Ponies, Travelers, and this guy

by datdamnface

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 12365

Did you know that humans only use 2% of their brains actual power?

I did, then again I know alot of things. I am a traveler. Through country roads, war zones, Trans-dimentional. Anywhere really. Oh hey! Here's a place I haven't been to!

Equestria ey? Seems interesting, hope it isn't like planet 419 *shudder* all you travelers; NEVER GO TO PLANET 419.

Anyway off I go!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-29 15:49:54 UTC

Yeah, I'm asking myself that same question

(A/N: No I don't have anything better to do)

PONIESPONIESPONIESPONIESPONIESPONIES! Oh wait...i'm dreaming! Well time to fix that.

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Twilight strained under the being as it flailed in mid air murmuring "ponies" in it's sleep before finally dropping off to dreamland like a log. She was irritated courtesy of a familiar Pink Pony and because a particular Rainbow Mare wouldn't SHUT UP about how awesome the man was.

"Twilight! Oh my gosh wasn't it so boss how he snapped his own neck back into place? OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH-"

"Rainbow! SHUT. THE BUCK. UP" Screamed Twilight in exasperation finally silencing Rainbow Dash who only offered a Fluttershy like apology with blushing cheeks.

After a minute of walking, the human snapped awake.

"Hella y'all! Wait, why am I incased in- AH GOD MY RIBS, NOW I REMEMBER WHY I PASSED OUT." He said in a half screaming-half sarcastic tone.

"Alright if ya would be so kind missy, LEMME DOWN!" He shouted flailing in the magic. Twilight, still too stunned for speech just set the flailing bi-ped down. And backed away.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIGHTY THEN!" He said dawning a psychotic smile. "Be right back!" He said flashing a small smile and disappearing.

About a minute later he....reappeared?

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Alright i'ma gonna cut out the preservative meaning all the shit that happened to me when I [ahem] "Disappeared".

The important thing is I'MA A GODDAM DUCK. I...I...wow. I probably shouldn't have messed with that witch doctor on Albacurkey street, goddamit. Alright then! Explanation time!

What I did when I "Disappeared" was I basically stepped outside the natural flow of time and space. Ya, you can do that. So when I stepped out, I stepped into another timeline to grab a healthy me, absorb him into myself, then step back into the Equestrian Time-Space line.

Somewhere along the way, I screwed up....big time. Goddam Fish Prostitutes, they'll take your money and your liver if ya let em! Okie! Going back to sense here So me an the ponies. Twinkle...Mario Kart Dash? And Pink Puffles made our way to their friends house.

"For the last time my name is not Twinkles! It's Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!" Interjected Twinkie Sprinkles, honestly I don't know why anyone would name their child that.

"Whatever you say Twinkie." I replied...or rather quaked as our little quartet made our way to her friends house. Someone by the name of F**k or Die? Jesus who comes up with these names?

So anyways after a minute or two of walking we come to this house see? It's like this little cottage but it was like only two stories and all wood and stucco and SQUEE IT WAS SO CUTE.

"Hey Front Lawn Sprinklers! Is this where Scratcher's Guy lives?" I asked pointing to the cottage, Water Sprinkler gave me a look that was all like 'are you retarded?' Then she shook her head and walked away.

"What? Hey Rare Eye Rash what's her problem?" I asked after the blue mare followed Sprinklers snickering a little.

"Ah....ya know.....nothing." She gloriously elaborated before bursting out in laughter. I was so confused as to what was going on at this point but decided to follow because you know..I had nowhere else to go.

Sooooo after a couple minutes of walking we come to the front door. Binky Dye decides to knock on the door by repeatedly smashing her face into the door until a peeved looking Catcher in the Rye answered the door.

"WHAT?!?" She screams before suddenly covering her face with her hooves. "Oh..sorry Pinkie...I just...wake up this early and the noise startled the little bunnies so I...sorry." She squeaked before hiding behind her mane.

"Hello Derpy Shy! My name's Hoody!" I said making myself known by flapping my wings.

Fappy High looked shocked for a moment. "Pinkie....why is there a talking duck?....Kill it like the rest." She said under her voice.

Fuzzy Twinkie Stars decided to speak up at this point. "No Fluttershy he's not a duck. He's a human. I...I don't know how but one minute he was human, then he disappeared and now" she gestured to me. "That." She finished, her eyes half-lidding and her tone dry and dripping with sarcasm.

"Aww admit it Spanky Twonkles, you know ya love me." I said with a wolfish grin which a duck shouldn't have since that particular species of the family of birds doesn't have facial muscles, come to think of it most birds don't have facial muscles. I think the only bird that has any facial muscles is The Scootaloo.

"That isn't even a word!" She shouted, her voice going high, filled with exasperation.

"It's okay Twilight, I still got a case of hard cider from Applejack." Replied Flutter.....Guy in a flat tone. "Pinkie, Rainbow how about you two come in as well?" She asked sweetly.

Randy Dallas Smash yawned and flew in the door. "Thanks Fluttershy." She said patting the buttery pegasus on the back.

"Oh this is gonna be so much fun! Are we gonna have a sleepover? Huh? Huh? Please?!?"  Asked Pink Stride Chewing Gum, her eyes going wide.

"Sure Pinkie, go right ahead." Offered Rabi Sly. Pinchy Kite bounced through the door, her pink mane poofing up and bouncing along with her.

"Don't worry little guy, I'll take good care of you too." She said ushering me into the door as well. I shrugged as much as my duck form would let me and waddled in.

TRAVELER'S GENERAL RULE #1: Never turn down a stranger's hospitality but always keep a loaded gun nearby.

That one rule alone had saved me countless times before, why should I stop now? Since I had already carried my duffle bag on my back. (I dunno, ducks do some crazy shit man) I unzipped it and fished around through the small inter-dimensional rift I kept in there to store all my stuff until I found what I was looking for; A 13 gauge shotgun. I found myself a nearby straight-backed chair made for a human and I slouched into it (Lyra style) with the shotgun cocked at the mares who were now scrambling up the stairs not in any particular hurry.

"Nighty Night! Don't let the Flood parasites bite!" I called up to them. They each gave me a quizzical look before going back upstairs.

=================================================================================================

After the CMC sleepover, Fluttershy had installed a guest bedroom down the hall from her own bedroom. The good news was it was another bed which made two in the house. The bad news was there were only two beds in the house. The medium news was that in Trottingham, an arsonist had been caught by the town deputy after he set fire to his second uncle's three times removed from his mother's side's house. In other news the ponies up in the weather factory are scheduling a downpour so all you fair-flanks fans will have to stay indoors this afternoon! That concludes our daily weather with Tom Vergeron! Please stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

"What the hay was that?" Asked Rainbow Dash to no one in particular.

"What was what?" Called Pinkie who was already skipping down the hall to the guest room. Rainbow just shook her head and followed.

"I'll bunk with Pinkie, Twilight you can stay with Fluttershy!" Shouted Dash as she now ran towards the door, intent on getting to the bed before Pinkie broke it in.

Twilight turned to Fluttershy who was standing there speechless. Her cheeks were the color of ketchup packets and her eyes couldn't have been that much bigger than an atom.

"Well, it's just you and me now Flutteshy." Said Twilight nervously scratching the back of her head with a hoof.

"OOOOOOOH! There was an old farmer who lived on a rock! He sat in the meadow just shaking his fist at some boys who were down by the crick! Their feet in the water their hands on their- marbles and playthings and at half past four! There came a young lady she looked like a-"

Twilight inhaled slowly and deeply as she tried desperately to stop the growing inferno of rage blazing within her mind. Fluttershy meanwhile had passed out then and there due to the sheer amount of suggestive material in one song currently being sung by one obnoxious duck.

Twilight decided to simply go to bed. Nothing like bed right about now. Screw reality, it could wait until morning especially because of one Celestia damned- no Twilight don't think about it. Bedtime right now. Bed time.

