Nature's Call

Chapters

Chapter 1- Parousia
Chapter 2- Threat Revealed
Parousia Chapter 4- Cool Hoof Creed (Because BUCK Twilight!)
Parousia Chapter 5- Mens Sibi Conscia Recti
Parousia Chapter 6- Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Parousia Chapter 7- Catharsis
Parousia Chapter 8- Preparation and Execution
Chapter 8, Part 2- Parting of the Ways
Chapter 3- Obligatory Ponification that is in No Way Permanent

Chapter 1- Parousia

It was pitch black in the woods, with not a soul for miles. The path was uneven, rough, and a dangerous deterrent for any but the most experienced hikers.

I smiled as I raced my bike through the grand trees without a care, inhaling the fresh scent of the pines. Taking hairpin turns and jumping over dips at speed, I felt a quiet exhilaration unlike anything else on Earth.

I knew these woods. Every hill, every stream, every tree was a secret known only to me and the forest itself. So I didn't have to focus on them in the dark; I instinctively knew where they were.

Looking at my ugly mug, most wouldn’t think I was such an avid rider. I was a good six foot five, with short cropped hair and similar length facial hair. I was around 265 pounds, and although I’d reached a point where I could lift more than most football players, that didn’t mean I lacked forty year old man-esque love handles.

My almost nightly rides in the forest had definitely been helping, and I was actually fairly comfortable with how I looked by that time- aka, the love handles had been reduced.

There was another reason to get in shape, besides just feeling more comfortable with myself: I had discovered a long time ago that people were incredibly intimidated by my size, and I found it absolutely hilarious.

Those who didn’t know that I was just a large teddy bear who was always at the ready to give out free hugs or cry when a dog gets hurt in a movie, that is.

I suppose the fact that I constantly listen to the "harder" groups of rock and tended to wear their 'less-than-appealing' shirts was a little off-putting. The close cropped hair was just the icing on the cake. When my Freshman english teacher flinched as I asked to use the restroom, that was when I knew I would have fun with intimidating people. At least, until they got to know me, and came to realize they were more liable to hurt me for my smartass comments than I was to ever raise a hand against them.

I stepped off my bike, knowing I’d reached that point where only boots could carry me to my destination. Leaving my bike on the path- because really, no one is going to steal a bike at midnight in the middle of a forest- I walked purposefully into the dense woods.

I grinned when skipped through some standup comedy to the next song on my iPod, and one of the My Little Pony songs came up- something by The Living Tombstone.

I would never have found my passion for My Little Pony had it not been for some friends back in high school. I felt MLP: FiM was honestly one of the best shows out there, but I liked it more for the fan base.

The creativity and passion that the fans had for the show is incredible, and I honestly enjoyed the fans more than the show itself. Of course, being a fan of ponies has had its drawbacks. My family and non brony friends sometimes made fun of me- none of them really cared. It was just crap I was given in good fun that I gladly dished back every chance I get.

As I clamored over a collapsed tree trunk, I thought about how difficult it would be to find me. I was already a good forty minutes down the trail, and my little excursion led a good mile off the path, where there was no one around for miles.

It was exactly the seclusion that I liked, and I started humming as I remembered just how hard it had been for any of my friends to follow me out there.

The guitar case bouncing on my back, I leapt over the final obstacle between the clearing and myself. Straightening once I hit dirt again, I grinned when I felt the usual breeze softly running through my shortly cropped head and facial hair. Nowhere in the forest could you feel that breeze but my clearing.

The clearing itself wasn’t anything breathtaking. Stretching a few hundred feet around, with a tiny stream running through one side of it, the most striking feature was an old gnarled tree that sat at the center. It was large and drooping, with roots that created a tangle at its bottom just large enough to sit on. I loved to sit between those roots and play guitar more than anything.

When my back touched the smooth bark, I felt the usual relaxation spread through my bones. For reasons I've still yet to determine, the roots were extremely comfortable- more so than the old mattress I had back in my dorm room!

Just as I settled into the welcoming embrace of the roots with my guitar across my lap, the full moon came out from behind a cloud and bathed the whole area in a warm glow that seemed to be just for me. The soft light played off of the woods around me, bringing out details the sun never could have.

I sighed contentedly, and leaned back to play my favorite song on such a night: "Higher" by Creed. My guitar intoned the chords beautifully, letting them drift lazily across the clearing in a way only my clearing could allow. Combined with the glowing moonlight, I felt as if I were playing for the spirit of my father.

It was an indescribably soothing feeling.

As I reached the end of the song, humming the lyrics, I sighed again and set my guitar next to me.

I found the song somewhat ironic, and chuckled quietly to myself. "One last personal joke," I thought to myself, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

But hey, stupidity makes life interesting!

I reached into my pocket then, more content than I had ever felt in my life. Even the cold metal of the pistol wasn't enough to shock me out of my good mood.

As I pulled it out, I couldn't help but think about how I had reached that point.

I'd always thought suicide was one of the most selfish acts one could commit. Robbing your loved ones of the kind words you could have given them, or the days you could have improved... It was more than just taking your life, it was taking a little piece of everyone else's. No matter how big or small.

However, what if you truly feel your time had come? What if you don't commit the act with any malice or hurt intended, but with the simple knowledge that you've learned all you want to or can in this life? With the want to experience a life beyond the current one?

That wasn’t my logic the first time I ran through the woods, when I really did feel that malcontent in my heart. Venomous remarks made by others, the loss of my father at a young age, the cruelties of humanity in general; they had all become too much to bear. My hand was stayed when I stumbled into that clearing.

As I sat back against that tree I’d chosen to be my final resting place, though, my world came alive. The unique breeze, the gurgling of the creek, the quiet power of the tree itself all seemed to whisper, ”Life is beautiful. Your time hasn’t come. You have yet to fulfill your true purpose.”

There was something about the clearing, something I couldn't place, that made me feel warm, loved, and comfortable. It was more loving than any friend, more comforting than any embrace.

So the place that had initially been meant to be my grave became my sanctuary. A place to bring friends who needed to relax their bodies and minds, a place to come and quietly vent rage (not that I was angry often), or just a place to come when I felt anything but happy.

When going to the clearing, that date seemed to pop out in my head. I had felt that my life's journey not only lead into that clearing, but beyond it somehow, and only on a certain night.. I couldn't explain it, but I followed my instincts. They had never failed me before.

And this was it. My life's end, but my journey’s continuance. Wherever that may be.

I took a last look around my beautiful clearing. I forced myself to feel happy, not sad or angry, because then my death would have been nothing more than an act against those I love. Besides, I was in amongst the nature that my father had taught me to love. How could I not be happy?

I would never hurt those I love intentionally. Even if it lead to severe consequences, I could never bring myself to do it... But in this one case, they would just have to forgive me.

I raised the pistol, studying it, and smiled as the bright moonlight shone off the stickers on the handle.

Me being me, I took something horrible and made fun of it. That's how I dealt with the worst things life could throw at me: I laughed at it. If I could find no way to laugh or keep a cheery disposition, then I felt life had somehow won. That it had finally beaten me down to a point where I was no longer myself, just another animal trying to survive.

So, when my uncle sent me a pistol to "keep me safe in college", my friends and I pasted stickers of the ponies I held so dear all over it. I renamed it- the gun was no longer a Colt (an ugly name anyway), but My Little Party Cannon.

Hopefully Pinkie Pie could forgive me.

Remembering that day, when My Little Party Canon touched my temple I held a large grin on my face. Oh, a tear rolled down my cheek (a manly tear, of course), but the grin held steady. I shut my eyes, and slowly built up pressure on the trigger, letting my body relax into the tree that would hold me with Death's embrace.

It wasn't so bad, really, so long as I didn't go kicking and screaming like so many others.

And then, a flash.

I opened one eye suspiciously, wondering what snowball-in-hell random event could have caused a purple flash of light in such a secluded spot.

I must admit, being so close to release, I got a little pissed at being interrupted.

I saw something glowing purple not four inches from my outstretched feet, and opened my other eye to stare at the object while forgetting about the pistol in my hand. After all, it's not every day something suddenly appears at your feet while you're about to commit suicide miles from anyone within hearing range, right?

It seemed to be a roll of paper, maybe even a scroll of some kind.

My frustration melting away instantly, I was full of curiosity.

"What could this be?" I mused. Bending at the waist, I grabbed the small piece of paper and unrolled it. On the front was what seemed to be hastily scratched writing:

Whoever reads this, please help! I'm in dire need of assistance, and everypony I know is captured or gone! This note will seek out anypony who is best fit to provide assistance. If found, please- you are the best hope for myself, and the greatest hope for all of Equestria! Also, don't be frightened by the transportation spell- it's still rough.

A mare in need,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

The moon was shining brightly enough that I could read the writing quite easily. It just made no sense whatsoever.

I had no idea what to think by the time I finished the end of the note a second time. Either someone was going through a LOT of trouble to pull a prank made in poor taste, or I was going crazy.

I thought about it for a second, then searched through my pockets, looking frantically around me, panic in every movement. I slapped at myself, hoping to find what I searched for. As I slowed, I sighed, and lowering my head dejectedly. “I’m sorry, guys, I just… I just can’t find any bucks to give.”

I started laughing- it isn’t often I can pull that one out (whether or not the pranksters were even there), but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

I’m a man of simple pleasures. Don’t judge me.

I said “buck” because I had realized very early on that I felt like cursing around, because of, or in reference to My Little Pony made me feel like I was somehow desecrating them. As such, I had an official List of Things for my friends and I that were not to be mentioned in the same ways. Cursing, Disney (great for childhood, not so great for My Little Pony’s purity), sex (if doing that to a pony isn’t disrespectful, I don’t know what is), and whatever else I came up with on the spot.

The scroll apparently didn’t take kindly to being made fun of.

While I giggled to myself, wondering who I’d just pissed off, it started glowing brighter.

And heating up.

And hurting.

A LOT.

“Ow. Ow! OW! Cut it out!”

I didn’t take kindly to being burned.

“Stupid scroll!” I shouted, trying to toss it away. This thing was starting to feel hotter than when I left the back of my hand on a boiling pot of water just to see how long I could stand it. I swear I could feel the heat actually radiating off of it, and my hands felt like they were on fire!

But I couldn’t get it away. I don’t know if that was some part of the glowing, or just because it felt like my hands had melted around the damn thing (hot, remember?) but I couldn’t let go. It was as if someone had Krazy Glue’d the paper to my hands.

“What sadistic bastards these pranksters are!” I thought to myself, again applauding their ingenuity. If I hadn’t been the one holding the piece of chemical warfare burning like one of Lucifer’s testicles, I’d have enjoyed the joke too. As things stood, I started to freak out.

“Assholes! Get this thing off me!” I screamed. “I swear to God, I will find you and stick my boots so far up your collective asses you’ll taste the leather! Aaaah!”

When I didn’t think it was possible to get any hotter or more painful, suddenly I was pulled away by the paper.

It felt like I was sucked into the tree itself, and then dropped out of my dimension. I flew downward, gaining momentum through the nothingness. My senses were all shut down- I couldn’t see or hear a thing, and there was a complete loss of sensation except one.

The feeling that I was going fast.

It was peaceful in a way, flying through this void, but still frightening. I mean, if I had killed myself there would have been a bright light, right? I reasoned that I probably hadn't killed myself, because I had never actually pulled the trigger.

At the same time, how could I explain the loss of all my senses, and the feeling of moving? I decided not to worry about it. There are worse ways to spend the rest of time than flying peacefully through it. Like sitting through a musical... ugh. If I could, I would have shivered.

At least I didn't feel the burning from the scroll anymore.

Eventually, after what alternatively felt like ten lifetimes and a few milliseconds, the paper from hell started leading me in a certain direction. Not straight down, but slightly away. It wasn't any difference from the sensation I had felt before, but there was a sort of intrinsic knowledge that had come to light within my mind that I was nearing the end of the ride. Don’t ask me to explain any more than that, I’m reaching the end of my descriptive abilities as is!

I expected some sort of metaphysical landing, or maybe the pearly gates, and hopefully not the darker ones with flames everywhere! I thought at that point I must have pulled the trigger, and this was death. I wouldn't be flying toward something if I wasn't dead, right? Maybe I'd land on clouds! Or a sunbeam! Or maybe-

Instead of anything like that, I was suddenly, forcefully squeezed out of a tiny hole. It wasn’t literally a tiny hole, but I felt everything about myself stretched out to fit through the infinitesimal point I had reached. it wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but I imagine babies have a much better time of it.

When I had made it through the hole at the bottom of the Rabbit Hole, I was spit outward to unceremoniously crash facedown on the cold ground.

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach along with a resounding of notes, and had to struggle to lift myself. I realized I had landed on my guitar, and looked down to see it crushed under my large body.

Glancing around myself, I saw I was still in my clearing. The stars were a little brighter and the moon looked a bit closer, but other than that, it was the exact same place.

”Huh. So my clearing is in the afterlife. Good to know, I supposed.”

My iPod was still in in my pocket, and the pistol sat next to my right hand. The lantern was turned off, sitting a few feet to my left. Obviously I wasn't dead, seeing as how you don't generally take possessions with you into the afterlife.

I thought I had been drugged. My friends roofied me once, just to see how I would act. The aftermath was similar to what I was experiencing right now, just with more vomiting, strange bruises and used bras strapped around my face with holes cut in the cups. Meant to be like batman’s mask, I was told.

Never did figure out whose bra that was.

As I was taking stock of myself, I heard the breeze pick up louder than ever before. Just next to my ear, I heard a purposeful intake of breath

“Parousia at last,” it sighed. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this, Paul.”

I jumped up, spinning around to see where the demonic voice was coming from. “Who-who’s there?” I whispered. “What are you talking about?”

The voice laughed, seeming to come from the woods themselves. “You may call me Q, I suppose,” it said from behind me. “Just one of my many monikers, but relevant in this situation.”

I whipped around, seeing nothing. The moonlight lit the clearing almost as bright as the sun, and I could clearly see that I was alone. “Alright Q, you sadistic freak,” I growled while my fists balled up. “Why don’t you show yourself so we can chat like gentleman about that evil piece of paper you dropped into my lap?”

“Oh, we’ll be face to face soon enough young one,” the voice murmured. “But believe it or not, I wasn’t the one to send the scroll your way!”

The chuckling faded away slowly and the breeze died with it, revealing a sobbing coming from around the tree. Well, I was a little frustrated at having my emotions toyed with. ”If Q thinks some crying will get him out of the pit he’s dug for himself bringing me here,” I thought bitterly, “He’s got another fist coming.”

My anger piqued, I wiped the guitar off my shirt while walking around the gnarled tree I knew so well. I would mourn the loss of my guitar when I finished clobbering Q.

Reaching the other side of the tree, I still saw no one in the clearing. The crying was louder, but some clouds moved over the moon and blocked its light from illuminating the woods before me.

“Why don’t you quit crying like a little girl and face me, weirdo?” I called, raising my hands to either side. “I’m just itching to make your acquaintance, Q, so come on out!”

“What- Who are you?!” a small voice cried, panic evident in the words. They came from behind me, and I slowly turned back to the tree.

With the light of the moon blocked I couldn’t see anything, really. Just a dark shape within a darker hole of the tree, at about my chest level. It was the same hole many of my friends had sat in when I brought them to my clearing, was pretty big.

Whatever it was, the thing wasn’t Q. It lacked any sort of conviction to its words, and I was pretty sure demons didn’t cry.

“Who am I?” I asked, a little frustrated. “How about who the hell are you? While we’re on it, what the hell are you?! I don’t care if this place looks like my clearing, it’s obviously some sort of purgatory-like place with demons named Q running the welcome kiosk. For all I know, you’re not even anything I’d recognize as being alive!”

The thing cried out like I had hit it, and I heard it trying to scurry further into the tree hole. “Please don’t hurt me!” it sobbed frantically. The crying continued, now more terrified than anything I’d heard before in my life.

I sighed. Nothing evil or capable of inflicting damage was going to be afraid of me, and if my own experience was anything to go on, maybe it had been dumped into this place too.

I can never stand to see someone cry, especially not a little kid. Then I just get even more emotional than them, I suppose in a subconscious effort to drown out their pain.

Or something else just as ridiculous. Empathy isn’t exactly a precise science.

“Alright look, I’m not going to hurt you. And I’m sorry for snapping,” I told her, my voice cracking a little already.

Damnit.

“I’m just a little frustrated with being brought here. God knows how, and not even He knows why, but we’re both here together. So, we might as well make the best of things by not making me blubber like an idiot, but introducing ourselves. Okay?”

The hole was a bit like a cave, almost five feet deep, and with a back wall made up of two large trunks of the tree leading a good three and a half feet high. It didn’t move, but I knew I would be able to reach it if I needed to.

“My name’s Paul. What’s yours?” I asked, taking a few steps forward and extending my hand to shake. I found out that was a bad idea when the thing in the tree screamed and tried to press itself as far back against the wall as it could.

“Hey hey hey!” I whispered calmly, backing up and putting my hands out to my sides in what I hoped was a non threatening gesture. “It’s okay! I’m not going to hurt you. Could you just... Could you just do me a favor, real quick?”

As my eyes adjusted to the moonless darkness, I could barely make out the glint of the thing’s eyes within the dark recesses of the tree... It’s freakishly large eyes. They looked like the Powerpuff Girls had somehow transplanted their eyes into this thing’s head.

“Look at me,” I thought. “Some little person in a tree in the forest, all alone, and I’m already making fun of them. I’m a real turd.”

It didn't say anything for a few seconds, and simply studied me warily. “Oh… okay?” she finally said, quietly, questioningly. Her voice had a musical quality to it, one that could only belong to a little girl. My heart almost broke from the thought of a little girl crying in a tree all alone.

I nearly lost it right there!

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” I said.

At that point, I was really working hard to keep the tears in. “When I see other people cry then I start crying and I can’t stop for a really long time and things get really awkward and I just met you and I can tell you need help so I don’t want it to be awkward when I’m trying to help you and,” at this point I had to stop and take a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down.

I blew it out, relaxing a bit, and continued. “And I really just want to help you. I’m so so sorry for yelling at you earlier. Can you please stop crying, and tell me if you know what we’re doing out here all by ourselves?”

I couldn’t hear anymore crying, which was good, but I saw her eyes lower. She sort of mumbled something to herself.

I can’t stand mumbling too quiet for anyone else to hear. It is one of the most annoying habits people have. The only things I hate more than mumbling is people whose chewing I can hear and the sound of people typing incredibly fast, because that just tells you they think themselves so much better than everyone else..

“Excuse me?” I coaxed loudly, startling her based on the sudden motion I heard within. “What did you say?”

I smiled as big a smile as I could, hoping to give her the confidence to speak. It worked, if tentatively.

She drew a breath, and said, “Alright, ‘Paul’… I’m hiding from them. This was a place Fluttershy showed me, and it was remote enough that I thought I would be safe. But… What are you doing here? What are you?”

It’s incredible how much a few questions can tell you about something, and what they can do to you.

I learned, in those questions, almost all I needed to know: this couldn’t be a kid, not with an advanced vocabulary like that. So, a small or young adult. She’s also from ‘here’ or has been ‘here’ for some time, wherever that place was. She also was hiding from a multitude of somethings incredibly dangerous and powerful. Most importantly, she had mentioned Fluttershy as if she were real.

“Well?” she asked, her voice still trembling. “What are you?”

Narrowing my eyes, I leaned closer, and said, “Fluttershy is best pony.”

Then I turned and ran excitedly back to the spot I had landed in not 5 minutes ago, apparently in a different world… My brain hurt just trying to figure that little puzzle out.

As the moon came back out while I was gathering my belongings, I glanced up and realized it wasn’t the same moon.

Well, it was in the same position, but it was… different. The craters formed what I could swear was the profile of a horse. It also seemed to glow with a tenacity unknown to Earth's moon, and I think it was much closer than it should be.

Strike one up for the place being Equestria, I suppose.

Remembering what I was doing, I went to retrieve the scroll that had brought me here. The paper didn’t look too keen to see me again, and the feeling was mutual. I swear to all that is holy and pure in that human-forsaken world, as I reached for it, the damn thing moved.

As I walked back to who I was now sure was one Twilight Sparkle, I beamed with pride as I held my fallen foe aloft, stricken through with a thick branch found conveniently nearby. I felt like a hero, returning from glorious battle.

Twilight didn’t understand immediately what it was I brought her, but she did allow me to give her the paper from the end of my new stick. I could see much more clearly with the moon out once more, and could just make out the purple outline of Twilight within the tree as she read her note. Then she seemed a bit miffed that I had elected to run the evil being through, not once, but about a half-dozen times.

“How did you get this… What happened to it?” she asked.. "And what did you mean ‘Fluttershy is best pony?’”

Oh boy.

“Well, uh, the thing hurt my hands like napalm when it landed at my feet over there,” I indicated, pointing around the tree. “I really don’t like it when inanimate objects scare me, and I have this weird thing where I assign them personas and treat them like people. A therapist really thought it was funny when I told him my parents never found my night light’s grave in the backyard, but that’s not important right now.”

Trying to get lead her away from the fact that I knew her friends, I levied a finger at her. “What IS important is why you brought me here!”

Like I said, I like the large man intimidation routine- it really throws people for a loop!

“I-I don’t know,” She said, cowering back. Success!... But then I felt bad. Damnit.

“I just sent it to whoever would be able to help me!” With that she grew suspicious again. “So... How did you get it? Are you some monster that lives in the Everfree forest I’ve never read of?” She gasped. "What did you do to the pony carrying this?!"

“Nothing, as far as I know!” I said honestly, glancing around and brandishing my stick in case Q decided to come back.. “Look, this is my first time in this world. You’re the first talking pony I’ve ever met. I’m going to assume you know more about that note, along with whatever spell you cast on it, and just go from there.”

“I don’t understand how this happened,” she fretted. “My note was supposed to find somepony who could help me, not hop the borders between universes and drag some talking monster back!”

“I don’t know how I got it- it just appeared to me,” I answered. “If you really are Twilight Sparkle from the stupid, evil note, then you know more about what’s going on than I do. No, I'm not a monster, and I don’t live in the Everfree Forest. If you did whatever magic on it that made it go to the most helpful person, then you’ve got me. I don’t exactly think I’m the most qualified for the job, and I’m about as far from a normal state of mind as I can be, but I’ll do whatever you need. So. What can I do for you, young mare?”

With that, I stood up tall, the stick appearing majestic as I held it aloft and I looked into the distance.Total Paul Bunyan style. Although at that point I was kind of wishing I had beautiful long hair that would slowly move in the breeze of the clearing.

Instead of being impressed by the fact that an alien had come to rescue her like I expected, she burst into tears again.

“I’m not that ugly, am I?” I asked, trying to sound hurt and silly at the same time. I mustered as ridiculous a puppy dog stare I could manage to avoid the waterfalls that were threatening me.

She didn’t take to the joke as much as I would have liked, but the crying did slow a bit.

“No, no,” she sniffled, wiping away her tears. “It’s just… If the paper sought you out, what does that mean about my friends, the other Princesses, the rest of Equestria?”

“I, um. I guess I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Maybe that they’re alright, and I’m just so much better at helping that not even Princess Celestia or the Elements of Harmony could compare?” I asked, trying to get another giggle from her, and lighten the mood.

Then I remembered that I was the alien here, and wasn’t supposed to know a single thing about Equestria.

She stood up within the tree, and understandably seemed to be a little upset. “How do you know about the Princesses and the Elements?” she asked, her horn starting to glow. “Start explaining now, monster.” The light from her horn threw a ghastly light on her face and the small area. Her wings also cast incredibly creepy shadows- wait wings?

”Damn season three got it right!” I briefly thought to myself before answering her.

“Hey, cut the magics! I told you, I’m not a monster!” I put my hands up and tossed the stick away, immediately regretting not dropping the stick nearby in case Q decided to nake a surprise appearance.

“I can explain everything in due time! For now though, it sounds like you, your friends, basically everypony is in trouble, and the powers-that-be decided I could help you the best. So, do you really want to shoot yourself in the foot- er, hoof- by hurting me? Besides, you would feel really really bad about it. So… cool the magicy fires shooting out of the horn, will you?”

She thought about it for a moment, then the light diminished, and she sank back down to her belly. “Alright, I’m sorry.” she said, looking down. “I’ve just been under a lot of stress…”

I know when people need hugs. It’s a talent I think. And Twilight really needed a hug.

From what I could figure out, it sounded like her whole world had come crashing down around her. Really, so had mine, but I tossed that thought away for now- someone else needed me to be their emotional support, and I took that position very seriously.

She began to object as I climbed into the tree with her. “Get away from-” she started, but she was cut off when I embraced her.

Ever try hugging a pony inside a tree at night while she was objecting and lying down? Probably not. Let me sum it up: it is very difficult.

But I persevered, sitting down and taking her whole upper body into my arms. She and I actually fit quite snugly into the tree in this position; she seemed to be no taller than 3 feet at the shoulder when standing. “Big in one world, big in another,” I thought to myself.

Sometimes, even a tight embrace from a stranger is enough to break down the barriers we put in place. She leaned into me and let it all out. I, of course, would never cry at all in such a case- especially not after a good ten minutes of some~~one~~pony pouring their feelings out on your shoulder. Just a little bleariness on the edges of my... Oh, who am I kidding? I cried right alongside her.

I made sure to do so silently though; I know when people just need an uninterrupted release.

As her cries and shakes slowly diminished, I took her face into my hands and made her look at me. “It’ll be alright,” I told her confidently. “I don’t know why the scroll chose me, but I will help to the best of my abilities, no matter what issues you are having here in Equestria. I promise you can count on me, Twilight.”

She nodded, and smiled for the first time that night. With even the barest glow coming from the moon, I could tell she had a wonderful smile that brightened her face.

“Thank you, Paul,” she whispered, then yawned. I yawned as well- this one much louder, longer and more forceful than hers. Looking out at the moon, I saw it had started to dip toward the horizon already.

“Well, look at the time!” I said, standing abruptly. Not a good idea when you are in a tree, the large crack to my head informed me. Suddenly, I didn’t like the tree so much. I wanted my stick to teach it a few lessons on manners.

Soon, soon…

She seemed surprised by my grumblings as I rubbed my head and jumped to the ground. I turned around, and told her to wait there.

Returning to my “POEE” (Point Of Equestrian Entry), as I decided it was hence to be named, I scooped the remains of my guitar into its case along with my lantern, and after some debate, grabbed the pistol. I made sure the safety was on, and then put it in my back pocket. Just because I had only loaded it with two bullets didn’t mean it wasn’t still dangerous!

Coming back around the tree, I smiled warmly at Twilight. “Mind if I camp out here with you for the night? You look mighty cozy in that tree, so I figured this is a good a place as any to get some rest. You look like you need it.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re not going to try sleeping in here with me, are you?!”

I chuckled, dropping my stuff on the ground below the hole. “No Twilight, I’m not. We don’t know each other well enough to sleep together.”

I saw her turn red, and start to say something before my laughter cut her off. “I’m just kidding, Twilight. Go to sleep, I’ll stay out here and keep guard for anything that might get curious.”

She nodded and, laying her head down, closed her eyes. She shivered a bit, the breeze picking up.

“Here,” I said, taking off my thermal shirt, leaving my in only my plain white undershirt and jeans. Now was when I thanked God I hadn’t lost all of my fat- I did stay warmer than most skinny people.

I took my comfortable brown thermal, and draped it on top of her. It covered her completely, and her eyes held all the gratitude I could ever ask for.

With another yawn interrupting her objections, I told her, “It’s alright, just try to get some sleep. One benefit of being large is you stay warmer. You little ponies must have a terrible time in winter, being so small!”

She smiled thankfully as she lay her head down on one- what? Leg? Arm? Whatever, I could ask her tomorrow. She was out like a light as soon as her head was down, and her breathing slowed down to a rhythmic beat.

Retrieving the stick just in case Q decided to make a surprise return, I sat down next to the little hidey-hole, content with resting my back against the tree for the night. I have to admit, I felt pretty tired too, and as soon as my mind began to slow I closed my eyes to let sleep take me.

Strangely, I had no thoughts of suicide, of my own problems, or even trepidation about what it was that had Twilight so freaked out. I could simply let go for the first time in months. Maybe it was the magic of Equestria or something.

Just as I was almost asleep, I heard a whimper. Snapping awake, I looked around to see if Twilight’s threat had somehow found us. Brandishing my stick, I could see nothing. Another whimper told me it wasn’t coming from out in the woods, but from within the tree.

Standing up, I could see Twilight twitching in her sleep. Some nightmare or memory was troubling her. I couldn’t think what to do. If I woke her, she wouldn’t get what rest she needed. If I let her sleep, she would be tormented all night- keeping her from any meaningful rest anyway, and me from any sleep whatsoever.

So, I did the only thing I could think of: I started softly running my hand through her hair as I spoke in low tones. I remembered my father doing the same for my little brother when he couldn’t sleep, and figured the same general sensory rules applied to ponies.

After a small debate, I chose one of the simplest and most applicable things I knew. It would have been preferable to have my guitar handy, but that thing had been smashed to pieces.

I remembered my father singing lullabies, reciting poetry, even quoting sports legends. As I racked my brain for something that would make sense, something that would be applicable, it dawned on me. The one thing from the Bible I’d ever bothered to memorize, which had gotten me through the worst nights of my father’s absence.

Twilight moved under my strokes, starting to waken, so I collected my thoughts and began.

“He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings thou shalt trust; his truth shall be thy sword and buckler.”

Twilight stopped moving, calmed by my smooth strokes through her long head of hair and deep voice. As I spoke, images of my father standing strong and hugging me tightly flashed through my mind.

“Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth by noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand more at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked... There shalt no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.”

I looked down at Twilight as I finished what I could remember. She was smiling, and had somehow balled up one of the arms on my thermal into a pillow.

I leaned forward and whispered as softly as I could manage, “I will keep charge over you. You don’t have to be afraid.” I kissed my hand, placing it on her cheek and whispering, “It’ll be alright. I’m here for you. Sleep well.”

I had taken care of my younger brother for years, and kissing goodnight was a daily ritual. I didn’t feel awkward about doing it for my newfound friend- especially when she so obviously needed reassurance. I laid back down against the tree, placing the stick across my lap.

Leaning my head back, I realized I was more at peace than I had been my entire life. I was with someonepony who needed me, I was among the nature I loved- even if that forest happened to be the same one as was in another universe- and I felt… different.

I couldn’t explain it, until it suddenly dawned on me. I felt like I was on the right track. No longer was my life’s path leading just to one place, it stretched before me, wondrous and full of adventure. I smiled a little then, and lay my head back.

I even laughed a bit, remembering what my father had always taught me: “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise!” I thanked Benjamin Franklin indirectly for the last one- it was one of my favorite quotes.

As I drifted off into a deep slumber, I barely registered a voice. I didn’t know if it came from the real world or my imagination, but it was too quiet and comforting to wake me.

“Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”

I swear, as I left the waking world, that I could hear the woods around me singing... Or maybe howling...

Author's Note

Originally, this AN was about four full bodied paragraphs long.

Now? All I can say to the new readers is, you lucky dog you- there's so much crap gone I can't even describe. The chapters later on get much better IMO, so I hope this one didn't discourage you. Also, you can ignore most of the comments here. :derpytongue2:

Parousia is ancient Greek for "presence, arrival, or official visit" BTW. You're welcome. :scootangel:

Here's the one song I couldn't bear to cut during the revisions, you guys. It holds too much IRL importance to me, and I think it really added something to that chapter.

"Higher" by Creed

Chapter 2- Threat Revealed

I woke slowly, fighting a losing battle to stay asleep. When I could no longer combat it, I opened one lazy eye to see that the sun was starting its upward journey. I stretched my arms as far overhead as I could, feeling a little tight from my sleep position. A sigh escaped my lips, and I scratched absentmindedly at my head.

I was a little startled when I heard a sigh answer mine. Looking to my right, I saw the head of a character that seemed straight out of a cartoon I liked. “What is that show again?” I asked myself groggily. I didn't get the feeling that she could or would hurt me, but it was a little disconcerting all the same.

Then it all came rushing back. The gun, the paper, Q, Twilight crying, hitting my head on the tree. I felt for the bump on my head to reassure myself it wasn’t a dream; the instant headache seemed to indicate that no, it wasn’t a dream, and no, you shouldn’t stand up in trees. Very bad idea.

I made sure the pistol was still tucked away in my back pocket, then stood and stretched my back. The satisfying cracking of my vertebrae echoed throughout the surrounding trees, and stirred Twilight from her sleep. I would have apologized, but I was too enraptured with watching a cartoon character move around in three dimensions.

“Huh? Wha?” she drooled, still in dreamland. Her half lidded eyes drifted around and settled on me, without blinking.

I smiled and waved a hand. “Good morning!”

She regarded me with suddenly wide-open eyes, taking me in with the full light of the sun.. “So it wasn’t a dream,” she mumbled to herself, almost too quiet for me to hear.

Twilight stood and stretched out her wings, then hopped to the ground to stretch her back- never taking her eyes off me once. It was weird seeing a sentient, technicolor pony stretching the same way dogs do, but I shook that thought away. Who am I to judge other species?

Achieving a satisfying couple of pops herself, she rubbed the last traces of the sandman’s work out of her eyes and looked at me. “So... what do undocumented bipedal monsters have in the way of morning routines?”

Not exactly a normal thing to ask someone as they wake up, the question caught me a little off guard. “Well,” I said thoughtfully, putting a hand to my chin. “First of all, not a monster. Definitely want to clarify that before you go hurting my feelings. As for morning rituals...” I thought back to what was apparently an entirely different world.

Smiling, I said, “‘I wake up almost every morning with a slap to the face from my generous roommate, Dustin. After that, I usually have Raisin Bran Crunch or a protein shake, and take a shower.”

Twilight looked utterly mortified, and backed up a few paces. “What a horrible culture you must have grown up in, to have to wake with violence! And I’m not sure I even want to know what this ‘Raisin Bran Crunch’ is!”

I laughed, which only seemed to disturb her more.

“No, no,” I giggled. “I’m just weird. I get used to alarms too fast, so I asked him to hit me every morning and make sure I get up. He didn’t like it at first, but now he enjoys himself.”

I walked over to where I had dropped the stick, and regarded it casually. “You know, we should probably get a move on pretty soon.”

Twilight looked between myself and the stick, confused. “What... Why?”

“Well, it’s harder to track anything- pony or human- when they’re constantly on the move,” I told her simply.

“Well then…” She sat in the dirt, looking pretty scraggly. She must have been roughing it for a few days now, or at least been under an incredible amount of stress. Either way, it looked like her scraggly coat and mane both needed a desperate brushing…

Or a shaving. There was always shaving.

That was one reason I had shaved my own hair pretty short: I have two cowlicks, these whorls in my hair, that are at odds with each other. If I let my hair grow out, it would look like two separate grenades had gone off on the back of my head.

Sucks to suck, let me tell you.

“Well, what?” I asked, walking over to sit beside her. She flinched, but didn’t run, which I took to be a good sign. “You’re not going to suddenly pull a shower or razor out of a magic hat, are you? Because it looks like we could both use ‘em.”

I could just imagine that: singing a capella in a shower in the middle of a forest in Equestria. It was every brony's dream, really... Or is that just me?

Shaking her head after giving me a glare, she informed me that no, she couldn’t conjure a shower, but that there was a stream on the other side of the clearing if I was interested. It was the same one that ran through my clearing back home, and I groaned.

It was clean, sure, but it wasn’t all that large or especially appealing. I was never one for 'roughing it' like that.

“Uh, no,” I said, pulling a face. “I would rather wait until a real shower is available. Besides, I took one just a few hours before I came out here. But you,” I said, looking at her hair. There were small flakes of wood and even a few creepy crawlies that were in there, which I flicked away before she could notice.

“You seem to need a washing more than I do, no offense.”

“I suppose,” she agreed, but looking herself over, quickly made up her mind. “Alright, I’ll go and run some water over my coat and mane, just to get it untangled. I don’t have any soap, so it won’t be all that cleansing, but it’s something. When I get back however,” and now she turned her fierce eyes on me again. Scary eyes are scary. “You’re going to explain to me what exactly you are, and where you come from. Ok?”

I nodded silently, and then watched her ~~walk~~ trot in the general direction of the stream I remembered from Earth.

“If this forest is the same as the one on Earth, how many other things are the same?”

I stood up once more, and the rumbling of my stomach told me I was long overdue for some breakfast. I hadn’t brought any snacks with me- after all, suicide didn’t build up all that much of an appetite, so I’d heard. Waiting for Twilight to return so she could conjure some pancakes or something, I decided to get my story right.

What would I say about Earth? About my family? The human race in general? But then one question left me especially frightened. “What if she asks me what I was doing in the forest last night?”

I made my mind up almost instantly I would lie. Suicide is one of those grim facts of human life I decided to add to my List of Things Not To Mention Around Ponies- a list which suddenly seemed much more important. So: Cursing, Disney, Sex, and now Suicide. Good to remember as a few simple guidelines for traveling in Equestria.

“And the whole ‘you’re a cartoon’ thing?” I reminded myself. Well, I couldn’t hide every bit of knowledge I have, right? She probably won’t believe me even if I told her anyway...

I figured I would answer her questions as honestly as I could for everything else, but if the subjects got too, shall I say, out of hoof, I would shut it down. She would just have to accept that.

Just as I was nodding to myself, finally in agreement as to what to say, Twilight came trotting back. She looked much better, if a little chilled. It was the middle of Fall on Earth, so I wasn’t surprised it was getting a little chilly here in Equestria. More surprised I was actually in Equestria itself, but that was the sort of otherworldly shock that takes a long time to reside.

“Before you say anything,” I said to her as she approached, “Let me help you warm up!” She didn’t object, so I walked over to the tree to get my thermal shirt. Walking back over to her, I went to drape it around her.

Instead, she grasped it with a bit of purple magic, laid it on her back, and tied the arms around her neck. It looked more like a large brown cape now, but it also looked quite warm for her, so I didn’t object. I had only meant for it to be a towel anyway.

I meandered out a few feet to a patch of comfortable looking grass, and plopped down. If I was going to sit through a Twilight questionnaire, I might as well be comfortable.

“Alright Twilight, go ahead,” I told her, indicating a spot across from me. When she instead sat down about ten feet away from me, I rolled my eyes. “Fine. But let’s make this quick, ok? I don’t want to stay here any longer than necessary.”

No amount of prior knowledge or training could have possibly prepared me for the interrogation I went through. The SAT has less questions on it than Twilight asked.

At first I had to explain Earth, and my life. I detailed my family, leaving out that my father was dead. I told her about attending NAU, and coming out to my clearing on an almost daily basis. I let out the fact that this bit of woods looked exactly like the ones I had been in on Earth, and that just set her off on a tangent I didn’t understand half of.

Something about multiverse, parallel universes, bubble theory, quantum mechanics, particles of matter, wormholes, time and space’s relationship with one another, etc. I was always fascinated by that kind of stuff, even watched Morgan Freeman host a show about it. But the speed at which she was going, the little calculations she did in the dirt, the crazy gleam to her eyes- they all just threw me for a loop.

When she had calmed down a bit, she asked me about my family. I had two siblings. Yes, humans like me. No, my size isn’t normal, but there were some much larger than me. Did I have any pets? Yes, before I moved out I had 3 dogs. What are dogs on Earth? Like semi-sentient wolves, but tame for thousands upon thousands of years, and all different breeds. Like sentient, but not sapient, Diamond Dogs.

Of course, I remembered that Applejack had a dog just a second too late.

“How do you know about Diamond Dogs if you’re from this 'Earth' place, and were only transported here last night?” she asked suspiciously,

I sighed, knowing it had to come up eventually. “See, you and your friends are a cartoon where I come from, a series of very short movies that we watch for entertainment. Usually every Saturday, a new episode comes on, and a lot of people get up early to watch. I swear, we didn’t know you were real; we just thought it was a little girl’s show.

“The Elements of Harmony are the main characters, and most episodes end with a letter to Celestia in which a lesson about friendship is learned. That, along with a few fairly adult themes and jokes, is why men like me love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, despite it being intended as a little girl’s show. Although I like it more for the fans themselves. They’re very talented, very driven people who create fantastic artwork and music, just to name a few avenues of entertainment.”

After a few moments of stunned silence, she started laughing. Just like I thought- she didn’t believe me.

“No no, really?” she laughed, clutching at her sides. I didn’t even know you could clutch with hooves! “You like a little girl’s show? You, the large human with facial hair and obvious masculinity issues?”

“I do not have masculinity issues!” I sputtered. Being made fun of for liking ponies by my friends was one thing. Being fun of for liking ponies by a pony? That's just not alright!

“And so what if some people said I looked like a girl in high school?" I retorted. "That doesn’t mean I let it get to me!” I have no idea why I said those words. I wasn't even thinking those words.

Ever heard of a Freudian Mistake? It’s where your true feelings or thought processes come out by accident. Except… on purpose in a subconscious way. I could recognize one, even when it’s my own.

My cheeks flushed red so badly, I swear I could have passed for Big Macintosh right then.

Twilight, after she stopped laughing, was again overcome by an insane need for information, in this case about my flushing face- which apparently happens to ponies, just to a much lesser degree.

“But... What about you being a cartoon?” I asked, perplexed. “I’m pretty sure that would be more important than my blushing!”

“Oh, weird stuff like that is practically expected if two universes are connected,” she waved it off. “Now, go on about the reddening.”

So I had to go into great detail about my embarrassment, even down to the Freudian mistake thing. Which lead to psychotherapy. Which led to physical medicine... Which so happened to be what I had been majoring in.

I gave her just a taste of the knowledge I’d accrued from medical classes: terminology, the overall wellness of the body, how each system relates to another, et cetera. I felt very proud to have such knowledge they should have had anyway in Equestria, and to make Twilight’s mouth hang open like that was just a bonus.

“But why not just use magic over the course of treatment in order to rehabilitate the patient?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Oh yeah,” I mumbled sheepishly. “Guess I forgot about that. You see Twilight, the thing is, humans don’t exactly… have magic... per se…”

Oh boy.

If Twilight had been any more excited, I would have sworn that she’d hold me down and open me up just to experiment on my liver.

As it turns out, Twilight did want to experiment on me. Thankfully, not by cutting me open and turning my organs into baked treats of a certain variety that were not to be mentioned.

“Ok, you stand there!” she shouted, and galloped away. Standing where she told me to, I crossed my arms. “So, being a Princess, are you any less inclined to experiment with new creatures, or does Celestia just have to reign you in?” I asked sarcastically.

Twilight cringed, then put her head down and slowly walk back to me. “I forgot, Paul,” she said shamefully. “I was so caught up in learning all about you, and how you got here, I forgot my own troubles. Celestia, Luna, the Elements… my friends...” she sniffed sadly. “They’ve all been taken… or worse.”

“Alright Twilight,” I said, uncrossing my arms and bending.. “Your turn to spill the beans. Who or what is it you’re running from? What happened to the other denizens of Equestria? And why can’t you just magic us to a safer place than the woods?”

She shook her head. “I can’t use my magic much. These... things, I don't know what they are, can track ponies through their use of magic. They employ a lot of the Diamond Dogs as their troops, and the Princesses and I have no idea how to stop them.”

“So, that means when you threatened me last night, it was just a bluff?”

She nodded. “Yes. That light was about as much magic as I can use without them tracking me, and even the magic used to fly can alert them. That was how they found us Princesses so quickly; we’re the most powerful magical ponies I know of, and we didn’t understand they could track so well then. That was last week. I’d been hiding at Apple Acres with a lot of other ponies for this week, but those things and their Diamond Dogs attacked yesterday morning at dawn.”

Twilight looked away. “I can still hear my friends screaming for help as they were dragged away,” she said quietly. “I heard them last night in my dreams, too. They were telling me I abandoned them… That their deaths were on my hooves.”

She looked me in the eye, amazing me with the resolution I found there. “But you came. You told them I had done all I could. You promised we would be coming for them, wherever they were.”

After a moment’s pause, she continued. “Then you started saying some sort of verse... It was something about being there for us, protecting us during the night, and helping us with our troubles. They apologized to me, and I don’t remember anything after that but feeling happiness.”

“It’s nice to know my help got through to you,” I said happily. “You were tossing and turning, really disturbed about something. I remember my father doing that sort of thing for me when I had nightmares. And you should know, what was said in your dream is true- I will help you no matter what I have to do,” I added honestly, feeling all glowy inside to see her face brighten.

She smiled, happy to hear me join her cause. Like I would’ve ever denied that shining face!

“There are a few gaps in your logic, though.” I crouched down on one knee, still a little taller than her head when on one knee. “Your friends are not dead. Think about it- these things wouldn’t bother hauling ponies away unless they wanted them for something. And the Princesses will be fine, if I understand the physics of this world correctly. After all, don’t the sun and moon remain still if they aren’t controlling them?

She gasped. “That’s right! I didn’t even think of that” I could tell that doesn’t happen often. “You’re smarter than you look!” she exclaimed, and threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

AWWWWWWWWWWWW, PONY HUGS!

...Wait a minute.

“Exactly how unintelligent do I look?” I asked, pulling away. She blushed slightly, the color flushing just under her eyes and in her ears.

“Ah, Well, that is, I didn’t mean you look unintelligent or anything, I just meant you didn’t look sma- er, uh, I mean…” I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, and don't care if she did; it was just fun messing with her!

I looked at her sternly from arm’s length for a few seconds, letting her bumble and sweat her way through an apology, before grinning and hugging her again. “I know, I’m just joshin’ ya!” She relaxed, then coughed to get my attention after the hug had gone on a good 20 seconds.

Don’t judge me. You’ve never experienced the wonder of pony hugs, or even the ponies themselves. So there.

“Right, gotcha, that’s the limit. I’ll count next time,” I laughed, allowing her to slip out of my arms.

“Good!" she smiled, scratching one forehoof nervously. "But who is ‘Josh’, and what does he have to do with anything?” she asked. Alright, so maybe not all Earth lingo had slipped its way into the land of Equestria.

As I was about to explain, the breeze picked up and a single word came whispering through the trees.

“Run.”

Twilight’s ears perked up and she shushed me. Swiveling her head around to look at the surrounding forest, I could tell by her sudden jumpy demeanor that we were in trouble. “You heard that whispering too, then?” I asked, glancing around uneasily.

“What? No, listen.” She was on edge, her eyes wide as he ears pivoted.

“We need to leave. Now,” she told me, turning every which way. I ran over to the gnarled tree, sweeping everything I had brought with me into my pockets and tossing what I couldn’t carry into the tree. I hoped I would be able to come back and repair my guitar, but there were more pressing issues at hand.

“Where to?” I asked when the guitar was satisfactorily hidden, not really knowing what direction the danger was coming from.

She listened again, turning her ears (which made me incredibly jealous) in a general eastern direction. “The howling is coming from that direction,” she informed me with a nod. I was hoping Twilight would go with conventional wisdom and run in the exact opposite direction of the threat, and wasn't disappointed.

When I stopped to listen intently for a moment, I realized there was a noise just on the edge of my hearing; it sounded almost like the baying of dogs on a fox hunt, or the howling I had heard the night before as I had drifted off to sleep...

Uh oh.

Thankfully, the 'opposite direction' Twilight had started towards was where NAU would have been, and I knew the forest over there pretty well.

“Follow me,” I ordered, then took off at a run toward the stream. I had seen prison movies enough to know that a body of water could throw off a dog’s scent. And being plenty shallow, it wouldn’t be too hard to follow the stream in the direction NAU would have been in.

Turns out, in Equestria, I could really book it when I needed to! As expected, Twilight easily beat me across my clearing. I was running faster than I ever had in my life though, not feeling a single bit of strain, so I was fine with her winning a single sprint.

“Time to see just what Equestria has in store for me,” I thought, and pushed my legs to go faster.

I rocketed up to Twilight, even passing her a couple of times as we launched into the underbrush of the thick forest near the stream.

Jumping over bushes, diving under large fallen trees, we were taking everything the forest could throw at us. My bike riding was nowhere near this intense, so I didn't miss the two wheeled deadweight much. We kept dodging moss-covered behemoths, flashing from one beam of light to the next. We made fantastic time, and pretty soon, I saw that we had found the spot further in the forest where the stream ran.

Quickly, I turned along the stream, running in a general west by south western direction. Jumping into the edge of the stream, I didn’t even notice the splashes I was causing. Twilight ran right beside me, a little closer to the shore. I looked at her and smiled reassuringly- not easy to do when running for your life at around 30 mph in a stream, by the way!- and she smiled back.

We continued in silence, on and on. After miles of running, I decided we had gone far enough. Jumping over the steam at full tilt, I veered off into the trees.

This area I was not familiar with, and I slowed to a jogging pace to let Twilight take the lead.

Only then did I realize I had just jumped about twelve feet of water like it was nothing. And had run for miles, not even breaking a sweat. I was amazed; I'd never even been able to run one stinking lap back home without gasping like a fish out of water! "Whatever's in the air in Equestria, I want more!" I thought to myself.

When she caught up though, Twilight was panting. She gasped for breath and stood on shaky legs, shaking her head and blinking hard. I could tell the run had really taken it out of her, and started to walk to allow her to recuperate.

“You alright, Twi?” I asked, concerned. She nodded breathlessly, trotting along beside me for a while before stopping. I stopped as well, watching her for any signs of dehydration or heat exhaustion. I even put the back of my hand on her forehead, to see if maybe she was sick. She seemed fine based purely off what I could see, but was going on like she had just sprinted an entire marathon.

After a few more seconds of panting, she shook her head. “I don’t know what it is, but I just feel so drained. I guess you really put me through my paces- I don’t exactly have a lot of time to exercise when I’m busy studying,” she admitted. “Or hiding from an evil oppressive force.”

I could understand that. Looking around, I realized my forest was no longer my forest- it was a jungle. “Do you know this area Twilight? Is there anywhere around we could hole up and wait for night?”

She glanced around, then grimaced. “Yes, I know this area. Did that ‘cartoon’ of yours mention how the Elements defeated Nightmare Moon?”

“Duh,” I said exasperatedly. “It was the first episode! Why do you ask?”

She sighed. “The ruins where that battle took place are nearby. They're the only place I know of for miles around we could hide. But I don’t like that area- there’s something… off… about it.” She shrugged uncomfortably.

“Well, unless you know anyplace better to hole up for the day so we aren’t caught, I’m all ears.” After pausing a few seconds to listen to any counter arguments, I continued. “Alright then. Guide us to the ruins please, Twilight. And remember, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. No matter how ‘off’ the situation may seem.”

She nodded solemnly. I needed to lift her spirits, but couldn’t figure how to do so.

She turned and started trotting in the same direction we were headed before. After a few minutes through the forest, I noticed a mist had built around us. If memory served, that meant we were nearing the rope bridge that crossed a chasm.

Sure enough, after a few more minutes of walking, the forest fell away to reveal an open space of nothingness, the area taken up by the gorge.

Through the deep fog, I could just make out the outline of a couple of posts set in the ground on our side, rope tied around each. As we neared, I saw the bridge itself stretching into a seeming oblivion ahead. There was nothing but the lazy swirls of the fog itself to look at.

Twilight was really getting nervous now, which got to me a little. Every movement was a jerk, every sound was registered, and every nerve was on fire. Not exactly the sort of hyper vigilance I liked, but as long as we made it to the ruins alright I wasn’t going to complain.

Twilight was exceptionally quiet. The bridge was narrow enough I could have grabbed either side of it, so there was no way we could go side by-side. Twilight also couldn’t fly for fear of drawing the bad guys’ attention, so she was forced to walk.

“Hey there, Twilight? I forgot to mention something.”

“What’s that, Paul?” she asked, prodding the first planks of the bridge uncertainly.

I scratched my head. “Well, y’see, I’ve got this... kind of debilitating fear of heights.” When she looked back with one eyebrow raised, I shrugged. “I’ve heard enough to know it’s far from pleasant, and let’s be honest- I’m much more likely to cause a breaking of this damn thing than you!”

