Rainbow Dash's Best Plan Ever
Rainbow Dash’s Best Plan Ever
by Cloudy Skies
“Best. Idea. Ever.” Rainbow Dash whispered, cackling quietly to herself. She wasn’t crazy for cackling to herself, was she? Whatever. Cackling was cool, Rainbow Dash was cool, so she could cackle. Or she was acackle?
The blue pegasus paused, the straw she was working with slipping from her grasp. This was why she didn’t study philosophy. Or read books. Or talk too much to Twilight. She just ended up with a headache half the time. The philosophically disinclined pony shrugged and stuffed another hoof-full of straw into the dress she’d borrowed from Rarity.
Well, “borrowed” was probably not the word that other, less awesome ponies would use. Rarity once said that if Rainbow Dash ever needed a dress, she should stop by Carousel Boutique. Tonight, she needed a dress, so she had done just that. The fact that Rarity wasn’t in the Boutique was a little annoying, but it wasn’t an obstacle for a decisive pegasus pony.
It was a simple deal. She saw the dress she needed, and flew off with it. What were the odds that Rarity would need this exact dress tonight? It was just a boring black dress, lacking entirely in flames, gold or explosions. Rarity probably didn’t even want it, but she’d give it back when she was done with it anyway, because that’s what friends did.
Besides, it was for a good cause. Good for Rainbow Dash, anyway, and it was hard to imagine a more noble cause than that. The weatherpony stole a glance skywards and redoubled her efforts; it was full dark already, and she was nearly out of time. Swiftly and deftly she crowned the strawpony with a pair of “horns”. One of the carrots was missing a piece. It was regrettable, but creating scary stuff like this was hungry work.
She would be rewarded, though. The pegasus mare bit her lower lip, struggling to contain the surge of excitement that coursed through her at the mere thought of it. It didn’t work. All the happiness - all the awesome, rather - sent her wings flaring and her legs bouncing. Rainbow Dash didn’t even care, rapidly losing herself in the fantasy. No, the plan. Right after the whole Nightmare Night celebration was over, after she’d pranked the hay out of Ponyville, she’d find Pinkie Pie, and then-
“Sooo, where are we going, Dashie? You had something super-duper-fun to show me?” Pinkie Pie asked in that wonderful, cheery chirp of hers. The two ponies were trotting down the road that led towards the Everfree Forest, a journey that seemed twice as scary at night. The shadows ran deep, and the party pony sounded ever so slightly nervous, though she tried to hide it. The biggest tell was that she had exchanged her trademark bouncy gait for a more subdued trot.
“Oh, trust me, you’re gonna love it. It’s right inside the forest here,” Dash replied, not at all intimidated by the silly trees. She was hovering right at Pinkie’s side as they neared the forest’s edge.
The pegasus mare put a comforting foreleg around her friend’s neck. “And hey, nothing’s going to touch you while I’m around, yeah?”
“If you say so, Dashie,” Pinkie replied with a weak little smile. Oh, how it tingled whenever she said that word. Dashie. So. Hot!
Rainbow Dash snapped out of her reverie momentarily to make sure nopony was around. A quick glance around told her that she was indeed still alone. Far off in the distance, Ponyville was lit up with colored lights and open flames- a sight as loud on the eyes as the distant din of the brewing festival was on the ears. Every single building was being adorned with pumpkins and purple streamers and what-not.
Which meant Rainbow Dash could safely sink back to her fantasy. Plan. Whatever.
Pinkie Pie leaned back against the pegasus as they slowed down, the trees looming nearby and demanding a certain amount of respect. They could barely manage a slow walk as the forest enveloped them.
The party pony nervously glanced off to her side, causing her mane to brush against Dash’s face. It was hard for the pegasus mare to resist simply chomping down on the pink curls, seized by some impish impulse she couldn’t explain.
“Right over here,” Equestria’s coolest weatherpony said, shaking her head to clear her thoughts before flying ahead of her friend. She indicated the foliage by the side of the road with a hoof, peering at it as if though it held some unseen wonder. “Oh hey, this thing in this bush here is really awesome!”
“Okie-dokie-lokie,” Pinkie replied, carefully approaching. Sceptical at first, she was bolstered by the awesome pegasus’s presence, trotting over to peer around a tree that stood in the way.
Only to come snout to snout with a beast that was surely spawned in the deepest craters of the moon itself. The fierce and incredibly realistic demon puffed, snarled, and menacingly spat menacing flames with great menace.
Pinkie Pie jumped straight up in the air and screamed at the top of her lungs, but Rainbow Dash was ready. She was a vengeful bolt of lightning as she zipped over to knock the strawpony’s head clean off with a kick that triggered a miniature sonic rainboom. The cloth-and-hay menace evaporated with a thunderous roar of rainbows and awesome.
“You are like, the coolest pony ever!” Pinkie Pie gasped. Before Dash could humbly agree, the pink pony seized her in a crushing hug. She could smell-
Dash exhaled slowly coming back to Equestria. Okay, so that was pretty unlikely. Trying to predict Pinkie’s words or reactions was pretty much impossible even at the best of times, but the rest was solid. Scare the hay out of her, get hugs, something something, admit that she was super attracted to her, become marefriends, profit! It all added up. Was this what ‘higher’ mathematics was like?
The second best part, Pinkie aside, would be rubbing it in her friends’ faces. Fluttershy had thought the plan sounded ‘um, nice?’ which was pretty much the sternest reprimand the demure mare could ever muster up. Twilight commented that the “expected success rate” of a fright-to-love scenario was below twelve percent, suggesting against it. Dash hadn’t even bothered asking Applejack because, well, Applejack. She’d probably give her a lecture about being “sneaky” and “underhooved” about the whole thing.
The problem was, to Applesnack, those words were bad things. There was a bit of a disconnect there that they would probably get stuck on. As much as she loved a good row, she simply didn’t have the time for that now. It was only yesterday that Dash had realized Nightmare Night was the perfect opportunity to tell Pinkie how she felt. She’d been thinking about this for so long, but the right moment had never before presented itself. She would make that moment, then.
The only pony who had supported her was Rarity. She, at least, had the good grace to help Rainbow Dash out, even if it was aid given unknowingly. Thanks to the black dress and the carrot horns, the scarecrow-like strawpony looked really intimidating, half-hidden by the side of the road as it was.
