Awkward, But Worth It

Chapters

That First Confession
That First Kiss
That First Attempt to Lose Your Virginity
That Time You Accidentally Win Your Lover's Little Sister's Undying Approval
That Moment When Private Pillow Talk, Isn't
That Time You Accidentally Involve a Princess in Your Love Life
That Time You Come Out To Your Family
That First Time You Spend The Night
Bonus Chapter: Tango
That Time You Get Caught Doing Something Unexpected
That Time You Try To Take the Next Step in Your Relationship
That Time a School Project Gets a Little Too Personal
Interlude: The Night After "Sleepless in Ponyville"
That Time You Get Back at Your Brother
That Time You Discover That "Out of the mouths of foals" Isn't Just a Saying
That Time You Go Somewhere New For The Pony You Love
That Time You Teach Your Brother's Marefriend the Phrase
That Little Moment Before The Ceremony
That Time Dreams Come True and Shatter at the Same Time
Interlude: Everypony Happy But Me
That Snowy Hearth's Warming Day
That Time Your Dream Wedding Becomes a Nightmare
That Time You Have To Miss Your Fifth Anniversary
That Time You Reunite With Your Lover in a Hospital
That Time You Find An Old Picture
That Time You Reunite For The Last Time
Learning the Phrase
That Time You Learn Where Rainbows Actually Come From
Interlude [semi-canon 150 favorites extra]: That Time Your Little Sister Walks In On You

That First Confession

Rainbow Dash took a steadying breath before pushing open the kitchen door. There, amidst a large selection of pie tins, apples, and bags of flour and sugar, stood Applejack, looking just as good as she always did. Even with flour on her face and wearing an apron, Applejack looked good.

Rainbow found it interesting that only now did she smell the apple pies cooking. Of course, that might have also been a spell Twilight put on the kitchen to keep the burnt smells inside. That sounds like something she would do.

No. No. She was going to focus and she was going to do this!

"H- hey, Applejack," she said, mentally cursing herself as she heard her voice shake.

"Rainbow Dash," Applejack greeted her coolly.

"So..." Rainbow subconsciously scratched the back of her neck. "How much of that did you hear?"

Applejack's voice was calm and fairly emotionless as she replied, "Ah heard a lot of yellin' at Twilight, and Ah'm pretty sure Ah heard my name. That's about it."

Oh yeah. Because if Twilight kept a sound-proofing spell on the kitchen, she wouldn't be able to hear Spike calling her no no focus!

"I've got something important to tell you," Rainbow said, taking another step forward.

Applejack nodded.

"It's real important."

Applejack nodded.

"I'm going to tell you now."

Applejack nodded.

Rainbow wilted. "I can't tell you."

She turned and sprinted out, wings flaring and ready to make her escape. Or, she would have escaped, but Applejack was quicker. She grabbed her tail with her mouth and yanked her back, slamming the pegasus down on the ground, leaving her on her back, slightly winded, with hooves and wings splayed out. Before Rainbow could recover, Applejack was straddling her, holding her down.

"Nuh-uh. You don't get to pique my curiosity and then leave like that. You spill, or Ah'll never let you leave."

Rainbow tried to remember what she was going to say, but was having trouble. Currently, Applejack was straddling her. Applejack. The mare she had dreamed about. Straddling her. No, there was no bodily contact. But there could have been. So close to her, to her warm breath, to her mane, to her tail, to what lay underneath her tail no no focus Rainbow!

"G- get off me and I will," Rainbow promised.

Applejack narrowed an eye suspiciously, but finally agreed. She took a step back and let Rainbow sit up.

"It's..." Rainbow became painfully aware of the fact that her wings had not retreated to their normal location on her side. "It's awkward."

"So?"

"It's..." Argh! She was Rainbow Dash! The most awesomest of pegasi! She could pull off a Sonic Rainboom at will! She could fly blind into a storm! She didn't even flinch at flying headfirst through fog! The Everfree Forest couldn't stop her! Why, why, why couldn't she say those four simple words?

"I can't tell you."

Ugh. Her wings clamped against her sides in shame. Totally not the four words she was wanting to say.

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

"Please." Rainbow wasn't even sure what she was asking for.

Applejack tapped her chin. "Well, if'n you can't tell me, maybe you c'n tell something else."

Rainbow looked up in confusion. Applejack walked over to the counter and picked an apple up in her mouth. She then set it on the kitchen table and tapped the seat, inviting Rainbow to sit.

"What's this for?" Rainbow asked, accepting the seat.

"If'n you can't tell me, maybe you can tell the apple."

That was stupid enough that it might actually work. Rainbow looked at the red apple. She then looked at Applejack's flank and saw three identical apples there. She looked back at the apple on the table. Then back at the apples on her flank. Then up at Applejack.

"Yeah... this isn't going to work."

Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Well, maybe it will. But not an apple."

"There ain't nothin' wrong with talkin' to apples," Applejack muttered under her breath, but she retrieved the apple, tossed it up, and caught it with her mouth. Seeing no reason to waste the apple, she took a big bite, spraying apple juice everywhere.

Rainbow Dash tried really hard to ignore the way Applejack's tongue slid around, catching the remains of the apple juice around her mouth. Luckily, Applejack's eyes were closed and she seemed fairly concentrated on eating her apple, and didn't notice Rainbow's awkward shift on her seat or those awkward shoulder rolls a pegasus does when she's trying to make sure her wings stay down.

Having finished the apple, Applejack turned and slid a pitcher of water in front of Rainbow Dash. "Better?"

"Yeah." Rainbow looked at her disfigured reflection and if she tried really hard, she could pretend it was just her, in her room, practicing her confession on her reflection.

"So... hi."

"Hi," Applejack said.

"Could you... not answer, please?"

"Sorry," Applejack said, taking a respectful step back.

"Thanks. Um... yeah." Rainbow Dash set her eyes firmly on the pitcher, not looking up once. "So... there's this mare. She's an amazing mare. She's an earth pony, but that's cool. She works hard at everything she does. She doesn't give up. Like, ever. And it really doesn't help that she looks amazing."

Rainbow Dash didn't see Applejack roll her eyes.

"She's strong, she's fast, she's awesome, she's... she's perfect, ok? But the thing is, she's got a plan. She knows what she's doing with her life. And, I got plans, too. I am going to be a Wonderbolt." She jabbed a hoof at her reflection. "And you know it."

Applejack wasn't entirely sure that the metal pitcher was aware of anything of that nature, but she good-naturedly kept silent.

"The thing is, I lo... I lo-" Rainbow exhaled sharply before blurting, "I love her, ok? But I don't even know if she'd like me back. And even if she did, it might never work out. What happens when I'm on tour and she's at home? She can't come with me. She has apples to tend to, you know? And her family. You can't just walk away from that. I know that."

It was at this point that Applejack realized that she might have had a bigger part in this one-sided conversation than she had previously thought.

Unless, of course, Rainbow Dash was referring to Apple Bloom. In that case, the pegasus would probably never leave this kitchen alive.

Unaware just how close to death she was walking, Rainbow Dash continued blindly. "What I don't know is if she likes me back." She snorted. "Heck, I don't even know if she's into mares. But I hope she is. Because if I get another one of those dreams about those apples on her flanks again, I'm going to need a new sleeping cloud."

Applejack tilted her head. Why would... oh. Oh. Her eyes flew open as she understood. She wasn't certain if she should feel flattered or disgusted. Probably a little bit of both, with a little more of the latter.

"And I really want to tell her. Not the cloud thing; the 'I love her' thing. I want to tell her how good I feel around her. I want to tell her how she makes me a better pony. She makes me push myself harder. But that's not it. I want to feel her body against mine, I want to hold her and be held. I want to make a huge thunderstorm and curl up with her in front of a fire and have it be just us and the rain in the whole world and that's it."

Applejack had never heard such sappiness. The fact that it was coming from Rainbow Dash made it even weirder. All of her logic circuits protested this violently. And yet... why did it sound so right?

"But even if she does like me back, it might never work. But I have to tell her, because if I don't, I'm going to go insane. But if I don't tell her, and she likes me back..." Exhaling sharply, Rainbow Dash slammed her head against the table and left it there. "It's hopeless," she muttered.

Deep in her pit of despair, Rainbow Dash felt two hooves wrap around her body. "It's never hopeless," a voice whispered in her ear.

"Never?" Rainbow asked, looking back up at the pitcher with new hope in her eyes. "But... Applejack..."

"Applejack has had to run the entire farm for years now. Every year, Big Mac crunches the numbers and says it's impossible for the orchard to survive another year. And every year, Ah prove him wrong."

A spark of hope lit in Rainbow's heart. "So..."

"Ah ain't sayin' anything one way or the other. Ah'll be honest here--love ain't somethin' Ah know a lot about. Never had a special somepony, and fer a while, thought Ah never would. But Ah am sayin', Ah've fought stacked odds before, and Ah've always come out on top. So the odds are stacked against us bein' us. So what? That's never stopped me before, and it ain't gonna stop me now."

"You're saying..."

"If you want to be my marefriend, Ah'll gladly try my darndest to make it work out if you will."

Rainbow Dash could breathe again. That ten ton weight removed itself from her shoulders. She felt light and free for the first time in... first time in a long time, actually. "I'm so happy, I could kiss you."

"Ah think that's a wonderful idea." Applejack closed her eyes and tried to slow her heart rate. This would be her first kiss! Various questions flew through her mind. What would it be like? Would it taste like anything? Would it be messy? Would it feel good? What if she wasn't a good kisser? What would happen then?

But everything ground to a halt when she heard the sound of kissing but felt nothing. Opening her eyes, she saw Rainbow Dash kissing the object of her desires: the metal pitcher she had been talking to earlier.

"Oh, come on!" Applejack yelled, shoving Rainbow forward before standing up and moving away.

Rainbow Dash laughed as she set down the pitcher. "Oh, the look on your face was priceless!" she chortled.

Applejack brusquely pulled her hat further down on her head. "That wasn't funny."

"It was a bit funny. Come on, admit it!"

"No." Applejack returned to the counter and began peeling apples again.

Rainbow sidled up to her and rested her head against Applejack's shoulder. Subconsciously, her wingtip reached out and brushed against that delectable trio of apples on the earth pony's flank. "It was a bit funny," she said. "Can we... you know... kiss now?"

"No."

Rainbow was taken aback. "What?"

"Ya ruined th' mood, Rainbow, 'n' Ah ain't feelin' romantic-like in the slightest no more."

Rainbow Dash was no linguist, but she knew that Applejack's accent showed through a lot more strongly when she was upset; and now was obviously one of those times. Her face fell and she withdrew her body a pace. "So... when might you get that feeling back?"

The tiniest hint of red appeared on Applejack's cheeks even as her voice came out rough. "Maybe tonight, under the moonlight, 'round ten thirty in the east meadow. Now go away. Ah got a big load of apple pies t' make and you've already wasted a lotta my time."

"I'll go away," Rainbow grinned, "...for a price." She closed her eyes and puckered her lips. Her eyes quickly widened when she felt the touch of Applejack's mouth; not on her lips, but on her tail.

Rainbow Dash flew through the air, crashing through the kitchen door and landing on the hardwood floor of the library, skidding across the ground and only stopping when she slammed into the exterior wall. She stood up shakily. "You took that better than I was expecting," she commented.

"Go 'way, Rainbow," Applejack called from within the kitchen.

"Tonight, then. Ten thirty. East meadow."

"Go 'way, Rainbow."

"Do we get to do cutie mark play, too, or is that too far for a first kiss?"

This time, Rainbow Dash could almost hear the flush in her cheeks as Applejack shouted again, louder this time, "Go 'way, Rainbow!"

Rainbow chuckled. Oh, yeah. Those apples on her flank were as good as hers.

It wasn't until Rainbow was halfway across town that a new thought occurred to her.

She had no idea how to kiss another pony.

Author's Note

Poor Rainbow. She really can't plan ahead well, can she?
That's ok. Neither can I.

That First Kiss

Rainbow Dash paced nervously. She hadn’t been this nervous since the Best Young Flyers competition all those years ago. She did have some inkling of pride that she wasn't cowering, quivering in a corner somewhere this time, though.

But where was Applejack? It wasn't like her to be late, and it was already... Rainbow glanced down at her bare forehoof for what must have been the eleventh time, and for the eleventh time, there was still no watch there and therefore she had no idea what time it was anyway. Well, it felt late. Where was she?

Scanning the fields, she felt her heart jump into her throat as she saw a flicker of movement somewhere in the trees. It looked like it could fit the profile of an earth pony mare. Maybe.

"Applejack?" she called, taking a cautious step forward. "That you?"

"Yep."

Rainbow Dash squealed (though would later deny that she had) and spun around to see Applejack poking her head through the branches.

"Don't scare me like that!" Rainbow hissed.

"You? Scared? Now I've seen everything," Applejack teased, poking Rainbow playfully.

Rainbow brushed the hoof off. "No, it's just... Never mind.” She shook her head. “So, you ready to do this?" she asked, feeling her wings begin to spread slightly in anticipation.

Applejack sighed. "I dunno, Rainbow. It seems a little sudden."

Rainbow’s face fell, as did her wings, ears, tail; just about everything, actually. "Sudden? Applejack, we've been friends for forever, ever since I moved here from Cloudsdale. After Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, you were the first pony I knew here, and I think I like you best." Rainbow's eyes widened. "Don't tell them I said that, though."

Unbeknownst to either party, far, far away in the bed in the upper loft of Sugarcube Corner, a sleeping pink earth pony groaned and mumbled, "no offense taken...." before rolling over on her face and snoring again.

"And I've thought you were cool for forever, and that one Running of the Leaves competition was just icing on the cake."

The pink earth pony mare's ear twitched, and she licked her lips in her sleep.

"That cemented it. I knew I loved you. You've been awesome your whole life. You're fierce and competitive and you're fast and I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Applejack couldn't suppress a giggle. "Yeah. But it's not so bad. Ah kindof like it, actually."

“If rambling more gets you to kiss me, I’ll keep going."

Applejack smirked. "You’re sappy. Are ya sure you didn’t get into the hard cider or something?

Rainbow Dash realized that she was right. Frowning, she turned away, crossed her forelegs and sulked. She would have flown away, but a tiny spark of hope inside told her to stay, and maybe...

Applejack came up close behind and wrapped her hooves around the pegasus. She pressed her body close, resting her chin on Rainbow's shoulder so that their cheeks were touching. “Ah didn’t mean nothin’ bad by it. It’s just kinda nice. Weird comin’ from you, but nice."

“I thought it was weird coming from me, too,” Rainbow admitted, enjoying the warmth of another pony close by much more than she thought she would. “You just... you mess with my mind, AJ."

“Ah may or may not have that ability.”

The two sat together, enjoying each other's company. Every once in a while, one would press against the other just a little tighter for a gentle nuzzle, and the other would respond in kind. Together they sat in silence.

Applejack broke the silence first. "Well? Are you gonna kiss me or not?"

Rainbow flinched. "Well,” she stammered, “I was kindof hoping you'd kiss me first."

Applejack gave a tiny snort of laughter. "And why is that?"

"Because I... I...” Rainbow looked around nervously, suddenly very glad that Applejack couldn’t see her face. Finally, she blurted out, “BecauseIneverkissedanyponybefore and Ireallydontknowwhattodo," quickly and with very little spacing between her words.

Applejack laughed, but nuzzled her again and gripped her tighter to show she wasn’t being mean (and as insurance that Rainbow wouldn’t just fly off in embarrassment). "And you think I do? I've never had a special somepony before, remember? Always working."

"Well..." Rainbow’s voice trailed off. “I guess if you want, I could try first.”

“Ah’d be fine with that.”

Rainbow acted calm as she turned around to face Applejack, but her heart was hammering in her chest.

She hesitated with one hoof on her chest. "Ready?" she asked.

"Shut up and kiss me," Applejack said, closing her eyes expectantly.

Rainbow tried to recall anything and everything she had ever read about kissing. Daring Do had had a few flings in her time, but Rainbow had always just skimmed those parts. She did recall that it was more than acceptable to kiss a pony in places other than lips. With that in mind, she leaned forward and kissed Applejack on the forehead. It was quick and slightly awkward, but Applejack smiled.

When nothing else happened, Applejack opened one eye. "You can do that again, if you want," she said.

Emboldened by her success, Rainbow Dash leaned forward again, gently brushing her lips against Applejack’s cheek this time. She was rewarded with a gentle exhale and a slow smile.

“Keep goin’,” Applejack urged. This was an entirely new sensation, and she was rather enjoying it.

Feeling a sense of urgency somewhere in her nethers, Rainbow Dash grabbed Applejack’s face, pulled her close, and kissed her like no mare had ever been kissed before or since. She kissed Applejack so fully and so deeply that Princess Cadence in Canterlot woke up in a cold sweat, fearful that somepony else had taken away her title as Princess of Love.

Well, that’s what Rainbow intended to happen, anyway.

What reallyhappened was, Rainbow Dash grabbed her head and while trying to pull her close, somehow ended up slamming both their noses together.

If there’s one thing that ruins a romantic mood, it’s blood. And while you can kindof laugh it off if both partners are in the same predicament, that was not the case here. While Rainbow had hit many things with her face and her body was used to such impacts, Applejack was not. The earth pony sat back hard, pressing a hoof against her nose to staunch the flow of blood, while Rainbow frantically tried to help by apologizing repeatedly.

“Applejack! I’m so sorry, here, I can get you something, I don’t have anything, I didn’t bring anything, I can fly back and grab you something real quick hold o-”

“Ra’bow! Breav’, filly! I’s ok.” Applejack leaned back, pinching the bridge of her muzzle as best she could.

“I feel bad, though,” Rainbow said softly.

“Don’ be. D’ough you did kinda ruin da mood,” Applejack said, still pinching her nose.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, then?” Rainbow said dejectedly, preparing to fly off.

Earth ponies are nothing if not hardy. Already the flow of blood was stopping, and Applejack finished cleaning herself off. “Nah. We can cuddle for a bit. It’s cool, Rainbow. Really.” Applejack extended her forehooves in invitation.

After a moment of hesitation, Rainbow accepted. She twisted in, getting as close as she could. “I’m really sorry,” she said again.

“You’re fine,” Applejack said, pressing Rainbow’s head down against her own shoulder. She rested her head there on Rainbow Dash, just feeling her breathe and listening to her own breath.

That breath got caught in a strangled cry as she looked up to see a pony standing there in in the meadow. She calmed slightly when she recognized him as her older brother, who was pressing a hoof firmly over his lips in the universal sign for “shh!”.

Rainbow stirred. “You ok, Applejack?” she asked.

Big Mac tapped his lips again, harsher this time.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” Applejack said, giving her brother the stink-eye to end all stink-eyes. “Just saw something and it spooked me.”

Big Mac grinned, and Applejack fought the urge to connect her hoof with his face. This was their own private time! Didn’t he have a basement to go sit in or something?

Rainbow, oblivious to their observer, settled down again. “Yeah, I thought I saw something earlier, too.”

Applejack glared at Big Mac, who just gestured with his hooves. Did he want to watch or something? That was just wrong!

Wait. No, he seemed to have other ideas in mind. With his hooves, he was miming holding and tilting somepony else’s head, and tilting his own the opposite direction. His lips puckered, almost as if he were kissing... Oh.

That... that would make too much sense. Applejack had not felt so stupid since the day of long division in elementary school. But before Applejack could work up the courage to ask Rainbow if they could try again, the pegasus looked up.

“Applejack?” Rainbow asked, looking more vulnerable than Applejack had ever seen her. “Can we... you know... try it again? I promise I won’t hurt you this time.”

Applejack smiled and nodded. She took Rainbow’s head in her hooves and tilted, just like Mac had demonstrated, leaned forward, and kissed Rainbow Da-

By great grandpappy’s special cider...

Applejack had never experienced anything quite like that before. Her eyes fluttered shut under this new sensation. It wasn’t that Rainbow tasted good--she didn’t really taste like anything, to be honest--and it wasn’t like either of them were particularly good at this. But something about this just... tasted right, for lack of a better word. It was being together with a pony she loved, doing something with her that not every pony got to do. This was something special.

Too soon, Rainbow pulled back. Applejack let out an involuntary whimper as her moment was interrupted.

Rainbow grinned. “Now who’s the sappy one?” she taunted.

“Shut up,” Applejack said before leaning forward and kissing her again.

Applejack was enjoying herself immensely when she suddenly remembered that they had an observer. She pulled back, much to Rainbow’s disappointment, but pulled her into a tight hug and brought a hoof up to stroke her mane, and that seemed to mollify her a bit.

Big Mac was nodding and giving Applejack a look that every younger sibling knew; the look that guaranteed merciless teasing the next day. Applejack glared, but he ignored it and began miming something else. Holding the invisible pony close, he lifted his head and...

Did he just mime biting her ear? Applejack shook her head in confusion. How was that fun?

But he repeated the action and nodded encouragingly. Applejack pointed an accusatory hoof, warning him that if this went south, he’d be in some deep trouble.

He just sat there comfortably.

Frowning, Applejack lifted her head slightly, took Rainbow’s ear into her mouth, and gently nibbled.

“Nyeh~!”

Both ponies flinched at Rainbow's sudden outburst, jumping apart from each other like cold water had been thrown on them.

“What was that?” Applejack asked, suddenly feeling much cooler than she had before. Rainbow really had been keeping her warm.

“I... I don’t know,” Rainbow admitted. “It just came out!”

Both looked at each other for a few seconds.

“Wanna try that again?” Applejack asked.

“Sure,” Rainbow shrugged nonchalantly, but if the speed at which she returned into Applejack’s embrace were any indication, she wanted to try it just as badly as Applejack did.

Applejack gently bit on her ear and tugged gently. Rainbow inhaled sharply and twitched, pressing her body even closer.

She dared look up, and saw Mac nodding in approval. He made the motions of running his hooves up and down his invisible partner’s body, paying special attention to her sides, and Applejack mirrored his movements.

Rainbow Dash’s head flew back and she involuntarily arched her back and gasped as Applejack’s hooves unintentionally hit a tickle spot.

“Ah take it that’s a good thing?” Applejack asked with a grin.

Rainbow nodded, trying (and failing) to keep a blush off her cheeks. She wasn’t entirely sure what she’d think of this in the morning, but as of right now, “awesome” had a new definition and its name was Applejack.

“Then let’s keep exploring,” Applejack whispered, moving her hooves again. She looked up just in time to see Mac wink cheekily at her before turning and melting into the shadows, leaving the two alone to explore.

* * *

Applejack quietly snuck into her own bedroom. She had really lost track of time out there, and had no idea what time it really was. The only reason they had stopped was because Rainbow Dash had had to go to the bathroom, and she obviously did not feel comfortable doing anything like that around Applejack.

Well, that’s not the exact excuse Rainbow had used, but Applejack knew the potty dance when she saw it.

The only thing she really knew was she loved Rainbow Dash emotionally, mentally, and physically. Hopefully they would have a chance to explore that third option further, and soon.

She gently set her hat down on the bedpost and flopped into bed. Hopefully, she’d have some time to sleep befo-

“Mornin’, sis!"

Applejack very nearly jumped out of her skin as a loud voice rang through her room, reverberating against the wooden walls and sending her into panic mode.

“Apple Bloom! What are you doin’ up so late?”

Apple Bloom giggled. “It’s not late,” she said, in that voice that foals use when they know a grown-up is playing with them. “It’s time to get up.”

Applejack cast a glance at the clock. To her despair, Apple Bloom was right. She dropped her head into the pillow and groaned loudly.

“Git up, sis!” Apple Bloom called again, tugging on Applejack’s tail, and when that didn’t work, her mane. “Granny Smith promised waffles this morning and those’re your favorite!”

“I’m-a gettin’, I’m-a gettin’,” Applejack muttered as she pushed herself up. She knew she was in for a fun, fun day.

* * *

Out in the fields, two ponies carefully pruned the apple trees. The large red one worked slowly yet methodically, while the orange one was quicker but had to pause every once in a while to yawn and stretch.

"Hey, Mac?" Applejack finally said. "Thanks fer not ratting us out at breakfast today. Ah saw Granny Smith givin’ me a funny look cause I was so tired."

Big Mac grinned. "That's your job, not mine," he said.

"Ah know. But thanks anyway."

"Eeyup."

The two continued working until something else occurred to Applejack.

"What were you doin' out there late at night anyway?" she asked, lowering the shears.

"Me?" Big Mac asked innocently.

Maybe being a bad liar was an inherited trait. "You were out there in a far off orchard fer no reason at all? Ah don't buy that." Her eyes widened as she suddenly remembered something else. "Yet mane was all messy," she accused, "just like mine was this morning."

Snip. Snip. "Eeyup."

"You were out there with another pony, weren'tcha?" Applejack asked.

“Eeyup.”

“Who?” Applejack asked, curiosity completely piqued.

Big Mac grinned. "Ah'll come out when you come out," he said.

"That better be a promise," Applejack muttered.

"It is."

The only sounds audible for a while were those of branches falling and wood being cut. Applejack didn't mind, though. Big Mac was a little quiet, sure; but that didn't mean he didn't like company. If anything, Applejack appreciated the time she could spend hanging out (so to say) with her older broth-

"So, didja put your tongue in her mouth yet?"

Applejack very nearly dropped a branch on her head. "What in..." she spluttered. "Where did that even come from? That's nasty!"

"So ya say now," Big Mac said, turning back to the tree.

The two worked in silence for a while longer, until it was shattered by a very frustrated mare angrily throwing a pair of shears at the ground.

"Argh! Now that won't leave my head! Ah hate you, ya fat, lazy excuse for a workhorse!"

Big Mac threw his head back and laughed. Applejack flushed slightly at being treated this way and grumpily pulled her hat down a little further over her eyes.

Still, if she could have another night like last night, she would gladly have been laughed at by a hundred Big Macs.

Her first real kiss may have been awkward, but it was definitely worth it.

Author's Note

Bonus points if this song played in your head at Applejack's line.

And so the day was saved, thanks to the author's use of
*puts on sunglasses*
Deus ex Big Mac-china. Amirite?
...
Whoa, what's with the flow of downvotes?
And what's with the tomatoes? Put those down, please... Guys? Guys?

That First Attempt to Lose Your Virginity

Author's note:
Please note that the rating is still Teen. Yes, this is intentional. I may push the line a bit, but I won’t cross it.
Hopefully. And if I do, I don't mean to.

Applejack fretted slightly as she checked the squash again. No. Definitely not done yet. And that made sense, as it had only been about fifteen seconds since she had checked it last, and squashes (squashi?) took longer than fifteen seconds to cook.

She sighed as she leaned back against the wall, dropping the mouthpad on the ground. She didn’t need to be so nervous, right? After all, ponies met to lose their virginity all the time. No need to worry.

Aw, who was she kidding? She was nervous and she knew it. And moreover, you only lost your virginity once. Applejack really wanted this to be special. Something she'd look back on and smile. A little bit of special time with the world's most special of ponies.

She jumped as there was a knock on the door. Straightening her apron, she walked over and opened it.

Rainbow stood on the doorstep, carrying a basket in her mouth. “‘m not too ‘ate, am I?” she asked, smiling around the handle.

She was joking, of course. She was there exactly five minutes before Applejack had said to show up. Applejack smiled. "Nope, and even if you were, Ah'd still let you in. This is our night, after all."

"Yeah," Rainbow said as she walked in. She set the basket down on the kitchen counter. "Our night. I kinda like the sound of that. Just us."

Applejack nodded. "Yeah, but Ah’m still jumpy. Ah still think Ah'm going to hear Apple Bloom come rushing in."

"Nah. Rarity will have it covered while we have our fun." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "And we better have fun. I traded four hours of modeling for that favor."

Her words sounded harsh, but Applejack could see in her eyes that she would gladly have traded forty hours of modeling for this night. Rainbow Dash would never share it out loud, but she had been looking forward to this night, too.

So yeah. No pressure. None whatsoever.

Applejack's nervous thoughts were interrupted when Rainbow sniffed the air. "Is something burning?"

* * *

"Well, that doesn't bode well," Applejack muttered, staring at the blackened thing that had come out of the oven.

Rainbow lay a hoof comfortingly on her shoulder. "So the squash got a little toasty. So what? We still have the other stuff. And my garlic bread. And dessert. And by that I mean the actual dessert, not..."

Applejack flicked her tail in Rainbow's face, effectively quieting her. "Ah get it, Ah get it."

Within minutes, Applejack had salvaged what she could and served the rest of what had been prepared. The two sat down to eat, and as you might have expected, there was a bit of awkwardness. Not that dinner was bad; but it’s a little awkward to sit and eat next to the pony you plan on having sex with in a few minutes. It’s a combination of ‘I’d better not screw this up!’ and ‘does she want to do this as much as I do?’ and maybe a bit of ‘I don’t think I deserve her’.

Needless to say, the atmosphere needed a bit of an icebreaker, and Rainbow provided.

"Do you ever wonder why spaghetti got so popular as a date meal?" Rainbow asked, poking at her plate. "It's like impossible to eat without magic and it's messy."

Applejack smiled. "Maybe that's the point."

"Dumb point," Rainbow muttered as she tried and failed to scoop some onto her fork. "You got some sauce on your cheek."

"Ah do?"

"Yeah."

There was silence for a while, but eventually, it clicked in Rainbow’s mind.

"Oh! Oh. You can't see it. I should get that for you, huh?"

Applejack sat primly as Rainbow Dash leaned over, and cleaned the spaghetti sauce off with one lick that was probably a lot slower than it needed to be. And the two that followed were probably unnecessary, too, but neither seemed to mind.

“Maybe spaghetti’s not so bad after all,” Rainbow said.

There followed one of those silent moments, the kind that's not awkward at all because you're just happy to be in the other pony's presence.

"Here," Rainbow said suddenly. "I'll let you try the bread first. I haven't even tried it yet." She opened the basket and pulled out a slice of her garlic bread. Feeling a little spontaneous, Rainbow held the plate in her mouth and offered it to Applejack, who smiled and took a bite.

Rainbow had been expecting a few different reactions. The one she hoped for the most was a, ‘Mmm, that’s good!’ and maybe a hug or something.

Shut up. Hugs feel good.

But what she got instead was Applejack gagging, spitting and coughing violently. To be honest, Rainbow felt crushed at this drastic rejection; but like she usually did, she played it off and hid it behind a joke. “You know, you could have just said you didn’t like it,” she said.

Applejack finally regained control of herself. “H- how much garlic did you put on that?” she gasped.

“Just what the recipe said. Half a clove of garlic.”

“That ain’t half a clove. If that’s half a clove Ah’ll eat a pear.”

“Yeah, it was just half that white thing.”

Applejack understood in an instant and exhaled. "No, Rainbow; that's a head of garlic. Those ya break into cloves. You were only supposed to add a clove, so that's like... let’s see...” She did a a little mental mathematics (that means she made a few numbers up) and continued, “Almost thirty times as much as you were 'apposed to."

“Oh. I guess this is why the salespony laughed at me and asked if I was afraid of vamponies." She paused. "It also explains why my entire house reeks of garlic now."

Applejack, despite the awful taste in her mouth, couldn't help but smile. "Well, at least you don't have to go back there tonight."

"Yeah, that's true.” Rainbow sighed, and her ears drooped with shame. “I’m really sorry, AJ. I had one job...”

“It’s fine,” Applejack said, drinking some cider to get the taste out of her mouth. “Ah burned the squash and overboiled the first set of noodles, so Ah can’t say anything.”

Rainbow laughed, helping dispel the awkwardness. “We can’t do anything right together, can we?”

“Nope,” Applejack agreed. “All we need now is somepony walking in on us.”

Rainbow glanced around the room. “That’s not going to happen, is it? No flight of shame for me tomorrow, right?"

Applejack shook her head. "Nah. Mac never goes into my room and Granny Smith's out of town, visiting cousins until next week."

Rainbow smiled. "And Rarity said she'd have the trio until ten or so, so I guess we're good."

"Ah'd say you're more than good," Applejack said, pulling Rainbow Dash close. Rainbow quickly returned the gesture, wrapping her forelegs around Applejack and nuzzling her shoulder.

Dinner lay forgotten as two ponies held each other, merely enjoying each other's company.

This tender moment was interrupted by a comment from Rainbow Dash.

"You know, I'd be a terrible porn star."

Applejack couldn't help but run an eye up and down Rainbow's body, and found herself disagreeing strongly with that statement. But she was in a good mood, so she answered with a much safer, "Why do you say that?"

"Because just being here next to you turns me all mushy and that's just... I don't like it."

Applejack smiled. "Your mouth is saying one thing, but your wings say another."

Rainbow looked back at her traitorous wings, but then her eyes lit up as the perfect thing to say occurred to her. "Oh yeah? Well, maybe you should try and get my mouth and wings to agree."

"Sounds like an invitation," Applejack said, leaning closer. She licked her lips, and the moisture helped her feel Rainbow's breath start to become a bit faster and a bit shallower.

"Maybe it was," Rainbow replied, leaning forward a bit too. She swallowed and leaned forward, tongue poised behind her upper teeth and ready to attack.

This for some reason reminded Applejack of that conversation with her brother and she couldn't help but laugh.

Rainbow pulled back slightly, feeling slightly hurt. “What’s so funny?” she asked. She didn't like being laughed at. Not at all.

“Nothin’...”

Rainbow gave her a look, and Applejack cracked.

“Ok, remember how... no, you didn’t know...”

“What?”

“After the first night Ah kissed you, Big Mac was teasin’ me about usin’ tongue. Ah said it was nasty.”

With (semi-)faux pride, Rainbow brushed some imaginary dust off of her coat. “Let me guess. That was before you kissed awesomeness incarnate, namely me.”

"Yep. And then Ah did, and Ah haven't regretted it since."

"Are you sure? Maybe you'd better try again."

"Maybe."

There was a brief pause.

"We talk too much." And with that, Rainbow Dash went on the offensive, pushing herself up on Applejack's shoulders and coming down on her lips aggressively. One hind leg came up on the table as she braced herself, pushing down to get as close to the earth pony as possible. Applejack couldn’t help but close her eyes as she felt that familiar pressure (and accompanying familiar pleasure).

Rainbow kissed like she flew, fast and light and everywhere. She bounced from her forehead to her cheek to her lips back to her forehead. Her tongue brushed against her lips, pleading for entry, which Applejack was only too happy to provide.

Much to Applejack's surprise, Rainbow Dash quickly pulled away, coughing and wiping her tongue off with her hooves.

Needless to say, Applejack was a little bit confused--and a lotta bit hurt.

There was a lot of that going on tonight, wasn’t there?

Rainbow finally looked up and blushed. "Sorry. You taste like garlic. I really wasn't expecting that."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "That's your fault, you know."

"Yeah, but..." Rainbow really had no comeback for that.

Applejack laughed and placed a hoof over her mouth. "It's fine. I know where Granny keeps the mint leaves."

"And we should probably finish eating, anyway," Rainbow added.

* * *

Dessert was Applejack’s favorite part of dinner. Of course, it’s everypony’s favorite part of any meal, but Applejack had an experiment she wanted to try.

If you've never realized just how sensual eating can be, it's definitely an experiment to try. Applejack made sure she ate her dessert (apple pie with ice cream on top) with a lot more licking and tongue showing than usual, and Rainbow noticed.

Applejack noticed right back. Rainbow fidgeted a little more than usual, licked her lips every so often, occasionally bit her lower lip ever so briefly before her eyes darted away, and her tail kept flicking to one side.

Huh. Maybe Rarity's constant romantic drivel wasn't such a pile of horseapples after all.

Applejack hadn't even finished her slice of pie before Rainbow couldn't take it anymore.

"So I don't know about you, but I'm definitely feeling it."

"Oh yeah?" Applejack asked primly, deliberately licking the apple pie’s filling slowly.

"Yeah. Seriously. I'm half tempted to ask you to take me over the kitchen table right here, right now like the dirty little pegasus I am."

Applejack laughed. "Rainbow! You've been working on your dirty talk."

Rainbow grinned. "I've been trying. How'd I do?"

"In all honesty? Ah really am half tempted to take you over the kitchen table."

Rainbow leaned back on her haunches, shifting her hips up and letting her tail fall, which revealed much more than could be considered chaste. As she did so, her wings flared out in the universal pegasus symbol for arousal.”Why don’t you just try it?” she asked. No, on second thought, that was definitely an invitation.

Here it was. The time had come. She was finally going to have sex with Rainbow Dash.

So why were her hooves retreating? Why was she shifting her weight a bit further away? Why couldn’t she meet Rainbow’s eyes?

Rainbow noticed her hesitation. "What's stopping you?" she asked.

"Ah dunno, Ah... Ah can't help feelin' like something's gonna go wrong."

Rainbow cocked her head, but made no move to cover herself. "I love you, you love me, I can't see where anything could go wrong. What, you afraid the condom's gonna break or something?"

Applejack smacked her upside the head. "Be serious! And cover that!"

"There is no such thing as serious sex!" Rainbow protested, crossing her forelegs but leaving her rear ones where they were. "At least, I don't think there is..."

Applejack got up and walked over to the dark window. “Ah dunno... Ah just...” She let her voice trail off, not really sure where she was even going with this.

“Are we goin’ about this too quick?” she finally asked.

Rainbow paused. “Because we’ve known each other for like forever, I’m going to say no.”

Applejack looked out the window again, not really looking at anything. She stayed like that for a while, just staring.

Rainbow finally spoke. “Look, if you never try something, you’ll never do it.”

“Surely, your wisdom is astounding,” Applejack deadpanned.

“AJ, I’ve seen you scared. You’re not scared right now. You’re nervous. You think you’re gonna screw up and ruin everything. News flash: we do that all the time. We’re ponies. We mess up. That’s life. Sometimes you miskick the cloud. Yeah, it hurts when you get hit by the lightning, but hey, life goes on. Sometimes you just have to go with it.”

Applejack continued staring. “You might be right,” she finally said.

"I know I'm right." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Fine. Fine. I get it. You don't want to start. That's cool. I'll start." She got up and walked close to Applejack, who tensed slightly.

“Just relax,” Rainbow said as she ran a hoof down Applejack’s side, pausing only to draw a few circles around her cutie mark. “It’s not like Rarity is going to come bursting in here, complaining that the Crusaders flooded her basement and now need a place to stay while she tries to salvage her dresses.”

Applejack cracked a smile. “You’re right,” she said, taking a deep breath and letting herself relax, which didn’t last very long as Rainbow’s hoof found its way over to her croup. She felt her heart race and her tail lift instinctively, and for once, she wasn’t ashamed.

Rainbow may have been loud, brash, and a whole host of other things, but Applejack truly trusted her.

That's when she knew.

She was ready.

She looked over at Rainbow and nodded. There was no need for words between them now.

It started out with a nuzzle, then a gentle kiss, then a short little lick, and then escalated quickly as Applejack accepted Rainbow’s tongue’s request. Back and forth they went, fighting with tongues, hooves, and in Rainbow’s case, wings; each vying for dominance, each fiercely competing but neither seemed to mind it when she was losing. Suddenly, Rainbow pulled back, reared up, and pushed Applejack down to the ground. Before Applejack could react or even catch her breath, Rainbow slowly began drawing circles with her hoof, starting on her chest and descending slowly. Applejack couldn't help but arch her back slightly and lick her lips in anticipation.

Some observers have the view of the Equestrian universe as a happy place, full of cheer and joy and... well... happiness, and where everything is butterflies and rainbows.

This is simply not true. The Equestrian universe is just as much a sadistic bastard as ours is.

Rainbow Dash’s hoof was three inches away from Applejack’s nipple line when a loud series of raps sounded on the door. Both ponies froze.

“Please tell me that's the wind," Applejack whispered.

"There’s no storm scheduled for tonight," Rainbow whispered back. "Just sunny skies all week long. Maybe they'll go away."

Applejack sagged as the knocking was repeated, but quicker and with more urgency.

"You're gonna get it, huh?" Rainbow didn't even have to phrase it as a question.

She nodded, rolling over and standing up and in doing so, accidentally brushed her tail across a fairly sensitive piece of Rainbow's anatomy, causing her to inhale sharply.

"What?" Applejack asked.

"Nothing," Rainbow said too quickly.

She highly doubted that was true, but when the knocking came a third time, she turned and headed for the door. When she opened it, she was surprised and yet not to see Rarity, mane dripping wet, with three very soggy (and apologetic-looking) Crusaders.

Rarity opened her mouth to explain, but Applejack cut her off. “Wait, wait. Don’t tell me,” Applejack said flatly. “They flooded the basement and now they need a place to stay.while you try and salvage your dresses.”

Rarity was taken aback. “However did you know?” she asked.

“Ah have my ways.”

* * *

Applejack had bathed, fed (no apple pie for Cutie Mark Crusaders Dress Destroyers), and sent the crusaders to bed (Cutie Mark Crusaders Sleepover! Yay!) and was in bed herself by the time Rainbow Dash returned. She walked in slowly, bringing the faint smell of wet mane.

“How’d it go?” Applejack asked, scooting over so that Rainbow would have plenty of room.

Rainbow Dash literally jumped into bed, landing on her stomach and judging by the relieved sigh she let out, had no intention of ever leaving. “‘Bout as good as you’d think," she mumbled around the pillow on her face. "She actually managed to save most of them, so it’s not too bad. Took forever, though.”

Applejack nodded.

The two lay in silence for a while.

“Hey, Ah’m sorry about earlier,” Applejack said. “Ah really wanted it to be a special night and all. And we didn’t even get to do what we planned on doing.”

Rainbow Dash made a noncommittal grunt, but shifted her weight so one of her rear legs was on top of Applejack’s, and flicked her tail over so the two were touching before she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Applejack smiled as she listened to Rainbow’s smooth breathing. Sometimes, it’s the little things that are the most important.

And besides. There was always next time.

Author's Note

Did someone say vamponies? #shamelessselfpromotion
I almost put in a scene where Rarity commented on being able to smell the arousal in the air, but then I decided that even if she had (and I think she would), she would have been smart enough (or distracted enough) to not mention it in front of the Crusaders, who seemed to serve no point in this chapter except to ruin their night.
Ah well. Maybe we'll see more of them next time. And maybe next time, AJ and RD will be able to finish what they started.

That Time You Accidentally Win Your Lover's Little Sister's Undying Approval

“Applejack!”

Applejack grunted, still buried under her mountain of blankets. “Huh?” she mumbled.

“Applejack!” Rainbow repeated.

Applejack began to be forcefully shaken, and one of the blankets slid off the top of her mountain. “Wha-?”

“Applejack! Get up! It snowed!”

