Strange Bedfellows

"I'm so god damned bored." I grumble as I lay on my back and stare a up at the roof.

"So do something about it instead of complaining about it to the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

I sigh loudly, then I realized something, "Hey!" I roll over and glare at my minion, "Why aren't you pulling the cart, we've been at this for like, what... Three, four days?" I poke her chest, "Time to give Sev a break!"

"That work is beneath the Great an-"

"I told you to STOP CALLING YOURSELF THAT!" I poke her chest harder, "It's irritating!" Trixie rolls her eyes and opens her mouth to most likely utter a "Smooth" retort, but I cut her off, "Trixie is just fine, the whole title is just too much, it's like trying to say the serial number to something!"

"Fine, Trixie will listen if you stop making such a big deal about her speech patterns." She responds sarcastically.

"Deal," I turn my head to the flap that closes us off from the outside world and shout, "Hey, Sev, pull over and let our little magician pull the cart!" The cart slows and, when it stops, I gesture with a flourish for Trixie to go outside.

Just as she reaches the flap Sev mutters loudly:

"This isn't good..."

I gave Trixie an odd look and shimmied closer to the door and whispered to Sev, "What is it?"

"The pass is..." There was a pause, "Closed."

I look at Trixie and flick my head at the door, she gets out and I go to follow, only to have a brown hoof block me from that course of action, "Come on, Sev, my ass is killing me from your bad driving, I need to stretch!"

"And have one of Celestia's spies see you and cut our throats while we sleep, I'd rather not have that happen."

"Oh come on!" I sigh loudly as I fall back on the hastily arranged "bed" that I had been forced to stay on for the last four days, I bash my funny bone on a box. After the flailing, I stare at the tarp that serves as the roof of the cart for a moment before I decide to clean up the mess I had inadvertently caused.

I grab the black fabric and my curiosity gets the better of me, so I lift it up and grin mischievously at what I see.

*-*

I descend calmly from the cart as Sev surveys the butt-load of rocks that had blocked off our path through the valley in an inspiring evening light as Raul barks orders like he's in charge of the whole operation. As Sev turns he says, in an especially irate voice, "Get back in the dam-" He stops and looks at me as I grin my trade mark grin, not that he could see since I was covered from head to toe in a jet black cloak, complete with face wrap. Sev just face-hoofs as he says, "Fine... I guess, just stick close to Raul..." The smile drops of off my face immediately.

"Fuck..." I think to my self before asking Sev Politely "Righty then, where is my minion?" he just points to the small grove of trees by the road.

"Powdering her nose..."

"Eh?" I look at the forest and scratch my head, "I didn't know she wore make up." The loud smack that came from Sev's direction told me to stop the thought train, "I'm missing something I take it?" I say calmly as my head turns back to look at Sev's face, now sporting a hip new hoof mark.

"How do you not know what that means?"

"What what means?"

"The term "Powdering her nose."?"

I shrug at him and give him a face.

"It's used by women to state discretely that they need to use the washroom."

"Why don't they just out right say "I gotta go to the bathroom!"?" Sev's response was to just walk away and leave me scratching my head as Raul laughs at me.

"You are a strange one." He says as he wraps an arm around my shoulders like he's my "Bro" and leans lazily.

"Ever hear of personal space?" I thought to myself as I dis-entangled myself from his arms, "I am well aware of that, my fine furry friend, being the only member of my species here at all..." I make a Jazz hands-like gesture, "Ever."

He held his hands up like I pulled a knife on him, "Whoa, calm down, I was just trying to make conversation!"

"You picked a great opening line," I say irritably as I close my hands and gesture at the rocks that choked off our path, "What are we going to do about that?"

Raul shrugs calmly as he says, "I think we're going around it, it'll add a week, but..." He turns to face the roadblock and finishes, "It'll take about ten to twelve days to move that mess."

I sigh sadly, "Looks like the long way then..."

Sev's voice rang out over the mind and through the air, "We camp here tonight, tomorrow we take the mountain passes."

"Mountain passes?" I ask Raul quietly.

"We passed the turn off about an hour ago, you were too busy making out with your little Pony to be bothered..." He waves his hand dismissively, "So we didn't tell you, well, that and the fact we thought we could actually go through the main road... silly us." He mockingly places his face in his hand... paw... thing.

