"HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLUTTERSHY!"
Amidst a chorus of confetti, streamers, and party poppers, Fluttershy's favourite five ponies clustered around her to offer their congratulations.
Applejack came up last, and chuckled. "Happy birthday, Fluttershy! Yer twenty-first no less. I tell ya, I been waitin' for this one fer nearly a year now!"
"Oh." Fluttershy said. "Um...why is that?"
"Well, you know what happens when you turn twenty-one!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh, yes." Fluttershy said. "It means I can vote in town elections, and make an extra bit per hour from animal sitting, and-"
"Ah think she means drinkin', Fluttershy." Applejack said with a grin. "And ta celebrate that in style, we got one of Sweet Apple Acres' finest barrels outta storage for ya!"
"Oh. OH! You mean, alcohol...oh, I've heard ponies talk about that. Are you sure it's safe?" Fluttershy said.
"It's fine, darling. As long as you know your limits, of course. Surely you must have at least had a few sips of wine in your time, dear?" Rarity said.
"Oh...no. My parents never drank. You see, they were never quite as adventurous and extroverted as I am." Fluttershy said.
Five ponies stared at Fluttershy in utter awe. Applejack subtly waved Twilight over, and they clustered behind Fluttershy out of earshot.
"Er...Twilight?" Applejack said. "If Fluttershy's parents were...ya know, more Fluttershy than Fluttershy...how did they...well...even get Fluttershy in the first place?"
"I...don't...know..." Twilight said, staring at Fluttershy as though she was a fascinating scientific phenomenon only just now discovered by ponykind.
"Well...uh..." Applejack said as the silence drew on. "Uh...easy enough ta make up fer lost time now!"
"YES! That's right!" Rainbow Dash said. "Fluttershy on cider. I have been waiting so many years for this! First mug's for the birthday girl!"
Rainbow swiftly filled it up and offered it to Fluttershy.
"Oh...I don't know Rainbow..." Fluttershy said, starting to shy away from the proffered mug.
"Come on Fluttershy. It's your twenty-first. If you're not going to go a little overboard now, when will you ever get the chance again?" Rainbow said.
"Well...um...I guess so." Fluttershy said. She reached out for the mug and cautiously took a sip. Then a much larger sip. Her eyes widened. She clutched the mug with both forehooves and began to flap into the air. She took another sip, draining a substantial portion of the mug. Licking her lips, she took a deep breath.
"She's not going to...is she?" Rarity said.
"I think she is." Twilight said.
Fluttershy broke into song.
What is this drink, filled with so many wonders?
Casting its spell, that I am now under?
Spices in the mug make the taste so appealing.
And it fills me with such a warm feeling!
Feeeeeeeeeliiing!
Oh, cider has such a wonderful charm.
And I owe it to the Apple Family farm!
If I knew this drink would be tasting so right,
I'd have drank it sooner, and every night!
Fluttershy proceeded to chug the rest of the mug to unanimous surprise.
"Uh...gals?" Applejack said "What the heck have we just done?"
Rainbow Dash laughed, half in excitement, half in apprehension. "Oh wow...one way or another, this is going to be awesome."
"This is DELICIOUS!" Fluttershy shouted. Of course, a Fluttershy shout was only slightly louder than any other pony whispering softly, so only Rainbow actually picked up on it, and she had no intention of saying anything that might jeopardise Fluttershy's intake.
"May I have another?" Fluttershy said. She pushed the mug towards Applejack with her forehooves and looked up at her pleadingly.
Applejack grinned. "Sure thing, Fluttershy. Lemme just, uh, serve everypony else one too. Ya kinda drank the first one so fast that nopony else got any yet."
"Oh, of course. I’m sorry." Fluttershy said meekly. "I want everypony to enjoy my party, not just me."
The drinks were served out in short order as the party began. Laughter was had, dancing was done, presents were opened, and of course, cider was consumed. As the dancing mix finally came to its conclusion, Fluttershy headed towards Applejack and her barrel of magical elixir, having to walk rather slowly and deliberately for some reason.