“Okay, Dash. We are done!” she announced to herself. All that remained was a swift trip back home to change into her totally awesome Shadowbolt costume, then to pass the time by scaring other ponies. After that, Pinkie Pie would be putty in her hooves. Best. Night. Ever!
Worst. Night. Ever.
Rainbow Dash hissed in pain as she rubbed her flank with a hoof. She was still sore and singed where Luna had made the treacherous lightning cloud zap her. She’d had a great night up until that point, but right now, she couldn’t help but think she preferred it when the younger monarch was Nightmare Moon instead. Mortal danger beat embarrassment any day of the week. Luckily, Pinkie Pie hadn’t been there to see it.
After the festival died down, Rarity’s histrionics were just the icing on the cake for Rainbow Dash’s evening. How was she supposed to know that the boring old dress she’d borrowed was the prissy pony’s costume for Nightmare Night? Why couldn’t she just have put on something else?
At the very least, her vaunted plan was still on, and Pinkie Pie hopped merrily along with her. Convincing Pinkie to take a stroll with her in the middle of the night was surprisingly easy - once she found her. It took some effort to locate her quarry, but she had finally found the bouncy mare at the edge of town, not far from her own cloudhome. It was a huge relief: she had been about to go to plan B.
It was all for the best, considering she had no idea where she was going to get a fire wagon and a river-dance act at this hour anyway.
“I love surprises! Where is it?” Pinkie said for the umpteenth time, bouncing up and down as they went. When no response was immediately forthcoming, she added three more carefully chosen words. Bwok bwok bucawk!
The chicken costume, Dash mused, was not quite according to plan. It was also a minor turnoff, though Pinkie had thankfully taken off the headpiece. Despite it all, the cyan mare had to grin at her friend. This was exactly why she loved her. Pinkie Pie never, ever slowed down. She was perhaps the only pony who could ever keep up with Equestria’s fastest flier. It held true on more levels than one.
Rainbow Dash let Pinkie pull ahead a little as they neared the forest’s edge, peering over at the brightly colored party pony from behind. She chewed her tongue in silence as she ogled. Suddenly she didn’t mind it so much that Pinkie had elected to keep her costume on. The feathers and the tight yellow pants just made it all the better. Especially the tight pants.
The whole “full of energy” thing, yes. Sure. That was great. That, and she had one heck of a flank. Perfect curves.
All of Rainbow’s friends had their own ideas of what love was. The girls had had plenty of sleepovers, and the topic would invariably and inevitably drift to romance at some point in the evening. Fluttershy would excuse herself from the conversation, usually by hiding behind somepony else, and the others would be varying degrees of vague or reluctant.
Rarity, the most outspoken on the subject amongst them, was a romantic. Rainbow Dash had understood that this meant you sat on your flank all day and thought about love, while you got absolutely nothing at all done. Rainbow Dash grinned. She knew what she wanted, and finally she knew how to get it.
“You’re being quieter than a rock in a ‘shh’ contest, Dashie, what’s- oh no, were we playing ‘shh’? Aw! I always lose!” Pinkie cried, halting at the edge of the forest and sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.
“Huh? Oh, sure!” Dash exclaimed, her grin widening. She’d never turn down a free victory. “One zero to the Dash, ha!”
“Congratulations!” Pinkie Pie cheered, throwing a hoof-full of candy over Dash, the pegasus wincing as the hard, sugary treats bounced off her skull. “But actually, the score is six hundred and forty-nine to five hundred and twelve.”
“Wait, what?” Dash asked, rubbing her head.
“What, what?” Pinkie repeated, bouncing over to peck at some of the candy that now lay scattered about Dash’s legs. The wings attached to her costume flapped about and tickled Dash’s sides.
“Um, yeah, anyway!” the winged pony said loudly, blushing ever so slightly as she tried to get back on track. “The thing I said you should see, right? The awesome thing? The, uh, yeah. It’s pretty awesome!”
“Ooh, there’s more?” Pinkie asked, her eyes wide with wonder. “I thought you were just trying to drag me off to the forest, trying to get little Pinkie alone with the Dash for some weird and freaky reason!”
“No, this is totally awesome,” Dash repeated. Pinkie wasn’t exactly clinging to her as she had hoped, but she was warming up to her costume, and the Everfree was sure to fix the rest. “Just, uh, follow me!”
Rainbow Dash alighted on the ground and walked in under the canopy of the Everfree, Pinkie following a small ways behind. The world instantly fell into darkness, deprived of the meager light of Luna’s orb above. It was hard to even make out the path underneath their hooves. Had the moon been at a different angle earlier? Clouds? Or was darker just because the Everfree felt like it? Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, resisting the urge to take wing.
“OoOoh. I’m Darkie now. Darkie Pie!” Pinkie giggle-snorted. Her voice sounded muted and oddly distorted, and Rainbow Dash turned around just to make sure Pinkie was still close. She was met with a reassuring smile that went a long way towards making her feel safer, even if it was temporary. The Everfree was definitely messing with them. Best be done quick and get out of there.
Where had she put it? Rainbow Dash could have sworn she left the scare-pony-thingy right here up against that tree, but it was nowhere to be seen. It had to be the next one, then. No? Next tree? This one looked kind of familiar, but nothing, still. Pinkie bounced after her in relative silence, content to hum some song or other while she searched. The fact that they couldn’t see the path at all any more was a little disconcerting.
In fact, it was terrifying. She knew she had put her masterpiece right next to the path. Just to confirm her fears, Rainbow Dash spun around and looked past her friend, hoping to see the path or the forest’s edge. The Everfree spat in her eye. Nothing but trees visible as far as she could see. Each and every one of the trees sported twisted and knotted limbs that hung low with lichen and vines, lending the scene an aura of old. This was decidedly not where she had set up her prank.
They were utterly lost. She groaned inwardly.
“Uh, Pinkie Pie?” Dash ventured, sheepishly running a hoof through her mane. “I, um, think I got us lost. I’m just gonna fly up and check where we are, okay?”
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie chirped, planting her rear on the ground. Dash’s eyes followed the movement, and it took a moment before she realized that she wasn’t being very subtle about it. Pinkie was looking at her, head tilted horizontally.