Instead of comforting words, she just nodded sagely. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. Now come on, the Ruins were your idea!”

I gulped. “Y’know Twilight, your bedside manner could use some work!”

So she graciously went just ahead of me, testing every step to make sure the planks hadn’t rotted away. I moved just behind her, my hands firmly clasping each rope in a vain attempt to control my shaking. I had to keep telling myself, “Don’t look down! Look ahead! Don’t listen to that rushing water at the bottom!” It worked for the most part, though there were a few times Twilight had to pull me along when the occasional hyperventilation made my vision swim.

It took us what seemed like forever, but finally I started to see shapes solidifying on the opposite side. I relaxed my grip on the ropes, and tried to calm my breathing as best I could. “Alright, just a few more feet and we’re off this godforsaken bridge forever!” I announced happily.

We were about 20 feet from the opposite side, and I could just make out the life-sustaining posts. Then the worst possible thing happened: I heard a series of quick snaps come out of the fog, behind me.

I looked back to see some of the support ropes had broken, and three more popped from the strain of our combined body weight as I looked on in horror.

My blood chilled, and in an instant I had picked Twilight up to hurl her overhead as hard as I could. Her weight didn’t matter, the distance didn’t matter, the pure brute force I had to use didn’t matter. They didn’t even register. All I could think was to get her to safety.

I had made a promise, after all.

As I saw her slam into the ground a few feet from the edge of the bridge and roll into darkness, I started to run. Now that she was safe, I could try to save myself. I pushed forward as hard as I could, launching myself after her.

As my feet slammed into the rotted wood, though, it gave way. There was nothing between me and the churning depths of the gorge anymore.

I fell into open air.

Putting my Equestria- enhanced speed to use, my hands flashed out to grab the ropes on either side of me. But it wasn’t just me that was falling- the entire bridge’s support had given way, and the bridge itself became nothing more than a pendulum swinging back to its origin.

Unfortunately, that origin was the side of a cliff.

As I the bridge swung toward the rock wall, I tensed my muscles and threw myself upwards at speeds no human being could accomplish. Rocketing upwards, the bridge planks a blur, I shot toward the top of the cliff.

The look on Twilight’s face as I flew at her would have been laughable.

That is, if not for the fact that even with enhanced strength and speed, and with my adrenal glands working overdrive, I hadn’t been able to clear the edge of the cliff.

I came so close, the ledge just a few inches from my outstretched fingertips, but it wasn’t going to be enough.

As I paused at the top of my leap, I knew I wouldn’t make it. “Don’t use your magic!” I screamed as quickly as possible, starting the downward slide.

Her face became set, as I fell backwards into the fog. Her mouth snapped closed, her eyes squinted, and the last thing I could see was her horn beginning to glow.

The glow that surrounded my body filled me with energy to the point I felt like I was bursting, but did nothing to slow my fall. Just as fast as it surrounded me, the glow disappeared, leaving me alone in the fog. I couldn’t tell how deep the gorge was, but I’d already fallen for a good ten seconds and the sound of rushing water had begun to fill my ears.

As I closed my eyes, not wanting to meet my fate head-on, I felt myself jerked roughly to a stop. I still refused to open my eyes, because I didn’t want to give myself false hope only to realize I had actually misinterpreted the feeling of sudden splatting death for a jerking one.

When I heard a series of quick snaps, I looked up to see the now free falling bridge come rushing past me.

Kicking around desperately in the magical embrace of some purple glowing ropes, I tried to get out of the way of the falling bridge.. It flew past my face, hitting my lower leg even as I tried to bring it closer to my body. Pain shot through me, white hot, but I bit my tongue.

I had almost died- there was no reason to complain about a little booboo!

The ropes began to drag me upwards, and I couldn’t help but to feel ashamed for myself as I came face to face with Twilight. She held me before herself, the ropes still encircling my body. However, she seemed to be in a surprisingly good mood.

“Well hello!” She exclaimed, grinning widely. “I thought I’d lost you for a minute there, Paul!”

“Yeah, well, you should have,” I mumbled.

I know, I hate mumbling. My hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Looking up, I continued louder and more forcefully. “If they didn’t know where we were before, they definitely do now! You’ve only known me for a day, and your life here is worth so much more than mine! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?!?”

Her smile only grew wider.

“Because we’re friends now,” she said simply, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “What makes you think your life is worth anything less than mine?”

”Oh, damn it. Did I say that out loud?”

After thinking about it, I couldn’t say really. I had always put others first, but there was a deeper reason behind than just being nice. I had always felt like I was lesser than others, and that maybe by helping them- holding them when they cry, helping them out of a tough spot, or making them laugh- I could improve myself. That was one reason for the early attempts to take my own life, among others.

But how to explain that to a pony? I felt ashamed that she had put herself in such danger for me, and the accidental outburst wasn’t helping my mood.

“Just… don’t worry about it. Can you let me down now?”

She complied, letting me down a few feet from the edge. The ropes were unceremoniously tossed into what I referred to afterwards as the Horrifying Gorge. Rubbing my wrists, and without being able to look her in the face after my outburst, I said “Thanks, Twilight.”

Definitely had to add yelling at ponies to The List at number 6. I felt horrible, for a multitude of reasons. “If you hadn’t- ” that was as far as I got before Twilight jumped up against me, hugging me tightly.

“You’re worth just as much as anypony in Equestria,” she mumbled into my midsection. “You’re giving your help in the most dangerous situation I’ve ever been in without a care for yourself, and I just met you! You are the most noble and lovable human I’ve ever known.”

I couldn’t help a tear welling up as I put my arms around her in return. “I’m the only human you’ve ever know, silly filly.”

We both chuckled a little, and then she pulled me down to her level. As I crouched down, she wiped away the tear that had betrayed me by slowly running down my face. “You’re my friend, never forget that,” she repeated again, still smiling evenly.

“If you forget your friends, even in the worst situations, then you have nothing.”

I nodded, and then held out my arms wide for another hug. She laughed a little harder, shaking her head, and hugged me again.

Hugging a pony? Greatest pick-me-up I’ve ever come across!

“Alright,” I said, standing. We both knew the consequences of her actions, and we needed a game plan to deal with them.“First of all, now you know why I’m afraid of heights. Exactly that.” I jerked a thumb behind me.

“Second of all, if those things are coming, we need to either get the heck out of here or make a stand. Got any ideas?”

She thought it over for a minute, then sighed. “This is as far into the Everfree as I even went. I don’t know the area beyond. Ponyville and Canterlot are overrun. The only other place I can think of that might be safe is Zecora’s house, but we’ll never get there before we’re caught. As things stand, our best bet would be to hide in the ruins of the old castle ruins and hope they don’t find us. After they’ve gone, we can try to make the journey tonight.”

I had no objections, and we continued on our way to the ruins of the old Castle of the Royal Sisters. I’d seen pictures on Google of old and decrepit castles, and figured it shouldn’t be difficult to find a hiding spot. I decided it probably wasn’t even that creepy, considering it had been the source of joy and magic for centuries..

Boy was I wrong.

As we came into view of the castle ruins, I was amazed by the sheer magnitude of the place. Its footprint must have been at least the size of a few football fields set side by side, and rose a good ten stories above the mist- that is, where the walls hadn’t fallen down. The structures were ringed by the setting sun, and the silhouettes were so dark I couldn’t make out any features. The entire compound was overgrown, and it seemed like the only way to the interior was to walk through the building right in front of us.

It gave off an incredibly hostile vibe, like we were trespassing on the graves of countless dead- and they didn’t like it.

I'd seen Poltergeist. I know you don’t mess with the dead when they’re in that sort of mood.

“You sure we should hide here, Twilight?” I asked a little nervously. She seemed as ill at ease as me.

“This is the only place we have a chance to hide.” She glanced over at me then, worry creeping into her eyes. “If we get separated, promise we’ll meet back at the clearing?”

I nodded, glancing back the way we had come. “We won’t get separated, I won’t let that happen. The only issue would be getting back across the Horrifying Gorge.”

Thinking about the fallen bridge, I glanced at my shin. Despite being smashed by the heavy piece of architecture, I couldn't see any wounds. There was some dried blood, but not even a scratch remained on my skin. I figured the wound must be under the dried blood, shook it off.

“Whoever, or whatever, tries to chasing us will have to find a way past the Horrifying Gorge anyway,” I told her. “So we should have plenty of time to barricade ourselves. I always was pretty good at building forts out in the desert!”

She just shook her head, muttering something about all colts being alike, and started walking. I followed after looking back one last time, afraid I’d heard a faint howling, and called for her to wait up.

The first building of the ruins wasn’t all that large. There was a dais about thirty feet from the door, with five pedestals coming out of it. It seemed we had made our way into the place Twilight and the others had found the Elements of Harmony. Twilight looked a little sad, but kept pressing on through the room. We exited out of a side door, and I saw we were in a courtyard of sorts. There were larger halls and towers surrounding us, with black open spaces for windows.

I got that tickling sensation of being watched, and thought I saw movement in every window as soon as I turned my eyes away from any particular spot.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

“Where to, Twilight?” I asked, nervously clenching my hands. Twilight motioned to the largest hall, across from the tower Nightmare Moon had taken her.

“That’s the old ballroom. We should be able to find somewhere to hide among the rubble.” I didn’t know what she was talking about until I paid close attention to the building. There were huge windows every few feet that extended all the way to the top of the structure, and I thought this was the case all the way around it.

Then I realized that what I saw as windows were just the places where the walls had collapsed; there wasn’t supposed to be windows except every hundred feet or so. There must have been ten tons of stone we could hide under.

”PERFECT!”

We made our way over to the ballroom. Once we climbed over the remains of the wall I knew we had a fighting chance to evade the Diamond Dogs, and whatever else came after us. There was enough rubble for an army to hide under!

I pulled the lantern, iPod, and gun from my pockets to deposit them behind the largest pile, next to the back wall. The world was getting dark pretty quick, and I wanted to build some sort of hideout for Twilight and I before they came.

After a few seconds of scouting, I found a depression in the floor. I looked up and discovered an extremely heavy part of the roof had fallen in and rolled away. It was a good two feet below the rest of the floor, and seemed as good a place as any to make a cover.

I told Twilight to get into the hole, since she couldn’t use her magic to lift any of the rocks and didn’t have hands to do the same work. Besides, she seemed drained, and while she protested a little bit, within minutes she was asleep in the depression.

The sounds of the rubble being stacked atop one another echoed around the room eerily. While I put one down on a certain side, its noise seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once.

I continued my work eagerly, only becoming more energized as the igloo-like structure came into shape. It looked exactly like any other of the rubble piles, and wouldn’t draw any attention. I was just putting the last stone on top when I realized I had forgotten one little tidbit: a door.

As I stood there nervously, considering lifting the top rock off to squeeze down inside, I heard the baying of the Diamond Dogs from the Elements hall. It sounded like a few dozen at least!

There was no time to get inside the hiding spot without destroying the thing, and there was no way I was endangering Twilight for my sake.

Looking frantically around, I settled on the spot I had hid my stuff. It was behind an old pillar that had fallen, and was close enough to the corner that it looked like it was up against the wall anyway.

I scrambled up and over the massive fallen column, which had a good twelve foot diameter. Dropping down the other side and squatting, I awaited the arrival of the Diamond Dogs.

Their howling approached the outside of the ballroom, and then stopped. There was dead silence for a series of moments; I couldn’t hear a thing.

Curious, I decided to climb up the pillar and peek over to see what was going on. Just raising my head enough to allow me to see over to the side of the hall we came in on, I glanced through the open windows. Nothing.

Flicking my eyes toward the North side of the building, where no windows were broken, I could just make out shapes that looked like large, anthropomorphic dogs.

Well, that confirmed at least part of Twilight’s story.

The shapes moved around the building to the west side, where the last rays of the sun shone feebly. I was in the southeast corner, where there were no windows, and wasn’t worried they would see me. The windows that still stood were all stained with faded colors, not allowing a clear view inside.

There were a few gaps in the windows the shapes paused at during their perimeter check, but they didn’t come inside. They instead walked around the entire circumference of the building, finally ending up where I could see them at the gaping holes in the eastern wall. They stood milling around for a little bit, rumbling amongst themselves, when someone rode up.

Not somepony, but someone- a roughly human shape, sitting astride what seemed to be a Clydesdale.

I couldn’t tell, though; both the horse and its rider were cloaked in long black robes that shifted around them in a nonexistent wind. Each had a hood that hid its face, and the only thing I could see was a slight reddish glow coming from the horse’s hood.

“Jussst what do you idiotsss think you’re doing?!?” it hissed with the slightest Irish accent.

It didn’t talk: it hissed. That was a sign if I'd ever heard one, and the 'bad guy' alarms went off in my head. The Irish accent was also an oddity, but I dismissed it. There were Southern accented ponies, after all.

The weirdest thing, though, was that it sounded like there were two voices talking. Steam rose from both hoods at the same time, as if their breath was one and the same. If this guy wasn’t evil, you could color me pink, dress me up like a pig and call me Sue. Which would be extremely unpleasant for all involved.

The Diamond Dogs cowered, whimpering, except for one. He stood tall, and looked very similar to a mastiff. He strode up to the rider, staring straight into his hood.

I had no idea what he saw there, but by then I was itching to find out.

“These ruins reek of past!” he exclaimed, gesturing around the plaza. I have to say, his grammar immediately made me not like him. Call me a Grammar Nazi if you want, I wouldn't argue or be offended.

“Elders warn of places like this!” he continued. “Shadows shift in corner of eye, strange noises come from nowhere, and Diamond Dogs go missing without explanation! Ancient Ones here are restless, and Diamond Dogs not enter!”

The obvious leader of the bunch (despite his lack of grammar finesse), the mastiff stood with his arms folded across his chest. The other Diamond Dogs growled their agreement, no longer cowering but starting to stand tall just as he did.

If nothing else, I had to give the dog props: he had some balls standing up to a creepy, Nazgül looking freak.

The heads of both the horse and its rider tilted to the side, as if they were studying the Diamond Dog.

“Lassst chance,” it whispered menacingly in that weird double voice.

"What the hell is going on here?" I asked myself, perplexed. "Twilight obviously knows about this guy, but said I was the first human she’d ever heard of. So not human, but also Irish... what is he?"

The Diamond Dog shook his head, standing firm. Probably a bad move on his part, but I applauded his cojones. (That means 'balls', if you’re Spanish ignorant.)

The right arm of the rider rose slowly, and the Diamond Dog froze. He levitated into the air as the rider’s arm lifted, and then began trembling.

I saw the pale fingertips of the rider extend beyond the robes, and the Diamond Dog flew through on of the last unbroken pieces of wall left on the eastern side of the building. He continued flying right on through the western side, and judging from his screams, that side was where the Horrifying Gorge extended.

It was a good fifteen seconds before he faded beyond the range of hearing.

Turning to the other Diamond Dogs (who were cowering again, in case you’re wondering) he said, “Anyone elssse?”

No other Diamond Dogs was stupid enough to reply, and after pausing a few seconds he continued.

“Good. Now, get in there and sssearch the last ‘o thisss forsssaken place for the misssing Princessss, ssso we can return her to Canterlot!”

"Someone must not have told him he had a speech impediment as a kid," I thought to myself. "Otherwise, he wouldn’t be using so many words with “s” sounds."

I almost felt bad for him.

That is, until I remembered he was an evil, inhuman monster that was rounding up all of my favorite cartoon characters in order to do some dastardly deeds. I didn’t feel so bad for him anymore; I just wanted to point and laugh.

Viciously.

I know, I’m a real fighter.

Careening away, the horse and its rider galloped into darkness. The more I thought about it, the less he made sense. How did they get past the bridge-less chasm? What kind of magic was he using? Where did he get the Diamond Dogs? Do they have bridge-conjuring magic here too? I’d have to consult Twilight…

Thinking about Twilight reminded me that she was still passed out under the large pile of rubble in the middle of the room. As about twenty of the Diamond Dogs climbed into the ballroom, the rest dispersed throughout the ruins.

The ones in the ballroom didn’t seem all that frightening or even threatening; one even looked like a Chihuahua. As I looked at each in turn I realized they all had resemblances to dog breeds back on Earth: there were a few Labradors, Boxers, Cocker Spaniels, and Dobermans scattered around from what I could tell. Even one, smaller than most, who looked like a Bulldog.

The brunt of them weren’t that large, and I would still have a full head and shoulders on even the biggest among them. If it came down to a fight for Twilight, I was confident that I could take them.

As I glanced down to see if there were any good rocks close at hand, my foot slipped.

I scrambled to regain my grip, sliding down the pillar. I knocked a full chunk out of the side, which clattered down to the ground. The noise of me hitting the floor alongside it echoed around the ballroom loudly, and the sounds of dog nails clicking around the room came to a sudden stop.

I let out a silent prayer that the acoustics of the chamber remained true to what I had observed earlier.

“Where that come from?” I heard one of the Diamond Dogs whisper to another.

“Don't know,” they answered, “Seemed to come from everywhere.”

Another Diamond Dog called out “I got bad feeling about this!” to which another answered, “You always got bad feeling about something.”

It seemed some clichés are universal.

“Be quiet, you idiots!” a voice called. This one was more gruff, and probably came from one of the larger breeds. Strangely though, it also managed to be lighter in treble than the others. “I smell something!”

Panic set fire in my mind. I forced myself to climb up the pillar again as fast as I dared to see the majority of the Dogs smelling around the pile of rubble I had taken rocks from to construct Twilight’s hiding spot. They were sniffing around Twilight’s shelter itself as well.

My mind went into overdrive- they would find Twilight if I didn’t do something!

I took in everything I’d overheard or observed, scrambling for an idea. The acoustics, the Diamond Dogs, how they had reacted to entering the ballroom before that guy showed up. Then, I had a spot of what I could completely objectively call the most brilliant off-the-cuff thinking Equestria had ever seen.

A smile spread over my face as I thought of the chaos that would result. On top of saving Twilight and myself, it would make one hell of a story someday.

It was ridiculous.

It was stupid.

It was perfect.

Discord would be proud.

I dropped to the floor, on purpose this time, and glanced at my jeans. They were simply too dark, and despite a brief identity crises, I decided it needed to be done. So after a brief struggle with my tennis shoes, I had pulled them off. That left me in my white undershirt, white socks, and white boxer briefs.

Fruit of the Loom, naturally.

Taking a few deep breaths to get myself psyched, I moaned as loudly as possible. In any other context, those moans would have been misconstrued as being incredibly erotic, but I held high hopes that the Diamond Dogs weren’t in that particular mindset.

The Diamond Dogs once again stopped moving, but they didn’t speak. I heard my moans echo around the chamber eerily, and had to stop myself from giggling.

“WHY YOU DISTURB ANCIENT ONES?” I boomed, grabbing a few rocks to clack together.

The Diamond Dogs started whispering harshly to each other, probably thinking their ‘Ancient Ones’ wouldn’t overhear.

“Knew we shouldn’t disturb Ancient Ones!” one of them squeaked.

“All will perish!” another cried quietly in agreement.

“Shut up, you sniveling cowards!” that commanding voice shouted. “If they really were the Ancient Ones, they would not dare attack their only loyal followers in Equestria!”

At that, I jumped straight up to the top of the pillar, revealing myself to the Diamond Dogs. “I BEG TO DIFFER, DOG!”

As I stood there in my somewhat indecent glory, the moon’s first rays shone brightly through the open walls and bathed me in its opaque glow. In my white shirt, with my pale complexion, and the light shining off my boxer-briefs more than I could have imagined, even I would have thought I looked like a spirit!

The Diamond Dogs were grouped together, the fear evident in their bulging eyes and folded tails.As their focus was drawn to me, they each stiffened and gasped in horror. It brought a wicked smile to my face.

“FLEE NOW AND YE SHALL BE SPARED!!” I bellowed at them, raising my arms and doing everything I could to seem imposing. I thought the Diamond Dogs were going to have a heart attack, but they were frozen to their spot!

“THEN YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH!” I intoned ominously.

With that, I leapt off the pillar and started sprinting at them.Their outcries of terror mounted exponentially as I closed the gap, and I started laughing maniacally as they started slamming into each other in the frenzy to escape.

Most of the Diamond Dogs, after they had untangled themselves, ran screaming out of the ballroom on all fours.

However, there were about six who stayed long enough for me to start tearing into them. I lowered my shoulder into the closest one, and combined with my momentum it was enough to send the Labrador-looking Diamond Dog flying thirty feet.

Turning to the others, I looked down at them menacingly and laughed. Then, holding my arms out to either side to make myself seem even bigger, I leaned down into their collective faces. They were absolutely terrified, and I wanted to really freak them out.

“COME AT ME BROS!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Four of the remaining five turned tail and ran. The Lab I had knocked silly also ran, though with a noticeable dizziness which probably meant a concussion.

The last one, the Bulldog I had noted earlier, looked frightened. However, after seeing he was the last one, he stood tall and growled.

‘Tall’ is a compliment, though: he was shorter than most, standing only a little above my navel. But he was thicker than most as well. In fact, he closely resembled an American Bulldog I once had as a kid.

That dog was incredibly loyal, but exceptionally stupid- which seemed to be another trait they shared.

“Fine,” I growled back, swinging my closed fist down to knock him silly. Unfortunately, he was faster than he looked.

He stepped to the side and clawed at my arm as it swung down, causing me to yelp in pain. As I turned to him, clutching my now open forearm, he swept out my legs and jumped on top of me.

I had wrestled long enough in high school to have a better ground game than just about anyone I came across, and was quick to buck my hips and throw my left shoulder towards him. He went flying off in the opposite direction.

Flipping over, I leapt after him, grabbing a leg as soon as he landed face-down on the ground. Pulling the leg with me, I drove a knee down between his shoulder blades, causing him to howl aloud in pain. This was where weighing 265 pounds was a major advantage!

“Concede,” I rumbled into his ear, leaning down.

That was my mistake: I was too ‘high’ on his body, too far from his center of gravity.

Suddenly pushing against the ground with both his left limbs (Arm and leg? Both legs?) the Bulldog rolled me onto my back once again, this time pinning both my arms to the ground with his legs and sitting back onto my center of gravity. He was good!

“Never.”

That was when something dawned on me. A voice that high-pitched, no matter what universe you’re in, could mean only one thing: this Diamond Dog wasn’t a he. It was a she.

Awkward!

She raised her paw, and her nails flashed in the moonlight as she went to rip out my throat. A wild thought flashed through my head, and I wondered whether female Diamond Dogs went to get manicures.

Probably not.

As her paw descended, I scolded myself for having such a terribly unmanly last thought. ”Oh well," I mused. “At least no one will ever know.”

Just then, guess who decides to join the fight and save my philosophical ass?

“Paul!”

Twilight slammed into the Diamond Dog, throwing them both into a pile on the ground next to me. They started rolling around, but it became clear pretty quickly who held the upper hand.

I immediately jumped to my feet and, seeing the Diamond Dog slam Twilight onto her side, pulled out an old fan favorite: the Elbow Drop.

Tapping my right elbow, I jumped as high as I could and led my fall with that elbow.

As I collided sharply with the side of the Diamond Dog, I heard some cracking that could only have come from ribs breaking.

I guessed the Diamond Dogs hadn’t adapted against human elbows flying at them.

Screaming, she whipped around from Twilight and myself, making an attempt at getting her feet. Crying out again and clutching her side, she fell to the ground, shaking violently and coughing.

“I never meant to hurt anyone that bad, just to scare her off!” I thought to myself, growing concerned.

So I stood up and gave Twilight a quick glance over- she was breathing heavily, but not a scratch on her. I paced over to the Diamond Dog, and saw that she was coughing up a disturbing amount of blood.

That meant a punctured lung with internal bleeding, which could lead to a collapsed lung and eventually death. That is, if treatment wasn’t rendered ASAP.

Shit.

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to have much muscle or fat covering her bones. In fact, she seemed to just be skin and bones, despite being so thick. Obviously these Diamond Dogs weren’t being treated so well by their master.

I felt around for her ribs, hoping she had at least a close approximation of human physiology. She understandably didn’t like that, and tried to knock my hands away feebly while whimpering in pain.

“Twilight!” I called out to my friend, who stood staring at us a few feet away with concern. “Hold her down, and remember to do it without magic!”

Twilight trotted over, putting her two front hooves on the Diamond Dog’s upper arms to stop them from flailing around.

“What’s wrong with her?” she asked.

“At least one broken rib and a punctured lung. Probably internal bleeding as well,” I replied calmly, still looking for the deformities that would indicate an out of place bone. Thankfully, I had practiced enough on cadavers and with my friends who worked as EMTs to understand exactly what to do: I had to set the bone in its proper place, somehow check if her lung was collapsing, and inflate it if it was.

Finding the deformities with my fingers, I realized the bone setting would be fairly easy: It had only turned in a few inches, and hadn’t completely broken from the midpoint of the rib. Grabbing the offending piece of bone, I yanked it toward me and pivoted it back to where it should be.

Screaming and thrashing around, the Diamond Dog tried to get away, but Twilight was doing a good job of keeping her from moving. She didn’t pass out, impressively.

“Now to deal with the lung itself…”

Snapping my fingers, I got the Diamond Dog’s attention.

“What’s your name?” I demanded in my most authoritative tone.

Through squinted eyes and clenched teeth, she whispered “Deluge. Fantastic to meet you, horribly evil Ancient One spirit.” Obviously she was being sarcastic, but I was surprised by how well she spoke.

“I suppose not all Diamond Dogs are so stupid,” I mused before asking her some questions.

“Does it hurt to breathe?” She just nodded. That didn’t tell me much though; she had just broken a rib after all. “Does it hurt to breath in or out?” I asked, a little more forcefully.

“In!” she gasped, obviously in a lot of pain.

“Does it feel like your air is being pushed out by something else when you breathe out?” She nodded again. That, along with the blood, meant her lung was collapsing. I bent down to listen to her breathing as she struggled for air, and there was a definite force to her exhales that wasn’t there when she breathed in.

I didn’t think the air was escaping into her body cavity, and there didn’t seem to be a worrying amount of blood she was coughing up, but that lung needed inflation immediately.

I looked down at her, and snapped my fingers to get her attention. “Deluge!” She opened one eye to look at me. “I’m going to do something you really aren’t going to like now. Whatever you do, don’t fight it. You will die if you do. Understand?” She nodded again, and I sucked in air a few times to prepare myself.

In the absence of any needles or chest tubes, there was really only one thing I could do.

And it was going to be awkward, considering I had no pants on.

I tilted her head back to make sure her airways were clear. Taking a deep breath and holding it, I slammed my lips down on hers. Using my hands to form a seal, I blew as hard as I could into her mouth.

Talk about puppy breath!

She struggled at first, then calmed a bit as she got relief from the pain in her chest. I could feel her chest expanding beneath me, and blew as much of my air into her as I could.

Taking my head away and clamping my hand down on her nose and mouth, I shouted “Don’t let out that breath!” Keeping my hand there for ‘encouragement’, I made her hold the breath a good thirty seconds.

When I was going to take my hand away, I said, “Listen to me, Deluge. I need you to breathe out slowly, and only about half of what you have in your lungs. When you breathe back in, continue until you can’t breathe in any more, and then hold it again like you just did. Continue to breathe that way all night; it’s the only way you can possibly avoid a collapsed lung. Understand?”

She nodded again, and slowly let out half her breath when I took my hand away. Breathing in again and wincing a little from the broken rib, she let the air back out after holding it for the right amount of time.

“Good job,” I told her. “Now stay there. You don’t want to drive your rib back into your lung.”

Looking at Twilight, I said, “You can get up now. If Deluge here knows what’s good for her health, she’ll stay put. If not, she’ll die. It’s in her hands- er, paws, now.”

Twilight nodded, and I stood up to retrieve my jeans. Neither of the females had picked up on my reddening cheeks as I picked the decency-providing pants and shoes up. Twilight trotted after me, and spoke as I was trying to hop into them..

“What you just did was... nothing short of incredible. Are you sure humans don’t have magic?” she asked.

I laughed as I leaned against the wall for support. “Pretty sure, Twilight. I think we would have noticed if that were that were the case a long time ago. I just payed attention to my teachers when they taught me things I found interesting. I wanted to become a doctor anyway, so I really payed attention when I was in a class discussing physiology or trauma.”

Thinking for a second while stomping my foot into a shoe, I turned to her. “By the way, thanks for the save back there. You actually may have just saved my life.”

She blushed a little, and rubbed one foreleg with the other. “Oh, it’s nothing really. You needed help, so I just kind of... acted. What about you though?” she gushed. “You were crazy, tearing into them like that- but they all ran screaming!”

I laughed again. “Not really a sane battle plan, but it worked. Thank you, Twilight. You have no idea how close I was to being a goner.”

She seemed to accept that, but still had more questions. “Is it natural for humans to be so strong? And how did you learn how to fight like that? And why did you heal that Diamond Dog?”

“...Where are you going?”

I counted off the fingers on my right hand as I walked away from her, toward the hole in the wall that had come to be a door.

“One- no. I have no idea where all this strength, speed and stamina are coming from, but they’re nothing natural. Two- I took part in a sport where you wrestle against another person, with no punches, kicking, biting, or anything like that allowed. Most people don’t know the moves I was taught, and I’m not even that good compared to most wrestlers. Three- I never want anyone to die because of me. Especially not someone being used against their will for their loved ones.”

Twilight was observant, but apparently not all that observant. “What do you mean?” she asked me. I sighed, and changed my direction, walking over to Deluge.

“Elementary, my dear Watson!” I said in a haughty Sherlock Holmes impression. I’d always wanted to say that in-context!

I looked down at Deluge, and she opened her eyes to look back, cocking an eyebrow. Seemed she was surprised for me to figure such a thing out so quickly as well.

“Based off the cowering and the killing of your leader before your group walked in here, I’m guessing the Diamond Dogs are terrified of that… thing. Right?” She nodded, and I continued. “Based on your malnutrition, I would say that the Diamond Dogs are being kept in some sort of compound by whatever that thing is, and their companions if they have any.”

Deluge nodded, saying, ‘Right again!” before wincing.

“No need to talk, just keep breathing like I told you,” I whispered. Raising my gaze to Twilight again, I asked her, “Why would a group of sapient beings stay in a compound, while remaining almost entirely free to hunt down everypony in Equestria, or simply dig their way out of said compound?”

Twilight’s eyebrows came together as she considered the situation. “They would have to have an incredible incentive to stay with their masters…” Then realization dawned on her face. “Like held family members!”

I nodded once, and looked at Deluge. She nodded as well, and rasped, “They have my son. My little puppy…” A tear rolled down her cheek, pain unrelated to a broken bone obvious in her eyes. I patted her on the shoulder before standing and turning to Twilight.

“That’s why I helped her.”

I started walking out once more, but Twilight didn’t let the conversation slide. “You never told me where you’re going, though!”

I stopped, and smirked as I turned back to her. “Isn’t it obvious?” I asked. She shook her head, and my smirk grew into a full-fledged smile.

“I’m going to go find that thing, and make it talk.”

With that, I turned and jumped over the collapsed wall with ease.

I started whistling a merry tune- the Foo Fighters’ “Walk”. I found it hilariously appropriate.

There was a stunned silence before Twilight came galloping after me. “But… you can’t! It’ll destroy you!”

I laughed, and made mention of another observation I had been thinking on. “Remember when you tried to save me as I fell? And your magic didn’t affect me directly?”

She nodded, and I smiled as I kept walking. “I don’t think I can be directly affected by magic whatsoever here!” I stopped briefly to show her my leg. "My shin was smacked against that bridge as it flew past too, and healed on its own. That, along with all that extra stamina and strength, tells me I've got something up my sleeve to fight him with." I let my pants leg fall back into place and kept walking.

Twilight ran ahead, turned around, and her horn blazed brilliantly as she attempted to stop me. A bright purple glow surrounded me, and my skin seemed to almost absorb it. Twilight gasped dramatically, and I walked right past her like nothing had happened.

“But… but… that’s not possible!”

I was at the hall of the Elements, and turned around to give her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry; this won’t take long.” I walked into the hall, leaving a dumbfounded Twilight standing in the center of the castle grounds.

As I made my way outside, I saw the rider sitting there waiting for me. He was alone, in the center of the area between the former bridge and the castle. He didn't react, didn't even twitch as I mosied toward him.

I smiled as wide as I could, and let whatever was in my head free.

“What’s going on, Witch-King? Seen any hobbits lately?” Then I switched to my Gollum voice. “Hobbitses! Hobbitses! Dirty, theivin’ Hobbitses! We wants it, we needs it- we needs the precious!”

I laughed, stopping thirty feet from the thing and crossing my arms. “How ya doin’ this fine Equestrian night? And ain’t it a looooovely evenin’?”

Both the horse’s head and the rider’s head tilted, studying me.

“A human being,” it murmured. “How very interesssting. Ssseemsss the barriersss are falling fassster than we exssspected. No matter.” The rider and horse drew themselves up to full height, which I was impressed with. The horse’s head was actually a little taller than mine, but the rider towered above.

“You know not what you do, human,” it spat. “Your feeble attemptsss at insssultsss are no more than amusssing to me.”

I sighed, stretching as I spoke. “Actually, I know exactly ‘what I do’, you little Irish bitch.” It froze, seemingly shocked at my curse and the fact that I had guessed its origins correctly. There were no ponies around; therefore, The List was satisfied with my cursing!

“Yeah, that accent is pretty unmistakable, even a universe away. Listen, you potato-starved bastard...” I was angry. “You’ve come to a place nothing from our world deserves to be in- not me, and definitely not you. The land of Equestria isn’t any place for a corrupting influence, especially not a pathetic excuse for a Nuckelavee such as yourself.” Now I had it; the thing remained stock still, listening to what I had to say.

Good.

“And how did you dissscern our true nature?” it asked.

Uncrossing my arms, I began to advance on it slowly. Spying a large branch on the way, I broke it off easily as I spoke. “It was pretty easy really, figuring out what you were; that is, if you’ve studied mythology like I have.”

Another hobby of mine, coming to the rescue in Equstria!

Backing a little, the rider waved a hand, and the cloak dispersed. There, in all its bloody glory, was a Nuckelavee- a large horse with a human’s upper body growing out of its back. It had only a single eye between them, which was the large source of the red glowing from within the horse’s hood. Skinless, you could see the yellow veins pumping its evil blood to each individual muscle. The lack of lips was the reason for all the hissing. I was surprised it could form coherent sentences, really.

It was absolutely disgusting, an atrocity that had plagued travelers in Ireland for centuries.

And now it was troubling the farthest human traveler in history. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

“And what gave me away?” the two mouths asked in tandem. Creeeeepy.

“Well, the whole two heads talking from hoods was a pretty obvious clue. The fact that you had an Irish accent and no legs for that ugly mole on your back was just icing on the cake,” I mentioned offhandedly. “So, what do you call yourself, Boner? Or can I just call you 'Boner', and keep things simple?”

The two heads growled from somewhere deep inside. A little unsettling, but nothing I couldn’t handle.

“I am called Gomorrah, human filth, and while you know of usss Nuckelavee- a little unessxpected for an American, to be sure- you obviousssly know not what powersss thisss wonderful dimension hasss bessstowed upon usss.” With that, Gomorrah raised one bony human hand and tried to send me flying away like the Diamond Dog earlier. I felt a rush of energy, but other than that was unaffected.

I stopped, gasping my throat. “No, Lord Vader! Not the Force Choke!”

I fell to my knees and dramatically twisted, gasping, my gurgles turning to giggling and then outright laughter. Standing up and grinning, I looked back at it. The hand was still raised, as if patiently waiting for something to happen.

“Listen, Mr. Ugly Sonuvabitch Gomorrah, I don’t know who you’re trying to nail here,” I said, looking around confused. “I mean, it’s rude not to tell me when we have a guest to our little one on one! I’m hurt!” I then stuck out my lower lip and crossed my arms, pretending to pout.

It growled again, asking angrily, “Why are you unaffected?!?”

Shrugging, I said, “Your guess is as good as mine. Seems this ‘wonderful dimension’ has bestowed powers on me as well- but thanks for the pick me up!” Now, I was just a couple of feet from the Nuckelavee.

It smelled. Bad.

“Dude, you need a tick tack or something, ‘cause your breath STINKS!” I channeled my inner Donkey as my nose crinkled and I waved my hand in the air.

Very rudely, the horse snorted more breath into my face. Gag me!

“Fine, you are not powerlesss yourssself. But I have chasssed hundredsss of humansss to their deaths- even a few Americansss. I am not lacking in physssical violencsse. You will be no more than an interesting story when I return to Canterlot with the Prinsssesss.”

“Yeah, hold onto that idea,” I told it.

Finally close enough, I knocked the stick against my shoes a few times before taking up a batter’s stance. The horse and rider cocked their heads to the side, not sure what I was up to.

“BATTER UUUUUUP!” I screamed, and then swung forward to knock the thing’s horse head silly. It staggered with the force and unexpectedness of the blow. When the eye opened again, it was spinning in circles!

That was awesome!

“Cool party trick with the spinning, glowing eye Boner,” I said, dropping the thick branch. “Now, let me show you one of mine.”

With that, I reared back and punched the horse head as hard as I could. Don’t ask me why; I was pretty much running on autopilot at that point, doing whatever felt right. The inner, angry me was out in full force, and he wasn't going away anytime soon!

A grueling right hook, I punched so hard and fast that I apparently broke physics Rainbow Dash style- I saw a rainbow left in the air where my fist flew, and heard a tiny crack of thunder as it dispersed!

“This was gonna hurt!” I had time to think briefly.

When I connected, I swear it was an honest-to-God Rocky take. Spit came out of the other side of the mouth (no skin means holes for cheeks!) and I even saw teeth flying every which way. Grabbing the head, I reared back again and slammed our foreheads together, head-butting it.

Gomorrah was going to have one hell of a headache!

Whinnying in pain, the Nuckelavee reared back, trying to crush me under its forehooves.

Darting under the monster, I grabbed its midsection and lifted it into the air. Neighing in shock, the human torso tried to grab at me. I was too far under the horse section though, and my Equestria enhanced strength wasn’t failing anytime soon.

I started walking toward the cliff that lay only a few dozen feet in front of me. “Now,” I said, “Time to start talking, or time to start being thrown off cliffs by the aforementioned ‘puny human’.”

As I reached the cliff’s edge, the Nuckelavee stopped struggling and started shrieking, terror evident in its freaky double voice. “Okay okay, whatever you want! Just asssk and I will tell!”

“How many of you are there?” I asked.

“Nine! Nine including myssself!” I could tell the monster wasn’t used to being the one on the receiving end of manhandling by how bad his voice was cracking as he hissed. Sucked for him.

“What are your plans?” I asked “And for God’s sake, quit that cleft palate hissing! You’re a monster, not a speech impediment!”

“I don’t know! Lazaruss never told any of the others! We were jusst to collect the magical ponies, using Diamond Dogs! He wouldn’t tell us what he planned after that!”

Well, at least he was working on the hissing thing. “Alright, one last question, ugly. Where is your base of operations?”

He paused, seemingly reluctant to share that bit of information. A quick shake reminded Gomorrah exactly who was holding who over a cliff.

“We are all in Ponyville, keeping the magical beingss! All but mysself, and a few otherss who are attacking Cloudssdale! Lazaruss himsself iss holed up in Canterlot, planning!”

“Thank you,” I said politely, then thought about what to do. If these freaks were anything like the other mythological beings I had read about, then they had to hold to an oath, under pain of… something. Death? Pain? Who knew? But they had to keep it, and that was all that mattered. As I considered, I looked around, and finally realized what the fog was telling me.

A plan forming, I addressed Gomorrah once more. “Now, I’ll make you a deal: I’ll let you go if you swear you’ll never return to this place, and will no longer harrow myself or anyone I travel with. In fact, just go back to Earth if at all possible, and never return to Equestria. Understand?”

Both heads nodded hastily. “Yess! Yess! We sswear! Nuckelavee alwayss hold to their oathss, even to filthy humanss!”

“Good,” I nodded, finally satisfied with the situation. Gomorrah wouldn’t bother us anymore, and I didn’t have to kill him!

“Now, I’m going to let you down,” I continued. “When I do, you've sworn to leave. Just make sure to hold your breath; I’ve heard you Nuckelavee don’t like running water.”

“Thank you, kind human! I am eternally grateful, and will hold true to my- wait, WHAT?!?”

The last I heard from Gomorrah was his screams as he plummeted to the water running at the bottom of the cliffs. I knew there must be water, due to the fog in the air and the noises I’d heard as I myself fell; the only question was, how far? Judging by the time Gomorrah’s screams were cut off, I’d say at least a couple hundred feet.

I was entirely happy with myself. No pain received, information learned, and one of apparently nine Nuckelavee down.

“Not bad for my first full day in Equestria!”

Laughing and turning back, I saw Twilight standing there, her mouth hanging wide open. Deluge wasn’t far behind, with a similar expression on her face. At least, I think it was a similar expression. It'd been awhile since I studied doggy expressions, so she might just be thirsty.

“I know; I have that effect on females,” I said, smiling. “But try to hold yourselves together long enough to help me plan.”

Shaking her head, Twilight said disbelievingly “But… you just… I... what?!”

Behind her, Deluge started laughing. A weird, painfully wheezing laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. “And what, oh great conqueror, is this plan?” she rasped.

“Simple,” I told her. “I’m going to become a pony, you’re going to arrest me, and we’re going to start the biggest jailbreak in Equestrian history.”

Author's Note

So, the threat - the ancient Nuckelavee (real mythological creatures, by the way!)- are now known. Plus, we've got a new crew member! Yay, Deluge the Diamond Dog!

Anyway, sorry this took so long. Had to remove quite a bit, and the next chapter requires almost an entire rewrite. sigh...

Shoutout to my new bud, ImJustAnotherBrony! He's a super chill dude, and you should all go check out some of his awesome artwork and other schtuffs.

Parousia Chapter 4- Cool Hoof Creed (Because BUCK Twilight!)

Author's Note

[NOTE: CHAPTER IS NOT REWRITTEN, AND IS STILL UP SIMPLY UNTIL THE REVISED CHAPTER REPLACES IT. ALMOST EVERYTHING WILL BE CHANGED IN THE NEW CHAPTERS.]

Finally getting into the real thick of it! From here on out, I'd like to hear each and every person's opinions on the chapters if at all possible. Tell me what you like, what you dislike, if I messed up on grammar, anything! It would really be appreciated!

As per some *cough* requests, I also limited the total number of references to 2. That's it. Airplane and Mission: Impossible.

Interesting fact: I wrote the entire first half of this chapter upside down, listening alternatively to Randy Newman's "I Will Go Sailing No More" and some Louis Armstrong.

Experimentation at getting the creative juices going. Tell me if it didn't work!

SONGS:
"Smile Smile Smile" by MLP: FiM

Parousia Chapter 4- Cool Hoof Creed (Because BUCK Twilight!)

“Move it!” Deluge growled loudly, poking me in the flank with a sharp claw.

I had to bite my tongue to stop from turning around and giving her a piece of mind. Only the fact that we were in visual range of what I couldn’t believe was Ponyville stopped me, and I trotted forward as ordered.

I had been stopping to admire the large, ugly wood walls built around the once dapper little town. The walls were massive, rising a few stories into the sky at least. It was a dark, gloomy morning with the sun being blocked by dark clouds gathering in the east. Were the weather pegasi not being allowed to do their job?

Filing that bit of potentially useful information away, I looked at the defenses around Ponyville to see if I could spot any weaknesses.

There were Diamond Dogs on top, watching in every direction. Several dozen at least patrolled the defenses, keeping up a constant vigilance for escaping ponies. Five or six large towers rose inside the village itself, inside of which I could only see dark shadows moving. The road we were taking lead straight to the large gate stuck in a seemingly impenetrable wall. It was a good twenty-five feet high, like the rest of the blockade.

It was the gate our large group was headed for. About a third of the Diamond Dogs from our encounter with Gomorrah were accompanying Deluge and myself into Ponyville. The rest were waiting with Twilight, preparing themselves for my signals.

When that signal was given, all hell would break loose. It was an amazing plan, full of deception and intrigue, which took hours to develop on the road. If all went well though, it would be stunning.

As we approached the gate, one guard called down to us.

“Deluge!” he yelled gruffly in greeting. He looked like a wiener dog, and wasn’t threatening whatsoever.

“Guess there’s a reason he isn’t out hunting ponies,” I thought to myself.

“Where the rest of your group?” he continued. “There much more when you left!”

“Shut up, Buster!” Deluge called right back. “They’re with Gomorrah, still hunting for ponies in the west! We were sent back with this one- he’s real trouble!”

Improvising, I bucked back hard, both to make her words more plausible and to get back for that nail earlier. I connected with the dead center of her chest, knocking out her wind, and within moments I was being held down by a large amount of Diamond Dogs.

“See what I mean?” Deluge wheezed, clutching at her aching ribs. “Not only is he much bigger than usual, he’s got an attitude to match!” She kicked at my still exposed head, and I winked up at her before spitting with all my might.

“Can see that,” Buster grumbled, motioning for the Diamond Dogs to stand back. Tossing me a few feet back for god measure, everyone stood well clear of the gate as it swung open.

There was a team of huge Diamond Dogs in charge of opening the gate. Each larger than the ones I’d encountered at the Ballroom, they all looked like they could eat a pony with a single bite. They all growled at me as I was lead past them, a deep rumbling sound that left little to the imagination.

When Ponyville was finally revealed, I couldn’t help but to gasp.

The once carefree town was in shambles. Every window at ground level on the once-bright houses was broken. The brightness, the very magic of everything seemed faded and sucked away into gloom. Ponies milled about aimlessly, waiting for… something, I guess.

There was a much larger amount of ponies here than I might have expected from watching the show, maybe triple the amount ever shown in a single shot. Everypony was wretched, their clothes ripped and their coats dirty. Apparently the Diamond Dogs had been very successful in rounding up their prey.

When we reached an acceptable distance from the gates I was thrown roughly to the ground, and held down by a knee to the throat. As the muzzle was taken from my mouth, I worked my jaw to work some stiffness out. Letting me up after the painful experience, Deluge slapped me on my flank. Hard.

“Get going!” she shouted at me, and I had no choice but to comply. I galloped toward the buildings, getting as far from the larger Diamond Dogs as I could.

As I reached the first building, I briefly turned to watch Deluge’s ragtag band of Diamond Dogs walking back out the gate. Deluge gave a small nod when she thought no one was looking, and I nodded back.

The last I saw of her was a pained visage disappearing behind the large gate as it was pulled back into place. There seemed to be… finality to that look, but I shook myself to deter from that train of thought. I knew I would see my friend as soon as it was time to save the ponies.

Until then, I had to learn more about what was going on inside Ponyville. Deluge had filled me in as best she could, but the town itself was mostly unknown.

Turning to examine the town more closely, I found myself face to face with the cutest welcoming party ever.

“Howdy there!” Applebloom greeted me cheerfully.

“Can we help you find any relatives, or a certain place or somethin’?” Scootaloo chimed in.

“We’re trying to get our cutie marks!” Sweetie Bell added happily.

Oh my Gawd, they were so sweet. Their bright smiles were in stark contrast to their dirty manes and coats, but their grime simply made their smiles shine even brighter as they looked up at me.

I stood there a few seconds, my mind processing the cute overload, before snatching them all up in a bear hug.

“You three are adorable!” I yelled, squeezing them like little teddy bears. “Even in this situation, you want to get your cutie marks! You rock!”

Applebloom and Scootaloo fought to free themselves, but Sweetie Belle was totally comfortable and up for a chat.

“Thanks!” she told me, still smiling as her friends desperately struggled. “My name's Sweetie Bell, and they're Scootaloo and Applebloom. We figured, since we’re stuck in Ponyville anyway, why not try to earn our cutie marks by showing the new ponies around?”

I smiled; this would work well into Phase One!

“Tell you what,” I said, setting them down gingerly. Scootaloo gasped for breath, while Applebloom glared at me. Cutest glare ever, in case you’re wondering. “My name is Creed, and I need to learn my way around Ponyville. The three of you probably know where everypony is, right?”

They nodded vigorously.

“So… can I help you earn your cutie marks by asking where certain ponies are?” I asked.

They nodded again, their grins widening more than I thought their faces could handle. Scootaloo and Applebloom had apparently gotten over my awesome hug ability, as they were just as excited as Sweetie Bell.

“Perfect!” I declared, and threw the three of them on my back with a bit of magic. While I had practiced on the trek over, that bit of levitation was about all I could handle.

After letting them get comfortable, I got things started. “First off, direct me to the abode of one Twilight Sparkle!”

I shot off into Ponyville, dodging ponies left and right. The CMC squealed with laughter, almost falling off on my back before they had time to say anything. Applebloom was the fastest thinking Crusader, and grabbed my ears to direct me.

It only took a few minutes galloping at full speed before we reached the local library, housed within a tree for no apparent reason. It was large, homely, and smelled from a distance like an ancient book.

“There it is!” Scootaloo shouted, slapping my back. “Faster!”

Who am I to deny a cheering child? I pushed as hard as I could, shouting back, “You’re in control! Just make sure I don’t hurt myself!”

The three cackled maniacally, and I knew I was in trouble.

If it weren’t for Spike opening the front door just in time, I would have broken it down. Streaking past him, I instead slammed into a bookcase devoid of nice, soft books.

“Those really would have been nice,” I thought to myself, actually seeing starts dancing around my head. I couldn’t say just how freaked out a levelheaded me would have been to see stars dancing around his head- I was thrown for a loop.

Thankfully, the CMC had a nice, soft cushion for the collision: me. They were fine, giggling madly on top of me while I tried to clear my dancing vision of pesky yellow stars. Glad I could improve their day with my pain.

“Thank you!” I called out dizzily, and heard a muffled answer.

Looking up I saw Spike standing there with his little dragon arms folded around a gigantic pile of books, a muzzle on his mouth. The muzzle was black and seemed to shift; the same material that cloaked the Nuckelavee, I’d guess.

I cringed at Spike’s misfortune; I knew first-hand what a muzzle felt like. I tried standing to help, momentarily forgetting about the couple of riders I had on top of me. The CMC fell to the ground, complaining loudly of their mishandling.

“Oh, come off it!” I argued right back. “If not for your bad driving Applebloom, we wouldn’t be in this situation! And I think somepony *cough*Scootaloo*cough* needs to work on not slapping their chauffer!”

“Well at least Ah don’t go around squeezing fillies left an’ right!” Applebloom shot back.

A valid point.

Turning back to Spike, I saw his mood hadn’t improved. Apparently he didn’t see either the Cutie Mark Crusaders or myself as sufficiently cute to legitimize the break-in of his home.

“Mr. Spike the dragon, is it? Why are you so mad?” I asked, ruffling the scales on top of his head in an attempt to improve his mood. He slapped my hoof away, and pointed to the door.

Looking more closely at the mute dragon, I saw he was in a similar condition as the ponies I’d seen earlier; he was smeared with dirt, his color was slightly faded, and there was a jaded air to him I hadn’t expected.

Trotting to the door, I slammed it shut. As I turned around, I saw him drop the books to facepalm. Good! I was happy he couldn’t talk back, because this was actually important.

“Alright Spike, time to talk!” I called as I trotted back. He just glared at me, and I looked over his shoulder. The CMC were running up the stairs to check out Twilight’s telescope, maybe trying to get star-themed cutie marks.

Grabbing Spike by the shoulder and leaning in, I began whispering in his ear. “Twilight sent me, and I need you to start cooperating now if you want to see your friends free,” I muttered in a low enough voice that no prying ears could hear. I wasn’t about to let myself get caught off-guard by another Diamond Dog burrowing trick.

Spike’s eyes went wide and he tried his hardest to talk, but all I heard was more mumbling.

I shook my head. “Can’t understand you!” I reminded him.

Running over to a pile of paper, he scratched something with a nearby quill, then rolled up the paper and brought it over.

“Ack!” I yelled, smacking the scroll out of his hand.

Scrolls are evil, remember?