Applejack blearily opened one eye. This was ineffective, though; she was currently face down in a large down comforter, and so she saw nothing but fluffy darkness. So, of course, she just closed it again. “Issat so?” she slurred.

“Oh yes! Get up, Applejack!” Rainbow began beating a quick drumbeat against the blanket.

“Can’t it wait?” Applejack moaned.

“There’s hot apple cider…” Rainbow said invitingly.

Applejack paused, the gears in her head turning. Turning as if rusted together, but turning. “How the hay did cider survive you?” she asked.

“There’s a little bit of cider,” Rainbow amended, “but you gotta come outside anyway! There's snow! Did you expect snow, AJ?”

“Not exactly, no.”

“There you have it. Surprise!”

Applejack cracked a smile. “Surprise? Sugarcube, how is that a surprise, seein' as you make the weather around here?”

“I am given guidelines and quotas from Cloudsdale's main weather factory and permitted to enforce them as I see fit,” Rainbow corrected. “Now come on!” She resumed her pushing. “Get up! Everypony likes snow!”

* * *

“I despise snow,” Rarity grumbled, using her magic to clear more snow. Intentional or not (and she wouldn't put it past Rainbow to pull a little prank like that), that little storm had buried her windows halfway up with snow, and she simply could not work without natural light. So while Sweetie Belle was out having fun with the other Crusaders, she was working. She sighed. At least she could show off her new boots.

Well, the top half of those boots, anyway; the bottom halves were mired in snow.

Finally, the windows had been cleared to her satisfaction, and, with a self-satisfied nod, she returned back inside and shut the door a bit more forcefully than necessary.

She froze as the thundering sound of cascading snow and the sudden darkness in the room let her know that the snow had fallen off her roof and blockaded her in. She sprinted back over, lit her horn and tore open the door, and was greeted with the sight of a white wall of snow up to her nose. She angrily ground her teeth together.

“Rainbow Dash!”

* * *

“Can't,” Applejack said, snuggling deeper under her covers. “It's warm here.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Come on!” she wheedled. “Everypony else is up!”

Applejack grunted and stretched her body, knocking off a few more blankets. She was many things, but the last one up was never one of them. It was a personal point of pride to never be the last pony in bed. “All right,” she said, struggling to extract herself. “That Ah could believe. Even Granny Smith?”

“Yep. She’s outside already, selling the cider,” Rainbow said, digging her hooves into Mount Blankets-n-such with the intent of grabbing Applejack and helping pull her out. “So is Mac. No idea where he went, though.”

“And Apple Bloom?”

“Yeah. Her too.”

Applejack noticed that Rainbow's voice had made it sound like she had deflated slightly at the mention of Apple Bloom, and her hooves slowed their search slightly. “What’re you thinkin’?”

“Nothing!” Rainbow said far too quickly.

“You’re a bad liar,” Applejack accused gently.

“Whatever,“ Rainbow said, digging her hooves in again. “Come out already!” Rainbow finally found a good, solid hoofhold on Applejack's body and yanked, intending to free her head.

“Whoa!” Applejack said, feeling a sudden jerk and her hindquarters suddenly out in the cold.

Rainbow blushed as she realized what she was holding. “Eh, heh heh…” she chuckled as she sheepishly put her down.

Applejack chuckled, too; but she had something else on her mind as she finished extracting herself. “What were you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

Applejack gently but firmly stepped on Rainbow’s tail. “Celestia as my witness, Ah’ll tickle you until you tell me.”

Rainbow blinked.

Applejack burst out laughing. “You thought about it!”

“Did not!” Rainbow blushed.

“You want me to tickle you!”

“No! That’s totally uncool!”

Applejack grinned evilly. “You’ve angered the tickle monster!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “AJ, I’m not a foa-”

It was too late; Applejack tackled her to the ground and began to tickle her. Already, she knew all of the pegasus's weak spots, and Rainbow was soon reduced to a squirming mess. Rainbow squealed (something she would later deny) and struggled to push her marefriend off. “No- AJ! AJ, stop! Sto- I gotta pee!”

* * *

Now that they were outside and appropriately bundled up, the conversation continued. Applejack learned that if she waited, often, Rainbow would share on her own; and this time was no different.

“I dunno. I mean, she likes me; but I think she's bothered that I'm taking you away from her. 'Cause she was happy at first that I was here all the time, and now she's not sure. It's like she sees me as a sister-not-sister when before she saw me as a sister… yes sister, you know?”

Applejack chuckled. “If two sisters were doin' the kinds of things we've been doin', yeah, that'd be cause for concern.”

Rainbow blushed slightly. She was still new enough at this whole relationship thing that mentions of their nightly activities outdoors made her uncomfortable. “Yeah, I guess; but still. I’m not used to… not being liked, you know?”

Applejack leaned in to nuzzle her, and Rainbow blushed again. “She likes you just fine,” Applejack said. “‘Sides, it’s me likin' you that you need to worry about.”

“Yeah, I... like you too; but if you tickle me again, I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” Rainbow warned.

Applejack laughed. “Ok, no tickling. What did you want to do instead?”

“Well, we've got all this snow; we might as well use it. We could go on a romantic walk; or…”

“Or?” Applejack prompted. Rainbow didn’t do romantic real well. Or walking, come to think of it.

“We could have a snowball fight!”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Snowball fight?”

“Yeah. Everypony else is doing it.”

Applejack smirked. “Alrighty, then. Snowball fight it is.”

“Huh? I mean… Yeah!” Rainbow said. She hadn’t been expecting her to agree so quickly, but she recovered instantly. “I’d better give you a head start,” she said. “Don’t want to make it too easy for me.”

Applejack chuckled and began to walk away. “Fine; but when you least expect it… expect it.”

Rainbow waited until Applejack was almost out of sight. She grinned and then flew up into the clouds. She quickly found a good-sized cloud and embedded herself inside, pulling her tail in and hiding herself completely.

“Hee hee, I'm a cloud,” she said gleefully to herself.

She floated along, using gentle wing flaps to move the cloud naturally, as if it were being blown by the wind instead of pegasus power. She was going to scare the cutie mark off of Applejack!

Rainbow Dash watched as Applejack continued walking.

Then she slowed to a stop. Rainbow frowned, but she did too. She watched as Applejack bent over and began forming snowballs, slowly but methodically. Her tail flicked slightly as she worked, and Rainbow found herself enthralled by the somewhat teasing spectacle. It was almost as if Applejack knew she was…

Applejack suddenly tossed a snowball back and bucked it with a rear leg. It flew straight and true, and it traveled right through the cloud and hit Rainbow right in the nose. Rainbow, more stunned than hurt, fell backwards out of the cloud. She managed to quickly right herself midair and scowled, her face turning bright red from frustration and embarrassment (and making the snow on the tip of her muzzle began to melt).

Applejack burst out laughing. “Keep trying, Sugarcube!” she called, flouncing—flouncing!—away gleefully through the snow.

Rainbow Dash growled and wiped the snow from off her face. Oh, if that was how she wanted to play… “Five minute head start,” she shouted after Applejack. “For real, this time! Then you'd better watch your flank!”

“Ah dunno,” Applejack chuckled as she continued trotting away. “You're doin' an alright job at watching my flank for me!”

Rainbow scowled again, finding her well of comebacks had run dry. But no matter. Revenge was a dish best served cold and snowy.

* * *

Rainbow skulked through the sky, looking here, and there, and everywhere for Applejack; but she saw neither hide nor hair of her.

That was another one of those phrases Applejack used that just didn't make any sense. If Rainbow had seen her hide, she'd know exactly where Applejack was, because she'd seen her hide. Easiest way to play hide and seek if you saw where she had hidden.

Still, she said to herself, she was not about to give up that easily.

* * *

She was about to give up that easily.

Rainbow had almost determined to head back to the farmhouse and raid the rest of the cider when something made her stop short. Her ears pricked up as she heard a very familiar and distinctive cry of surprise. It was Apple Bloom. Rainbow felt her heart rate increase. It had to be Applejack. Only Applejack would tease her sister like that. The hunt was back on!

She flew over, deliberately flying slowly so she didn't get too loud. She found the back of a snow fort at the top of a small hill, and three very familiar fillies cowering for cover behind trees. Snowballs flew fast and hard, clearly the work of somepony as skilled as Applejack. She could throw with the speed of two lesser ponies!

But Rainbow Dash was no lesser pony herself. She dropped quietly to the snowy ground, out of sight of both the crusaders and Applejack, and formed a nice, tightly-compacted ball of snow. She exhaled slowly over it, making a tiny cloud from her breath, and pulled the resulting cloud of moisture into the ball and manipulated it, forming a nice, slushy masterpiece. Solid, but with a good explosiveness on impact.

Perfect.

Carrying her weapon on one wing, she skittered forward and slunk around the back of the fort, nearly hugging the wall, until she was right under where the snowballs were coming from. Without any warning, Rainbow popped out from cover and hurled her snowball with all of her might. It veritably whistled as it tore through the air with blazing speed. Never before had such a snowball flown as this one had in all the history of snowball throwing since ever.

But to her horror, as soon as the snowball had left her hoof, she realized she had made a terrible mistake.

Oh, her aim was true, and her target took the snowball right in the face as intended. The slushiness provided the perfect combination of force and explosiveness.

The problem was, it wasn't her intended target.

Diamond Tiara screamed as the snowball crashed into her face, and the impact knocked her over backwards so hard that her tiara remained where it was, hanging in midair. She crashed through the back of the fort wall and tumbled flank over teakettle down the hill. The thick snow coated her thick jacket and then coated it again, covering her in an ever-thickening layer of snow and muffling her screams as she transformed from a pony into a snowball.

Finally, the snowball that had once been a filly rolled to a stop at the base of the hill, and, in an oddly-fitting coincidence, her tiara bounced down and landed on top of the ball, a playful mockery of its previous perch.

Rainbow stared in silent horror as Silver Spoon shrieked and rushed down to help her friend. “I am so fired,” she whispered, sinking down to the snow, not even caring how cold it was on her hindquarters. “I am so, so, so fired.” She furtively looked around, hoping against hope that no one had seen.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) there were, of course, three witnesses: the three fillies that had been Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's previous targets. One was a small white unicorn with a two-tone mane, whose jaw was nearly on the ground; one was a small orange pegasus whose little wings were flared as wide as they could spread in equal parts shock and glee.

And most of all, a little yellow earth pony with a giant red bow in her mane, wearing a slow smile that spread wider the longer she watched. Once again, the look of admiration that Rainbow craved sparked and shone brightly in her eyes.

Rainbow cracked a weak smile and gave a nervous chuckle. Success?

That Moment When Private Pillow Talk, Isn't

It was a quiet day out in Sweet Apple Acres. The birds were singing, the apples were growing, three fillies brainstormed new ideas for cutie marks, and all was right in the world.

And no ponies felt more strongly about that fact than two mares sprawled on their backs in the upper hay loft of the barn. The two lay there, sweaty and panting from the previous exertion, both very tired yet supremely satisfied.

Rainbow Dash was first to cool down from the afterglow. "I get better and better every time, huh?" she asked, giving Applejack a playful nudge.

Applejack grinned. She rolled over, picked up a sprig of hay in her mouth, and slowly began to eat it. "Sure. We'll go with that."

"You do that every time, did you know that?"

"Do what?"

"You always chew on a piece of wheat or something after we finish." Rainbow's voice dropped really low. "It's kindof cute, actually."

Applejack shrugged and swallowed the piece of hay. "I dunno what you're talking about."

"You just..." Rainbow shook her head. "Never mind. New subject."

Applejack nodded. "Lemme think... Ah think Apple Bloom has an admirer."

"That's messed up," Rainbow blurted. "She's just a filly."

"Hey now," Applejack protested. "She may be a blank flank still but she ain't a filly no more. Ah'd say she's pretty close to her first estrus."

Rainbow Dash shuddered. "No heat discussions. New subject."

Applejack thought. "This is just a rumor, you hear? Ah think Big Mac might have a lover."

Rainbow Dash groaned and threw her hooves up in the air as if defeated. "Dang," she grumbled. "Seems like everypony knows the secret."

"What secret?" Applejack asked. She knew nothing of any secret. "About Big Mac being in love?"

"No," Rainbow replied with a slightly twisted grin. "Earth ponies are great in the clouds, and I mean that in the most sexual way possible."

Applejack gave Rainbow another shove. "See how much you're laughing when Ah suddenly come down with an awful headache right before ya show up next time."

Rainbow nodded obediently and shifted back into the hay into what she hoped was a safe, unassuming position. "So, who's the lucky mare?" she asked.

"That's the thing," Applejack said slowly. "Ah don't think it's a mare."

Rainbow cocked her head. "Really? Didn't know he was into colts." She smirked. "That's a problem, considering how many mares want him."

Applejack briefly considered pointing out that Rainbow was much in the same boat--that there were quite a few stallions who would be more than happy to roll in the hay with her--but decided against stroking Rainbow's ego even more than she already had. "Ah don't know if he is, though," she clarified. "He just said he'd come out when we did when Ah asked him about his nighttime excursions."

Rainbow giggled. "More like sexcursions, amirite?" she asked, prodding Applejack playfully.

Applejack groaned and hit Rainbow on the shoulder. "Not funny."

“It’s a bit funny.”

“Sure. Whatever ya say.”

There was a bit of a pause. Rainbow stretched her wings. Applejack fiddled with her hat. Finally, she broke the silence.

“It's possible. But it's just weird thinkin' of my brother like that, ya know?”

“Because I’m an only foal, I'm gonna say 'no'. You mean being in love?”

“No, with a colt. That's just... weird.”

Rainbow Dash rolled over on her stomach and grinned at Applejack. “AJ? I don't know if you realize this, but you just did some really nasty things with another mare. My mare saliva is currently in your mouth. And all over your body. And some other places. And you enjoyed it.“

“Yeah, but that’s different. We're two mares. Two colts? That's just awkward.“

Rainbow didn't follow her logic, but she shrugged and rolled back over onto her back. “I guess they fit together better than two mares would. Toys optional for them, you know?"

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Optional fer us, too. Ah was born a mare and a mare Ah'll stay. Why would you even bring that up? Whose side are you on, anyway?”

“Whichever side ends this conversation,” Rainbow countered. “Why are we even talking about this? Worst pillow talk ever, and that includes the time we discussed Scootaloo’s obsession with me.”

Applejack shuddered. That had been awkward. “I dunno. New subject."

Both lay there in silence for a while. Applejack mulled over what she had said. Finally, she spoke again.

"Ah take that back. You know, Ah shouldn't care who he loves. If Big Mac is happy, so am Ah. If he likes to give it to another stallion, that's fine by me, and Ah have no right to judge him."

"But what if he likes to take it?"

Applejack tried to avoid that mental image. She almost succeeded.

Almost.

"Rainbow!" she yelled, pressing her forehooves to her head, trying in vain to ward off that awful, scarring picture.

"Sorry! It's a legitimate question!"

Applejack groaned painfully. "You know what? No more pillow talk for a while."

Rainbow perked up. "Round four?"

"After that mental image?" Applejack hissed. "You'll get permission t' cuddle an' you'll be grateful for that much."

Rainbow accepted, resting her head on Applejack's chest and just enjoying her company. And maybe a bit of the way she smelled like earth and sweat. She trailed a hoof against Applejack's chest, drawing slow, lazy circles.

It took a while before she spoke again. "Man, that was an awkward conversation," she said.

"Yeah," Applejack agreed. "Almost as bad as our first try."

Rainbow dropped the hoof and narrowed her eyes. "New. Subject," she growled. It had been nearly four months since then, and she had yet to look back on that day without shuddering.

Applejack laughed and gently ruffled Rainbow's mane. "Ah'm only teasin'. But yeah, the only way it could be worse is if Big Mac had heard us."

As one, both mares froze, sat up, and turned around, peering out over the edge of the hayloft to the ground below. Sure enough, there sat Big Mac, smiling broadly.

"Eeyup," he said.

Both slowly lay back down. Applejack put her hat over her face in shame.

Big Mac silently walked through the barn, retrieved the hammer he was looking for, and walked out the door, shutting the barn door behind him. No sooner had it latched than they could hear his laughter ringing through the air, and he continued laughing until he was out of earshot and he probably laughed even longer than that.

This was one time when it was just awkward and not worth it.

"You know," Rainbow said eventually, "It's times like these I wish I'd fallen in love with a pegasus."

Applejack wasn't sure if she should be offended or not, but before she could decide, Rainbow continued.

"After all, the second greatest thing about sex with a pegasus is being able to do it up in the clouds, where nopony else can see."

"And what's the first greatest thing?" Applejack wanted to know.

Rainbow leaned over and gave Applejack a kiss on the lips. "Having sex with a pegasus! Duh!"

Ok. Maybe it was a little bit worth it.

"Round four?"

"Round four."

Yeah. Definitely worth it.

Author's Note

The first time Rainbow mentions here isn't the one in the previous, April 1st chapter (which is still in a state of canonic limbo). It's actually from the first scene that popped into my head, which will probably never be posted because 1) it got cloppy (obviously) and b) Applejack was kindof out of character (moreso than I write her, anyway).

That Time You Accidentally Involve a Princess in Your Love Life

Author’s note:

No, this is not AppleDashLight. I will likely never write AppleDashLight. I can barely handle two characters in love; I have no idea how I’m supposed to handle three. Also, polyamory is wrong.

Timing. Timing is everything. When you are fighting in hoof to hoof combat, a split second can mean the difference between walking away a winner and never walking again. When you are dating, being a few minutes late can mean the difference between meeting your marefriend at the restaurant and being single (again). Showing up at a shop three minutes before closing time can mean the difference between eating dinner that night and going to bed hungry.

And then there's the times when others' bad timing affects you. Like when you're late and somepony drops their saddlebag when they are walking in front of you and its contents go flying everywhere, delaying you further. Or when somepony else buys the very last of the item you need that night, right in front of your face. Or your boss forgetting your paybag of bits at his home--on the day your rent is due.

Or, in an extremely uncomfortably personal example from Applejack's life, being approximately five seconds before going over the edge of ultimate pleasure and hearing your sister and her two friends burst into the house and come running up the stairs.

There was a one second pause as both ponies froze, taking in exactly what was about to happen, and then Rainbow Dash extracted herself from under the blankets and exploded out the window faster than Applejack had ever seen her move.

This also presented a slight problem, as the window had been shut with the curtains drawn (as was wont to be the case whenever their meetings of this nature occurred), and so her intentional ‘quick and silent’ exit was marred by the harsh sound of glass shattering.

The sound hadn't even died away before Apple Bloom’s voice came up the stairs. “Wasn’t me!”

Of course that would be her first reaction.

The sound of hoofsteps drew closer. She heard the sound of the latch rattling, but then a different sound, like a little hoof slapping away another hoof.

“Wait!” Apple Bloom hissed. “That’s Applejack’s room! We’re not supposed t’ go in there!”

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added. “We never did before.”

“That’s before there was broken glass,” Scootaloo argued. “I don’t want to get in trouble for what somepony else did, so if we figure out what happened, we’ll be in the clear.”

“Ah dunno...” Apple Bloom said slowly.

“What if it’s a burglar or something?” Sweetie whispered fearfully.

Applejack could almost see the change go across her sister’s face. “Nopony steals from the Apple Family!” Apple Bloom growled.

It suddenly occurred to Applejack that she was sweaty, under the covers in the middle of the afternoon when she should have been working out in the orchard, with her face flushed red, with a very uncomfortable heat between her lower legs, and her sister and her friends were about to come into her room.

There was no way to make this less awkward. Might as well get it over with.

“Ain’t no burglar here,” she said. “Just me.”

The door opened slowly and three curious fillies peeked inside.

“Applejack? What was that? You ok?”

Applejack thought of her denied climax and of the nearly painful burning between her rear legs. “Ah ain’t as good as Ah usually am,” she said truthfully.

Now emboldened by concern, Apple Bloom pushed past her friends and walked into the room. “Are ya sick?” she asked, hopping up on the bed. Her weight shifted the covers and dragged the sheets along Applejack’s body.

Definitely NOT what Applejack needed at that moment. She grit her teeth and willed her body to calm itself. “Nah, but Ah’m not feelin’ so great, so why don’t y’all just head out and do whatever it was you were doin’.”

“Ya sure?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah mean, Ah don’t think we’ve tried Cutie Mark Crusaders Nurses or...”

She was interrupted by Applejack’s hoof on her mouth. “No.”

Apple Bloom’s face fell, but she perked back up quickly. “All right then! We’re goin’ t’ grab our stuff and then we’ll be good to go!”

“Great! Best of luck!” Applejack said with a wide smile.

She kept up that smile until they had slammed the back door behind them as they left. With a sigh, she slumped down on the bed. She didn’t move, not even when she heard fluttering wings beside her.

“Hey, don’t finish without me,” Rainbow Dash protested jokingly. She lifted a hoof and placed it next to Applejack. “Still up for finishing, or...?”

Applejack shook her head. “Really not in the mood anymore.”

“Yeah, those three will do it.”

Slight pause.

“That could have been taken wrong, huh?”

“Rainbow, be serious fer once,” Applejack scolded, flinging a pillow at the pegasus. “One of these days she’s gonna actually catch us.”

“It probably won’t be that bad," Rainbow said hesitantly.

“Ah’m givin’ you two seconds to rephrase that.”

“We need to find a new place to bang, and pronto.”

Applejack huffed. “Crude, but better. Ya live fer now.”

With a flap of her wings, Rainbow flew over Applejack to land opposite her on the bed. "Well, the orchard is usually a little too exposed and the south orchard is always too far out of the way, Big Mac caught us in the barn, Apple Bloom almost caught us here, I'm not seeing too many other places we can go." She thought. "Unless you want to go do it in the Everfree or something."

"Sex is supposed t' be fun, not deadly," Applejack deadpanned.

Rainbow tapped a hoof on her chin thoughtfully. "Maybe we could have sex on a cloud," she suggested.

"What did Ah just say?”

Rainbow cocked her head and thought rapidly. “Deadly is bad?”

“Right. Earth pony," Applejack said, pointing to herself. "No clouds. Unless ya feel like supercompressing clouds again, and Ah think that's a worse idea."

Rainbow Dash had a sudden vision of herself and Applejack on a compressed cloud. Right as imaginary Rainbow climaxed, she bucked her imaginary hips, loosening part of the imaginary cloud and sending imaginary Applejack falling right through to the imaginary ground, and being in the throes of pleasure, imaginary Rainbow was unable to react in time. She shuddered. "Ok. Bad idea. No, I was thinking of finding cloud walking amulet."

Applejack cocked her head. "Ah thought those were a joke," she said.

"I've heard of them," Rainbow corrected herself. "I've just never seen one. But unicorns can do some funky things with their magic so I think it’s possible." Her eyes widened as something occurred to her. "Ooh!"

Now that definitely made Applejack suspicious.

"Let's ask Cadence!"

Suspicion faded into confusion. "Huh?"

"You know, princess of love? She's sure to know! I bet she gets questions like that all the time."

“About cloud-walking amulets?"

"About mixed race relationships!"

"She ain’t the princess of sex, though,” Applejack argued.

Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively. "Love and sex are pretty much the same thing."

Applejack stomped a hoof in protest, but since she was still laying in bed, the sound was much softer than she had expected. "Are not!"

“They’re in a relationship, at least," Rainbow argued.

“Maybe cousins.”

“...”

Applejack bit her lower lip. “That came out wrong.”

"Come ooon," Rainbow pleaded. "She won't mind. We’ll get Spike to send her a letter and we’ll know before the end of the day!"

"No."

"But..."

"No."

Rainbow sighed, dejected. "Fine..."

Applejack slid closer and wrapped a foreleg around Rainbow. "Turnin’ t’ royalty fer every little problem ain’t the Apple way, Rainbow. We'll figure something out on our own. We always do.”

"That's right," Rainbow said, perking up slightly. "Nothing holds us down!"

"Right!” Applejack decided to change the subject. “So, you still coming to our little get together this weekend?"

Rainbow's mood skyrocketed. "The drinking of the ceremonial barrel of hard cider? You know it!"

"It's gonna be better than last year," Applejack promised.

"I know,” Rainbow huffed. “I couldn't make it last year. Just me being there will make it better."

Applejack gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Whatever you say, sugarcube.”

The two sat in silence for a brief moment.

“Hey, Rainbow?”

“Yes?” Rainbow turned to look at the earth pony, a small smile spreading across her face (and her wings spreading slightly as well) at what was to come. Applejack never did like to leave anything unfinished. Ever.

“You owe me a new window.”

* * *

Applejack watched as Rainbow Dash stumbled around. ‘Painful’ was definitely the correct word to use here.

“She really can’t hold her liquor, can she?” Applejack asked rhetorically.

“Nope,” Big Mac answered anyway, taking another drink.

“It’s a pegasi thing,” Fluttershy explained, holding her own mug steadily. “We’re light and the blood in our veins flows faster and with richer oxygen, because you need that when you’re flying at high altitudes. We get affected by alcohol faster, and feel the hangover much quicker, but we sober up pretty quick too.”

“Then how come you’re doin’ so well?" Applejack asked, looking at the numerous empty mugs scattered around Fluttershy. Come to think of it, she really had no idea why they didn’t just reuse the mugs in the first place instead of getting more of them dirty.

Fluttershy blushed slightly and lowered her head. “There’s a lot about me I don’t like to talk about much,” she said softly.

Applejack shook her head and walked over to Rainbow. Her own buzz was starting to manifest itself, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as Rainbow’s obviously was.

“Rainbow, are you doin’ ok?” she asked.

“I am now!” Rainbow Dash suddenly grabbed onto Applejack’s ear. “Come wiff me,” she slurred, dripping spit as she spoke. “Got somethin’ important t’ tell you.” Before Applejack could respond, Rainbow Dash tugged and dragged her outside, causing Applejack a fair amount of pain.

“Ow! What is it?” Applejack demanded when Rainbow Dash finally released her.

“I had the greatest idea,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Ah sincerely doubt that,” Applejack deadpanned as she rubbed her sore ear, "but do go on anyway.”

“Applejack?”

“Yes, Rainbow?”

“We should have sex.”

“Now?” Applejack asked flatly.

Rainbow leaned forward and spread her wings. “Right here, right now. Take me, AJ.”

“In public?” Applejack hissed. “No. There are ponies here and everypony is watching, and Ah have no intention of lettin’ that happen, so drop your tail and go home, Rainbow.” Applejack really didn’t trust Rainbow Dash in her inebriated state. Come to think of it, she didn’t trust any of her friends drunk. Not since the time Pinkie Pie had accidentally opened the hard cider and had decided to bake a world’s record sized apple pie in the kitchen. She had nearly succeeded, too. Somehow. The problem with her plan was, she had been in the basement at the time. That had been a large, but rather unexplainable, mess.

“What if nopony was watching? Then it’s different, right?”

“Not. Right. Now.”

Rainbow’s ears fell. “So no sex?”.

“No.”

Rainbow tried to follow this logic. “No as in no no sex so yes sex?” she asked hopefully.

“Don’t you ever think about anything else?” Applejack hissed, prodding Rainbow forcefully in the chest. “Ah’m more than yer bed buddy and you’d best be rememberin’ that!”

“I know,” Rainbow said. “But you’re just looking so good right now! Like the ribbon in your hair kinda fell off and now your mane is everywhere, but you don’t care because -hic- you’re too busy taking care of everypony else. That’s what you do, Applejack. You take care of other ponies. You’re unselfish and amazing and I would really like to lick your cutie mark right now. Can I? Pleeease?”

Well, she did get points for trying. “Not tonight, Rainbow. Not while you’re drunk.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Fine! Fine... I’m jusht gonna go home then. Nope. Not doin’ annnythin’ else.”

“That’s prolly a good idea,” Applejack agreed.

Had Applejack been completely sober, she would have realized that Rainbow Dash was actually flying away from the direction of her house.

* * *

Rainbow Dash banged her head against the door again. “Come on!” she slurred. “I’ve been waiting out here for, like... ever. Like forever. Longer than forever. Maybe even five-ever. Shix-ever?”

She reared back to slam her head on the door again, but suddenly the door wasn’t there anymore, and she fell forward, collapsing into a cyan heap on the ground.

Spike looked down at Rainbow Dash through squinted, tired eyes. "What are you doing?” he growled. “It’s like two in the morning, and besides, Twilight won't be back from Canterlot for another three days!”

“So?” Rainbow asked, shakily pushing herself back up to her hooves. "Came fer you."

Spike took in her erratic behavior and cocked his head. "Are you drunk?"

"Do I look drunk?" Rainbow demanded.

Spike paused for a moment to decide if that was a trick question or not. He finally arrived at the conclusion that it was not, and so answered truthfully. "Yes, Rainbow. You look very drunk."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow challenged. "If I'm sho drunk, how come I flew here jusht fine?"

Spike gave her a flat look. "Then explain the dirt all along your body and the mud in your mane and tail."

“Irrelephant,” Rainbow spat.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Ok. Are you here for a reason? Or do you just like bothering little dragons who are trying to get some sleep?” (1)

“I’m here ‘cause I need your help, Spiiikee. Heh. Spikey-wikey. Can you send me a letter to Cadensh?”

“I can,” Spike said, crossing his arms defiantly even as he blushed furiously and grit his teeth at this blasphemous use of Rarity's nickname for him, “but why should I? Why can’t it wait until morning?”

Rainbow Dash shot her hooves out and pulled Spike into a tight hug. “Pleeeeease, Spike? It’s urgent!”

Spike gagged on the smell of alcohol emanating from Rainbow’s mouth. Had he coughed and sparked, he probably would have made her blow up. Blowing up an Element of Harmony would definitely not be in his best interest, so he switched tacks.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll do it! Just put me down!”

Rainbow did so, and Spike took a piece of paper out from Twilight’s desk and obtained a quill. He turned and held it up expectantly. “What do you want it to say?”

“Let meee write it.”

Spike nodded and began to write. “Let meee... oh.” He shrugged, ripped the top part of the paper off, and handed the supplies over. It took Rainbow four tries to grab the quill, and another three to hit the offered inkwell.

Quickly deciding that his time was best spent elsewhere, Spike set the inkwell down and hopped up on the couch, pulled one of the cushions over his face, and tried to fall asleep.

About ten minutes later, Rainbow Dash poked Spike awake.”Hey. I’m ready. Send it. Send eeeet.”

“Will you go away if I do?”

“You’ll never shee me again,” Rainbow promised. Then she paused. Even drunk, she knew something was wrong with that statement. “But you might see me. Like, I’ll shtill be here right after you send it. I can’t jusht disappear, you know.”

“Whatever,” Spike grumbled. “I really don’t care as long as I can get some sleep tonight.” He took the letter and his eyes flicked over her messy writing.

Dear pRincesS Cadense

Hi How are you? I like your wIngs. I bet they spread nicelee. Do you like it when ponies bite the base of your wings? I am noT drunk. I was wonderinG if you knEw

“Don’t read it!” Rainbow shouted. “Just send it!”

That shout surprised Spike, and a burst of fire came out of his mouth. With a flash of green flames, the letter disappeared.

“Great! Now I’m going home. Thanksh, Spike!”

“Anytime,” Spike said drily. As he turned to head back up the stairs, he noticed that the sound of the door opening hadn't sounded right. Spinning around, he saw a rainbow tail disappear into the kitchen. Spike slammed a claw onto his forehead. “Rainbow! That’s the kitchen!”

No answer.

Muttering under his breath, he headed back downstairs and poked his head inside the kitchen. Sure enough, Rainbow Dash was here, but she had passed out, her rear legs locked but her forelegs splayed out and her face on the ground. Her tail had flipped over onto her back, exposing parts of her body that Applejack considered her personal property. Had it been anypony else viewing this, it would have been a mildly arousing sight at the very least.

Spike, however, was ignorant of all these things, and only saw a stupid pony passed out drunk. Shaking his head, he decided that he would let Future Spike deal with this problem so Present Spike could get some much-needed sleep. He grinned as he turned and left. Neither Present Spike nor Future Spike envied the hangover Future Rainbow would be sporting tomorrow.

* * *

Apple Bloom got into position and wiggled her tail in preparation. Like a large, yellow cat, she pounced upon her prey.

“Mornin, Rainbow Dash!”

“ARGH! Agh! Eeehh!” Rainbow’s first noise of exclamation came from surprise, while the second came from the pain of the headache caused by her first noise. The third one was that gentle whine of despair when you know today is not going to be a good day.

“Apple Bloom?” Rainbow whispered, holding a hoof to her head and squinting. “What are you doing?”

“Ah could ask you the same question!” Apple Bloom said brightly.

“Not so loud,” Rainbow moaned. Why did farmer types always have to be morning ponies?

“See, you were ‘apposed t’ go home last night, but we came in and found you here this morning.”

“Where is here, anyway?”

“Middle of the barn.”

That was odd. Hadn’t she gone to the library? Ah well. Maybe it had all just been a dream. But now, she had a more urgent matter to attend to.

“Is there a reason you’re on top of me?”

“Yep!” Apple Bloom said happily. Rainbow couldn’t see, but she was sure that the filly was smiling widely as she bounced on Rainbow's back. “Applejack gave me a bit t’ come in and wake you up in the True Apple Style!”

Rainbow groaned. In her opinion, the True Apple Style needed a lot of refining.

“So come on!” Apple Bloom said, leaning down and pulling on Rainbow’s mane. “We gotta go! Breakfast is gonna be gone soon! Big Mac eats like no other.”

“Please, just leave me here to die,” Rainbow moaned pitifully.

Unfortunately, Apple Bloom had other motivations. She hopped off and began pulling on her tail, attempting to physically drag the pegasus out. “Ah get two bits if’n Ah get you t’ the table in time for breakfast, so come on!”

* * *

“I swear, I am never having foals,” Rainbow mumbled.

“That’s good,” Applejack teased, “because if’n you did, Ah’d be wonderin’ where they came from.”

Rainbow groaned again.

“Or ya could give up drinking,” Applejack prodded.

“Never.”

“You’re really hungover, Dash. You could stay inside if you want.”

Rainbow shook her head, nearly passing out from the sensation, but she stayed strong. “I promised I’d help, and so I will. Besides, it'll wear off soon. It always does.”

“Ah appreciate your loyalty. Don’t work too hard.”

Rainbow managed a little smirk. “Do I ever?”

The two worked for a while. By that, it should be understood that Applejack did the work of bucking trees and collecting apples while Rainbow Dash stood in one spot and attempted to not vomit. About five minutes later, though, Rainbow had recovered enough to help out a bit.

She was doing fairly well until she saw Spike running up, holding a letter in his claw.

Oh. Looks like last night hadn’t been a dream at all. That left two questions unanswered.

How in this wide world of Equestria had she ended up back at the barn on Sweet Apple Acres when she had passed out at the library?

And a more urgent question: what had she written last night?

“Rainbow Dash!” Spike called. “I came as quick as I could!” He stopped in front of her, bending over to catch his breath, and held out the letter. Rainbow reached out for it, but Applejack scooped it up first.

“Is it from Twilight?” she asked, examining it carefully.

“No, from Cadence,” Spike answered. “She also sent you this.” He held out a necklace with a long golden chain. The medallion hanging off it looked suspiciously like Cadence’s cutie mark.

Rainbow Dash took it and put it on. The chain was so long that it dangled near her hooves. “Strange...” she said.

Spike shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I’m just the delivery boy.”

“And you’re the best around, Spike,” Applejack said, tossing him an apple.

Oh. Right. Applejack was here.

And she had the letter. The letter which was probably full of all kinds of incriminating evidence. Or maybe a restraining order. Or maybe even a one-way ticket to the moon.

As Spike wandered off with his prize, Rainbow sidled over to Applejack. “It’s not really an important letter,” she said. “I don’t have to read it now.”

“Oh, come on,” Applejack said. “Spike brought it all the way down this early in the mornin’. Least we could do is read it.”

“Or we could... you know... not.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Rainbow, are you hiding something from me?”

“What? Me? No! It’s just... it’s personal,” Rainbow protested weakly.

Applejack softened. “Maybe we can read it together? We do share everything, you know.”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

Applejack cocked her head. “Rainbow, what’s all this about?”

“It’s... argh. Sure, let’s read it together.” After all, there was a slight chance that her letter had been chaste, right? Besides, surely Princess Cadence would know when to censor herself, right?

Applejack gave her an askance look, but opened the letter and began to read.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

Your letter was quite explicit, but I sense a pure need and true desire to know behind your awkward syntax, misspelled words, numerous capitalization errors, and slightly perverted fantasies. Please do not be offended if I answer frankly. Although sex and love are most definitely not the same thing, love and lust do indeed walk with tails entwined every so often, and so I, by nature of my position, am quite willing and able to answer your questions.

As you know, an alicorn has traits of all three races. This means that I am just as happy having earth pony sex in an orchard or an open field as having pegasus sex on a cloud, and unicorn sex--the use of magic during copulation--is just another tool at my disposal, to be used according to my desires. I am well versed in different styles and locations for sexual pleasure.

That being said, I have always had a special spot in my heart for having sex on a cloud. The feeling of lightness thanks to the cloud, the sensation of being exposed and out in the open yet remaining unseen from the ground, not having to clean up afterwards; it is without a doubt my favorite choice for any unplanned sexcursions. You can even build a little dome of cloud and not have to worry about being seen by any other pegasi.

Plus, nopony ever thinks to look for a unicorn in a cloud. Nopony ever finds Shining Armor until I’m done with him, if you know what I mean.

I imagine you have similar desires in your relationship, which is only natural. Please find enclosed a cloud walking amulet for your personal use and pleasure. Be careful and gentle with your partner at first, as the foreign sensation of being on a cloud can be quite unsettling to an earth pony. The chain is rather long; this is intentional. If your partner would rather be on top or if she enjoys laying on her front while on bottom, she merely needs to have it somewhere on her body (I have seen these amulets used as mane ties before); but if she prefers being on her back while receiving (my personal preference), she should loop it tightly around her body around her chest, barrel, and withers; else she risks falling through the cloud and being held up by her hooves (an awkward position with really no pleasurable options at all). It might be wise to just keep it wrapped around her body all the time, thus allowing you freedom to switch positions at will (and let’s be honest, having little chains wrapped tightly around your partner’s body is sexy).

Best of luck in your endeavors!

[Signed]
Her Royal Highness Princess Cadence

PS I must admit, I’m not really into the whole biting thing; but I do enjoy a nice, sharp lick on the underside of the wing, near the front. Please see attached diagram for proper positioning, and don’t be afraid to try it yourself!

Applejack set the letter down and stared at Rainbow Dash, who gave a sheepish smile.

“What?” Rainbow finally asked.

“Ah can't believe you actually did that!"

“In my defense, I didn’t mean to! I was drunk! Besides, it worked, didn’t it?”

“We can never show our faces in the Crystal Empire again. You know this, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s cool because now you have an awesome amulet! Let’s try it out!”

“No.” And with that, Applejack turned and walked away.

“Applejack!”

"No!"

"It was worth it, though, wasn't it? Don’t you want to try it at least once? Applejack? Applejack!!"

Author's Note

They did use it later, though. Promise.

1) Spike’s original line was, "Pachyderms aside, why are you here anyway?" but that was cut because while I think he’s smart enough for that line, I don't think he'd be awake enough for that line.

That Time You Come Out To Your Family

If you listen to half of what comes out of Rainbow's mouth, you might be tempted to think that she is obsessed with sex. This is not entirely true. She is obsessed with Applejack, and Applejack is, in her professional opinion, really really ridiculously good at sex; and so she sees no reason not to take advantage of this opportunity.

This is funny, because Applejack thinks much the same thing about Rainbow Dash.

But there are times when sex is not entirely necessary to show true love. Sometimes it’s just enough to be in their presence. And this was one of those times.

The two ponies lay cuddled together on a cloud overlooking Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack lay on her back, absentmindedly running a hoof through her lover's mane, while Rainbow Dash curled around her with her head on Applejack's stomach. With one hoof, she gently played with the amulet on her lover's chest, and every once in a while, she would extend her tongue and gently lick her, which never failed to bring a gentle nicker from Applejack. Neither said anything for a while, because neither had to.

Eventually, the pegasus broke the silence. "We should do this more often," Rainbow Dash commented.

Applejack nodded. "Eeyup. Nice and peaceful up here."

"Just us two."

"Eeyup. And Cadence was right. Nopony looks for an earth pony in the clouds."

Rainbow Dash grinned. Applejack might still have been embarrassed about that letter, but that cloud walking amulet was definitely in her top three favorite physical possessions. She was about to say something extremely sappy that she would definitely regret later when her ear flicked at a whirring noise.

“Do you hear that?” Rainbow asked, sitting up and looking around.

Applejack reached down and rubbed the spot where Rainbow had been laying. It was much colder without her close. “No. Wait... Yeah, Ah do now."

“It sounds like... wait." Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "I know that sound."

They were suddenly greeted by the only pony crazy enough to look for an earth pony in clouds.

“Hey, you two!” Pinkie Pie grinned widely and waved rapidly as she piloted her candychopper (which, as it required four hooves to operate, was a bit impressive an action in its own right). “Having a little hot pegasus on earth pony action?”

“What? No!” Rainbow Dash sputtered. “I mean, not right now. Not like we haven’t before. ...I mean, I would... I mean, sometimes it’s more earth pony on pegasus and... I mean... Applejack, tell her what I mean.”

Unfortunately, all Applejack could manage was a moderately confused, “Uh...”

“Great!” Pinkie cheered. “That means you’ve finally gone public with your relationship and you know what that means?”

“It’s... time for a party?” Rainbow hazarded a guess.

“Yep! Here!” And Pinkie Pie quite literally tossed out a cake, which Rainbow instinctively dodged and which landed on Applejack's stomach, prompting a 'hey!' of protest from the earth pony.

Ignoring (or not noticing) the strange situation she had just put Applejack in, she turned and looked downwards. "Fluttershy!" she called. “That was your cue!”

“Sorry!” The yellow pegasus arrived, flying upwards with a banner attached to two sticks. She unfurled it, and Rainbow squinted to read it.

"So it's a 'Happy you two finally came out and now you won't be embarrassed to touch each other in front of your friends party'?" she asked.

Funnily enough, it was Applejack whose mind first went the dirty route. She had a sudden vision of herself pleasuring Rainbow in front of their friends. As Rainbow panted and writhed with pleasure under her ministrations, Twilight was taking notes, Rarity was blushing and trying not to make eye contact, Fluttershy was hiding her face in the corner and Pinkie Pie was suggesting new things to try. Shuddering, she shook her head, repulsed at the thought. Some things were supposed to be personal.

