I fill my mug with coffee. Add sugar, milk. Sit down to a breakfast of pancakes and hash. I've been through this routine before. So many times, in fact, that it feels like second nature. Today I switch things up. I'm out of hash. I have hay instead.
Exciting.
I feel pitiful, as usual. I look down at my smokey grey hooves. What good have I ever done with these? I ask myself. I don't have an answer. I never do.
My name is Moonlit Dream. I am a pegasus stallion. I am twenty-seven years old. I work in an office building in San Prancisco. I repeat this to myself several times in my head, as if I might forget if I don't. As if I might disappear if I don't reaffirm my existence. Perhaps that would be for the best.
I look at my breakfast. Taking a large bite of burnt pancake, I decide to throw it away. I'm not hungry anyway. I haven't felt hunger for a long time, actually. I haven't felt anything. Nothing but sadness.
It really is sad, if you think about it.
I don't know why I feel sad. I don't think I'm lonely. I've gotten on perfectly well without anypony else for most of my life. I haven't lost anypony dear to me. Mum still calls every other week. She asks how I'm getting along, if I'm taking care of myself, how I'm feeling. Over and over again. My shrink says I might be having an existential crisis.
Hay, I don't even know what that is.
I walk out the door. Seven forty-five, my watch reads. It's read that way since it broke five years ago. I'm always right on time. The bus is waiting at the stop. I know it's waiting for me. I'm the only pony on this block who takes it. As I climb aboard, loading my four bits into the change slot, I smile at the driver. It's a shallow, empty, fake smile, but I know it makes his day thinking he's making ponies happy.
Good for him.
I sit at the back of the bus, waiting patiently for it to go. I'm not in any hurry. After all, it's only seven forty-five. Suddenly, something unexpected happens. Another pony gets on the bus. She sits near the front, depositing her bags beneath her seat. She, smiles, chatting with the bus driver as we finally take off. They laugh as they talk. They're both very happy. I almost envy them.
Suddenly, the unicorn mare looks back at me. I wave hello, turning to look out the window at the passing buildings. I feel a slight dip in the seat to my left. Looking over, I see that she is sitting next to me. Her rusty orange mane, unkempt and slightly wet, dangles in front of her emerald green eyes. It is long, stretching almost the length of her cream colored body. She is wearing a damp raincoat, and beads of water dangle from her eyelashes. I hadn't noticed that it was raining. Looking down, I realize I'm soaked. Wonderful.
"Hello," I offer, deciding I might as well be polite.
"Hi," she replies, grinning. The bus lurches as its front wheel dips onto a pothole. "My name is Sunny. Sunny Daze. And you are?"
I give up any semblance of nonchalantness, sighing heavily as I brush my mane out of my face. "My name is Moonlit Dream."
"Nice to meet you, sir!" she says, giggling. I stare at her, trying to figure her game. What does she want from me? The bus rounds a corner, stopping to let on a few ponies who scamper in, happily taking shelter from the rain. As we continue forward, Sunny commences in several attempts to make smalltalk, trying to break the ice with jokes, the week's news, trivial facts about nearly everything. Suddenly, she says something that strikes a chord.
"You seem sad, mister Dream," she says, frowning. "Other ponies being sad makes me sad. Why are you sad?"
I look at the mare sitting next to me. Why would this complete stranger care if I were sad or not? "Hmm," I say, rubbing my chin thoughtfully with my wingtip. "That's a hard one," I say as we round another corner. "I've been sad for a long time. I really can't say why." I sigh, exasperated. "Happy?"
"Hmph," the mare screws her mouth into a quizzical half smile. "No," she says, pushing my shoulder, not inciting any protest. "I guess I just won't be happy until you're happy, mister."
"Heh." I chuckle, looking out the windows again. "I guess you'll be unhappy for a long, long while then."
She continues to talk, laughing at her own jokes, talking about the best times to plant. Her cutie mark is an assortment of garden tools. I have no idea what a mare like her is doing in a city like San Prancisco. It doesn't make any sense. I mention as such.
"Aw," she says, her smile fading. "I just moved here from my family's farm out near Neighvis. My family needed somepony here to sell our goods."
"Hmm, Neighvis, eh? That's a nice place," I lie. The quaint college town was beautiful, but it was so very hot there. "So, you're a farm pony?"