I hop back into the cart to pull out a tent so I could finally sleep under the stars, I could hear Raul's foot steps behind me, which what I was trying to avoid, "Yes?" I ask him as I stick my body through the cart's flap to grab said tent, leaving my legs to dangle in the cool breeze.

Raul's voice glided in from behind me on a conspiratory whisper, "So what's your plan with the little wench?" My foot managed to find his face rather well shortly afterwards, a loud "OW!" blasts through the curtains, followed shortly there after be the satisfying sound of his ass hitting dirt.

I chuckle quietly to myself for a moment before I say in a deliberately loud voice, "What was that Raul?" I pull myself out from the curtains and look at him in mock confusion, complete with innocent-hand-over-mouth, "What happened?"

Raul rubs his face as he glares at me from the dirt, "You kicked me in the face." He growls menacingly.

"I did?" I hop back down and hold out a hand to help him up, "I'm dreadfully sorry, I lost my balance trying to pull out my heavy tent!" He takes my hand, whilst glaring daggers, and I hop back up to the cart. After a moment I pull the tent out and hop lightly off of the cart. He glares at me again as I walk smugly to the side of the road and wave at Trixie as she trots happily back through the grass.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" She says as she approaches me, "Trixie would just love to have a nice picnic and watch the sun set..." She looks at the sky longingly.

I look at her for a moment, my bewildered expression hidden by my face wrap, then I state in a flat voice, "Man, you need to get laid." The indignant look she gave me could have melted iron. "Who needs a heat lamp when you got her?"

She stamps her foot in that adorable way she does, "TRIXIE DEMANDS THAT YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" she shouts in a magically resonant voice.

After I pick my body out of the side of the cart I had traveled in, I look at her and shout, "HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!" I hop down and dust myself off slowly and meander back over to her, then with a pinch of her cheek I add, "Repressed much?"

The wordless scream of rage blasts me clean through the cart and imbeds me into a large tree on the other side, narrowly missing Sev and six other Changlings. "At least she was nice enough to put that shield on me..." I think dozily as I pull myself from the me-shaped hole in the tree and fall face first on an open suitcase. "Is my face in undies, or a bra?" I lift my face up and find a non-discript, red scarf wrapped around my neck nicely, "Damn... and what the fuck?"

Trixie walks through the wreckage of the cart angrily, "Take."

I feel a familiar warm and fuzzy feelings wrap around my throat.

"That."

She pulls me close to her very angry face.

"Back."

I calmly untie the Scarf and place it on her shoulders as she continues to sizzle my face with her eyes. I croak out quietly, "Nope, but you need to calm down a bit..." I gesture at the Changlings that had taken up arms and were watching intently. Trixie's rage immediately dries up and she drops me on my face again. "Ow." I say as I pick myself up and rub my nose, waving at the Changlings calmly. "Woman problems!" I shout to them and they give me a confused look, as Trixie glares at me again and I flinch theatrically.

"She destroyed the luggage cart!" Raul shouts as he storms through the wreckage, "She has to be dealt with!"

"Dealt with?" I ask with a tilt of my head, "I thought she'd just pick it all up and make a new one." Raul just stops and give me a confused look.

"What?"

"She broke it, so she can fix it!" I state with a happy nod of my head, though there was no smile on my face because this wasn't going to work. Trixie looks at me with an absolutely horrified expression.

"What?" She laments, then she adds in her angry, magically enhanced voice, "YOU WERE THE REASON WHY THAT-"

I place one of my fingers on her mouth calmly and say, "I never said I wouldn't help you, dum-dum, it's my fault too."

The others didn't seem to understand what just occurred, so I skirt around Raul and drag Trixie along as they all just look at each other with bewildered expressions. "Why do you do these things?" Trixie asks me in a genuinely confused and pleading voice.

"Lessons, entertainment, no reason at all; pick which one helps you sleep at night." I inspect the wreckage calmly and sigh, "The only salvageable parts are the wheels, I'd say you did a pretty good job at breaking this." I pat her shoulder and stand up. I look at the slowly darkening sky, and with a smile I say, "Welp, lets get started!" and thought to myself, Ha, it actually worked!

*-*

I study every last bunched muscle, every last strained tendon, every last flick of her head, every last drop of sweat on Trixie's body as she cut down a tree, delimbs, debarks, and cuts said tree into boards and added it to the frame of the cart all at the same time she started on the last one on of the bunch.

