The Ponyville Party Prandial

by Featherprop

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Apple Bloom, Comedy
Length: 4803

What happens when you send a neurotic Unicorn out to ogle fruit? Nothing fruit-related, I'll tell you that.

The Princesses are coming to town, and Twilight has set herself to organizing the perfect spur-of-the-moment, off-the-cuff, impromptu tea-time to welcome them. And when Celestia requests a specific drink, Twilight is determined to get it perfect. Just. Totally. Perfect. The fact that the drink comes from Pinkie Pie is only a minor obstacle.

Luna's asking about cider. Fluttershy is trying to duck out. Dash is out for a refund. Rarity is pumping Twilight for information, and Applejack is wondering where her sales cart is.

In the end, it'll take one special friend to help Twilight get things right.

Special thanks go to Cloudy Skies for goading me into writing with Ponies people have heard of, Helicity and Pick-Six for editing, and all of you for coming and taking a look!

Published 2013-03-19 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-27 00:00:44 UTC

Select Your Berries. Fruit. Whatever.

Select Your Berries. Fruit. Whatever.

My Most Faithful Student,

Luna and I are delighted to accept your invitation to come for a relaxing afternoon at the Library! It’s been so long since we were able to discuss your research and what you’ve discovered.

With the Summer Sun Celebration completed and Canterlot’s vacation season upon us, it is a most opportune time for my sister and I to take a short break from Castle life. If you could gather your friends, we would dearly love to see them as well (as I write this Luna is already expressing a strong interest in Applejack’s latest vintage).

If there is one request I may make, there has been much buzz in Canterlot lately about a delightful concoction Pinkie Pie presently popularized, a 'Ponyville Party Prandial.' We would both love to try one; can we impose upon you to prepare a pitcher prior?

P.S. Luna would like to know if her alliterative additions have doubled the fun.

Celestia

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

Spike was still patting his stomach to settle it after a flaming outburst when Twilight finished reading the letter. Setting it down, she clapped her hooves together and bounced on her hindlegs. “Oh, Spike! They’re coming, they’re coming!”

Her happiness spilled over, and she bounded over to the little dragon. “I can’t wait! We’ll have such a good time!” Not even Spike’s exaggerated eyeroll could dampen her spirits. The thought of spending time with both of the Ponies she most looked up to kept her from noticing the young dragon's apathy. While planning was a joy for her, he knew it meant endless writing and list-making and -checking, followed by more writing.

But as a thought occurred to her, Twilight stopped mid-bounce and thumped to the floor. Her joy began to turn to worry as her mind began to dig into the details that would need to be addressed before such an important visit. “There's so much to do! Oh, what shall I get for them to eat? Some muffins and cupcakes, of course, and Applejack’s apples, and maybe a cake from the Cakes? Oh, and how could I forget, I need to get Pinkie Pie to give me her recipe for the Ponyville Party Prandials! Spike!” She whirled about to face the dragon, only to look in confusion at empty space where he had been standing.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” said Spike huffily, “take a memo, right?” Anticipating her demand, he had trotted over to an easel holding a large roll of parchment and grabbed a quill from a tray. “Go ahead, but you know we’re running low on parchment- there’s only two rolls left in the basement!”

Twilight was so excited, she completely missed the exasperation in her assistant’s voice. “Right! Now, we’ll need two hundred yards of assorted streamers, a gross of blue and white napkins, two score of firefly lanterns...”

“... some Royal Guard chow, and eight flank-mounted fire extinguishers. Oh, and five more rolls of No. 3 List Parchment. Got it, Spike?”

“Eight... flunked... stickers.” The young dragon yawned and paused to massage his clawcramp. He looked at the mound of parchment next to him, and then back to Twilight. “You said Luna and Celestia were visiting for one afternoon?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes. Good thing, too – if they were going to stay for a week, think of all the extra provisioning and planning I’d have to do! Oh, I should ask if they want to spend the night, they may not want to travel after a hard afternoon of relaxing. Just in case they do... Spike!” She was surprised to hear a groan and a thump. Behind her, Spike had keeled over in shock.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

Twilight frowned as she examined a cluster of citrus fruit. She pursed her lips and lifted the entire batch in a faint purple aura. On the other side of the cart, a small yellow Pony with a bright red mane and a conspicuously improbable handlebar moustache eyed her supspiciously. “Y’all know yer not s’posed to play with yer food, right? S’cuse me – y’ain’t paid yet, so that’s mah food yer floatin’ about.” To her- ahem, himself, he muttered, “Ain’t never gonna git a dang flankmark at this rate.”