"Wow, Applejack." Fluttershy said. "I...I never knew apple drinks could taste so wonderful."
She clapped her hooves over her mouth. "Not...not that I'm saying apple juice isn't wonderful, because it is, but this is just the most indescribably wondrous beverage!" Fluttershy added, eyes pleading for forgiveness.
"I know what ya mean Fluttershy. May wanna slow down a tad though. Bad side effect of cider. Drink too much and ya won't feel all that good the next mornin’." Applejack cautioned, passing Fluttershy a half-mug.
"Fluttershy! FLUTTERSHY!" Pinkie yelled out as she jumped, waving wildly at Fluttershy who was less than ten feet away. "It's your turn to play Pin The Tail On The Pony!"
"Okay! Let's play!" Fluttershy said, rushing over to the game eagerly. Everypony except Pinkie exchanged glances at this. Fluttershy took a sip and put down her mug to play as the blindfold went on. Pinkie spun her around repeatedly and put her in the direction of the target.
“Don’t feel bad guys. Pegasi have a natural sense of direction. I’m guessing she’ll get an easy second place. Behind me of course." Rainbow said.
Fluttershy took a couple of steps towards the wall, three steps to the left, a couple of steps to the right, then lost track. Hitting the wall, she tried to pin the tail, only to find it wasn't going in. She tried several more times, growing steadily more confused.
"Uh...Fluttershy?" Twilight said. "You've missed the paper. You're trying to pin the tail on the tree."
Fluttershy lifted her blindfold as everypony struggled to contain laughter. She giggled. And giggled again. Then started giggling and giggling and couldn't stop as everypony else joined in. She clutched her sides, tears welling up as she rolled from side to side on the floor.
Finally she was able to articulate a sentence. "I...I wasn't even playing Pin The Tail On The Pony!" she said, snorting with barely contained laughter. "It was...Pin The Tail On...The TREE!"
It wasn’t even all that funny, but it set everypony off laughing again, until none of them could even remember who was supposed to go next.
*** ***
Rarity yawned as she surveyed the remainder of the party. Small amounts of snack foods scattered here and there like the last floating flotsam of a sinking ship, ponies sitting or lying around talking, energy waning. Suddenly, a face appeared in front of her, shocking her out of her mind. Not because a face had appeared, but because a face had appeared in front of her and it wasn't Pinkie Pie.
"Hi...hi Rarity!" Fluttershy said. "Have you seen Applejack? I just...wanted to...um....er...."
Fluttershy trailed off and glanced down at her cider mug.
"Cider! That was it! I was hoping to...to thank Applejack for the cider. And to get another mug if it was not not too much trouble. Or, wait...'not not too much'...would that mean...too much...I wanted to thank Applejack! For the cider!" Fluttershy finished triumphantly.
"Oh! Er, I think she's in the bathroom, Fluttershy." Rarity said.
Fluttershy headed over to the cider station, filled the mug up herself, and headed upstairs towards the bathroom. As she left, Rainbow Dash gravitated towards Rarity, two cupcakes balanced on her front hooves, a feat she somehow managed while flying under the influence of a moderate amount of cider herself.
"Cupcake?" Rainbow offered.
"You don't think she's had a little...too much, do you?" Rarity said, levitating the cupcake.
"Nah. Fluttershy's fine. She's just loosened up a bit, that's all. Come out of her shell. There's a reason I was looking forward to this!" Rainbow said.
*** ***
Fluttershy slowly headed up the stairs. Wonderful things those were. Stairs. She stopped to reflect on that for a second. I mean, which pony came up with stairs? I mean...one moment, you were down there. Then the next...you were up here. Her mind churning slowly as she kept walking, she decided it wasn't a pegasus. Pegasi could just fly. So...that narrowed it down to about two-thirds of Equestria. Progress!