"Goodnight everypony!" Called Twilight from Fluttershy's bed after successfully dragging the petrified mare into her own bedroom, tucking her in, and jumping in next to her.

She heard muffled moans coming from the guest room and one muffled goodnight courtesy of the newest feathered inhabitant. "Close enough." She murmured before dropping off to the land of dreams.

Spiders

Ah dreams! What wonderful worlds await you there! Well they're not always wonderful, sometimes they're downright Amnesia scary but most of the time they're good! Right? Well let's take a look shall we?

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Twilight flushed a bright red as she felt all the blood in her body make it's collective way into her head and heart. She was palpating furiously as the stallion licked her marehood, all around the two books spoke as letters danced within the empty library. Birds chirped and the sun peeked through closed shades as the two danced the dance of love. As he continued to lick and lick she felt her abdominal tensing, she was close.

================================================================================================

Fluttershy felt all her willpower drain as Angel continued doing what he did best. The two were on a small hill overlooking Ponyivlle. Angel Bunny tensed as he felt-

=================================

0_0.......didn't need to see this at all. Not at all, great oh god images! Images?!? Mind bleach...where is the mindbleach?!? I know I got some when I stopped by Buy n' Large....ah! There we go!

sizzle

Ohohoho there it is, goodbye horny ponies, hello dreamland! Oh I wonder where I'll be going next? Super Mario Galaxy worlds? That dream was fun! Oh where is this? This......looks familiar....

Shit, dreams have a funny way of bringing up the past too.

For you see, I found myself back in the filthy back of Russia during the Progrom.

==========================================================================================

Lebowitz, that's not my real name but I went by Lebowitz at the time. Did you know that a Progrom was the Russian version of what Germans did to Jews during WW2? Well I was currently taking a crash course.

I ran through the dingy back alleyways, it wasn't just me but the entire city. As soon as the dictator...what was his name again? Putin? I dunno, as soon as he announced the persecutions the whole city had lit up like the 4th of July; RedNeck style. All around me I heard Howitzer fire accompanied by shouting, crying, screaming, and bullets, so many bullets. It was a cacophony of madness as the Russian Army fought against the Jewish Resistance fighters. This was a branched timeline of today as we know it.

See, somewhere in the middle of the war, Germany betrayed Russia. Now if it hadn't been for that betrayal involving a German Blitzkrieg into the outer laying Russian territory, Russia would have still been Germany's ally. With the added super power of Germany and Russia, Italy wouldn't have fallen because of support from both sides. Thus the Axis Powers would easily have taken hold of all of Europe seeing as how the major countries like France were deathly weakened by German bombs via. Carriers. Now this is fact, but take that whole German Blitzkrieg away and guess what? Germany+Russia= Victory over all the world.

Apparently Russian soldiers had found intel on the Jewish FF (Freedom Fighter) encampment and were now raiding the entire city with the help of the general population which already had a pretty much genetic hate against Jews courtesy of propaganda.

Moving back to me for a minute.

I ran through the back streets, sirens wailing as bright flashes of light traced along the night sky. The FF had a massive stock of fighters and helicopters scattered throughout the country, currently each faction was trying to shoot each other down.

The night was young but the cries were fierce, women and children were being molested all throughout the dark alley. I stopped for a moment and leaned against the wall trying to catch my breath.

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Twilight was staring at the space previously occupied by a duck. Now it was occupied by a large squirming man as he mumbled in his sleep. She sat down and looked over him, wary.

==============================

The dream suddenly shifted yet again, this time I had been caught by two russian guards as I made my to the governor's mansion. The fighting had died down after the Russian army had flanked through the northwest half of the city and surrounded the faction. Currently both the citizens and the army were going from house to house, person to person. Killing those who had been sighted rebelling and even innocents who wore the star of david. I was being dragged by two large bears of men like some sort of trophy. All around me I heard screams, screams of pain, shouts of joy, cries and wails of mourners. It was like a war sketch, there was a little girl in an oversized orange coat crying and nudging two bodies on the ground. Standing beside her where two guards nervously looking back and forth. She was now throwing a temper tantrum, screaming in russian. One of the guards asked her to be quiet, she just flailed and kicked him in the shin. He responded by shooting her in the head.

She lay there, a silenced soul amongst a dying city.

I didn't know how much time passed since they drugged me soon afterwards. But I awakened to find myself strapped down to chair, my arms and legs bound by twine. The only light source was a singular bulb swinging to and fro, I looked around and took in my surroundings using the weak light. Apparently I was in a wine cellar, the stink of the drink make me screw up my face. I had never been a fan of alcohol. Flexing my hands I found that to each finger was connected a wire, a shock wire.

Suddenly an all too familiar voice made it's presence known from the dark.

"So we meet again Traveler." That deep, grumbling voice only an old man could pull off. I sighed and relaxed into my seat.

"D. We meet again." I said. I heard chuckling as a massive man made his way into the light. The first thing I saw of him was a hand.

And on that hand was a picture of an arachnid.

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Twilight had drifted off watching the strange man fidget in his sleep. She was now rudely awakened as said man flailed and roared from imaginary pain.

The two stared at each other with shock and worry wrought openly on their faces. "Um...need anything?" Twilight spoke in an attempt to break the ice. She was met with an insanely happy grin.

"God any Orange juice?" He asked back.

She walked away to check Fluttershy's fridge. What she didn't see was the man take a piece of orange cloth from his bag and gaze wistfully at it.

(A/N: Got it done! And it turns out this time it wasn't a deer, it was a hobo.)

Switching things for a bit

Yeah! So while I was busy stranded in Equestria, one of my friends was having a...rather...awkward encounter.

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My name is Crushric. Others call me Master Chief or John 117 or even Sierra 117. Who the hell is Sierra? Just to bring y'all up to date here, this is taking place within my mind as I'm currently fighting the Flood....in outer space....how the hell do these things survive? I don't...you know what? Never mind SHOTGUN TIME!

"Chief! Wake up! Chief!" Cortana awoke me from my nap. Shame to, I was dreaming of my one favorite thing: PONIES. Hey! Badasses need some sort of reprieve don't they? Anyway you'd be amazed what I can get with the this Spartan Mark V suit. It even has internet! In space! So ya, apparently the Frigate is some sort of troll along with Cortana because she woke me up....IN SPACE! Whoopee friggin doo.

"Chief! There's only one way to get to that planet! Our thrusters got cut off during the slipspace jump! You know what that means-"

"Yes captain obvious!" I shouted cutting her off. Fuck I was running low on Magnum rounds as I blasted another monstrous deformity (Fuglies Floddius) in the face, it's feelers shrieked as it went down.

"Chief I know what you're about to do and you know what happened when we did it before! Chief you barely survived! If it hadn't been for Johnson then you'd have died!" She shouted into my COMs which was directly located in my head. You wanna know something? It gets annoying when you have your goddam mother in your head. But I digress, I've been talking to myself within my head all these years.

"Hey! Quit bitching! I gotta grab me some ammo!" I shouted finally managing to silence the nag. Hey! I talk! Halo just doesn't document it! Something about making me a silent badass. I dunno. Anyway I had to concentrate since there wasn't any ammo nearby.

Reaching my hand out as I passed by a computer terminal, I tore off a large chunk of metal and used my power as a "HARMONICS" to morph the metal into 17 individual pistol rounds.

"Alright you goddam ugly sons of bitches! HERE'S THE CH33F!" I shouted, augmenting my voice using Microsoft Sam. Yes I watch Arby n Chief, problems?!?

"What?" Asked a gravely, deep and rather nasty voice within my head.

"Great, Cortana why is the Gravemind still alive?" I asked blasting away some Flood Spores as I finished cleaning out the remaining flood on the Frigate, or should I say half Frigate? Eh who cares.