Twilight reviewed her notes for the fourth time. “But how do I select a pound of ‘mildly sun-drenched, yet pleasingly ripened’ fruit? By weight?” The row of fruit bobbed slightly in the air, and she shook her head in frustration. “No, the weights are nearly identical. Of course, I haven’t calibrated my levitation in a few days, but last time it was off by less than... Oh, it’s no use!” She huffed in frustration and turned back to her list, reviewing it again to see if she had forgotten any extra information she had written down.

She hadn’t.

It had taken some doing, but Twilight had finally managed to get Pinkie Pie to reveal the true source of the Ponyville Party Prandial. The original Party Prandial had been invented by a tipsy Mulia Mild, though Pinkie insisted that the ‘Ponyville’ version was the result of her own secret ingredient: “A pinch of Pinkie per pitcher promises Prandial perfection!” she said, as she plucked several hairs from her mane. Twilight didn’t know what was more disturbing: The ‘secret ingredient’ itself, or Pinkie’s eerie mimicry of Luna’s alliteration.

“You’d think a master chef like Mulia Mild would leave more precise instructions on how to choose the right fruit!”

“What? Are you still over here pinching berries? I’m, like, totally done getting my stuff already!”

Twilight squeaked in alarm as Rainbow Dash’s voice came from right next to her ear. Somehow the Pegasus had swooped into a hover behind her, unseen and unheard. Rainbow was carrying a basket laden with colorful packets, many of which had a yellow, fire-maned Pegasus on them.

“Actually, Rainbow, they’re fruit, not berries. See, all the seeds are contained in carpels inside the waxy flav...” She trailed off as her brash friend mimed a yawn and rolled onto her back in midair. Twilight frowned, and when Dash had finally stifled her snickers she cotinued, “Besides, we only got here five minutes ago. How can you be done with your shopping already?”

Rainbow laughed, “Hah! Come on, Twi. ‘Best Young Flyer in Equestria’ here, remember?” The Pegasus gave a smug smile and flared her wings. “Besides, who needs to spend a bunch of time shopping? I got a great deal on a whole mess of Spitfire’s Pegasus Power Bars!” She grabbed one and slowly read a slogan off the label, ‘All the Cloud-Crackin’ Carbs™ A Pegasus Needs in A Bar. Eat One and You’re Done!®’ It’s Spitfire’s personal line, all balanced and full of... stuff!” Shucking the silvery wrapper, she eagerly scarfed down an entire bar in one gulp.

Twilight hoofed up a second bar and looked at it critically. “Rainbow, are you sure Spitfire has anything to do with these? Isn’t she, you know, a mare?” The Pegasus on the wrapper looked much too stocky to be the svelte leader of the Wonderbolts. “And is her name “Spitfire” or “Spotfire?” Twilight pointed to the tiny name: Sure enough, it was spelled with an ‘O.’

Rainbow snatched up another bar and looked closely. “Augh, WHAT?? No wonder he was selling them so cheap!” She squinted, hooves shaking in frustration, and muttered through clenched teeth, “Davenport!”

A crimson blush spread under her bright blue coat as she caught sight of Twilight trying to hide a laugh behind her hoof. Eager to change the subject, Dash pointed at the fruit that were still held in Twilight’s levitation aura. “W-well, that’s not important! Come on, I could have picked all you need in like, five seconds!”

Twilight’s ears perked up. There couldn’t be some secret to fruit evaluation that Rainbow Dash knew and she didn’t... could there? She gave her friend a challenging grin.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

Rainbow’s joking demeanor instantly became serious. She locked eyes with Twilight, testing the Unicorn’s challenge. The moment stretched on, neither mare moving, except for the steady whoosh of Dash’s wings.

Suddenly, Rainbow swooped down and batted five random fruit out of Twilight’s aura and into the Unicorn’s basket. She looped up, cackling. “Bwahahaha! Ponyville’s finest, five. Eggheads, nothin’!”

As Twilight gritted her teeth and returned the rest of the fruit to the display stand, the Pegasus did a lazy roll overhead and tapped her friend on her head. “I love ya, Twi, but sometimes you burn too many brain cycles. You gotta go with the flow more! Like, y'know, me.”

Twilight lifted Dash's full basket in her aura and smiled sweetly. "You mean, like you did with these?"

