(This song creates a perfect atmosphere: “Voice of the Soul” by Death. Play it at low volume)
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Adams and I had been forgiven by Celestia several months ago. But whereas Adams was free of guilt and had gotten over it, I hadn’t. Every time I thought about what had happened I crumbled emotionally. We killed a poor innocent alicorn that didn’t intend to do anything wrong. All she wanted was to improve our planet by linking our worlds, and instead of saying no to her, because of our fears of being invaded and enslaved just like the natives who lived in this country before us, we killed her in cold blood so she couldn’t inform anyone of where she was. I couldn’t take out the image of Twilight getting unconscious by Adams’ hammer. But I, I was the one who killed her. The moment I killed Twilight with the knife was the worst thing I experienced in all my life. I’d never felt so miserable before. I regretted it since the moment when the knife started digging into her skin covered with her purple fur. I didn’t do it quickly because I couldn’t. I didn’t feel like I had strength enough to kill her. I dug the knife until I couldn’t dig it any more. After that I began to gradually take out the knife. Blood started to escape her wound. Even more of it leaved her body when I finished taking out the knife. I remember how my hands were stained with blood. Then I looked at her face. Her beautiful mane was stained with blood due to the hammer blow. She started bleeding more and more until, slowly, she bled to death. The time she stopped breathing as I watched her eyes closed and blood was leaving her mouth, I had to restrain myself not to cry and kill myself with the knife with which I took Twilight’s life and I wouldn’t have regretted it at all. But we had to hide her body. I also remember the time we got rid of it. We both were in the boat. I was holding her corpse, and when I had to drop it in the water, I did it carefully, as if she was still alive. As Adams couldn’t see my face while I was dropping her body, I let a tear escape my eyes because I couldn’t help it. Then I washed my hands and my face so Adams wouldn’t see me cry. As we were leaving the place with the boat, I turned my head to see her corpse sink in the water, as the water turned a little reddish. At least I hoped she would rest in peace. And the worst thing is… I loved her. I was in love with her, but I didn’t dare to tell her. I thought she would reject me, or worse, she would hurt me with her magic. In my relatively solitary life, I had known few women. And Twilight, despite being an alicorn, had everything I loved in a woman. She was smart, lovely, polite, with interest in knowledge, just like me, beautiful... Especially I loved smart women because I could talk with them about many things many people find boring. Twilight was, without a doubt, the smartest one I ever knew. We would spend hours talking about anything we came up with. She was very happy because she said I was the only one who wasn’t bored while she spoke with me. I was very surprised when I asked her if she had a special somepony in Equestria and she said she never had a coltfriend. I thought:
- How could anyone dislike her? She is perfect!
Did she like me at all? Who knows? I regret so much I could never tell her I loved her. Though Celestia had forgiven me, how could anyone EVER forgive themselves for killing in cold blood the one they loved, just because of a simple misunderstanding that could have been prevented easily? Every single night, with no exception, I dreamt about the time I killed Twilight. But in this case she was stunned by the hammer blow, but conscious and without being able to move because of the pain she was suffering, and when I started digging the knife into her, she looked into my eyes with tears in hers while I was slowly murdering her. My hands were being stained with blood. I couldn’t help looking her in her watering eyes. When I took out the knife, she coughed blood with tears running down her face and told me in a very relaxing tone while she was bleeding to death:
- Why? D-d-did I do anything wr-wrong?
After that, she died. Immediately I started to cry and carefully grabbed her corpse and hugged it while I was regretting the horrible thing I did. After a while I dropped her body in the floor, carefully again, I picked up the knife and with no hesitation I killed myself with it. Digging it into my chest, just like what I did to Twilight. When I died I woke up. Then I went to the bathroom to wash my face with tears on it. And for the rest of the day, every time I looked at my hands, I felt them dirty with Twilight’s blood, though they were physically clean. No matter how many times I washed them. That horrible feeling was ALWAYS there. If I didn’t look at them I could prevent myself from remembering what I did. But if, I accidentally watched them, the remembrance appeared again in my mind and I fell apart. I could hardly prevent it if I was talking to someone, but when I was alone the pain was suddenly released and it was harder to take it. I started to think that was a mental reminder that would last forever. Somehow I thought I deserved it. Was there even in this world anything more horrible than killing the one I loved so much? Would this pain last for the rest of my life?