“Yep! I got bored waiting for you to officially come out, I mean, we all know about you two and then I thought, hey, they only need one pony to see them and then they'll have to be out and then I thought, why can't that pony be me? And then I thought, but two ponies are even better so I brought Fluttershy along, too! You know, rule of two or three witnesses and all that good stuff. And then I thought and then I did and here I am!”

“How did you know?” Applejack asked.

“Better question,” Rainbow interrupted. “How many of our friends know?”

“Well, you told Twilight, Fluttershy’s a bit of a matchmaker--you know, she has all those animals to work with--and she saw it right away..."

"Yes, you didn't hide it very well. I'm sorry if you were trying, though," Fluttershy said helpfully.

Pinkie continued, "Rarity deduced it when she saw you together after the mud-wrestling tournament, and I had a series of twitches, flops, and drips that told me two of my bestest best friends were in lesbians with each other.”

“...drips?” Applejack asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I'm pretty sure I've never been to Lesbians," Rainbow protested. “Isn’t that past the griffon border?”

“I get a bloody nose when ponies are in love,” Pinkie explained. She paused, and then snapped her hoof. "That was the L word I was looking for..."

“That’s... mildly disturbing," Applejack said slowly. She had another bad mental image of Pinkie Pie, blood trailing down her nose as she obliviously baked pink frosted cupcakes, and not all of the color came from food coloring. She shook her head to clear it. What was with her mind today?

“I think the bigger question is, why doesn’t everypony know? I bet you haven't even told your family yet, have you, Applejack?”

Brought forcefully back into the conversation, Applejack could only stammer, "Well... No..."

"Why not?" Pinkie asked brightly. There was no malice or judgement in her voice; she sincerely wanted to know.

"Uh... We're just... Waitin' for the right time?" Applejack offered hesitantly.

Pinkie laughed. "It's never going to be the right time!" she protested. "Something will always come up. And if you never tell them, they'll never know!"

Fluttershy nodded in agreement, but Rainbow Dash wasn’t convinced. "Won't they find out anyway?" Rainbow asked. "You guys did."

“Maybe. But really. You should tell them. They probably know something’s off but they don’t know what. I was like that when I was back on the rock farm. My parents knew something was wrong, but I never told them what I needed to do. Then I told them that I needed to leave, to find my destiny, and it was a good moment.” Pinkie smiled a true smile. “They even threw me a going-away party. Sure, it wasn’t the fanciest party, and their cakes kindof tasted like rocks, but it was from the heart, and I knew they would always love me." She paused. "Maybe they were rocks, and I just didn't notice..." She shook her head. "I don't know, but this requires thinking cake! Fluttershy! To the Corner!"

"Oh," Fluttershy gently protested, hiding behind the banner, "but it's almost feeding time for my animal friends, I don't know if I can make it... I'm sorry!"

Pinkie Pie patted her on the head. "Very well. You're excused. Pinkie Pie! To the Corner!" She turned and flew off, singing a personal theme song that sounded something like, "na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Pinkie Pie!"

The three ponies stared at her as she departed. Rainbow blinked and broke the silence first. “You know, with how random she is, sometimes I forget just how deep that pony can be.”

"She certainly can be." Fluttershy looked at the two cuddling ponies, one of which still wore Pinkie's gift of cake, and blushed again. "I think I'll leave you two alone, now," she said, slowly sinking out of sight.

“Well, Pinkie hath spoken,” Rainbow joked. "We're coming out."

Applejack sighed. “Ah did say Ah’d come out eventually. Guess now’s a good a time as any, right?”

“Sure. But not 'right now', right now.”

"Why not?"

"Applejack, I don't know if you noticed this, but Pinkie Pie gave us a cake." She leaned in, extended her tongue, and slowly licked up part of the frosting clinging to Applejack's fur. "And I don't think we should go anywhere until we've eaten it all."

"Lemme guess. You ain't stoppin' til Ah'm clean?"

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow asked, placing a hoof on her chest innocently. "I'm just eating some cake here. Nothing wrong with that." She leaned down to take another bite of cake and "missed", giving Applejack a little bite on her stomach. She was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath and a settling of her hips. Rainbow grinned as she took another bite of cake, and then another. Suddenly, Rainbow looked up, her face a perfect mask of innocence.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rainbow Dash said. "Did you want some, too?"

Applejack had been enjoying the show, but said, "Ah wouldn't say no."

Rainbow grinned, bent forward and took another bite, then leaned over to Applejack, holding the bite of cake out like an offering on her tongue. Applejack cracked a smile and extended her own to receive it. Tongues 'accidentally' brushed longer than was strictly necessary as Applejack accepted and ate.

"More?" Rainbow asked, as Applejack finished that piece.

Applejack nodded and licked her lips, knocking off some of the crumbs.

Never before had either pony been so glad that Pinkie Pie made such huge cakes.

When Applejack’s stomach was clean of all the cake and every last bit of frosting, she got on Rainbow's back and the two headed down back towards the ground.

"Well," Rainbow said. "When are we going to tell them?"

"Ah'm thinkin' around breakfast time," Applejack replied. "Get it out there and out of the way."

She saw Rainbow flinch a little.

"You guys always get up early. I know I need to be there but I don't know if I can get up that early."

"How about..." Applejack swallowed. "How about you stay the night?"

Surprised, Rainbow missed a flap. "Really?"

"Yeah. Then you'll be here on time. And you'll make sure Ah won't chicken out or anything."

Rainbow laughed lightly. "You're one of the bravest ponies I know. I think you'll be fine. It's just... I've never spent the night over at your house before. Sleeping with you... in a nonsexual way, I mean."

Applejack leaned forward, gripping Rainbow around the neck tightly. "It'll be fun. Ah imagine it's like cuddling, but better."

Rainbow sniffed. If there was a better thing than cuddling, she certainly didn't know about it. "Well, we'll see. As long as you don't snore or anything."

* * *

Applejack let out a grunt of pain as she was slammed into the ground.

"What're you...!"

Granny Smith walked up, a deep frown etched upon her face. "We don't like your kind here. You ain't got no right t' wear the mark of the Apple."

Applejack felt heavy weights land on her outstretched legs. She spun her head around to see ponies holding her down, and her brother walking up behind her, holding a large file in his mouth.

“Applejack!” Rainbow yelled. Applejack looked around frantically before she saw her marefriend. She was being held down by no less than seven ponies, complete with one on her back, holding her head up so she would have to watch. “No! Please! Applejack!” Tears were streaming down the pegasus’s face as she screamed her marefriend's name.

“Take her mark off, Mac,” Granny Smith ordered coldly.

“Eeyup.”

Applejack struggled as hard as she could, lashing out. She managed to free one foreleg, and swung it forward powerfully to try and get some leverage and free her body as well.

"Ow!"

Applejack's eyes flew open. She was still in her bed, it was still night outside, and she was next to Rainbow Dash, who was holding her muzzle as if she had just been hit. She gasped.

Rainbow patted her nose, checking for blood. "I kindub expected waking ub to your face to be a little... less painful," she said jokingly.

"Ah'm sorry! Ah just... Nightmare and..."

Rainbow had determined that she was not actually bleeding, and so leaned forward and pulled Applejack in close. She didn’t even have to ask what the nightmare was about. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. No matter what happens, you'll still always have me. If she accepts us, great! We'll have sex in your bed tonight. If she doesn't, great! We'll have sex in mine."

Applejack shoved Rainbow away. "What is it with you an’ bringin’ up sex all the time?" she demanded.

Rainbow Dash shrugged as best she could from her horizontal position. "Well, with a partner who looks like you, it's kindof hard not to. Besides, now you're not so nervous."

Rainbow was right. Applejack smiled and flicked her tail over, dropping on top of Rainbow's stomach. Together, they could face anything.

* * *

Morning came too soon for the two lovers. Rainbow Dash met Applejack’s eyes.

“It’s time,” she said.

Applejack nodded and took a steadying breath. It would be worth it.

Probably.

Tails entwined, the two went downstairs.

Big Mac sat at the table, helping Apple Bloom with some last-minute homework. Granny Smith stirred the pancake batter, and it was a peaceful scene.

Too bad Applejack had come to drop a bombshell on it.

“Hey, everypony,” Applejack said. “Ah have an announcement to make.”

All three looked up at her.

“This is Rainbow Dash,” she said, gesturing to the pegasus. “And she’s my marefriend and super special somepony.”

Big Mac nodded in appreciation. Apple Bloom cocked her head. But Granny Smith...

Granny Smith’s face was an inscrutable mask as she slowly walked over to the two lovers. She frowned as she stopped in front of Applejack, reached up... and bopped her playfully on the head. “Well, it's about time, you two!” she said cheerfully.

Applejack said something along the lines of, “bwah?”

Granny Smith tapped her temple conspiratorially. “Ah'm more observant than you think! Ah’ve been watching you two sneak around for the better part of a year, and Ah’m glad ya finally trust us enough to come out.”

“So... You aren't mad?” Applejack asked slowly.

Granny Smith laughed and waved a hoof dismissively as she started to walk back to her pancakes. “Why would Ah be? Ah've had a few flings with other mares myself and if'n it makes you happy, then Ah say go for it. Why, there was this one mare in the summer of '69 and Ah gotta say, she was something else entirely!"

“So... you’re ok with this,” Rainbow Dash confirmed.

“Of course Ah am!” Granny Smith said. “Ah know how these things work. Ah can tell you two are inseparable. After all, there ain’t nothin’ that gets past Granny Smi-”

This boast was interrupted by the unfortunate occurrence of her falling down the cellar steps.

Granny called out, “Ah’m fine!”, but Applejack rushed downstairs anyway.

“That was... eventful,” Rainbow finally said.

“Eeyup,” Big Mac said.

Apple Bloom, however, had a few more questions. “So are ya gonna be livin’ here from now on?”

“Probably not,” Rainbow admitted. “But I’m pretty sure I’ll be hanging around here more often.”

Apple Bloom giggled. “Scootaloo’s gonna be so jealous...”

* * *

Later, in the fields, brother and sister had a little bit of a heart-to-heart as they worked.

“Ah came out,” Applejack said.

"Eeyup."

“That means you’re comin’ clean too, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“When?” Applejack asked. Her curiosity was just growing by the day.

“Soon.”

Applejack kicked an apple at his head. “You’re insufferable.”

Big Mac chuckled. “Eeyup.”

* * *

Later that night, Applejack sat on her front porch, with a nice, tall glass of lemonade at her side. As much as she loved apples, sometimes there was a need for a change.

She squinted into the sun as she saw the shapes of two ponies walking up. One was definitely her brother, and the other was a little smaller.

Well, of course smaller, compared to Big Mac. But still.

Applejack tried to remain calm as she took another drink of her lemonade. Mac had come through, and she definitely wanted to make a good impression on his lover.

As much as she wanted that, she couldn’t keep a look of surprise off her face as the two shapes resolved into Macintosh and a little pied colt Applejack vaguely recognized from Nightmare Nights past. He seemed to be about Apple Bloom’s age. Perhaps younger. She relaxed slightly. He was probably here to work or something, and Big Mac was giving him the tour. After all, there's no possible way he woul-

“Hey, Applejack,” Mac said, pointing at the younger pony. “This here’s Pipsqueak. Says he’s here for a date.”

Applejack choked on her lemonade. The two male ponies watched as Applejack gagged and gasped for air.

Finally, she managed to regain her breath. “Pipsqueak? Him? That little colt is your coltfriend?”

The two male ponies looked at her, looked at each other, and looked back at Applejack before both simultaneously burst into uproarious laughter.

Applejack frowned. She didn't care much for being laughed at.

Pipsqueak looked as though he was at the point of tears. When he finally managed to get his laughter under control, he said, "Beggin' yor pardon, miss Applejack, but I’m straight and proud of it. Furthermore, I don't think I could survive a sensual encounter with your brother."

Big Mac chuckled. "Nope."

“I’m here for Apple Bloom.” Pipsqueak tapped his chin thoughtfully and cast an eye critically along Mac's body. "Come t' think o' it, a sensual encounter with yor sister would probably also lead to my untimely demise."

Big Mac chuckled again and ruffled his mane playfully, with just the barest hint of a threat. "Eeyup."

"Mac!" Apple Bloom's voice came from the window. "You ain't scarin' off Pipsqueak, are ya?"

“Nope!” Mac called back.

Apple Bloom came out of the house. Applejack could see that she had combed her mane and washed her bow. She blinked. This was relatively serious for her little sister.

“Bye!” she called as she ran past.

“Be home by ten, ya hear?” Applejack called.

“Ah will!” With that, the two smaller ponies left, with the two larger ponies watching them walk off into the setting sun.

Applejack felt her brother staring at her. She turned to see him, trying once again to hold back laughter.

“It ain’t funny! Ah really thought he was... ugh. Never mind. But you're gonna bring yer lover over soon, right?"

Big Mac nodded. "Ah did say Ah'd come out when you did."

"So...?" Applejack asked, giving her brother a gentle jab in the ribs. "Who's the lucky pony?"

"When th’ other pony is ready, Ah'll tell you."

"And will this other pony be ready soon?" Applejack pressed.

"When he's ready, Ah'll bring her over. He's a bit awkward, but she's very nice, so you'll have to promise to be nice to him back and not scare her too bad."

Applejack stomped a hoof angrily. "You're doing that on purpose!" she accused.

Big Mac laughed. "Ah've been waitin' almost a month t’ use that." Still smiling, he turned and walked away, leaving a frustrated Applejack behind.

* * *

Later that night, two ponies relaxed in Applejack's bed. Although Rainbow's offer of a fun time still technically stood, a few previous tests had determined that the walls were very, very thin; and so both were content with nonsexual contact for that night.

That didn't mean they weren't having fun, though.

From her position on Applejack's stomach, Rainbow held back a giggle as she finished, "So then she says, ‘Well, yeah. Where do you think I got the horseshoes?'"

Applejack burst out laughing. She hadn’t seen that one coming.

"Who says pegasi humor isn't universal?" Rainbow asked rhetorically. “I bet I could tell it at one of your family reunions and get a laugh.” She paused. “When is the next one, anyway?”

“Hmm. Every four years or so, so...” Applejack sat up. "Oh my," she whispered.

"What?" Rainbow asked, mildly annoyed that her safe haven had disappeared.

"Ah just realized somethin'."

"Was it about the first joke I told? Took you long enough to get it.”

"No. It ain't that. Ah just realized that the summer of '69 falls under a family reunion."

"So what?"

"That's when Granny Smith said she had a thing with a mare."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "And? You think she had sex with her cousin or something? That's..." Her eyes widened in horror. "That is exactly what she was saying, wasn't it?"

Applejack shuddered.

Rainbow tried to comfort her. "You don't know that. Maybe she missed the reunion that year. Maybe she was somewhere else and met somepony else."

"Granny Smith said she has never missed one."

Both lay there on the bed, mulling over this rather horrifying information.

“Welp," Applejack finally said. "Ah'm gonna go take an hour long cold shower.”

Rainbow shuddered. “I'd join you, but I can't think of showering together without thinking of sex, and right now I can't think of sex without thinking of Granny Smith.”

Applejack gagged. “Two hours,” she corrected herself.

Author's Note

Also entitled, "The Incredibly Dirty Mind of Applejack".

That First Time You Spend The Night

Applejack went first. She turned down the covers with a hoof, and with a little jump, landed exactly where she wanted to be. She looked over at Rainbow Dash, who only hesitated for the briefest of moments before sliding in herself. Bouncing slightly on the springy mattress, Rainbow scooted herself down further under the covers. She looked around and then bounced once more for good measure. “Huh,” she said, patting the bed.

“What?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Rainbow said quickly. “It’s just… it’s pretty comfortable.”

Applejack cracked a smile. “Does that surprise you?”

“Well, it’s… you know… not a cloud,” Rainbow said, a bit embarrassed, fluffing the pillow a bit and not meeting Applejack’s eyes.

Applejack laughed as she pulled the covers over them both. “Earth ponies have survived for years without cloud furniture, you know. We’ve learned how to get pretty comfortable.”

Rainbow rolled over a bit and rested her head on the pillow. “It's ok,” she said. “But I have to warn you, I toss and turn a lot when I’m not on a cloud.”

Applejack snorted. “Ah'm sure you'll be fine.”

Rainbow nodded, then faked a large yawn. “Welp, I'm exhausted, good night, AJ!”

Applejack, watching, let her lay there for about a minute before speaking up. “Rainbow?”

“Yeah?” Rainbow asked, far too quickly to have been asleep.

“We're in bed together, right, Rainbow?”

Rainbow squinted. “Yeah…?”

“You're supposed to touch the pony you share a bed with, Rainbow.” Applejack grinned as she was rewarded by a slight blush on Rainbow's cheeks.

“What?”

“You know…” She leaned in close to Rainbow, and her warm, minty breath brushed against Rainbow's nose. “Touch me.” She rested her head on the pillow and waited.

Rainbow's blush redoubled. She slowly snaked a hoof over and rested it on Applejack's shoulder.

Applejack cracked a smile and shook her head.

Rainbow Dash lifted it and then placed it on Applejack’s stomach. She looked up hopefully.

Applejack shook her head again. “Warmer.”

Blushing furiously, Rainbow scooted forwards a tiny bit and slid her hooves down to the top of Applejack's cutie mark.

“Better,” Applejack said with a smile, “but we can work on that later.” She gave Rainbow a little kiss on the nose and then lay back, and promptly fell asleep.

Rainbow let out an interested 'hmph'. Applejack was really cute when she slept with her mane down and everything. Still moderately uncomfortable with the arrangement, she rested her head against the pillow and she, too, soon fell asleep.

* * *

Rainbow woke up, needing to go to the bathroom (this whole endless supply of apple juice thing really had its drawbacks) and with a strange, tingling sensation in her foreleg. She blearily opened one eye and realized that in the night, Applejack had rolled over and was resting on Rainbow’s foreleg, trapping it underneath her body.

Lovely.

Her first instinct was to jerk her foreleg free, but then she noticed just how peaceful Applejack looked. Now determined to not wake Applejack up, she wriggled and wormed her foreleg out from under her a little bit at a time. Eventually, this had the desired effect of freeing her foreleg.

It had the undesired effect of having Applejack, even while fast asleep, feel that something had gone awry. She sleepily grunted her displeasure and made an attempt to remedy this by rolling over and reaching for what had been taken from her; in this case, Rainbow Dash. Rainbow was not quite awake enough to react or pull back in time; Applejack grabbed her around the neck and pulled her in close, and exhaled contentedly. Balance restored!

Rainbow, on the other hoof, blushed as her entire world suddenly became the crook of Applejack’s neck and her mane. It was odd and a bit warm, but not uncomfortable, and Applejack smelled pretty nice from this close. In fact, if it weren’t for that uncomfortable pressure down below her hips, she might have stayed there longer.

But nature called quite insistently and Rainbow had to listen, or else Applejack would have been in for a most rude awakening. She squirmed and tried to slither free, but Applejack’s grip was firm. Rainbow grunted, annoyed. Stupid earth ponies and their strength.

Then she brightened as something occurred to her.

Extending a wing, she reached up and trailed the tips of her feathers lightly against the side of Applejack’s body. She squirmed a bit under Rainbow’s touch, but resettled. Rainbow grinned triumphantly and repeated the motion, giving her side just a gentle brush. Just like Hoops had back at Flight Camp years ago, Applejack grunted and twitched in her sleep, rotated her body, and raised a hoof to swat at the ticklish sensation--and as a result, freed Rainbow’s leg.

Relieved (but not quite yet), Rainbow scampered out… and very nearly ran into a wall. She narrowed her eyes. This place was confusing at night. Not to mention creaky. Clouds never had this problem.

When she’d managed to regain some semblance of orientation, she flapped her wings so she was hovering only a few feet in the air, and quickly flew along over towards the bathroom. She nosed her way through the blankets that had been hung to protect the upstairs from the cool harvest wind, and felt the temperature drop a few degrees.

Never before had she been so glad to be a pegasus.

* * *

Rainbow sniffed her hooves as she kicked the door shut behind her. The Apple family had home-made apple-scented soap, and it smelled really good. When she’d first moved in, she’d wash her hooves for no reason other than to smell that crisp, apple smell again. They could make almost anything and everything out of apples down here. It was quite impressive, actually.

She looked up as she realized she had traveled most of the way down the hall, and turned right into the bedroom. She glanced around. Still somewhat disoriented from the transition from the relatively bright light of the bathroom to the darkness of the bedroom, she stumbled towards the bed and burrowed underneath the covers. Remembering what Applejack had said, she reached a hoof out and rested it on her side. She moved her hoof as her skin slid a good three inches over her bony frame…

This did not feel like Applejack. This did not feel like Applejack at all.

Rainbow’s blood ran cold. She sat up in shock… and so did Granny Smith.

“Ahhhh!”

“Aghh!”

Before Rainbow could stammer the start of an apology, Granny Smith seized a pillow and began beating her with it.

“Hey! I- Whoa! Ow! Hey, that last one actually hu- ow!” Abandoning any semblance of politeness, Rainbow Dash scrambled out of the bed to avoid this feathery onslaught and flew towards the door. Her heart was pounding and her wings were beating and she wasn’t watching where she was going.

So, of course, she flew headfirst into a clothesline of blankets that had been hung across the hallway to help stop the cool harvest wind from blowing upstairs.

Her head caught on the line and stayed where it was, but her body kept flying and her lower legs swung out. Even stopped like that, she had enough momentum to tear the line out of the wall. She tumbled down the stairs, wrapping herself up in blankets and clothesline until she bumped to a stop on the final step, now a scrambled mess of more cloth than pony.

“Wow,” Rainbow groaned, shifting slightly. “That was… so… embarrassing.” She flapped a wing experimentally, and was pleased to find herself unhurt. “I am so glad that nopony saw that.”

She froze. She couldn't be that lucky.

Sure enough, when she craned her neck to look behind her, there stood Macintosh, awakened by the crash. He was chewing on a wheat sprig (where had he gotten that at this time of night?), and he wore large pajamas with thick horizontal stripes, making him look somewhat like an escaped prisoner.

And Rainbow totally didn't jump and let out a shriek of surprise at the unexpected sight.

He raised an eyebrow, wordlessly asking if she needed help.

Rainbow began to struggle with the blankets. “No, I… I got this… I…”

Mac watched silently as she rocked and flapped and hopped in desperate attempts to free herself.

Finally, Rainbow exhaled and relaxed her body. “I don't got this,” she admitted quietly.

Mac may have cracked a smile, but said nothing. With Mac's silent assistance, she soon was free, and now that she was oriented, she easily returned to Applejack's room. She slid under the covers and after just a brief hesitation, wrapped a hoof around her stomach and shifted until their hips touched. Her warmth was comforting, and after all the craziness that had just happened, it felt good to know she had a solid earth pony to rely on.

She scootched even closer and then rested her head on Applejack's chest. Maybe this cuddling business wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

Applejack awoke dark and early the next morning. She opened her eyes and found her vision full of mane. She sleepily tried to raise her right hoof to brush her mane out of her face, but found her hoof trapped under something warm.

She blinked and then finished waking up. She blew the mane out of her face, but then realized that it wasn't her golden mane after all. Instead, it had a few more colors.

Now that she was awake, she could tell what had happened. True to her word, Rainbow had tossed and turned and rotated in her sleep. She now lay on her stomach, sprawled out, one leg straddling Applejack's chest, and her tail in Applejack's face.

With her left hoof, she cleared Rainbow's tail from her face and slid it to one side so she could breathe. She cracked a smile. There were definitely worse sights to wake up to.

But as nice as the view may have been, she did need to get up, and that required waking Rainbow. Besides, Rainbow might not have enjoyed having herself on display.

She moved to shake her, but then a more devious smile crossed her face. She raised her left hoof and placed it on her cutie mark and gently began massaging it in a circular motion. Rainbow grunted in her sleep and shifted her hips, giving her both better access and, unintentionally, a better look.

And then the smile turned more devious still, and she raised her hoof and brought it down in a gentle but firm spank on Rainbow's muscled flank.

* * *

Apple Bloom managed to tone her bouncing down enough to balance the forks on her head, and she skipped over to the table and organized them nearly around every plate. It had been a bit cool last night, but she had woken up in a great mood, and was not about to let a little chill dampen her excitement.

The sound of hooves tramping down stairs made her look up. Rainbow came down first, ears down, blushing furiously red and looking down at the ground. Applejack soon followed, bearing one whopper of a shiner on her eye.

Apple Bloom slowed to a stop. “You ok?” she asked. “What happened to you?”

“Yeah,” Applejack shrugged. “Rainbow here tosses and turns in her sleep, and Ah got caught on the wrong side of her elbow.”

Accepting this explanation, Apple Bloom bounced back over to grab the pitcher of orange juice.

Rainbow sat at the table and blushed even harder. Applejack sat next to her and surreptitiously began massaging Rainbow under her wing.

“I’m sorry; I didn't mean to-” Rainbow started for what must have been the twentieth time.

Applejack just chuckled and placed a hoof over her mouth. It had been an instinctive reaction. She wasn’t upset about anything; but Rainbow was still embarrassed.

And then Granny Smith came into the kitchen, shuffling along. For some reason, Rainbow Dash seemed to tense a bit more, but Applejack just figured that she had found a particularly sensitive spot and paid no attention.

“Mornin’, Granny Smith!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully. “How did you sleep?”

“Well, I… I’m not sure,” Granny said. “I had the strangest dream last night.”

Rainbow Dash froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. Oh, no… please, no…

“What was it about?” Apple Bloom asked curiously.

Never before nor since has Rainbow Dash so fervently wished she had mental powers to make ponies disappear.

Granny Smith leaned in, her eyes wide with the horror of the memories. “I dreamed that all our apple trees turned into pecans!” Granny said in a horrified whisper. “All over the orchards, all over the county, all pecans! And not an apple to be seen anywhere!”

Rainbow exhaled, relieved. She finished moving the fork to her mouth and then-

“I also dreamed Rainbow Dash got in my bed and got all hoofsy with me.”

Apple Bloom looked around, slightly confused. Macintosh was laughing quietly into his pancakes, as if at a joke only he knew. Applejack was looking confusedly at Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash was turning a brilliant shade of red and looking as though she wished she could sink into the floor. “Did Ah miss something?” she asked.

“Not a thing,” Rainbow said quickly. She was definitely going to spend the night elsewhere tonight.

Author's Note

Spoiler alert: she didn't.

Bonus Chapter: Tango

Otherwise entitled, "That time you accidentally out yourselves in front of the town (Alternate Canon)"

Author’s note:

I originally wrote the majority of this scene for the AppleDash Prompt Tag ‘tango’. After I wrote the outline, though, I realized that someone else had already claimed it. Never one to waste ideas, I added more, intending to put the scene in this story, only to realize later that I couldn’t use it; it implied that Rarity already knew about their relationship but that Applejack hadn’t told her family yet, and that felt OOC to me. I ended up taking a few lines from this chapter and then scrapping it in favor of the previous one. Still, I enjoyed writing it, and later decided I should post it after all; so although this is not canon, you should read it and enjoy it anyway. Because reasons. And because AppleDash.

"This is, without a doubt, the worst idea you've ever had."

"Oh, quit whinin', Rainbow," Applejack said. "We decided we'd do somethin' for the family reunion talent show together, and dancin's something we both can do, ya know, together."

"Fine, we do something together. That's great. You know I love working with you. But what I don't get is why we need to involve Rarity in this thing. Why can't you just teach me to dance in the barn or something?"

"Remember what happened last time we tried that?"

"Yeah! You were a great square dance teacher," Rainbow insisted. "I was mastering the steps in no time."

"We had sex," Applejack deadpanned. "In the loft. After two minutes."

"So it was a sticky, sweaty dance," Rainbow amended. "And you were calling my name instead of the steps. So what? Still great. And in my defense, you started it."

"Ah did not."

"Did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Anyway... Dancin's always been a big part of our reunions, and it's a great way to show that you're trying to fit in."

Applejack jumped as Rainbow Dash flicked a wing sharply against her cutie mark. "Applejack, I don't know if you've noticed this throughout our many nights together, but I'm a pegasus, and I'm kindof going to stand out anyway. Besides, I thought your family had gotten over that whole ‘pure earth pony’ thing."

"They have. Well, most have. But still. Tryin' to fit in and doin' stuff the earth pony way will do wonders fer getting them all to like and accept you."

Rainbow leaned in for a nuzzle. "You like me. That's good enough for me. Do I really have to go?"

Time to bring out the big guns. "There'll be cider..."

Rainbow laughed. "I'm already going to go, you don't have to try and convince me."

"Ah know. Ah just want you to know that it'll be worth your while."

"What does that mean, anyway?" Rainbow asked.

"Means Ah'm bringin' the amulet."

Rainbow nearly skipped all the rest of the way to Rarity's.

* * *

Rarity lit her horn and closed the blinds before turning to the other two ponies. "After much thought, I believe the dance you should perform should be a tango," she announced.

Applejack raised a hoof. "Shouldn't we start with somethin' a little simpler, like the foxtrot or somethin'?"

"Well, perhaps; but I do so enjoy the tango as a dance more of the ponies, yet refined enough to be showcased across Equestria. It truly has universal appeal, and is considered the most romantic of dances."

Rainbow Dash made an exaggerated gagging motion behind Rarity's back, earning herself a quick glare from Applejack.

Rarity hadn't noticed this little exchange and continued, "Besides, the thing that is most important about the tango is that the movements must be executed with quickness and right on the beat, much like, say, kicking a cloud, or bucking a tree, and so I feel you'll be more at home with this dance. A tango will simultaneously showcase your natural talents and your feelings for each other."

Moderately mollified, Applejack nodded.

Rainbow, however, was less than convinced. "Romance and me don't get along too well," she warned.

"Romance and I, darling, and there's no time for that now. Into position!" She stood up and demonstrated.

The two reared up and crossed hooves, awkwardly maintaining balance against each other. .

"Closer."

Rainbow took a hesitant step closer.

"Even closer."

The two did an awkward shuffle, prompting a sigh from Rarity. "Even closer. At least pretend like you like each other."

That earned a glare from both dancers. "How close is closer?" Applejack wanted to know.

Rarity responded by lighting her horn and pulling over a small piece of silk and pressing it against Applejack's chest. "Close enough that this piece of silk doesn't fall."

Rainbow happily obeyed, pressing both their bodies together. She was starting to change her mind about this dance.

"Now, the first step is a quick hooves walk, like this:" and Rarity demonstrated. "Slow, slow, quick quick pause and slow, slow, quick quick pause. Now you try."

The two dancers tried to copy her steps as Rarity tapped out a beat.

"Good. Again. Make sure to snap your movements."

Rarity watched as they tried again. She clapped her hooves in approval. "Good! Now remember, tango is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire, so be sure there is plenty of passion in your step and especially your attitude."

"Say what now?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity fought the urge to facehoof. Had these ponies no sense of romanticism? "That means dancing the tango is saying you're trying to have sex with your partner without actually having sex with your partner, so show her that you really want to."

Rainbow looked at Applejack and slowly dragged her tongue over her teeth, causing the earth pony to flush red ever so slightly.

Maybe tango wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Rarity didn't notice, or if she did, she didn't say anything. “Let’s try it with some music.”

Almost half an hour later, all three ponies were in a good mood. Two were a bit sweatier than the other, but all three were smiling.

"Excellent! I knew this dance was the right choice."

"No complaints here," Applejack agreed.

Rarity jumped as the clock struck the hour. "Oh, my. Is it that late already? I promised I'd be home with Sweetie Belle in time for lunch! I'm afraid this ends our practice time, ladies."

"Can't we stay a bit longer?" Rainbow blurted out before slapping her hooves over her mouth.

Rarity raised an eyebrow but smiled. "Very well. Just be sure you lock up when you leave."

The two ponies watched as she left.

"So... Still think it's the worst idea Ah've ever had?" Applejack needled her dance partner.

"Shut up and dance with me."

* * *

Opal Essence watched as the two stupid ponies danced, and Opal Essence was not pleased. The curtains were shut completely, and her lovely fur required exactly five minutes and forty five seconds in direct sunlight for best results. Walking behind the couch, she reared up and dug her claws into the cord and tugged. The mechanisms were well-oiled, and the curtains opened completely and silently at her touch.

Neither of the stupid dancing ponies seemed to have noticed.

Opal returned and cast herself down in the afternoon sun. Being this fabulous wasn't easy, and nopony seemed to appreciate just how much hard work it actually took.

* * *

A gray pegasus trotted happily along, passing next to Rarity's shop. As she walked past the window, her eye was caught by movement. Turning, she saw a pegasus and an earth pony dancing, their bodies close and their faces slightly flushed, completely unaware of the world around them. .

"D'aaaww," she said happily. "They look so good together."

She continued to watch, barely flicking an ear as she heard another pegasus land next to her.

"Hey, Derpy. What's up? Oh hey," Raindrops said, squinting to get a closer look. "Is that the boss?"

"It is. Well, your boss, not mine. But yeah."

"And that's definitely that mare she's been hanging out with a lot."

"Uh-huh."

There was a brief pause.

"They look good together," Raindrops commented. "They've been going out a while now, huh?"

"What're you two looking at?" a third, worried voice broke in. "Is Rarity's boutique on fire or something?"

Raindrops laughed. "No, Lily. Just watching a show."

"A show?" Lily peeked her head up over Derpy and observed. "Ooh. They look good together," she said.

"That's what I said!" Raindrops said.

"Hey, Rose!" Lily called. "Come look at this!"

* * *

The intensity grew as the two ponies danced, nothing left in the world but the other pony and the fact that she needed to know that she needed her right here, right now, no matter the consequences.

The song sped up as it ended, and when it did, Rainbow Dash dipped Applejack, bringing their faces close together. Both were panting, manes stuck on faces with sweat, and both thought that her dance partner was the most amazing pony she had ever seen.

Rainbow took the figurative first step and closed the distance, kissing Applejack directly on the lips. Applejack reached up and grabbed Rainbow's head, pulling her as close as possible.

This wonderful, tender moment was interrupted by the sound of massive cheers and stomps. Rainbow jumped and dropped Applejack, and she landed with an "oof!" flat on her back.

Through the now open window, Rainbow could see a veritable crowd of ponies, watching and celebrating.

"How long do you think they were there?" Rainbow asked quietly, mentally judging the necessity of leaving Ponyville and changing her name. 'Prismatic Charge' had a nice ring to it, and she'd heard good things about Fillydelphia this time of year.

"Long enough!" Raindrops grinned.

Now that the music was off, Rainbow realized just how loud they might have been. On an unrelated side note, she was now extremely glad they had interrupted before she had finished executing her plan, which had involved taking Applejack right there on their friend's shop floor. That would have been a show they would not have forgotten any time soon.

"Well," Applejack said slowly from her position on the floor, "If they didn’t know about us before, they sure know now."

"Trust us," Derpy said, smiling. "We knew already."

"It's not like you guys were trying very hard to hide it,” Fluttershy added softly. “I’m sorry if you were, though...”

"And you make a great couple!" Aloe added.

As they headed home after all the celebratory hoofbumps, cheers, and Pinkie Pie's offer of a party, Applejack smiled. “Well, that was less awkward than Ah thought it'd be.”

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow grumbled. "Raindrops is going to be giving me kissy faces and making fun of me for the next week and a half. At least."

There was a slight pause.

"Guess there's no reason now to not come out to your family, huh?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah. Ah'd rather Granny Smith hear it from me than anypony else."

Rainbow paused, actually coming to a stop. "AJ? Are you nervous?"

Applejack bit her lip. "A bit."

Rainbow Dash wrapped a wing around Applejack in a tight hug, with the top feathers gently brushing against Applejack's cutie mark. "Don't worry. No matter what happens, you'll still always have me. If she accepts us, great! We'll have sex in your bed tonight. If she doesn't, great! We'll have sex in mine."

Applejack shoved Rainbow away. "What is it with you and bringing up sex all the time?" she demanded.

"Well, with a partner who looks like you, it's kindof hard not to. Besides, now you're not so nervous, are you?"

Rainbow was right. Applejack smiled and flicked her tail over, wrapping it around Rainbow's. Together, they could face anything.

That Time You Get Caught Doing Something Unexpected

Applejack stumbled into the house after a long day at work. Harvest time always was a busier time, and she needed to put in all the hours she possibly could.

Unfortunately, that tended to leave her extremely hungry and tired when she did get home. In fact, all she wanted to do now was go take a shower and then sle-

She stopped in her tracks as she saw a bouquet of flowers sitting on her nightstand, along with a card bearing a crude drawing of three apples in the formation of her cutie mark. She slid it open and began to read.

I was thinking of you today, because you're awesome. Don't stop being awesome.
Actually, I don't think that's possible.
~~Love~~
~~From~~
Love,
Rainbow Dash

Applejack smiled as she took a bite of the flowers. "That's mighty sweet of you, Rainbow Dash," she said softly. "Ah really needed that."

She didn't notice a cyan pegasus watching from a nearby cloud, or see her celebrate at Applejack's reaction.

* * *

Rainbow Dash flew silently through Ponyville. She kept in the shadows, the black outfit she wore helping her blend in. The pegasus couldn't help but grin. Daring Do is fiction, they said. Don't bother trying her stunts at home, they said. They won't work, they said. Well, if that was the case, why had this plan worked out so well? She had been sneaking into the library for almost a month now and had yet to be caught.

She landed by the door of the library and pulled out a screwdriver. With skills that would make Daring herself blush with envy, she jimmied the lock and slid inside.

In all honesty, the lock wasn't that great to begin with (the library was a public building, after all), but it was the thought that counted.

Her eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light of the library. She slowly closed the door, and it swung shut silently on well-oiled hinges. Rainbow paused for a moment to appreciate Twilight's OCDness before quietly slinking over to the couch. She reached a hoof underneath, sliding it to retrieve the book hidden underneath.

Her hoof hit nothing but air.

Rainbow gasped in horror, then shoved a hoof in her mouth and hoped no one had heard.

Silence reigned in the tree, broken only by a ticking clock somewhere in the house.

Rainbow looked over at the bookshelves and suppressed a groan. She had found the book by accident the first time, and really had no idea where to even look for it now that it had been discovered and put away.

She was almost convinced she should just bite the bolt and come back in the morning and ask Twilight where it was when suddenly Twilight's voice rang out, shattering the silence and making Rainbow jump and drop to the ground to hide herself.

"Spike!" the unicorn hissed. It wasn't very loud, but in the silence, her voice seemed amplified.

"Whaaa?" the baby dragon asked blearily.

"I remember what I forgot!"

"Good. Why are you telling me?"

"I need you to go put Rainbow's book back under the couch!"

Rainbow gasped again before shoving a hoof into her mouth. Twilight knew?

"Why?"

"Because she'll probably be coming tonight!"

"You don't even know if she reads it," Spike protested. "She probably just left it there one day and forgot about it."

"That's not the point. As librarian, it is my duty to ensure that all patrons have access to the books they want, no matter the subject matter or how they get them."

Spike grumbled something Rainbow couldn't understand.

"Spiiike..."

"Fine, fine. I'm going."

Rainbow quickly realized that she would need somewhere to hide. Flapping her wings as quietly as she could, she flew up to the ceiling and braced herself against the walls, holding herself up with her hooves.

About two seconds later, she realized that she probably wouldn't be able to hold this position for long. This whole spying slash sneaking thing seemed a lot easier when Daring was doing it.

Heh. Daring doing. Clever.

But Rainbow had no time to celebrate her cleverness, as at that time Spike bumbled into the room. Scrubbing the sleep from his eyes, he scanned the shelves and pulled a book out as if by random chance. He then walked over to the couch and kicked it under.

"There," he mumbled. "Hope you're happy, Rainbow Da-ahh!"

For at that moment he had sarcastically rolled his eyes, and by so doing, caught sight of the pony he was just talking about.

"Spike?" Twilight called, concern in her voice. "You ok down there?"

"Y- yeah," Spike replied. "I just... uh... stubbed my claw on the table. Yeah. Ouchie."

Rainbow had to bite a hoof to suppress a snort of laughter.

"Ok," Twilight said. "Be careful."

Satisfied that she was not going to interrupt him further, Spike turned back to Rainbow and grinned. "I didn't think you were that kind of mare," he said cheekily as he withdrew the book from under the couch with his tail and held it in front of himself like it was the key to the Canterlot vault itself. "This book isn't exactly something I'd think you'd be reading."

"Please don't tell Twilight," Rainbow pleaded, dropping silently to the ground to be at his level. "I'll buy you a gem cupcake tomorrow if you don't. You like those, right?"

"Don't worry," Spike grinned as he gave her the book. "I don't want to prove her right. As far as I'm concerned, I never saw you and this never happened."

"Thanks," Rainbow whispered. "You're the best."

She took the book, waved good bye, and as quietly as she could, flew outside to read it.

Landing on a nearby cloud, she propped her rear hooves up and, after a furtive glance to both sides to ensure that she was still alone, opened the book. Sure enough, it was the book she sought: Special Someponies 101--Answers to All the Mushy Questions About Love, Sex, and Relationships That You Wanted to Know, But Were Too Afraid To Ask. She skipped past the chapters she'd already read, finally stopping after 'The finer art of giving flowers, and when it should be done'. She grinned. That step was definitely worth trying again.

"Taking the next step in your relationship," she read. Taking a deep breath, she began to read. "So, you've been together for a while now, and you think you're both ready to take the next step..."

Author's Note

This chapter can be considered part one of two.

Also, it's finals week. But I don't want to study. I want to post ponies.
Yeah. I like that.

That Time You Try To Take the Next Step in Your Relationship

It was a bright morning at Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie was scrubbing a baking pan that she had forgotten to clean last night. She was humming to herself and wondering what on earth could rhyme well with 'apple tarts' when she heard the bell ring, announcing a customer. She quickly dropped the pan, waved her forelegs wildly in the air to remove the soap suds, and emerged from behind the counter, grinning widely.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" she greeted her friend. "What's going on today?"

"Oh, you know," Rainbow said, looking around the room. "Not much."

Pinkie cocked her head. "I get the feeling that that's not entirely true, Dashie," she said with a hint of a teasing smile.

Rainbow sighed in defeat. "Ok, it's not; but I don't really want to tell you what I'm going to do today because I kindof want it to be personal, and I really don't want there to be a party celebrating it or anything, and with you being, well, you..."

Pinkie Pie gasped and held a hoof against her chest, as if deeply offended. "Rainbow Dash! Does that sound like something I'd do? Throw a party at an inappropriate time?"

Rainbow gave her a flat look. "Are you really asking me that?"