"Okay, so there is a planet there, and we're over here. I kinda want off of this ship since we probably passed our buss stop a couple light years ago." I said staring at the mysterious planet in front of me. It stared back in all it's azure glory, cloud formations moved lazily along it's atmosphere.

"Chief I'm begging you to reconsider! Please jumping off this ship and onto that planet is suicide!"

I just grinned within my helmet as I took a flying leap....in space.

(A/N: My brain was literally hemorrhaging, I started writing this about a week ago and I've been suffering a sort of stop and go inspiration with this chapter. To sir Crushric, I can definitely work with what you've given me. To Mobius: I think you literally screwed me over.

Longer chapters and more content later, I'm just glad I finally got this chapter out of the way.)

Going places meeting ponies

(A/N: HORY SHEET MY MIND WAS SERIOUSLY JUST...AUGH!)

Okie! Now that we have that little excursion out of the way! We come back to my time and fixed point in the universe. Which was still waiting for Twilight to return with the coffee. After that little flashback, I quickly regained my composure as the melancholy and mild depression left. As she returned I kept saying inside my head: "Just act natural, just act natural."

"Okay! Here's your tea!" She chirped happily handing me a steaming cup of Earl Grey.

Just act natural and everything will be fine.

"By the mother of lactation on Cerberus 9 this is godly!" I shouted taking my first sip.

"Um.....then it's good?" Asked Twilight, snapping me out of my reverie. I just gave her a smile and nodded downing another batch of the golden liquid.

After that....well...the tension within the silence could have been cut by a butter-knife. Though that's not really a good way to cut tension. It's like trying to cut into chicken. You know how thats like. Nightmarish mess, you'll get bits and pieces of it everywhere. Actually the best way to cut tension is by sprinkling some apprehension on it, maybe injecting a bit of awkward and then slowly slicing into it. Wait a minute are we talking about chicken or tension? Ah who cares.

Finally Twilight cut it with a chainsaw: very loud and spraying the mess everywhere.

"So...where are you from?" She asked, I groaned. That question had a million answers. None of which were very healthy for the philosophical or deep thinking mind. I had a friend on P-9. It was a planet with a dense gravitational pull so it had a butt ton of moons. Other than that it was fairly normal by normal Earth standards. The people were bi-pedial sentient. Even friendly seeing as how there were a bunch of space-fearing species amongst that particular galaxy. Any who, so I stayed there for about 30 years, and during that time I met a dude who was pretty deep and philosophical and the like. So we got into it one day and he asked about my past. Of course I was scared it might destroy his brain but well...he was pretty smart.

So I explained to him the whole super-human/ super-concept and he was fine. So then I went further and explained what I like to call "The universal binary."

See, there is a code programmed into each and every sentient, non-sentient, partially sentient, and utterly stupid creature. Some subsections of programming include base instinct (eating,sleeping,mating etc.) So then I explained to him what the true meaning of the universe is.

.........The authorities found him missing his brian which decided to quickly the theatre of his head via back door exit. In layman's terms: His head suffered a mega fart in which it shat the cranium out the back. In absolutely idiotic man's terms: I blew his brain.

And that's why I never cook cheese without at least wearing 1 kilo of protection. Oh sorry, where were we? Ah yes! So after explaining to Twilight in rather unspecific terms that "I was from everywhere" she switched topics seeing as how the awkward silence was descending upon us again.

Speaking of descending, have you ever encountered a Titanium Vulture? You can find them in the PERIODIC universe which is just a hop from your normal universe. There pretty much everything is made up not from Atom but from base metals and gases.

Anyway they're on the planet Titanium. Nasty buggers, it's like they can sense the lack of water or life in the individual because WEEKS! Literally weeks before you die they will start circling you. The people of that particular planet named them "Grim Reapers." Since if you were gonna die they were just gonna eat your ass.

And that's another thing! Even in your house they would come in and start eating you minutes before you died! I'm serious! I remember visiting a close friends passing. As he sat on his bed the company of people (Me, Mom, Aunt, Brother, Father) heard screeching and this massive bird just suddenly tore their roof off and starting pecking away at him. And do you know how these people deal with these things? They carry around MAC (Mass Accelerator Cannon) Pistols wherever they go! I'm dead serious here they have handheld weapons of mass destruction that they are trained from early childhood to use!

Ah, rambling again. Sorry, anyway Twilight and I were discussing her origins and how her life in Ponvyille was going. I just listened along, see i'm like that. If you're not paying attention you will soon find me listening as you prostrate your whole life's story. And I'll be smiling.

So during one story involving a spell backfiring and Twilight accidentally sending a pony named "Lyra" into another dimension,  she stopped and looked at me with a grin.

"Oh! I should introduce you to the rest of my friends! I'm sure they'll be just as excited!" She said jumping like a little girl, or since i'm in a world of ponies a little filly.

So I just said sure and went along with her. I didn't point out the obvious like some of her friends were upstairs and I had yet to meet the one she referred to as Fluttershy. I also kept my mouth quiet about the grunts and moans coming from upstairs accompanied by squeaking noises. I'm just a good guy like that.

So! We were walking and talking and soon we found ourselves in Ponyville proper! Funny how time flies when one is in conversation. So I was walking around and talking about with the ponies of Ponyville! It seems I wasn't the only human amongst their kind. In fact every other week they got a new human just randomly appearing near the Everfree forest. I had a really nice conversation with the one called Lyra Twilight mentioned before. She seemed to know a lot about human anatomy as well as biology as well as psychology . Hell she probably knew more about humans then I did!

So soon after, I was having a good time. Laughing along with these ponies, talking and walking. Did you know ponies have pastries to die for? No i'm serious, they have pastries that the people of ECLAIR 2001.234 would die for.

The last time I visited, they were in the middle of a galactic scale war over if an Eclair or a Napoleon was better. Being the sweet fanatic I am and being the Napoleon fan I was, I instantly signed up for the U.F.N (United Federation of Napoleons)

Turns out the people of ECLAIR 2001.234 were all sweets.....so guess what ended the war? I tried eating the this delicious little candy cane puppy that had been captured from the planet STICKY. There was a whole continent of abandoned puppies. So both sides: The U.F.N and the the P.R.E (People's Republic of Eclairs) both signed a cease fire agreement in order to give these puppies a new home. As I said before, being the sweet fanatic I was, silently crept into the giant storage bay which was acting as a housing settlement and began to eat them. They acted like puppies normally do, the were so cute and adorable....and delicious. What? I wasn't allowed to eat anything! Anything! I was friggin starving! Do you know what  they're idea of food was? Dirt! I'm serious! Dirt was where they got their minerals and proteins and all the good stuff! Now I can shape-shift forms and such but i'm essentially human! Goddamit man I need meat! So I was found by a passing officer and sentenced to immediate execution.

Of course I escaped seeing as how I kinda wanted to live back then. The chase involved fake chickens, a giant Whoopee Cushion Death Star and cheese *shudder* lots and lots of cheese.

Now, unbeknownst to me and my new equine pals. An old friend of mine was currently descending towards the grounds of Equestria in a giant metallic suit, screaming abuse as he was cooked alive due to the planetary re-entry friction caused when an outside force comes in contact with the atmosphere of the planet.

And things on the planet of Equestria were going to get a lot more....interesting.

(A/N: 0_0)

A crash course

(A/N: Mind! Y U haz such good ideas?!? Finger! Y U so derp?!?)

"Chief! Chief! Calm down! It's just the friction of re-entry!"

"PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! FIRE AND PAIN! AM I IN HELL?!? FIRE PAIN! FLAMING FIRE PHOENIX OF PAIN OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"Screw this i'm out."

=============================================================================================

Such a nice day it was! I had quite the feast at a little bakery called sugarcube corner! Their Crepes were to die for! Oh! Where was I?

Oh yes! I was talking to Twonky Donkle about my origins.

"....So you don't know when you were born?" Asked Twilight trying hard not to facepalm at this man's sheer inconceivable stupidity.

