“Ah don’t think we’ll be getting cartographer cutie marks...”
“Is that your way of saying we’re lost?”
“Girls, don’t fight. We need to work together!”
Thank the heavens, there was somebody else in this God-forsaken forest. Sure, they sounded like lost kids, but Len was pretty sure he could follow their trail back to wherever they came from and return them to their grateful families, and then they would feed him! If they had steak he would die of happiness. Best not to charge over there though, didn’t want to startle the kids. The thinning trees beckoned to him, and there were the—what the fuck?
Three pastel coloured fillies were in the clearing. One had wings, another had a horn, the last had a giant bow in her red mane, and holy sheep shit they were talking—Len stopped himself and took a deep breath—but that was no reason to panic.
Three weeks in the woods made him decide to take his chances, but he stayed in the cover of the trees. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but this isn’t exactly a safe place for three little girls, is it?”
All three of them immediately stopped arguing and turned towards the sound of his voice. The white filly with the horn took a limping step towards the trees. “W-who are you? Why are you hiding in the trees?”
Leonard’s could feel her fearful eyes boring into his soul. He had to do something quick; only a sociopath could see eyes like that and not want to make their bearer feel better. “Hey, don’t worry, you’ve got nothing to be ‘fraid of. I’m lost too. I’m not a horse, though, and I didn’t want to just walk out and frighten you.”
This time, the yellow filly with the bow in her hair spoke up. “If you’re not a pony, then we don’t know you. Applejack says I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”
“Ya!” the orange one shouted, buzzing her wings. “How do we know you’re not just some sort of monster who’s going to eat us!”
“If I was going to eat you, I’d have done it all ready,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Besides, I’d never eat something that could ask me not to. I might look like a monster, but I’m sure as hell not one on the inside.”
The white filly took another step forward. “So, you’re a nice monster?”
“Yes, I’m a nice monster. Well, most of the time. I don’t have much patience for certain types of people, and—” Len buried his face in his hands. They’re kids, you fool, they don’t care what you’re pet peeves are. “I’m not really a monster, though. I’m the kind of creature who fights monsters who would eat little fillies lost in the woods.”
The little white filly smiled, and it was like the sun had popped up under the dense canopy. “Okay, mister, you can come out. We won’t run.”
Len stepped out of the trees, leaning on the sharpened stick he liked to think was a spear. The other girls took a step back, but the limping filly walked towards him and extended a hoof. “Hello, mister. My name’s Sweetie Belle.”
Kneeling down on one knee, he took the offered hoof in his free hand, dwarfing her little leg. “Pleased to meet you, Sweetie Belle. You can call me Len.”
“Mr. Len?” the yellow filly asked. “What exactly are you? I’ve never heard of anything that looks like you, before.”
Well, shit. There went any hope of not having tripped into a bad science fiction story.
“I’m a human. I’m not sure what else I could tell you that wouldn't take all day, so how about we just trade names for now?”
“Okay,” she nodded. “My name’s Applebloom.”
“And I’m Scootaloo,” the orange filly piped in. “I’ve got a question, though. What did you mean, you wouldn’t eat anything that could ask you not too?”
Leonard scratched the back of his neck. “Well girls, I won’t lie to you. Humans sometimes eat meat.” He winced when Applebloom and Scootaloo shrunk back, but Sweetie Belle just tilting her head gave him a little hope. “I meant everything I said, though. I would never eat anything that could talk, and I’d be damned if I let anything hurt you girls!”
Sweetie Belle tilted her head in the other direction. “Damned?”
Oh, bugger. He’d catch hell for that later, he was sure. “Ya, it means... I’d rather go through a lot of trouble than let anything get at you girls in this forest.”
“Cool!” Scootaloo struck a pose and held her hoof against her chest. “Then I’ll be damned if we don’t get out of here!”
Change the subject, change the subject, change the subject...
“Sweetie Belle, which way did you girls come from? It’s time we got you home.”
“This way!” The little filly motioned with her hoof and started hobbling towards a break in the trees.
Leonard leaned forward and stopped her. “Sweetie, did you hurt your hoof?”