“Seriously, keep that thing away from me! I’m not touching it! I’ve got a much better idea!” I warned him.

Rolling his eyes again, Spike went to pick the paper up. Instead, I galloped over, stomped on it, tore it up, and kicked away the debris. That wicked junk wasn’t getting near me without a fight!

Reaching out with whatever magical perception I had gained, I probed at Spike’s muzzle. It actually seemed very familiar, and I immediately recognized why: it was like an extension of myself. That is, my human self. It absorbed the magic it came into contact with, including a little of my own.

“Good thing I had enough experience with myself,” I thought, remembering indirect effects were the only magic that worked. I tore at the thing indirectly with some simple air currents, which was a bit draining. Since there was no direct contact, it had no magic to absorb; no magic absorbed, no magic denied!

As the muzzle fell clear, it dissipated in midair. Creepy.

Spike immediately opened his mouth, and spat out scroll after scroll of messages that had pent up since his muzzling. Apparently it had been a while, because they came shooting out of his maw with the speed and tenacity of a Gatling gun!

I took this as an assault on my person, and acted accordingly: I cowered and flailed my arms!

After the barrage had ended, I looked around to see the entire floor was covered in vile scrolls. I felt a bit threatened.

“I can talk!” Spike shouted, punching his hand into the air. “Listen, sorry about being a grump; it’s been a bit depressing around here. But if you’re a friend of Twilight’s, then you’re a friend of mine! What can I do to help?”

Never breaking eye contact with the nearest scroll, I pointed upstairs. “You can send up a breath of dragon fire when I give the signal. Don’t expect it for a few days at least; the signals are only to be sent out after each phase of the plan.”

“Uh… OK!” he smiled. “You have no idea how good it is to be able to speak again! I’ve been moving all of these books out of the library and into a secret hiding spot so they won’t get damaged, along with anything in Ponyville that might be important later. Vinyl Scratch, Octavia and Derpy Hooves are helping me, actually; they’ll probably be here soon!”

“Let me stop you right there, Spike,” I told him. “I have something important to ask about all those books you’ve been ferrying- have any of them been written by somepony that goes by ‘Q’?”

“Um… no, I don’t think so,” he said, scratching his chin. “Anyway, when they get here, can you tell I already left?”

While the three background ponies would be interesting to talk to, I felt like I needed to get going. Looking upstairs and seeing the Crusaders having a good time though, I decided I might as well let them enjoy themselves while they could.

“Sure Spike, no problem,” I said, smiling a little as I watched the fillies fooling around with Twilight’s equipment. It wasn’t like I didn’t have days to get started on the plan anyway.

Spike picked up the books he had dropped. “Well, I’ll see you later then. Thanks again!” he added, closing the door with his tail.

I waved my hoof, not turning around. I was mesmerized by the Crusaders. They were covered in grime, their colors subdued and their hair a mess. Yet each one of them was having a good time, laughing and fooling around with her closest friends. While it made me smile, their laughter reminded me of my own friends. People I might never see again, friends and family who I would miss terribly.

I sat down, recalling the time my father had tried to show me how to use a telescope that looked similar to the one the Crusaders were occupied with.

I’d accidentally broken every lens the thing had.

As I cried apologizing, thinking my father wouldn’t want to spend time watching the night skies with me anymore, he had picked me up and sat me down on the table the telescope had ben occupying. Despite the chemotherapy and failure of appetite, he still amazed me with how strong he was.

“Do you think I care about some silly lenses?” he’d asked, laughing quietly as he wiped away my tears. “If every star in the sky had disappeared and left nothing but emptiness, I would still love to come out and watch the black sky with you.”

A ghostly tear slowly ran down my cheek, but I was shaken from my flashback by the sound of the door opening. Quickly standing and wiping away the errant waterworks, I turned to greet the new arrivals with a smile.

“Really, I just don’t understand your musical tastes,” Octavia was saying in a haughty British accent to Vinyl Scratch. “They’re just so… garish!”

“Oh, Muffins!” Derpy replied, though I couldn’t tell whether in agreement or disagreement.

“Hello, ladies!” I greeted, sniffing a little.

“Wubadub what now?” Vinyl Scratch asked, pulling her sunglasses back. “What the hay you doin’ here, stranger?” She looked me once over. “Wait, were you cryin’?”

Even through the blurry vision, I couldn’t help but to start laughing. “Your alter-ego is gonna be pissed, Vinyl!” I said, sitting back down to wipe my eyes of the last remnant of my memories. Now wasn’t the time to delve into personal pain; I had a job to do, damnit!

Just as I was going to explain what I meant, I heard, “LOOK OUT!” from above, right before a certain flightless Pegasus slammed into me.

I heard a chorus of ‘Ooooh’s from the three newcomers as Scootaloo body slammed me into the floor. And when I say into the floor, I mean my body actually broke the floor. The other two crusaders ran downstairs, asking if Scootaloo was alright.

“That’s it!” I yelled, tossing Scootaloo out of the hole. She landed with a little ‘umph!’ and didn’t get up quick enough. “Now you’re going to get it!”

Squealing, Sweetie Bell and Applebloom ran behind Octavia. Too slow, Scootaloo realized there was nowhere to run that I wouldn’t catch her- she’d already been cut off from her friends!

“You’re ze first victim, eh?” I asked, in possibly the worst Transylvanian accent Equestria had ever heard. “Vell zen, Scoots, prepare yourselv: zis shall not be pleasant!”

With that, I tackled Scootaloo and began a vicious attack the likes of which had not been seen since the Ursa Minor showed up!

Tickling is an art really, and one that I pride myself on.

As Scootaloo began crying “Stop, stop! I can’t breathe!” the other Crusaders suddenly found their courage. With a roar that would make a lesser stallion nervous, Applebloom jumped on my head while Sweetie Belle took my tail.

“Ah got ‘im!” Apple bloom yelled, covering my eyes and jerking around to throw me off balance.

“Rph hrmf grr!” Sweetie Bell responded, my tail taking up most of her mouth.

“What? Can’t hear you Sweetie! My head is kind of busy!” I roared back, trying to throw Applebloom while holding Scootaloo down. It was incredibly difficult, and took most of my concentration. They would pay for their insolence!

“I said, let go of her!” Sweetie Bell cried. What she didn’t realize was, by speaking, she had opened her mouth enough to let go of my tail and fly off. Unfortunately, that meant the counterbalance to the weight on my head was now gone- I was off balance, and going down fast.

“TIMBER!” I yelled, falling in what seemed to be slow motion before slamming into Twilight’s floor. She should really think about some sort of softening spell; I’m sure Rainbow Dash’s cloud home doesn’t have problems with her floors knocking ponies silly.

Sensing victory, Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell jumped onboard, and together managed to hold me down until I admitted defeat.

Laughing, I remembered that we had an audience. Looking over at them, I saw mixed reactions. Octavia was shaking her head, I couldn’t tell whether Derpy was surprised or simply staring with a small grin, and Vinyl Scratch was snickering.

Meh. I’ve had worse reactions before.

“Alright girls, time to let the handsome stallion up!” I called out. There is such an ego boost in calling yourself a stallion! “Maybe later we can continue, but for right now I have to talk to these nice ponies.”

While they complained, I pushed the trio off of me and stood up on shaky legs. Those Cutie Mark Crusaders really knew how to take it out of you!

“So, uh, how ya doing?” I asked nonchalantly, trying to play off the fact that I was sore and somewhat childish. Only somewhat, mind you.

“Better than you!” Derpy replied, trotting over to me. Her wings were bound in a fashion similar to Spike’s muzzle, a black shroud sort of thing. Glancing over at Vinyl Scratch, I saw a small band of the stuff around her horn. Derpy broke my concentration by striking my back before I could say anything, and I felt a wonderful CRUNCH spread throughout my spine. I relaxed immediately, sighing contentedly.

Who knew ponies could compete with chiropractors?

“Thanks, Derpy,” I smiled, looking into her wall-eyed stare. I had no idea which eye to look at exactly, but I figured the one staring back at me would be the correct one. They kept switching off, ruining my former game plan, so I just stuck with the one on the right.

She smiled nicely. “No problem, buddy!” she said happily, turning from me to play with the Crusaders. My horn flared, and without her noticing, the black haze fell from her wings.

“How you know our names, stranger?” asked Vinyl, reminding me that there were other ponies to talk to. “You some kinda… stalker, or somethin’? Cause that would be so cool if we finally got a stalker! Right, Octavia?!” She smiled wickedly, punching Octavia in the shoulder.

Octavia declined to comment, simply rubbing her shoulder while scowling at me.

Yeesh.

Then Vinyl’s eyes lit up, changing color and disappointing me more than I could express. “Hey! That gives me inspiration for some new wubs!” she continued, unaware of my discontent. “Gonna have to write those down when we’re done helping Spike! Real quick though…”

She focused back on me. “Whadya mean ‘your alter ego’?” After quickly giving me the once over, she added, “And why you look so down?”

I sighed, kicking at the lip of the hole in Twilight’s floor. “Where I come from, you’re real admired; thing is, there’s no way for your real music to get to us, so your ‘alter ego’ creates music in your stead. Pretty good music, if you ask me!

“Anyway,” I continued, looking back up at her once again cerise eyes and grinning, “There’s a big argument about what color your eyes are. Anyone with some sense knows they’re that cerise color they are now, but your ‘alter ego’ and many other believe they’re blood red!” I scoffed, and guessed I had just seen red in her eyes as a trick of the light.

She stared at me for a second, and then smiled. “Look closer,” she told me, stepping nearer.

As I looked into her eyes, they suddenly shifted into a blazing red that was… honestly, a little disconcerting.

“Okay, that’s a little freaky!” I laughed, realizing everyone had been wrong. “They’re mood eyes!”

“Yep!” she nodded, sliding her glasses back into place. “Whenever I get into the wub-makin’ mood, they turn red!”

She looked over at Octavia, who was still glaring at me. “Guess they’re just a warnin’ ta my fillyfriend here!” She knocked Octavia on the shoulder again, which (while I’m sure it was painful) didn’t break Octavia’s death stare.

Looking between the two of them, I finally realized that they were a couple. The way they stood so easily together, the little body movements that were always moving more toward the other than the rest of the room... They were a couple! An actual Equestrian lesbian couple! Take that Earth, openly gay ponies that aren’t being ostracized!

“Good for you two!” I laughed. Octavia’s eyes didn’t shift. “Was it something I said? Or… do I stink?” I asked. I sniffed at my pits nervouslyhoping to diffuse the situation through humor- it’s gotten me through worse!

Octavia wasn’t amused, and continued to glare.

“How do you know all of our names?” she asked, the first thing she had said since trotting in. “Where’s Spike? What caused you to cry? Where did you come from?” she shot off in quick succession, her eyes narrowed angrily. Not only did I want to avoid any lengthy explanations, I didn’t really feel like getting into a row with a fan favorite. Those bronies would kill me if I ever hurt their little cello player!

I backed up a little, holding my forehooves in the air. “Octavia, I promise I’m not evil or anything. I’m actually here to help, and you have much bigger problems here than me. Spike’s already off to wherever ‘secret spot’ you guys have, so I think you should focus on helping him before you get into a spat with somepony you don’t even know.”

Octavia stepped forward threateningly, snorting. “What makes you think I couldn’t handle myself accordingly? Besides, why should we believe you?” she asked. “How are we to know you aren’t some spy!? You haven’t one of those inhibitors all the adult unicorns are required to wear!”

Good point.

I paled as I realized I might be sticking out more here than I should have been.

Vinyl realized there was some major tension in the air. “Woah there, Octy! This guy ain’t one of them, alright? We ponies need to stick together if we’re gonna beat down those Nuckelavee freaks!” She moved between myself and Octavia, and I got the distinct feeling that it was more for my protection then her fillyfriend’s.

“Right, time to go kiddos!” I called out nervously, prancing toward the door. “Thing is, while I’d just love to stay and chat about the Stephen Hawking interpretation of how I might be here, you mares need to go help Spike! I promise I’ll explain everything soon, but I need to tend to some business first!”

I was at the door now, and ready to bolt. Just needed one thing before I went…

“Cutie Mark Crusaders! Assemble!” I called out, grabbing the three fillies from their play with Derpy using a little unicorn magic. While it wasn’t the sort of badass outro the Avengers would approve of, I was quite satisfied with the fact that I got away.

And that’s all that really matters, right?

“Where yah off to now, Creed?” Applebloom asked, latching onto my ears once more as we raced from the sounds of a heated argument back in the Library.

“Since we already saw Vinyl Scratch and Spike,” I shot back, dodging around a particularly unhappy-looking pony, “We can skip right down the list to Lyra Heartstrings!”

I was pretty excited to meet Lyra. If she had previous knowledge of humans in Equestria, maybe she could point me home after everything here was finished! “I just hope she doesn’t judge me if I tell her I’m a hu-”

Applebloom twisted sharply, breaking me out of my internal monologue and directing me away from where I though Lyra might live.

“What gives?!” I whined loudly, but quickly had to focus on dodging ponies. They were getting thick!

“Lyra’s probably in the town square, taking care of lunch,” Sweetie Bell informed me.

“Yeah, she sorta took over caring for the Elements when they got locked up,” Scootaloo added.

“‘Locked up’?” I asked, concerned. Deluge never mentioned the Mane Six (minus Twilight) being locked up in the town square!

“Yeah, see fer yerself!”

Applebloom yanked my ears back. I assumed that meant stop, and I put on the brakes just as hard as she pulled on my ears. In retrospect, that probably wasn’t the best idea, because the three adorable fillies went flying off my back.

They flew over the crowd of ponies milling about aimlessly, and landing face first in the dirt, actually made three parallel divots in the ground up to a wooden platform.

Looking up, I saw we had reached the square. While most stayed to the edges for some reason, there were a few ponies in the very middle- on top of the wooden platform. I quickly realized it was the four of the Mane Six, as well as some other ponies.

The Elements of Harmony looked absolutely miserable.

Applejack was hanging her head, hatless, in a wooden stockade. She wasn’t looking around or talking, just hanging her head. She seemed defeated, which was something I would never expect from the hard-fighting cowgirl.

Pinkie Pie was actually in a straitjacket, hanging upside down from a wooden pole’s arm like some strange Houdini trick. She was blabbing to Bonbon, and actually smiling. You can always count on Pinkie to be chipper I suppose!

Rarity was in a large cage. She was awake, and crying something about “no pillows” and “ruffians” to Lyra while she was being fed. I noticed a black coating to Rarity’s horn, completely engrossing the pearly white appendage. Lyra simply had a ring of the black gunk around her horn, similar to Vinyl Scratch.

Fluttershy was the least restrained of the Elements; she lay on the open ground, with what looked like chains around the base of her wings and legs. She was laying still, her head resting on her forehooves, and she seemed to be silently crying.

Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen.

Lyra and Bonbon were walking up and down the line of wooden constructions with bowls of mush.

“Y’all better hope Applebloom didn’t get hurt, else Ah’m gonna beat yer flank like it’s never been beat before!” I heard a southern-laced voice yell out.

“Well, crap,” I thought to myself. “Things are already off to a bad start with Applejack… but at least she’s paying attention again!”

Ignoring Applejack for now, I trotted forward to check on Scootaloo, Applebloom and Sweetie Bell. Pulling them out of their respective ruts and dusting them off, I saw they were fine except for some dirt in their mouths, and still in high spirits.

“Don’t be mad at ‘im Applejack!” Applebloom came to my aid, spitting clods of dirt. “Then he might not wanna be the newest member ‘a the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“Yeah!” the other two chimed in.

At first I was elated… but then my heart hit my stomach when the implication registered: I had no cutie mark! Glancing back, I saw my flank was as blank as a baby’s bottom. I hadn’t even noticed!

WHAT KIND OF A BRONY AM I?!?

I looked around, and saw that not only were Lyra and Bonbon staring at me, but Applejack was glaring, the crowd had quieted, and Pinkie wasn’t babbling for once.

“And just who are you, exactly?” Lyra asked defiantly. She held the bowl of mush with one hoof in front of her cautiously, as if said bowl would stop any unwanted assaults.

There was an enormous whistling sound, and everypony looked around for the source. Looking to the right, I saw that the vortex sucking in wind was none other than Pinkie Pie, who was actually swinging forward she was drawing breath so hard.

I mentally braced myself.

“OHMYGOSHWHATSYOURNAMEIMPINKIEPIEANDIWANTUSTOBEFRIENDS! HOWDIDYOUMEETTHECUTIEMARKCRUSADERS? AREYOUGUYSGOINGTOHAVEACEREMONY? ‘CAUSETHATWOULDMEANYOUHAVETOHAVEAPARTY!” Pinkie voiced, swinging back with the out blast. She could easily compete with the Royal Canterlot Voice if she wanted to.

Somehow, she ripped her way out of the straitjacket and fell to the ground, bounced, and launched herself at me with the speed (and weight) of a cruise missile.

Harry Houdini himself would have been proud.

As she slammed into me, my breath was immediately knocked out. Hitting the ground with an “OOF!” as what air remained vacated my lungs, I found myself looking into the strangely tranquil eyes of Pinkie Pie. I reflected that it was odd her seemingly calm eyes could conceal her true insanity so well.

“What is your name!” she asked/yelled again, obviously excited.

“Name’s Creed!” I gasped out, still trying to draw breath back into my lungs. The stupid things wouldn’t cooperate, and left me floundering like a fish out of water.

She looked around with her eyes squinted, briefly studying the crowd. "I think someponies need cheering up, don't you think?" she asked me in a hushed tone. She met my incredulous gaze, and gave a quick wink.

Pinkie Pie jumped off of me, and stood up on her hind legs. Breathing in again, I heard a bit of music coming from absolutely nowhere and everywhere at once. It was a piece of music that anyone who dares call themselves a brony would recognize immediately, and I wasn’t one to disappoint.

“My name is Pinkie Pie! Hello!” she sang out, waving to me as I lay on the ground. I saw the ponies around the square stop what they were doing and start to grin as they swayed to “Smile Smile Smile.”

“And I am here to say! How ya doin’? I’m gonna make you smiiiile and I will brighten up your daaaaay!” she continued, not caring for the fact that it was actually terribly gloomy.

Let’s get something straight: no matter how much I may like the song, the idea of actual music numbers freak me the hell out. Singing to a nonexistent beat, with people they’ve never met, who just so happen to know exactly what beat and song you are singing to, despite it being completely original…

*shudder*

“STOP!” I screamed, breaking Pinkie Pie from her insanity-fueled, nightmare-inducing musical number as she was just getting to the chorus.

“What… what’s the matter, Creed?” Pinkie Pie asked, her hair starting to deflate. “Don’t you like to smile?” She sounded heartbroken, and her hair was making the noise of a balloon slowly dying as it lost its luster.

“No no, smiling is great!” I immediately corrected, forcing myself to beam as I stood up from the dirt. “I’m smiling right now, see? It’s just that, uh, you make me smile so much when you sing that I would hurt my face! Yeah, that’s it!”

Her hair stopped its deflation, but didn’t puff back up. The ponies all around us seemed a tad bit sad I had cancelled their nonrehearsed dance of horror, but I could live with that.

“Are you sure?” Pinkie asked, her lower lip trembling a little.

“Of course it isn’t you, silly!” I nodded, compelling my smile to be even wider. “Tell you what, I’ll keep this smile up all day just so you know I’m telling the truth!” I mentally facepalmed as I said those words, but they seemed to do the trick.

“Okie dokie lokie!” she jumped into the air, her hair expanding at an impossible rate to its former glory. “Then let’s just skip the songs for now and get down to partying! These ponies are in desperate need of some good feelings!”

She whipped out party hats for everypony, and had them fastened to each and every individual head in the square within a few seconds. There was a falling of confetti from somewhere in the atmosphere, and while the party was physically impossible, I must say I was enjoying it. It was a small escape from the dreariness of Ponyville while it lasted.

That is, until I got a party cannon in the face.

I was knocked away by the blast, and landed on my back a few feet away. I looked up, and was right in front of Applejack. She was glaring down at me, apparently still a little miffed about her little sister’s face.

“Pinkie may accept you ‘Creed’, but remember Ah’ve got mah eye on you,” she threatened, glaring at me with all the venom she could muster. It honestly wasn’t all that much venom, at least compared to Octavia, but it was still enough to convince me she wasn’t messing around.

“Ah, give ‘im a rest Applejack!” Applebloom called, trotting over with her friends to help me up. Her little party hat was crooked, and I fixed it for her as I stood.

“It’s our fault for stopping him so fast, anyway,” Sweetie Bell added, looking at me innocently. “Sorry about that. I hope it doesn’t mean you won’t join our club?”

“Never!” I huffed dramatically, and then looked around suspiciously. “The only thing is… with me being so much older, it might make the other ponies jealous! So let’s hold off on that, shall we?”

The three fillies looked around as well, scanning the crowd. “Who, do ya think?” Scootaloo asked me in a hushed tone.

“That doesn’t matter right now!” I whispered conspiratorially, snatching them all into a huddle around Applejack. “What matters is that we accomplish Phase One of my plan to free everypony! By the way, it’s called ‘Operation: Cool Hoof Creed’. In case anypony like Twilight asks.”

That really got Rarity's attention.

“Oh darling, it’s fantastic you’re in contact with our friend! Hurry and free me then, won’t you?” Rarity asked in a posh voice, pressing her face against the bars of her cage. “I must get out of this cage- it’s simply barbaric the way they’ve been treating us! Not even a pillow for the cold, hard ground! And all the ponies they’ve taken!” she shuddered visibly.

“Alright, I s’pose we’d be mighty thankful if you’d be kind enough to help us out,” Applejack put in, grumbling.

I chuckled nervously, and avoided eye contact. “Yeah, see, heh, the thing is, Phase One doesn’t exactly… involve… either of you…”

I dared to look up, and saw Applejack with tears in her eyes. Rarity was staggering backwards like she had been dealt a grievous blow, and sat down hard. She was more shocked than anything, so I quickly decided Applejack needed some kind words more than her.

“No no no, don’t cry!” I pleaded, trotting the few steps over to Applejack. I wiped away the tears that had already started to fall, and put my hoof under her chin to make her look me in the eyes. It was pitiful, the crushed spirit I saw within those green eyes that usually held so much spunk.

“I promise, there’s a reason it has to be this way,” I told her as consolingly as possible. “In truth, it’s the only way to ensure the safety of both of you.” I looked at Rarity, and saw I had her rapt attention.

“And how, pray tell, are we safer in chains than we would be free?” she asked, gesturing toward Fluttershy. Despite all the commotion, and somehow gaining a slice of chocolate cake/gift bag combo, Flutterhsy was still lying on the ground looking spent. She sighed, and I saw her push the plateful of colorful cake away.

“First of all, only Fluttershy is in chains,” I corrected her. “Secondly, the two of you will be safer in captivity, because there’s no safe way for you both to get out of Ponyville when Phase One goes into effect.”

I glanced at Pinkie Pie, who was still bouncing around handing out balloon animals and streamers. I would never let on to the ponies, but my adrenaline was pumping and I was stressing the hell out. “In fact, I wouldn’t even be enacting Phase One tonight, but with Pinkie Pie free we have to step up the timetable. I needed to much more time to prepare...”

I returned to Applejack. "I promise you, everypony's goin to get out of this alright. If there was any other way-" she cut me off.

"It's fine," she said. "Ah understand... just don't go forgettin' us here, y'hear?" I nodded, knowing that, of any pony here, Applejack would be the one to count on as a rock.

Turning to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, I saw they had been listening the entire time. I was a little surprised they hadn’t scampered off to harass anypony, but I guess they’d taken an affinity to me. Probably not a good idea, if everything was going to go to plan.

That, or they were still hoping they could earn their cutie marks through me. Moochers.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders!” I ordered in my most authoritative tone. They immediately straightened up and looked forward, like the good little soldiers they needed to be.

“Your mission,” I started, pacing in front of them, “should you choose to accept it, is to detain one Pinkamena Diane Pie, and harness her physics-bending magical properties to unleash Fluttershy from her bonds.” I came to a full stop, staring hard at them each in the face

“Are we clear?”

“Crystal, sir!” they rang out in unison.

“Fantastic! Now, turn tail and track her down, fillies! I just want to tell you three good luck. We're all counting on you.”

They ran off like they were on a holy mission after they saluted, right for the bouncing pink pony herself. I don’t know what they would have to say or do to convince her, but I figured nopony, not even Pinkie Pie, could resist their cuteness. Turning around, I saw Applejack cocking her head to one side (pretty hard to do while in stocks) while Rarity’s jaw was hanging dangerously close to the ground.

“Surely you can’t be serious?!” she gasped. “Placing our collective fate in the hooves of those three? Even if she is my sister, that doesn’t mean Sweetie Bell is ready for a responsibility of that magnitude!”

“Of course I’m serious!” I shot back. “And don’t call me Shirly!”

While Applejack and Rarity were sufficiently confused by my retort, I stole my way over to Phase One’s objective: Fluttershy.

Even as I approached, she remained inanimate. As I was about to reach her, I was halted by a small but fairly self-righteous looking mint green pony standing in my way.

“I have no idea just who you think you are,” Lyra scolded, either unnoticing or uncaring by our obvious size differences. “But that poor pony over there is my responsibility, and you are not going near her unless you give me a good enough reason! No matter how big or intimidating you may be!”

I tried pushing past her, but she wouldn’t budge.

“Is that so?” I asked her, drawing myself up to full height. I stood a head and shoulders above her, and was pretty sure I could take her if the need arose. My ire was starting to rise; I had to get Fluttershy out of there now, before the guards showed up, if Phase One was going to be possible.

“Who decided these mares were your responsibility?” I asked her.

“I did!” she growled back, her horn starting to glow. I saw the magical inhibitor placed on her horn starting to swell as it took in her magic, but Lyra didn’t seem to notice. “Now either you get to explaining, or I’m gonna get to thrashing!”

Alright, so the background pony had some cajones!

“In that case…”

I bent down, my own horn blazing as I used the same trick on Lyra’s horn as I had on Spike and Derpy’s restraints. The black abomination fell from Lyra’s horn, and dissipated as it made contact with the ground.

“Right! Now then!” I said, straightening back up again. “I’m going to talk to Fluttershy, and give her strength for the role she’s going to play! If you ever want Equestria to be free from the Nuckelavee, you’ll move aside immediately!”

She watched the wisp of an inhibitor as it faded away, then at me for a few moments with an expression I couldn’t read. As I was about to speak again, she stepped silently aside.

“Thank you!” I smiled brightly, trotting past her. She fell into step right next to me, making certain I knew that I would be under close supervision. She was acting extremely protective of Fluttershy; I hoped that didn’t spell disaster for the plan. Flutterhsy was an integral part of Phase One.

I mean, she basically was Phase One!

“Fluttershy?” I asked as quietly as I could, sitting down in front of the yellow pegasus. Her eyes were closed, and she only made a small noise in response.

Glancing back at Lyra, who didn’t react, I couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad sign. Being the optimist that I am, I decided to take it as a signal to continue.

“Fluttershy, can you look at me?” I asked, lowering my face until we were eye to eye. Her lids slowly opened, and I saw her cyan eyes filled with pain. Not physical pain, because I couldn’t see a bruise on her, but a deep emotional pain. For her friends, her animal friends, for all of Equestria. All I felt was a deep desire to make sure she never had to feel that way again.

“Hi there, Fluttershy,” I said softly, waving one hoof without breaking eye contact. She regarded me distantly, and I remembered the old tales about the ‘Thousand Yard Stare’. If there ever was one in Equestria, this was it.

“I’m going to get you out of here, Fluttershy,” I continued. “When I do, I need your help to save all of your friends. Are you following me?”

Her eyes brightened a little, and she nodded slowly, cocking her head to one side. “But… why do you need my help?” she asked. They were the first words I’d heard her speak, and I was barely able to discern what she said. Thankfully pony ears are much more sensitive, so I was able to pick up her little voice.

I lifted my head a bit and smiled encouragingly, hoping she would do the same. To my happiness, she did; her head lifted up as high as mine, and she gazed at me with her head cocked a little.

“I need you to be brave, for everypony you know, because you’re the first step in returning Equestria to its rightful owners,” I told her proudly. She squeaked, and covered her head with her hooves.

The chains fastened around her legs and wings screeched horribly, reminding me of the terrible conditions she had been put under for who knows how long.

I lifted a hoof to console her, looking back first to see if Lyra would allow it. She nodded once, never breaking eye contact with Fluttershy.

Placing the hoof on Fluttershy’s back, I rubbed a little right where I knew many humans kept their tension. There are such ‘trigger points’ all over the body, and Sports Medicine had taught me that rubbing them out will calm even the worst injured athlete.

It ponies were no different; after a few moments, I saw Fluttershy start to relax. She sighed after a while longer, bringing her hooves down from on top of her head. Seeing she was ready to come out of her shell, I tried again.

“Listen to me Fluttershy,” I said smoothly, still rubbing. “All we need from you is to fly with Pinkie Pie to that special clearing you showed Twilight. Do you know where I’m talking about?”

She nodded blissfully, even smiling a little as she leaned into my hoof. “Is that all?” she asked dreamily.

“That’s all,” I agreed, smiling a bit myself. “And when you get there, Twilight will be waiting for you.”

Fluttershy’s eyes came open, and she smiled brightly. “Really?!” she asked enthusiastically, flapping her wings a little. She glanced back at them at the sound of the chains, and her smile started to fade.

Turning back to me with despair once again in her eyes, she asked, “But how do I know it’s real this time? I’ve flown away so many times before…” She drifted to a stop, her eyes lowering slowly to stare at the cold ground.

“How do I know I’m not dreaming again?” she asked quietly of no one in particular. “How do I know I’m not insane?”

A shadow passed over Lyra’s face, and she looked away. I looked back to Fluttershy, and felt a new fire flare within me.

“Listen to me, Fluttershy!” I snapped as loudly as I dared. She was startled, and jerked back a bit as she brought her gaze back to me.

“I am definitely real!” I told her, standing up to my full height. “And right now I’m giving you the chance to save yourself and Pinkie Pie, the chance to fly away to meet one of your best friends, the chance to save Equestria itself!”

I turned around, and directed her gaze with a hoof. The ponies all around the square were fixated on Pinkie Pie, and the antics of the CMC as they tried to talk to her. The crowd was brightening, but the evidence of their bondage was still there. Any unicorns had their horns wrapped in the same magical trappings as Lyra, and any pegasi had their wings bound like Derpy. They all had bags under their eyes, looking decidedly frail and faded.

“Is this what you want for everypony you know?” I asked Fluttershy, looking sideways at her to make sure she was taking it all in. Her eyes looked out over the crowd, and I saw her straighten a little.

“No,” she whispered, quietly.

“Is this how you want to remain for the rest of your life?” I asked, jingling the chains around her wings.

“No,” she said with more force, her wings unfurling.

“Then just remember this, Fluttershy,” I told her, squatting back down on my forehooves so we were looking each other in the eyes.

“Never be afraid to fall apart; it’s only an opportunity to rebuild yourself how you always wanted to be. After all,” I added, a wicked grin showing on my face. “It’s sometimes the appropriate response to reality to go insane.”

She smiled for the first time, and nodded confidently. “I’ll remember that Creed,” she told me assuredly. “Just give me the chance, and I promise I won’t let anypony down!”

I hadn’t realized she was paying attention when I told Pinkie Pie my name. “She’s even stronger than even she knows,” I chuckled inwardly.

“Good!” I cried as I straightened back up. Looking over to see how the Cutie Mark Crusaders were doing, I saw Pinkie Pie trotting our way.

“Of course we should let Fluttershy out! She needs cheering up more than anypony else!” she huffed, sidling up next to me. “Hey Creed,” she mumbled out of the side of her mouth, staring at the chains surrounding Fluttershy and bolting her to the ground.

“Enjoying the party?” she asked as she nonchalantly tapped one chain. Her ‘little tap’ broke that single link.

I was amazed when the entire pile of chains fall off from around Fluttershy. I didn’t even know they were all connected like that!

“Hmmm?” she asked again, looking at me.

I gulped. “I love it!” I smiled, and got an even larger one in return.

“Goodie!” Pinkie Pie cried, jumping up on her back legs and clapping her forehooves together excitedly. “Oh, I wish Twilight were here to party with us!”

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnd segue!

“You know Pinkie,” I whispered in her ear as Fluttershy stood up and stretched her wings. “Fluttershy there is going to take you out of Ponyville to go get Twilight for exactly that purpose!”

Pinkie Pie looked like her smile was going to split her head apart. “Really?!?” she gasped. “You found Twilight?!?”

She grabbed me in a bear hug that would have put every manly man on Earth to shame. As a fellow hug enthusiast, I returned it with as much gusto as possible. Unfortunately my arms were caught, so I settled for a small reach around as she lifted me into the air.

“You are SO one of my new bestest friends!” she yelled, twirling me around.

I laughed like a little kid on a Disney park ride. If not for her freakish strength and reality-bending displays of Pinkamena Power, I would have been terrified. As things stood, I felt very comfortable.

“Pinkie, um, can you put Creed down please? We need to get going,” Fluttershy asked in her small voice.

I was dropped by Pinkie immediately, and think I sprained the base of my tail if that’s at all possible.

Looking over at Fluttershy, I saw doubt weaving its way across her face. “Creed, what if we don’t find Twilight?” she asked, her eyebrows stitching together. “What if we get lost? Or attacked? Or what if-”

Fluttershy’s descent back into self-doubt was halted with a swift intervention by Lyra.

“What kind of talk is that?” she scolded Fluttershy. “Come on, you know you can fly higher than those things! And you’re the last hope we have here; we know you won’t fail!”

Looking at myself and the Cutie Mark Crusaders who had come up while I was being twirled around, Lyra gave us each a pointed glare. “Don’t we?” she asked.

“Obviously!” “100 percent!” and “You betchya!” came from the three fillies, while I only managed to choke out a “Yes ma’am!” as I rubbed my sore plot.

Apparently satisfied, Lyra turned back to Fluttershy, saying “There, you see? We all have faith in you, so you can’t fail!”

Fluttershy nodded slowly. Turning to Pinkie Pie, she asked, “Are you ready to go, Pinkie?”

“You bet your flank I’m ready to go!” Pinkie responded powerfully, dropping into a four point stance. “Lift when ready!”

Flapping her wings, Fluttershy grabbed under Pinkie’s arms and started to fly. Up, up she went, further and further into the sky. “Don’t forget to go to the clearing!” I called after them, and I think I saw Pinkie salute before they flew off into the distance.

There were calls from all around town, mainly coming from the watchtowers that dotted its perimeter. Diamond Dogs were pointing up to the sky, and while many were laughing, there were plenty who seemed awful mad. Some of those less amused puppies ran into the town square.

“What pony let flyer free?!?” called out a big one. He must have been related to a Saint Bernard or something, ‘cuz he was thick! He looked around desperately, apparently hoping somepony would sell out.

Nopony said a word.

“Time for phase two,” I mumbled to myself, and started to step forward. I was stopped short (again) by a certain mint green mare.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she hissed, staring hard into my eyes. “Nopony said anything for a reason: they don’t want anypony else being taken away!”

I glanced around, and saw that the smiles hadn’t left the faces of the ponies in the square. They wore their ridiculous party hats with pride, and some were still munching on cake.

As I studied the crowd, I saw Vinyl Scratch, Derpy and Octavia gallop into the square.

Looking right at me, I saw Vinyl smile and nod- though those may have just been headbangs. Octavia was noticeably sour, and glared with an unfettered rage. If at all possible, she looked more mad than she did before.

Derpy at least had the intelligence to hide behind her friends so the Diamond Dogs didn’t notice her lack of restraints. The Cutie Mark Crusaders ran to meet her.

“See what I mean?” Lyra asked in a hushed whisper. “Nopony’s done anything but accept what’s going on. We aren’t fighters here in Ponyville! We need somepony with a plan, and all of them have already been taken away!”

I smiled, and waved back to Vinyl. “A plan, I have.”

The large Diamond Dog started interrogating the ponies unfortunate enough to be around him.

She looked at me, studying intently for a few moments. “What makes you so special?” she probed. “Why are you so different than any of the ponies from other towns? Where exactly are you from?”

I smiled genuinely, and patted her on the shoulder. “You know Lyra, you’re pretty observative. It’s good you’re so forward, it’ll get you far in life.”

She just sniffed, trying to look like she didn’t care, but I saw the corners of her mouth lift a little. Flattery really does go a long way, even in another universe!

“So,” I continued, pacing past her to meet Large Dog. “I’ll tell you this: as far as I know, I’m the first one from my world to visit Equestria.” I stole a look over one shoulder, and saw confusion cross her face. “Just tell Spike for me that this is the signal, ok?”

She nodded, still trying to sort her way through what I had just told her. As I trotted toward the Diamond Dogs, I saw many ponies shaking their heads emphatically. I gave them a reassuring smile, and continued on my march.

“Who did it?” the Saint Bernard demanded, shaking an especially small pony.

“Why don’t you try picking on somepony your own size?” I asked, tapping at his shoulder. I know, it’s a cliché, but I’ve always wanted to say that!

He turned around with a growl, but as soon as he did, he stopped. While he was definitely the largest Diamond Dog I had seen, he still wasn’t nearly as big as me. He was staring straight into my throat, and had to raise his head to look me in the eye. He gulped comically, looking around him for support.

The other Diamond Dogs were watching the situation, waiting for him to do something. Returning his gaze to me, I saw his eyes harden as he found his resolve.

Typical bully mentality. Save his image around friends, but only when superior numbers made it safe.

He growled menacingly again, his sharp claws coming out from his paw. While Deluge had showed me her prehensile claws, his were a great deal bigger. They shone with an evil glare, and were bloody red.

“So, you the pony that set flier free?” he asked, and I had to hold myself back from correcting his grammar.

“Yes,” I hissed through clenched teeth, trying to keep myself from letting my inner Grammar Nazi shine forth. “And might I ask what your name is, pup?”

His rumble grew, both at my insult and the fact that I wasn’t cowering in front of him.

“Lance,” he spat when he saw I wasn’t going to back down. “And you not goin’ get any mercy from me, pony!”

“Mercy?” I asked, feigning ignorance. “Whatever do you mean? I’m just a simple unicorn, new to the town; I’m not asking for sympathy or mercy, anything like that. What exactly is it you big bad puppies do with misbehaving ponies?”

Of course, I knew the answer; Deluge had explained that much. I just hoped he really wouldn’t show any mercy. If he did, Phase Two would be ruined.

His mouth widened into a wicked excuse for a smile. “They meet Nahor!”

“Phew!” I exclaimed, waving a hoof in front of my face and making a disgusted face. “Bad case of doggy breath, dude! Close that thing before the halitosis spreads!”

I couldn’t help but start cracking up at the look on his face. Obviously, not many ponies talk back like I do; otherwise, you’d expect him to be able to hold his temper better!

My laughs died down into guffaws as I looked back up at him. I wasn’t fast enough to react to his claws flashing toward my head; the best I could do was try to duck.

As I pulled my head away, I could already tell it wasn’t going to be enough. The four blades that cut my cheek to ribbons felt burning hot, but didn’t hurt as much as I’d expected. A gasp rose from the crowd, and I heard an enraged group of Cutie Mark Crusaders being held back by the combined effort of Vinyl Scratch and Derpy.

Lance’s smirk filled my vision, and I couldn’t help but want to hit back.

Hard.

He was so cocky, so sure that the meek ponies of Ponyville would never hit back. The thing was, I wasn’t from anywhere even remotely close to Ponyville. If I still had fists, they’d have been clenched tight because I knew I couldn’t retaliate.

That would ruin Phase Two, and complicate the plan down the line. Instead, I simply stood up straight and smiled. It was a forced smile, but a shining one. And it seemed to scare the bejeezus out of Lance.

“That wasn’t very nice,” I tutted. “Really, didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Why don’t you just do your job mutt, and take me to your leader.”

I’d always wanted to say that too!

“I’m sure he could do much better than that pathetic attempt at retribution, anyway. Are all Diamond Dogs as pansy with their punishments, or are you the shining example of ‘how to treat your prisoners right’?”

His eyes were the size of saucers. He didn’t move again, and neither did any of the other Diamond Dogs. They were all watching their ring leader, who wasn’t used to somepony actually standing up for themself.

Blood ran down my chin from the four parallel marks across my cheek, but did nothing to mar the dazzling smile I gave to Lance. I didn’t have to say anything else, even if I really wanted to.

I held my tongue, praying that Lance did the intelligent thing and took me to this ‘Nahor’ guy like he was supposed to. The tension was thick in the air, even if I did my best to ignore it.

I heard somepony trying to stifle a laugh, and failing miserably. It certainly wasn’t a sound anyone expected to hear in the middle of such a situation, myself least of all. Looking back, I saw Lyra holding herself up against Applejack’s stocks. She was shaking, and Applejack started sputtering alongside her.

“What so funny?” Lance demanded, echoing my thoughts exactly.

“You!” Lyra gasped, holding her side with one forehoof while the other braced against the wooden construction. “Haha! H-he he just insulted you, took your shot openly [gasp] and… and.. hehehehe.. all you can do is take him to somepony else like a good dog!”

Even Rarity couldn’t help but titter herself, holding one hoof over her mouth.

I didn’t see what was so funny really, but the ponies were soon all giggling.

Did being in such a dire situation make even the smallest amount of comedy worth laughing at? Or maybe they understood that I was just trying to egg Lance on to take me to the prison?

No matter the reason, Lyra’s leadership and laughter were effective. Lance was burning with embarrassment. “Take him!” he ordered his troops, his voice breaking a little. I simply smiled at his underlings, offering no resistance as they forced me toward the western exit of the town square.

As we passed right by the stage of sorts, I saw the Lyra’s laughter was indeed faked. A dark shadow of concern passed over her when she turned away from the crowd to watch the procession.

“Tell Spike!” I called out, my smile never faltering.

She waved once, morose, and I felt a little sad to see her so unhappy.

I shook the feeling away, and turned to trot toward the ‘Detention Hall’ that Deluge had told me about. Hopefully, I wouldn’t be too long; I still had plenty of questions to ask Lyra about the possibilities of humans in Equestria before me.

…Also, I didn’t want the torture to last too long.

Parousia Chapter 5- Mens Sibi Conscia Recti

Our little band left the town proper fairly quickly, and I saw the dark building known as the “Detention Hall” in the distance. Deluge had described in perfect detail. A squatting, ugly blight on the beautiful nature it had replaced, I could see the stumps of trees that had once inhabited the same stretch of land. The eaves hung low off the roof, which was thatched, almost brushing the ground. There were a multitude of chimneys rising high above the flammable roof, belching a constant stream of acrid black smoke. There was a stench in the air I couldn’t place, but it put me on edge.

It lay backed against the large wall surrounding Ponyville, and I could only guess at why the Nuckelavee had deigned it necessary to build their own structure. Outside town limits. Away from anypony else.

The closer we approached the black stain, the more awe it inspired. The place was absolutely massive- its roof must have been a good three stories high, and whatever flames fed those horrible chimneys might have been just as large. While exuding an aura of pure evil, it gave no hints as to what atrocities were committed within.

According to Deluge, not even the Diamond Dogs were aware of what actually happened inside the Detention Hall. The only thing they knew was that the Nuckelavee living in Ponyville had made it their base. The Diamond Dogs were to bring ponies who caused trouble to the Detention Hall, and leave them with the Nuckelavee.

Whatever the Nuckelavee did, it produced broken ponies who were quietly escorted to Canterlot by the Nuckelavee themselves, and no others. The ponies that were destined for the Detention Hall were all sent within the first week: the mob starters, the rebellious, and the extremely magically inclined. None had gone quietly at first, yet every single one had left with the Nuckelavee without incident.

That had been almost a month and a half before I popped up in Equestria. Twilight had been in Canterlot when reports of nine riders sweeping the land of ponies with hordes of Diamond Dogs started to flow in. It took the Princesses too long to muster their forces- they had only ever kept a small standing army, barely enough to act as personal protection. I couldn’t blame them; as far as I knew, the last need of any sort of military was a thousand years before, with Nightmare Moon.

Canterlot fell three days after the first reports. Twilight was in the castle, the last remaining known stronghold besides Cloudsdale, and managed to escape through a secret tunnel in the back of the throne room. Luna and Celestia stayed to hold the invaders off, and their whereabouts were unknown.

Twilight had spent the intervening time intermittently searching for her friends and hoofing it on her own throughout the lands of Equestria. She had found Sweet Apple Acres filled with ponies, and even a number of her friends. She told me finding them had been a “ray of hope”, and that she had imagined taking back Equestria.

That was just days before she sent out the scroll that brought me into the mess.

The only place either Twilight or Deluge knew of that might have remained untouched was Cloudsdale. Neither the Nuckelavee nor their Diamond Dogs could reach the high flying city, and the ponies had early on restricted admittance to actual pegasi kind. It was a cheap trick, but one that had managed to hold off the enemy for longer than anywhere else in Equestria. Supposedly, there were some Nuckelavee campaigning there, but no one had any idea how many.

No one in our camp had heard whether or not Cloudsdale had fallen, though. Twilight assumed it had, due to the fact that her scroll hadn’t brought anypony from there instead of bridging the gap between worlds to fetch me.

That left the Detention Hall somewhat of a mystery to us. While we had discussed it at length, Deluge had never been inside, so could not tell me the layout or anything like that. All she could say was that it was where the rebellious ponies were taken.

As for the Part One of the Plan, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were the only pegasi of the Elements- that meant I only had a few choices on who to free. After all, it wouldn’t have been possible to get an earth pony or unicorn out without drawing a needless conflict. Of the two, it made more sense to free Fluttershy; she could get all the woodland creatures to help in our cause, and serve as a powerful ally to La Resistance.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, was best suited to leadership. She was the most active of the ponies Twilight knew, and she had already been in charge of the weather ponies in and around Ponyville. Not only that, she could personally turn the tide of any battles we might come across with her weather controlling magic.

Deluge, unfortunately, had never heard of Rainbow Dash. Either she had been taken to the Detention Hall before Deluge arrived as part of Gomorrah’s personal guard, or she was holed up in Cloudsdale.

I personally hoped it was the latter. Gazing up at the Detention Hall as we finally neared the large double door entrance, I could feel the veil of dread that surrounded the place. Whether that was some sort of mind trick with all the black smoke and the ominous visage, or actual magic employed by the Nuckelavee, I couldn’t tell.

I hated the fact that I had to be brought here. I’d never even had a misdemeanor, much less gone to a human jail. Going into a place of probable torture, in another world, where nopony knew what happened? A place that broke the strongest of ponies before sending them away in shame, never to be heard from again?

That was outright terrifying.

“Man, I’m even depressing myself at this point!” I mumbled, not really realizing I had spoken out loud.

“That the point, pony,” Lance said in a subdued growl, pulling me to a halt as we came to stand in front of the menacing doors. There was a small pause, like he was choosing his next words carefully. “Just… don’t resist. Heard they’re harder with ponies that do.”

I’d almost forgotten the Diamond Dogs were prisoners as much as any other Equestrian. They had family they were protecting, packs they could only hope to see again. They could be jerks, but they weren't evil.

I turned around and decided I had the perfect thing to cheer both Lance and myself up.

What am I if not resourceful? And a little unwilling to face my own mortality, emotionally speaking.

“Awww, you know just how to treat a guy right!” I cooed, throwing my arms around his neck and nuzzling up against him.

Basically, I’ve learned a few things in life: one is that a hug and nuzzle combo will either completely disarm someone who wants to fight, or utterly freak another man out.

While Lance was not a ‘man’ per se, he was still a male. And apparently, males in Equestria are just as uncomfortable being nuzzled by a stranger as human males are.

He pushed at me, trying halfheartedly to fight off my advances, but I was enjoying myself too much; no way was I giving up this hug! He even managed to scratch me a few times, but I didn’t care. I was making myself laugh, and that was the important thing.

“I know you Diamond Dogs aren’t evil; you don’t want this for your world,” I laughed quietly, patting his back. His squirming subsided immediately.

“What else can we do?” he asked quietly. “There no fighting them…”

My concentration was thrown off by a large creaking behind me, followed by the sound of clopping (not that kind!) hooves coming out of the Detention Hall.

By ‘thrown off’, I literally mean ‘thrown off’. Because that’s exactly what Lance did. He threw me a good distance, so that I landed face down in the dust. While I didn't appreciate the gesture, I could completely understand it when I raised my head.

I was looking right at the hooves of a Nuckelavee.

There was a silence, broken only by the harsh sounds of breathing. "Were you... huggin a pony?" it asked.

"N-no Nahor, no hugging! Pony was, uh, begging Lance not to give him up to you."

I raised my head higher to examine this Nahor, and Nahor bent his hooded horse head in return. My two blue eyes met his one glowing red one, and I saw myself reflected there. My image was... twisted looking. It wasn't any different than what I saw in Twilight's eyes, but there was something off about it.

It was almost as if the reflection was some corrupt, abhorrent future that was staring me right back in the eye. It was submissive, broken, and without the life I attributed to myself. I didn't like it one bit.

I scrambled to my hooves, only to be smashed back down to my side by an incredible, invisible force.

"Ah ah ah, pony. Musssn't have you getting any wrong ideasss about how free you are, hmmm?"

I couldn't move, but was somehow lifted into the air. As I rose, I saw that the robed humanoid growth on Nahor's back had its arm raised towards me. I extended my perceptions, and found the current surrounding me came directly from the tips of Nahor's fingers. The space it traversed to my pony body rippled with magic, but it was an unnatural magic that was entirely constrained to the will of Nahor. Twilight's magic at least flowed of its own accord; this stuff was laser pinpointed.

I slowly rotated, unable to move, as Nahor examined me. As I turned, I met Lance's gaze. He face gave no indication he felt one way or the other, though I couldn't tell if he was just putting on a facade in front of his master. The Diamond Dogs around him were all bowing, and none raised their heads.

"A fine ssspecimen for Canterlot, indeed," Nahor said, looking at me every which way. "Your family isss allowed to eat tonight, dog."

"Thank you!" Lance answered immediately, gratefulness apparent in his voice. "They wi--"

"I don't care what your family doesss, mongrel. Unlesss you have sssomething elssse to say, be on your way."

Nahor turned to trot into the Detention Hall, pulling me along behind. I saw Lance struggling before blurting out, "He freed two special ponies!"

Nahor stopped in his tracks. "Did he now?" he asked without turning. I couldn’t hear any malice in his slight Irish-accented hissing, but I knew better than to assume he wasn’t angry.

There was a few seconds where nothing happened, and then I was slamming into a wall ahead of Nahor. I was dazed by the force of the blow, and heard a ringing in my ears. The next hit, this time from the ground, burst starts into my eyes- I couldn’t see. I hit something else, and had the odd sensation that it hadn’t hurt as much.

My body continued rammed surfaces repeatedly, my perception of pain growing less and less as I was forced into unconsciousness. It was like treading water in a silent ocean for hours, trying to keep my head above water, as massive waves repeatedly overtook me. All my body wanted was to slip down into the dark void, and despite my wishes, it seemed like it would have its way.

The beating might have only lasted a minute, or could have been an hour long- I couldn’t tell. But it was enough. I felt something give, whether within me or some surface I had been hit against, I had no idea. Finally, there was sweet relief; the blows stopped raining down.

"Oh, we'll have usss a wonderful time, pony," I heard Nahor hiss into my ear. "Breaking you may very well be my finessst achievement yet."

As the darkness rose up to drag me down, I heard Nahor address someone else.

"Ride to Canterlot. Inform Lazarusss."

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke slowly, to the pounding headache of a lifetime. I was shivering on the cold ground, and felt an unearthly draft cross my body. I tried opening my eyes, to no avail. Either I'd been blinded by too many blows to the head, or there was an utter lack of light wherever I was.

I could hear nothing but that soft breeze which came from everywhere at once, and any sounds I made were muffled. I expected some sort of echo of my breathing at least, but there was none. If not for the fact that I could feel the breeze across my face, I would have sworn someone had come blindfolded me and left me adrift into the cold expanse of space.