After leaving Fluttershy's little home the two had ventured into town. Needless to say, she discovered that "Hoody" as he called himself, was a very interesting character, if not a little scatterbrained and hyper active.

Right about then, the sky began darkening as a comet came from out of nowhere.

The strangest thing about it though, was the fact that it was waving and shouting "HEY HOODY!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS LIKE SKYDIVING WITH REDNECKS!"

"Chief, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Hmm...let's see. Other than the fact that i'm about a thousand years old? This suit has become a culinary chief who's first priority is turning me into A GODDAM FLAMBE!"

".....Whatever. It appears as if we've broken through the stratosphere. Seems like the cloud layer's a bit thin, you should be getting a visual right about-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- oh look! This planet seems all colorful and cartoony!"

"What the he- I thought we were on Reach!"

"Well you my dear have just been proven wrong."

"Alright enough wise guy, use your jetpack to slow your descent so we don't end up like a bug on a windshield."

"0_0"

"..... you forgot the jetpack.....didn't you?"

"......Well I didn't forget as much as I- yeah no we're screwed."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

"Wow! Cortanar! It looks like the native life is horses!"

"Huh, looks like you're right-"

"OH MY GOD IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!? HEY HOOODY!"

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So here I was, having a nice conversation with Toddler Spring Cleaning when out of nowhere, I hear a loud resounding shout. It of course, belonged to an all too familiar friend who i'd seen one too many times scream LEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY while doing the same only in outer space....during covert missions...behind enemy lines.

Still I loved the guy. Met him when I jumped into a sub-universe of the Halo-Mulltiverse, only that particular dimension was inside the main Bungie/343 online servers.

To make is simple: I met him when I jumped into a Halo Reach game, LITERALLY.

While I did recognize the voice, my body is.....shall we say...paranoid about such things. So while my mind got over the initial shock of having my name called out from the bright blue, my body was still in HOLY SHIT WTF IS GOING ON mode.

==========================================================================

"Never thought I'd ever see Hoody again. You know, not since you somehow managed to drive a scorpion tank on the outside of a Covenant ship. Which by the way, what the hell were you thinking when you were driving the tank on the outside hull of the ship.

"Well...if you really want to know..I wasn't. I just thought, hey. Seems like a good idea to drive a Scorpion Tank in space."

"Were you-"

"yeah I was high off my ass."

"You know, i'm kind of surprised you're not still freaking out right now, I mean the ground is only a couple hundred yards away."

"Nah it's okay, Hoody's on the ground remember? He's got this."

"Yeah....remember the last time you decided to pay Hoody a surprise visit?"

"........Shit."

========================================================================================

As the comet began to lose the heat shield surrounding it, I saw that it was frantically waving it's hands in a 'I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO BUT PLEASE DON'T DO IT' sort of manor.

Again, this only vaguely registered within my still shocked and terrified mind. So I did what any Time/Space Traveler faced with a comet did.

As soon as it came close enough to touch, I punched it.

"Nu nu no WAIT!"

CRACK

"....I'm an AI and I could feel that."

"OH GOD AUGH! RIGHT IN THE NUTS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! GODDAMIT!"

"Well look on the bright side, least we're still alive."

"Yeah but we blasted off....again."

"Team Chief is blasting off again! *Ding!*"

"Wow, we're going fast, he packed quite the punch."

"I know right? I wonder where we're gonna be landing-"

Our boy Crushric never got to finish that sentence as he was sent miles by the strong arm of Hoody.

And guess where he crashed ladies and gentlemen?

=============================================================================

Celestia had been cantering through the halls of the royal palace. All diplomatic crises solved and all minor problems dealt with.

As she rounded the corner, she was met face to face with Luna who had been levitating a book, reading as she went about her daily business.

Celestia dawned a wry grin as Luna finally looked up to her sister, whom had been patiently weighting to be addressed.

"Oh. Sorry sister, didn't see you." Said Luna blushing a bit, the pink clear as day against her velvet blue coat.

Celestia only giggled and shook her head. "It's alright Luna. Say, would you like to accompany me for a little walk?" She asked, at this Luna smiled and shook her head, storing the book within a side bag she had been using to carry it.

As the two walked, they began to talk. Luna talked about all the new books she had been reading, the most recent of which was about inter-dimensional, and multi-universal travel.

"Oh don't be silly Luna! A human can't just up and appear! Besides, all the ones who have come to our world have arrived via, accident or experiment!" Rebutted Celestia as the two neared the royal gardens.

"But what if they can sister? What if they can use their minds as a sort of window to peer and eventually jump into other realms? It's a possibility is it not?" Persisted Luna, the argument between the two had become heated although still playful.

"If that were the case, then where would the energy to power such insight come from?" Asked Celestia, to this, Luna fell silent for a couple moments. Feeling that she had won, Celestia was about to open her mouth when Luna surprised her.

"What if the energy was pure imagination?" To this, the two became silent as unspoken ideas and theories passed between them.

And right before Celestia as about to speak for the second time, she was interrupted, not by Luna, but by an outside source.

Namely a man wearing 10-ton armor sailing through the air at the speed of sound shouting DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! As he crashed into the left wing of the Twin Royal Towers.

=========================================================================================

Twilight stood very still. Her mind running so fast that it had been shut down. Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned to Hoody who sat there sucking through his teeth.

".....you punched him." She said very calmly, he muttered a bit before replying.

"Yes....I regret nothing."

And so, their conversation went a bit like this.

"You punched him."

"It was self defense!"

"You punched him. In the nuts."

"I really didn't think that my fist would hit him there."

"You punched him in the nuts as he was speeding towards you."

"Yeah, when you jump around the universe as much as I do, you tend to pick up a few tricks."

"How?" Asked Twilight with exasperation lacing her voice.

"Well....see, my hand balled into a fist, and my triceps and biceps worked together with my bones to pull back my arm and swing forward.

"And you sent him flying?" The 'are you freakin' kidding me?' Note affected her voice.

".....Yes...."

"HOW?!?'"

"I punched him."

"WHY?!?"

"....It was a reaction."

"You do realize you probably broke at least two out of the three laws of Isaac Neighton right?"

"Well, while physics is a rule for most beings, it's only a suggestion to me."

"I need a drink." And with that, Twilight left Hoody to his own devices, which you should never do, especially with this particular Traveler.

Hoody stood there for a couple minutes pondering ideas and notions and the strange urge to go up to a tree and rub against it while naked. After a while, he sauntered off, a large smile plastered on his face.

"I think i'll go check out Sweet Apple Acres." He thought to himself.

(A/N: Oh boy)

And so it begins

(A/N: Yesh I upload this thing like the half-life episodes. Other than that, do any of my stories have a theme? Because I sure as hell don't sense one, ah well, I'll let you all decide.)

The Abject Nexus, ah, have I told you what a horrid place it is? Well it is. Actually it's not a horrid place. You know what's a horrid place? Sub-universe 30.421 or as I like to call it, Buffet Kingdom. It's literally just a single planet, and on that planet is a single kingdom, and everyone there, is a buffet food.

I FRIGGIN LOVE BUFFETS. It was torture to go there, but I had to rescue an agent trapped by the Danish King. Oh the revenge was sweet...as in I ate him. WHAT?!? IT WAS GOOD. It was like that incident with the puppies. Speaking of puppies have I ever told you about Spinsky? Oh he is a gem.

But! Let us get at the task at hand! Heading over to appe-duck's place! Wait..that's not right..Apple-crack? Who the hell names their kid after a drug? Doubt it. The name had something to do with apples....APPLEJACK! That's it!

Apple-

======================================================================

"Jack" as Applebloom had taken to calling her, was doing what she did best: Buck some apples. Everyday, all day, bucking. (Orgy joke incoming) Buck-akke. (HAHAHHA HOW HORRIBLE!)