Rainbow halted in mid air and squinted, her hooves shaking in frustration.

Through clenched teeth, she muttered, "Davenport!"

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

What a Pony Should Never Know

Down the street from the market square, a handsome shopstallion was humming in satisfaction as he restocked what used to be a quill display with Pegasus Power Bars. One ear flickered and swiveled towards the market square as the sound of a raspy mare’s voice tickled it. He turned and saw Rainbow hovering above Twilight, with the overflowing basket held between them in an aura of magic. Davenport grinned to himself as he watched the animated exchange. The flying mare clenched her hooves and looked towards his shop.

When Rainbow turned to squint towards Sofas & Quills, she was surprised to see the crafty salespony looking back at her. She flitted over next to the basket and pointed at the bars spilling over the edge.

Davenport knew that look – it was the one many customers gave just before they demanded a refund. He puffed out his chest and squinted back, then pointed at a sign in the shop’s window that boldly proclaimed, “No Refunds.”

Twilight looked down the street, then back up at Rainbow in confusion. “Rainbow Dash, what in Equestria are you doing? Are you trying to sign something to Davenport? You know, you could just go over there and talk to him.”

Rainbow dismissed her words with a hoof. “I got this, Twi.” She squinted harder and pointed at the basket more forcefully.

Twilight’s face lit up with sudden understanding. “Oh, did you get those from Sofas & Quills & Pegasus Power Bars? I suppose I should have realized that, since he just changed the name of the shop. They must be selling really well!” She gave an embarrassed chuckle as Rainbow pointedly looked at her and then the basket of Power Bars. ”Oh, um... sorry?”

As if to prove Twilight correct, when Rainbow looked back up, Davenport was trading bars for bits with another Pegasus, who happily flapped off, leaving several wrappers fluttering down in her wake. The salestallion gave Rainbow a smug grin.

“What?!” Rainbow smacked herself in the face with a hoof, and then glared at Davenport. Slowly and emphatically, she pointed at her basket again.

Unfazed, Davenport frowned and pointed at his sign without breaking eye contact.

“Rainbow, I don’t think this is doing much good. You really should just go over and talk to him.” Twilight was beginning to get concerned; she was nearly out of budgeted ‘Spontaneous Conversation’ time, and she still had a dozen things left to do this afternoon. Just the thought of all the items on her list made her mane shiver.

Rainbow Dash was not about to let herself be distracted. “Nonononono, I got this, Twi.” She grinned her competitive grin and slowly nodded at Davenport. “I. Got. This.”

A clear and elegant voice rang out. “Oh, Twilight! My dear, I hate to say it, but you look positively frazzled!” Behind Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy had been strolling across the square when Rainbow Dash’s aerial antics caught their attention. Rarity arched an eyebrow and glanced up at the hovering Pegasus, who was still staring at Davenport and pointing at her basket, over and over. “Who could ever have put you in such a state, I wonder?”

Twilight turned at the sound of her friend’s voice, her face lighting up. “Rarity, Fluttershy! I was going to come and see you today!” In her saddlebag, there was a rustling as a compact quill levitated and checked off two boxes on her list. Catching the meaning behind Rarity’s glance, she said, “Oh, no, it’s not her. Well, it is, kind of, but it isn’t, sort of.”

Davenport finally tired of the silent standoff. He lifted his chin, looked away from Rainbow Dash, and then marched into his shop.

“Okay, that’s it! I’m gonna go give that guy a piece of my mind!” The three other mares were startled by Rainbow’s outburst, and Twilight’s levitating aura disappeared with a pop. Rainbow swooped down, grabbed the falling basket, and shot off down the street towards Sofas & Quills & Pegasus Power Bars.

Rarity leaned over to Fluttershy and theatrically whispered, “Are you sure she can afford to do that?” earning a round of giggles from her friends.

“Now, Rarity, you know that’s not nice to say.” Fluttershy gently rebuked her friend, though she smiled as she said it.

Rarity smiled back and gave her friend a quick hug. “Oh, you are quite correct, dear, and of course I don’t mean a word of it. Rainbow Dash is a doll, but sometimes she needs to use her head for thinking, not as one of those... oh, you know, those things? The sort one would ram into a wall, if one wished to batter it down?”

Twilight smirked and said, “You mean a battering ram?”

“Yes, exactly, a battering ram! Terribly unstylish things, if you ask me. All brawn, no beauty, you know.” She shivered, and then turned her attention to Twilight. “ Now, Twilight, what was it you wanted to see us about?”