"Yep," she says, tossing her mane back. "I miss the farm. But San Pran' is nice enough." I can't help but agree with her. San Prancisco is a wonderful city. I was born and raised here. I live here. My life is here. Some life, I think to myself.
As we round another corner, Sunny get's up, picking up her bags in a faint orange magical aura. "Well," she says, looking back at me, "this is my stop. See you later?"
I shrug, watching as she exits the bus and steps out into the rain, running toward a small market. Something inside me really hopes we see each other again.
I step out of my office for a breath of air, cowering from the continuous downpour under an awning. I breath heavily, watching as a cloud bellows from my mouth, dissipating into the air. It's wonderfully cold. I love that about my city. The cold. I pull a cigarette out of my vest pocket, lighting it with a tinderbox I always keep with me. As I breath in the nicotine laced smoke, I wonder. Why do I still work here? Considering the working conditions, I'd be better off in sanitation, and with my credentials I'm sure I could get almost any job I wanted. So why do I still work here, in this dirty, stuffy, leaky office building with the undeniably horrible secretary and disgusting co-workers? I don't know.
I take another draw on my cigarette.
The world is crazy, I think to myself as a police cruiser zooms by, sirens blaring. It's heading toward Coltland. I can hear the gunshots from here. It must be a big problem if they're calling in police from San Prancisco. I remember hearing stories about how things used to be. Coltland was a home for the wealthy and educated, a beautiful city. Now it consisted of a few dirty tourist areas, some nice strip malls, a busy business district surrounded by crime ridden boroughs and side streets. It's sad to see how everything dissolves so quickly.
Another cruiser flies by, tailed by a state owned armored vehicle. I exhale, letting the smoke drift past my lips and into the air.
I can even remember hearing wondrous stories about the Elements of Harmony. How they always came to the rescue when things got out of hand. Everything could be fixed by friendship.
I had figured out a long time ago that they were merely fairytales.
I put out my smoke, crumbling it into an ashtray next to the door. Looking once more at the rain as it splatters and pools, running toward the drains, I open the door and get back to work.
Nopony could possibly be that happy in this world.
I get onto the bus. Work was tough, as usual. Sometimes I don't even know that I'm working a specific job. Just doing miscellaneous paperwork that ponies leave us. I smile at the driver again, sitting at the back and looking out the window. I'm waiting. Waiting to see if any of it was real.
Sure enough, when we reach the market, Sunny stumbles onto the bus, looking woozy, and soaking wet. She drips her way to the back, sitting down next to me. She doesn't grin.
She stays that way for a while, sitting silently as the bus pulls forward. "I-I," she says, finally. "I heard shots. At least...at least I think that's what they were."
I nod, watching as we pass a cable car, one of the city's main attractions.
"I never heard any in Neighvis...never!"
"Welp," I say, shifting in my seat. Sunny is obviously nervous. I don't want to lie to her, but I also don't want to scare her. "I...I'm sure it won't happen again," I reply, wringing out my hat. I slept with it on last night. It smells.
Sunny sighs in relief, smiling. "Oh, I'm glad. I hope nopony was hurt."
I'm sure several were. In fact I know there were. I don't reply. I just put my hat back on. The rain makes loud metallic sounds as it strikes the roof of the bus, sliding down the hind window in long, snaking flows. It's pretty.
Sunny looks at me, smiling. "Say, mister Dream, do you have any friends?" I shake my head, frowning. I haven't had any for a long time. I remember having a friend. His name was Sparkling Dawn. A real bookworm, that unicorn was. Always saying he would find some way to make everything better. He moved on, of course. They always do. I think he owns a law-firm in Saddlemento now.
"Well," says Sunny, her smile stretching further across her face, "I'm just going to have to fix that! Can I be your friend, mister Dream?"
"I..." I am taken aback by her sudden proposal. We had only just met this morning. Why suddenly ask to be my friend? It makes no sense.
I open my mouth to refuse. I would just screw it up like I do everything else. I could never make a good friend. Not sad little me! But my mouth moves, seemingly of it's own accord, and I find myself saying the exact opposite of what my brain is screaming at my face.
"Sure, why not?"
I slump into my chair. I've just dug myself into an inescapable hole. Meanwhile, Sunny explodes with glee, practically jumping up and down in her chair while she giggles out strings of gibberish that may have had dreams of becoming understandable Equish. "Oooooh, thankyouthankyouthankyou, Moonlit!" she squeals, her smile threatening to tear her face in two.