Pinkie tapped her temple, grinning widely. "I'm pretty sure your auntie Pinkie knows enough about parties to know when to and when not to throw one."

Rainbow blinked. "Aunti-" She shook her head. "First off, you're a year younger than me. In fact, I think you're the youngest out of all of us. Secondly, no. I really don't think you do."

Pinkie crossed her forelegs and pouted. "I do so."

Rainbow fought the urge to facehoof. "Pinkie, the only reason you didn't throw a 'Rainbow Dash and Applejack lost their virginity to each other' party is because you were back on the rock farm for your mother's birthday."

"I sent a card, though," Pinkie protested, as if defending herself for a shortcoming.

"Exactly my point,” Rainbow said, stomping her hoof emphatically. “Some things are personal, and really don't need to be party-fied."

Pinkie thought for a moment. "So you think the party to celebrate the first time Mr. and Mrs. Cake had sex after foaling was a bit excessive, too?" she asked.

Rainbow Dash blinked again as rather disturbing images flew through her head. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," she said.

Pinkie slumped slightly. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’, then,” she said sadly.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, we like parties. We like your parties, Pinkie. I like your parties. But sometimes, things need to be done personally. Just two ponies, together. No cake. Or streamers.”

“Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie said, in a slow voice that clearly indicated that she wasn’t sure how true that was.

Rainbow sighed and resigned herself to the fact that she would probably be having this same conversation with Pinkie Pie again in a few days. “Anyway... I’m here for a couple of special orders.”

Pinkie perked up at that. “I like special orders,” she said, a smile pulling up one corner of her mouth.

"Good," Rainbow grinned, "because it's for the special-est of ponies."

Pinkie gasped. "Princess Celestia?!?"

"No..."

"Hmm... Epona?"

"Who?"

(1) "Ooh! Applejack! She's special-est to you because you love her the most-est! I get it now!"

"Yes. Uh... Stomps for Pinkie?" Rainbow said in a voice almost free from sarcasm. Almost.

"Yay!" Pinkie beamed and clapped her hooves together in celebration.

Rainbow shook her head. At this rate, she'd never get out of here. "Just get me a medium sized vanilla cake with orange frosting and red lettering on it."

Pinkie scribbled that down onto a clipboard that Rainbow hadn't seen her grab. "Orange frosting, is that color or flavor?"

"Color."

Pinkie nodded. "And what should the lettering say?"

"That's the special part." Rainbow leaned in, staring Pinkie in the face. "I want this to be private. You have to promise no party about this."

Pinkie thought for a moment. "Can I promise no party until after you've had time to do your thing?" she asked hopefully.

"Is that as good as I'm going to get?"

Pinkie nodded. "Probably."

Rainbow sighed. "Fine. But it's gotta be a little party. Tiny, even."

Pinkie nodded and made the motions of her Pinkie Promise (TM).

"It's gotta say..." And she leaned in and whispered what to write.

Pinkie squealed and threw her forelegs around Rainbow. "Oh, Dashie, that's so exciting! I'm so happy for you!"

Rainbow fought for control of her windpipe. "Can't... breathe..."

"Sorry!" The pink pony released her prisoner. "When do you need it by?"

"As soon as possible. I'm going to ask her today." Rainbow suddenly remembered something else. "And while I'm at it, I need another one. A gemcake.”

"Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate."

“Alright. For the gems, do you want Sapphire or Ruby?” Pinkie tapped her chin. "Actually, we might have some Emeralds floating around, too..."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She hadn’t even considered that there would be this many options. “Uh... surprise me. It’s for Spike.”

“For Spike? Are you dating him, too?” Pinkie asked, her jaw agape.

“Wh- No! No! That’d be a terrible idea! I just owe him one, you know? Well, maybe half of one. But still.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “I’ll get these right out to you!”

* * *

Carrying and protecting her sweet prize, Rainbow Dash flew slowly through the air. She was extremely happy that she was a pegasus and able to fly unaccosted through the air instead of walking along the ground, because that would have been an adventure in and of itself (2).

Slowly, Sweet Apple Acres faded into view, and sure enough, she could hear the sounds of two powerful rear hooves slamming into trees. Rainbow Dash quickly did a flyby to ensure that she had found Applejack and not her brother.

See? Rainbow said to herself. I’m learning.

To Rainbow’s mild surprise and disappointment, it was indeed Applejack’s brother; and, as she certainly did not want to ask him the question she wanted to ask Applejack, she continued flying. He also had a special somepony who, should he or she be so inclined, bring him cake as well.

Not that Rainbow Dash cared, though. She was a mare on a mission.

Soon enough, she heard two more hooves thunking against trees. Applejack was focused on her work, so she didn’t notice Rainbow Dash land behind a tree.

Rainbow set the cake down and took a few deep calming breaths as she ran a hoof through her mane in a futile attempt to straighten it. This wouldn’t be hard. Just go up to her, show her the cake, and ask her. Piece of cake.

Heh. Rainbow smiled, the pun leaving her feeling a little less stressed.

Picking up the box again, she walked forward, watching the beauty that was Applejack at work. Her lithe frame moved smoothly and powerfully as she drove her rear hooves into the tree, sending apples cascading down in showers of red into waiting baskets.

Unfortunately, Applejack also had the habit of leaving old, overripe apples that had fallen off the tree by themselves on the ground, as their decaying helped fertilize the orchard. These decaying apples turned brown, mushy and slick. Now, if a visitor is watching where they are going, it is a mere inconvenience, nothing more. But if a visitor is too engrossed in watching beauty incarnate...

To Rainbow Dash’s immense shock and horror, she found that her left forehoof, which had heretofore been supporting most of her weight, was no longer on the ground; and she didn’t even have time to spread her wings to try and catch herself before she fell face first, landing with a disturbing squishing sound.

Applejack jumped and whirled around. “Rainbow Dash! What’re you doin’ here?”

Rainbow just sat there, feeling the frosting that had squeezed out of the crushed box clinging to her fur. “N- nothing,” she said unconvincingly, sitting up and trying to reclaim a modicum of dignity.

Applejack walked over. “Is that a cake?”

“Was,” Rainbow corrected.

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. It wasn't her birthday, so the only other reason could be... “Were you plannin’ on prankin’ me?”

Never before or since had Rainbow Dash wanted to cry so badly. "Y- yeah. A prank. That’s all it was. But looks like you caught me, so I’m gonna... go clean up or something." She turned and flew quickly away, sending frosting and cake bits scattering through the air.

Applejack chuckled. “Oh, Rainbow...”

* * *

Inside her house, Rainbow sat with her head buried in the pillow. Her perfect plan, ruined. Now what?

She sat up, new hope sparking in her eyes. She could improvise. Nothing could keep Rainbow down, right? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She would win her prize!

She looked down at her bed, imagining that there was an orange earth pony sleeping soundly there. Imaginary Applejack shifted in her sleep and murmured her name into the night.

Suddenly energized, Rainbow burst out of her house, flying steadily towards town. The day was still salvageable.

* * *

Applejack kicked another tree and heard the satisfying sound of apples hitting their target. She lifted her hat and wiped her brow. "Whoo-ee. Things’re goin’ great.” She glanced over at the empty water bucket. “Sure wish Ah had somethin' cool t’ drink out here, though.”

"Your wish is my command, fair maiden!"

Applejack spun around for the second time that day to see Rainbow Dash gliding to the ground, with a large thermos around her neck.

"Hey, Rainbow," Applejack smiled. "What's up?"

"Not much. I just happened to be in the area and figured you could use a drink."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "The area? Really?"

"Ok, fine. I just wanted to see you, ok?" she said as she lifted off the thermos and gave it to Applejack.

"Fine by me." The earth pony took a long, deep drink, and Rainbow tried really hard to not become too distracted by the way the sun glinted off the sweat in her golden mane, or the way she swallowed, or...

Applejack lowered the thermos and licked her lips. "Mmm. Fruit punch."

"Yeah. Pinkie Pie makes some good stuff." Rainbow sighed and steeled herself. "So anyway. We've been together a long time now, right?"

"Right."

"Like, a really long time."

Applejack cocked her head. "You ain't tryin' to break up with me, are you?"

Rainbow's eyes widened in horror. Definitely not her intention. "No! No, no! Never! I just mean... I was wondering...” Her voice trailed off, her courage melting like snow in summer as she fell into Applejack’s emerald eyes.

Applejack, who was completely ignorant of the raging conflict in her marefriend’s mind, cocked her head. “Wonderin’ if...?”

“If... if you’d like to go out for dinner with me?”

Rainbow Dash almost cried right then and there.

Almost.

Applejack frowned. “Well, normally Ah’d say yes in a heartbeat, you know Ah would; but Ah’m fallin’ behind a bit here and Ah can’t let any more of this fruit go bad.”

“I’ll help,” Rainbow blurted out.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’d be glad to.”

Applejack grinned. “All right, then. You haul those baskets over there over to the barn and bring back some empty ones from the stack in the corner, ok?”

“Got it!”

Rainbow smiled painfully as she strapped the baskets to her body. It was a step in the right direction, at least.

* * *

Rainbow Dash was not a weak pony in any sense of the word. That being said, apple-bucking is hard work, and she was very, very sore.

But that wasn't all. A combination of lack of preparation combined with end-of-month lack of funds meant most of the restaurants were either full or out of Rainbow's price range, so their dinner consisted of take-out tacos on a picnic table at the park.

Cheap food and ice packs. Definitely not the romantic setting the book recommended.

Still, Rainbow was determined.

"Spontaneous," Applejack said as she added just a hint of hot sauce to her burrito. "Ah think that's the word Ah'm looking for. This is spontaneous."

"Yeah. Living on the edge," Rainbow agreed hesitantly. What was Applejack thinking? Did she think she was being lame? Was she getting tired of her? Was she more concerned about her apple harvest right now? Did she think she looked silly with the ice packs on?

Either way, it was time to go.

Rainbow swallowed and spoke. “We’ve been together a while, and It's been a great time. I've had a great time. So, I’m thinking, maybe it's time to take the next step.”

Applejack looked down at her taco and said the first thing that came to her mind. “Feeling comfortable enough to fart in front of each other?”

“Eww! No. And pegasi don't fart.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Sure they don't.”

“It's true,” Rainbow protested. “It’s part of our flying physiology. Our body deals with the gasses differently.” She was suddenly grateful that the colt behind her in Health class had had the nasty habit of popping his gum, rendering her unable to sleep during that hour. That had been the one class she actually passed. (3)

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Rainbow.” Her smile quickly turned devious. “They do queef, though."

Rainbow Dash blushed furiously. “It was one time!” she hissed.

Applejack just giggled behind her burrito.

“Argh!” Rainbow folded her forelegs and huffed angrily. “Why does life keep doing this to me?”

“Doin’ what?”

“Interrupting me!”

Applejack set her burrito down and turned to face Rainbow Dash. She lifted her hat and smiled. “All right. No more interruptions. Just us. Say what’s on yer mind, Dash.”

Rainbow inhaled deeply, paused, and then looked around as if expecting a surprise attack. Once she was satisfied that Pinkie wasn’t about to pop out from a bush or a trash can or--Celestia forbid--under the table itself, she turned to Applejack and tried really, really hard to not think about just how off-balance Applejack was in that position and how easy it would be to tackle her into a deep kiss. “It's been almost a year. It's been one of the greatest years of my life. I love you, and I want to take the next step and make it undeniably public. Would you like to move in with me?

Applejack smiled, a true smile. “Rainbow, I would love that.” She paused. “'Ceptin' there's only one problem.”

“What?” Rainbow asked, watching her fantasies crumble into dust before her eyes.

“You live in a cloud house, and I'm an earth pony.”

“So you'd have to wear the amulet all the time. That's fine. It looks good on you.”

“And how do you propose Ah get to and from the ground when it's time to work in the morning?”

Rainbow Dash thought about this... and then slammed her head against the table. “I knew I was forgetting something...” she whined.

Applejack laughed lightly, and then leaned in and gave Rainbow a kiss on the cheek. “Ah appreciate it, though.”

“Great,” Rainbow sighed. All day she had worried. All week she had planned. All for a rejection due to something that should have been blatantly obvious from the start. Just fantastic.

Applejack shook her head and gave Rainbow a playful shove. “No, you're supposed to ask how much Ah appreciate it.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes, but decided to follow her lead. “Ok then, how much do you appreciate it?”

* * *

Rainbow lay sprawled out on the cloud, panting heavily. Her forelegs were spread, her wings were spread, her hind legs were spread, and if her unfocused vision was any indicator, her eyes were spread, too.

She finally managed to squeeze out a few words. “Oh. That much.”

Applejack chuckled as she chewed on a sprig of wheat. “Eeyup.”

Rainbow looked over. “Where did you even get that?”

“Get what?”

Rainbow sank back down. “Never mind.” Having regained control of her body, she rolled over and cuddled against Applejack, resting her head on the earth pony’s chest and letting her right hoof trace slow circles on Applejack’s stomach. It was her favorite position, and it never got old. “You’re the best, AJ.”

Applejack said nothing, but did reach a hoof down and ruffle her mane.

Rainbow Dash would have been content to lay there for the rest of the night.

Yet for some reason, the universe decided that she had not had enough interruptions that day, and proceeded to provide another. This next one came in the form of a whistle.

Rainbow poked her head up and looked over the cloud, only to take a slice of cake to the face.

“What the?!?” she spluttered, wiping off the majority of the cake.

“Hi!” Pinkie Pie grinned, waving with the slingshot she carried. “Here’s the party I promised! Little, just like you wanted.”

Rainbow Dash stared, completely at a loss for words. Applejack gave her a teasing smile. "Jus' what you ordered, eh?" she ribbed.

"No," Rainbow grumbled.

Pinkie stood there for a few seconds. “So... yeah. Guess the party’s over and now you’re having the afterparty. Enjoy each other’s company!” Giggling madly, the pink pony dumped the rest of the cake into her mouth and then bounced off into the sunset. Suddenly, she stood stock still. "Ooh! 'Magic starts'! That's what it is!" Now immensely pleased with herself, she continued bouncing until she was out of sight.

Rainbow Dash sat back on the cloud and spat off the side. “Pinkie Pie,” she grumbled furiously. “Why does she always do this? It’s like she does it on purpose. That’s it. Tomorrow we’re testing to see if the amulet works on stratocirrus, out of her rang-”

She froze when she felt something small and wet travel up her face. “Mmm,” Applejack grinned, licking her lips. “Orange flavored.”

Rainbow let Applejack continue cleaning her face off, trying--and failing--to hold in a little ‘nf!’ of pleasure at every lick. Her already sore wings slowly expanded, providing balance.

Maybe Pinkie Pie wasn’t as bad as she’d thought.

* * *

Three hours later, two completely exhausted ponies returned to Applejack’s house. This time, the window was open, and so they managed to sneak in without alerting the others.

They stood there, looking at each other, in that awkward post-coital silence when one party has to leave, but neither wants to.

“Well, I guess that’s good night, then,” Rainbow said finally. She turned back towards the window.

“Wait!”

Rainbow turned back around.

Applejack pulled off her hat and fiddled with the brim. “Do you wanna... you know... stay the night?”

Rainbow nodded. “I’d like that. Just for tonight?”

Applejack smiled and held out a hoof invitingly. “Hopefully for a bit longer than that.”

And just like that, every accident, interruption, and moment spent with Pinkie Pie was absolutely worth it.

Author's Note

I think a little less awkwardness is in order for this chapter. Just a bit, though.

1) Pinkie’s original line was, "Legendary earth pony, you've probably never heard of her.”
Her second draft line was, “She brings presents to all the good little fillies on hearth's warming eve."
Rainbow really had no idea how she should respond to that.
I then decided that less is more and cut it all.

2) If you haven’t seen this, you need to. It is sad in some parts, but well worth the twenty odd minutes. I linked the whole set, but started it on the relevant section.

3) Apparently, they do. Also, I do not even.

That Time a School Project Gets a Little Too Personal

Applejack, freshly showered and ready for her day, placed her hat firmly on her head and walked out of her room--and nearly tripped over Apple Bloom, who was sitting on the floor right outside her door surrounded with paper and posterboard. Although she looked to be deeply involved in some calculations, Applejack’s heart began to race. Had she heard anything?

"Apple Bloom!" she said, hoping she didn't sound guilty. "W- what're you doing here?"

Well, so much for that.

"School project," Apple Bloom said distractedly. "Ah'm a little confused though."

"Why aren't you at the table?" Applejack asked, but got her answer when she saw the stopwatch sitting next to her sister and the title of the project. "Water conservation?" she read.

"Yeah. We're supposed t' measure how long our family showers and graph it. And Rainbow Dash said y'all showered together to save water, but your time is longer than Big Mac and Granny Smith combined, so you're not actually savin' any water at all."

Applejack bit her lower lip and shifted uncomfortably. Maybe shower round three really hadn't been a good idea, after all.

Apple Bloom remained cheerfully oblivious to her sister's discomfort. "Ah made a graph showing time and all the time and water used per family member.” She gestured with a red crayon. “This is yer bar right here."

Applejack flinched as she noticed that the bar was labeled ‘Applejack and Rainbow Dash’. "Maybe you should leave Rainbow outta this," she suggested.

"Why?" Apple Bloom asked innocently.

"She's not technically family?" Applejack knew she was grasping at straws here.

"She's here so often she might as well be," Apple Bloom protested, but she erased Rainbow's name anyway.

Applejack mentally sighed with relief. It wasn't that she was averse to spreading their relationship; just that there were appropriate times to share and non-appropriate times. And coming out to a group of schoolchildren who were still a few years away from their first estrus definitely fell into the second category.

“What kind of project is this, anyway?” she asked, desperate to change the subject.

“Ah dunno. We all had to do it.” She grinned. “Ah still bet Rarity uses more water than all y’all combined.”

“We’ll see,” Applejack said. This felt... personal. Intruding. What did Cheerilee care if she spent all day in the shower? Not that she would, of course. Well... Maybe she would. If she had company, in the form of a cyan pegasus who liked getting her wings washed a little bit too much.

Applejack shook her head. Maybe she needed to have a talk with the teacher.

* * *

Applejack trotted up to the schoolhouse and stood by the fence. She had timed her arrival to coincide with the beginning of recess, so Cheerilee would be alone.

Sure enough, within a minute of her showing up, the bell rang; and a veritable flood of children burst from the schoolhouse doors and flowed into the playground, sweeping up balls, bats, jump ropes, and hula hoops on its course for fun. Applejack looked around to ensure that her sister wasn’t watching too closely, and then headed inside.

She poked her head inside the classroom and saw Cheerilee, sitting behind her desk, a red pen clenched firmly in her mouth as she did some quick last-minute grading.

Applejack scuffed the ground as she neared the desk, and Cheerilee looked up. “Oh! Hello, Applejack. This is a bit of a surprise... Is anything wrong? Is Mac alright?”

Applejack cocked her head. “Yeah, he’s fine. Ah’m here about Apple Bloom.”

"Oh, of course," Cheerilee said quickly. "That would make sense, because Apple Bloom is my student, while Macintosh is not. He is a friend. Yes. A friend. Not that you're not a friend or anything, though."

Applejack raised an eyebrow at this, but she had larger apples to harvest. "Anyway... Ah was here about that project, the water one. What's that all about?"

Cheerilee's expression dropped into one of annoyance. The pen fell from her mouth and her left eye twitched. "The ponies up in Canterlot decided to push that unit now. Never mind I was in the middle of a unit on creative writing. Never mind this throws off my schedule for the rest of the year. They wanted it now because 'Canterlot is currently experiencing drought conditions and we need to raise awareness'." Her sarcastic voice clearly indicated what she thought of the ponies who had the audacity to stick their muzzles in her teaching style. "Never mind we have our own river and well system here in Ponyville. They wouldn't exempt me, and it was teach it or lose my license. Now, I don't know if cutie mark suppression syndrome is real or not, but I have no inclination to find out for myself." She paused to take a breath before pulling a smile back on her face. "I’m sorry. Did you have a question about it?"

"Actually, that answered it," Applejack said honestly. "Ah didn’t see any reason fer it, and Ah was just wonderin’ what in th' hay was goin’ on.”

“You and me both,” Cheerilee muttered darkly.

“Hey, as long as Ah'm here, how is Apple Bloom doing?"

"She’s improved markedly," Cheerilee said happily. She loved talking about her students, especially when they were doing well. "Her mouthwriting is not her strongest suit, but she has been doing very well in math this unit. We're doing fractions."

Applejack held up a hoof. "Wait. Don't tell me. The kind a woodworker or handycolt would need t’ use on a daily basis."

Cheerilee gave a half smile and nodded.

Applejack sighed and shook her head. “And their last attempt to get their cutie marks was what?”

Cheerilee tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Cutie Mark Crusaders novelists, I believe.”

Applejack grinned at this. “Starrin’ Rainbow Dash?”

“Daring Do, actually, and her plucky sidekick Scootaroll, as they tried to save the Orchard of Insanity from the Evil Queen of Fashion-ness and Un-fun-ness.”

Applejack blinked.

Cheerilee nodded. “Sometimes I’ve found it’s better not to ask.”

“Ah see. They'll figure it out eventually. Ah hope."

"Me too," Cheerilee whispered. "They actually managed to set a fire in the classroom while being Cutie-Mark Crusaders Chemists." She paused. "I'm not entirely sure how they managed that, as the last science class was all about water purity..."

"Now that Ah did not know," Applejack said. "Ah think Ah'll need t' go have a little chat with her."

"It really was a small fire," Cheerilee defended her student. "A paper or two, nothing more."

Applejack snorted lightly, but agreed. "Fine, Ah'll go easy on her. Thanks fer meeting with me, Cheerilee."

"My pleasure!" Cheerilee replied. "Say hello to Mac for me!"

Applejack paused for a moment before walking back towards home. Was it Cheerilee? Was it just a one-sided crush she had for him, or had the teacher actually managed to connect with her brother?

Nah. There's no way. The love poison fiasco had pretty much ruined any chance Mac had with Cheerilee anyway. Any romantic relationship afterwards would have just been awkward.

But worth it?

She shook her head. She had more important things to do.

* * *

Coincidentally, Rainbow Dash was also in the general vicinity of the schoolhouse, but she was there for a different reason. Namely, the open field made for a shade-free afternoon, and she was taking full advantage of that fact as she lay curled up napping on a cloud.

“Hey, blank flanks!”

‘Was’ being the operative word here. She rubbed her eyes and peeked out over the side, where she saw the crusaders and those two annoying earth ponies that bothered them. She gently flapped her wings, lowering the cloud ever so slightly.

“I noticed the results you posted in class,” Diamond Tiara said. “I also noticed that there was a distinct correlation between how much water you use and how disgusting you are.”

“Ah didn’t see it,” Apple Bloom said innocently.

“Oh, it was there,” Diamond affirmed.

“Just because you use a lot of water when you shower doesn’t make you special,” Sweetie Belle said. “In fact, I don’t think it means anything.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed. “This is a dumb project.”

“Well, I found it quite informative,” Diamond Tiara said haughtily.

Rainbow Dash briefly wondered if the filly spent her time looking up larger words to use in daily conversation just to feel important.

“For a while, I’d wondered if you bathed at all, Apple Bloom. I can smell you in class, and when your sister comes to pick you up? It isn’t much better.”

Rainbow frowned. She happened to like Apple Bloom’s sister.

The filly in question tried to discretely sniff her armpits. Detecting nothing, she turned back with a glare, but Diamond Tiara wasn’t done yet.

“I also thought you might bathe in a pond.”

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that,” Apple Bloom protested, but judging by the way the two antagonists burst into laughter, that hadn’t been the right answer.

“Or maybe if Scootaloo even bathes at all,” Silver added pointedly.

“Hey!” Scootaloo protested. “We pegasi have the awesome ability to use clouds for cleaning ourselves. Not that you’ll ever know.” Scootaloo looked over at her friends, whose backs were also devoid of wings. “No offense.”

Sweetie shook her head. “None taken.”

Rainbow Dash decided that she had had enough. She flopped over as if asleep again, letting out a quiet snore and letting her tail fall down just in view of the fillies, and if she knew Scootaloo...

“Rainbow Dash!”

Eeyup. Right as planned.

Rainbow Dash rolled over and slammed her hooves against the cloud as she ‘tried’ to ‘force’ herself to sit up, as if just awoken. “Wha’?” she slurred. “Scootaloo? That you?”

But that slam had done exactly what she wanted. A brief cascade of rain splashed to the ground--covering Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon with water and sending the crusaders into gales of laughter.

Rainbow still played ignorant. “Wha’s so funny?” she demanded. “Did Pinkie prank me or something? Did she draw on my face?”

“Nope! There n- nothing!” Scootaloo replied, trying hard to suppress her laughter.

Rainbow turned and watched as two soaking wet fillies ran away, too distressed to even deliver a parting shot.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

Applejack walked into her room and shut the door. Turning around, she was surprised and yet not to see a cyan pegasus sitting on her bed, smiling widely.

“Hey, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, walking up and giving her a kiss on the cheek. It tasted slightly salty from Applejack’s sweat, and that was perfectly fine with Rainbow.

“Hey, Rainbow,” Applejack said, closing her eyes as Rainbow’s lips brushed her cheek. “What brings you around here?”

“What, can I not come see the awesomest earth pony in Equestria for no reason?” Rainbow teased.

“It’s not that you can’t; it’s just that you never do.”

“Why, Applejack!” Rainbow said, pressing her hoof to her chest in a passable impression of Rarity’s mannerisms. “I’m shocked and deeply offended! I am here from the goodness of mine heart and no other reason whithersoever!”

“And it ain’t because ya heard Apple Bloom sayin’ that we were openin’ a cask of cider tonight?”

Rainbow did a double take, and her eyes widened. “There’s cider?” she asked, starting to drool ever so slightly.

Applejack hesitated. “You mean you didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t. I was here to try and walk in on you in the shower. I didn’t know there’d be cider.”

Applejack sighed, but a smile played at her lips. “Well, Ah guess Ah can’t but invite you down for a mug or two now, huh?”

“Hopefully two,” Rainbow Dash suggested. “Or more.”

“But after Ah’m showered,” Applejack said, turning to walk into the bathroom connected to her room.

Rainbow Dash smiled and followed... only to run into Applejack’s hoof.

“Not now, Rainbow.”

Rainbow visibly wilted. “But we had so much fun this morning...” she protested.

“We did,” Applejack agreed. “And we had a witness. Apple Bloom was timing our shower.”

“Huh,” Rainbow said. “That explains their conversation this afternoon.” She paused. “Maybe round three wasn’t such a good idea, after all...”

Applejack shrugged.

“So I take it round four isn’t happening?”

Applejack laughed lightly, shook her head, and continued into the bathroom.

Rainbow Dash trotted back to the bed and jumped on top of the covers. She lay back, splaying out her limbs on Applejack’s bed. She sighed contentedly. Things weren’t all bad. The promise of cider still rang in her ears, and since there was never cider before dinner, she'd most likely get fed as well. There was only one way this could be better: if there was another pony laying next to her on the bed. Like an orange earth pony. With green eyes. One that knew exactly how Rainbow liked her wings massaged. One that had the sweetest accent. One that bit her lip so cutely whenever Rainbow caressed her.

A sudden weight landed on the bed, and Rainbow smiled, convinced that her fantasies were about to become reality. She opened her eyes slowly, in an attempt to be seductive, but squealed and flopped off the bed as her vision was unexpectedly filled with a yellow filly with orange eyes, a red mane and an enormous bow.

“Hiya, Rainbow!” she said brightly.

“You have got to stop doing that,” Rainbow grumbled, pushing herself up back onto the bed.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Apple Bloom asked.

"What are you doing here?" Rainbow challenged. "Aren't you supposed to be hanging out with your friends until nine or so?"

Apple Bloom hung her head. "Ah kindof got grounded fer settin' a fire in chemistry class..." She brightened quickly. "But that's ok, because Ah like it here, hangin' out with you and mah sister."

Now that just made Rainbow feel guilty for some reason. Probably because Apple Bloom had no idea what she and her sister actually did when they were hanging out. Or maybe because of what they would be doing were there no innocent eyes around.

"Ya still didn't answer my question, though," Apple Bloom said.

Rainbow scuffed a hoof against her chest. “I heard a little place called Sweet Apple Acres needed some more awesomeness, so I decided to volunteer. Don't worry, I won't charge.”

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Ah meant, why’re you here and not in the shower with Applejack? Weren’t you two all about savin’ water and such?”

Rainbow silently hoped that the shower would turn off and Applejack would come save her, but this did not happen.

Actually, that wasn’t all too surprising. Applejack often took long showers, as the hot water and steam did wonders for her muscles. Her beautiful toned muscles, that she would wash gently and leave soapy lather all along her legs, before allowing the flowing, steaming water to rinse it all off.

Rainbow knew this from personal experience.

Apple Bloom nodded again, gesturing her to continue. “Hm?” she prompted.

Rainbow snapped back to reality, and a still curious filly. “Uh... Sometimes it’s nice to let another pony shower by herself. We do that because we... uh...” ‘Because I like watching’ was the first thing to come to mind, but definitely the wrong answer here. “I don’t know, actually.”

"Does that mean me and mah sister should shower together?"

"No! No, no," Rainbow said a bit too quickly. "Probably not the best idea there."

"Why not?"

Never before had Rainbow been so upset by Applejack's long showers. "Uh..."

"How about me and you?"

Rainbow could quickly tell that this was going to go nowhere good and fast, so she switched tactics. “Do you actually care about saving water?”

Apple Bloom thought. “Not really,” she admitted. "It was just a project for class."

“Then let’s drop it. Isn’t there supposed to be cider tonight?”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Yep. I think so.”

"Good. That's what I thought. You probably better get some fast, or else I'll drink it all," Rainbow warned.

Her diversion worked. "That's what you think, featherhead," Apple Bloom retorted.

"Ground pounder."

"Chicken brain."

The two continued trading insults as they headed downstairs, towards glorious ciders and away from awkward conversations.

Though Rainbow Dash had a sinking feeling these awkward conversations had only just begun...

Interlude: The Night After "Sleepless in Ponyville"

It was a quiet night on Sweet Apple Acres. Although Applejack definitely enjoyed camping, there was just something special about sleeping in your own bed with your own blankets and with your very special somepony laying next to you.

At least, there usually was. But now, Rainbow Dash was still berating herself noisily, and Applejack found it difficult to sleep with the constant stream of words coming from her mouth.

"I can't believe how stupid I was," she repeated. "I mean, what, am I blind or something?"

"Rainbow, let it go," Applejack groaned. "You've been through this like four times."

"I mean, all this time all she wanted was a sister. I thought she had a creepy crush on me, but no. A sister. Just like you and Apple Bloom. Someone to love her no matter what she does or how many times she shows up at weird times." She paused. "In fact, I bet Apple Bloom is behind me right now!" Rainbow rolled over and pointed accusingly, but saw no little yellow filly. She paused, unsure if she should feel glad or disappointed.

"So you're bad with feelings and knowing what they mean. Ain't nothin' new," Applejack said dismissively.

"Yeah, I know, but... Wow, you know? This is a lot of responsibility."

"Ah wouldn't know," Applejack said in a voice laden with sarcasm. She pressed the pillow over her ears, but Rainbow either didn't notice or didn't care, as she continued talking.

"I mean, I gotta teach her how to fly, I gotta be there for all her activities, I gotta buy her ice cream just for fun, I gotta care for her, I gotta be there for her, I gotta protect her, there's a lot I have to do! I don't know how to deal with all of this. I mean, I know I can--I have plenty of awesomeness to spare, after all--but still, it's a lot to focus on."

"Too right. And you know what helps me focus? Sleep."

"How can I sleep at a time like this?" Rainbow asked incredulously. "I'm getting a new sister!"

"You had no trouble at all sleeping when you got a new marefriend," Applejack pointed out.

Rainbow paused. "In my defense, you're very comfortable to sleep with."

Applejack paused, waiting for her to finish.

"Also, sex with an earth pony is fairly tiring. You guys have a ton of stamina."

Aaaand there it was. Applejack sighed. "Look, Rainbow. The thing you can do to help Scootaloo most is to just be yourself. She doesn't love you because you're famous or because you look good; she loves you because you're you."

"That's why you love me too, right?"

"Eeyup. So stop worrying so much. Just be yourself and everything will be fine."

There was silence for a while, and Applejack had settled a bit deeper into the bed before...

"Do you ever think of all the different events you have to be there for?"

At this point, Applejack sighed and resigned herself to the fact that she would not be getting much sleep tonight at all, and legitimately thought about this question. "Yeah, sometimes. Do you?"

"Well, I do now," Rainbow answered. "Like, I'll have to be there when she graduates, you know? I'll have to be there for her flight test, for her first date..."

Applejack had a sudden vision of Rainbow Dash hiding in a cloud and following Scootaloo all throughout town. "Not stalking her, Ah hope?"

"Nah. I mean, you trusted Apple Bloom with Pipsqueak, right?"

"Yeah, but..." Applejack paused, thinking back to that first date. She blinked. "Yeah, Ah guess Ah did."

Rainbow gave her an affectionate nudge to the ribs. "See? You're a cool sister. I'm gonna be a cool sister, too."

Applejack blushed, and was grateful that the darkness hid her face.

Rainbow continued, "I'll have to be there for her flight test, for her graduation, ooh! For her prom!"

Applejack flinched. Prom... That would mean Apple Bloom would be going to prom, too. That would mean she was all grown up, and that was something she just couldn't comprehend.

Rainbow continued obliviously. "And I'll make sure that I tell the colt she goes with that if she gets hurt in any way, shape, or form, I'll chop his balls off with a rusty hacksaw."

"That's... oddly specific," Applejack said hesitantly. "And what if she takes another filly?"

Rainbow considered this. "Well, I'd... I'd..." Rainbow frowned. She was stumped. The cruelest thing she could think of doing to another mare was something she definitely didn't feel comfortable doing to anypony, and especially not to a young filly, so she really had no idea what she would do. "I'll think of something," she finally decided.

"Ah'm glad." Applejack managed to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, but just barely.

Rainbow gave Applejack a gentle nudge with her nose. "And she'll need to be there as my best mare."

"Not mare of honor?"

"Nah, that's only for the bride."

There was a pause as Applejack digested this.

"Rainbow?"

"What?"

"We're both brides, Rainbow."

"Yeah, but you know what I mean. That is, assuming we ever get that far," Rainbow grumbled and her voice trailed off.

Both fell silent, remembering the reason for that. The Wonderbolts had a strict policy that they didn't take already taken ponies, so they would have to stay marefriends for the duration, however long that would be.

"Stupid policy," Rainbow grumbled. She reached out, pulled Applejack close to her, and buried her face in Applejack's side.

Applejack stroked her mane gently. "It'll be fine. Once you get in, you can do whatever you want, right?"

Rainbow mumbled something about contracts and fine print and places they could be shoved.

Applejack continued, "Heck, you could even bring Scootaloo to your shows, in your dressing room, everything. And Ah'm assuming Ah'd be allowed too, right?"

"Can we please not talk about this?" Rainbow Dash pleaded. "Please?"

"Why not?"

"New topic."

Applejack shook her head. "That only works in pillow talk."

"This is pillow talk!"

"Can you still feel your wings?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow flexed her wings. "...yeah?"

"Then it ain't pillow talk. Why are you so defensive?"

"Why are you so nosy?" Rainbow retorted.

"It's only been your dream forever, you know, so Ah kindof figured you had a contingency plan."

"A what now?"

"Planning out what to do when that happens?"

Comprehension dawned on Rainbow's face. "Oh, a Twilight plan."

Applejack opened her mouth to protest, but then realized that that wasn't an entirely inaccurate translation.

"No, I don't."

Applejack looked over and frowned. "Do you even think about it?"

"I don't," Rainbow admitted. "I can't."

"Why not?" Applejack asked. This was a little bit important to her. After all, the Wonderbolts traveled a lot, and Rainbow would be leaving for months on end and leaving her alone, and she hadn't even thought about how to handle that? Applejack wasn't very happy with this revelation. After all, she had thought about it consistently.

Rainbow fell silent, and when she answered, it was in a tiny, quiet voice. "Because I don't know if I can."

"What?"

"I don't know if I can take it, ok?" Rainbow shouted. "I don't want to have to choose between what I was born to do and what I love to do! I love being with you and your family and apples and everything but I was meant to fly and fly fast and it's tearing me apart here, Applejack! And I can't think about what will happen when I become a Wonderbolt because I know you'll make me go because you want me to be happy but I still get nightmares about you falling in love with somepony else while I'm gone on tour and me coming home and you leaving me alone!"

Applejack froze. "I- is that so?"

"Yeah, it's so!" Rainbow snapped. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me except for my cutie mark, or maybe including my cutie mark, and the thought of losing you kills me, Applejack! I don't think about it--I can't think about it--because I don't know if I could take it if you left me. I really don't."

Applejack wanted to crack a joke or two about how Rainbow could probably move on, or find another flyer--maybe she even had a chance with Spitfire--but that was not what Rainbow needed right now. For all her bravado and rough exterior, she was just a lost filly who right now needed an anchor point, needed reassurance, needed somepony to love.

So Applejack provided. She pinned one of Rainbow's forelegs down under her own body to use as a ramp, and then rolled over on top of Rainbow, straddling her, pressing as much of her body against Rainbow's as possible to give her every physical reassurance she could. She nuzzled Rainbow's face as tightly as she could and reached up to whisper in her ear, "You have nothing to worry about. I'm right here and I have no intention of leaving." Applejack then reached out with her tongue and brought Rainbow's ear into her mouth and bit it gently, eliciting a quick gasp from the pegasus. "Ever," she finished.

Applejack could almost feel Rainbow relax beneath her. "Ever?"

"Ever," Applejack promised. "Ah would do anything for you."

"Even wait for me while I'm on tour for months at a time?"

That felt just like a long, thin knife going right through her heart. Months... months away from her favorite pegasus... What she wanted to do was to pin her down and not let her go until Rainbow promised that she would never leave her alone. But that would have been akin to Rainbow taking her up to Cloudsdale and away from her apple trees for the rest of her life, and that was something she just couldn't do to the pony she loved. So she went with the next best option. She gamely answered, "You betcha. Ah mean, it's not like you can travel here and back from every stop on your tours, right?"

Rainbow was silent underneath Applejack.

Applejack sat up and examined Rainbow's face, and her jaw dropped ever so slightly. "You were planning on that, weren't you?"

"Maybe?"

Applejack returned to her previous position. As much as she would have enjoyed that, she knew what she had to say. "Ah'm touched. Really, Ah am. But they say true love can overcome anything, and Ah think our love is true. So don't worry. No matter how long you're gone, Ah'll be here waitin' for you with a nice apple pie and a warm bed."

"And you're in that bed, right?"

Applejack couldn't hold back a giggle snort. That last remark indicated that Rainbow was back to her normal, Rainbowy self. She sat up and grinned. "Ah think that that can be arranged." And, since she was back to normal, she was open for some teasing, and that grin turned mischievous. "Ah dunno. If we do ever separate, Ah think you could have a chance with Spitfire."

"Nah. She's straight."

"She is?"

"Yeah." Rainbow paused. "I think. I'm ninety-seven point three percent sure she's straight."

By silent agreement, the two mares shuffled positions again until they were in their chosen positions--Applejack on her back, with one hoof wrapped around Rainbow, who rested her head on Applejack's chest with her body curled up closely. Sure, they usually woke up in completely different positions--sometimes not even on the bed anymore--but this was always where they started their nights.

There was a peaceful silence for a while, until Applejack broke it.

"Only one thing that's botherin' me a bit."

"What's that?"

"In all your nightmare thingies, why was it always me who left you? Why not the other way around?"

Rainbow Dash sat up, and even through the dim moonlight trailing in from the window, the look of confusion etched on her face was readily visible. "But Applejack," Rainbow said, sounding almost insulted at the very prospect, "I could never stop loving you. That'd be ridiculous. I would... I would cut off my wings before I'd stop loving you."

"Don't even talk like that," Applejack said sharply even as she flushed with... some intense feeling. It wasn't pride, it wasn't embarrassment... No. She knew this feeling.

This was true love.

The two mares lay in each other's forelegs for a few tender moments.

"Hey, Applejack?"

"Yes, Rainbow?"

"C- can we invoke the bedroom rule?"

"The 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom' rule?"

"Yeah, that rule."

Applejack grinned. "Scared for your reputation?"

"...maybe?"

Applejack laughed. "Sure. But on one condition."

"What?"

"Give me a bellyrub? At least until Ah fall asleep?"

Rainbow Dash grinned and happily obliged.

Author's Note

I was going to publish the chapter where AJ finally gets back at her brother, but then this chapter popped into my head and I realized that I did need to do some world building and reconcile early story canon with actual canon, especially Scootaloo's relationship with Rainbow Dash. That was another of those 'head canon updated without my permission' things from when I first joined the fandom. twentypercentcooler.net was the only image dump site I knew of, and I was browsing when someone linked an image in the comments of a nice Scootalove pic and didn't tag it NSFW and instead of more Scootalove I got my first r34 picture--an image of Scootaloo getting herself off to a framed picture of Rainbow Dash, and that screwed my headcanon up for a long time. So tag your stuff, peoples.

That Time You Get Back at Your Brother

It’s funny how related seemingly unrelated occurrences are. For example, earlier in the morning while Rainbow Dash and Applejack were cuddling together on her bed, Big Mac walked through the hall, looking as though he were exhausted, as if he’d been up all night. Then, at dinner...

“How was school, Apple Bloom?” Applejack asked.

“Pretty good,” Apple Bloom replied. “But Miss Cheerilee looked really tired today. Almost like she’d been up all night.”

Big Mac flinched ever so slightly, and had Applejack not been looking that way to grab the salt, she would have missed it. But he had indeed reacted.

Applejack brought this up later that night as she and Rainbow cuddled on her bed.

“You don't think... Nah. There's no way.”

“What?”

“That Big Mac is with Cheerilee?” Applejack suggested.

“It’s possible,” Rainbow nodded. “But I doubt it. After the Trio was done with them? I bet they couldn’t look each other in the eyes for days.”

“Yeah, but what if it is?” Applejack wondered.

Rainbow reached up and gave Applejack a gentle kiss on the tip of her muzzle. “Then she's lucky, because the Apples are phenomenal in bed.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “One day. Just one day without a sexual joke. One day, is that too much to ask?”

Rainbow Dash looked up at Applejack’s hat, perched on her head. She had learned that she could never take the hat, but it could be given to her if the moment was right. “In my defense, you started it.”

This was true. “Ah guess Ah did. Either way, we’ll find out eventually.”