“Oh! Well, I wanted to make sure you were able to come to tea tomorrow. You can make it, can’t you?” Concern tinged Twilight’s voice; for the visit to be perfect, she needed every detail to be correct, and some details were harder to confirm than others.

Rarity lit up at the mention of the event. “Oh, of course, my dear, it’s been on my calendar from the moment you mentioned it! Surely you received my RSVP? Who could possibly consider not making an appearance at such an event?” Rarity blinked even as she said it, and looked at Twilight, who responded with a silent nod.

Both Unicorns turned to look at Fluttershy. Or rather, at Fluttershy’s mane, for the poor mare had ducked her head and was slowly backing away. She squeaked in surprise as Twilight’s horn glowed and she was lifted back to where she had been standing. Undeterred, she began backing away again until Rarity trotted around behind her and blocked her escape.

“Now, Fluttershy, why in Equestria would you not want to attend?” Rarity smiled gently at her friend, careful to ask the question in a warm voice.

“Oh, I do, it’s just that, well, I was thinking the library might get kind of crowded if there were too many Ponies in there. And of course I know all of you have so much you’d like to talk about with the Princesses, and I don’t think they’d be very interested in what I have to say, so I thought it might be nicer for everypony else if I stayed out of the way.” She made an effort to hold her head up and smile at her friends.

Twilight and Rarity shared a knowing look, and with a grin Twilight said, “I’m not buying it, Fluttershy. You know Princess Celestia would love to talk about Phoenix lore with you, right?”

Fluttershy gave a guilty smile, and tried again. “Well, um, I didn’t want to say it, but I really do need to feed all of my animals, um, right at that time. I hate to think of any of my cute little friends going hungry because I was selfish and went and left them alone.”

This time, Rarity replied. “Fluttershy, you make an excellent point, and I hate to disagree with you, but I really must ask: Whatever do they do when you come to the spa with me?”

Fluttershy looked guilty. “Oh, um, well, I suppose I get Angel to help. But I hate to ask him, it’s so much work and he’s just a little bunny.” She flinched a little when she saw both her friends looking at her expectantly. “Bu-u-u-t, I suppose I could ask him nicely. And maybe I can give him an extra carrot to help keep his energy up.”

Rarity beamed and said, “Splendid, it’s settled! You’ll come and we’ll have a wonderful time!” She paused with a worried look on her face, “It’s just occurred to me – Twilight, whatever are you serving? Will there be catering? Drinks? Dancing? I simply must know so I can come properly attired! Will it be semi-formal? Formal? Partially subordinated formal? C... C... Oh, I dread to even ask... Casual?”

Now it was Twilight and Fluttershy who shared a look and giggled. They both knew that, despite her protestations, Rarity would just as eagerly go to a Hay-B-Que with her friends as attend the Grand Galloping Gala, but they understood that a love of pomp and circumstance went with Rarity’s superb talent for creative fashion. Twilight said, “Rarity, the Princesses are taking a little vacation, so... let’s say ‘relaxed informal,’ will that work? I mean, it’s the Princesses, but they want to get away from Canterlot and have a little fun. I’ve even gotten Pinkie to share her recipe for Party Prandials.”

Rarity gasped in excitement and sidled over next to Twilight. “You did? How did you ever? My dear, you simply must tell me – what is the secret?”

Twilight looked confused. “Secret? What secret?”

Rarity looked at her in feigned shock. “Why, the secret ingredient, of course! I’ve had a regular Party Prandial, but Pinkie does something wonderful... extraordinary... marvelous to them! I must know! You must tell me, darling, please pleaseplease!” By the end, Rarity had her face pressed up against Twilight’s, her hooves grasping the other mare by her shoulders and gently shaking her for emphasis.

Twilight shuddered at the memory of Pinkie’s revelation, and couldn’t decide if sharing it would send Rarity into a fit or shock her into silence. “She... puts a little bit of herself into every one. I’m sorry, I can’t say anymore.”

Rarity looked at her wide-eyed. “You mean...” She slowly lifted a hoof towards her eye, and when Twilight gave a guilty nod, she turned her head and held out a foreleg. “Say no more! I couldn’t stand to cause a friend to break such a promise!” Lifting a hoof to her brow, she struck a dramatic pose and continued, “I’d rather go my whole life not knowing than be the cause of such a breach of trust, the sort of trust only a friend, a true, true friend, could know the depths of. But alas, it seems it shall not be. I shall go on... unknowing.”