I was painfully splayed out on my right side, and as I drew breath to make sure that I wasn't actually in a vacuum, I felt the pounding of my headache increase tenfold.

"I'm up, I'm up," I groaned aloud to myself. "You can cut it out now!" The headache subsided only slightly, and I sighed. That would have to do.

"Time to explore, then," I thought.

As I placed my left forehoof on the ground, aiming to push myself into a sitting position, I felt a blinding hot flash of pain lance through the entire limb. I gasped, immediately dropping back down to my side.

"Guess that's what gave away then," I laughed humorlessly, breathing hard. I’d broken my arm before, but that was when I was little and I didn’t remember it very well. The only serious injury I’d had was some shoulder dislocations in high school, from playing football.

"Probably a good bet," a voice spoke right next to my ear.

I have no idea how I did it, but I was up in an instant, the pain in my left foreleg momentarily forgotten.

"Who the hell said that?" I asked, my voice a whisper in the suddenly dense air. While I could still hear and feel the draft, there was nothing else to suggest there was another being in the same vicinity as me. I attuned to my senses, making damn sure there was no way someone was near me.

"Can't see them, that's a given. Can't taste them, and wouldn't be able to anyway. Can't hear anything but a small draft and my own breathing. No smells... whatsoever. Well, that's odd. Didn't I smell something horrible as I came into the Detention Hall? That only leaves touc-"

My train of thought was interrupted by something jabbing at my injured foreleg. "Who d'ya think it is?" the disembodied voice asked, seemingly irritated.

My immediate response was to scream like a little girl, followed shortly by swatting around with my good leg in the general direction the touch came from.

"Listen! I'm not having myself a very good day, I'm pretty sure the leg you just poked is broken, and I do NOT have time to deal with ghosts right now!" I yelled into the ether. "So, if you could, please leave me alone!"

"Pssh, I'm not a ghost!" came the reply from behind me. I whipped around, searching for anything even as faint as a heartbeat in the darkness, but couldn't find anything. It was just as still, and I felt just as alone, as when I'd woken up.

"If you're not a ghost, then why can't I hear you?" I asked in the calmest voice I could muster. It still came out in a squeak, and caused the not-ghost to giggle.

"Because I'm just that awesome!" it exclaimed, its voice cracking somewhat.

The voice crack elicited a ray of hope to shine within me, and I started getting excited. "Wait a minute... are you... Rainbow Dash?" I asked, almost giddy.

"Aw, how'd you guess?" she replied, punching my left shoulder.

I grated my teeth, trying to ignore the pain lancing through my foreleg. "Call it a lucky shot... you think you can avoid that limb, please?"

"Oh yeah, sure thing," she said easily. I still couldn't place the voice, but at least I knew I wasn't about to be murdered or haunted. Unless....

"Hey Rainbow Dash, this might be a question that seems to be completely out of the blue, but... You've never worked at the Rainbow Factory, have you?" I asked. If Rainbow Dash was anything like that one, well...

"Heh, not that I know of! Why'd you ask?"

I thought the voice was coming from in front of me and to my left, but I couldn't be sure; I simply decided to sit and talk straight ahead. It wasn't like it made any difference where I talked.

"Just curious about some... let's call them 'rumors'. But don't worry, it's not important right now. What’s important, is you. So, how are you feeling? How long have you been here? How are you holding up?" I asked, settling for a long discussion.

"OK, I have no idea, and fine," she responded immediately.

So much for our 'long discussion'.

"Um... alrighty then, can you tell me about this place? Are we even still in the Detention Hall?" I asked, trying to prompt her into the sort of important info I needed to learn.

"Yeah, we're still in the stupid Detention Hall. I know it seems like this place goes on forever, but that's just some sort of weird illusion magic those robed Nuckelavee things put on it. The cell's only a few dozen feet to a side."

My senses told me she was lying, had to be lying, but I wanted to see for myself. Standing up and keeping as much pressure off my left foreleg as possible, I made my way slowly forward. After a time, my horn knocked into something. It rang out, clear and loud. I sat down, and put my right forehoof against it. It seemed to be a large metal rod.

"Didn't believe me?" Rainbow Dash asked, a little too close to my ear for my liking.

"I couldn't, everything told me it was impossible... Sorry for doubting you."

"Meh, that's ok. I was a little confused when I was first put in here too. Hoofbump to make up?" she said. I could hear the smile in her voice.

I turned around, careful to extend my right hoof. "Sure… but where I come from, they call it a 'brohoof'. Just so you know."

I felt her hoof strike mine, and the sound echoed around the space. "Sounds stupid," she told me decisively. I smiled, knowing Rainbow Dash would make my stay here much easier.

Wait.

I looked around quickly, even pressing my face against the bars, realizing I had actually heard an echo. There were also other sounds- something like water dripping, mumbling somewhere far away, and... was that breathing?

I turned back, and was amazed to see the dimmest light cascading onto the face of who was undoubtedly Rainbow Dash. She had a black eye, and her nose looked a little crooked, but other than that she seemed none the worse for the wear.

Slowly, my eyes started to adjust. I could make out the cell we were put in, and the room around us. It contained a few other cells, all of which were empty. There was also a large door on the far side, which seemed to be the source of what small amount of light was in there.

"So, would you like the Grand Tour?" Rainbow Dash asked sarcastically, one eyebrow cocked and a smirk on her face.

"I think I got it now, thanks," I responded dryly. I could tell her sarcasm was going to be something I'd enjoy. "You want to explain what just happened, maybe?"

"What, the darkness being lifted?" she asked. I nodded.

"Simple: magic of friendship! Dark magic illusions? No problem. Friendship beats anything!" She grinned, flapping her wings a little.

I groaned, and her smile faltered.

"What, you don't think that's it?" she asked. "Then what the hay do you think it was, Mr. Brilliant Pony?"

"First of all, I'm a stallion. I'd appreciate being referred to as such… more than you know. Secondly, I know ‘friendship is magic’, that's the name of the freakin' show! I groaned because it's just such a cop-out. I mean, couldn't it have been some special pegasus magic for flying at night, or something Twilight taught you, or at the very least the magic of love? I mean, I expected a little better out of Equestria!"

Her expression turned to one of indignation. "Buster, I think you're overstepping your bounds there! I only just met you; I’ve got no reason to love you!"

I slapped my hoof against my face, before realizing I had used my bad leg. As I squeezed my eyes in pain, I shook my head. "Of course you wouldn't love me, we only just met! But wouldn't that also mean our supposed friendship would be null and void as well?"

She rolled her eyes. "Friendship is destined, duh. When that friendship is made, it doesn't matter how old it is- the magic of the entire friendship comes through! Don't they teach you 'stallions' anything?"

I didn't appreciate the way she did air quotes around 'stallions'.

"Here, I'll give you a lesson! When I was a filly, I was in a race." She jumped into the air and extended her wings, gliding in tight circles around the tiny cell as she spoke. "I was racing these jerks, right? And I was pushing myself harder than I'd ever pushed before, and then-"

"You broke the light barrier and produced your first Rainboom, I know. It influenced all of your friends' lives in inexplicable ways before you even met them, and you all discovered it later on after you met."

She closed her wings close to her body and dove the small distance between us, getting scary close to my face. "How'd you know that?" she asked.

"Already told you: you're on a show called ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.' I'm a fan of the show on another planet or another universe, who knows which, and we're known as 'bronies'. Long story short, I was brought to Equestria by Twilight Sparkle, I'm not originally a stallion, I can't really use much magic when I'm a unicorn, and I'm here as part of a plan to sneak into Canterlot to beat the head Nuckelavee and force them all to leave the planet. Basically, I'm here to be the savior of your world... no big deal," I explained quickly.

Hopefully, we could get the first questions out of the way, and down to what was coming next.

She glared at me a few seconds, then backed up and sat down. "Okay, what's your name?" she asked.

I was a little put out. "You, uh... you just accept all that?" I asked, a bit disappointed at her lack of excitement. Out of every pony besides Lyra and Pinkie Pie, I expected Rainbow Dash to be the most over reactive at my alien status. Which would be so much fun to deal with, and give me something to focus on other than my impending trials.

"Yeah, well, that all makes sense. Plus, if Twilight’s cool with you, then so am I. What's your name?" she asked again.

"Creed," I answered. "I guess... if you're not going to ask me anything else, I have a few questions for you that might be important later on."

She nodded sagely. "Go ahead."

"First of all, why are there no Windigos? I thought for sure they would have appeared by now, and maybe frozen out the Nuckelavee."

She shook her head. "What makes you think they’d show up? They only came when ponies weren't working together and making friends." She stuck her hoof out again, which I bumped automatically. “See? Friendship, alive and well. No Windigos."

I accepted that, and continued. "Alright, next question: from what others have told me, troublemaker ponies get sent here to be 'reformed', or... something. Then they're sent to Canterlot. Is that true?"

She nodded solemnly.

"Then... Where are all the other ponies, and why aren't you in Canterlot?" I asked.

She furrowed her brow and shook her head. "I've been wondering that, too. The other ponies have long since come through, and were sent to Canterlot, but... I wasn't even touched, except for a few beatings every once in a while. The only other two ponies in this whole place are being ‘taken care of’ right now. They aren’t much for talk."

It was odd they hadn’t tried to at least break in Rainbow Dash once, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I saw no reason not to use this to my advantage.

"Alright Rainbow Dash, I just need one more thing from you: do you know how they determine ponies to have been 'reformed'"?

She looked away. "They, uh... perform this 'test' every once in a while, most often on unicorns... I have no idea what they are, but the ponies are lead into the room next door. If we hear screams, they've failed and stay in the Detention Hall. If there are no screams, we never see them again."

I noticed her refusal to return my gaze, and remembered her fears of failing during that flier competition. It wasn't difficult to figure out exactly what was wrong. "So... since you've seen all these other strong ponies go before you, you’re afraid that you won't scream if they come for you? That you'll be weaker than all of them, and end up as broken as they were?"

Her eyes widened, and her shoulders hunched. "But... what if I don't scream? What if they're just saving me for last? What if I'm not as strong as I need to be? What if-"

I hobbled forward and put a foreleg around her, silencing her self doubt. "Don't worry, I understand," I said softly, rubbing her opposite shoulder. "You've always been loyal to your friends. I mean, come on- you're the Element of Loyalty! I can tell you that you'll never break- for the simple reason that I need you not to break."

She looked at me, confused. "Let me explain," I offered. "I knew coming here that I'd be tortured. I knew I needed to go through terrible pain in order to get to Canterlot, since that's where they're headquartered. I need to get rid of them with the least amount of collateral pony damage possible, and that means this." I gestured around vaguely, indicating the cell we were in. "I was afraid I wouldn't be strong enough to get through it. Now that you’re here, I would really appreciate you being strong for me."

"How can I do that?" she asked, straightening a little.

I gave her an encouraging smile. "Just talk to me," I told her. "Simple as that. Tell me your fears, make fun of me, just act like nothing at all's going on. I'll need to be able to distance myself from the surroundings, like you do with pain... and hope I can fake being broken as accurately as possible without actually losing myself."

She searched my eyes, and then nodded. "I can do that… ugly," she told me, slapping the back of my head with one wing.

"Ow!" I complained, rubbing the back of my head. "What was that for? We were having a nice little moment!"

"Why would I hit you when you're going to be tortured? Distance!" she countered.

"Touché," I said begrudgingly. "Why'd they let you keep those things unrestrained?"

She rolled her eyes again, her personality already coming back. "Where exactly am I going to fly off to?" she asked, gesturing around the small cell. There was no way out except for the cell door, and even then the room containing the cells was too small to allow for any proper flying.

"Hmmm... good point. Wait, is my horn covered in that black stuff then?" I asked, feeling around my forehead.

She shook her head. "Nah, they said something about you having ‘less magic than an earth pony’ when they dumped you in here." She snickered a little at my offended expression.

"Well, that's not exactly encouraging, is it?" I huffed. I knew it was true, but that didn’t mean I enjoyed hearing it.

The door behind me slammed open, interrupting us, and I turned to see two ponies floating into the room. A Nuckelavee walked in, holding its humanoid hand aloft. The cell closest to the door opened, and the two ponies were dumped unceremoniously in. As the door to the newcomers' cell closed, I saw the horse head turn toward me.

"Ah, ssso our new guessst is awake. Good! I've jussst cleared my appointmentsss..."

Rainbow Dash let out a breath of air, and turned me around as the Nuckelavee approached. "So, I'm your rock… right," she told me, looking into my eyes determinedly. "Remember everypony you've met, all the friendships you've made and what they mean to you. You'll be fine if you fight for ‘em."

I nodded, tying not to look too freaked out. "I will. Thanks."

The door to our cell flew open, and I was thrown into the air. I recognized Nahor's aura from earlier, and felt dread cascade down my organs in a torrential waterfall. My left foreleg began throbbing with pain, but whether it was actually caused by Nahor or simply ghost pains, I couldn't tell. My heart started pounding, and I didn’t know what to expect.

I got my answer as I was slammed into the wall opposite from our cell, and I cried out as my injured leg broke my momentum. If it hadn't already been broken, I would have thought I'd just snapped it based on the grinding sensations. The pain was incredible, a glaring heat that surged through my body.

Nahor's hissing laugh reminded me I had larger issues.

"Right then, Nahor is it?" I gasped, the pain making it difficult to speak

The ground rushed up suddenly, and greeted my face rather amiably. At least, it was more forgiving to my complexion than the wall had been to my leg. There was that.

"That'sss right, fat pony, you'd do well to remember it."

"Yeah, gotcha," I mumbled into the ground, unable to move. "Can we please just... get the orientation over with?"

I was lifted into the air in Nahor's less than comfortable death grip. He examined me more closely than before, making small noises I could only imagine the meaning behind. Finally he turned toward the door with me in tow, moving at a brisk pace.

"Asss you sssay pony, let usss 'get it over with'. Sssay goodbye to your rainbow-hair friend."

I would have waved, but I couldn't manage even a slight twitch with my limbs. Thankfully, I could still speak all I wanted to.

"Be right back, Rainbow Dash!" I called in what I hoped was a positive tone. “Keep my spot warm!”

She nodded once, smiling as I went out the door. As I just floated out of view, I saw her facade crack. The smile dropped, quickly followed by her head, and then she was out of sight.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I collided with the back wall of our cell, and slid down it until I hit the floor. I ended up in a small heap on my right side, breathing shallowly.

I heard Nahor's hissing laugh as he trotted out. "Sssame time tomorrow?" he called over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him.

I lay where I had been thrown, too tired to move. Every part of me hurt, even the things that hadn't explicitly been focused on. Thankfully, Rainbow Dash was there to lend a helping hand. She came over silently, and moved me away from the wall so I could lie down properly.

As she did, she gasped.

"What?" I asked in a small breath. "Am I just that attractive?"

As I laughed weakly, Rainbow Dash regained herself. "No, it’s... what’d they do to your cutie mark?" she asked, her voice weak.

"Oh, never had one," I said, raising my head to gaze at my newly occupied left flank. "Nahor was enough of a pal to provide me with my own when he noticed... I think it's a smiley face."

As I forced myself to sit up, I examined the mark for myself. Torture doesn't generally give you much time to sit and examine its effects. There, sure enough, was a newly branded, simple smiley face on my flank. It was charred and warped, the skin cracked and coming apart when I moved too much. A very small amount of blood oozed from the eyes, which made it look like it was crying.

"How... nice of him?" Rainbow Dash mumbled, examining it closer.

I flinched away from her close inspection. Even her breath on the burn hurt. "Yeah, he also set my foreleg for me. Should be healed in a week or so, according to him."

"Why would he heal you?" Rainbow Dash asked, shying away from the brand to look at my leg. "That seems like a stupid move on his part."

I simply shrugged. "If his ultimate goal is to march me to Canterlot, why would he want me to have a broken leg?" I asked.

"Because he's an evil bastard that gets a kick out of it," I heard a deeper, gruff voice call out from the first cell. I'd forgotten there were other ponies in there!

I turned toward the door to examine them. The one who'd just spoken was obviously the squat earth pony standing at the bars and looking at me. His coat was a mix between dark crimson and brown, with a blood red mane. His hooves and the tips of his hair were jet black. His mane and tail were well kept, and short- though not as short as mine. He was thicker than almost any pony I’d seen, yet was only two thirds the height of even Rainbow Dash.

“What’re you looking at, unicorn?” he growled. “Never seen an earth pony before?” His voice was like some bear that had figured out how to speak- but hadn’t lost its lust for salmon. If anything I could say he was looking at me like I was said salmon, with burning eyes that never wavered. His face was a set expression, and never seemed to change.

It was pretty disconcerting.

“Um… I don’t think I’ve seen any pony as small as you, short stuff,” I answered honestly. “I’m pretty sure you could give a filly a run for her money, in fact. But as long as we’re in the same room, do you think you could keep the cursing to a minimum?”

I gestured back at Rainbow Dash. “Virgin ears, you know how it is.” She shoved me a little bit, but didn’t add anything beyond snickering.

His eyes widened, and his thick barrel chest seemed to swell as he drew breath. “You little-”

His friend cut him off before he could launch into his tirade. “Oh stop it, Armada. I’m pretty sure he has no idea who he’s talking to. Besides, your rant would only make things more uncomfortable in here for all of us. Let’s start off on the right hoof, hmmm?”

I glanced at the other pony as he spoke, a unicorn. His voice was a stark contrast to his partner’s, being quiet and lacking reproach. He was sitting in the corner of the cell furthest from the door, which was closest to the one Rainbow Dash and I shared. His coat was a rich, royal hue of blue that was offset by his apparently autumn themed hair. There were muted browns and oranges mixed together, and it reminded me of a peaceful fall day.

The pale green eyes showed an intelligence that the golden lightning bolt on his flank seemed at odds with. His horn was covered in the same restraints as I was starting to realize were common with the Nuckelavee, but didn’t seem bothered with it.

The first pony, apparently Armada, huffed in reply. He turned back to his cellmate, and I saw the Phoenix outlined on his side. Its wings were extended, and with the background of magnificent flame, the cutie mark was one of the most majestic ones I’d ever seen.

“That doesn’t give him the damn right to insult me, does it?” he asked, glaring at the blue unicorn.

“Introductions, then! Before the two of you get into a pointless yelling match from behind bars. It’s not like that’d get us anywhere, and we need to focus on escape before we start debating what is and isn’t proper,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

He looked back at me. “My name’s Flotilla, and this is my brother Armada. We were the Princesses’ military advisors before all of this started.”

“Yeah, and such a great job you two did,” Rainbow Dash snorted. “How much time do you two think you bought for Equestria? Two, maybe three hours? Please.”

Armada started huffing and puffing again. “Young mare, I wouldn’t expect you to understand duty, but you can bet your flank we did ours! The entire kingdom would have fallen if not for us!”

My ears perked up. “Wait, wait, go back there,” I reeled, hobbling to get closer to the bars. “Did you say not all of Equestria has been taken by the Nuckelavee?”

“Of course not!” he snorted, his chest swelling again- though this time, with what seemed like pride. “Cloudsdale remains untouched thanks to us, though we were captured during that battle.” I could tell he didn’t like admitting that part. “Nonetheless, there is a strong resistance running through all of Equestria! We’ll beat ‘em back before they realize what’s going on!”

I was probably getting more excited than I should have, but Cloudsdale hadn’t figured into any plans. They were an unknown variable, an unexpected ally that just might allow the Equestrians to gain an upper hand.

“If that’s the case, then… Do you really have an escape plan?” I asked the blue unicorn.

He immediately seemed uncomfortable, with everypony staring at him. “Well, uh, that is… We have no immediate plans, per se, but we’re working on a few scenarios that might… pan out.”

I smiled a huge smile, and allowed my tired body to fall to the ground. “Awesome!” I shouted, happily trying to find the easiest way to lie without upsetting my new cutie mark. “In that case, you three need to get out of here after I’ve gone to Canterlot! Go to Cloudsdale, tell them what’s going on, and wait for reinforcements from Ponyville.”

There was a silence I didn’t particularly like. Cracking one eye open, I saw all three ponies staring at me incredulously. They looked even… offended.

“Who are you to order us around?!” Armada roared, throwing himself against the bars.

“Why the hay would you still go to Canterlot?!” Rainbow Dash asked, seemingly angry.

“That doesn’t sound like a good idea!” Flotilla agreed- though with which one of the yelling ponies, I had no idea.

I shut my eye again, the sudden increase in volume giving me a splitting migraine that came out of nowhere. I groaned, covering my face with my right foreleg. “I still need to get into Canterlot, because whether or not you three get out, the head Nuckelavee ‘Lazarus’ is still going to be in power. And I speak with the authority of Princess Twilight Sparkle, if you must know. So there.”

That made Armada quit yelling. I peeked through my crooked elbow to see his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open, much less intimidating than when he was glaring. I decided right then and there I like that look much better.

“Princess Twi… b-but… how…” he stuttered, confused.

“She brought me here, dude. And she’s the one who co-authored Operation: Cool Hoof Creed. So, I have her authority to go through with the plan to Canterlot, regardless of whoever I come across along the way.”

“Where exactly did you make up this ‘plan’?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

I scoffed. “On the way here. She’s camped out in the forest with a group of Diamond Dogs, if you just have to know. They’re supposed to free the ponies here as soon as I get escorted to Canterlot- meaning it’s in your best interest to just accept the fact I’m going, and stop arguing.”

He closed his mouth tightly, and after a few seconds, turned and trotted to his brother Flotilla. He whispered in his ear a little, and Flotilla nodded once, before Armada continuing on his way to a spot by the back wall. He laid down, his back turned from me, and within moments he was snoring.

I turned my head back to Rainbow Dash, questions in my eyes, but she just shrugged. “Guess that’s the end of it. This the place you want to sleep tonight?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Do you see anyplace better suited for lying in this beautiful cell?” I retorted, wiggling my way into the somewhat warming rock. It wasn’t comfortable, and I would have given anything to be back on my hard mattress in the dorms, but I was content.

She looked around a little. “Hmmmm… nah,” she said, and flopped down on her stomach next to me. Her wings stretched out, then folded around her, almost like a bat.

I closed my eyes, the migraine, broken leg, burn, and general malcontent of my body forcing sleep onto me. I didn’t resist, knowing I’d only get worse and that I needed whatever rest I could get over the coming days. I was a little apprehensive about what was next; we’d spent hours in that horrible room, and the branding was only the most visual of the torture. There were instruments in there I could only guess at the use of, and hope I never would have to find out, but plenty I’d already been introduced to.

Rainbow Dash moved a bit closer to me, so that she was pressed lightly against my side. She was already snoring, a grating sound louder than even the little monster that slept a few cells away. Still, the sound was calming. It reminded me why I was doing what I was doing, and I could never resist someone sleeping. I took a peek at her face, and saw the same general rule that applied to humans applied to ponies: even in the worst of situations, in good sleep, everyone makes the cutest peaceful faces!

I sighed, and put my foreleg over my face once more. It was time to get some sleep.

The throbbing pain in my body was like a twisted lullaby, and rocked me to sleep with each heartbeat. The heartbeats came slower and slower, yet grew more powerful. The last thought that crossed my mind was how odd it was sleep could contort time and our perception of ourselves, before I gave in to the soft embrace of the warm stone beneath me and Rainbow Dash beside me.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke from my sleep when Rainbow Dash kicked me in the head.

Rubbing at the lump that was already starting to form, I groggily looked around me. There seemed to be just as much light in the room as before; no more, no less. My sense of time was completely messed up. It felt like I’d only been asleep for minutes, but I couldn’t tell how long I’d actually been laying there.

I glanced over at Rainbow Dash to see she wasn’t actually up. She was on her side, and had somehow shifted so that my head was next to her flailing back legs. She was mumbling to herself, and would kick out with each harsh word she intoned. I couldn’t make out the words, but she had a smile on her face, so I assumed it was a pleasant dream she was having.

I laid my head back down and sighed. Within seconds, my breathing was returning to the slow, deep pattern that heralded the sweet return to sleep. I thought I could hear mumblings other than Rainbow Dash’s, small whispers that resumed only when I laid back down, but figured I was imagining them.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The next time I awoke due to the sounds of movement. I cracked one eye open, a little annoyed at whoever was interrupting my beautiful dreams about waterboarding at Saguaro Lake with my family. We’d gone there for my birthday, and it was one of the few times my entire family got along- especially my mom and I. Needless to say, I was kind of miffed someone would ruin it.

It took me a few seconds of head turning and squinting before I realized what I was looking at. When I did, I jumped away from the blue monstrosity that called herself “Rainbow Dash”, gasping overdramatically.

“Wha?” she mumbled, turning to look at me with sleep in her eyes. “You look like you’ve never seen a Pegasus before.”

“Not one with- you know what? I’m not going to say it. It’s disgusting, it makes no sense, and I’m somewhat amazed that out of all the fandom pieces- ALL of them- this was one of the true thing.”

She rolled her eyes, turning to face me. “You sound like one of those old mares. It’s natural, it happens, get over it.”

“I won’t!” I huffed, turning away. “I refuse to even look at you… don’t you think you can control it? You’re completely ruining a set of rules I made for Equestria right now!”

“… Why won’t you say it?” she asked from behind me.

I didn’t dare turn around. “I don’t know what you ponies call it, and I never liked the idea of it anyway. Just ‘cuz it happens with humans, doesn’t mean it should happen with other sentient mammals. Bad enough as is, trust me.”

“You get it too?” Rainbow Dash asked, apparently excited. “That’s pretty cool! I mean, as far as I know, Pegasus are the only things that get it, but if you ‘humans’ get it too then you can totally relate, and-”

“No,” I told her flat out. “We’re not talking about this. Number Three on the List. Case Closed.”

She poked me in my back. I was stiff from sleeping on the ground, and still pretty pained from the day before, and this whole indecent incident just made it worse. I growled, “Cut it out.”

“No.” Poke.

“Rainbow Dah, seriously, stop.”

Poke.

“Just say it and I’ll stop,” she teased, starting to poke me more and more frequently.

“Fine!” I snarled. “You don’t know how to treat a guy when he’s just woken up, do you?” I mumbled the insulting word under my breath, sure she wouldn’t catch it.

“What’s that? Can’t hear you,” she sang, poking me more forcefully.

“mmhmmphrmmnrrr,” I replied, not moving my lips.

“Oh, come on!” She cried, jabbing me. “You can do better than that!”

“Wingboner!” I cried, whipping around. “It’s a freakin’ wingboner, alright? You have a wingboner, morning wood, the stiffies, whatever you want to call it! Happy now?”

“Very!” she came back, smiling. Her wings were extended stiff as boards behind her, and were freaking me out. “Now get over yourself!”

I spat in disgust. “You ponies, always trying to ruin my List,” I muttered, turning toward the wall to lie back down. “You need to respect my rights as a human being, and not infringe on one right in particular.”

“What right?” she scoffed.

“The right not to be sexually harassed. Because that is what this is. Sexual harassment. You’re supposed to be better than that, as members of a kids’ cartoon!”

“We’re also living things, idiot,” she told me. “Circle of life has to turn somehow!”

I mumbled my annoyance into the rock. “I wish I had Benjamin here right now,” I sighed inwardly. “He would know what to say to make me feel better.”

I went to settle back into a semi-comfortable spot as dictated by my sore body, enjoying the little spat despite the disgracing of Rule Three. Little things like this would keep me from really thinking about what was going on.

The door burst open. I sat up, surprised, as Nahor trotted into the room. I looked at the other ponies- neither Armada nor Flotilla said a word, and only watched him warily.

”Time for the fat pony’sss sssecond day!” he sang out. It was weird when he said something in a sing-song way, because one voice would harmonize with the other a few octaves higher instead of mimicking the same sounds. I also considered just how well the Irish accent would make that sound as a drinking song.

The cell door flew open, and I started stretching while I could. I knew I’d probably be strapped down again, and I needed to get a few cracks in before being unable to move all day.

Rainbow Dash moved into the back of the cell behind me, her morning surprises completely absent. I knew she feared Nahor, whether she showed it or not, so I limped forward to meet him.

”Oh, ssso we’re walking already, eh?” he asked. “In that case, get moving on your own. I don’t feel like bothering with you today.”

“Well then… Who is?” I asked, a little surprised. The sound of hooves coming down the hallway alerted me to the other Nuckelavee approaching. When he entered the room, I was amazed at how purely large the thing was. It was like the Nuckelavee I’d seen before were children, and this guy was their tall uncle. He reached what I was guessing was two feet taller than Gomorrah had stood, human torso included, and his torso’s head alsmost scraped the ceiling. He was spindly, his movements flowed over one another, and he was just all around creepy.

Imagine Slenderman as a Nuckelavee, and you’ll be getting a rough picture of this thing.

“Ssso thisss isss the ssspecial pony?” he asked. His voice gave me the images of spiders crawling over each other for some reason, and I didn’t like it. A quick look confirmed Armada and Flotilla were outright terrified of this new eyesore. They sat together in the same corner, pressed against each other in some vain attempt to feel safe.

“I guess I am?” I said apprehensively, wishing it wasn’t true. Nahor had been bad enough.

He cocked his head to the side, and then gestured with one gangly arm. ”Come. We have much work to do.”

He turned and clopped out the door. I followed quickly, not wanting Nahor to have any reason to injure me further. I didn’t bother looking back, because I felt this was only the true beginning of a long process.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I had no idea how long I’d been in the Detention Hall by the last day. Days? Weeks? A month? More?

Eventually, I’d stopped trying to count. The sleep patterns weren’t based on a day and night schedule. It was based on the damned Nuckelavee, and whatever they felt was a good amount of time to heal before the next round of torture. Sometimes only a brief respite, other times dozens of hours passed between the outings.

I’d found out the tall Nuckelavee’s name was Charon, and he was the true head of breaking in ponies. Fitting I suppose, since that was the name of the boatman of the River Styx, charged with ferrying dead souls to Hades.

It was also fitting because that’s what it felt like he was doing to me. He was ushering in my death, one experience at a time, bringing me to my own personal Hell. Whether it was more broken bones or, at one point, a hole drilled through the base of my horn to hang me from, his imagination was unlimited. For the hour after hour of experiences I accrued, never was there a repeat- something new was always waiting when they forced me to walk out of the cells. I didn’t like to consider the actions as they were taking place, let alone later on… For years I knew I would be haunted by nightmares of Charon reaching for me, pulling me back into his chamber of unspeakable pain. They never went away within the prison, either.

I would wake screaming from the only act I found respite in- sleep. And nopony would help, offer kind words of wisdom, or even acknowledge me.

That was the worst part of it all- the ponies. During that first experience with Charon, they seemed to have come to a decision to reject me, to outcast me through exclusion. I would try to start conversations, make a joke at my own expense, sing, and even imitate Queen Chrysalis with the hole in my horn in an attempt to illicit any sort of response from them at the beginning.

There was nothing. Rainbow Dash would look like she wanted to say something desperately, but one glance from either Armada or Flotilla would cause it to disappear. I could see neglecting me to save themselves emotionally, I could understand it even. Hell, I might have even taken part in it if I knew someone was intentionally being broken down and was willing to accept it, because I wouldn’t want to be too emotionally attached to that person.

But it was more than that.

They purposefully shunned every single advance I made toward them. Threats, compliments, casual comments, desperate begging, even screams went unnoticed and uncared for. I wanted something from them, some sort of reaction. Even if it was to spit in my face, I would have adored the fact that they were acknowledging me. Acknowledging the fact that I was still myself, that I hadn’t yet given in to the horrors being inflicted on my body and mind, that I was still worth at least the small amount of energy to condescend.

There was nothing. After that first night, Rainbow Dash slept as far from me as she could. When I approached her or the general vicinity she was in, she would stop whatever she was doing and move around me. None of the talked to me, not even once. They barely held conversations unless I was asleep, and even them, it was whispered between the bars to each other.

I’ve never been so… rejected before. I’d felt apart from people during awkward phases growing up, I’d felt like an outcast before, but I’d always had friends, or at least someone to talk to. I’d never been so truly alone.

At least when I was going to commit suicide, I was going to do it knowing people loved me and would miss me. Here, it was like I could die and not a single thing would come of it. Nothing would change, and they might even be happier.

I’d begun sleeping constantly. My dreams were my only semi-reprieve from my isolation. The only trips I would make were to the chambers of Charon, or to relieve myself. We were fed once a day, usually after I was tortured, with some simple bread and water. Rainbow Dash even started refusing to look at me when I was in the cell, though I would see her watch as I was walked out. That was the only time any of them would even glance in my general direction, and they did with these looks of pity.

I felt… a lot of things.

Betrayed.

Insulted.

Repressed.

Broken.

The one who had agreed to be my rock had abandoned me.

It got to the point that I welcome the daily meetings with Charon, because at least then there was some interaction. He would ask some questions, I would scream, and he would continue applying whatever he had cooked up that day for me.

But at least it was something.

When that final day came, I was at the end of my emotional rope. Things were bleak, and I was starting to slip. I couldn’t find any reasons to laugh anymore. Not at myself, the irony of being tortured horribly in what was supposed to be a pansy little girls’ show, or even at Rainbow Dash’s morning wingboners. It had finally reached a point where life had beaten me down to a point where I couldn’t laugh, and that frightened me more than I could ever describe.

I didn’t know how long I’d been in the Detention Hall, because time itself had lost meaning to me. It was only cycles- the cycles of my bodily needs, the cycles of torture and sleep, the cycles of depression. They were the only constants. I knew the exactly number of trips it had been since I’d last been addressed by one of the ponies, though.

Twenty-two. The next, and final, one would make twenty-three.

I couldn’t stand when they came for me. My legs were too weak. The bone in my left foreleg had healed, but I was running dangerously low on nutrients. I hadn’t even been able to walk the entire way back from Charon’s chambers for the last few trips, and had to be carried. This time, though, I couldn’t even stand.

Nahor just laughed, and picked me up in his magical grip. I felt ashamed as I floated out of the room, like I was some vile object on display at a window shop. All three of them turned their heads and refused to look at me- the floor, the ceiling, the bars, each other, anything but me. They would look before, they would pity before, but now they refused.

That was all I could take. I felt something… give. The last wall I had managed to construct within simply fell away into darkness. There was nothing for me anymore, I was less than unwanted, and I finally felt it to my core.

I was nothing.

I was worth nothing.

I would become nothingness.

When I floated into Charon’s eager hands, I was finally the shell they wanted me to be. I was empty inside, sucked of all emotion, and ready to allow whatever happened to happen.

I didn’t scream that last time. I tried to muster care, tried to get my body to realize it was in pain, but it didn’t. There was no reason to scream, no reason to feel pain, no reason to be sad and lonely, happy and exuberant, or anything in between.

No one cared, least of all me.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

When I was lead outside, both Charon and Nahor followed. Usually just one of them would take the newly reformed ponies to Canterlot, but they kept calling me their “best work”, their “finest creation”, a “true masterpiece”. Nahor wanted to see us off properly, and trotted all the way to the north gate with us.

I didn’t care. I lacked even the capacity to consider the fact that I didn’t care. The only thing I focused on was getting one hoof in front of the other, stumbling every once in a while. Charon laughingly said that if I couldn’t make it to Canterlot myself they might have to turn me into glue, and Nahor retorted that I wouldn’t understand what that meant. Then they had a good laugh, and continued to chat like old friends.

I distantly wished one of them would talk to me like that. A friend, someone to laugh with, someone to trust… that would have been nice. But even amongst enemies, other than the once in a while tugs on the rope slotted through my horn, I was ignored. The rope’s tugging was at least something.

I sighed as we reached the north gate, and didn’t look any of the Diamond Dogs in the eye. All I saw was their paws as they shuffled out of our way, dragging the gates open or simply watching.

After the gate was fully open, Charon and Nahor patted each other on the backs and parted ways. Charon tugged on my lead, and I followed out of the gate. I heard it slam shut behind us, a deep rumbling sound that I felt echo within me.

Maybe now he would address me? Like a dog, when you have no humans around to talk to? I hoped so, I really did. I wanted acknowledgement, I needed it. I had an emptiness inside I knew should be filled with the love and friendship of others, and it needed to be filled by something.

After ten minutes of walking, he finally did address me. It came in the form of a brutal jerk on the lead which brought me to my knees. I couldn’t describe the kind of pain that comes along with a bone being drilled through and then tugged on, but suffice it to say it causes massive headaches. A skull-splitting one erupted with the harsh yank, causing stars to brighten in my eyes, and I moaned softly.

”Quiet,” he hissed, the first word I’d heard him speak since Nahor departed.

I kept my moaning to myself. I didn’t know why he stopped, or particularly care, but if it kept me from pain then I’d do it. I’d had enough of pain to last a lifetime.

I heard whistling noises followed by some thuds, and felt the ground shake with each one. The bushes erupted around us in color, and something hard hit the back of my head. I dropped to the earth in a dream, unable to stand. My vision went fuzzy, and then completely white. I couldn’t tell if I was on the ground, or floating somewhere that was all bright white. Maybe somewhere in the sky? Somewhere there was no pain? The heat of the white that surrounded me suggested otherwise.

Horrible tugs on my lead brought me back to semi-consciousness, and I lurched to my hooves in order to stumble along with the pulling. It was fast, faster than I thought a Nuckelavee would move, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was the fact that my head felt like it was being beaten between an anvil and a hammer with each heartbeat. I followed the lead as far as I could, but eventually my weakened legs gave out.

Honestly, I was surprised they’d lasted so long.

As I collapsed to the ground, I stared straight up, into the blue sky. I only just then really realized that I was actually outside, that there wasn’t a ceiling to the world. There were no limits. I could float on my back all day long in the clear blue of the sky, sailing between the soft clouds and exploring the world. The darkness of the Detention Hall wouldn’t confine me. I could finally escape.

A large, harsh green blur forced its way into my vision before I passed out entirely. It was yelling something, and I felt the jerking on my lead again, but I didn’t care. It barely even registered; the pain was distant, something only my body was experiencing. I was somewhere else, somewhere no pain could reach me.

All I cared about was the soft, limitless sky, flowing every which way and taking me with it. Floating, lazy, with no need for others, I flew through the sky on my back, swam through it, drank it in. I had the entire sky, all the blue in the cosmos, and I didn’t need to feel lonely anymore. I allowed the white heat to come again, and it cradled me softly with its warming glow.

No more loneliness.

No more pain.

No more, no more, no more.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Two weeks earlier…

The sun was setting over the Equestrian landscape. It was a bloody sunset, one that cast the lands below the towers of Canterlot in a ghastly crimson. In the colored rays of the sun, the rivers falling from the mountain fortress were slit veins, pouring the life force of Equestria itself upon the open plains.

Lazarus stood at the balcony of the tallest tower. He drank in the power of that lifeblood, basked in the final magical rays of the day’s dying sun. The moon was no less invigorating, but each celestial body had its distinct flavor. He preferred the spiciness of the magic flowing from the sun to the quiet power of the moon.

He stretched his arms to either side, and willed his robes away. He wanted to feel the sun everywhere, to breathe its very essence in with every exposed fiber of his being. It was so vitalizing, so unlike the dying Earth he had come from.

”Massster, two of the Elementsss of Harmony have essscaped. The perpetrator wasss caught, and is with Nahor in the Detention Hall.”

Lazarus turned to Charon, grinning in a subtle way. Only the other Nuckelavee could interpret the slight moving of tendons and muscle as a smile, as they were unique in all of Creation. Unique, beautiful, and undeniable in their power.

”Exsssquisssite,” he proclaimed, clasping his uncovered fingers around his underling’s upper torso’s shoulders. “Jussst asss I foresaw. Do you feel it, Charon?” he gestured behind him. “Do you feel our victory approaching?”

Charon fidgeted in his master’s arms. “Indeed, sssir,” he answered. “We will be unssstoppable.”

Lazarus turned back to the final rays of light glimmering in the west, not wanting to miss a single breathtaking moment of energy. “With the human here, we already are,” he stated simply.

Parousia Chapter 6- Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

I woke from a dreamless sleep to find myself in utter darkness. For the first time since I could remember, I felt… good. I was asleep on something soft, I was warm, and I wasn’t being threatened. It was something out of the ordinary, and I took it for all that it was worth. I wrapped myself in the sheets, entirely at ease.

I assumed I’d reached Canterlot, that this was how they treated their ponies there, and wondered why it had ever been that big of a deal to get here in the first place.

Canterlot…

That triggered something in the back of my mind… something important… but what?

It bothered me deeply that I couldn’t think of what I was supposed to do with ‘Canterlot’. I was meant to do something, to help someone. It was important, vastly important, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember.

I decided I’d probably have a clearer head after a long nap. Lying back down, I sighed as my head rested against the cool pillow. I drew the sheets up, and curled into a little ball. I wrapped my arms around myself, tightly gripping the sheets around me, and tucked my legs underneath. It was my favorite way to sleep- so warm, so secure, so weird, so perfect.

I sighed again, thinking it was crazy just how completely comfortable I was. It felt like I was back where I belonged, maybe at home somehow, and it felt fantastic.

There was still something bothering me, though. Something nagged at the back of my mind incessantly. I was too comfortable, too safe, and I had the sudden urge to leave. Simply get out. Jump out of bed and go, go, go. My heart started beating, and I tried to grab the sides of the bed to stabilize myself. As my fingers curled around the edges of the mattress, I realized what was bothering me: My human body.

I heard something within the cool darkness make a horrible noise, like the groaning of a starving lion who wasn’t being allowed to eat its prey. That didn’t make any sense to me, but the idea was enough to terrify me.

I leapt up from the bed and began stumbling around, trying to find a wall. My bare feet connected with cool, moist dirt, and that freaked me out even more. I sprinted in a random direction until I managed to find a wall, tripping over myself several times in the process. The noise of the creature continued, seemingly in response to my movements.

“A door! There has to be a door!” I thought desperately, searching for a handle. I traced my fingers over the surface as fast as I could, and encountered only more dirt. I ran with my fingers against the side of my apparent cell, and found the next wall by smacking into it. Shaking it off and running along that one, I kept going all around the room until the third wall, where I felt a handle.

I ripped the door from its earthen frame, and there was a rumble as some dirt shifted. I didn’t care; I could already see the next area was just as dark, and the creature behind me had started to shift around. I tossed the door behind me at the source of the noise, and started to sprint through this dark room too, figuring the next door would be somewhere opposite.

I tripped over something heavy, and fell face first into a pile of thick, furry things. They all started squirming and making noises, and I realized they were alive. Whatever that place was, whatever those things were, I didn’t want to be there!

I tried to stand again, to run, but I was brought down by the loose footing of the writhing mass. I instead elected to crawl, desperately moving forward on my hands and knees over the moving mass. Just as I thought I’d reached the end of them, when I couldn’t feel any more moving bodies, my hands found themselves in empty space.

I’d been moving forward so fast, so hard, that I didn’t have a chance. My momentum carried me over the edge, and I let out a blood curdling scream as I did. I had no idea how far down this abyss stretched, but I wasn’t going to go quietly!

My body immediately began to twist, and fairly fast, so I was falling back-first when I landed on more of the soft, heavy things. Thankfully they broke my fall, but they stabbed me several times, and I felt something beneath them all give way.

I had no idea how far I’d just fallen, but if the moans of those things beneath me were anything to go by, it was a decent distance.

Lights came on then, bright and powerful, in every color imaginable. I gasped and covered my eyes, blinded by the brilliance, and tried without luck to shift myself out of the pile of animals.

The things below me heaved together, and managed pushed me off of them. I landed a few feet below, once again on the moist dirt. I tried uncovering my eyes, but the bright lights all around me were too harsh. Instead, I stood as hastily as I could, and started running away from the drop. I still couldn’t see, but figured I would regain my sight when there were less stabby creatures around.

I only got about ten yards when I was tackled to the ground by one of the fuzz balls. It blindsided me from my right, and I landed on my left side, knocking the wind out of my lungs. I immediately drove an elbow into whatever had hit me, causing it to lose its balance atop me.

I bucked for everything I was worth, and the creature flew off. I forced my eyes open as I once again scrambled to my feet, and saw through bleary eyes I was surrounded by varying sized Diamond Dogs-shaped blurs. I forced air into my nonresponsive lungs, preparing for a fight.

If I had been running on anything but adrenaline at that point, I might have been worried. As things stood, I charged forward with a bellow, determined to remain free. I was NOT going back to that godforsaken Detention Hall!

I bowled over a multitude of the sleepy canines, driving myself forward despite the climbing number of persistent obstructions in my path. I tried juking one way or the other, hitting low, jumping over them, but there only seemed to be more and more of the Diamond Dogs growling and trying to take me down.

I felt one jump on my back, and reached up to throw him off. As I did, another hit me from my left, punching into my unprotected ribs. I turned to bat him away, but was quickly assaulted by two more from the right jumping on me.

Left, right, front, back, even underneath when one dug a quick hole, I was under a constant stream of attacks. I fell to one knee, still fighting, before what seemed like every single one of the Diamond Dogs in the area jumped on top of me.

Even with my body’s enhanced strength and the adrenaline coursing through me, I was brought to the floor, and couldn’t move an inch. It seemed like there were dozens of them on any given body part, all except my head. I let out a frustrated cry, knowing I’d be once again subjected to unimaginable tortures. Probably worse than before, after an escape attempt, but-

My mouth was suddenly stuffed with a hoof, cutting off my scream.

I blinked a few times, trying to figure out exactly how a Diamond Dog could have stuffed a hoof into my mouth, when I saw Lyra bend down to look me in my eye. She had bags under her eyes, and a few bruises on what I could see of her head and forehooves.

“Keep it down, will ya?” she asked, an annoyed grimace on her face. “It was hard enough carrying you here by myself, but the first time I actually manage to start getting a good night’s sleep, you wake me up by throwing a door on top of me!”

I was confused enough to stop struggling, and the Diamond Dogs slowed their squirming. I tried to reply, but the hoof was fairly efficient at preventing anything meaningful from coming out of my mouth. I raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at the hoof, hoping she would get the message. Instead, she just smiled.

“I dunno. I kinda like it better when you’re not talking,” she said, examining what she could of my exposed head. “You were so cocky and self-sure when we first met, so arrogant, I couldn’t get in my two bits. Now, it’s your turn to listen!” She ended her statement with a prolonged yawn, which spread around the Diamond Dogs like wildfire.

She pulled her hoof from my mouth, which tasted exactly like you would imagine a hoof might taste like, and apparently decided my head look comfortable enough to sit on. She turned around and threw herself on my skull, most of her weight squarely on me, though she did recline a bit on the Diamond Dogs around my shoulders.

I couldn’t even turn my head to address her. “So, you’re helping them now?” I called out, a little ashamed I had trusted her. “After taking care of the Elements, and knowing your kind will become slaves or worse to the Nuckelavee, you just decided to throw in the towel?”

She laughed from on top of my head. “What makes you think I’m working for the Nuckelavee? We saved your flank from Charon, we set you up in a nice warm bedroom- whose door was unlocked, by the way- and I even fell asleep watching over you!”

“But… Diamond Dogs…” I came back weakly.

“Oh, you mean the Diamond Dog refugees who’ve been helping the pony resistance all across Equestria? The Diamond Dogs who had to give up their loved ones in service to the Nuckelavee, and have been entirely selfless in gaining every single bit of information we know about our enemies and their movements? The Diamond Dogs who you just woke up by crushing and fighting while they tried to sleep? Those Diamond Dogs?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I kept quiet. Which, for me, is more difficult than I’d like to admit.

“That’s what I thought,” she said quietly. “Don’t judge a book by its cover, and all that. Lesson learned?”

I sighed. “Yeah, lesson learned. Can I get up now?”

She jumped off the pile, striking my head with a hoof as she landed. What she was raised on I had no idea, but one thing was for sure: she weighed a LOT more than Twilight did. As in, about half again as much. Around ninety pounds, at least.

“Oops! Sorry!” she laughed as I scowled. The Diamond Dogs all started getting up slowly, apparently unsure whether or not I was going to freak out on them again. I waited patiently until they were all cleared away before calmly getting up myself.

“You definitely seem sorry,” I spit, rubbing the new lump on my head. “Why exactly did you have to jump off the pile of Dogs?”

“Style,” she grinned, tossing her mane like she was so proud of herself.

“If not for the fact that you supposedly saved my life, I’d be knocking you down a peg young mare,” I warned, wagging a finger. I actually had no idea how old she was, or even what was considered ‘old’, but I figured that might get a rise out of her. Besides, a few friendly put-downs would help to lighten the mood!

She looked me up and down, and nodded to herself for a few seconds. Then I was on my back, staring straight up into her golden eyes. All I had seen was a blur before she had somehow managed to flatten me. I didn’t hurt, but I was shocked how fast she had taken me down. “I’m not all that young, but thanks for saying so,” she winked before jumping off me. “Now, if you’ll just follow me, I’ll give you the grand tour. First of all, this is the main sleeping area for the Diamond Dogs.”

I was too stunned from getting my butt whooped so quickly to do anything but follow her instruction. I slowly got up, looking around me. We were underground somewhere, in a massive chamber. There were glowing stones all around us, and it looked like I was in the middle of an honest-to-God refugee camp. There were small cots set up by the hundreds, all spaced around in tight clusters. I glanced in awe at the rounded roof, a few stories above my head.

I couldn’t tell if it was a natural cave or not, but I assumed it was due to the large stalactites that hung throughout. It was beautiful, lit by the bright glow of the luminescent crystals that dotted every surface. The large amount of Diamond Dogs that had taken me down were slowly shuffling back to their cots, where those I assumed were their children sat with wide eyes. Those that weren’t paying attention to their families were staring at me with hate or fear.

I felt ashamed of myself, and turned to catch up with Lyra. She was ascending some steps cut into the side of the level I’d dropped off of, which was about twelve feet high. As I started to walk after her, the cool earth between my toes reminded me of my lack of shoes. Looking down, I saw that I was wearing only my boxers and undershirt.

I hurried after Lyra, desperately hoping they had kept my clothes and shoes. If not, my stay in Equestria had suddenly become quite a bit more interesting.

I took the steps two at a time, and when I reached the top, I saw a similar setup on the higher level as the lower one. The space was a scaled down version of the one below, with maybe a third as many bedding set-ups. Also, there were mats and bedrolls instead of cots. The only thing really different was that, instead of being all Diamond Dogs, there were a few ponies dispersed here and there. I counted at least a dozen, none of whom I recognized, talking calmly with their Diamond Dog counterparts. As I hurried past to catch up with Lyra, the discussions died away. They all glared at me with unrestrained venomocity, many glancing at the clear path of ruined sleeping arrangements I had taken from an empty doorway to the nearby ledge.

“Come on, that’s just the courier sleeping area! The VIP rooms are over here!” Lyra called out. “While most leave their rooms in the same conditions they received them in, you’re the first to start redecorating!” I blushed, and jogging faster toward the room Lyra trotted into. It was adjacent to the one I had woken up in. There were a few other doorways after that, but they were closed.

I walked into the brightening room, and saw more of the precious stones embedded in the walls. They were beautiful, and cast Lyra in what I could only describe was a heavenly glow as she turned to face me. I immediately started looking around the room, to avoid making eye contact. I didn’t want to look at anypony when awkward thoughts like ‘heavenly’ were associated with them- obviously, I’d been in Equestria far too long!

There was a bed and little else, which gave me nothing to look at but the gems. I stepped closer to the wall, Lyra watching me, as I examined the glowing rocks. They didn’t pulse, and I couldn’t see them connected to anything. “How can they be turned on and off, if there’s nothing connected to them?” I asked. “It was dark outside too, but something made them brighten.”

“Oh, they sense movements. Shut the door, I need to talk to you.”

I turned around, hearing the joking tone she’d used so far dropping out of her voice to be replaced with a tired seriousness. She sat on the edge of her bed human-style, looking at the ground.

I closed the door as I was asked, and saw the questioning glances I received from the ponies and Diamond Dogs on the other side. I wasn’t sure what that was about, but at the same time, I didn’t much care. I’d been through quite a bit while in Equestria, and some weird looks weren’t very high on my list of priorities.