And then the conversation switched to the new caramel apples Bon Bon had been selling, and the conversation was forgotten.

* * *

Almost two weeks later, two ponies lay sprawled out in the upper loft of the barn, panting slightly. Rainbow crossed her forelegs behind her head as she caught her breath. She tried to look calm, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders Fighting Kitists (more accurately, kite fighters) had nearly exposed them when one of their hoofmade kites had gone out of control and flown right through the window, and she was still jumpy. “She’s going to catch us one of these days," she said.

"New topic."

"Apple Bloom is growing up to be a pretty mare. Not as pretty as her sister, thou-"

Applejack gave Rainbow a quick whack upside the head. "New topic means new topic, Rainbow. That means no more talking about my sister."

Rainbow sighed, thinking hard to find a new topic. "Zap apples are coming soon," she started.

"Eeyup. And the harvest will prolly be the biggest yet."

"You ever try making zap apple cider?"

Applejack grinned. "Eeyup."

"What's that like?" Rainbow asked, trying hard to sound innocent.

"Well, it's light, tasty, and quite filling. It's bubbly and tickles all the way down."

Rainbow wiped the drool off her mouth. "Why don't you make it, then?"

"It has some... side effects."

"Like what?"

Applejack grinned. "New topic."

Rainbow threw her hooves in the air. "Oh, come on! Now I'm curious!"

Applejack pulled the brim of her hat down to cover her eyes. "Ah ain't exactly comfortable talkin' about it."

"Please?"

"No. New topic."

"Wanna go again?"

Applejack snorted. "You gotta earn round three. Ah ain't feeling it at all right now."

"Hmm... I've been practicing cloud bonsai."

"You mean making shapes with clouds?"

"Yeah."

"Show me."

Rainbow stood up, stretched, and flew out the hayloft window, leaving behind a rainbow contrail and the smell of sweaty pegasus.

Applejack flinched. Maybe she should have asked that Rainbow cleaned up a bit first. She hoped that the pegasus wouldn't run into anypony else.

Rainbow didn't return quickly, and right as Applejack was beginning to worry, Rainbow returned. She was holding a cloud that was shaped like a little pony and looked suspiciously like...

"Is that me?" Applejack asked, slowly extending a hoof to prod it.

Rainbow shrugged. “Nope, it's the sexiest pony in Equestria.” She paused. “Which just so happens to be you.”

"That's... sweet," Applejack said, greatly impressed.

"Wait til you see what I can do with vapor," Rainbow promised. "Next time we're in the shower, I'll show you how I make letters."

"Letters?"

"Yeah. I'll spell out something really sappy and stuff, and it'll disappear soon and nopony will know."

Applejack chuckled. Typical Rainbow.

"And cloud clothes. I bet you’ve never seen me in a cloud saddle."

"Is that an offer?"

Rainbow licked her lips. "Are you taking it as one?"

"Maybe it is. And maybe Ah wanna see you in one now."

Rainbow couldn't suppress a laugh. "Awesome. Grab on."

* * *

A few days later, Rainbow Dash stretched as she awoke to the sound of a shower running and a warm earth pony shaped dent in the bed next to her. She grinned. Applejack was in the shower, obviously, and if that wasn’t an invitation for Rainbow to come show her another cloud saddle design, then nothing was. This last design had come in a dream, and it was sure to please. At least, she thought it would; but she only had one way to find out. She quickly flared her wings and flew out the window. Soon, she returned, wearing what was probably the most provocative cloudwear known to ponykind.

Smiling deviously, she pushed the bathroom door open and strutted inside.

* * *

Applejack was stacking pancakes in the kitchen when she heard what could only be called a blood-curdling scream, and it sounded a lot like Rainbow Dash. Dropping the spatula, she sprinted back upstairs, where she found Rainbow Dash quaking under the covers.

“What’s’a matter, Rainbow?” Applejack asked. Now that she knew that Rainbow Dash wasn’t lying in a pool of her own blood, she was able to smile--and have a little fun at her marefriend’s expense. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“No,” Rainbow gasped. “Worse.”

“Worse how?”

“Your brother is in your shower.”

Applejack laughed. “Ah’m guessin’ you didn’t see my note, then.” She pointed to a piece of paper sitting on the little table next to her bed.

“‘Water pipe busted, family using my shower so watch out’,” Rainbow read. “How come I didn’t see that before?” She sat up a bit, revealing her outfit (and just how revealing that outfit was).

Applejack chuckled. “Because you were too busy tryin’ to surprise me in the shower?”

Rainbow Dash whimpered and pulled the pillow over her head. “Please, no! No more talking about showers!”

Applejack frowned, greatly concerned now. After all, after atop clouds, the shower was Rainbow Dash's favorite location. “What happened?”

“Your brother... he was... uh... He was thinking of his special somepony.”

“And what makes you so sure of that?” Applejack asked, with a hint of excitement. “Did you catch a name?”

“I caught a lot more than I wanted to.”

Applejack cocked her head. “What does that even mean? We’re naked all the time. It couldn't've been that awkward.”

“This time it was,” Rainbow insisted.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah’m sure.”

Rainbow Dash rolled over and sat up, leaning back, flaring her wings, and spreading her rear legs. She dropped a hoof provocatively close to her marehood. “He was doing this, but stallion style! Yes, it was awkward!"

Applejack was taken aback. At first, she felt disgust. After all, that was her shower. Then again, that hadn’t been the first time that shower had seen that kind of bodily fluid, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Experimentation had showed Applejack that the shower was indeed self-cleaning, and so she then didn’t worry about it.

“It’s nothin’ t’ worry about. Though now Ah feel a bit bad for him.”

“Bad for him?” Rainbow spluttered, rolling forward onto her stomach. “Bad for me! I’m the one whose brain will never be the same! I might need therapy!”

“Therapy?” Applejack asked flatly.

Rainbow dove off the bed and landed on her back right underneath Applejack, where she got a good view of the earth pony’s flat, smooth undercarriage. She licked her lips and stretched up a hoof for a gentle touch. “Ah, yeah. I’m feeling better already,” she said.

Applejack rolled her eyes and took a step to the side, ending Rainbow’s ‘therapy’. “Look, he’s prolly gonna be embarrassed all the rest of this week.” Her voice hardened. “This has gone on long enough. We’re gonna find out who his special somepony is and get them together.”

“And if we haven’t figured it out so far, what makes you think we’ll get it now?” Rainbow asked, still mildly disappointed about her show ending.

“Because Ah’m callin’ in backup.” She threw back her head and called out, “Apple Bloom!”

“No need t’ shout, sis; Ah’m right here.”

Applejack spun around to see Apple Bloom standing behind her, eyes wide and innocent.

“What didja see? How long’ve you been there?” Applejack demanded.

Apple Bloom shrugged and said, “Mm-mm mmm,” to the cadence of “I don’t know.”

Applejack shook her head. “Fine. Look, Ah need you to help us figure out who Big Mac’s special somepony is, or who he wants as his special somepony.”

Apple Bloom cocked her head. “Will that get me mah cutie mark?” she asked.

“Prolly not,” Applejack admitted, “But it will make your brother a lot happier.”

“And make you two bits richer,” Rainbow added.

That offer did wonders to improve Apple Bloom’s attitude. “Ok, what do y’all need?”

“Think like Big Mac. If you had a special somepony, what would you do?”

“Show her the apple trees, show off mah muscles, give her rides, that kind of thing.”

Applejack nodded, trying to remain patient. “That’s great. How would you tell her?”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “Ah’d just go an’ tell her.” She put on a deep voice. “Ah’m Big Macintosh, and Ah love you.” She grinned. “Like that.”

Everything was always simpler to a filly, wasn't it? “And what if you couldn’t?” Applejack prompted. “Like you were too shy or something?”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t suppress a smile. She had been brave. She had proudly admitted her love to Applejack’s face. And that was her story and she was sticking to it.

Apple Bloom thought for a moment. “Ah’d write it in mah journal,” she answered finally.

“Big Mac has a journal?” Applejack asked, finding the first relevant piece of information thus far in the conversation.

“Yeah. Keeps it under his bed next to th’ Wet Feathers magazine he bought on his 18th birthday.”

Applejack frowned, but Rainbow Dash grinned. Everypony was a little bit pegasexual, whether they admitted it or not. And in Mac’s defense, that was one of the cleaner magazines, with more images of mares in tight saddles and with wet manes than actual hardcore sex.

She knew. She, too, owned a few editions.

“All right. Go get it, if’n you know where it is.”

Apple Bloom scampered off, and quickly returned with a book, bound in a red material. It was obviously old, but the absence of rips and tears along the cover indicated that it was well taken care of.

“It’s locked,” Apple Bloom said as she gave it to Applejack. Sure enough, there was a three digit locking mechanism holding the covers shut.

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Applejack said, examining the brass lock. It was a combination lock, just a three-number one. Nothing too complicated.

“But Ah think Ah found one,” Apple Bloom said.

“What’s that?”

“It kindof smells like smoke.”

Applejack’s eyes widened. She’d forgotten the pancakes. “Oh, horseapples!” she swore, sprinting downstairs, with Apple Bloom quickly following to ensure that she would get some kind of breakfast this morning.

Rainbow Dash examined the journal, and began flipping the numbers randomly, as if hoping that something would happen.

And something did happen when she flipped the numbers to read 626, but not what she wanted.

Instead of the book opening, the shower turned off.

Rainbow froze for a split second. She had no desire to see Big Mac again this morning, and certainly not while she was holding his private journal, and remedied this by flying out the window yet again.

* * *

A little after lunchtime, Applejack was out working in the orchards when Rainbow Dash flew down and landed right behind her.

“I got it open!” she cheered.

Applejack jumped. “Rainbow! Where did you go? Ah haven’t seen you all morning.”

“Oh, I left. I didn’t want it to be too awkward. And I wanted to get this thing open.”

“Ya missed breakfast and lunch. Mac’s feelin’ real guilty. He won’t say nothin’, but he feels bad.” Applejack looked at the opening combination and grinned. “Well, yeah. That’d make sense. That’s his birthdate.”

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding. You knew the combination? I spent all morning trying to get it open and you knew it already?”

Applejack defended herself, “Ah didn’t know, but Ah would have guessed. And Ah certainly didn’t tell you to fly off. So what’s it say?”

“I don’t know. I figured we should open it together.”

Applejack agreed, even if she thought this offer was more for Rainbow’s personal protection (so she wouldn't be the only one responsible) than as a sign of trust and closeness. They flopped down together in the shade of a tree and Rainbow placed the journal in front of them.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Stretching out a hoof, Rainbow Dash flipped the cover open.

Rainbow had half expected to see tiny writing and long, wordy sentences. Instead, what she saw shocked the both of them. Mac’s journal was full of pictures. They were not extravagantly detailed, but they were carefully done, and Applejack could decipher them instantly. This first image had a drawing of a tree, and a depiction of Applejack kicking it while an injured Macintosh stood watching. She was surrounded by bushels and bushels of apples. Topping off the drawing was a large checkmark.

“This is when you did the whole orchard,” Rainbow said, quickly comprehending as well. "Back when he got hurt."

“Yeah,” Applejack said, feeling quite touched that Big Mac would have included this. She flipped forward a few pages and saw a picture of herself, wearing her gala dress. Her jaw dropped.

“Whoa,” Rainbow breathed, bringing a reverent hoof up to touch the page. “He even got the braids in your tail right.”

Applejack nodded, feeling a lump form in her throat. She wasn’t sure if it was because her brother cared enough about her to put it in his journal, or because she was going through that private property.

“Let’s just skip to the end,” Applejack said.

Rainbow nodded and lifted a hoof, flipping to the end of the book. Applejack saw more trees, more apples, various stallions with cutie marks that she didn’t recognize, various mares she didn’t recognize...

And then the journal became filled with the same motif: Three smiling flowers. It was doodled in the margins next to other entries, it was sketched on a full-page spread, it was even drawn in conjugation with a large apple, textured to look as if it were carved on the trunk of a tree.

And then the images changed. Mac and Cheerilee, with a big X drawn between them. Cheerilee with a graduation hat while Mac wore a pointed dunce hat in the corner on a stool. Cheerilee happily teaching in front of a chalkboard while Mac looked on with question marks in his eyes. And then one heartbroken phrase, penned in shaky writing more akin to a third grader’s than a grown stallion.

‘It would never work’.

“Well,” Rainbow said eventually. “Now we know that he likes Cheerilee, and that he thinks he’s got no chance with her. But we also know that Cheerilee likes Mac, and probably thinks she has no chance with him.” She looked at Applejack. “AJ, we gotta fix this! For Mac, Cheerilee, and my sanity!”

Applejack snorted as she shut the journal and relocked it. “Ah’m sure he’ll be lockin’ the door from now on anyway. So how should we do this?”

“Ok, I can’t believe it’s me saying this, but... tell him the truth,” Rainbow suggested.

“That Ah snooped around, found out Cheerilee likes him, had our sister steal his journal and mah marefriend pick the lock just to find out who he wanted as his special somepony in his life, and then when Ah found out they were one and the same Ah had the audacity to meddle in his life to get them together?”

Rainbow frowned. “Well, anything sounds bad when you say it in that tone of voice,” she said. “I just meant talk to him over some cider or something, bring up what Cheerilee said, and ask him if she’s his special somepony, or if he wants her to be.”

“Obviously, he’s going to say yes. Then what? Drag his flank down to the schoolhouse to make him say it to her face? Ah got a better chance of roping and dragging a tornado."

“Leave that part to me.” Rainbow grinned deviously. “There’s this part in Daring Do and the Search for the Kingdom of the Fluffy Ponies that I’ve always wanted to try.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Daring Do is fiction, Rainbow.”

Rainbow shoved her hooves over her ears. “La la la I can’t hear you! And I don’t care! Some things she does totally work!”

Applejack snorted. “Whatever you say, Rainbow.”

Rainbow shook her head as she turned and flared her wings in preparation to take off. “Just make sure Mac’s in the barn tonight at eight thirty, and make sure Apple Bloom is doing something with her friends.”

“That’s... oddly specific.”

“She shows up at the weirdest times!” Rainbow protested. “I’m pretty sure she’ll find a way to show up at a really awkward moment unless she’s doing something else far from here.”

Applejack opened her mouth to protest... and then realized that Rainbow Dash was quite right. “Ah’ll see what Ah can do.”

* * *

Macintosh walked into the barn right as Applejack popped the bung out of a barrel of cider. He raised an eyebrow. “What’s the occasion?” he asked, casting a critical eye over the table that she had dragged to the center of the barn. It was complete with tablecloth and two clean mugs. Heck, there was even a little candle on top. Everything about this stroked his mane the wrong way, and he was briefly tempted to flee out of the barn.

“What?” Applejack asked innocently. “Can’t Ah just spend a little time with my older brother? Let the older siblings have some fun together while Apple Bloom’s having fun with her friends?”

As it turns out, Apple Bloom was not having very much fun at that moment at all. It was readily apparent that becoming Cutie Mark Crusaders Card Sharks was not happening in the foreseeable future. At least, not for her, anyway. Sweetie Belle, on the other hoof, could barely see over the pile of cookies in front of her, and Scootaloo had elected to just eat half her share instead of betting with them. That might actually have been the wisest course of action.

Big Mac gave her a steely glare, and Applejack wilted. "You're a terrible liar. What're you really doin'?" he asked.

"Ok, ok, Ah had a few questions."

Mac sat down and pulled one of the mugs closer to him. "So, 'Deputy Applejack', what's on yer mind?"

"Ah was talking to Cheerilee and she said to tell you hi."

Mac's eyebrow flicked up, but he quickly pulled his usual flat expression back onto his face. "Is'at so."

"She seemed a bit disappointed that it was me and not you looking for her."

"Mmm."

"Is she your special somepony?"

Big Mac shook his head.

Applejack felt a cold chill run up her spine. "Do you want her to be?"

Mac tried to keep a straight face... and failed. "Why?"

"You're just as bad a liar as me," Applejack grinned. "Cheerilee, huh?"

"Eeyup."

"But you ain't special someponies," Applejack said. "So what were you two doin' a couple days ago, when you two were up all night?"

"Stuff."

Applejack gave him a playful nudge. "You mean like private alone time stuff?"

Mac coughed on his drink. "N- nope," he answered when he was able to again. “As much as Ah’d like that, that ain’t what we were up to. She was helpin’ me edit my novel and we both lost track of time.”

The fact that Big Mac was indeed capable of speaking long sentences was overridden by a single detail. “You write?” Applejack asked.

Mac raised an eyebrow. “And have for some time now. What do you think I've been doing in the basement for so long?”

“Oh,” Applejack said. “Ah just thought because... uh...” She had been about to mention the journal when she realized just how inappropriate that was. Heck, she didn’t even remember if Rainbow had remembered to put it back yet or not.

“Because you looked in mah journal and saw nothin’ but pictures?”

Applejack turned about the color of her cutie mark. “Ah... Ah c’n explain...”

Big Mac chuckled as he refilled his mug. “That’s because way back when, afore Ah could write, Ah drew, and guess Ah just kept the habit as Ah grew up. And Ah knew you’d taken it because Ah always change the lock to show today’s date so Ah don’t ferget to write in it. And Ah ain’t mad. If’n Ah wanted it hidden completely, Ah would have. Ah mean, you haven’t found my novel yet or anythin’.”

Applejack thought rapidly. “Is your novel underneath that one loose brick in the basement fireplace?”

Mac scowled. “Lucky guess.”

“Anyway,” Applejack said, trying to pull the conversation back under her control. “Cheerilee. Why her?”

Had Applejack been asked that question about Rainbow Dash, she could have come up with a long list of things. Mac was no different. “She's perfect. She listens. She knows what she’s doin’. She’s great with foals. You’ve seen how much Apple Bloom trusts her.”

Applejack nodded.

Mac continued, “She listens to my ideas and she talks with me like Ah’m a regular pony. She doesn't judge me fer droppin’ out; she thinks I’m smart and she’s willin’ to help me write. Ah can’t count how many mistakes she’s caught or things she’s made better. She's a beautiful color, a strong earth pony. And I'd love to show her. I'd love to take her into the south orchard and show her how I feel.”

Applejack nodded. The south orchard had been planted so there was an open circle of meadow in the middle right around a pond. It was fairly hidden from view, and a great place to go if you wanted to be undisturbed. Applejack wasn't sure, but she was fairly certain that all three siblings had been conceived there.

Needless to say, she and Rainbow Dash had used that orchard fairly often.

“You want her,” Applejack surmised.

Big Mac snorted as he took a drink. “Eeyup.”

Applejack grinned mischievously, and Big Mac would not have been surprised to see little horns sprout on top of her head. "Ah know that feeling. Pull her mane, tug her tail, taste her flavor, that sort of thing.” She snickered. “And then you rut her against a tree so hard and make her cum so many times that she can't see straight anymore and her throat’s sore from yellin’ your name.”

Big Mac flinched. “That’s... graphic, but yeah. Ah just don't want to force her into a physical relationship if she isn't ready for that.” He drank again, finishing his mug. “Ah don’t want to force her into any relationship,” he corrected himself. “She deserves better than that.” He snorted. "And she deserves better than me. She’s everythin’ Ah’m not. Ah dunno if she even feels the same way about me."

"She totally does," Applejack smirked. “Not every mare will stay up all night readin’ with somepony she don’t care about, and decipherin’ your writing is a labor of love itself. So why haven't you asked her out yet?"

Big Mac shrugged.

Applejack grinned cheekily. "She likes you, you like her, Ah'm not seeing the problem."

Mac downed the rest of his drink. "Course ya don't. You're not me. She’s an amazin’ pony, and Ah think she deserves better than me. Ah don’t want to have mah heart broken for the rest of my life, and Ah’d hate to trap her in a relationship if’n she could do better.”

“She can’t. You’re the best, Mac. You really are.”

Macintosh grunted, not entirely convinced.

“You really think she’s the one.” Applejack didn’t even have to phrase it as a question.

Mac looked despondently into his once-again empty mug. “Eeyup.”

“I suppose there's one way to find out.” Applejack pointed up to the hayloft behind Big Mac. “Why don’tcha ask her yourself?”

He turned and saw Cheerilee standing there up in the hayloft, flanked by a grinning Rainbow Dash. Cheerilee’s eyes were wide, her mouth was open, her ears were perked in an attitude of shock. She had obviously been standing there for some time. Her hindquarters were affected, too, with her rear legs spread ever so slightly wider than normal and her thick purple tail raised slightly higher than usual.

She didn’t even have to say anything. Her body language said it all.

Big Mac turned back to the table, reached out, and calmly picked up and drank the rest of Applejack's cider in one shot. At least, he looked calm; but Applejack could see how his forehooves trembled.

Applejack laughed as she pulled out another clean mug for Cheerilee and took hers away. "That's payback for that time in the barn." She leaned in close, sharing the mantra that had helped her throughout her own relationship.

"Remember: awkward, but worth it."

Big Mac nodded shakily as he watched Rainbow gently carry Cheerilee down and set her on the ground floor. "Eeyup."

Applejack laughed again and swatted Cheerilee's flank with her tail as she walked out. "You two have fun now, y’hear? Cider’s nice and cold."

As they walked away, Cheerilee managed to speak. “You really feel that way about me?”

“E- eeyup.”

Rainbow closed the barn door silently, as to not interrupt them. As she did so, she heard one last phrase.

“So... a- against a tree?”

Fighting to restrain her laughter, Rainbow Dash scurried to catch up to Applejack.

“You know,” she said, resting a wing over Applejack's back, “I think we did good today.”

“Eeyup,” Applejack agreed.

There was a pause.

“Hey, Rainbow?”

“What?”

“Let’s sleep on Big Mac's bed tonight," Applejack suggested gleefully.

Rainbow grinned, but them her face fell. “Won't he be annoyed?”

Applejack laughed. “Like he’s coming inside tonight.”

Rainbow lifted a hoof, but then realized that she wouldn't have come inside either.

Heh... Hopefully Mac had more luck at his first time than they had.

* * *

Rainbow Dash stretched out and sprawled across the huge bed. “This is almost as nice as a cloud,” she whispered. “I could get used to this.”

“Don’t,” Applejack said, setting her hat on the nightstand and crawling into bed next to her. “This is prolly just a one-time thing.”

“Then I guess we’d better make the most of this, huh?” Rainbow grinned.

Applejack chuckled... and then frowned. “Ah ain’t havin’ sex on my brother’s bed. That’s just weird.”

“It’s just a bed,” Rainbow groaned, but placed her head on Applejack’s chest anyway. “That’s fine. Good night, Applejack.”

“Good night, Rainbow.”

The two lay snuggled together for a while. Applejack counted to thirty before bringing a hoof up to slap her forehead in exaggerated shock. “Oh, horseapples! Ah almost forgot.”

Rainbow jumped. “What?” she asked.

Applejack leaned down and put her forehead against Rainbow’s. Rainbow could feel Applejack’s warm breath on her lips and swallowed nervously.

“Ah never said thank you for helpin’ my brother.”

“It... It was my pleasure,” Rainbow said, feeling a little blush appear on her cheeks..

“Then what’s this, I wonder?” And Applejack pulled Rainbow into a deep kiss.

Rainbow’s wings spread, lifting the sheets. Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt her mouth being invaded by Applejack’s tongue. She found herself having trouble thinking again, like she always did when making out with Applejack. Normally, she could fight back, but when she was taken by surprise like that, sometimes it was all she could do to stay focused.

When Applejack pulled back to catch her breath, Rainbow Dash (once she had caught hers) had to ask. “Wh- what are you doing?”

“Use your imagination,” Applejack said.

“But what about, you know...?”

“On second thought, it really is just a bed.” Applejack grinned and rolled over to grab her hat off the nightstand... and saw a sight she really hadn’t expected to see.

“Gah! Apple Bloom!”

Rainbow Dash popped her head up and, sure enough, there stood Apple Bloom, rubbing her tired eyes with a hoof.

“What are you doin’ here?” Applejack asked, more confused than angry.

“Had a nightmare,” Apple Bloom answered, “and Ah usually come sleep with Big Mac when Ah do.” Her eyes widened and her lower lip trembled as she pleaded, “C’n Ah sleep with you tonight?”

Rainbow grumbled, annoyed at the intrusion. “Thought you were a big po- ow!” But that was as far as she got, because Applejack turned and popped her a good one on the nose, knocking her out of the bed.

She turned back to Apple Bloom and stretched out a hoof. “Of course ya can. C’mere.”

Apple Bloom hopped up and landed on the bed, quickly scurried under the covers, pressed herself back up against Applejack’s stomach, and was fast asleep before Rainbow Dash had even picked herself up from off the floor. Rainbow tried and failed to restrain a smile.

“It’s a good thing she’s so adorable,” Rainbow said softly as she too climbed back into the bed. She kept her distance from Apple Bloom, making sure the filly wouldn't wake up smashed and suffocated against her chest, but she reached out and lay a foreleg across her and rested it on Applejack’s side. Applejack responded by flicking her tail over and wrapping it around Rainbow’s.

And all in all it was a good night.

Author's Note

Careful what you comment... :derpytongue2:

Double standards are funny. Usually, I hesitate reading any chapter over five thousand words. This chapter was over five thousand words. Ah well.
So Cheerilee has a in-story canon reason for not asking Mac, but it didn't fit in anywhere. It will probably come up later.

That Time You Discover That "Out of the mouths of foals" Isn't Just a Saying

Applejack sat at the table, staring blankly at a little packet of paper that lay in front of her. She had read it and reread it, and still wasn't sure what to do about it.

She flinched when the door burst open, and she quickly tried to hide the stack of papers under her body. She relaxed a bit when the entering pony came into view, but not much.

Mac nodded in greeting, and turned to get himself a drink.

“Mac, Ah think you should see this,” Applejack said.

Mac paused, decided that his sister’s concern was of higher priority than his glass of water, and turned back towards the table. He cocked his head, wordlessly asking what she had.

In response, she slid the paper over. Mac examined the disjointed writing and frowned. "Looks like one of Apple Bloom's school projects,” he said. “What's this have to do with..." His eyes widened as he read the title. "'Culture of Violence: A Treatise by Sweetie Belle (Rough Draft)'? What kind of assignment is this?"

"Cheerilee sent it over. Just read it," Applejack said.

Mac pulled it closer and began to read. Had he tried to read this a month ago, his reading level would have been right on target with this assignment, thanks to his having dropped out of school as a colt. Of course, with Cheerilee on his side, he was improving daily, and he read the paper quickly and efficiently.

Unfortunately.

We live in a peacefull society. Crime is low and we have had no lasting wars recently. But all is not write in Equestria. Ponies still live in fear. Violence abounds within our vary borders; even within Ponyville’s streets.

Mac looked up and gave Applejack a strange look.

She gave him a wry grin. “Oh, it’s just gettin’ started.”

Some of these violence sources are from the least likely places, including our own family.

Mac looked up, confusion splayed across his face. “She talkin’ about Rarity?” Rarity was many things, but 'violent' is not an adjective he would have used to describe her.

“Keep readin’.”

And family includes special someponies. One source who wishes to remain ~~anonimus~~ ~~anonymus~~ unnamed said that she has heard strange noises coming from her sister’s bedroom and they sounded painful.

Big Mac looked over at Applejack and just smirked.

Applejack looked back flatly. “Keep readin’, and it’ll wipe that grin right off your face.”

We are worried that they have messed with thier minds. Our source said she talked to ~~Miss Ch~~ ~~Ma~~ her brother’s marefriend and when questioned on their relationship, she said she had never been happier. But the night before, our source indikates that she had been calling out ~~from the ba~~ in the middle of the night in pain, and her brother was ignoring her please to stop.

Mac’s jaw dropped. He worked his mouth trying to say something, anything, but nothing came out. And now it was Applejack’s turn to smirk.

Finally, he managed to speak. "Ah guess Ah'm glad Cheerilee brought this up," he said unsteadily.

“Reckon at the least, it’ll teach us t’ be more careful.” She paused. “You weren’t... actually goin’ on after she asked you to stop, were you?”

Mac thought back to the last time he and Cheerilee had... er... ‘taken a break from studying’ in the upper loft of the barn.

* * *

“No, Mac! No! NO! Don’t you dare! Don’t you even think about it! You finish inside, you hear me? Inside! Inside, or I’m giving you detent-aaiiiii! Ahhh... ohhhh... heh... ngh... Oh, thank you, Mac... I needed that. By Celestia, I needed that...”

* * *

“Nope.”

“Ah didn’t think so.” She gestured to the paper. “But Ah’m not entirely sure how we can tell the Trio about that, if we even should.”

“Nope.” Mac spoke firmly. He had absolutely no intention of letting his sister know what he and her teacher were getting up to. Much of it was good, clean, learning fun. Most, but not all. And Apple Bloom really was so innocent in this regard that Mac really didn’t want to corrupt her. Not that she was ignorant of sex, of course; but there’s a huge difference between knowing animals do it and knowing your brother is doing it with your teacher, both of which you see every day, sometimes in the very house you’re in and once on the couch you’re currently sitting on. He intended to let her stay innocent for as long as she could.

Too bad he couldn’t say the same for Rainbow Dash. Just last week, Apple Bloom commented on what a good mood Cheerilee had been in all day; and Rainbow, who had seen them enter the barn as she moved the clouds early that morning, cough/laughed so hard that apple juice came out her nose and she had to excuse herself from the table.

“But wait. It gets better.”

“Ah don’t think Ah want to read anymore,” Mac said softly, taking a step back. He felt hurt that anyone could think that he could hurt Cheerilee, and certainly didn’t want his younger sister thinking he was a bully. But when correcting that came at the cost of corrupting his younger sister? He needed time to think about what to do.

Applejack rolled her eyes, but slid the papers back together. “Fine, ya big baby. Ah guess the only question now is, what do we do?”

“Ah’m thinkin’,” Mac said impatiently.

Suddenly, the door opened. "Anypony home?"

“Think fast, Mac, that’s Apple Bloom!” Applejack hissed, covering the papers with her body. Then, realizing that that looked suspicious, proceeded to shove them under her seat cushion. She looked up to see what Mac was doing, and found the kitchen completely empty.

For such a big pony, Mac could really book it when he needed to.

“Oh, horseapples,” Applejack swore silently.

“Hey, AJ?” Apple Bloom poked her head in and smiled when she saw her sister at the table. “Ah’m glad you’re here. C’n Ah ask you a question?”

Applejack hoped her smile looked convincing. “‘Course ya can, Apple Bloom! What’s troublin’ ya?”

“Cheerilee laughed at me,” Apple Bloom said, walking up and resting her head on Applejack’s chest.

“She did, did she?” Applejack asked, pulling her sister close and making a mental note to have Rainbow stash a few storm clouds nearby to interrupt Mac’s next little tryst in the barn.

“Yeah. All Ah said was, ‘if’n Mac’s hurtin’ ya, ya need t’ tell somepony’. She told us the same thing! If somepony's hurtin' you, ya tell someone. So why did she laugh at me?”

“Ah don’t know if she meant to, Apple Bloom; it’s just...”

“But Ah heard her shoutin’ Mac’s name like she was in pain! What’s goin’ on? Is he hurting her? Ah don't want Cheerilee gettin' hurt!” Apple Bloom was nearly in tears. She loved Cheerilee, and this whole situation made no sense to her.

Applejack took a deep breath and made another solemn vow for revenge against her brother. “Apple Bloom, well... ya know what sex is, right?”

Apple Bloom sniffled a bit. “Yeah...?”

“And ya know how it works?”

“Yeah, boy covers girl, wait a bit, bam! Ya got a baby. So what’s that got t’ do with anythin’?”

“Sex is... well...” Blushing furiously, Applejack decided to just come out and say it. “It’s fun. And so some ponies like to play around and not just... uh... cover, when they’re havin’ sex with their special somepony.”

Apple Bloom nodded, pondering this. “Ya mean like playin’ games and such?”

Applejack’s mind quickly returned to the last game she and Rainbow had played, with two players in a face-to-hips position and where the object was to make your partner finish first while refraining from climaxing yourself. But, as Apple Bloom really didn’t need to know that, she responded with a simpler, “Somethin’ like that.”

“So like with toys and such?”

Applejack was unsure how to respond. First of all, she personally preferred using what she had been born with, yes or yes. Secondly, she sincerely doubted that Apple Bloom meant it like Applejack thought she meant it. That doesn’t mean Applejack wasn’t thinking it, though. Feeling the blush on her cheeks intensify, she replied, “Sometimes.”

“You mean like Rainbow’s collar that says ‘property of Applejack’ under your bed? Somethin’ like that?”

This was the first Applejack had heard of this, and was slightly taken aback that Rainbow would have such an item in her posses- “What were you doin’ in mah room?” Applejack demanded. “And how do you know it’s hers?”

“It has her name on it on top, and we were tryin’ to be Cutie Mark Crusaders Ant Farmers, but we kindof dropped the container and got ants everywhere and we were just tryin’ t’ find ‘em all.” Apple Bloom paused and took in the look on her sister’s face. Her ears drooped slightly. “That didn’t help, did it?”

“Not at all,” Applejack said icily, mentally adding ‘wash bedsheets’ to her daily to-do list.

Apple Bloom scuffed a hoof. “Well, afore you do anythin’, c’n you at least answer my question?”

“About Cheerilee?” Applejack tried to regain some order and control. "She wasn’t in pain; she was likin’ it.”

Apple Bloom cocked her head. “Then why didn’t it sound like it?”

Applejack had had enough of this conversation to last her a lifetime. “I'll explain it to you later."

"When later?" Apple Bloom demanded, curious to know when shouting in pain or wearing a collar intentionally (tools such as yokes notwithstanding) would ever be desirable.

Applejack thought fast. "When you hit estrus later."

Apple Bloom shuddered. Not estrus. That sounded like a nightmare. Nothing but wanting... gag... colts. They smelled bad. And they weren't very smart. So for as far as she was concerned, she'd be fine never knowing. “Eww,” she said, turning and trotting away. “I can wait forever then.”

Applejack sighed, feeling as though she had just barely cleared the tracks before the train. She was fairly certain, though, that that train was going to come back and try to run her over again. Either way, she had words for a certain cyan pegasus.

* * *

That opportunity came later that night, as the two mares settled down in their usual post-dinner cuddle. Applejack lay on her back on her bed, with Rainbow laying next to her, resting her head on Applejack’s chest. Applejack stroked her mane and waited until Rainbow’s breathing was nice and relaxed before speaking.

“So, Rainbow...”

“Yeah?”

“You always tell the truth, right?”

“Yeah...?”

“And you’d never lie to me, would you?”

“Of course not.” Rainbow, now moderately suspicious, sat up to look Applejack in the eyes. “You know I wouldn’t. I may not be the Element of Honesty, but I’d always tell the truth, especially to you.”

“Perfect,” Applejack smiled. “So what’s this Ah hear about you wearin’ a collar, then? One what’s got my name on it and everything?”

Rainbow’s wings flared and she blushed about the shade of the apples on Applejack’s flank, but after that little intro, felt obligated to answer. “Well, sometimes I... it’s... you see...” She screwed up her eyes, buried her face in her hooves, and just spat it out quickly. “Sometimes it’s boring waiting for you to get home so I put it on and pretend you’re there and I kindof like the feeling of belonging to you, ok?”

“Well, all right then.” Applejack grinned. “Put it on.”

Rainbow looked up. “Now?” she squeaked.

“Now.”

Hesitantly, Rainbow reached underneath the bed, felt around for a bit, and soon found it. She sat up and pulled it on, making sure not to pinch her mane as she buckled it. The brass disk gleamed in the lantern light, and sure enough, Applejack could read the words engraved in the metal.

Rainbow Dash,
Pegasus
Property of Applejack
If found, please return to Sweet Apple Acres

She couldn’t suppress a chuckle. “That’s a good look for you, Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash responded with an even deeper blush, and she hid her face again.

“Stop that,” Applejack scolded, pulling her hooves down and leaning in to give her a kiss on the muzzle. “I like it. A lot.”

“G- good,” Rainbow said, shakily lowering her hooves. “So, now that I’m yours, are you going to take care of me?”

Applejack brought up a hoof and slowly began massaging underneath the base of her wings, prompting Rainbow to gasp lightly. “Ah’m sure Ah’ll think of somethin’,” she said playfully.

Author's Note

“So, does it come with a leash, too?”
“No.”
“Is that the no that means ‘no’, or the no that means ‘not yet’?”
“...”
“Rainbow?”
“...Not yet.”

In Cheerilee’s defense, it was a nervous laughter, not a malicious laughter; and she apologized and explained herself a little better later after dinner that night. Applejack still had Rainbow gather the stormclouds, though.

All mares go through estrus, so my headcanon is fillyfoolers sync together and cycle at the same time. Then it gets messy. Their body wants a stallion to impregnate them, but their heart loves their mare. Their body wants to physically push away all other females; their heart wants their special somepony close and intimate in their time of... well... need. We’ll say need. The end result is a week of the best, most violent, but most fulfilling angry sex either mare has ever experienced, and it’s actually looked forward to among some in the fillyfooling community.

That Time You Go Somewhere New For The Pony You Love

“Who’s flying fast? Raaaainbow Dash! Who’s flying fast? Raaaainbow Dash!”

Applejack adjusted her hat as she watched Rainbow spin loops and do aileron rolls so fast that it was surprising that she could even speak coherently. “Ah’m sure. Now get down afore you pull something.”

“I’m going to the invitation-only tryouts! I’m gonna be a Wonderbolt!”

“Ya still gotta try out, ya know.”

“Invite only!” Rainbow emphasized. “I’m as good as in!”

Applejack grinned. “Well, Ah have faith in you. But if’n you wear yourself out before the tryouts, you won’t do as well.” She smiled wryly. “Learned that my second rodeo...”

“You underestimate my awesomeness! Training with Scootaloo has given me abilities beyond beli-ah!” Rainbow jerked to a stop and glared at Applejack, who was holding Rainbow Dash’s tail in her mouth and sitting primly. “Would you stop doing that already?”

“Doin’ whaf?” Applejack asked through Rainbow’s tail.

“You know, grabbing my tail.”

“Ah happen to like your tail.”

“Yeah? Well, I like my tail too. And if you pull it off, I won’t be able to fly anymore.”

“Really?” Applejack asked, spitting out Rainbow’s tail.

“Yeah,” Rainbow said. “It’s good for balance and besides, what do you think would happen if I didn’t have a tail? I’d be leaving a blue contrail with my butt or something, and that’s totally not awesome.”

“Ah see.”

The two turned and with a wordless agreement, headed back towards the farmhouse.

“Hey, Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“Did we just have a conversation about your tail?”

“We did.”

There was a pause.

“You know what else I like about my tail?” Rainbow asked.

“What’s underneath it?” Applejack teased.

“That's your favorite part. I was thinking of this.” Rainbow flicked her tail as hard as she could, snapping it against Applejack’s flank. “I like doing that with it.”

“Ah do too.” Applejack returned the gesture, but her strike was much sharper and louder, and left a bit of a sting.

“Ow! How are you so good at that?” Rainbow demanded, bringing a hoof up to rub her flank.

“It’s an earth pony thing. Ah’d be lost without my tail, too.”

“Yeah. I like your tail.”

“And what's underneath it?”

“Oh, yeah.”

There was another pause.

“New topic?”

“Yes, please.”

* * *

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “What do you mean you can’t go? Applejaaaack...”

“Ah’m sorry, sugarcube, but Ah fell behind and if’n Ah don’t get this done, we’re gonna lose a lot of money and Ah might not make the payment.”

Rainbow sighed. “Well, that’s cool, I guess. I mean, Fluttershy said she’s coming, and that’s cool; and Scootaloo is at camp so I already knew she couldn't come; but I was really hoping you’d be there. I mean, they gave me two will-call tickets and I'd like to use them both.”

Applejack gave her a kiss on the tip of her muzzle. “Ah know, and Ah wish Ah could be there, but, ya know...”

“I do,” Rainbow said. She sighed. “Well, they want me there way early, so I guess I’ll grab something to eat and then head out.”

“See you when you get back,” Applejack said, “And don’t come back without a full uniform.”

Rainbow grinned and shook her head. “They don’t send out the letters of acceptance for another six months or so. They have to travel other places and such, in the sense of ‘fairness’.” She rolled her eyes. “I know, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if Spitfire just skipped the tryout and gave me my badge right then and there.”

“You get a badge?”

Rainbow nodded. “It’s pretty sweet-looking. It’s big and shiny and it's got Celestia’s cutie mark and wings and everything.”

“Then you’d better get goin’!” Applejack said, giving Rainbow one last kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, and you’d better get working,” Rainbow retorted, “because when I get back, I’ll be wanting an apple pie with plenty of sugar.” The way she winked and ran her tongue along the front of her teeth indicated clearly that she was not thinking of the dessert pastry, and Applejack pulled her hat over her eyes to hide her embarrassment. And with that, and a quick “Bye now!”, Rainbow turned and flew off.

Applejack watched as her marefriend flew towards Cloudsdale, shrinking away into the distance.

As soon as she had faded from view, she turned back towards the house and called, “She's gone, everypony!”

The rest of her friends emerged from the farmhouse, and Applejack had to fight back a brief tear.

“Really means a lot t' me that y'all'd help me finish today,” she said.

“Oh, pish-posh,” Rarity said. “I, for one, am not about to allow something as insignificant as mud to ruin true love!”

Pinkie rolled her eyes.

“I don't suppose you'll be wanting to make that pie right now, though, right?" Rarity continued. "I mean, it'll be cold by the time she gets back.”

Twilight hesitantly raised a hoof. “I... I don’t think she really wanted apple pie, Rarity.”

“Oh, pish-posh,” Rarity said. “Why would she ask for it if she didn’t really want it?”

Twilight opened her mouth, and then slowly shut it, deciding it would be best to not reply.

Applejack smiled nervously. “Well, alright then. Let's get to work!”

* * *

They say many hooves make light work, but that’s less true on a farm. There’s always something more to do, some new chore to complete, some new task to fulfill.

Fluttershy paused as she hauled empty baskets from the barn. She looked up at the sun, mentally calculated the time (the only real skill she had retained from flight camp) and then looked over at Applejack. “Applejack?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“I don't mean to pry, but aren't you a little bit worried about being late?”

Applejack looked up at the sun, mentally calculated the time, and chuckled. “Why would I worry about being late?”

“Oh, it’s just... not that I don’t think you’re fast enough, of course; but Cloudsdale time is an hour ahead of Ponyville’s and-”

Applejack dropped the basket she was carrying. “Say what?”

“You might be late if you don’t leave now?” Fluttershy whimpered. She hated being the bearer of bad news, and the shocked expression on Applejack’s face made her feel guilty.