Rarity opened one eye and looked at Twilight questioningly. When her friend gave a slight shake of her head, Rarity shrugged and brought her hoof down. “It was worth a shot.”

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

Squeeze the Charmin Softly

Earlier that morning, Applejack had risen at her usual time, and her apple slices were sizzling in the pan as Celestia’s Sun climbed above the horizon. Unlike her brother and sister, the dawn was one of her favorite times, partly because of the promise each day held, but mostly because nopony else tended to be up, which gave her a rare chance to relax and think.

When Applejack noticed the dawn shadows shortening, she realized she’d been doing a little too much thinking. She wrapped her tongue around the remaining slice of fried apple, gulped down the last of her coffee, and chastised herself for being a slowpoke: “Yer burnin’ daylight, AJ, an’ there’s no excuse for wastin’ a good day. Them apples ain’t gonna sell themselves.” Pausing to don her Stetson, she stepped out the door and trotted towards the barn.

The barn door was ajar. Applejack frowned, for there were no good reasons for it to be so. She knew Big Mac couldn’t have left it open this morning; even from the barn, she could hear him snoring away. Apple Bloom could be ruled out as well – the absence of flames or any awful sounds of destructive creation meant the filly almost certainly wasn’t inside.

There was one other possible culprit, though, and she tipped her hat forward, for it never hurt to be prepared when confronting a Princess of the Night. Luna had recently discovered the joy of Sweet Apple Cider, and more than once Applejack had caught her doing what seemed an awful lot like casing the joint, looking for the Apples' Secret Cider Cellar.

Not that the Cellar existed. Especially not under the floorboards of Applejack's room.

Cautiously, she poked her head around the door. There was no Night Alicorn inside. In fact, there was nothing.

Her hat flew off her head in surprise. In the middle of the barn, where she had left the salescart after stocking up the previous night, was nothing except emtpy space.

“Mah... mah cart! Mah cart’s gone! What in tarnation’s goin’ on here?”

Then she noticed the space was not quite empty: On the floor lay a pile of apples and apple-eating accessories. “Mah... mah apples!” Her muzzle twisted in a snarl. “What sorta no-good, two-bit, flea-bitten, mangy-coated good-fer-nothin’ cart-napper would turn their nose up at mah apples?”

Applejack squinted, her hooves shaking in frustration, and through clenched teeth muttered, “Carrot Top!”

She ran back through the farmhouse, shouting, “Mac, Apple Bloom, sound th' alarm! Raise th’ levies! Cart-theft! Mayhem! Apple-disrespectin’! Ah’ve got ta get th’ Sheriff out here! Hold down th’ fort, Ah’ll head ‘em off at the pass!” And then she was out the front door, galloping towards Ponyville for all she was worth, her words trailing behind her. “Ain’t no carrot-munchin’ rascal gonna git away with this caper!”

As she clattered past his room, Big Mac rolled over and buried his head in the pillow. “Ah’m gonna have t’ check the ‘chug-by’ date on th’ breakfast cider. Again.”

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

As Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity stood in front of the fruit cart, an awkward silence fell over them, only broken by the occasional raspy outburst from down the street. Rarity smiled and blinked at Twilight, and Twilight grinned nervously in return and tried to looked anywhere but at Rarity’s eyes. Fluttershy began backing away slowly from the uneasy standoff, but let out a startled “Eep!” when Twilight used her magic to pick her up and bring her back.

“Fluttershy! I was... just about to ask for your help! I was having a hard time picking out the right fruit. Which do you think would be good?”

Fluttershy blushed and tried to hide behind her mane. “Oh, Twilight, I’m sorry, but I don’t know. I, um, I don’t know, erm, that much about fruit? Sorry?”

Rarity saw a chance to smooth over the uncomfortable moment and jumped in with enthusiasm. “M-m-maybe I could offer some assistance, my dear! I may not be an expert on fruit like Applejack, but I believe I can offer some the advantage of a more discerning palate.”

Twilight eagerly accepted her offer with a giggle and levitated the basket containing Rainbow Dash’s selections. “Well, sure, Rarity, thanks!”

Rarity tossed her head and took on a business-like air. “Now, let’s see what you ha– oh my pleats and plackets!” Rarity looked up at Twilight in horror. “Twilight, surely you didn’t intend these to be used for Pony consumption?”