Applebloom spoke up for her friend, who was blushing and looking at the ground. “She tripped over her own hooves and hurt her ankle.”
“Well, we don’t need you hurting that ankle further. Can I carry you?”
The embarrassed filly nodded, and Leonard scooped her up and held her in the crook of his arm. “All right girls, let’s go. I think I can follow the path you left and get us all out of here.” He set off at a slow pace, making sure that the little fillies could keep up.
“Mr. Len?” Sweetie asked from his chest.
“You can just call me Len, Sweetie Belle. What is it?”
“You remind me of Applebloom’s brother.”
“Really, now? Why’s that?”
“Probably the way you talk,” Applebloom cut in from beside him. “Ya both shorten some sounds and draw out others, but only a bit. Big Mac doesn’t do it quite as much as Applejack or me, and Granny says it’s because he reads so much.”
“Well, that sounds about right. I’ve had people say something similar before.”
“There’s that,” Sweetie Belle added, “but there’s more. You’re both big, and kind of scary at first, but you turn out to be really nice.”
“Ha! I can’t believe you were scared of Big Mac. He’s the biggest softie around. Did you know he kept Twilight’s Miss Smartypants doll?”
“Really!” giggled Scootaloo. “That’s so lame!”
“Hey now, missy. I’ll have you know that it takes a tougher guy to be gentle than it does to act all tough and cool.”
“Oh ya?” Scootaloo fluttered ahead of them and started walking backwards, watching Len. “How’s that?”
“Well, let me ask you a question. Is Mac gentle because he’s not strong enough to be rough, or is he gentle because he chooses to be?”
“My brother’s the strongest pony in Ponyville! Probably one of the strongest in Equestria!”
Ponyville? Equestria? Holy shit.
Leonard kept a straight face, though. “Right. It would be easier to be rough then, wouldn’t it? No one would wonder if they were stronger than him, and he wouldn’t have to try to control his strength. You can tell he’s strong on the inside because he’s gentle on the outside.”
“Right...” Scootaloo rolled her eyes and let them catch up to her. “Hey, Len? What’s that on your belt?”
“Oh, that? It’s my hammer. When I stumbled into this forest, the only tool I had on me was my pocket knife, so I strapped that rock to a solid piece of wood and made myself a hammer.”
“No, I mean that pointy thing wrapped in leaves. What’s that?”
Leonard paused for a moment, hesitating. “It’s a manticore stinger.”
“Wow!” Scootalo shouted, eyes wide open.
“How did you get that, Len?” Sweetie Belle asked.
The sweet little filly in his arms clashed with the memory of lunging out of a tree and swinging his hammer at the abomination’s skull, and Leonard wondered what to tell her. “It wanted to eat me, so I had to fight it. I won, so I got to keep its stinger.”
“Wait a minute,” Applebloom cut in. “Are you sayin’ that there’s manticores around here?”
“Well, there was. I don’t think there are any more. I... chased that one off just the other day, and predators of that size likely have hunting ranges that are both extensive and exclusive...”
Right, kids. They won’t be calmed down by a lecture, dumb ass. The two fillies on the ground were crowding his legs, and Sweetie Belle had buried her head in his chest. What could he do to make them feel better?
“Hey, no need to be afraid. Do you guys like to sing?”
Applebloom and Scootaloo looked at him with raised eyebrows, but Sweetie Belle perked right up. “I love to sing! What songs do you know?”
* * *
Meanwhile, a group of ponies crowded around the path entering the Everfree forest.
“All right, girls, let’s check the list one more time,” the purple unicorn said, unrolling a scroll as long as she was tall. “I don’t want us going in there unprepared.”
The orange earth pony stomped her hoof. “Consarn it, Twi, we’re not scalin’ a mountain here, we’re going in to the forest looking for our sisters! Time’s a wastin’, so let’s get going!”
“Indeed, Twilight, I can’t bear the thought of Sweetie lost in the Everfree. She must be terrified! The poor dear, lost and covered in dir—”
“Hold up—everypony quiet!” the cyan pegasus interrupted, perched on a boulder by the trail.