Twilight’s body was buried in Equestria. The mane five, the princesses, and many people from Canterlot and Ponyville went to her funeral. Spike and the mane five spoke about her life and her virtues. None of them, not even Celestia could help crying. She didn’t remember the last time she cried in public. She knew she had to be emotionally strong, but this had been too much for her. Twilight had been the first princess in the history of Equestria who had been murdered. To top it off, she died when only 2 months had passed when she became a Princess. The mane five and Spike had constructed a mausoleum for her. Rarity had designed the coffin. It was a purple coffin with a purple gem on it.
Twilight awakened in a place she never knew about. It was a shiny place with stairways next to one another. She saw no source of light. The ground was soft, but hard enough to stand perfectly. Covering each stairway, there were guards. Each one guarded a stairway. They were all different. I tried to ask one of them to make sure where I was, but every one of them wouldn’t answer me. I started running looking for more stairways until I found one guarded by a white pony with no cutiemark. I asked him where I was. He told me:
- You are dead. You may now enter the paradise of Equestria. -Said the guard as if nothing had happened.
Twilight couldn’t believe it. She never believed in afterlife, but there she was.
Am I really dead? –She asked.
Yes, you are, otherwise you would not be here.
But how?
I do not know, neither does anyone else. Here, only you can know how you died.
Twilight thought to herself:
- The only thing I remember before getting here was a heavy blow to my head, and I don’t know who hit me. I don’t think anyone would kill me, after all, I don’t remember doing anything I would be killed for, so it must have been something else. Perhaps it was an accident. But now, I’m dead, and I suppose my friends are still alive, so no one is here. I know I shouldn’t be sad because it’s good they’re not here yet and are living their lives. But I can’t help being sad. I won’t see them for many years.
She started to climb the stairs. The stairway was very long. When she was climbing a song appeared in his mind without her knowing its whereabouts. The song was Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin). Twilight loved that song. I showed it to her when she asked me what kind of music we listened in Earth. She never knew we humans had music that was that good. Not even in Equestria did she listen to something that beautiful before. The song made her feel happy as she continued climbing the stairs. After the song was over, she found herself in a beautiful place. There were ponies and houses everywhere. A lot of them were talking to each other and laughing. All of them were happy. Some of them were disappearing and reappearing in another place next to other pony. In that place everypony would live forever in that endless place with no worries. She thought, for she didn’t know anypony there, she could go visit Starswirl. She’d always admired him. She stopped a random pony to answer them how to transport herself and how to live in a house. The pony answered:
Then she wished to be with Starswirl. Immediately she found herself in a laboratory where a young pony was reading a book. Then he turned to see who was behind him. He got shocked, for he didn’t expect any visit. He said:
Twilight knew it was impossible.
It can’t be. You died old. How can you be Starswirl if you’re young? And why is everypony here young?
Because it seems this place returns us to our best age so we can be comfortable with our bodies. I see you’re an alicorn, so Celestia decided to choose another princess. What happened to you?
Twilight answered, very sad.
I was murdered, but I don’t know by whom.
I’m so sorry Twilight. How long have you been a princess? And how long have you been here?
Twilight answered with tears in her eyes.
I’ve been a princess for 2 months. I’ve just arrived here and I don’t know anypony here.
Oh my goodness! Such a disgrace! Your friends must be very sad. However, you should be positive. Your friends are still alive and you can make many new friends here. You’re in front of the first one. Did you know about me when you were alive?
Twilight chuckled.
Yes, in fact, I always admired you and studied your work.
Twilight, do you want to see my newest stuff?
Twilight nodded happily.
After some hours, she said goodbye to Starswirl and she leaved the house and started to try to make some friends.
TEN YEARS LATER
(To create the atmosphere, listen to this song before reading: “Over and Over” by Black Sabbath. The lyrics fit almost perfectly in this situation and the song is beautiful).