From behind the fruitcart, there was the sound of a moustache-muffled “Hey!”

Twilight lifted the fruit, letting the basket fall to the ground, and looked at them critically. “Really? I didn’t actually look at them. Rainbow–“

“Rainbow Dash??”

Twilight and Rarity both looked at Fluttershy in confusion – while such an outburst from Rarity would not have been surprising, Fluttershy’s exclamation had stunned both of them. Now that the attention was focused on her, though, Fluttershy ducked her head and was trying her best to disappear behind her pink mane. “Oh, um, I mean, I’m sure the ones she chose are very, um, interesting, but, um, you might want to look at them closely.” If possible, her soft voice got even softer, and Twilight and Rarity strained to hear her. “Rainbow, um, well, the last time she cooked, well, um, I had... I...” Fluttershy trailed off in utter embarrassment.

~~Rarity, ever observant, jumped in to help her friend. “Oh, my dear, I understand completely! I was wondering why you had a bumper crop of flowers behind your cottage. Say no more!”~~

Rarity, ever observant, jumped in to help her friend. “Oh, my dear, I understand completely. I allowed her to assist Sweetie Belle in making hay sandwiches the other day, and the results were, shall I say, digestively challenging? Thanks to her, my afternoon was quite unlady-like. I had to cancel several fittings, lest I gave an impression of barbarity!” With a smile, she leaned in and whispered, “However, on the bright side, I was able to tell Sweetie Belle that hers were the best sandwiches I’d eaten all day!”

The three friends shared a laugh, and Rarity turned to the floating fruit. Suppressing a shudder, she plucked one from Twilight’s aura with her own, and brought it close for inspection. She donned her glasses, and looked at it critically. “Bruised, and with a slight discoloration from overexposure to sunlight.” With a casual toss of her horn, the citrus dropped into the empty basket.

The salesPony’s moustache twitched, and sh–he lifted a hoof to scratch it, though the motion looked remarkably similar to somepony re-affixing a slipping fake soupstrainer.

With a ruthless efficiency, Rarity began appraising the other fruit Rainbow Dash had chosen, quickly dismissing them all: “Cut... Smudged... Used as a miniature hoofball... Gnawed by fruitbats.” She proceeded to work her way through a portion of the pile on the cart, prompting the proprietor to postulate a perfunctory proposal: “How ‘bout you do less squeezin’ an’ more buyin’? Y’all have been jawin’ in front a’ mah stand fer near a quarter hour! ”

Rarity paused and looked at the little proprietor, whose two-gallon hat was about one gallon too big for his head. “I’m sorry, but you don’t really expect customers to accept substandard merchandise, do you?” She placed a hoof on her chest and continued, “I, too, operate a business establishment, a quite successful one I might add, and I cannot stand the thought of delivering a dress that does not dazzle the customer!”

The salesPony was unimpressed. Holding up a lemon that matched the shade of his coat, he shot back, “See this? It’s a lemon. It don’t matter if there’s a scuff or two, most Ponies squeeze ‘em inta lemonade. 'Cept maybe for Sour Puss over there.”

Across the square, a stallion with a wrinkled face smiled and waved back, then pulled a lemon from a sack and bit into it. He whinnied in ecstasy as his muzzle scrunched up even more, then tossed the rest of the fruit in the air and swallowed it in one gulp.

“Dunno what’s wrong with him, but he’s mah best customer, so Ah figure it don’t pay to ask too many questions.”

The three mares shuddered as they watched, their own muzzles curling involunarily. Fluttershy squeaked and Rarity frowned in disapproval as the stallion swallowed the lemon.

Turning back to the salesPony, Rarity lifted her nose in the air. “Regardless of the, er, eccentric tastes of some of your customers, I’m sorry to say I cannot accept any of these examples of your wares.”

The diminutive cartmonger gave Rarity an appraising look. “We-e-elll, I weren’t gonna say nothin’, but you look like a right selective sort, if’n y’all know what I mean.” Leaning forward, he lowered his voice, eyes shifting about as he spoke into Rarity’s shoulder. “Ah don’t like to advertise it, but Ah do have a more private stock, Ah keep it on hand for Ponies what have a more discrimin–”

He broke off as the thunder of galloping hooves rose about the general bustle of the market. At the far end of the market, a cloud of dust was rising, and at the head of it was an orange mare, her blonde mane streaming behind her.

“Aw, horseapp– horsequmquats!”