The white unicorn tossed her mane. “Rainbow Dash, I don’t see why you had to interru—”
“Shh!” Rainbow Dash interrupted her again, holding up a wing for silence. Peering down the trail, she cocked an ear and closed her eyes in concentration. “Does anyone else hear that?”
“Oh, I do!” the pink earth pony shouted. “It sounds like singing!”
The others stopped talking and all leaned towards where the trailed turned into the forest, straining their ears. Slowly, the rest of them heard a strong, but off-key baritone singing a song, accompanied by three smaller, higher voices. As the quartet drew closer, the ponies began to pick out the lyrics.
The quartet came around the bend, and the girls’ jaws dropped as one. A tall, bipedal something was carrying Sweetie Belle and leading the fillies in song. He saw the girls first, stopped singing, and looked down at the fillies. “I think your sisters are waiting for you, girls.”
The two fillies shouted for joy and rushed towards their sisters, both blood and honourary, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash both scooped up the fillies in very tight hugs. The creature picked up his pace after Sweetie Belle started vigorously poking at his chest and motioning at Rarity.
While Applejack and Rainbow Dash started lecturing Applebloom and Scootaloo, the apparently male creature called out in his baritone voice, “Miss Rarity? I’m afraid your sister sprained her ankle. It’s not too bad, but I would suggest putting some ice on it as soon as possible.”
Rarity’s mouth stayed open for a moment before she put on a gracious smile. “Ah, I... thank you, sir! Might I say, it’s a pleasant surprise that my sister was rescued by such a well mannered gentleco—person.” Levitating Sweetie Belle out of his arms and onto her back, she curtsied. “My name is Rarity Belle. Thank you for rescuing my sister.”
Leonard made a little bow back. “Leonard Schreiter. Though, truthfully, Sweetie Belle might have given me some pointers on how to act with you,” he said with a smile. “She wanted me to make a good impression.”
Rarity smiled back. “That does sound like her.” Turning to Applejack, she asked, “Applejack, dear, shall we head over to the farm? I believe your home is closest, and Sweetie Belle appears to need some medical attention.”
“I reckon we can,” said the farmer. She walked up to Leonard and offered her hoof. “Thanks for getting my sister out of there. Name’s Applejack.”
Leonard hunkered down a bit and shook her hoof. “Leonard Schreiter. Pleased to meet you, Applejack. I don’t suppose I could ask you for a meal and a shower, please? I’ve been lost in those woods for three weeks.”
Applejack beamed at him. “Of course you can, Sugarcube! Least I could do for ya, all things considered. Especially since you asked nicely.”
“All right, let’s go!” Scootaloo shouted, trotting ahead.
Rainbow Dash flew over and scooped up the filly in her hooves. “Not so fast, squirt. I promised your folks I’d find you and bring you straight home. You’re in a heap of trouble!”
“Ah, but I wanted to hang out with Len some more. He’s almost as cool as you! He’s got a manticore stinger that he got from beating one in a fight! See, it’s on his belt!”
All eyes were on the human, and Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at him. “This I gotta hear.”
Len shifted on his feet and looked around. “That’s probably not a story I should tell in front of the girls. Sorry, Scoots.”
Applejack was eyeing him from under her hat. “Right then, Rainbow, you might as well take Scoots back to her folks. Applebloom, you go on ahead to the farm with Rarity. Fluttershy and Sweetie’s folks are waiting for you there. Pinkie, Twi, and I have to talk to Mr. Schreiter.”
Applebloom shook her head. “Nuh-uh, sis, I know that look. You’re about ta tear into Len for somethin’. He’s our friend, and we’re gonna defend him!”
“Right!” Sweetie Belle piped in from Rarity’s back. “He might look like a big, hairy monster, but he’s really nice!” Hairy, huh? He probably did need to shave after three weeks in the woods.
“We won’t get to the farm any faster than you,” Sweetie Belle continued, “so we might as well all walk together!”
Sighing, Applejack rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Fine. Scoots needs to get back to her folks now, though. You two can defend him fine on your own.”
Ignoring her protests, Rainbow Dash set Scootaloo on her back and started flying towards Ponyville. “I better get to hear this story later, though!” she shouted back.