"Stay and watch my show, little one, and you will be amazed beyond your wildest dreams!" I smile at the sore memory that surfaces, I do miss that old man. I think sadly as I look up at the stars, "Four more hours, then we hit the road."

Trixie grunts irritably as she places the finished frame on the ground and starts pounding away with her mind hammer on the not-mind nails, after a few minutes she finishes the pounding them in and collapses, "Trixie... Just wants to... go to bed..." She rasps as she lies there panting.

"That look done to you?" I gesture at the frame and hold up my hand, counting off on my fingers, "It's needs wheels, a tarp, and all the luggage re-packed... Also," I tap my chin, "Now that I think about it... Two Ninety Eight is going to be miffed that you stole his scarf."

She looks at me groggily as she lifts one of the ends and inspects it, "How do you know that it's his?"

I tap the gem under my shirt and say in an overly exuberant tone, "I just know in my heart." She looks at my funny, so I pat her head like a dog, "Now add wheels, then the luggage, we can get the tarp in the morning."

*-*

"I love my carriage; it's luxurious, cool, and best of all-" The carriage bounces a foot in the air as it hits a rock, then Raul pats his seat "-Padded." I sigh as I stare out the window.

"I hate you sometimes, you know that?" I think at Sev as he hauls the cart that Trixie built two nights ago, his only response was to share his smug feeling of self satisfaction with me. "Dick." I turn and look at Raul as he talks about something I lost long ago.

"... He chased me for hours, trying to get that silly neck tie back... Man, did I get a whooping for that..." He wipes a mirthful tear from his eye as he stares off into his memories.

"How many days till we reach the mountains?" I ask him dispassionately as I study his ugly face.

"We reach the mountains tommorrow, then we are in them for about five days..." He grins at me, "I hope you brought a nice, padded carriage like me!"

I sigh and look back out the window at Trixie as she pulls the food cart beside us, I wave at her and she pointedly ignores me. "So... BORED..."

*-*

My mom tugs at my shirt for like the bazillionth time today, "Mom, I'm gunna be late!"

She looks me in the eyes and smiles happily, "Sorry, hunny, I just wanted to make sure you looked your best," she turns her head and beams as she looks at the calender, "It's your first day back." She kisses my forehead.

"EWWW!" I lament as I rub the spit off, "Mom, I'll get cooties!" She laughs, "You think I want to get everyone in class sick?" I tap my chin and think about that for a moment, "Actually..." I grin evilly and she just laughs again and pushes me lightly out the door.

"Don't get any big ideas, you still need to get through the next ten grades and you can't do that if your caught by the Superhero!"

"What! There's twelve of them!" I say as I spin around in shock, she just turns me around, pushes me out the door, and closes it behind us. "Aw... Man... It was hard enough going through the last two... learning letters, then numbers, then Words, I just wanna play with the dump truck..."

"And when your up on that podium, waving to everyone with that diploma, you'll think, "That went by too fast!"" she retorts as we step in the elevator, she presses the ground floor button, and then she pinches my cheek, ""And I learned alot of stuff I can wow the world with!"".

"Nuh uh!" I shout as I shake my head till I almost fall over.

"Careful!" She berates me happily and holds me up, "You need to get there in one piece."

"Woah..." I wobble for a moment, then the elevator stops and we leave the building quietly, then a question pops in my head, "Hey, mom?"

"Yes?" she looks down at me and smiles happily as we walk down the road.

"What do you do for work?" I ask her innocently.

The smile wavers and the mirth seems to disappear from her eyes, "I'm a... masseuse, hunny."

"Then why do those men always got to be so loud, do you go all Jackie Chan on them?" I make excited shooping motions in the air, complete with "Hyah!"s and "Wha-cha!"s

The bus pulls into sight, "I'll tell you when your older, Okay?" She tells me sadly

I kick the ground and pout, "Okay..." Then we get on the bus.

I rocket up in my bed roll, soaked in a cold sweat and panting heavily, I look around and see Trixie sleeping in her roll calm and peacefully. I stare at her for a moment before I throw off my covers and walk out into the moon-lit night. I sigh heavily as I cross my arms against the chill of the air, "I wish I could just wipe that away..." I mumble before I wander semi-aimlessly towards the designated washroom.

"Wipe what away?" Raul says as his head pops out of his cart that was ninja-parked by my tent.