Twilight snapped into action. “Fluttershy, head up there and get the tickets. They'll sell them at the door if you don't claim them on time. Applejack, come with me and we’ll fly you up with the balloon. I’ll fly you up, and then take the balloon down.”

“You can’t stay?”

Twilight shook her head. “No Cloudsdale parking pass.”

“You need a parking pass for balloons in Cloudsdale?” Fluttershy wondered.

“But the harvest...” Applejack protested weakly.

“Can go on without you!” Rarity finished. “We can finish here, but I know that you will never forgive yourself if you miss this tryout. So go! Go, and let true love conquer!” She finished by striking a pose, one hoof pointing up as if she were an explorer and true love her sought treasure.

Taking this as a command, Fluttershy quickly unhitched herself and took off.

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Well, that was a bit overdramatic."

* * *

Fluttershy arrived in Cloudsdale in record time. She froze as she saw the huge crowd of ponies in front of the Ponydrome and suppressed a squeak. Rainbow had said that these tryouts were very popular as a date location since it was basically a cheap Wonderbolts show, but this crowd looked like it would actually fill the Ponydrome and then some. Scanning the crowd, she observed the ponies seemed to divide into lines and, choosing a shorter one at random, flew towards the end and walked slowly up to the end of the long line of ponies. “E- excuse me, is this the end of the line for will-call?” she asked the closest pony.

“Nope,” he said, pointing a hoof. “Try that one.”

Fluttershy nodded her thanks and tried the next line over. This one looked much longer.

“Is this will-call?” she asked.

“Yeah,” the mare said. “Lucky us, eh?”

Fluttershy gulped nervously as she saw just how far away from the ticket booth they were.

“Oh, my...”

* * *

“All right, you're wearing your amulet, you know where the Ponydrome is, I think you're good to go.”

“Thanks, Twi,” Applejack panted. “Ah'm so nervous Ah'll miss it.”

“We made good time,” Twilight said. “You should be fine.”

“Ah sure hope so.” Giving her friend one last hug, Applejack leapt out of the balloon and landed on the clouds running.
At least, she tried to. She landed, expecting hard ground. However, the amulet had lifted off ever so slightly in the fall, meaning that for a split second, it was not active. She hit the clouds face first and sunk halfway into the ground as if it were mud before it touched her body and activated again. Her head and hat were under the clouds, but her tail and hindquarters stuck out, looking almost like Winona digging a hole..

Twilight couldn't suppress a giggle. “Need a hoof?” she called.

“If'n it's not too much trouble,” Applejack said with just the tiniest hint of sarcasm.

Lighting her horn, Twilight pulled Applejack out by her tail and set her on the clouds again.

“Bye! Run!” Twilight waved as Applejack turned and sprinted over towards the Ponydrome.

* * *

Fluttershy held the tickets to her chest as if they were a precious treasure; which, to some, they were. She decided that she would wait close to the sidewalks, so she could see Applejack when she came.

“Hey there, little filly. Whatchu got there?”

Fluttershy flinched and looked over at the stallion who had spoken. He was standing a little further back in an alley, and she walked a bit closer so she could hear him better. “Uh... tickets, for the closed tryouts. My friend is competing.”

“That’s nice,” the stallion said. He took a step backwards, and Fluttershy instinctively took one forwards, deeper into the alley. “But you know what? I don’t have tickets, and I’d really like to go see the show. See, my son’s competing, and I didn’t get mine in time. Do you think you could give them to me?”

He sounded so pitiful, Fluttershy almost gave the tickets to him right then and there.

Almost.

“I’m going to have to say ‘no’,” she said firmly. “These are for me and my friend who is coming to watch her marefriend fly, so I can’t give them to you.”

The stallion frowned. “Wrong answer, sweetheart,” he snarled, before lunging at her.

“Eep!”

* * *

For such a main cloudmark, the ponydrome can be rather hard to reach. Not that it's hard to see, of course; but hard to reach. Especially if you’re unable to take any flying shortcuts or hop up onto the floating cloudways. To be honest, Applejack was an earth pony in a pegasus city--and she felt as out of place as if she were working in a pear orchard. Pegasi were flying and walking all around her, and she just couldn't relax.

This feeling of unease wasn't helped any when she noticed a little colt following her. She paused, and he did too. When she stepped forward again, so did he. She finally decided to confront him and came to a stop.

“Can Ah help you?” she asked, confused.

He walked around her, examining her closely, and then planted himself in front of her. “You’re no pegasus, and you’re not a unicorn. What are you?” he demanded.

“Ah’m an earth pony,” Applejack answered, somewhat surprised that that would be a question.

The colt laughed. “Yeah, right. There’s no such things as earth ponies.”

“Sure there are,” Applejack said, completely unable to believe she was having this conversation. “Ah am one.”

“Oh, sure. And next you’re going to tell me there’s a place called earth, too, and it’s underneath Cloudsdale.”

“There is. Where do you think the unicorns go at night?”

The colt rolled his eyes as if it were blindingly obvious. “Space. Duh.”

Applejack wasn’t sure how to respond to this. “Have you ever seen a unicorn fly into space?”

“Have you ever seen earth?” the colt shot back.

“Uh huh,” Applejack said, incredulous. “That’s where Ah grow fruit and such.”

“Fruit comes from space, too! Don’t you know anything?”

Quickly realizing that she would have had better luck arguing with a fencepost, Applejack decided to end this with a, “Ah know Ah’m late for the Wonderbolt tryouts that Ah came up here to see, so beggin’ your pardon,” and she sprinted away.

* * *

Applejack was getting desperate. Time kept moving, and she was certain she was going to be late. After pushing through the absolute wall of ponies and not seeing any improvement (but plenty of off glances and glares), she decided that she needed a new strategy. She remembered the letter she received when she got the amulet, how it mentioned that if she wore it in her mane it was very likely she’d fall through the clouds and be held up by her hooves. She could just walk underneath the clouds and get there even faster!

Without a second thought, she did just that--brought the amulet up, tied it into her mane, and then rolled over, falling through the clouds, falling all the way through until she hit the other side with a quick jerk.

She cheered as her plan appeared to work. Underneath the cloud streets, there were no ponies and she had free range to move wherever and however she wanted.

Then she realized she had forgotten two important details.

One, how she was going to flip back over. And two, now she had no idea where the Ponydrome was.

“Oh, horseapples!”

* * *

It looked a bit like slogging through mud, but it was like no mud Applejack had ever experienced. It sortof swirled around instead of sticking to her fur, and she missed that feeling of connecting with the earth. This felt more like wading through a heavy stream, and she found herself tiring quickly. It also didn't help that the blood in her body wanted to pool in her head.

She stopped and listened. Was that wing beats? She twisted and looked behind her. Sure enough, three young colts hovered nearby. One was red, one was a light blue, and one was green; and they seemed to all be brothers.

The green one nudged his red companion. “Toldja there was an earth pony up here.”

“Wow...” the little blue one said reverently. “I want to touch it.”

“No!” Applejack protested loudly and shuffling over to one side. “Hooves off the earth pony! This ain’t a petting zoo.”

The blue one looked legitimately disappointed. “Aww...” he pouted. He was obviously the most sensitive of the trio.

"How are you on the cloud if'n you don't have wings?" the green one demanded.

Applejack gestured at the amulet she wore in her mane. "Magic."

"That's always the answer," the green one mumbled as he crossed his forelegs in frustration. "How do we fly? How does the sun come up? Where do foals come from? Magic. Always magic."

The red one, obviously the oldest, flew closer. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Ah was tryin’ t’ get to the Wonderbolt Tryouts.”

“To try out?” The blue one was confused. How were you supposed to fly without wings?

“No, ‘cause my marefriend’s trying out. She’s gonna make it in, too. Ah just know it.”

The green one pumped his hoof in the air. “See? Even earth ponies know the Wonderbolts are awesome! I’ll be one one day, you’ll all see.”

“I’m sure,” the red one said, rolling his eyes.

"But Ah'm kindof stuck," Applejack said. "And lost. And late."

"You can't be late!" The blue one raised a hoof to his mouth in horror. "What if she doesn't see you there and she messes up? What if she crashes because she's looking for you and isn't watching where she's going? What if she thinks you don't love her anymore because you didn't go?"

The green one slapped him upside the head. "Not helping."

"Ok then, what do you think we should do?"

The green one thought for a moment. "I got it. We get a cloud, put it under here, and then grab on to her. She can take off her necklace thingy, and we'll hold on to her and flip her over in recovery position, just like they taught us in flight school. Then she puts the necklace on again, rides the cloud, and we just push her around and up topside."

"That's... actually a good plan," the red one said, as if surprised.

"Well, yeah. All my ideas are good," the green one grinned.

"Oh, so what was your idea to turn our bedroom into an indoor racetrack?"

"Ok, most of my ideas."

"And the time you cut class to practice your aileron rolls and crashed into our teacher's house?"

"Ok, some of my ideas."

"And the time you..."

"Boys!" Applejack shouted. "Ah don't mean t' interrupt, but Ah'm gettin' mighty dizzy here, and Ah'd greatly appreciate it if'n you'd go ahead with the plan!"

* * *

To her pleasant surprise, Applejack found herself safe and topside and within sight of the Ponydrome in just a few minutes. To her unpleasant surprise, she realized that the lack of ponies standing in line and only two security guards visible indicated that the show had already started a while ago.

“Thanks, boys! Ah owe you one!” she said as she sprinted towards the gates, head swiveling to find Fluttershy. She found her towards the back of an alley, sitting on a dumpster, which seemed to be protesting her weight. This surprised Applejack, as Fluttershy was a fairly light pony, and besides, dumpsters usually didn’t complain anyway.

Applejack cocked her head. “Is there a reason you're sittin' there like that? And what're those noises comin' from inside?”

“Oh, there's a pony in here. He wanted my tickets,” Fluttershy said primly, “but I didn't want him to have them. So when he tried to take them, I put him in here.”

“That makes two of us,” Applejack growled. “Git off.”

Fluttershy obeyed, and Applejack walked up and lifted the lid.

"About time that bi-"

But that's as far as he got, because Applejack slammed the lid down on his head, knocking him out cold instantly. Fluttershy was shocked that first off she had actually done that, and secondly how she had managed to grip the lid hard enough to slam it down with only the tips of her hooves.

"C'mon," Applejack said, grabbing Fluttershy's tail. "We're gonna be late!"

They ran inside together, showed their tickets, were briefly mocked for being late, and then were shown to their seats. Pushing their way through the crowd (that means Applejack was pushing and Fluttershy followed, holding her tail in her mouth like foals do so as to not get separated from their mothers), they found their seats and sat down, and not a moment too soon.

The announcer's voice rang out, magically amplified to fill the arena. "Next up, we have Rainbow Dash, a young firebrand of a mare from Ponyville! Currently working as a member of Ponyville's weather squad, she attended Cloudsdale flight school, where she was MVP for two years on the Junior Speedsters stormball team. Those of you who follow flying sports know that we've seen her before as the winner of the Best Young Flyer competition three years ago, and she expects nothing less than victory this time. Rainbow says she's here to kick flank and chew bubblegum, and she's all outta bubblegum!"

Applejack couldn't suppress a facehoof, but Fluttershy giggled.

Rainbow Dash flew in her warmup circle, but she seemed distracted. She curled around the cloud pillars and nearly took out one of the rings because she wasn't looking where she was going. Instead, she seemed to be scanning the crowd.
She soon spotted Applejack, and a wide smile spread across her face. She faced forward and resumed flying, but this time with renewed vigor in her wings.

You didn't have to know the difference between a red delicious and a golden delicious to know that Sweet Apple Acres grew the best apples in Equestria, and you didn't have to know the difference between a barrel roll and an aileron roll to know just good Rainbow Dash could fly. Applejack found herself on her hooves stomping and cheering wildly with the rest of the spectators as Rainbow Dash flew fast and easily pulled off stunts that could only be described as 'death-defying'. And, of course, her performance was rounded off by a Sonic Rainboom big enough and close enough to shake the foundations of the Ponydrome, which was soon drowned out by the cheers of the crowd.

* * *

Meeting the competitors after the show was a time-honored tradition, but only for those who had VIP passes.
And, of course, Applejack had one of those.

She flashed her passcard and trotted past the security guard back into one of the many conference rooms, which was filled with ponies who either knew the competitors or had won the tickets by random draw, and by newsponies with cameras. As this had been a large try-out, the conference room chosen was rather large, and Applejack found herself in a sea of ponies, scanning fruitlessly for her cyan mare.

She did, however, notice when she was physically tackled from behind.

“I knew you’d come! I just knew you would! Did you see me out there? Didja? Didja? Was I awesome or what?”

Applejack grinned from her position on the floor. “Let me up and Ah'll tell you.”

Rainbow did, and Applejack wrapped her forelegs around her. “You did wonderful,” Applejack whispered in her ear. “Ah’d bet my farm and both cutie marks you’re in.”

“Aw, Applejack,” Rainbow said, blushing slightly. “That means a lot to me.”

“Kiss her!”

Both ponies turned and stared at the speaker.

“Fluttershy?”

“I- if you want to, that is,” Fluttershy said softly. “I just think it’d be sweet.”

Rainbow grinned. “Works for me!” And she did just that.

Applejack didn’t mind this too much. She did mind the flash of someone taking a picture, though.

“Hey!” she protested.

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, glaring at the photographer. “Don't take a picture of that! Take a picture of this.”

And Applejack was startled to find Rainbow’s tongue inside her mouth. She took a step back, but Rainbow had placed a hoof firmly on her cutie mark and didn’t seem to want to let go.

Three flashes later, though, she did.

“There, you got your picture. Now go away,” Rainbow growled.

The photographer turned and quite literally sprinted away, running into a streamer and ripping it to the ground.

“Ah can’t believe you did that,” Applejack grumbled, but judging by the blush on her face, she wasn’t entirely angry.

“Calm down,” Rainbow said lazily. “I'm just a candidate right now. That picture will be printed once and then we'll never see it again.”

“Ah sincerely doubt that'll be the case,” Applejack remarked dryly. “Mark my words, that picture's gonna come back again and bite you in the flank.”

“Maybe,” Rainbow said dismissively. “But it was worth it.”

Applejack licked her lips and had to agree.

“Come on,” Rainbow said, tapping Applejack with her tail. “There's cookies and punch over there by the door and I'm pretty hungry. You coming, Fluttershy?”

Author's Note

In the colt's defense, the legend of the space unicorn has been around for a long time now.

I'll admit, this chapter was a bit of a chore to write; but I had to post this one before I could post “that time you teach your brother’s marefriend the phrase”, “that time dreams come true and shatter at the same time”, and “that little moment before the ceremony”. Those I’m much happier with.

That Time You Teach Your Brother's Marefriend the Phrase

Applejack trotted purposefully towards the barn. She was going to retrieve a pile of baskets she had asked Apple Bloom to move and then stack, and she was internally wondering if she had completed her task, as her sister was a good worker, but easily distracted. She grinned as she heard a female voice inside the barn, and slowed to a quiet walk to try and surprise her sister. She paused, though, when she realized it was not Apple Bloom in the barn, but Cheerilee; and she seemed to be having an intense debate with herself.

“I can’t... No, I can’t tell him... I have to, though... I’ve lied to him for so long...” She made a despondent groan. “But what happens when I do? He’ll leave me for sure.” She sighed. “No, he wouldn’t do that. But I know he’d never look at me the same way again...” There was a sound much like a head hitting the barn wall. “I just... I just don’t know what to do.”

Now, Applejack was an honest pony. She didn’t have any special honesty powers or anything, but she was fairly open about things and liked it when other ponies were open, too. So to hear that Cheerilee was keeping a secret from Big Mac--one that could potentially end their relationship--she knew she needed to investigate. Abandoning her quest for the baskets, she turned her sights towards the sky and headed off in search of Rainbow Dash.

* * *

Rainbow lay lazily on the bed as Applejack paced. She raised her head just enough to make eye contact. “Look, I don't think it's serious,” she said dismissively.

“It could be, though! Endin’ their relationship isn’t somethin’ to joke about. They’re almost as close as we are.”

“It’s gotta be something small,” Rainbow insisted. “Maybe it’s just that she doesn’t actually like to swallow.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped, and she faced Rainbow Dash with an incredulous look on her face. Rainbow tried to grin and break the tension, but Applejack just stared and stared.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Rainbow complained, bringing a wing up to cover her face.

Applejack finally managed to squeeze some words out of her tortured mind. “Why would you even say that? What is wrong with you?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Look, if I have to see that image in my nightmares, I’m making sure I’m not the only one.”

“You’ll be sleepin’ outside tonight, see who’s havin’ nightmares then,” Applejack grumbled as she resumed her pacing.

Rainbow sat up and quickly tried to do some damage control. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, what I meant was, she couldn't get a job as a teacher if she'd done something really bad.”

“Ah know, but still. Ah don't like secrets, and if she's kept one this long...”

“Maybe it's a good secret, like maybe she's an heiress,” Rainbow suggested, “and she’s just afraid of shocking Mac with her huge bags of bits. Or maybe she can talk to ghosts!”

“There're no such things as ghosts, Rainbow.”

“Says you,” Rainbow said, sticking out her tongue.

“Daring Do isn't based on actual events, remember?”

Rainbow crossed her forelegs and pouted. “They could be, though,” she grumbled. Then she brightened as a new idea appeared. “Maybe she lied about her special talent. Maybe she's actually--get this--a gardener!”

Applejack shook her head. “Ah don't think that's it.” She straightened and said, “Only one way to find out.”

Rainbow's expression turned worried. “You aren't going to meddle, are you?”

“Of course not! Just... fact findin'. Like in a library.”

“Yeah, but every time we get involved in Mac's love life it gets awkward.” She shuddered. “And we always end up getting there right as they’re getting it on.” Rainbow had seen more straight sex than she had ever wanted to see this way, and was perfectly content leaving Mac to his own devices.

“It'll be fine. They'll never know Ah'm there.”

“I think that's part of the problem,” Rainbow said under her breath, but she could tell that Applejack was determined to know and nothing could stop her. She sighed. “Good luck, I guess. So what now?”

“Now, Ah go and see what Cheerilee’s up to.”

* * *

Applejack is a farm pony, and as such is used to working hard for her opportunites. Every once in a while, though...

“Applejack? Do you have a moment?”

...they just fall right into your lap.

Applejack grinned. “‘Course Ah do. What’s up, Chi?”

Cheerilee scuffed the ground with a hoof. “Well, you see... You know your brother very well, right?”

“Ah do.”

“I have... been holding something back from him and I’d like to tell him. How do you think I should do it?”

Applejack grinned. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, after all. “When Rainbow and Ah first started our relationship, Twilight taught us a phrase and we’ve been stickin’ with it since then. ‘Awkward, but worth it’.”

“Awkward?”

“But worth it,” emphasized Applejack. “What you gotta do is just go up and do it. It’ll be awkward while it’s happening, but worth it when you’re even closer. That’s what happened when Rainbow told me how much she liked it when Ah take her wing and...” Her voice trailed off as she realized she was two seconds from spilling an intimate secret of her own. “That’s not important right now. But what you gotta do is just do it. He loves you, and it’ll be fine.”

Cheerilee looked somewhat comforted. “Is that all? Just do it?”

“Oh, yeah,” Applejack said, taking Cheerilee by the foreleg and pulling her into the bathroom. “And practice in front of a mirror.”

“And you’re sure this is going to work?” Cheerilee asked, looking over herself in the mirror again. The confidence she had previously felt started slipping again.

“It’s worked for us,” Applejack answered. “Ah promise.”

Cheerilee made an uncertain noise as she looked back at Applejack. “I suppose I’ve put it off long enough,” she finally said.

“So, you gonna practice?” Applejack asked a bit too quickly.

Cheerilee shook her head. “I’ve got papers to grade back at the schoolhouse. Besides, I’ll see him tonight. I’ll do it then.” She gave Applejack a hug. “Thanks, Applejack.”

Applejack was mildly disappointed, but returned the hug.

“No matter what happens, I’ll always consider you a good friend.”

And with that somewhat ominous line, Cheerilee departed. Applejack frowned. Tonight, she planned on having a little stake-out, yes or yes.

* * *

Night came, and it found two earth ponies sitting on a picnic table, under a blanket, looking up at the stars; and one orange earth pony hiding in the trees a good fifty feet away. Her quest for knowledge squashed any guilty feelings she may have had, though Rainbow’s warning of 'it's just going to get weird, just wait and see' did keep repeating itself.

“I think I could never see enough of the stars,” Cheerilee said. “They’re just so beautiful.”

“Ah like them ‘cause they’re solid,” Mac said. “Never get lost lookin’ at stars.”

They sat in silence for a while. Applejack swished her tail impatiently.

Eventually, Cheerilee rolled over. “Mac, I... I kindof lied about why I never asked you out.”

Applejack tensed. Here it came.

“Ah know.”

“You know?” Cheerilee was shocked, and mentally promised to give Applejack a firm dressing-down. “H- how did you know?”

“Ah just did. Ah knew you were hidin’ something, but Ah didn’t know what. Ah figured it was a past relationship what went sour and you needed time t’ heal. Ah figured Ah’d wait until you came around and talked to me.” He smiled. “Guess Ah was right, huh?”

“Partly,” Cheerilee agreed, relieved that Applejack had not shared her secret, but nervous that now she would have to. “I told you that I thought you wouldn’t really be interested in an older mare like me, and that’s true.”

“You ain’t that much older'n me,” Mac argued.

“I suppose not. But I remember telling you that. I then remember you taking me to the south orchard and showing me just how wrong I was.”

Mac flushed ever so slightly. As much as he enjoyed actually having sex with Cheerilee, talking about it always embarrassed him. Especially since he never spoke that much anyway.

“And I also remember you carrying me home because I couldn’t walk straight after you... thoroughly convinced me of the error in my thinking.”

Applejack flinched. She and her brother had a strict ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy on their sexual lives, and that was how she liked it. Perhaps Rainbow had been the teensiest bit right after all.

Mac’s ears dropped and he sheepishly looked down. “Ah know, and Ah’m sorry Ah-”

Cheerilee quieted him by placing a hoof against his lips. “Don’t be,” she said with a subtle grin.

Mac smiled uncertainly, but did remain silent.

Cheerilee dropped her hoof and sighed. “The truth is... I’m... I...” She took a deep breath and steeled herself. “I never asked you out because I saw you with Apple Bloom, and... and I could see how much you loved her, and I thought... Oh, I’m sorry, but... You and her, and...”

Mac cocked his head. “Did you think Ah was in a relationship with mah sister?”

Applejack’s shocked, spluttering reaction was only drowned out by Cheerilee’s own. “I mean... oh, that could have come out wrong, oh ponyfeathers...” Cheerilee frowned and quickly tried to regain her train of thought. “I can see where ‘awkward’ can come in.” She took a breath. “No, what I meant was, I’ve seen how close you are to Apple Bloom, and Applejack. You care so, so much about your family, and I...” Her voice cracked here, and tears started brimming in her eyes. “I can’t give you one.”

Applejack understood instantly, and her jaw dropped. She cast a nervous glance at her brother to gauge his reaction, but Mac just cocked his head again, wordlessly asking for further explanation.

“I’m barren, Mac,” she said, with one tear trailing down her cheek. “Sterile. My heat cycle comes at strange times, if it ever comes at all.”

“Ever?”

Cheerilee swallowed and looked down. “My last estrus was five years ago. I don’t know when the next one will come, if it ever even does. I know how much you care about family, and I’d love to be a part of it, but... I can’t give you foals.” She smiled tearfully. “And they’d be beautiful foals, Mac. They’d get your eyes, I’m sure.” Tears flowed freely now, and she turned away. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

She tried to get off the table and run, but found her tail pinned firmly to the table with a powerful red hoof.

“Then Ah guess it’s a good thing Ah fell in love with you and not your ovaries, huh?”

Cheerilee froze. “Y- you mean...”

“Chi, Ah said Ah love you and that means Ah love all of you.”

Cheerilee licked her lips nervously.

“Ah wanted to go out with you because of you, not because Ah wanted to get a mare pregnant.”

Cheerilee looked back at her flank and gave her hindquarters an experimental wiggle. “Considering how often you’ve mounted me this week, I don’t know how much I believe that.”

Applejack felt a brief wave of nausea flash through her stomach. Sex is a beautiful thing, to be sure; but when it comes to talking about your brother doing it, it’s just kindof, for lack of a better term, ‘icky’. Applejack didn’t know how she would react when Apple Bloom became old enough to want to try it.

Mac shrugged, even as he blushed furiously. “Ah know a good thing when Ah see it. And you are a good thing.”

“Thanks,” Cheerilee said, briefly wondering if she was being complimented or objectified. “But be honest, are you disappointed?”

Mac shrugged. “A bit. But like Ah said, it’s you Ah love, and Ah meant that. If’n you have to take me with all my imperfections, Ah can take you with...” Mac’s voice trailed off. “That sounded a lot less insulting in my head,” he mumbled, averting his eyes.

Cheerilee chuckled. Awkward indeed. She scooted back under Macintosh and nuzzled him under his chin. “I understand,” she said quietly.

Mac lowered his head to rest on hers, and the two sat quietly for a brief moment until Mac leaned backwards, laying back on the table and pulling Cheerilee close. Applejack felt a sense of relief as she watched them spooning in the moonlight. Cheerilee had just revealed her deepest, darkest secret, and Mac had merely accepted it as part of her and still loved her. Applejack smiled, happy that things had worked out.

Mac broke the silence. “There is one problem, though.”

Cheerilee tensed visibly.

“Who's gonna tell Apple Bloom that it's her job to keep the family going?”

Cheerilee chuckled, extremely relieved. “Not me,” she said. Then, she paused. “What if she likes mares too?

Mac shrugged again, completely unconcerned. “We're Apples. We can get through anything. But no more secrets, ok?”

Cheerilee wiped her eyes and nodded. “Ok, no secrets.”

Applejack smiled and decided that her work was done here. Silently, she turned to leave.

“Well, as long as we’re sharing secrets,” Cheerilee said hesitantly. “I’ve... I’ve always wanted to be eaten out on my own kitchen table.”

And with that, Applejack decided that her work here was more than done, and continued moving with a newfound sense of urgency. Unfortunately, she had to be quiet so as to not interrupt the two; and being quiet required walking slowly. Slow enough to catch much of the ensuing conversation.

Mac chuckled. “Like with a fork and knife?”

Cheerilee clamped her tail protectively over her marehood. “Sharp objects don’t go anywhere near my vagina, thank you very much.” She paused. “But I wouldn’t say no to a spoon...”

Mac grinned. “Ah think we can work that out. Actually, Ah had a few things Ah was hopin’ to ask you for, too...”

Luckily, Applejack finally made her escape around this point before Mac could reciprocate. She did hear Cheerilee’s reaction to his suggestion, though. Her cheers of, “Yes! Oh, yes, yes, yes! I will! I will!” gave her reason to disappear as fast as she could.

* * *

Rainbow grinned at Applejack as the earth pony crawled into bed. "So, how did it go?" she asked.

"Great. Really," Applejack said as she took off her hat and pulled the covers up to her chin. "Cheerilee spilled, and now Mac and Cheerilee are happy and sharin' all kinds of secrets."

"What kind of secrets?" Rainbow asked.

Applejack gave Rainbow a semi-haunted look. "All. Kinds."

Rainbow blinked. "Oh."

"Yeah."

There was a pause.

"And if'n Cheerilee asks us to lunch at her house sometime, we're busy. Just sayin'."

That Little Moment Before The Ceremony

Rainbow Dash stared at her reflection in the mirror. The cyan pony that looked back at her wore what could only be called a beautiful dress. It was simple, as was the earth pony tradition, but still... it wasn’t ‘elegant’, but it was tasteful and graceful, from the train to the matching lace headband that sat proudly atop her braided mane.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she kindof liked the way it looked on her.

She was deciding just how many awesome-points this cost her (if any at all) when Applejack entered the room, wearing a similar outfit. Her mane had also been brushed until it shone, and it looked absolutely amazing on her. Rainbow had to quickly look back at the mirror to ensure her wings didn’t flare out and wrinkle the dress (after all, earth pony dresses didn’t take things like wings into account, and Rarity had simply refused to take scissors to it, citing some nonsense like 'tradition' and stuff like that).

“Hey, Rainbow,” she said, coming up behind her and giving her a gentle nudge. “Looking good.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Rainbow said hesitantly.

Applejack caught on to (half of) Rainbow’s problem and grinned. “Not such a fan of dresses, are we?”

“Not really. It’s not uncomfortable or anything, it’s just... unnatural. Pegasi usually get married naked. Maybe trailing some cirrostratus for a veil or something, but that’s about it. It's you earth ponies that started this whole fancy clothing thing for getting hitched.”

Applejack inspected the simple, homespun fabric she wore. “It's not that fancy. Ah mean, it’s been in our family for almost forever. It’s more functional than anything.”

“Functional? Yeah, right,” Rainbow grunted. “Functional for symbolic reasons and that’s it. What with the whole growing new things together thing... gag me, that’s sappy. Pegasi weddings are quick and efficient. You're married and banging in less than an hour. None of this seed planting junk or fancy speeches that take an hour themselves.”

Applejack dropped the train in surprise as what Rainbow said sunk in. “Rainbow! Did you do research on earth pony weddings?”

Rainbow blushed. She hadn’t meant to let that slip. “...maybe?”

Applejack gave her a teasing nuzzle. “Aw, I didn't know you cared.”

Rainbow lifted a hoof and gently but firmly pushed her away. “Yeah. Wonderful. Really. Don't tell anyone.”

“Too late,” a third voice said cheerfully.

Both spun around to see Cheerilee standing in the doorway. She smiled broadly. “For what it’s worth, Rainbow, you do look great in the dress.”

Rainbow sunk her head into her forehooves and muttered something about providing Scootaloo with plenty of stink bombs for next semester.

“Are you ready to go out? The guests are arriving soon, and it's nearly time for the greeting line."

“Which means it’s my cue to leave,” Rainbow muttered.

Applejack gave her a quick swat to the back of the head. “What she meant to say was, we’ll be right out.”

Cheerilee smiled. “Great!”

“Where’s Big Mac?” Rainbow asked.

Cheerilee shrugged and tried to act nonchalant, but Rainbow Dash could see how she tensed slightly. After all, after she knew plenty about earth pony anatomy and reactions, and Cheerilee was definitely apprehensive.

"I don’t know. Rarity said it's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the ceremony, so I wouldn't be worried; but Rumble just told me he isn't even here yet."

Applejack grinned. "Don't worry. If he's half as excited as he was last night, he'll be here and he'll be happier than a worm in an orchard full of apples.”

Cheerilee nodded, looking more than a bit relieved. "Thanks, Applejack. I'd better check on the others. Twist may be able to make candy into pretty designs, but she can't tie a bow very well at all." Smiling, she walked out with more confidence in her step than before.

Rainbow leaned over to Applejack. "You're not gonna tell her that Macintosh was pacing back and forth and throwing up from nerves all last night?" she whispered.

Applejack kept up a (relatively) good poker face. "Some ponies show their excitement different ways. Some ponies act like that. Others bounce. Others squeal." Her smile turned devious. "And some have their wings flare out and they start panting."

Rainbow frowned. "I do not pant!" she defended herself.

"Of course you don't."

"I don't!" Rainbow insisted.

"And you don't make that 'nyeh' sound when Ah bite you either, eh?"

"No! Stop making fun of me!"

“And you certainly don’t put on a collar and pretend Ah’m standin’ behind you when you’re waitin’ for me t’ get home, right?”

Rainbow shoved her hooves over her ears. “Lalalala I can’t hear you!”

Applejack finally took mercy on Rainbow. “All right, don't worry. Ah'm done.”

They looked at each other and smiled as they turned to walk out.

“So, you ready?” Applejack asked.

“For long lines and hugging lots of ponies I don’t know?” Rainbow asked, suppressing a shudder. "Yeah, can't wait."

Applejack shook her head. “For my family asking when it's our turn t’ get hitched.”

Rainbow grinned. “I'm sure we'll think of something.” She leaned in close, not even minding that she was ruffling the dress. “We always do.”

“That’s right,” Applejack agreed. “We always do.”

Rainbow grinned deviously. “Like that time we had to figure out what to do when you tried to put caramel sauce and-”

“That is as far as you go,” Applejack hissed.

Rainbow Dash chuckled, and soon Applejack couldn’t help but join in.

“I love you, you know this, right?” Rainbow said.

Applejack nodded. “Ah do. And Ah love you, too. Now come on, let’s go greet us some guests.”

“And drink some cider,” Rainbow added.

Applejack chuckled and shook her head. “And drink some cider.”

Tails as close as they could be through the dresses, they walked out into the gathering room together, the two Best Mares of the wedding.

Author's Note

Yes, Mac showed up on time. Very pale, but on time.
I've been feeling all-around very uninspired these past couple of weeks, so this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. But the next one (where Rainbow gets a letter) should be longer.

Deleted scene. Cut because it wasn’t adding anything; it already felt like I was dragging it on too long in the first place.
“Actually, Ah had Caramel set aside a cask of cider just for us.”
Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up into the air. “You’re kidding! Caramel? Now I’ll get no cider! Only the ground will get cider! Happy birthday to the ground!”
“Hey, he’s gotten a lot better at not droppin’ stuff.”
“Yeah, whatever. I bet the only reason Sassaflash isn't pregnant yet is because he keeps accidentally dropping his stallion stuff on her stomach instead of getting it-”
“Rainbow!”

That Time Dreams Come True and Shatter at the Same Time

There are many euphemisms for sex, depending on the pony in question and the context in which they are used. Some ponies prefer the technical terms "coitus" and "cunningilus", while others use terms that seem to have little connection to the act itself, such as "shagging" or "screwing". Others prefer onomatopoeia such as "banging", others use phrases like "getting laid" or "scoring some flank", and still others prefer words (examples of which are somewhat inappropriate for a teen rating) that emphasize the more physical aspect of the act.

However, when Applejack said she was going to ‘completely wreck’ Rainbow Dash, this was not a euphemism. She was referencing true physical harm, and ponies quite literally dove out of her way to allow her passage.

"Stand me up... Ah don't believe it," she grumbled angrily. "Maybe early in our relationship, maybe. But now? Ah don't think so. Leave me alone at that diner… She'd better have a good excuse for skipping out on me or she ain't goin' nowhere but the hospital..."

Glowering furiously, she stomped through Ponyville and all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres. This was the first place she decided to check, but next on her list was Rainbow's house (although it had been mostly vacant for these past few months) and then Sugarcube Corner, because Pinkie Pie knew where to find her. And if Pinkie Pie didn't know, Pinkie Pie could find out, because Pinkie Pie was… well... Pinkie Pie.

(Un)luckily, though, it didn't come to that. Rainbow Dash was there in the kitchen, sitting at the table, staring at a piece of paper resting on the table in front of her.

"Rainbow," Applejack growled, "what's so important that you skipped out on our weekly lunch?"

Rainbow looked up at her with hollow eyes, and Applejack's attitude shifted from anger to confusion. She took a step forward and raised a hoof. "Rainbow? What's going on?"

Rainbow Dash looked back down at the paper. "Guess I'll start at the beginning," she said softly.

* * *

Earlier that morning, Scootaloo knocked on the door to the farmhouse rapidly. "Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!" she called.

"It's open!" Rainbow shouted back. "Come in!"

Scootaloo burst in, as excited as could be. "Rainbow! What're we going to do for training today?"

"Oh, we'll... We'll do something pretty fun. You’re gonna like this, I know.”

Scootaloo was almost vibrating with excitement. “What are we gonna do?”

“I need you to fly up to my house and get my mail. I haven’t been back there in a while, and I bet it’s just piled up.”

Scootaloo stopped bouncing. Her ears drooped, and even her wings looked downcast. “I- is that really all you want me to do?” she asked sadly.

“Wellll,” Rainbow said, trying to suppress a grin. “I also have some hay bacon strips in the cooling cloud that are going to go bad if they aren’t eaten soon. Bring those back, and I’ll make you a huge breakfast and we can eat it together.” Living with Applejack did have its perks, and one of those were cooking lessons. Rainbow had improved by leaps and bounds since her first lesson. Now, she only burned the pancakes about ten percent of the time instead of the previous ninety. “But hurry! I’m starting now and I’m timing you! Go fast, or it’ll be cold by the time you get here!”

Scootaloo grinned. “I’ll be back before you know it!” And with that, she turned and sprinted out of the house, flapping her wings as hard as she could to get airborne.

It didn't take long at all for the filly to return. She bore food in her saddlebags and letters in her mouth. Well, only one letter, but it looked very important.

“This one looks super important!” she said.

Rainbow chuckled as she lightened her sister’s saddlebags. “Look, a lot of bills say ‘urgent notice’ and ‘last attempt to reclaim payment’. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah, but this one’s got the Wonderbolts symbol on the envelope!”

Rainbow instantly dropped what she was carrying and snatched it out of Scootaloo’s mouth. She ripped it open and began to read. Slowly, she walked over to the table, sat down, and stared at it. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, and all she could do was stare.

Scootaloo hesitantly walked up. “Rainbow Dash? You ok?” She leaned over her shoulder and began to read. She took in every part of the letter from the date to the large hoofprint on the bottom and gasped. She looked back up at Rainbow Dash, who hadn’t moved.

“You want me to come back later?” Scootaloo asked, taking a small step back. “I’ll come back later.”

Rainbow gave an almost imperceptible nod, and Scootaloo walked out the door, still with those words flashing before her eyes.

“Dear Rainbow Dash,
Thank you for coming to the closed tryouts for admission to the Wonderbolts. We appreciate all who come and try out with us, and think you’re all amazing fliers…”

* * *

“So you didn’t get in?”

“No,” Rainbow said slowly.

“Oh, Rainbow,” Applejack whispered, coming in close and wrapping a foreleg around Rainbow Dash’s shoulders.

Rainbow gently shrugged it off. “No, I mean, no, it’s not that I didn’t get in; I did get in.”

“Wha-?”

“Look. Right there.”

Applejack looked at where Rainbow was pointing, and read aloud. “Some of you, however, were indeed good enough to become a part of the Wonderbolts family, and I am delighted to inform you that are one of those ponies. Congratulations, Rainbow Dash; you’re the newest member of an elite squad of-” She looked up and smiled broadly. “Rainbow! That’s great!”

“Yeah, but look at this.”

Applejack scanned the new portion. “Ah don’t see the problem. 'Report to the Ponydrome three weeks from the date of this letter', so that’s...” Applejack’s eyes flicked up to the date on the top of the letter and froze. She did a little recalculation and relaxed slightly, but only slightly. “Rainbow... this was sent twenty days ago.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said. “I’m supposed to report tomorrow. Guess I put down my old address on accident instead of here when I signed up.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “I bet Scootaloo thinks I missed reporting or something, math was never her strong point. It’s just… I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I go?”

Silence.

“Ah don’t get it,” Applejack said.

“I mean, I can’t just leave everypony like this without warning, now, can I?”

“And why not?”

Rainbow raised a hoof to protest… and then lowered it.

Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a gentle nuzzle. “You’ve been wanting to do this forever,” she said, even as she felt her heart break inside her. “It’d be an awful shame if’n you gave it up. We’ll understand. Now come on, get up,” Applejack said, pulling Rainbow off of the chair. “Ah’ll help you pack.”

“Wha-?” Rainbow asked, somewhat disoriented.

“You’re going to want to say goodbye to everypony. If you’re packing, you won’t have time. And you’re gonna wanna tell Pinkie.”

“Oh, Pinkie knows.”

Both mares flinched and looked over to the window, where they saw Pinkie Pie leaning against the windowsill. She smiled. “Pinkie always knows. Always.” She waved her hooves mysteriously. “Alllwaaaayysss...” she whispered as she lowered herself out of sight.

“We can still see the tip of your mane, Pinkie.”

“Allllwaaays,” Pinkie repeated, scooting herself sideways out of view.

Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, and with a brief nod, came to a silent agreement that that would not be spoken of again.

“But seriously,” Applejack said, pulling Rainbow along. “Go say good bye, and make sure you do somethin’ nice for Scootaloo, and then come back here, and Ah’ll be waitin’ to say good bye to you myself. Ah'll give you a hint--it involves a certain piece of jewelr-”

"No. No amulet." Rainbow grinned, even as tears started to glisten in her eyes. "I'm leaving you, and you want to do things my way? Nah. We're having earth pony sex tonight, out in the orchard, just the way you like it. I'll even do that thing with my wings that you like so much. Tonight is all about you."

Applejack paused. “But... you’re the one who-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Rainbow said, shoving a hoof in Applejack’s mouth. “No complaints. Come on. After all you've done for me? It's the least I can do. Just, you know... keep my collar out, ok?”

There are many euphemisms for sex, but perhaps "making love" was the one that fit best for their actions that night.

Interlude: Everypony Happy But Me

It goes without saying that stallions and mares are different. It also goes without saying that their sexual habits and desires are somewhat different, as well. It has been said that while a male is much more ready to go at any time, a mare has to be somewhat prepared. For example, while many stallions can be easily enticed to some morning loving, many mares (like Cheerilee) have very little interest in sensual activity that early in the mornings.

So it came as somewhat of a surprise to Big Mac when he awoke to something small, warm and wet along his cheek. He opened his eyes to see Cheerilee straddling him and licking the side of his face repeatedly.

“Mornin', Mac,” she breathed. “Did you sleep well?”

Macintosh wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to this. “Uh... eeyup?”

“I'm so glad you're awake,” she whispered. “I've been waiting for you for... sooo lonnnng...”

Mac raised an eyebrow. This wasn’t normal.

“Mac, that means I need you,” Cheerilee translated. “Like, now.”

She drifted her hoof somewhere on the lower part of Mac's body, but he slapped it away. Cheerilee looked up with a hurt expression on her face, which slowly morphed to confusion at Mac's angry expression.

“Where’s Cheerilee?” he demanded.

“Mac, it's me... I'm your Che-”

Macintosh slammed her against the headboard, squeezing out a squeak of pain. “Where is she?” he demanded.

“Mac...?”

“Where is she?”

“Mac, y- you’re hurting me…”

Mac rested his forearm across her throat. “Where is she?”

“Mac! It’s me! I'm Cheerilee!”

“Where is she?”

“Comma splice! Comma splice!”

Upon hearing their safe phrase, Mac dropped his hoof quicker than if Cheerilee’s neck had been hot iron. His mouth opened and he started to breathe heavily, realizing that it had indeed been Cheerilee he had been trying to choke out. “Ah’m so sorry, Chi…”

“I- it’s fine,” Cheerilee said hesitantly, rubbing her neck with a forehoof.

