towards the door.
“Lyra!”
“This can’t be happening. It’s just not true!” she yelled, tears rolling down her face, as she was leaving.
“Ouch!”
“What’s going on, Bon Bon?” asked Lyra as she was quickly trotting towards me.
“Oh, it’s nothing, darling. I just cut my hoof a little bit instead of the plank.”
In the kitchen, she put a plaster on my cut. She looked at me with her kind eyes and carefully hugged me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek right where a tear came and at that moment, I reminded myself how much she meant to me. She was always there for me and I knew it would be that way forever. We were now finishing up the renovations on our brand new home. We finally had our very own place.
Just the two of us.
The train arrived late in Manehattan. We had to gallop under the heavy rain to get to our hotel because, surprisingly, taxis were nowhere to be seen. We checked in and went into the elevator. With our soaking wet manes and muddy hooves, we truly looked miserable. Lyra looked at me with mischievous eyes and said:
“You look like a horse apple right now, you know.” Then we started laughing like crazy young fillies.
After we calmed down, she softly put her head on my shoulder and simply said:
“I love you.”
I felt a drip rolling down my shoulder. It was too warm to be rainwater. I started to cry silently, too. Why me? Why her?
The next day, we went to see the many attractions Manehattan had to offer. Of course, Lyra knew them all by heart, but she insisted that we saw them together, as I’ve never been to her hometown before. We also went to see Lyra’s childhood home. We had a wonderful picnic in Central Park. She looked at all the ponies who were there. There were newlyweds cuddling, friends playing, new parents strolling with their foals. Lyra caressed her lower flank, right where the lump was. She sighed, looking blankly into the void, and said:
“Life goes on.”
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep”
I couldn’t bear that sound anymore. I had to get out of here. Now.
“I’ll always be there.”
Those words were thundering in my head. I have to sit down. No, gotta get out of here first. Wait. I don’t know. What do I do now?
“I’ll always be there.”
“Think about it, Bon Bon, and tell me frankly,” she said with deep conviction. “Would you honestly live forever?”
“No, I guess not,” I answered
“Neither would I,” she said. “We all have to go sooner or later. If you think about it long enough, you’ll realize that it’s actually pretty conforting.”
“But I don’t want to lose you, Lyra! You’re everything for me!”
“You know that’s not true, Bon Bon. You have your family, your business, and all that comes with it.”
I thought about all the fillies and colts who came down to my shop every day. They were always smiling and full of wonder. I sensed a deep warmth passing through my veins.
She had huge bags under her eyes. Her lips were completely dry and her color was livid. Her eyes were bright red. She lost so much weight she looked like she hadn’t eaten in months. She was so beautiful.
“Also, Bon Bon, you know that…” she said. “I’ll always be there”.
She closed her eyes.
I looked at the heart monitor.
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep”
THE END