"None of your damned business!" I growl at him as I continue to walk away, I didn't bother to look at him, but the sound of his door closing pulled my lips a little. After I drain the "Komodo Dragon", I make my way over to Sev's tent and, finding it lit like beacon, I let myself in.

"What do you want?" he asks without even looking up from his maps.

"A job as far away from the group as possible." Sev looks up at me and raises an eyebrow.

"Your here to be a dignitary, remember?" He stares straight into my eyes, "You can't wander off, nor can you aggravate everyone you meet: that incident with Trixie almost cost you your life, not to mention the Changlings you almost hit."

"That?" I wave at him with a gusto I wasn't feeling, "That was just a little bit of fun."

"If you said harmless I was going to sock you right in the face."

I jump back a bit, "Wow, your grouchy tonight."

"I'm starting to think you aren't worth the headache." I blink a few times before his meaning sinks in.

"What?" I say in a low voice and lower my head.

"I'm not the only one... Chrysalis is unsure if your really all that trustworthy..."

My hands slam down on his desk of their own accord, "The fuck do you mean, "Not trustworthy?""

"That's not what I sai-"

I slam my hands down again and my voice raises a few decibels, "Don't Fucking argue semantics with me, you Fuck!" I point violently out the tent in the general direction of the hive, "I'm trying to help you because you people-" I stick my face inches from his un-shaken muzzle and bellow, "-SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE!" I sit there and glare into his eyes.

"Well," he says in a calm even tone, "You haven't been showing your gratitude very well then: Blatantly getting in the way of the capture of a security hazard; conscripting said hazard to field operations where she can escape at her slightest fancy; then having her use you as a soft ball to almost kill Seven Changlings, including myself; AND-" his eyes lock dead on my own and basically vomit outrage as he continues in his calm and orderly voice, "-You haven't even told us your name... How can we trust you?"

My hands were on the table, but I didn't feel angry anymore, just confused. "What?" I ask as I pull my head back.

"You heard me." he states coldly.

"Well, I just thought you knew."

"How?" he quirked an eyebrow.

I tap the gem on my chest, "Duh!"

I can honestly say I've never seen anyone face desk so hard in my life, "YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS WHOLE TIME?!" He shouts at the roof, then he buried his face in his hooves.

"I just thought you guys were playing along with my little schemes..." I say shyly as I tap my finger together nervously and study the corner of the tent.

Sev let out an irritated burst of air from his lungs, "So what is your scheme involving the previously discussed security hazard?"

"Uhh... Nothing really, I just wanted a minion." I tell him honestly, and he stares at me in disbelief.

"Your saying that you threatened the Queen's life on a WHIM!?" he shouted the last word right into my face as he slams he chair through the back of his tent, I could see the rapidly brightening glow of green magic reflecting off of his face.

"Remember what I said about schemes and you guys being in on them?" The glow peaks, then darkens.

"Oh..." He just stares into my face at point-blank range.

"You have beautiful eyes, you know that?" I tell him, and the irritated look pops back on his face as he sighs defeatedly.

"So what was your plan then?" he asks as his chair hovers back in the hole in the wall.

"To earn her trust, Duh!" I explain with a tap to my head.

He places his head in his hooves and says, "I hate you..." through them, then a moment later he adds, "And my answer is still no."

"To?" I inquire as I place my elbow on his desk and my chin in my hand.

"You stay with the caravan till I say otherwise, even if that means we get to the city and I send the caravan back for supplies, is that understood?" His face is still in his hooves, it's kinda adorable, really.

"Yup" I say with an enthusiastic nod of my head.

"Then begone and don't bother me again for a nice long while..." He looks up from his hooves and gives my a death-glare, "I even mean by proxy, got me?"

"Got cha!" He waves me out, so I leave and take an exaggerated sniff of the night air as everyone stares at me angrily, "He insulted my haircut!" I say defensively as I smooth back my hair and walk to my tent. Trixie's groggy face greets me when I open the flap, "Ah!" I shout as I jump back.

"Haw haw, very funny..." She groans, "Now shut up and don't wake Trixie up again or she'll kill you... painfully." She flops back down in her roll and immediately starts snoring.

I smile at her in the dark and snuggle into my sleeping roll, eager for the day tomorrow with all the tired and irritable caravaners that I could pick on, and just before I fall back asleep I giggle and think to myself:

"Ha, it actually worked!"