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Another unbearable day I had to live. I thought I would eventually end up forgetting my crime, but it never disappeared from my mind. I’d never even wish this to my worst enemy, for this was much worse than death. Every night I had that nightmare again and again. Twilight looking at me while crying when I was murdering, my hands stained with Twilight’s blood, then I regretted her death and eventually killed myself with the knife. And the horrible feeling when I watched my hands. It had been ten years. Ten years of torture. One day I had an argument with Adams and he stopped being my friend. I had no one in this world and my torture never ended. Until one day, I decided it was time to end it all. I couldn’t suffer for more time. My efforts to forget my crime had been in vain. I could never forgive myself such a horrible thing. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the knife I killed Twilight with. I wasn’t scared at all. I didn’t mind killing myself. I’d experienced it too many times and my soul was already dead ten years ago. Without hesitating, I dug the knife into my chest. I didn’t feel more pain than in my nightmare. Then I laughed, thinking it was all over. I started to bleed a lot and cough blood. When I felt I was going to die, I sat on the floor and I watched my hands. My laughter stopped as I saw I still felt that feeling. I yelled:
- Not even when I’m about to die is this going to end?
Then I died.
I opened my eyes. I felt strange. I was seated on a kind of chair in an endless dark place that was absolutely quiet. I couldn’t stand up or see myself. I yelled to know if there was someone else there. Then I asked where I was. A deep, dark voice answered:
- I am the eternity. I decide what to do with the souls which come to this dimension. You are here because in your life you committed 2 unforgivable crimes. Killing an alicorn and committing suicide. I should make you stay seated on that chair forever. However, your case seems to be special. So if you convince me why you do not deserve to be here forever, I will allow you to live in the paradise of your planet. I cannot read the mind of the living beings in this universe, but I always watch them. No one escapes my infinite sight.
I was shocked. There was actually an afterlife. But that meant Twilight was there too, so the thought of being able to tell her what happened made me strong to tell that thing why I should not be in that dark place forever.
- When Twilight came and told us about her plans in Earth, we were scared to death. We thought her species would eventually conquer our planet. We didn’t want that. We wanted to save it. We never dared to say no to her. Why? Maybe because of our fears. Perhaps Twilight didn’t want to do anything wrong, no, I’m sure she didn’t. She had a very good soul She could never conquer another planet because she never wanted power, but interest in knowing it and helping us with our problems. But we were afraid the other princesses had other plans for our planet. So, after thinking about it a lot, Adams proposed to kill her so she couldn’t inform anypony of where she was and we’d save our world. The thought of having to kill her made me feel miserable. I was in love with her. Though she was with us only few days. How would I imagine I’d had to murder in cold blood the one I loved? The time I killed her was the worst thing I ever experienced. It was a miracle I didn’t kill myself when I saw her die. Though Celestia had forgiven us, I could never forgive myself, even in ten years. Every night I’d dream about the moment I killed her and everyday I’d had the memory of that nightmare every time I looked at my hands, feeling them stained with Twilight’s blood. Oh no…
I watched my hands and I still felt them bloody. Not even dead would this torture end? When I killed myself I only did that: killing myself. Nothing else had changed. I started to cry desperately because I lost all hope forever. I eventually stopped crying. When I did, I heard the voice again.
- It seems you actually regret your sins. There was no evil in your actions, but fear, and I never heard a psychological pain that lasted so long and was so painful. I am going to send you to the paradise of your planet, but never try to do anything wrong or you will always regret it on that chair forever.
Then I realized something and I yelled:
Please, don’t send me there!
Why not? After all, If I am not mistaken, Earth is your planet, is it not?
I know, but I need to tell Twilight what happened. Perhaps my torture will end if I do so if you send me to my paradise, it’ll be like being here forever. Please, send me to Equestrian paradise and I’ll never again ask you for anything else.
Mmmmmmmm…. No one had ever asked me to do something like that. Are you sure you want to live in another paradise when you are the only one of your species forever? You must remember there will be no turning back when you are there.
I don’t even doubt it.
As you wish, but remember to behave well.
Suddenly I felt myself in an endless place where there were a lot of ponies. It seemed a happy place, since everypony was happy. I saw how many ponies were transporting themselves next to others. I stopped one to ask them how to do it.
Just wish for it to happen, and why are you here? You don’t look like a pony at all. – Said the pony while laughing.
I’m a human. It’s a long story, but thank you!
I did what that pony told me to, and immediately I found myself in a house. It was a bedroom where Twilight was reading a book. I was behind her. It was her, Twilight. I said:
- Twilight, it’s been a long time.