* * *
Leonard was nervous, walking with these ponies. Applejack was sizing him up in a none-too-friendly way, the purple unicorn was hovering a quill and notepad in the air and eyeing him like doctor cousin would a fascinating biological specimen, and the pink one seemed to be detached from reality. Seriously, she was bouncing around without a care in the world, talking about oatmeal. She was probably the most off-putting.
Applejack broke into his inner monologue. “So, Leonard. You took on a manticore all on your lonesome, eh?”
“Well, yes, but it was either it or me. I think it had found my scent, and it was bent on finding me.”
“See, that’s what has got be thinkin. I don’t know a single pony who would take on a manticore by themselves when they could probably lose it in the woods. If somepony else was in danger, then maybe, but not when they’re alone. Considerin’ that you survived three weeks in the forest, I’d think that you could pull off some fancy woodcraft. So my question is why you’d deal with the situation so different than a pony, and I think I have my answer.”
Holy Hell, this was one perceptive horse. He’d have to watch what he said around her.
“He was probably hungry,” Sweetie Belle said with a straight face. “Humans eat monsters.”
Applejack started to turn to cut him off from the fillies, and he raised his hands. “I never said I eat monsters!”
“Ya, but you did say humans eat meat sometimes,” Appleboom added. “You’d just never eat something that could ask you not to. You also said you’re the kind of creature that deals with monsters that would eat little fillies lost in the woods.”
The purple unicorn’s quill was writing furiously, and Applejack relaxed her stance. The orange mare eyed him up and down again, but with less hostility and more interest. “A carnivore with a conscience, eh?”
Lord, he needed to set things straight. It couldn’t be good for his health to be considered a carnivore among talking horses.
“I’m not a carnivore. I’m an omnivore. Humans don’t have to eat meat, but we’re healthiest when we get a lot of protein.” Her eyeing him like that was making him nervous, and he rambled on. “It also has to be the right kinds of protein, if that makes any sense.”
Applejack walked up to him and reared up on her hind legs, planting her forehooves on his chest and looking him in the eye. “Listen here, Len. I figure since you rescued my sister, instead of eatin’ her when you were lost in the woods with no guarantee of getting out, you must be all right. I don’t know you, though, so until you earn my trust, I’ll be watching you.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
Applejack dropped back down to all fours. “One more question from me. How did you take down a manticore?”
“I dropped out of a tree and brained it with my hammer. I might be fast and strong, but I can’t go one on one with a critter like that.”
Nodding, Applejack turned around and continued walking. “I can see you’re both about ready to explode, Twi, Pinkie. Your turn.”
Alternating streaks of purple and pink filled Leonard’s vision as his ears were flooded with statements such as:
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess—”
“I can’t wait to throw you a party, everybody loves a Pink—”
“This is so fascinating, an entirely undocumented spec—”
“There’ll be cake, and streamers, and a big banner with your name on—”
“All right, hold your horses!” Len interrupted, spreading his arms wide. No, the humour of what he had just said was not lost on him, but finding himself in a world of talking ponies hadn’t put him in a mood to laugh at himself. “One pony at a time!”
Pinkie opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Twilight teleporting between Pinkie and Len, which caused him to nearly shit his pants.
“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am the personal student to our senior diarch, Princess Celestia. I am so very excited to be part of the first contact with an undocumented species, so may I ask you some questions?”
Leonard felt like his heart was going to explode, but did his best to keep his voice level. “Go ahead.”
“Great. Could you please explain your diet? Applebloom mentioned that you said you would never eat something that could talk back. Are there few other sentient species where you come from?”
Hell, she get’s right to the point.
“None, actually. Humans are both the apex predator and only sentient species where I come from. There used to be another species of humans, but they apparently died off when the climate changed. Since we’re the only species that can talk, eating something that can talk is pretty much frowned upon. So you don’t have to worry about me eating you.”
The quill whirred across the notebook. “Fascinating. Where exactly do you come from? West of the Everfree?”
“Frankly, Miss Twilight, I don’t think I’m from this planet. I don’t even think I’m from this dimension.”
The quill snapped, and Twilight stopped and stared at him with her mouth open. “What makes you say that?”
