The Ultimate Recipe

by Haybales22

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Gore, Dark, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1870

Pinkie makes herself into cupcakes

This month's featured flavor of cupcakes might be a bit... difficult for Pinkie to make.

Published 2013-03-19 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-19 18:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Pinkie stared into the empty bucket, its reddish stains mocking her as she scraped the spoon around the edges, trying to get as much of the substance out as possible. She wiped the container clean with her hoof and licked the crimson goo from the pink appendage, savoring one of her last tastes of Rock Solid. The Pegasus had put up a good fight, giving a swift kick to the face with an unsecured hoof, causing it to bruise. Various residents had pointed it out to the party pony, who brushed it off as smashing into a wall while defying gravity. It was generally believed, as it was a good excuse. But Rock Solid had succumbed none the less. Pinkie couldn’t believe it had already been a month since she harvested last, it seemed like just yesterday…

“Now, hold still Rocky!” Pinkie chimed, the periwinkle mare below her widening her eyes in terror as Pinkie Pie lifted her internal organs from her body, blood dripping from the psychotic mare’s hooves onto what was left of her coat, her snowy white tail was stained red with the liquid. Rock Solid was having a difficult time holding still due to this, and the fact she was being butchered alive. The gem collector had screamed as soon as she had woken up, finding her beautifully feathered wings gone, bloodied stumps left in their place. Her tongue was removed promptly. Faint gurgles could be heard as blood seeped from the corners of her mouth, combining with the tears that ran down her face as she cried. “Nighty Night Rock Solid.” Pinkie sang hauntingly as she made the final incision. “Say hi to Dashie for me!” And with that, Pinkie ripped Rock Solid’s heart from her chest, still beating. As the life faded from the butchered mare’s eyes, the last thing she saw was a mare she once called her friend devour the organ whole.

Pinkie was jarred back to the present by a beeping sound, the oven timer, indicating the cupcakes were ready. She donned the cloth boots that fit around her hooves and pulled the hot pan from the equally hot oven. After dumping the pan on a wire rack to cool, she inhaled the sweet aroma of the blue-ish cakes. Although most of her treats involving pony-flesh were made with the blood and internal organs of her friends, the cupcakes usually had coloration and taste reminiscent of their host. Rainbowdash’s cupcakes had a striped, colorful pattern, and tasted spicy, a bit like a real rainbow. Twist made red and white swirled peppermint flavored cakes and Derpy… Derpy made something completely different. Pinkie honored her friend by not making cupcakes from the mail mare, but instead created muffins with her flesh. These muffins were light, airy and tasty, not unlike alicorn food cake. Time Turner was a huge fan of these muffins, unwittingly devouring dozens of treats containing his wife’s flesh. All of her friend’s disappearances were unexplained, and unsolved. Ponies disappeared around once a month in Ponyville. Many moved from the town, viewing it as a dangerous place where ponies just vanished. But for every pony that moved out, a new one moved in, intrigued by the legend and the sight of numerous savings of the world. Pinkie was constantly updating her lists and the Wall.

The Wall was the entire southern wall of Pinkie’s bedroom, covered in a grid of three by three square inch blocks. Within each block was a black number, and beneath that, the name of a Ponyville resident. Some names were painted over, the names of ponies who had just disappeared one day. Beneath the Wall was the Hat, a large silk top hat with a purple ribbon around it. Within the Hat were hundreds of slips of paper, each containing a number. Pinkie Pie picked up the hat in her fore hooves, and danced around the room on her hind legs, singing a haunting melody, the words chilling Gummy the alligator’s reptilian heart, although he’d heard his mistress’s song many times.

“So many friends have been devoured,

So many friends lost to history.

So much milk, eggs, blood and flour,

All eaten up by the ponies.

‘Cause everypony knows that Pinkie is the best,

Nopony’s cupcakes can past the test.

Now everypony in the town can have perfect cakes,

Not a single bit of pony shall go to waste!

Watch as I pick use this device,

Eye of the pony, sugar, spice.

Watch as the friends meet their ends,

Don’t they taste so nice?”

And with that, Pinkie withdrew a single slip of paper, the newest target and this month’s featured flavour. “Four” She read excitedly, completely forgetting the significance of this, and who the title of “four” belonged to. She ran to the wall and looked up up up to the single digits. One, two and five were crossed out with red, and their numbers were removed from the hat. Pinkie didn’t want anypony else to have her bestest friends’ numbers. Rainbowdash, Applejack and Twilight crossed out. She looked to number four. “Pinkamena Diane Pie” Pinkie read, the significance not yet registering. She skipped downstairs and began preparing the tranquilizer cupcake, and knowing the target’s favorite flavour, topped it with plenty of cotton candy. She was halfway across town, looking for the target before she stopped dead in her tracks, remembering who number four was. “I am number Four…” She said.