Her cheeks burning, Dash rocketed upwards, aiming to pierce the canopy. Way to go, Dash. Not creepy at all, she mentally berated herself as she picked her way past the branches, only to be halted when one of her legs snagged on something. She flapped her wings faster, her feathers becoming a blue blur, but her progress was slower with every second. Glancing behind her, she saw that a vine had wrapped around her left hindleg: a very elastic vine that looked about to comment on Dash’s current loss of momentum.
“Oh, snap,” she muttered, stealing one last, longing glance at the sky above.
The vine, sadly, didn’t. With a loud whoosh and a louder thud of impact, Rainbow Dash cratered on the forest floor, sending grass and dirt flying in all directions. She lay very still, reflecting on how well her plan was going. The word ‘horseapples’, repeating in her head as quickly as it could, summed it up nicely.
Moments later, the well-planted pegasus was extracted by a pair of deft hooves. Dazed and confused, she came snout to snout with Pinkie Pie, the wild curls of the energetic party pony’s mane blocking out the world around them. Her mind turned to mush.
“You’re not a tree, Dashie!” Pinkie giggled, rejecting conventional interpretations of personal space. “But I bet you’d make a really good bush, even if trees and bushes are very slow. Oh, but some of them are bristly!”
“Fluh, buh?” Rainbow Dash asked, stuck between trying to wriggle away and surrendering to whatever was happening. The resulting movement was a weak flop that got her nowhere.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe later! We should probably get home first though.” Pinkie said, frowning contemplatively. Their faces were a quarter of a hoof’s breadth apart. Her breath smelled like the sweetest candy, and the places where her hooves held Dash’s head aloft tingled pleasantly.
“Gnhrg.” Rainbow Dash gurgled sincerely.
“Aw, okay,” Pinkie said, nodding almost sadly before letting go of Dash. The pegasus’ face briefly reunited with the rich and deliciously nutritious soil before she jerked upright again, now slightly more in control of her body.
“Uh, yeah, so, um,” Rainbow Dash stammered. “The, uh, flying thing that I was doing? I’m gonna go get right on that again. ‘Cause flying.”
“Mm-hmh,” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.
“Because that’s what pegasuses do. Fly,” Dash reaffirmed.
Pinkie bounced around in circles using only her hind legs. “And I love that bit! The flying is super neat! Go Dashie!”
Rainbow Dash, torn between being flustered still, and laughing at the sight of Pinkie’s odd little dance, opted to be and do neither. She would do that whole flying thing instead. Like she did. It was amazingly applicable. The beauty of being Equestria’s fastest flier was that you always had an option C: fly away.
At least, that was the theory. The bright side of the Everfree Forest’s continued rejection of this idea was that the impact site was exactly the same. The dirt was soft and almost comfy the second time the trees decided to slam her into the ground. She was back up and speeding towards the forest’s ceiling in a matter of seconds, growling.
The fifth time this happened, Rainbow Dash lay on her back and decided that the ground was now exactly comfortable enough that she didn’t want to get up again for a while. The pain wasn’t without its benefits, though. It did a good job of preventing her from being scared. She didn’t want to be scared of some dumb forest. It was so much better to just focus on being hurt.
“Ow,” she muttered calmly and without much conviction.
“Um. Dashie?” Pinkie’s face, framed in a mass of curls, dominated Dash’s view. The normally chipper and bouncy earth pony seemed almost frighteningly serious all of a sudden. “Are you hurt? Do you want to stop?”
“No, I’m fine,” Dash hissed through gritted teeth.
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie said, grinning as she resumed bouncing, sketching a large circle around where Rainbow Dash was struggling to rise. With the ridiculous chicken costume on, the feathers flopping as they did, it was all too easy to imagine she might actually manage to take off. She was still hopping about when Dash finally had each of her legs more or less in the right position. If one was generous, it could be described as “standing up”.
She was still not afraid, but perhaps it was time to change the plan a little. Like, remove everything else, and add one new item. Get out of the Everfree. Not that she was afraid. Not even the slightest. No way.
A grating roar shook forest floor, sending a cascade of leaves falling from the trees. It sounded like somepony had grabbed a mountain in each hoof and rubbed them together vigorously. Sonic, gravelly terror reverberated across the forest clearing. Dash stood very, very still. Still not scared. It was perfectly normal to question your ability to retain control of your bladder. It didn’t have to mean anything.
“Ooh. Good one!” Pinkie Pie giggled, rolling back and forth in the grass.
The roar repeated, closer this time. The terrible rasping sound was deafening, punctuated by a series of loud ripping noises. The source quickly became clear as two trees at the edge of the clearing were torn apart, admitting a huge, grotesque shape that made Dash’s stomach churn. The beast reminded her of a large, wingless dragon, except it had far too many legs, claws, and altogether too many mouths.
Now, the blue pegasus was beginning to feel slightly threatened. Her wings spread on reflex, but she knew she must make a pitiful sight still. She turned to tell Pinkie to run. She would distract it while Pinkie got away, whatever it cost her.
Pinkie Pie clearly had other plans, bouncing up to the creature with not a care in the world. She stopped a pony length or two in front of the horrid abomination’s largest head and smiled brightly in the face of hundreds of glistening teeth.
“Hiya! I think we got her goood. I love the costume! How many of you are in there anyways?” she asked, leaning a little closer to the oozing beast. Her mouth was a perfect circle as she oooOo’ed appreciatively. “I can’t even see the seams, great job you guys! Look at her!”
Dash stared in abject horror as Pinkie turned to grin over at her and started hopping on the spot. “Pinkie Pie, what in the hay are you doing? Run! I’ll catch up!” the rainbow-maned pony shouted.
“Silly filly! I got you-” Pinkie began while the monster reared back with all of its heads - oh gosh how many of them were there?
Rainbow Dash didn’t have any time to think. Time had run out long ago. Ignoring the protests of her battered body, she kicked off and sped towards the creature as fast as she could. Just as the closest of the beast’s many reptilian heads was about to begin its descent towards the still-giggling Pinkie, the rainbow-trailed missile that was Dash impacted against its neck.
The beast seemed more confused than hurt from the blow, and Rainbow Dash’s hind-hooves were numb from the collision with the monster’s massive body. All the same, it had paused for a precious fraction of a second. That would have to be enough. She had already flipped around when she hit, heading for Pinkie Pie next.