Sitting down, Leonard rubbed the back of his neck. “In all honesty, Miss Twilight, I’m not a particularly well educated man. I make a living with my hands, but I do enjoy reading, and learning new things. We’ve got plenty of science and mathematics to explain how the world works, and nothing like magic or the creatures I saw in that forest has ever been observed by humans. Between my species having explored our entire planet and having seen it from space, and you ponies speaking the same language as me, I’d have to guess I’m in some sort of parallel dimension.”
“How did you get here?” Twilight asked, pulling a spare quill from her saddlebags.
“I was out camping, and a freak storm came out of nowhere. Next thing I know, I’m blinded by a bolt of lightning hitting me. Once my eyes cleared up, I knew I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.” The ponies stared at him blankly. “Right, you won’t get that reference. I sure as Hell wasn’t where I was moments before. Instead, I was deep in that forest.” Sighing, he rested his face in his hands.
Sweetie Belle slipped off of her sister’s back and placed a hoof on Leonard’s arm. “Are you okay, Len?”
Leonard wasn’t a particularly sentimental man, nor was he exceptionally introspective, but he did know that he’d always had a soft spot for kids. He also knew he’d hate himself if he let that sweet little filly worry about him.
“I’ll be all right, Sweetie. I’m just a little down right now. I’ve left behind my job and everyone I love, and I don’t think I’ll be able to get back to them. It’s a little scary, starting your life over from scratch when you’re 26 years old.”
The little filly looked him right in the eyes. “It might be scary, Len, but I think you’ll be okay. You’re really brave, and nice, and you’ve already made some friends!” She smiled and pointed at the rest of the ponies. “We’ll make sure you’re all right!”
God damn, that little filly really knew how to pluck at a man’s heartstrings. Leonard wiped a bit of dust from his eye. Yes, dust.
“Thanks, Sweetie. That makes me feel a lot better.”
“Ooh!” Pinkie started bouncing up and down, seeming to defy gravity. “If you need a job, I can make your welcome party a ‘You-should-hire-Leonard’ party too! I’ll invite everypony in Ponyville, and they can meet you and learn about you, and you should have a job in no time!”
Noticing the look on Leonard’s face, Applejack leaned in and whispered, “Don’t think too hard about it, it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.
“I’m sure Mac and I can use your help around the farm in the meantime,”she added so everyone could hear. “What did you do for work back home?”
“I was a gunsmith.”
The ponies gave him blank looks again. “A what-now?” asked Applebloom.
Shit.
“A gunsmith. I worked wood and metal and made it into a tool humans used.” There was no way in Hell he was explaining to a bunch of herbivorous, apparently peace-loving ponies what a gun was used for.
“What’s a gun used for?” asked Sweetie Belle, staring up at him, head tilted to the side and innocent eyes wide open.
Oh... shit.
“Nope, this is one thing I am not explaining in front of you girls. Maybe after I’ve told your sisters, but not until then.”
By this point they were nearing the gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack nodded at Rarity and turned towards Applebloom. “Why don’t you go in with Rarity, girls. I’m sure everypony’s waitin’ for you, and I need to have a quick chat with Len. Don’t worry, he’s not in trouble.”
The fillies tried to argue, but when your older sister can use telekinesis to end an argument and take you where you’re supposed to be going, arguing can be pretty useless.
Applejack turned to Leonard. “I’m guessin’ you were some sort of weapon smith, seeing as you called humans apex predators, and you needed to drop out of a tree to take on that manticore.” Twilight was looking at Applejack with wide eyes, and the farm mare gave her a sideways look. “Don’t look too surprised, Twi. I may not be well read, but I know things when it comes to critters.” Twilight blushed and looked at her hooves, mumbling an apology.
“ Anyways, what are these guns?”
“You’re right, Applejack. Guns have one purpose, and that’s to kill. Some folks fire them at targets to see who can shoot the best, but it doesn’t change what they’re for. Do you have crossbows here?” The orange mare nodded. “Okay. Think a crossbow, but instead, it fires a metal bullet very fast, right where you pointed it. Also, you don’t need to go through a long reloading process. Some kinds of guns, all you have to do is pull the trigger again. I fixed and made those weapons for a living.”