Pinkie had returned to Sugarcube Corner and sat at a table with a cupcake and some coffee. Coffee always helped her think, the caffeine cleared her mind. She contemplated her very existence as she sipped the bitter liquid. Meanwhile inside her brain:

“Alright Ladies, how do we rectify the situation?” Leader Pinkie said.

“If we make ourselves into cupcakes, we will no longer be able to make cupcakes or live in general. I say we pick a new target.” Stated Rational Pinkie, but this had mixed emotions from the other voices.

“We can’t just pick a new target,” claimed OCD Pinkie, “That’s not how it’s done. We didn’t just pick a new target instead of Rainbowdash, instead of Twilight, Instead of Applejack.”

“Applejack was harvested because she was half dead anyways, remember? She was fighting her brother after he killed the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He decapitated her, and it was a good thing we got there in time to retrieve them.” Memory Pinkie added.

“Still,” Leader Pinkie interjected, “We can’t just kill yourself.

“Let me die, I no longer care…” moaned Emo Pinkie. She was promptly slapped and told to “Shut tha fuck up foo!” by Ghetto Pinkie.

The various emotions and levels of Pinkie Pie’s subconscious argued, and as negative comments were made, the original Pinkie’s mane deflated, and as positive things were said her mane puffed up. The hair atop her head bounced around, jumping up and down with an audible popping sound.

Mrs.Cake nudged her strange apprentice, “Are you alright Pinkie?” she asked cautiously, but Pinkie simply ignored her and sipped her drink.

The pink party pony later found herself in her basement dungeon, surrounded by her grotesque décor as she tried to work. She held a scalple between her usually adept teeth as she tried to remove her own cutie mark, having succeeded on the right one, but having a bit of trouble with the left. She had cut several large gashes in her side as a result, and her intestines spilt from the largest cut. She stood in a shallow pool of her own blood, having set up an inflatable wading pool belonging to Pound and Pumpkin Cake, so no blood was wasted. Her knees wobbled from the loss of blood, and from the aneasthetic she had applied before starting. It didn’t knock her out, but it did keep her entire body numb. Her coat was slightly faded from the blood loss, and she could barely stay on her hooves. Suddenly, a dim light bulb flashed above her head as she remembered something, something that could have saved her in the beginning. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to save herself, and she wouldn’t be able to kill herself, but maybe she could. Pinkie stepped out of the pool shakily, and threw a cloak over herself, a cloak she had kept after harvesting Zecora, who had had an exotic, heady flavor. She left the basement, hobbling through the town, leaving a trail of deep red hoofprints leading right to the Everfree Forest.

“-And I promise not to be scared

At the prospect of being

Doubly mared.”

Pinkie croaked in a hoarse whisper, then she stepped into the pool. “Please, oh Celestia, please be whole…” she pleaded. Pinkie emerged on the other side holding a bouncing clone of herself. The clone bounced although she tried her best to restrain it.

“Fun fun fun!” The clone cried out, fun being the only thing it knew.

“Cupcakes are fun too. I can teach you, unless you already know how.” The original Pinkie whispered hoarsely. She didn’t have much time and the clone seemed to know it, it stopped bouncing, even after fun was mentioned. “Carry me home please, I will teach you on the way…” The original breathed, and she collapsed,. The clone barely caught her, and she lifted the bloodied original on her back. The clone began to walk out, and the original spoke to her new apprentice.

Pinkie sighed with relief upon lying on the operating table. Her mane and tail had lost their volume, and the bright pink of her coat faded. Her knowledge had been passed along, and now she could rest and die in peace. Dried blood matted her fur, but the Clone washed it away tenderly, being careful not to hurt her. She picked up the scalpel in her mouth and made a careful incision, revealing the organs within. Pinkamena Diane Pie closed her eyes and slipped into death, a smile on her face, but hating herself for leaving the clone without a playmate.

Pinkie Pie chowed down on the pink cupcake she held in her hooves, its cottony topping tickling her upper lip. Her surviving friends, Rarity and Fluttershy, nervously ate their cupcakes. They suspected their friends’ and numerous other citizen’s, including Sweetie Belle’s, disapearences were linked to. Rainbowdash had gone first, then Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, Scootaloo, Applejack and Big Macintosh all in the same day, and most recently, Twilight. Pinkie Pie was their prime suspect, with Spike in a close second, seeing as dragons sometimes capture and eat ponies in the wild. The pair was wary of both, but Pinkie’s recent behaviour scared them. She seemed… off. She occasionally forgot names, which was very unlike her, and she often shouted “Fun” at the top of her lungs without reason.

Author's Note

Not another “Cupcakes” aftermath fic! Contains references to “Gangsta Cupcakes” by Chuckward (Twilight being killed), “Sweet Apple Massacre: Resolution” By SixthDemention (Applejack and Big Mac fighting to the death, then being captured by Pinkie). Thanks for reading this terrible fic, hope you enjoyed a story I wrote at 2 am on a school night, then typed at school on a snow day. Keep an eye out for “Wild Dragons”.