Pure desperation fuelled her, and every wingbeat hurt, testament to the abusive force she put behind them. She barrelled into the crazy pink mare and sent them both piling into a bush on the other side of the clearing. Just as she clambered back up on her hooves, the ground shook from the beast’s impact. The ground cracked and split where Pinkie had stood not moments before.
“Wait. Holy moley, that’s a real monster!” Pinkie gasped.
Dash stared at her friend. She briefly entertained the notion of commenting on Pinkie’s obvious detachment from reality, but what was the use? She grabbed a hold of Pinkie Pie, hoisting her up under her forelegs, and took off once more, giving her wings all they had.
“We are getting out of here,” Dash grunted the second they were airborne. She didn’t dare look back as she zipped through the forest, low across the ground. It was slow work trying to pick a path between low-hanging branches and implausibly inconveniently placed boulders in the darkness. It didn’t take long before another eardrum-imperiling wail assaulted them, sending Dash’s mane pointing straight ahead like a wind marker. The beast was giving chase.
“Real monster!” Pinkie repeated, her voice painfully high-pitched. “Oh no, oh no, Dashie, faster!” she urged, squirming in the pegasus’ grip, forced as she was to look over her shoulder, back at whatever was chasing them.
“I’m trying, stop moving around so much!” Dash snapped, tightening her grip around Pinkie. At that, the pink mare did in fact stop squirming, instead squeezing back around her neck. It wasn’t a huge improvement, still horribly awkward. Rainbow Dash heard behind them a steadily growing series of rips and tears as deforestation heralded their doom. She simply wasn’t fast enough.
She. Rainbow Dash. Not fast enough. Never mind that she was already bruised and battered. To the moon with the fact that she was carrying Pinkie Pie, a mare of not entirely inconsiderable weight thanks to her shapely-
Dash shook her head. The noises behind them grew louder still, and another earth-shattering roar stung her ears and ruffled her coat. She was forced to go around a cluster of trees where the pursuing creature could simply barrel through.
Never mind all the small stuff. There were plenty of “reasons” for why the thing was catching up. It was probably sensible to accept that. Twilight might even have said that it was “logical” for a nearly ground-bound pegasus to be outraced given the circumstances. She had to keep a low pace due to the darkness and the density of the forest, and she was carrying over twice her usual weight. No match for a natural born predator native to this terrain.
To Rainbow Dash, the premiere speed freak of Ponyville, these were excuses, and bad ones at that.
Just as Dash could feel teeth nipping on her tail, the world became a blur. The blue pegasus mare slowly lost all feeling in her wings. She chose to ignore her weakness and her failure, and just like that, she was free from the pain. The forest became nothing more than a poorly designed obstacle course, and the darkness was inconsequential. A minor handicap that she overcame by picking a better path. By paying more attention. By flying faster.
Either Pinkie Pie was completely silent, or Dash had simply tuned her out. She lay flat against Dash’s belly in the air by virtue of speed alone as the pegasus shot through the forest. Every now and then, a blood-curdling scream reminded them that they were still being pursued, but each time, it sounded further away.
How long she kept this up, Rainbow Dash had no idea. When she thought she was done, when her wings started aching and she could ignore it no longer, she simply glanced to the side and saw the back of Pinkie Pie’s head. It reminded her that she wasn’t flying just for herself. This wasn’t just some stupid yet awesome stunt. She flew for Pinkie, too. For her friend. That simple thought drove her on for twice as long again.
Eventually, she could stay aloft no longer. Just as she noticed the forest finally getting more sparse up ahead and the possibility of stopping entered her head, Dash tumbled to the ground. Her wings seized up painfully, and the airborne pair crash-landed in a bush with a gleeful “Whee!” from Pinkie Pie.
“That was super-duper neato-elite-o!” Pinkie exclaimed, hopping out of the bush with a giggle before leaning in to extract Dash as well. They were both covered in enough leaves and twigs to start a forest of their own, and Pinkie’s costume had fared poorly in the flight. Only a piece of the midsection and one of the wings remained.
Dash opened her mouth to reply, but a distant rumble made her change her mind. Was that thing still coming? She rubbed her face with a hoof and furled her wings slowly. Every single muscle in her precious wings hurt like a motherbucker.
“Okay, yeah, I’m super neat, let’s get out of here,” Dash said, quickly. “Either this is the edge of the forest, or it’s Zecora’s hut. I’ll take whatever right now,” she chuckled.
“Uh-huh!” Pinkie agreed. “Or maybe it’s a hayfries bar!”
The pair headed for the brighter area of the forest without hesitation. Right before they hit the tree-line, they found and joined up with a narrow path that seemed eerily familiar to Rainbow Dash. A tiny part of her mind was chanting “no no no no” over and over even as the canopy above disappeared, giving way to the open night sky. Another roar in the distance, noticeably louder than the last.
“Or maybe it’s the musty old castle,” Pinkie said with a pout. “I was really hoping for the hayfries bar. I’m hungry.”
“Buck my life. Seriously,” Dash muttered as she surveyed the scene. It was pretty much unchanged since that one time long ago: A chasm split the ground ahead, inexplicably filled with fog and shadow. Across the gap, the ruins of the old castle of the Royal Pony Sisters waited, broken, roofless buildings, all in stone.
It seemed like it was such a long time ago since the group of friends had come here to defeat Nightmare Moon. She noted with smug satisfaction that the hang-bridge was still operational. The Dash knew how to tie a knot.
Another roar, closer still. Dash puffed out her cheeks at the depressing routine of it all. She hoped the beast was just stomping about, angry and frustrated, but she was not going to bet any bits on that.
“Uh, so, I guess we should cross the bridge?” Dash said, more as a question than a suggestion. Everything so far had been on pure instinct, but she was no leader, she knew that. Pinkie Pie also seemed to be waiting for something. Where was Twilight when you needed her, or even - as much as she hated to admit it - Applejack?
Then again, wasn’t there some stuffy saying Twilight had mentioned about bridges? Dash was certain that her bookish friend had tried to impart some gem of knowledge to her once. It had been one of those times when she wasn’t quick enough to get away, and Twilight already had a book out. It involved a bridge. If she could just remember...
“Oh yeah! Hey, we should definitely cross this bridge, and then, we burn it!” Dash exclaimed, setting course for the creaky drawbridge in a brisk canter. “It’s in a book somewhere. Probably.”
