Strange Bedfellows

The echo doesn't even finish bouncing off of the various building before I chase after my spear right at the Defiler, I flick my eyes at the spear as it disintegrates above my head and the bait's ashes flutter peacefully to the ground. Close, but not close enough. She manages to level her horn at me again and fire, I drop and slide as the shot goes way above my head, I hop back up off the ground, ball my fist, and coil up like a spring. I glance at her face for a split second as the smile drops from it and blast my legs straight into the ground and my fist catches her in the unprotected throat. I flounder backwards as I curse out "What?!" and get a hoof to my chest for my troubles.

I sail through the air for fair distance before landing back first on the ground, I roll with the bounce and manage to plant my feet. I grind myself to a stop a few feet further and sprint forward again, completely undeterred by her show of force as I think "What the hell is she made out of, bricks?". I growl as I dodge another bolt of magic, and jump over "Shining" as he tries to take out my legs. Celestia turns to face me as I get within striking distance and a second smile spread across her face as she blast another bolt at me, I hop to the side and claw my hand, then I hop back and slash at her throat with all of my-

I now find myself tumbling through the air, but with none in me, as something tightens around my midsection, I hit the ground and bounce away I feel that something let go. I eventually come to a stop on my back and quickly hop to my feet, only to catch sight of a rainbow maned Pegasus slamming into my stomach and sending me even further. After a few feet I manage to get my breath back and I wedge my legs between the two us and unload both like a double barreled shotgun into her gut as I grunt "Sod off!", sending her straight into the ground and I watch as she bounces and yelps in pain. Then I land and-

I find myself flying sideways while two points on my side feel like they got shotgunned, then everything goes dark and I feel something cold and hard and steel-y all around me. After a far too brief moment I find myself airborne once more to the sound of birthday blowers, surrounded by confetti and streamers, and before I even hit the ground I end up wrapped up in something with only my head untouched, Then I slam into the ground and roll like a log for a few feet, stopping rather nicely on my back, and I look down to see the fact I'm wrapped up in blue silk ribbon, complete with a nice fancy bow on my chest and I hear from short distance away, "Nice job, Rarity!"

I tear at the ribbons with my teeth like a rabid dog, causing me to tear up my tongue, lips, and cheeks,... but I honestly don't care; I just want to crush the defiling whore. With one last jerk of my head I manage to rip the ribbon and free myself, only to be picked up by a purple glow and levitated twice my height from the ground as the ribbon slides off of my body, then it spins me around and see the six new adversaries in front of me. I growl at them as the blood flows from my face and drips off of my chin as I slowly raise my arms and legs, then I cork screw them and spin like a drill. I drop to the ground as the tall purple one gasps and land on my knees hard as I glare at my adversaries.

There were numerous guards in front of me, then there was the six newcomers behind them, then there was a rather entertained looking Celestia behind them. The guards wield spears and halberds and the like; then there was an unarmed orange earth pony standing right behind the guards that wore a Stetson on her golden maned head; The Rainbow maned Pegasus hovering in the air just behind her almost blending in with the afternoon sky; a yellow Pegasus floats and hides behind the rainbow pegasus as she hides her face behind her lustrous pink mane; there was a Pink earth pony standing right beside a... Well it was a Cannon, and she sports a mane that looked like it was fired from said cannon. Then there was a white unicorn with a very stylized mane of a purple-ish hue, and that had ribbons floating around her which were surrounded by a blue aura; and, just beside Celestia, was a Purple winged unicorn with a golden tiara on her head and a pink streak in her mane... And every last one (except for the yellow Pegasus) was giving me their game face. I just glare at them as I try to "remember" each of their names without reconnecting with the hive, but I couldn't for the life of me. I lock my gaze once more on the White Devil as stand up and walk forward silently.

Half way to the guards I kick into a full sprint to catch them off guard, it worked and I breeze through them like they were ghosts. I clear the last guard as he flails at me, only to promptly get charged by the rainbow maned pegasus, so I drop down to one knee at the last second, she passes inches over my head and runs right into the guard. I hop back up and run for a few steps before hopping to the side just as two hooves that were supposed to slam into my chest crack through the air where I originally was supposed to be, the owner of a fine Stetson lets out a confused "Wha-" just before I smash her right in the ribs hard enough to drop her like a rock.

I jump back just as streamers and confetti obliterate the spot where I was standing, then I hop up and slide down the apparently fast moving cannon and kick the Pink one in the face, eliciting an "Owchie!" from her muzzle as she falls on her rump and clutches at her face. I stop and stand over her, then I look to the side and run straight at the white unicorn as she sends her ribbons flying right at me, then I dance to the side at the last moment and smile as she tangles up the Rainbow maned Pegasus, who was trying to tackle me from behind, who ends up sailing right into the white unicorn's shocked face.

The yellow Pegasus winces and squeaks in fear as she stands her ground infront of me "St- stop, Please!" I dash right past her without so much as a second glance, and charge straight at Celestia's smug face, I lazily dodge the bolts of light that shoot from her and her purple friend's horns. I grab a loose rock just before I jump over the last shot and drop my foot right on the purple one's face, and I kick off of her face to jump at Celestia and her exposed Thro-

*-*

I wake up on the stones mid-bounce and find myself at the bridge... which was some where in between "Too far away from the princess I had just almost killed" and "I need a gun"... actually I think I landed on that one. I lay on my back for a moment as i stare at the sky, then I roll slowly to my right and plant my left hand on the ground, my new green shirt was ruined. I push myself up slowly, only to drop to one knee half way up as I Hack a couple of times and spit up blood, "I hate this place." I think dejectedly. I look up at my target and her companions as I finish standing up: They took up the same formation as before, but we all knew that my tricks wouldn't work a second time; All seemed to be in fine fighting shape save for a few hearty coughs; and they all seemed very happy about the addition of the Dark Princess that landed right beside her beloved sister. I spit the blood in my mouth in disgust as I stare at the Defiler, then I run full tilt in the opposite direction. There were too many, they were too strong, and I... worse for wear. "Fuck!" I shout as I barrel down the streets and I open my mind to the hive and almost run into a wall as a shout burst through my head immediately.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Chrysalis voice boomed in my head, "Fighting the Princesses, the Elements of Harmony, AND the royal guard?" I hop past a confused pony as the Rainbow maned Pegasus, who he just remembered was named after her mane, sails over his head and comes around for another pass and Chrysalis continues her tirade, "YOU said you were going to TALK to her!" She says in a noticeably quieter, though still loud, voice.