She reached the bathroom at this point, sadly ending the march of scientific discovery. She had more important things to do! She knocked on the door. "Applejack. May I come in and talk to you?" she said.
"What. Uh...no, Fluttershy. I'm...in the bathroom." Applejack said slowly.
Fluttershy sat and pondered this as she sipped her cider. How would Twilight solve this? First, define the problem. Okay. She could do that. The problem was that Fluttershy was out here. And Applejack...was in there. And this was a thoroughly undesirable state of affairs. So, what was stopping her from simply going in there? Ah. Yes. The door. The door was her obstacle. So how did she defeat the door. Could she open it? No. No, the door was locked. Could she go under it? That was silly. Over it? No. There was only one possible, rational course of action. Fluttershy walked away from the door. Twilight would be proud of her. She had distilled the problem down to its core essences, determined the exact nature of her dilemma, and made a plan to deal with the obstacle. Yes. Foolproof.
Fluttershy turned back towards the bathroom and charged full speed at the door.
*** ***
"So, I guess it's probably time to wrap it up..." Twilight said, right before she heard a tremendous smash.
"What in the hay was that?" Applejack shouted from the bathroom as everypony rushed towards the area of the crash. Fluttershy lay in front of the door, which incredibly, had actually suffered some damage, though not enough to actually break it down. A flush was heard and Applejack opened the door.
"Fluttershy! Did you just try and break down the door?" Applejack said.
"Of course I did, Applejack. I wanted to talk to you, and you wouldn't let me." Fluttershy said, as if trying to explain the obvious to a five-year-old.
"Well, I think that's enough cider for you." Twilight said. "Let's get you home."
Twilight carried an unresisting Fluttershy with her teleportation magic. They headed down the stairs and were about to leave when Fluttershy spoke. "Wait! Put...put me down for, for just a minute. I just, just want to do one last thing. No cider. I promise."
Twilight put Fluttershy down, against her better judgement. Fluttershy turned to Applejack. "Deny me cider, will you AJ? Put em up!" she said.
Applejack snickered. "Er...what did y'all just say?"
"Put. Em. Up." Fluttershy said. Staggering on four legs, she somehow managed to stand up on two, front hooves extended in front of her face. She started to take a step towards Applejack.
Suddenly, Fluttershy was flat on her back in less than a second. "W...wha....what?" she shouted. "Applejack...how are you so fast? I...I...I didn't even see you move!" she said in utter incredulity.
"Er...Fluttershy?" Rarity said.
"Yes, Rarity?" Fluttershy said in a completely normal tone.
"Applejack didn't hit you. You fell over. You didn't see her move because she didn't move." Rarity explained.
"Ohhhhhhhhh." Fluttershy said. "Ohhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhh. Oh. Ohh. Oh. Oh."
"That...that explains everything!" Fluttershy continued, awestruck. She felt as if she had just discovered the secret of the universe.
"Alright, Fluttershy. Even I think you've had enough now." Rainbow said. "Up ya get."
Rainbow and Applejack managed to bring Fluttershy to her feet again, and keep her from swaying with their combined efforts. Fluttershy extricated herself from between them, but kept her feet.
"You know." Fluttershy said. "I...am so lucky. I am so lucky to have, to have such special friends. I like having special friends. Like...like..."
Fluttershy turned towards the nearest pony, which happened to be Rarity. "Like Rarity!. Rarity Rarity Rarity. I do so love our spa visits. They...are truly an oasis of calm in what can otherwise be an extremely frenetic lifestyle."
"She's gone inta big-fancy-words-drunk now." Applejack whispered to Twilight.
"I don't notice anything different. Doesn't everypony communicate with a comparable lexicon?" Twilight whispered back.
"And Rainbow! Rainbow Dash. We...we share a bond, you and I." Fluttershy said, and winked at Rainbow. "We share something that nopony else in this room has."