Sorry. Anyway, she had just finished harvesting another batch when Hoody showed up. Or, if you could call screaming and running at roughly the speed of sound whilst tripping and inadvertently face-smashing into a tree "arriving".

"OOOOOOWWWWWW." He moaned loudly as he placed two hands and a foot on the tree bark and proceeded to push, trying in vain to pull his head out.

Applejack merely snorted in amusement and helped the poor man by grabbing his waist and pulling with him.

Eventually, the two managed to pull out (giggity) and by pull out. I mean Hood eventually went "fuck this", placed both hands with palms splayed against the wood, and used a repulsing spell that sent the two of them flying.

After eventually landing in the Town Square, the two got up and proceeded to have a dance number on how wonderful pie is.

No I'm just kidding, after they landed Hoody just laid there on the ground groaning while Applejack yelled at him.

"Dagumit! Ya scared the livin' hay outta me! And what the hay did you do anywho?!? You sent us flyin'!"

However, Hoody wasn't listening. Instead, he merely sat up, and...stared.

"AND ANOTHER THING! Ya could have just walked over ta Sweet Apple Acres instead of- Hoody? Hey! Hoody!" Applejack had noticed the man's absent-mindedness in the midst of her ramblings.

"Say. Applejack. This place has flying bug thingies right?" He asked. She nodded, still confused.

Suddenly the sky got very dark, darker than normal.

Hoody pointed upwards.

And there, blotting out the sun, were thousands of Changelings.

Applejack stared on in stark horror.

"Aww crap."

============================================================================

Celestia and Luna both stared in confusion and caution at the groaning figure surrounded by rubble sitting before them.

"Oooooooowwwww... my babies." Moaned Crushric holding his hands to his nuts.

"Testicular Damage at 98%." Said a very smug Cortana.

";_;" Crushric just sat there crying.

"Um....hello? Citizen!" Luna waved her hoof impatiently in front of the crying marine. He simply looked up with his dead blank expression, or rather HIS MASK'S dead blank expression. Underneath is however, his expression was one of "if my nuts hadn't been so brutally raped, I would massacre you."

"WHAT?" He screamed in both pain and annoyance.

"Why are you here?" Asked Luna. If she could see past his helmet, she would have been greeted by the best 'are you friggin serious?' Face this side of the internet.

"Oh nothing, I was just hopping from dimension to dimension, you know, picking up the groceries, asking around as to the whereabouts to my friend until said friend- PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING DICK!" He almost shouted the last part in a voice matching the Canterlotian Shout in an almost even decibel.

"Guards!" Celestia called, fearing for her sister and an encounter that was (most likely) going to get ugly.

"Hey! Ya fat baby! While you were sitting there whining like a little bitch I got the nanobots to fix your goddamn MAN JAGNINS." Shouting Cortana.

"Jaginins...really?" He said pulling his hands away from his nuts and onto his .44 magnum as a legion of guards swarmed in from all open windows, doors, and for some reason: lamp posts.

"Wow....guess I really shouldn't have brought a pistol to an ASSHOLE FIGHT." He shouted once again as the guards, Princesses and just about every pony in the town lined up to attack him.

"Well you know what they say" he said pulling out an energy sword from one of the many seemingly innocuous compartments all over his person.

"Always bring a knife to an ass-fight."

=======================================================================

Queen Chrysalis paced back and forth in her dark and dingy cave, the sound of rain water and the moaning of her children accompanied her furious passes as she ranted on and on about the failed plan.

"Ah! I shouldn't have trapped her! Blast that infernal little lavender rat! RAAAAAAAAAH!" There weren't enough horrendous words to capitalize on her anger so she chose the alternative route: screaming.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."

"Would you shut up?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUU-what?"

Chrysalis was interrupted from her rambling/screaming session by a deep, foreboding, and disembodied voice that seemed to punch directly into her mad encrusted skull that this was a being of great importance, and even greater power.

"Who is this?" She asked cautiously, by now she had turned towards her recuperating children who were milling around the cave and recovering from contact with the infernal shield that she had worked so hard to stop.

"I am no one. And one all the same. I am a fellow as you, one with his...children." It was a grave voice alright. And it spoke volumes of untold ages passed.

Chrysalis furtively glanced and checked over all her minions searching for the possessed one. That's how 'contact' as she liked to call it worked. A powerful being from far away would capture and mind-jack someone else's physical body in order to speak with either an individual or a group.

"Why do you seek to help?" She asked silently motioning for the group to line up in single file, they obliged and soon she was inspecting the lines with keen interest. Eventually she came across one who was standing perfectly still and who's green eyes were glazed over as it spoke. She had found 'the host'.

"I seek to help, for we are one in the same." It stated plainly, with a rather amiable tone.

"Oh? And what between us is there?" She asked, the 'hi-jacked' changeling began to morph, but it was a transformation she had never seen, a green spore cloud seemed to leak from out of nowhere, feelers as grey as a dead corpse adorned with bright red Sillia waving around, they grew out of it's eye sockets giving it a grotesque undead appearance. Chrysalis expected the changeling had died as soon as the foreign entity had entered it's mind.

"We both seek nourishment, and vengeance." It stated plainly. Chrysalis had, without conscious effort, backed up until she was against the rocky interior of the cave.

"Hypothetically speaking, how would we achieve both? My latest and most ingenious plan has failed and my forces are weak, you are but a disembodied voice with whom I've just met and have no trust of. So, again I ask, how?" Her eyes grew in horror as the green spore cloud began spreading. All around her, the changelings began growing horrendous appendages, an extra leg extending from a shoulder, broken jaws which became unhinged due to tentacles pouring out of the mouths, cancerous sores and boils, blinding red pus bubbles.

"Rest assured young one, I am but merely...borrowing them. And with their minds and bodies, I will make them pay."

Chrysalis began feeling claustrophobic and hopelessly outnumbered, she knew that...this thing was not..borrowing them, it was killing them, and turning them. Though to what exactly had yet to be determined.

"I see you fear for yourself and your children. Rest assured." It said simply. One of the infected Changelings that had previously been milling around walked over to an egg sac and began pouring a visceral substance into the sac via tentacles, Chrysalis stared in slack-jawed shock and awe as the baby growing inside began swelling, growing the black pigments and holes of a normal changeling. And soon, it began kicking and squirming. And in no time flat, it became a fully formed Changeling, bursting into it's new life of service.

For a moment it sat blinking in the dim low-light before chirping shrilly and running over to Chrysalis, hugging one of her legs. She decided to test it, sending it a phenomenal signal via rubbing her two legs together, rubbing against the open holes. It's eyes lit up and it sat up, in a moment returning her message via sharp clicks unheard by any ears.

"Okay....I trust you." She said hugging the baby changeling and hoisting it onto her back, all around her, the dead changelings were injecting the various larva sacks with the same visceral substance, and in no time flat, a whole army of changelings began to form.

"But I must know...who are you?" She asked.

Instantly the whole cave began shaking as massive tentacles shot high into the cave, tentacles bigger than any tree stumps and bigger than most buildings. Chrysalis gripped the scared youngling on her back and stared up as a massive head emerged.

"I am a monument, to all your sins."

============================================

He sat on one of the massive terra cotta roofs overlooking the beautiful city of Canterlot, sipping Merlot wine and smoking from a pipe wearing a double-breasted  Armani suit with a bowler hat hung low over his forehead to cover his eyes. With a smile he watched the madness unfold in the Throne room of the Royal Sister's palace. A thousand and one guards plus the sisters all clustered around a single individual, which he couldn't see at the moment but was all the same assured that his ass was being handed to him on a sliver plater.

Taking a sip from the glass he was holding, he twirled it absently as he scanned the Mid-Autumn city, it was a nice sunny day with poofy cumulus clouds passing slowly overhead like massive Sperm Whales. A simple breeze ruffled his blazer as he admired the golden scenery.

"Having fun D?" Asked a voice from behind him.