“Gonna have a heart to heart now, huh?” I asked jokingly, hoping to improve Lyra’s suddenly dark mood. She didn’t respond.

“You know, we better make this fast; those fellas out there might start getting the wrong ideas, what with me only in my boxers,” I laughed, jerking a thumb over my shoulder. She looked in the general direction of the other ponies and sighed, shaking her head. “They’re a problem,” she muttered low enough that I could barely hear her.

“Um… You want to talk about it?” I never was all that great at low-tension pick-me-up talks. I could come up with pretty good ones when the situation was dire or it was someone I knew very well, but Lyra was somewhat of an… unknown. The only concrete things I knew about her was that she could kick my butt, and that she was apparently part of this underground rebellion thing.

“Not really, no,” she sighed, running one forehoof through her mane before flopping back onto the bed. She sighed explosively, rubbing her hooves against her eyes. I knew better than to say anything; if she needed to talk about it, she would. I got the feeling her issues weren’t exactly vital to saving Equestria, but I decided I’d help if I could.

“You know what? Buck it.” She suddenly rolled over, looking straight at me, her former smirk returning. “They’re not my problem. Saving Equestria is my problem. Running a resistance is my problem. And you are my problem. Admittedly, a very interesting problem.”

“I’m not sure I like being called a ‘problem’, but... what kind of ‘problem’ do I represent?” I asked, sitting next to her on the edge of the bed. I sat myself up against the headrest, my right leg up on the bed and my left leg resting on the floor. It was my Bedside Chat Form®, something my roommate knew well from his last breakup.

“Well, first of all, let’s talk about the issues you’ve caused so far.” She started tapping one hoof on the other to keep count. “One- you showed up out of the blue with Princess Twilight Sparkle, and freed two of the Elements of Harmony- causing the Nuckelavee to crack down on ponies all across Equestria. Two- you spent two weeks straight going through with a plan that was a suicide run anyway, and had to be saved. Three- you were heavy to carry back, and I had to do it by myself! That was a pretty tough issue, fatty! Four- you soaked up all of Princess Twilight’s power when she cast the spell to turn you back into your human form, and almost killed her! Fiv-”

I cut her off immediately, jumping up.

“What do you MEAN, ‘almost killed Twilight’?!? Where is she, damnit!”

Lyra was shocked, but I didn’t care. Twilight had almost been killed? By me? And she was just mentioning it NOW?!

I grabbed Lyra and hoisted her into the air, holding her face close to mine. “Where. Is. Twilight,” I demanded forcefully, trying to keep my calm. Lyra was still in shock, or couldn’t comprehend what I was asking, or something. I didn’t have time to deal with her.

With a snort, I dropped her onto the bed, and marched purposefully toward the door. Pulling it open, I strode into the large cavern and looked around. Some of the light crystals had started to dim as the inhabitants of the refugee camp settled back to sleep, but I didn’t care.

I spotted an earth pony just about to fall asleep nearby. She was pale yellow, with a purple mane and tail. I was at her side in moments, shaking her awake. “Where is Princess Twilight Sparkle?” I asked as clearly as I could. I saw terror fill her eyes in place of sleep, and she gulped. “Wha- what do you want with her?” she asked in a small voice.

“I want to save my friend, who might be dying because of me! Is that too much to ask? Now, where is she!?” I shouted into her face. Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, and she started shaking, but she pointed out a doorway two down from Lyra’s room.

“She- she’s in there, sir!” she squeaked.

“Thanks, ma’am,” I said somewhat gratefully. I was already halfway to the door when I realized I hadn’t put the earth pony down. I chuckled a little awkwardly, placing her as gingerly as possible on her hooves and giving her head a quick pat. Then I was off again, racing toward Twilight’s room.

Lyra just then decided to come out of her room, still shaken. As I turned the knob to Twilight’s room, she cried out, “Wait! You can’t go in there!” but I continued. There was no way one little warning from a pony was going to stop me from helping my first Equestrian friend any way I could.

As I strode into the room, I realized a few things. First of all, it was pitch black. Second of all, there was definitely some labored breathing in the room approximately where I assumed the bed would lie. As I began to move forward, I was alerted to one last thing: Twilight had some bodyguards in the room with her.

I came to the last understanding as I heard a snarl and was cut across the chest, ripping open my shirt. Knowing whoever it was that had cut me would be used to the dark by now, I backpedaled swiftly out of the room. I shot past Lyra, who was standing just outside the doorway, my focus on Twilight’s room.

I stood there prepared, not wanting to seem threatening, but not wanting to be caught off guard again either. When I saw Deluge walk out of the darkness, I dropped my stance. Before she could say anything, or even really react, I rushed her and enveloped her in the biggest bear hug I could muster. It hurt my chest a little, and I’m pretty sure I got some blood on her fur, but I didn’t care. I was so happy to see a familiar face, someone I didn’t have to explain myself to or fight against, that I almost started crying.

She growled at first, apparently still thinking me an assassin, but she saw pretty quickly she had nothing to defend Twilight from. She couldn’t move her arms to hug me back, but she did manage to nuzzle her head into my neck. It was when she started trying to lick me that I dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

She chuckled good naturedly, wiping the blood away from her chest. “Still not wanting Deluge, I understand. You’ll come around eventually,” she said smugly.

“Not in this lifetime!” I shot back. Surprisingly, although I loathed her constant advances, they were still in a playful enough context that I could enjoy our little spats. In fact, I had genuinely missed them.

She nodded a few times before her smile began to falter. “Sorry, I was drifting off when you came in. You really can’t see her though, Paul. Twilight can’t take any more stress.”

I started to talk, but she cut me off. “No. Twilight said you can’t come in until she wakes up. You might absorb too much magic.”

I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t go against Twilight’s wishes when she had saved my life. I might be able to control myself, but what if I slipped, or somehow couldn’t stop myself? That was a scary thought. “At least… keep calling me Creed, okay? It’d be nice to have some consistency on the whole name thing,” I asked. Deluge nodded quietly, and I looked at Lyra.

Lyra sat quietly next to the door watching us, which, from the few encounters I had with her, seemed uncharacteristic. Her eyes began drooping and her head began to dip, cluing me in to the fact that she was exhausted. Rightfully so, if she had carried my oversized butt away from a warzone!

I walked over to her, and bent down gently to pick her up. “You don’t have to-” she started. “No no, I insist,” I cut in, positioning her so that she was cradled in my arms like a baby. My dogs and little brother had always fallen asleep when I held them like that, and I figured Lyra wouldn’t be an exception.

As she fought her eyelids, she continued to mumble. “No, we need to talk. So many problems, you, the others, plans…” She gave a long, drawn out yawn that quickly spread to me.

“Listen, you need your sleep,” I told her. “You’ve been working hard, and I’ve kept you up much more than I should have in the past few hours- what with carrying me, subduing me, trying to talk to me and explain what’s going on, I’m surprised you didn’t drop earlier!”

I walked through the still open doorway of Lyra’s room, where the glowing stones had started to dim. They were only at about a fifth of their brightest, and they illuminated the room in a soft, inviting glow. They were like dozens of small nightlights, and as I placed Lyra on her bed, I couldn’t help but wonder why the Diamond Dogs hadn’t mined them. Maybe they were just too common to bother with?

My attention was brought back to Lyra as she shivered a little. I pulled out the sheets, spreading them over her. She snuggled in, sighing contentedly. As I turned to leave, she grabbed my hand.

“Please don’t go,” she whispered, smiling softly though her eyes were already closed. “I’d sleep so much better if you were here…”

I smiled, remembering my first night with Twilight. I didn’t think Lyra would have any nightmares that bad, but I figured I couldn’t deny someone who was already half asleep.

“Tell you what,” I replied softly, bending down on one knee. “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep, okay?” She grinned, snuggling more firmly into my hand and refusing to let go.

“Deal,” she yawned loudly, her face falling into the unmistakable grasp of sleep. I watched as the tension left her face, every small muscle slowly releasing its burden as she drifted into that magical ether. Her forehead muscles relaxed first, moving in an expanding pattern from her horn. Then her cheeks softened, though a hint of the smile remained. Finally, the stress left her entire head, and her shoulders relaxed. When she started breathing heavily, just on the verge on snoring, I knew she was out.

It was fairly quick, only a minute and a half or so. “What is it with me and sleeping ponies?” I wondered as I stood. Pulling my hand as gently as I could from Lyra’s grasp, I turned to the door to see Deluge standing there. She had her arms crossed, and a look of concern was on her face.

I moved out of the room, closing the door as quietly as I could, before addressing her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in a low whisper. I saw almost all of the lights were out in the cavern, meaning almost all of its inhabitants were out as well. I felt only slightly sleepy myself, and had absolutely no idea what time it was.

“That green pony, Lyra,” Deluge replied in an even lower voice. “Not sure I trust her.”

I was taken aback. “Really?” I whispered harshly. “She fed the Elements of Harmony while they were on display like mannequins in the Town Square, she carried my fat pony butt all the way here, and apparently on top of that, she’s one of the leaders in… whatever this is,” I waved my hands around, indicating the sleeping forms of the hundreds around us. “How does that not give you something to trust her for?”

Deluge held up her paws defensively. “Never said she was unkind, I just meant I don’t trust her. She was acting… strange around you.”

“Strange, how?” I asked, intrigued.

“Well, you’ve been asleep for about seven hours,” Deluge replied. As she talked, I continued to examine the large cavern. “She had Dogs who were in contact with the other ponies in the Detention Hall. She told them to ignore you completely, not even look at you, to make sure you could handle everything alright.”

The cavern was swiftly forgotten, and my attention was drawn back to Deluge. “What do you mean, it was her idea?” I asked, both horrified and angry. “Do you know how long I was in there?”

Deluge nodded sadly, and I heard her sniffle a little before she spoke. “Two weeks… they say it was a new record.”

I was disgusted. “Great, a new record! I could have gone through with it, you know! I could have faked everything, I could have been in Canterlot by now, fixing all of this! Your species would be free along with all of Equestria, and you’d never have to worry about your little puppy again!”

I knew as soon as I said it, bringing up her son was the wrong thing to do. But I had to make her see reason, I had to make my point that they had ruined the plan. Not to mention me.

“You think I don’t know that?” she growled quietly. “I fought against it. I knew you’d be hurt. I knew you’d be broken if you had nothing but your thoughts to…” She took a breath. “I had to sit through almost four full nights of you whimpering in your sleep, not being able to do anything about it. You know that? You would cry out for your father, or you would just cry. I couldn’t help but think of my puppy the entire time. How he was alone, his mother nowhere to be found and his father long since passed. There hasn’t been a single moment I don’t think about him, so don’t you dare try to use him in an argument against me.” She shook her head slowly, angrily, as she spit the last words out at me.

I was quiet. “I’m… I’m sorry you had to hear me,” I told her sincerely. “I thought that’d gone away a long time ago…” I sighed, putting both of my hands on the back of my head and looking at the ground.

“It’s just… I can still feel it there, you know?” I asked, breathing hard. “When I’m not moving, every second I’m not focused on something else, for the past half hour I’ve been awake not a single second has gone by that I haven’t felt that emptiness pulling at me, whispering in my ear… It was horrible. Not the torture, that was just pain. Being rejected, unwanted, disregarded like an infinitesimal speck-” my voice broke, and I had to stop.

I couldn’t come to terms with the feeling of my mind snapping, of that final wall falling away, much less talk about it. Not then, at least. Perhaps in the future, but not then.

“That was the real torture,” I finished weakly. I couldn’t say anything else, I lacked the words and the drive. “What else… Lyra, I mean… What else did she do that was odd?”

Deluge swallowed, crossing her arms in front of her. “Well, when she heard you’d broken, she immediately came up with a rescue plan,” she said slowly. “She had every pony here and Twilight help. I came along to help plan. We knew you’d be important for us, and every pony agreed to the plan. When you came along though, being pulled with that rope through your… she just snapped. She jumped out of the bushes before any of the rest of us, and took Charon head-on. She put up a pretty good fight too, and while the rest of us were finishing him off, she grabbed you and took off running. She ended up carrying you since you couldn’t walk.”

I nodded, vaguely remembering the green blur that had filled my vision. “So, she acted heroically. Not really odd in a bad way, I suppose,” I said simply, ignoring the fact that it was her fault for getting me into that state in the first place. “Anything else?”

Deluge continued with a slight pause. “She was the one to suggest turning you back into a human when Twilight told her about your natural form, and your abilities to heal yourself. Twilight didn’t want to do it, but your spirit and mind were broken. Your body was just… following them, getting worse and worse. When your heart stopped for the first time was when Twilight decided she had to do it.”

Deluge shuddered, taking several deep breaths. “The spell… it didn’t work the same as last time. Twilight said after that you were so broken, it took every bit of magic she had to get you to the point you could even be fixed. Then she collapsed. I brought her over to her room, and she woke up long enough to tell me not to let you in- she would be too low on magic, and you absorbing any more might kill her. I checked back on you, but Lyra said she would watch over you. I told her you absorb magic to heal yourself, and she got this… far-off look in her eyes. She said she knew, that Twilight had explained everything, and that she would be fine.”

Deluge came to a stop for almost a full minute, contemplating what she would say next. Finally, she resumed. “I checked on her an hour before you woke up. She was passed out on the floor, and was looking really pale. I was going to force her to leave, because you were sucking her dry of magic in your sleep, but you woke up a few minutes before I would have made the decision.”

I stood there for a while, not saying anything. Lyra had been kind and even playfully sassy with me, yet she was definitely acting…oddly… when I wasn’t around. It was worth checking into.

“Thanks for telling me, Deluge,” I sighed, rubbing my head. “I need to think about the past… weeks, I guess… I need some fresh air. How do I get out of here?”

She nodded understandingly. “We could both use some air, and a little pick-me-up,” she replied. “First, you need to get dressed.”

Nodding tiredly, I turned back toward the room I had escaped from, its doorway a gaping maw of darkness. I flailed my arms as I walked in, hoping there were some crystals in there that would react to my movements, but there was nothing. “Strange,” I thought to myself.

Deluge came in after me, and then the crystals began to glow. I waited a few moments while they warmed up, and saw my jeans folded neatly on the ground next to the bed, my socks, shoes and belt in a small pile next to the jeans. I hurriedly pulled my jeans on and laced up my shoes, before standing to follow Deluge. As we started out the door, I placed my hand on her back to make sure I wouldn’t lose her.

Thank God I did, because the maze of cots she navigated in what had become utter darkness was nothing short of astounding. On the way towards the opposite side of the cavern from the rooms, she stopped to pick up a sack and throw it over her shoulder. She waited for my hand on her back once more, and then we made our way without incident to a small hole in the side of the chamber.

We entered the gently upward sloping tunnel, which almost immediately came to a junction. The left led away into darkness, but I felt the smallest of breezes coming from the right. Deluge headed that way, and I followed in silence. We walked for what seemed like an hour before I spotted a faint glow up ahead.

Excited, I began moving up the tunnel at an increased pace. Letting my hand slip from Deluge’s back, I jogged my way up the tunnel. I hadn’t realized just how stuffy it was in the tunnels. I felt an increased desperation to be once again in free air, which was odd, but I didn’t question it. All I knew was that I needed to be out of the confines of the tunnels.

After a couple hundred yards, I could make out the bright moonlight that outlined a field.

When I exited the tunnel, I was almost blinded by the moon. It was so incredibly bright and large. If anything, it seemed bigger and brighter than the night I had first come into Equestria. I stood there, enraptured by its beauty and letting the flowing breeze flow over me. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, relaxing immensely.

I heard Deluge emerge behind me.

I turned to ask her if Luna somehow had the ability to bring the moon closer to their world, when the sight of the sack on her shoulder stole the breath from my lungs. It wasn’t a sack at all; instead, it was a small bundle of fur that was breathing rhythmically while Deluge slowly stroked its back. My mouth dropped open and my heart gave a little kick when she gestured me closer to her son.

I walked forward as quietly as I could, and examined him closely. In the full light of the moon, it was as if he were under a flashlight. He had several spots all over him, one which noticeably covering the entire back of his neck. He looked like a little Boxer puppy, though with thick, poofy hair. He kicked a little bit in his mother’s grip; he couldn’t have been more than a foot long.

“I could just eat him up!” I gasped quietly.

Deluge gasped and backed up from me, and it was only then that I realized what I had just said. “Not literally, stupid. It’s just an expression,” I softly berated her, stepping forward. “The moon is more likely to eat him than I am.”

She chuckled, once again relaxed. She slowly rubbed him behind his right ear, and his foot started to kick just like an earth dog when you found their favorite scratching spot.

I was making little cooing noises and d’awwwing quietly when she gestured me closer.

I stepped up to her, and she gently transferred him from her shoulder to mine. He immediately curled up against me, nuzzling my neck and sighing in his sleep. I couldn’t clearly see him, but slowly patted him while rocking.

“He is so cute I gushed, patting him slowly. “He doesn’t look much like you, though.”

“No,” she smiled slightly. “He inherited most of his father’s traits. The only thing he got from me was his demeanor. You’re lucky he’s asleep.”

I nodded, though I couldn’t imagine the cute little fuzzball breathing deeply against me as being anything but an angel. “What happened to his father?” I asked as casually as possible. “If you don’t mind saying, that is.”

She shook her head, and turned toward the moon. “He went out with the pack one night to hunt. There were reports of some dangerous creatures in the area, and they went out to protect us. He…. He never returned. None of them did.”

She sighed, her eyes never leaving the moon. “I stood in the forest that night, listening. There were some roars off in the distance, the sound of howling, but then… Nothing.”

I walked up behind her and laid my free hand on her shoulder. “He sounds like a great guy who cared for his family. You should consider yourself lucky to have had the time with him you did,” I told her. She didn’t react.

I looked at the moon with her, contemplating what I would have done in the same situation. Run after them? Search for the bodies? Find a new mate? I didn’t know enough of Diamond Dog culture to come to a conclusion.

“Did he know his father?” I asked, patting her son once again.

“He played with him every day,” she replied.

I looked down at the small puppy I held against me. “So, we’ve got more in common than anyone here, huh?” I muttered to him. “Don’t you worry. You’ll be stronger than anyone can imagine.”

I glanced up, and Deluge was examining me. She had a small amount of blurriness in her eyes, and kept diverting her gaze between myself and her son.

“Is there… something wrong?” I asked.

“No. Nothing…. Nothing at all,” she smiled. “Tell me about your father.”

Deluge’s son started growling in his sleep, and if it weren’t for the moon already bathing everything in its light, my smile would have shone brighter than anything else in the forest. I patted him and he quieted. “Alright, but on one condition,” I replied. “You have to tell me this little killer’s name first.”

“His name is Ruckus,” she told me, turning to start slowly walking away. I followed her, focused on Ruckus. I didn’t know where she was headed, or even if she was walking in a certain direction, but I figured a walk would do us both good.

“What can I say?” I started off. “He was the life of every social gathering. When he walked into a room, people stopped whatever they were doing to go listen to one of his stories. He was larger than life, always working hard to support us in a part of town that was less than savory. His dream was to become a pilot, since he was a kid it was all he talked about. We never had the money for him to get sufficiently trained, even though he was fantastic at it. Eventually, he elected to just work around planes- closest thing he could find to flying himself. He’d be gone twelve or fourteen hours a day working, but when he came home, he always had time for me. He’d read me to sleep, play with me, and even let me get away with a few things my mom wouldn’t have approved of.”

Deluge listened silently, padding along just ahead of me and to my left. “What’s a plane?” she asked when I paused for longer than I’d intended.

“Oh, right. Metal flying vehicles varying in size from single person, single propeller ones no bigger than 10 feet all the way up to ones the size of the cavern we came from, which could hold hundreds of people. They’re one of the main modes of transportation between far away cities, since they can go hundreds of miles an hour.”

Deluge didn’t even flinch, which surprised me. She just took it in stride, and asked another question. “What happened to your father?”

I shifted Ruckus uncomfortably as I walked. “He, uh… he died of cancer when I was 13. There was a period of time when he was on chemotherapy- burning substances they inject in your veins in the hope that it will kill the cancer- and still working full time. He lost a lot of weight, wasted away.” I could feel the tears welling up, but it was good to talk about him. He deserved at least that respect.

“We… we spent as much time together in those last weeks that we could, even taking a few camping trips. Just the two of us. That’s when I developed my love of nature. Anyway, the last I saw of him, he was reduced to this… skeleton of what he once was. Pale, gaunt, barely able to move. He gave me his copy of my favorite bedtime story, told me he loved me, and asked me to leave him while he died.”

I cleared my throat, trying to clear the lump that had formed. It made to difficult to speak, but I wanted to be completely honest with Deluge.

“He said he didn’t want me to remember him like that. He said he wanted me to remember him how he was when we were camping, when he could still pick me up and hold me. When he still felt like he was a good father.”

I choked on the last sentence, unable to continue speaking of my father in that vein. Ruckus’s kicking brought me back to the present, and I smiled. Who could honestly remain so sad when the beauty of life surrounded us? The trees were tall, the wind was fresh, and I was with a friend.

I perked up, deciding it was time to share just what sort of a guy he really was- not the sick shell that lay in the hospital bed, but the vibrant storyteller who always had something funny to say, or an impression to do. “Anyway, he was a silly guy. This one time, he took me to a football game for his favorite team, the Sun Devils. I’d been feeling sick all day, and had begged not to go, but he was convinced I was trying to get out of it. We were sitting at the front row of a balcony, and I had real bad vertigo, so as I looked down, I felt a rumbling…”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

We continued to walk and talk for hours. After a few stories of mine, Deluge started to chip in her own. Ruckus woke up once, asking who I was and where his mom was, but fell asleep again fairly quickly.

Eventually, I came to see that our stories weren’t really meant to make each other laugh. They did, of course, to the point that our sides hurt several times. More than humor, though, they were about escaping the stresses of our time for more peaceful periods in our lives. I could tell Deluge picked up on it too, but she never mentioned anything about it.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, there was a comfortable lull in our conversation. We walked in silence, still heading in the same direction. I looked around, not knowing where we were.

“Um… Deluge? Shouldn’t we be heading back?” I asked, a little anxious. “I mean, at this rate, it’ll be sunrise before we even reach the tunnel entrance.”

She nodded, looking around at the trees. “Yeah, but we’re so close now… I think we should just keep going.”

I stopped walking. “Close to what, exactly?” I asked, trepidation setting in. “Where have you been leading us?”

Deluge shushed me, holding up one paw. “Keep it down! They’ll hear you!” she giggled before turning and slinking into the underbrush.

I didn’t have a choice but to follow her. I hadn’t been paying attention to where we walked, I held her kid in my hands, and I was in a world that wasn’t my own. What was I going to do, whip out my cell phone and GPS my way out of there?

I sighed, and then plunged in after her. We had been walking among the fairly open trees, but this area was thick with vegetation. I also wasn’t the most graceful f stalkers, and Deluge turned around constantly to silently berate me, but I didn’t really care. I would remind her with shrugging shoulders that it had been her idea, and she would turn back to whatever it is she was doing.

After a while, I started to hear sounds. It was like a small buzzing sound that carried throughout the mostly still forest, along with some other, less noticeable sond. It was almost like the cicadas back home, but quieter.

“What is that?” I whispered when Deluge finally crouched down to look through some bushes. Apparently she didn’t appreciate the breaking of silence, because she punched me in the gut without turning around.

I let out a pained gasp, which caused her to turn with a frustrated yet questioning look on her face.

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt,” I whispered sarcastically. “It’s just, you know, I’m still sore from that mauling you gave me earlier!”

I took Ruckus from my shoulder and rudely shoved him into his mother’s arms. Standing, I walked cockily through the bush. Silence be damned, I was curious about that noise and it would bother Deluge to have her little hunt ruined.

I glanced around the clearing before me, a smile growing on my face. I turned to Deluge, saying in a loud voice, “How did I not know you were bringing me here?”

She smacked a paw to her face (as she deserved), and shook her head. I turned back to my clearing, the same one that somehow existed on two separate worlds, the same one that I had sought solace in before the whole Equestrian crisis thing happened. It was moderately filled by a good sized grouping of Diamond Dogs, some of whom were snoring.

I quickly saw the real source of the noise, though. There, in the same tree crook that Twilight had slept in, the same space where I had asked Twilight and Deluge to stash my personal belongings when I went into Ponyville, sat Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie’s face was lit up, enraptured, by the screen of my iPod, and I saw the ear buds trailing up to her equine ears. Fluttershy sat next to her, neither ear bud in, yet I had no doubt that she could hear it crystal clear. My ear buds were one of the few things I splurged on back home, and when they got cranking, they would put some cheap stereo systems to shame!

Not one of the Diamond Dogs stirred when I had spoken, and the ponies in the tree at the center of the clearing didn’t react either. Maybe they were too focused on whatever video they were watching?

I immediately decided it was time to get back at Pinkie Pie for blowing me off my feet back in the town square. I crouched down and started slinking forward, planning on sneaking through the minefield of sleeping Diamond Dogs all the way to the tree.

“What’re you doing?” Deluge hissed from behind me, not daring to speak above a berating whisper. “If you scare any of them awake, you’ll get cut to pieces!”

I rolled my eyes, and answered without turning, “First of all, you lead us here. So I’m pretty sure you were just planning on pulling off something like this anyway. And secondly, I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to- when I’m in my normal form, ain’t nobody gonna lay a paw on me!”

I continued to creep forward, disregarding the warnings being hoarsely whispered to me from the foliage. I stepped around the first few Diamond dogs, but eventually they got to be so thick that I had to step over them to find the few spaces of uncovered ground.

When I was just fifteen feet from the tree, I put my foot down in the wrong place- the end of a Diamond Dog’s tail. I immediately dropped all of my weight onto the other foot, hoping the pressure was not enough in the short time span my foot had pressed down on the Diamond Dog’s tail to wake him up.

He rolled onto his back, and began to stretch. I had to dodge a few flailing limbs, and even jump a few foot stops back when he began to twist and turn in his sleep. Eventually, he calmed down, and sighed blissfully as he drifted back into unmolested sleep.

I released a breath I realized I had been holding, and made sure to pay more attention where I placed my bumbling feet.

I made it to the dogless clearing around the tree, a space of maybe four feet. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie remained fixated on the screen, and I could quite clearly hear what it was they were watching. To my horror, it was Blazing Saddles.

Apparently, the interest with human conceptions of equines was strong within Twilight and her friends.

“But… I thought they were in a desert… Why are they in the middle of so many buildings now?” Fluttershy asked, obviously completely lost.

“I have no idea… but this is the most super duper movie I’ve ever seen in my whole entire life…” Pinkie Pie declared in awe.

Just as Dom DeLuise decreed “Watch! Me! Faggots!” on screen, I snaked one arm around Pinkie Pie and clamped a hand over her mouth. My other hand paused the iPod, ending their viewing of Mel Brooks for the night.

At the same time, I declared in an ominous tone, “That is way too inappropriate for the two of you.”

I didn’t bother cutting off Fluttershy, as her cheers of excitement were adorably pathetic in the show. I figured, “Hey, if her cheers are so quiet, her yells will be too!”

In a way, I was right. Fluttershy shot forward into the tree while simultaneously turning, and began screaming the highest pitched, and yet quietest, voice I’d ever heard. I don’t think a single Diamond Dog even heard her.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, was quite the little terror. At first trying to unsuccessfully scream herself, she tried kicking me away- also to no avail. I had made sure not to be drawing energy before I grabbed her, to ensure her safety in my grasp, but even without the enhanced strength I think I would have been able to hold her.

That puzzled me, until I heard her start to giggle. Almost immediately afterward, she began to lick my hand.

“Ugh!” I mumbled, pulling my hand away to wipe on her fur. After all, her saliva, her problem, right?

Pinkie Pie snickered even as Fluttershy continued to scream in her almost silent way. “Let me guess- y’all work for Mel Brooks?” she asked.

“I wish,” I muttered in her ear before placing her back in the tree. She turned around to study my face intently, a bright smile on her lips that reflected the moonlight. Her eyes searched mine, narrowing a bit, before she backed up and turned to Fluttershy.

“Come on, Fluttershy, it’s just Creed!” she whispered to her friend, patting her on the shoulder as Fluttershy shook with her back to the tree’s back wall.

“Of course it is!” I smiled happily, tapping a rhythm on the tree’s bark. “I mean, come on, could this face really belong to anyone else?”

I tilted my head to one side and half closed my eyes, bringing one hand up to caress my chin in what I hoped was a goofy rendition of a sexy pose. Instead, I discovered that my facial hair had continued to grow at its normal amount while in my pony form, much further than I liked it. In fact, it was the length my friends adoringly called the “Hobo”.

Pinkie Pie turned back to me, still grinning. “Nah, I just saw it was you from your eyes,” she claimed. “I figured that one out after playing around with this CRAZY pool that made a bunch of me! There was a whole paint watching contest, but I was scared it would happen again, so I snuck back and made one last copy. I looker her all over, and finally figured out it was the eyes!”

“Okaaaay,” I said slowly, unsure how to process that. “But… Didn’t the pool get a huge rock put over it?”

“Mmmhhhmm,” She nodded.

I waited for an explanation, but I saw after a few seconds she deigned not to give one.

“Alrighty then, back to business,” I clapped my hands quietly, rubbing them together. “I need my stuff! My guitar, my iPod, my pis- uh, all of it…. Wait a minute, Pinkie, they don’t mention working for Mel Brooks until later in that scene. How do you know what they say?”

She giggled again. “Oh, that was my third time watching it! I finished all the movies and music on your little thingy about half a week after Twilight showed it to me! She also explained the whole ‘little filly show’ thing to us, and I gotta say, I like it!”

I blanched immediately, groaning and putting my face in my hands. Let’s just say, there was some music and movies I wouldn’t want my grandmother seeing on that iPod, let alone the innocent ponies! Twilight telling them about being cartoons didn’t bother me, that was going to happen anyway.

“Oh, don’t worry, I ignored the cursing and bad stuff some of them talked about,” she waved away my fears with one hoof. "I actually really liked those ‘Barenaked Ladies’ and ‘Lynyrd Skynyrd’ ponies!”

“They call themselves ‘people’, remember, Pinkie?” Fluttershy spoke quietly from the depths of the tree.

“That’s just a silly willy nilly name though!” Pinkie snorted. “It doesn’t even make sense!”

“How… How do Lynyrd Skynyrd or the Barenaked Ladies even make sense to you?” I asked, incredulous. I mean, come on, they’re not exactly something I would peg as being popular here!”

The more I thought about it, the less sense it made. “And why wouldn’t you like, I don’t know, LMFAO or Daft Punk? Y’know, the party type artists!”

She just rolled her eyes. “’Cuz ours are so much better! I saw ‘Smile Smile Smile’ on there, so I know you know that too, y’know?”

Fluttershy had slowly been coming closer, though she was still hiding her face through her hair. I laughed seeing that, and she shied away a bit more.

“Alright, Fluttershy, I’m sorry about scaring you,” I said somewhat seriously. “Honestly though, I’m the same pony that made you get up and get out of Ponyville. Do you remember what I told you?”

She mumbled something under her breath, and I leaned closer. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that,” I lied, feigning ignorance. “Can you say it one more time?”

“Never be afraid to fall apart; it’s only an opportunity to rebuild yourself how you always wanted to be,” she repeated studiously.

“That’s right!” I smiled. “After all, sometimes it’s the appropriate response to reality to go insane!”

She too smiled, and her head rose enough that I could see half of her face without obstruction. “It is you,” she stated, seemingly relieved.

“Duh!” I sighed exasperatedly, shaking my head in a vain attempt to hide my goofy grin. “Now then, if you’d kindly hand me my stuff, I’ll be on my merry way!”

Pinkie Pie passed me the iPod, the unused lantern, my guitar case, and, after some hesitation, my pistol. I hurriedly stuffed the pistol in my back pocket after checking that the safety was still on, and smiled as I opened the guitar case to see Benjamin resting against my acoustic.

“Oh, I’ve been in need of you for quite some time, buddy,” I mumbled as I drew Benjamin out of the case. “You aren’t leaving my side from now on!”

I turned around and spied Deluge picking her way across the field of sleeping Diamond Dogs. I waved to her, but she was too focused on her footing to notice. Shrugging, I turned to look at the moon. It was already almost behind the horizon, and I knew sunrise wouldn’t be that far behind. Maybe ten minutes before the light in the east started dying the sky a rich yellow.

I looked at Pinkie Pie, and then at Fluttershy. “So,” I said casually, slipping the shoulder strap of my guitar on. “What would the two of you fine young mares like to hear as we wait for sunrise?”

Pinkie Pie’s smile was of astronomical proportions, and Fluttershy couldn’t help but to pipe up (relatively speaking).

“I really liked that song ‘Simple Mare’, if it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle for you?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie chimed in. “That’s a good one!”

I had to think a few seconds before I realized what song they were talking about. “You mean ‘Simple man’?” I asked. They both nodded their agreement, and I smiled.

“Well, alright, but only ‘cuz you didn’t conform and say ‘Freebird’. I can’t stand that one!”

While they gave me strange looks, I felt a paw on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Deluge standing there, a wide eyed Ruckus on her shoulder. He was gazing around us, taking everyone in.

“Of course not,” I downplayed, and then looked at Ruckus. “Now, I want you to listen to the words for this song, okay?” I asked him. “They’re good words to live by.”

He returned my stare with a determined one of his own. “I’ll remember every single stupid word of it,” he replied, straight-faced.

“Oh, I see your mom has passed onto you her love for literature and the finer things in life,” I commented dryly. “How nice.”

Deluge rolled her eyes, but I had already turned to the east to watch for the coloring of the sky. As I started to slowly pluck the strings, tuning the guitar, I saw the barest glint of the sun.

“Music expresses that which cannot be said, on which it is impossible to be silent,” I told Ruckus solemnly. “This song is about a mother and son, their relationship, and her advice to him on how to live his life. Pay attention, and I’m sure you’ll understand better than anyone could explain using simple, or as you put it, stupid words.”

I began to play, and immediately lost myself in the hauntingly simple chords of the classic song.

My mama told me when I was young

Said sit beside me my only son

And listen closely to what I say

And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

Oh, yeah it will

Take your time, don't live too fast

Troubles will come and they will pass

You'll find a woman and you'll find love

And don't forget that there is a someone up above

And be a simple kind of man

And be something you'll love and understand

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can

Then you can

Don't get your lust from the rich man's gold

All that you need now is in your soul

And you can do this, oh baby if you try

All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man

And be something you'll love and understand

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

If you can

Oh, don't you worry, you'll find yourself

Follow your heart and nothing else

And you can do this, oh baby if you try

All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man

Be something you'll love and understand

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can

So baby be a simple, be a simple man

Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can

As I struck the final chord, the first rays of the sun burst into brilliance in the sky, bathing the area a beautifully enriching light. I couldn’t help but to open myself to the magic of it, and allowed my body to become a sponge for the calming power.

“One thing I can say with certainty,” I told the group as the diamond dogs began stirring behind us, “is that Celestia knows how to raise a great sun.” Everyone silently agreed, enjoying the sun for themselves, except for a single errant voice beside me.

“I liked the song, but your voice kind of stunk,” Ruckus chimed in, breaking the moment for everyone.

While they chuckled, I turned to him in mock surprise. “Well, well, well, we have ourselves a music critic!” I declared. “Keep announcing your opinions like that, and maybe someday you’ll make it onto my list of friends!”

“If he keeps announcing his opinions like that, I’ll be putting him on my spanking list,” Deluge added warningly. Looking at me, she said, “We should probably be getting back to the cavern now, though. They were planning on a big meeting tomorrow- er, today- and I don’t think we should miss it.”

I sighed, looking at Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy before nodding my agreement. “I suppose we should… Good morning then, girls. Sleep well!”

As we started back on our hours long trek to the cavern, I couldn’t get a few things off my mind. First of all, why would Lazarus elect to continue letting Celestia and Luna raise the sun and moon every day, respectively? And secondly, what had happened in the fight against Charon?

I was going to have to talk to Lyra, but immediately decided my imprisonment wasn’t going to be a part of that conversation. It was a subject I was hesitant to approach, since it had been her that had basically caused my breakdown- yet she was also the one who had fought for my release, and stayed by my side the entire night. What could I possibly make of that?

”Oh well,” I thought to myself as we trudged toward the tunnel entrance miles away, Benjamin over one shoulder and Ruckus darting in and out of foliage around us. “Better to let sleeping dogs lie.”

Parousia Chapter 7- Catharsis

The way back to the cave was beautiful in the newly risen sun, with vibrant colors anywhere I turned. Birds sang, there was a cooling breeze, and it was all-around picturesque.

Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy any of that. I was too busy fretting about precisely what Pinkie Pie- and by extension Fluttershy and Twilight-had been listening to.

"Slipknot, System of a Down, Avenged Sevenfold, Metallica, Godsmack, even Linkin freakin' Park!" I fumed, running my hands through my hair. "I don't want ANY of that stuff coming into Equestria!"

"Why not?" Deluge asked, breaking her silence for the first time in hours. I looked up in surprise; honestly, I'd kind of forgotten she was there. She raised a single eyebrow while carrying an exhausted Ruckus on one shoulder.

"It's, um... They're not... That is, they kinda... Aw, to hell with it!" I drew in a breath, organized my thoughts, and started again.

"The bands are all great, and if I didn't like them, they wouldn't be on there. But, and this is a major but, most of the songs are about situations and emotions that'd be foreign, out of place, in Equestria. They're mostly just too... angry."

"You're a major butt," Ruckus mumbled through his sleepy lips.

Deluge rolled her eyes and ordered him back to sleep. He immediately obliged, turning his head and nuzzling into her neck before sighing his way back into dreamland.

"How can he wake himself up just to make a snide comment?" I asked. "'Cuz that'd be a pretty cool talent to develop!"

"We look forward to time away from you when we can get it," she groaned. "Why would you take that away from us?"

I huffed indignantly. Like they could even function without my overbearing presence!

"Well, excuse me, Ms. High Horse. Why don't you step down off your towering steed and join us little people with our pitiful problems, then?"

If her eyes rolled any more, they might just start spinning uncontrollably in their sockets. Which I wouldn't mind seeing.

"It's not important," she downplayed. "You're not angry or mean, even if you do start getting annoying pretty fast. You've got nothing to worry about."

I shook my head vehemently. "No, you don't understand," I told her. "I'm not angry or mean because I make the conscious decision not to be. And when I can't help it, when I feel like in going to explode from being so angry about something, then I lock myself in a room and listen to that kind of stuff as a way to vent. Then, even if I'm happy, I can listen to that angry music and associate it with a sort of... Cleansing of my emotions, I guess you could say. And I'm happy.

"On the other hand- or hoof, as you natives like to say- Equestria hasn't got those feelings. There's no reason to listen to that music, no positive emotions associated with them. If anything, they'll just introduce it to the ponies or even Diamond Dogs."

I looked at her hard, making sure I had her attention when I continued.

"There are songs about death, loneliness, pure anger at the world, suicide, loss, drugs, separation, loss of faith, even utter self-hatred."

I shrugged. "Granted, that doesn't make up a majority of the music. Most of it is just silly, or happy, or something to rock out to. Honestly, I wouldn't mind a little Stevie Ray Vaughn, Nat King Cole or Harry Connick Jr. making their way here. But… Christ! Just look at any of the songs by Staind! No pony would understand that!"

Deluge considered my tirade for a moment before picking out my one slipup.

"What is 'Christ'?" she asked.

The sound of my palm smacking against my face in horror came resounding off the rocks that formed the tunnel entrance crystal clear.

"You're just trying to kill me, aren't you?" I gasped. "You want me to have a stress-related aneurism so you can have Benjamin. That's what this is."

"Quit being an immature puppy and just explain," she snapped back.

"While I'm sure the two-excuse me, three of you- are having a super stimulating conversation, we need to get our flanks to the Great Cavern NOW if we're going to be a part of the meeting!" Lyra fumed, trotting out of the dark tunnel entrance and (thankfully) stopping Deluge's Christ related questions.

It's not that I didn't believe in the guy; I just couldn't even begin to imagine what the Crusades would be like here! Better to just help the ponies out and get back home, changing as little as possible.

Introducing one of Earth's largest religions and conflicting with their entire way of life doesn’t exactly fit into the ‘little change’ category.

"So, it's actually called the 'Great Cavern'?" I pondered out loud. "That's certainly... uh... original. But shouldn't you be in bed?"

Lyra turned and started trotting down the tunnel, forcing Deluge and I to jog after her if we wanted to keep up the conversation.

"Princess Twilight woke up, we got word of some major movement in Ponyville, and every pony is getting antsy. There's no time for sleep!" she replied over her shoulder.

I got excited, picking up my speed a little when I heard that Twilight had woken up. Hopefully, we could actually come up with a plan now, and I could apologize for almost killing her!

"Paul, you've been happy every time I've seen you," Deluge started thinking aloud. "Not even the Nuckelavee have made you as angry as some ponies. What would make you so mad back on your world?"

"Not the time, Deluge," I told her. "We kinda need to focus on Twilight, okay? And remember, call me Creed, if only for simplicity’s sake."

She continued jogging for a few seconds, Ruckus bouncing on her shoulder without a care as he slept.

"You told me stories about everyone in your family, and even your friends... Why don't you tell me one real quick about your mother?"

I immediately started jogging faster than the others, outpacing them and widening the gap with each stride. I think my blood pressure jumped quite a few points, unrelated to the early morning run. Thankfully, neither of them called me back.

I lost the two Equestrians fairly quickly in the tunnel, but I knew from my walk out that I still had a few minutes at this pace before I got back into the 'Great Cavern' or whatever, so I fished my iPod out of my pocket and plugged my earbuds in. Strangely, I saw that it still had quite a bit of power, but I decided to just accept my lucky break and make the most of it.

I started blasting Staind's "Waste", my go-to song when something was stressing me out.

As the track finished and I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel, I felt much better. Ready to be the chipper, wise-ass human everyone (myself included) needed.

I yanked the buds out and shoved them in my pocket, entering the now brightly lit cave full of Diamond Dogs. They gave me done dirty looks as I passed by, some of them grabbing their children close, but I didn't care. One of the few friends I had in this world was awake, and I'd be damned if I let a few Debbie Downers get in my way!

As I took the steps up to the second level three at a time, I saw that most of the bunks were empty. Their occupants were crowded around Twilight's room, and there was a healthy chatter going.

Obviously, Twilight would be in the middle of that congregation. Who wouldn't want to say hello to the long lost Princess of the kingdom?

At first I tried scooting through the crowd politely, asking the ponies and Diamond Dogs to pardon my rude advances. You know, all gentleman-like. Unfortunately for them, they were packed to tightly together, and simply refused to lose their spot in what they called a "line".

So, I decided to take a page from my friend Andre the Giant's book, and cupped my hands together.

"EVERYBODY MOVE!" I boomed, standing as tall and menacingly as I could in the tightly packed crowd.

They immediately got the message, and I happily made my way to the front as the wall of flesh parted before me. When I reached the doorway, I turned back to them, and said as sweetly as I could, "Thank you all! Have a nice day!" Then I slammed the door in their faces.

Screw 'em.

I looked over my shoulder, and saw that Twilight was still in bed. There was Bon Bon next to her, spoon-feeding Twilight what looked like some sort of soup, with a concerned look on her face. She glanced up at me once, apparently didn't feel like there was a need to worry, and went back to feeding Twilight one spoonful at a time.

I recognized a motherly tenderness unknown to me, but immediately put such bitter thoughts out of my mind. "Geez, Deluge really knows how to screw with my head... Just ignore it, and focus on your friend's wellbeing," I ordered myself. "You can listen to more music later and get it out of your system entirely."

I walked forward with some trepidation, afraid in the back of my mind that she might reject me or maybe be broken if I made too much noise. Not very logical, but something you always feel when walking into a sick friend's room.

"Hey there Twilight, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol' friend of mine!" I started lightly. "How's it hanging?"

She lifted her head briefly to look at me, and smiled. "Hey Paul," she said weakly, laying her head back onto her pillow. "You're not in magic sucking more right now, are you?"

Bon Bon's head shot up to glare at me suspiciously.

"Don't worry, I know enough not to walk into your room without getting rid of that," I lied, quickly focusing to do just that as I dropped my stuff next to the door. Immediately, the crystals that little room brightened.

Twilight chuckled quietly. "Sure, whatever you say. How are you feeling now, Paul? Have you recovered?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine," I told her. "I'm more concerned with you. They, uh.. They told me I might have come close to sucking you dry when you tried to fix my broken mind. So, really, I have much more reason to be concerned about your wellbeing than my own."

She shook her head when Bon Bon offered the next spoonful, took a breath, and then sat up slowly in bed. I went to lend a helping hand, but she waved me off with a focused look on her face.

I sat on the edge of her bed, and when she finally managed to sit up completely, she gave me an incredibly warm and genuine smile.

"You can't love others unless you love yourself first," she said simply, her smile never wavering. "Did our show teach you that about friendship, or did its human producers leave that one out?"

"Not mentioned to my knowledge," I laughed. "Probably because it's bull," I added within my head. I didn't say it out loud, considering it would probably cause her to pity me or something like that.

I'd hated myself for as long as I could remember- trust me when I say I could love others more than I could love myself, and that's all that mattered. I didn’t need pity, or to give her cause to be concerned over anything but her own health.

“But seriously, how do you feel?” I asked, immediately moving closer to inspect her. “Are you hurt physically? Do you feel ‘bone-weary’? Or are you just tired?”

I started poking and prodding her, dreading to find some sort of break that I would have indirectly caused. She knocked my hands away, snorting.

“I’m fine, just exhausted,” she told me. “Nothing to be alarmed about. In fact, I’d have expected much more damage going up against that Nuckelavee one-on-one, but really, I wasn’t-”

I exploded. “You WHAT?!?” I screeched. “Twilight, what were you thinking?! You could have died! He’s one of the nine individuals responsible for the fall of Equestria in a matter of days, remember? Why would you do that!”

“Because my friend needed me,” she said sourly. “A simple ‘thank you’ would have sufficed, you know! And I managed to drive him from Equestria in the end, anyway!”

I took a deep breath, and exhaled with my eyes closed. “Aaand, calm. Phew. Okay. Twilight, thank you so so much. I can’t even begin to describe my gratitude,” I said sincerely. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from. I knew you ponies put yourselves in a lot of danger when you came to rescue me, but I kind of expected you to just distract him or something. I didn’t know you actually… How the Hell did you manage to drive him from Equestria all by yourself?”

She smiled widely, obviously proud of herself. “Well,” she began, “he definitely put up a good fight. With you practically a zombie, I knew I had to do something, or we’d never be able to get back. So as Lyra carried you off, I squared up with him and-”

Twilight was cut off for the second time that day as Lyra and Deluge busted in, sans Ruckus. Both looked incredibly relieved, but had to turn their attention to the crowd that started to push in behind them, seeing that Twilight was sitting up in bed.

After a brief struggle, they managed to shut the door again, and Lyra turned back with a smug smile that I was coming to associate with her. “Speak of the Devil,” I deadpanned, but couldn’t keep a straight face as her smile dropped into a scowl immediately.

“Shut it, monkey,” she snarled good-naturedly. “I took you down once, I can do it again!”

“Not if I’m ready!” I shot back. Luckily, I ducked just in time for the small pebble she whipped at my head. “Told you,” I giggled as I sat back up.

“Just wait, you’ll get yours,” she said semi-seriously. “Now then, how are you, Princess?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Lyra, I told you, just call me Twilight! We’ve known each other for years!”

Lyra smiled bashfully. “Yeah, I know, but you’re a Princess now. And an important leader in our rebellion, if that’s what you would call it. Better to be able to idolize you, right?”

“I’ll say!” I put in. “She took out a Nuckelavee all by herself! You know, those fellas that laid waste to Equestria without breaking a sweat? The evil trans-dimensional beings from Earth that were a figure of myth up until now? The ones who defeated everything Equestria could muster military-wise, including the Princesses and their top warriors? Yeah, those baddies.”

I looked at Twilight pointedly. “Which leads me to the next point: Rainbow Dash, Flotilla, and Armada were all in the Detention Hall when I was there. We need to get them out, especially if we plan on liberating the rest of Equestria. Since, you know, none of us are exactly military strategists.”

I paused a few moments, choosing my next words carefully, before adding quietly, “And no one, especially not Rainbow Dash, deserves to be stuck there.” I couldn’t help but feel a bit of despair course through me, and I averted my gaze from theirs.

The others were quiet before Lyra patted my knee, and I looked into her golden eyes.

“We know it was difficult for you,” she said in a heartfelt tone. “I can’t even begin to understand what you went through, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. But you’re right. We need to focus on getting the others out. You, of all of us here, know that best.”

I heard Deluge snort sarcastically, and felt Twilight tense through the bedsprings. As I looked into Lyra’s eyes, though, I couldn’t find one shred of deception. All I could see through the rings of shining gold were a deep-seeded pain and an earnestness that came from her soul. Her gaze never wavered, though she must have heard Deluge’s snort. Instead, she searched my own eyes.

For what, though? Acceptance? Agreement? I couldn’t tell. As I sat there wondering, our eyes locked and nopony saying a word, I saw her grow more and more tense. More… I don’t know, desperate.

And I couldn’t stand to see her like that; soul laid bare, pleading with her eyes. No matter what she had done, no matter what her intentions had been, I just… I couldn’t bring myself to reject her.

I nodded solemnly, and then stood up. She smiled at me, real joy written all over her face, and I couldn’t help but to smile back. “Let’s get to it,” I sighed, turning to Twilight. “Any ideas, great leader?”

Twilight relaxed visibly, but shook her head. “I’ve only been awake for about half an hour. I haven’t really had time to come up with anything.”

I looked at Lyra and Deluge, both of who had contemplative looks on their faces.

“Maybe, we could attack Ponyville? Digging from underneath them?” Deluge offered hopefully.

I shook my head. “I don’t like it,” I told her flat-out. “There’s no way I’d allow you to start attacking each other. Someone, or somepony, would get hurt. Besides, the other Diamond Dogs have no more reason to fight than your group does, and look how quickly you guys switched sides. That’s out the window.”

Lyra disagreed. “There’s nothing we can do to avoid conflict,” she put in morosely. “I’ve been thinking about it since this whole thing started. The Diamond Dogs guarding Ponyville are too scared for their families, and wouldn’t want to risk their safety. They’ll fight to the last. Then, after the Diamond Dogs, you’ve still got the Nuckelavee in the Detention Hall to deal with.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I replied forcefully. “There’s absolutely no need for any one of you to get involved. If, say, Deluge and I were to dig in under the Detention Hall, I could confront Nahor and-”

“And what would stop the Diamond Dogs from coming to his rescue?” she shot back. “What would stop them from tearing you apart? Even if you were going to take Nahor head-on, you need something to be going on in the meantime to provide you cover.”

“That won’t work; there’s too much of a chance of someone getting hurt!”

“News Flash, alien- Equestria isn’t the perfect land you make it out to be! There’s been war, there’s always been death, and there’s always been a struggle for freedom!”

“Don’t give me that, your kind hasn’t seen war or any real struggle for ‘freedom’ since Nightmare Moon! And how long before that was it? Three generations? Four? Face it, none of you are prepared for this kind of fight!”

“So what? When everything’s on the line, anypony would fight for the freedom of themselves and their loved ones! It’s not going to be an issue of moral!”

“I think that-” Deluge started in.

“Not now!” Lyra and I simultaneously reprimanded her before whipping back toward each other.

“And what happens when one of you gets hurt? What happens when one of you die?!” I yelled, pointing at her. “What do you think your ponies are going to do then?”

“Fight harder! Because that’s what we ponies do: we fight for what we know is right, whether or not it’s going to be a tough fight!” she shot right back. “Don’t impose your visions of a utopian society on us. We’re not one! And on a related note, stop pushing your own insecurities on us! Just because your mommy didn’t love you, it doesn’t give you the right to dictate what we can and can’t do for our world’s safety!”

