Fifteenth of Harvest, 189th Greensfounding
My Dear Diary,

As I sit here, in my bedroom, in my own chambers, I wonder if my oddities and quirks have e'er played against me. As I mentioned before, I believe that the effects of my unusual literacy have been detrimental, if only as far as to make me withdrawn and selective when I should be exposed and permissive.

Beyond this, my intellect seems only to work in my apparent favour. It has added, or been solely responsible for, my successful integration into certain social circles. It could be said that this is to my disadvantage, that I am too socially comfortable around mares. In actuality, I believe I'm quite prone to bouts of shyness, yet I apparently carry myself quite differently than most stallions– Or rather, differently than is expected of a stallion.

I must do something to change this. I know what a stallion is supposed to be, how a stallion is supposed to behave. I do not maintain any particular objection to this expectation, either. No, elements of this standard are actually rather pleasing. And yet, I cannot seem to achieve them.

I've heard, perhaps as a compliment, that I am akin to a mare. I'm unsure how to interpret this. Is this a comment on my appearance? Am I mareish, and thus unattractive? The events of the past several days attest greatly to the contrary. Hmmm...

Perhaps I simply associate well enough with mares that, if I were to disguise myself adequately as one, I would be indistinguishable from a mare proper?

~~As contrived as the idea seems~~

As much as I'd like to believe this, I admit it might be wishful thinking. I cannot think of a more complimentary interpretation of the statement. There is quite probably some reason for the compliment that I do not yet understand, some social construct the purpose of which is not as of yet apparent to me.

In either ~~scenario~~ ~~eventuality~~ case, I should be cautious. I ought to be more stallionlike, if only because it is now far more socially inappropriate for me to be seen otherwise in a circle of mares, especially one that might be familiar with Cloudshield.

Cloudshield... Such fascination, such daydreaming may be coltish of me, but if it is a coltish impulse then it is one I will gladly indulge.

She began courting me officially last evening. Implications and potentialities are relics of my past now; the moments of reality are at hand and the need for choice and action is keenly felt. She arrived, rather unexpectedly, at my family's home. The sun was half fallen, it was a slightly chilly midafternoon, and I'd been doing very little for the entirety of the day.

I was surprised, then, when father called me to the door. Herdmother Arbour was away and I'd thought the rest of the family to be asleep. I myself was rereading a rather mediocre book, called Taming a Pegasus, one of three books I myself own. It's a rather bland bit of romance between a pair of mares and a pegasus stallion, but I was curious about the presence of a pegasus therein.

I'm digressing again.

Cloudshield arrived and my father called me away from my reading. I was surprised when I saw her at the door and even more so when she asked if I had been courted yet. Obviously, since I had not, I responded truthfully. She gave me a flower to wear then, solidifying her prior implication– she indeed intended to court me.

Neither father nor Ivory seemed particularly surprised at the flower. It's really quite a pretty flower, actually. It's still sitting on my (pleasantly large) bedside table. It matches her colours, of course, as is tradition. Blue on lighter blue looks quite fetching, if I'd be allowed to comment.

After she returned me to my family, she asked Ivory directly if she might escort me back to her home for a meal. I was mildly surprised at this, simply because I was unaware she had built her own house.

I later found out it wasn't exactly a house proper, but actually a little compartment of sorts. Cloudshield, like her herdmother Silver Watcher, is in the Border Guard, the band of brave mares that keep Greenstable safe. Apparently, junior members often sleep in compartments inside the village walls themselves. I didn't even know the walls had compartments, actually, beyond what leads up to the Guardstower at the north end.

With Ivory's permission, Cloudshield took me back to her “home”. It was quite lovely, really, if a bit... ~~Hard~~ harsh. Being constructed entirely of stone will make any dwelling feel rather harsh, I'd imagine. I wonder how they managed before Greensfounding....

Cloudshield served me a meal of fine herbs, a rather expensive gesture for a first day of courtship. It was a fairly quiet meal, maybe unsurprisingly so. She asked me about myself a bit, though, which was excruciatingly pleasant. She returned me home, of course. The distance between our dwellings is somewhat significant. She avoided the central square of the village, lengthening the walk further. A choice which, in retrospect, I have little doubt was quite intentional.

The sun was nearly setting below the horizon when we left her dwelling, and as the sky shifted slowly to a dark violet, I became acutely aware that I was shivering rather uncomfortably. It was below a temperature I found pleasant, certainly, and I believe Cloudshield realised this. She ignored any prior illusion of the abstract concept called a “personal space” from that point on. I cannot say I raised any objections.

When we reached my house, she lingered on my doorstep for a moment, holding me there with conversation that even I, horribly inexperienced at social protocols, could tell was becoming increasingly trite. I was tired, to be sure, but more pressingly, I was still quite cold. In my hurry, I kissed her quite rapidly on the side of her face (I still cannot be sure it was her cheek). I meant it more as a diversion, affording me a quick escape from the (quite literally chilly) situation, but as I continue to consider my actions I must say I am quite ~~enjoying~~ pleased by the outcome. I slept exceptionally that evening, as well. I imagine I'll see her again tomorrow, if not this very evening, and I am very much looking forward to her presence.

Happily and Anticipatory,

Flamehearth

Author's Note

I was ecstatic to receive such positive feedback on the last chapter, even if it did spiral into a debate. To the few who did give me constructive criticism, I'm quite grateful for that as well.