Mac sighed and pulled her into a hug. “Ah’m sorry. Ah just… you don’t often act like that in the morning, you know? You’ll excuse me sayin’, of course.”

“Of course, I just… I don’t know what came over me,” Cheerilee said, her face a mask of confusion. “I’m just…” She looked down at her body, as if it had betrayed her somehow. “You know I prefer getting taken in the afternoons, usually.”

Mac shifted uncomfortably. Yes. He knew. He knew very, very well.

“I just… I woke up and just felt so… needy, you know? It’s like I’m in heat or something.”

Mac chuckled at that thought… and then stopped. “Chi…”

Cheerilee was stunned as the implications hit her. She looked down at her body again, and then looked up at Mac. “Mac, I’m in heat,“ she said simply.

“Eeyup.”

Cheerilee began bouncing up and down on the bed, squealing like a filly half her age. “I’m in heat! I’m in heat! I’m in heat! I haven’t been in heat in at least seven years but I’m in heat!”

But the problem is, ponies used to live in secluded colonies. To avoid inbreeding, the mares developed a system that when they were ready to mate, they would release pheromones that could be detected from a distance to invite stallions over.

So you can imagine what those hormones did to one stallion in a tiny enclosed space.

Cheerilee’s bouncing was interrupted when she was forcefully shoved off the bed, landing hard on the floor. She didn’t even have time to look up in confusion before her body was physically thrust back against the bed, low and in what could only be called a compromising position. She let out a needy whine as she realized exactly what was going to happen.

And it was at that point that both of them lost any semblance of self-control.

* * *

Applejack grumbled as she walked upstairs. “Mac, it sounds like there’s an earthquake in your room! What on earth are you…”

She pushed open the door and… well… To say ‘Macintosh was utterly destroying Cheerilee’ would be the understatement of the year; closely followed by ‘Cheerilee was enjoying herself immensely’.

Applejack caught a whiff and knew exactly what had happened. She smiled knowingly and then bolted the door, using the drawchain designed exactly for the purpose of keeping little foals out of dangerous business. She resigned herself to knowing she would be doing all of Big Mac’s chores for the rest of the day, likely the week; but she was happy for both of them. She wasn’t feeling bad at all.

And she definitely wasn’t feeling jealous and wishing her own romantic partner were here right now.

* * *

Some days, the Wonderbolts enjoyed going incognito—sans outfits and goggles. For the most part, this allowed them to retain some semblance of anonymity.

And some days, like today, they didn’t.

Rainbow Dash had been a member of this elite squad for nigh on a year now, but she still couldn't suppress the spark of excitement she felt when she saw the reactions of the ponies in the restaurant. It ranged from doubletakes to spittakes, and she couldn’t help but grin. It wasn't a fancy place, just as Spitfire had wanted.

The hostess at the desk was scribbling something down on a notebook when Spitfire leaned against the podium and grinned.

“Spitfire, party of seven? I should have a reservation.”

The hostess dropped her pencil and looked up, eyes wide as she realized exactly . “I- I thought it was a joke…” she whispered.

Spitfire shook her head. “It’s us. We’re here and we’re hungry, so whatchu got for me?”

“Uh…” Right then, the hostess would probably have trouble remembering her own name, let alone her responsibilities.
Spitfire chuckled. “Maybe a table or something?” she suggested.

“W- would you like a table?”

Soarin’ shook his head. “Nah, we'll be fine on the floor. Carpet for five, please,” he said teasingly.

Spitfire jabbed an elbow hard into his ribs, effectively shutting him up. “A table sounds great,” she said.

* * *

Rainbow grinned as she looked around their booth. It was back in the corner, so to be out of the way of others.

An earth pony waitress walked over and froze at the sight of the Wonderbolts at her table. She licked her lips, obviously overwhelmed a bit at her responsibility.

Spitfire decided to cut her some slack. “So I’ve heard the cheesy hay fries make for a great appetizer,” she said.

She quickly recovered. “Hi! I’m Mango Glow, and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I start you out with something to drink?”
Spitfire grinned, and that’s when Rainbow knew it was shaping up to be a great night.

* * *

Rainbow grinned as she drank what must have been her fifth daiquiri. When Spitfire said dinner was on her, she meant it; and everypony had been eating like a princess. Well, if a king were to eat common diner fare, that is. Rainbow certainly felt like a queen, though.

And she hadn’t even been the one drinking the most. Of course, none of these were alcoholic; when Rainbow asked, the reply was a murmured ‘Starwing’, and a pointed change of subject, so Rainbow quickly dropped that.

As is common when important guests, the manager showed up to greet them. And, as is common when at a restaurant, he arrived right as the majority of them had their mouths full. “How is everything tonight?” he asked.

The Wonderbolts gave affirmative nods and light stomps on the table.

“Well, it’s a great thing to see you here, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask, ok?”

“You got it.”

He backed away slowly, as if afraid his most important guests (probably the most important in the history of his restaurant) would vanish if he looked away.

But vanish they did not. The only thing that disappeared were the numerous drinks and appetizers.

And unfortunately, they needed to go somewhere.

Rainbow pushed herself back. “I gotta go… you know.”

Spitfire chuckled. “Take Fleetfoot with you.”

Rainbow missed the gleeful look in Soarin’s eyes as she flew up and landed at the foot of the table. “I’m a big girl,” she said, “I can take care of myself.”

“Rainbow…”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s policy, I know. Come on.” Rainbow led the way, and Fleetfoot followed behind. She hadn’t spent much time with Fleetfoot before, but she seemed nice, if a bit… excuse the pun… flighty.

As they left the bathroom, they happened to bump into the manager again. Rainbow gave a courteous nod, but Fleetfoot stopped short. She grinned and ran her tongue along the front of her teeth. “I saw you looking at me. You don’t hide your feelings very well, you know.”

The manager blushed. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking abo-”

But that’s as far as he got, because she leaned forward and kissed him, right on the lips. He couldn’t suppress a small whimper, but soon sank into the kiss.

Too soon for his liking, she pulled back, letting her tongue rest on his lips for as long as possible. “See what I mean?” she whispered. “Now, don’t you have a restaurant to run?”

The manager couldn’t help but nod and stumble off, dazed. Fleetfoot couldn’t help but giggle. As she turned back to the table, she caught sight of a different earth pony waitress standing there, staring, apparently about to go into the kitchen before that sight had caught her attention.

Fleetfoot ran her tongue across her front teeth. “I swing both ways; do you want one, too?”

The waitress slowly nodded and stepped forward, as if in a dream.

Fleetfoot was as good as her word, and gave her a kiss, too. She reached up and ran her hoof through the waitress’s mane, and then rested it behind her head and pulled her in tightly.

Too soon for her, as well, Fleetfoot leaned back, and the thin trail of saliva between their mouths fell. “Am I right in supposing that will do for a tip?” she asked.

“I- I’m not your waitress…” she stammered.

Fleetfoot shrugged. “It was still good, though.” She reached into her jacked, withdrew a ticket voucher, and slid them into the pouch she wore on her flank, with a complete disregard for her personal space. “Feel free to come to our next show, anyway, eh?”

A wide smile spread across the waitress’s face, and she stumbled off back into the kitchens.

* * *

Rainbow was a bit in shock as she sat back down at the table.

Soarin noticed her expression and couldn’t help but chuckle. “I assume you’ve seen Fleetfoot’s strange habit?”

Rainbow jumped slightly. “Yes. No. I… yeah.”

“It’s not that strange,” Fleetfoot said.

There was a mumbled disagreement.

Fleetfoot held up a hoof to defend herself. “No, see, it’s perfect.” She turned to Rainbow. “I mean, think about it. If one of your friends said she had kissed a Wonderbolt, would you believe it?”

Rainbow paused. “Well, no; but...”

“Exactly. By doing something huge and exaggerated, nopony believes you, even when it’s true."

“But then nopony believes them...”

“Yeah, but it happened. So late at night, when they’re feeling low and useless, they can remember, ‘I was special enough for a Wonderbolt to make out with me’.” She brushed a hoof against her chest. “It’s a public service, really. I should be commended. Maybe even paid for this.”

“Just for the mono treatments, maybe,” Soarin’ jabbed, and this brought a laugh from most of the Wonderbolts.

The one exception was Rainbow Dash. For through this entire conversation, the only thing Rainbow Dash could think about was her own earth pony, and how much she would like to kiss her.

* * *

Late that night, two ponies looked out their respective windows and examined the sky. Whoever said something about ‘at least we’re under the same sky’ was full of horseapples, because both felt a deep longing for something not there that (no offense intended towards Luna) no amount of stars could soothe.

“Well, I left home about a year ago,” Rainbow said.

“Rainbow’s been gone nigh on a year now,” Applejack whispered.

“I wonder how Applejack is.”

“Wonder how she’s doin’.”

“‘Cause, I mean, I’m doing awesome, I hope she is.”

“Ah gotta say, it’s a good day to be Applejack.”

“And it’s not like I’m not having fun, because I totally am.”

“The apple harvest is looking great, and Ah’ve never been prouder of my orchard.”

“I mean, I was born for this!”

“Ah go to bed exhausted every night, and that’s the best feeling ever.”

“My squadmates are great. They’re like the pegasus siblings I never had.”

“My friends have been supportive and more helpful than Ah could have hoped for.”

“I’ve set all kinds of records, and hey, even Fleetfoot over there set a speed record, too. I’m proud of her.”

“Sassaflash had her foalshower today. Ah bet Rainbow would have laughed at that.”

“I’m still going to break it next year, though. Not too quick, though—got to give her some time to brag, after all.”

“On second thought, she probably would have laughed and then pigged out on cake.”

“Either way, it’s been fun.”

“Life has been all right.”

A pause.

“But I can’t help feeling…”

“But Ah can’t help feeling…”

Together, they whispered, “Something’s missing in my life.”

That Snowy Hearth's Warming Day

Hearth's Warming Eve is always a magical time. Not including the namesake play, many wondrous things happen on this day every year; and this year was no exception. Pinkie Pie managed to break her record for 'most ponies at any given party', and celebrated by eating her body weight in frosting (to much applause). Rarity managed to finish her orders in record time and went out to go sing with Sweetie Belle, though this plan disintegrated when Scootaloo and Apple Bloom started an impromptu snowball fight. Incidentally, Rarity also learned that she is actually very good at throwing snowballs. Rainbow Dash kept her word and broke Fleetfoot’s speed record. Twilight learned that placing a lampshade on her head before dancing somehow rendered her dance moves socially acceptable.

In contrast, Hearth's Warming Day is often swept under the rug, so to speak, because of the celebrations (and the aftereffects thereof) from the day before. Pinkie was quite physically sick (though she staunchly maintained that it had been well worth it). Sweetie Belle caught a cold. Fleetfoot wound up spending the day in jail (apparently, the guard on duty outside their green room was not attracted to mares; and besides, forceful kissing of an officer on duty is considered sexual harassment regardless of orientation). Twilight learned the conditions under which wearing a lampshade was acceptable, and swore never to wear one again.

Thankfully, Hearth's Warming Day on Sweet Apple Acres was a bit happier. The living room was a picturesque scene. On the floor in front of the fireplace lay two ponies, Pipsqueak on his side, and Apple Bloom on his chest. Every once in a while, he would run a hoof through her mane, to which she would usually respond with a contented nicker. On the couch behind them, two other ponies lay curled. The larger red stallion held his mare close, every once in a while giving her a quick squeeze. Cheerilee shifted slightly, and Mac’s hoof drifted off her flank. Though he seemed hesitant to put it back on her, perhaps out of respect for her, she had no such qualms, and reached down and picked it up again, resting it on top of her stomach, which had begun to expand slightly from the foal growing inside her. Mac couldn’t help but smile. It truly was a picture-print moment.

At least, it was; until Applejack burst into the room laden with a large tray with something precariously balanced on top.

“Hey, everypony!” she said. “Ah've cooked up a real treat this time! Check this out!”

Mac smiled goodnaturedly. Cheerilee rolled her eyes but shifted her weight in preparation to raise herself.

Apple Bloom and Pipsqueak, on the other hoof, had a slightly difference response. Pipsqueak chuckled wearily, but Apple Bloom groaned pointedly and covered her face with a foreleg. Pipsqueak leaned down to Apple Bloom's ear and whispered, “You'll 'xcuse me for sayin', but isn't it usually the gran what feeds you til you can't move?”

“Oh, she’ll be waking up to take her turn soon,” Apple Bloom grumbled, moving a second foreleg up to hide her face. “But Granny Smith goes with the classics. Applejack’s lonely so she experiments.” She shuddered, remembering one of the previous experiments that had ended up being so bad not even Hogsworth the Third would eat it.

Pipsqueak gave her a comforting squeeze. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad…”

“Apple crisp pizza!” Applejack exclaimed, demonstrating her tray exuberantly.

Pipsqueak paused, then pointedly and deliberately raised a hoof and covered his own eyes.

“Oh come on, y’all!” Applejack protested. “It ain’t the worst thing to come out of that kitchen.”

“Yet,” Apple Bloom muttered under her breath.

Cheerilee sat up enough to give her a look. Even though Apple Bloom had been out of her class for a couple years now, the look still made her flinch.

“Fine,” she muttered, reaching out for a slice. She glanced at it and then hesitantly took a bite.

“Ah forgot to get the drinks!” Applejack slapped her forehead. “Be right back.”

Apple Bloom took this opportunity to spit out the bite she had taken into the fire and wipe her mouth desperately. She turned back to Pipsqueak, and to her surprise, he was eating his slice quite well, and in fact seemed to be enjoying it.

“You can’t tell me you’re actually enjoying that?” Apple Bloom asked.

“If y’ close your eyes and don’t think about it too much, ’s not that bad,” Pipsqueak said with his mouth full.

“You’re insane,” Apple Bloom hissed.

Pipsqueak pondered this for a moment. “Mm-hmm,” he agreed, taking another bite.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. What had she done to deserve such a crazy colt?

Applejack quickly returned with nearly overflowing mugs of cider. She passed one out to everypony, making sure to wait until Cheerilee had sat up completely before giving her hers. When everypony was drinking their cider (and using it as a silent excuse to not eat Applejack’s apple crisp pizza), Applejack put the remaining mug on the fireplace.

Cheerilee winced as she saw it. Applejack had done this every time they’d broken out the cider. She claimed it was a joke, a holdover habit from when Rainbow would mysteriously show up every time there was cider; but everypony knew that it was really because she missed Rainbow, and hoped to actually share it with her someday. Of course, with Rainbow’s tour not being over until three months into the new year, it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Subconsciously, Mac tightened his grip ever so slightly on Cheerilee, immensely grateful that his special somepony was there.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Who's dumb enough to come all the way out here on a night like this?” she asked rhetorically.

“Ah got it!” Apple Bloom shouted, sprinting to the door (and bringing her slice with her, for the express purpose of throwing it outside). She opened the door, and the slice instead ended up on the ground as her jaw dropped in shock. Her ears soon pricked up, though, and she couldn’t keep a smile off her face as she turned back towards the kitchen.

“Hey Applejack, it’s for you!” she called.

Applejack frowned, and then headed towards the door. She poked her head into the front room, and her jaw dropped as well.

“Special delivery!” Rainbow Dash said, chest puffed up proudly even as her cheeks were flushed red from the cold weather outside. “One order of Awesomeness Incarnate, deliverable to A. Jaqueline?”

Applejack ran forward and pulled Rainbow into a tight hug, before leaning back and giving her a strange look. “Why are you wearing holly around your neck?”

“It’s mistletoe,” Rainbow corrected, raising the necklace she wore above her head and puckering her lips.

Applejack was not impressed. “Rainbow, Ah know my plants, and that’s holly. Red berries, pointy leaves, it’s holly.”

“It looks like mistletoe,” Rainbow defended herself.

“Holly looks nothing like mistletoe! Mistletoe has white berries and tiny leaves; holly has…”

Rainbow dropped the plant necklace. “I don’t care. A plant’s a plant. Now come kiss me.”

Applejack happily obliged.

Within minutes, they had the living room and fireplace to themselves. Perhaps it was because the other two couples wanted to give them some respectful privacy as the two lovers reunited for the first time in months. Then again, it could also have been because Applejack had decided to lay Rainbow down on her back and then climb on top of her, clinging to her tightly as she explored Rainbow’s mouth with her tongue, with absolutely no regard for her surroundings, and they had merely left to avoid the awkwardness.

Eventually, though, Applejack had to breathe, and she regretfully pulled back and rested her head on Rainbow’s chest. “You came back,” she breathed.

“Of course I did,” Rainbow said, running a hoof through Applejack’s mane. “Couldn’t stay away.” She chuckled. “Plus, Fleetfoot ended up in jail-”

“What?”

“Long story… But my room was feeling too empty, and I just had to come back. We ponies are herd animals, after all.”

Applejack nuzzled her head deeper into Rainbow’s chest. “That’s great, sugarcube,” she whispered. “So how long do Ah get to keep you? Did you get your time off early or something?”

“Well, not quite… I kindof have to be back tomorrow evening.”

Applejack sat up with a start. “You didn’t get permission to come back?” she demanded.

“Technically, I did!” Rainbow protested. “Spitfire said we could do what we wanted over the break as long as we were back, rested and sober in time for the next show.”

“Which is?”

“The… uh… the day after tomorrow,” Rainbow said quietly.

Applejack quickly did some mental calculations. “You flew all the way back here to spend three hours with me?”

“Well, yeah!” Rainbow said, a note of hesitation finally entering her voice. “Was that wrong?”

“No, no,” Applejack said, running her tongue across her teeth. “Ah’m really glad you did.” She sat up and reached for the mug on the fireplace. “And look at this; Ah saved you some cider.”

Rainbow sat up quickly. “Ooh! Gimme! Gimme!”

Applejack held it out… and then her hoof slipped, dripping cider on Rainbow’s stomach.

“Oh, no, my bad,” Applejack said. “Let me just…” And she set the cider mug back down on the fireplace. Rainbow was at first disappointed, but that soon disappeared as she felt Applejack’s tongue brush up against where the the cider had fallen.

“A- A- Applejack,” Rainbow whimpered as Applejack’s tongue drifted a bit lower than it strictly needed to. “You know you don’t have to…”

“Ah know,” Applejack said, “but you didn’t have to fly all the way back here, either.”

“Yes I diiihh…” Rainbow’s protest was cut off as Applejack licked a trail up her stomach to her barrel, leaving a long swath of moist fur.

And around there is when all of Rainbow’s defenses came crashing down. “Ah, what the hay,” she said. And with that, Rainbow picked up the cider mug, downed the contents like a shot, tossed the mug aside, and tackled Applejack to the ground.

A few minutes later, two smaller ponies quietly crept downstairs, intrigued by the noises they heard. Eyes widened and jaws dropped at the sight of the earth pony and pegasus, especially since the pegasus was the one wearing the hat this time.

“Gates of Tartarus, your sister is flexible!” Pipsqueak whispered.

Apple Bloom gave him a none-too-gentle slap on the back of his head. “Stop watching, you perv!”

“You’re watching too, you… uh… you pervier perv!”

“Ugh! You’re disgusting!”

“So’re you!”

“Fine,” Apple Bloom spat. “Let’s go see what Mac and Chi are up to.”

Silently, they retreated, taking care not to step on the fourth squeaky step from the top. As they approached Mac’s room, though, they found the door shut, and whispered murmurs coming from the other side. Little siblings think alike; they looked at each other briefly, and then as one pressed their ears against the door to hear the conversation.

Pipsqueak scrunched up his face. “What’s a lava miner?”

“Labia,” Apple Bloom corrected disgustedly, pulling back from the door. “She’s givin’ him an anatomy lesson.”

Pipsqueak paused. “He got her pregnant," he pointed out. "I think he knows plenty of anatomy.”

“Yeah, but givin’ anatomy lessons with demonstrations is one’a Cheerilee’s favorite fantasies and why the hay am Ah tellin’ you this?”

“Maybe it’s a sign,” Pipsqueak said, flicking at Apple Bloom’s flank with his tail. “You know’ we’re the only two not doin’ some sort of nasty here; do you have any fantasies you’d wanna try out? You know, if you want to?”

Apple Bloom smirked and walked forward, flicking her own tail in his face. “Actually, Ah think Ah do.”

* * *

Pipsqueak nodded as he lifted himself up and shook off the snow. “Defenestration,” he said. “Lovely word, really…” He looked up at the window. “But you’re going to let me back in now, right?”

Apple Bloom’s response was to shut the window.

“Can I at least have my scarf?” he pleaded.

Author's Note

"Everypony in this house is crazy!"

Ha ha... Way back in September when I sketched this chapter out I thought, 'there's no way it'll take me til December to finish it.' Sometimes I impress myself with my laziness.

That Time Your Dream Wedding Becomes a Nightmare

Wedding preparations.

The phrase sent chills up spines of both mares and stallions, but for different reasons. Mares imagined a day they would want to remember for the rest of their lives. Stallions imagined nagging mother-in-laws, tight collars and ties, standing there forever doing nothing, and so much food that wasn't for them to eat.

However, when preparations were over and the time for the wedding itself had come, both genders would always remember standing in front of the authority marrying them, next to the pony they loved, waiting for the time when they would be married in the eyes of the state, their families, and Celestia herself.

Of course, it's also quite memorable when you're the only one standing there at the altar... especially when the ceremony was supposed to start almost twenty minutes ago.

Applejack shuffled her hooves nervously. Behind her, she could hear Rarity muttering a steady stream of curses on Rainbow Dash for being late, and Fluttershy chewing on her hooves. In front of her, Princess Twilight Sparkle stood with royal dignity and patience, but Applejack knew her friend well enough to pick up on the tiny ear twitches and microshuffles that showed that she, too, was nervous. Sweetie Belle had started snacking on some of the flower petals she hadn’t thrown, and ringbearer Scootaloo was nervously chewing on one of the tassels on her uniform. Best Mare Apple Bloom stood in front of the congregation and so had to stand straight in front of everyone, but she looked worried and even her bow looked like it was drooping. The only one who wasn’t worried was Pinkie Pie, but that was probably because she had started playing a round of Go Fish with Fluttershy. And perhaps Granny Smith, who had fallen asleep again.

Thankfully, Rainbow chose this moment to arrive. Unfortunately, she decided to enter by flying through the door, splintering it into pieces as she entered.

She skidded to a stop, leaving deep gashes in the plush carpet. “You called?” she asked, striking what might have passed for a heroic pose, if it weren’t for what she was wearing.

Or, rather, what she wasn’t wearing.

Applejack’s eyes widened. “Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you na-?”

“Your dress!” Rarity interrupted with a horrified shriek.

Rainbow looked down at the few white strips of cloth that crisscrossed her body. “Yeah, it got lost somewhere in Ghastly Gorge. Probably the second bramble bush. Or that third quarry eel burrow.” She paused at the expressions she was getting. “What? I wanted to go fly for a bit before my wedding. That’s cool, right?”

Rarity fainted. Apparently, she didn’t think so.

As Fluttershy rushed to help, Ranibow turned to Twilight and scratched her left calf with her right hind leg. “I’m here. Let’s get this party started.”

Pinkie quite literally rose up out of her seat, grinning widely.

As one, everypony turned to her and said, “No!”

Pinkie’s smile faded slightly, and she slowly sank back down into her seat.

Twilight coughed lightly and began. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

Applejack couldn’t help but notice that Rainbow was bouncing slightly. It was very distracting.

“...the joining of two souls together to become one…”

Apple Bloom’s ears flicked as she (and everypony in a wide radius) heard Rainbow belch under her breath.

Twilight managed to stay on track. “...forever, as long as Celestia’s sun and-”

Rainbow interrupted. “Hey, Twi, can we get this show on the road?”

“What?”

“You know, skip to the 'mare and mare' part.” She leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, “I gotta tinkle.”

“Ahh!” Applejack sat up in a cold sweat.

Rainbow Dash shot up in surprise, wings flapping furiously; until the low ceiling abruptly stopped her upward motion, sending her crashing back down to the floor. “What happened, AJ?” she asked, pulling herself back onto the bed.

“Had a nightmare,” Applejack responded, still panting.

Rainbow had a couple options here. Number one was tease her, but judging by how shaken she looked, she decided to go with option two, which was a gentle hug and nuzzle. “About what?”

“Getting married.”

Rainbow pulled back, hurt etched on her face. “Well, if you didn’t want to get married, then you shouldn’t have asked me!”

“Nonononono!” Applejack rushed to do damage control. “It wasn’t like that at all. Just... It was a nightmare about something that happened at the wedding.”

Rainbow flinched. “Did it involve Pinkie Pie?” she asked hesitantly.

“No, thankfully…”

“Was it another changeling attack? Did Discord change our dresses to cheesecake? Were we overrun by crazed animals?”

“No.”

“Did the cake fall over and squish Sweetie Belle?”

That was oddly specific. “No.”

Rainbow gasped. “Did we run out of cider?” she asked in a horrified whisper.

Applejack snorted. “That’s your nightmare,” she said, but a smile played at the edge of her mouth.

“Did we run out of food?” Rainbow tried again.

“At an Apple wedding?” Applejack snorted, this time derisively. “You’d have a better chance of stoppin’ the sun from rising.”

“Did my estranged twin cousin show up and dramatically proclaim that she was the real Rainbow Dash and that I was an imposter only trying to marry you because I wanted your farmland to sell it to those two crazy unicorns, and then we fought and after we were done rolling around nopony could tell us apart so you had to make out with both of us in front of everypony to do a taste test to see which one of us was the real Rainbow Dash?”

Applejack laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of this idea. “How in the hay do you have a twin cousin?” she asked.

“It could happen!” Rainbow protested.

Applejack shook her head and rested a hoof on Rainbow’s thigh, further on the inside than she strictly needed to be. No matter what happened, Rainbow could always bring a smile to her face, and this time was no different. “Nothing like that. Just... be on time? Please?”

“Promise,” Rainbow said, crossing her heart.

“And make sure you go to the bathroom before the ceremony."

And with the crisis averted, it was time for Rainbow to go back to option one. "You got it. But are you gonna come watch to make sure? Cause I'm not really into that sort of thing. Just sayin'."

Applejack gave Rainbow a playful slap upside her head with her pillow. “Good night, Rainbow Dash.”

Author's Note

This is one of the first scenes I wrote, as is the next chapter. I’d nearly forgotten about this one, though; just found it on accident. I am excited for the next chapter, not only because DbzorDie asked me not to write it, but also because it splits canonically and I can’t decide which fork I like better, so I’ll prolly publish both.
Can’t believe it’s almost been a year since I started this story. I should do something for that, huh?

That Time You Have To Miss Your Fifth Anniversary

Sometimes, no matter how well two ponies can communicate, it does not change the fact that cultures are different. Being an earth pony and a pegasus couple, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were accustomed to sometimes having to talk out cultural differences and differing traditions (though some, such as the ‘eat until you physically cannot move anymore every Hearth’s Warming’ tradition, Rainbow easily adapted to).

Anniversaries, though, were one of those common things important to both cultures. So it came as a bit of a surprise when Applejack crunched some numbers and realized that Rainbow was going to miss their fifth anniversary.

She confronted Rainbow Dash about it that very afternoon. “So. Neighagra,” she started.

Rainbow cocked her head. “You mean my next show? Yeah. I’ve heard it’s beautiful this time of year.”

“Also a bit too far away for you to come back for our fifth anniversary, isn’t it?”

Rainbow flinched. “Yeah…” she said hesitantly. “About that… I’m not going to be back in time.”

Applejack pulled her hat lower. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Soon! Really, I meant to tell you!”

Applejack looked up. “Rainbow?”

“What?”

“Our anniversary is next week, Rainbow. Thursday next week, to be specific.”

Rainbow Dash was taken aback. “Really? Next week already? Huh. Time flies…”

“That ain’t the only thing that’s gonna be flyin’,” Applejack muttered angrily as she stomped away. “Tear all those feathers out see who’s laughing then.”

Rainbow darted in front of her, making sure to keep her wings clenched firmly against her side. “Look, I knew. I didn’t forget, alright? I asked for time off, but I’m still a rookie; I got auto-denied.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Rainbow slumped to the ground. “You’re telling me,” she muttered dejectedly.

Applejack exhaled slowly as she realized that Rainbow was being hurt by this, too. Swallowing her anger, she sat down next to her and gently wrapped her tail around Rainbow’s waist. “It’s ok,” Applejack whispered. “It’s just a day. We can do things together any time. We’ll just throw something together when you do get back.”

“Yeah, but… Anniversary…” Rainbow said weakly.

“It’s ok,” Applejack said, giving Rainbow a kiss on the cheek. “Ah promise.”

Rainbow nodded, still unconvinced.

* * *

Rainbow sat on the train seat, watching the scenery outside rush by. It was going to be a great show; but it was overshadowed by the lack of Applejack. It just wouldn’t be the same without Applejack.

She jumped as another pony entered the car. “All right, you slackers!” Spitfire called, kicking the door shut behind her. “Updated schedule just got here. Check it out, and make sure you get where you need to be on time.” She began to pace the car, passing out the papers. “I don’t need to remind you what happened the last time a flyer was late, now, do I?”

“I got back in time for the show,” Soarin’ protested weakly.

Spitfire rolled her eyes. “Yeah. And you got sick on the sidelines in front of everypony. Great example you’re setting, buddy.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she looked over the schedule. “We’re not doing the evening show on Thursday?”

“We got bumped. Some egghead convention thing in the small arena and some famous motivational speaker in the big one. So we shifted to a meet-and-greet in the Moon room.”

Rainbow licked her lips. Not every member of the squad went to meet-and-greets. “And who’s doing that?” she asked, hoping she sounded nonchalant.

Spitfire raised an eyebrow. “I dunno. Haven’t assigned that yet. Why?”

“No reason,” Rainbow said a bit too quickly.

Spitfire smirked. “You trying to get that time off, Rainbow?” she asked.

“Uh…” Rainbow couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Add to that the fact that Rainbow really wasn’t a good liar, and there wasn’t much she could do but stammer, “Just wondering, you know?”, and hope somepony else would break into the conversation. And she couldn’t just come clean; aside from the ‘no married ponies’ rule, the Wonderbolts really frowned on having significant others while in the ranks. Insurance payments and all.

Luckily, Fleetfoot jumped in. “If she doesn’t want the time off, I do,” she said, stretching her wings.

“No,” Spitfire growled, turning her attention and irritation towards her. “I’ve bailed your stupid flank out of jail enough times this tour. You’re staying with me the whole time, morning, noon, and night.”

Fleetfoot grinned and ran a tongue along the front of her teeth. “Night, too? Aw, Spitty, I didn’t know you swung that way.”

“What was that?” Spitfire said, holding a hoof to her ear. “You want the whole team to demonstrate their wing-up endurance? Is that what you said?”

Fleetfoot’s eyes widened. She shut her mouth, and then placed all four hooves in front of it for good measure.

Rainbow was only slightly relieved that Spitfire wouldn’t carry out her threat. She was too busy planning. The afternoon show on Thursday was never as long, so the flyers could be rested for the Friday night show, which was always the biggest.

That meant that as long as she didn’t have to do the meet-and-greet, she could make it home in time for her anniversary dessert.

* * *

By Thursday morning, Rainbow was on pins and needles. Once or twice she caught herself biting her hooves from nervousness. She just had to get that time off. She just had to.

“All right, today's assignments,” Spitfire shouted, getting instant quiet. “Morning flyby is me, Soarin', and Blaze. Firestreak and Silver Lining, you're on call for the opening morning ceremony. Everypony's at the show, and then the meet-and-greet tonight is Wave Chill, Fleetfoot, and Rainbow Dash.”

As she heard her name, Rainbow felt as though she had been punched in the stomach.

Spitfire continued. “And Wave, don't be afraid to smack Fleetfoot if she steps out of line.”

Fleetfoot put on her best innocent expression; but it was somewhat ruined by the way she suggestively flicked her tail.

Wave Chill held out a hoof. “All right!” he said.

Rainbow halfheartedly returned the hoof bump. Any other time he'd be great company.

But not today.

* * *

Later that afternoon in Ponyville, Applejack once again found herself working to cover her emotions. On the bright side, this was looking to be a really good harvest.

On the not bright side, she was going to be sleeping alone tonight, the night of her fifth anniversary. And contrary to Pinkie’s claim, all the sugary goods in the world just couldn’t make up for that.

Not that Pinkie hadn't tried, though. Applejack was fairly certain that she and her whole family would be eating cake for a week straight.

She looked up at the sound of a pony clearing their throat. To her surprise, she saw two ponies wearing long black cloaks. One looked slightly larger than the other, but she couldn’t see much else about them.

“Can Ah help you?” she asked hesitantly.

“You are Miss Jacqueline Apple, are you not?” the larger one, a male, asked.

“Jacqueline is my mother's name. Ah'm Applejack,” Applejack said, narrowing an eye suspiciously. “Who wants to know?”

“That is unimportant right now, Miss Applejack,” the smaller female said. “The thing is, you must come with us. Immediately.”

“It’s quite urgent,” the male added.

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “And if Ah don’t?”

“Oh, I doubt that will be the case,” the female said. “You wouldn’t want us to bring you by force, would you?”

“Just you try it,” Applejack growled, lowering herself into a defensive position.

* * *

Later, after the last question had been answered and the last of the straggling paparazzi had been pushed back by the burly bouncers and they had all met up again at the hotel, Fleetfoot bumped Rainbow right in the flank. By now very used to Fleetfoot’s greetings/borderline sexual harassment, Rainbow merely grunted in acknowledgement.

“Hey, Dash, you ok? You were looking kindof distracted there at the end.”

"Yeah," Wave Chill said. "You're like our mare on statistics, but you missed that last one."

“Yeah, I was a bit off,” Rainbow said. She sighed, looking at the room without actually seeing it. Normally, she’d deny it and tout her own awesomeness; today was not a normal day. “Just tired, that's all. Hey look, you all have fun, but I’m not going out tonight. I’m just going to stay here.”

“Good idea.” Spitfire and Soarin nudged each other playfully.

Rainbow narrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“No reason. Oh, and next time you want time off? Share the reason, eh?”

Rainbow frowned. “Reason? I... what?”

“We’re a team now, Dash,” Spitfire said. “That means we trust each other. That means we share pertinent information.”

“I... what?” Rainbow repeated, still not understanding any of this.

“Never mind,” Spitfire said, shaking her head. “Just... enjoy your night, all alone and lonely, in a cold bed, all alone.”

It was about at this point that Soarin couldn’t take it anymore and let out a little -snrk!-. That's all it took for Spitfire to quickly lose her poker face and begin laughing out loud, with Soarin joining in, even laughing to the point of losing control and needing to lean on Spitfire to remain standing. With a knowing nudge and a wink, Spitfire and Soarin left, soon followed by the rest of the team.

Rainbow Dash stood there for a few minutes, confused. Eventually, realizing she wouldn’t get any answers here, she decided to go back to her room and order the largest cider the hotel offered.

Author's Note

Haha... After almost a full year, I get to publish this promised chapter. Feels kindof good, actually.

But that's not the end, is it? Of course not! It's Canon Fork Time! I couldn't decide which of these two I liked more, so I put them both in, and you can choose which ending you like better.

You can choose Option A, or Option B. There is no Option C, though, so don't bother clicking it.

That Time You Reunite With Your Lover in a Hospital

Spike rushed over through the orchard with a telegram clenched firmly in his claws. “Applejack!” he called, skidding to a stop and gasping for breath as he finally found her. He had grown a little bit over the years, of course; but the orchard was still a large place for a little dragon.

Applejack frowned as she saw him approach. “Spike, you ok?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he panted, “I’m fine, but Rainbow’s not!”

“What?!” Applejack gasped.

Spike held out the telegram, and Applejack snatched it up. Her eyes quickly scanned over it. Words like ‘flying incident’, ‘unfortunate accident’, and ‘critical condition’ flashed in front of her eyes.

“When’s the next train?” she demanded.

* * *

Applejack bounced nervously on her seat. She didn’t know if others were watching or caring, but the entire way there she couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t been this nervous since she had been waiting in the waiting room after Granny Smith’s hip replacement surgery.

“Do you have to potty?”

Applejack looked over at the tiny foal who had asked the question. “No,” she said.

He cocked his head. “You look like you have to go. You’re doing the potty dance.”

“That’s ‘cause… Ah’m pretty worried about something.”

“Mommy says everypony pees themselves sometimes. Is that what you’re worried ab-?”

“That’s not what Ah’m-!” Applejack snorted and gave up. She slouched back against the seat and crossed her forelegs, attempting to send a clear but polite ‘go away’ message.

It didn’t work. The little colt jumped on the seat next to her. “So what are you worried about?”

Applejack kept staring in front of her. “Stuff.”

“Like?”

“Important things.”

“Like?”

Applejack snapped. “My marefriend’s in the hospital and Ah don't know how she’s doing.”

He contemplated this for a few moments. “But you’re a mare too, aren’t you?”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, Ah’m a mare, too.”

“Oh.” He contemplated further. “So if the mare is usually on bottom, which one of you gets on top of the other when you’re wrestling?”

“Asth- ickt-" Applejack spluttered. "W- what kinda question is that? And how old are you, anyways?”

“I’m six.”

Applejack threw her hooves into the air in defeat. “You know what? Ah’m done,” she said, hopping off the seat and heading further down the train car.

“But the bathroom’s that way!” he called after her, pointing in the opposite direction.

Ignoring him, she continued until she found a new seat, picked up a discarded magazine, and opened it, trying to deflect any conversation. She hadn’t intended on actually reading it; until the word ‘Wonderbolt’ caught her eye. And the accompanying picture…

“What in the hay?!”

* * *

Applejack shook the rain off her mane as she sprinted through the hospital reception area. Taxis had been impossible last time she was in a big city, and she hadn’t had any more luck this time. She skidded to a stop in front of the information desk.

“Hi, Ah’m here to see a patient?” she panted.

The receptionist popped her gum and adjusted her red volunteer vest. “Name?” she said boredly.

“Rainbow Dash.”

She snorted and closed the notebook. “Scram.”

“Ah’m serious!”

“Look, I can’t tell you whether or not we have a pony by the name of Rainbow Dash in here, and even if we did, we couldn’t let just anypony see her. Now leave, or you’ll be escorted from the property.”

“She’s been askin’ to see me! Ah’m her marefriend, for Celestia’s sake!”

“A likely story. We’ve been seeing slimy autograph hunters all morning. You’re not the first, and I doubt you’ll be the last.”

Applejack pulled her hat over her face to muffle her scream of frustration. Then she calmly put her hat back on and spoke in a very measured voice. “Very well. What would Ah have to do to prove that Ah am who Ah say Ah am?”

“You just don’t know when to give up, do you? Look, unless you've got a trio of red apples on your flank in an equilateral triangle, then you're gonna have to take off before I call security.”

“Ah do!” Applejack nearly shouted as she turned to demonstrate. “That’s what Ah’ve been tryin’ to tell you!”

The receptionist’s eyes widened. “Whoa. I'm just so used to ponies pretending that they know the famous patients.” She quickly pulled out the list and scanned it. “Room 237b.”

“Thank Celestia!” Applejack spat as she sprinted towards the stairs.

* * *

Applejack skidded to a stop in front of the door. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but in her mind, horrifying images surfaced of Rainbow Dash, covered in burnt muscle, blackened scar tissue, with only a few scraps of blue fur left and missing a wing and with extensive nerve damage all over her body.

She didn’t expect to see Rainbow Dash sitting up in bed, impatiently sucking on a juicebox that had, by the sound of it, been empty for some time. Her eyes brightened as she saw Applejack, and she quickly discarded it and spread her (bandaged) forelegs wide.

“Appleja-!” She winced as a sharp pain shot through her shoulder and she quickly lowered her left foreleg. “Maybe a half-hug for now, eh?”

Applejack pulled back. “You’re hurt bad,” she said numbly. “The telegram said you were in critical condition…”

“That’s what the paramedic ponies said when they saw me.” Rainbow shrugged, but her eyes did seem slightly haunted. “I got downgraded on arrival.” She gave Applejack a playful nudge on the shoulder. “Guess I’m tougher than they thought, eh?”

“Yeah, but Ah was still so worried.”

“Yeah, me too. When I was conscious, anyway.” She sighed, and then winced and placed a hoof on her ribs. “But hey, nopony else got hurt. Bad sneaker wind, happens to everypony now and again.”

“That’s what Ah heard.” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “There’s… somethin’ else you should probably know, too.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Is it about the pictures of my private parts in the magazines from when I crashed and shredded my suit?”

Applejack nodded, surprised. “How did you..?”

“I get other visitors.”

Applejack nodded. “Ah know it was actually you. Ah saw the burn mark from the mill yard incident.”

Rainbow grinned, reminiscing. “Ah, the mill yard incident.” She raised a hoof. “I still say that that was totally worth it.”

“Be serious! All your… you know... are all over the news and stuff!”

“Yeah, Spitfire tried to eliminate all of the evidence, but it looks like she missed a couple.” Rainbow shrugged. “I guess I’ve had worse. Also, you were right; that picture of us kissing at the closed tryouts popped up again.”

“Doesn't that embarrass you?” Applejack had to ask.

Rainbow shrugged (and winced again). “Not really. Remember, stars do this stuff. In a week my teats will be old news and some new scandal will be breaking." She grinned. "Besides, Spitfire found out who took the pictures and blacklisted her from every single one of our future events, so I don't mind too much. Even if it was a good picture.”

"Yeah, it was."

A pause.

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “You have one of those magazines, don't you?”

Applejack blushed slightly. She had neglected to discard it for… protective reasons. “Yeah,” she admitted, “but I prefer the real thing.”

Rainbow Dash grinned. Reaching under the covers, she began to pull up her hospital gown until her lower half was devoid of clothing but still covered by the blanket. The beeping of the heart monitor began to speed up as Dash spoke. "Well, I'd be more than glad to give you a private show of Equestria's most famous nipples. I guess the only question is, what are my teats worth to you?"

Applejack narrowed an eye suspiciously. "Are you asking what's in it for you?"

Rainbow pulled her forehooves out of the covers and held them up to her face in an attempt to look as vulnerable as possible. Ever so slightly, she spread her rear legs. "Something like that."

Rainbow gasped in surprise as Applejack quickly went on the offensive, sliding a hoof under the covers and resting it right in between her nipple line and her marehood. Applejack then leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Because I can give them, and the pony they're attached to, the time of her life. And you know I will."