“You used them to hunt for food?”
“Sometimes. Like I said though, nothing but humans can talk where I’m from, and I’d never—”
Applejack raised a hoof and shook her head. “Don’t worry, Sugarcube, I know. You’re bein’ honest with me, and I respect that. I just need to know what kind of skills you have. What I’ve learned is that you’re good with those—hands, you called them?—those hands of yours, and you can handle yourself in the woods. That’s good for now. I reckon you’re hungry, and you could definitely use a shower.”
“Actually, I ate not long before I found the girls. I, kind of found a rabbit yesterday. It was too much for me to eat alone in one sitting, so I finished it today. I can just wait to eat when you do.” Leonard noticed that the mares had gone pale. “Oh, I’m sorry! Should I not have mentioned eating meat in front of you?”
Again, Applejack shook her head. “Nah, it’s all right Sugarcube. It’s just, was that rabbit pure white, looked like it had an attitude problem?”
“No, it was brown.”
All three ponies let out a collective sigh of relief. “Whew. We might have had a problem, there!” Twilight laughed.
“Although,” Leonard continued, “that’s funny, that you mention a rabbit with an attitude problem. A white rabbit saw me eating the brown one and shook it’s fist at me. I was worried I’d ate something funny and was hallucinating.”
Applejack rubbed her forehead. “Well, no point worrying about that now. Let’s get you that shower, Mr. Three Weeks in the Woods.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“Yep, and you askin’ about it ain’t makin’ you smell any sweeter,” she said, pushing him towards the house. “First thing’s first, though, let’s get you outta these clothes. They’re not helpin’ that smell any.”
Leonard turned beet-red and stopped Applejack from trying to relieve him of his backpack. “Woah, hold on there. At least let me get inside the bathroom before I strip down.”
Pinkie bounced up in front of them. “Ah, are you shy? Don’t worry! We’re naked all the time!”
“Ya, but it’s different for humans. We, uh...”
Twilight popped up, quill and notebook at the ready. “Oh, is it a cultural thing? Religious precept? Is your climate colder than ours?”
Poor Leonard turned a deeper shade of red, which is a feat considering he started at beet-red. “It’s some of those things some of the time, but it’s mostly... Human males aren’t like stallions, they can’t, uh... we can’t put away our dangly bits. They’re always out there. Dangling.”
Twilight turned red—another feat considering the colour of her coat—and looked at her hooves, Applejack snickered, and Pinkie fell on the floor laughing.
Applejack started pushing him towards the house again. “All right, Sugarcube, you can hoof your clothes out to me once you’re inside the bathroom, and I’ll get them cleaned up. Or burn them, whichever gets rid of the stink best. You got some clothes in that bag?”
“Yes, I’ve got another set of clothes, thank you.”
A short few minutes found Leonard in a shower not designed for a six-foot biped, but he couldn’t care less. He was in heaven, cleaning off more dirt than he knew he could carry out of places he didn’t know could collect it. Sweetie Belle’s comforting words came to mind, and he remembered the song from earlier. Maybe everything would be all right, and start with such a small thing as making a talking white unicorn filly smile.
Author's Note
I hope you enjoy the first chapter. Several things. Completing chapters of my other story, One Honest Mare, takes precedence over this one. Courage is an exercise in a type of writing I don't normally do. I like both stories, but I have a stronger emotional commitment to One Honest Mare. Second, I have no idea what to use for a cover image, so suggestions are welcome. Lastly, each chapter will be named after a song, which will be included in said chapter.
The Devil Went Down to Ponyville: Part 1
Len, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash waved to Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo’s families as they left.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Well, that could have gone better.” He gave Rainbow Dash a sidelong look. “Thanks for getting Scootaloo’s parents here so quickly, by the way. Meeting them was a treat.”
“Loosen up Len!” Rainbow Dash said with friendly jab at his hip. “The looks on their faces were priceless when you had to explain that you actually did eat a manticore!”
Leonard glared at her. “You sure as hell didn’t help. Scoot’s mum nearly passed out when you asked if it tasted like chicken. How do you even know that joke?”