“Sure!” Pinkie said, following at an equally brisk bounce of her own. The pink pony seemed utterly unperturbed even now, smiling brightly. Dash smiled, too. Either it was because she felt better having Pinkie around, or she was smiling just because, not sweating the small stuff. The second one sounded a lot cooler. She went with option B.
It was remarkable how often option B worked out better for her. She would have to seriously consider making only plan B’s from now on and stop wasting time with plan A’s.
In short order, the two ponies were across the rickety bridge, staring back across the foggy chasm. Pinkie glanced at Rainbow Dash, and Dash looked back. She was missing something quite essential to this whole plan.
“I don’t suppose you have any fire, huh?” Dash asked.
“Nopey-dopey, Dashie!” Pinkie affirmed cheerfully. A moment passed during which absolutely nothing happened.
“Books. Suck.” Dash loudly declared to nopony in particular, trotting over to loosen the ropes with her teeth. All of ten seconds later, the bridge loudly clattered against the opposite side of the chasm, just in time to serve as an accompaniment to the next roar.
“Well, at least that thing isn’t coming across,” Dash said with a smirk. “Wanna wait and make faces at it?”
“Maybe it can fly,” Pinkie said, sitting down on the ground and cupping her chin with a hoof.
“Uh, yeah, well, I didn’t see any wings,” Dash said, though she was a little unsettled by the thought. She didn’t even have any idea if or how the thing was still following them.
“Or maybe-” Pinkie Pie suggested, glancing to her right. “Maybe it can go around?”
Rainbow Dash followed her friend’s eyes, noticing for the first time that the chasm, the gaping wound in the earth she had hoped isolated the castle, actually only went halfway around it. The entire backside of the ruins lay exposed to the forest. She groaned. Paying attention to this sort of useless stuff was so not her job.
“Okay, so we need like, a plan C,” Dash suggested, trying to keep calm and rapidly failing. “That... could be a problem. I’m not used to botching two plans in a row, I have no idea what a plan C would even look like!”
“We could play a game?” Pinkie asked, her words entirely at odds with the way was intensely scrutinizing the area, glaring at every rock and tree.
“Uh?” Dash grunted.
“Hide and seek!” the party pony giggled, suddenly full of mirth again. “Except the big meanie-monster doesn’t know we’re playing, so we’ll win!”
“So, hiding,” Rainbow Dash repeated, deadpan.
Pinkie Pie frowned back at her. “Well, if you want to be boring about it,” she said, sticking out her tongue. “C’mon, game! Play! Oh, and we might not get eaten, yay for that, too!”
Between the pair of them, without the benefit of Dash’s wings, it took them longer than they would have liked to scope out the ruins and their surroundings. What little advantage Rainbow Dash still had in speed, Pinkie more than made up for with uncanny experience in all kinds of games. Twilight had often complained to anypony who’d listen that most games, and especially party games, had no real element of skill. If Dash were Pinkie, she’d spend a lot more time rubbing in her face exactly how obvious it was that Twilight was wrong.
All the while as they explored the ruins, the terrible roars and wails sounded across the Everfree with frightening regularity. After nearly a dozen of the gruesome noises, the ponies met at the foot of the stairs that led to the ruins proper. Despite having heard the beast’s clamorous cry so many times, it still sent shivers down Dash’s spine. Without her wings-
Dash squelched the thought right away, putting on a huge, fake smile as she delivered her report. “Okay, I found a few hiding spots that aren’t, uh, entirely uncool, I guess-” she said, but her voice trailed off. Pinkie Pie was practically vibrating with excitement.
“Yeah, okay, shoot, whatcha got?” Dash sighed, impatiently tapping a forehoof on the ground in annoyance. The pink mare shot off and away as if released from a tether.
“Come see come see come see!” she chanted as she disappeared around a pile of rubble. With a loud groan, Dash followed, already getting sick of having to use her legs to get around. Her complaints were short-lived as she chased after the bouncing form of the pony ahead of her, though. From this angle, it really wasn’t that bad, actually. Some masonry passed by at her sides as she followed Pinkie’s dancing tail. Masonry, or forest, or pudding. Whatever.
“Here!” Pinkie chirped, grinning broadly. She had stopped in front of a narrow passage set in the base of a building that Dash suspected held that weird statue where the Element stones were. This wasn’t nearly as elegant as the fancy stonework above, though. A simple and unassuming staircase descended straight down into the darkness.
Darkness was fine. Rainbow Dash had been cured of her fear of the dark long ago. It was the “down” part that she was a little less cool about.
“Uh, I’m not so sure about this, actually” she said, licking her lips. “I mean, I saw a tower that had only partially collapsed once or twice. I think. Maybe we could-”
Dash nearly lost her footing as the ground beneath them shook in concerto with the next roar from the monster. The noise gobbled up the last tatters of any remaining hope that it had lost them. Dried mortar drizzled down on two ponies from above, and Pinkie Pie patiently cocked her head to the side, waiting for Dash to go on, but there was nothing more to be said.
“Looks great,” Dash muttered, her mouth dry. “Lead the way.”
“Pinkie Pie one-pony spelunking squad, charge!” Pinkie announced, giggling as she bounced down the stairs. Somepony with less knowledge of Pinkie Pie might have questioned the wisdom of electing to hop down a set of dark, unfamiliar, narrow stairs with a low ceiling. Fortunately, Dash had known Pinkie for long enough that she simply followed the rapidly disappearing poofy tail into the darkness at a slightly more controlled pace.
“I think I found the end!” Pinkie called. “We win, Dashie!”
Dashie. Every time Pinkie said that word. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Focus on the important stuff. Survival-related things. They were at the bottom of the stairs. That was good, wasn’t it?
She had thought the descent would take forever. The worst part was when there was a thud and a complaint from Pinkie Pie. Apparently, the staircase suddenly made a sharp turn. While she of course winced sympathetically and hoped Pinkie was okay, the implications of that turn were far, far worse. It took all of her strength to round that corner and lose sight of the sky above and behind her. Every single step down the utter-dark stair after that point cost Rainbow Dash. She had no idea what it cost her, but she could feel something terrible building within her.