Without turning around 'D' chuckled mirthlessly, taking yet another sip without responding.

"Well, the fun is watching how our heroes get out of this one." He said pointing directly to the reader.

Just then the window he was watching exploded and our good friend Crushric leaped out riding a pony who was trying to furiously buck him off, all the while Crushric was swearing like a sailor in a bar fight.

"Well I guess that answers your question doesn't it?" Asked the disembodied voice quite confused. "By the way, who were you talking too?" He asked.

D simply got up from the roof top, winked at the reader, sipped once more on his aged drink of choice, and stepped off the roof.

As he stepped began descending, he smiled. "I wonder how this will all turn out." He thought to himself as he became yet another spot on the pavement, albeit quite a bloody big spot.

=======================================================

"Well I have seen a lot of it in my time, but this here is a right clusterfuck!" Exclaimed Hoody with a whistle of appreciation. It had taken mere moments for the duo to be surrounded by the swarming masses. Applejack was in hysterics, there was an evilly laughing villain who announced all hope was in vein and who talked away about the grave mind's-

Wait a minute. Hoody suddenly looked up from his makeshift game of tic-tack-toe which he had somehow managed to dream up during Queen Chrysalis's speech.

"We will feed on all your loved one's love and storm through your towns leaving them as but-"

"OY!" Screamed Hoody looking up to the hovering matriarch. She looked crossly down at him.

"What do you wantslime?" Particularly enunciating it.

"Did you just say something about a mind that's in a grave?" He asked, she smacked her face with a hoof before rehashing.

"Yes, through the generous gifts of the Grave Mind, my once decimated children have grown and risen yet again!"

"No but seriously, is it a grim mind like Alfred Hitchcock or is it just the gray mushy-matter that sits in a dead man's skull?" Asked our askew hero.

Chrysalis gave him a look like if the 'are you crazy?' Face and the 'I'm going to kill you and use your intestines as garrots to strangle your family' face had a baby.

"Oh what am I even doing? DESTROY THEM!" She bellowed.

Applejack, having been frozen in sheer terror up to this point, screamed. "We're doomed!" She stated, her ears shrinking as she instinctively curled into a small ball.

So with a massive army of (most likely) bolstered super-soldiers and with no weapons in sight, with no hope of help or reinforcements and the probable outcome of the two of them being the last line of defense, Hoody reached into his trusty duffel bag, and pulled out....a baseball bat.

He smiled wickedly.

"Oh this will do, this will do nicely." He said smacking the metal against his palm.

Queen Chrysalis began laughing, hard. She waved her hoof in a jerky manner ordering the encroaching soldiers to stop.

"Seriously?" She asked, tears forming, she opened her tear stained eyes to find herself staring at a hooded man. And her cheery and confident demeanor stopped abruptly as well as her ear-to-ear smile when she noticed something quite hard to miss.

HIs eyes were twinkling with madness and his grin also stretched from ear to ear, showing quite pointy teeth. But let's focus on the eyes for a minute, for Hoody's eyes were those of a man who would have as much fun going on a Carousel as going through an orphanage with a can of axe and a Lighter.

Translation: Batshit, mind bending, horse fucking purely for the hell of it, insane."

"Seriously." He said, grin and all.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!" She shouted.

And (*sigh* again), all hell broke loose.

(A/N: Oh the next part will be fun to write. And on a side note, does anyone else want to hop on this madhouse bandwagon?)

Because something's got me started

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Hoody jumped through the stunned ranks of the charging changelings, sending one flying.

"HOOOOOOO WEEE! HOME RUN!" He laughed as the flying changeling crowded, he kept running, faster and faster and faster, that little devil was fast!

Left and right he smacked changelings stupid, at one point doing a backflip, landing on one's back, smacking it on the ass with the bat and sending it into hysterics, barreling into it's comrades left and right. Chrysalis watched the action slack jawed, here and there, clouds of changelings flew into the air courtesy of Hoody's devastating blows, a select hoof full of them going fast enough to make an F-16 jealous. He himself was almost invisible due to the insane speed in which he was slipping and sliding and swinging and dodging with.

"It's like I'm watching you fly through the windshield in slow motion." He commented, repeatedly smacking into a particularly large Changeling who was howling in anger and pain as it swiped left and right, it's actions sending it's brethren left and right due to it's sheer size. Eventually he broke through the enormous buggy clusterfuck, opening a clear path when he incapacitated the massive spawn and kicked it so hard and with so much power he sent it skidding across the ground like an oversized bowling ball to pins, knocking down everything in its way.

"C'mon Apples! We're leaving!" He shouted in joy leaping over slack-jawed spawn and grabbing the even further stunned pony."

"Now wait just a darn tootin' minute there!" She shouted, even as he scooped her up with ease and ran off like he was a Ethiopian Athlete high on sugar and meth.

"AFTER HIM YOU FOOLS!" Shouted the Queen, and so the massive hive of (pissed off) spawn went rampaging through the forest.

Meanwhile

"GET OFF! GEDOFFGEDOFFGEDOFF!"

Crushric held on for dear life as the Royal Guard's Pony barreled through the streets of Canterlot.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Screamed Ric as the duo crashed through market stalls, stuck up nobles, houses, at one point the duo emerged from a house with Crushric wearing an adorable pink apron and the Royal Guard wearing so much make-up he looked like a Geisha.

"GEEET OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!"He shouted once more.

"SWEET JESUS DOES THIS THING HAVE AN SEAT BELTS?!?"  shouted Crushric, legs flailing as he desperately held onto the pony's mane.

"OF course it does! All biological things do! It's called a brain! YOUR GODDAM BRAIN STOPS YOU FROM DOING THIS STUPID SHIT." Shouted Cortana in his head.

"Well thanks for that- oh hey! What the hell is that?" The company of 3 stopped, that is to say, the Royal Guardsmen (who has yet to be named) abruptly slammed his biological brakes and Crushric went head over heels flying onto a nearby rooftop.

"Is that a giant dust cloud?" He asked, and indeed, it seemed to be getting closer.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH." Suddenly, a massive cloud of dust appeared right smack in the middle of Canterlot Plaza, oddly just a below Crush's building.

"...Wonder what that is?" He peered over the side of the building.

=================

Hey all! Kinda takin' a break from the combat! Whew! Runnin' like Sonic the friggin Hedgehog is definitely tiring. The only reason I'm talkin' right now is cuz I slipped into the Nexus with Applejack here, but she's fighting like a hellion and swearing twice as much, guess it's a first timer's thing.

Anyway, Road Runners, High-tailers, Wabbajacks, Walking tornados, Air Runners, Time Skaters, Muther-Fucking-Trail Blazers. That's what a "Walker is".

Hey, did I ever mention how to even enter the Abject Nexus? I don't think so....hmm.....now's a good a time as any.

ALRIGHTY! So, you know how there are TECHNICALLY 2 barriers that can be broken to achieve speed unimaginable? There's the sound barrier and light barrier! Well, I take it you all know your basic astronomy right? Okay then! Brace yourselves!

The first barrier, the sound barrier is broken to achieve unimaginable velocity because you have broken past the speed of sound. That's common knowledge, so MOVING ON! Then there's your light barrier. Light is what (most) beings use to see, the light is translated through various neurons in the brain to create a picture. If one was to say, break past that barrier, you'd be flying blind so to speak. Now, that might not be relevant at all but consider this: Isn't a black hole the only thing able to capture light?

Totally out of left field right? Well anyway, a certain scientists (*cough cough* DISABLED scientist) came across the theory that a black hole (a.k.a a Singularity) can somehow bend the laws of time and space.

WHICH brings me to a point we've (somehow) meandered too: the third breakable barrier is time. Past light, and past sound is the barrier of time which ties in directly to the light barrier which we use to judge time of day, or hour or even time of the month! And further still, in the breakable zone is the ultimate speed.

