Dash of Gravity

“Celstia? We've...Ummm, found something” A unicorn guard walked through Celstia’s door, instead of the rest, he wore silver amour, rusted and battered, the straps had snapped, the survivors of the scissors and magic  hung over the amour. Their job was replaced by two cogs, taken from an old war room, secret to all but a few, which was supposed to be secret to him as well.

“What is it, blues?” Celestia lay on her velvet red bed, staring out the window, not looking at the guard at all, as if being royal made the guards disgusting and repulsive.

“This” Blues tried not to smirk, it was funny to just about every guard, except lead, and he was the one who ordered Blues to send it to Celstia. Lead was the leader of the guards, but he was terribly serious, there were rumours that Lead stayed here overnight, while the rest of the guards were in the tavern.He levitated the paper covered object and moved it towards the bed, the paper was shaking as of Blues' sniggering. Celstia’s horn sparked her familiar transparent yellow and caught the mysterious object, the paper was a bit torn because the guards wanted it to remain a secret but sell it to Canterlot news.

“What is it?” Celestia questioned, knowing the guards’ personalities, joking and immature to be a bit...Scattered.

“We don’t know, one of the guards gave it to Track and he gave it to me and I came up here” He lied, if he was being truthful, he would have said ‘ it was on a park bench in the gardens, I found it and have showed every guard, they thought it was hilarious, but lead ordered me, douche’ but to keep his job, he lied.

“Right,” She rolled her eyes, she could see right through the lies, like a scissor through paper; she unravelled the paper, and jumped, eyes wide, and jaw hitting the ground, her eyes were shaking, her teeth gritted, almost biting into one another  “What is this?” She sounded like a psychopath, and looked a bit like one too.

“No idea,” he was doing the worst job of finding his smirk, but it was too funny to not laugh “I think Lug found it”

“Look,” Positive hatred ran through her voice and a bit of ice latched with it, almost about to explode in fire, he spoke “I can see through your little charade, I always can, now tell me what this is?”

“In my thinking,” Again, Blues is lying as his usual ‘thinking’ is about the mares that walk past the castle and pick-up lines for them, but he got turned down almost every-time “Some is either pulling your leg a bit too tight or that little frame there,” Cautiously pointing at the photo “Is real...” Celestia stared daggers into Colt, and in a castle with an armoury, it wasn't the greatest idea to say that “Which I do not believe for one second”

“I want a bounty” Celestia’s little maniac outburst had stopped, but was replaced by a murderer's.

“A bounty?” Blues tilted his head, unsure if what he heard was true.

“Yes, did I stutter?” Celestia gaze was turning to anger again.

“No, just...” Blues kicked at the ground for a second, as if trying to tunnel his way out “I haven’t seen a bounty in the whole time I've worked here”

“No, you have not,” Celestia’s voice was neutral “But you shall now”

“Okay, you want the scribe?” Blues was uneasy about Celestia, he could see that she was mad but she didn't show anything about being mad, maybe she was going insane.

“Yes, please send inky” Celestia’s voice was unchanged

“INKY!” Blues shouted out the huge door “GET IN HERE!”

A smaller, blue, colt came in through the door, he wore a apron, stained with ink, with pockets with ink bottles and quills, the bottles were either polished and could blind or where darkened by ink stains, the bottles' ink were stuck in by old wine corks,  which were battered and bruised, the apron was blotted grey, looking like it had been through twenty owners, though he looked younger than any other in the castle, he spoke with the voice of an old man.  "Yes-s, what is-s-s it-t?" Inky spoke with a stutter, it was slight but it would be terribly annoying if anyone was exposed to it too long.

"We need a bounty on a person" The princess actually looked at the stallion, as if a scribe was more important than a guard.

"Okay-y, then-n-n" Inky seem very casual about this, even though he had worked very little time as the princess scribe

"Well," She seems unnerved about Inky's response, but continued "I need a price on a little prankster"

"Is-s-s it-t, the-e-e picture-e?" Inky's stutter made Celestia's eyes flash open, pupils shrink, and teeth grit to the brink of breaking.

"How do you know about that" The outburst went into overdrive, if the stuttering scribe pushed her any more, she would turn red and sunburn would be the new fashion across the land.

"I'm-m-m The-e-e one-e who-o reported it-t" Inky's stutter wasn't his stutter, this stutter was made out of fear, as scared as you can get for annoying a pony that can control the sun.

"What?!" She screamed out as if she were in pain, her eyes shrank even more, until it was like looking at an eight ball from a mile away, her teeth began to make a grating noise, it was like the scratching of a chalkboard, if it was being scratched by knifes. "Who did you report it to?"

"Track-k-k" Inky said, he was still scared but he hoped the truth would sift the blame, but sifting the anger would be harder...

"But Blues said..." Celestia thought on about Blues' excuse

"you-u Believe-e-e Blues?" He was laughing inside but trying to be professional

"Yes...No, well a bit" She was almost fuming at Inky but decided she didn't need to get a new scribe today

"So-o, what's-s on this-s, then-n?" His apron pockets made the ink bottles dance around, but instead of waiting for them to stop moving, he just grab on with his teeth and put it down on the table, leaving behind a black smudge on his teeth, his eyes watered slightly but he held back the gagging of sick flavors.

"To a little prankster, we have something for you" She hadn't calmed down, but she had turned her anger into near insanity. We have something sharp for you Celestia thought to herself, and gave a murderers grin.

"What's the price?" Inky attempted to look away from the grinning horror, but the smile was taking up most of her face. It was like trying not to look at a golden crown in a silver cutlery shop.

"Two thousand for dead, three and a half thousand bits for alive, three for half alive" The grin was still there, but was now accompanied by two blood thirsty eyes. The white of her eye was almost being stained by chaos and insanity

"Okay-y," He scribbled down the price on a scroll, the quill was terribly old, most of it was replaced, either by elastic or by string and twine. "We-e-e need a photo-o, we don't want ponies-s kill-l-l each other for two thousand bits" I hope Celestia doesn't want that too Inky's thoughts were hopeful, but at this moment, hope was almost running low when you're looking dead straight at psychopathic ruler.

"Take this 'prank' to the printing room," Celestia bagged the picture and stuffed it into the pocket of Inky's apron, the importance of scribes died down "Say to the others do there, if they laugh or what to see it, they get fired"

"Aye, I will, better be off" As he trotted through the door, he hoped and prayed Celestia wouldn't try to kill anypony while he was gone. Let's be hopeful and with that, he trotted down the halls to the printing room.