"I knew it!" Rarity said, eyes sparkling. "I always knew!"
Fluttershy rested a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder as Rainbow considered her next words extremely carefully. "Uh...what, exactly is this bond you're talking about, Fluttershy?"
"Why, we're both pegasusususes, of course!" Fluttershy said. "We share a sacred bond of the sky, we pegasususes. Pegasususes."
Fluttershy sat down. "Pegasuses."
"Okay. Time to go home now." Twilight said, as Rarity sank to the floor, wedding plans in shambles.
"TWILIGHT!" Fluttershy zoomed forward in a tackle-hug that sent Twilight back a couple of steps as Fluttershy clutched Twilight's neck as though she was drowning. "You...you are also very special. You understand me, and my oft misunderstood desire for solitude. You...are truly a rare gem, Twilight. Thank you."
Fluttershy leaned forward and kissed Twilight on the forehead as Twilight tried to break free from Fluttershy’s iron grip. "You are a special friend, Twilight. Not in that way. Because I'm totally into stallions. No matter what Rarity thinks. But if I weren't, we could totally be even more special friends."
Rarity let out a wail of despair at the news as Twilight fervently wished an invisibility spell had been on her Learn New Spells checklist for last month rather than next month.
Fluttershy let go of Twilight and looked around the room for anypony she hadn't yet seen, now drunk enough to realise something she should have realised a long time ago. "PINKIE PIE! In that bookshelf!"
Pinkie popped out of the bookshelf in a move that would have driven the ponies mad had any of them been stupid enough to actually look directly at Pinkie when she was breaking physics. "YES! Thankyou thankyou thankyou Fluttershy, I started to think nopony would find me! Did anypony even notice I was gone?"
"I did, Pinkie." Fluttershy said. "Because...you're Pinkie, Pinkie. And that's all there...that's all there is to it. Pinkie is Pinkie is Pinkie is Pinkie because only Pinkie is Pinkie and nopony else can be Pinkie."
"Aw, thanks Fluttershy! And you're the most Fluttershy-iest of all possible Fluttershies yourself!" Pinkie said as they exchanged hugs.
"And Applejack." Fluttershy said, approaching her.
"Oh no. Oh Celestia no." Applejack said.
Fluttershy stopped before Applejack, and bowed deeply before her. "You, Applejack, provider of the liquid ambrosia that is apple cider. I grant you anything that is in my power to grant. Ask of me any boon that is within my strength to gift upon you, and it shall be yours."
Stunned by the utter drunken sincerity in Fluttershy's message, Applejack began to look from side to side awkwardly, before suddenly an idea hit like a bolt of lightning. "Fluttershy. As mah boon, I hereby do request of y'all that y'all stay at Twilight's tonight and head ta sleep. Er, right now. Yer in no state ta go home."
"Your wish is my command, Applejack." Fluttershy said, and she staggered towards the steps. Rainbow and Twilight made sure she didn't fall, and as they all followed, Fluttershy curled up on Twilight's guest bed and fell sound asleep within seconds. Quietly, everypony tiptoed back down.
"Well. That...was certainly something." Rarity said.
"Yeah. Somethin'. It certainly was." Applejack said.
"She's going to be regretting it in the morning." Twilight said.
"Hah! I'll say!" Rainbow said.
"I wish I could drink." Pinkie Pie said.
Sheer, absolute, bloodchilling horror struck the four remaining ponies as they realised Pinkie Pie still wasn't of drinking age.
"But that's okay! I'll be twenty-one in two months! Won't that be fun!" Pinkie said, bouncing out the door.
When she finally finished screaming, Applejack promptly galloped home, destroyed the entire stock of cider Sweet Apple Acres possessed, and never made another barrel again as long as she lived.
Author's Note
It's been pointed out to me that Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie in canon. Since it's a very minor alteration to canon and this is a comedy fic, I've elected to keep it the way it is. Thanks for the sharp eyes that pointed it out!