“I used to be friends with a griffin, so I know some stuff that most ponies don’t want to. What did it taste like, anyways? You never answered my question.”
Leonard closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose a little harder. Of course there were griffins here. Next, he’ll meet a minotaur motivational speaker living near Ponyville, because the mutliverse seemed to love wordplay. “It tasted like pork.”
“Really? That’s weird.” Rainbow Dash gave him another friendly shove. “Come on, they warmed up to you. Rarity’s dad even invited you to play pickup hoofball this weekend! You’ve got to be good in his goodbooks!”
“Yes, because I've got hands, I’m big, and I managed to bludgeon a manticore to death. No offense, but I think he’d invite a bear to play for his team if he knew it wouldn’t eat the players.”
Applejack nodded. “He has a point. After Mac pulled Berry’s house down the street last Hearts and Hooves Day, Magnum spent weeks trying to get Mac to play.”
Leonard opened his mouth to ask about this, but then Rainbow started speaking as if that event had been no big deal. Maybe it was bust not to ask and forget he had ever heard anything.
“There you go! As long as you don’t eat his kid and play hoofball with him, you’ll have another friend in Ponyville!”
There was a lot wrong with that sentence, but Len just closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose again. “I’m probably going to need all the friends I can get once word gets out that I’m a manticore-eating killing machine, so sure, what the hell.”
“That’s the spirit! I’ve got to go, but have fun meeting the Apples. Granny Smith is hilarious.” Rainbow Dash lifted off and turned towards Ponyville. “Take it easy, Len!”
The two of them waved goodbye to Rainbow Dash and started making their way to where Fluttershy was sitting with the Apples. A small flash of white bouncing over to the yellow pegasus caught Leonard's eye, so he tapped Applejack on the shoulder.
“Applejack,” Len whispered, “that’s the rabbit that I told you about. The one that shook it’s fist at me.” Sure enough, the small, white rabbit standing at Fluttershy’s side was giving him the hairy eyeball.
Applejack stopped walking towards the group and held a hoof against her forehead. “Consarnit, I was hopin’ she’d have left that rabbit at home.”
“What’s the big deal? It’s not like he can tell her I think bunnies taste like chicken.” Leonard paused, observing Applejack’s face-hoofing, reflected on the fact that he was now in a world of magical talking ponies, and buried his face in his hand. “She can talk to animals.”
“Yep, she can.” Applejack started slowly walking towards the group. “So you better make a darn-good impression before that critter tells her you’re a ravenous, bunny-eating monster.”
“Anything I should know about her?”
“Well, she’s shyer than baby deer caught alone in an empty field, so you’ve got that working against you.”
“Shit.”
“Eeyup.”
As they neared the group, a burly red stallion wearing a yoke came up to them and offered Len his hoof. “McIntosh Apple.”
Leonard shook his hoof. “Leonard Schreiter, pleased to meet you.”
Mac nodded in return. “Thanks for gettin’ my sister outta that forest.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Applejack told me you eat meat.” Fluttershy’s ears perked up at this and she hid behind her mane.
“I do, but never anything that could talk back.”
“You could take care of that yourself, then?”
“Yes.”
“Can you work?”
“I’m plenty strong, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Right then. Welcome to the farm.” With a small nod and smile, Mac started walking towards the fields.
“Where do you think you’re goin’? You've barely talked to the fella!” Applejack hollered after him.
“Work to be done,” Mac hollered back.
Turning to Len, she punched him in the hip, none too gently. "What in tarnation was that little back-and-forth?”
That was going to get old really quickly, ponies not being able to reach his shoulders. Shoulders take punches much better than hips. Scratching the back of his head, Len noticed that he was surrounded by wom—mares, so he had better watch how he explained himself.
“Would I be in trouble if I said it was a guy thing?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow at him.“Yes.”
“Noted. He’s a guy, right, and like any good brother-slash-son-slash-grandson, he feels he needs to look after his family. I may have rescued his youngest sister, but I'm still another mouth to feed who happens to be omnivorous. He sized me up, and figured I’d be a small enough threat that he didn’t need to me run off the farm, and enough of a help to keep around.”