Past the speed of logic. Past the speed of physics, astrology, biology, this means that you are going so fast that you have passed through the Universal Binary's code and are now out of the system.

And thus, this is where the Abject Nexus lies, a wormhole outside time and space verging on the abyss of madness-

OH GOD IT SPAT US OUT IN MIDDAIR. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

==============

Crushric used a hand to fan away the dust and debris as he leapt down to observe first hand, whatever the hell had crashed. Hearing groaning, he made his way over to a destroyed stand, wood and splinters everywhere and all that was in sight. Suddenly a piece of the wood rustled and moved slightly, with haste he made his way over and picked up the massive chunk of plywood.

"Oh...it's you." He said in a monotone voice as he saw the splayed form of Hoody with a discombobulated Applejack.

"Last...time...ah'm...ever...trustin'...you." Said the Earthpony before throwing up all over a nearby wall and passing out.

"Hey Ric....sorry." Hoody got up as if nothing happened, brushed off his coat, and offered an apologetic look.

Crushric punched him in the face.

"That was for my twins." He then pulled up the dazed Traveler and hugged him. "And that was for not sending any messages! How ya been dude?!" He said patting Hoody on the back who was coughing and turning blue from the vice like grip.

"Fine..can't...breath..." he muttered a bit before Ric got the message and backed off.

"But seriously, how ya been? Oh! And how's Spinsky?"

"Ah I'm fine, Spinsky's doin' okay too, left him a couple dimensions back since he took a liking to the candy kingdom."

"Huh, the little guy was always something huh?"

The two of them shared a couple laughs as they finally had some time between themselves.

"AHEM!" Suddenly a voice interrupted their chat.

Oh, did I forget to mention Queen Chrysalis and about 50 Changelings survived the Nexus and followed them?

"So, who's the broad?" Asked Ric as  Chrysalis shook off the dirt and stood, staring at the two. If looks could kill, her's would disintegrate the town.

"Dunno, some random bug lady that kinda came outta nowhere. Say, why were you tryin' to kill us anyway?" Asked Hoody.

Chrysalis had about enough of these monkey fighting snakes on this monday to friday plane (what..what?!?)

"KILL THEIR ASSES!" She shouted, and the Changelings rushed forward.

"...Pissed off the natives?" Crushric stood there and slowly leaned down, scooping up a handful of dirt, suddenly it began shifting as he grabbed some metal, wood, and rocks, becoming a sniper rifle.

"Oh yeah, say, up for a bit of asswhopping?" Asked Hoody calmly swinging his bat from side to side. Crushric grinned under his helmet.

"Oh hell yeah."

Hoody returned the smile and pointed and jumped onto the nearest Changeling's face, beating it repetadly with the bat.

"Yo i'ma be on your head till I hit tonsels"

While Hoody was doing...whatever, Crushric wasn't really sure, Hoody had just kinda leapt into the nearest group and started smacking face. Crushric was vaguely aware of a rubber duck somehow exploding. Other than that, he was dropping fools like a 50% day at your local Best Buy after Black Friday.

A Changeling ran up to him, he leg dropped it while shooting it's brethren who was leaping above it in the face, pivoting on his hand to deliver a 360 tornado kick while using the other to morph the sniper into a .44 magnum which he promptly hip shot somehow killing 3 more changelings.

Meanwhile

"WOO! I'm battin' a thousand!" Hoody had the widest smille as he leapt from building to building, air bouncing, wall running, and ass handing as he managed to take down 14 by picking up a rock, batting it in the face of the nearest changeling, throwing a ducky bomb from his trust duffel bag, and kicking the dazed/stuck parasprite to it's fellows, turning them into giblets.

Though, that wasn't the only thing his bat could do.

"HAHA! WE'VE GOT YOU!" Shouted Chrysalis after he'd wandered too close and gotten insnared in her telekinetic magic. He started struggling for a minute or two before smiling knowing and reclining, all around him changelings licked their chops as they crowded.

"Hey Ricky!" Hoody called out. Crushric looked up from the mountain of dead or K.O'd changelings he was standing on like some cyber-punk Conan.

"Boom Boom combo?" Asked Hoody smiling dovishly.

Crushric returned the smile as he morphed the pistol he was holding back into the sniper.

"Ohoho yes."

Hoody suddenly smacked his palm on the bottom of the bat. It started shaking and heating up, giving off steam. He then pointed it towards a still confused Chrysalis as the top of the bat swung off to reveal a barrel holding a massive bullet shaped canister.

"BOOM!" Hoody shouted firing.

"BOOM!" Crushric replied shooting the bullet when it was mere inches away from Chrsalis's face.

Instantly the bullet exploded, but in a rather odd fashion. The giant ball of shrapnel and flames imploded. And Chrysalis's  stomach dropped. She had time to think one thought.

"Crap, black hole"

And thus, the group of changelings got sucked into the singularity shrieking.

Hoody was released minutes before the Singularity finished and as he ran over to Crushric, the two calmly strolled away sharing a bro-fist as the energy gathered from the Singularity imploded upon it's self, supernovaing.

"And that there is how you get er done!" Hoody shouted whopping with joy.

Interesting place ya got here

I find it easier to listen to music when I travel, specially when i'm traveling through the Intro-Space Highway. Actually I take that back, it's easier when going through the Abject Nexus. Now that place [shiver] you'll definitely need some sort of comfort when going through the Abject Nexus, that place is like a surrealist painting on Acid.

Oh right! Where are my manners? I haven't had a name in a while soooooooo......ugh......jeez what should I even go by? Oh right! Just call me Hoody okay? That's about the only thing other than my duffel bag I bring with me when I travel.

OHGODSPIDER!KILLIT!KILLITWITHFIREOHGODOHGOD! Oh....ugh....ahem...sorry about that, just traveling in the Nexus. Jesus I swear this thing is like watching Salvador Dali painting a crack pot version of the Mona Lisa.

Oh so many places to go! So many choices! Let's see, been there, been there, been there twice, nothing could even get me back there...still have nightmares about that fish prostitute...oh? What's this? Equestria? Wait a minute...why does that name sound so familiar.

Equestria Equestria....wait a minute....could that be-

[looks through personalized Abject Nexus looking Glass]

SQUEEEEEE! PONIES! I BUCKING LOVE PONIES! YUSH YUSH YUSH YUSH ME WAN GO NOW.

========================================================================================

SugarCube Corner

Pinkie had been serving a batch of freshly baked cupcakes to a group of foals when she got one of her combos. "Oh oh! Pinch knees, Eye Flutter Knee Twitch! We're gonna be getting a visitor! Oh I love visitors!" Pinkie began bouncing in circles.

It was right about then that Rainbow Dash made her way in and spotted the pink mare jumping about. "Pinkie? What's happening? Why are you- know what? Never mind, just give me some hardened cider." The Rainbow Mare had long since learned to deal with the Pink Madness the citizens of the small town of Ponyville called 'Pinkie Pie'.

Pinkie disappeared for a moment and reappeared with a apple-juice like substance in a mug. Rainbow accepted the fermented drink and downed it in one go.

"So what's the hub-ub?" She asked after a slight buzz had taken effect, not noticeable but enough to deal with Pinkie.

"Oh! Well my Pinkie sense started tingling because of visitor! Like an alien! Oh! I wonder if they'll be white and have large eyes like the ones we see at halloween! Oh that'd be silly though! Those are already the grays! They live about 3 light years away though so it'd take a long time to get here so soon! Oh I wonder if it's a space Alpaca? Those would be so awesome! We'd be able to ride it around like a....like a mule! Oh that would be so cool!" Rainbow had lost Pinkie as soon as she started talking.

"Wait Space Alpacas? That'd be weird." Half-heartedly replied Rainbow Dash zoning out and refocusing as yet another of their friends walked in.

"Hello Rainbow, Pinkie." Said Twilight, she seemed to be in a rather glum mood today.