I think my eyes just about bulged out right then, and my hands started clenching of their own volition. I knew that feeling; it was one I had to deal with on a daily basis after my father died. It meant there had better be some sort of outlet now, or things were going to quickly spiral out of control.

“You… You’re just so… infuriating!” I yelled at her. “You try to comfort me one second, then you’re screaming at me the next! You know what? FINE! Kill yourselves! What does it matter?! You’re all just a bunch of cartoons anyway!”

With that, I stormed out of the room. Door in the way? Not anymore- that thing about cracked the stone wall it smacked open against. Crush of a few dozen bodies pressed as tightly against the doorway as they could in the hopes of getting a look at their Princess? Not for long- there were ponies and Diamond Dogs who were flying in every direction possible.

Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to throw them only into their friends. Much softer targets than the stone walls behind me, and much less chance of them getting hurt.

I looked around, deciding which way I was going to go. The Great Cavernous Cave of damn Diamond Dogs or whateverthehell was suddenly much too enclosed than I cared for, and I made up my mind to just get out.

I strode away from Twilight’s doorway, and dropped off the side of the level instead of taking the stairs to save time. I landed with a heavy THUD, my shoes imprinting deeply into the cool dirt, and scaring the crap out of a small Diamond Dog who was trying to get in a midday nap.

I continued my powerful strides toward the exit, ignoring anything in my way. Later, I felt bad about wrecking some of the cots, but at the time I couldn’t care less. For their own safety, I figured they could sacrifice some bedding.

I made it to the exit, and glanced back briefly over my shoulder. There was a path carved through the cots to where I stood, and right above where that path started, stood Lyra. I couldn’t tell why she was standing with her legs braced, but I didn’t care. The mere sight of her once again stirred a mix of emotions, and I turned back into the darkness of the tunnel to leave.

I paced my way purposefully up the tunnel, ignoring the offshoot to the left that supposedly lead to Ponyville. The same tunnel they would be leading a ragtag ‘army’ through to assault a fixed position, something even a layman knew would result in an Alamo-type situation with a being stronger than any of them.

Just that thought nearly set me off again. I picked up my pace even harder, but didn’t sprint down the tunnel; for whatever reason, I’d found that the feeling of striding as long and hard as I could was more of a stress reliever than running could be.

The tunnel, being underground, the stress of knowing I could help them if they justlistened to what I had to stay, it was all pressing down on me with a pressure I couldn’t escape. I started feeling claustrophobic, and my breath started coming in short bursts. My heart was racing, I was frustrated, and tears started to well up in my eyes for no good reason.

It got to the point where I HAD to sprint, get out of the tunnel as fast as possible, get away from the Equestrians, and get somewhere I could clear my head. My veins all felt like they were about to burst from a pressure within, my head was going to explode from the constant pounding of my overacting heartbeat, and my legs were going to break if I forced them against the ground any faster or stronger than I was.

I was hyperventilating, going lightheaded, about to pass out, with white splotches appearing in my vision. I had a feeling of dread, a fear that I was going to die, that something horrendously, inexplicably horrifying was going to happen, and I couldn’t do d damn thing about it. Then, I was suddenly free.

I shot out of the tunnel into a clear and warm midday sun, with a rich blue blanketing the world above. The birds were chirping, and the trees swayed slightly with each breath of air tat whispered by. There was stillness, yet vitality, to Nature that I had come to pick up on, and it helped calm me now.

I slowed to a trot, then a walk, and then finally, stopped. I was still hyperventilating, tears still threatened to flow, and my heart still beat a crazy tap-dance against my ribcage, but I there was no longer the feeling of dread that I’d had in the tunnel. I tried to take deep breaths to calm my vibrating body, and I started to come down from… whatever the hell it was that had just happened.

I looked back, and was surprised to see that I was actually a good distance from the tunnel entrance. In fact, I couldn’t have been in the tunnel from more than a few minutes, tops.

”How fast was I going?” I asked myself, still breathing deeply. I shook myself, chalking it up to the weird way Equestria was affecting my body, and closed my eyes to actually contemplate what had just happened in critical, scientific detail. Just like talking through a patient in one of my workups for Med classes.

”Shortness of breath. Tears that seemed to come from nowhere. Claustrophobia, when I’ve never had trouble with small spaces before- in fact, they’d always been somewhat comforting to me. Heart racing. Blood pressure skyrocketing, as interpreted by the feeling that my veins were going to ‘pop’. Feeling of imminent dread, when there was nothing in the immediate vicinity that even came close to having the ability to hurt me.”

What was it? I’d never heard of anything like that, no diseases or psychological issues that were like it. “So what was it?” I asked myself. “Describe how it felt, and pretend you’re treating a patient.”

As I stood on the clearing, I crossed my arms and tried to give voice to exactly the emotions I had experienced. Aloud, I said, “Well, it was… terrifying. I felt like I was going to die. That there was something that was crushing in from every side, and my body was trying to explode outwards to escape it. Or….. Something similar. But that doesn’t really describe how you felt emotionally, does it? No, I guess not. Emotionally, I guess it was sort of like my body was speaking to me. It was saying ‘run, run, get out, get away from the evil thing or it’s going to get you.’ But what physiologically would cause that?”

I sucked in my left cheek, chewing on it slightly while I mulled it over. “I suppose, that could be attributed to your fight or flight response,” I reminded myself weakly.

“Yeah, but I’ve never been one to run away from something. Sure, I usually wouldn’t fight it either, but the whole ‘flight’ ting just isn’t me.”

I nodded, trying to take the logic step by step. “Right. So, I’m acting against my status quo, reacting with a sort of panic to a situation where I should have just angrily walked away. Why would I do that?”

My ears perked up. “Wait… panic… Reactions of a ‘fight or flight’ response, the feeling of doom, the tears, the increased heartbeat and blood pressure- that’s it! I had a panic attack!”

It felt wonderful to have figured that mystery out, and I was pretty proud of myself. Plus, all those medical and psych classes were paying off on another world!

“Yeah!” I yelled, pumping my fists in the air and doing a little shuffle like a boxer who was just getting warmed up. “So what if I talk to myself out loud?! It worked, I figured it out, and I’m not crazy!”

There are studies saying people who talk to themselves tend to be smarter than those who don’t right?

Right.

As I smiled, again taking in the beauty of the area I found myself in, I finally remembered what I had just been running from.

My arms slowly dropped to my sides and I sighed, before bringing them up to rub my eyes.

“What are they thinking?” I groaned. “They can’t do this… Hell, I can’t do this either, but I’d at least have a better chance. Plus, even if I do go down, it’s not like they’ve lost someone who they’ve grown up with. I’ll just be a stranger, here the briefest of seconds, and then they can continue with their lives…” I trailed off, knowing I had to stop myself before I got all philosophical.

My stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in at least a day. For a guy my size, that just wouldn’t do.

I glanced around, remembering everything my father had taught me about hunting and surviving in the wilderness.

“Well,” I mumbled, cracking my neck several ways. “I guess it’s long past the time that I put Dad’s teachings to some good use.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

When Deluge emerged from the tunnel entrance, Celestia’s beautiful sun had just dipped behind the horizon. Her Diamond Dogs eyes adjusted swiftly, thanks to years of evolution from working underground to reach their precious rocks.

She sniffed the air cautiously, picking up faint whispers of fire-cooked meat. She knew enough of her own kind to assume that any kills would have been brought down for the good of the pack, and because there were no dragons for miles (well, except for Spike, but he didn’t really count), that left just one possible source.

Her target, the human.

She padded softly, following the winding trail of scents that lead her deeper into the forest. Over trees, around a few small streams, she finally found him camped out atop a small ridge, with several of the large trees in the area felled and set up around the campfire in a circle.

He sat silently, rare for the ridiculously large and silly human, staring into the fire and chewing slowly on one of a few small animals that had been cooked. The others remained on the spit, roasting.

Deluge considered him as he sat, staying out in the darkness as she stared.

He was powerfully built, not unlike a few of the apes she had come across in her traveling years. He liked to make jokes about being overweight, but even with nothing to cross-reference him with, she knew he simply perceived himself that way. He was actually fairly hardened, softer emotionally than physically. It was only his mental lens that distorted his body into an ugly thing.

His facial hair and clothing swayed slightly in the breeze, but he remained stoic. His ‘beard’ had grown several centimeters since she had first seen him, and he had complained the previous day that he had to see about two things in Equestria: a barber, and someplace to shower.

He tossed the stick he had been holding into the fire, and the small flare up in the flames was enough to reflect off his deep amber eyes. Deluge thanked the Gods the fire threw off his night vision, so she could sit and watch him.

Paul- she never really could think of him as ‘Creed’- was really the most suitable candidate for a father her darling Ruckus could have. He was intelligent, strong, thoughtful, funny, playful- she could continue the list forever. She knew he fought tooth and claw for his friends, even those he had just met, but she shivered to think what anyone would have to face if they threatened his family.

Paul sighed, shaking his head, and moved forward to sit on the ground to lean back against the trunk of the medium sized tree. He looked into the sky, searching for something Deluge could only guess at. She had seen him do this a few times before; during the nights he couldn’t sleep back at the Ruins, he would find someplace elevated to lay on his back and stare at the sky.

Sometimes he might talk to himself, but usually he just spoke to the ghost of his father. Asking forgiveness, asking advice, speaking about his emotions in his absence, that sort of talk.

Deluge never interrupted it, feeling like she was sitting in on a sacred convening or privy to the secrets of an entirely different world. He laid his soul bare, and she could honestly say she loved him for it. Even if he didn’t, or couldn’t, return her emotions, being close friends or even just being there for him was good enough for her.

Her ears immediately stood on point as he began talking to his father in that low, rumbling, carousing way of his.

“She gets on my nerves like no one I’ve ever met,” he admitted slowly. “I know she’s the reason for me… losing myself, at the Detention Hall. But I can’t think of her that way. Every time I see her, I can’t help but notice the pain she’s got deep inside. The same kind of pain I’ve been telling you about for years.”

It took her a moment, but Deluge realized he was talking about that green pony, Lyra Heartstrings. The one who had pushed for his mental collapse. Deluge’s hackles raised, and she let the barest hint of a growl escape. She might deal with the pony in order to save Equestria, but if it came time to decide between sacrificing Paul and losing Equestria, well…

There were other worlds.

“I know Deluge kids around with me, but I can tell she really has feelings. I’ve watched her, even when she doesn’t notice. But… talking with her the other night, while walking through the forest… It… it was almost like I had you back again.” He seemed to struggle with the last admission, even if it made Deluge’s heart sing.

“I just… I can’t see her that way,” he continued. “I know, you’d be pushing me to go for it, like little Jenny Perkins in fourth grade.” He chuckled. “You remember that? She would make googly eyes for me to make me laugh, we’d come up with silly songs together… That is, until her family moved away when the gangs got too bad…”

Deluge wasn’t sure she liked the comparison to a little girl from Paul’s childhood, but he spoke well enough of her that she couldn't complain. Maybe she could try those 'guglee eyes' later to cheer him up?

"But that Lyra..." Paul continued, utterly unaware of Deluge's presence. "I don't know, she just seems like a kind of... Kindred spirit, maybe? Someone- er, somepony- that could relate to me? I can’t get too mad at her, because in a way, I know how she feels… I don't know, Dad, I just wish you were here to help me. You'd probably tell me 'independence is a part of growing up' or 'life is defined not by your mistakes, but how you handle them, so get out there and do something stupid!' like you used to. Even if that's all you'd say... At least I could thank you in person for the guidance."

Paul lapsed into silence, letting the crackling of the flames fill the air with their own speech. Deluge recognized his usual pattern of ending his 'conversations', and started padding toward the ridge. Though she was loath to interrupt what she felt was a sacred and cathartic time for Paul, she had something to tell him.

"If he caught me thinking words like 'cathartic', he'd never let me live it down," she thought to herself sarcastically.

She climbed the ridge opposite the campfire from Paul, taking care to make enough noise that he would know someone was approaching.

When she reached the top, she was surprised to see he hasn't moved a muscle. He remained stationary, a statue, except for his eyes. They constantly roamed the sky, taking in every infinitesimal speck of light that pierced the atmosphere miles above his head.

"Pa-uh, Creed," Deluge caught herself before he could. "I need to talk to you. About the plans."

He didn't respond at first, his eyes still searching the sky.

Then, he said, "You know, where I come from, you can't see almost any stars at night. They're blocked by the light of the city. That's one reason I chose to attend college where I did. You can see the twinkling lights clearly no matter what."

"That's nice Creed, but-"

"I like being able to see the stars, because they remind me of when my father and I would sneak out of the house late at night with his telescope. Despite my mother's wishes, of course. You couldn’t see them all that well, but with the telescope, you could just make some out," he sighed contentedly.

"He was so out of place in that ghetto of an area, my dad. He was a thinker, an entertainer, the most loving guy, and totally brilliant. If he got going on a subject he found fascinating or felt strongly about, he had this... excited way of talking about it that would suck you in until you couldn't help but to be left breathless in wonder."

Deluge sighed. "Creed, I understand you love and miss your father. But really, what does he have to do with this situation we're facing? Here and now?"

He shook his head. "You didn't let me finish. We would go out back, into our little dirt yard with the finder lock walls that would fall if you blew on them, and he would talk to me about his day, my day, what issues we were having, what we could do about it. I went out here always convinced I would get him to talk about his own parents, which he never did, and then would end up talking for hours about my own problems."

He scoffed. "My problems. Heh. He was going through cancer, and I was talking about my stupid thirteen year old problems... Oh, but did he listen and give the greatest advice... Anyway, he said something that put a lot in perspective for me once. Something I've been thinking about long and hard these last few hours. He pointed up at the sky after the first few years of stargazing, when I was old enough to understand what he was talking about, and said, 'You know, most of the stars you see right now are dead and gone. Their light has just taken such a long time to get here that, to us, they still twinkle night after night.'"

Paul sat up, staring intently into Deluge's eyes. His never wavered, and never looked away. They were intense, enveloping, like a flood of pent-up emotions that swept Deluge away in their turbulent embrace. And right then, Deluge understood exactly what Paul had meant about his father’s way of leaving someone breathless speaking about a deeply felt subject.

"That's stuck with me for years. That everything you see is an illusion, that reality itself is based on your perception. That everyone and everything, deep down, is different than what they portray. The only constant in the world, the stars in the night sky themselves, are liars just like the rest of us."

He took a deep breath, and then cocked his head. "So you asked me earlier why I don't talk about my mother... Here it is. Here's my supernova, my center, what none but those closest to me know.

"She used to be a wonderful woman. Kind, compassionate, caring. But then my father died. The one I looked to the most, the one I idolized, was gone, and I needed someone there to take care of me. Instead, she became a goodfornothing drunk, couldn’t keep a job. Thankfully, my father had the forward thinking to put some money away so the mortgage would be paid off... But she fell into this zombie-like state of perpetual intoxication, coming out of it only when we ran out of money for her to keep going. Then she would sell our food stamps to get more, what you would use to buy food cheap if you couldn't afford even the barest minimum to keep yourself and your family alive.

"My older sister left to stay with some friends, then got knocked up and moved out of state to live with her husband. She was the smart one. I was the stupid, idealistic one. I stayed to take care of my little brother, who was only three years younger when Dad died.

"I was thirteen goddamnit, I was still a kid! Children aren't supposed to get jobs on the street, running suspicious packages between houses so the cops wouldn't arrest the owners! They aren't supposed to lose one parent to cancer, followed immediately after by the other parent's departure mentally! I didn't even DO drugs! I grew up in an area where you don't talk about others people's business, but even those degenerate cartel asshats had more money than I did, and I had to BEG just to get enough cash to feed Joe at night while my mother locked herself in her room and drank herself into oblivion!"

He started shaking, his fists clenching open and closed, but he took some deep breaths and the tremors subsided. All the while, he never broke we contact.

"When I got old enough to work legally, I did. Then, she started taking all the money to pay for her newfound remedies. Alcohol, cocaine, heroin, even fortune tellers, whatever let her escape the real world. Whatever let her change her 'perspective', if you will, because like I said, our reality is based on our perceptions. So, she fooled herself into thinking everything was alright."

He leaned back, finally breaking his gaze from Deluge. She felt like she was released for a spell, and looked around to see it was pitch black. Just how long had they been talking?

Paul sighed, much more quiet now. "I suppose she was right, in a way," he mumbled. "I worked my butt off in school, making sure I could find a college away from her that I could attend full-ride. I did well enough that I got offers from all around the country, the greatest institutions of higher learning you could think of. But... I couldn't afford any of them.. So I ended up going where I did. I have no way of contacting my sister; it's been too many years. Mom's still in a daze, and last I heard, Joe had been offered some jobs from the local gangs since they said 'your brother was such a hard worker, if you're anything like him we'll start you off high up!'"

He glanced at the fire, which was just starting to lose its might. Grabbing a nearby log, he poked around the fire to stir it up before placing the log where it would burn correctly.

"Anyway, you probably don't understand half of the terms I used, or even the nuances of it all. But, now you know. I'm the guy that has to put out a constant stream of happiness and joviality because, if I couldn't laugh at life, I'd be crying."

He glanced up at the stars as he spoke. "Maybe, the light the stars put out is their best and brightest... The way they want others to see them, the way they wish they could see themselves. Hoping that they can positively influence another's life, or maybe fake the shining until they themselves could believe it... But, in the end, they're all dead inside."

Deluge knew Paul was talking about more than the stars, but she didn't point that out. While it was true, she didn't understand much of what he'd said, she knew enough to see he had just laid his soul bare. And it was odd, she mused, how such a large and intimidating man could, under the light of the stars, so remind her of a lost puppy.

"So... I guess I never told you my Dad wore a hat all the time that read 'don't be a wussy'... I think the time's come to take that advice to heart," Paul snickered halfheartedly. "What did you come up with in your meeting? And please tell me it's not some kind big frontal assault."

Deluge cringed. "Well, not exactly," she said uncertainly.

Paul moaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Davy Crockett would have a field day with you!” he cried.

As Deluge was about to explain, apologize for his life, comfort him, just talk like her motherly instincts demanded of her, she saw Paul stiffen and stare rigidly into the darkness behind her.

Deluge’s head swiveled immediately, to be greeted by the decidedly less than pleasant sight of the green pony Lyra approaching the campfire abashedly.

Really, why Paul had such conflicting feelings about the stupid mare was beyond Deluge. She was an instigator, nothing more, nothing less. She had hurt him deeply, to the point that he was mentally broken and actually needed magic to heal himself. There was only one emotion associated with her: anger. She could never forgive her for that, and her hackles rose noticeably.

Glancing back at Paul, she saw he had shifted uncomfortably, and was now staring back into the flames of his fire. He seemed to be debating something, about to speak one second but letting the breath go the next. After what seemed like a fairly brief struggle, he straightened, apparently coming to some sort of a conclusion.

“Well, I made sure to leave an extra rabbit for any company I might have tonight. Since I’m assuming you wouldn’t want a bite Lyra, would Ms. Deluge care to taste?” Paul said, a smile cracking his visage.

Deluge happily snatched the other rodent from the spit, deciding to simply sit and listen to their conversation. She’d be there if Paul needed her.

Lyra gave a snort, tossing her mane. “Of course not,” she smiled back sheepishly. “Listen, I came out here because Deluge there was gone for much longer than anyone expected, but I can talk about that later. I, uh… I overheard your little talk.”

She braced herself and cringed, expecting a verbal lashing like earlier and not planning on coming back with any of her own. After something like that, she couldn’t bring herself to.

However, no harsh words came. She glanced at Creed, who sat with his lips pursed. He was staring at Deluge, studying her, before a smile slowly spread. “I guess I can’t be mad; Deluge is a great listener, and she has my thanks for that, but if I’m going to share with her then I think it’s only fair you hear too. You did save my life, after all.… Exactly how long were you out there, though?”

Lyra blushed immediately. “Well, uh, long enough… quite some time, actually. Listen, I’m really sorry about what I said back in Twilight’s room. It was insensitive, and not to mention immature, of me to go there.”

Creed nodded. “Me, too. I overstepped my bounds in trying to force my ideas on you guys… I hope you understand I only want to limit whatever damage comes to Equestria because of the Nuckelavee. Since they’re from Earth, I guess you could say they’re my responsibility.” He gave a goofy lopsided grin to show he was kidding, and Lyra giggled a little bit.

She was relieved that he wasn’t mad at her, more relieved than she’d admit to herself. She still felt a deep-seeded guilt over her decision that lead to his mental collapse, and she felt a bizarre need to make it up to him.

“Your Earth humans must not be any good at cleaning up your messes, then,” she joked.

“You think that’s bad, you should see some of my friends’ rooms. They look worse than the old castle ruins!” he kidded right back.

Lyra took a seat halfway between Paul and Deluge, leaning into the fire to ward off the slight chill in the air. She couldn’t help but to be impressed by the cozy little setup Creed had managed to construct barehanded in a matter of hours. The tree trunks that served as benches were smooth, there was a decent sized pile of firewood sitting next to him, and he had obviously done well enough hunting to satisfy himself.

“How’d you find and drag all these tree trunks up here?” she asked, curious. “They would usually take a team of strong earth ponies a few hours to scour out and put in place, but you did it by yourself in the same timeframe. How’s that?”

He looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed. “Twilight didn’t tell her?” he asked Deluge, who elected to simply shake her head as her mouth was filled with tender rabbit.

He gave a little Hmph before turning back to Lyra, who sat on his left. “Well, where should I start?” he began. “I figured out when I was running with Twilight that I wasn’t getting winded at all, while she was completely out of breath. Later, a cut miraculously healed itself, and I was able to move rocks much larger than I would have expected.”

Creed shrugged. “I just kinda realized that I was drawing magic from the sources around me, and my body was putting it to use in the form of strength, healing, and stamina. I can barely use any real magic, though; it’s limited to what small amounts I can push out in the form of either acoustic or magical waves when focused with something.”

He gestured towards Deluge. “That’s how I fixed her broken rib and punctured lung, which happened in a completely unrelated-to-me incident. And I may have gotten a little mad and beat up a Nuckelavee by the name of Gomorrah… But that’s not a big deal, he wasn’t expecting it.”

Deluge snickered. “You’re forgetting to mention the fact that it was actually your elbow drop that broke my rib, which you immediately reset after scaring off half my hunting pack. Then, you went outside a beat Gomorrah into a pulp and dropped him off a cliff while Twilight and I watched!” She was nearly falling off her tree trunk seat by the time she finished. “You should have seen his face when he turned around and realized he had been cursing in front of us the entire time!”

Creed’s cheeks burned red, but he stood his ground even as Lyra caught the laughter bug. “In my defense, he didn’t like my impression of Gollum,” he said simply.

“You know, Twilight failed to mention that little tidbit,” Lyra giggled.

She noticed Creed had become much more relaxed, much quicker to smile or crack a joke. Whether or not that was because of his confession about his mother, or simply him becoming more easy around her, she couldn’t tell.

But she liked it.

They talked for a few minutes more before a comfortable silence drifted between them. Creed wasn’t paying any more attention to the stars, and was instead sitting with a trace of a smile on his face as he sat contemplating his memories.

Lyra couldn’t help but to realize that the time had come to finally broach the subject of the upcoming battle.

“Listen, Creed, I think you should know… We decided on a plan of attack.”

He nodded, his face faltering for only a brief second before collecting himself. “And?” he asked, trying to appear relaxed. Unfortunately for him, you can’t lie to a liar; Lyra could tell he was hanging on her every word.

“Well, we decided to take your advice, at least partially. You and Deluge are going to burrow under the Detention Hall, and free Rainbow Dash, Flotilla, and Armada.”

Just as Creed was drawing breath, probably for a cheer, Lyra cut him off with a raised hoof. “However,” she continued. “There’s more: we’re sending Bon Bon with you, to act as backup. Before you argue, she’s the best fighter we have, and of anypony besides Twilight, she’d best be able to help you.”

“Where are you and Twilight going to be?” Creed asked, confused.

“We’re going to be in the town proper, defending ourselves and the others if need be from the Diamond Dogs, and drawing them away from you.”

“Before you get mad, almost all of the Diamond Dogs are going to be at the gates trying to drive away the forest animals. That way, they won’t have the Nuckelavee whispering in their ear, they’ll be pressed from both sides, and they’ll have an entire pack telling them that standing down is the right idea” Deluge put in reassuringly.

Creed rubbed his chin worriedly. “So, you’re keeping Fluttershy’s part of Operation: Cool Hoof Creed, huh?” he chuckled nervously. “That was only supposed to be a reason for the Diamond Dogs to surrender after I left for Canterlot.”

Lyra shrugged. “I really did try to take your advice and limit our potential losses,” she said. “This way, the Diamond Dogs will have no choice to surrender. Those few that do choose to fight, if there are any, won’t be able to hurt anypony with Twilight, an entire new pack, and I there to deter them.”

Creed sighed defeated. “I guess there’s no way I can fight this, is there?” he mumbled.

“Of course you can fight it,” Lyra comforted him. “Just fight on our side. Take the Nuckelavee out of the picture as soon as possible. If you can do that, then we’ve won.”

He nodded solemnly. “Alright, I guess that’s fair. Do Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, along with that whole pack of Diamond dogs, know yet?”

Deluge nodded. “We sent a runner over there with the full battle plans as soon as we drafted them. You were the last part of the plan that didn’t know.”

“This sort of thing’s going to take some serious training if we want to do it right. When’s the attack scheduled?”

Both of the females cringed, hearing the question they knew would set him off.

“That’s the thing… uh, it’s happening at dawn tomorrow,” Lyra told Creed pensively.

“Oh… oh wow…” he said, placing his hand over his heart and starting to breath rapidly. “It’s… heh… a good thing I’m not back in the tunnels right now, or I’d have another panic attack!”

“’Another’?” Lyra and Deluge asked at the same time, both somewhat alarmed.

“Yeah, yeah, had one on the way out earlier. Sorry, didn’t seem like a conversational piece that would come up,” he breathed hard, still clutching at his heart. “Nothing to worry about. Just some breathing exercises and I’m good as new.”

Lyra and Deluge shared a look that was one part concern, one part incredulity, and one part amazement. They’d both seen panic attacks before, Deluge while in a skirmish between her hunting party and some dragons, and Lyra during a stressful martial arts competition back in Canterlot. They knew how crippling a panic attack could be, oftentimes leading to hospitalization.

“You, uh… You’re not going to have a panic attack while we’re tunneling in, are you?” Deluge asked, concerned for everyone’s sake.

“Nah, I’ll just take some deep breaths before we go in,” he told her. “But honestly, what the hell are the two of you doing out here right now? If this thing is going down in-” he pulled out his iPod to check the time “-nine hours, you both need to be in there getting all those Diamond Dogs and ponies ready! Go on, shoo!”

He waved the two of them away, standing up and making them follow suit. Encouraging the two with pushes every once in a while whenever they slowed, Creed herded them, as he put it, ‘like cats!’ all the way back to the tunnel entrance.

As they reached the entrance, Deluge immediately started down its length, assuming he would be right behind her. After a few feet and no sound of pattering feet, though, she slowed and turned.

At the entrance, the silhouettes of Lyra and Paul were hugging each other- Paul on his knees, and Lyra with her forehooves thrown around his shoulders. Deluge, though she was loath to admit it, could see how easily the two of them fit together in that tight embrace. What that meant for any of them, she couldn’t tell.

She saw him whisper something in Lyra’s ear that made her tremble, before standing and turning toward the tunnel.

“Be safe, Deluge! I’ll be back before we start!” he called. Deluge didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded, hoping he could see her. What was he thinking?

Paul turned back to the forest and sprinted away, a man on a mission. Lyra and Deluge stood watching him until he left their sight behind a particularly thick copse of trees.

Lyra shook her head, then turned and started trotting into the tunnel. Deluge joined her, padding quickly by her side.

“What was all that about?” she asked the pony. “I saw he told you something…”

Lyra wouldn’t return Deluge’s gaze, instead staring away as she maintained her speed. “He… he dropped to his knees and just grabbed me,” she said. “He told me that he knew… he knew what I’d done. And that it was okay. That he forgave me.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was impossibly large in the evening sky. It shone its life-giving rays across the lands of Equestria, bringing energy into ecosystems and warming the creatures they contained. Everywhere, the world drank in the last golden light of the day, and Equestria itself seemed to sigh in content.

But Celestia knew differently. There was a taint on her lands, the same darkness that sucked in the rays of her beloved sun greedily behind her even as she lowered it. Her subjects may take the fading light as evening’s normal progression, but it took eyes that had studied the sun for millennia to see it was fading for entirely other reasons.

Even as her horn glowed and she lowered the sun, Celestia knew that there was nothing she could do. Luna and herself had been lead, chained, to this same spot each day to create the dawns and dusks the world demanded. The entire time, Lazarus stood between the Princesses and their respective charges, absorbing as much of the power as he could.

That was the reason behind the sun and moon’s impossible sizes. As Lazarus suckled at the teat of power, the heavenly bodies began to diminish in brilliance. The Princesses were no different, slowly losing every single strand of magic they possessed as they drove their responsibilities closer to Equestria than would have been safe under normal circumstances.

“Yet these are anything but normal circumstances,” Celestia thought bitterly to herself as her sun sank behind the horizon. Her anemic frame, her weakness, her chains were only indicative of the true problem within: she was dying. And there was absolutely nothing that could be done to stop it.

Luna was no better. From the cage behind her, Celestia heard her little sister whimper as she prepared herself for the moon’s rising. It was a harrowing ordeal, to push oneself even as the strength was sapped from one’s bones. But then you simply had to push harder, hoping aginst hope there would be an end to the suffering soon.

“At least he still needs us,” Celestia reminded herself. That was the one silver lining, the single thread of hope that had allowed Luna and Celestia to survive this long. Lazarus couldn’t kill them, lest he sacrifice not only his daily magical indulgence, but the world itself.

“Shall I retrieve my sister for you?” Celestia asked, her chin held high. Though she was loath to speak the words, she knew that punishment for not saying them was severe. For herself, as well as Luna.

He stood motionless, disrobed ad had become his style during such times. The thick black blood pumped through guttural veins and arteries, and the seemingly decomposing muscles flexed with each beat. Then Lazarus started chuckling, a roiling hiss that pierced Celestia’s mind and drive shivers into her very soul.

He turned, the socket which his one eye resided glowing a brilliant, bloody red.

Celestia gasped despite herself, horrified. Never had Lazarus displayed such a reaction to his daily magical feedings before, and their implications terrified her beyond words.

However, for Luna’s sake, she gathered herself. Once again she became the visage of royal benevolence.

The chuckling didn’t cease, even as Lazarus rose on of his torso’s arms. Without breaking eye contact with Celestia, the light from his single orb diminished suddenly to a smoldering ember.

As Celestia and her sister watched, stricken with fear, they saw the first sliver of the moon appear at the other end of the horizon. As Lazarus raised his arm, a single finger glowed with a light that one couldn’t quite see when they looked straight at it. If she had to describe it, Celestia would have said it was off-white, somewhere between opaque and purple.

The moon began to follow its normal course, rising simultaneously with Lazarus’s finger. “I don’t believe that will be nesssesssary, my dear Sssselessstia,” he hissed from within the Princesses’ minds.

Parousia Chapter 8- Preparation and Execution

As I lay under the infinite stars, shooting the breeze with two of the few Equestrians I had learned to trust, I found my gaze constantly returning to Lyra. We were kidding around with each other, having a good time, but there was something that just seemed... off... with her.

Even when she wasn’t speaking, whether Deluge was telling a story about Ruckus or I was telling some of the less important details of my life, I couldn’t help but to search her for what I’d been thinking of the entire night.

Pain.

In every movement, whether she tried to seem fluid or not, there was a bone-weariness about her. When she tried to speak with a laugh about her past or her friends, I heard the tears underneath. Whether she was watching the fire or Deluge, I saw an inward-facing hate that was all too familiar. And I realized it was because she was in my presence.

But the few times she made eye contact with me were the worst.

She would try to avoid my gaze, looking at the stars, the trees, the fire, Deluge. Even my shirt, if nothing else presented itself. Anything but back into my eyes.

Because when she did, it was like looking in my reflection. Instead of bone-weariness, there was some sort of mixture between pity, self-hatred, and pure hurt. The same eyes that had looked back at me from the mirror for years.

Whenever I considered my past, whenever I thought about my family and what they were doing, that was the exact emotional cocktail that swam in the depths of my irises.

And it hurt me to think that I was the cause of it, to think that anyone else had to hurt like I did inside.

I could be funny, I could laugh, I could act sillier than anyone else in the entire world, because it let me forget my pain. The pain that I had been unable to exorcise through years of soul searching, thought exercises, or even at one point, counseling.

The pain that no one else deserved to go through.

It ate at me for the few minutes that we had been joking around, and I was contemplating how I should approach her about it when suddenly Lyra spoke up.

“Listen, Creed, I think you should know… We decided on a plan of attack.”

My face fell for only a second before I once again composed myself. “...And?” I asked, trying to seem relaxed about it. No need to make Lyra feel any worse about me than she already did.

“Well, we decided to take your advice, at least partially. You and Deluge are going to burrow under the Detention Hall, and free Rainbow Dash, Flotilla, and Armada.”

As I was about to scream my joy, and visions of pony/Diamond Dog hugs filled my head, Lyra held up a hoof.

“However,” she continued, “There’s more: we’re sending Bon Bon with you, to act as backup. Before you argue, she’s the best fighter we have, and of anypony besides Twilight, she’d best be able to help you.”

I let out the pent-up air in a confused half whistle. “Where are you and Twilight going to be?” I asked, not understanding what they were planning on doing if I was taking care of Nahor and the other prisoners. “Bon Bon, though, I might just have to find a way to leave behind,” I thought to myself.

“We’re going to be in the town proper, defending ourselves and the others if need be from the Diamond Dogs, and drawing them away from you,” Lyra said confidently. There was a hint of steel that flashed in her eyes, telling me there’d be no point in arguing. But at least she lacked the pain within her as she said it.

Deluge spoke up quickly. “Before you get mad, almost all of the Diamond Dogs are going to be at the gates trying to drive away the forest animals. That way, they won’t have the Nuckelavee whispering in their ear, they’ll be pressed from both sides, and they’ll have an entire pack telling them that standing down is the right idea.”

I immediately recognized my idea, and started rubbing my chin. “So, you’re keeping Fluttershy’s part of Operation: Cool Hoof Creed, huh?” I chuckled nervously. “That was only supposed to be a reason for the Diamond Dogs to surrender after I left for Canterlot.”

“And not for a distraction while rambunctious ponies and Diamond Dogs start coming out of the ground like a bunch of crazy meerkats,” I thought curtly to myself.

I knew she was dead-set, and sighed. “I guess there’s no way I can fight this, is there?” I mumbled.

“Of course you can fight it,” Lyra tried comforting me. “Just fight on our side. Take the Nuckelavee out of the picture as soon as possible. If you can do that, then we’ve won.”

When the green pony made sense, she made sense. I nodded accordingly. “Alright, I guess that’s fair. Do Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, along with that whole pack of Diamond dogs, know yet?”

Deluge nodded. “We sent a runner over there with the full battle plans as soon as we drafted them. You were the last part of the plan that didn’t know.”

“This sort of thing’s going to take some serious training if we want to do it right. When’s the attack scheduled?” I asked, getting down to business. I’d played football, I’d wrestled, I knew what it took to get a team in the right mental state!

I could even give them tips on takedowns! Or pinning moves! Or tackles! Or- wait, why are they cringing?

“That’s the thing… uh, it’s happening at dawn tomorrow,” Lyra said with a weak smile.

“Oh… oh wow…” I said, placing my hand over his heart to alleviate the pain I felt flair there, and taking deep breaths. “It’s… heh… a good thing I’m not back in the tunnels right now, or I’d have another panic attack!”

“’Another’?” Lyra and Deluge asked at the same time, apparently worried.

“Yeah, yeah, had one on the way out earlier. Sorry, didn’t seem like a conversational piece that would come up,” I gasped through my deep breaths, and smiling as wide as I could. Hopefully, the whistling between my teeth as I continued to breathe hard wouldn’t alarm them. “Nothing to worry about. Just some breathing exercises and I’m good as new.”

“You, uh… You’re not going to have a panic attack while we’re tunneling in, are you?” Deluge asked, her eyes wide.

“Nah, I’ll just take some deep breaths before we go in,” I told her. “But honestly, what the hell are the two of you doing out here right now? If this thing is going down in-” I pulled out my iPod to check the time “-nine hours, you both need to be in there getting all those Diamond Dogs and ponies ready! Go on, shoo!”

With that, I stood and ushered them from my incredibly well-built and functional and totally-not-at-all-based-on-my-father’s-layout campfire.

Getting them through the short walk was like herding freakin’ cats, and I told them so. I may have also mentioned that cats were probably more responsive and less prone to backsass, but I’m not sure they heard that muttered addition.

Although I tried to make it silly, and fun, and was actually enjoying myself, each time Lyra looked at me I still saw that pain. That damn pain that wouldn’t go away. As we came within sight of the tunnel entrance, I came to a realization- if she didn’t get this thing off her chest (is that even the correct term for a pony?) then she would be too distracted to function optimally the next day.

So, as Deluge reached the tunnel entrance, I stepped in front of Lyra and dropped to one knee. Grabbing her tightly in a hug, I leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“I know what you did to me. And I know that it hurts you- every important decision in life hurts. But you don’t have to hurt... Please don’t hurt. Not like I do.”

She threw her forelegs over my shoulders, pressing her head into my neck. “I know it was the right decision, but... You were so alone, so broken when I found you, I blame-”

I cut her off immediately, and heard the echoes of Deluge’s paws die away. I knew we were short on time. “Don’t blame yourself for my shortcomings,” I whispered. “I forgive you; whatever you do, I’ll forgive you.”

It was the only thing I could think to say. But it was entirely true.

A shudder ran through her, and she took a deep breath. Giving her another quick squeeze, I stood and turned toward the tunnel. I saw Deluge standing there, looking- what, longingly?- at us.

Bah, probably my imagination.

“Be safe, Deluge! I’ll be back before we start!” I called. I think she nodded, but I couldn’t be entirely sure.

Satisfied, I turned and sprinted back toward the campfire. I knew there was plenty of work to be done, and not much time to do it.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

After stopping briefly at my totally original campfire, I was on my way to visit what I dubbed in my head the “First Army”. They were to provide the Second Meerkat Brigade, a diversion, apparently, seeing as how the ponies like to plagiarize brilliant ideas.

I’ll leave it up to others to figure out where the Second Meerkat Brigade gets its name.

I made good time to my POEE (Point Of Equestria Entry, duh!), only taking a fraction of the time to get there when compared to the romp through the woods Deluge provided.

As I emerged from the bushes, I was surprised at just how many of the Diamond Dogs were wide awake. They were shuffling around, talking quietly, gathered around campfires spotting the clearing.

What was even more surprising, though, was the amount of animals there were in the clearing. They tended to shy away from the campfires a bit more than the Diamond Dogs, choosing instead to cluster around the tree in the clearing’s center.

”I wonder where Fluttershy is?” I thought sarcastically before beginning the long and twisting path into the countless bodies.

There was every kind of Diamond Dogs in attendance, and they all greeted me warmly. I found out, after several heart slaps on the back and several Dogs shouting praise, that they had taken to calling me “Cliffs”.

Not the only nickname I’d received in my life, but hey- at least it wasn’t the worst. And there were quite a few I’d like to forget, thank you very much.

After being bogged down by the cheery Diamond Dogs, I spotted Fluttershy. She was flying around the animals at about my head’s height, tending to last minute aches and pains and providing words of encouragement.

I have to say, from a medical standpoint, I was impressed. She ran through the endless list of animals- everything from bears and bobcats to bunnies and singing birds- with a professionalism and authoritative tone I didn’t expect.

On the other hand, how she remembered every single one of their names and ailments without pause was something that simply baffled me.

As I approached, she was working on a certain bear’s stiff neck issues.

“You know, if you didn’t keep falling out of trees while searching for honey, you probably wouldn’t have neck problems,” she berated him softly.

He groaned in response, allowing his neck to be kinked and moved as Fluttershy saw fit.

“If I’ve learned one thing from my medical psychology classes, it’s that patients will generally continue to do whatever they freakin’ please whether or not you give them good advice,” I told her flat-out.

Fluttershy squeaked, immediately diving behind the bear. Who started to growl, a deep rumbling sound that scared the everliving hell out me.

That is, until I remembered that I had access to badassedry much further than a simple bear could handle.

“Oh, give it a rest Fluffle Puff, I just want to talk to Fluttershy,” I giggled. It was fun in an adrenaline-pumping sort of way to make light of something that could, under normal circumstances, kill me.

Fluttershy’s head popped out from behind the bear, and after giving me the once over, she let a small smile creep onto her face.

“Oh... hello there, Creed,” she said softly. “I, uh- that is, we didn’t- I mean, oh goodness...”

The bear gave an encouraging pat over its shoulder, apparently rumbling some words of encouragement.

“Thank you, Harry,” Fluttershy smiled broadly, taking a deep breath before starting again. “Sorry Creed, I, uh, still haven’t gotten... completely... used to your new form yet.”

I glanced down in surprise. New form?..... Oh, right, she met me in pony mode.

Looking back up, I waved away the apology with one hand. “Don’t mention it, Fluttershy. I see you’ve got your animal friends here, that’s very good! How are you guys doing mentally, getting ready for this distraction thing tomorrow morning?”

She fluttered (heh) up and over the bear- excuse me, Harry’s- shoulder, and drifted to the ground in front of me.

“We’re doing well... That is... As well as I think we could be doing,” she told me, starting to move towards the tree. I followed behind her, weaving my way through the close-knit bunch of animals that parted oh so nicely for her.

“Meaning what?” I asked, making my way around a particularly grumpy looking Diamond Dogs who was letting a bunch of baby bunnies play with his tail.

“Meaning... um...” Fluttershy waited until I caught up to her at the tree before speaking in (more) hushed tones. “We’ve never gone to war, Creed. We’ve never been a-a ‘Distraction’. I have no idea what it’s supposed to be like the night before... well, that!”

I nodded solemnly, bending over to pick her up. She gave a small noise as I lifted her into the tree, but didn’t seem to uncomfortable. Which was good, because she had some hard things to hear.

“Listen Fluttershy, I’m proud of you,” I said honestly.

I could tell that caught her off guard by the way she gave me a double take, and one eyebrow raised. “M-me? What have I done?” she asked quietly.

“You picked yourself up from those chains in Ponyville just like I asked you to,” I told her. “You worked through your issues, and now you’re helping to organize one of the biggest semi-military operations I’m guessing Equestria has ever seen. Am I right?”

She looked away, her hair falling to cover one of her eyes, but I saw the smile returning. “Well... yes...” she said hesitantly.

“Exactly!” I proclaimed, crossing my arms. “Which is more than can be said about anypony I know! Look around us!”

She did so, asking after a time, “What... what am I looking for, exactly?”

I shook my head, sighing. “No, you’re not looking for anything. You’re looking [at the animals that you brought here singlehandedly- er, singlehoofedly? Y’know what, screw it, singlehandedly sounds better. Anyway, nopony else could have done this! Thanks to you, we have a chance to save everypony you know!”

I stepped closer to the tree, and opened my arms. “So... congratulatory hug?” I asked expectantly.

She nodded, and shuffled forward into my arms. ”And that’s why she’s best pony, haters,” I sighed inwardly, relishing the feeling of her ever so soft fur. Seriously, she must shampoo and conditioner the crap outta that stuff, as well as her hair! Their color was so bright, even for technicolor! The yellow and pink-

Wait.

I released Fluttershy and stepped back, on alert.

“Wh-what is it, Creed?” she asked, looking around in fear.

“Where. Is. Pinkie,” I asked, crouching low so she couldn’t get the jump on me.

Fluttershy’s eyebrows came together, and she shook her head. “I have no idea,” she said in a confused tone. “She was here when I started making my rounds of the critters. I... I think she was saying something about music, but-”

And she was cut off by a whistling sound as Pinkie Pie dove from the top of the tree to collide with my body in an unpleasant way.

“And I’m gunna get ‘em in the fighting mood!” she cried from on top of me, with what I think was blue war paint covering two thirds of her face. In an exact replica of Mel Gibson from “Braveheart”.

Which I hadn’t realized until that moment was on my iPod. The same one Pinkie had spent days studying.

She stood on my chest, rising to her hind legs, and began to bellow in a surprisingly good Scottish accent. “I AM Pinkamena Diane Pie!” she cried. What chatter there was around the camp quieted, and everyone stared at the pink horse standing on my chest. As for myself, I looked on in a mix of horror and morbid fascination.

“End I see a whole army of my countryponies, here in defiance of tyranneh. Ye’ve come to fight as free ponies- er, animals... and free animals you are!What will you do with that freedom? Will you FIGHT?!”

A rousing cheer came up from the encampment, critters and Diamond Dogs alike. I decided to let her continue, as long as it didn’t get out of hand... besides, the way she raised and lowered during her speech as I took breaths was kinda funny.

“Eh... gotta skip a bit... you weren’t supposed to agree there...” she said, thinking for a second before her head snapped back up. “Okie dokie- Dying in yer beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance- JUST ONE CHANCE- to come back here, and tell our enemies- that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take... OUR FREEDOM!”

The cheer that went up was positively deafening, and Pinkie gave a cry along with them. I think she also shouted, “Alba gu bra!” but I couldn’t tell.

When the cheering started to die down, Pinkie continued. “ALRIGHT! Now, since you’re all in the mood, let’s get some music going!”

With that, she dropped off my chest and galloped back to the tree. Pulling some items from a hole I didn’t realize was there, she soon had her full one-man band setup spread out, along with what I recognized as my guitar!

Getting up to one knee, I was knocked over by some animals rushing past to take their place at the instruments. I stood up quickly and defensively, wary for any other pushers, but was soon enraptured by the sight of Pinkie standing in front of the impromptu band getting ready to sing.

There was a bobcat on the drum, a bird on the cymbals, and a small Diamond Dogs sitting next to my guitar. As the bass came in, the cymbals started sounding off, and the Diamond Dogs started strumming simple chords, I realized exactly what song they were doing.

The color drained from my face as Pinkie sang out, “Sweat, baby, sweat, baby, sex is a texas drought. Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants, and I bet you’ll feel nuts!”

The opening lines to the Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch”. A song purely about innuendos. And a music video about monkey suited men abducting people.

“NO!” I cried, trying to break from the crowd as fast as possible. Pinkie continued singing loudly, and my vision tunneled to focus on her as she danced away from me.

She had just reached the chorus when I snatched her up, clamping a hand on her mouth. Breathing heavily, I turned to see the entire crowd giving me an odd look.

“We all adults here!” one Diamond Dog shouted from the back, and I heard rumblings of agreement. Those animals up front nodded, and those at the back agreed vocally.

I guess they had enjoyed the song?!

Looking at Pinkie Pie, and seeing her giving me the biggest puppy dog eyes ever, I made up my mind. “Ok Pinkie, I’ll let you keep putting on this... concert if you make me one promise.”

She nodded ecstatically, making noises that were muffled by my hand- yet she continued on like she was having a conversation all her own. Apparently she asked my opinion on something, because she stopped making noises and her eyebrows went high.

“Um... I have no idea what you just said,” I told her honestly.

She rolled her eyes, then licked my hand. I immediately let go, crying out in disgust, and she dropped the short distance to the ground.

“What is it what is it what is it?” she asked sweetly, giving me the puppy dog eyes once again. “Just tell me so I can agree so I can go back to singing and dancing and making everypony happy with the party!”

I sighed. “At least... make them songs that’ll get... uh... all the animals ready for tomorrow. And for God’s sake, keep it PG, ok?”

She cheered, jumped up to give me a crushing hug around the neck, and then leapt from my upper body back to her spot in front of the band.

Glancing back, she said, “Alright fellas, we’re cutting tracks One, Two, Four, Seventeen, and everything past Twenty-Six. Got it?”

”How many damn songs did she learn?!”

They nodded, then launched into an amazing rendition of “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down. I was honestly blown away just how well the song fit, as I gazed around the site.

The Diamond Dogs, the animals, and even a few stray ponies I hadn’t noticed before, were simply citizens of Equestria being called into action in defense of their fellows. As far as I could remember, the song was about the common man becoming a hero in service of their country; not too far off in this case.

Also, Pinkie Pie had an incredible voice. The way it combined with the acoustics of my guitar in the originally hard(er) rock song was amazing. Though I wasn’t too sure how well the line “the strongest among you may not wear a crown!” Would go down with the Princesses...

Stepping around Pinkie as she launched into the next song, I stopped when I heard the lines. ”This is a song... for the ladies. But fellas... listen closely. You don’t always have to fu-”

“Pinkie!” I reprimanded her. “You’re NOT going to sing Tenacious D! Especially not F... Not that one!”

“Oh, fine... Party pooper.”

Instead, she started singing Skillet’s ”Monster”. Which blew me away, considering how well the acoustic guitar managed to keep up with the guttural sounds found in the song. Perhaps some day, I could be as good at guitar as a Diamond Dog in a little girl show in another dimension who had practiced for a few weeks while I was being tortured....

“Aaaand that’s the point where context really DOES matter,” I thought to myself, shaking my head.

Continuing on my way once I was satisfied Pinkie wasn’t going to attempt to sneak in singing an inappropriate song against my wishes, I mosied on over to Fluttershy.

“So, how long has Pinkie Pie had my guitar?” I asked her nonchalantly, leaning up against the tree with one arm and kicking on foot over the other. “And what gave her the idea?”

“Well... um... You weren’t here for a few weeks- which you probably knew... but, uh, Pinkie got bored just listening to your music and movies, so she, um, started to... reenact them.”

Looking back briefly at the first human-like band in Equestria, I smiled. “Well, at least she’s good at it!” I joked, swaying to the music. She was genuinely good with those songs!

Fluttershy nodded her agreement, watching her rock the casbah. We sat together, listening to a few more of the songs that Pinkie had pulled from my iPod. There was stuff from Aerosmith, Three Days Grace, David Bowie, the Eagles, and even a P!nk song.

What? Screw you, I’m allowed one guilty pleasure!

Finally, I decided it was time to get down to the issues at hand.

“Alright, so... battle plan. What is it?” I asked her, turning away from the spectacle that was Pinkie Pie. “And please, for my sake, try to be a little more assertive when you’re talking about something. Otherwise, we’re going to be here all night while you stutter and mumble your way through a sentence. Not that it’s not completely and utterly adorable,” I said, holding up a hand, “because it is. But we have some important issues to get through in much less time than I’d like.”

She nodded, taking a breath to compose herself, then started. “Ok, our plan... Our plan is to come out of the woods on the eastern side of Ponyville, and make a big commotion.... that is, um, hitting the walls, throwing things, and looking super scary. Then, when Spike lets up his dragon’s breath, we can stop because the Diamond Dogs surrendered, and you’ve saved Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and those military people.”

“Righto!” I responded, fairly happy with what she had told me. “That’s exactly what I’d had planned before! Now, are these all the animals and reinforcements that are going to help?”

She thought for a moment with one hoof on her chin before shaking her head. “Um, no, there are some more families that are going to join us before the morning.”

I waited a moment, but she just stared at me without elaborating. “Ok,” I said, sighing, “I guess I’ll give the prompt. What ‘families’ would those be?”

She looked upwards, her eyes scrunching as she tried to remember. “Well, there’s the Tyra family, a few Phoenix families from out in the forest... Oh, Manny Roar, Mr. Sassy, and some ladies from Bertha Banshee’s family.... and then Steven Magnet sent his apologies, since he can’t leave his river, but promised to be on the lookout for... well, reinforcements.”

I held up a hand, a little confused. “Alright, who are the Tyra family, Manny Roar, Mr. Sassy, and Bertha Banshee? And isn’t Steven Magnet that sea serpent with the moustache?”

She nodded. “Tyra is short for Tyrannosaur, there’s Tina Tyra herself, her husband Mr. Tyra, and their daughter Therese.” I had no idea just how big a tyrannosaur family would be in Equestria, but if they were anything like the ones back home, the Diamond Dogs were going to be in for it!