"Don't worry about it," I reply. I feel like fainting.
Weeks go by. Sunny and I always meet on the corner at the bus stop. It turns out that she has moved into a flat just across the block. We chat on the bus, she get's off, I go to work. The same routine on the way home. She is warming up to me. She brings me produce from the market to take home now. I have fresh vegetables for my dinners.
Today I wait at the bus stop. I look at my watch. It still reads seven forty-five. Maybe the bus is late. Suddenly, I hear hooves clicking against the cement of the sidewalk, growing closer. Looking back, I see sunny, her long orange mane flying free in the wind as she runs toward the corner. She is holding something in her mouth.
She slows, stopping next to me. Putting the object she had been carrying onto the seat, I see that it is a small stuffed bear. It looks hand stitched. I point to myself, raising an eyebrow in question.
Sunny nods. "Yup!" she exclaims, enthusiastically. "I made it just for you." She nudges it closer. "Go ahead, look at it's paw!"
Looking at the indicated area, I see words, painstakingly sewn, in bright red, into the fabric.
To Moonlit Dream, from your very best friend, Sunny Daze
I read this aloud, glancing up at sunny after every other word. She smiles as I end. "Soooo...?" she says, expectantly.
I sigh. "It's...it's adorable. I love it." It's the truth. It really is cute. It has a newscolt cap looking like a tiny version of mine, and a small red bow around its neck. It also wears a tweed vest, just like mine. I couldn't love it any more. I feel my sadness ebbing away. I feel as if I'm growing warmer. I know this isn't really true. I can see a large Wall of fog rolling in from the bay, so, in reality, I must be freezing, but I still feel warm inside. I almost feel...dare I say, happy.
"Oh, I'm so glad! I was afraid you wouldn't like it." Sunny stares at the bay, and at the impending wall of fog that settles upon it. "Well," she says, looking down the street. "Looks like the bus is coming." She is right. Soon, the bus is rolling up to the corner. We climb aboard. I smile at the driver. This time it feels genuine. He smiles back, and now I can see the warmth in his smile. I hadn't noticed it before. He smiles with his eyes. He seems really very pleasant, in fact.
I trot to the back seat, where Sunny is waiting for me. As we pull away, I feel her leaning on my shoulder. I hug the stuffed bear tight. I think I will cherish it for the rest of my days.
I felt okay at work today. I placed the bear in the corner of my cubicle. I spend most of my time at work, so I suppose I might as well. Work was still hard, but it seemed a little easier. Maybe the secretary is getting nicer and not loading all of the work onto my desk.
As I prepare to leave the office, I hug the fluffy stuffed bear one mo time, rubbing my muzzle into its fur.
I step onto the bus again, again flashing a smile to the driver, again receiving one in turn. I decide to sit at the front of the bus today. As I look at the window, find that the fog has engulfed the city, hiding the passing cars and buildings from my view. Only the patch illuminated by the bus's headlamps is clear, and that is a small area.
Sunny looks surprised as she climbs aboard. She sits next to me, grinning her now expected grin. "So," she says, a slight giggle in her voice, "sitting at the front, are we?" I nod. As she looks past me and out the window, she frowns. "Is the fog always this bad here?"
"Nah," I say, checking my watch again as we pull away. "Sometimes, but normally it isn't quite so thick. But I'm sure it'll pass."
My friend sighs, leaning back into the seat.
We pass a few blocks, chatting as we go. We include the driver in our talk now, laughing and chuckling as we round every corner.
Suddenly, Sunny looks at me, smiling a smile I've never seen adorn her face before. "Moonlit Dream," she says, her eyes watering, "you are the best friend I have ever had." With this I fnd myself embraced in the tightest hug I have ever felt. After I recover from the initial shock of the moment, I hug her back.
"Ditto," I say.
I smile. I smile a genuine, full smile as I feel my friend's warmth pressed against me.
I hear the ringing of the cable car's bells grow nearer as we approach it. I don't look, I don't brace myself for the crash I know is coming. I simply focus on hugging Sunny. Pretty, funny, kind Sunny Daze who took my terrible, unrelenting sadness away. Sunny Daze, the mare who made me happy.
And, in the end, I really was happy.