She got shocked. She expected no visits. She turned to see who was behind her. Then she saw me. She couldn’t believe I was there.
Without hesitating, I told her:
Twilight, do you remember how you died?
Yes, was murdered, but the last thing I remember is a hard blow to my head.
Adams hit you with a hammer.
So was Adams the one who killed me? – She asked very shocked.
No, Twilight. Adams only left you unconscious.
Then who did it?
When she asked me, my eyes started watering. Then tears running down my face. I fell to my knees to see her eyes better. I watched my hands, this time intentionally, because I had to remember everything perfectly to tell her what happened.
What’s wrong with you? – She asked very worried without even knowing why I was crying. – Don’t you remember or don’t you know who killed me?
It’s not that, in fact, I remember it very well. I have never forgotten it.
Then, who killed me?
Then she approached me. I looked down because I couldn’t see her. I had no courage to do it.
Then she got shocked again and started to cry as well. She couldn’t believe I killed her. After that she asked me with the same tone than in my nightmare.
- Why? D-d-did I do anything wr-wrong?
I never expected Twilight would ever tell me those words while I was awake. This time my tears were falling to the ground. But this time, I could finally answer her. I reunited the courage to raise my head to see her purple eyes, yet I was still crying.
- Nothing. You never did anything wrong.
After that, Twilight asked me again, this time angry while she was still crying.
- Then, why did you kill me!?
I started to tell her all that happened. The panic Adams and I felt, the details of how I killed her, how we got rid of her body, what happened to Celestia, the beginning of my mental torture, my nightmare every night, the feeling of my hands stained with her blood, how I cried hugging her body, how I committed suicide... I told her everything without hesitation, but all the time crying nonstop. Twilight was limited to face me with a look of not believing that anyone could suffer so much in their life. When I was about to end, I said:
- Do you know what the worst thing is? I... I… I… I was in love with you, and I still am. Yes, You were only with us few days. I didn’t care you were an alicorn. You were perfect to me. I would never know anyone like you. Do you now understand why I feel like this? How will I ever be able to forgive myself for murdering you? Now I only ask you for one thing: please, please, don’t hate me, I beg you with all my soul. I don’t ask you to forgive, In fact, I don’t expect it either. If I had known you had good intentions, I’d even have killed Adams, my only friend, before he could hurt you. I wouldn’t have minded spending the rest of my life in a prison, because I would be happy to have saved you.
After I finished, I tilted my head down again and kept crying. Twilight came closer to me, put a hoof on my shoulder and said:
- Not only I don’t hate you, but I forgive you. I should never have mentioned my plans in Earth that way. I comprehend what you and your friend did. You were scared; you wanted to protect your planet and you couldn’t come up with anything else. I’ve never seen anyone who suffers like this. I simply can’t be angry with you. Not over this. I swear I forgive you. And… when you said you were in love with me, I have to admit I was in love with you too. I never felt so good while talking with another living being. You were, and you’re still, pretty handsome. No one had ever told me they loved me like you do. But I was afraid to tell you. What if you didn’t love me too? Not even in Paradise I’ve been able to meet a special somepony, but now that you’re here, nothing else matters. I love you, with all my heart and I will forever.
(This song: “Nothing else matters” by Metallica)
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Twilight took a deep breath after her speech. She was so smart. She lifted my head with her hooves and kissed me on the lips. Suddenly I felt something strange in my mind. I let her take the lead and I then I kissed her back. I hugged her as she did the same. This time, my eyes weren’t tearing up because of sadness, but happiness. The alicorn I loved and had murdered in cold blood had forgiven me. And she felt what I felt for her. We broke our kiss to see each other’s eyes.
- Twilight, you can’t even imagine how happy you’ve made me be. You forgiving me is another reason I have to love you forever. I’ve suffered for so much time. And the only thing I needed to forgive myself is your forgiveness. Thank you, Twilight. I will always love you too.
I stood up to watch my hands, and for the first time in many years, I felt them clean. The remembrance of killing didn’t appear in my mind. I grabbed her, I stood up and kissed her again. With a seductive glance and smile I asked her.
It’s getting cold; do you want to experience an excellent way to warm up?
Count on it. – She said, as we both laughed.