“Manny Roar is a really sweet manticore. I helped pull a thorn out of his paw when we were trying to stop Nightmare Moon, and now he visits me from time to time with snacks, or goes to help Zecora with some of her potions.” I scoffed, muttering, “Aesop’s Fables takeoff much?”

“Mr. Sassy, that’s short for Sasquatch, he’s a big guy like you but with more hair and roaring. He’s fun to play hide and seek with since he can climb trees! And Bertha is... well... a Banshee. But don’t worry, she’s one of the nice ones! She and her family promise not to yell too loudly and scare away all my other animal friends tomorrow.”

She gave a happy smile, and I’m amazed my eyes didn’t bulge out of my head. What was meant to be a simple distraction was turning out to be a fully fledged attack!

“And, um... how exactly did you get into contact with all of these- er, individuals?” I asked. Was ‘individuals’ even the right term for a mix of extinct and mythological creatures?

“Twilight told me about your plan, so I started visiting everypony I’ve helped in the forest. They were all really nice, and wanted to help get Equestria back from those meanie Nuckelavee. They also said something about ‘dwindling magic’, but, um, none of them could explain what that meant... Sorry.”

I smiled brightly, despite whatever ‘dwindling magic’ the creatures had mentioned. It was probably just something to do with the Nuckelavee and I drawing power out of the natural flow of things.

“Wow! Good job, Fluttershy! You’re doing much more than I expected!” Looking around at the creatures gathered in my clearing, I could honestly say I wouldn’t be surprised if the Diamond Dogs dropped the doors to Ponyville before Twilight and Lyra even started popping up out of the ground!

She smiled, embarrassed, and looked away. “Well, you know, I wanted to help as much as I could... since you helped me when I was feeling down...”

Giving her one more hug for good measure, I told her, “Any time! Just remember, no one can make you feel down unless you let them, and no one can make you give up that frown except you!”

“Um... is that another one of your songs?” she asked, still smiling as we embraced.

“Nope!” I responded, letting her go. “At least... I don’t think so... well, I’ll be honest, it’s probably one line from a song somewhere. You know what they say about monkeys and typewriters!”

“N-no. No I don’t,” she told me, confused. “Why would monkeys use these ‘typewriter’ things, and what would happen?”

“Oh, right... uh, there’s this saying that a bunch of monkeys, left alone with mechanical writing devices for long enough, would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare- that is, one of the greatest playwrights and poets in human history. It’s kind of silly, but statistically speaking, with probabilities and whatnot, true.”

“Why... Why is that a saying?” she asked, still completely perplexed. “And has anypony tried that before?”

I thought about it for a second. “Y’know, I’m not too sure why it’s a saying, to tell you the truth... But, it’s a saying, and it reminds me of home, so I’m sticking with it! And speaking of home, good night!” I turned on my heel and started to march off into the crowd.

“W-wait! Where are you going?” she asked, rising. “Aren’t you staying with us tonight?”

“Nope!” I called back over my shoulder. “Seems like you and Pinkie have everything down pat over here! I’ve got to go get the Second Meerkat Brigade ready!”

“But... but who’s Pat? Or this ‘Second Meerkat Brigade’? Creed!”

I took off through the crowd, content that the Elements of Kindness and Laughter could hold their own when morning came. The Diamond Dogs and ponies in the ‘Great Chamber Cave of Wonderfullness’ place, though, were going to be inside the town proper... and needed much more of my help than they realized, or would even want.

”But hey, when have I ever cared about what other people wanted?” I thought to myself coyly as I started to sprint into the forest. ”I’m just a free spirit... heh... Translation: I do what I want!”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Lyra knocked politely before hearing a soft “Come in!”

Opening the door, she saw that Bon Bon was still tending to Princess Twilight. They were huddled together, the soup on the bedside dirt outcropping, talking about only Celestia knows what.

“Hey Bon Bon, shouldn’t you be getting ready for tomorrow?” Lyra asked. “I mean, you’re accompanying Creed on the most dangerous part of the entire operation!”

“Yeah, but Twilight here was lonely and hungry. So, I decided to keep her company!” She gave a large, cheesy smile, knowing her old friend couldn’t stay mad at her. After all, they’d known each other since first enrolling in Pony Fu together years ago, and they’d been roommates for barely less time than that!

“Well, I’m here now, so off you go!” Lyra replied. “And that’s Princess Twilight Sparkle to you, Bon Bon!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Lyra, that’s getting annoying. I’ve known you for years, and through you, Bon Bon. I’d much rather you just call me Twilight!”

Bon Bon made her way out of the room, grumbling about her overprotective roommate’s sometimes harsh style of keeping friends.

“When you’re not the only available Princess of Equestria, then I’ll call you Twilight again. Until such a day arises, and I hope it’s soon, then I’ll call you by your given Princess title. Sound fair, Princess?” Lyra asked.

Twilight sighed and nodded her assent, knowing that once her friend had her mind made up, almost no amount of arguing could deviate her from the intent.

“Good!” Lyra smiled cheerily. “Now, I’ve spent the last few hours getting everypony ready. The Diamond Dogs and ponies have been paired up where necessary, they all know their location assignme-”

There was a loud cheering outside, which caused both of the ponies to turn toward the door questioningly. The sound died down into silence once again, however, and didn’t seem like an immediate concern. Shaking her head, Lyra turned back to Twilight to continue speaking.

“As I was saying, they know their assignments, I’ve selected the personal guard that’ll accompany us to where the other Elements are being held, and the rest will make their way toward the eastern gates, where the distraction will be going on. Any questions?”

Twilight scratched her chin. “Where’s Paul? Or I guess you’d know him better as ‘Creed’. I still can’t get used to that name. Isn’t he supposed to be here? Wasn’t Deluge going to go talk to him?”

“Well, he’s off in the forest doing something or other. And yeah, Deluge and I both went out there to talk to him.” Lyra sighed, a little smile taking shape on her face. “He... he found out about, you know... my decision. Deluge probably told him. But... he hugged me, and told me he forgave me before he ran off.”

Twilight smiled, seeing her friend free from the burden of Paul’s mental breakdown. Celestia knew, she had enough to bear without the weight of another’s complete mental instability on her hooves.

“That’s great!” she exclaimed. “And Paul can be very hug-y, yes. How does it make you feel, knowing he’s forgiven you?”

Lyra looked away, her face turning red. “Well, it’s... it’s nice. It’s really nice. I’ve been kinda stressed out with everything going on, and to have him forgive me for that, and being so sweet to me about everything... He’s just really nice to be around.”

Twilight wiggled her eyebrows. “Oooooh, is somepony looking for a potential coltfr-”

A series of resounding boos once again interrupted the pair, and Lyra felt frustration well up. “What the buck is going on out there?” she muttered angrily to herself.

“Let’s go and find out, shall we?” Twilight said happily, ecstatic for an excuse to leave her room.

“Actually, I’d advise against that, Princess,” Lyra said, back to business with her friend. “You need your rest, and-”

“Well, as Princess, I say you’re going to accompany me in an investigation into this cheering outside,” Twilight replied. Hopping up, she made her way to the door.

The smug look she gave Lyra on her way past didn’t go unnoticed, of course.

Throwing her door open with a bit of magic, Twilight made her way into the Great Cavern. Looking around, she saw that there was nopony on the upper level; the cots were bare. Instead, it looked like most of the Diamond Dogs and ponies were gathered in a large circle down on the main floor. There were a few other groups spread out here and there as well, one of which were simply banging their heads up and down, whereas another was full of stick-wielding Diamond Dogs fighting each other.

“This has Creed written all over it,” L:yra muttered, and Twilight couldn’t help but to agree. The whole situation had an ‘interfering monkey’ feel to it, and those sticks looked just too similar to Paul’s beloved ‘Benjamin’ to be coincidental.

Making their way down the steps, they trotted past the two other groupings and up to the large, main one, which was situated adjacent to the entrance. Suddenly, the large crowd parted in front of them, and the two unicorns had to duck as a burly Diamond Dog went flying over their heads to land on some cots.

“And that’s a simple toss for you Diamond Dogs, if you want to get your opponent away from you. Now, if any others of you are manly enough to come up here, I’ll demonstrate the hip toss, which is nice if you don’t want them flyi- oh, hi Twilight! Hey, Lyra!”

The unicorns uncovered their heads and looked up to see Creed standing in the middle of the group, the ring centered on him. He waved cheerily, gesturing to the mostly Diamond Dogs group around him.

“I’m just teaching these pansies how to fight without hurting any of their compatriots in Ponyville!” he said happily, turning quickly and sweeping the legs of one of the other Diamond Dogs who decided it was a good time to attack. The crowd immediately started to boo again, some even throwing insults at Creed.

“See Buck, you were too high, and came in willy-nilly,” Creed said as he lent a hand to the grounded Diamond Dog. “You’re doing better, but you really need to watch your stance. And... I'm really sorry about your parents' choice of names. In this world, it isn't going to get you far.”

Lyra scoffed at the foalish technique; it was one of the first lessons you learned in Pony Fu to keep your center of gravity in check!

Someone in the crowd apparently noticed the derisive snort, and started a chant that slowly built in intensity as it made its way around the circle: “Lyra... Lyra...Lyra! Lyra! Lyra! LYRA! LYRA! LYRA! LYRA! LYRA! LYRA!”

Creed smiled, and beckoned for Lyra to join him. Walking out uncertainly, she looked at the faces of those ringing the area she was apparently going to fight Creed in. They were all eager, giving her smiles and words of encouragement as she went to face the alien.

“Yeah! Beat ‘im up Lyra!”

“To the ground! To the ground!”

“Show stupid human who real pony master is!”

Lyra smiled in an embarrassed way, and looked to Creed. He nodded, smiling, before dropping into his stance. It was much lower than she was used to, even for somepony his size; he was low, his hands held in front of him and one leg back, with his neck scrunched up. It was dissimilar to any fighting technique she had seen before, and she studied him warily.

“Come on Lyra; these guys don’t like me, but none of them have been able to beat me! Show ‘em a thing or two!” Creed called loud enough for everyone in the Great Cavern to hear, and an uproar came as the crowd cheered on Lyra.

She gave a mental shrug, and rushed him. “That’s worked before, he hadn’t even seen it coming an-HOLY CELESTIA!”

Lyra gave a squeal as her momentum was used against her, Creed grabbing her front hooves and throwing her against his hip- resulting in an arc through the air and straight into the dirt behind him, Creed’s hand held firmly against her upper chest.

“And that, everyone, is the hip-toss. Diamond Dogs, that’s for when you’re getting rushed by an adversary and don’t want them getting too far away from you.”

He stood up, letting pressure off of Lyra only when he had moved far enough on his feet.

Lyra shot to her hooves, a little frustrated to have been taken to the ground so easily in front of everypony. This time, she wasn’t going to be running in. Oh, no.

She warily circled Creed as he settled back into his odd stance, and he moved in time with her. Every time she switched direction, so did he. Lyra got frustrated, and shouted, “Why don’t you attack?!”

He grinned. “Because, this is a self-defense seminar. Hopefully, you lot aren’t going to be doing the attacking!”

“But what about the ponies?” she asked. “Aren’t they going to need to know how to defend themselves against Diamond Dogs?”

His shoulders dropped, and he glanced to the side. “You know, I hadnAAH!”

Lyra saw the opportunity and took it, dashing forward like lightning and jumping. In midair, she twisted around one of his outstretched arms, her right hind leg sweeping his and her left hind leg striking him in the chest. At the same time, she grabbed onto his arm with her forelegs, and as he fell, she wrapped both of her hind legs around the base of the ground.

He hit the dirt with a deep THUD, and the surrounding onlookers gave a loud cheer.

Lyra thought she had him; all she had to do was straighten her body, and she could pop his shoulder from its joint. “Give in!” she shouted through clenched teeth, trying to keep his massive arm from curling back in.

His head came up, and he was... smiling? “Unlucky for you,” he growled through his own gritted teeth, “I trained with some wannabe MMA fighters in wrestling.”

With that, he threw his legs around and quickly got to one knee, taking Lyra with him as he stood. She found herself lifted almost six and a half feet into the air- just above Creed’s head- as he supported his one restrained arm with the other.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, and then he dropped. Somehow, he twisted forward so that Lyra would take the entire force of the impact, even throwing in an elbow to where he guessed was the sternum.

For good measure.

Lyra hit the ground, along with the entire weight of a falling Creed. The air burst from her lungs, and her diaphragm started to spasm, causing her to gasp for air without success. The crowd hushed as Creed rose, Lyra’s grip on his arm forgotten.

“I’ve ‘subluxed’, or partially dislocated, this shoulder out three times before,” he said, pointing to the shoulder Lyra had focused on. “And the other one once. The first times came when someone tried an armbar on me, so I kinda learned specifically how to deal with that.”

Looking up, he gestured to Lyra rolling around on the dirt. “And that, class, is what happens when you train specifically for an attack. Granted, your enemies probably won’t have the training Lyra does, but it’s the general idea of the thing that counts. That’s why you’re all here!”

They were quiet, regarding Creed with a bit more wary respect than before. At the very least, the brutality they’d suspected of him was confirmed.

Creed offered a hand to Lyra, which she brushed away. Staggering to her hooves, she was finally able to take deep breaths.

“Y’know, Lyra, you don’t have to continue. I could just have these guys try to attack me again,” Creed said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. “They’ll kinda suck, but hey, it’s their loss!”

Lyra shook her head, taking in and blowing out one final deep breath. “Nope, I’m good. How about you attack me now, like I suggested earlier?”

Creed laughed, patting her on the back. “There’s the fire I like to see in you, Lyra! Alright, one more bout. Then they can practice with each other, followed by some much needed rest. Sound like a deal?”

Lyra looked around at the eager faces, seeing how many had bags under their eyes. “Deal,” she said confidently, returning to her own low stance. “No way am I letting him take me this time,” She thought to herself confidently.

Creed nodded, then dropped into his odd stance once again. However, instead of circling, he made a straight line for Lyra, shuffling his way steadily forward. Reaching out one arm, he batted at her head, trying to gain a hold.

Lyra ducked his swing, and sent a single hoof into his unprotected ribs.

As he snatched his arm back in to hold his side, a pained expression on his face, Lyra danced away. No need to stay within that reach of his, especially when he had those nimble finger to grasp with.

Shaking his head, he let go of his side to once again come forward. Lyra waited patiently until he was within striking distance, then turned quickly to give him a good ol’ fashioned buck to the chest.

Creed was wary of that exact move, though, and easily side-stepped it, grabbing a leg as it shot past. Yanking on his prize, Lyra was lifted off the ground and went sailing past him. He tried to slam her body into the ground midair, but she twisted and lashed out at his exposed underbelly.

He doubled over briefly, Lyra scrambling to her hooves as soon as her body connected with the dirt. Creed immediately straightened though, and laughed despite himself. “You’re really good!” he giggled before dropping into his stance once again, this time with a goofy grin on his face.

“Alright, now practice a nonlethal takedown,” he told her, advancing once again.

She smiled herself, figuring she knew exactly what nonlethal takedown to use. As he neared, he dropped suddenly, diving for one of her legs and making her forget about any predetermined moves. Instead of backing up or falling though, like he expected, she jumped up and came down on his head and shoulders.

Latching onto the spot so far away from his center of gravity, Lyra threw herself violently to the side, dragging Creed’s upper body with her.

As they slammed into the ground, Lyra scrambled to cover his stomach and take out as many points of stability as she could. Chopping at the crook in his left arm, with which he was supporting himself, she managed to bring him entirely to the ground.

Unfortunately for her, ground work was Creed’s best game. Throwing his hip into her and giving himself a brief window of opportunity, Creed rolled flat onto his stomach. When Lyra once again tried to cover him, he got on tip-toe with his left leg, kicking his right leg out through the space and sitting himself up in a manoeuvre known as a ‘sitout’.

Lyra was now pressed into his back, trying to bring him back down, but he was simply too big. Pressing right back into her as he was taught, and using her resistance as an opposing force, Creed tried to stand. However, he was taught and practiced such moves explicitly against opponents who were his own size; Lyra was not, and she simply couldn’t hold the combined force of his body weight and his legs that dug into the ground.

She collapsed under the strain, and Creed fell backwards with her, giving a yelp of surprise as he did so. Lyra managed to scramble out of the way of the falling human, but only just. He landed on his back, and Lyra paused a moment for him to roll once again to his stomach, as he had before.

Not disappointed, she pounced as soon as he started to roll. Kicking out his legs as he tried to stand, she also chopped the one hand he had down on the ground. As he fell, she grabbed at one of his legs, and strained backwards with every bit of force her significantly smaller body could produce. Admittedly, she also used a bit of magic help... but hey, who said she couldn’t?

Leaning back until she was sitting upright and his leg was crooked at a forty five degree angle, Lyra and Creed continued to strain against each other. Creed’s muscles simply couldn’t handle it, though, and his leg gave way under the pressure Lyra placed on it.

She ended up falling against his back, his leg in hoof, to the cheers of every single Diamond Dogs and pony in the Great Cavern.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I knew that I could keep fighting; throw an elbow back, twist suddenly, even try exploding upwards in a pushup like trick to get her underneath me. I could continue, and maybe even beat her. Badly.

But I didn’t want to.

I heard more than saw what seemed like everybody in the Greatest Cavern Ever cheer, even Twilight. I tapped Lyra to let her know I had given in, and she released my aching leg.

Instead of getting up, though, she lay sprawled out on my back, breathing heavily. Giving my back a pat, she said simply, “Good game, big guy.” But she made no move to get up.

I was breathing hard myself, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. “Oh, don’t give yourself so much credit,” I laughed breathlessly, stretching my arms out in front of me. “I only won one actual wrestling match in my whole career, anyway.”

She giggled too, still taking deep breaths. “Is that where you learned that ridiculous stance?”

“Hey, screw you,” I muttered, only somewhat offended. “It’s a great stance, you didn’t know how to react to it, my center of gravity’s low, and I’m ready for anything!”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess so,” she admitted. “It was definitely fun!”

Then she rolled off my back to plop down next to me. I rolled myself the other way, and saw her face incredibly close to mine- close enough to touch. Her eyes were huge, each one like a smoldering, setting desert sun.. “I could get lost in those eyes,” I thought to myself, gazing at her. “Swimming around in those pools forev- WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?!”

I jumped back, and Lyra’s eyes- which, along with her mouth, were half open- snapped open in surprise. “Wh-what?” she asked, looking around. “What’s wrong, Creed?”

“Nothing!” I responded a little too quickly. “Uh... I mean, nothing’s wrong, Lyra. We just need to let the others practice their moves together before they go to bed tonight.”

One eyebrow raised mischievously. “So... are we going to continue practicing moves together, then?”

I slapped my face so hard it echoed around the Great Stupid Cave. Which still felt strangely off to me.

“Not like that!” I moaned, shaking my head.

She laughed, having a great joke at my expense. I looked around; the crowd had already dispersed around the area to try out their own fighting moves. I looked back at Lyra, and smiled as I offered my hand to help her get up.

To my subdued excitement, I saw no pain in her eyes as she looked straight back at me and accepted my offer.

“Thanks,” she said as I patted the dust from her mint green coat. “You know, for... everything. This preparation-” She gestured around the chamber, “The, uhh... ‘words of encouragement’ earlier. Everything. It... it really helps.”

And she gave me the biggest, warmest, most genuine smile I’d seen from anypony beside Pinkie Pie during my stay in Equestria.

I rubbed her behind the ears briefly, a smile of my own plastered on my face. “No problem, Lyra,” I said before starting to walk forward. “Now, on to business! Can you help with this weaponized training?”

Lyra glanced briefly at the large stick the Diamond Dogs carried, then shook her head. “Nah, I don’t really do sticks. Is that all you were doing while you were gone?”

I scratched my head, embarrassed. “Well, no. I visited the First Army for a while, and found out that Pinkie Pie decided to put on a show to encourage her group. Then, I came back here, picking branches along the way that looked solid enough. I figured I could do some work with them, and Benjamin might like some company! Anyway, when I got here, I kept getting dirty looks.”

I gestured to the head bangin’ group in the corner as Twilight came up to us. “Those Dogs over there were the most receptive of my advice, so I gave them my iPod on my old pregame playlist to get them pumped up.”

I then gestured toward the stick wielders. “These over here were the ones who said they didn’t feel comfortable with hand-to-paw-to-hoof combat. So, I gave them sticks, and told them to figure it out.”

Finally, I indicated the circle of dirt we’d just come from. “Those guys and gals there were the ones who really didn’t like me, so I decided to give them a common enemy to build camaraderie. That common enemy being a stuck-up, brutal, and annoying human.” I shrugged. “Not too far one for me, but hey. And, uh... besides that, nothing.”

As I said the last bit, I mentally kicked myself. Of course I’d done some other things, but I didn’t want to tell them about it!

I saw Lyra and Twilight share a look, and I knew exactly what was coming next.

“No, that’s not all,” Twilight spoke up. “Not only would those activities take less time than you were gone, but you’re pretty bad at lying. So Paul, what else were you doing out in the forest?” She gave me her stern eyes, and Lyra looked at me curiously.

Well... They asked for it.

“Alright, I also may have prayed and eaten a few more woodland creatures. But that’s it!”

Lyra just knitted her eyebrows together, and Twilight reflected her. “But... why would you pray to Celestia?” She asked. “You know there’s nothing she could do for you.”

I shook my head; I’d started down this road, and damnit, I was going to take it all the way.

“No, I wasn’t praying to Celestia. And honestly, I never would. I prayed to a couple of people from back in my world, ok? A couple of people who, hopefully, managed to follow me through that stupid portal in some way.”

Lyra’s eyes softened, and I think she understood what I’d meant. Twilight, on the other hand, only got more interested.

“Obviously nopony followed you through, you would have noticed it!” she told me. “Who could you possibly expect to hear your prayers?”

I flinched, knowing I’d thought that exact same thing earlier. But anything’s worth a try, right?

“Not literally, Twilight,” I sighed. “I... well, I prayed to my dad, hoping he could provide some sorta guidance. And I prayed to God, since that’s kind of a given considering my religion. Then, I prayed to Janus. The Greek god of doors and portals. Because, despite the fact I don’t believe in him, just in case he does... honestly, that jerk is long overdue for giving me a helping hand! After all, I came through the most important doorway ever!”

Twilight still didn’t understand, and kept pushing the issue. “But what god?” She asked. “And what religion?”

“Um... Where I’m from, there are no actual gods- at least, none that have interfered in human affairs for millennia. ‘God’ is the central figure of a number of monotheistic religions, each of which identify themselves as the only true religion. There’s also hundreds, or even thousands, of others, who don’t have God as their central figure.” I shrugged. “I didn’t want to bring it up because I’ve seen too many wars in my own kind’s history that started simply based on religion. I don’t want that coming into Equestria; you’ve got a good, unthreatened thing going here with Celestia.”

Twilight scoffed, and Lyra rolled her eyes. “You really think ponies agree entirely on religion?” she asked like I was an idiot. “There are at least four major religions among ponykind, the one focused on Celestia simply being the most prevalent simply because she is the most prevalent. And that’s just with ponies! The Griffon Kingdom hails its king as a god, and Saddle Arabia has an unseen force they pray to. We Equestrians are much more diverse than your show gives us credit for!”

I have to say, I did feel pretty stupid after that. Not everything about a world’s cultures can be interpreted from a such a small window as a TV show.

“Alright, alright... I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have assumed. Now, can we please get back to helping out?”

They both nodded, and as we walked over to the group in charge of my iPod, Lyra purposefully bumped against me.

“Stupid Creed,” she giggled.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

By the end of the night, everything was as prepared as I could have made it. With the (sarcasm dripping from me) gracious Princess’s help, Lyra, Deluge and I managed to get everyone settled into bed about five and a half hours before they were to get up.

The rest of the night was spent fretting over maps, arguing over small movements during the capture of Ponyville itself, and coming up with a series of signals that would be easy to read across the entirety of the town.

Finally, when there was nothing more to do; I snuck into the bedroom I had woken up in, which was originally meant to be Deluge’s. She was out with Ruckus among the other Diamond Dogs though, a true leader of her kind. I saluted her drive mentally as I gladly took advantage of it for personal gain.

I moaned as I flopped into the bed face down, not bothering to remove any articles of clothing. We were expected to get up half an hour before anyone else, which meant I had about seventy minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

Yay me.

I pulled my iPod out, and turned on some Beethoven to help put me to sleep.It worked like a charm, the lilting sonds of the masterful classical composer driving straight into the ‘time to sleep now’ part of the brain. Because that’s a thing. Don’t argue with me, I took medical classes.

Within the minute, I was fast asleep.

The sleep was hollow and dreamless, but at least it was slightly rejuvenating. I woke up when the alarm went off, exactly sixty-eight minutes later. Groaning, I brushed my hand across the bedsheets to turn it off- and found myself touching something soft and furry instead.

Reaching over the obstruction in the dark to where I assumed my iPod was, I turned on the screen. Lo and behold, Lyra’s sleeping form was revealed.

She was laying on her back next to me, her mouth hanging open as she took deep and relaxing breaths. I looked across her sleeping form when I felt a small movement, and saw that one of her hind legs was twitching.

“Wake up, lazy,” I mumbled through sleep-numbed lips, pushing her rudely. “Else I might have to start telling ponies we slept together.”

She waved me away, her eyelids not lifting a millimeter. “Go ahead, I’ll stay here asleep,” she muttered back, wiggling deeper into her warm spot on the bed.

The lights started to slowly warm up as I turned off the iPod, and I rolled out of the bed to start stretching. I only got a few cracks from my neck, but my back was much more compliant.

Lyra gave a disgusted sound, and rolled into a human sit herself with a grunt.

“Oh, don’t judge me,” I said quietly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “I’m sure you have your own morning rituals that’d make me squirm... What’re you doing in here, anyway?”

“Ruckus had a nightmare. Needed to sleep in a bed with mommy. Only bed big enough that wasn’t occupied yet was mine- they tried to wake you up, but you didn’t even twitch.”

I laughed despite myself, knowing just how many times my roommates had run across the same troubles with my sleeping self. “And?” I asked, moving toward the door. “What makes you think it’s ok to sneak into my bed while I’m asleep, then?”

She gave a half smile, looking over her shoulder at me. “Well, I figured your bed would be nice and soft. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with you, of course. Besides, I’m the one that dragged your flank in here in the first place. I think I earned the right.”

“TIME TO GET UP!” I bellowed as I opened the door, causing Lyra to jump.

We had decided I was to be the jerk to get all the soldiers up and at'em in the morning. I had no problem with that; they already disliked me, and it was fun to play Drill Sergeant every once in awhile!

After all, Full Metal Jacket is one of the best movies ever. Of all time.

“GET MOVIN’, MS. I’M-TOO-GOOD-FOR-A-BED!” I continued, shaking awake the same pony I’d grabbed when searching for Twilight... what, two days ago now?

“DON’T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT THE HORDE OF DIAMOND DOGS, EITHER!” I shouted before giving my highest-pitched whistle. I could barely hear it, but the Diamond Dogs shot out of bed and onto their feet, looking around crazily as adrenaline coursed through their systems.

The wake-up started in full, the crystals around the Fantastical Cavernous Dwelling started coming on. Satisfied, I gave one more scream: ”TEN MINUTES TO PREPARE! FIND YOUR PARTNER, AND ASSEMBLE NEAR THE EXIT!”

With that, I turned to find everypony who had a room standing in their doorways, in various degrees of sleep deprivation. For her part, Deluge looked almost chipper as she shut the door behind her.

“Ready, pardner?” I drawled, slipping my hands into the belt loops on my jeans. “We’re up fer sum mighty fiiiine rustling wid dem dawgies too-day, y’hear?”

They all stared at me, and I sighed, letting my hands fall free from my belt loops. “Fine. You guys never let me have any Earth fun... Are you ready for today, Deluge?”

She nodded, stepping forward. “I’m ready. I left Ruckus in the bed, and hopefully, this whole thing will be over before he’s awake... Do you want to leave now?”

I looked around at the others before answering. Lyra was yawning, Twilight was stretching her wings with bags under her eyes and her hair going every which way, and Bon Bon was tying a red bandana around her head.

“I guess... Bon Bon, what’s up with the bandana? You going to go Rambo on us, or will you just attach a Starfleet Command badge to get yourself killed?”

No one got the joke; I didn’t expect them to. I got a good laugh out of it, imagining Bon Bon slowly approaching an armed Nuckelavee with an explosive bow.

“This’s the symbol of my Pony Fu level,” she huffed, seemingly offended at my laughter. “It’s one of the highest forms possible!”

“That’s great, you know, good for you. But,” I waggled my finger, “it won’t amount to diddly-squat against a Nuckelavee. If you’re going to be coming with Deluge and I, you both need to understand something.”

I looked them each in the eyes, holding their gaze for several seconds. “You are NOT, under ANY circumstances, to engage with any Nuckelavee you come across- especially Nahor. Leave him to me, and we’ll all get out of this thing alive. Understood?”

They both nodded, and I smiled, satisfied. “Good. Now, let’s get moving. We need to get our part over with as quickly as possible. Twilight, Lyra... Good luck.”

Twilight nodded thankfully, and Lyra called, “You too!” as we started on our way down the stairs, crossing the Spectacular Stalagticious Cave to dive into the dark recesses of the tunnels.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I groaned, stifling another sneeze as Deluge continued to dig like a bulldozer on cocaine-laced Monster.

“What is it now?” Bon Bon sighed, dollying slowly along behind me. Deluge kept up a good enough pace that we could follow along at a normal pace.

Unfortunately for me, however, to make the whole operation faster she had to dig a hole just big enough for her and Bon Bon to stand in. That meant my crouching down or shuffling forward on all fours, and a lot of complaints.

“Well, besides the back problems, knees scraped raw, development of claustrophobia, and allergies coming back with a vengeance worse than at the height of my asthma as a kid, nothing! Nothing at all!”

She scoffed and kept her pace, right on my backside. Thankfully my belt came through to Equestria with my pants, or she’d have gotten quite the eyefull.

“Granted, I will give you one thing,” I said, trying to lighten the mood for myself. “That weird, sick feeling I got every time I entered the Wondrous Cavernous Cavernplace is now completely absent!”

“Oh joy,” she muttered quietly enough that I could barely hear her.

“Alright, listen,” I said, stopping and turning. I placed the lantern on the ground, happy it’d been brought to Equestria with me as well. I decided to let Deluge forge ahead while I had a little heart-to-heart with the new member of our team.

“If you’re coming with me, I’m adding another rule. No backsass. I can backsass because I like me, and Deluge would be able to if she was so willing. Because I like her too. I don’t know you, and I don’t like or dislike you yet. SO, if I hear anything like backsass, I’m sending your flank back to Aladdin’s Cave of Treasure. Got it?”

She frowned at me. “It’s called the Great Cavern. Not that difficult to remember.”

“That’s it!” I cried, throwing my hands into the air as much as the ceiling of the cramped tunnel would let me. “You’re going back! I hereby bar you from coming any further!”

Bon Bon smirked, lowering herself. “First of all, I have both Lyra’s and Twilight’s permission to be here. Whether or not you agree, I defer to their judgement. And second of all, I’d like to see you try! In this cramped space, there’s no way you can take me!”

I started to speak, but the breath died inside me. I knew she was right; for better or worse, she was coming on the adventure.

“Alright,” I said, wagging a finger in her face. “But if it weren’t for the fact that we’re crawling in a space that would make the Vietnam War’s tunnels look like the Taj Mahal, then you can bet your flank I’d kick you right the hell out!”

“Acknowledged, big flank,” She smiled. “Now, shall we continue? Or should we start gossiping?”

I grumbled, turning back around and picking up the lantern to see that Deluge had made it a good thirty or forty feet ahead while we chatted.

“Y’know what? Yes. Let’s gossip!” I said sarcastically, starting ahead. “It’ll make this trek much faster. I’ll go first: did you hear about Cindy?” I gave a squeal, my voice rising in pitch as I spoke. “I heard, like, she’s got posters of Justin Timberlake all over her bathroom! Oh Em Gee, I’d like, totally let him sing ‘Suit an Tie’ to me privately, if ya know what I mean! Love is swingin’ in the air tonight, lemme show you a few thaaaangs!”

I gave a giggle, shaking my booty to the absent tempo, and heard a responding laugh behind me.

“I have absolutely no idea what in the hay you’re talking about, but at least you’re chipper!” she said. “I guess I can see what Lyra was talking about you for.”

“What’s that?” I asked, looking back as I continued forward. “Lyra was talking about-”

I bumped into Deluge’s back and she shushed me immediately. Focusing forward, I saw she was pointing upwards.

“This is it!” she whispered with one ear pressed up against the ceiling.. “I can hear the workings of the furnace in the other room, but this one has three breathing ponies in it.”

“How can you tell they’re ponies?” I whispered back.

“They breath much more deeply and tend to whinny annoyingly deep in their chests from time to time,” she responded. We both ignored the “Hey!” behind us as I pressed my own ear against the ceiling.

I couldn’t hear anything but extremely faint rumbling. “Are you sure about this?” I asked, scrunching up to the ceiling to try and get better audio. “It sounds pretty far off, and I don’t think I can hear any breathing.”

“I’m sure,” she responded with a trace of doubt. When I looked at her suspiciously, she held up her paws. “Ok, so there may be a small chance they’re in the next room over, but either way, we’ve arrived!”

I shrugged. “Well, it’s not discouraging news even if they’re just one room over.” I pulled out my iPod, and saw that sunrise had come about six minutes before. “Alright, the distraction should be going strong, and the Second Meerkat Brigade should be surfacing soon to accept the Diamond Dogs’ surrender. You two ready?”

Deluge gave a single nod, and I looked back to see Bon Bon tighten the bandanna briefly before giving her own go-ahead.

“Alrighty then, Deluge,” I said, taking Benjamin from the strap on my back and turning the lantern off. “Let’s do this thing!”

As the light disappeared, I was left with nothing but the sound of intense digging and falling dirt. How the dirt didn’t pile up and kill us, I had no idea, but I attributed it to the odd physics of Equestria.

It only took half a minute before the ceiling came tumbling down before me. Deluge sprang up and out of the new hole in the ground, and I was right behind her,

Scrambling up and into the room above with Benjamin in hand, I took stock of my surroundings immediately. We had come up in the cells, specifically the one nearest the door, with not a single occupant in sight.

My eyes widened at the implications. “Deluge,” I whispered fiercely as Bon Bon made her way out of the hole behind us. “Are you sure the breathing could only have come from in here or next door?!”

She nodded, confused. “Yeah, why?”

I panicked, dropping Benjamin to the floor to grip the cell door with both hands.

“Because,” I grunted, straining my muscled and pulling with everything I had. The door ripped off its hinges with a shriek I found too loud for comfort, and I set it aside as gingerly as possible.

I looked back at the two astounded Equestrians and continued, “There’s only one room next door. The torture chamber!” I grabbed Benjamin and swung him over my back again.

Their eyes widened, and they followed me as I strode out of the cell. Opening the door as quietly as I could, I glanced up and down the hallway; no Nahor in sight.

Once again seeing the walls, and slowly making my way down the corridor to the room I wanted nothing more than to forget, was a discomforting experience. I couldn’t stop fidgeting, even knowing that there were two more pairs of eyes behind me. I just couldn’t fight that anticipation of horrible pain I’d fought through every previous trip down that same hallway.

It was dark and gloomy, narrow with a high roof. Perfect for gangly freaks like Charon, I supposed, though it could have used some more lighting to be entirely functional.

The next door on the right was thick, made with sturdy wood and stained a deep red.

“Why would they stain a door?” Bon Bon asked breathlessly behind me. “Doesn’t that seem a little bit much for decor in a torture chamber?”

“That isn’t wood treatment,” I replied ominously. “Prepare yourselves.”

With that, I counted to three in my head before kicking at the door handle with all of my enhanced strength.

The door burst from its jamb, flying across the room into the other wall.

I jumped in, glancing around and bringing horrible memories to the forefront of my mind. There was the hook they hung my horn and I from; there was the chair I was strapped into as they drove splinters into my hooves. There was the fireplace, where they would heat and ‘decontaminate’ their instruments- like, say, a brand- before use.

But there was no Nahor to be found. I straightened, emotions running through me as I looked at the place of my daily hell. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to curl into a ball, I wanted to burn the entire place to the ground, all at once.

Deluge shook me from my thoughts, pointing out one corner of the room. “There!” she said urgently before hurrying over before me.

“I’ll be on lookout!” Bon Bon volunteered, trotting back to the door.

I made my way over to the right hand side of the room, knowing in my heart I didn’t need to see what had happened to my brief cellmates.

It wasn’t as bad as I’d feared, at least. The three of them were strung up by their hooves- Rainbow Dash by her forehooves, and Flotilla and Armada hanging by their hind ones.

I sighed as I reached them, seeing the pitiful state of their coats and hair. Each was disgustingly filthy, even more so than when I’d left them, with entire colors of Rainbow Dash’s mane missing. For their parts, it looked like Flotilla was missing a few teeth from his open mouth, and Armada had a large chunk taken out of his left ear.

I looked at Deluge, who shrugged helplessly. “I can’t reach them,” she said simply, indicating the fact that the cuffs originated three feet above even my head. That left the ponies to dangle quite a ways aove the floor.

“Alright, but at least be prepared to catch them if they fall,” I said, reaching up to grip one of the cuffs on Armada’s hooves. With little effort, I yanked it apart, and he started to swing. Stepping to the side, I quickly snapped the other one as well. He started to fall horn-first to the ground, but Deluge caught him deftly and lowered him.

I moved on to Flotilla and made quick work of his cuffs as well, letting Deluge catch him just like his brother.

As I stepped up to Rainbow Dash, though, I couldn’t help but stop for a moment. Her face was just slightly higher than mine, and her head hung against her chest. The parts of her mane that were missing ran all the way to bare scalp, meaning that Nahor had been selectively shaving- or, more accurately, culling- different aspects of her once beautiful mane.

It looked like certain parts of her wings, which extended just past her sleeping form, had been plucked apart painfully as well.

“Oh, Rainbow Dash,” I sighed, reaching up to stroke her cheek soflty. “I’m so, so sorry you had to endure this.”

She breathed in, and her eyes started to open. I smiled as she slowly started to look up, giving her a little wave. “So, uh... long time no see, eh cellmate?” I joked, trying to lighten the shock of being rescued. I knew from accounts of POWs being rescued that sometimes they went crazy, thinking it was all one big hallucination.

I didn’t get quite the reaction I’d expected. Her eyes shot open, and she pressed herself back against the wall. Her wings shot open, and she cocooned herself within them as best as she could, her head left slightly uncovered.

“What, are you some new kinda monster?” she started to weep quietly. “Please... just please don’t hurt me anymore...”

I was taken aback, and it took a few moments to find my words when I remembered she hadn’t seen my real body. “Am I... N-no, Rainbow! It’s me! It’s Creed! I’m sorry, I forgot you’ve never seen me like this, but I promise it’s me!”

I searched desperately for something that would prove it to her, as she refused to let down her wing guard the slightest bit.

“Uh... Oh, I know! You were afraid you’d be taken, and one day you wouldn’t scream! I was in a dark magic shroud of some kind, and you gave me a brohoof to make us friends, and the darkness lifted! ‘You’re my rock, Rainbow Dash. You’re the way I’ll be able to get out of here with my sanity, the way I’ll be able to fake losing my will!’ That’s probably not verbatim, but I’m sure that was the gist! Is any of this ringing a bell?”

She lowered her wings, regarding me suspiciously. “But... How?” she asked. “You.. you lost it. You didn’t scream. I didn’t look at you the last time you left and....” Now, the tears started to roll down her face freely as she squeezed her eyes shut, turning her head to one side.

“They said I couldn’t talk to you, I couldn’t look at you, but I couldn’t stop it! The one time I didn’t you... You didn’t... Creed I’m so sorry!”

She was shaking as she bawled, and I couldn’t think to do anything as she sobbed uncontrollably.

“I knew it, I knew you wouldn’t scream once! I know it’s my fault! It’s all my fault! I did it to you! It’s my fault! My stupid, stupid fault!”

I reached up and broke each of the cuffs at the same time with a squeeze, and caught her as she started to fall. She continued to cry, her eyes pressed closed tightly, but she clung to me with the desperation of a terrified child held by its mother.

I held her against me while I stood there, stroking the back of her mane. She pressed her head to my chest and let out the pent-up fear and frustration of weeks, the same feelings I’d experienced not too long ago.. I could feel the hot tears soaking into my white undershirt, so numerous that they started to roll down my abdomen under the shirt.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok Rainbow, it’s ok, I’m here now,” I told her. “You’re safe. No one’s ever going to hurt you again. I promise. Ssshhhh, sshhh, it’s ok. Just let it out, Rainbow. Let it out. I’ve got you.”

Deluge whispered next to me, “The other two are fine, out cold. I think they just need some rest, some food and water, and they’ll be fine.”

I nodded my thanks to her, still holding tightly to Rainbow Dash. She hugged me tightly in kind, and although her trembling and tears didn’t slow. she did manage to quiet herself.

“I’m so, so sorry, Creed,” she whispered once again, and I smiled.

“I know, Rainbow Dash. I know. It’s fine.”

I heard a noise behind me, and I turned slightly to see what was there. Nothing. Looking over to Deluge, I mouthed, “Did you hear that too?”

She nodded, her eyes twitching between every torture device across the room. She was on edge, with good reason; there was no telling what Nahor had rigged up just in case anypony decided to come snooping around while he was away.

“See anyone?” I whispered, still stroking Rainbow Dash’s mane. Though, I probably held her tighter against me, my instincts telling me to protect her at all costs.

“No one,” Deluge whispered back, sniffing at the air. “There’s... there’s no one in the room with us.”

My eyes widened, and I whispered to Rainbow Dash, “Hey, I need to put you down real quick, okay Dashie?”

Her wings surrounded me, and she clung even tighter. “Please, no!” She whispered, fresh tears springing again to her eyes as she looked up to me. “I’m sorry, but please don’t leave me here, not here, anywhere but here,” she pleaded.

I hushed her, smiling encouragingly. “It’s ok, it’ll just be for a minute,” I cooed softly. “I promise, I’m going to get you out of here as soon as possible. But for right now, I’m going to leave you with my good friend Deluge, ok?”

She looked around at Deluge, who gave her least terrifying puppy dog eyes.

“But she’s one of them, she whispered, clinging to me desperately. “She... she’ll hurt me like the others!”

“No, no, she’s a good dog,” I said encouragingly, gesturing with my head for Deluge to come closer. She did, and I let go with my closest arm to pat her on the head. “See? Goood Diamond Doggy.”

Deluge grumbled a little bit, but looked at Rainbow Dash. “I promise, I’ll watch you for the next few minutes. I want to help Equestria just as much as Creed here does- maybe even more. You’re in safe paws.”

I tapped Rainbow Dash’s head, bringing her focus back to me. “See?” I asked. “Nothing to worry about. Just stay with Deluge and I’ll be right back. She’ll take care of you like her own pup.”

Rainbow Dash’s wings slowly loosened their grip on me, and she gave a small nod. Encouraged, I squatted down to lay her on the ground. Patting her on the head and whispering once more, “I’ll be right back!” with a smile, I stood up tall.

Turning around, I began to make my way cautiously toward the door.

“Where’re you going?” Deluge hissed.

“Bon Bon was in the room with us before,” I told her without pause. The small intake of breath from behind told me she had completely forgotten about Bon Bon, as had I. And the feeling of guilt, of failed responsibility, started to flow through me as I searched for our missing comrade.

Looking through the doorway down one direction, I couldn’t see anything. Taking a deep breath, I turned the corner and glanced down the other direction.

Standing ten feet from the door was Nahor, with Bon Bon floating in his magic hold midair between us.

“Sssso, the prodigal sssson returnssss!” he cackled, his single red eye glowing gleefully. “Look what you left behind ssssnooping in my Detention Hall.”

He moved his extended hand a bit, and Bon Bon shifted in kind. Her face was turning purple, and though I could see that she was breathing a little bit, it was obviously a struggle for each molecule of air. She tried to fight the magic, but I could sense that there was no way she could escape from that bubble of energy.

And it was too far to hope that I could rush over and free her before Nahor managed some serious damage on the unprotected pony.

“Alright, you’ve got me,” I said, holding up my hands. “Just put her down, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Drop your sssstick, human!” he hissed, pointing his free hand at Benjamin. I hadn’t even realized I had drawn him again, but I looked to see the stick held tightly in my grip.

Slowly getting to one knee, I placed Benjamin on the ground as ordered. “There, you see? Nice and easy, listening to what you say. Now please, release her. She can’t breathe.”

He hissed evilly, “Sssshut up, human! Your kind never knowssss when to sssstop talking!You will ssssurrender and accompany me to Canterlot, "NOW!”

Holding up my hands higher, I stood back up. “Now, listen, we can work this out. You let Bon Bon here go free, and I’ll go quietly with you.”

”And what if I don’t?” he giggled, turning Bon Bon around and appearing to examine her. “What if I decssside I want her dead? What then?”

My breath caught, and I got to my knees. “P-please, Nahor, I’m begging you, let’s not even talk about that. Just let her go. She’ll be another subject for your kind later. It’s in your own best interests to let her go... Please. I’m on my hands and knees here.” I dropped to my hands, holding my head high and keeping direct eye contact with the horse’s illuminated globe of an eye.

”Hmmmmm... You make a good point, human....” He opened his hand some, and Bon Bon immediately drew a deep and ragged breath before coughing violently. ”And what do you think of all thisssss, horsssse? Will you be a good little sssservant to your Nuckelavee Overlordssss?”

Bon Bon glanced at me, and nodded. Looking back at Nahor, she said, “Yes sir... Whatever you want, I’ll do it.” Her shoulders slumped as she said it; at least, as much as they could within Nahor’s magic. She sighed, accepting her fate, but probably thankful that a reprieve had been granted.

Oh good!” He practically squealed with delight. “Becausssse the firsssst thing I want you to do, loyal ssssubject, is DIE.”

He gave a flick of his wrist, and a horrifying cracking sound filled the room as Bon Bon’s neck was broken. Her body, released from Nahor’s grip, fell to the ground with a dull, lifeless THUD.

Chapter 8, Part 2- Parting of the Ways

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Chapter 3- Obligatory Ponification that is in No Way Permanent

The day had, so far, been relatively quiet. Twilight and I were sitting around our midday meal, waiting quietly for Deluge to come back from her meeting with the Diamond Dogs. While Twilight was silent, I had time to reflect over the previous few days.

The day before, the same base rules that guided my home made their way into Equestria: I was no longer allowed to say the words “Don’t worry about it,” “Sounds like a you problem,” “Relax,” or “Calm down.” Not bad for only being my third full day in Equestria, if I do say so myself!

As I was going to be stuck in Equestria for far more than a just another three days, and since Twilight was more than disgusted with my omnivore diet (her exact words were “How can you eat anything so cute?!”), it had been up to a certain human to fend for both Deluge and myself. Diamond Dogs, thankfully, have the same basic diet as an Earth dog: meat, a little roughage, and grains.

I have to say, the Equestrian breed is a lot better at conversations, though. Deluge and I spent hours talking a multitude of subjects while I took care of her, and she always had a small smile on her face.

The hunting took a little getting used to, but with little tips from Deluge and what I remembered from my father I was soon chasing small animals… decently. We weren’t starving or anything, but we weren’t feasting either. Since I’m a good sport, I even found some berries for Twilight to munch on while I made such delicacies as Rabbit Stew, Rabbit Legs, and Scrambled Eggs with some (you guessed it) rabbit thrown in.

Ponies have no aversion to eating eggs, so I would make Twilight a varmint-free helping before I made a large batch for Deluge and myself, in a set of cast-iron cooking pots found in the former kitchen of the Castle ruins themselves. Those kitchens were conveniently located on the north end of the courtyard, a small walk from the Ballroom in the west. As I would cook each meal over a flame, the group would gather and discuss the plans for the upcoming Equestrian jailbreak.

Unfortunately, Twilight had shot down the names “Cool Hoof Paul” and “Operation: Equestraishank Redemption” the night I suggested them.

Typical Princess Twilight, never letting me have any fun.

I remembered Deluge’s initial contact with her Diamond Dog brethren two nights previous as I sat watching the embers burn slowly. It seemed they were even less likely than her to return to Ponyville after their commander had been dropped down the ravine. They had informed us through Deluge that we were free to practice magic since the Nuckelavee thought Gomorrah was still hunting magic users in the area, and that we were currently in command of a Diamond Dog army if we wanted them.

Because they “didn’t want to be dropped off cliffs”, and to see their loved ones set free was pretty good too.

“I still don’t understand!” Twilight grumped, breaking me out of my reverie. She was sitting across the fire from me, fidgeting uncomfortably as she glared at me. “Why won’t you just describe the plan to me already?!”

“Alright,” I caved, “Let’s take it from the beginning. Even if this thing is only in the initial planning stages, you impatient little filly,” I sighed dramatically.

She rolled her eyes, but sat up excitedly. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. You love having to explain things to me!”

It was true, I admit. It made me feel much more smarts than I really was when I explained things to her, since I knew something the Great Twilight didn’t.

“Besides, if you really got mad at her, you would just drop her down the ravine!” Deluge quipped, walking painfully slow into the ballroom. Seemed the Deluge was just as snarky as her fellows, Twilight, and pretty much every other Equestrian I had met.

Great, I thought sarcastically. More snark. Just what I need from cartoons.

I tossed a nearby pebble at Deluge good naturedly. “I told you, that thing is fine. The Nuckelavee have an aversion to water, but they’re notoriously difficult to kill. I would never do that to something that would actually be injured, especially little Princess Alicorn here!” I added, tousling Twilight’s mane.

The sharp end of her horn in my hand reminded me she didn’t like her mane being tousled, and I started seriously considering the cliffs. But then I reminded myself she could fly. Something else, maybe…

Standing up and stretching, I grabbed a former piece of a column to draw some figures on the floor. Illustrating my point had seemed to help Deluge understand her medical predicament earlier, so I hoped the same could be said of the brilliant purple pony. Walking back, I drew a circle with two eyes and a smile inside, pointing out the features to Twilight.

“That’s me, right?” I asked. She nodded, her eyes never leaving the illustration. “Okay. Now, from what I can tell, I’ve haven’t been simply unaffected by magic. Instead, I’ve been energized by it. That means, somehow, my body is drawing magic from the closest and most powerful source.”

“Which would explain why I was so tired yesterday as we ran,” Twilight agreed, nodding. “A useful trick, but what does that have to do with your plan to free my friends?”

I looked at her pointedly. “I was getting to that before I was so rudely interrupted!” She put her forehooves up defensively, one eyebrow raised in defiance.

“Alright,” I continued. “Now then, if that’s the case, that means there has to be some way I can control that power. When we discover how, I want you to figure out a spell similar to the one you used to give Rarity wings. To turn me into a pony.” I drew two pointed ears and a snout on the face for emphasis.

She nodded. “And afterwards we have Deluge claim you as a prisoner Gomorrah found wandering the Everfree Forest to get you in, right. But what about when you’re inside Ponyville? Where will I be, and what can we do to free my friends?”

I hadn’t hammered that part of the plan out entirely, and told her so. “For the most part, I’m thinking you and Deluge stay out in my clearing while I free the other Elements of Harmony. If things look like I can’t get them all out at once, I can just release Fluttershy to join you two. Then she can use her forest critters and other connections, and you can create a big enough diversion outside the gates that I can free the rest of your friends. Although,” I added when her face fell a little bit, “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it on the long walk back to Ponyville.”

“Will Deluge be well enough for that long of a trek?” Twilight asked, concern for her newfound friend written all over her face.

Deluge herself shrugged. “I can barely stand as is, even walking out to the other Diamond Dogs is difficult. But whatever Paul’s been doing has made some improvements. I’m healing faster from this injury than all of my past minor ones put together!”

Twilight got up to check Deluge’s injuries, as was her self-delegated duty.