Applejack could literally feel the heat start to form in Rainbow's nether regions. Ignoring the rapidly-beeping monitor, she began to gently move her hoof in a circle, and although nowhere near any of what could be called Rainbow’s hotspots, she was still rewarded with a little gasp and a tiny buck of her hips.

"I've missed you, Applejack," Rainbow whimpered. "It's been so long..."

"Ah know. Ah've missed you too. All of you."

Rainbow bounced in surprise as Applejack's hoof drifted over a very sensitive spot.

"A- again!" Rainbow pleaded.

But there would be no again, because at that time the beeping jumped up to a single tone and a nurse burst in.

"What're you...!?

Too late, Applejack withdrew her hoof, but the nurse had seen.

She sighed, kneading her face with a hoof. "Look, I know you two are in love and all, but stimulating her like that is a terrible idea! A raise in blood pressure puts pressure on the internal stitches! She could pop them, bleed out, and die if you're not careful!"

Applejack sprinted out of the room.

The nurse smiled before her eyes darted to one side. She pulled out a magazine from her apron that looked oddly familiar. "Could you... sign something for me?" she asked hesitantly.

Author's Note

This one is really old, too... Ah well. It's been good to finally get it done.
Also, this is the second to last scene I have sketched out. :applecry:

That Time You Find An Old Picture

“Rainbow Dash?” Applejack paused at the bottom of the stairs, one hoof upraised. “You doin’ ok?”

Rainbow Dash didn't answer.

Applejack pursed her lips and headed up the stairs. Something wasn't quite right, and she was aiming to figure out what. Rainbow was usually a little more chipper and active, even this late at night.

And usually a little more affectionate, for that matter.

She made it to the top of the stairs and poked her head into her room. Rainbow Dash sat on the edge of the bed, holding something in her forehooves.

“Rainbow?”

“Check this out,” Rainbow said, holding out a picture.

Applejack took it and looked at it. She raised an eyebrow. “It's you.” And it was. It was a picture of a younger Rainbow Dash, her mane shorter but messier and sticking up in strange places, giving the camera a confident, almost cocky smirk. It was almost enough to detract from the scratches and black eye on the left side of her face, as if she’d run into something tree-like at a very high rate of speed.

“Of course it's me,” Rainbow said. “But younger.”

“Yeah,” Applejack said with a little smile. “You were a cute one.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow murmured, taking it back and looking at it again. There was a brief moment of silence, and then she asked, “What happened?”

Applejack blinked. “To what?”

“What happened to that filly?”

Applejack blinked again. “She grew up, Rainbow,” she explained slowly. “That’s how life works. Little ponies grow up to be big ponies, and-”

“No, but, like…” She exhaled. “Remember when we first started going out?”

“Yeah…?” Applejack said, unsure where she was going with this.

“And the first time you kinda leaned on me, and I took out your hair tie so I could play with your mane?”

Applejack chuckled. “Sure do,” she said. “You got pretty nervous about doin’ that, but Ah kinda liked it.”

“I did n- Ok, yeah, I was; and yeah. I liked it too. Do you remember the last time I did that?”

Applejack chuckled again. “Where is this coming from, Rainbow?” she asked.

“You don't remember, do you?” Rainbow refused to be diverted.

Applejack paused, thinking back, and then shook her head. “Can't say that Ah do,” she admitted. She cracked a smile. “You've been touching a few different places.” She flicked her tail demonstratively.

“Yeah, but why?” Rainbow insisted.

Applejack cocked her head. “Why?” She grinned. “Because we both like it?”

“I loved touching your mane,” Rainbow said, unable or unwilling to deviate from her previous thought process. “It made me so happy, just to do that; just to be that close to you. And now whenever I want to touch you, it's somewhere else.” She reached out, sliding her hoof along Applejack’s body until crossing over her flank, continuing and then caressing her under her tail. Just like last time she'd wanted to touch Applejack.

And Applejack just smiled and rocked into it slightly, letting her touch her, enjoying the attention, just like last time.

Too soon, though, Rainbow pulled away. “What changed?”

“We got more comfortable with each other?” Applejack suggested.

“That's not it, though. I mean, I used to be happy just being in your presence. Now, I feel like I'm not happy unless my tongue is two inches deep in your-”

“Ah get it,” Applejack cut her off. “Things change. Ponies change. Life changes. Relationships change.” She chuckled. “Hay, the only thing that doesn’t change is change.”

“Yeah, but, I mean… back then, little Rainbow had no idea any of this was going to happen. She had big dreams of being a Wonderbolt, never settling down because nopony would be fast enough or awesome enough for her.” She looked up. “And now I’ve got you,” she nearly whispered.

Applejack knew better than to tease Rainbow Dash for her sappiness, no matter how badly she was tempted to do so. “And Ah’ve got you,” she said, jumping onto the bed and resting her head on Rainbow’s shoulder. “And every night Ah go to bed thankful that Ah do.”

Rainbow looked back at the picture. “Did she know?” she wondered aloud. “Did she have any idea how her life would turn out? That she would actually become a Wonderbolt, fall in love with another mare, and end up living on an apple farm? The cider? The sex?”

“Ah think you can safely assume that she didn’t,” Applejack said, cracking a smile. “She probably just cared about going fast.”

Rainbow set the picture down on the nightstand. “Wow,” she said slowly. “I have changed.”

There was a pause.

“We both have,” Applejack said softly. “Happens in relationships.”

The pause returned.

“Are you disappointed?” Applejack asked.

“No,” Rainbow said quickly. “Not at all. It's great. You're great. It's just… it made me think, that's all.”

There was another pause.

“So,” Applejack said. “If you knew back then, how it all would go—how this all would go—would you still do it?”

“Heh. I'm kinda glad I didn't know,” Rainbow chuckled. “There was a lot of awkwardness.” Her voice grew quiet, and she snorted. “A lot of awkwardness,” she added, gently rubbing the inside of her thigh where she still bore the reminders of something they only called ‘the mill yard incident’. She glanced up. “But totally worth it.”

Applejack nuzzled her cheek gently. “Gotta agree with you there, Sugarcube.” She slowly lowered herself to the bed. “Come on, it's getting late.”

Rainbow looked one last time at the picture, and then put it on the nightstand and turned out the light.

The two mares lay, their bodies lightly touching. Under the blankets. Together. Just as they had been for so many years.

And then Rainbow Dash reached up and began running a hoof through Applejack’s mane.

Applejack smiled. This was really nice, actually.

* * *

The next morning, Applejack awoke bright and early, as she usually did. She looked over at Rainbow Dash, still slumbering deeply, mouth open and snoring softly. She cracked a smile. Still as cute as ever when she slept; though she hadn't said that to Rainbow’s face in many years.

She glanced over to the picture on the nightstand. She pursed her lips, thinking. Didn't Granny Smith have a few scrapbooks around?

And thus it was that when Rainbow finally woke up with a stretch, pop, and groan, she saw Applejack, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a book in her lap. She looked over her shoulder as she heard Rainbow rouse, and motioned with her head that Rainbow should join her.

Rainbow did so, blearily rubbing her eyes. Then she froze, taking in the sight, and then laughed. “Look at you!” she chortled. “You look adorable!”

Applejack chuckled. Apparently, the urge to take the picture was more urgent than cleaning off her little foal face; her cheeks were caked with fritter bits. Still, she had to admit, it was pretty cute. She turned the pages a few more times, and landed on a picture of young Applejack, proudly displaying a ribbon she'd won. Behind her, the large apple she had grown that had won that prize. She would have been about the same age as Rainbow Dash had been in the picture she had found. Back when she had just gotten back from Manehattan. Back when she had finally realized that this farm was her destiny. That here was where she was going to spend the rest of her life.

And that plan had not included any pegasi in her life.

Applejack nudged Rainbow Dash with her elbow. “You know, Ah bet little Applejack would be happy she found somepony as awesome as you to spend her life with.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, looking at the picture. “Would you have told her?”

Applejack chuckled. “Nah,” she said. “Part of the fun of it was doing it with you.”

There was a pause.

Rainbow waggled her eyebrows. “Well, I do love doing it with-”

“Not what I meant, Rainbow!”

Rainbow wrapped her forelegs over Applejack’s shoulders and draped herself on her back. “I know. I'd still totally do it with you, though. Right here, right now, before anypony else is up.”

Applejack chuckled dryly. “Funny you should say that. You missed breakfast—again—and everypony is decorating Hearth's Warming cookies downstairs.

Rainbow glanced up at the clock, and realized that this was true. She sighed. “Fine.”

And then-

Applejack gasped and leapt off the bed. “Rainbow!” she breathed out through gritted teeth. “Those are sensitive, you know that!”

Rainbow chuckled as she retracted her wing. It had been years since she figured out just how sensitive Applejack was in certain places, and it still never got old. “Love you, AJ.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Applejack grumbled. “Love you too.”

That Time You Reunite For The Last Time

Rainbow looked down and grinned. “Yeah, it’s me again,” she said, bringing up a hoof to rub at her chest. It had been aching all morning; she’d have to see somepony about that. “Guess I've been coming so long it's just habit now. Good habit, though.”

Applejack's tombstone remained silent, but Rainbow liked to think she would be flattered.

Rainbow leaned forward to brush some imaginary dust off the top with her wing. “Yeah, lots has been happening, I guess. Apple Fritter’s pregnant, again, so that’ll make six for her now. Cheerilee’s nearly wetting herself with excitement.” She paused. “Or maybe that’s just a natural thing for how old she is. She’s tough, though.” Rainbow thought about what she’d said for a moment, and then blushed. “Not that I’m saying you weren’t,” she quickly corrected herself. “It’s just… you put a lot of stress on your body.” Her shoulders slumped. “Never realized what a sacrifice it was for you to come to all my things and get all your farm work done. Well, I guess I did; but it just seemed so natural coming from you.” Rainbow cracked a wry smile. “You were just as loyal as me, you know? And… well, I guess you did, because you’re you; but I don’t think I ever told you as much as I should have, and I’m sorry if I didn’t.”

She stepped closer and rested her head on the tombstone. The cold granite was somehow comforting. She exhaled. “I hope you understood just how awesome you were to me.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, sugarcube. Ah understood.”

“That’s good. Because sometimes I wonder, you know? I’m not good at sharing all these sappy things, and I’m still not, even after all these years. I mean, you’d think by now, right? But…” Her voice trailed off as she recognized that voice. Rainbow shot to her hooves and looked behind her. There stood Applejack, just as she’d remembered her: large hat, mane ribbon, freckles, gleaming green eyes, and best of all, that little smile she’d missed.

Rainbow took a couple of steps forward, half-expecting this apparition to disappear; but Applejack remained. She slowly stretched out a hoof, afraid to touch her and reveal she was just a figment of her imagination. “How…?”

Then she froze. Another option had come to mind. A rather distressing option.

She looked back over to see herself, her head leaning on the headstone, wearing a peaceful smile on her face, her wings slowly unfolding in death. Rainbow stomped on the ground. “Aw, horseapples!” she swore. “This is how I die? I wanted to go out doing something cool! A reverse buccaneer blaze! A granny Rainboom! Anything! Ugh!” She dropped to her haunches and pouted. “So not cool.” Scowling, she turned towards Applejack and pointed at herself. “This is how I’m going to be remembered, all sappy and stuff. This bites.”

“It’s good to see you too, Rainbow,” Applejack deadpanned.

“Oh, yeah. You’re looking good, AJ,” Rainbow said, getting back up and facing her.

“Thanks.”

The two stared at each other for a few moments.

Rainbow swallowed. “Like... really good. Can I… touch you?” she asked hesitantly. “Or are we both, you know, all ghosty now?”

Applejack grinned. She straightened up. “Why don’t you try it?” she invited.

Trembling, Rainbow stretched out a hoof again. Applejack held herself still as Rainbow neared, except for the corner of her mouth that curled up at Rainbow’s hesitation.

Finally, Rainbow’s hoof brushed against Applejack’s cheek. Her orange fur parted at her touch. Unable to stop, Rainbow continued, brushing up behind her ear and stroking her mane, which felt coarse and healthy like a mane should be. Applejack turned her head slightly, giving Rainbow better access.

“Oh, it’s just like I remembered,” Rainbow whimpered.

An easy smile crossed Applejack’s face. “Feels pretty good for me, too.”

“You can feel it? Even though you’re… you know…?”

Applejack chuckled. “Rainbow?”

“What?”

“You can feel it, too, Rainbow. And you’re also… you know.”

“Oh.” Rainbow dropped her hoof. “Right.”

Applejack grinned. “Didn’t say you should stop.”

“Right.”

Applejack primly lay down, and patted the ground, indicating that Rainbow Dash should sit next to her. With a strange sense of eager hesitation, Rainbow did so. Applejack rested her head against Rainbow’s chest, and Rainbow brought a hoof up to stroke her mane. It was her. It was really her. After all these years, it was really her.

And then the next thing Rainbow Dash knew, she was straddling Applejack, their bodies pressed as closely together as she could, her tongue exploring once more Applejack’s familiar and inviting mouth.

Rainbow sat up and chuckled nervously. “Maybe… maybe I should’ve died a long time ago,” she panted.

Applejack laughed and brushed her hoof against Rainbow’s cutie mark. “Rainbow, to me, Ah ain’t been dead but for an hour or so.”

“Really? You’re coping well.”

Applejack smirked. “Ah’d say you’re getting along fine, too, seeing as how you just kicked the bucket a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow shrugged. “I’m sure it’ll set in here pretty soon, and I’ll start wailing about how I shouldn’t have died so young-”

Applejack snorted.

“-and reviewing my last words to ponies, like telling Blueberry Pie that... that I did want to go to her birthday party and, uh, Scootaloo... talking about her kids and how proud I am of her.” She paused and set her hooves down, resting them on Applejack’s barrel. “Actually, I think I’m pretty good on that aspect.”

Applejack cracked a smile. “Ain’t that like you, living life with no regrets.”

“I’ve lived a good life,” Rainbow agreed. She looked down into Applejack’s eyes. “Missed you, though,” she said quietly.

Applejack put on her smarmiest grin. “How much?”

“This much.” She leaned down and kissed her again. This one was deeper, gentler, and longer. After a moment, she broke it, just to press her lips gently against hers again. This was a different kind of kiss entirely; though the first was full of fiery passion, this one was full of tender love.

Applejack chuckled, and it was at this point Rainbow realized she didn’t actually have to breathe. “Wow-ee. You are sappy. You’ve gotten soft in your old age, Rainbow.” She reached up and poked Rainbow in the stomach. “Soft as a marshmallow.”

Rainbow scowled, lifted a wing-

Applejack saw what she was about to do a split second before she did. She held up her hooves. “Don’t you dare-!”

But Rainbow dared. She brushed her wing right where she knew Applejack had been most sensitive.

Applejack let out an ‘anh!’, squirmed like she’d been dipped in ice water and bucked her off, an impressive feat considering she was still on her back.

“Haha!” Rainbow crowed, now hovering in the air, flapping her wings. “That still works?”

Applejack hid a smile as she put her hat back on her head. “It makes you happy, Rainbow, so yeah, it works. Where we’re going, it’s a place of happiness; so anything that makes you happy can happen.” She lifted a hoof and flicked something metal under Rainbow’s neck. Rainbow looked down and realized that she was once more wearing her 'Property of Applejack' collar. “Anything,” she repeated.

She cracked a wide smile, then looked back up at Applejack. “There are a few things that would really make me happy right now.”

Applejack bent her legs slightly. “Is one of them a race?”

Rainbow tapped her hooves together. “I was going to suggest a cider bath with you, but a race is a close second!” she said cheerfully as she flapped her wings harder and rose higher into the air. She looked down and winked. “Think you can keep up?”

Applejack grinned… and then pressed her hoof against the thin air and pushed up. She galloped up vertically through the air, and stood in front of Rainbow as if standing on an invisible platform. “Oh, yeah. Ah can keep up.” A playful smirk crossed her face. “The question is, can you keep up with me?”

Rainbow laughed. “I love you so much, Applejack. First to the farmhouse?”

Applejack shook her head. “I’m thinking a little further. How about ‘first to Vanhoover’?” she asked, a little smile playing at her lips.

Rainbow licked her lips, mentally drawing that map. That would be long (trains usually took a day and a half from Ponyville), but wow, would it be fun. “That's something I can do. Winner gets to wear the hat!”

“Ha,” Applejack said. “You ain’t ever gonna wear the hat if we keep betting like this.”

“Why don’t you put your hat where your mouth is and line up?” Rainbow challenged.

Finding an adequate line (Applejack’s tombstone), they lined up right next to each other, and counted down as they always had.

“Three!” Applejack started, as she was the one who had issued the challenge.

“Two!”

“One!”

And together...

“Go!”

Author's Note

I’m moving down to a new state this week, and it’s a new chapter in my life, and I’m thinking I should close off a few before I do.

I’ve actually had most of this scene written for a long time, almost from the very beginning; but I kept putting it off, knowing it would be the final chapter, and hoping a new idea would come to mind first. I finally decided to post it and put the story as On Hiatus just in case inspiration struck again, but then I changed my mind and didn’t post it, and now I’ve changed my mind again. I think this is it. It closes it, finishes it, and they’re together.

It’s funny to think how this all started with a prompt, and simple comment suggesting I make it a series. Thank you all so much for reading my little story!

Learning the Phrase

Twilight Sparkle heard the door to the library open. Mentally marking her place in the paragraph, she looked up from her book and did a double-take.

Rainbow Dash was walking into the library. Not flying in. Not crashing in through a window. Walking. Her head was slightly downcast, and Twilight could instantly tell all was not right.

"Rainbow? Are you ok?" she had to ask.

"Hey, Twilight," Rainbow said. "I was hoping you'd be here."

Twilight grinned. "I'm always here."

"Yeah, I know. And here's where Applejack usually isn't, so I figured I'd come by and talk."

"Actually..." Twilight paused as Rainbow's words sank in. "Talk about what, Rainbow?"

"Life."

"That's... a broad subject," Twilight said slowly. "Anything in specific?"

Rainbow sighed. "I'm just so... confused. All these feelings..."

Twilight quietly reached for a quill and tried to hide the smile on her face at the prospect of a little impromptu field research. "What kind of feelings?"

"Well, you see... Um... You know..." After a few false starts, Rainbow closed her eyes and spoke. Her words came out fast and jumbled, as if afraid that if she stopped, she would never start again. "Do you ever feel like everything makes sense, but nothing makes sense at the same time? Like you're so happy you want to fly east forever, but then so wound up you just want to scream, and then so depressed that all you want to do is take a cold shower?"

"That's a bit more helpful," Twilight said, lowering the checklist she had just made, "and extraordinarily complex. When do you get these feelings?"

Rainbow Dash looked up. "You want me to come out and say it? Fine. Fine, I'll say it." She took a deep breath, opened her mouth... and dropped into a sitting position with her head lowered in shame. "I can't say it," she whimpered, her eyes pointed firmly towards the ground.

"Do you feel these feelings around another pony?" Twilight asked.

"Maybe."

Twilight smiled as she got up off the couch. "Rainbow Dash, you fit the description of a pony in love."

"I know."

Twilight blinked. "If you know, why are you here?"

Still with her eyes on the ground, Rainbow answered with a question of her own. "What do you know about love?"

Twilight smiled. "I've read plenty about it. In fact..."

Rainbow Dash exploded. She shot into the air, forcing Twilight to take a step backwards. Her eyes were narrowed, and her teeth were bared. "No! No books, Twilight. This is real life, ok? There is no happy ending, there is no easy way out, there is no 'everypony winds up satisfied'. Look at me, ok? Look at me! My dream for forever has been joining the Wonderbolts. What do they do?"

"Sh- show their flying prowess and act as special forces units?" Twilight answered hesitantly.

"They tour. They visit different places. They're the cool diplocrats from Equestria."

Twilight was half tempted to correct her, but quickly decided against it.

"But they don't go home. Right?"

Twilight nodded, then shook her head, then went with a much safer, "Correct."

"Now imagine that a Wonderbolt which may or may not be me has fallen in love with somepony here in Ponyville who will never leave. She can't leave. What happens then?"

"You'll... drift apart?" Twilight guessed.

"Exactly! So we're happy for a bit, and then -bam-. Things won't work out. So I don't think I even want to bring it up anyway. But then I'm stuck with all these... feelings inside, and it's tearing me apart, Twilight. She is everything I want in a special somepony. She works hard. She's beautiful. She doesn't quit."

Twilight blinked. This was very unusual behavior, especially coming from Rainbow Dash.

"Celestia help me, she's almost as awesome as me."

Ok, that was a little more appropriate.

"Either way, we both lose." Rainbow Dash sank to the floor. "And that's assuming Applejack even likes me back. What do I do, Twilight? What do I do?"

Ooh, accidental name-drop. Twilight thought quickly. "Well, I..."

"If you're going to say 'read something in a book', I swear I'll leave a raincloud over your library for two weeks," Rainbow growled.

Twilight kept a flat expression. "I was going to say, 'talked with Princess Celestia'..."

"Oh."

"When I first learned of Hearts and Hooves day, I was so confused as to why that was even a holiday. I asked the princess, and she told me about it."

Rainbow looked up. "How exactly does that help me?"

"Let me finish. I also asked her if she had ever fallen in love."

"Oh, 'cause she's, like, immortal and stuff, right?"

"Right. She went quiet for a moment, and then she said yes. I then asked her who her special somepony was. She said she'd had a few, but they had all died."

Rainbow crinkled her nose. "That's... depressing."

"That's what I thought, and I told her so. I asked, why even bother falling in love if it was just going to hurt? She smiled and said, 'Yes, but Twilight, the good times are worth all the pain'."

"So..."

"So tell her, Rainbow."

"I don't know if I can."

"You can, Rainbow." Twilight smiled as she raised Rainbow's face with a hoof. "You're the most awesomest pegasus this side of the ocean. It'll be awkward, sure; but it'll be worth it."

"You think so?" Rainbow asked, a hint of hope coming into her voice.

"I know so."

Rainbow shot to her hooves. "That's just what I needed! Now I just need to go and find Applejack, and..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Twilight's nervous expression, and Rainbow's face fell.

"She's here, isn't she?"

"Kitchen." Twilight said sheepishly. "Making pies for that parade later."

"She couldn't make them at home?"

"They'd be cold when they got here."

"And she heard all of that, didn't she?"

"Most likely."

There was an awkward pause.

"I should go talk to her, huh?"

"I thought that's what you wanted to do anyway?" Twilight had to ask.

"Well, yeah; but that was before she was here. Now she's here and..."

"And there's no backing out now." Twilight grinned. "It's just like taking a test--the hardest part is starting. Once you start, it's all downhill from there."

For some reason, this did not comfort Rainbow Dash.

"We'll stay out of your way." Twilight turned up the stairs and called, "Spiiike!"

"What?" the dragon yelled back down. He sounded mildly annoyed at being interrupted.

"I'm going to see Rarity, want to come?"

He could not have been at her side quicker had he been teleported.

Twilight gave a reassuring smile as she led Spike out among questions like 'how do my spines look?' and 'do I need a breath mint?'. "Remember, Rainbow. It'll be awkward, but worth it."

Rainbow repeated that mantra silently as she watched Twilight leave the library, as she turned towards the kitchen, as she left the reading room, and as she took a steadying breath before opening the kitchen door.

Awkward, but worth it.

Sure enough, it described that conversation.

Sure enough, it described that first kiss.

Sure enough, it described those first few days of their relationship, trying to adjust to each other.

Sure enough, it described their first night together.

Sure enough, it described their situation when Apple Bloom walked in on them in the barn.

Sure enough, it described their life when Rainbow got that acceptance letter.

Sure enough, it described it when Rainbow had to miss their fifth anniversary for Wonderbolt detail.

But those are all stories for another time.

This is where this chapter ends, with one pony nervously entering somepony else's kitchen in a building she rarely set hoof in to try and confess hidden feelings to a pony who was not often here either and who might not even reciprocate those feelings in the first place.

Looking back, that decision to go into the kitchen was the best and worst decision of Rainbow Dash's life. Throughout all the years that followed, that phrase followed too. Together with Applejack, her life was surprisingly awkward, but definitely worth it.

And she never regretted it one bit.

Author's Note

If this looks familiar, there's a reason for that. I like these prompts (and would write more if I found another group that did this) because of the way I write. I envision different scenes, and then the challenge becomes connecting them together. In these mini-prompts, all I need is the scene. It's all by itself. No connections. It's perfect.
Anyway... Tchernobog commented twice on this response, once in the forum and once in the comments of the collab, how interesting it would be to see the other scenes I listed. To be honest, I was tempted to leave that list out in the first place. After all, I was far over the word limit, and it's not like it would make that much of a difference. It was just rambling, right? Sure, it wrapped it up nicely, but still.
Well, when I read that comment, I looked back over the scenarios I had presented, and then my randomness kicked in and spun a scene of their first night together. It was... we'll say awkward. Amusing, but awkward. Now, since I'm not a fan of clop, I caught on to another idea to switch the gears in my mind, and Apple Bloom appeared with a question for Applejack. Next thing I knew, I was typing ideas on my phone for at least six different scenarios, including new ones I hadn't listed and even a scene or two for Big Mac.
Why is this a problem? Because at that time, I was supposed to be studying for a chemistry test.
Ah well. No one likes organic chemistry anyway.
So yeah. Now I have another set of stories and plot bunnies running around in my head, and since I don't have to connect them, this will probably take more of my time and be updated more often than my other stories.
Thanks, Tchernobog.

Jerk.

That Time You Learn Where Rainbows Actually Come From

Big Mac walked steadily down the dirt path, hauling the wagon filled with wood.That windstorm had really done a number on the farm, and had taken out more than a few trees and had badly damaged the various barns on their property. It also had destroyed the Crusaders’ treehouse. While the farm always came first, Big Mac simply couldn’t resist the pleading abilities of three young fillies; so bright and early on Saturday morning, on his first day off of the month, he was carrying wood and supplies to help rebuild it while the three crusaders bounced along beside him. Briefly, he wondered what their next crusading idea would be.

“All I’m saying is, maybe we should try building small dams at first before trying to block the river.”

On second thought, he was ok with not knowing.

They arrived at the site, and looked in despair at the remains of the tree house. The foundation had held, but most of the roof was gone and what was left of the walls was perforated by branches, flung by the wind.

"We're never going to get this fixed," Sweetie Belle whimpered.

"Come on, Sweetie," Apple Bloom said comfortingly. "It won't be that bad. We can do it. Together, like we always do."

"Yeah," Scootaloo agreed, pumping a hoof in the air. "Cutie mark crusaders disaster repairers!"

"Cutie mark crusaders pass me that hammer and stand clear," Big Mac corrected. "Ah have no intention of goin' t' the hospital on mah day off."

Thankfully, that was not needed, though there were some close calls throughout the whole five hours. Luckily for Big Mac, the only casualties were two misplaced hammers and a missing measuring tape before most of the heavy lifting was done.

Sweetie Belle was in a much better mood as she surveyed their newly reconstructed base of operations. "This is awesome! Now we just have to redecorate the inside."

"And do a little sandin'," Apple Bloom added.

"And make a spot for Rainbow Dash whenever she comes to visit!" Scootaloo said.

Both her friends gave her an off look, but neither said anything.

"Well, we're definitely inviting her to the grand rededication of our clubhouse," Scootaloo declared.

Both her friends stared again, but this time for another reason.

"Ah've never heard you use such big words," Apple Bloom commented.

"Hey!" Scootaloo protested, flaring her tiny wings. "School is dumb, not me." She paused. "I wonder what Rainbow Dash is doing right now."

"She's prolly with Applejack," Apple Bloom said. "They've been hanging out a lot recently."

"Then she's doin' just fine," Big Mac said with a knowing smile.

He was right, of course. He was very, very right.

Rainbow collapsed on the bed, waves of pleasure rocking her body. Applejack smiled. For a first timer, she felt that she had done a good job of taking care of Rainbow, and felt quite proud of herself.There was just something about watching the one you loved having a good time, all thanks to you. And judging by the noises she had made, Rainbow Dash had had a really good time.

These pleasant thoughts were interrupted when she saw a very recognizable liquid pooling on her bed that could only have come from Rainbow. Applejack could only stare. It was a few minutes before she could speak.

"Rainbow?"

"Y- Yeah?" Rainbow asked shakily, aftershocks still coursing her body.

"Ah don't know how to say this... There's rainbow in my bed."

Rainbow smirked as she caught her breath. "Yeah, I know. I was here the whole time.”

"No. Ah mean, there is literally rainbow on my bed. And I think it came out of your... uh... your..."

"Myyyyy marehood?" Rainbow asked, poking fun at Applejack's hesitancy to use stronger words by spreading her legs a little further and rotating her hips slightly so that that part of her anatomy was placed provocatively in Applejack's line of sight.

"Yeah. That."

Rainbow dropped her legs. "Yeah? And?"

Applejack was taken aback. "That's not freaking you out?"

Rainbow laughed. "Nah. Of course not. It's natural."

"Natural?!?" Applejack sputtered.

"Yeah," Rainbow scoffed. "Where did you think rainbows came from, anyway? Magic? Unicorn puke? Light refracted through water?"

"Uh... Ah never really thought about it. You mean... All rainbows? From there?"

"Well, this isn't exactly something unique to me, you know. Every pegasus mare cums rainbows."

Applejack frowned. “Wait. We went to the weather factory and we watched them making rainbow there.”

Rainbow shook her head. “Nah. They were distilling it. They mix all the raw stuff and make sure it's got a nice even spread of color and consistency. Gotta keep it uniform, you know? Every pony’s got a slightly different mixture." She pointed to the little puddle of rainbow pooled under her hips, which was now soaking into the sheets. "Mine's easyflowing and a little heavy on the blue with not much red and almost no green. Other pegasi have different thicknesses or colors. Like Derpy? Hers is like completely yellow." She smirked. "That first time had to have been a real shock for whatever his name is that she's seeing now."

Applejack was coming to grips with a few of the strange implications of this discovery, and was not entirely certain that her brain could handle it.

"Do Ah want to know how you know that?"

Rainbow looked down at herself. "I'm a little surprised you'd have to ask, actually."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You can't tell me you've never clopped."

"Nope."

Rainbow narrowed an eye suspiciously.

"Ah've always shared a room," Applejack explained. "And when Ah didn't, our walls are really thin."

"Oh. That'll do it."

There was another awkward pause. Applejack almost asked how Rainbow knew about Derpy, but decided against that. Her poor brain could only take so much.

"So... that... happens in the Rainbow Factory?"

"Yep. All those stories you hear about kidnapping foals or giant dangerous lightning-powered generators? Rumors to keep other ponies out of our business, if you know what I mean." She winked playfully.

"So this whole time..."

“Yep. This whole time. Every rainbow you’ve ever seen started out inside a pegasus mare.”

"Nuh-uh."

"It's true,” Rainbow insisted. “Pinkie promise." She even did the motions.

Applejack waited. To her shock, no pink earth pony appeared to contest that claim. She could only stare in abject horror.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rainbow Dash protested, shielding her face from Applejack's look. “It’s not like we all do it in the same room. You get your little closet, with the stack of magazines, and you can bring your own toys and such. Just collect it all in the tray when you’re done, give the little cup to the worker, and you’re good to go. I mean, it's just an in and out. I went last week, and...”

Applejack finally twitched. "Ah dunno if that’s cheating or..."

Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively. "Nah. It was my turn. Every pegasus mare gets assigned into the rotation. It’s just doing your civic duty, like jury duty or something."

“Ah hate jury duty.”

Rainbow snickered. “Yeah, but if it were like this, I bet you’d like it.”

Applejack shook her head. "Ah think there’s something seriously wrong with you. And anypony who'd even think about that. Or talk about that. Or write about it, for that matter."

"No one writes about it," Rainbow scoffed. "No one would. And even if they did, nopony would read it. It'd be stupid. They'd think it was a really bad April foal's day joke or something. That’s why we let the rumors spread. It's just not worth it to correct them."

"That makes sense, but Ah'm still not convinced you're telling me the truth."

“Hmm...” Rainbow rubbed her chin thoughtfully. She then had an idea. “Remember Pinkie’s reaction to tasting rainbows?”

“Yeah...?”

Rainbow lifted her legs again and grinned cheekily at Applejack. "You're welcome to a taste test if you want."

"Pass."

Rainbow shrugged and rolled over. “That’s cool. Now get over here. It’s my turn, and I wanna know if you taste like apple cider.”

Author's Note

Oh.

Celestia.

WHY.

In case the subject matter and Rainbow's commentary didn't give it away, this is an April fool's day chapter that seemed much funnier in my head and should not be considered canon to the story.

(Well, it was either this or an Applecest chapter. I mean, I had to do SOMETHING.)

Interlude [semi-canon 150 favorites extra]: That Time Your Little Sister Walks In On You

Author's Note:

Thanks for your support of this story! You guys are great and deserve a much better bonus than this.
This is considered an interlude because it’s not centered on AppleDash (that's why it's not being posted as an actual chapter) and is semi-canon because although set in the same universe, it does take place in the future.

Assumptions. They can be helpful, or they can be disastrous. It is commonly accepted that an assumption should be treated as just that until further solid evidence is procured, and that nothing be done on an assumption alone.

For example, if two ponies were engaging in intimate acts in a bedroom and assuming that the creaky staircase would give them sufficient warning as to approaching invaders, it would definitely be wise to test this assumption; or, at the very least, take the precaution of barricading the door. After all, one participant might have a little sister who has recently acquired a cutie mark of repair and, in gleeful abandon, that little sister might have taken the liberty of repairing anything and everything she could get her hooves on. Like a creaky staircase. Or squeaky door hinges. Or a bed that didn’t quite settle just right.

So when Apple Bloom heard the shaking coming from upstairs, her first assumption was that there was something that needed repairing and was calling her name. She quickly checked the toolbelt that she hadn’t taken off since Mac had given it to her three weeks ago and, when she had determined that all her tools were there, headed up the stairs. She paused as she heard repeating grunting sounds, and she scurried up the stairs faster, certain that her sister was having trouble and needed her help.

As it turned out, she did not.

There is a universal terror, more common than spiders and more severe than snakes. This is one that ponies can't control. It grips you and freezes you. There is absolutely nothing as horrifying as being in the middle of having sex, and hearing the door bang open, especially when you know that the only other pony home is family.

“Applejack? Are you o- kay...?” She cocked her head at what she was seeing. “What’s goin’ on in here?”

Rainbow Dash recovered and quickly separated herself from her marefriend, wiping off her mouth before responding, "This isn't what it looks like..."

Apple Bloom looked over to her sister, who was blushing approximately as red as her cutie mark. "It looked like she was putting her mouth on your... mare bits."

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment, and, seeing no possible way that this could end well, decided that honesty would be the best policy. "Ok then, it was exactly what it looked like."

Apple Bloom took a horrified step back. "That's disgusting! You pee from there! Why would anypony want to put their mouth down there?"

Rainbow briefly considered mentioning something else in that general area that was good for putting mouths on, but quickly decided against it, and turned to Applejack to see how she would respond. Applejack quickly tried to think of something to say, but her mind went absolutely blank. All she could do was smile in mortified embarrassment.

“Ah’m disgusted,” Apple Bloom said, shaking her head and turning away. She headed back down the stairs, not even bothering to close the door behind her.

* * *

“And they’re just talkin’ with me afterwards like it’s natural or sommat!” Apple Bloom ranted. Cheerilee sat at the table, trying to keep a neutral expression as Apple Bloom attempted to describe what she had witnessed. “It ain’t natural at all! It’s weird and strange and just... weird!”

Cheerilee smiled. “Well, I can imagine why you’d feel like that. Seeing sexual conduct like that in person can be a bit shocking, especially when it’s your own sister.”

“That ain’t sexual conduct,” Apple Bloom said. “That’s just... well, weird.”

Cheerilee shrugged. “You know, every pony likes doing different things. It’s not wrong; it’s just different.”

“'Unnatural’'s more like it. Ah mean, have you ever done that? No, Ah didn’t think so.”

Cheerilee coughed and attempted to divert the conversation. “And even if I had, you should remember that just because one pony thinks it’s strange, that doesn’t make it wrong. Did you know that in some areas, fried grasshoppers are a delicacy? I could never eat them, but some ponies really like them.” (1)

Unfortunately, Cheerilee’s diversion method was only tried-and-true when working with the children she usually taught. Apple Bloom was a bit older and wiser (or perhaps ‘cynical’ was the right term?). She looked at Cheerilee with a slightly disgusted look. “So that means last night, then?”

Cheerilee flushed ever so slightly. “Today, actually,” she said quietly, hiding her face in her hooves as she remembered just how she was woken up this morning.

“Argh!” Apple Bloom threw her hooves into the air. “Mah whole family’s goin’ nuts!”

“You know, Apple Bloom, sometimes it’s not a bad thing to try something new,” Cheerilee said, trying to salvage anything productive from this conversation.

“It’ll be a cold day in Appleoosa afore Ah let any pony’s mouth near there,” Apple Bloom retorted icily. “And even if Ah did, Ah got twenty bits what say it feels nothin’ but weird.” Turning sharply, Apple Bloom stomped out of the kitchen, leaving behind a rather worried Cheerilee.

* * *

Apple Bloom paced again, this time in the clubhouse. “And even Miss Cheerilee’s lettin’ mah brother nose around down there! It’s like mah whole family’s on crazy pills!”

Pipsqueak nodded hesitantly. When he had told Apple Bloom that he intended to be there for her always ready to talk about anything, he hadn’t realized just how personal and awkward these conversations could be.

“Ah mean, sex is one thing. Ah’m fine with that, bein’ a natural thing and all.”

She didn’t see the blush on Pipsqueak’s face at this line.

“But then doin’ somethin’ like that? Ah don’t know what’s gotten inta them.” She continued pacing angrily. “Ah mean, it’s not like normal ponies do that. Have you ever thought of doin’ that? Pokin’ around a mare’s...” But her voice trailed off here as she looked over and saw Pipsqueak nervously reaching up and brushing over a lock of mane while looking down and off to one side.

“Oh, come on!” Apple Bloom threw back her head and stomped angrily. “Et tu, Pipsqueak?”

“I- in my defense...”

“Save it! Ah don’t wanna hear it.” She turned and stomped away.

Pipsqueak looked down and shrunk ever so slightly. It wasn’t his fault his mind wandered; really, it wasn’t. He waited, listening for the door to slam shut... but it didn’t.

“Fine.”

“Wha-?” Pipsqueak looked up to see Apple Bloom walk back over, turn around, and lift her tail.

“Fine. Let’s see what all the fuss is about.” She turned and glared. “But if’n you don’t stop when Ah say stop, you’ll be lucky t’ have two teeth left in your mouth when Ah'm through with you.”

* * *

Later that evening, Cheerilee sat at her desk grading papers. Well, she was trying to, anyway. eyes and pen were on the homework, but her mind was elsewhere. She couldn’t stop thinking about Apple Bloom, and hoped that there would be no awkwardness between them as a result of their earlier conversation.

She shook her head and sighed. Yeah, right. She had already had plenty of awkwardness here in this house, and could see no way that this could possibly be worth it.

As she struck out yet another one of her own corrections that had actually been wrong, the very pony she had been thinking of walked in.

“Cheerilee?”

Cheerilee looked up and smiled, hoping to have some semblance of normalcy. “Hi, Apple Bloom. How are you?”

Apple Bloom silently walked over to the desk, set a bag of bits next to her papers, said, “Don’t tell Mac,” and walked out. With growing apprehension, Cheerilee dumped the bag out and counted out exactly twenty bits. She looked over at the door where Apple Bloom had departed and easily put two and two together.

A deep, conflicting feeling came over her. The teacher part of her was ecstatic that Apple Bloom had taken a chance, had tried something new, and had ended up enjoying it. The other part felt as though she had corrupted an innocent pony, had somehow taken something that could never be returned. Even though she had been there watching as Apple Bloom had grown into the lovely young mare she was today, Cheerilee still had trouble seeing her as anything but that little, curious filly in her classroom with the wide, innocent eyes and always ready smile.

As she sat there pondering, Applejack walked in. “Hey, Chi?” she asked, using the nickname she had picked up somewhere over the years.

Cheerilee looked up. “Yes?”

“C’n Ah talk to you about somethin’?”

Cheerilee nodded. “Of course,” she said, sliding the papers over so she appeared open and ready to listen. "What’s on your mind?”

Applejack removed her hat and rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Ah think Ah’ve scarred my sister fer life, and Ah have no idea what Ah should do. See, she walked in on me and Rainbow havin’ a little... uh... you know, and... well... she didn’t take it so good.”

Cheerilee coughed, and it wasn’t because of Applejack’s use of ‘good’ instead of ‘well’. She quickly opened a drawer and slid the bits inside before turning and smiling her teacherly smile. “I think that she’ll come to terms with what she’s seen sooner than you’d think. She might look at you funny for a week or so, but I’m sure she’ll accept it as normal pony behavior in no time.”

Applejack sighed in relief... and then paused. “You know more than you’re tellin’,” she accused.

Cheerilee groaned and threw her hooves into the air in defeat. What, was she getting old and losing her touch?

“Do Ah want to ask?”

“No, I- I don’t think so,” Cheerilee answered honestly.

Applejack hesitantly nodded, placed her hat back on her head, and turned and left the room.

Cheerilee sighed. That had been more than a bit awkward, and not quite worth it.

Well, it had been for Apple Bloom.

Cheerilee slapped herself in the face, got up, and turned out the light. That was enough life for today. Maybe tomorrow would have some semblance of normalcy again.

Author's Note

1) It’s too bad ponies are generally herbivores. I would have liked to use the real life example of menudo, or tripe. Basically, you take a cow stomach, cut off the top and bottom to let the contents drain, and then you chop it up and boil it. It tastes like beef, but feels like you’re chewing on an eraser. You can hold it in your teeth on the left side and use your tongue to stretch it over to your right side...

I’ve actually written most of the chapter where Applejack teaches Cheerilee the phrase, but since I didn’t want to post too many interlude chapters in a row, we’ll prolly have one more schoolwork one and then send Rainbow Dash and Applejack up to Wonderbolts tryouts before I post it.

Originally, Apple Bloom made this bet with her sister, but now that Cheerilee’s around, I figured it’d be nice to have a little interaction with her. I suppose she's a cross between an older sister and a mother-figure now, and I think I'd like to play with that some more.

Of course, the complete reference that Cheerilee makes is, “Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!” but I didn’t feel the second really applied there. And Apple Bloom obviously didn’t think it was a mistake, either. But she got the first and the last, and two for three isn’t bad.

...ok i think that’s enough author noting for now kthxbai why did i post this