Thinking about this sucked. Rainbow Dash decided to think of Pinkie Pie instead. As if in response to the far more pleasant thought, the floor flattened out under her hooves, and she could hear the unmistakable sound of four hooves clopping against the ground in rapid succession. Within seconds, she felt a nuzzle on her neck.
“I think the room is like, really teeny, but-”
It was amazing how all those little displays of friendly affection had changed. They meant so much more now that she had decided that she was going to try to tell Pinkie Pie how she felt. The blue pegasus thanked the Princesses and anypony who was listening in on her mind for the darkness, now, because she was pretty sure her cheeks were burning brighter than the red of her mane.
Her plan had failed spectacularly, sure; she would have to find another opportunity some day in the future, but she knew then and there that she would do it. No matter what, and no matter how long it took. The Wonderbolts would just have to share that spot on the pedestal with Pinkie Pie.
“-green, red, blue and spinach? I mean, duh. Oh, and hey, I found some pillows! Come look! Or, well, I mean, come sit! It’s too dark to look anyway.”
“Pillows,” Dash repeated, latching on to the one thing that made even the barest whiff of sense. She smiled a little despite herself. “You found pillows.”
“Well, they’re soft, dusty and musty, so I call them pillows!” Pinkie giggled somewhere in front of her. Dash followed her voice, one hoof in front of the other. She could really do without a sixth concussion right now. That would almost be a new record.
Before long, Pinkie put a guiding hoof on her withers and guided her to what undeniably felt like a mound of pillows. She experimentally poked at it some more with her hooves, and it yielded, feeling silky and pleasant.
“Plant your bony little butt, Dashie. Come on!”
An insistent hoof on her flank forced her to sit down. The presumably-pillows let out a dusty dry poof that sent the two ponies into a fit of raucous coughing that echoed weirdly in the darkness. It was probably just as well, because it saved Dash the trouble of having to react to the fact that Pinkie had just prodded her flank.
The very second the coughing began to die down, Dash could hear Pinkie Pie grinning. “That was fun! Let’s go again!”
When every single lung in the room was well and truly exercised, they were both still laughing. Laughing and coughing at the same time was something Rainbow Dash hoped she wouldn’t have to make a habit out of, but it was just what she needed right now.
“Pinkie Pie,” Dash managed, still coming down from a fit of giggling. “What that all about?”
“Well, you looked like you could use a laugh!” Pinkie’s voice responded. It was a little unnerving to not be able to see her. As if though she could hear her thoughts, the earth pony mare touched one of her forehooves to one of Dash’s own after a little fumbling around.
“Looked like? You can’t even see me,” Dash muttered. None of her smile could be heard in her tone, so she quickly added, “Heh, thanks.”
The silence that followed was rudely and efficiently shattered. The entire room quaked as if slapped, and an unearthly wail echoed down the stairs from far above. The staircase carried the noise well enough, but more than anything, the pegasus hated how it reminded her of her predicament. She unfurled her wings and resettled them nervously.
“You really aren’t afraid of anything, are you?” Dash asked on a whim, but as she thought about it, or rather, as she remembered, a surge of anger gripped her. Her thoughts went back to what had happened less than an hour ago. “What in the hay were you thinking anyway, huh? You could have gotten hurt! Holy cow, Pinkie, you could have-”
Dash didn’t dare finish the sentence. Her voice was cracking, and she hated it. Hated how stupid she sounded. She hadn’t really thought about what could have happened back there. Not before now. Her stomach clenched, and she shivered. Buck it.
The pegasus mare reached over to where she knew Pinkie Pie sat, grabbing her in a hug. She awkwardly bumped her snout into other mare’s ear at first, and she realized she was hugging her from the side. The fake costume feathers were wedged between them, but it didn’t matter. She squeezed for all she was worth, crushing the earth pony mare.
“I was trying to prank you,” Pinkie said. Her voice was very quiet, but her throat vibrated pleasantly against the side of Dash’s neck when she spoke. Dash held on, forelegs around her and neck on neck. She just didn’t want to let go. Ever.
“When I saw how much fun you were having pranking all the other ponies tonight, I thought I would get you good,” Pinkie continued, still oddly calm. “I talked to Luna and Twilight, and we were going to set up the best prank ever. Scare you really good. Luna said she had an idea, so I thought they had a plan and that the monster was like, you know, magic.”
“But you’re still not actually afraid now,” Dash accused. It had sounded almost angry. In fact, she was a little angry - and not just because Pinkie was the one who had made Luna prank her. Rainbow was supposed to be the bravest pony of them all. It didn’t make sense.
“Sure I am, Dashie.” The pink mare’s body shook with a little giggle. “I just don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Rainbow Dash disentangled herself from her friend in an instant. “Small stuff,” she repeated, voice tense and rising. “Small stuff like a multi-headed fang-and-claw beast that looks like it eats the stuff in Twilight’s story books?” she near shouted, incredulous.
“Yeah!” Pinkie chirped, and Dash felt a playful poke in her side. “That’s just snackmuffins compared to the huge ten-layer cakes I’m scared of! Like, right now? I’m super-duper really afraid that Twilight is still angry with me for, um, sort of almost kinda starting a few riots tonight because everypony else liked getting scared with me a little too much. I think we’re okay, but that scares me. I’m going to throw her a party tomorrow, just to be safe.”
“And I’m really worried that Rarity is really angry with you for ruining her Nightmare Night, even if you didn’t mean it. I know she’s going to be okay, even if you’re going to be silly and not tell her you’re sorry and make nice like you should.”
“But the rest? Like a big angry mean monster who’s just grumpy because he’s been woken up, or because we’re playing in his playground?” Pinkie giggled again. “Come on, Dashie, that’s no biggie. Why should I worry?”
Dash so fervently wished that she could see Pinkie Pie right now. She wished she could see her, and that Pinkie could see her, too. A desperate anger was building up within her, and all she had was her voice. She reached out and grabbed a hold of her shoulders, just to make sure she was still there.
“Because you could have died!” Dash yelled. “You could have died tonight, Pinkie Pie. Do you understand that, or are you really this stupid? Come on!” There must have been some moisture in the room somewhere. Rainbow Dash could think of no other reasons for why her face was wet.
“I’m not stupid,” Pinkie said with a good-humored snort. “And I know I got super-awesome friends! I got the coolest librarian-wizard-friend ever in Twilight, and the neatest most bestest and cutest and scary Fluttershy-friend, too! And Rarity, have you seen the stuff she can do? She’s like a fashion ninja and really pretty, too! You all are!”