"Hey Twi, there something wrong?" Asked Rainbow Dash moving over to her purple unicorn bud and raising a protective wing over the mare's back. Twilight sighed and walked up to the counter where Pinkie and Rainbow had been conversing.

"It's nothing really, I just feel so lonely with Spike in Canterlot and all." She said illustrating a roll with her hooves. Rainbow Dash winced a little, Twilight loved Spike like a brother and he to her, they almost never separated and usually if was for dire situations like the dragon incident or when the 6 had gone and stopped Nightmare Moon.

"I know how ya feel Twi, I still remember when Gummy was sick and he had to go to Fluttershy's, I couldn't sleep for the next couple weeks! I started having these insane dreams where I made Rainbow Dash into cupcakes.

Rainbow who had been comforting Twilight looked up at the Pink mare as if she was insane. "What?" She asked, her voice between fear and shock.

"Muffin Button." Replied Pinkie Non-chalantly as she started munching on a blueberry muffin. This caused a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head from Rainbow Dash.

"Oh wait! Say Twilight, if your feeling lonely you could come with us to see the visitor!" Chirped Pinkie with an innocent foal's smile. Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Pinkie Sense?"

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash and Twilight exchanged the information and both sighed. Rainbow Dash out of frustration, anytime Pinkie got a sensation she was usually roped in for whatever reason. Twilight sighed because she could never rule Pinkie's predictions to be the unusual madness they were.

"Oh? So where is this visitor?" Asked Twilight finishing her cupcake.

Pinkie shook like a jackhammer. "Oh! He's going to be landing outside Fluttershy's in a minute or so." She said as she rushed outside. "Well are you two slowpokes coming or not?" She asked poking her head out of the still swinging door, both Rainbow and Twilight rolled their eyes in the exact same fashion at the exact same moment in a cosmic coincidence. On a completely irrelevant note, because of this eye rolling incident, a small colony of Maresedols, a small species of doll like horses on the planet Maresedol died in a tragic fire after their sun accelerated in a counter-clockwise fashion, incinerating their planet after it came too close.

"Yeeouch!" Shouted Rainbow Dash suddenly shooting into the air.

"What's wrong?" Asked Twilight as she stopped in her tracks to observe her Rainbow friend.

"I dunno, it just felt like something shocked me." Said Dash fluttering down gently and rejoining her earthbound friend. Twilight only shrugged as the two followed the tell-tale path of destruction Pinkie left whenever she got 'excited'...which was always.

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Alright sorry for breaking out in fan-boyish attitude there. I almost forgot to explain what the Abject Nexus is! Okay, so the human mind in it's current stage is only using 2% of it's overall power. Now believe it or not, there are ways for one to access the remaining 98% but it requires dark chocolate, 2 day old fishes, the philosopher's stone, and a hyron-collider. Oh! And a spirit of the old ones! Yeah as in the H.P Lovecraft ones.

Okay swinging back on topic here. The Abject Nexus is the intersection of lines within the universe by which hyper-beings can travel between different planets and times. As in literal time travel.

See the Abject-Nexus is outside of the universe, it is what you who still  haven't accessed the 98% call 'the subconscious' it is an intersecting road where everything from everywhere and anytime can converge. Now if this happened in the normal universe it would likely cause a time-space paradox and an instant singularity in which the universe would process the interrupted segmentation of time and force the two parties which have violated it's most basic laws into an alternate space-time line in which both have either been separated or both stay the same.

Wow! Huge explanation! Anway if you'll excuse me I gotta focus on being scared because I've found that the exit point for the Abject Nexus into Equestria was a 100 meter drop.

Gentlemen.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"See anything?" Called Pinkie up to Rainbow Dash who was about 50 meters up. It was a cloudless night and as the stars shined down upon the three, Twilight began wondering why she even attended.

"Pinkie we've been here for 2 hours! It's already dark out! Can we please go back and get some sleep?" Asked Twilight, her voice heavy with sleep.

Suddenly the three heard screaming as a flailing roughly bi-pedial creature fell screaming from the sky.

The three watched him drop in silence until he landed or rather nose-dived into the ground. His legs sticking straight up in the air.

"......Is he?" Asked Rainbow rejoining her friends on the ground. Suddenly he appeared right in front of them, dusting off his clothes.

Now when I say appear, he literally just popped right in front of them.

"Okay so thats 1 broken femur, probably tore my ACL...did I? OH GOD YES I DID. Arm? Broken..wonder why I can't feel it-OH SWEET MERCIFUL BARBECUE THERE IT IS."

The creature who had appeared fine and health just a millisecond ago was now on the ground rolling around in pain.

The three just sat there watching him.

"Okay then. Other arm? Seems dislocated....crack ah! There we go. Anything else? Oh yeah! my neck's broken!" He said and it appeared he was right.

His neck was at a precise 90 degree angle to the left.

"Um...excuse me...how are you not.....dead?" Asked Twilight breaking the silence between the species. The creature finally seemed to notice the trio.

"It's a long and complicated explanation. For now let's just say magic *snort snort*." He added in. Grabbing his head with both of his hands he jerked it up into the correct positon.

CEREAK!

"Well now that that's over with. Nice place ya got here!" he said. It was then Rainbow Dash spoke up.

"Umm....what's with your umm..." she trailed off as she gestured to his chest which was now red with seeping blood.

"Oh...it appears I have one...two...three...four broken ribs! Oh and hemorrhaging, blood loss. It's a miracle I haven't-" he was cut off as he passed out from blood loss.

"Aww...it's just another human." Pouted Pinkie dejectedly, her mane deflating slightly.

"Well look on the bright side, at least we're near Fluttershy's." Said Twilight picking up the man with her magic.

And off the three went to find their canary colored friend. Meanwhile our passed out homosapien was having a strange dream involving doors and stairs where the stairs were upside down, and right side up.

Q&A

What if I told you that there were 3 types of travelers? There are the telepathics, those who can use their mind to bend things. They are like the artists of destructions. The ability to produce gamma beams and singularities to name a few. The power of the telekinesis depends on both the will and the mind of the person. Then there are your Harmonics. They are those in tune with all aspects of nature. They can shake the very earth with their power or use raw silver to create a gun that sort of thing. Then, there are your walkers.

Walkers are those who can step through the separate dimensions of space and time, they can basically walk into a parallel universe. They are not bound by the laws of physics or reason. This is why most walkers are mad, they have lived an insanely long time because the only way to kill a walker is if the walker kills himself. The reason being that on top of the fact that they can walk through the folds of the time-space nexus, they can absorb different copies of themselves. Basically, if a walker gets caught nearly dead, he can step back into the Abject Nexus and absorb a healthier version of himself. Now you're probably asking yourself how does that even work? Doesn't this cause a complete breakdown of everything? See what happens is that the universe quickly rewrites the code by which it functions and then makes another copy of the original which got deleted.

Now what if I told you that behind the scenes of history there were two factions? One faction fought to bring all of the multiverses into one harmonious being. Like a web they spun lies that eventually began to draw people and verses together. In the year 0 they achieved this and the multiple worlds became one.

A war raged on that super planet which was ended by me. I won't tell you how I ended it, that's a story for another time. I think you would call it the Big Bang.

I rebuilt the multiverses from the ground up. I went back in time which was technically going forward in time. Anyway I went backwards/forwards and used the power of the walker to form the universal code through a substance that I will only refer to as "Celestius". Along the way I gained the powers of the other types of super-humans; The Telepathics and the Harmonics. And I rebuilt the universe.

I know i'm being vague on the other two types of super-humans...but I just can't share those memories with you right now. It's too painful for me. Maybe sometime in the future I can tell you everything. But today is not that day.

(A/N: Sorry for the extremely short chapter but I just needed to type something for this story. Either way I might revise and add things to this or I might just create a new chapter but I dunno. Either way, see ya later! -DDF)