"I was!" I shout at the top of my lungs and I jump to the side as the newly "Remembered" Rainbow Dash cut through the air where my chest was seconds before, I snake my fist out and catch her in the gut, I run down a side street as she flies right into a fruit stand. Chrysalis was quiet, so I add, "Maybe if you told me the truth I wouldn't have gone!"

"You said you knew everything!" She shouts in a hurt tone that was on the verge of tears through my mind as I dodge a bolt of dark light that explodes a vegetable stand.

"And I would have know that if you hadn't lied, I had to see that... Defiler in order for the thrice damned memory to show it's self!" I dart down an alley and hope they didn't follow, and they did with gusto.

I fly out the other end of the alley as the earth behind me explodes and I make a beeline for the Everfree as Chrysalis says in a quiet, dejected tone "We didn't mean to...", I grunted in irritated frustration, "I'm very sorry."

I look back, dodge a flying cart surrounded by a purple nimbus, and shout "Apologize AFTER I make it back!" as I tumble down a path in the Everfree. I hear the flying ones land and the flying impaired ones catch up and, after a moment of conference, they chase me down the path together. "Fuck!" I whisper to myself frantically as I search for a way out of this mess, that's when I noticed I was absolutely exhausted exactly like I should have been. "Fuck... No magic endurance for me." I cough to myself as a branch lashes my cheek and my chest burns. Then I notice another thing; this was the same path I ran down last time, I just ran past the remains of the tree that was exploded the first day I was here, I run for a few more minutes and crashed out of the forest and onto a familiar stretch of river... I didn't even slow down as I charge the river just like before.

A crocodile pops it's head up, just like last time, and I hop on it's opening mouth and jump off... and landed knee deep in the water on the other side, "That worked much better then expected..." I wheeze to myself in awe as I trudge forward and look back over my shoulder, only see my pursuers glaring at me from across the river and the crocodile turning back to the river, I see all of the "Elements" and the Dark Princess, but no guards or Defiler... I trudge faster as not to get devoured by a now pissed off crocodile and the ponies capable of flight took off as I dash haphazardly into the greenery.

I flail tiredly through the forest and find myself in a far too familiar place... except the bridge was gone, and in place of it's posts there were deep claw marks in the dirt. I think to myself idly "There goes my plan..." as I stand where the posts use to be and drop to my hands and knees, then I stand up slowly turn around as Rainbow Dash, the newly ascended Twilight Sparkle in her Alicorn glory, and Luna, the Dark Princess walk calmly into the clearing.

"We have you cornered, surrender." Luna says calmly as her companions watched warily.

"...No." I say in the Changling tongue after a moment of panting, causing Luna's wary, half lidded eyes to flick wide open in surprise as she adopted a very aggressive stance.

"What did it say?" Rainbow Dash asks as she leans towards Twilight with a hoof to the side of her mouth, Twilight had adopted a very similar stance to Luna.

"It spoke in Changling." Twilight states angrily as she glares daggers at me.

Rainbow's expression changes to one of shock, then to one of indignation as she in turn glares daggers as well. "Explain, Creature, or I will be forced to put you down like the animal you are." Luna growls as she scrapes her hoof on the ground menacingly.

"That was rather... violent, I'd say... your rather unhinged..." I pant as I finally manage to take my hands off of my knees, but plant one firmly on my hip and lean into it, "It's unbecoming of one as esteemed as yourself."

"Pleasantries were waved to moment you laid a paw on my sister." Luna fumes as Twilight stepped forward, in a less aggressive stance.

"Does that mean you give up?" The Purple one asks calmly, betraying none of her former irritation.

I regard her curiously for a moment with a exhaustion bend head, then I say "Depends, do I not get taken prisoner and executed for fun?"

Twilight's calm demeanor broke for a moment as her head rockets back in confusion, "What? No, Why would you think that?"

"Because that monster loves death."

Twilight blinked for a moment and opens her mouth to continue, but she gets cut off by Rainbow Dash, "What's it saying?"

"Enough of this!" Luna shouts as she stalks over to me, "Why are we bickering over semantics; You're in our custody now, accept it and come with us quietly."

"My life is semantics?" I ask her questioningly, "I like to think it's worth a little more then that." Luna glares straight into my eyes as I stand at full height and stare right back, we stare into each other's eyes for a while as the tension thickens to a nice paste like consistency.

"Enough of this!" Twilight shouts in exasperation, "We have you out numbered, please just come with us and you won't be harmed!"

"I think I'll take the other option; you know, the one without me dying of dysentry because your god is a sadist." I shot at her with fire in my eyes.

"That option involves you dying now, creature." Luna states inches from my face.

"You in position yet?" I think loudly

"I don't like that one at all... How about option three?"

"Not quite, give me ten more seconds." Two Twenty Six answers back

"That one involves the cliff and learning if you can fly!" Luna answers angrily.

"You have five."

"I'll take that one." Then I blow raspberries in her face and take my leap of faith.