Dash just shook her head, certain that Pinkie Pie had lost it. In fact, when it came to Pinkie, she sometimes wondered if she ever had it in the first place, but this was a level of madness that just terrified her.
“Ooh, ooh, and Applejack! Come on, who doesn’t love Applejack? I’ll tell you who doesn’t: nopony! And she’s my friend, too!” Pinkie Pie concluded.
“You’re crazier than-” Dash began.
“And I got the fastest flier in Equestria, the winner of the best young flier competition! I mean, you can pull sonic rainbooms out of your flank like that!” Pinkie punctuated her point with a clop of her hooves. “If I have you with me, why, I would be a very silly filly to fear a little fang-and-tooth-and-whatever-who-cares-yawn-boring-monster. I’m not afraid of anything, except-”
“Except losing you guys,” Pinkie finished, quietly. “And I don’t want to lose you, Dashie, just because I tried to pull a bad prank.”
Once again, Rainbow Dash cursed the lack of sight. She really wished she could find a spot on the floor to stare at right now. Something to occupy her besides the words and thoughts, but it was no use. She didn’t understand Pinkie’s logic at all. The last two sentences, though, those got through.
“Hey, Dashie? I’m sorry.”
“The hay you are,” Dash muttered. “And you’re not gonna lose me, no matter what. This was my idea, you know. Or, my idea, too. I’m the one who made you come here. I was gonna prank you. Scare you so you’d-” she paused. It suddenly felt very silly to be sitting on this one little secret. The room rumbled ominously in agreement as it put things in perspective, courtesy of the beast outside.
Plus, she doubted she’d ever be able to find a better plan, A, B or C. Plans were overrated as a whole.
“I was trying to scare you into my hooves ‘cause I wanted to tell you that I think I’m like, uh, in love with you and all that stuff,” she finished, lamely. It sounded way less cool than she had thought it would.
“Ooh, trying to pull the old horror movie date thing, just without the movie or date bits? Just in it for the hug? Sneaky!” Pinkie said, sounding almost impressed.
“Heh, yeah,” Dash admitted, shrugging on sheer automatics. It felt good to have it out of her chest, no matter what came of it.
“Neat! I mean, that was my plan too!” Pinkie chirped.
Dash still didn’t fear the darkness. In fact, she appreciated all the things it currently did for her. At the same time, she loathed every single thing about the darkness that worked against her. It was complicated, and complicated sucked.
The darkness hid Dash from Pinkie Pie. This was good, because the pegasus pony did not trust herself to do anything much more complicated than sit very, very still right now. On the other hoof, it hid Pinkie Pie from Dash, and that was a sin that made her want to crack a hole in the roof with standstill sonic rainboom just so she could see her face.
It all came down to words again. Words. Twilight had once suggested that Rainbow Dash was a “visually reliant” pony, but Twilight herself was a boring pony, so Dash trusted her own version better. Rainbow Dash was an awesome pony.
Darkness, however, was not exactly the best conduit for this awesome. Partial darkness? Shadows? Awesome. Total darkness? A lot less awesome. With this being the case, all Rainbow Dash had were words. She picked her next line very carefully, painfully aware of how much rode on her ability to properly convey her feelings.
“Buh?” Dash spat, an explosive tendril of drool escaping her mouth.
“Uh-huh! Me too! You’re super neat and awesome, and also really cute!” Pinkie helpfully repeated.
Rainbow Dash had really not expected to get this far. Had this been something simpler, like a motherbucking tornado, she’d just default to what she always did: wing it. She had no idea how she would “wing it” from here.
And all the wing talk - thinking, rather - was not helping either. Thoughts she had tried to repress crept back into her mind, but this time, they refused to leave entirely. She cast a glance in the direction of the only light visible from where they sat: a pale shaft of reflected moonlight colliding with the wall opposite of the stairs. She stared at what little light there was, imagining that she could see around the corner.
It wasn’t helping. Even if she rounded the corner, it was so very far away, and her wings were still tired, and there was a huge monster in the way. Her breathing picked up speed. She tried to focus on the present, tried to latch on to anything solid: How awesome she was. Her friends. Pinkie Pie, who apparently loved her too.
“Daaaashie?” Pinkie chimed. “This is the best bit! Now we get to hug and- wait, um. Are you the one making all the wheezy-breezy noises?”
Pinkie’s voice was tinny and distorted, and the words lost all meaning. Dash’s world shrank, slowly but surely, until all that remained was her awareness of her weary set of wing-muscles. Wings that she couldn’t use. She slowly unfurled them, flaring her wings as far as they would, and rolled her shoulders.
She had to fly, and she had to fly right now. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. She licked her dry lips, sure she was going to throw up any moment. Her heart was beating so loud, the pegasus was convinced that it was going to explode. She was vaguely aware that something gripped a hold of some body part that was not her wings, but it was utterly irrelevant and uninteresting.
It would all go away if she could just get some air time. She knew it. If there was just the tiniest chance that she could sneak past the thing outside, then she had to take it. There was no question. A shot at taking wing and soaring through the air, or certain death down here under tons and tons of rock and stone? She was suffocating. Rainbow Dash strained for breath, but all she could produce was a hoarse wheeze.
Pinkie Pie’s lips touched hers.
The pegasus snorted and spat and writhed in confusion as she gulped for air, trying to pull back, but she was held fast by two warm and soft forelegs. When their muzzles met again, she did not protest. The pegasus mare tilted her head ever so slightly as the phantom mare in the dark did the exact same, making them grind their snouts together. Pinkie giggled before turning the other way.
Lips parted, and their breaths intermingled before they kissed. Rainbow Dash shivered, and in an instant, her wings were forgotten. Any part of her that did not touch the pink party pony who prowled in the shadows instantly became lesser for it. She put her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders as she leaned into it.
When Pinkie Pie drew back and eased her grip on Dash a little, the pegasus mare drew a shuddering breath and hung her head.
“That. Was dumb,” she murmured.
“What? No way! Kissies are like, the best thing ever!” Pinkie protested, aghast. “Oh no, don’t tell me you don’t like kissies! That would be so sad!”