The thing is, Deluge was being modest. Her ‘minor injuries’ included things like breaking her jaw in several places, many concussions, and even a fractured pelvis. She refused to tell me how she fractured her pelvis, but I had heard her mutter something about a horny dragon under her breath. Needless to say, I didn’t press.

Still, she wasn’t lying. She really was healing incredibly fast. Apparently they healed much faster in Equestria, probably due to all the magic floating around willy-nilly, but being back on your feet from her ailments within a week without the help of major magic was practically unheard of.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that,” Twilight mentioned offhandedly (offhoovedly?) as she examined Deluge. “What exactly have you been doing?”

I thought about how to explain it for a pretty good amount of time, allowing Twilight to fully inspect Deluge before answering. It was hard to describe; I’d just been screwing around with the idea of how to heal Deluge using whatever magic I had pent up inside me. After a few tries, I managed to barely get an ultrasound-like effect when I held a small, thin crystal in my hand and concentrated enough. It left me feeling terribly drained every time, so I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be doing any real magic on my own in the future, but healing Deluge was worth it.

Using my knowledge from being in a medical degree program, I had applied the crystal just like an ultrasound machine from back home. Within the second treatment, there was a definite improvement: she could breathe without pain despite occasional cramps, the bone seemed to be solidifying, and while walking was uncomfortable, she could manage. Whether it was actual sound waves being driven into her wound like I wanted or just simple magic, I had no idea, but I wasn’t going to argue with the results.

How to explain that to a pony, though? I decided to simply start talking, and let Twilight ask as many questions as popped up.

As it turned out, using as many fancy terms and long technical descriptions as possible was the best course of action. It was like explaining a machine to an engineer: she knew all of the terms and techniques, she just needed my help in putting them together. How she learned all of it from just reading I have no idea…

She probably had a tutor, the liar.

When she understood it after a good ten minute discussion, her eyes got all bright and she started flapping around excitedly, yelling about how this would be a ‘leap forward in magical treatments’ and asking me more questions on medical equipment.

Eventually, I saw Deluge starting to pass out. Probably from being bored. “Hey there, Ms. Deluge the Diamond Dog!” I called loudly, spooning out some grub and handing it over as I realized the food was done. “You need to eat, then go walk around the building to keep from forming clots in your lung and such! Get moving!”

She grumbled, but I saw the same small smile on her ugly mug as she shoveled down her food. In less than thirty seconds the eggs were gone, and she left the room.

But I was also pretty sure I saw her shake her butt a little as she got up, and glance back to see if I was looking.

Oh God.

Hell no, NOT OKAY!

She must have taken that emergency lung inflation for a lot more than it was! And me rubbing her stomach for long stretches at a time! And constantly talking to her! And feeding her the fresh kills I had just hunted... alright, I could see what she might be getting at. I would probably think the nurse was hitting on me too.

I smiled back easily as she walked away, but as soon as she was out of earshot I rolled over to My Little Rolodex.

“Twilight!” I hissed. “Help me! I think Deluge is taking my care for her medically as care on a much deeper level, if you get my meaning?”

She did. And thankfully, as with most of the time, she contained a wealth of knowledge on the subject. “Well, generally speaking the female is the dominant one of the breed,” she said with a scratch of her chin.

“Explain,” I prompted, intrigued and a little frightened.

“That is, it’s the female who makes the advances. Usually the males show off in front of the females, with tests of strength and examples of caring for the pack designed to get their attention.”

“Alright, alright, good information,” I said, trying to think quickly before Deluge got back. “Now, what might influence a female Diamond Dog to ‘make advances’ on someone?”

So she seemed a little smug when she replied, “Well, I don’t know about how they make advances on everyone, but for everypony it’s been fairly consistent- if not extremely rare. Usually, they look for strong males who can be serious contenders for a high ranking place in the pack. At the same time, they have to be fiercely protective of their family, and able to care well for the pups should anything happen to the female.”

Twilight was outright grinning now, in a way that made me uneasy beyond comprehension. “Actually, now that I think about it, that show of strength in defending our little ‘pack’ when you picked up Gomorrah was pretty impressive! Coupled with you caring for her the past few days, cooking and hunting- I can see you making the perfect mate for a Diamond Dog!”

I facepalmed. I actually facepalmed. My face hit my palm so hard I heard it echo around the ballroom. If I could fit both of my palms on my face, I’d be double facepalming. And then I slammed my face into the ground several times when I heard Deluge speak up.

“That was my thought process,” she said coyly, walking up behind me. “Though, I wonder how my son would react to a little brother?”

The floor was unforgiving, and after pounding into it with my forehead I decided headaches weren’t the solution to my problem. All I could do was turn around and yell, “Number three on the list! Shenanigans!”

I was taking the offensive!

The two females laughed together as I dashed out of the hole in the wall and tried to escape from the horrifying images dancing in my head. The List had been broken! By a Diamond Dog and Twilight, no less!

Running from the ballroom was a good start, but where to go from there? I paused a few seconds in the courtyard before settling on the kitchen. After all, it was really the only place besides the ballroom I had spent any time in.

Jogging into the kitchen, I looked around for a while just to see if there was anything I had missed in my previous visits to distract myself. It was nice getting away from the two Equestrians, seeing as how I hadn’t had an hour to myself since being brought in by Twilight’s letter.

Thinking about that night, I couldn’t get my mind off the mysterious Q. A sarcastic, cocky sonofabitch... under different circumstances, I might have liked the guy. As things stood, though, I had to deal with the Nuckelavee before I could concentrate on him.

But his words kept echoing through my head. “We’ll be face to face soon enough young one,” he’d said. But what did that mean? Was all this part of some plan he had cooked up? Were the Nuckelavee his accomplices, or enemies?

Wandering over to a bookshelf I hadn’t noticed before, I thought to check out the culinary history of the ponies in order to forget about Q and his infuriatingly obscure words.

There wasn’t much to go on. Books like “Betty Crockpot” and “Martha Steward”, both of which featured culinary-flanked ponies on the cover, were common. I pulled out book after book, but was continuously disappointed. My grandmother had been trained at the Cordin Bleu in France, so the culinary tradition was strong in my family; I could cook circles around any of those ponies, given better ingredients than rabbit and egg.

Unexcited by the subpar gastronomic endeavors of said equines (I felt proud of my use of intelligent thoughts there), I decided I would explore the rest of the ruins. There was plenty of room to have an adventure, and the gals needed some time to cool off.

If I could find even one thing in a random room to take my mind off of the “Diamond Doggy Style” my mind had cooking up, it would be worth it.

*shudder*

As I started by wandering out of the kitchen and into some sort of large hallway, I was impressed with the scope of the ruins. You could tell they had been incredible during their prime, and I was a little disappointed I couldn’t see them then. Maybe if I talk to Luna and Celestia, I can figure out what they really looked like?

Then an idea hit me, and my mind took the brunt of the excitement that washed over me like a tidal wave.

I wandered purposefully for the better part of an hour in the cavernous Palace, trying to find the royal bedrooms.

When I found an extremely large and ornately decorated Bedchamber, I felt like the most achieved stalker ever. I stuck my head around one of a million similar thresholds, and was elated to see I was on my way into what had to be the Royal Bedchambers.

See, royalty owns no bedrooms. They are large, furnished Bedchambers. Not like it mattered. I was a whirlwind in there, going through a few wardrobes in search of Narnia (because why not?) and checking out the impressive views the room offered. Then, an idea struck me.

What was a better icebreaker than, “Hey there. How’s your kingdom doing? Canterlot’s really nice this time of year… Oh! By the way, your bed from a thousand years ago is really soft, and surprising easy to jump on!”

Oh yeah. I totally had an in with the Sisters already.

I finally got bored and started wandering again. Thinking Why would you put something unimportant at the top of stairs? I walked up a flight of spiraling stone stairs located down another long hallway from the Bedchambers. It was one large room I came to realize had once been a library.

Being the nerd I am, I immediately went to work finding any books I could on magic. The majority of the library’s books were missing, with only a few here and there dotting the massive bookshelves that lined each wall. I found a few on Starswirl the Bearded, but nothing on how to control the magic within one’s self. After a good twenty minutes of searching the mostly empty shelves and tables, I did manage to find two on Diamond Dog reproductive habits.

Go figure.

Taking the two books with me as kindling, I made my way out of the disappointing library with a slump to my shoulders.

Just as I left, a breeze tousled my hair. “I think you missed something, boy,” it whispered in my ear.

Whipping around with my fists raised, I couldn’t spot Q anywhere. The library’s windows were long since smashed though, so he could have easily escaped without my noticing. “What do you have against speaking like a normal person?!” I shouted indignantly into the library. “Gettin’ real sick of your shit, Q!”

I moved cautiously into the library once again, and noticed a book laying on the first table that had not been there before. I picked it up for a closer inspection, turning it over in my hands.

There was some sort of dazzling gold plaque on the back with an inscription I couldn’t make out. On the front, the title was large and easy to decipher: “Magic for Nonusers and Those Wishing to Discover”. Looking around, I didn’t see the mysterious Q in any obvious hiding spots. The breeze was gone as well, and though I felt like I was alone, I couldn’t shake just how close to my ear he was when he spoke.

Backing out of the library with the book in my hand, I didn’t turn until I had moved past the threshold and onto the staircase once more. Who knew when he would decide to sneak up again and put a blade between my shoulders?

With that thought twisting in my mind until I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, I sprinted the hell out of there. Down the staircase, past my Royal Bounce Room, through the kitchen and courtyard, back to the girls and the safety of my fire,I ran.

Leaping the wall of rubble, I dove for safety just as I could swear Q’s knife sliced the air where I had been moments before. Thankfully, both Twilight and Deluge were still there, and more than willing to let me sit between them. You know, just in case Q decided to take the one at either end.

Oh they may laugh, but when he snatches them then who’ll be left laughing?

I pulled out the creepy book that came as a gift from the maniac himself from my back pocket, and handed it to Twilight. “That creepy Q dude I told you about earlier magic’d this into the library when I had my back turned. Look familiar?”

Surprisingly, the books here were small enough to fit into my pockets. Even more surprising was that I managed to cram all three books down my pants while I was at a dead sprint. Unfortunately, the ones in my front pocket were large enough for Deluge to notice while Twilight glanced over my instruction manual.

“Is that more books in your pocket, or are you just happy to cuddle up with me?” she asked, winking as she lay her paw on my thigh.

You wouldn’t believe how fast I was sitting on the other side of the fire. In fact, I singed the leg of my jeans jumping over the flames! Almost as awkward as Deluge’s attention was the fact that Twilight was now interested in what I had in my pockets as well.

After reminding them there were no “Birds and the Bees” books here to teach me, and these two books were specifically meant to be kindling anyway, I showed them.

Twilight got up immediately, saying, “I’ll just leave you two alone for however long you need,” while Deluge laughed and made kissy faces across the fire.

I begged Twilight not to go. “Please! She could eat me for all I know! I mean look at her, she’s monstrous! She’ll probably hunt me in some sort of strange ritual to a Doggy God!” I pleaded. Side note: fear of their physical abilities is a major turn on for a Diamond Dog. So now she really thought I was up for it, and I had to play a game called “Go Learn Magic to Avoid the Crazed Female Diamond Dog Who Wants Your Body”.

Trust me, the game isn’t nearly as much fun as it sounds.

As I grabbed Twilight and hoisted her outside, I learned something else about ponies I didn’t know. They are incredibly light. Twilight couldn’t have weighed more than fifty or sixty pounds! Despite her protests, therefore, I carried a very disgruntled purple pony outside under one arm, while fending off my unwanted suitor with the other.

Bitches, man. They wear a playa out.

After I convinced Deluge what I had to do was actually important, she finally grumbled and walked away to sit under a tree and watch.

“What is wrong with you?” I called after her as I set Twilight down. “You were literally trying to kill me three days ago! And I’m obviously not interested!”

She just laughed from the shade. “Males always come around to Deluge!”

I shivered heartily, despite standing in the warm sunshine.

Opening the book on magic to the first page and stepping away, I asked Twilight to read me the instructions to magical control one at a time. “That way,” I said, “I can get the basics down pat now, and work on the fancy stuff later.”

“I thought your name was Paul!” Deluge called from her resting spot.

Without turning, I yelled back, “It’s just an expression!”

“Stupid expression!” I heard from behind me.

“Yeah, well, it’s a poor craftsman that blames his tools, okay?” I answered hotly. Seriously, who did she think she was insulting Earth like that?

Twilight just rolled her eyes. “Alright, I’ll bite; what is that expression from, and what does it mean?” She knew me well enough already to understand that I quote people and movies a lot.

I just shrugged. “Don’t worry about it,” I answered dismissively.

Seeing her right front hoof starting to paw at the ground in preparation for a charge, I remembered that was on the ‘Don’t Say’ list, and had to think quickly to avoid being skewered.

“Hey hey, Twilight, now just calm d- uuuh… okay, what I meant was, it’s inconsequential, so can we please go back to teaching me magic beyond some vibrations through a crystal?” I asked hopefully.

She just snorted, but at least she didn’t charge.

I’ll take it!

“Alright!” I said loudly, clapping my hands together. “Now, what does it say first?” Glancing at the book, Twilight‘s horn glowed as she whipped through the pages. I didn’t understand why she had elected not to just read the book like I’d asked her.

I decided to let her do what she wanted, since she was the magical/book expert there. Something I learned from my father was not to question women.

“A happy wife is a happy life,” he used to say. “Except that goes for every woman.” I learned fairly quickly. I had an older sister that would strangely turn into a savage, raging beast every month, and it was in my best interests to stay on her good side if I wanted to keep my throat where it should be. Let’s just say, when I was four, she broke my arm for making fun of her.

Females are the more terrifying of any species, as I was to learn time and time again during my stay in Equestria.

After a few minutes of Twilight just flipping through the pages, she finally sighed and gave me a summary. “It basically says, you have to discover magic within yourself if it’s there. Other than that, the only way you’re changing magic is by changing your very body..”

“Well that’s just great!” I shouted. “Thanks for that, Q! Real helpful!”

Turning it over, Twilight searched for a few seconds before she found a name. “It just says, ‘By Q’. Then it reads ‘But under it all they were ponies, penetrating the land of desolation and mockery and silence, puny adventurers bent on colossal adventure, pitting themselves against the might of a world as remote and alien and pulseless as the abysses of space.’ What the hay does that mean?”

I didn’t answer. I was silenced by my memories and I was honestly disturbed. Looking up at me as I quietly walked over, Twilight asked again. “What does it mean, Paul?”

It didn’t make any sense. I took the book in my hands reverently, and read the print for myself. “I’ve heard that before... A long time ago, my father would read to me when it was my bedtime…”

I looked at Twilight. “This is an almost direct quote from the book I loved him reading the most. It was called ‘The Call of the Wild.’ He would do these silly voices…” I trailed off as my voice cracked. It had been a long time since I had remembered those good times with my father, and I fell silent while I reflected.

He had died years before, when I was around twelve, of cancer. For the most part I could only remember the small pieces of wisdom he would impart whenever he could. After he had been diagnosed, he spent as much time with my family as he could. He loved to take me on hikes, on fishing trips, hunting small game, and other outdoor activities. He especially loved flying, though, and we caught every airshow we could.

It was our way of hiding from the harsh realities of the world- school, loneliness and bullies for me, untreatable cancer, bills, and poverty for him. When he got too sick to go out with me was when he started reading constantly to my siblings. That was when I developed my love for classic literature, during his readings of such tales as “Aladdin and the Forty Thieves” or “White Fang”.

The book I loved the most, and the book he most enjoyed reading, was “Call of the Wild”. The last time I saw him, he asked me to never forget my love of nature or the love that we shared, and handed me his copy.

Twilight waited silently, letting me sort through my thoughts. I realized as I came out of my memories that she had been waiting patiently for a few solid minutes. Powerful memories can do that to you.

“These words… It’s impossible they could just coincidentally pop up in Equestria.” I told her. “Besides, there are things mentioned here you ponies don’t even think about!” Pointing them out, I asked, “When have ponies ever dreamed of the world in that context? Or considered weather so dark and foreboding?”

Twilight just shook her head. “Not only that, we can control the weather here. There is no place in Equestria that could even be remotely describing.”

I was shaken. Looking around, I realized the mysterious Q was sending me a very personal message. He obviously knew me... so why didn’t he attack during any of the countless opportunities he’d had? Or was I some sort of pawn in a larger game that I had yet to understand?

Nothing so far in Equestria had shaken me nearly as deeply as it should have, I wouldn’t let it. If I did, I would have been a blubbering mess… but that book, that quote? It was distressing on a completely different level.

It didn’t seem to bother Twilight quite as much. “It’s odd, I give you that. But is it dangerous?”

I couldn’t tell, but I didn’t get the feeling it was. If whatever was going on really had been malignant, wouldn’t he be attacking while we stood out in the open? “I… don’t think so…” I told her uncertainly.

“Well then it isn’t,” Twilight stated simply, seemingly confident it was nothing to worry about.

“Books!” Deluge yelled. “You never can trust them!” I recognized an opportunity to move beyond my feelings of disquiet, maybe even forget them for a while, and seized it.

I turned to her, calling back, “Really? Then how did you learn to speak so much better than the other Diamond Dogs?”

“Simple! I would look at ‘em before I threw them in the fire!”

“I could see that, actually,” I mused. “A younger, more attractive Deluge burning books as she raided small homes on the outskirts of towns. Searching for precious gems, of course.” I sighed. “Now, that Deluge might have had a chance with me…”

The rock that flew past my head actually whistled through the air, and broke into pieces against the wall thirty feet behind me. I was impressed by the throw- I didn’t know her paws were dexterous enough to pick up rocks like that, much less throw them so hard!

She snarled, and came after me for everything she was worth. If you’ve never had an enraged Diamond Dog female coming after you, let me describe it: imagine you’re in Friday the 13th (the original, not the crap new ones), and you just drowned Jason Voorhees in your own bathtub. Deluge, in that case, would be channeling Mrs. Voorhees.

Much sooner than I would have liked, I was trapped in the corner where the west and north buildings (the Elements of Harmony’s resting place and the Palace proper, respectively) met. The area was shaded by a somewhat large tree, there were no windows nearby, and there was no way I could simply pound through the stone. I might have been strong in Equestria, but I didn’t think I was that strong.

I saw Twilight behind Deluge laughing her head off, clapping her forehooves together as Deluge advanced slowly. Glad she could enjoy my execution.

As I focused on Deluge, I noticed her panting wildly but grinning at the same time. “Guess my wound has healed well enough for activity! Now, what were you saying about me being attractive?”

“I was saying you aren’t!” I shouted, trying to climb the walls without turning my back on her. Terror let me climb my way up about four feet of wall out of pure will, but I quickly came sliding back down.

“I was saying I don’t like you like that! Uh, this relationship is entirely platonic! I’LL CALL CPS ON YOU!”

She was utterly unfazed.

“I don’t know what Platonic or CPS are, but I’m pretty sure they won’t interrupt…” and she puckered. Jesus Christ on a Bike, she PUCKERED!

As she advanced, I relinquished myself to my instincts.

"DEATH FIRST!” I screamed, flailing my arms in the vain hope that I could stop the terror from making contact. Hey, nobody ever said I have killer instincts with the opposite gender.

Thankfully, Twilight intervened. Deluge was scooped up in a glowing purple aura, and placed unceremoniously at the top of the tree that stood behind her. She barked angrily from up there, but wouldn’t risk jumping down. Climbing down was possible, but it would take a while so she elected to sit and watch from her new roost.

“I’ll get you back! Just you wait!” she called angrily.

Twilight looked at me pointedly. “Now that your distractions are taken care of-” Deluge growled from within the tree- “you need to focus on finding and controlling your consumption of magic. I know sitting still must be hard for you, but you have to try.”

When Twilight’s right, she’s right. Of course, while she was keeping that love-crazed dog out of my personal space, I was indebted to her and would do whatever the hell she wanted me to!

I sat down with a sigh, crossing my legs and closing my eyes. I’d heard that letting everything relax was a good way to start, so I let my head hang down to my chest as I slowly released the tension throughout my body. From the top of my head to the soles of my feet, I focused on letting each and every muscle loosen.

When there was nothing else to relax, I began the search within myself. It was odd in a way; because I was so relaxed, I wasn’t distracted by my physical body. I guess I would risk sounding corny by saying I was searching my ‘true self’ or whatever you want to call it, but it was a part of me that was beyond any physical sensation.

I traced every part of this other self, this ‘me’ that I had never paid attention to. It felt like it had been neglected, crushed deep within my mind beneath the weight of a life full of regrets. There wasn’t much time to search your soul when you have no assurance that you will live to see the next day throughout childhood, after all.

I felt this other me almost breathing, in lieu of a better word to describe the metaphysical sensation of movement. From this neglected part of me there seemed to be a small greedily pulsing flow of energy, constantly being absorbed from everywhere at once. Unlike what I expected, there were no real outlets for the energy; I didn’t feel anything meant to give off magic. It was possible that with nowhere to go, my body simply absorbed it into normal functions, but I had no idea.

“Twilight, how does it feel when you access your magic?” I asked without opening my eyes. The words slurred slightly, my lips almost unwilling to move.

“Well, I usually reach deep down and draw out my magic through the large pathway to my horn. It’s an energy I can feel running through me, and I just change its course to do what I need.”

I tried what she had described, playing with the channels running into this other part of me, and managed to dilate them slightly. The ball of energy I contained surged with the larger amount of magic being absorbed, and I felt a rush of ecstasy that frightened me a little.

Focusing within, I imagined the energy influx slowing to a stop. I tried to visualize the channels constricting to a stop, cutting off the draw of magic. Deep within me the magic started to diminish, and the ‘true’ self I had neglected so long suddenly came to the forefront of my mind.

Still utterly relaxed, I started hyperventilating as my conscious feared what repercussions would come from the lack of magic. This can’t be happening, I can’t survive like this, I NEED that magic, I’m going to die! I’m going to wither to nothing, die alone and afraid! Nothing can stop the coming darkness!

My physical body, which seemed so distant, began trembling and convulsing as I sat there trapped. I began hyperventilating even faster, trying to scream at Twilight to help me! All I could manage was a slight movement of my tongue, which took such a tremendous effort, and make little noises. The wild thoughts of death, suffocation, the cold void of nonexistence reaching for me continued running through my mind unhindered, so loud that I wanted to clamp down on my ears and scream to drown them out.

I felt some sort of movement, but I was numb to almost everything going on in the physical world. There was nothing but the screaming, the primal fear that was running rampant through my head, and my attempts to stop it as I sat within a corner of my mind.

“Paul!” I heard from down outside. Then a pounding sensation, and the calling of my name became more frantic. Repeatedly I heard it, “Paul! Paul! Paul, are you okay?!” and I focused on it. I crawled toward it in my mind, hoping for some salvation from my internal hell.

As I came closer and closer to the sound of my name being called, the fearful thoughts began to slow. Sensations returned from the outside world, and I realized that I was screaming wordlessly with tears running down my face. I was on my side in a fetal position on the ground, and Twilight was shaking me frantically.

“Paul! Dear Celestia, what is wrong with you?! Snap out of it, Paul!” She yelled as her wide eyes stared into mine. I saw Deluge pop up behind her, terror written all over her face, and I let my voice fade to a whisper.

Twilight and Deluge sat there frozen with tension as I looked between them. The tears still fell freely from my eyes, but at least I wasn’t convulsing or screaming anymore. I licked my lips, and tasted blood. “Wha-” I started, the pain in my throat flaring immediately.

I swallowed a few times, then tried again. “What just happened?” I managed to rasp quietly, to the relief of them both.

Twilight sat back, fear still plain in her shaky movements. “You... you sat there for about five minutes, then you asked me what it was like to use my magic. Then you...”

She shook her head, and Deluge spoke up. “You started drooling, then convulsing. You fell onto your side and started screaming at the top of your lungs, and Twilight started trying to shake you awake. I think you know more about what just happened than we do, Paul.”

I nodded slowly, then uncurled myself painfully. Every muscle was cramped into place, and it took a little doing to stretch them. I managed to stand, but only barely.

“Ok... I think my body didn’t react well to going cold turkey on magic,” I tried to laugh, but it came out as a coughing gasp. i put my hand up to my mouth, and realized that I had bit my tongue in my seizing. I spit out the blood, ignoring the copper taste, and glanced at the wordless Equestrians. “Well?” I asked, lifting my hands and letting them drop helplessly. “Nothing?”

Twilight’s face said it all: I had fucked up in a major way. “No creature can live entirely magic!” she cried after a moment, her front hooves thrown out angrily. “None! You’re lucky to still be alive after trying to cut yourself off of magic entirely! What is WRONG with you?!?”

“Even I know that, Paul!” Deluge scolded.

I looked between the two of them incredulously. “How was I supposed to know that?!” I yelled as loudly as I could. “Y’know what? New rule! Always assume the human is stupid, and explain everything pertinent to a situation like him DYING, ok?!”

They shook their heads in disgust, and I rubbed my eyes with trembling hands. “Okay,” I croaked. “So I have to cut myself off from magic as much as possible, but not to the point that I die... Simple enough.Far as I can tell, I’m sitting at about as low an intake as I can be. Want to try a magic spell on me Twilight?”

She winced. “Why don’t we let you take a rest for a bit?” she offered. “Just sit in the shade for a while, maybe get something to drink while you recuperate.”

“Would you get my binkie too?” I smirked at her tiredly. “I’m fine. Just a little episode, all finished now. Let’s get something productive done, I’m tired of sitting around a campfire with nothing to talk about but Deluge’s aches and pains.”

Deluge bristled, but didn’t respond in kind. Probably because I was still trembling through my front of nonchalance. Twilight looked doubtful, but her horn lit up a little bit.

I waited patiently, but nothing happened. Her horn remained lit and she stayed stoic, and yet there wasn’t any effect.“Uh, Twilight? You aren’t doing anything,” I pushed. “I don’t feel like I’m taking any magic in though, so maybe up the ante a little bit?”

Her horn lit up a bit more, and I felt a little discomfort but nothing more.

“Twilight, c’mon no-” I started before being cut off.

“I’m doing it, ok?” She snapped at me. “I’m putting a levitation spell on you, but slowly enough that it’s only nullifying your weight in small increments. Right now, if you aren’t absorbing anything, you’re about fifteen pounds lighter.”

I groaned, crossing my arms. “Look Twilight, just crank it up a notch already. If I keep standing here, I’m just going to pass out and ruin my obviously superior human complexion with the rough Equestrian ground. Give me seventy five percent of my weight gone, how’s that?”

“I wouldn’t be sure she can lift that much,” Deluge noted with a wry expression. “Let’s stop it around a few thousand at most, ok?”

Twilight smiled despite herself, and I shook a mockingly angry fist at the Diamond Dog. “Up yours, pal! I’ll have you know females on my planet happen to dig taller guys!”

“Really?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow as her horn began to glow more fiercely.

“A lot of them, yeah. Don’t really know first hand,” I admitted before giving a shout of surprise. Have you ever been on one of those amusement park rides where they take you into the sky before dropping you into a free fall? Imagine that sensation doubled while you stand perfectly still.

“Cranked up enough for you?” Twilight smirked as I went through a serious fight to keep my breakfast down.

“Believe it or not, being almost weightless feels freaky!” I shouted before giving a testing hop. I ended up sailing ten feet into the air, then falling back down to alight gracefully on my toes. “Call me Neil ladies! This is one small hop for ponies, but a freakin’ epic leap for me!” I called as I jumped gleefully around the courtyard.

Twilight and Deluge watched with amused faces as I made an even bigger fool of myself by doing backflips, jumping off the face of the decrepit buildings, and just generally running amok. I started feeling queasy pretty quick, though, and decided to open my magic-consuming pathways a little bit to offset the low blood sugar kind of feeling I had.

My mistake was doing so mid-leap.

“He’s like a child,” Twilight murmured to Deluge as Paul happily leapt around the courtyard. “I kinda like that about him. Makes the whole size difference less intimidating, at least.”

“You say that, but I’m the only one here who’s actually fought him!” Deluge giggled back. “And it wasn’t too bad rolling around with him, not that I think about it...”

Twilight rolled her eyes and looked away with an amused snort. “You’re fairly open abo-” she began, but then she felt a massive drain on her magic. It was like she was no longer giving out the magic; the magic was being forcefully ripped from her. The spell itself dissolved under the magical strain, and she heard the dull sound of a body hitting the ground.

Looking up, she saw Paul laying on his back shaking. Immediately terrified that he had somehow managed to kill himself despite her warnings, Twilight galloped to his side as fast as she could. Deluge beat her there by no more than a few milliseconds, but was already on her knees about to begin trying to resuscitate him.

When they saw the look on Paul’s face, though, they forgot about their momentary fears. His silent shaking came not from a disconnection with magic, but from the fact that he was laughing so hard he couldn’t make a noise.

He rolled onto his side, taking a heaving breath before opening his eyes and seeing the half shocked, half angry faces once again above him.

“Guess I shouldn’t start sucking magic when magic’s the only thing keeping me in the air, huh?” he sputtered before continuing his side splitting laughter. Deluge laughed a little, more from the ridiculous manchild pounding his fist into the ground than the fall itself. Twilight, however, did not find it as funny.

“Really funny, Paul. Laugh it up. You could have killed yourself!” she scolded. He wiped some tears from his eyes, nodded up to her. as she spoke. “Do you think I enjoy playing games out here in the forest while my friends are in captivity, Paul?” she asked pointedly.

“N-no! Of course not, Twilight!” Paul gulped. “I only meant-”

“What? What did you mean?” Twilight interrupted.

“Twilight, I understand you’re frustrated, but nothing can be done for your friends or my pack members right now,” Deluge comforted. “If we don’t take our minds off our loved ones from time to time, we’ll go crazy out here.”

Twilight turned around and trotted a few paces away, kicking at the dirt when she came to a stop. Paul looked over to Deluge, gave her a thumbs up and mouthed, “You’re smart!” with an enthusiastic nod. Deluge responded by hitting him in the shoulder and pointing expectantly at Twilight.

Paul got the message, making his way to his feet as he rubbed his shoulder good naturedly. Narrowing his eyes, he paced determinedly toward Twilight. Reaching her side, he fell to one knee and prompted her attention with a poke in the side.

“Ow!” Twilight complained, turning to face Paul angrily. “What are you doing?!”

Paul caught her head in his large hands, and held her looking straight at him. “Twilight, listen to me,” he said gently yet sternly. “I haven’t forgotten about your friends, and neither should you. But Deluge was right. If we haven’t reached the correct state of mind, come up with working plays, and hammered out the details, then we’re not going to do well in any power plays. So put on your game face, forget about the distractions, and let’s do what needs to be done here and now to ensure we’re at our peak when the time comes. Ok?”

Twilight was frustrated to no end. She felt nothing was being done to help her girls, her best friends in the world, or even the rest of Equestria itself. Looking into Paul’s eyes, she saw determination that lit a fire deep inside her. He was righteous, he held an anger within him, but it was controlled and pinpointed. She held no doubts in her mind, looking deep into Paul, that he was doing what he felt was right for them all.

“Fine, Paul,” she lamented, pulling her head from his grasp. “But there’s something you keep overlooking. There’s no way to change your body like Rarity did, because nopony knows how to change their entire being into something else. You can change the cosmetics of things, add an appendage here and there, but that isn’t going to disguise you as a pony.”

“There’s where you’re wrong, little pony,” the wind laughed.

Immediately, the stillness of the courtyard turned into a raging tempest as hurricane-force winds whipped around in a frenzy. Deluge dove into the ground with a burst of freshly dug earth, and but Paul and Twilight were too far from the hole to reach it in time. Instead, Paul grabbed Twilight around the waist and forced her to the ground beneath him.

“Sorry if you get caught in the crossfire here, Twilight,” he grunted before standing tall. The winds almost knocked him from his feet, but he refused to be cowed any longer by Q and his parlor tricks.

“Let’s go, Q! I think I’ve found a way to level the playing field!” he roared before spreading his arms wide.

Twilight felt it immediately. The magic turning the air around them dropped into Paul like he was a void trying to be filled, and though he was sucking magic from the air from the most part, he still put a substantial drain on the purple alicorn.

The gusts slowed, trying sluggishly to continue before coming to a bare whisper. Paul was breathing deeply, but he had a wicked grin plastered over his face. “Come face me now, Q! Let’s figure out where you stand in all this!” he boomed, his voice at least a full octave lower than normal.

“I think decidedly not, my dear boy, as I prefer to float!” Twilight heard from somewhere far above. “However I have ‘leveled the playing field’ considerably for you and your companions, and your plans can continue unhindered. Why don’t you check page two oh one?”

With that, the wind stopped altogether. Everything was still in the courtyard, save for Deluge popping her head out of the ground. “So uh, I assume that’s the ‘Q’ you told us about earlier?” she asked casually, hoisting herself out of the hole. “You were definitely right about his dramatic entrances, Paul.”

Twilight looked to Paul, and he was pursing his lips in confusion. “I don’t get it, why the entrances at all?!” he muttered angrily to himself. Seeing Twilight watching him though, his features softened and he extended a hand to lift her to her hooves.

“Sorry about shoving you to the ground, Twilight... I guess some dogs forget the other mammals can’t dig ten feet into the earth in the blink of an eye!”

Deluge grinned as she sauntered over to the book left distinctly in the middle of the courtyard, untouched by the howling winds. “Oh, I didn’t forget about you two Paul,” she responded as she brought the book over to Twilight. “I just figured you’d be your big strong self and save the helpless Princess,” she winked.

Paul shook his head. “Deluge, I’ll bone a dragon before we go anywhere relationship-wise. I’m just going to be straight with you.”

“Give me a day and a net, and then our first date will be on the edge of a cliff as the sun sets in the evening,” Deluge nudged Paul seductively. “You can have your fun with the dragon first, of course... by the way, any preference on the gender or do you swing both ways?”

Paul clamped his hands over his ears, pushing Deluge away with his foot. “Lalala, can’t hear the horny Diamond Dog. Lalala, wish I had a cold hose. Lalala, I’d get you fixed. Lalala...”

Twilight was busy flipping through the book to the page Q had mentioned. While Paul and Deluge got louder and louder, trying to talk over each other, she realized that the book had changed. There were at least three extra pages that hadn’t existed before, all detailing a relatively simple spell that required nothing more than the right caster and a massive amount of magical energy stored within the subject.

There were even diagrams detailing pony, griffon, dragon, and human anatomies for maximum spell potency.

“Paul, I think I’ve found a way to turn you into a pony!” Twilight exclaimed. Unfortunately, Paul still had his hands clamped over his ears and was talking loudly. A well aimed stone quickly got his attention, though he didn’t appreciate where it had landed its blow.

Rubbing his nipple, Paul came walking over. “Those things really sting, you know that?” he grumped. “First Q comes in here looking for a fight, then Deluge starts talking about dragons in very explicit terms-”

“You started it!”

“- and now you’re throwing little rocks at people’s nipples. I gotta say, after not telling me I was going to kill myself cutting off all magic, you’re not redeeming yourself in my eyes lil girly.”

“Shut up Paul, I know why Q did what he did,” Twilight told him bluntly. He immediately straightened, and motioned for her to continue.

“Ok...” Twilight started, flipping back a few pages. “First of all, Q obviously has been listening in to all of our conversations and been keeping a very close eye on you. Somehow he knows that you absorb magic, and there’s a spell he just put into this book that requires almost nothing more than a massive amount of magic to be contained within the target. As in, amounts of magic nopony could possibly absorb naturally, and would almost certainly kill them if they absorbed that much.”

“So you think he’s created a spell specifically to help us in our plans?” Paul asked incredulously. “I just... I don’t understand why he would do that.”

Twilight shrugged with her wings as her snout was planted firmly into the book. “The spell’s weaving checks out, the diagrams make sense, in fact it’s so simple that beyond the amount of magic required, I have no idea why this wouldn’t be commonplace in Equestria already. At the very least, Starswirl the Bearded would have figured this spell out centuries ago!”

Paul shrugged, giving up. “If you think it looks alright, then let’s do it. You are the Element of Magic after all... just don’t turn me into a wooly mammoth or anything, ok? I’m putting my life in your hands here.”

Deluge leaned toward Twilight as Paul paced away, muttering, “If he were a wooly mammoth, I’d still ride ‘im!”

“Not appropriate! Bad Deluge! I can still hear you! Bad!” Paul shouted back. “Twilight, can you just cast the stupid spell so we can see if it really works?

Twilight had gone over everything in her head, and she nodded confidently. “Shouldn’t be a problem. Basically... ah, how to explain it? Um... ok, you know how you seem to absorb magic in any form?”

Paul nodded expectantly, excitedly clasping his hands together.

“Well,” continued Twilight, “Imagine a spell being absorbed in its true form, like you do with any other magic. Except when you absorb it, the spell will retain its cohesion instead of being torn apart like everything else. It will flow to the center of your magic to change the way it flows through your channels, your very being. It will effectively alter your appearance and, to a minor degree, your magical capabilities.”

Paul grinned widely, excited beyond words. After all, he was just seconds away from every brony’s dream. He was going to be a pony!

“Do you know what kind of pony you want to be?” she asked, her horn starting to glow as she warmed up her magic. “Unicorn, Alicorn, Pegasus, Earth? Have you given that any thought?

That blew my mind. First of all, who knew I could decide? Secondly, which should I choose?!? I thought it would be the easiest decision in the world, which pony I wanted to be. Instead, I had no idea. “Flying might be helpful, but then every time I flew I could be tracked... I might need a little more help than an Earth Pony body… Alicorn would stick out too much, take too long to explain...” I mumbled, running my hands through my closely cropped hair.

“What will change about me?” I asked Twilight. I needed to make the best decision possible, and there was no way I was going to make it willy-nilly!

“Well, I’m not too sure,” she told me. “I haven’t exactly had the chance to test it, but it seems like nothing much should change. You’ll be the exact pony version of yourself. Or, the pony version of your emotions… One of those two. The script isn’t all too clear on that point.”

Not exactly reassuring information, let me tell you. There was no way I wanted to look like my insides! “I thought you said there would be no issues?” I asked nervously.

“Well, I did! Theoretically speaking, there shouldn’t be.” She smiled sheepishly. “The one semi-test I did in my head went just fine But your absorption should make it okay even if we screw this up!”

“Oh well. I guess there’s no time like the present for the scientific method, right Twilight? Hit me!” I yelled at her, extending my arms and closing my eyes.

“But you haven’t chosen one pony type yet!” she complained.

I heard Deluge mutter quietly “Earth pony! Go with Earth pony!”

Earth Pony was definitely out.

Opening my eyes and looking at her, I told Twilight, “Just hit me without a certain one chosen. I’m sure things will sort themselves out. Maybe try to avoid ‘Earth ‘Pony’ though?”

I happily heard Deluge grumbling, and Twilight sighed. “Fine. But when you end up looking like a mutant, don’t come crying to me!”

Backing away, her horn started glowing in a color that seemed outside of human range. It was a brightening, only somewhat visible color that surrounded me, the same color that came from Twilight’s horn, but it was indescribable. At most I would compare it to a black light that was off-white instead of purple, something that glowed more fiercely when you weren’t looking directly at it. I immediately had a major distrust of it.

“Absorb it, Paul!” Twilight called out through gritted teeth. “Suck it in to your core!

I felt for the magic within me, and found it. I opened myself to absorbing as much magic around me as possible, and the channels expanded greedily. I felt the aura around me seep into the conduits of magic, and the core of my magic. While not uncomfortable, the invasion felt… strange. Like I was being exposed on some deeply personal level.

But I trusted Twilight entirely, and allowed her spell to do what it had to. It surrounded the knot of slowly pulsing magic like a python, writhing and corrupting. At least, that’s how it felt. While consciously it felt wrong, my other self welcomed the spell openly. Then, as it began to merge with my own magic, there was the sudden sensation that the paths wanted to rearrange themselves. It felt fundamentally wrong at first, and my magical self had to truly force my body to accept it.

The pathways I had just begun to explore shrank into nonexistence. Cut off from the magic around me, I held enough of the power gathered from Q’s freakish storm that I could survive without the outside input. But now there was a ball of squirming, restless energy within me that had nowhere to go! There was no escape, no going back; the spell had taken effect, and seemed to simply stop there!

I began to panic. My thoughts started to quicken as my conscious, higher level self started trying to reject the spell that had already been integrated into my core. My other self tried to calm me, but I couldn’t help remembering being so close to death only just before.

Twilight might not have changed the spell to be safe for a human!

I feel like I’m going to explode!

I need release NOW!

After trying to contain the mass within, to quell the rumblings of freedom for as long as I could, I came unglued. The energy burst painfully through me, forcing its way out in every direction.

It was a grenade going off within me, and I shattered.

After what seemed like an eternity, the channels pulsed strongly, solidifying their existence. Instead of a constant outflow of energy, I began to feel a give and take. A pure, unimaginably large tide of magic crashed over me from outside my body, and my subconscious self fought back with just as much force from within. Finally the two opposing magical forces settled, equalizing within and without.

When I could finally focus on my physical body once more, I felt like I had just gone through osmosis. I was open to the flow of energy going both ways now, even creating a bit, whereas before I had simply absorbed and stored. It was painful but energizing, like the feeling you get after a really intense workout. The magic I felt within was truly mine, and was at peace with the world around it.

I shakily got to my hands and knees, keeping my limbs apart to steady myself.

No. That’s not right. Not my hands and knees- my hooves.

Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but bright colors everywhere. It was too much to take at first, and I squeezed them shut again. Trying to fight through the pain, I opened my watering eyes to see Twilight and Deluge grinning wildly at me. Once they came into focus, I saw they were both much brighter colors. Looking around, I saw everything was brighter, happier colors.

The Technicolor we humans see is nothing compared to the ponies; they see things for what they are, not just the shading and amount of light on each object. I know, that’s a vague way to describe it. Try explaining regular colors to someone who’s been blind their entire life, and you’ll know what I mean.

I felt something else as well.

Magic. Everywhere.

All around me, I could feel the currents of magic as they naturaly occurred. It flowed from everything to one degree or another, mixing together in an evanescent cloud, and as I extended my new extrasensory magical perception I felt Twilight’s magic. She wasn’t just containing a large amount of magic, like I had been earlier.

I suppose I could equate it to a beaver dam being compared to the Nile. Whereas I had contained the magic, saving it up as it flowed into me, Twilight swam in it. She was simply a focus point, not a stopping point, for the magic. While I could have saved up a bit of magic and released it in human form, she seemingly was only limited on how much she could create or draw on at one time.

I smiled, and then licked my lips. Whoa- new lips that ran almost twenty degrees more around my mouth than before! Snout, I corrected myself. Continuing to explore my mouth, I realized my palate was elongated, my tongue was bigger, and my teeth were all larger.

Blinking with heavier eyelids was strange too, though not unbearably so.

Pretty soon I was just standing there, working each one of my facial muscles through its paces to see what sort of endurance they had. I could still raise either eyebrow, and made sure to show off the wonderful trick of making them roll like a wave. Both ways. The females clapped good naturedly, giggling a little bit.

Chuckling, I trotted (That’s right! Trotted! Be jealous!) over to Twilight and Deluge. I may or may not have tripped over my four left hooves a couple of times, but that wasn’t important.

“I WIN!” I yelled triumphantly as I tried throwing my forehooves into the air for the first time. I was reminded that I had yet to entirely master my equine balance when gravity slapped my face into the ground.

Stupid gravity.

While Deluge laughed her way into the ballroom and I picked myself off the ground, Twilight came to sit beside me. “So, first you were the silliest human I’d ever met,” she commented, watching me dust myself off with a smile. “Now, you’re the silliest unicorn!”

The dirt could wait.

“What did you just say?” I asked her. My ~~hands~~ forehooves started to tremble.

“Unicorn?” she asked, one eyebrow rising. “Is it really that big of a deal?”

I lost it. I mean, I just surrendered myself to the moment. Usually dangerous, this time it resulted with a bear hugged Twilight being twirled around faster than she probably ever had been in her life. Ever seen one of those stress balls where the eyes squeeze out? That’s basically what Twilight looked like. How? Cartoons. Why? Because buck logic we’re in Equestria, that’s why!

“Paul!” she gasped. I was surprised she had any air left in her to speak. “Can’t breathe!”

Dropping her immediately, I felt ashamed for a second that she may have been hurt. Then I remembered I was a UNICORN (!) and that meant everything else could wait until my fanboy moment was finished.

I can admit that I felt a little bad afterwards, considering said fanboy got everywhere. The tree, the ballroom, Twilight, even me. Everything was fanboy’d. Thankfully, Twilight was understanding.

“A name!” I shouted just as she was starting to stand. “I need a name! It has to match my color!”

Inspecting myself, I realized I was a sort of red hue, somewhere between rust and carmine. My tail was a lime green for the most part, with a few shocking streaks of electric blue. I couldn’t see my mane, but could tell it was fairly short for a pony. Much longer than I would have kept it as a human of course, but if it was sporting the same palette as my tail, there was no way I was going to cut it!

Grabbing Twilight because she was the only thing reflective around, I stared hard into her eyes trying to discern what color my own were. They seemed to be a somewhat cyan color, much deeper blue at the top and fading into a lighter hue toward the bottom of my iris.

“Um… Can I help you?” Twilight asked, obviously a little freaked out that I was staring so intently into her eyes without saying a word. To her credit she never fidgeted too much during all the rough ponyhandling.

“Keep still, I’m trying to see what color my eyes are!” I chided her, craning my neck in every direction to inspect my new eyes from each angle. They were beautiful, in case you’re interested.

As I bent my head down to look at my new gigantic eyeballs, my horn poked Twilight in the nose. She jerked back a little, but didn’t say anything.

I gasped. “My horn!”

Reaching up tentatively, I felt the sharp point of a large horn sticking out of my forehead. Tracing the swirls all the way to the base with my shaking hoof, I realized it was significantly bigger than Twilight’s. Also, as there were no... shall we call them special stimulations, I assumed that the interwebs were wrong; the horn wasn’t an erogenous zone.

“Stand up fully please!” I begged her. As she did, I stood side by side with her. I was a good deal taller than Twilight, and our horns were just as disproportioned.

Twilight was impressed, as was to be expected. “You’re even bigger than my brother!” she exclaimed. “Maybe not as large as Big Macintosh, but still! It’s almost unheard of for a unicorn to be so big!”

My head swelled about two times its regular size. Ego coursed through me until my brain, once again inserting itself, reminded me of the practicality of the situation.

I said to myself, I’m going to stand out now, and I have no idea what the Nuckelavee are looking for in ponies! I may end up hurting the mission by being the way I am! Also, where have my clothes gone? I’m naked.

Objectively speaking, I had brought up some really good points. Naturally I decided to ignore them, and just went with what was relevant at the moment. That didn’t include my apparent nudity, in case you’re wondering. I happened to enjoy that breeze across my plot.

Thankfully, Twilight was seemingly very sympathetic. At least, she hadn’t run off by now due to my crazy moments. So, i decided I would push for just a teensy bit more. “Twilight,” I said sheepishly. “Um… can you teach me how to use my horn? Or, now that I think about it, how do I go to the bathroom?”

She wasn’t up for that, incidentally. All she told me was that I’d figure it out when the need arose. “Do you guys at least have toilets so I can ‘number two’?” I asked warily.

She just laughed. “Ponies don’t go ‘number two’! We evolved past that millennia ago!”

Ponies were then declared officially better than humans. I enjoy a good squat like the next guy, but evolving past the point it was even necessary? That is the dictionary definition of awesome.

“A name, though…” she tapped her hooves on the ground thoughtfully. I was more than content to let her come up with the name. I had never been good at naming; if it was up to me, my future children would have been named George Washington and Liam Neeson.

“It has to be representative of me, but not sound too ridiculous,” I suggested helpfully when she hadn’t said anything aloud for a while.

She just waved me off. “What do I know about you?” she asked herself.

She studied me carefully, and started trotting around me in circles. “I know you’re loyal… I know you’d never hurt a pony… I know you’re entirely ridiculous… I know you’re compassionate… I know you promised to always offer your help to anypony who needs it…”

Finally, her eyes lit up. “I’ve got it!” she shouted triumphantly. “We’ll name you Promise!”

I haven’t had such a letdown since “Prometheus”.

“Why don’t we just tattoo flowers on my flank and magic me into a mare while we’re at it?” I asked, rolling my eyes as I scoffed. Honestly, it hadn’t occurred to me such a smart pony could have such a dumb idea.

“Don’t tempt me!” Twilight warned, her horn glowing.

“Touchy,” I mumbled. “Alright then, can we at least make it sound a little more like I’ve got some testosterone in me?”

I thought about what I had just said for a second. “Actually, do male ponies even have testosterone?”

Twilight just shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never heard of ‘testerown’ before.”

As I was about to correct her, Deluge popped up out of the ground. I had no idea how she had come that close so quietly from digging in the ballroom, but I was immediately appreciative of the fact that I hadn’t had to learn the hard way how ponies take care of their number one issues.

“I can help!” she yelled triumphantly as I gave a jump.

Twilight and I just stared at her. “How do you even know what we’re talking about?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, we Diamond Dogs can dig close enough to the surface to hear everything spoken,” she said, waving off the remark. “Now! If you want something to do with promise, but carries more weight to it, why not ‘Creed’”?

I thought about that one for a while. A creed was some sort of a mantra, like a holy swear to devote yourself to something, right? A smile spread over my face. I liked it!

“What do you think, Twilight?” I asked excitedly.

“Actually, it works pretty well,” Twilight said thoughtfully. “I think it fits!”

Who knew Deluge would be the one to give me my pony name!

There was much celebration on my part. Not only did my name have real meaning, it also gave me so many ideas! I could make Ezio remarks, I could sing songs, and I could quote scripture- all to screw with ponies.

It was perfect! I immediately forced Twilight and Deluge to promise to call me Creed from then on. Their promise excited me to no end. In fact, I was so happy that I offered to show them the wonders of my world through the magic of (trumpets sound) iPod movies!

“Of course you’ll have to allow for some censorship, but I’m sure you can at least give me that! Follow me!”

Paul took off for the ballroom, the two females following at a leisurely stroll. On his way past it, he scooped the book by Q up with his mouth to be dropped next to his other belongings. Paul still wanted to know what sort of connection the book and Q had to the human world.

Twilight whispered quietly enough to Deluge that she was sure Paul couldn’t hear. “I’ve never seen anypony with enough control over themselves magically that they could cut themselves off completely... and that was just his first experimentation! There’s something going on with that human that I don’t understand, and I don’t think he even suspects anything!”

“I don’t know about all that, but I trust him,” Deluge hissed back. “He saved my life, and now he’s helping Equestria without asking for anything in return. He may be silly and he may not know his own strength yet, or even what limits he possesses, but I don’t fear him.”

“I don’t fear him, I fear for him!” Twilight replied hotly. “He may just go getting himself killed trying to do something he would consider fun or helpful, and then we would be out of luck. Besides that though, there’s this Q character that isn’t too subtle in the way he’s pulling our strings. I think we need to just play along until we understand exactly what part we play in this chess game, pawn or queen.”

“Why not king?” Deluge asked sharply. “You’re a Princess, and he’s the first of his kind here, and he’s incredibly powerful!”

“Because I get the feeling that this Q is much more active than he lets on, and we’re all just here to protect him while he goes about his plans,” Twilight said gravely.

Paul stuck his head out of the hole in the ballroom wall with a lit device in his hoof. “Hurry up you two! Tomorrow, we start our adventure to save Ponyville, Equestria, and this universe in general. No biggie, but you still need your rest! But until then, I’ve got a certain Princess Buttercup I think you’d be very interested to meet little miss Twilight!”

Twilight and Deluge smiled as he jumped back inside excitedly.

“I think I could get used to unicorns,” Deluge mused delightedly.

Author's Note

This thing. This damn thing. I deleted almost three thousand words straight off the bat, added another three and a half thousand from scratch, and reworded half of the other ten thousand words.

Hope it was worthwhile.