“That sure as hay was clearer than callin’ it a guy thing. Why didn’t you say that first?”
Leonard tried to keep a straight face, but failed completely at hiding a mischievous grin. “It’s a guy thing.”
Applejack punched him in the hip again, but she smiled this time. “Smart-alec.” Len did his best not to wince, but that was starting to hurt.
Luckily for him, Applebloom saved him from further abuse. “Len! Come on over and meet Fluttershy!”
Oh boy. The poor thing was still hiding behind her long, pink mane. It didn’t look practical; she had to keep it that way just for that purpose. Not quite sure what to say, he took a step forward, her rabbit leaned in to whisper in her ear, and Len found his opener.
“Miss Fluttershy?” he asked, sure to keep his voice low. “My name’s Leonard Schreiter. I think your rabbit and I have already met.” Pausing, he scratched his chin and made a show of tilting his head and putting his other hand on his hip. "Where did we meet? Was it the Everfree Forest?"
At that, Fluttershy peeked out from behind her mane, and the rabbit visibly paled. Like Twilight earlier, that was a bit of a feat considering the colour of his coat.
“Oh, really?” she asked. “Not that you're, um, remembering wrong, but Angel Bunny isn't allowed in the forest. It's too dangerous.”
Ho ho, "Angel," his ass. That little bugger was frantically motioning for Len to keep his mouth shut just out of her sight.
"Now I remember," he said, giving Angel an encouraging look. “He met us on our way to the farm. I think he wasn’t sure what to think of me, so he just watched me for a bit, sizing me up. After that, he just nodded at me and scampered back here, so I think he must have figured I was all right.”
Fluttershy turned to Angel, and the rabbit smiled and gave Len a thumbs up.
“Oh, um, if Angel Bunny thinks so, I guess you must be nice. You, uh...” she hesitated, before hiding behind her mane again. “You said you eat meat?” she asked with a barely audible squeak.
“Yes, I do. An adult human my size needs a fair bit of protein to stay healthy. I can get along without eating meat, though. I just have to eat a whole bunch of beans and grains to get the right kind and amount.”
“So ya like beans!” Granny Smith called out from her chair. “Hoo-ee, it’s been a while since I cooked up a Mexicoltan feast. You’re in fer a treat!” The old mare creaked out of her chair and started slowly making her way to the house, mumbling something about giving the pressure cooker a pep talk.
“Is she all right? I’d hate to impose on her. Beans take a lot of work to prepare.”
Applejack just laughed and hit him with another shot to the hip. “Don’t you worry none, Sugarcube, Granny will whip up a bean feast faster than you’d believe. Just don’t go in the kitchen, or she’ll crack you on the noggin’ with her ladle.”
If Mac could pull a house, he didn’t want to find out what his grandma could do with a ladle.
“Um, it was... nice meeting you, Len,” Fluttershy said. “I have to go now, though. The animals will need to be fed soon.”
Applejack elbowed him in the hip again—he was going to have to have a talk with that mare—and winked at him, hiding it with the brim of her hat. “How about we walk ya home, Fluttershy? We’ve got see what Mac might need help with, so we’re going that way anyways.”
“Right,” Len added in. “Besides, I’m sure Mac would want to say goodbye to you before you left. It wouldn’t be very gentleman... gentlestallio... it wouldn’t be very polite of him not to see a young mare off his farm.”
Fluttershy’s cheeks turned pink as her hair and she mumbled something in the affirmative, giving Leonard an uncomfortably strong urge to hug her and brush her hair.
Shaking his head, he turned to Applejack and winked at her. “Lead on!”
Author's Note
For those of you who don't know, Magnum is the official name for Rarity's dad. It's in the Gameloft game. I also have no trouble believing that he would invite Len to play football with him once he found out that not only does he have hands, but he killed a manticore by crushing its skull.
The reason he said the manticore tasted like pork is because lion meat is said to taste like pork. Look it up; I research all my stories thoroughly.
A question for you: do you think Len playing hoofball (*cough* football *cough* with Magnum and friends would make a good scene? Let me know in the comments! I hope you liked the cliffhanger and Matchmaker Applejack!