“Not that! Oh come on Pinkie, that was hot,” Dash breathed, grinning hugely in the darkness, but the happiness did not stick. It slipped from her face and pooled somewhere at her hooves in the darkness. “No, I just, I hate being here. I feel trapped.”
“Even with Auntie Pinkie Pie here?” came the reply, and Rainbow Dash could practically hear the pout in her voice.
Dash deflated in Pinkie’s embrace. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just stupid. I hate this. I hate that I can’t stop it, but right now, I am working very hard to not freak out here, okay? And that is not how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know how long I can keep-”
The blue mare’s breath caught as she realized what she was saying, and she was instantly catapulted back into full panic. “Ohmygosh, no, no, you can’t tell anypony! Please! My life will be ruined! Promise me you won’t tell anypony about this!”
“You should really use the word ‘hate’ less, Dashie,” Pinkie said softly. “And it’s not stupid at all, you silly filly. But if I can help, why can’t you be afraid of losing me instead? Oh! And that would be stupid, so there’s nothing to be afraid of! All fixed! Yay!”
“It doesn’t work like that!” Dash cried. “I don’t- I just can’t, okay? I can’t just do whatever freaky stuff it is you do, I don’t understand how you do it, I don’t even know what you’re taking about!”
“Okie dokie,” Pinkie calmly replied.
“Okie dokie what?” Dash asked, her voice tinged with hysteria. She was trembling every so slightly, and her wings were starting to ache again.
“Okie-dokie- I’m going to hug you until it all goes away-lokie,” Pinkie Pie explained, tightly wrapping her forelegs around Rainbow Dash’s neck, gently forcing her to lie down. By the time the lighter pegasus mare thought to protest or struggle, she was thoroughly wrapped in Pinkie. The candy-colored pony’s mane was tickling her snout, and she was stuck somewhere between claustrophobia and a comfortable type of shock.
It was so much simpler, suddenly, to not have to deal with it. It was too much.
“Okie dokie,” Dash agreed quietly, closing her eyes.
Waking up in total darkness was a very unpleasant experience. Rainbow Dash had only done so once before, and that was due to falling asleep with a rather unfortunate choice of head-wear after one of Pinkie Pie’s parties. Courtesy of that memory, waking up in near total darkness was a complete relief.
The minuscule amounts of sunlight that survived the journey down to the cellar chamber was nothing short of pathetic, but it was sufficient to see that they were, indeed, resting on pillows. When Pinkie Pie had fallen asleep atop of her yesterday night, she had briefly wondered what else they could be, each alternative more terrifying than the next.
The illumination also revealed something about the mare that lay atop of her. Something Rainbow Dash had known for a long time, yet still felt as if though she saw for the first time just now.
Pinkie Pie was, in fact, drop dead gorgeous. It was impossible to make out anything much beyond the contours of her body, but it was enough. She was beautiful, and she was Dash’s. The infatuated mare couldn’t care less what Pinkie may or may not think of such a claim of possession.
She nosed Pinkie’s neck and smirked at the thought, content - and only slightly dismayed when she realized she had woken the party pony up by doing so.
Pinkie’s eyes popped open and she shook her head briskly before gracing Dash with a face-splitting smile. It apparently took the energetic pink pony less than a second to go from asleep to fully alert and ready to party. It was more than a little intimidating.
“Hi!” Pinkie grinned, leaning down to give the rainbow-maned mare’s snout a lick. “You taste like rainbows, by the way. Spicy and fruity at the same time. I like it.”
“Hi yourself,” Rainbow Dash replied, waggling her eyebrows. The effect was somewhat ruined by hoarse voice. “Wanna like, uh, go home? I could eat Sugarcube Corner right now. Everything in it or the shop - maybe both. I’m really thirsty. And hungry.”
“Home? Huh, I guess the meanie beastie-monster-beanie thingy did finally go all quiet!” the pink mare agreed, before raising a foreleg to her mouth as she yawned hugely. “I guess we can get hopping, then, huh?”
“Pf, ‘hopping’ nothing, Pinks. You are flying first class with the Dash today,” the pegasus pony retorted. “If you get on my back the real way, I can just fly us home. You know, over the stupid forest and its stupid trees.”
“Oh that’ll be fun, I love flying! I don’t do nearly enough flying. It’s harder than you think when you don’t have wings, but you wouldn’t know, because you have wings, you sneaky cheater,” Pinkie chirped, ending her little rant with a perfect ninety-degree head tilt. “Um, Dashie?”
Rainbow Dash had locked her wings around the back of the pony atop her, and wrapped her forelegs around her neck as well. With a sigh of contentment, she pulled Pinkie down into the mound of pillows and closed her eyes. Planting her snout right on the trapped party pony’s neck, she took a deep breath, exulting in the scent. She just had to give it a little lick, too.
Pinkie giggled. Perhaps she was ticklish, perhaps she was just laughing because she was Pinkie Pie - Rainbow Dash didn’t care, hugging her tighter.
“Dashie? What are you doing?” the curly-maned earth pony asked again, nosing the top of her head in return.
“Just five more minutes,” Dash replied. She half expected she’d wake up alone in her bed just like all the other times, but she knew it was real this time. “Five more minutes and we’ll go home.”
The End
Author’s Pretentious Yet Moderately Brief Notes/Thank-yous:
Thank you for reading! I really just wanted to write a light-hearted ship story that had humor, action and gratuitous plot. Feel free to mail me at if you feel the need to tell me how I failed by requesting that I kindly choke on a chicken leg*. If you liked the story, you can tell me this, too, but I promise I won’t judge based on your preference.
Huge thanks to Kits for the artwork for this story! It is excellent, he is excellent, and you are made more excellent if you go check his dA out.
This story was initially intended to be submitted in response to one of the MLP WTG’s prompts for Nightmare Night/Week15. I am thankful for the [Shipping] prompt that gave the idea for this fic, and well aware that the idea is not my own, “public” as though these ideas may be.
A big thank you to those who read through this and offered their thoughts, critique and pointers: Xandrah, Twilight Snarkle, Cormacolindor, Kits, Ocean Breeze and JimTheCactus.
Finally, a big thank-you to RBDash47 of the Pony Fiction Fault and the Pony Fiction Archive for helping out with post-publishing formatting and such. You've been a huge help!
* Joke’s on you. I don’t eat chicken very often, and I’m very meticulous about it. Ha.
